Original subtitles

[radio static]

[country song plays]

♪ my dreams are all Dead and buried

Sometimes I wish the sun Would just explode

When god comes and calls Me to his kingdom

I'll take all you sons Of bitches when I go

Blah blah whoa whoa ♪

- my turn! - hell, no.

Hey, let met drive that Thing, come on.

Do not touch the trim.

Early's tenure as ceo

Of dan halen Sheetrock international

Had not been long,

But it had been distinguished--

By drunkenness, Hair-trigger violence,

And a total lack of performance.

I would call it a steady Decline in performance,

But that would imply that he Performed at one point in time.

In fact, he had not.

He was drunk.

Herd thinner is The name of the brand.

I can't change that.

What would you have me call it?

It's a highly toxic gel. -hi.

I know it looks like Toothpaste. - hi.

It's supposed to. - hi.

No, I'm saying wipe, moron.

Hold on there.

[beep]

Well, now, looky here. Hot damn it!

It's the weekend! See you tuesday.

It is tuesday.

But in the mountains Of north georgia,

Even a ceo's meager salary is Not enough to raise a family.

Sometimes people need a second Job to make trucks meet.

Toodly do!

Them hippies show up?

They're out back.

Daddy, why do they come Up here every week?

Here you go, boy. I bought you a veggie game.

- you did? - hell, no.

Wash them trucks.

But you leave the boat to me.

Don't you touch That sumbitchin' boat.

A boat is not a toy. Thank you.

The boat is mine.

The boat is mine!

Dude, I'm scared.

I think that thing moved.

Chill, troy.

This guy's cool. Just stay calm.

He totally won't shoot.

[gunshots]

Gentlemen, evan, How might I assistify you?

To be of assistification to you?

Assistalort hepignate.

Uh, we were told by, Like, my big brother,

Bro was like,

You might be able to, like--

You want to bang Yourself a goat?

'cause the goat's dead,

But we can still do this thing.

I'll give you a deal on it.

He wants to.

Huh huh huh!

No, seriously.

We just want to buy weed.

Oh, hell. I got to read my Walk-ins better.

All right, boys.

You see that smoke over there

Coming off that Bald-headed sumbitch?

That's where you Pick the good stuff.

Go on. Take your Boyfriend with you.

Would you mind Taking a quick survey?

That thing moved. Huh-huh.

I thought that was a scarecrow.

No, no.

That there is the research Department.

Television--

Shut up, research department.

Where am I?

Holy [bleep] Is that a still?

Troy, shut up, dude, man.

That's all right, evan.

Troy's a curious one.

Now, allow me to explain The contamination process.

Pine cones go in here.

Party liquors come out here

And proceed to here.

Fights begin, fingerprints is Took, days is lost,

Bail is made, court dates are Ignored, cycle is repeated.

Dude, can I hit that?

Yeah, go on with it.

This will put some fuzz On your chewing gum.

Do it, man.

Do it, man.

Do it.

Drink, drink, drink.

Come on, troy. Hit it, son.

Drink, drink, drink, Drink, drink.

Oh, man.

I'm blind.

This is awesome.

Hook me up, then, dude.

How long can I ride this train?

I'd say about four...Ever.

Duuude.

Mind yourself, now, or you're Gonna wake up next to that.

Hi.

All stuck up together by The dried fluids of amore.

I like butt cheeks.

Yeah.

It's happened to The best of us--a lot.

Dude, we have got to bring Some of this back to the house.

Gordo and wolfman Will go ballistic.

Uh-uh-uh, son.

Oh, um, did you Need money, or...

How about them costly puka Beads you're wearing?

All right. Sweet.

This is awesome!

Touch fist, let's go.

- let's put it up. - leave me hanging.

Touch fist.

I put my fist In the beehive.

- russell! - yes'm?

Go ahead and fill up these Oil jugs for these boys.

With pine-cone liquor? Hell, no.

I'm driving. Where's your dad's car?

Pee pee in them jugs.

[ring] Aw, hell.

That's the office.

I can't believe I got to Go in on a wednesday.

Them people can't wipe They ass without me.

[elevator dings]

[elevator music]

Howdy doody, donna?

Nice ass this morning. Yeah.

You wearing panties?

Actually I need To get off here.

Steve, big dog.

Here's the pot I've been Growing on my property.

See if this don't help with your Wife bitching and all that mess.

Not here, man.

Pine-cone liquor?

Nobody?

Well, then, how about a fried Possum pecker?

[munching] [swallowing]

Ah.

Uh-oh. [large burp]

I need to get off here at 3.

[ding] Whoo!

Don't forget, y'all-- Softball thursday night.

Come on.

Work, work.

Come on.

What is the deal with this?

Step aside, glen.

You got a error 43 Replace toner cartridge.

Ooh, my. Looks like the magenta.

Damn. This is gonna hurt.

Uhhh!

Uhh!

Stand clear.

Hurry now. Hurry.

Take that there sexual Harassment manual

And hit me in my groin.

You're sure about this?

- hurry now. - hard?

Faster, damn it. Faster.

All right, I'll do it. All right, here.

Don't stop. Don't stop.

Now flog my ass.

Now you're [bleep] With me.

Ha ha ha! Nice one.

See if that sumbitch Will fax now.

It never was able to fax.

It's a coffeemaker.

You dumb ass, You can't fax coffee.

Coffee don't fax worth a damn.

Every time the rain hits it, It'll run.

Damn.

You're a dumb sumbitch.

What do you mean, Where did I get 'em?

- early. - some damn fool left them out.

Please, early.

I'd offer you one, But they're mine.

Early, it has come to my Attention

That during employment hours,

You have been Distributing and consuming

Certain arboreal Alcoholic libation.

You know, you've been drinking.

Liquid in your mouth?

Alcohol? - sure, I'll have one.

No, you won't.

What you will do is Answer this question.

How does it taste?

Like the untamed wilditude Of nature erupting

In the space where your Brain used to live.

Take a sip.

You'll see...But Not for long.

Let me show you something, Early.

Close your eyes.

Now open them.

Oh, hell!

I'm exposed--nudified.

That's right.

I stripped you of your dignity.

What if the rest of the world Were as blind as you just were?

I reckon you could Take they stuff.

No, no, no.

I would never think Of doing that.

But you thought of it, So we'll do it.

How much of this can we make?

Well, how is it?

Very warm,

Robust,

With just a buttery high note Of all-weather coolant,

And there we go.

Darkness.

Wait a minute.

Miguel!

Is this brake fluid?

Brake fluid? No. Steering.

I said hairspray, sumbitch.

What are you--blind?

I am blind.

You been drinking The product, ain't you?

I am so sorry.

Is good.

It's damn good,

But it needs a name--

Something sexy, inviting, And sophisticated.

- glug. - yes!

Erupt into a bed of rage This summer with glug.

That's the slogan.

We'll add the word "Dog" For the blacks.

They like that word,

Like they're friends With the product.

Ha ha ha!

And so dan halen Flooded the market

With early's glug.

[bell jingles] Ga-ding, ga-ding.

Welcome, y'all.

Come on in and get your glug on.

Leave your money on the counter.

I trust you.

And the region was Cast in darkness--

Affordable, refreshing,

Brain-suffocating Darkness.

Razzle, get the hell in my Hands where I can see you.

What did I tell You about drinking

Underneath the age, huh?

You said if I could afford And bring back enough for you,

Then you don't care what I do, And it's my body,

And I can kill it However I want to.

America's about freedom.

Son, they's every Chance in the world

I was drunk when I said that.

It's your welfare I care about.

You know that check?

Did that come today?

I ain't seen the mail.

I knew you been drinking.

Don't hurt me, rusty!

- get back here. - is that rusty?

Get your glug on.

Ooh.

Get the stuff.

Catching glug points for Hats, coolers, koozies, canes,

Seeing-eye dogs, And books on tape.

The audio phone book, a-l,

As read by dan halen.

Chapter one.

Residents.

Abarado, thomas c., Klondike 58272

Area code 678-555-0112.

Entry number two, Avarao, janine.

Highway 172, 678-555...

And a glug grand prize for A trip for two to hawaii.

- glug. - that's right.

You can't see it, But you'll buy it.

Yeah, you'll buy anything!

Let's go ahead And cut that last line,

And make sure my Leggings are pressed.

For tomorrow, All those who mock me

Will feel my wrath.

Ha ha ha!

[cacophony] [car horns, explosions]

[birds chirping]

How was that?

Hey, was that a strike?

It's still in your hand.

Go on, mate.

Hurl the sphere,

And I will shock the world.

Uh!

[grunts]

Did I strike him out again?

- ball 4. - oh, you...

Yes.

Rack another one up For the walk master.

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group

Captioned by the national Captioning institute

--www.Ncicap.Org--

Skull.