Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:34,600
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:34,719 --> 00:00:38,119
[crashing sound]
3
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,200
ANNOUNCER (ON RADIO): And it's
Divorce Referendum in the lead,
4
00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:41,799
followed by Glory Be to God.
5
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:44,000
Glory Be to God nipping into
Divorce Referendum's heels.
6
00:00:44,119 --> 00:00:45,880
Glory Be to God creeps
ahead of Divorce Referendum.
7
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,280
Aw, come on,
Divorce Referendum!
8
00:00:47,399 --> 00:00:49,759
Come on, Divorce Referendum!
9
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,200
ANNOUNCER (ON RADIO): Divorce
referendum is way in front.
10
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,520
(LAUGHING) Yes!
11
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:54,840
ANNOUNCER (ON RADIO):
Divorce Referendum
12
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,840
is speeding towards victory!
- Yes, yes!
13
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,079
ANNOUNCER (ON RADIO): Oh, no!
14
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,399
Disaster for Divorce
Referendum as he
15
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:05,599
turns in the opposite direction
and simply runs off the course!
16
00:01:05,719 --> 00:01:07,719
Oh, flip!
17
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:09,680
You flipping, flipping, flipper!
18
00:01:09,799 --> 00:01:12,280
Oh, it's the knackers
yard for you, pal!
19
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:13,439
[bang on door]
20
00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:14,959
INTERVIEWER (ON
RADIO): So what role
21
00:01:15,079 --> 00:01:18,319
do you see the Church assuming?
22
00:01:18,439 --> 00:01:19,560
Hello, Ted.
23
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,239
What are you listening to?
24
00:01:21,359 --> 00:01:24,480
Oh, it's, um, just a program
about the Church and, you know,
25
00:01:24,599 --> 00:01:25,920
God and so on.
26
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:26,799
Oh, right.
27
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:27,719
Right.
28
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:33,560
Where's Father Jack, Dougal?
29
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:34,959
Where's Father Jack?
30
00:01:35,079 --> 00:01:36,959
Yes.
31
00:01:37,079 --> 00:01:39,719
Father Jack, where is he?
32
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:40,599
He's in his--
33
00:01:40,719 --> 00:01:41,519
oh.
34
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,480
Um--
35
00:01:43,599 --> 00:01:45,439
You've lost him
again, haven't you?
36
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,879
I have Ted, yeah.
37
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,400
You took him out for a
walk, and you lost him--
38
00:01:51,519 --> 00:01:52,920
again.
39
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:54,519
That must have been
what happened, all right.
40
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,040
Yeah.
41
00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:58,239
So what have you got
to say for yourself?
42
00:01:58,359 --> 00:02:00,040
Well, Ted, like I
said the last time,
43
00:02:00,159 --> 00:02:02,200
it won't happen again.
44
00:02:02,319 --> 00:02:04,280
Dougal, are you not
going to go look for him?
45
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,799
Ah, Ted, he'll
come back on his own.
46
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,719
Sure, what's the worst
that can happen to him?
47
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:09,759
Well, he could have an
accident and be killed.
48
00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:10,680
Oh.
49
00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:16,000
Uh, wait a second, Ted.
50
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,360
Is that not Jack there?
51
00:02:17,479 --> 00:02:19,000
[snoring]
52
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:22,000
Ah, Dougal, you didn't even
get him out the door, did you?
53
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,680
Oh.
54
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,759
I though the wheelchair felt a
bit lighter today, all right.
55
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,479
Yeah.
56
00:02:27,599 --> 00:02:28,360
Come on.
57
00:02:28,479 --> 00:02:29,360
Help me get him up.
58
00:02:29,479 --> 00:02:30,680
[groaning]
59
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:36,879
[jack muttering]
60
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,400
Dougal, take off
his gloves there.
61
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:41,759
Right so, Ted.
62
00:02:41,879 --> 00:02:42,680
Ted--
63
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:43,639
FATHER TED: Mhm.
64
00:02:43,759 --> 00:02:45,000
Ted, they're not gloves.
65
00:02:47,879 --> 00:02:51,080
Ah, they're very hairy hands
all together, aren't they?
66
00:02:51,199 --> 00:02:52,800
FATHER DOUGAL: What do you
think is wrong with him?
67
00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:54,240
FATHER TED: I don't know.
68
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,199
Do you remember that
time his head went septic?
69
00:02:57,319 --> 00:02:58,680
(CHUCKLING) Yes.
70
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,520
I mean, I didn't think a
whole head could go septic.
71
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,319
I mean, a whole head, you know.
72
00:03:03,439 --> 00:03:05,039
Ah, but that's Jack for you.
73
00:03:05,159 --> 00:03:07,280
Anyway, I better
look in the book.
74
00:03:13,759 --> 00:03:16,439
Right.
75
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,719
Hold his hand up there, Dougal.
76
00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,919
Well, he got up to stage four
after drinking that brake fluid
77
00:03:23,039 --> 00:03:24,919
the last time.
78
00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,360
I think this could
be a stage six.
79
00:03:26,479 --> 00:03:27,919
Hello to the lot of yous.
80
00:03:28,039 --> 00:03:29,520
BOTH: Hello, Mrs. Doyle.
81
00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:34,919
Ah, would you look at him
there with his hairy hands.
82
00:03:35,039 --> 00:03:37,120
Yes, um, we're going to
have to call Dr. Sinnot.
83
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:38,560
He'll know what to do.
84
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,039
I had to go to him myself
a couple of weeks ago.
85
00:03:40,159 --> 00:03:42,240
Really?
Oh, I didn't know you were ill.
86
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:43,560
What was the trouble?
87
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:44,919
Well, it was a bit
of a woman's problem.
88
00:03:45,039 --> 00:03:45,960
I was having a bit of trouble--
89
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:47,240
Right!
90
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:48,319
I better ring him
before it's too late.
91
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:56,120
[phone buzzes]
92
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:57,039
Right.
93
00:03:57,159 --> 00:03:58,800
So it's the hairy hands.
94
00:03:58,919 --> 00:03:59,680
Yes.
95
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,039
A stage six?
96
00:04:01,159 --> 00:04:02,280
It looks like it, yeah.
97
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,039
I'll get ready upstairs.
98
00:04:05,159 --> 00:04:07,199
Ted, why is Jack
so scared of doctors?
99
00:04:07,319 --> 00:04:08,360
Well, I--
100
00:04:08,479 --> 00:04:10,000
I think they remind
them of illness.
101
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:11,639
He doesn't like to think about
his own mortality, you know.
102
00:04:11,759 --> 00:04:13,199
That's why he always
hating visiting the sick.
103
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:14,120
Oh God, yeah.
104
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:15,039
He hates the sick.
105
00:04:15,159 --> 00:04:16,000
And the poor.
106
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,360
He hates the poor, as well.
107
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:18,959
The poor really
got on his nerves.
108
00:04:19,079 --> 00:04:20,199
Yeah.
And the needy.
109
00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:21,879
(SIGHING) Them as well.
110
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,600
What was it he used to
say about the needy?
111
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:25,240
He had a term for them.
Uh--
112
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:26,120
A shower of bastards.
113
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,000
FATHER TED: That was it.
114
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,519
Anyway, Dougal, when
we bring the doctor in,
115
00:04:29,639 --> 00:04:31,040
just behave completely normal.
116
00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:33,240
Just pretend like
he's a normal visitor.
117
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,439
We don't want Jack to suspect
that anything's up, OK?
118
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:36,639
Right, doctor?
119
00:04:36,759 --> 00:04:38,199
Ready to go in?
All right, in you go.
120
00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:41,959
Remember, completely normal.
121
00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:48,759
(SIGHING) So it's off to
St. Clabbert's again, doctor?
122
00:04:48,879 --> 00:04:50,399
Yes.
123
00:04:50,519 --> 00:04:53,439
And the way I see it, it's more
for your sake than for his.
124
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:57,199
That hair thing can
be very contagious.
125
00:04:57,319 --> 00:04:58,560
How long do you
think they'll have him?
126
00:04:58,680 --> 00:04:59,560
Hard to say.
127
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,000
Could be for a while.
128
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,720
Actually, Father, you
should be prepared.
129
00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,759
It might be better for his own
sake if he doesn't come back.
130
00:05:06,879 --> 00:05:07,639
Great!
131
00:05:07,759 --> 00:05:10,759
I mean, oh no.
132
00:05:10,879 --> 00:05:13,399
We'll just have to grin
and bear it, I suppose.
133
00:05:13,519 --> 00:05:14,560
I'll try to break
it to him gently.
134
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:15,480
Thanks, doctor.
135
00:05:21,319 --> 00:05:23,160
[laughing]
136
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,120
Yes!
137
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,040
Wahey!
138
00:05:34,639 --> 00:05:36,839
Father Jack, [chuckles]
do you remember that great
139
00:05:36,959 --> 00:05:38,680
time you had at St. Clabbert's?
140
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:43,920
Remember all the fun
you had with those nuns
141
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:45,160
fussing about you?
142
00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:46,600
Hm?
143
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,319
Well, Dr. Sinnot thinks
another spell there
144
00:05:48,439 --> 00:05:51,759
would do you a world of good.
145
00:05:51,879 --> 00:05:54,839
OK, it might mean giving up
the odd glass of sherry or two,
146
00:05:54,959 --> 00:05:56,240
but you're-- that's
all for your own good.
147
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:57,480
[chuckles]
148
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:58,839
I think you'll have
a fantastic time.
149
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,600
It'll probably be just
one big laugh with all
150
00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:02,920
those nuns fussing all time--
Father?
151
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:03,800
Father?
152
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,600
Where-- where's he gone?
153
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:17,480
[tractor engine sound]
154
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:21,040
God, Ted, how did the surgeon
catch Father Jack at all?
155
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,920
Well, Dougal, he's
an elderly priest
156
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:27,160
driving a Flymo at two miles
per hour around a small island.
157
00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:28,199
I mean, how hard could it be?
158
00:06:28,319 --> 00:06:29,639
FATHER DOUGAL: Oh, right.
159
00:06:29,759 --> 00:06:31,279
God, anyway, he's up there
at St. Clabbert's now.
160
00:06:31,399 --> 00:06:32,839
God, Ted, it's weird,
isn't it, the way
161
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,160
you get used to something.
162
00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:35,920
I mean, it seems
like only yesterday
163
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,000
that he was here shouting at
us and drinking his head off.
164
00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:44,879
Dougal, it was yesterday.
165
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,680
Yeah, but, you
know, that's why I
166
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,839
said it seemed like yesterday.
167
00:06:48,959 --> 00:06:52,079
Right, because
it was yesterday.
168
00:06:52,199 --> 00:06:53,439
Yeah.
169
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:54,680
Anyway, what time are
Father Rory and Father
170
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:55,600
Ken coming on Wednesday?
171
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:57,160
About 6:00.
172
00:06:57,279 --> 00:06:58,040
6 o'clock?
173
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:02,759
Yes.
174
00:07:02,879 --> 00:07:03,639
Right.
175
00:07:03,759 --> 00:07:05,199
Good, good.
176
00:07:05,319 --> 00:07:07,399
Actually, it's just
as well Jack's not here.
177
00:07:07,519 --> 00:07:09,879
He can get very irritable
around strangers.
178
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,519
That was the thing about Jack,
very bad around strangers.
179
00:07:12,639 --> 00:07:13,399
And people he knew.
180
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:20,319
Yes, very bad around
strangers and people he knew.
181
00:07:20,439 --> 00:07:21,720
Anyway, night, Dougal.
182
00:07:21,839 --> 00:07:22,600
Night, Ted.
183
00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:27,120
FATHER TED: Aw, damn.
184
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,560
Aw--
185
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:34,120
[yawning]
186
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:39,079
[whistling]
187
00:07:39,199 --> 00:07:40,839
No, no, Dougal,
it's not morning.
188
00:07:40,959 --> 00:07:43,199
I just switched on the light
again to wind the clock.
189
00:07:43,319 --> 00:07:44,959
Oh, right.
Sorry about that, Ted.
190
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,319
Hello there, uh--
191
00:08:13,439 --> 00:08:17,199
Father-- Father-- who are you?
192
00:08:17,319 --> 00:08:18,439
Who are you?
193
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:19,360
Father Ted Crilly.
194
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,720
Very pleased to meet you.
195
00:08:21,839 --> 00:08:22,720
Oh.
196
00:08:22,839 --> 00:08:23,639
What's this?
197
00:08:25,959 --> 00:08:26,759
Oh, I see.
198
00:08:26,879 --> 00:08:27,639
It's from the Bishop.
199
00:08:27,759 --> 00:08:28,920
Right.
200
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:30,360
I see you're taking
Father Jack's place.
201
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,399
[chuckles] Well,
this is a surprise.
202
00:08:32,519 --> 00:08:33,879
Has Mrs. Doyle shown
you around the house?
203
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,639
Well, anyway, welcome
to Craggy Island.
204
00:08:38,759 --> 00:08:41,080
The meals are 11:00,
1:00, half 2:00,
205
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,559
3:00, 5:00, 7:00, and 9:00.
206
00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:44,759
And if you ever
want a quick snack,
207
00:08:44,879 --> 00:08:48,840
you can just ask
Mrs. Doyle there.
208
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:53,240
No, uh-- no, actually--
that's actually mine.
209
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,360
Well, you-- you go ahead
there and have it anyway.
210
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,000
[chuckles]
211
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,879
Dougal, this is
Father Fintan Stack.
212
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,960
He'll be staying with us
now that Father Jack's gone.
213
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:02,879
Oh, right.
214
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,279
Yeah.
215
00:09:04,399 --> 00:09:06,519
This is the brains
of the operation?
216
00:09:06,639 --> 00:09:09,559
Ah, no, that would be Ted.
217
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,039
I want to listen
to some music.
218
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:12,679
Oh, go ahead there.
219
00:09:12,799 --> 00:09:14,480
I wasn't asking
for permission.
220
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:32,360
[reggae music playing loudly]
221
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:40,840
[muffled music thumping]
222
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,720
So, um-- what do you
think of Father Stack?
223
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,000
Well-- um--
224
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:46,759
It says, in his
note from the Bishop,
225
00:09:46,879 --> 00:09:48,279
that they, uh--
they never really
226
00:09:48,399 --> 00:09:49,519
found suitable parish for him.
227
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,039
He's not a very nice man, is he?
228
00:09:54,159 --> 00:09:56,120
God, Ted, I've never met
anyone like him anyway.
229
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,039
Who would he be like, Hitler
or one of those mad fellas?
230
00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:02,159
Oh, worse than Hitler.
231
00:10:02,279 --> 00:10:04,519
You wouldn't find Hitler playing
jungle music at 3 o'clock
232
00:10:04,639 --> 00:10:06,600
in the morning.
233
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,399
God, he always makes
Jack seem normal.
234
00:10:09,519 --> 00:10:10,519
You know, he nearly does.
235
00:10:10,639 --> 00:10:14,000
[howling laughter]
236
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:14,879
Right.
237
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,919
Carry on.
238
00:10:17,039 --> 00:10:18,799
What I was going to say
is, you'd almost sort of
239
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,240
miss Father Jack, wouldn't you?
240
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:21,679
He had his funny little ways.
241
00:10:21,799 --> 00:10:23,279
But you know,
whenever he'd hit you
242
00:10:23,399 --> 00:10:25,360
or whatever, he'd never
do it out of spite.
243
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,240
He'd only do it
because, you know,
244
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,600
he thought it was
funny or whatever.
245
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,879
I suppose when you think about
it now, it was sort of funny,
246
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:32,759
wasn't it, Ted?
247
00:10:32,879 --> 00:10:34,399
[laughing]
248
00:10:34,519 --> 00:10:37,519
Remember that time he gave
you a big kick up the B-O-T-T-Y?
249
00:10:37,639 --> 00:10:39,600
[laughing]
250
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,679
And you remember, Ted--
you remember when you were
251
00:10:41,799 --> 00:10:44,879
bending over him, and, uh--
- (LAUGHING) Yeah.
252
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,080
--and he held your
nose so tight that
253
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,639
you had to open
your mouth, and then
254
00:10:48,759 --> 00:10:49,799
he dropped a big spider in it.
255
00:10:49,919 --> 00:10:52,639
[laughing]
256
00:10:52,759 --> 00:10:55,480
No, that wasn't funny, Dougal.
257
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,480
It was funny when he
kicked you up the arse.
258
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,919
It wasn't funny when put
the spider in my mouth.
259
00:11:01,039 --> 00:11:01,879
Ah, it was, Ted.
260
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,639
No, it wasn't, Dougal.
261
00:11:03,759 --> 00:11:04,519
Ah, Ted.
262
00:11:04,639 --> 00:11:06,120
Dougal!
263
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:07,039
Anyway.
264
00:11:07,159 --> 00:11:09,320
[chuckles] He's gone now.
265
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,480
It's funny how, you know, you
miss someone's little ways.
266
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:29,600
[sighing]
267
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:46,519
[screaming]
268
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:52,480
[engine revving]
269
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:56,360
[muffled music thumping]
270
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:57,279
God.
271
00:11:57,399 --> 00:11:59,440
I've had enough.
272
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,240
It sounds like someone drilling
holes in a wall or something.
273
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:03,279
I'm going to have a word.
274
00:12:03,399 --> 00:12:04,399
Careful now.
275
00:12:04,519 --> 00:12:09,320
[reggae music playing loudly]
276
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:20,879
[drilling sound]
277
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,320
FATHER TED: Right.
Come on.
278
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,679
I think he's gone out.
279
00:12:23,799 --> 00:12:24,720
FATHER RORY: What's up
with you at all, Ted?
280
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:25,879
Ted's gone mad.
[laughing]
281
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:26,960
FATHER RORY: Lead on, Mad Ted.
282
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:27,840
Shh!
283
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:31,039
Right.
284
00:12:31,159 --> 00:12:32,159
Coast is clear.
285
00:12:32,279 --> 00:12:33,759
FATHER KEN: Father
Jack's not here.
286
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:35,159
No, he has the
hair thing again.
287
00:12:35,279 --> 00:12:36,879
He's up in Jurassic Park.
288
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,159
Oh, right.
289
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:39,679
Oh, right, St. Clabbert's.
290
00:12:39,799 --> 00:12:41,840
Father Walton's
up there, I hear.
291
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,120
- Sherry all right?
- Lovely.
292
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,960
Did you know Father
Coogan at all, Ted?
293
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:47,960
FATHER TED: Ooh.
294
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:49,679
Oh, yes, Father Tom Coogan.
295
00:12:49,799 --> 00:12:51,200
Wasn't he in Africa for a while?
296
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,799
He was, and he was with
Father Shortall in that load.
297
00:12:53,919 --> 00:12:55,600
Then he was back in
Witlow for about a year.
298
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,679
I think Windy Shepherd
Henderson was his parish priest
299
00:12:57,799 --> 00:12:59,320
when he was there.
300
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:00,600
Is that Windy Bishop Shepherd
Henderson that was in Tralee
301
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,039
with Larry Buckley?
302
00:13:02,159 --> 00:13:03,440
No, that's a different
Windy Shepherd Henderson.
303
00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:05,120
There's about four of them.
304
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:06,519
Oh, at least.
305
00:13:06,639 --> 00:13:08,759
One of them was with
Father Daley in Chicago.
306
00:13:08,879 --> 00:13:10,480
Father Daley from Colonus.
307
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,039
Wasn't he the first
man on the scene when
308
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,919
Malcolm X was assassinated?
309
00:13:14,039 --> 00:13:15,559
No, that was Father Burke.
310
00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,440
Father Daley used to have the
lump on the side of his head
311
00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:18,360
in the shape of Connaught.
312
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:19,799
Ah, yeah.
313
00:13:19,919 --> 00:13:21,559
Like Father Caroline there.
314
00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:23,559
He lost the use of his
ears in an accident.
315
00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:24,879
He's deaf?
316
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,080
No, no, he just lost
the use of his ears.
317
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,360
He used to be able
to wiggle them.
318
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:29,639
Remember Father O'Reilly?
319
00:13:29,759 --> 00:13:30,919
Isn't he in Clare now?
320
00:13:31,039 --> 00:13:32,919
They had to move him
there after he owned
321
00:13:33,039 --> 00:13:35,639
up to that O.J. Simpson thing.
322
00:13:35,759 --> 00:13:38,200
Father Bigley from Ardee
does his wedding, I think.
323
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:39,080
Father Bigley?
324
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,279
Is he not dead now?
325
00:13:40,399 --> 00:13:42,399
No, no, he always
just looked dead.
326
00:13:42,519 --> 00:13:44,320
Ted, did you say father
Larry Duff was coming?
327
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,200
Oh, God.
328
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,279
I better give him a call.
329
00:13:47,399 --> 00:13:48,399
I hope he can make it.
330
00:13:48,519 --> 00:13:50,840
[chuckles] Larry
is tremendous fun.
331
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:55,320
[laughing]
332
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,200
[phone ringing]
333
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,120
Oh!
334
00:14:02,279 --> 00:14:05,639
[screaming]
335
00:14:05,759 --> 00:14:09,200
No, he must have turned off.
336
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,039
God, I wonder where
Dougal's gone to.
337
00:14:11,159 --> 00:14:12,039
Come on, Ted.
338
00:14:12,159 --> 00:14:14,159
Shall we watch the sports video?
339
00:14:14,279 --> 00:14:15,720
Oh, yes.
340
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:16,720
Come on, Ted.
341
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,240
Ah, here's the lads.
342
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:19,240
And away they go.
343
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,039
[laughing]
344
00:14:21,159 --> 00:14:22,399
And look at your
man at the back.
345
00:14:22,519 --> 00:14:24,039
FATHER RORY: (LAUGHING) Oh look.
346
00:14:24,159 --> 00:14:24,960
Oh this is the big job.
347
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,639
Oh, I remember this.
348
00:14:26,759 --> 00:14:28,120
Oh, get up!
349
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,600
[laughing]
350
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,120
ALL: Oh, ah, Mrs. Doyle!
351
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,480
FATHER RORY: Oh!
352
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:35,840
FATHER KEN: Doesn't she
look great on the telly?
353
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,000
FATHER RORY: She's
wearing the hat for a bet.
354
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,639
[laughing]
FATHER KEN: I'd say so.
355
00:14:38,759 --> 00:14:39,840
Oh, here's Bucking Bronco.
356
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:44,519
[laughing] Or Hopalong Cassidy.
357
00:14:44,639 --> 00:14:46,039
Oh, here's the champ.
358
00:14:46,159 --> 00:14:47,679
Ah, fair play.
359
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:48,559
Fair play to him.
360
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:49,480
Fair play to him.
361
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:50,399
[clapping]
362
00:14:50,519 --> 00:14:51,279
Hooray!
363
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,039
What are we watching?
364
00:14:58,159 --> 00:14:59,960
We're looking
at the sports day.
365
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,080
Lots of young fellas
running around in shorts.
366
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,960
That's the kind of thing
you like looking at.
367
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,320
And I bet you like
that too, only
368
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,039
you're probably
imagining what they'd
369
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,399
look like without shorts.
370
00:15:12,519 --> 00:15:14,960
You're sitting
there imagining that
371
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,759
with a big smile on your face.
372
00:15:17,879 --> 00:15:19,159
You dirty fecker.
373
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:24,039
Father Stack, if you're
trying to embarrass us,
374
00:15:24,159 --> 00:15:25,559
you're not succeeding.
375
00:15:25,679 --> 00:15:27,639
Yes, I am.
376
00:15:27,759 --> 00:15:31,360
Well, I have to say, I think
that you're a very rude man.
377
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,320
If you ever say
that to me again,
378
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:38,039
I'll put your head
through the wall.
379
00:15:38,159 --> 00:15:40,840
[metal crashing]
380
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,399
FATHER TED: Dougal,
where did you go to?
381
00:15:42,519 --> 00:15:43,320
Ted!
382
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,120
How are ya!
383
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:46,440
Dougal, what the--
384
00:15:46,559 --> 00:15:47,559
Guess what, Ted?
385
00:15:47,679 --> 00:15:48,440
What?
386
00:15:48,559 --> 00:15:49,799
What?
387
00:15:49,919 --> 00:15:50,919
Dougal, have
you been drinking.
388
00:15:51,039 --> 00:15:52,039
I have, Ted.
389
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:54,679
I've been drinking
like mad eejit.
390
00:15:54,799 --> 00:15:55,759
No.
No.
391
00:15:55,879 --> 00:15:56,639
Wait.
Wait.
392
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,480
No, I haven't.
393
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,120
Dougal, I'm ashamed of you.
394
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:04,600
Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted.
395
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,679
Come here, Teddy, Teddy, Ted.
396
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,759
You're my best friend.
397
00:16:08,879 --> 00:16:11,360
God, I love being a priest.
398
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:12,519
We're all going to heaven, lads.
399
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,399
Wahey!
400
00:16:16,159 --> 00:16:17,519
Perhaps I should explain.
401
00:16:17,639 --> 00:16:19,679
Your little friend
and I were enjoying
402
00:16:19,799 --> 00:16:22,320
ourselves with a bottle of
whiskey I found upstairs.
403
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,360
Oh, well, that
is the last straw.
404
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:25,240
I'm driving.
405
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,159
I'm driving home.
406
00:16:26,279 --> 00:16:27,960
I'm perfectly capable.
407
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:31,200
By the way, I got
the keys to your car,
408
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,159
and I drove it into a big wall.
409
00:16:33,279 --> 00:16:35,919
If you don't like it, tough.
410
00:16:36,039 --> 00:16:39,000
I had my fun, and
that's all that matters.
411
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:40,559
FATHER DOUGAL: Ted, I
can see up your trousers.
412
00:16:40,679 --> 00:16:42,399
Right.
Well, that's it.
413
00:16:42,519 --> 00:16:44,519
I thought giving alcohol to
Dougal was the last straw,
414
00:16:44,639 --> 00:16:45,879
but I must have been wrong.
415
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,519
That must have only been
the second last straw,
416
00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:51,080
because this is definitely the
last bit of straw left and--
417
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,679
basically, what I'm saying is
there is no more straw left.
418
00:16:53,799 --> 00:16:54,600
Ted, it's a little late.
419
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:55,600
Yeah.
420
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:56,879
So I really think we should go.
421
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,200
No, you don't have to go.
422
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,080
I think we should.
423
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,279
Woo!
424
00:17:02,399 --> 00:17:04,039
Buy, girls.
425
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,480
Pair of wankers.
- Oh!
426
00:17:05,599 --> 00:17:06,400
Right, that's it.
427
00:17:06,519 --> 00:17:07,680
Come on, Dougal.
428
00:17:07,799 --> 00:17:08,680
I think we've had
quite enough of Father
429
00:17:08,799 --> 00:17:09,720
Stacks company for one evening.
430
00:17:09,839 --> 00:17:12,359
To the pub, Ted.
431
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:46,960
[music playing loudly]
432
00:17:47,079 --> 00:17:48,839
FATHER DOUGAL: Hey,
Ted, what's going on?
433
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,519
We're going to kidnap
Jack from St. Clabbert's.
434
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:51,440
Kidnapping?
435
00:17:51,559 --> 00:17:52,319
Wow!
436
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,279
What do we get for him?
437
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:55,880
Shut up, Dougal.
438
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,680
You ready?
- I'm with you, Ted.
439
00:17:57,799 --> 00:17:58,599
Right so, let's go then.
440
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,079
[door bell rings]
441
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:05,960
FATHER DOUGAL: Hello?
442
00:18:14,839 --> 00:18:16,400
This is a bit mad, Ted.
- Shh!
443
00:18:16,519 --> 00:18:18,160
(WHISPERING) Why don't we just
ask the nuns to give him back?
444
00:18:18,279 --> 00:18:19,799
(WHISPERING)
Because Dr. Sinnot
445
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,559
said he's sick and old, and
moving him might be dangerous.
446
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:22,920
Anyway, I got a second opinion.
447
00:18:23,039 --> 00:18:24,359
Who from?
448
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:25,920
Mrs. Doyle.
449
00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:28,160
Ted, I'm not sure if
this is a good idea.
450
00:18:28,279 --> 00:18:29,039
I mean, kidnapping.
451
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:30,680
It's not kidnapping.
452
00:18:30,799 --> 00:18:32,720
It's just we're bringing him
back home to where he belongs.
453
00:18:32,839 --> 00:18:35,000
It's like "Lassie Come
Home," except with Father
454
00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:36,480
Jack as Lassie.
455
00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:37,400
Who are we then?
456
00:18:37,519 --> 00:18:38,720
What?
457
00:18:38,839 --> 00:18:40,000
I don't know, the other
people in the film.
458
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,519
You're-- you're Roddy
McDowell and I'm--
459
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:42,440
Liz Taylor.
460
00:18:42,559 --> 00:18:43,839
Right, that's fine, Ted.
461
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,400
I just wanted to get
that straight in me head.
462
00:18:46,519 --> 00:18:47,319
Right, let's go.
463
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:48,200
Right.
464
00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:56,279
FATHER TED: Come on, Dougal.
465
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,519
FATHER DOUGAL: I'm
right behind you, Ted.
466
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:58,960
FATHER TED: Dougal,
shut up, will you!
467
00:18:59,079 --> 00:19:00,440
We have to keep it quiet.
FATHER DOUGAL: Right.
468
00:19:00,559 --> 00:19:01,359
FATHER TED: Look-- look
around there, see if there's
469
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:02,519
a light switch somewhere.
470
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:08,319
[all shouting]
471
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,759
NUN: What's all that noise?
472
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,240
FATHER TED: Quick, Dougal, here.
473
00:19:16,799 --> 00:19:18,640
[all shouting]
474
00:19:18,759 --> 00:19:21,599
NUN: Calm down, all of you!
475
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:26,119
Some people are trying
to get some sleep!
476
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,119
FATHER DOUGAL: Arse!
Feck!
477
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:28,039
Oh!
478
00:19:33,079 --> 00:19:41,319
[footsteps quickly approaching]
479
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:45,839
[car doors open]
480
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,359
Dougal, that's
not father Jack.
481
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,200
Hello, Father Walton.
482
00:19:52,319 --> 00:19:53,759
FATHER WALTON: Feck off!
483
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,279
Will he not do, Ted?
484
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:56,200
No, I--
485
00:19:56,319 --> 00:19:57,839
I don't think so, no.
486
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,759
[chuckles] A stage 12.
487
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,559
I never thought I'd see one.
488
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,279
Ah, Ted, can we not keep him?
FATHER TED: No.
489
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:05,160
Come on.
490
00:20:05,279 --> 00:20:06,759
Let's get Father Jack.
491
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,039
(WHISPERING) You got
the torch, Dougal?
492
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,759
FATHER DOUGAL: (WHISPERING) Yes.
- Arse!
493
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,200
- Feck!
- Drink!
494
00:20:12,319 --> 00:20:13,119
Girls!
495
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:14,039
- Drink!
- Girls!
496
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:14,960
- Drink!
- Feck!
497
00:20:15,079 --> 00:20:15,839
Arse!
498
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,240
Girls!
499
00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:19,759
(POSH VOICE) I really
shouldn't be here.
500
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,119
- Drink!
- Drink!
501
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:22,200
- Drink!
- Drink!
502
00:20:22,319 --> 00:20:24,000
Drink!
Feck!
503
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:25,200
Arse!
Girls!
504
00:20:28,319 --> 00:20:29,680
Drink!
505
00:20:29,799 --> 00:20:31,680
Drink!
506
00:20:31,799 --> 00:20:33,200
Drink!
507
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:34,200
Drink!
508
00:20:34,319 --> 00:20:35,079
Drink!
509
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,720
Drink!
510
00:20:36,839 --> 00:20:38,559
FATHER TED: All right, Father.
FATHER JACK: Drink!
511
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:39,880
FATHER TED: All right.
All right.
512
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:40,839
FATHER JACK: Drink!
FATHER TED: All right.
513
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:41,759
FATHER JACK: Drink!
Drink!
514
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:42,759
Drink!
515
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:43,640
Drink!
516
00:20:43,759 --> 00:20:44,599
Drink!
517
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,480
Drink!
518
00:20:46,599 --> 00:20:47,440
Drink!
519
00:20:47,559 --> 00:20:48,319
Drink!
520
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:49,319
[whimpering]
521
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:50,359
Try upstairs, Father.
522
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:57,440
Jumping on my
picture again, Father.
523
00:20:57,559 --> 00:20:58,440
Yeah.
524
00:20:58,559 --> 00:20:59,480
You've got a problem with that?
525
00:20:59,599 --> 00:21:00,680
[chuckles] No, none at all.
526
00:21:00,799 --> 00:21:01,680
Go ahead enjoy yourself.
527
00:21:01,799 --> 00:21:03,720
What was all that noise?
528
00:21:03,839 --> 00:21:04,720
Ah, that's father Jack.
529
00:21:04,839 --> 00:21:06,200
He's the fellow you replaced.
530
00:21:06,319 --> 00:21:07,480
Well, tell him to get lost.
531
00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:08,920
I'm here now.
532
00:21:09,039 --> 00:21:10,359
[chuckles] I thought you
might like the pleasure
533
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:11,680
of telling him that yourself.
534
00:21:11,799 --> 00:21:12,880
I thought you might
also like to tell them
535
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,200
what happened to his whiskey.
536
00:21:14,319 --> 00:21:15,640
[GLASS BREAKING AND FATHER JACK
SCREAMING]
537
00:21:15,759 --> 00:21:17,160
I think I'll let him
fill you in himself.
538
00:21:17,279 --> 00:21:19,400
Oh, I'm supposed to
be scared, is that it?
539
00:21:19,519 --> 00:21:20,319
Drink!
540
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,480
Listen to that, Dougal.
541
00:21:37,599 --> 00:21:39,160
I don't hear anything.
542
00:21:39,279 --> 00:21:42,119
That's what I mean,
the sound of silence.
543
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,200
No, I still don't
hear anything.
544
00:21:44,319 --> 00:21:46,240
What I was going to
say to you is, Ted,
545
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,279
I'm very sorry that I
didn't disinfect Jack's
546
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:49,480
chair like you told me to.
547
00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:50,720
I mean, it's
probably all my fault
548
00:21:50,839 --> 00:21:51,839
that lad got the hair thing.
549
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:52,759
Oh.
550
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,319
Don't worry about it.
551
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,559
I'm sure he's fine now that
he's up in Jurassic Park.
552
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:57,720
Best place for him, really.
553
00:21:57,839 --> 00:21:59,920
Keep him out of trouble.
554
00:22:00,039 --> 00:22:01,880
Anyway, how are you getting
on in there, Father?
555
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,160
Hm?
556
00:22:03,279 --> 00:22:04,519
It's a great little
invention, isn't it?
557
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,039
And you won't have to go
back to St. Clabbert's.
558
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,640
(MUFFLED) Drink!
559
00:22:08,759 --> 00:22:09,559
Drink!
560
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,759
Anyway, time for bed.
561
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:12,720
Come on, Dougal.
562
00:22:12,839 --> 00:22:14,200
Drink!
563
00:22:14,319 --> 00:22:15,160
Drink!
564
00:22:15,279 --> 00:22:16,640
Drink!
565
00:22:16,759 --> 00:22:17,599
Drink!
566
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:18,559
Drink!
567
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,039
Drink!
568
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:21,000
Drink!
569
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:21,960
Drink!
570
00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:22,960
Drink!
571
00:22:23,079 --> 00:22:23,839
Drink!
572
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,880
MAN (ON BULLHORN):
Fathers, calm down, please.
573
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:31,759
Calm down.
574
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:32,759
Wait-- oh!
575
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,279
Someone step in there.
576
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:35,160
Please, no.
577
00:22:35,279 --> 00:22:36,079
Stop that.
578
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:37,640
That really is not--
579
00:22:37,759 --> 00:22:39,559
You're ruining it.
580
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,480
Sister, yes, could you
just step in there?
581
00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:48,880
FATHER TED: Come on now.
Break it up.
582
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:49,880
Break it up.
Come on.
583
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,000
Break it up.
Put that down.
584
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:51,880
Put that down.
585
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,480
[all shouting]
586
00:22:58,599 --> 00:23:00,599
NUN: Night, Fathers!
587
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:03,279
[lightswitch turns off]
588
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,319
[reggae music playing loudly]
39263
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof