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♫ We've got so much action
(funky music)
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00:00:02,249 --> 00:00:04,419
♫ So save your money
3
00:00:04,419 --> 00:00:07,169
♫ Save your time
4
00:00:09,296 --> 00:00:10,774
♫ It ain't a sneak preview
5
00:00:10,774 --> 00:00:14,941
♫ You don't have to stand in line
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00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:29,933
♫ We got romantic stories
7
00:00:29,933 --> 00:00:32,139
♫ We got epic glories
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00:00:32,139 --> 00:00:36,306
♫ With guys and gals who do it all night
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00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:42,285
♫ Well if you're in a drive-in movie
10
00:00:42,285 --> 00:00:45,535
♫ Turn off your lights
11
00:01:02,169 --> 00:01:04,319
(relaxing music)
- He was born to parents
12
00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:07,021
who loved him, but probably didn't
13
00:01:07,021 --> 00:01:09,688
change his diapers often enough.
14
00:01:10,543 --> 00:01:12,440
He grew up to be one of the most bizarre,
15
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:16,462
and mysterious figures
of the 20th century.
16
00:01:16,462 --> 00:01:19,404
His extreme wealth allowed
him to become powerful enough
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00:01:19,404 --> 00:01:20,794
to enable him to fulfill his
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every fantasy, and lustful desire.
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But his hobby was watching planes fuck.
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Now, for the first time anywhere,
21
00:01:31,783 --> 00:01:34,609
the motion picture screen
explores the true story
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of one of the most
eccentric men who ever lived
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The Howard Huge Story.
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He dated the world's most
beautiful movie stars,
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and took credit for inventing the tit.
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Was it true he could piss the length
27
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of the Golden Gate Bridge?
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Watch The Howard Huge Story,
29
00:01:56,093 --> 00:01:57,649
and find out why he switched from
30
00:01:57,649 --> 00:02:00,815
cloth diapers to Pampers at the end.
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00:02:00,815 --> 00:02:02,648
The Howard Huge story.
32
00:02:03,575 --> 00:02:07,075
The billionaire who lost his will to live.
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00:02:08,406 --> 00:02:12,573
(energetic music)
(engines rumbling)
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00:02:18,581 --> 00:02:22,581
- [Narrator] They were
born to wander aimlessly.
35
00:02:25,963 --> 00:02:29,744
The only home they knew was
the one between their legs
36
00:02:29,744 --> 00:02:32,189
until they found a sleepy little town
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they wanted for their very own.
38
00:02:35,954 --> 00:02:38,406
Skateborders From Hell!
39
00:02:38,406 --> 00:02:41,323
(engines rumbling)
40
00:02:43,757 --> 00:02:45,851
(wheels screeching)
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00:02:45,851 --> 00:02:48,103
(shouting)
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♫ Any old way you choose it
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00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,979
♫ It's got a back beat you can't loose it
44
00:02:53,979 --> 00:02:56,932
♫ Any old time you choose it
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00:02:56,932 --> 00:02:59,789
♫ It's gotta be rock and roll music
46
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♫ If you want to dance with me
47
00:03:02,644 --> 00:03:04,556
♫ If you want to dance with me
48
00:03:04,556 --> 00:03:06,800
♫ I have no kick against modern jazz
49
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,873
- [Narrator] If one had a steady girl,
50
00:03:08,873 --> 00:03:11,057
they all had a steady girl!
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00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:15,224
(cheering)
(chuckling)
52
00:03:17,389 --> 00:03:21,436
If one got a dose, they all got a dose.
53
00:03:21,436 --> 00:03:23,353
- Hey no way, I'm next.
54
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- Come on get in there.
55
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:28,638
(grunting)
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00:03:28,638 --> 00:03:31,005
(man coughing)
Few outside their exclusive
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00:03:31,005 --> 00:03:33,956
world could understand their
bizarre sense of humor.
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(thumping)
(crunching)
59
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(laughing)
- Hey, hey!
60
00:03:42,369 --> 00:03:46,191
(skateborders chattering)
61
00:03:46,191 --> 00:03:48,801
- Hey get down, get down!
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00:03:48,801 --> 00:03:52,968
(chattering)
(rock music)
63
00:03:56,014 --> 00:03:59,823
(comical whooshing)
(screaming)
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00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,099
- Shit!
- They may have been
65
00:04:01,099 --> 00:04:03,526
full of bullshit, but they bled blood!
66
00:04:03,526 --> 00:04:06,650
- Damien!
- You killed Damien man!
67
00:04:06,650 --> 00:04:08,578
- Hey look it was an accident!
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00:04:08,578 --> 00:04:10,148
(chattering)
69
00:04:10,148 --> 00:04:11,372
- I'm gonna cut you man!
70
00:04:11,372 --> 00:04:13,552
(knife whooshing)
(shouting)
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00:04:13,552 --> 00:04:17,365
♫ Start playing that rock and roll music
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♫ Any old way you choose it
73
00:04:20,119 --> 00:04:23,213
♫ It's got a back beat you can't lose it
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♫ Any old time you use it
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00:04:24,997 --> 00:04:26,276
(crashing)
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00:04:26,276 --> 00:04:28,087
♫ It's gotta be rock and roll music
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- And they buried
♫ If you want to--
78
00:04:29,331 --> 00:04:31,613
- their own.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
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00:04:31,613 --> 00:04:34,743
friends and relatives, (mumbles),
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00:04:34,743 --> 00:04:38,452
we are here to honor our
beloved brother, Damien.
81
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:41,553
You know, I remember many many years ago,
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00:04:41,553 --> 00:04:45,449
when we road together, many
a small town we plundered,
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00:04:45,449 --> 00:04:49,513
many a girl we gang raped, and
many a guy we almost killed.
84
00:04:49,513 --> 00:04:52,052
- Hey hey.
- So Damien, wherever
85
00:04:52,052 --> 00:04:54,774
you are tonight, we'll always know,
86
00:04:54,774 --> 00:04:57,115
there'll be a skateborder, in Hell.
87
00:04:57,115 --> 00:04:58,429
(mumbling)
- Hey!
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00:04:58,429 --> 00:05:00,679
(spitting)
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00:05:02,779 --> 00:05:05,131
- For Damien.
- No thanks I'm tripping.
90
00:05:05,131 --> 00:05:07,025
- Oh good.
- Seriously though,
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00:05:07,025 --> 00:05:09,574
in fulfillment of the
most hallowed tradition,
92
00:05:09,574 --> 00:05:11,611
in case of deceasement of a brother,
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00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:15,778
we therefore bury a deceased
chick with the deceased.
94
00:05:17,878 --> 00:05:19,889
- No, no no, we were breaking up, really!
95
00:05:19,889 --> 00:05:22,972
I told him earlier that day,
honest, we were through!
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00:05:22,972 --> 00:05:23,930
Really?
(echoing)
97
00:05:23,930 --> 00:05:26,799
(energetic music)
(engines rumbling)
98
00:05:26,799 --> 00:05:28,505
- [Narrator] Lock up
your sons and daughters,
99
00:05:28,505 --> 00:05:29,807
here they come,
100
00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:32,282
Skateborders from Hell!
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00:05:32,282 --> 00:05:35,853
(dramatic music)
102
00:05:35,853 --> 00:05:39,096
(eerie electronic music)
103
00:05:39,096 --> 00:05:42,196
- [Narrator] They came from
another planet, a dying planet!
104
00:05:42,196 --> 00:05:43,724
All they sought were the means
105
00:05:43,724 --> 00:05:45,947
to keep their civilization alive,
106
00:05:45,947 --> 00:05:50,459
and they found what they
were looking for on Earth!
107
00:05:50,459 --> 00:05:52,187
- [Man] Sorry honey, go back to sleep,
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I'm just going to the John.
109
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,307
- [Woman] Okay dear.
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(eerie tense music)
111
00:06:37,093 --> 00:06:39,426
(screaming)
112
00:06:44,582 --> 00:06:48,787
(grunting)
(moaning)
113
00:06:48,787 --> 00:06:51,437
(eerie music)
114
00:06:51,437 --> 00:06:55,604
(spring reverberating)
(screaming)
115
00:06:59,858 --> 00:07:01,158
- [Narrator] They're still among us!
116
00:07:01,158 --> 00:07:03,264
Who will be their next victims?
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00:07:03,264 --> 00:07:06,348
It could be you, or the
guy sitting next to you!
118
00:07:06,348 --> 00:07:09,980
Check now, don't be caught
with your pants down!
119
00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:13,917
See, The Invasion of the Penis Snatchers!
120
00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:16,494
(eerie music)
121
00:07:16,494 --> 00:07:19,744
(spring reverberating)
122
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:23,668
(dramatic music)
123
00:07:39,977 --> 00:07:43,310
(blues harmonica music)
124
00:07:45,649 --> 00:07:48,649
(suspenseful music)
125
00:07:54,630 --> 00:07:56,941
- [Narrator] This is death row.
126
00:07:56,941 --> 00:07:59,691
(dramatic music)
127
00:08:01,166 --> 00:08:02,827
- How you doing Lefty?
128
00:08:02,827 --> 00:08:05,327
(tense music)
129
00:08:07,332 --> 00:08:10,907
- [Narrator] This is Lefty Schwartz.
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00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:15,801
He's been sentenced to
death, in the electric chair.
131
00:08:15,801 --> 00:08:17,571
While in prison, Lefty's learned to make
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00:08:17,571 --> 00:08:19,352
better use of his time.
133
00:08:19,352 --> 00:08:20,903
He's studying the law to better himself,
134
00:08:20,903 --> 00:08:22,344
and hopefully get himself out of this
135
00:08:22,344 --> 00:08:26,511
god-forsaken, inhuman man-made
hell of concrete and steel.
136
00:08:27,979 --> 00:08:30,979
It's just too bad he killed a judge.
137
00:08:36,109 --> 00:08:38,776
(steam hissing)
138
00:08:43,091 --> 00:08:46,508
- It's all set, 3:51 tonight, pass it on!
139
00:08:47,670 --> 00:08:50,378
- It's all set for 3:51 tonight.
140
00:08:50,378 --> 00:08:52,269
I go to the chair at 5:30!
141
00:08:52,269 --> 00:08:54,493
- We're busting out of this joint!
142
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:56,364
We dug a tunnel!
143
00:08:56,364 --> 00:08:58,732
- Sam you dug a tunnel?
144
00:08:58,732 --> 00:08:59,820
Wonderful!
145
00:08:59,820 --> 00:09:01,067
Where?
146
00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:03,728
- Do you, do you mind if I give it a try?
147
00:09:03,728 --> 00:09:07,361
- Sam, where is the fucking tunnel?
148
00:09:07,361 --> 00:09:09,869
- Excuse me Lefty, the
warden has a message for you.
149
00:09:09,869 --> 00:09:11,250
(Sam humming)
150
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:12,833
- Hold on a second.
151
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:17,287
(coin jingling)
- Thank you Lefty.
152
00:09:17,287 --> 00:09:19,941
- Dear Lefty, please give my wife
153
00:09:19,941 --> 00:09:22,580
your recipe for stroganoff.
154
00:09:22,580 --> 00:09:24,485
We are entertaining the governor,
155
00:09:24,485 --> 00:09:27,276
and some members of the press.
156
00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:30,910
We're planning to stay up
and watch the execution.
157
00:09:30,910 --> 00:09:34,077
Also, would you recommend a good wine?
158
00:09:35,001 --> 00:09:36,976
The warden.
- There,
159
00:09:36,976 --> 00:09:40,558
your shirt is all finished,
it's beautiful ah?
160
00:09:40,558 --> 00:09:44,558
See you tonight, at the
tunnel, say about three!
161
00:09:48,149 --> 00:09:50,092
- It's not bad.
162
00:09:50,092 --> 00:09:51,280
Sam wait a minute!
163
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,709
Sam wait you didn't tell
me where the tunnel was!
164
00:09:53,709 --> 00:09:57,876
(classical chamber music)
(utensils clattering)
165
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,104
(spitting)
166
00:10:23,104 --> 00:10:24,675
What the hell is this crap?
167
00:10:24,675 --> 00:10:26,031
You call this quiche?
168
00:10:26,031 --> 00:10:29,413
It's slop, and this bouillabaisse,
is nothing but tripe!
169
00:10:29,413 --> 00:10:30,884
- That's right!
- Yeah!
170
00:10:30,884 --> 00:10:32,339
(inmates shouting)
171
00:10:32,339 --> 00:10:34,217
- (mumbles) get the nerve to serve this?
172
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:35,050
Do you believe this?
173
00:10:35,050 --> 00:10:36,375
Domestic chianti!
174
00:10:36,375 --> 00:10:37,619
- No!
- What do they think
175
00:10:37,619 --> 00:10:40,480
we are, anyway, a bunch
of Spanish peasants?
176
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:41,635
(inmates chattering)
177
00:10:41,635 --> 00:10:43,486
Who made chocolate mousse?
178
00:10:43,486 --> 00:10:46,299
You gotta use real cream,
or you don't make it at all!
179
00:10:46,299 --> 00:10:47,467
You know what?
(glass shattering)
180
00:10:47,467 --> 00:10:49,036
(inmates shouting)
I wanna see the warden!
181
00:10:49,036 --> 00:10:52,458
I wanna see the chef that made this crap!
182
00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:54,291
- [Inmates] Use real cream!
183
00:10:54,291 --> 00:10:56,057
Use real cream!
184
00:10:56,057 --> 00:10:57,993
Use real cream!
185
00:10:57,993 --> 00:10:59,814
Use real cream!
186
00:10:59,814 --> 00:11:03,147
(blues harmonica music)
187
00:11:06,114 --> 00:11:09,114
(suspenseful music)
188
00:11:21,399 --> 00:11:23,686
- Goodbye my son!
- Let's go Lefty!
189
00:11:23,686 --> 00:11:24,681
- Bye bye!
- Hold on a second,
190
00:11:24,681 --> 00:11:26,030
I just want to show you this one article!
191
00:11:26,030 --> 00:11:26,975
- Time's up!
- No it's a, it's
192
00:11:26,975 --> 00:11:27,926
an interesting article!
193
00:11:27,926 --> 00:11:29,183
- Time's up buddy.
- Let me finish this!
194
00:11:29,183 --> 00:11:30,914
Hold on a second!
195
00:11:30,914 --> 00:11:33,363
- Come on.
(mumbling)
196
00:11:33,363 --> 00:11:34,196
Come on!
197
00:11:38,443 --> 00:11:39,521
- [Narrator] And finally, Lefty's
198
00:11:39,521 --> 00:11:41,010
moment of truth had arrived!
199
00:11:41,010 --> 00:11:42,815
- [Guard] Hold it, hold it!
200
00:11:42,815 --> 00:11:44,512
The warden's coming!
201
00:11:44,512 --> 00:11:48,679
- [Narrator] And it was time
to walk that last 100 yards.
202
00:11:49,637 --> 00:11:54,346
(suspenseful harmonica music)
(panting)
203
00:11:54,346 --> 00:11:56,308
- I just wanted to tell you Lefty,
204
00:11:56,308 --> 00:11:58,725
the stroganoff was delicious!
205
00:11:59,616 --> 00:12:02,497
We're having roast tomorrow,
and the missus was wondering
206
00:12:02,497 --> 00:12:05,747
if you wouldn't mind holding this, huh?
207
00:12:08,101 --> 00:12:12,057
- Warden wait, is there
any word from the governor?
208
00:12:12,057 --> 00:12:15,390
- Uh, too much paprika, but he liked it.
209
00:12:17,426 --> 00:12:20,176
(dramatic music)
210
00:12:21,149 --> 00:12:24,816
(speaking foreign language)
211
00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:29,681
- Did anybody ever find
out where that tunnel was?
212
00:12:29,681 --> 00:12:33,546
Did anybody?
♫ So I say, it's a gray town
213
00:12:33,546 --> 00:12:35,739
♫ It's a wonderful town
214
00:12:35,739 --> 00:12:38,954
♫ It's the kind of a town I admire
215
00:12:38,954 --> 00:12:40,883
♫ Da-Doot en do-do-do.
216
00:12:40,883 --> 00:12:44,901
(honking)
(whistling)
217
00:12:44,901 --> 00:12:45,734
(slapping)
(singing)
218
00:12:45,734 --> 00:12:47,607
- One, two, three, four!
219
00:12:47,607 --> 00:12:49,736
And one, two, three, four!
220
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,970
And one, two, three, four!
221
00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:54,239
And one, two, three, four!
222
00:12:54,239 --> 00:12:56,566
And one, two, three, four!
223
00:12:56,566 --> 00:12:59,314
And one, two, three, five four and!
224
00:12:59,314 --> 00:13:01,277
One, two, three, four!
225
00:13:01,277 --> 00:13:03,128
- [Narrator] Three Chairs for Lefty!
226
00:13:03,128 --> 00:13:06,461
See it, and you too will say, well done!
227
00:13:10,842 --> 00:13:13,923
(perky music)
- He's funny, he's Duddy.
228
00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:16,173
Duddy Allen in The Sneaker.
229
00:13:17,241 --> 00:13:19,809
- I wish I knew what
it is I'm doing wrong!
230
00:13:19,809 --> 00:13:21,549
I went out and I bought new clothes.
231
00:13:21,549 --> 00:13:23,891
I didn't bath or shave for days.
232
00:13:23,891 --> 00:13:25,102
I did everything you told me and Louise
233
00:13:25,102 --> 00:13:27,185
still won't take me back!
234
00:13:28,498 --> 00:13:30,081
- Now see here kid!
235
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:34,543
You gotta stop trying to
be like me, it won't work.
236
00:13:34,543 --> 00:13:36,579
- Yeah but you, you always had women
237
00:13:36,579 --> 00:13:39,229
falling all over themselves
just to get to you!
238
00:13:39,229 --> 00:13:40,267
They'd kill for you.
239
00:13:40,267 --> 00:13:41,417
They probably all fuck
like bunnies on their
240
00:13:41,417 --> 00:13:43,186
first date, huh?
241
00:13:43,186 --> 00:13:45,078
- Now who is this you're talking about?
242
00:13:45,078 --> 00:13:47,081
- You, Clark Gable!
243
00:13:47,081 --> 00:13:48,914
- I'm not Clark Gable!
244
00:13:51,294 --> 00:13:52,698
- You're not?
245
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:53,968
- Hell no!
246
00:13:53,968 --> 00:13:55,551
God are you a shit!
247
00:13:57,043 --> 00:13:59,645
- Who are you?
- Sid Ronkowski!
248
00:13:59,645 --> 00:14:01,502
- Sid Ronkowski?
249
00:14:01,502 --> 00:14:03,642
Why have I been taking advice
from you all this time?
250
00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:05,346
Why didn't you just say something?
251
00:14:05,346 --> 00:14:07,538
I thought you were my fantasy, my idol!
252
00:14:07,538 --> 00:14:09,242
- I don't know.
253
00:14:09,242 --> 00:14:11,088
You came by this spot one day and started
254
00:14:11,088 --> 00:14:14,518
talking out loud, asking a
bunch of stupid-ass questions,
255
00:14:14,518 --> 00:14:16,620
I was off taking a leak in
the bushes and overheard you.
256
00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:18,489
I thought I'd help you out!
257
00:14:18,489 --> 00:14:20,875
- You look amazingly like Clark Gable.
258
00:14:20,875 --> 00:14:21,958
It's uncanny.
259
00:14:23,559 --> 00:14:25,559
- You think so?
- Really.
260
00:14:26,619 --> 00:14:27,949
- No!
261
00:14:27,949 --> 00:14:30,551
Anyway, I can't wait to
hear, did you call Louise
262
00:14:30,551 --> 00:14:31,896
on the phone like I told you to?
263
00:14:31,896 --> 00:14:33,442
- She cut off her phone service.
264
00:14:33,442 --> 00:14:35,404
- Oh, that, I...
265
00:14:35,404 --> 00:14:37,814
Have you tried dating other women?
266
00:14:37,814 --> 00:14:39,160
- Last night.
- Hmm?
267
00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,451
- Margie.
- Good, how did it go?
268
00:14:41,451 --> 00:14:44,463
- I don't know, I thought
we had a good time.
269
00:14:44,463 --> 00:14:46,917
So I really can't say
that existential nihilism
270
00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:48,303
is the only way to go.
271
00:14:48,303 --> 00:14:50,772
Personally, that is for me, I tend to lean
272
00:14:50,772 --> 00:14:53,181
toward Zen with Zionist tendencies.
273
00:14:53,181 --> 00:14:56,166
(mumbles) do a thorough
study of the neo-platonic
274
00:14:56,166 --> 00:14:59,683
relationship of chlorophyll to Retsin.
275
00:14:59,683 --> 00:15:01,203
In other words everything
is predestined to
276
00:15:01,203 --> 00:15:03,406
Chicago or New York.
277
00:15:03,406 --> 00:15:06,024
Subjunctive subjectivity
on the other hand tells us,
278
00:15:06,024 --> 00:15:07,972
that within the realm
of eternal halitosis,
279
00:15:07,972 --> 00:15:10,298
and the softer as duplicity of nature,
280
00:15:10,298 --> 00:15:12,934
we're all one and one for all.
281
00:15:12,934 --> 00:15:17,580
(chuckles) I uh, I practice
transcontinental meditation,
282
00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:21,795
and, have found new morality,
and insights into...
283
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:23,649
(snoring)
284
00:15:23,649 --> 00:15:25,193
- Guy comes in he says
"Bartender start 'em up
285
00:15:25,193 --> 00:15:26,698
"for everybody on me!"
286
00:15:26,698 --> 00:15:27,531
He says "What about me?"
287
00:15:27,531 --> 00:15:29,527
He says "Forget it, when
you drink you get nasty!"
288
00:15:29,527 --> 00:15:30,559
(laughing)
- Louise!
289
00:15:30,559 --> 00:15:31,578
(gasping)
290
00:15:31,578 --> 00:15:32,411
Louise!
291
00:15:33,548 --> 00:15:34,794
I gotta talk to you!
292
00:15:34,794 --> 00:15:36,059
- Duddy!
293
00:15:36,059 --> 00:15:37,926
Once and for all will
you please go away and
294
00:15:37,926 --> 00:15:40,113
leave me alone, we are through!
295
00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:42,446
Over, ended, finished, psst!
296
00:15:43,537 --> 00:15:45,198
That's it!
297
00:15:45,198 --> 00:15:46,986
- Gee I was hoping for
something more definite.
298
00:15:46,986 --> 00:15:48,664
(groaning)
- Honey, would you let
299
00:15:48,664 --> 00:15:50,831
me take care of it please?
300
00:15:52,141 --> 00:15:54,641
- You talking to me?
301
00:15:54,641 --> 00:15:57,204
I don't see anybody else around,
you must be talking to me!
302
00:15:57,204 --> 00:15:58,118
Let me tell you something,
303
00:15:58,118 --> 00:16:01,148
these hands are registered with UCLA!
304
00:16:01,148 --> 00:16:02,267
Oh boy!
305
00:16:02,267 --> 00:16:04,639
Hey, hey I'd really like
to, but I just remembered,
306
00:16:04,639 --> 00:16:07,606
I uh, I ate and I have to wait
an hour, I could get cramped!
307
00:16:07,606 --> 00:16:09,384
(gasps) Nice cologne, that musk?
308
00:16:09,384 --> 00:16:10,571
(chuckling)
(screaming)
309
00:16:10,571 --> 00:16:14,030
(water splashing)
310
00:16:14,030 --> 00:16:17,486
- [Narrator] When Duddy's
wife won't take him back,
311
00:16:17,486 --> 00:16:19,007
(comical music)
what's this,
312
00:16:19,007 --> 00:16:20,882
he resorts to drugs!
313
00:16:20,882 --> 00:16:23,549
For three hours Duddy turns into
314
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:31,239
a used car salesman.
315
00:16:31,239 --> 00:16:34,041
- Yoo-hoo, yes, you you
schmuck, look at this!
316
00:16:34,041 --> 00:16:36,727
$52,000 I'll give you a car, what a car!
317
00:16:36,727 --> 00:16:38,115
We're wheelin' we're dealin' here!
318
00:16:38,115 --> 00:16:40,584
Terrific, you, pop,
come here, look at this!
319
00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:42,776
We're gonna cover the
windshield, big tires!
320
00:16:42,776 --> 00:16:45,026
(mumbling)
321
00:16:46,734 --> 00:16:48,395
So anyway my mother
threw me out of the house
322
00:16:48,395 --> 00:16:51,039
when I was 3 1/2, I've
never been the same since.
323
00:16:51,039 --> 00:16:53,523
- Hey kid, you talk too damn much!
324
00:16:53,523 --> 00:16:56,163
Put your hands on her, take her bra off!
325
00:16:56,163 --> 00:16:59,548
- Okay, but I'm not too
good at this kind of thing.
326
00:16:59,548 --> 00:17:02,131
- Yeah that's it, don't be shy!
327
00:17:04,528 --> 00:17:05,815
Touch her tit!
328
00:17:05,815 --> 00:17:07,694
Go on, touch it!
329
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,048
- Do you want to hear my moose story, I--
330
00:17:09,048 --> 00:17:12,031
- God damn it you ineffectual pipsqueak!
331
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,348
I'd be going down on her by now!
332
00:17:14,348 --> 00:17:15,583
Go down on her!
- No I can't do that!
333
00:17:15,583 --> 00:17:17,094
- Go on, go down on her!
- No no, (mumbles).
334
00:17:17,094 --> 00:17:20,312
- Go down on her god dammit!
- It's our first date!
335
00:17:20,312 --> 00:17:21,820
Do you want to go to a
Tupperware party (mumbles)?
336
00:17:21,820 --> 00:17:22,757
(gasping)
337
00:17:22,757 --> 00:17:26,924
(honkytonk music)
- The Sneaker, coming soon!
338
00:17:32,595 --> 00:17:34,171
(serene music)
- In the middle of
339
00:17:34,171 --> 00:17:36,858
North-Central Asia, virtually untouched
340
00:17:36,858 --> 00:17:40,995
by commerciality, lies
the newest chic playground
341
00:17:40,995 --> 00:17:43,662
of the international, smart set!
342
00:17:45,599 --> 00:17:47,832
A breathtaking journey
to the lower regions
343
00:17:47,832 --> 00:17:50,328
of beautiful Mongolia, brings us
344
00:17:50,328 --> 00:17:54,495
face to face with the mystery
and magic of the Gobi!
345
00:17:56,695 --> 00:17:58,903
Come with us now as we
walk down the ancient
346
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:03,463
boulevard of the gods, in
this 500,000-square mile
347
00:18:03,463 --> 00:18:05,897
desert resort community!
348
00:18:05,897 --> 00:18:07,089
(wind howling)
349
00:18:07,089 --> 00:18:09,944
A gentle ocean breeze ruffles our hair,
350
00:18:09,944 --> 00:18:13,802
as we tour this huge, undeveloped plateau.
351
00:18:13,802 --> 00:18:16,311
Formerly a barren desert,
the Gobi was turned
352
00:18:16,311 --> 00:18:18,630
into the empire and thriving metropolis
353
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:21,697
that we see today, through
the inspired leadership
354
00:18:21,697 --> 00:18:26,012
of Genghis Khan, way
back in the 13th century.
355
00:18:26,012 --> 00:18:28,471
The national bird of the
Gobi is the friendly,
356
00:18:28,471 --> 00:18:30,457
outgoing vulture.
(vulture cawing)
357
00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:33,159
This beautiful intelligent
bird can be trained
358
00:18:33,159 --> 00:18:35,287
to sit on your head on command.
359
00:18:35,287 --> 00:18:36,511
(engine starter grinding)
360
00:18:36,511 --> 00:18:39,844
Wildlife abounds in the lush vegetation.
361
00:18:42,526 --> 00:18:44,526
This is a true paradise.
362
00:18:45,862 --> 00:18:49,381
(coughing)
The shifting, whispering sands
363
00:18:49,381 --> 00:18:52,145
uncover many a tale of intrigue,
364
00:18:52,145 --> 00:18:55,803
and tell us much of the
lifestyle of the ancients.
365
00:18:55,803 --> 00:18:59,640
And like the blowing
sands, we too must move on,
366
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,108
and uncover more mysteries and magic
367
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:04,717
of other playgrounds of the world.
368
00:19:04,717 --> 00:19:06,862
Taking leave of our newly made friends,
369
00:19:06,862 --> 00:19:09,261
and their quaint food-free diets,
370
00:19:09,261 --> 00:19:12,672
it is time to wave a tearful farewell to
371
00:19:12,672 --> 00:19:14,505
the magic of the Gobi!
372
00:19:17,450 --> 00:19:20,200
(dramatic music)
373
00:19:25,830 --> 00:19:28,580
(tranquil music)
374
00:19:30,534 --> 00:19:33,065
- Hello, I'm Buddy Hackett,
and I've been asked
375
00:19:33,065 --> 00:19:35,754
to speak to you on behalf
of an organization known as,
376
00:19:35,754 --> 00:19:40,112
S-T-O-P-I-T, STOPIT, or the
377
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:43,650
Society to Oppress and
Prevent Involuntary Tinkling.
378
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,285
It's a totally non-profit institution.
379
00:19:46,285 --> 00:19:48,224
As national chairperson this year,
380
00:19:48,224 --> 00:19:50,273
(water splashing)
I decided to pay a visit
381
00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:51,862
to the institute.
382
00:19:51,862 --> 00:19:53,546
Here on the grounds of their main facility
383
00:19:53,546 --> 00:19:56,521
in Watertown, New York,
we see many of the cures
384
00:19:56,521 --> 00:19:59,215
being tried to stop the flood.
385
00:19:59,215 --> 00:20:01,426
One of the newest and
most effective methods
386
00:20:01,426 --> 00:20:03,768
they're using here at STOPIT,
387
00:20:03,768 --> 00:20:07,104
is negative reinforcement training.
388
00:20:07,104 --> 00:20:09,111
Now let's listen in.
- (mumbles) How many
389
00:20:09,111 --> 00:20:10,944
times do I have to tell
you, you big sissy,
390
00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:13,321
you're nothing, you big baby!
391
00:20:13,321 --> 00:20:14,334
Do you know what a disappointment you are
392
00:20:14,334 --> 00:20:15,533
to your mother and father?
393
00:20:15,533 --> 00:20:17,276
If I had a hammer--
- Pardon me but
394
00:20:17,276 --> 00:20:20,313
aren't you being a bit rough on him?
395
00:20:20,313 --> 00:20:21,626
- What's it to you Mac?
396
00:20:21,626 --> 00:20:24,144
The kid won't stop pissing!
397
00:20:24,144 --> 00:20:28,267
What are you, a piss freak or something?
398
00:20:28,267 --> 00:20:29,747
- Hello again.
399
00:20:29,747 --> 00:20:32,164
Now this is Robert, isn't it?
400
00:20:33,045 --> 00:20:34,685
Can you tell everyone out there,
401
00:20:34,685 --> 00:20:37,774
why you're here with us today.
402
00:20:37,774 --> 00:20:40,119
Well it's because you're
the STOPIT poster boy
403
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,844
for this year, isn't that right?
404
00:20:42,844 --> 00:20:45,906
Well, Bob is well on his way to becoming
405
00:20:45,906 --> 00:20:49,995
a normal healthy young man, all
due to the never-ending work
406
00:20:49,995 --> 00:20:51,912
of STOPIT, right Bobby?
407
00:20:56,031 --> 00:20:58,531
(splattering)
408
00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:03,501
Right now, theater ushers
are starting to move
409
00:21:03,501 --> 00:21:06,685
up this theater's aisles, with tin cups
410
00:21:06,685 --> 00:21:11,115
that will soon be pissed,
er, passed down your row.
411
00:21:11,115 --> 00:21:14,237
When that cup of kindness reaches you,
412
00:21:14,237 --> 00:21:17,586
I hope you will find it in your hearts
413
00:21:17,586 --> 00:21:20,504
to reach way in and pull
out whatever you can
414
00:21:20,504 --> 00:21:22,639
to deposit in the cup!
415
00:21:22,639 --> 00:21:25,765
Do it for the kids or do it for yourself!
416
00:21:25,765 --> 00:21:28,415
You'll feel relieved that you did!
417
00:21:28,415 --> 00:21:29,563
Thanks.
418
00:21:29,563 --> 00:21:32,313
(pleasant music)
419
00:21:41,549 --> 00:21:42,713
(tender music)
♫ We know that you're stoned
420
00:21:42,713 --> 00:21:45,567
♫ And your sugar level's low
421
00:21:45,567 --> 00:21:49,065
♫ We've got a place, where you can go
422
00:21:49,065 --> 00:21:52,434
♫ If you're high you'll think it grand
423
00:21:52,434 --> 00:21:56,473
♫ Right here in the lobby,
the refreshment stand
424
00:21:56,473 --> 00:22:01,400
♫ Won't you try, juicy, juicy fruits
425
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,178
♫ Malted milk balls (mumbles)
426
00:22:04,178 --> 00:22:06,107
(metallic clicking)
♫ Don't forget
427
00:22:06,107 --> 00:22:07,989
♫ One run to the toilet
428
00:22:07,989 --> 00:22:10,707
♫ Chooey, gooey, plastic
429
00:22:10,707 --> 00:22:14,407
♫ If you got the munchies
then this is the time
430
00:22:14,407 --> 00:22:17,864
♫ Hot buttered popcorn will blow your mind
431
00:22:17,864 --> 00:22:21,073
♫ We don't think you understand
432
00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:22,914
♫ The way we break even's at the
433
00:22:22,914 --> 00:22:24,618
(cash register jingling)
♫ Refreshment stand
434
00:22:24,618 --> 00:22:27,130
♫ Are you high
435
00:22:27,130 --> 00:22:30,092
♫ Maui, Maui Wowee
436
00:22:30,092 --> 00:22:33,422
♫ Or Jamaican or Columbo, Mexico, Africana
437
00:22:33,422 --> 00:22:35,540
♫ Don't forget
438
00:22:35,540 --> 00:22:38,873
♫ Natural Soy Beanettes
439
00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:17,143
(brassy carnival music)
440
00:23:20,859 --> 00:23:24,276
(festive carnival music)
441
00:23:29,337 --> 00:23:30,493
- [Narrator] What happens when this
442
00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:33,026
movie mongrel exchanges bodies with
443
00:23:33,026 --> 00:23:35,006
a famous motion picture mogul?
444
00:23:35,006 --> 00:23:36,676
- Wait a minute Roy!
- Walt Whizney Productions
445
00:23:36,676 --> 00:23:38,247
- Roy come back!
- has done it again!
446
00:23:38,247 --> 00:23:40,103
- Roy, Roy!
- You'll howl with delight
447
00:23:40,103 --> 00:23:41,055
when you see
448
00:23:41,055 --> 00:23:43,159
- The Shaggy Studio Chief
- Come back Roy wait a minute!
449
00:23:43,159 --> 00:23:45,641
Roy, oh you asshole!
450
00:23:45,641 --> 00:23:48,391
(dramatic music)
451
00:23:54,751 --> 00:23:56,661
- Hello sir, how are you today?
452
00:23:56,661 --> 00:23:57,593
- Don't ask!
453
00:23:57,593 --> 00:24:00,111
Look, I'd like to rent a car right away!
454
00:24:00,111 --> 00:24:02,291
- Okay, will that be cash or credit card?
455
00:24:02,291 --> 00:24:05,855
- Credit card, ah, I seem
to have lost my wallet.
456
00:24:05,855 --> 00:24:08,945
I, I seem to have lost my pockets!
457
00:24:08,945 --> 00:24:10,268
- Much as I'd like to help you,
458
00:24:10,268 --> 00:24:12,122
I'm afraid we're gonna
need some of those things
459
00:24:12,122 --> 00:24:14,157
in order to rent you a car.
460
00:24:14,157 --> 00:24:17,407
- What, I'm Walt Whizney, Walt Whizney!
461
00:24:19,566 --> 00:24:22,899
(comically weary music)
462
00:24:24,127 --> 00:24:25,816
Thanks for the ride.
463
00:24:25,816 --> 00:24:27,296
So long, pal!
464
00:24:27,296 --> 00:24:31,792
(engine rumbling)
Wasn't bad, you hippy creep.
465
00:24:31,792 --> 00:24:36,787
- Been dead less than a week
and already we've (mumbles).
466
00:24:36,787 --> 00:24:39,879
- [Narrator] Yes it's another
fun-filled laugh riot,
467
00:24:39,879 --> 00:24:43,772
as the Whizney Studios goes to the dogs!
468
00:24:43,772 --> 00:24:45,333
- I'm sorry I'm late, I got hung up
469
00:24:45,333 --> 00:24:47,112
chasing cars!
- Mr. Whizney I am sorry,
470
00:24:47,112 --> 00:24:48,142
I tried to stop him!
471
00:24:48,142 --> 00:24:49,735
(comically cheerful music)
472
00:24:49,735 --> 00:24:50,568
- [Walt] Put me down!
473
00:24:50,568 --> 00:24:52,545
- Get the fuck out of here!
- God dammit put me down!
474
00:24:52,545 --> 00:24:53,796
I-I can handle all of your asses!
475
00:24:53,796 --> 00:24:56,601
Put, put me down you god damn fairies!
476
00:24:56,601 --> 00:24:59,592
(grunting)
477
00:24:59,592 --> 00:25:01,842
(sniffing)
478
00:25:04,548 --> 00:25:07,348
- [Narrator] Will Walt
regain control of the studio
479
00:25:07,348 --> 00:25:09,681
before Roy has him neutered?
480
00:25:11,137 --> 00:25:13,148
(car horn honking)
481
00:25:13,148 --> 00:25:14,232
- Okay, Roy, Roy!
- Don't miss it!
482
00:25:14,232 --> 00:25:17,826
The laugh riot of this
and many a year to come!
483
00:25:17,826 --> 00:25:19,568
See Walt Whizney's latest,
484
00:25:19,568 --> 00:25:21,777
(Walt yelling)
The Shaggy Studio Chief!
485
00:25:21,777 --> 00:25:24,089
(car horn honking)
And on the same program,
486
00:25:24,089 --> 00:25:27,232
the academy award winning,
Walt Whizney short,
487
00:25:27,232 --> 00:25:30,482
The Calf who Thought she was a Chicken!
488
00:25:34,188 --> 00:25:37,438
(energetic folk music)
489
00:25:40,298 --> 00:25:42,548
(clucking)
490
00:25:44,247 --> 00:25:45,830
- Well howdy folks!
491
00:25:47,297 --> 00:25:49,566
Welcome to our place!
492
00:25:49,566 --> 00:25:52,276
Gee you caught me on one of my busy days!
493
00:25:52,276 --> 00:25:53,637
I was just wringing the necks of
494
00:25:53,637 --> 00:25:55,734
a couple chickens here!
495
00:25:55,734 --> 00:25:59,048
You wanna watch, it's kind of interesting?
496
00:25:59,048 --> 00:26:02,524
Jeez I remember the first couple
of hundred times I did it.
497
00:26:02,524 --> 00:26:03,695
(laughing)
498
00:26:03,695 --> 00:26:06,629
I threw up all over myself (laughs)!
499
00:26:06,629 --> 00:26:09,272
Kept that up for a couple of months.
500
00:26:09,272 --> 00:26:12,151
But hell you get used to even that!
501
00:26:12,151 --> 00:26:15,024
Anyway, Pa's up in the kitchen.
502
00:26:15,024 --> 00:26:17,285
He's been expecting 'ya!
503
00:26:17,285 --> 00:26:21,035
Hey Pa, we got company,
get your britches on!
504
00:26:22,827 --> 00:26:24,160
- Ah, excuse me!
505
00:26:28,341 --> 00:26:30,457
(sighing)
506
00:26:30,457 --> 00:26:33,700
Did you have ever snort Buckwheat?
507
00:26:33,700 --> 00:26:34,783
It's not bad.
508
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:44,656
(sniffing)
509
00:26:44,656 --> 00:26:45,489
Whoa-ah!
510
00:26:47,829 --> 00:26:51,204
Ah, I really get off on that stuff.
511
00:26:51,204 --> 00:26:54,476
Ma don't like me to use it, but I told her
512
00:26:54,476 --> 00:26:56,559
it clears up my hayfever!
513
00:26:57,615 --> 00:26:59,964
(sniffing)
Ummm.
514
00:26:59,964 --> 00:27:04,627
But say, you came here
to see some of the scenes
515
00:27:04,627 --> 00:27:08,226
from that moving picture me and Ma made.
516
00:27:08,226 --> 00:27:11,143
Ma and Pa Take Francis to New York,
517
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:18,001
and here I go talking a mile a minute.
518
00:27:18,001 --> 00:27:21,658
(sniffing)
Hmm, must be the rush
519
00:27:21,658 --> 00:27:24,604
of that buckwheat to my head!
520
00:27:24,604 --> 00:27:27,937
But I'm all set to go here, so sit back,
521
00:27:29,468 --> 00:27:32,468
and have yourself a chuckle, or two.
522
00:27:33,490 --> 00:27:36,582
(whirring)
(clacking)
523
00:27:36,582 --> 00:27:39,415
(horse whinnying)
524
00:27:40,420 --> 00:27:44,295
- How's it going?
(snorting)
525
00:27:44,295 --> 00:27:45,628
- Who said that?
526
00:27:46,567 --> 00:27:50,321
Who's here?
- I did dummy, over here!
527
00:27:50,321 --> 00:27:53,393
The name's Francis (snorts).
528
00:27:53,393 --> 00:27:56,960
- Oh I'm not hearing this, it can't be!
529
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,793
You're a pig, and pigs don't talk!
530
00:28:01,331 --> 00:28:02,704
- I wouldn't bet on it buster,
531
00:28:02,704 --> 00:28:06,711
your old lady's a pig and
all she ever does is talk!
532
00:28:06,711 --> 00:28:07,544
- Ma!
533
00:28:08,995 --> 00:28:11,078
Ma, you better come here!
534
00:28:12,062 --> 00:28:15,196
- Oh, what's the matter
for crying out loud?
535
00:28:15,196 --> 00:28:18,279
- That there pig just spoke to me Ma!
536
00:28:19,545 --> 00:28:20,928
- Ah, shut up and listen!
537
00:28:20,928 --> 00:28:22,343
I got us a plan where we can make us all
538
00:28:22,343 --> 00:28:24,010
a lot of fast dough!
539
00:28:26,564 --> 00:28:28,328
Now listen, we go to New York see,
540
00:28:28,328 --> 00:28:29,986
I got a friend that
works in the post office,
541
00:28:29,986 --> 00:28:32,113
(mumbling)
(snorting)
542
00:28:32,113 --> 00:28:35,113
- Uh huh.
(snorting)
543
00:28:35,113 --> 00:28:38,863
(exciting industrious music)
544
00:29:02,772 --> 00:29:03,772
Hi there Ma!
545
00:29:04,658 --> 00:29:07,952
- Ooh, for heaven's sakes, Pa!
546
00:29:07,952 --> 00:29:10,590
You're sex mad, that's
what's the matter with you!
547
00:29:10,590 --> 00:29:14,673
Gonna have to go to the
John to get some privacy!
548
00:29:16,877 --> 00:29:19,403
- I love New York, what a town!
549
00:29:19,403 --> 00:29:20,917
(knocking)
550
00:29:20,917 --> 00:29:22,769
- Open up!
- Hey, we're having an orgy,
551
00:29:22,769 --> 00:29:23,602
amscray!
552
00:29:27,289 --> 00:29:30,580
- Howdy.
- I'm the hotel detective.
553
00:29:30,580 --> 00:29:32,228
And...
554
00:29:32,228 --> 00:29:33,395
My god, a pig!
555
00:29:34,853 --> 00:29:37,493
You know you're not allowed
to have a pig in here!
556
00:29:37,493 --> 00:29:39,160
- Oh that's Francis.
557
00:29:40,313 --> 00:29:42,715
- Get rid of that pig!
558
00:29:42,715 --> 00:29:43,965
You understand?
559
00:29:45,841 --> 00:29:50,464
- Take a walk putz, or
I'll cream 'ya (snorts)!
560
00:29:50,464 --> 00:29:52,464
- What did you just say?
561
00:29:54,186 --> 00:29:56,721
- Oh I didn't say that!
562
00:29:56,721 --> 00:29:59,221
That was Francis, he can talk!
563
00:30:01,492 --> 00:30:03,325
- He can talk, can he?
564
00:30:04,477 --> 00:30:06,982
You, get rid of the pig!
565
00:30:06,982 --> 00:30:09,149
Or you check out, hear me?
566
00:30:12,107 --> 00:30:14,322
- You're one ugly son of
a bitch you know that?
567
00:30:14,322 --> 00:30:16,330
You're mother sucks cocks in hell!
568
00:30:16,330 --> 00:30:18,747
- Oh, now wait just a minute!
569
00:30:20,211 --> 00:30:22,247
That was the pig!
570
00:30:22,247 --> 00:30:26,710
You see he's going to make
us all rich, he can talk.
571
00:30:26,710 --> 00:30:30,656
Say something for the man
Francis, go ahead now!
572
00:30:30,656 --> 00:30:31,989
Talk to the man!
573
00:30:33,965 --> 00:30:37,132
- I, am gonna ignore that last remark,
574
00:30:37,994 --> 00:30:40,056
on account of you're a crazy old man,
575
00:30:40,056 --> 00:30:43,306
but, I don't want to hear another word!
576
00:30:44,411 --> 00:30:45,816
You get me?
577
00:30:45,816 --> 00:30:46,733
Not a peep!
578
00:30:47,959 --> 00:30:48,792
- Yes sir!
579
00:30:50,287 --> 00:30:53,204
- [Francis] Commie fag hippy queen!
580
00:30:54,126 --> 00:30:55,376
- That does it!
581
00:30:56,394 --> 00:30:57,644
I am no commie!
582
00:30:58,537 --> 00:31:00,100
(thumping)
583
00:31:00,100 --> 00:31:02,179
- You got a great hook there lefty!
584
00:31:02,179 --> 00:31:06,096
- Well thank you, I was
in the Golden Gloves...
585
00:31:07,505 --> 00:31:10,505
(lively folk music)
586
00:31:12,382 --> 00:31:15,492
- Well folks, that's all the film
587
00:31:15,492 --> 00:31:17,878
we have to show you now.
588
00:31:17,878 --> 00:31:19,738
You'll have to pay your 50 cents
589
00:31:19,738 --> 00:31:22,166
if you want to see the rest.
590
00:31:22,166 --> 00:31:23,331
Isn't that right Ma?
591
00:31:23,331 --> 00:31:25,107
- Oh, who gives a rat's ass anyway?
592
00:31:25,107 --> 00:31:26,342
Get of the table will 'ya,
(chicken clucking)
593
00:31:26,342 --> 00:31:27,981
for god's sakes!
594
00:31:27,981 --> 00:31:31,779
I told 'ya to ask for a
percentage of this film.
595
00:31:31,779 --> 00:31:33,362
But oh no, not you!
596
00:31:34,514 --> 00:31:38,681
You said, "Ma, nobody's going
to see this motion picture,
597
00:31:39,748 --> 00:31:42,418
"nobody wants to see two old geezers
598
00:31:42,418 --> 00:31:44,257
"make fools out of themselves!"
599
00:31:44,257 --> 00:31:46,523
Well a lot of people do!
600
00:31:46,523 --> 00:31:50,088
Oh well you ain't got the
brains you was born with!
601
00:31:50,088 --> 00:31:53,505
Lose your balls if they weren't attached.
602
00:31:57,080 --> 00:32:00,497
- Now visit us again real soon, you hear?
603
00:32:02,697 --> 00:32:05,139
- Love to see you folks!
604
00:32:05,139 --> 00:32:07,389
- Fu-Fu-Fu-Fuck off, folks!
605
00:32:08,648 --> 00:32:11,898
(dramatic piano music)
606
00:32:45,156 --> 00:32:48,156
(perky piano music)
607
00:33:39,279 --> 00:33:42,029
(dramatic music)
608
00:33:50,667 --> 00:33:54,000
(energetic piano music)
609
00:34:16,738 --> 00:34:19,988
(relaxing piano music)
610
00:35:26,054 --> 00:35:28,637
(lively music)
611
00:36:12,517 --> 00:36:15,434
(orchestra tuning)
612
00:36:18,150 --> 00:36:20,567
(applauding)
613
00:36:22,315 --> 00:36:24,044
- [Man] Hey you're not Pavlova Pavlova!
614
00:36:24,044 --> 00:36:26,387
Get off the stage, bring out Pavlova!
615
00:36:26,387 --> 00:36:28,492
- [Woman] Hey, no smoking in the theater!
616
00:36:28,492 --> 00:36:30,075
- Ladies and gent--
617
00:36:31,270 --> 00:36:33,680
(audience shouting)
618
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:37,180
Ladies and gentlemen, I have to make a uh,
619
00:36:38,548 --> 00:36:40,669
disturbing announcement concerning
620
00:36:40,669 --> 00:36:43,812
this afternoon's performance (chuckles)!
621
00:36:43,812 --> 00:36:48,296
You see uh, Pavlova Pavlova,
our prima ballerina is, uh,
622
00:36:48,296 --> 00:36:50,828
- Get rid of the mustache!
- she's sick, (chuckles)!
623
00:36:50,828 --> 00:36:53,548
- They don't care!
- Very sick,
624
00:36:53,548 --> 00:36:56,225
And uh so,
- You're kidding, come on!
625
00:36:56,225 --> 00:36:57,453
We want our money back!
- There will be no,
626
00:36:57,453 --> 00:37:01,197
performance of the Scuffed Shoes, tonight.
627
00:37:01,197 --> 00:37:04,789
(audience booing)
628
00:37:04,789 --> 00:37:06,819
Ladies and gentlemen,
ladies and gentlemen please
629
00:37:06,819 --> 00:37:09,994
you must, you must
understand our situation!
630
00:37:09,994 --> 00:37:13,080
Hey, listen, she's, the
girl's, I don't know
631
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:16,147
how to tell you this but, she's,
632
00:37:16,147 --> 00:37:19,274
she's been taken with
a serious case of dead!
633
00:37:19,274 --> 00:37:21,024
- Prop her up!
- This,
634
00:37:22,102 --> 00:37:24,291
now look, the girl is dead!
635
00:37:24,291 --> 00:37:26,390
Hey listen,
(audience yelling)
636
00:37:26,390 --> 00:37:27,743
(audience booing)
Piss off!
637
00:37:27,743 --> 00:37:31,910
(classic ballet music)
(applauding)
638
00:38:04,632 --> 00:38:06,963
Can anybody stop these things!
639
00:38:06,963 --> 00:38:08,880
My feets is killing me!
640
00:38:13,074 --> 00:38:15,513
- [Narrator] He didn't know
a tour jete from shinola,
641
00:38:15,513 --> 00:38:18,866
but he danced, and he
danced, and he danced!
642
00:38:18,866 --> 00:38:21,244
(gun firing)
643
00:38:21,244 --> 00:38:24,949
Until he was shot the following morning.
644
00:38:24,949 --> 00:38:26,839
- Bravo!
- Bravo!
645
00:38:26,839 --> 00:38:29,299
(applauding)
646
00:38:29,299 --> 00:38:30,466
- Thank you...
647
00:38:42,959 --> 00:38:45,792
(imperious music)
648
00:38:51,410 --> 00:38:54,562
- Yeah I'm a war correspondent.
649
00:38:54,562 --> 00:38:56,729
Name's Piles, Ernie Piles.
650
00:38:59,271 --> 00:39:03,507
A lot of human stories
came out of World War II.
651
00:39:03,507 --> 00:39:06,424
These guys, well, each one of 'em's
652
00:39:07,274 --> 00:39:09,441
got his own story to tell.
653
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:14,226
- Oh, you've got watermarks on those!
654
00:39:14,226 --> 00:39:16,476
(spitting)
655
00:39:23,508 --> 00:39:24,845
- Who's kidding who?
656
00:39:24,845 --> 00:39:27,529
Hell, I'm no good to
anyone with these utensils.
657
00:39:27,529 --> 00:39:29,377
I can't finish half the meal.
658
00:39:29,377 --> 00:39:32,611
I had to choose between
a fork and a spoon?
659
00:39:32,611 --> 00:39:35,196
I can't eat spaghetti, I can't have soup!
660
00:39:35,196 --> 00:39:36,924
- Quit complaining, you
think you got it bad,
661
00:39:36,924 --> 00:39:38,637
what about me?
662
00:39:38,637 --> 00:39:40,743
Three years in hell.
663
00:39:40,743 --> 00:39:42,344
Lay your life down for your country
664
00:39:42,344 --> 00:39:43,772
and what does it get you?
665
00:39:43,772 --> 00:39:46,272
A god damn plate in your head!
666
00:40:04,204 --> 00:40:08,371
- Yeah, all these guys came
back to tell their stories.
667
00:40:10,108 --> 00:40:14,025
But, there are thousands
upon thousands of GIs,
668
00:40:15,183 --> 00:40:19,100
gyrenes and swabbies who
just, never came back.
669
00:40:21,517 --> 00:40:25,248
So it's up to guys like
me to tell it for 'em,
670
00:40:25,248 --> 00:40:28,646
and this is my tribute to
those brave American kids
671
00:40:28,646 --> 00:40:30,682
who fought and died to make this country
672
00:40:30,682 --> 00:40:34,444
the land of the free and
the home of the brave.
673
00:40:34,444 --> 00:40:38,640
(explosion booming)
- Come on, move out!
674
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:42,807
(thrilling music)
(guns firing)
675
00:40:54,286 --> 00:40:56,004
- Come on get in here!
- Come on get in here,
676
00:40:56,004 --> 00:40:56,986
come on!
- Get in here!
677
00:40:56,986 --> 00:40:57,819
- Come on!
- Get in here!
678
00:40:57,819 --> 00:40:58,739
- Come on!
- Will you get
679
00:40:58,739 --> 00:40:59,572
in the fox hole!
680
00:40:59,572 --> 00:41:01,847
- Get in here!
- Now get into your hole!
681
00:41:01,847 --> 00:41:04,226
- Listen, I can't help it if
I gotta fight alongside him,
682
00:41:04,226 --> 00:41:06,369
but I ain't jumping in no
fox hole with no nigger!
683
00:41:06,369 --> 00:41:09,536
(machines gun firing)
684
00:41:10,755 --> 00:41:13,969
- If you ask any GI who survived,
685
00:41:13,969 --> 00:41:17,519
the most important thing he
learned in basic training,
686
00:41:17,519 --> 00:41:21,352
he'll tell you grab all
the sack time you can.
687
00:41:22,413 --> 00:41:25,996
Those five brave boys
shared this barracks.
688
00:41:27,413 --> 00:41:30,580
And now they share a fox hole in hell.
689
00:41:31,705 --> 00:41:34,872
But, for a while there, this was home.
690
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:41,747
Wasn't always this quiet though.
691
00:41:42,836 --> 00:41:45,336
This was Private Smitt's bunk.
692
00:41:48,595 --> 00:41:51,410
And this, well this was his locker.
693
00:41:51,410 --> 00:41:53,909
- [Woman Voiceover] Oh darling Dwayne!
694
00:41:53,909 --> 00:41:56,077
I miss you so much!
695
00:41:56,077 --> 00:41:59,643
It is hot here and I find
myself throbbing all over
696
00:41:59,643 --> 00:42:01,271
when I think of you!
697
00:42:01,271 --> 00:42:03,375
I took a walk last night,
698
00:42:03,375 --> 00:42:05,560
past the tree where
you carved our initials
699
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:08,850
and I started to pulsate
just thinking about
700
00:42:08,850 --> 00:42:10,554
the night we spent
(moaning)
701
00:42:10,554 --> 00:42:13,656
in your car, under that tree, just before
702
00:42:13,656 --> 00:42:16,074
you headed back to camp.
703
00:42:16,074 --> 00:42:17,972
I strolled over to the library,
704
00:42:17,972 --> 00:42:19,409
and sat on the big old cannon,
705
00:42:19,409 --> 00:42:22,085
just straddling my legs,
in the town square.
706
00:42:22,085 --> 00:42:26,538
And it, it reminded me, of
the first time we made love.
707
00:42:26,538 --> 00:42:28,038
I miss you Dwayne!
708
00:42:29,085 --> 00:42:33,128
I must have you again
soon or I shall go mad!
709
00:42:33,128 --> 00:42:35,588
I don't suppose you have
much time to think about me,
710
00:42:35,588 --> 00:42:39,296
but when you do always
remember I love you,
711
00:42:39,296 --> 00:42:41,647
and I'll do anything you want me too,
712
00:42:41,647 --> 00:42:43,776
just to make you happy.
713
00:42:43,776 --> 00:42:47,948
Anything!
(rhythmic banging)
714
00:42:47,948 --> 00:42:50,085
(bomb whistling)
715
00:42:50,085 --> 00:42:52,693
(explosion booming)
716
00:42:52,693 --> 00:42:54,639
(gun firing)
- I can't take it no more,
717
00:42:54,639 --> 00:42:55,891
you gotta let me outta here!
718
00:42:55,891 --> 00:42:57,650
I gotta get outta here!
719
00:42:57,650 --> 00:42:59,402
Feet, don't fail me now!
720
00:42:59,402 --> 00:43:01,681
- Lenny don't get out
there, there's a mine field!
721
00:43:01,681 --> 00:43:02,893
You'll never make it!
722
00:43:02,893 --> 00:43:05,893
(explosion booming)
723
00:43:07,890 --> 00:43:08,723
Aww Lenny!
724
00:43:10,481 --> 00:43:13,564
(explosions booming)
725
00:43:14,910 --> 00:43:16,660
How you doing Lenny?
726
00:43:16,660 --> 00:43:19,672
- I figure I've been hit, Sarge!
727
00:43:19,672 --> 00:43:21,379
(explosion booming)
728
00:43:21,379 --> 00:43:25,546
(metal clattering)
(moaning)
729
00:43:32,259 --> 00:43:36,719
(hooting)
(laughing)
730
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:38,886
(sighing)
731
00:43:39,794 --> 00:43:42,291
(panting)
732
00:43:42,291 --> 00:43:44,124
- Oh hi, back already.
733
00:43:45,584 --> 00:43:46,417
Uh, uh...
734
00:43:49,032 --> 00:43:53,199
Well uh, off uh, offshore,
are I uh, submarine crew,
735
00:43:54,643 --> 00:43:57,560
uh, nervously awaits our commandos.
736
00:44:02,372 --> 00:44:04,872
(tense music)
737
00:44:12,904 --> 00:44:15,571
(sonar pinging)
738
00:44:26,526 --> 00:44:29,443
(windy sputtering)
739
00:44:33,250 --> 00:44:36,250
(explosion booming)
740
00:44:39,352 --> 00:44:42,343
- [Narrator] Just a Run in the Sun.
741
00:44:42,343 --> 00:44:45,093
(pleasant music)
742
00:44:55,603 --> 00:44:58,186
(wind howling)
743
00:45:01,390 --> 00:45:04,390
(hooves clattering)
744
00:45:07,101 --> 00:45:10,518
(tense percussion music)
745
00:45:29,931 --> 00:45:33,181
(townsfolk chattering)
746
00:45:47,878 --> 00:45:50,619
(piano music)
747
00:45:50,619 --> 00:45:54,369
- Please, I want my rag,
it is religious law!
748
00:45:57,869 --> 00:45:59,041
(tense music)
- The only good Indian
749
00:45:59,041 --> 00:46:00,646
is a dead Indian!
750
00:46:00,646 --> 00:46:03,771
Now get back to (mumbles)!
751
00:46:03,771 --> 00:46:04,604
- No no!
752
00:46:04,604 --> 00:46:06,141
No no no no no, no no no no!
753
00:46:06,141 --> 00:46:07,306
Do not kill them!
754
00:46:07,306 --> 00:46:10,852
To my people, the cowboy is sacred!
755
00:46:10,852 --> 00:46:12,944
The cow, and the cowboy!
756
00:46:12,944 --> 00:46:14,803
They are sacred.
757
00:46:14,803 --> 00:46:16,764
You must not kill him!
758
00:46:16,764 --> 00:46:18,264
Our sacred cowboy!
759
00:46:19,749 --> 00:46:21,601
(brassy rustic music)
(gun firing)
760
00:46:21,601 --> 00:46:24,948
(horse whinnying)
761
00:46:24,948 --> 00:46:27,127
Perhaps, you didn't understand.
762
00:46:27,127 --> 00:46:30,127
(eerie tense music)
763
00:46:32,535 --> 00:46:33,847
- What, you see--
- What you see!
764
00:46:33,847 --> 00:46:35,406
- What is what?
- What is this?
765
00:46:35,406 --> 00:46:36,479
- What is--
- Indian (mumbles).
766
00:46:36,479 --> 00:46:38,844
- We must see what this...
- We must see (mumbles)
767
00:46:38,844 --> 00:46:42,233
(Indians chattering)
768
00:46:42,233 --> 00:46:44,755
- Quick, put-a your hat on!
769
00:46:44,755 --> 00:46:47,163
She's maybe a bounty hunter,
and now you don't want
770
00:46:47,163 --> 00:46:50,663
her to know you have a price on your head!
771
00:46:51,687 --> 00:46:53,084
That's-a nice.
772
00:46:53,084 --> 00:46:56,417
(tense harmonica music)
773
00:47:08,297 --> 00:47:10,188
(plunky piano music)
- So, how long-a you been
774
00:47:10,188 --> 00:47:11,688
with Don Corlioni?
775
00:47:12,579 --> 00:47:16,461
- Two years, before that
it was Don Avichi for six,
776
00:47:16,461 --> 00:47:18,294
Don Rickles for three.
777
00:47:23,459 --> 00:47:25,792
- Hey, you, silent stranger.
778
00:47:27,856 --> 00:47:29,689
I'm-a come to get you!
779
00:47:31,109 --> 00:47:34,485
Oh boy, you gonna be one dead man!
780
00:47:34,485 --> 00:47:37,068
Show yourself, show yourself-a!
781
00:47:38,264 --> 00:47:39,628
(gun firing)
782
00:47:39,628 --> 00:47:41,286
(glass breaking)
783
00:47:41,286 --> 00:47:43,703
(gun firing)
784
00:47:47,135 --> 00:47:49,497
(glass breaking)
(gun firing)
785
00:47:49,497 --> 00:47:50,475
- What it is,
786
00:47:50,475 --> 00:47:53,684
what do you have there in
your hand, you, you fakir!
787
00:47:53,684 --> 00:47:56,260
- What do you have in
your hand there, stranger?
788
00:47:56,260 --> 00:47:58,205
You make me so mad!
789
00:47:58,205 --> 00:48:00,416
Pinch his privates!
(gun firing)
790
00:48:00,416 --> 00:48:03,756
This is going to hurt you
a lot more than it does me!
791
00:48:03,756 --> 00:48:06,733
I'd kill him you
son-of-a-bitch, the asshole!
792
00:48:06,733 --> 00:48:09,037
Kill him, and kill him, and kill him!
793
00:48:09,037 --> 00:48:11,891
God dammit I lost my beads, god dammit now
794
00:48:11,891 --> 00:48:14,994
I'm really pissed off, where
are my beads, my beads!
795
00:48:14,994 --> 00:48:15,916
My beads!
- Here!
796
00:48:15,916 --> 00:48:17,749
- Where, where, where?
797
00:48:20,862 --> 00:48:22,232
(gun firing)
798
00:48:22,232 --> 00:48:24,899
(comical music)
799
00:48:35,887 --> 00:48:39,162
(horse whinnying)
800
00:48:39,162 --> 00:48:42,412
(cheery country music)
801
00:48:46,158 --> 00:48:47,668
♫ Once I thought--
- Hey baby will you
802
00:48:47,668 --> 00:48:48,765
turn off that damn country music,
803
00:48:48,765 --> 00:48:50,765
I can't take it no more!
804
00:48:54,946 --> 00:48:56,967
Can you find out where we at?
805
00:48:56,967 --> 00:48:57,800
- No.
806
00:48:59,517 --> 00:49:00,767
- Jesus Christ.
807
00:49:01,869 --> 00:49:05,440
(engine rumbling)
808
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:08,440
(crickets chirping)
809
00:49:10,321 --> 00:49:14,113
Ow, baby we done cut loose on the juice!
810
00:49:14,113 --> 00:49:18,280
It's on empty, oh!
(dramatic music)
811
00:49:21,351 --> 00:49:23,177
- [Narrator] A musician and his girl,
812
00:49:23,177 --> 00:49:25,096
lost in the southern back wood,
813
00:49:25,096 --> 00:49:28,747
out of gas and a long way from home.
814
00:49:28,747 --> 00:49:31,747
(crickets chirping)
815
00:49:44,456 --> 00:49:47,425
(coyote howling)
816
00:49:47,425 --> 00:49:50,175
(dramatic music)
817
00:49:59,024 --> 00:50:01,691
(drums beating)
818
00:50:03,635 --> 00:50:06,385
(dramatic music)
819
00:50:13,504 --> 00:50:15,171
- Howdy there folks.
820
00:50:17,398 --> 00:50:19,204
It's kind of a strange place to be
821
00:50:19,204 --> 00:50:21,454
practicing your drums, son.
822
00:50:24,315 --> 00:50:27,065
Son what'd you say your name was?
823
00:50:28,158 --> 00:50:30,726
- Look I didn't say, but it's
824
00:50:30,726 --> 00:50:33,059
Elijah Abdul Jamal Mohammed.
825
00:50:35,425 --> 00:50:37,175
- What a pretty name.
826
00:50:38,078 --> 00:50:40,411
Elijah Abdul Jamal Mohammed.
827
00:50:42,705 --> 00:50:43,538
I Like it.
828
00:50:45,873 --> 00:50:47,820
You must be Boobies.
829
00:50:47,820 --> 00:50:49,475
- How did you know my name?
830
00:50:49,475 --> 00:50:51,738
(dramatic music)
831
00:50:51,738 --> 00:50:53,405
- Just a wild guess.
832
00:50:56,640 --> 00:50:57,473
Yep.
833
00:51:05,183 --> 00:51:08,420
(inhaling sharply)
834
00:51:08,420 --> 00:51:10,903
Here this'll make you feel better.
835
00:51:10,903 --> 00:51:14,236
Come on, take a hit, good shit!
836
00:51:14,236 --> 00:51:17,819
Some of my home grown,
seeds are Columbian.
837
00:51:21,373 --> 00:51:22,540
Suit yourself.
838
00:51:24,226 --> 00:51:25,989
That is, there's some coke there in the
839
00:51:25,989 --> 00:51:28,425
glove compartment if you
want a couple of snorts.
840
00:51:28,425 --> 00:51:31,175
(dramatic music)
841
00:51:32,026 --> 00:51:34,957
You know, what the oldest living animal's
842
00:51:34,957 --> 00:51:39,124
supposed to be is the Lake
Sturgeon, do you believe that?
843
00:51:40,255 --> 00:51:43,672
Can you believe that, Lake Sturgeon, 152.
844
00:51:45,613 --> 00:51:49,478
- 152 years, I always
thought it was a turtle.
845
00:51:49,478 --> 00:51:50,778
(dramatic music)
846
00:51:50,778 --> 00:51:54,747
- Sheriff Bob done told
me about your troubles.
847
00:51:54,747 --> 00:51:59,574
Why don't you take cabin
number nine at the end there?
848
00:51:59,574 --> 00:52:01,139
- Come on!
849
00:52:01,139 --> 00:52:02,990
(dramatic music)
850
00:52:02,990 --> 00:52:04,073
- [Narrator] A strange night,
851
00:52:04,073 --> 00:52:05,473
a strange time,
- I just know it!
852
00:52:05,473 --> 00:52:07,025
- [Narrator] a strange town.
853
00:52:07,025 --> 00:52:08,831
And a very strange sheriff.
854
00:52:08,831 --> 00:52:11,620
- Cannot put my finger on!
855
00:52:11,620 --> 00:52:13,312
- Why are they so nice to us?
856
00:52:13,312 --> 00:52:14,578
- I don't know, I don't know!
857
00:52:14,578 --> 00:52:15,824
And you stop picking on me!
858
00:52:15,824 --> 00:52:18,574
(dramatic music)
859
00:52:20,072 --> 00:52:23,162
- Howdy there folks, my name's Delmus!
860
00:52:23,162 --> 00:52:24,686
I parked your van out
there and brought you
861
00:52:24,686 --> 00:52:26,198
some food there to eat, thought you might
862
00:52:26,198 --> 00:52:27,271
want to chow down.
863
00:52:27,271 --> 00:52:30,148
We got some hot chicken, it
looks like some potatoes,
864
00:52:30,148 --> 00:52:31,898
and some cole slaw...
865
00:52:33,822 --> 00:52:37,017
Boy you sure are a pretty
lady you know that?
866
00:52:37,017 --> 00:52:39,182
Anyone ever tell you that before?
867
00:52:39,182 --> 00:52:40,508
Look like a little bunny rabbit
868
00:52:40,508 --> 00:52:41,811
sitting there on the edge of the bed,
869
00:52:41,811 --> 00:52:44,394
all fluffy and white like that.
870
00:52:45,545 --> 00:52:47,901
Pink parts aren't bad either.
871
00:52:47,901 --> 00:52:49,637
- May I help you?
872
00:52:49,637 --> 00:52:51,302
- Thank you.
873
00:52:51,302 --> 00:52:54,135
The color of your eyes, so pretty!
874
00:52:55,619 --> 00:52:59,036
- Now just a minute you dumb shit kicker!
875
00:53:02,254 --> 00:53:04,484
- What'd you call me fella?
876
00:53:04,484 --> 00:53:07,234
(dramatic music)
877
00:53:09,020 --> 00:53:10,722
- Shit kicker!
878
00:53:10,722 --> 00:53:11,889
- Shit kicker?
879
00:53:14,387 --> 00:53:17,448
You just call me shit kicker, huh?
880
00:53:17,448 --> 00:53:20,247
Did you call me shit kicker?
881
00:53:20,247 --> 00:53:21,692
(dramatic music)
(wincing)
882
00:53:21,692 --> 00:53:22,692
Shit kicker.
883
00:53:24,624 --> 00:53:25,791
Shit kicker...
884
00:53:27,304 --> 00:53:29,728
Would that be like uh, like kicking shit,
885
00:53:29,728 --> 00:53:33,020
you know, shit kick, shit kicker?
886
00:53:33,020 --> 00:53:35,391
(laughs) Wait a minute, you mean,
887
00:53:35,391 --> 00:53:36,801
I'm a shit kicker, right (chuckles)?
888
00:53:36,801 --> 00:53:40,968
(laughing)
(mumbling)
889
00:53:41,836 --> 00:53:44,216
I bet that's why we got
these pointed boots you know,
890
00:53:44,216 --> 00:53:45,897
with toes like that, you can kick shit
891
00:53:45,897 --> 00:53:47,562
in the corners (chuckles)!
892
00:53:47,562 --> 00:53:49,114
(laughing)
Ah that's good,
893
00:53:49,114 --> 00:53:51,248
I love that (mumbles)!
894
00:53:51,248 --> 00:53:53,112
I'll see you'all, have a good time!
895
00:53:53,112 --> 00:53:54,763
Hey Jim Bob, wait up over there,
896
00:53:54,763 --> 00:53:56,164
you old shit kicker you!
897
00:53:56,164 --> 00:53:58,030
(laughing)
898
00:53:58,030 --> 00:54:00,405
(sobbing)
899
00:54:00,405 --> 00:54:01,955
- [Narrator] How much more
could two people take?
900
00:54:01,955 --> 00:54:03,652
(dramatic music)
Terrified, hungry,
901
00:54:03,652 --> 00:54:06,978
tired, sleepy, but they
dare not drop their guard!
902
00:54:06,978 --> 00:54:08,660
Something must be wrong.
903
00:54:08,660 --> 00:54:12,827
Why else were these people
so nice, so kind to them?
904
00:54:14,169 --> 00:54:15,002
- Oh baby!
905
00:54:18,370 --> 00:54:20,578
(engine rumbling)
(screaming)
906
00:54:20,578 --> 00:54:23,057
(dramatic music)
907
00:54:23,057 --> 00:54:24,746
- How you doing this morning?
908
00:54:24,746 --> 00:54:29,428
(giggling)
(perky country music)
909
00:54:29,428 --> 00:54:30,577
Bye!
910
00:54:30,577 --> 00:54:32,798
- [Narrator] Some day you
may find yourself in some
911
00:54:32,798 --> 00:54:36,881
small town where everyone
is ever so nice to you!
912
00:54:37,849 --> 00:54:39,573
Welcome to Bacon County!
913
00:54:39,573 --> 00:54:41,918
- You'all come back, okay?
914
00:54:41,918 --> 00:54:43,470
Bye!
915
00:54:43,470 --> 00:54:46,387
(orchestra tuning)
916
00:54:50,054 --> 00:54:53,570
- [Narrator] Previews
from That's Sexploitation!
917
00:54:53,570 --> 00:54:57,416
With all the biggest
stars and the other star,
918
00:54:57,416 --> 00:55:01,583
and scenes from the Happy
Hooker Goes Down on Washington!
919
00:55:03,644 --> 00:55:05,227
2069, a Space Orgy.
920
00:55:10,858 --> 00:55:12,441
The Spy Who Bit Me.
921
00:55:16,271 --> 00:55:19,339
And All the President's Girls.
922
00:55:19,339 --> 00:55:22,172
Coming soon, That's Sexploitation!
923
00:55:27,756 --> 00:55:30,444
- [All] N-T-R-A-L!
924
00:55:30,444 --> 00:55:31,724
Central!
925
00:55:31,724 --> 00:55:33,769
- [Narrator] Yes they're back, those three
926
00:55:33,769 --> 00:55:37,187
all-American boys who rah-rahed
their way into your hearts
927
00:55:37,187 --> 00:55:42,047
in the Pom Pom Boys, and
have they ever got problems!
928
00:55:42,047 --> 00:55:43,687
- Boy you sure look great!
929
00:55:43,687 --> 00:55:45,227
Hey how's the team feeling about the big
930
00:55:45,227 --> 00:55:47,807
Girl's Basketball game
coming up with Hamilton High?
931
00:55:47,807 --> 00:55:50,875
- (groans) Not very
good Warren (chuckles).
932
00:55:50,875 --> 00:55:52,817
Oh Betty's got this knee, and without her
933
00:55:52,817 --> 00:55:54,436
I just don't see how
we're gonna stand a chance
934
00:55:54,436 --> 00:55:56,219
against their big center, Zelda.
935
00:55:56,219 --> 00:55:59,444
- Yeah, she scored 27 even
with Betty playing last year.
936
00:55:59,444 --> 00:56:00,575
- I'm aware of that.
937
00:56:00,575 --> 00:56:01,408
- What you need?
938
00:56:01,408 --> 00:56:04,266
I wish there was some
way we guys could help.
939
00:56:04,266 --> 00:56:08,137
- Maybe there is one,
(chuckles) maybe there is!
940
00:56:08,137 --> 00:56:11,532
- Well what is it Ann, for
god's sake tell me, please!
941
00:56:11,532 --> 00:56:13,782
- Well it has been rumored,
942
00:56:14,928 --> 00:56:16,900
that the only thing big Zelda loves to do
943
00:56:16,900 --> 00:56:19,290
more than stuff a ball in the hoop,
944
00:56:19,290 --> 00:56:22,790
is to stuff something else somewhere else.
945
00:56:24,322 --> 00:56:26,805
- You mean--
- A little sex (chuckles)!
946
00:56:26,805 --> 00:56:28,718
That's it you know, sex.
947
00:56:28,718 --> 00:56:31,127
I mean if you boys could manage to tire
948
00:56:31,127 --> 00:56:32,782
Big Zelda out tonight,
949
00:56:32,782 --> 00:56:34,943
maybe she wouldn't be
so formidable tomorrow.
950
00:56:34,943 --> 00:56:38,218
- I don't know Ann, I'll
have to talk to the guys.
951
00:56:38,218 --> 00:56:39,885
I'll call you later.
952
00:56:40,902 --> 00:56:41,827
- Thanks Warren.
953
00:56:41,827 --> 00:56:45,994
Now remember, it's for the
whole school, and especially me.
954
00:56:47,918 --> 00:56:49,646
- [Warren] I'll see 'ya,
I'll call 'ya later.
955
00:56:49,646 --> 00:56:50,479
Bye!
956
00:56:52,083 --> 00:56:53,574
- [Narrator] All season long they had
957
00:56:53,574 --> 00:56:55,279
rooted their team home,
958
00:56:55,279 --> 00:56:58,867
could they get it up for one more game?
959
00:56:58,867 --> 00:57:00,652
- Well I vote we do it.
960
00:57:00,652 --> 00:57:03,643
I mean after all, it is
the game of the season,
961
00:57:03,643 --> 00:57:05,496
we owe it to the girls.
962
00:57:05,496 --> 00:57:07,413
- Ah, okay count me in.
963
00:57:10,100 --> 00:57:11,850
- Me too.
- All right.
964
00:57:13,036 --> 00:57:14,874
- I'm taking a shower.
965
00:57:14,874 --> 00:57:17,071
- [News Announcer] Where
it's once again Jamar versus
966
00:57:17,071 --> 00:57:21,277
Bill Waltman, Kareem versus
the Mountain Man, last year--
967
00:57:21,277 --> 00:57:23,944
(festive music)
968
00:57:28,043 --> 00:57:30,366
- [Narrator] Each gave his
all for the team and then
969
00:57:30,366 --> 00:57:34,199
gave it again, and then
again, and then again.
970
00:57:35,125 --> 00:57:38,327
- [Zelda] Hey get in here, I
want more, you get in here!
971
00:57:38,327 --> 00:57:41,077
(cheerful music)
972
00:57:46,419 --> 00:57:47,752
- Start the car!
973
00:57:50,488 --> 00:57:53,321
(engine rumbling)
974
00:57:59,625 --> 00:58:01,160
- [Narrator] Were they successful?
975
00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:03,641
Find out soon when the
Pop Pom Boys returns
976
00:58:03,641 --> 00:58:05,474
to a theater near you!
977
00:58:07,704 --> 00:58:10,454
(heavenly music)
978
00:58:15,643 --> 00:58:18,393
(dramatic music)
979
00:58:31,141 --> 00:58:35,308
(rattling)
(tense music)
980
00:58:45,331 --> 00:58:47,094
- [Narrator] Confused,
Billy seeks guidance
981
00:58:47,094 --> 00:58:49,162
from the wisdom of the ancients.
982
00:58:49,162 --> 00:58:51,674
He returns to his power
place for a rendezvous
983
00:58:51,674 --> 00:58:55,057
with the spirits.
(rattling)
984
00:58:55,057 --> 00:58:58,657
(whip snapping)
- Ah!
985
00:58:58,657 --> 00:59:01,407
(dramatic music)
986
00:59:20,549 --> 00:59:22,350
- Thanks mister, you just saved us from
987
00:59:22,350 --> 00:59:24,585
the wicked bitch of
the North by Southwest!
988
00:59:24,585 --> 00:59:25,881
- You mean witch.
989
00:59:25,881 --> 00:59:27,777
- This witch was a real bitch!
990
00:59:27,777 --> 00:59:30,446
Come on!
(cheerful music)
991
00:59:30,446 --> 00:59:31,696
- When in Oz...
992
00:59:33,988 --> 00:59:35,321
To hell with it.
993
00:59:40,899 --> 00:59:42,034
Howdy.
994
00:59:42,034 --> 00:59:44,479
Say can you tell us how
to get to Emerald City?
995
00:59:44,479 --> 00:59:47,086
- Emerald City, aw shucks, you don't want
996
00:59:47,086 --> 00:59:48,921
to go to Emerald City.
997
00:59:48,921 --> 00:59:51,535
Ah well I mean it used
to be a nice place to go,
998
00:59:51,535 --> 00:59:55,679
back 30, 40 years ago
maybe, but not now, hell no!
999
00:59:55,679 --> 00:59:58,155
They got people living
there five to a hut!
1000
00:59:58,155 --> 01:00:00,292
They got smog like you wouldn't believe,
1001
01:00:00,292 --> 01:00:04,254
and whatever you do,
don't drink the water!
1002
01:00:04,254 --> 01:00:06,010
- No shit?
- No shit.
1003
01:00:06,010 --> 01:00:10,177
Oh, ah hey would you two fellers
maybe give me a hand here?
1004
01:00:14,476 --> 01:00:16,825
- Boy, he's well hung isn't he?
1005
01:00:16,825 --> 01:00:18,956
(cheerful music)
1006
01:00:18,956 --> 01:00:21,373
- That's it, that's it, good!
1007
01:00:38,436 --> 01:00:40,019
- Oil can, oil can!
1008
01:00:45,449 --> 01:00:47,909
- Boy, I feel a whole lot better now!
1009
01:00:47,909 --> 01:00:51,156
(chuckles) I'm stuffed!
1010
01:00:51,156 --> 01:00:54,573
Well, thanks Billy, and thank you shorty!
1011
01:00:57,317 --> 01:00:58,150
- Shorty?
1012
01:00:58,995 --> 01:01:02,063
Did I just hear you
call that midget shorty?
1013
01:01:02,063 --> 01:01:05,493
When I hear somebody call
a friend of mine shorty,
1014
01:01:05,493 --> 01:01:08,656
or pygmy, or shrimp or half-pint or--
1015
01:01:08,656 --> 01:01:12,121
- Billy!
- or Billy, or tiny, or
1016
01:01:12,121 --> 01:01:16,531
teeny tiny, anyway, when
I hear words like that,
1017
01:01:16,531 --> 01:01:19,299
words filled with hate, and reeking with
1018
01:01:19,299 --> 01:01:22,394
a total lack of respect for the simple,
1019
01:01:22,394 --> 01:01:26,561
basic god-given innate
dignity of mankind, well I...
1020
01:01:29,361 --> 01:01:32,220
Oh sure he's short, (mumbles), literally,
1021
01:01:32,220 --> 01:01:35,154
yeah he's even teeny tiny maybe,
1022
01:01:35,154 --> 01:01:37,816
but when I see injustice perpetrated,
1023
01:01:37,816 --> 01:01:41,097
when I see such a total lack
of regard for even these
1024
01:01:41,097 --> 01:01:44,728
silly, insignificant little squirts,
1025
01:01:44,728 --> 01:01:46,525
then I go fucking crazy!
1026
01:01:46,525 --> 01:01:50,692
(rustling)
(dramatic music)
1027
01:02:05,142 --> 01:02:07,542
- [Narrator] And now this
theater is proud to present
1028
01:02:07,542 --> 01:02:10,459
the first all talking, all singing,
1029
01:02:12,573 --> 01:02:14,656
all brown, musical short,
1030
01:02:16,301 --> 01:02:18,367
Dark Town, After Dark.
1031
01:02:18,367 --> 01:02:22,534
(lazy jazz music)
(thunder rumbling)
1032
01:02:40,103 --> 01:02:42,686
(wind howling)
1033
01:03:07,006 --> 01:03:08,094
- Hey Calvin,
1034
01:03:08,094 --> 01:03:09,465
I want you to pass these
around to the guys,
1035
01:03:09,465 --> 01:03:13,632
a little something I wrote
up on the way over here.
1036
01:03:17,228 --> 01:03:20,145
(perky horn music)
1037
01:03:23,490 --> 01:03:25,124
♫ Well I woke up this afternoon
1038
01:03:25,124 --> 01:03:27,421
♫ And I felt that
everything was pretty much
1039
01:03:27,421 --> 01:03:29,338
♫ Okay
1040
01:03:32,259 --> 01:03:36,426
♫ That's good
♫ And I made love to my baby
1041
01:03:37,848 --> 01:03:40,681
♫ In my usual way
1042
01:03:41,649 --> 01:03:44,732
♫ That's even better
1043
01:03:46,212 --> 01:03:48,790
♫ I tried to put on my shoes
and they were too tight
1044
01:03:48,790 --> 01:03:51,873
♫ They would not fit
1045
01:03:57,539 --> 01:04:00,389
♫ Then I went to use the convenience
1046
01:04:00,389 --> 01:04:03,972
♫ And almost froze my toes
1047
01:04:05,844 --> 01:04:08,927
♫ Here's how it goes
1048
01:04:13,355 --> 01:04:15,059
♫ A one two three four
1049
01:04:15,059 --> 01:04:18,309
♫ Five six seven eight
1050
01:04:24,341 --> 01:04:27,829
♫ Now I'm returning my Nobel Peace Prize
1051
01:04:27,829 --> 01:04:31,211
♫ All my Oscars (mumbles)
my Pulitzer Prize
1052
01:04:31,211 --> 01:04:33,958
♫ Some folks look at my medals with greed
1053
01:04:33,958 --> 01:04:36,066
♫ I just laugh at them all and say
1054
01:04:36,066 --> 01:04:40,885
♫ All I really need is well is well, is uh
1055
01:04:40,885 --> 01:04:44,502
♫ Getting tight pussy loose
shoes and a warm place to shit
1056
01:04:44,502 --> 01:04:47,950
♫ Tight pussy loose shoes
and a warm place to shit
1057
01:04:47,950 --> 01:04:51,597
♫ Tight pussy loose shoes
and a warm place to shit
1058
01:04:51,597 --> 01:04:55,764
♫ That's it
♫ That's it
1059
01:05:09,943 --> 01:05:13,289
♫ Now I don't want a new Cadillac
1060
01:05:13,289 --> 01:05:16,783
♫ And I don't care if I sit
in the front or the back
1061
01:05:16,783 --> 01:05:20,253
♫ You can keep your daughter
unless she real young
1062
01:05:20,253 --> 01:05:23,320
♫ 'Cause those rumors are
true and I'm really hung
1063
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:25,409
♫ On what
1064
01:05:25,409 --> 01:05:26,685
♫ Boys
1065
01:05:26,685 --> 01:05:29,977
♫ Tight pussy loose shoes
and a warm place to shit
1066
01:05:29,977 --> 01:05:33,492
♫ Tight pussy loose shoes
and a warm place to shit
1067
01:05:33,492 --> 01:05:37,060
♫ Tight pussy loose shoes
and a warm place to shit
1068
01:05:37,060 --> 01:05:41,227
♫ That's it
♫ That's it
1069
01:05:55,398 --> 01:05:58,921
♫ Now you won't find me
in a watermelon patch
1070
01:05:58,921 --> 01:06:01,891
♫ Out with the boys
digging up some scratch
1071
01:06:01,891 --> 01:06:05,887
♫ Just to buy some
muggles, or maybe some hash
1072
01:06:05,887 --> 01:06:09,623
♫ And I'm not usually
invited to a Republican bash
1073
01:06:09,623 --> 01:06:12,306
♫ Unless they got, well, you know
1074
01:06:12,306 --> 01:06:15,611
♫ Tight pussy loose shoes
and a warm place to shit
1075
01:06:15,611 --> 01:06:19,036
♫ Tight pussy loose shoes
and a warm place to shit
1076
01:06:19,036 --> 01:06:22,668
♫ Tight pussy loose shoes
and a warm place to shit
1077
01:06:22,668 --> 01:06:26,835
♫ That's it
♫ That's it
1078
01:06:54,288 --> 01:06:56,781
♫ Tight pussy, loose shoes
1079
01:06:56,781 --> 01:07:00,364
♫ And a warm place to shit
1080
01:07:03,410 --> 01:07:05,827
(applauding)
1081
01:07:13,590 --> 01:07:17,007
- [Narrator] That's Dark Town After Dark!
1082
01:07:21,329 --> 01:07:23,829
(perky music)
1083
01:07:26,004 --> 01:07:28,086
♫ Coming attractions we've got
1084
01:07:28,086 --> 01:07:32,253
♫ So much action so save
your money, save your time
1085
01:07:35,958 --> 01:07:37,950
♫ This ain't a sneak preview
1086
01:07:37,950 --> 01:07:42,117
♫ You don't have to stand in line
1087
01:07:43,828 --> 01:07:48,188
♫ We got romantic stories,
we got epic glories
1088
01:07:48,188 --> 01:07:52,355
♫ We've got gals who so it all night
1089
01:07:54,829 --> 01:07:57,897
♫ If you're in a drive-in movie
1090
01:07:57,897 --> 01:08:01,064
♫ Turn on your lights
1091
01:08:03,399 --> 01:08:07,370
♫ B-B-B-B-B-B boop boop boop boop
1092
01:08:07,370 --> 01:08:08,549
♫ B-B-B-B-B-B boop boop boop boop
1093
01:08:08,549 --> 01:08:12,716
♫ Boop boop boop boop boo, hoo hoo
1094
01:08:13,561 --> 01:08:17,690
♫ Coming attractions, we
got, cut into fractions
1095
01:08:17,690 --> 01:08:21,273
♫ We're after you know who
1096
01:08:23,286 --> 01:08:27,453
♫ Well if we milk you,
they'll be coming too
1097
01:08:29,650 --> 01:08:32,601
♫ All right
1098
01:08:32,601 --> 01:08:37,183
♫ If it's a comedy, if it's a tragedy
1099
01:08:37,183 --> 01:08:40,859
♫ We took out a lie
1100
01:08:40,859 --> 01:08:42,837
♫ All right
1101
01:08:42,837 --> 01:08:47,004
♫ Laughing and joke, till (mumbles) clock
1102
01:08:48,239 --> 01:08:50,572
♫ All right
1103
01:08:51,797 --> 01:08:55,691
♫ You hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo, ow
1104
01:08:55,691 --> 01:08:57,009
♫ B-B-B-B-B-B boop boop boop boop
1105
01:08:57,009 --> 01:09:01,824
♫ Boop boop boop boop boo, hoo hoo
1106
01:09:01,824 --> 01:09:05,009
♫ Coming attractions,
we got, so much action
1107
01:09:05,009 --> 01:09:09,176
♫ So save your money, save your time
1108
01:09:11,583 --> 01:09:15,750
♫ It ain't a sneak preview,
you don't have to stand in line
1109
01:09:17,737 --> 01:09:19,570
♫ Boy
80007
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