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1
00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:09,097
Listen to this one.
2
00:00:09,180 --> 00:00:11,638
"Woodman is a test tube baby."
3
00:00:13,382 --> 00:00:14,504
You know what?
4
00:00:14,587 --> 00:00:17,757
I think he looks more
like a Mason jar baby.
5
00:00:23,026 --> 00:00:24,486
Labarre.
6
00:00:25,038 --> 00:00:26,199
What are you laughing at?
7
00:00:26,282 --> 00:00:27,884
What am I laughing at?
8
00:00:27,904 --> 00:00:30,325
Uh, I'm laughing that
somebody could be so foolish
9
00:00:30,408 --> 00:00:31,589
as to write something like that
10
00:00:31,589 --> 00:00:33,809
about such a fine man.
11
00:00:33,892 --> 00:00:35,260
Thank you, de Labarre.
12
00:00:35,343 --> 00:00:36,805
You know what I'm gonna do?
13
00:00:36,888 --> 00:00:39,088
I'm gonna get some paint
and cover up that filth.
14
00:00:39,171 --> 00:00:40,229
Thank you, my boy.
15
00:00:40,312 --> 00:00:41,873
That's only the beginning.
16
00:00:41,894 --> 00:00:43,396
See, when I get done there
17
00:00:43,396 --> 00:00:45,198
I'm going over
the boys' restroom
18
00:00:45,198 --> 00:00:46,917
and cover up all
the disparaging remarks
19
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,784
about you in there too.
20
00:00:50,725 --> 00:00:53,924
'Course, it may take
several gallons of paint.
21
00:00:54,046 --> 00:00:55,148
That's splendid, my boy.
22
00:00:55,231 --> 00:00:56,712
I'll tell you what,
after you've finished that
23
00:00:56,712 --> 00:00:58,712
you come to my office,
I'll give you the key
24
00:00:58,795 --> 00:01:01,698
do the same thing
in the faculty men's room.
25
00:01:12,252 --> 00:01:14,140
Hello, Mr. Woodman.
26
00:01:14,223 --> 00:01:16,245
Oh, that's easy
for you to say.
27
00:01:16,328 --> 00:01:19,092
Oh, well, somebody woke up
on the wrong side of the bed.
28
00:01:19,092 --> 00:01:21,692
I haven't been to bed
in two nights.
29
00:01:21,775 --> 00:01:24,415
Night before last I had to
take Mr. Hicks out to dinner.
30
00:01:24,498 --> 00:01:25,359
You mean the Mr. Hicks
31
00:01:25,359 --> 00:01:27,436
that's retiring
from the school board?
32
00:01:27,519 --> 00:01:30,002
Hm. Didn't get home
till after midnight.
33
00:01:30,084 --> 00:01:32,806
Thought he would never
pick up the check.
34
00:01:34,090 --> 00:01:34,971
Then when I did get home
35
00:01:34,971 --> 00:01:36,430
the refrigerator
was on the blink
36
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:41,016
so I had to stay up
and eat the doggy bag.
37
00:01:42,714 --> 00:01:45,278
Nah, couldn't
let it go to waste.
38
00:01:45,361 --> 00:01:46,544
And that weirdo Hicks,
you know
39
00:01:46,544 --> 00:01:48,991
he orders his steaks blood rare.
40
00:01:48,991 --> 00:01:51,493
I could hardly get
his leftovers down.
41
00:01:54,025 --> 00:01:55,592
And then I had to
stay up all last night
42
00:01:55,669 --> 00:01:59,695
with these full student
evaluation reports.
43
00:01:59,778 --> 00:02:01,841
Here, why don't you
just give these to me.
44
00:02:01,861 --> 00:02:03,701
You go into your office
and sit down
45
00:02:03,784 --> 00:02:05,263
and I will look them over
and then put them
46
00:02:05,346 --> 00:02:06,739
in the student files, okay?
47
00:02:06,808 --> 00:02:08,545
Oh. Thanks, Julie.
48
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,010
Hold all my calls, will you?
49
00:02:10,093 --> 00:02:13,052
- Yup.
- Go and try to get 40 winks.
50
00:02:13,117 --> 00:02:15,793
Can't face the world
without my beauty sleep.
51
00:02:17,924 --> 00:02:19,985
And vice versa.
52
00:02:30,591 --> 00:02:31,892
Hi, Arnold.
What can I do for you?
53
00:02:31,975 --> 00:02:34,054
Well, I just stopped by
to see if the supplies
54
00:02:34,137 --> 00:02:36,096
for the school store
have come in yet?
55
00:02:36,179 --> 00:02:38,482
Oh... just a second, Arnold.
56
00:02:38,482 --> 00:02:40,983
Hello? Yeah.
57
00:02:42,526 --> 00:02:44,626
Oh, great, thanks.
58
00:02:44,709 --> 00:02:46,276
Yeah, I'll be right down.
59
00:02:46,359 --> 00:02:48,572
Okay, thanks a lot. Bye, bye.
60
00:02:48,572 --> 00:02:49,373
Arnold, look.
61
00:02:49,373 --> 00:02:51,714
Miss Vatelli in Home EC,
she hemmed this skirt for me
62
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:54,340
and I have to go downstairs
and try it on.
63
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:58,321
Oh, that Miss Vatelli,
she's great at hemming.
64
00:02:58,404 --> 00:03:00,345
Also hawing.
65
00:03:01,978 --> 00:03:03,680
Um, look, Arnold,
will you do me a big favor
66
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,502
and man the phones for me
while I'm gone?
67
00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:08,808
- Oh, sure, you just run along.
- Okay, thanks, Arnold.
68
00:03:08,828 --> 00:03:11,873
And don't you worry
your pretty little head.
69
00:03:11,953 --> 00:03:14,637
I will run this office
with the same efficiency
70
00:03:14,637 --> 00:03:17,244
and courtesy
that you yourself would.
71
00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:18,787
Bye.
72
00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:22,356
Yee-haw!
73
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:25,992
[telephone ringing]
74
00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:28,736
It's your dime, spill it.
75
00:03:33,025 --> 00:03:36,067
Oh, hi, Mrs. Minotti.
76
00:03:36,068 --> 00:03:38,472
Oh, Harold isn't
gonna be in today?
77
00:03:38,473 --> 00:03:39,723
He's gonna be late?
78
00:03:39,724 --> 00:03:42,008
We'll never miss him.
79
00:03:45,108 --> 00:03:47,229
I love power.
80
00:04:00,482 --> 00:04:01,724
Well, well, Mrs. Kotter.
81
00:04:01,725 --> 00:04:04,428
You've done something different
with your hair.
82
00:04:05,555 --> 00:04:08,458
Yeah, but she put it
on the wrong head.
83
00:04:13,776 --> 00:04:16,431
That's not funny, boys.
84
00:04:16,514 --> 00:04:18,475
Mrs. Kotter has stepped away
momentarily
85
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,662
and I am the new captain
of the helm.
86
00:04:20,682 --> 00:04:23,772
Whoa, abandon ship,
abandon ship.
87
00:04:23,849 --> 00:04:25,610
Are you here
on official business
88
00:04:25,693 --> 00:04:28,515
or did you just stop by
to make your sophomoric remarks?
89
00:04:28,598 --> 00:04:30,476
What do you mean,
sophomoric remarks?
90
00:04:30,559 --> 00:04:33,424
C'mon, man, we gave up
those kind of remarks years ago.
91
00:04:33,508 --> 00:04:36,138
Now we're doing
senior moric remarks.
92
00:04:37,858 --> 00:04:39,991
Yeah, actually we came in
so I could con Mrs. Kotter
93
00:04:40,041 --> 00:04:41,843
out of an off-campus pass.
94
00:04:41,863 --> 00:04:43,863
Well, unfortunately,
Mrs. Kotter is not here
95
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,171
and you would be
wasting your time
96
00:04:45,208 --> 00:04:48,269
because I, Arnold
"will-of-iron" Horshack
97
00:04:48,351 --> 00:04:50,452
cannot be conned.
98
00:04:51,136 --> 00:04:52,931
What a pity.
99
00:04:53,015 --> 00:04:54,337
What a pity.
100
00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:56,099
You know, I was thinking about
taking all four of us
101
00:04:56,182 --> 00:04:59,273
out to lunch over
at the Pizza Plaza.
102
00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:01,811
Fortunately, Arnold
"will-of-iron" Horshack
103
00:05:01,894 --> 00:05:03,354
canbe bribed.
104
00:05:04,217 --> 00:05:05,565
Let's circumnavigate
those passes
105
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,822
so we can get over there
to the pizza parlor.
106
00:05:07,842 --> 00:05:09,495
Ooh, yeah. Boy,
I can taste them anchovies
107
00:05:09,495 --> 00:05:10,687
now, now, now.
108
00:05:10,770 --> 00:05:14,789
Late passes, party passes
109
00:05:14,872 --> 00:05:17,175
absentee excuses.
110
00:05:17,676 --> 00:05:21,960
Maybe the off-campus
passes are off-campus.
111
00:05:23,438 --> 00:05:24,940
Hey, what's this?
112
00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:26,247
Student evaluation reports
113
00:05:26,330 --> 00:05:27,832
Michael J. Woodman, principal.
114
00:05:27,888 --> 00:05:28,888
Oh, don't read that, Beau.
115
00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:30,231
Put those down.
You cannot read these.
116
00:05:30,233 --> 00:05:31,372
No student can ever read
117
00:05:31,455 --> 00:05:32,614
the student evaluation reports
118
00:05:32,697 --> 00:05:33,497
never, never, never.
119
00:05:33,497 --> 00:05:34,376
Hey, you know, that's true, man.
120
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:35,719
If we got caught
looking at these
121
00:05:35,719 --> 00:05:37,062
we can get into
major league trouble.
122
00:05:37,063 --> 00:05:38,455
That's right,
the last guy who got caught
123
00:05:38,456 --> 00:05:42,122
looking at this,
is still clapping erasers.
124
00:05:42,218 --> 00:05:43,959
And he graduated
eight years ago.
125
00:05:44,042 --> 00:05:46,828
Oh, give me that back.
126
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:48,194
Are they really that important?
127
00:05:48,261 --> 00:05:50,186
- Yes, they are.
- Let's check 'em out.
128
00:05:50,207 --> 00:05:51,570
Well, then,
what are we waiting for?
129
00:05:51,589 --> 00:05:53,174
Beau, you really
shouldn't do this.
130
00:05:53,174 --> 00:05:55,100
Beau, this is not
a right thing to do.
131
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:56,403
Beau, you shouldn't do this.
132
00:05:56,404 --> 00:05:57,747
You could get in
a lot of trouble, Beau
133
00:05:57,747 --> 00:05:59,071
you can't do this kind of thing.
134
00:05:59,072 --> 00:06:00,211
- Horshack!
- Thank you.
135
00:06:00,211 --> 00:06:01,671
You're welcome.
136
00:06:04,469 --> 00:06:07,885
[theme song]
137
00:06:14,609 --> 00:06:17,180
♪ Welcome back ♪
138
00:06:17,263 --> 00:06:20,922
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
139
00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:23,055
♪ Welcome back ♪
140
00:06:23,138 --> 00:06:27,886
♪ To same old place
that you laughed about ♪
141
00:06:27,969 --> 00:06:30,106
♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪
142
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:32,237
♪ Since you hung around ♪
143
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,415
♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪
144
00:06:34,498 --> 00:06:36,895
♪ And they've turned around ♪
145
00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:39,071
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
146
00:06:39,154 --> 00:06:41,117
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
147
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,347
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
148
00:06:43,431 --> 00:06:45,176
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
149
00:06:45,259 --> 00:06:47,133
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
150
00:06:47,217 --> 00:06:49,222
♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪
151
00:06:49,306 --> 00:06:51,443
♪ Welcome back ♪
152
00:06:51,526 --> 00:06:55,751
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
153
00:06:55,835 --> 00:06:57,971
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
154
00:06:58,054 --> 00:07:00,104
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
155
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,236
♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪
156
00:07:02,319 --> 00:07:04,500
♪ Welcome back ♪
157
00:07:04,583 --> 00:07:08,808
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
158
00:07:08,891 --> 00:07:13,203
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
159
00:07:13,287 --> 00:07:18,270
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪♪
160
00:07:24,553 --> 00:07:26,120
I don't believe this, man.
161
00:07:26,203 --> 00:07:27,703
I don't believe what they got
in this thing here.
162
00:07:27,704 --> 00:07:28,685
Listen to this, man.
163
00:07:28,685 --> 00:07:31,306
Check out what
Mr. Woodman wrote about me.
164
00:07:31,389 --> 00:07:35,532
"Washington is capable
of being a good student.
165
00:07:36,482 --> 00:07:40,120
"He spends the majority of his
time on the basketball court.
166
00:07:40,203 --> 00:07:42,667
His per point
game average is 28."
167
00:07:42,751 --> 00:07:48,211
- Well, that's not so bad.
- "And so is his IQ."
168
00:07:48,779 --> 00:07:50,762
Well, listen to what
Mr. Woodman has to say
169
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:53,263
about the kid here,
are you ready?
170
00:07:53,346 --> 00:07:57,489
"Juan Epstein has not lived up
to his full potential.
171
00:07:57,572 --> 00:07:59,835
"But when he does,
it will be a federal matter
172
00:07:59,875 --> 00:08:02,247
and out of my hands."
173
00:08:11,266 --> 00:08:14,943
I do not believe
what I am reading here.
174
00:08:16,547 --> 00:08:20,137
It says that
Itend to be childish.
175
00:08:21,578 --> 00:08:24,141
Hey, c'mon, guys,
there's no need to be upset.
176
00:08:24,224 --> 00:08:26,398
These things
don't mean anything.
177
00:08:26,398 --> 00:08:27,637
Oh, yeah? Well,
what did old woodface
178
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:29,439
have to say about you in there?
179
00:08:29,522 --> 00:08:30,722
Yeah, well, what difference
does it make?
180
00:08:30,722 --> 00:08:32,724
- Let's just go have some lunch.
- You look upset, man.
181
00:08:32,725 --> 00:08:34,407
Hey, Mr. Woodman must have
really nailed you to the wall.
182
00:08:34,407 --> 00:08:35,307
Let's just see it.
183
00:08:35,308 --> 00:08:37,628
Let's just forget it
and go grab some lunch.
184
00:08:37,711 --> 00:08:38,255
Your file.
185
00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:40,952
- Let's see what it says.
- Let's take a look at it, huh?
186
00:08:41,035 --> 00:08:43,134
Now look it, Beau buddy,
if you feel like crying
187
00:08:43,217 --> 00:08:45,580
you go right ahead
'cause you're amongst friends.
188
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,720
- Yeah.
- Be a man.
189
00:08:50,050 --> 00:08:51,732
Says here,
"You're a model student
190
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:56,577
"and citizen,
courteous, respectful
191
00:08:56,660 --> 00:08:58,761
well mannered and trustworthy."
192
00:08:58,844 --> 00:09:00,967
Wow, all we need is
"Thrifty, brave and kind"
193
00:09:00,987 --> 00:09:03,356
and you could be a boy scout.
194
00:09:04,732 --> 00:09:06,573
I ain't finished.
195
00:09:06,655 --> 00:09:10,333
"Thrifty, brave and kind.
196
00:09:15,208 --> 00:09:19,887
"The only fault I find
with Beau de Labarre
197
00:09:19,970 --> 00:09:22,531
"is the Motley bunch of punks
198
00:09:22,614 --> 00:09:24,517
he insists on
running around with."
199
00:09:24,517 --> 00:09:26,889
Hey, that sounds like us.
200
00:09:29,583 --> 00:09:30,483
Hey, come on, guys.
201
00:09:30,566 --> 00:09:32,322
These reports
don't mean anything.
202
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,948
I think they do.
203
00:09:34,030 --> 00:09:35,598
I think that they mean
that you've been doing
204
00:09:35,613 --> 00:09:38,477
some apple-polishing above
and beyond the call of duty.
205
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,223
Hey, you know
what I think, man?
206
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,941
I think that while Beau
was talking himself up
207
00:09:43,024 --> 00:09:45,463
to Mr. Woodman,
he been talking us down.
208
00:09:45,546 --> 00:09:46,646
Let me tell you something, man.
209
00:09:46,729 --> 00:09:50,266
From now on, you're on your own.
210
00:09:50,266 --> 00:09:52,706
Hey, c'mon, I didn't have
anything to do with this.
211
00:09:52,789 --> 00:09:54,246
Give me a break.
212
00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:55,289
Sure.
213
00:09:55,372 --> 00:09:56,832
Which leg?
214
00:09:58,696 --> 00:10:00,156
C'mon, guys.
215
00:10:01,119 --> 00:10:02,579
Arnold?
216
00:10:02,780 --> 00:10:06,806
In the words of
the childish Arnold Horshack
217
00:10:06,806 --> 00:10:09,917
liar, liar, pants on fire.
218
00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:18,738
Hi, Beau.
219
00:10:18,821 --> 00:10:20,644
Hi, Mrs. Kotter.
220
00:10:20,727 --> 00:10:22,649
Beau, why are you eating here
all by yourself?
221
00:10:22,732 --> 00:10:25,299
Don't you usually eat
in the schoolyard with the guys?
222
00:10:25,355 --> 00:10:27,457
Yeah, the guys do. I don't.
223
00:10:28,659 --> 00:10:31,460
Okay, what's the problem?
224
00:10:32,583 --> 00:10:34,065
Look, I conned
Mr. Woodman into thinking
225
00:10:34,065 --> 00:10:36,244
I'm such a great guy.
226
00:10:36,327 --> 00:10:38,887
Now my buddies think
I'm a great jerk.
227
00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:41,133
Well, why do you feel like
you have to con people
228
00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:43,440
into things all the time,
anyway?
229
00:10:43,523 --> 00:10:47,005
I don't know,
I can't help myself.
230
00:10:47,042 --> 00:10:48,043
You know, when you've been
in and out
231
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,788
of as many schools as I have
232
00:10:49,788 --> 00:10:52,915
conning people into liking you
becomes second nature.
233
00:10:52,934 --> 00:10:55,457
You know, Beau, people
would like you a lot more
234
00:10:55,540 --> 00:10:57,744
if you would just be yourself.
235
00:10:57,744 --> 00:11:00,303
I don't think I know
who myselfis anymore.
236
00:11:00,386 --> 00:11:03,403
Beau, you are
a real likeable guy.
237
00:11:03,486 --> 00:11:05,188
You've got a great
sense of humor.
238
00:11:05,271 --> 00:11:07,069
I mean, all those stories
about growing up
239
00:11:07,152 --> 00:11:09,355
on the plantation are wonderful.
240
00:11:09,355 --> 00:11:12,217
And how your daddy always
used to say things in threes.
241
00:11:12,217 --> 00:11:14,557
That's all real funny stuff.
242
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,276
Mrs. Kotter, my daddy
never told me anything.
243
00:11:18,583 --> 00:11:21,238
I hardly even knew
who my daddy was.
244
00:11:21,321 --> 00:11:24,084
I was shuffled from
relative to relative.
245
00:11:24,149 --> 00:11:25,988
And the closest thing
I ever got to a plantation
246
00:11:26,071 --> 00:11:30,214
was sneaking into the theater
to watch "Gone with the Wind."
247
00:11:32,194 --> 00:11:34,114
I know that.
248
00:11:34,197 --> 00:11:35,633
You knew that?
249
00:11:35,716 --> 00:11:37,259
Of course I did.
250
00:11:37,342 --> 00:11:39,300
I could see through
that phony act of yours
251
00:11:39,345 --> 00:11:41,826
from the first day you got here.
252
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:44,367
Yah, but you're old and wise.
253
00:11:47,704 --> 00:11:50,881
You are a charmer.
254
00:11:50,964 --> 00:11:53,804
Yeah, well, I didn't charm
anybody this morning.
255
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:54,687
You know what?
256
00:11:54,770 --> 00:11:57,909
Why, why don't you just
give the guys a chance?
257
00:11:57,992 --> 00:12:00,943
Why don't you give yourself
a chance?
258
00:12:01,026 --> 00:12:04,910
You know, maybe even
Mr. Woodman could help you.
259
00:12:05,794 --> 00:12:07,254
Woodman?
260
00:12:07,436 --> 00:12:09,914
You're a genius, Mrs. Kotter.
261
00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:12,421
You know, Mr. Woodman
got me into this mess.
262
00:12:12,504 --> 00:12:15,126
I think Mr. Woodman's just
gonna have to get me out.
263
00:12:15,208 --> 00:12:17,189
Thank you, dear lady.
264
00:12:18,609 --> 00:12:20,574
[sighs]
265
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:25,750
I wonder, Julie Kotter,
student counselor.
266
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:29,760
[snoring]
267
00:12:29,843 --> 00:12:31,849
[knock on door]
268
00:12:31,932 --> 00:12:33,694
[snoring]
269
00:12:35,618 --> 00:12:37,078
Mr. Woodman?
270
00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:46,910
Oh. Ah, de Labarre, my boy.
271
00:12:46,993 --> 00:12:49,196
Hope you weren't sleeping,
Mr. Woodman.
272
00:12:49,340 --> 00:12:50,776
Me? Sleeping? Nonsense.
273
00:12:50,859 --> 00:12:53,383
I was just checking the desk
274
00:12:53,402 --> 00:12:56,344
for imperfections in the veneer.
275
00:13:01,282 --> 00:13:03,445
Yeah, when I heard you stayed up
all late last night working
276
00:13:03,465 --> 00:13:04,667
I figured the least I could do
277
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:06,650
was bring you a nice
strong cup of coffee.
278
00:13:06,650 --> 00:13:08,295
Help you through the day.
279
00:13:08,378 --> 00:13:10,421
Ah, that's very thoughtful.
Thank you, my boy.
280
00:13:10,504 --> 00:13:13,420
You're welcome.
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
281
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,145
Listen, why don't you just
slip off those trousers
282
00:13:16,184 --> 00:13:18,927
I'll take 'em down to Home EC
and have the stain removed?
283
00:13:18,949 --> 00:13:20,651
Oh, forget it.
It's too much trouble.
284
00:13:20,651 --> 00:13:22,304
Oh, Mr. Woodman,
a man of your standing
285
00:13:22,374 --> 00:13:25,528
cannot be seen around school
with stained trousers.
286
00:13:27,822 --> 00:13:30,498
Well, alright, if you say so.
287
00:13:32,514 --> 00:13:35,417
Where are your manners?
Turn your head, de Labarre.
288
00:13:42,257 --> 00:13:43,717
Here!
289
00:13:44,571 --> 00:13:46,151
Listen, why don't you
just sit tight?
290
00:13:46,234 --> 00:13:47,936
In fact, why don't you
just take a little nap?
291
00:13:47,936 --> 00:13:49,396
Ah.
292
00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:50,899
You know, by the time
you wake up
293
00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:52,942
I'll have these back
good as new.
294
00:13:52,942 --> 00:13:54,402
Alright.
295
00:14:00,626 --> 00:14:03,041
[snoring]
296
00:14:05,042 --> 00:14:07,622
Well, well, well.
297
00:14:07,705 --> 00:14:10,308
If it isn't Mr. Woodman's
little angel.
298
00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:13,252
You think I'm a Woodman's boy?
299
00:14:13,335 --> 00:14:15,771
Well, I've got his pants
right here.
300
00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:17,553
What do you think about that?
301
00:14:17,636 --> 00:14:19,736
Isn't that cute?
302
00:14:22,140 --> 00:14:24,859
Now they're starting
to dress alike.
303
00:14:27,085 --> 00:14:29,748
For your information,
I'm about to take these trousers
304
00:14:29,748 --> 00:14:31,989
and run 'em up the flagpole.
305
00:14:37,754 --> 00:14:39,555
Well, what are you waiting for?
Go on, do it.
306
00:14:39,638 --> 00:14:41,739
Just as soon as I do
one more thing?
307
00:14:41,822 --> 00:14:43,022
Oh, yeah, what?
308
00:14:43,105 --> 00:14:44,565
This.
309
00:14:45,823 --> 00:14:47,371
[alarm blaring]
310
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,738
- C'mon.
- Let's get outta here.
311
00:14:50,879 --> 00:14:51,840
[alarm blaring]
312
00:14:51,923 --> 00:14:54,164
[snoring]
313
00:14:55,911 --> 00:14:58,536
Mm. Woodman here.
314
00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:03,151
Mr. Woodman, did you call
a fire drill?
315
00:15:03,234 --> 00:15:04,336
No, why?
316
00:15:04,416 --> 00:15:05,618
Well, then the school's on fire
317
00:15:05,618 --> 00:15:07,461
because the fire bell's
going off.
318
00:15:07,481 --> 00:15:08,503
Oh, good grief.
319
00:15:08,523 --> 00:15:10,001
We have to evacuate the school.
320
00:15:10,001 --> 00:15:11,461
Aghh!
321
00:15:16,757 --> 00:15:18,716
Mr. Woodman,
where are your pants?
322
00:15:18,799 --> 00:15:19,599
I'm not sure.
323
00:15:19,682 --> 00:15:22,968
They were with me
when I came in.
324
00:15:23,311 --> 00:15:25,734
You cannot leave the building
like that.
325
00:15:25,817 --> 00:15:27,379
Well, I can't stay
in a burning building.
326
00:15:27,379 --> 00:15:28,918
What am I gonna do?
327
00:15:29,001 --> 00:15:31,373
Wait a second, I have an idea.
328
00:15:36,809 --> 00:15:38,891
I can't believe Beau is really
gonna go through with this.
329
00:15:38,974 --> 00:15:40,894
Either he's crazy
or he's got a lot of guts.
330
00:15:40,977 --> 00:15:42,899
I know and as soon as
Mr. Woodman finds out
331
00:15:42,899 --> 00:15:45,935
his guts are gonna be
all over this schoolyard.
332
00:15:46,018 --> 00:15:48,238
Ladies and gentlemen,
I called you here today
333
00:15:48,321 --> 00:15:50,627
to pay tribute to our principal
334
00:15:50,663 --> 00:15:55,647
a man whose tireless work
never slacks.
335
00:15:56,750 --> 00:15:58,621
Whose unequal leadership
proves that he wears
336
00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:00,013
the pants in this school
337
00:16:00,013 --> 00:16:01,908
and I'm not just
pulling your leg.
338
00:16:01,991 --> 00:16:04,175
Well, that's so funny.
339
00:16:04,258 --> 00:16:07,238
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you our principal
340
00:16:07,321 --> 00:16:09,422
Michael J. Woodman.
341
00:16:09,566 --> 00:16:11,937
[imitating bugle]
342
00:16:15,714 --> 00:16:19,598
- Hip hip hooray!
- Hip hip hooray!
343
00:16:28,067 --> 00:16:29,108
Alright, you animals.
344
00:16:29,191 --> 00:16:32,455
What exactly is
the meaning of this?
345
00:16:32,615 --> 00:16:35,727
Why, Mr. Woodman,
you've got legs.
346
00:16:37,762 --> 00:16:39,462
C'mon, you weasels.
347
00:16:39,545 --> 00:16:41,243
I want to know who's
responsible for this?
348
00:16:41,326 --> 00:16:43,654
- Epstein?
- Yes, ma'am... sir?
349
00:16:45,026 --> 00:16:46,362
Ye-yes, sir? Yes, sir?
350
00:16:46,445 --> 00:16:48,108
What do you know about this?
351
00:16:48,111 --> 00:16:51,576
Uh, I don't know. Looks like
somebody stole your bagpipes.
352
00:16:54,703 --> 00:16:56,163
Horshack!
353
00:16:57,487 --> 00:17:02,579
Well, uh, it's a very
nice color on you.
354
00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:08,343
But I think you'd do better
in basic black.
355
00:17:10,073 --> 00:17:12,391
Uh, Mr. Woodman, uh,
don't worry, you know
356
00:17:12,475 --> 00:17:14,157
we'll get your pants
down for you
357
00:17:14,157 --> 00:17:15,777
because you ain't
in no condition
358
00:17:15,859 --> 00:17:18,496
to climb up there
and get 'em yourself.
359
00:17:19,643 --> 00:17:22,986
Mr. Woodman,
I'm responsible for this.
360
00:17:23,069 --> 00:17:26,554
I pulled the alarm and I ran
your trousers up the pole.
361
00:17:26,555 --> 00:17:29,089
The guys had
nothing to do with it.
362
00:17:29,172 --> 00:17:33,001
de Labarre,
I am shocked and appalled.
363
00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:35,143
I never thought
you would stoop so low
364
00:17:35,226 --> 00:17:38,631
as to take the blame
for these little packrats.
365
00:17:38,631 --> 00:17:41,294
- But, Mr. Woodma--
- It's alright, it's alright.
366
00:17:41,378 --> 00:17:43,217
I know they put you up to it.
367
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,120
Don't worry,
their trouble-making days
368
00:17:45,203 --> 00:17:46,552
in this school are over.
369
00:17:46,564 --> 00:17:47,764
But, Mr. Woodman,
I did it myself.
370
00:17:47,764 --> 00:17:48,845
Forget it, son. Forget it.
371
00:17:48,846 --> 00:17:50,626
Don't be noble.
372
00:17:50,709 --> 00:17:53,168
Get to my office immediately.
373
00:17:55,114 --> 00:17:58,534
Rest of you,
back to your classes.
374
00:17:58,618 --> 00:18:00,675
Get moving now!
375
00:18:00,758 --> 00:18:02,439
What's wrong with you people?
376
00:18:02,523 --> 00:18:06,424
Didn't you ever see a man
with a skirt before?
377
00:18:06,507 --> 00:18:09,028
Don't you remember Uncle Miltie?
378
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,923
Well, Beau, you come up smelling
like a rose again.
379
00:18:14,006 --> 00:18:14,857
- Yeah.
- C'mon, guys.
380
00:18:14,907 --> 00:18:17,425
And we just come up smelling.
381
00:18:17,508 --> 00:18:19,311
Guys, look, I didn't mean
to get you in trouble.
382
00:18:19,395 --> 00:18:20,494
You know I didn't mean that.
383
00:18:20,495 --> 00:18:21,888
You know, if I
remember correctly
384
00:18:21,889 --> 00:18:25,080
that's exactly what
Bonnie said to Clyde.
385
00:18:25,164 --> 00:18:27,231
- C'mon.
- Leave it, man.
386
00:18:31,571 --> 00:18:35,808
Never, and I repeat never,
in all my years
387
00:18:35,891 --> 00:18:37,450
as a teacher and administrator
388
00:18:37,532 --> 00:18:41,111
have I witnessed
such a disgusting display.
389
00:18:41,195 --> 00:18:42,294
Well, don't blame us,
Mr. Woodman.
390
00:18:42,378 --> 00:18:44,477
They're your legs.
391
00:18:49,166 --> 00:18:51,667
Freddie, will you quit it?
392
00:18:51,984 --> 00:18:54,616
I think your legs are very cute.
393
00:18:56,609 --> 00:18:58,654
We was framed, Freddie,
we was framed.
394
00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:00,136
I know. I think
the southern-fried phony
395
00:19:00,219 --> 00:19:01,778
put the screws to us again.
396
00:19:01,861 --> 00:19:03,983
That's enough. Not another word.
397
00:19:04,023 --> 00:19:05,824
You've had your laughs
for the day.
398
00:19:05,907 --> 00:19:07,099
Now it's my turn.
399
00:19:07,109 --> 00:19:08,788
You realize when you
set off a false alarm
400
00:19:08,871 --> 00:19:11,133
that some students
could be injured?
401
00:19:11,215 --> 00:19:16,184
Here, here, one week's detention
for each one of you.
402
00:19:16,184 --> 00:19:17,904
And that's just the beginning.
403
00:19:17,987 --> 00:19:20,488
When I'm through with you,
you'll know the meaning of pain
404
00:19:20,571 --> 00:19:23,253
torment and suffering.
405
00:19:25,976 --> 00:19:27,500
- Mr. Woodman.
- Not now, de Labarre.
406
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:29,684
I'm getting my jollies.
407
00:19:32,482 --> 00:19:34,022
Look, I insist that I be heard
408
00:19:34,105 --> 00:19:37,448
so just sit down and clam up.
409
00:19:41,819 --> 00:19:44,201
Now in the words of my good
friend, Freddie Washington
410
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:46,384
"Check it out."
411
00:19:47,349 --> 00:19:49,220
That prank that was pulled
this afternoon
412
00:19:49,273 --> 00:19:51,834
required imagination,
expert timing
413
00:19:51,917 --> 00:19:53,677
and, above all, brains.
414
00:19:53,761 --> 00:19:56,132
Now look at those faces.
415
00:20:02,078 --> 00:20:04,714
You think there's a brain
in those heads?
416
00:20:06,983 --> 00:20:08,545
Well, now that you mention it.
417
00:20:08,545 --> 00:20:11,405
To be successful, this scheme
had to be pulled off
418
00:20:11,488 --> 00:20:13,726
by someone you'd least suspect
419
00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:15,725
someone who in your very words
420
00:20:15,792 --> 00:20:17,795
is a "Model student and citizen
421
00:20:17,795 --> 00:20:21,625
courteous, respectful,
well mannered and trustworthy."
422
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:23,097
- Thrifty.
- Brave.
423
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:25,726
And, lest we forget, kind.
424
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:31,622
And that someone is that
little old pants waver, me.
425
00:20:31,705 --> 00:20:34,578
You read your student file?
426
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:35,992
Yeah, well, it was all
Mrs. Kotter asking...
427
00:20:36,012 --> 00:20:39,994
You read your student file?
428
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,622
Well, since you put it that way,
I suppose I--
429
00:20:43,622 --> 00:20:45,754
Contrary to what you may think,
de Labarre
430
00:20:45,755 --> 00:20:46,976
this is not the first time
431
00:20:46,976 --> 00:20:50,068
my pants have been
run up the flagpole.
432
00:20:50,151 --> 00:20:52,066
That I could forgive.
433
00:20:52,149 --> 00:20:54,793
Now he tells us.
434
00:20:54,877 --> 00:20:58,257
But never ever in the history
of Buchanan High School
435
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:02,283
has a student
dared, dared to enter
436
00:21:02,367 --> 00:21:05,811
the hallowed sanctity
of the student files.
437
00:21:06,753 --> 00:21:08,852
How about that?
438
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,440
And then to top it off,
this little stunt
439
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,621
with the fire alarm,
where you could have taken
440
00:21:13,704 --> 00:21:16,227
the fire department away
from a real emergency.
441
00:21:16,247 --> 00:21:20,251
Expulsion is too good for you,
de Labarre.
442
00:21:20,334 --> 00:21:24,795
Oh, no, I'm gonna
keep you here at Buchanan
443
00:21:24,834 --> 00:21:27,596
until you get more than
you bargained for.
444
00:21:29,181 --> 00:21:32,704
You're gonna do all
three weeks' detention.
445
00:21:32,787 --> 00:21:34,984
That's just for openers.
446
00:21:36,532 --> 00:21:39,834
And to think that I trusted you.
447
00:21:39,917 --> 00:21:42,332
I took you under my wing.
448
00:21:44,064 --> 00:21:46,871
I thought of you as a son.
449
00:21:48,431 --> 00:21:49,914
From now on, I'm treating you
450
00:21:49,914 --> 00:21:54,462
just like another
one of these wombats.
451
00:21:57,035 --> 00:21:59,124
Hey, that-that's okay with me.
452
00:21:59,207 --> 00:22:02,412
How about
the rest of you wombats?
453
00:22:02,472 --> 00:22:04,091
Okay with me, yeah.
454
00:22:04,175 --> 00:22:07,636
You'll see just
how tough I can get.
455
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:13,244
Be a long time
before you pull another prank
456
00:22:13,328 --> 00:22:16,135
on Michael J. Woodman.
457
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:23,161
Alright!
458
00:22:23,244 --> 00:22:25,659
[indistinct yelling]
459
00:22:31,405 --> 00:22:32,820
Juan.
460
00:22:32,903 --> 00:22:33,803
- Hi, guys.
- Hey, Beau.
461
00:22:33,887 --> 00:22:35,910
- Hey, Beau.
- Hey, Rembrandt.
462
00:22:35,910 --> 00:22:37,032
You're still at it, huh?
463
00:22:37,071 --> 00:22:38,252
Hey, as soon as I get done here
464
00:22:38,253 --> 00:22:40,052
I'm through with my detention.
465
00:22:40,136 --> 00:22:40,917
But you've been serving time
466
00:22:40,917 --> 00:22:42,640
for over three weeks as it is.
467
00:22:42,660 --> 00:22:44,879
Yeah, doing hard labor.
468
00:22:44,963 --> 00:22:49,298
Last week, Mr. Woodman made him
mow the football field.
469
00:22:49,381 --> 00:22:50,687
What's so hard about that?
470
00:22:50,771 --> 00:22:52,880
It was during the game.
471
00:22:55,170 --> 00:22:55,891
Well, look, Beau,
we'll just hang out
472
00:22:55,891 --> 00:22:57,093
over here and, when you're done
473
00:22:57,093 --> 00:22:58,734
we'll go to the pizza parlor
to celebrate.
474
00:22:58,755 --> 00:23:00,257
Uh, I wish you wouldn't do that.
475
00:23:00,257 --> 00:23:02,985
Ah, c'mon, Beau, man,
what are friends for, huh?
476
00:23:03,069 --> 00:23:06,463
- You are my best friends.
- All the way.
477
00:23:06,546 --> 00:23:08,188
You are my friends,
aren't you?
478
00:23:08,188 --> 00:23:10,689
Until the end, yeah.
479
00:23:11,452 --> 00:23:12,912
That's good.
480
00:23:13,175 --> 00:23:15,807
'Cause I just painted the bench.
481
00:23:23,740 --> 00:23:26,677
[theme song]
482
00:23:30,964 --> 00:23:33,708
♪ Welcome back ♪
483
00:23:33,792 --> 00:23:37,321
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
484
00:23:37,405 --> 00:23:39,629
♪ Welcome back ♪
485
00:23:39,712 --> 00:23:44,417
♪ To same old place
that you laughed about ♪
486
00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:46,505
♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪
487
00:23:46,589 --> 00:23:48,811
♪ Since you hung around ♪
488
00:23:48,895 --> 00:23:50,945
♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪
489
00:23:51,028 --> 00:23:53,381
♪ And they've turned around ♪
490
00:23:53,465 --> 00:23:55,471
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
491
00:23:55,554 --> 00:23:57,341
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
492
00:23:57,425 --> 00:23:59,561
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
493
00:23:59,645 --> 00:24:01,608
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
494
00:24:01,691 --> 00:24:03,609
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
495
00:24:03,693 --> 00:24:05,785
♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪
496
00:24:05,869 --> 00:24:08,004
♪ Welcome back ♪
497
00:24:08,088 --> 00:24:12,313
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
498
00:24:12,397 --> 00:24:14,359
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
499
00:24:14,442 --> 00:24:17,187
♪ Welcome back ♪
500
00:24:17,271 --> 00:24:20,975
♪ We always could
spot a friend ♪
501
00:24:21,058 --> 00:24:23,281
♪ Welcome back ♪
502
00:24:23,364 --> 00:24:28,024
♪ And I smile when I think
how it must have been ♪
503
00:24:28,108 --> 00:24:32,290
♪ And I know what a scene
you were turning in ♪
504
00:24:32,373 --> 00:24:36,641
♪ Was there something that
made you come back again ♪
505
00:24:36,725 --> 00:24:38,906
♪ What could ever lead ya ♪
506
00:24:38,989 --> 00:24:40,647
♪ What could ever lead ya ♪
507
00:24:40,730 --> 00:24:42,953
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
508
00:24:43,036 --> 00:24:45,129
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
509
00:24:45,212 --> 00:24:46,956
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
510
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,263
♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪
511
00:24:49,347 --> 00:24:51,396
♪ Welcome back ♪
512
00:24:51,479 --> 00:24:55,660
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
513
00:24:55,744 --> 00:24:57,967
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
514
00:24:58,051 --> 00:25:00,057
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
515
00:25:00,140 --> 00:25:01,402
♪ Welcome back... ♪♪
37677
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