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1
00:00:07,286 --> 00:00:08,988
Why don't you get
your own paper?
2
00:00:09,071 --> 00:00:11,372
'Cause I like
yours better.
3
00:00:11,455 --> 00:00:13,679
You know who this
guy looks like?
4
00:00:14,157 --> 00:00:16,039
One of your relatives?
5
00:00:16,122 --> 00:00:17,574
My cousin, Sidney Kotter!
6
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:18,923
That's amazing!
7
00:00:19,006 --> 00:00:20,665
Amazing isn't even...
8
00:00:20,748 --> 00:00:22,848
Sidney's very stupid.
9
00:00:24,049 --> 00:00:26,252
How stupid is he?
10
00:00:26,335 --> 00:00:28,556
Well, Cousin Sid
was so stupid
11
00:00:28,558 --> 00:00:31,256
that one time he locked
his keys in his car.
12
00:00:31,262 --> 00:00:32,741
So he calls up
the auto club
13
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:35,808
and he said, "Um...
14
00:00:36,274 --> 00:00:39,733
"Uh, I forgot why I called.
15
00:00:41,604 --> 00:00:44,686
"Oh, yeah, I locked
my keys in my car.
16
00:00:44,769 --> 00:00:46,168
"And I want you to come
here and help me
17
00:00:46,251 --> 00:00:48,354
get the keys
out of the car."
18
00:00:48,354 --> 00:00:51,056
Okay, what did
the auto club say?
19
00:00:51,139 --> 00:00:52,758
They said, "Well, sir,
we'll be there
20
00:00:52,841 --> 00:00:54,341
in about one hour."
21
00:00:54,424 --> 00:00:55,823
A-ha!
22
00:00:55,906 --> 00:00:59,147
You wanna know what
Cousin Sidney said?
23
00:00:59,230 --> 00:01:00,230
Yeah.
24
00:01:00,313 --> 00:01:04,100
He said, "Well, you can't
come here in an hour
25
00:01:04,183 --> 00:01:06,863
"because it's raining out
26
00:01:06,946 --> 00:01:10,068
"and the car's
a convertible
27
00:01:10,151 --> 00:01:12,523
and I left
the top down."
28
00:01:16,780 --> 00:01:19,674
[theme music]
29
00:01:24,701 --> 00:01:27,578
♪ Welcome back ♪
30
00:01:27,661 --> 00:01:30,972
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
31
00:01:31,055 --> 00:01:33,627
♪ Welcome back ♪
32
00:01:33,710 --> 00:01:38,241
♪ To that same old
place that you laughed about ♪
33
00:01:38,324 --> 00:01:40,199
♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪
34
00:01:40,282 --> 00:01:42,549
♪ Since you hung around ♪
35
00:01:42,632 --> 00:01:44,725
♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪
36
00:01:44,808 --> 00:01:46,945
♪ And they've turned around ♪
37
00:01:47,028 --> 00:01:49,034
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
38
00:01:49,117 --> 00:01:50,775
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
39
00:01:50,858 --> 00:01:53,016
♪ Back here where
we need ya ♪
40
00:01:53,099 --> 00:01:55,192
♪ Back here where
we need ya ♪
41
00:01:55,275 --> 00:01:57,368
♪ Yeah we tease
him a lot ♪
42
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,284
♪ 'Cause we got him
on the spot ♪
43
00:01:59,366 --> 00:02:01,894
♪ Welcome back ♪
44
00:02:01,977 --> 00:02:07,134
♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪♪
45
00:02:10,159 --> 00:02:11,619
♪♪
46
00:02:28,961 --> 00:02:30,421
Okay.
47
00:02:31,874 --> 00:02:33,193
Okay, where was
the biggest battle
48
00:02:33,276 --> 00:02:34,877
of World War II fought?
49
00:02:34,877 --> 00:02:37,525
Newark when they tried
to draft my uncle.
50
00:02:37,526 --> 00:02:39,407
Ha-ha-ha!
51
00:02:40,466 --> 00:02:41,266
Right.
52
00:02:41,266 --> 00:02:43,908
- Now, the Allied Forces--
- Right?
53
00:02:43,991 --> 00:02:47,102
Hey, Mr. Kotter,
I made a joke.
54
00:02:48,938 --> 00:02:51,004
Well, don't do that.
55
00:02:52,702 --> 00:02:54,443
Okay, now where was I?
56
00:02:54,526 --> 00:02:57,680
Excuse Mr. Kotter-r-r-r!
57
00:03:00,418 --> 00:03:02,138
I do not think
that you are with us
58
00:03:02,221 --> 00:03:04,157
in this classroom here.
59
00:03:05,726 --> 00:03:08,209
Wanna go to
the bathroom?
60
00:03:08,292 --> 00:03:10,793
- Go ahead.
- Huh?
61
00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:17,541
Horshack,
where are you doing?
62
00:03:17,624 --> 00:03:18,846
You just can't get up
and leave!
63
00:03:18,846 --> 00:03:21,749
You just told me
to go to the bathroom!
64
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:25,052
- I did?
- Yeah!
65
00:03:25,516 --> 00:03:27,409
I don't remember
saying that.
66
00:03:28,759 --> 00:03:31,734
Epstein, did I tell
Horshack to go to the bathroom?
67
00:03:31,817 --> 00:03:35,494
It's okay, Mr. Kotter,
I don't gotta go no more.
68
00:03:38,825 --> 00:03:40,928
What's the matter
with you, Mr. Kotter man?
69
00:03:41,011 --> 00:03:43,914
You've been acting like
your mind's absent or something.
70
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:48,222
I think somebody should
call Mr. Kotter's house
71
00:03:48,222 --> 00:03:50,704
and find out if
he left yet.
72
00:03:51,588 --> 00:03:53,567
[school bell rings]
73
00:03:54,304 --> 00:03:55,404
Man, what's the matter
with you?
74
00:03:55,487 --> 00:03:56,923
What's your problem?
75
00:03:57,006 --> 00:03:58,408
I'm sorry, Freddie,
you guys are right.
76
00:03:58,433 --> 00:03:59,633
I'm a little out
of it today.
77
00:03:59,633 --> 00:04:01,937
I think, uh, well,
just a couple of problems
78
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,380
I got going on at home.
79
00:04:03,381 --> 00:04:05,187
I'll be alright.
80
00:04:07,889 --> 00:04:10,450
I gotta get a new case.
81
00:04:10,533 --> 00:04:12,516
Problems at home.
82
00:04:12,599 --> 00:04:16,005
Ooohh, Mr. Kotter!
83
00:04:16,088 --> 00:04:18,528
In due time, I'm sure
the misses will
84
00:04:18,611 --> 00:04:20,731
come back to you.
85
00:04:20,814 --> 00:04:23,255
It's nothing to do
with Julie!
86
00:04:23,338 --> 00:04:24,897
Now, look, Mr. Kotter!
87
00:04:24,980 --> 00:04:26,578
You gotta let it out!
88
00:04:26,662 --> 00:04:28,772
It's okay to cry, bubby.
89
00:04:30,628 --> 00:04:33,264
Come on, now,
you're a broken man here.
90
00:04:35,154 --> 00:04:38,525
Epstein, put that fungus
back in your pocket.
91
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,815
Look, I'm telling you people,
it has nothing
92
00:04:43,898 --> 00:04:45,597
to do with Julie.
93
00:04:45,681 --> 00:04:47,380
It's just...
94
00:04:50,287 --> 00:04:51,427
It's just...
95
00:04:51,510 --> 00:04:52,410
- Say it!
- Say it!
96
00:04:52,411 --> 00:04:54,869
- Say it!
- Say it!
97
00:04:55,431 --> 00:04:56,313
Tell the truth!
98
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:57,819
The truth will
set you free!
99
00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,178
[all] Say it, say it, say it!
100
00:04:59,261 --> 00:05:01,802
Alright, alright,
alright, alright!
101
00:05:03,307 --> 00:05:05,460
My father's coming
for a visit!
102
00:05:07,751 --> 00:05:09,272
- Oh, boy.
- I don't believe it.
103
00:05:09,356 --> 00:05:10,863
That's all?
104
00:05:10,946 --> 00:05:13,315
His pop's is coming
for a visit?
105
00:05:16,156 --> 00:05:17,616
What?
106
00:05:19,678 --> 00:05:22,705
His father is coming
for a visit.
107
00:05:22,788 --> 00:05:24,187
Oh, is that what's
making you dopier
108
00:05:24,270 --> 00:05:27,069
than us all week?
109
00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:29,195
Now, listen Vinnie,
I want you to picture this
110
00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:31,681
an old man travels
1,400 miles
111
00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:33,156
to say hello
to his son.
112
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,468
Now, try to imagine that.
113
00:05:36,776 --> 00:05:37,676
How's he getting here?
114
00:05:37,759 --> 00:05:39,380
I mean, is he taking
a bus or a train?
115
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,440
Or a plane or what?
116
00:05:41,523 --> 00:05:44,963
He's traveling 1400 miles,
just imagine that, okay?
117
00:05:45,046 --> 00:05:46,265
Well, I mean,
how's he doing it?
118
00:05:46,349 --> 00:05:47,611
The first class,
the coach
119
00:05:47,671 --> 00:05:49,169
the night coach?
120
00:05:49,253 --> 00:05:50,712
The caboose?
121
00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:53,502
He's on a scooter,
alright?
122
00:05:54,439 --> 00:05:56,578
Just imagine an old man
1400 miles traveling
123
00:05:56,661 --> 00:05:58,283
to see his son, right?
Ya got it?
124
00:05:58,283 --> 00:06:00,563
That's really nice
he's doing that.
125
00:06:00,646 --> 00:06:04,135
- Yeah, I got it.
- Good. Forget it.
126
00:06:04,219 --> 00:06:05,440
That's not it.
127
00:06:05,524 --> 00:06:07,004
Now, I want you to picture
something else.
128
00:06:07,087 --> 00:06:08,890
I want you to imagine
it's New Years Eve.
129
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:09,892
- Alright.
- Okay.
130
00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:11,912
And you're on
the Titanic.
131
00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:14,097
You're there and you're
dancing in your tuxedo
132
00:06:14,180 --> 00:06:15,498
you're really
feeling good.
133
00:06:15,582 --> 00:06:17,366
You're doing a little bit
of the conga, ya know?
134
00:06:17,401 --> 00:06:18,973
♪ Up-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum ♪
135
00:06:19,055 --> 00:06:20,890
♪ Up-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum ♪
136
00:06:20,973 --> 00:06:22,627
♪ Up-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum ♪
137
00:06:22,710 --> 00:06:24,407
♪ Up-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum ♪♪
138
00:06:24,442 --> 00:06:26,061
And all of a sudden,
you see it.
139
00:06:26,144 --> 00:06:27,929
Looming high over
the ocean.
140
00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:30,306
Threatening,
it's getting closer
141
00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:33,013
and closer,
and bigger, and bigger!
142
00:06:33,033 --> 00:06:34,955
It's an iceberg,
you got it?
143
00:06:34,975 --> 00:06:36,435
Got it!
144
00:06:36,557 --> 00:06:38,176
Put a sports shirt
on that iceberg
145
00:06:38,259 --> 00:06:40,260
and that's my father.
146
00:06:43,754 --> 00:06:45,498
♪ Sports shirt on
the iceberg ♪
147
00:06:45,581 --> 00:06:47,627
♪ Sports shirt on
the iceberg ♪
148
00:06:47,710 --> 00:06:49,103
♪ Sports shirt on
the iceberg ♪
149
00:06:49,184 --> 00:06:52,078
Aye-Ya-Ya-ya-yi!
150
00:06:57,890 --> 00:06:59,990
Gabe, get up.
151
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,493
I'm up, I'm up.
152
00:07:02,576 --> 00:07:05,034
Gabe, a man lying
under a sheet
153
00:07:05,117 --> 00:07:07,436
and two blankets
in a fetal position
154
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,240
is not up.
155
00:07:09,281 --> 00:07:10,381
Come on, you're gonna
be late!
156
00:07:10,381 --> 00:07:14,165
It's, uh, it's 7:13
in 37 seconds.
157
00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:17,716
What did I marry,
a digital wife?
158
00:07:18,831 --> 00:07:20,352
Gabe, get up,
come on.
159
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:21,812
Here.
160
00:07:23,375 --> 00:07:26,438
Take the pillows too,
thank you.
161
00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:28,768
I wonder why your
father's coming
162
00:07:28,851 --> 00:07:30,270
all the way up
from Fort Lauderdale
163
00:07:30,353 --> 00:07:32,312
just like that.
164
00:07:32,395 --> 00:07:34,678
Julie, Charlie Kotter's
only done two things
165
00:07:34,678 --> 00:07:37,120
in his life
just like that.
166
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:40,557
One was me, and the other
one was my Brother Mel.
167
00:07:41,185 --> 00:07:42,895
Maybe he's bored.
168
00:07:42,978 --> 00:07:44,806
Why should he
be bored?
169
00:07:44,889 --> 00:07:48,327
He's got my mom,
he's got the store
170
00:07:48,393 --> 00:07:49,571
and a steady stream
of tourists
171
00:07:49,654 --> 00:07:51,505
buying tee shirts
that say
172
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,996
"Florida grapefruits,
hands off."
173
00:07:54,079 --> 00:07:55,801
Well, I don't care
what you say.
174
00:07:55,861 --> 00:07:57,263
I'm glad he's coming.
175
00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:59,651
It's thoughtful,
it's generous.
176
00:07:59,666 --> 00:08:01,027
[knocking on door]
177
00:08:01,110 --> 00:08:02,570
He's here.
178
00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:05,291
You get the door,
I'll check the flights
179
00:08:05,374 --> 00:08:07,474
back to Miami.
180
00:08:10,986 --> 00:08:12,446
Charlie!
181
00:08:19,643 --> 00:08:22,946
Julie darling,
you look beautiful!
182
00:08:23,030 --> 00:08:24,768
Is he giving you
any trouble?
183
00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:27,654
You!
Wash your teeth.
184
00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,825
Well, it's nice to see
you too, pop.
185
00:08:30,908 --> 00:08:32,410
Already it starts!
186
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,929
Lies.
187
00:08:35,631 --> 00:08:37,353
What is he talking about?
188
00:08:37,436 --> 00:08:39,538
It's good to see you,
I haven't seen you for a year!
189
00:08:39,538 --> 00:08:41,298
Well, if you were so
anxious to see me
190
00:08:41,381 --> 00:08:44,324
how come you didn't
meet me at the airport?
191
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,306
He's unbelievable,
I don't believe this man.
192
00:08:46,306 --> 00:08:47,788
I called him ten times,
I said
193
00:08:47,808 --> 00:08:49,587
"Pop, can I pick
you up at the airport?"
194
00:08:49,670 --> 00:08:51,472
He says ten times,
"Don't bother."
195
00:08:51,472 --> 00:08:54,133
Since when do you listen
to your father?
196
00:08:54,216 --> 00:08:56,399
What are you
waiting for, a tip?
197
00:08:56,482 --> 00:08:58,419
Put the suitcase down.
198
00:09:00,946 --> 00:09:04,116
He came 1400 miles
so he can insult his son.
199
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:07,350
So, pop, how's mom?
200
00:09:07,572 --> 00:09:10,455
Well, you finally
thought to ask.
201
00:09:13,058 --> 00:09:15,479
He's been here
for seven seconds.
202
00:09:16,421 --> 00:09:18,380
Boy, did we have
a scare.
203
00:09:18,463 --> 00:09:19,941
We almost lost her!
204
00:09:20,024 --> 00:09:21,205
Pop, what are you
talking about?
205
00:09:21,205 --> 00:09:22,684
I'm talking about
a woman who almost
206
00:09:22,767 --> 00:09:24,626
keeled over
the counter.
207
00:09:24,708 --> 00:09:26,415
She was so dizzy.
208
00:09:26,498 --> 00:09:28,880
Oh, which reminds me...
209
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:30,622
Business is terrific.
210
00:09:30,642 --> 00:09:32,020
We're moving four
and a half groves
211
00:09:32,102 --> 00:09:33,154
of coconut paperweights...
212
00:09:33,164 --> 00:09:36,303
Forget about
the coconut paperweights!
213
00:09:36,386 --> 00:09:38,327
What happened
with mom, what's wrong?
214
00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:40,225
She broke her heel.
215
00:09:40,308 --> 00:09:41,590
She hurt her foot?
216
00:09:41,673 --> 00:09:43,572
No, she broke the heel
on her shoe
217
00:09:43,655 --> 00:09:45,414
she was walking around
with a broken heel
218
00:09:45,497 --> 00:09:47,599
and that's what
made her dizzy.
219
00:09:49,801 --> 00:09:53,043
So... this is it?
220
00:09:53,564 --> 00:09:55,506
This is where
you live now?
221
00:09:55,589 --> 00:09:56,752
No, pop, we don't live here
222
00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:59,716
we have a six room
duplex on Park Avenue.
223
00:10:01,403 --> 00:10:02,543
We're just staying here
till they finish
224
00:10:02,626 --> 00:10:04,848
the Backgammon room.
225
00:10:05,131 --> 00:10:08,048
Listen, wise guy,
the cab that drove me here
226
00:10:08,119 --> 00:10:11,203
from the airport
was bigger than this place.
227
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:14,098
It's a good thing
I'm staying over
228
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,400
at your Brother Melvin's.
229
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:16,833
You remember Melvin?
230
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,008
The big shot doctor?
231
00:10:18,088 --> 00:10:21,428
He's got a ten room house,
he's got a swimming pool.
232
00:10:21,511 --> 00:10:23,535
I remember, we slept
together for five years,
233
00:10:23,618 --> 00:10:24,418
I remember.
234
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,819
That you remember?
235
00:10:25,902 --> 00:10:28,324
The man makes
$100,000 a year!
236
00:10:28,407 --> 00:10:30,728
Those days, he wasn't
making $100,000 a year.
237
00:10:30,811 --> 00:10:32,872
He was wetting the bed.
238
00:10:34,618 --> 00:10:36,699
You were any different?
239
00:10:37,647 --> 00:10:39,649
Look, will you two
please stop?
240
00:10:39,732 --> 00:10:41,234
Okay, Charlie,
what do you wanna eat?
241
00:10:41,254 --> 00:10:43,654
Darling, whatever
you're cooking
242
00:10:43,737 --> 00:10:45,533
I don't care
what it is
243
00:10:45,616 --> 00:10:47,058
I'm eating it.
244
00:10:47,141 --> 00:10:50,304
Even if it's only
two eggs over easy
245
00:10:50,304 --> 00:10:52,828
buttered English muffins,
a cup of tea
246
00:10:52,868 --> 00:10:55,791
no sugar but a dab
of natural honey.
247
00:10:55,874 --> 00:10:57,310
Such an easy man
to please.
248
00:10:57,393 --> 00:10:59,833
Now, there's a person!
249
00:11:00,417 --> 00:11:01,903
Huh, Gabe?
250
00:11:01,986 --> 00:11:03,789
Did you found a real
job yet?
251
00:11:03,789 --> 00:11:06,472
Or are you still
teaching those sweat hogs?
252
00:11:06,555 --> 00:11:08,739
Pop, I feel good,
I feel useful.
253
00:11:08,758 --> 00:11:10,281
Sorta like you do when
you sell someone
254
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,062
an alligator toilet seat.
255
00:11:14,333 --> 00:11:17,249
Alligator toilet
seat's are out.
256
00:11:17,332 --> 00:11:19,833
Sharks are a big seller.
257
00:11:21,090 --> 00:11:23,484
By the way, Gabe,
whatever happened
258
00:11:23,534 --> 00:11:26,035
to that, uh,
that sweet little
259
00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:28,990
school teacher
that hated your guts?
260
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:32,208
Mikey Woodman
I think it is.
261
00:11:32,208 --> 00:11:35,013
Woodman's the vice principal
now, still the same though.
262
00:11:35,033 --> 00:11:37,669
Let's not talk about
him, I'm eating, okay?
263
00:11:38,676 --> 00:11:40,799
Pop, level with me.
264
00:11:40,881 --> 00:11:42,184
What are you doing here?
265
00:11:42,184 --> 00:11:45,366
Gabe, think about
your future.
266
00:11:45,449 --> 00:11:48,687
You know, there's no
future in teaching sweat hogs.
267
00:11:48,770 --> 00:11:50,641
Think beach towels.
268
00:11:50,724 --> 00:11:53,031
Think beer can hats.
269
00:11:53,114 --> 00:11:55,638
Think folding
fishing rods.
270
00:11:55,721 --> 00:11:57,322
What are you
trying to say?
271
00:11:57,338 --> 00:11:59,014
What am I trying to say?
272
00:11:59,097 --> 00:12:01,099
Kotter and Son
mementoes.
273
00:12:01,182 --> 00:12:02,443
I got a proposition
for you.
274
00:12:02,443 --> 00:12:05,613
I wanna make you a partner.
What do you say?
275
00:12:06,248 --> 00:12:07,248
Pop.
276
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,869
We'll talk about
it later, okay?
277
00:12:09,871 --> 00:12:12,370
Charlie, you know,
you don't understand.
278
00:12:12,453 --> 00:12:15,173
The sweat hogs need Gabe.
279
00:12:15,256 --> 00:12:17,724
He's working
miracles with them.
280
00:12:17,807 --> 00:12:20,170
Kotter the miracle worker!
281
00:12:20,253 --> 00:12:23,636
Maybe you can cure
my bunions, huh?
282
00:12:23,719 --> 00:12:24,978
Look, I gotta go
to school, pop.
283
00:12:25,061 --> 00:12:25,961
I'll see you later.
284
00:12:25,961 --> 00:12:28,376
Alright, get dressed
and we'll go.
285
00:12:31,610 --> 00:12:33,070
"We?"
286
00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:37,576
Well, I wanna see, uh, some of
these miracles for myself.
287
00:12:37,659 --> 00:12:38,878
I'm sorry, pop,
they don't allow
288
00:12:38,961 --> 00:12:39,761
guests in school.
289
00:12:39,761 --> 00:12:41,522
Listen, don't argue with me.
290
00:12:41,605 --> 00:12:43,886
Where are the shirts?
In here?
291
00:12:43,969 --> 00:12:45,429
Yeah.
292
00:12:45,851 --> 00:12:48,134
Oh, there's a nice shirt!
293
00:12:49,058 --> 00:12:51,386
And here's a nice tie.
294
00:12:53,322 --> 00:12:55,463
Pop! I can't wear that,
look at that!
295
00:12:55,546 --> 00:12:56,467
That clashes!
296
00:12:56,528 --> 00:12:58,748
Don't tell me
what clashes!
297
00:12:58,831 --> 00:13:01,506
Who do you think made
this little combination?
298
00:13:03,936 --> 00:13:04,936
Picasso.
299
00:13:05,019 --> 00:13:06,868
Put it on.
300
00:13:09,104 --> 00:13:12,887
Julie, am I crazy or am I
gonna lose this argument?
301
00:13:12,970 --> 00:13:14,470
Both.
302
00:13:18,306 --> 00:13:20,045
Gee, Charlie, I never had
303
00:13:20,128 --> 00:13:21,924
a coconut
paperweight before.
304
00:13:22,007 --> 00:13:23,608
You got it below
cost, too.
305
00:13:23,691 --> 00:13:25,390
I didn't make
a dime on it.
306
00:13:25,473 --> 00:13:28,953
Those things don't
grow on trees, you know?
307
00:13:29,035 --> 00:13:31,398
Well, Charlie,
you still have time
308
00:13:31,398 --> 00:13:34,835
to back out or take some
raw meat in with you.
309
00:13:36,643 --> 00:13:38,262
Mikey, it's alright.
310
00:13:38,345 --> 00:13:39,703
I just wanna see
what my son does
311
00:13:39,785 --> 00:13:41,285
for a living.
312
00:13:41,368 --> 00:13:44,218
Well, when you find out,
let me know.
313
00:13:46,453 --> 00:13:48,111
He hasn't changed.
314
00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:50,174
No, but we're still hoping.
315
00:13:50,937 --> 00:13:53,155
Listen, pop, I want you
to promise me
316
00:13:53,159 --> 00:13:54,939
when we go in there,
you're gonna behave yourself.
317
00:13:55,022 --> 00:13:56,239
Don't worry.
318
00:13:56,322 --> 00:13:57,922
I'll sit down.
319
00:13:58,005 --> 00:14:00,305
I just wanna watch you
work a quick miracle or two
320
00:14:00,388 --> 00:14:02,684
with those sweat hogs
in there.
321
00:14:02,767 --> 00:14:03,838
They're nice kids.
322
00:14:03,921 --> 00:14:06,604
No strings, no mirrors!
323
00:14:06,605 --> 00:14:08,393
[blabbering]
324
00:14:08,476 --> 00:14:10,977
Come to me, Sesame!
325
00:14:12,221 --> 00:14:14,642
Come to me, Sesame!
326
00:14:15,845 --> 00:14:17,318
Come to me... stop!
327
00:14:17,401 --> 00:14:18,861
Stop!
328
00:14:20,291 --> 00:14:23,185
[screaming]
329
00:14:24,501 --> 00:14:27,062
Will you cut this out?
330
00:14:31,369 --> 00:14:32,829
What?
331
00:14:35,034 --> 00:14:36,313
Some miracle!
332
00:14:36,396 --> 00:14:38,619
How you got these
hyenas in blue jeans
333
00:14:38,699 --> 00:14:40,640
I'll never know!
334
00:14:41,019 --> 00:14:43,042
Go ahead, sit down
all of you, go ahead.
335
00:14:43,125 --> 00:14:45,005
- Yeah, right.
- Sit down, little one.
336
00:14:45,088 --> 00:14:46,548
Alright.
337
00:14:46,759 --> 00:14:48,370
Hey, who is this guy?
338
00:14:48,453 --> 00:14:49,472
Without this guy
I wouldn't be
339
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:50,934
in school today.
340
00:14:51,017 --> 00:14:53,476
Who are you,
the bus driver?
341
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:04,534
I'm his son.
342
00:15:04,818 --> 00:15:06,959
You give me one
more hint.
343
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:10,575
He's married
to my mother.
344
00:15:10,658 --> 00:15:14,483
Alright, I almost
got it, just one more hint.
345
00:15:14,503 --> 00:15:16,103
He's my father!
346
00:15:16,186 --> 00:15:17,728
Oh, I was gonna say that!
I swear!
347
00:15:17,747 --> 00:15:21,872
I was gonna say father,
I was gonna say uncle.
348
00:15:21,996 --> 00:15:26,195
Ohh, you must be
the iceberg!
349
00:15:30,083 --> 00:15:31,624
How do?
350
00:15:33,407 --> 00:15:35,470
How come you hit
the Titanic
351
00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:37,671
in your sports shirt?
352
00:15:38,716 --> 00:15:40,960
♪ Sports shirt on
the iceberg ♪
353
00:15:41,043 --> 00:15:43,180
♪ Sports shirt on
the iceberg ♪
354
00:15:43,263 --> 00:15:44,877
♪ Sports shirt on
the iceberg ♪
355
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,369
♪ Sports shirt on
the iceberg ♪
356
00:15:46,452 --> 00:15:47,733
[Gabe] Will you cut it out!
357
00:15:47,816 --> 00:15:50,457
Gabe, this is worse
than I thought!
358
00:15:50,540 --> 00:15:52,781
Even Ripley
wouldn't believe this.
359
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,525
Well, Mr. Kotter Sr.
360
00:15:57,608 --> 00:16:00,511
I just got one thing
to say to you.
361
00:16:01,392 --> 00:16:03,032
Hi there.
362
00:16:06,764 --> 00:16:08,157
- Sit down, Freddie.
- Yeah, right.
363
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,063
Pop, why don't
you take a seat, go ahead.
364
00:16:11,063 --> 00:16:14,101
Charlie, about this
coconut paperweight.
365
00:16:14,184 --> 00:16:17,388
It seems to have
sprung a leak.
366
00:16:17,471 --> 00:16:21,029
It's dripping milk all
over my attendance records.
367
00:16:21,112 --> 00:16:23,475
Don't worry,
I'll bring you a new one
368
00:16:23,558 --> 00:16:25,640
this afternoon
to your office.
369
00:16:25,681 --> 00:16:28,064
You see, Kotter,
there's a person.
370
00:16:28,064 --> 00:16:31,225
I guess it's too late for
you to take after him, huh?
371
00:16:31,308 --> 00:16:32,506
By the way, Charlie,
has he made a fool
372
00:16:32,589 --> 00:16:34,349
of himself yet?
373
00:16:34,432 --> 00:16:36,732
We just got here.
374
00:16:36,815 --> 00:16:37,696
Don't worry.
375
00:16:37,779 --> 00:16:39,241
Just give him
a little time.
376
00:16:39,324 --> 00:16:41,042
[laughs]
377
00:16:42,922 --> 00:16:44,383
Pop, go ahead, take a seat.
378
00:16:44,466 --> 00:16:47,102
Here you go,
best seat in the house.
379
00:16:48,309 --> 00:16:49,309
Okay.
380
00:16:49,392 --> 00:16:53,473
Yesterday, I asked you
to read about the Depression.
381
00:16:53,556 --> 00:16:56,192
Now, who can tell me
when it began?
382
00:16:57,359 --> 00:16:58,359
Horshack.
383
00:16:58,442 --> 00:17:00,502
Oh, boy, I remember!
384
00:17:00,585 --> 00:17:03,564
- In 1929...
- Pop! Pop!
385
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:06,350
You're supposed to be here
to observe.
386
00:17:06,434 --> 00:17:07,775
Excuse me!
387
00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:10,666
I'll make myself
the invisible man.
388
00:17:10,749 --> 00:17:11,549
Okay, good.
389
00:17:11,632 --> 00:17:14,690
Now, my father's right,
it did start in '29.
390
00:17:14,773 --> 00:17:16,848
Now, what was it like?
Washington?
391
00:17:16,931 --> 00:17:19,093
It was terrible!
392
00:17:19,395 --> 00:17:21,597
People were jumping
out of windows.
393
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,801
It was raining
cats and Feldman's.
394
00:17:24,884 --> 00:17:27,544
Hey, how do you know
that Mr. Kotter the First?
395
00:17:27,627 --> 00:17:29,749
Are you kidding?
I was there!
396
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,512
My father did not come here
to talk about his life.
397
00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:33,614
He doesn't wanna tell you--
398
00:17:33,614 --> 00:17:37,956
1929, I worked for my father
399
00:17:38,039 --> 00:17:41,683
in his five and ten
on Avenue L.
400
00:17:41,683 --> 00:17:44,622
Now, those were the days,
there were no muggings
401
00:17:44,705 --> 00:17:45,924
there were no
massage parlors
402
00:17:46,007 --> 00:17:48,428
there was no disco duck.
403
00:17:49,824 --> 00:17:51,054
Pop, pop, look.
404
00:17:51,064 --> 00:17:53,646
Can I have my class back?
405
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,868
You wanna teach 'em
about the Great Depression?
406
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:59,592
I'll tell them stories
about the Great Depression.
407
00:17:59,676 --> 00:18:02,394
Boy, two generations
of dumb stories.
408
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,263
Well, I'm sorry,
excuse me for breathing.
409
00:18:08,347 --> 00:18:11,609
I just try to give you people
some first-hand knowledge.
410
00:18:11,692 --> 00:18:13,152
Gabe!
411
00:18:13,271 --> 00:18:14,612
Go on and teach 'em.
412
00:18:14,696 --> 00:18:17,286
This I wanna see.
413
00:18:21,838 --> 00:18:26,929
♪ Once I built
a railroad made of rock ♪
414
00:18:27,016 --> 00:18:28,956
♪ Made a race
against time ♪
415
00:18:29,039 --> 00:18:31,872
♪ Wah wah wah
wah wah ♪
416
00:18:31,955 --> 00:18:36,790
♪ Once I built
a railroad now it's done ♪
417
00:18:36,873 --> 00:18:39,401
♪ Buddy can you
spare a dime? ♪
418
00:18:39,484 --> 00:18:41,377
♪ Wah wah wah ♪♪
419
00:18:42,808 --> 00:18:44,375
This is Walter Winchell.
420
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:45,616
Good evening,
Mr. and Mrs. America
421
00:18:45,699 --> 00:18:46,961
and all the ships at sea.
422
00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:49,624
The time is 19:29
and I'm broke.
423
00:18:49,624 --> 00:18:52,015
Why?
The market just crashed.
424
00:18:52,066 --> 00:18:54,686
We take you now
to the stock market.
425
00:18:54,770 --> 00:18:56,869
Hello, everybody,
I'm Seymour Feldman.
426
00:18:57,694 --> 00:19:00,429
I'm one of the people
that jumped out the window!
427
00:19:00,512 --> 00:19:01,817
You wanna know why?
428
00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:04,034
'Cause the stock market
is all crazy!
429
00:19:04,117 --> 00:19:06,220
People are buying
stocks on ten percent margin.
430
00:19:06,227 --> 00:19:08,888
You put down ten cents, they get
a dollar's worth of stock!
431
00:19:08,971 --> 00:19:10,625
I'm telling you,
it's not kosher!
432
00:19:10,633 --> 00:19:12,504
Thank you very much,
Seymour Feldman.
433
00:19:12,536 --> 00:19:14,638
We take you now to Iowa.
434
00:19:15,074 --> 00:19:17,176
My name is Eugene Hasey.
435
00:19:18,054 --> 00:19:20,618
I'm a farmer, and I work
hard for my money.
436
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,199
But I don't share
in the wealth
437
00:19:22,282 --> 00:19:23,944
neither did
the unskilled laborers.
438
00:19:23,964 --> 00:19:25,063
I tell you,
it's not right!
439
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,061
Everybody should
share in the wealth!
440
00:19:27,145 --> 00:19:28,166
Thank you very much.
441
00:19:28,249 --> 00:19:29,290
And now we take you
to the president
442
00:19:29,290 --> 00:19:31,659
of the United States,
Mr. Herbert Hoover.
443
00:19:32,937 --> 00:19:37,116
I'm Herbert Hoover,
president of the United States.
444
00:19:37,199 --> 00:19:39,619
I also make
vacuum cleaners.
445
00:19:42,243 --> 00:19:44,146
Now, we're making
too much product.
446
00:19:44,229 --> 00:19:45,800
That's right,
we're overproducing!
447
00:19:45,883 --> 00:19:47,867
Door knobs, you got
too many door knobs.
448
00:19:47,867 --> 00:19:49,975
Not enough doors
to put them on!
449
00:19:50,059 --> 00:19:51,259
I know what you're
gonna say, say
450
00:19:51,342 --> 00:19:53,102
"Why don't we sell them
to the foreign countries?"
451
00:19:53,185 --> 00:19:54,103
Well, we can't!
452
00:19:54,186 --> 00:19:55,326
Tariffs are too high
453
00:19:55,409 --> 00:19:57,592
and they don't
wanna buy 'em!
454
00:19:57,787 --> 00:20:01,825
♪ Once I built
a railroad now it's done ♪
455
00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:03,257
♪ Wah wah wah
wah wah ♪
456
00:20:03,340 --> 00:20:04,602
And that's the way
it was 1929
457
00:20:04,686 --> 00:20:06,205
this is Walter Winchell.
458
00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:07,392
Goodnight!
459
00:20:07,475 --> 00:20:09,542
[applause]
460
00:20:12,014 --> 00:20:14,389
What was that?
A floor show?
461
00:20:14,472 --> 00:20:15,932
Washington.
462
00:20:16,579 --> 00:20:18,521
What caused
the stock market crash?
463
00:20:18,604 --> 00:20:21,027
Uh, uh, 'cause them turkeys
was putting down
464
00:20:21,027 --> 00:20:22,806
ten cents on the dollar
for all the stocks
465
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,064
that they was buying.
466
00:20:24,147 --> 00:20:24,947
Right.
467
00:20:24,951 --> 00:20:26,870
Epstein, why were the
farmers and the unskilled
468
00:20:26,953 --> 00:20:27,791
laborers mad?
469
00:20:27,874 --> 00:20:29,093
Well, they were bumped out
'cause they weren't
470
00:20:29,175 --> 00:20:30,396
getting their share
of the profits.
471
00:20:30,476 --> 00:20:32,578
I don't blame 'em.
472
00:20:32,669 --> 00:20:34,497
Right, Horshack,
what about over production?
473
00:20:34,580 --> 00:20:37,276
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
474
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:40,590
Because everybody was
overproducing...
475
00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:42,134
...door knobs.
476
00:20:43,818 --> 00:20:45,778
Barbarino, why didn't
the other countries
477
00:20:45,861 --> 00:20:47,139
buy our products?
478
00:20:47,223 --> 00:20:48,683
What products?
479
00:20:50,047 --> 00:20:51,286
Come on, Vinnie, why couldn't
we sell them to
480
00:20:51,369 --> 00:20:52,367
the foreign countries?
481
00:20:52,450 --> 00:20:53,669
I don't know,
something about taxes
482
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,414
tariff, whatever.
483
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:59,496
I've seen enough.
Gabe, outside.
484
00:20:59,580 --> 00:21:03,445
Oh, if you're ever
in Fort Lauderdale
485
00:21:03,445 --> 00:21:04,714
and you pass my house...
486
00:21:04,796 --> 00:21:07,211
- Yeah?
- ...keep going.
487
00:21:10,338 --> 00:21:13,518
Alright, guys,
I'm gonna be out for a minute.
488
00:21:13,601 --> 00:21:15,494
No camp fires.
489
00:21:20,207 --> 00:21:22,309
So, this is
what you do?
490
00:21:23,010 --> 00:21:24,268
This is what I do, pop.
491
00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:25,262
It's very interesting.
492
00:21:25,272 --> 00:21:28,129
There were accents
and impressions...
493
00:21:28,213 --> 00:21:29,413
What do you do
for the summer?
494
00:21:29,496 --> 00:21:31,598
Take this show
on the road?
495
00:21:32,659 --> 00:21:34,761
I suppose you're waiting
for me to say
496
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:37,459
that it's more important
to help these kids
497
00:21:37,542 --> 00:21:39,222
than to come down
to Fort Lauderdale
498
00:21:39,305 --> 00:21:41,102
and help me?
499
00:21:41,186 --> 00:21:43,058
That's what I'd
like you to say.
500
00:21:43,141 --> 00:21:45,578
Pop, it's not easy
to teach these kids.
501
00:21:45,592 --> 00:21:47,348
You know that.
502
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:49,153
But you can't
compliment me.
503
00:21:49,236 --> 00:21:51,336
You never could.
504
00:21:51,636 --> 00:21:52,957
Ah, what are you
talking about?
505
00:21:53,041 --> 00:21:56,703
Pop, I'm 30 years old.
506
00:21:56,786 --> 00:21:58,886
Tell me you're
proud of me.
507
00:22:00,010 --> 00:22:01,752
You should hear me
talk about you
508
00:22:01,752 --> 00:22:03,231
to my friends in Florida.
509
00:22:03,314 --> 00:22:05,116
They're sick
of hearing about you!
510
00:22:05,136 --> 00:22:08,357
But what are we
talking out here for?
511
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:10,729
Your sweat hogs
are waiting for you.
512
00:22:13,635 --> 00:22:14,735
Okay, pop.
513
00:22:14,819 --> 00:22:16,754
I'll see you for dinner.
514
00:22:23,308 --> 00:22:25,809
I'm proud of you, my son.
515
00:22:27,392 --> 00:22:29,284
I heard you.
516
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,517
My son, the eavesdropper.
517
00:22:39,304 --> 00:22:41,124
I'll see you
at dinner, son.
518
00:22:41,124 --> 00:22:42,584
♪♪
519
00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:53,290
Julie dear, did you
ever hear about
520
00:22:53,373 --> 00:22:55,680
what happened to
my brother Saul Kotter?
521
00:22:55,715 --> 00:22:57,921
No, Charlie,
why don't you tell me about it?
522
00:22:57,921 --> 00:23:00,821
Well, one day Saul
was walking across the street
523
00:23:00,904 --> 00:23:03,464
and got hit by a diesel truck.
524
00:23:03,547 --> 00:23:05,047
How awful.
525
00:23:05,130 --> 00:23:06,849
It certainly was.
526
00:23:06,932 --> 00:23:08,992
And a policeman ran
up and he took off his jacket
527
00:23:09,075 --> 00:23:10,635
and put it under
Saul's head
528
00:23:10,718 --> 00:23:12,059
and he loosens his tie.
529
00:23:12,059 --> 00:23:14,699
And the policeman says,
"Are you comfortable?"
530
00:23:14,782 --> 00:23:18,590
And Saul looks up and says,
"I make a good living."
531
00:23:22,763 --> 00:23:24,447
Ah, how're you doing?
532
00:23:24,531 --> 00:23:26,630
- Hello, Gabe.
- Hi, honey.
533
00:23:27,077 --> 00:23:28,696
Well, have a nice
day today?
534
00:23:28,780 --> 00:23:30,100
Yup, how was your day?
535
00:23:30,183 --> 00:23:31,463
Oh, pretty good.
536
00:23:31,546 --> 00:23:33,006
- Julie!
- What?
537
00:23:34,392 --> 00:23:36,254
Did I ever tell you
about my Uncle Saul?
538
00:23:36,254 --> 00:23:37,714
♪♪
539
00:23:44,035 --> 00:23:46,232
[theme music]
540
00:23:51,258 --> 00:23:54,092
♪ Welcome back ♪
541
00:23:54,175 --> 00:23:57,922
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
542
00:23:58,005 --> 00:24:00,316
♪ Welcome back ♪
543
00:24:00,399 --> 00:24:04,625
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
544
00:24:04,708 --> 00:24:09,367
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
545
00:24:09,450 --> 00:24:13,764
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
546
00:24:13,847 --> 00:24:15,810
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead you ♪
547
00:24:15,893 --> 00:24:17,638
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead you ♪
548
00:24:17,721 --> 00:24:19,770
♪ Back here
where we need ya ♪
549
00:24:19,853 --> 00:24:21,990
♪ Back here
where we need ya ♪
550
00:24:22,073 --> 00:24:26,081
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
551
00:24:26,164 --> 00:24:28,518
♪ Welcome back ♪
552
00:24:28,601 --> 00:24:32,740
♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪
553
00:24:32,823 --> 00:24:34,959
♪ Welcome back
welcome back ♪
554
00:24:35,042 --> 00:24:36,566
♪ Welcome back ♪♪
38590
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