All language subtitles for Welcome.Back.Kotter.S02E07.Sweathog.Nebraska.Style.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

How about
my Uncle Oscar Kotter?

I ever tell you
about Oscar Kotter?

- Nope.
- Okay.

Uncle Oscar
was very timid type of guy.

One time, he's driving.
He has a station wagon.

And decides to stop
in this cafe.

You know, have a little
breakfast.

So he's havin' his breakfast.

And these three motorcycle gang
guys came in, right.

And they walk up to Uncle Oscar
who's havin his breakfast

you know, one guy, "Hey, buddy.

"What're you doin'?

"I'm just havin'
a little breakfast, that's all.

Just a little coffee
and some pancakes. That's all."

"Well, I think this man needs
some more sugar in his coffee.

"What do you think, Bo?"

"Yeah, yeah, he does.
Yeah, yeah, he does."

Poured sugar
in Uncle Oscar's coffee.

Then,
"You're havin' pancakes too.

"But you don't have
enough syrupon them cake.

"Does he, Bo?"
"No, no, no."

Pour all this syrup
all over Uncle Oscar's pancake.

Uncle goes, "Excuse me,
I think I'll leave."

So he goes and leaves
and then they kid, "Ha ha ha."

And they look at the waitress,
"Look, waitress.

"He didn't touch anything.

"That fellow
don't know how to eat."

The waitress says, "I don't
think he knows how to drive

either, just ran over three
motorcycles

in the parking lot."

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who's have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot
'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back
welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪♪

[theme music]

Hey, folks, it's a lucky thing
I ran into you guys

at the movies, you know.

It could've been bog trouble.

It's your own fault, Epstein.

I mean, it's okay to kiss a girl
in the balcony of the theater.

But she shouldn't be
somebody else's date.

You think this guy
is still followin' us?

No, I think he stopped
on the way over here

to punch out the cross-town bus.

Epstein, you know, I have
never seen you so nervous.

Well, I've never seen a guy
eat a fire hydrant before.

Hey, but thanks a lot
for walkin' me home.

Don't mention it, Juan.

Except we thought
you meant your home.

Yeah, well,
I'm gonna be movin' on

just as soon as
the coast is clear.

[knocking on door] Is that him?

Hey, you gotta hide me.
You gotta hide me.

Look, I'll tell you what.
Just throw somethin' over me.

And make believe
I'm an easy chair.

Epstein, that's not him,
if it was

we would've heard his knuckles
dragging on the stairs.

Besides, he wouldn't knock. He's
walk right through the door.

Hi, Gabe!

Julie, I've never seen
this woman before in my life.

Yes, you have,
at our wedding, remember?

- Hi, Julie!
- It's my sister Jenny. Hi.

Jenny. Right! Oh, Jenny.

Oh, how you doin'?

Wow, look at you.
You've grown up.

And out... and, uh, around.

Yeah,
you really have filled out.

Oh, Jenny, uh,
this is Juan Epstein.

Well, I always wanted to meet
an authentic Brooklyn-hood.

- Thanks.
- Jenny.

- Where did you come from?
- Nebraska.

I know you came from Nebraska.

What're you doing here?

Nothing.
I just had a little free time.

So I hopped on a bus
and came to see you guys.

[Epstein] Oh, isn't that somethin'.

Well, I just so happen to
have a little bit of

free time of my own.

So, mom and dad
know you're here?

Mom and dad know I'm not home.

Besides, I'm old enough
to do what I want.

Sounds good to me.

- Say goodnight, Juan.
- Oh.

- Goodnight, Juan.
- Uh, goodnight.

Yeah, you're right. You know,
she's probably real tired.

Hey, while she's here...

...we all ought to go out
together, you know?

We'll make it a foursome.

Oh, that's a good idea, Juan.

You and three other people.
Goodnight.

You mean that, don't you?

Gabe,
she never tells me anything.

Would you try and find out
what she's doin' here please?

Julie, relax.

I'm a professional.
It's what I do for a living.

I deal with
children with problems.

- Hm.
- Use a little child phycology.

Good. Okay.

Jenny... I haven't seen you
for four years.

What're you doing here?

Jenny, you're not
in... trouble, are you?

You mean a boy?

I don't believe in boys.
I hate boys.

Especially that Roger Abernathy.

Who's Roger Abernathy?

You mean, little Roger Abernathy
who's been your boyfriend

since junior high?

Look, I don't wanna talk
about Roger Abernathy.

Can I just stay
with you guys for a while?

What about school?

I don't miss it.

Well, honey,
can't you get her into Buchanan

on some sort of
non-official-drop-in basis?

Julie, you just described the
entire Buchanan student body.

Alright, alright.

Couple of days
with the Sweathogs

and she'll be happy
to go back to Nebraska.

Is Juan Epstein
in the Buchanan High School?

My sister is not a Sweathog.

What's a Sweathog?

Alright, I'll put her
in Fishbeck's class.

What's a Fishbeck?

A Fishbeck is the opposite
of a Sweathog.

Oh, but what's a Sweathog?

Hello.

How are ya?

I'm Arnold Horshack.

And who might you be,
little lady?

Arnold, let me try.

- G'head, g'head.
- Step aside.

Hi, there.

Like to be able
to tell your friends

you know Boom Boom.

[laughs]

No.

[clapping]

Hey, step aside for an expert.

What've you got?
Hoffin Pants Disease?

What're you doin'? Bringin' in
hired guns on me or what?

Vinnie, this is
my sister-in-law, Jenny Hansen

from Nebraska.

Oh, yeah?

What're you doin' here,
uh, fresh mouth?

You're here
to get your, your crops rotated?

Listen, I didn't wanna be
here but they made me.

Same here.

Some reason why you decided
to hold class

in the hallway today, Kotter?

Give us a break, Mr. Woodman.
The bell didn't even ring yet.

Three, two, one.

[bell rings]

Got ya!

It's the third time
that worked out this week.

You lead a really exciting life,
Mr. Woodman.

What do you do for fun at home?

Sit there and watch
your suits go out of style?

Uh, Mr. Woodman, I'd like to
introduce you to Jenny Hansen.

- She is a relative.
- Of yours?

What, she out on parole?

She's Julie's sister
from Nebraska.

Oh, well that's different.

Well, obviously she should be
in Miss Fishbeck's class.

No, I want to be in his class
with Juan and the Sweathogs.

Well, fine, young lady like you
doesn't belong with Sweathogs.

Oh, yeah? In your horn
with an ear of corn.

She's a Sweathog.

You'll be in his class.

Where did you learn
to rank like that, huh?

We do that all the time.
It's called chopping.

Chopping, huh? Small world.

Take the second seat, Jenny.

So... how do you like Brooklyn?

If you get homesick, I'll show
you where the tree grows.

Ha ha ha.

Is he for real?

What's the matter with you,
bolly-head?

Don't you get nobody around the
farm that laughs like Arnold?

Not on two feet.

Okay, okay, now I see some
of you have met our visitor.

For those who haven't,
her name is Jenny Hansen.

She is from Nebraska.

And it's time to play
Celebrity Sweathogs.

Now, yesterday, page 14,
we were talkin' about...

Hey, Mr. Kotter.

Epstein.

"Dear, Mr. Kotter.

"Juan Epstein
was late because

he was in conference with me."

Signed, Principal Lazarus.

What're you trying
to do to me, Epstein?

I know the man's handwriting.
This note is legitimate.

Yeah, well, in baseball it's
called a change up, you know?

Keeps the hitter guessin'.

- Hi.
- Hi, Juan.

Oh, you two already met.

Well, well, well,
it's a match made in Brooklyn.

Hey, don't let
these guys bother you.

You know, uh, Brooklyn's a lot
tougher burrow than Nebraska.

Oh, Nebraska can be
pretty tough too, you know?

I mean, on Saturday night we all
go down to the mall, shopping.

We take up all the stools.

[all gasping]

And we don't even order.

[gasping]

Oh, we do
a lot of terrible things

like burn, pillage and loot.

[laughing] Hey, yo, uh, Vinnie. Uh...

What you gonna do tonight?
Burn or pillage?

Well, let me tell ya,
I looted last night.

So I'm pretty bored with that,
you know.

Oh, I got
a late date to pillage.

So I'll probably burn early.

Well, I think I'll go pillage
early and burn later.

[laughing]

Okay, what do you say we got
back to a little school work?

- Now page 14.
- Oh, Gabe.

[all screaming] Gabe!

Jenny, in this class
I am Mr. Kotter.

Your teacher-in-law.

Sorry, Mr. Kotter.

In Nebraska, when someone new
comes to my school

we always assign another
student, sort of as a, a guide

for the first few days.

That's a very good idea.
How about one of the girls?

Shawn May,
will you show, uh, Jenny around?

No, I-I-I think Juan Epstein
should show me around.

- Oh!
- Wooh!

[overlapping chatter]

I second the motion.

I mean, uh, look, if the lady
is gonna be a Sweathog

she might as well learn
from the best.

- Right?
- Yeah.

[Epstein] Yeah.

Tell that to, uh, my wife.

[theme music]

Will you just tell me
what you're doing here?

You'll see.

Lucy, Lucy, Lucy Ricardo.

How many times I have to tell
you not to come to the club?

[babbling]

Mrs. Kotter
to see Principal Lazarus.

Who said that?
No one sees Principal Lazarus.

They see me. I decide
who sees Principal Lazarus.

Uh, Miss Furbish...

Ask Principal Lazarus
if he'll see me later.

Mr. Woodman, I am here
as a parent and, or guardian

to register a formal complaint.

Julie, you are overreacting.

Is this
one of those martial squabbles?

Well, I can't help you there,
you know? I'm not married.

I don't even read
"Cosmopolitan."

It's about Jenny Hansen,
Mr. Woodman.

Oh, your, uh, new Sweathog.

She is not a Sweathog.
She is my sister.

You made her a Sweathog.

Well, she told me to put corn
in my horn, Mrs. Kotter.

And I call that a Sweathog.

Mr. Woodman, my sister
went out on a date last night

at 5 o'clock, she returned at 8.

This morning.

Who did she go out with?

Juan Epstein.

[laughing]

What's so funny? I mean, chances
are that nothing happened.

I bet you believe in
the Easter Bunny too, don't you?

[sighs] My baby sister.

A sweet, simple,
rosy-cheeked farm girl.

Out all night with a Sweathog.

I bet he changed her
into a Sweathog.

Will you stop being ridiculous?

He didn't change her
into a Sweathog.

Hey, sis, wow,
like my new outfit?

Julie, Julie!

Calm down.
Just calm down, alright?

I'll handle this, okay?

- Juan.
- Yeah?

- Can I see you a second?
- Oh, you bet.

- We're friends, aren't we?
- Oh, you bet we are.

And you know, I would say
that our relationship...

...transcends
the normal bounds of

a student-teacher relationship,
wouldn't you say so?

Yeah, I'd say
it goes pretty deep.

Deeper than that.

So, what I want you to do is.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- I want you to tell me.

Where you were all night
with Julie's sister.

Or I am going to rearrange
your face.

You would, wouldn't you?

Oh, you could take that
to the bank...

[chuckles]

We were sittin' on your stoop.

Come on, Juan.
Save that for one of your notes.

Now, where were you
all night with Jenny?

Gabe, he's tellin' the truth.

It late when we came in,
I didn't wanna wake you guys up.

So we sat
on the stoop all night.

Talkin'. And you can take
that to the bank.

I believe them. I'm convinced.
What about you?

I'm going home and I'm going
to pack Jenny's suitcase

because she is going home.

And if you don't do something
to break up that situation...

...don't bother coming home.

And people wonder
why I never married.

Okay, so,
what're we gonna do now?

Well, we got it all worked out.

We're both
goin' back to Nebraska.

What?

You see, last night, we did
a lot of talking, you know.

I told Jenny all about Brooklyn.

The crime, the slums,
the pollution.

That's just in my house.

And then she told me
all about Nebraska.

[chuckles] Blue skies and the wheat fields.

And irrigation ditches.

You know, Mr. Kotter,
I figure a man's got to

get back
to the soil, you know?

Come on, let's go.

Epstein, wait,
you can't go to Nebraska.

The won't let you pass
Philadelphia without a passport.

Juan, this is nothing personal.

You're very nice and
I like you a lot, I really do.

You're just not good enough
for my sister.

What about Mr. Kotter?
He was a Sweathog.

He's not right
for my sister either.

Thanks.

Maybe we'll fix you up
with Roger Abernathy.

[Gabe] Would you look at this.

It's the whole "Hee-Haw" Gang.
Come on in.

- Howdy, Mr. Kotter?
- Hey, Juan.

- You want a taste of Nebraska?
- Yeah. Yeah.

I'll give you
a taste of Nebraska.

Yeah, we wanna show you guys
what you gonna look like

in couple of years.

That's right. Look at this.

What is this supposed to be?

ma and pa Kettle
visit the ghetto?

You think this is bad, right?

Well, how would you like to
wake up to this every morning.

[cow mooing]

[Horshack] Hello, how are ya?

Over here, Mr. Kotter.
This is for you.

It's what I've always wanted.

Milk from a contended Horshack.

Hey, Juan, you ain't really
going to Nebraska, are you?

Oh, yeah? Well, then
why did I scratch Angelo

with his phone number
off my locker?

For the same reason we all did.

Her brother Vido, the Knife.

Look, I'm leavin'
and that's all there is to it.

Horshack, where did you get
that ridiculous cow's head?

I found her at
the head of my bed.

She was left
by the Nebraska Godfather...

...Don Haysig.

Juan, listen to me,
listen to me.

I got you, Percy.
I got you.

Okay, okay, okay. Now...

I was never one to butt
into your personal life.

- Right?
- You never did that.

- I never did it, right?
- Never.

Alright. You know
my big brother, Leroy?

He ran away with a girl
when he was your age!

- Well, what happened to him?
- What happened to him?

You're asking me
what happened to him?

- That's right.
- Nothing.

You know,
you're a real spellbinder

with a story, Freddie.

Juan, all we're tryin' to do

is we tryin' to make sure you
know what you're getting into.

We wanna make sure that Jenny
knows what she is getting into.

Look, Mr. Kotter, I know what
I want and she knows too.

We both know what we want.

[phone rings]

What do you want?

Hello. Who?

How nice to hear your voice!

Ju... Oh, yeah. Just a second.
Hold on.

Jenny, it's for you.
Roger Abernathy.

Roger!

Oh, Roger, is that really you?
Oh, Roger.

I got a feelin' that's Roger.

This is me. It's Jenny, yes.

[Jenny sighs]

Boy, how rude?

Oh, no, no. She's got right.

She's got right to her privacy.
Right?

And I got a right to listen.

And Epstein's got
a right... to sing the blues.

She's sayin', "I'm sorry, Roger.

"Of course I forgive you.

"And I-I'm sorry
I called you Alfalfa breath.

"Next bus, yes.

"I'm comin' in
on the next bus, Rogie.

Until that time,
until that time..."

Hey, Juan... you've been dumped.

Hey, Mr. Kotter,
I've been dumped.

I mean, hey, I just can't
let her walk outta here.

- What am I gonna do?
- Juan, look.

This is for the best, believe
me. You know what I would do?

I would do what Humphrey Bogart
did in that last scene

with Ingrid Bergman
in "Casablanca."

I can't do Bogart.

Sure you can,
sure you can. Look.

Humphrey Bogart.

Oh, Juan, I gotta talk to you.

No, I gotta talk to you.

Sweetheart,
you're gettin' on that bus.

And you're gettin' on alone.

Go back to Roger, Jenny.

[Epstein] Why, in this crazy world
the problems of two people

they don't amount
to a hill of beans.

So go on. Get on that bus
and don't look back.

I'm going, Juan, I'm going.

I'll take Jenny to the bus.

Buh-bye, Gabe.

Bye, Jen,
I'll see you this summer, huh.

- Say hello to mom and dad.
- Yeah.

Bye-bye, you guys.

- Goodbye, Jenny.
- See you, Jenny.

[Freddie] Have a nice time.

Well, I'll see you around, Juan.

Here's lookin' at you... kid.

[indistinct]

I shouldn't have been
so hard on Juan and Jenny.

After all you were right.

I did marry a Sweathog.

Okay, where did I go wrong?

You wanna know
where you went wrong?

- I'd like to, yeah.
- You were a little too high.

Listen, sweetheart,
the problems of two people

in this world don't amount
to a hill of beans.

- No, Mr. Kotter, no...
- No, it was like this...

[Gabe] It was too high...

[overlapping chatter]

[theme music]

Julie, did I never tell you

about my
Uncle Hey-Sit-Down-There Kotter?

- Is he an Indian?
- No, no, no.

That was the name
he that got in the movies.

- Oh, he was an actor.
- No, no, no.

It was like
an unanimous proclamation.

He was in a movie house,
watching a movie

and by unanimous proclamation
he got that name.

- Well, how?
- Well, we stood up...

I-in the second row,
he had tight pants on

he wanted to get something
from his pockets.

Everybody
in the back of him yelled

"Hey, sit down there."

That's the worst joke I have
ever heard in my entire life.

[theme music]

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot
'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ We always
could spot a friend ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ And I smile where I think
I must have been ♪♪