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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,263 --> 00:00:03,546 What's the matter, Julie? Who was that? 2 00:00:03,629 --> 00:00:05,180 It was a crank call! 3 00:00:05,263 --> 00:00:07,874 I don't know why kids have to make crank calls. 4 00:00:07,957 --> 00:00:09,521 Did you ever do that? 5 00:00:09,604 --> 00:00:12,563 Just once, when I was about 11. 6 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,290 We called up a butcher. 7 00:00:14,310 --> 00:00:16,631 We said, "Hello, is this the butcher?" 8 00:00:16,714 --> 00:00:20,418 He said, "Yes, it is." We said, "Do you have pig's feet?" 9 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:22,984 He said, "We certainly do." 10 00:00:23,067 --> 00:00:25,970 I said, "Well, where do you buy your shoes?" 11 00:00:26,948 --> 00:00:28,911 [Kotter] "Welcome back, Kotter" is recorded live 12 00:00:28,994 --> 00:00:30,608 before a studio audience. 13 00:00:30,691 --> 00:00:34,064 [theme song] 14 00:00:38,656 --> 00:00:41,358 ♪ Welcome back ♪ 15 00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:45,145 ♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪ 16 00:00:45,228 --> 00:00:47,321 ♪ Welcome back ♪ 17 00:00:47,404 --> 00:00:52,021 ♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪ 18 00:00:52,104 --> 00:00:56,504 ♪ Well the names have all changed since you hung around ♪ 19 00:00:56,587 --> 00:01:01,117 ♪ But those dreams have remained and they've turned around ♪ 20 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,289 ♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪ 21 00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:04,934 ♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪ 22 00:01:05,017 --> 00:01:07,066 ♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪ 23 00:01:07,149 --> 00:01:09,156 ♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪ 24 00:01:09,239 --> 00:01:13,464 ♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause we've got him on the spot ♪ 25 00:01:13,547 --> 00:01:15,465 ♪ Welcome back ♪ 26 00:01:15,548 --> 00:01:20,859 ♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪♪ 27 00:01:22,252 --> 00:01:25,319 [theme music] 28 00:01:29,476 --> 00:01:30,786 Hey, Epstein, what you doing? 29 00:01:30,869 --> 00:01:34,067 [indistinct chatter] 30 00:01:40,386 --> 00:01:43,151 Mr. Woodman, uh, mixing these two classes 31 00:01:43,151 --> 00:01:45,111 do you really think that that's the right thing to do? 32 00:01:45,194 --> 00:01:47,718 This flu epidemic has hit us hard, Kotter. 33 00:01:47,801 --> 00:01:50,807 Ms. Fishbeck, half my other teachers are out sick. 34 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:51,965 I've gotta combine what's left 35 00:01:51,965 --> 00:01:55,531 of our academically enriched class 36 00:01:55,531 --> 00:01:58,294 with your, uh, Sweathogs. 37 00:01:59,618 --> 00:02:02,280 I don't know, Mr. Woodman, mixing, uh, Ms. Fishbeck's class 38 00:02:02,363 --> 00:02:03,822 with the Sweathogs 39 00:02:03,905 --> 00:02:07,577 is like mixing strawberries and mustard. 40 00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:09,401 What's the matter with strawberries and mustard? 41 00:02:09,484 --> 00:02:11,584 I eat it every day. 42 00:02:11,908 --> 00:02:15,324 [scatting] 43 00:02:17,994 --> 00:02:19,474 What is he doing? 44 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,950 He was just pretending to play the bass. 45 00:02:22,020 --> 00:02:24,240 Isn't there some other way, Mr. Woodman? 46 00:02:24,303 --> 00:02:25,403 He was just pretending. They, uh... 47 00:02:25,403 --> 00:02:28,306 They do a lot of pretending in that class. 48 00:02:30,611 --> 00:02:34,048 They pretend to be students, he pretends to be a teacher. 49 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,802 Epstein! Epstein, where you going? What's the matter? 50 00:02:38,885 --> 00:02:41,004 [sighs] 51 00:02:41,087 --> 00:02:43,186 You're going flying? 52 00:02:43,406 --> 00:02:45,708 No, you're not. You're sick of flying? 53 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,891 Your stomach is flying... Flew? 54 00:02:47,974 --> 00:02:51,824 You just flew in from Vegas, and, boy, is your stomach tired. 55 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,747 No? Oh, you're sick. You got the flu! 56 00:02:54,830 --> 00:02:56,290 Yeah, yeah. 57 00:02:57,203 --> 00:02:58,663 [Epstein] Flu. 58 00:02:59,525 --> 00:03:00,985 Sick. 59 00:03:02,928 --> 00:03:04,729 Gonna die. 60 00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:14,364 This, uh, this flu epidemic is a crisis, Kotter. 61 00:03:14,447 --> 00:03:16,707 You remember what General Patton used to say? 62 00:03:16,790 --> 00:03:19,815 Sure I do. He said, "School is hell." 63 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,636 [sighs] No, he didn't say that. 64 00:03:23,719 --> 00:03:28,082 He said, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." 65 00:03:28,544 --> 00:03:30,865 What's the matter, Mr. Woodman? 66 00:03:30,948 --> 00:03:33,362 You flew? You got the flu? 67 00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:34,850 Huh? You're sick? 68 00:03:34,933 --> 00:03:37,975 You're flying to Epstein, let me know! 69 00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:43,860 - Alright, good morning. - Good morning, Mr. Kotter. 70 00:03:43,943 --> 00:03:46,446 Uh, as you see, uh, Ms. Fishbeck is out with the flu 71 00:03:46,529 --> 00:03:48,508 so some of her students will be joining us. 72 00:03:48,591 --> 00:03:52,170 Let's give them a nice, warm Sweathog welcome. 73 00:03:52,253 --> 00:03:54,146 [blowing raspberry] 74 00:03:55,438 --> 00:03:58,920 Hey, yo, Mr. Kotter... 75 00:03:59,003 --> 00:04:02,507 ...if they're academically enriched, then, uh, what is we? 76 00:04:02,545 --> 00:04:04,005 Unenriched? 77 00:04:04,552 --> 00:04:06,513 No. You're dumb. 78 00:04:06,596 --> 00:04:08,655 [laughing] 79 00:04:08,738 --> 00:04:11,119 Hey, Howdy Doody. 80 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,212 Why don't you take one end of a rubber hose 81 00:04:19,212 --> 00:04:21,051 and put it in your mouth? 82 00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:24,336 And then you take the other and put it up your nose. 83 00:04:24,419 --> 00:04:27,630 And then you blow till your brains fall out! 84 00:04:27,713 --> 00:04:30,889 - Ha-ha... - Hey, Vinnie. 85 00:04:30,972 --> 00:04:34,155 Vinnie, when are you gonna change the oil in your hair? 86 00:04:34,155 --> 00:04:35,451 [laughing] 87 00:04:35,534 --> 00:04:37,337 - Uh... - Aye, aye, aye, Judy. 88 00:04:37,420 --> 00:04:40,921 You know how you can lose ten ugly pounds in a hurry? 89 00:04:41,005 --> 00:04:42,280 [chuckles] Have your head removed. 90 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:45,024 [laughing] 91 00:04:45,107 --> 00:04:47,150 Alright, come on, come on, enough of this. 92 00:04:47,234 --> 00:04:49,431 Come on, let's settle down. 93 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:51,957 Boy, we have a lot more casual... 94 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,140 Arnold is absent! 95 00:04:54,223 --> 00:04:55,585 Yeah, I don't think Arnold's been absent 96 00:04:55,585 --> 00:04:57,124 the whole time I've known him. 97 00:04:57,207 --> 00:04:59,009 Yeah, you know, he never gets sick. 98 00:04:59,009 --> 00:05:00,388 I guess it's probably because no germ 99 00:05:00,471 --> 00:05:02,232 would wanna live in his body. 100 00:05:02,232 --> 00:05:04,337 [laughing] 101 00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:07,558 Hey, all! Hey, all! 102 00:05:07,642 --> 00:05:09,385 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 103 00:05:09,469 --> 00:05:12,711 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey... 104 00:05:12,794 --> 00:05:14,176 Arnold, will you take that mask off 105 00:05:14,176 --> 00:05:16,676 so we can understand what you're saying? 106 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:21,654 All I said was, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey... 107 00:05:21,827 --> 00:05:23,310 You know, it's nice to be safe, but you can carry 108 00:05:23,310 --> 00:05:25,443 flu prevention a little bit too far. 109 00:05:25,473 --> 00:05:29,095 You know, Mr. Kotter, you're not looking so hot yourself. 110 00:05:29,178 --> 00:05:31,811 How would you like some vitamins? 111 00:05:32,945 --> 00:05:36,274 These are to make your complexion pretty. 112 00:05:37,732 --> 00:05:42,190 These are to strengthen your teeth and your nails. 113 00:05:42,274 --> 00:05:45,646 And these are to make you friskier with the missus. 114 00:05:51,738 --> 00:05:54,434 Oh, which one of those pills do I take to make you sit down? 115 00:05:54,516 --> 00:05:58,715 [laughs] Oh, Mr. Kotter, go ahead, go ahead. 116 00:06:02,147 --> 00:06:05,330 Yesterday we were talking about world economics. 117 00:06:05,413 --> 00:06:07,502 Now, the economics of the world greatly changed 118 00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,738 with the discovery of the New World. 119 00:06:09,758 --> 00:06:11,096 Now, who was the first explorer 120 00:06:11,178 --> 00:06:13,856 to chart the North American coastline? 121 00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:20,447 Todd. 122 00:06:21,049 --> 00:06:22,508 Amerigo Vespucci. 123 00:06:23,988 --> 00:06:25,074 [laughs] You made that up. 124 00:06:25,157 --> 00:06:27,431 [laughing] 125 00:06:27,515 --> 00:06:29,596 "Amerigo Vespucci." 126 00:06:31,041 --> 00:06:35,631 You mean, you don't know who Amerigo Vespucci was? 127 00:06:36,370 --> 00:06:38,830 Of course I know who he was. 128 00:06:38,914 --> 00:06:42,330 That was, that was Chef Boyardee's maiden name. 129 00:06:45,264 --> 00:06:46,724 Okay. 130 00:06:47,086 --> 00:06:49,808 Now, one of the most important trade routes of the new world 131 00:06:49,891 --> 00:06:52,314 maybe the most important, was the Mississippi River. 132 00:06:52,314 --> 00:06:54,990 Now, who discovered the Mississippi River? 133 00:06:59,345 --> 00:07:01,967 - Judy. - DeSoto. 134 00:07:02,168 --> 00:07:07,455 DeSoto! That was the name of my father's first taxicab! DeSoto! 135 00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:12,302 Alright, I'm gonna ask you a very simple question 136 00:07:12,385 --> 00:07:13,625 something we all know 137 00:07:13,708 --> 00:07:17,124 because we all learned it in the third grade. 138 00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:22,922 What were the names of Columbus' three ships? 139 00:07:23,005 --> 00:07:24,702 - Ha-ha-ha... - Now that's so easy. 140 00:07:24,725 --> 00:07:26,966 Oh, I used to know that. 141 00:07:28,488 --> 00:07:30,554 Me? Me? I don't know. 142 00:07:30,637 --> 00:07:32,099 Freddie, come on! What is it, Freddie? 143 00:07:32,182 --> 00:07:34,445 Alright, okay, you wanna know the three names 144 00:07:34,445 --> 00:07:35,827 of Columbus' three ships, right? 145 00:07:35,827 --> 00:07:38,769 Okay, I'mma give it to you. Um... 146 00:07:40,550 --> 00:07:41,832 - Nina? - Nina. 147 00:07:41,915 --> 00:07:44,415 - Right! - Oh, man! Man! Alright. 148 00:07:44,921 --> 00:07:47,021 [laughs] Okay, baby, there's a Nina and a Pinto. 149 00:07:51,565 --> 00:07:56,047 Pinto! That was the name of my father's second taxicab! 150 00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:57,586 That's Pinta! 151 00:07:57,670 --> 00:07:58,491 - Oh! - Right! 152 00:07:58,574 --> 00:08:00,310 Right, right, right, the Pinta. 153 00:08:00,393 --> 00:08:03,319 Okay, now we got the Nina, the Pinta... 154 00:08:03,402 --> 00:08:05,186 - And the... - Go, Freddie, go! 155 00:08:05,188 --> 00:08:07,408 ♪ We got the Nina the Pinta and the... ♪♪ 156 00:08:07,491 --> 00:08:08,945 - Santa. - The Santa... 157 00:08:08,971 --> 00:08:11,593 Santa... Santa Anita! 158 00:08:11,593 --> 00:08:14,497 [laughing] 159 00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,040 Santa Anita? 160 00:08:17,044 --> 00:08:20,079 Yeah. That's the boat that all the horses sailed in. 161 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:23,402 [laughing] 162 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,871 Mr. Kotter, Mr. Kotter 163 00:08:25,954 --> 00:08:28,398 since we're on the subject of great explorers 164 00:08:28,398 --> 00:08:30,300 I have some very interesting information 165 00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:32,501 that I would like to share with the class. 166 00:08:32,583 --> 00:08:34,661 It's about Lewis and Clark. 167 00:08:34,744 --> 00:08:37,649 Al Lewis and Willie Clark! 168 00:08:37,732 --> 00:08:41,875 "The Sunshine Boys." I seen that movie many times. 169 00:08:41,958 --> 00:08:46,418 Oh, Mr. Kotter, please, do your George Barnes. 170 00:08:48,147 --> 00:08:49,607 Alright. 171 00:08:52,578 --> 00:08:55,379 [imitating George Barnes] I remember the week I was working at the Tivoli Theatre 172 00:08:55,462 --> 00:08:57,482 Poughkeepsie, New York. 173 00:08:57,565 --> 00:08:59,350 It was on a split bill and the other rack 174 00:08:59,427 --> 00:09:01,790 was a young lady named Trixie X. 175 00:09:01,790 --> 00:09:04,751 Terrific act, she used to, uh, have the map of England 176 00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:07,215 tattooed on her body. 177 00:09:07,298 --> 00:09:09,169 Big finish was she would show the audience 178 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,397 the White Cliffs of Dover. 179 00:09:13,107 --> 00:09:15,806 Mr. Kotter, we're here to learn. 180 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,282 Ms. Fishbeck doesn't do impressions. 181 00:09:18,365 --> 00:09:22,188 Yeah. All she ever does is tug out a girdle. 182 00:09:22,188 --> 00:09:23,709 [laughing] 183 00:09:23,792 --> 00:09:25,252 Ah! 184 00:09:25,968 --> 00:09:27,428 Whoo-hoo! 185 00:09:28,371 --> 00:09:30,421 As I was saying 186 00:09:30,504 --> 00:09:32,971 in 1804, Lewis and Clark 187 00:09:32,971 --> 00:09:36,434 were the first ones to explore the newly-acquired territory 188 00:09:36,516 --> 00:09:38,436 known as Louisiana Purchase. 189 00:09:38,519 --> 00:09:42,175 They also had an Indian woman with them who acted as a guide. 190 00:09:42,245 --> 00:09:45,807 Her name was Sacagawea, and she was fascinating. 191 00:09:45,890 --> 00:09:48,671 I could talk about her for hours 'cause she was the firs-- 192 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:52,169 Judy, Judy, Judy, give it to me later, alright? 193 00:09:52,169 --> 00:09:53,655 [bell ringing] 194 00:09:53,738 --> 00:09:55,260 - Alright. - Homework! Homework! Homework! 195 00:09:55,343 --> 00:09:57,005 - Mr. Kotter, you forgot-- - Right, right, right. 196 00:09:57,005 --> 00:09:58,940 Homework, tomorrow I want you to answer the questions 197 00:09:59,023 --> 00:10:00,332 at the back of chapter six. 198 00:10:00,414 --> 00:10:02,310 For tomorrow, manyana. 199 00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:03,990 - Hey, Todd. - Yeah. 200 00:10:04,073 --> 00:10:05,914 Can I talk to you for a minute? 201 00:10:05,944 --> 00:10:07,404 Yeah. 202 00:10:09,157 --> 00:10:10,277 - Todd. - Yeah. 203 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,199 You don't understand. 204 00:10:12,282 --> 00:10:16,283 You see, when he forgets to give us homework 205 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:19,671 you're not supposed to remind him. 206 00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:21,210 See, comprendo,dumbo? 207 00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:26,870 - See? - Freddie, if I may? 208 00:10:28,633 --> 00:10:33,299 Todd, on behalf of all the Sweathogs present 209 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,694 I will like to welcome you to our class. 210 00:10:36,776 --> 00:10:38,648 - Ah, thanks, Arnold. - Oh, thanks, Arnold. 211 00:10:38,731 --> 00:10:40,427 - What are you doing? - What are you doing? 212 00:10:40,428 --> 00:10:42,646 - Oh, b-by the way, Todd. - Yeah. 213 00:10:42,647 --> 00:10:45,868 You know that, that-that gook 214 00:10:45,868 --> 00:10:48,914 that they scrape from the bottom of the barrel? 215 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:50,379 - Yeah. - That's you, Todd. 216 00:10:50,462 --> 00:10:51,424 [laughing] 217 00:10:51,506 --> 00:10:54,383 [clamoring] 218 00:10:54,466 --> 00:10:55,949 [bell ringing] 219 00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:58,318 Alright, alright, alright! 220 00:10:59,395 --> 00:11:01,217 Come on, let's cut this out, alright? 221 00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:02,923 We'll be together for a few days maybe. 222 00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:05,021 And we're all here for the same thing, to learn. 223 00:11:05,104 --> 00:11:06,765 You know what I learned today, Mr. Kotter? 224 00:11:06,785 --> 00:11:08,447 I'll tell you what I learned today. 225 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:10,861 I learned that I don't know nothin'! 226 00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:13,329 No, Vinnie, you don't know anything. 227 00:11:13,412 --> 00:11:14,870 See? 228 00:11:15,281 --> 00:11:18,365 Alright, look, learning is like anything else. 229 00:11:18,448 --> 00:11:21,660 People just don't all do it at the same pace. 230 00:11:21,660 --> 00:11:23,843 It's like the stomach flu. 231 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,366 Some people get it... 232 00:11:28,194 --> 00:11:30,564 ...some people don't get it. 233 00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:35,105 I think I got it. 234 00:11:35,154 --> 00:11:38,526 [theme music] 235 00:11:45,033 --> 00:11:48,535 - Julie. - What's the matter? 236 00:11:49,958 --> 00:11:52,459 I have zero temperature. 237 00:11:53,205 --> 00:11:55,967 I think you're probably just reading it wrong. 238 00:11:56,050 --> 00:11:57,510 Oh! Heh. 239 00:11:57,741 --> 00:12:00,845 According to this, you died three days ago. 240 00:12:01,286 --> 00:12:03,690 How do you feel, honey? 241 00:12:03,773 --> 00:12:05,634 You know that gook that they scrape 242 00:12:05,717 --> 00:12:08,938 from the bottom of the barrel? 243 00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:11,330 Why don't you just come on and get back in bed? 244 00:12:11,353 --> 00:12:13,353 I can't. I gotta go to school. 245 00:12:13,436 --> 00:12:16,676 I cannot leave my kids alone with Ms. Fishbeck's class. 246 00:12:16,759 --> 00:12:18,778 I mean, they're starting to feel inadequate already. 247 00:12:18,861 --> 00:12:19,979 If I don't show up, they'll probably 248 00:12:20,062 --> 00:12:22,464 just stop trying to learn. 249 00:12:22,545 --> 00:12:24,447 Besides, uh, they'll put 'em 250 00:12:24,447 --> 00:12:26,851 with Mr. Melman's metal shop if I'm not there. 251 00:12:26,934 --> 00:12:29,036 - So? - Those kids, alone? 252 00:12:29,111 --> 00:12:31,350 In the metal shop class? 253 00:12:31,433 --> 00:12:33,674 They'll build a tank. 254 00:12:35,658 --> 00:12:38,160 Honey, you are crazy. 255 00:12:39,061 --> 00:12:40,642 I know. 256 00:12:40,725 --> 00:12:43,076 That's what makes this marriage work. 257 00:12:43,159 --> 00:12:47,183 Alright. What do you want me to make you for breakfast? 258 00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:49,750 Hm! Don't talk about that. Don't mention that word. 259 00:12:49,761 --> 00:12:51,283 Well, do you want me to pack you a lunch? 260 00:12:51,303 --> 00:12:53,325 Oh! Do not talk about food. 261 00:12:53,325 --> 00:12:54,866 - Please, no food. - Honey... 262 00:12:54,905 --> 00:12:58,047 You cannot go an entire day without eating. 263 00:12:58,130 --> 00:12:59,492 I know that, that's why I'm gonna make myself 264 00:12:59,575 --> 00:13:01,066 a nice sandwich. 265 00:13:01,149 --> 00:13:03,752 I got a nice sandwich that I'm going to make. 266 00:13:03,835 --> 00:13:05,413 Couple pieces of bread. 267 00:13:05,496 --> 00:13:08,338 Then you put on some Anacin. 268 00:13:09,220 --> 00:13:11,320 Some Pepto-Bismol. 269 00:13:12,111 --> 00:13:13,533 Then you get some Milk of Magnesia. 270 00:13:13,616 --> 00:13:16,923 And you got a nice medicine sandwich. 271 00:13:17,006 --> 00:13:18,448 - And then for dessert... - What? 272 00:13:18,448 --> 00:13:21,364 - You can get some nasal spray. - Oh, good. 273 00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:24,520 - I don't feel good, Julie. - Oh... 274 00:13:34,156 --> 00:13:35,942 [Kotter] Well, good morning! 275 00:13:36,025 --> 00:13:39,347 Nice to see the bright, smiling backs of your heads. 276 00:13:40,226 --> 00:13:42,487 You are looking very chipper yourself 277 00:13:42,554 --> 00:13:44,165 this morning, Mr. Kotter. 278 00:13:44,248 --> 00:13:46,154 - Aye, Horshack. - Hm... 279 00:13:46,237 --> 00:13:48,401 Look, Kotter, you don't need us no more. 280 00:13:48,421 --> 00:13:50,582 You finally got some smart kids you can teach. 281 00:13:50,665 --> 00:13:54,037 So why don't you just pretend we ain't here, okay? 282 00:13:54,171 --> 00:13:55,110 Oh. 283 00:13:55,193 --> 00:13:58,718 Little babies got their feelings hurt. 284 00:13:58,799 --> 00:14:01,391 So they're gonna do the old we're-not-gonna-face-Mr.-Kotter 285 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:02,934 routine, right? 286 00:14:08,322 --> 00:14:10,237 Oh, they're gonna pull the old we'll-stick-our-heads 287 00:14:10,247 --> 00:14:13,922 in-the-sand and-be-sweat-ostriches routine. 288 00:14:17,883 --> 00:14:20,065 It's gonna be the old... 289 00:14:20,148 --> 00:14:23,477 That's enough! Come on! Turn those chairs around. 290 00:14:24,456 --> 00:14:25,916 Now! 291 00:14:36,098 --> 00:14:38,320 Facing the front. 292 00:14:43,547 --> 00:14:46,108 Okay, I mean, the way you guys are acting 293 00:14:46,191 --> 00:14:48,073 we're right back to the first day of school. 294 00:14:48,093 --> 00:14:50,273 It's like we haven't learned anything. 295 00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:51,816 No. 296 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:59,087 Now we back to the first day of school. 297 00:14:59,170 --> 00:15:00,409 This is nice, huh? 298 00:15:00,492 --> 00:15:03,052 This is the way for high-school students to act 299 00:15:03,135 --> 00:15:06,530 throwing paper airplanes at their teacher. 300 00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:08,649 Well, I won't stand for it. 301 00:15:15,822 --> 00:15:20,653 Hey, don't fool around with an ex-Sweathog! 302 00:15:20,736 --> 00:15:22,876 M-Mr. Kotter, I got a note 303 00:15:22,959 --> 00:15:25,081 explaining my absenteeism. 304 00:15:26,022 --> 00:15:29,359 "Dear Mr. Kotter, please excuse Juan's abs..." 305 00:15:29,442 --> 00:15:31,584 Aren't you gonna read along? 306 00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:33,904 "Please excuse Juan's absence, he was home 307 00:15:33,987 --> 00:15:35,509 "sick with the stomach flu. 308 00:15:35,509 --> 00:15:37,709 Sincerely, Mrs. Epstein." 309 00:15:38,810 --> 00:15:39,810 Fine. 310 00:15:39,893 --> 00:15:42,331 It's okay, Juan, your excuse is perfectly legitimate. 311 00:15:42,414 --> 00:15:45,397 I know. That's the problem. 312 00:15:45,439 --> 00:15:48,760 It's the first legit excuse I've turned in in 11 years. 313 00:15:48,843 --> 00:15:51,343 [chuckles] Me, Juan Epstein 314 00:15:51,426 --> 00:15:54,246 the flimflam man of Buchanan High School 315 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:56,330 a legit excuse. 316 00:15:56,449 --> 00:15:58,580 [scoffs] What's the world coming to? 317 00:15:58,663 --> 00:16:00,587 - Hey, Juan. - Hey, man. 318 00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:03,346 How are you feeling, Juan? 319 00:16:04,754 --> 00:16:07,152 Uh, better, Horshack. 320 00:16:07,235 --> 00:16:08,695 Good. 321 00:16:09,223 --> 00:16:11,445 Hey, Juan, I didn't finish my lunch yesterday. 322 00:16:11,528 --> 00:16:14,944 You want half a liverwurst sandwich? 323 00:16:15,413 --> 00:16:16,873 Mm... 324 00:16:17,797 --> 00:16:20,658 Mr. Kotter, can I have my note back? 325 00:16:23,105 --> 00:16:24,760 [door shuts] 326 00:16:24,843 --> 00:16:28,280 Put that thing away, Arnold, before you empty the school out. 327 00:16:29,474 --> 00:16:32,195 Alright, yesterday you were supposed to answer the questions 328 00:16:32,278 --> 00:16:33,961 on the back of chapter six. 329 00:16:33,961 --> 00:16:36,622 Will everyone please take out their homework? 330 00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:38,165 Now. 331 00:16:40,071 --> 00:16:44,635 Mr. Vincent Barbarino, I don't see any homework. 332 00:16:44,718 --> 00:16:47,399 Alright, so I didn't do my homework. 333 00:16:47,482 --> 00:16:50,546 So excuse me for livin'. 334 00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:53,871 How about you, Arnold? Did you do your homework? 335 00:16:54,154 --> 00:16:55,654 We-ell... 336 00:16:56,770 --> 00:17:01,736 Mr. Kotter, if Vinnie did not do his homework 337 00:17:01,819 --> 00:17:03,499 then the chances is very great 338 00:17:03,582 --> 00:17:06,519 that I didn't do my homework either. 339 00:17:07,689 --> 00:17:09,789 What about you, Freddie? 340 00:17:10,604 --> 00:17:11,704 [clears throat] Well, you see, uh... 341 00:17:11,787 --> 00:17:13,156 [clears throat] 342 00:17:13,239 --> 00:17:14,653 Hi there. 343 00:17:16,621 --> 00:17:18,784 - Hi there. Homework. - Oh, homework? 344 00:17:18,868 --> 00:17:20,067 You see, well, I don't happen to have my homework 345 00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:22,250 right here handy. 346 00:17:23,554 --> 00:17:26,461 Did you do your homework? 347 00:17:26,544 --> 00:17:28,004 No. 348 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,559 Did anybody in this class do their homework? 349 00:17:31,642 --> 00:17:35,405 - I did mine, Mr. Kotter. - Thank you, Todd. 350 00:17:35,425 --> 00:17:37,058 My homework's right here, too, Mr. Kotter. 351 00:17:37,058 --> 00:17:41,064 It's typed, in triplicate. 352 00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:42,607 Naturally. 353 00:17:43,644 --> 00:17:46,473 Aye, yo, Mr. Kotter... 354 00:17:46,556 --> 00:17:49,298 ...why do you need our homework for? 355 00:17:49,338 --> 00:17:52,000 They got all the answers. 356 00:17:52,501 --> 00:17:56,917 Yeah. What we got is a lot of questions. 357 00:17:58,415 --> 00:18:00,797 I don't want you to stop asking questions. 358 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,143 Asking questions is how you learn. You can't just quit. 359 00:18:04,164 --> 00:18:06,984 What would have happened if George Washington quit, huh? 360 00:18:07,067 --> 00:18:08,667 Abraham Lincoln quit? 361 00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:11,332 What would have happened if Murray Cornfeld quit? 362 00:18:11,415 --> 00:18:13,999 I ain't never heard of no Murray Cornfeld. 363 00:18:14,078 --> 00:18:17,515 You know why you never heard of him? Because he quit! 364 00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,661 Now, you wanna know why Ms. Fishbeck's class 365 00:18:21,744 --> 00:18:23,302 knows all the answers? 366 00:18:23,386 --> 00:18:24,846 No. 367 00:18:28,531 --> 00:18:30,551 Well, I'll tell you anyway, they know all the answers 368 00:18:30,634 --> 00:18:32,201 because they learn, they study 369 00:18:32,215 --> 00:18:34,037 because school's important to them. 370 00:18:34,057 --> 00:18:35,319 You could know all the answers, too. 371 00:18:35,379 --> 00:18:37,238 All you have to do is study. 372 00:18:37,321 --> 00:18:39,758 I gotta disagree with that, Mr. Kotter. 373 00:18:39,763 --> 00:18:42,394 I tried it. It don't work. 374 00:18:43,367 --> 00:18:46,489 I once opened up a book... 375 00:18:48,514 --> 00:18:49,956 ...and I studied it. 376 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,724 I mean, studied. No foolin' around. 377 00:18:52,744 --> 00:18:54,843 Fifteen solid minutes! 378 00:18:57,230 --> 00:18:59,169 And nothing happened! 379 00:18:59,253 --> 00:19:02,414 Look, you can learn anything you want, but that's the key word 380 00:19:02,497 --> 00:19:04,063 you have to want to. 381 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,840 Now, you people know things that they don't know. 382 00:19:06,924 --> 00:19:08,799 Sure. Like, what? 383 00:19:08,882 --> 00:19:11,246 Like, what? Okay, I'll prove it to you. 384 00:19:11,330 --> 00:19:13,733 You've heard of the College Bowl? 385 00:19:13,733 --> 00:19:16,875 Well, it's time to play the Kotter bowl. 386 00:19:17,663 --> 00:19:20,476 Okay. First question. 387 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:24,608 Judy, who's the all-time leading rebounder in the NBA? 388 00:19:24,691 --> 00:19:26,151 The what? 389 00:19:26,592 --> 00:19:29,470 [mimicking buzzer] 390 00:19:29,553 --> 00:19:31,557 Wrong. Can you take it, Washington, Sweathogs? 391 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,781 Yeah, yeah, yeah, the all-time leading rebounder in the NBA is 392 00:19:34,864 --> 00:19:38,062 Wilt the Stilt Chamberlain. 393 00:19:39,890 --> 00:19:43,653 Who cares? I hate baseball. 394 00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:46,119 Next question! 395 00:19:46,256 --> 00:19:48,520 You have a date with a girl at 8:30. 396 00:19:48,603 --> 00:19:51,223 You have a date with another girl at nine o'clock. 397 00:19:51,306 --> 00:19:52,960 One is a blonde, one is a brunette. 398 00:19:52,968 --> 00:19:55,127 Now, how can you keep both dates without letting either one 399 00:19:55,210 --> 00:19:58,451 know about the other? Can you take that, Todd, Fishbeck's? 400 00:19:58,534 --> 00:19:59,556 Well, who would wanna go out with two girls 401 00:19:59,556 --> 00:20:01,489 in the same night anyway? 402 00:20:01,572 --> 00:20:03,997 [mimicking buzzer] 403 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,542 Barbarino, Sweathogs. 404 00:20:07,626 --> 00:20:09,126 Simple. 405 00:20:09,759 --> 00:20:12,183 Alright, you got the blonde, right? 406 00:20:12,266 --> 00:20:14,005 You tell her to meet you at Coney Island 407 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:15,547 on the boardwalk, right? 408 00:20:15,630 --> 00:20:17,153 Then you tell the brunette to meet you 409 00:20:17,193 --> 00:20:21,023 at Coney Island under the boardwalk, right? 410 00:20:21,038 --> 00:20:23,261 And then you spend the whole night going up and down 411 00:20:23,261 --> 00:20:27,222 up and down, up and down, up and down, up... 412 00:20:27,305 --> 00:20:28,765 Correct! 413 00:20:29,670 --> 00:20:34,975 Excuse me, Mr. Kotter, but don't I know nothing? 414 00:20:37,721 --> 00:20:41,899 Or am I the proverbial village mandrake? 415 00:20:41,982 --> 00:20:44,637 Next question is a 25-point toss-up. 416 00:20:44,648 --> 00:20:46,050 First one to answer it. 417 00:20:46,133 --> 00:20:50,456 Okay, who were the stars of the musical movie 418 00:20:50,539 --> 00:20:52,120 "Footlight Parade?" 419 00:20:52,203 --> 00:20:55,008 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Me! 420 00:20:55,091 --> 00:20:57,678 Oh, please, me! Oh! 421 00:20:57,762 --> 00:20:59,222 Horshack, Sweathogs. 422 00:20:59,885 --> 00:21:02,646 James Cagney, Dick Powell, Joan Blondell 423 00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:06,716 and the ever-popular Ruby Keeler. 424 00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:11,848 ♪ By a waterfall I'm calling you-ou-ou ♪ 425 00:21:11,935 --> 00:21:14,785 ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪♪ 426 00:21:22,718 --> 00:21:25,002 And who can forget Cagney? 427 00:21:26,934 --> 00:21:29,680 ♪ I searched here and I searched there ♪ 428 00:21:29,763 --> 00:21:33,031 ♪ I'm searching for my Shanghai Lil ♪ 429 00:21:33,114 --> 00:21:37,134 ♪ He's searching for his Shanghai Lil ♪ 430 00:21:37,134 --> 00:21:41,290 ♪ Boys make way for Shanghai Lil ha ♪♪ 431 00:21:44,750 --> 00:21:46,817 [indistinct chatter] 432 00:21:52,826 --> 00:21:54,715 Well, Mr. Woodman 433 00:21:54,799 --> 00:21:57,969 at least you and I are back on our feet. 434 00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:03,444 You know, Kotter, I was pretty sick last week. 435 00:22:03,527 --> 00:22:08,261 And as I lay in my bed, I, uh, had a lot of time to think... 436 00:22:08,344 --> 00:22:13,132 ...about my life and, uh, mistakes I made. 437 00:22:13,215 --> 00:22:17,455 And, Kotter, there's something I want to tell you. 438 00:22:17,538 --> 00:22:18,999 Yes, Mr. Woodman? 439 00:22:19,082 --> 00:22:21,562 I still don't like you. 440 00:22:22,809 --> 00:22:25,224 You dirty rat. You... 441 00:22:35,036 --> 00:22:39,153 Awfully glad you could make it, Mr. Kotter. 442 00:22:39,236 --> 00:22:42,020 Well, Arnold, I guess it's just you and me, huh? 443 00:22:42,103 --> 00:22:45,606 Oh, yes. Isn't it grand? 444 00:22:46,609 --> 00:22:48,648 Well, since I am a teacher and you are a student 445 00:22:48,731 --> 00:22:50,646 there is no reason to waste a day. 446 00:22:50,693 --> 00:22:51,932 I don't think we should start anything new 447 00:22:52,015 --> 00:22:53,193 with everybody absent. 448 00:22:53,276 --> 00:22:55,119 Let's just review some of the old stuff. 449 00:22:55,138 --> 00:22:58,304 So, sure. Go ahead, go ahead. 450 00:22:58,388 --> 00:23:00,869 Okay, on the Lewis and Clark expedition 451 00:23:00,952 --> 00:23:03,127 who was the Indian guy? 452 00:23:03,175 --> 00:23:06,532 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, oh, oh! Please, me! 453 00:23:06,615 --> 00:23:10,451 Call on me. Oh, oh, oh! Call me! Oh! 454 00:23:10,534 --> 00:23:13,079 [theme music] 455 00:23:14,465 --> 00:23:16,605 Julie, did I ever tell you about my Uncle Morris? 456 00:23:16,688 --> 00:23:18,423 No. Why don't you? 457 00:23:18,506 --> 00:23:20,368 - Alright, I certainly will. - Okay. 458 00:23:20,451 --> 00:23:22,192 Uncle Morris was in this country for five years 459 00:23:22,213 --> 00:23:24,675 and he wanted to be a citizen more than anything in the world. 460 00:23:24,675 --> 00:23:26,914 So he went to the judge to take his citizenship test. 461 00:23:26,997 --> 00:23:29,319 He said, "Judge, I know everything about this country. 462 00:23:29,379 --> 00:23:31,421 "I know from George Washington, Abraham Lincoln 463 00:23:31,441 --> 00:23:33,142 "to Declaration of Independence. 464 00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:35,244 "I know the Emancipation Proclamation. 465 00:23:35,244 --> 00:23:37,383 "But I don't think you're gonna let me be a citizen 466 00:23:37,465 --> 00:23:39,581 because I don't speak good English." 467 00:23:39,665 --> 00:23:42,727 Well, what did the judge say? 468 00:23:42,811 --> 00:23:45,687 The judge said, "Don't you worry, you'll pass the test. 469 00:23:45,687 --> 00:23:48,671 [foreign accent] You'll be alright. What are you worrying about?" 470 00:23:48,672 --> 00:23:52,087 [theme music] 471 00:23:56,629 --> 00:23:59,870 [theme song] 472 00:24:04,158 --> 00:24:06,904 ♪ Welcome back ♪ 473 00:24:06,987 --> 00:24:10,516 ♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪ 474 00:24:10,599 --> 00:24:12,736 ♪ Welcome back ♪ 475 00:24:12,819 --> 00:24:17,566 ♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪ 476 00:24:17,649 --> 00:24:22,049 ♪ Well the names have all changed since you hung around ♪ 477 00:24:22,132 --> 00:24:26,576 ♪ But those dreams have remained and they're turned around ♪ 478 00:24:26,659 --> 00:24:28,752 ♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪ 479 00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:30,363 ♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪ 480 00:24:30,445 --> 00:24:32,582 ♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪ 481 00:24:32,665 --> 00:24:35,062 ♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪♪ Yeah ♪ 482 00:24:35,145 --> 00:24:38,892 ♪ We tease him a lot 'cause we've got him on the spot ♪ 483 00:24:38,975 --> 00:24:41,155 ♪ Welcome back ♪ 484 00:24:41,238 --> 00:24:45,377 ♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪ 485 00:24:45,460 --> 00:24:47,597 ♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪ 486 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,729 ♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪ 487 00:24:49,812 --> 00:24:51,992 ♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪ 488 00:24:52,075 --> 00:24:54,125 ♪ 'Cause we've got him on the spot ♪ 489 00:24:54,208 --> 00:24:56,344 ♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪ 490 00:24:56,427 --> 00:24:58,564 ♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪ 491 00:24:58,647 --> 00:25:00,697 ♪ 'Cause we've got him on the spot ♪ 492 00:25:00,780 --> 00:25:02,960 ♪ Welcome back ♪ 493 00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:07,312 ♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪ 494 00:25:07,395 --> 00:25:12,443 ♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back welcome ♪♪ 36701

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