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1
00:00:01,270 --> 00:00:02,229
Julie, did I tell you
what happened last week
2
00:00:02,232 --> 00:00:03,231
to my Aunt Esther?
3
00:00:03,314 --> 00:00:05,554
You never even told me
you had an Aunt Esther.
4
00:00:05,636 --> 00:00:07,639
Last week Aunt Esther
was in her living room
5
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,283
when all of a sudden
the doorbell rang.
6
00:00:09,303 --> 00:00:11,083
She answered the door and there
was a nice young man there
7
00:00:11,166 --> 00:00:12,869
who says,
"I have a telegram for you."
8
00:00:12,889 --> 00:00:15,310
She said, "Young man, you know
what I wanted my whole life?
9
00:00:15,393 --> 00:00:16,875
A singing telegram."
10
00:00:16,895 --> 00:00:19,035
He said, "I'm sorry.
This is not a singing telegram."
11
00:00:19,118 --> 00:00:22,321
She said, "Will you begrudge
an old lady a singing telegram
12
00:00:22,404 --> 00:00:25,188
once in her life?
Would you do that to me?"
13
00:00:25,188 --> 00:00:26,567
He said, "Alright, lady,
if you want it
14
00:00:26,650 --> 00:00:28,052
I'll do a singing telegram."
15
00:00:28,052 --> 00:00:29,467
He opens it up and he said...
16
00:00:29,549 --> 00:00:30,649
♪ Ta-da-ta-da-ta-ta ♪
17
00:00:30,724 --> 00:00:34,341
♪ Your sister Rose is dead ♪
18
00:00:34,424 --> 00:00:36,778
♪ It seems
that she died in bed ♪
19
00:00:36,861 --> 00:00:40,312
♪ She was really great
but she was 88 ♪
20
00:00:40,395 --> 00:00:44,463
♪ And your sister Rose
is dead ♪♪
21
00:00:46,090 --> 00:00:48,145
[Kotter] "Welcome Back, Kotter"
is recorded live
22
00:00:48,228 --> 00:00:49,748
before a studio audience.
23
00:00:49,831 --> 00:00:53,247
[theme song]
24
00:00:57,665 --> 00:01:00,411
♪ Welcome back ♪
25
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:04,197
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
26
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,460
♪ Welcome back ♪
27
00:01:06,543 --> 00:01:11,161
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
28
00:01:11,244 --> 00:01:15,687
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
29
00:01:15,770 --> 00:01:20,170
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
30
00:01:20,253 --> 00:01:22,302
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
31
00:01:22,385 --> 00:01:23,999
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
32
00:01:24,082 --> 00:01:26,171
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
33
00:01:26,215 --> 00:01:30,353
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
34
00:01:30,436 --> 00:01:32,442
♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪
35
00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:34,792
♪ Welcome back ♪
36
00:01:34,875 --> 00:01:40,250
♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪♪
37
00:01:40,925 --> 00:01:43,906
[theme music]
38
00:01:49,107 --> 00:01:50,869
Julie, I'm home.
39
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:02,614
Hiya!
40
00:02:10,684 --> 00:02:13,366
Well, I see
I got that same old magic.
41
00:02:13,449 --> 00:02:14,994
[sighs]
42
00:02:16,023 --> 00:02:18,565
Hi. I didn't hear you come in.
43
00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:25,361
Julie, are you okay, huh?
44
00:02:26,686 --> 00:02:29,548
Look at me! Look at me!
45
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,576
Look at me! Look at me!
46
00:02:36,207 --> 00:02:37,669
- I'm an intelligent person.
- Yes, you are.
47
00:02:37,752 --> 00:02:39,885
- I'm a college graduate.
- I know. I know that.
48
00:02:39,895 --> 00:02:43,311
What am I doing?
I'm watching meatloaf!
49
00:02:44,221 --> 00:02:45,571
Well, would you feel
more comfortable
50
00:02:45,622 --> 00:02:48,525
if you looked at some lettuce
for a while?
51
00:02:49,948 --> 00:02:52,128
Hey, look. I'm sorry.
52
00:02:52,211 --> 00:02:53,948
Hey, now what's the problem?
53
00:02:54,031 --> 00:02:56,214
Candy Lieberman came over today.
54
00:02:56,297 --> 00:03:00,674
Oh. Well, Candy Lieberman
is a definite problem.
55
00:03:00,674 --> 00:03:03,894
I know that she is not
your favorite neighbor.
56
00:03:03,977 --> 00:03:07,302
Favorite? Julie,
we don't like each other.
57
00:03:07,344 --> 00:03:10,781
Every time I go to take out
the garbage, she boos.
58
00:03:11,510 --> 00:03:14,153
It is not you personally.
59
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,935
It's husbands, in general.
60
00:03:17,018 --> 00:03:19,158
She had a very bad marriage.
61
00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:22,864
Of course it was a bad marriage.
She was the wife.
62
00:03:24,858 --> 00:03:27,559
Well, she is thrilled
about being single.
63
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:30,961
And she was over here today,
flaunting her freedom.
64
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:34,108
She's going to Vermont
to go skiing this weekend.
65
00:03:34,191 --> 00:03:36,775
Oh, big deal. I mean, you could
go skiing if you wanted to.
66
00:03:36,795 --> 00:03:38,371
That's what I told her.
67
00:03:38,454 --> 00:03:40,777
So she asked me to go with her.
68
00:03:40,860 --> 00:03:42,597
Well, what did you say?
69
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,577
I told her,
"I'd have to ask my husband."
70
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:49,205
Julie, that's just it.
You don't have to ask me.
71
00:03:49,225 --> 00:03:51,749
Look, we have a free
and an equal relationship.
72
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,718
If one of us wants to do
something, we just do it.
73
00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:56,196
Now go over and tell Candy
that you'll go
74
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:58,607
skiing with her this weekend.
75
00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:02,667
I already did.
76
00:04:05,697 --> 00:04:08,179
Without asking me?
77
00:04:12,578 --> 00:04:15,342
Okay, so to ensure
our system of government
78
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:19,085
that all men and women
79
00:04:19,168 --> 00:04:21,812
have the right to choose
their own way of life
80
00:04:21,812 --> 00:04:23,191
we fought the Revolutionary War
81
00:04:23,274 --> 00:04:25,815
that went through
in Valley Forge.
82
00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:28,095
It was cold, brutal.
83
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:31,825
Two feet of snow on the ground.
84
00:04:32,327 --> 00:04:34,569
All the lifts were open.
85
00:04:36,474 --> 00:04:39,933
And the instructors wore
tight ski pants.
86
00:04:41,474 --> 00:04:44,803
Excuse me, Mr. Kotter!
87
00:04:47,222 --> 00:04:51,029
Isn't Valley Forge
in Pennsylvania?
88
00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:53,448
Sure, it's in Pennsylvania.
89
00:04:53,532 --> 00:04:56,293
Well, I don't like to be picky,
but you seem to be pointing
90
00:04:56,376 --> 00:04:59,639
somewhere in the neighborhood
of Jackson Hole, Wyoming.
91
00:04:59,639 --> 00:05:02,402
[students laughing]
92
00:05:02,564 --> 00:05:05,296
Hey, Kotter, I got a question.
93
00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:07,796
How come they always say
94
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:11,505
"George Washington slept here,
George Washington slept there"?
95
00:05:11,588 --> 00:05:15,047
I mean, who cares
where George Washington slept?
96
00:05:15,595 --> 00:05:17,618
Probably, only Martha.
97
00:05:22,526 --> 00:05:23,825
- You notice somethin'?
- Hm?
98
00:05:23,908 --> 00:05:24,970
I think he might've had a thing
99
00:05:24,970 --> 00:05:26,720
going on the side
with Betsy Ross.
100
00:05:26,802 --> 00:05:29,826
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
101
00:05:29,958 --> 00:05:32,419
Oh! Betsy Ross.
102
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:37,112
She was a little sew and sew.
103
00:05:39,459 --> 00:05:42,443
Hey, Mr. Kotter, you think
guys like George Washington
104
00:05:42,526 --> 00:05:44,626
uh, messed around?
105
00:05:44,847 --> 00:05:46,731
Hey, Epstein, are you kiddin'?
106
00:05:46,815 --> 00:05:50,437
A guy in a powdered wig
is lookin' for trouble.
107
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,806
Man, he'd never make two blocks
in this neighborhood.
108
00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:57,263
Oh, yeah, well, how do you know
while George was away
109
00:05:57,346 --> 00:05:58,695
Martha didn't play?
110
00:05:58,778 --> 00:06:00,718
No, she didn't do that.
111
00:06:00,718 --> 00:06:03,779
That's right.
Now who knows what Martha did?
112
00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:07,142
She might have gone skiing
with Candy Lieberman.
113
00:06:07,142 --> 00:06:09,949
[bell ringing]
114
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,109
[Vinnie] Hey, come here.
I wanna talk to you.
115
00:06:17,193 --> 00:06:18,674
- He's acting weird.
- Yeah, well.
116
00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:20,475
- Let's go watch him.
- Check him out.
117
00:06:20,476 --> 00:06:21,636
- Check it out.
- Yeah.
118
00:06:21,637 --> 00:06:24,857
Hey, Kotter,
we-we was all wonderin'.
119
00:06:24,857 --> 00:06:28,604
I mean... Hey,
what's wrong with you today?
120
00:06:28,604 --> 00:06:30,079
- What's wrong?
- Yeah.
121
00:06:30,162 --> 00:06:32,226
- What's wrong with me?
- Yeah.
122
00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:33,866
Nothing wrong with me.
123
00:06:33,950 --> 00:06:36,433
Oh, come on. You can't kid us.
124
00:06:36,517 --> 00:06:39,743
I mean, you leave me no choice
but to prove it.
125
00:06:39,763 --> 00:06:41,121
Hey, Kotter.
126
00:06:41,205 --> 00:06:44,359
Up your nose with a rubber hose.
127
00:06:50,803 --> 00:06:52,003
Hey, Kotter,
you are so low. You...
128
00:06:52,087 --> 00:06:54,273
I mean, you are so low
that you could play handball
129
00:06:54,356 --> 00:06:56,100
up against the curb.
130
00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:57,798
[laughing]
131
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:04,135
See what I mean? The old Kotter
wouldn't have taken that.
132
00:07:04,218 --> 00:07:06,517
He's right, Mr. Kotter.
133
00:07:06,601 --> 00:07:10,527
If you was yourself today and
Vinnie said them things to you
134
00:07:10,527 --> 00:07:12,970
why, you probably would've
said somethin' like, uh
135
00:07:12,970 --> 00:07:17,292
"Hey, Vinnie, you know
why you don't got no freckles?
136
00:07:17,376 --> 00:07:20,200
'Cause they'd probably
slide off!"
137
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,243
[laughing]
138
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,893
And then, then you probably
would've said
139
00:07:27,893 --> 00:07:30,497
"Hey, Vinnie,
if you ever jumped off
140
00:07:30,497 --> 00:07:32,696
"the George Washington Bridge
141
00:07:32,780 --> 00:07:36,600
"you'd leave a bathtub ring!
142
00:07:36,683 --> 00:07:39,804
All around the Hudson River!"
143
00:07:39,887 --> 00:07:43,737
[laughing] And then, then the big finish,
the big finish.
144
00:07:43,737 --> 00:07:48,123
"Hey, Vinnie,
they tell me your mother--"
145
00:07:48,124 --> 00:07:51,165
- Alright, alright, alright!
- Ah!
146
00:07:52,270 --> 00:07:54,751
Enough, Horshack. Enough!
147
00:07:57,531 --> 00:08:01,215
Hey, Mr. Kotter, look.
We your friends.
148
00:08:01,298 --> 00:08:03,742
I mean,
come on, level with us here.
149
00:08:03,742 --> 00:08:05,461
What's the matter? What's wrong?
150
00:08:05,544 --> 00:08:06,963
There's nothing wrong,
it's just that
151
00:08:07,046 --> 00:08:08,545
Julie went away for the weekend
152
00:08:08,628 --> 00:08:11,305
and we've never been separated
before.
153
00:08:11,389 --> 00:08:15,175
Oh! Oh, you and Mrs. Kotter
separated.
154
00:08:15,258 --> 00:08:18,064
Hey, that's a bummer.
Isn't that a bummer?
155
00:08:19,223 --> 00:08:22,459
Who's the other guy?
156
00:08:22,542 --> 00:08:25,306
Hey, look, if you want, I mean,
I'll take care of him for ya.
157
00:08:25,389 --> 00:08:26,869
Hey, it's nothing like that.
158
00:08:26,931 --> 00:08:28,933
She just went away
for the weekend.
159
00:08:28,973 --> 00:08:31,519
Sure, yeah.
That's what they all say.
160
00:08:33,195 --> 00:08:37,079
It's like my sister's husband.
He went away for the weekend.
161
00:08:37,162 --> 00:08:39,838
He ain't been back
in three years!
162
00:08:41,224 --> 00:08:42,906
[Vinnie] You know, Freddie is right.
163
00:08:42,989 --> 00:08:46,152
Let me put it to you
as delicately as possible.
164
00:08:46,152 --> 00:08:48,219
You been dumped.
165
00:08:49,986 --> 00:08:54,107
Take it from me. There's only
one way to get over a woman.
166
00:08:54,190 --> 00:08:57,976
Find another one.
I happen to know this girl.
167
00:08:58,059 --> 00:09:02,040
She's a little too, uh, old
for me. She's 19.
168
00:09:03,708 --> 00:09:07,088
Oh, she... Believe me,
she's ready to trot.
169
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:08,071
- Ready to trot?
- Yeah.
170
00:09:08,154 --> 00:09:10,786
Well, take her out
to Yonkers Raceway.
171
00:09:11,359 --> 00:09:12,919
Look, I appreciate your concern
172
00:09:13,002 --> 00:09:16,069
but Julie just went skiing
for the weekend.
173
00:09:17,039 --> 00:09:19,061
Come on, uh,
let's-let's leave him alone.
174
00:09:19,144 --> 00:09:22,581
We better go now, alright?
Come on. Let's go, guys, right?
175
00:09:24,229 --> 00:09:27,993
She just went skiing
for the weekend.
176
00:09:32,014 --> 00:09:35,778
Hey, Mr. Kotter,
i-i-it's not that bad.
177
00:09:35,861 --> 00:09:39,233
My sister's second husband
only stayed away six months.
178
00:09:43,448 --> 00:09:45,208
Be brave...
179
00:09:46,722 --> 00:09:48,363
...little buckaroo.
180
00:10:07,055 --> 00:10:08,643
[thuds]
181
00:10:12,609 --> 00:10:14,109
Uh, Kotter.
182
00:10:15,618 --> 00:10:18,181
Uh, I am the assistant
principal, after all
183
00:10:18,181 --> 00:10:20,761
and you are just a teacher,
but, uh
184
00:10:20,844 --> 00:10:22,466
if you have
some sort of problem--
185
00:10:22,486 --> 00:10:24,927
Yes, I do have a problem.
You see, my wife's--
186
00:10:25,010 --> 00:10:27,599
Oh, uh, wife, uh, husband
and wife problem, uh, uh, that...
187
00:10:27,599 --> 00:10:30,516
I mean, uh, I'm, uh...
Never been either of those.
188
00:10:30,517 --> 00:10:32,600
I, uh, I mean, married.
189
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,042
That is,
if you had a problem, uh
190
00:10:35,043 --> 00:10:38,948
with the school supplies or the,
uh, teacher's pension plan--
191
00:10:38,949 --> 00:10:40,871
Listen, Mr. Woodman,
Julie and I have been married
192
00:10:40,871 --> 00:10:44,087
for three years, and it's the
first time we've been separated.
193
00:10:44,170 --> 00:10:45,188
What?
194
00:10:45,271 --> 00:10:47,934
Wha-what do you mean,
she-she left you?
195
00:10:48,016 --> 00:10:50,117
Yes. For the weekend!
196
00:10:50,259 --> 00:10:52,740
She went, uh, skiing in Vermont.
197
00:10:52,823 --> 00:10:55,405
A ski weekend in Vermont?
198
00:10:55,484 --> 00:10:57,083
Mr. Woodman, what's wrong?
199
00:10:57,166 --> 00:11:00,787
Kotter, sit down,
would you, please?
200
00:11:00,870 --> 00:11:04,460
I'm gonna tell you something
that very few people know.
201
00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:07,653
I was once engaged to be married
202
00:11:07,736 --> 00:11:11,020
to the sweetest, purest girl
who ever lived
203
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,500
Bunny Sholdenfry.
204
00:11:14,399 --> 00:11:15,859
Bunny Sholdenfry?
205
00:11:16,544 --> 00:11:19,136
We were to be married
on Christmas Day.
206
00:11:19,219 --> 00:11:21,121
On the 21st of December
207
00:11:21,121 --> 00:11:24,746
Bunny went
on a ski weekend to Vermont.
208
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,743
I don't know if it was
moonlight in Vermont
209
00:11:26,768 --> 00:11:30,184
or Max Schlicht in Vermont.
210
00:11:31,052 --> 00:11:32,711
Who is Max Schlicht?
211
00:11:32,794 --> 00:11:34,573
Her ski instructor.
212
00:11:34,655 --> 00:11:37,246
I bet he had tight pants, huh?
213
00:11:38,481 --> 00:11:40,061
And goggles.
214
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:46,173
Anyway, I, uh,
I never saw Bunny again.
215
00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:48,678
What? You mean
she just vanished?
216
00:11:48,719 --> 00:11:52,864
Oh, no. I, uh,
I heard from her once.
217
00:11:52,864 --> 00:11:56,505
Postcard from the Alps.
218
00:11:56,588 --> 00:12:01,309
It was during the war and, uh,
Max was pretending to be Swiss!
219
00:12:03,155 --> 00:12:04,534
No, Kotter.
220
00:12:04,617 --> 00:12:06,997
I would never let
a woman I loved
221
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,756
spend a ski weekend in Vermont.
222
00:12:16,929 --> 00:12:18,390
So...
223
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,485
...you are Julie Kotter, huh?
224
00:12:22,477 --> 00:12:26,561
Well, you're skinny but cute.
225
00:12:26,644 --> 00:12:29,199
Not much meat there,
but what there is is choice.
226
00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:31,208
[laughs]
227
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:35,050
I am the fabulously handsome
Max Schlicht Jr.
228
00:12:35,133 --> 00:12:36,656
Ha-ha-ha...
229
00:12:36,739 --> 00:12:38,132
What do you say, Liebchen?
230
00:12:38,181 --> 00:12:41,660
Let's go mess around
behind the snowdrift.
231
00:12:41,743 --> 00:12:44,527
We'll shoosh under the stars.
232
00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:46,894
We'll hotdog our way to heaven.
233
00:12:48,155 --> 00:12:50,265
Come on, cutie pie.
234
00:12:51,039 --> 00:12:52,499
Julie!
235
00:12:53,583 --> 00:12:57,434
Julie, don't do it!
He's not even Swiss!
236
00:12:58,998 --> 00:13:02,413
[theme music]
237
00:13:04,436 --> 00:13:05,958
Look, Marty, I understand. Hey.
238
00:13:06,041 --> 00:13:08,123
I called you at the last minute
on a Friday night.
239
00:13:08,144 --> 00:13:09,942
You got plans, right?
240
00:13:10,018 --> 00:13:12,976
Oh, you and Eddie got dates?
Wow.
241
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:17,303
Two Air Siam stewardesses
are flying in from Bangkok.
242
00:13:17,386 --> 00:13:20,210
Hey, they'll take their shoes
off and walk on your back.
243
00:13:20,210 --> 00:13:23,572
Coffee, tea or hoo-hoo-hoo?
244
00:13:24,311 --> 00:13:26,494
Hey, listen, Marty.
Let's keep in touch, huh?
245
00:13:26,577 --> 00:13:28,720
Give me a call sometime.
Terrific.
246
00:13:28,740 --> 00:13:31,765
Hey, nice talkin' again, pal.
Bye.
247
00:13:32,101 --> 00:13:35,084
Yeah. Two Air Siam stewardesses.
248
00:13:35,167 --> 00:13:38,189
Probably two waitresses
from the bowling alley.
249
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,687
Let's see, who can I call?
250
00:13:41,770 --> 00:13:43,570
Been so long.
251
00:13:43,653 --> 00:13:47,418
Leon! Hey, it'd be great
to see Leon.
252
00:13:51,299 --> 00:13:52,759
[chuckles] Leon.
253
00:13:53,229 --> 00:13:54,689
Leon!
254
00:13:55,492 --> 00:13:58,056
Hey, Leon! Leon!
255
00:13:59,058 --> 00:14:00,387
It's Gabe!
256
00:14:00,470 --> 00:14:03,407
[chuckles] It's Gabe!
257
00:14:04,346 --> 00:14:05,806
Kotter.
258
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,734
♪-O-T-T-E-R.
259
00:14:09,817 --> 00:14:11,677
From the army!
260
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:15,401
That's right. Corporal Kotter.
How you doin', Leon?
261
00:14:15,484 --> 00:14:17,523
Hey, I'll tell you why
I'm callin', my wife went away
262
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:19,469
for the weekend.
I'm thinkin' what should I do.
263
00:14:19,489 --> 00:14:21,231
Then it hits me.
I'll call up Leon.
264
00:14:21,231 --> 00:14:23,894
Two old army buddies will get
together and shoot the breeze.
265
00:14:23,914 --> 00:14:26,455
Come on,
we'll kill a Friday night.
266
00:14:27,635 --> 00:14:29,437
No, I didn't know that, Leon.
267
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,560
I mean, how am I supposed
to know that?
268
00:14:31,643 --> 00:14:34,279
I didn't know
that you became a rabbi.
269
00:14:35,554 --> 00:14:38,229
Look, in the army
you weren't even Jewish.
270
00:14:40,761 --> 00:14:43,931
Well, I guess that takes care
of Friday night, huh?
271
00:14:44,566 --> 00:14:47,527
Why don't we get together
on a Sunday night?
272
00:14:47,610 --> 00:14:49,310
Terrific! I'll give you a call.
273
00:14:49,393 --> 00:14:51,355
Okay. Shalom.
274
00:14:52,757 --> 00:14:54,217
Shalom.
275
00:14:54,911 --> 00:14:57,202
S-H-A-L-O-M.
276
00:14:57,285 --> 00:14:59,466
It means goodbye.
277
00:15:00,027 --> 00:15:01,487
Goodbye, Leon.
278
00:15:02,991 --> 00:15:05,362
Must be a Reform rabbi.
279
00:15:10,050 --> 00:15:12,117
No, I can't do that.
280
00:15:13,883 --> 00:15:15,343
No.
281
00:15:26,446 --> 00:15:27,906
Barbarino!
282
00:15:30,750 --> 00:15:32,850
It's Mr. Kotter.
283
00:15:33,172 --> 00:15:36,566
What do you mean "What?"
Your teacher. Mr. Kotter.
284
00:15:36,649 --> 00:15:39,711
"Where?" From school!
From where. That's...
285
00:15:39,778 --> 00:15:41,961
No, listen, take it easy.
Nothing's missing.
286
00:15:41,981 --> 00:15:44,265
I'll tell you why I'm calling.
287
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:49,211
Hey, look, you know,
I don't wanna get in the way
288
00:15:49,211 --> 00:15:50,647
of any plans
that you guys have made.
289
00:15:50,653 --> 00:15:52,256
- No, no, no.
- Hey, no, man.
290
00:15:52,339 --> 00:15:55,516
We wasn't planning
anything special.
291
00:15:55,560 --> 00:16:00,221
I bet two blues
and three whites.
292
00:16:00,304 --> 00:16:02,831
I forget. How much is that now?
293
00:16:02,914 --> 00:16:05,437
Uh, Mr. Kotter wouldn't let us
play for no money.
294
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,218
So two blues and three whites
are worth
295
00:16:07,284 --> 00:16:10,208
two blues and three whites.
296
00:16:10,291 --> 00:16:12,433
Two blues and three whites.
297
00:16:12,516 --> 00:16:14,598
I'm out.
Hey, I wanna talk to you--
298
00:16:14,681 --> 00:16:16,305
- Come on, we're gonna play po--
- It's business!
299
00:16:16,305 --> 00:16:18,407
I gotta talk business.
Come on, I wanna talk with you.
300
00:16:18,490 --> 00:16:20,513
I'll be right back.
301
00:16:21,472 --> 00:16:22,932
I'm out.
302
00:16:23,092 --> 00:16:27,375
Now, um, I know that you're down
and I know that you're depressed
303
00:16:27,458 --> 00:16:30,143
and I think that you and me
should go out tonight. Alright?
304
00:16:30,143 --> 00:16:35,088
Now, Angel Winetrout
has got this older sister.
305
00:16:35,171 --> 00:16:37,807
She don't care
who she goes out with.
306
00:16:40,861 --> 00:16:43,623
You mean, uh, she would even
go out with somebody like me?
307
00:16:43,706 --> 00:16:48,131
Oh, yeah. She's, she's gone out
with guys worse than you.
308
00:16:50,836 --> 00:16:52,985
Put that book away.
Pick it up and put it away.
309
00:16:53,068 --> 00:16:55,209
I don't wanna see that book here
anymore. Alright?
310
00:16:55,292 --> 00:16:56,771
Now, look, for the last time
311
00:16:56,814 --> 00:16:59,774
Julie has gone away
for the weekend. I trust Julie.
312
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:03,301
Now if you can't trust your
wife, who can you trust, huh?
313
00:17:03,383 --> 00:17:07,475
Read 'em and weep, boys. A full
boat. Crying towel downstairs.
314
00:17:07,558 --> 00:17:09,060
I win! I win! I win! I...
315
00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:11,197
[scatting]
316
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:12,481
Come on, let me call Angel.
We'll...
317
00:17:12,481 --> 00:17:14,537
We'll go meet her sister, right?
318
00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:18,054
- Sit down, Vinnie.
- Oh, we should.
319
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,038
- We should.
- You know what you should do?
320
00:17:20,121 --> 00:17:22,425
You should deal the cards
'cause it's your turn.
321
00:17:22,425 --> 00:17:24,750
I don't wanna hear anymore
about girls tonight, okay?
322
00:17:24,833 --> 00:17:26,033
- Alright, alright.
- Why we come here for?
323
00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:27,435
- We came to play cards.
- Right, right.
324
00:17:27,436 --> 00:17:29,914
Alright, so we're gonna
play cards or what?
325
00:17:29,914 --> 00:17:31,116
- Let's play some cards.
- Here it is.
326
00:17:31,117 --> 00:17:33,217
- They're on the table.
- Vinnie.
327
00:17:34,125 --> 00:17:35,784
Vinnie, what kinda game is this?
328
00:17:35,868 --> 00:17:37,130
Okay, the name of this game
329
00:17:37,130 --> 00:17:40,264
is Five-Card Forehead Stud.
330
00:17:40,336 --> 00:17:43,773
Sounds like a movie you guys
aren't old enough to see.
331
00:17:44,482 --> 00:17:46,903
Alright, the reason
it's called Five-Card
332
00:17:46,986 --> 00:17:49,815
is on account that everybody
gets five cards, right?
333
00:17:49,830 --> 00:17:52,113
Now, except four of them
are face-up right now.
334
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,676
Now I deal the fifth one
down like this, right?
335
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,901
Bing-bang-bong. Now...
336
00:17:57,705 --> 00:18:00,875
You don't pick it up
till I count to three.
337
00:18:01,712 --> 00:18:04,533
I ain't even counted one yet.
338
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,841
Now when I count three,
you then pick the card
339
00:18:07,924 --> 00:18:10,146
but don't look at it and you
put it up on your forehead.
340
00:18:10,146 --> 00:18:13,627
Wait a second. You put the card
on your forehead?
341
00:18:13,669 --> 00:18:15,638
Don't you know anything
about poker?
342
00:18:15,722 --> 00:18:18,290
Yeah. I'm just trying to
understand this game here, okay?
343
00:18:18,373 --> 00:18:19,632
You got four cards face-up,
you put
344
00:18:19,715 --> 00:18:20,996
the fifth card on your forehead.
345
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:22,975
So everybody knows what you have
346
00:18:23,037 --> 00:18:24,659
and you're the only one
that doesn't know what you have.
347
00:18:24,679 --> 00:18:26,861
- Right? Dumb, dumb game.
- Right.
348
00:18:26,861 --> 00:18:29,464
- Let's do it.
- Alright. Ready? One.
349
00:18:29,547 --> 00:18:31,148
Alright, alright, antes.
Come on. Let's ante.
350
00:18:31,164 --> 00:18:33,166
- Nobody gets a free ride.
- No free rides.
351
00:18:33,166 --> 00:18:34,988
- Dumb game.
- No free rides.
352
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:36,346
- Here we go.
- Now, are we ready?
353
00:18:36,429 --> 00:18:37,229
- Uh-huh.
- Alright.
354
00:18:37,229 --> 00:18:39,329
One, two, three.
355
00:18:40,606 --> 00:18:43,064
[laughing]
356
00:18:43,888 --> 00:18:44,849
[Vinnie] Horshack!
357
00:18:44,932 --> 00:18:47,035
[coughs]
358
00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:48,521
I'm sorry, it's just that
359
00:18:48,604 --> 00:18:51,628
you all do look very ridiculous.
360
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:56,490
Especially you, Mr. Kotter.
361
00:18:56,573 --> 00:18:58,357
I mean, we're just kids,
but you are a grown man
362
00:18:58,436 --> 00:19:01,072
with a two of hearts
on your forehead.
363
00:19:01,617 --> 00:19:04,416
- Horshack...
- Well, guess I'm out.
364
00:19:04,499 --> 00:19:06,557
Um, I fold.
365
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,515
I'm out, too.
366
00:19:08,599 --> 00:19:12,503
Well, I guess that leaves
me and you, huh, Arnold?
367
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:15,308
Well, I'm gonna bet
and I'm gonna bet big.
368
00:19:15,308 --> 00:19:16,991
Make it five whites.
369
00:19:17,074 --> 00:19:20,970
- Five reds.
- Roo-roo-roo...
370
00:19:20,971 --> 00:19:22,776
And five blues.
371
00:19:22,815 --> 00:19:24,271
Uh-oh.
372
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,532
Well, that's it. Are you gonna
fold now, huh, Horshack?
373
00:19:33,066 --> 00:19:34,566
No.
374
00:19:35,150 --> 00:19:36,573
- Five whites.
- Oh.
375
00:19:36,657 --> 00:19:38,756
- He's calling.
- Five blues.
376
00:19:39,242 --> 00:19:43,667
Five reds and another five reds
for the kids.
377
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,210
A raise!
378
00:19:46,634 --> 00:19:49,638
Well, you had your little fun
now, Arnold.
379
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:52,039
Now you're gonna fold, right?
380
00:19:52,122 --> 00:19:53,582
Epstein...
381
00:19:55,142 --> 00:19:57,606
I think it's high time
I made a stand!
382
00:19:57,689 --> 00:19:59,782
- Horshack?
- I fold.
383
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,470
- Yay.
- Ha-ha...
384
00:20:01,553 --> 00:20:04,730
- Come on...
- Well, that's good. I win.
385
00:20:04,813 --> 00:20:07,456
You guys are something else.
I don't believe you guys.
386
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,140
Hey, look, I gotta go, I mean,
if I don't get home by midnight
387
00:20:10,223 --> 00:20:13,119
my mother gives my bed
to somebody else.
388
00:20:13,203 --> 00:20:15,105
Alright, let's call it a night.
389
00:20:15,188 --> 00:20:17,788
Hey, what's goin'?
Is everybody leavin'? Come on.
390
00:20:17,871 --> 00:20:19,831
Hey, look, why don't I put on
some records while I bring out
391
00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:21,695
the soda?
I got some great old records.
392
00:20:21,695 --> 00:20:24,306
Come on, I got Herman's Hermits.
393
00:20:24,354 --> 00:20:26,470
Gerry and the Pacemakers.
394
00:20:26,553 --> 00:20:28,376
I got a group you never heard.
Danny and the Juniors.
395
00:20:28,459 --> 00:20:30,287
- You'll really love it.
- We'll see you, alright?
396
00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:33,060
Hey, well, how about
Danny without the Juniors?
397
00:20:33,105 --> 00:20:35,695
Gerry without his Pacemakers?
398
00:20:39,458 --> 00:20:41,111
[door shuts]
399
00:20:41,195 --> 00:20:43,334
What's the matter with me?
400
00:20:43,417 --> 00:20:46,158
No wife. No friends.
401
00:20:46,242 --> 00:20:48,309
I've got nothing here.
402
00:20:49,606 --> 00:20:52,879
And why am I here
where there's nothing?
403
00:20:52,962 --> 00:20:55,487
I could be in Vermont
where there's Julie
404
00:20:55,566 --> 00:20:57,968
and Max Schlicht, Jr.
405
00:20:58,052 --> 00:21:02,177
I'll just pack up my suitcase
and go to Vermont.
406
00:21:02,196 --> 00:21:03,980
That's it. Simple.
407
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:07,143
Let me see.
Vermont's cold. Snow.
408
00:21:08,185 --> 00:21:11,228
I'll take a sweater, undershirt,
bow tie. You need a bow tie.
409
00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:13,796
After ski party,
everybody's got a bow tie.
410
00:21:13,816 --> 00:21:16,821
Let me see. Belt. I'll pick
a belt, put it around my pants.
411
00:21:16,821 --> 00:21:20,648
I got a belt, alright. I'll get
mouthwash, shaving cream.
412
00:21:20,648 --> 00:21:24,130
Here we go.
Mouthwash, shaving cream, razor.
413
00:21:24,131 --> 00:21:25,146
Okay.
414
00:21:25,229 --> 00:21:27,072
My ears are gonna be cold.
I need somethin' for my ears.
415
00:21:27,156 --> 00:21:30,028
What do I get... Bathrobe.
416
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,606
Wrap a bathrobe around my ears.
My ears will be warm.
417
00:21:33,685 --> 00:21:37,888
Great. Skis!
Terrific idea, Julie.
418
00:21:39,834 --> 00:21:41,294
- Julie.
- Yeah.
419
00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:44,321
- What are you doin' home?
- Oh.
420
00:21:44,404 --> 00:21:45,985
I couldn't stand Candy anymore.
421
00:21:46,023 --> 00:21:48,430
She just never stopped talking.
422
00:21:48,513 --> 00:21:51,822
Uh, what are you doing
with a suitcase?
423
00:21:51,905 --> 00:21:54,089
- Oh, the suitcase? Oh, well...
- Suitcase.
424
00:21:54,143 --> 00:21:56,507
Uh, you know how you have
fire drills in school?
425
00:21:56,507 --> 00:21:58,290
Well, I was having
a packing drill.
426
00:21:58,310 --> 00:22:00,292
You see, you never know
when a trip's gonna breakout.
427
00:22:00,353 --> 00:22:01,963
- Right, absolutely.
- So you need a packing drill.
428
00:22:02,016 --> 00:22:03,715
Good. Uh-huh.
429
00:22:03,798 --> 00:22:07,807
- What went on here tonight?
- Oh, this? This is...
430
00:22:07,890 --> 00:22:11,328
Well, you see,
I had one of my kinky parties.
431
00:22:11,411 --> 00:22:14,047
I have one
every time you go away.
432
00:22:14,596 --> 00:22:16,573
I missed you.
433
00:22:16,994 --> 00:22:18,352
Didn't you miss me?
434
00:22:18,436 --> 00:22:21,740
Sure. A little.
435
00:22:23,101 --> 00:22:25,326
I could always catch up
with Candy.
436
00:22:25,409 --> 00:22:27,589
I'm sure that she is still
somewhere in Vermont
437
00:22:27,672 --> 00:22:30,834
talking to an empty chair.
438
00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:33,464
You know I missed you, dummy.
439
00:22:35,406 --> 00:22:37,869
[German accent] You will go no place.
440
00:22:38,231 --> 00:22:42,917
I am the fabulously handsome
Max Schlicht, Jr.
441
00:22:43,286 --> 00:22:44,302
Who?
442
00:22:44,386 --> 00:22:46,485
Max Schlicht, Jr.
443
00:22:46,766 --> 00:22:49,250
And it seems we are snowed in
for the weekend.
444
00:22:49,333 --> 00:22:52,554
So why don't we get comfortable
and bundle up?
445
00:22:52,638 --> 00:22:55,813
Um, when you say bundle up
446
00:22:55,883 --> 00:22:57,929
what exactly do you mean?
447
00:22:58,012 --> 00:22:59,622
I will show you, Liebchen.
448
00:22:59,648 --> 00:23:02,585
It's easier
than falling off skis.
449
00:23:04,486 --> 00:23:07,902
[theme music]
450
00:23:09,944 --> 00:23:11,244
Julie, did you read about this,
they're thinkin'
451
00:23:11,327 --> 00:23:13,807
of havin' a lumberjack strike.
452
00:23:13,890 --> 00:23:15,907
- Oh. Wait. No.
- Did I ever tell you I have--
453
00:23:15,991 --> 00:23:18,455
You have a relative
who is a lumberjack.
454
00:23:18,538 --> 00:23:20,722
[Kotter] That's right.
My Uncle Sanford.
455
00:23:20,742 --> 00:23:23,184
Now, he's a small guy,
but a great lumberjack.
456
00:23:23,267 --> 00:23:25,130
One day he goes up to this guy
that's about to cut down
457
00:23:25,130 --> 00:23:26,868
a redwood tree. Big guy, huh?
458
00:23:26,951 --> 00:23:29,896
Uncle Sanford said,
"Hey, mister, come here.
459
00:23:29,979 --> 00:23:31,842
You're doing this all wrong."
460
00:23:31,842 --> 00:23:33,321
Big guy looks and he said,
"Well, I suppose
461
00:23:33,404 --> 00:23:35,145
that you could do it
better, huh?"
462
00:23:35,165 --> 00:23:37,805
He said, "Give me the axe, huh?
Just give me the axe."
463
00:23:37,888 --> 00:23:42,473
One swoop, whoom, whole tree
goes down. Guy can't believe it.
464
00:23:42,473 --> 00:23:44,988
He said, "Where did you learn
to do that?"
465
00:23:45,071 --> 00:23:47,596
Uncle Sanford said, "You wanna
know where I learned to do that?
466
00:23:47,679 --> 00:23:51,139
I learned to do that
in the Sahara Forest."
467
00:23:52,844 --> 00:23:55,763
Guy says, "You meant
the Sahara Desert, didn't you?"
468
00:23:55,847 --> 00:23:58,654
[chuckles] Uncle Sanford said, "Now."
469
00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:03,143
[theme music]
470
00:24:06,692 --> 00:24:09,281
[theme song]
471
00:24:13,829 --> 00:24:16,444
♪ Welcome back ♪
472
00:24:16,527 --> 00:24:20,404
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
473
00:24:20,487 --> 00:24:22,493
♪ Welcome back ♪
474
00:24:22,576 --> 00:24:27,237
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
475
00:24:27,321 --> 00:24:31,808
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
476
00:24:31,891 --> 00:24:36,116
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
477
00:24:36,199 --> 00:24:38,509
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
478
00:24:38,592 --> 00:24:40,164
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
479
00:24:40,246 --> 00:24:42,161
♪ Back here where we need... ♪♪
36133
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