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A lady buys a monkey.
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00:00:02,874 --> 00:00:05,577
- What kinda monkey?
- A regular monkey, you know.
3
00:00:05,660 --> 00:00:07,465
[mimicking a monkey]
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00:00:08,663 --> 00:00:10,364
Now, her husband
hates the monkey
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00:00:10,447 --> 00:00:12,453
because the monkey's always
mimicking her husband.
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00:00:12,536 --> 00:00:13,976
Okay, husband's
eating breakfast, right?
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- Uh-huh.
- Monkey goes...
8
00:00:15,060 --> 00:00:16,692
[mimicking a monkey]
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He's takin' a shower, the monkey
comes inside and goes...
10
00:00:20,283 --> 00:00:22,768
[mimicking a monkey]
11
00:00:22,851 --> 00:00:25,553
- Drivin' the guy crazy.
- So, what does he do?
12
00:00:25,636 --> 00:00:26,902
Well, he's in the bathroom
and he's
13
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,774
brushin' his teeth
and gets an idea.
14
00:00:28,857 --> 00:00:30,863
He's brushin' his teeth.
Monkey comes in and goes...
15
00:00:30,946 --> 00:00:32,534
[mimicking a monkey]
16
00:00:33,427 --> 00:00:34,997
So he gives the monkey a razor.
17
00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:36,390
He takes a razor
without a blade.
18
00:00:36,473 --> 00:00:37,913
Puts lather on his face, right?
19
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:39,785
Starts shavin'
and goes, "Da-dam."
20
00:00:39,868 --> 00:00:41,717
The monkey goes, "Da-dam."
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00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:46,660
He goes, "Da-dam."
The monkey goes, "Da-dam."
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00:00:46,743 --> 00:00:49,897
- He goes, "Da-dam!"
- The monkey goes, "Da-dam."
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[male narrator] "Welcome Back, Kotter" is
being recorded live on tape
24
00:00:56,165 --> 00:00:57,562
before studio audience.
25
00:00:57,645 --> 00:01:01,061
[theme music]
26
00:01:05,435 --> 00:01:08,225
♪ Welcome back ♪
27
00:01:08,307 --> 00:01:11,968
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
28
00:01:12,051 --> 00:01:14,144
♪ Welcome back ♪
29
00:01:14,227 --> 00:01:18,931
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
30
00:01:19,014 --> 00:01:23,327
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
31
00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:25,372
♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪
32
00:01:25,455 --> 00:01:28,027
♪ And they've turned around ♪
33
00:01:28,110 --> 00:01:29,321
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
34
00:01:29,321 --> 00:01:30,979
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
35
00:01:31,062 --> 00:01:33,025
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
36
00:01:33,108 --> 00:01:35,201
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
37
00:01:35,284 --> 00:01:39,509
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause
we've got him on the spot ♪
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00:01:39,592 --> 00:01:41,772
♪ Welcome back ♪
39
00:01:41,855 --> 00:01:43,731
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
40
00:01:43,814 --> 00:01:46,081
♪ Welcome back ♪
41
00:01:46,164 --> 00:01:48,170
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
42
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♪ Welcome back ♪♪
43
00:01:57,219 --> 00:01:58,679
Good morning.
44
00:02:01,506 --> 00:02:03,288
Well, as you're probably
aware, today is the day
45
00:02:03,288 --> 00:02:06,010
when you receive your
mid-year report cards.
46
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,036
For my favorite teacher.
47
00:02:11,248 --> 00:02:12,708
Ugh.
48
00:02:13,249 --> 00:02:14,709
Half-eaten.
49
00:02:16,343 --> 00:02:18,563
What'd you do? You got hungry
on the way to school?
50
00:02:18,645 --> 00:02:21,583
Nah, um...
I found it that way.
51
00:02:22,349 --> 00:02:23,349
Hey, I'm only kiddin', man.
52
00:02:23,431 --> 00:02:24,991
Hey, but remember
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00:02:25,074 --> 00:02:28,256
it's the thought that counts.
54
00:02:37,784 --> 00:02:40,323
Okay, now before
I hand these out
55
00:02:40,406 --> 00:02:42,668
I wanna explain
that it's still not
56
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:44,550
too late for you to
improve your grade.
57
00:02:44,571 --> 00:02:47,996
- So, remember--
- Mr. Kotter.
58
00:02:47,996 --> 00:02:51,014
I got a very important
note from home, here.
59
00:02:51,097 --> 00:02:52,439
Well, a surprise.
60
00:02:52,522 --> 00:02:54,525
Epstein has a very
important note from home.
61
00:02:54,544 --> 00:02:56,504
Right, it's from
my mother's doctor.
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00:02:56,568 --> 00:02:58,909
It's from his
mother's doctor.
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00:03:00,089 --> 00:03:01,679
"Dear Mr. Kotter
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00:03:01,762 --> 00:03:04,726
"Epstein's mother has
been very ill with a...
65
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,270
"...heart condition.
66
00:03:06,994 --> 00:03:10,482
"And furthermore,
the slightest shock to her
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00:03:10,502 --> 00:03:12,847
"like for instance,
her son Juan
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00:03:12,847 --> 00:03:14,549
"gettin' any bad grades
69
00:03:14,632 --> 00:03:17,958
well, that could put her
right over the edge."
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00:03:24,898 --> 00:03:26,758
So, it continues...
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00:03:26,841 --> 00:03:30,299
"Please good Juan
a good grade in English."
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00:03:30,382 --> 00:03:31,704
- What?
- A good grade in English.
73
00:03:31,787 --> 00:03:35,606
Oh, that's impossible.
This isn't English class.
74
00:03:35,689 --> 00:03:36,863
Try that from
there. It's, uh...
75
00:03:36,946 --> 00:03:38,213
- Biology.
- Biology?
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00:03:38,296 --> 00:03:39,756
Biology.
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00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,017
Uh-h-h...
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00:03:42,100 --> 00:03:44,280
- Social studies.
- Social studies.
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00:03:44,363 --> 00:03:45,342
Right.
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00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:47,464
And it's signed
"Very truly yours
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00:03:47,547 --> 00:03:50,009
Epstein's mother's doctor."
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00:03:53,186 --> 00:03:55,627
Sit down, Epstein.
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00:03:56,074 --> 00:03:57,534
Sit down.
84
00:03:59,111 --> 00:04:01,113
Anybody else have any excuses?
85
00:04:01,196 --> 00:04:04,000
Anybody wanna make any appeals?
86
00:04:04,001 --> 00:04:06,637
Anybody expecting a phone
call from the governor?
87
00:04:07,546 --> 00:04:09,874
Oh! Oh, oh!
88
00:04:13,832 --> 00:04:14,852
[Mr. Kotter] Arnold.
89
00:04:14,935 --> 00:04:17,829
Not I, Mr. Kotter.
90
00:04:18,260 --> 00:04:19,860
I got dignity.
91
00:04:19,943 --> 00:04:22,747
I would never
beg for a grade.
92
00:04:22,806 --> 00:04:23,823
Very good, Arnold.
93
00:04:23,906 --> 00:04:26,827
Oh, please don't fail me!
94
00:04:35,217 --> 00:04:37,275
I'll do anything you want.
95
00:04:37,359 --> 00:04:40,262
I'll wash your car
for the next seven years.
96
00:04:41,142 --> 00:04:43,426
I'll trim your mustache.
97
00:04:44,186 --> 00:04:46,945
But please don't fail me.
98
00:04:47,028 --> 00:04:48,790
Arnold, you are
drooling on my pants
99
00:04:48,790 --> 00:04:50,872
and they're not drip dry.
100
00:04:50,892 --> 00:04:53,254
Sit down, Arnold!
101
00:04:54,068 --> 00:04:55,568
Well...
102
00:04:58,391 --> 00:05:00,532
Okay, now, if any of
you would like to talk to me
103
00:05:00,615 --> 00:05:02,717
about your grade
104
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,866
or possibly how to improve it...
105
00:05:05,866 --> 00:05:07,650
...any of you would
like to know how to
106
00:05:07,729 --> 00:05:10,056
make an F into a B...
107
00:05:13,561 --> 00:05:15,904
...you can see me
right after homeroom.
108
00:05:15,904 --> 00:05:18,406
[bell ringing]
109
00:05:24,207 --> 00:05:25,710
Thanks, Mr. Kotter.
110
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:28,208
You just killed my mother.
111
00:06:02,348 --> 00:06:05,721
[laughing]
112
00:06:07,583 --> 00:06:08,610
Arnold!
113
00:06:08,693 --> 00:06:10,151
Huh?
114
00:06:12,588 --> 00:06:14,688
What is so funny
about your report card?
115
00:06:14,991 --> 00:06:16,690
Nothing, Mr. Kotter.
116
00:06:16,774 --> 00:06:20,255
It's just that I thought
that my report card was bad
117
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,124
until I got
a look at Vinnie's.
118
00:06:22,207 --> 00:06:25,580
[laughing continues]
119
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,948
Mr. Kotter.
120
00:06:29,058 --> 00:06:32,400
How can I take this report card
home and show it to my mother?
121
00:06:32,483 --> 00:06:34,829
That woman is a saint.
122
00:06:34,912 --> 00:06:37,568
I remember,
your mother the saint.
123
00:06:37,651 --> 00:06:39,912
You gonna be upset, huh?
124
00:06:40,115 --> 00:06:42,355
You probably got no
idea what it feels like
125
00:06:42,438 --> 00:06:44,808
to get hit with beads.
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00:06:50,651 --> 00:06:51,830
Vinnie.
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00:06:51,913 --> 00:06:53,913
Do you think that I
enjoy failing you?
128
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:57,847
Yeah. That's how you
teachers get your jollies.
129
00:06:58,978 --> 00:07:01,045
Well, I don't.
130
00:07:03,301 --> 00:07:05,864
But I'm not gonna pass
you unless you earn it.
131
00:07:05,948 --> 00:07:08,210
Look, it wouldn't
be fair to you.
132
00:07:08,291 --> 00:07:10,338
Suppose all your teachers
just passed you along
133
00:07:10,354 --> 00:07:12,034
and you didn't learn anything
134
00:07:12,117 --> 00:07:13,957
what do you think
you'd wind up being?
135
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,498
A high school graduate.
136
00:07:18,615 --> 00:07:21,487
Okay, you tell me.
What grade should I give you?
137
00:07:21,570 --> 00:07:23,952
- Yeah?
- Yeah, you tell me.
138
00:07:23,952 --> 00:07:25,412
Oh.
139
00:07:28,994 --> 00:07:30,454
Yeah?
140
00:07:32,054 --> 00:07:34,196
I want you to
give me an A.
141
00:07:34,279 --> 00:07:35,696
You want an A, huh?
142
00:07:35,780 --> 00:07:38,107
Okay, you ready?
Here it comes.
143
00:07:38,383 --> 00:07:39,843
A!
144
00:07:46,127 --> 00:07:48,328
That's not the kinda A
I got in mind.
145
00:07:48,412 --> 00:07:50,431
Well, it's the only kinda A
you're gonna get.
146
00:07:50,514 --> 00:07:51,816
Vinnie, you shouldn't be
failing.
147
00:07:51,836 --> 00:07:53,517
You're a kid with brains.
148
00:07:53,517 --> 00:07:54,956
Look, man, if you
don't get it together
149
00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:56,853
you're gonna
get left back.
150
00:07:56,937 --> 00:07:59,151
Now how would your
mother like that?
151
00:07:59,234 --> 00:08:01,516
Oh, no, she
wouldn't like that.
152
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:05,081
Vinnie, I wanna help you.
I just don't know what to do.
153
00:08:05,164 --> 00:08:07,515
Hey, how about
if I got you a tutor?
154
00:08:07,548 --> 00:08:09,328
Somebody to work
with you after school.
155
00:08:09,411 --> 00:08:12,435
Hey, believe me,
it's not gonna be that bad.
156
00:08:14,476 --> 00:08:16,139
[sighs]
157
00:08:16,222 --> 00:08:17,682
Alright.
158
00:08:18,025 --> 00:08:21,462
But is there any way we
could do this without books?
159
00:08:27,265 --> 00:08:28,335
Hi, Mr. Kotter.
160
00:08:28,418 --> 00:08:29,793
Hiya, Judy.
161
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,278
- Let me have your books?
- Thanks.
162
00:08:31,361 --> 00:08:32,840
I think it's terrific
that you offered to
163
00:08:32,923 --> 00:08:34,359
tutor Vinnie after school.
164
00:08:34,442 --> 00:08:35,943
It's okay, Mr. Kotter.
165
00:08:36,026 --> 00:08:38,990
A lotta kids in the academically
enriched class do it.
166
00:08:39,010 --> 00:08:42,447
You know, it seems to work
better when kids help kids.
167
00:08:47,619 --> 00:08:49,638
So listen, princess
168
00:08:49,721 --> 00:08:52,180
thanks for walkin'
me to class.
169
00:09:01,378 --> 00:09:04,059
I'll meet you later
at the usual place.
170
00:09:04,142 --> 00:09:06,731
Behind the billboards
on 84th Street.
171
00:09:12,615 --> 00:09:16,620
So... you're gonna be
my tutor, huh, Judy?
172
00:09:16,703 --> 00:09:18,770
Well, start tutin'.
173
00:09:20,674 --> 00:09:22,854
I wanna get outta here,
have a good time.
174
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,592
Let's get one thing
straight, Barbarino.
175
00:09:25,662 --> 00:09:28,184
I'm not doin' this
'cause I like you.
176
00:09:28,184 --> 00:09:32,649
Well, I see you two are
gettin' along just fine.
177
00:09:32,732 --> 00:09:36,703
And I have some papers to grade,
so I'm gonna leave you alone.
178
00:09:37,059 --> 00:09:38,759
Have fun.
179
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,743
Hey, Vinnie,
where you goin'?
180
00:09:41,826 --> 00:09:44,408
He said, "Have fun."
181
00:09:46,447 --> 00:09:49,871
I'm gonna meet princess behind
the billboard on 84th Street.
182
00:09:49,953 --> 00:09:52,434
No, no, no.
You're gonna get tutored.
183
00:09:52,517 --> 00:09:54,567
I'm gonna go meet princess
behind the billboard
184
00:09:54,650 --> 00:09:56,977
on 84th Street.
185
00:10:01,146 --> 00:10:02,708
Alright, since this
is your first session
186
00:10:02,708 --> 00:10:04,807
I think I should
stay for a while.
187
00:10:04,890 --> 00:10:09,285
Alright, now, open up your
social studies book to Page 27.
188
00:10:09,341 --> 00:10:10,801
What?
189
00:10:11,838 --> 00:10:14,199
Your social studies book.
190
00:10:14,282 --> 00:10:15,782
Where?
191
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:17,775
Right in front of you!
192
00:10:17,857 --> 00:10:20,113
Eh, don't rush me!
193
00:10:20,196 --> 00:10:22,838
This ain't easy
for me, you know.
194
00:10:22,921 --> 00:10:25,206
I never opened
a book before.
195
00:10:26,684 --> 00:10:29,909
Alright, Vinnie, now, look.
Are you gonna cooperate or what?
196
00:10:29,992 --> 00:10:33,535
It's okay, Mr. Kotter.
I can handle it.
197
00:10:33,618 --> 00:10:35,057
Listen, clown
198
00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:37,965
either you open up that book
or I'm gonna make you eat it!
199
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:42,349
And the pages you don't eat
I'm gonna stick in your ear.
200
00:10:45,362 --> 00:10:48,430
[laughing]
201
00:10:51,175 --> 00:10:53,677
I don't think she knows
who she's dealin' with.
202
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,098
I'm the best ranker
at Buchanan.
203
00:10:56,181 --> 00:10:58,303
You think you're so smart.
204
00:10:58,386 --> 00:11:00,108
You act as if you
were first on line
205
00:11:00,108 --> 00:11:02,228
when they handed out brains.
206
00:11:02,311 --> 00:11:04,131
Yeah, I was.
207
00:11:04,214 --> 00:11:07,636
But you had to hold
the door for everybody else.
208
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,946
[laughing]
209
00:11:10,029 --> 00:11:12,072
She's askin'
for it, Kotter.
210
00:11:12,125 --> 00:11:15,207
You know, Vinnie, you're so low
211
00:11:15,290 --> 00:11:19,934
you could crawl
under a pregnant ant.
212
00:11:30,613 --> 00:11:32,513
That's a good one, Vinnie.
213
00:11:32,596 --> 00:11:34,056
Oh, yeah?
214
00:11:34,159 --> 00:11:37,999
Well, listen, blimpo
215
00:11:38,082 --> 00:11:39,643
you better watch yourself
216
00:11:39,726 --> 00:11:42,362
or I'll let the air
outta your dress.
217
00:11:46,343 --> 00:11:48,786
Eh, I heard the last time
you went to Coney Island
218
00:11:48,869 --> 00:11:50,995
you was wearing
a white bathing suit.
219
00:11:51,015 --> 00:11:52,679
And everybody was sayin'
220
00:11:52,699 --> 00:11:55,823
"Eh, there goes Moby Dick."
221
00:11:58,401 --> 00:11:59,801
That was a good one, Judy.
Okay, that's enough.
222
00:11:59,884 --> 00:12:02,488
Hey, Vinnie, I heard your
father just got as new job...
223
00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:07,092
...riding shotgun
on a garbage truck.
224
00:12:07,175 --> 00:12:10,155
- Oh, yeah? I bet your family--
- Oh, my family--
225
00:12:10,319 --> 00:12:12,419
Alright, alright, that's enough.
That's eno-o-ough!
226
00:12:14,225 --> 00:12:16,205
Now sit down!
227
00:12:16,828 --> 00:12:18,511
This is a tutoring session.
228
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,491
Not a ranking session.
229
00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:23,439
- What's wrong with this?
- Yeah, what's the matter?
230
00:12:23,522 --> 00:12:26,422
What's the matter is there's a
time and a place for everything.
231
00:12:26,505 --> 00:12:28,386
You shouldn't do things
like that in school.
232
00:12:28,386 --> 00:12:29,989
It's not right. I mean...
233
00:12:30,009 --> 00:12:33,179
Suppose I came in
and started doin' it to you?
234
00:12:33,693 --> 00:12:36,196
I mean, suppose I said, uh...
235
00:12:38,005 --> 00:12:39,572
Hey, Judy, I understand
there's three kids
236
00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:41,665
in your family. One of each.
237
00:12:41,706 --> 00:12:44,033
[Vinnie laughing]
238
00:12:47,927 --> 00:12:49,695
Barbarino,
I understand
239
00:12:49,778 --> 00:12:51,736
when you was born they
took one look at your face
240
00:12:51,780 --> 00:12:53,981
and then they turned you over
and said, "Hey, look, twins."
241
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,331
[Judy laughing]
242
00:12:56,414 --> 00:12:59,333
♪ Welcome back ♪
243
00:12:59,416 --> 00:13:01,876
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪♪
244
00:13:04,364 --> 00:13:06,649
[bell ringing]
245
00:13:07,676 --> 00:13:09,034
So, look.
246
00:13:09,117 --> 00:13:11,359
After homeroom, I'll meet you.
247
00:13:11,359 --> 00:13:13,659
And then I'll walk you
to next class, okay?
248
00:13:13,742 --> 00:13:15,202
Sure.
249
00:13:15,443 --> 00:13:16,642
Okay.
250
00:13:16,725 --> 00:13:18,966
- See you later.
- Bye.
251
00:13:20,427 --> 00:13:22,581
[gagging]
252
00:13:23,721 --> 00:13:25,657
[laughing]
253
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:32,785
You and Judy Borden!
254
00:13:32,868 --> 00:13:35,787
You and Judy Borden!
255
00:13:35,870 --> 00:13:37,172
Me and Judy Borden, what?
256
00:13:37,255 --> 00:13:39,711
You and Judy Borden...
257
00:13:39,711 --> 00:13:40,511
[laughing]
258
00:13:40,512 --> 00:13:41,312
...anything.
259
00:13:41,313 --> 00:13:43,598
[laughing]
260
00:13:44,468 --> 00:13:45,879
Alright, cut it!
261
00:13:45,962 --> 00:13:47,508
[chokes]
262
00:13:49,466 --> 00:13:52,048
She was just helpin'
me with my grades.
263
00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:54,093
- Oh.
- Come on.
264
00:13:54,176 --> 00:13:56,879
Is that all she's
helpin' you with, huh?
265
00:13:56,962 --> 00:14:00,844
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
266
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:03,226
Then why you've been
walkin' her to class?
267
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:06,845
Or should I say... rollin' her?
268
00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:10,624
[laughing]
269
00:14:10,958 --> 00:14:14,498
Okay!
Come on, let's go.
270
00:14:14,581 --> 00:14:15,759
Sit down.
271
00:14:15,842 --> 00:14:17,602
I want you to take
out your report cards
272
00:14:17,684 --> 00:14:20,345
which should've been
signed by your parents.
273
00:14:20,428 --> 00:14:23,170
I'm coming around
to collect them.
274
00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:27,498
Thank...
275
00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:29,389
Vinnie, this report
card's soggy?
276
00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:31,338
My mother cried on it.
277
00:14:33,427 --> 00:14:34,887
Thank you.
278
00:14:35,967 --> 00:14:37,610
- Why isn't this signed?
- Huh?
279
00:14:37,693 --> 00:14:38,993
I mean, your mother didn't
finish signing it.
280
00:14:38,995 --> 00:14:40,975
- All she signed, "Mrs. E."
- Huh.
281
00:14:41,058 --> 00:14:44,228
Well, that's as far as she got
before losin' consciousness.
282
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:47,229
Well, try reviving' her
and having her
283
00:14:47,312 --> 00:14:49,415
finish signing it by tomorrow.
284
00:14:49,415 --> 00:14:51,569
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
285
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,363
- Thank you, Arnold.
- You're welcome.
286
00:14:58,747 --> 00:15:00,207
Report card?
287
00:15:01,130 --> 00:15:02,590
Hi there.
288
00:15:03,553 --> 00:15:05,155
- Hi there, buddy.
- Hey, baby.
289
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,451
Where's your report card?
290
00:15:06,497 --> 00:15:07,816
My report... you see,
I don't happen to have it
291
00:15:07,899 --> 00:15:10,982
right here handy.
292
00:15:11,271 --> 00:15:13,214
Oh, I didn't mean it as a
question. Then where is it?
293
00:15:13,297 --> 00:15:16,817
Oh, uh, well, uh... my
momma's got it, you dig?
294
00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:17,900
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I dig it.
295
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:21,606
- Didn't she sign it?
- Sign... No.
296
00:15:21,689 --> 00:15:24,293
She just... took it
in her left hand and...
297
00:15:24,293 --> 00:15:27,957
...then she hit me upside
my head with her right.
298
00:15:28,098 --> 00:15:31,980
See, man, and then, and then
she threw a chair at me.
299
00:15:32,485 --> 00:15:36,456
And then she tried to cave
my back in with a TV set!
300
00:15:38,756 --> 00:15:42,315
Alright, alright.
Have your father sign it.
301
00:15:42,398 --> 00:15:45,870
You crazy? He's the one
with the bad temper.
302
00:15:47,351 --> 00:15:49,553
I want that report card
tomorrow, Freddie.
303
00:15:49,636 --> 00:15:51,322
- Alright.
- You know...
304
00:15:51,405 --> 00:15:52,767
You people act like you're not
the only
305
00:15:52,767 --> 00:15:54,488
one's who've had to take a bad
report card home
306
00:15:54,488 --> 00:15:56,210
and show
it to your parents.
307
00:15:56,270 --> 00:15:58,909
Let me tell you something', I
had a lot of bad ones in my day.
308
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,773
Yeah? What did
your daddy do?
309
00:16:00,773 --> 00:16:02,735
My daddy used to
sit me down and say
310
00:16:02,735 --> 00:16:05,738
"So listen, you got a bad
report card, big deal.
311
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,840
"No one's gonna holler.
We're not gonna scream.
312
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,261
"No one's gonna hit you.
313
00:16:09,261 --> 00:16:13,001
"Just go back to school and you
try to do the best you can.
314
00:16:13,084 --> 00:16:15,166
"And next time
if you should pass
315
00:16:15,166 --> 00:16:18,364
well, then we'll untie you
and let you eat again."
316
00:16:19,125 --> 00:16:20,974
[bell ringing]
317
00:16:21,336 --> 00:16:23,838
Tomorrow, Freddie.
Epstein, tomorrow.
318
00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:25,616
- Manana.
- Manana.
319
00:16:25,699 --> 00:16:27,159
- Manana!
- Manana.
320
00:16:27,245 --> 00:16:30,096
Grand seein' you
again, Mr. Kotter.
321
00:16:30,751 --> 00:16:33,293
- Hi, Mr. Kotter.
- Hiya, Judy.
322
00:16:33,376 --> 00:16:34,855
- Hi.
- Hi.
323
00:16:34,938 --> 00:16:36,398
Let's go.
324
00:16:37,251 --> 00:16:39,123
Hold on a second, Judy.
325
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:41,414
I got something
I wanna tell you.
326
00:16:41,414 --> 00:16:42,874
Uh, what?
327
00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:49,590
Look...
328
00:16:51,974 --> 00:16:54,914
...I can't walk you
to class no more.
329
00:16:54,997 --> 00:16:56,457
Why not?
330
00:16:57,420 --> 00:16:59,239
Well, you see...
331
00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:03,484
...I got a certain
image to uphold, right?
332
00:17:03,567 --> 00:17:05,177
And like, if I was always
333
00:17:05,188 --> 00:17:07,407
walkin' you to class
all the time
334
00:17:07,491 --> 00:17:09,369
well, like, my friends
335
00:17:09,453 --> 00:17:12,052
like, they might get
the wrong idea or somethin'.
336
00:17:12,136 --> 00:17:14,446
What wrong idea, Vinnie?
337
00:17:14,530 --> 00:17:16,010
Oh, you know. Like...
338
00:17:16,093 --> 00:17:18,595
Like we was goin'
together or somethin'.
339
00:17:18,779 --> 00:17:19,779
[Judy] Oh.
340
00:17:19,799 --> 00:17:22,120
And you wouldn't want
your friends to think that
341
00:17:22,203 --> 00:17:26,266
someone like you could
ever possibly go with
342
00:17:26,350 --> 00:17:27,909
someone like me.
343
00:17:27,993 --> 00:17:30,695
Right! Right.
344
00:17:33,223 --> 00:17:37,009
Oh, I'm so glad you're being
so reasonable about this.
345
00:17:37,092 --> 00:17:39,575
Oh, but look, like you can still
keep tutorin' me and stuff.
346
00:17:39,595 --> 00:17:43,163
- That'd be good.
- Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot.
347
00:17:43,221 --> 00:17:45,181
And you can go over
to the Texaco station
348
00:17:45,263 --> 00:17:47,897
and go sit on an air hose!
349
00:17:52,742 --> 00:17:55,397
What's wrong with her?
350
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,805
She made the same mistake I did.
To try to help you.
351
00:17:58,825 --> 00:18:00,124
She thought there was
somebody worth helping
352
00:18:00,207 --> 00:18:02,273
inside that dopey
leather jacket.
353
00:18:02,273 --> 00:18:04,551
Look, I like Judy.
354
00:18:04,634 --> 00:18:06,275
Oh, sure, you liked her
355
00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:07,999
until you decided
she wasn't cute enough
356
00:18:08,082 --> 00:18:10,540
to hang around
with Steve Stunning.
357
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:13,404
Vinnie, this whole
thing started because
358
00:18:13,429 --> 00:18:15,488
I didn't want you
to fail social studies.
359
00:18:15,571 --> 00:18:17,912
I'll tell ya, you're failin'
something a lot more
360
00:18:17,994 --> 00:18:19,537
important than social studies.
361
00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:23,379
You're failing life.
So take Judy's advice.
362
00:18:23,462 --> 00:18:25,745
Go sit on an air hose.
363
00:18:27,027 --> 00:18:29,688
Now you made
me feel bad.
364
00:18:41,794 --> 00:18:45,297
Hi, Judy.
Mind if I sit down?
365
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,897
Oh, get lost, pea-brain!
366
00:18:49,623 --> 00:18:52,428
Thanks.
Don't mind if I do.
367
00:18:53,647 --> 00:18:57,322
Are you sure you can risk
being seen here with me?
368
00:18:58,132 --> 00:18:59,350
Uh, look, Judy.
369
00:18:59,433 --> 00:19:01,676
What I said in
the classroom before
370
00:19:01,676 --> 00:19:03,875
it didn't come out
like I meant it.
371
00:19:03,958 --> 00:19:05,920
I mean, I like you,
and I really--
372
00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:08,029
Oh, why don't you go over
to the Brooklyn Bridge
373
00:19:08,095 --> 00:19:10,117
take a sharp left,
and don't stop walkin'
374
00:19:10,117 --> 00:19:12,271
till your hat floats?
375
00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:14,693
Listen...
376
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:19,185
...you're not
makin' this any easier.
377
00:19:19,268 --> 00:19:21,671
- I'm tryin' to apologize?
- For what?
378
00:19:21,691 --> 00:19:23,066
Bein' a reject?
379
00:19:23,149 --> 00:19:24,651
Oh, that's not your fault.
380
00:19:24,734 --> 00:19:27,638
You were probably
born that way.
381
00:19:27,638 --> 00:19:30,011
Oh, you got
a mouth on you.
382
00:19:32,984 --> 00:19:34,921
Give me a break.
383
00:19:35,749 --> 00:19:37,598
Look, what I wanted...
384
00:19:38,631 --> 00:19:40,091
Ju...
385
00:19:40,609 --> 00:19:42,411
Look, Judy.
386
00:19:43,053 --> 00:19:45,071
What I'm tryin' to say
387
00:19:45,155 --> 00:19:48,724
is would you wanna go
out some place with me?
388
00:19:48,758 --> 00:19:50,419
In public?
389
00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:57,064
Let me get this straight.
390
00:19:57,365 --> 00:20:00,848
Are you askin' me to
go out with you, Vinnie?
391
00:20:00,931 --> 00:20:02,391
Yeah.
392
00:20:02,693 --> 00:20:05,134
Would you go out with me?
393
00:20:05,916 --> 00:20:07,997
Probably not.
394
00:20:10,273 --> 00:20:12,373
Oh, no. No.
395
00:20:13,577 --> 00:20:15,856
You can't do that.
396
00:20:15,939 --> 00:20:18,039
I'm Vinnie Barbarino.
397
00:20:19,164 --> 00:20:21,024
Oh, yeah?
398
00:20:21,385 --> 00:20:24,758
Well, drop dead,
pizza-head!
399
00:20:32,676 --> 00:20:33,476
Well, uh, things didn't go
400
00:20:33,476 --> 00:20:36,838
exactly as planned,
huh, Pizza-head?
401
00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:41,398
I don't believe it.
She turned me down.
402
00:20:41,481 --> 00:20:44,375
Girls don't turn down
Vinnie Barbarino.
403
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:48,309
Specially ones who
ain't as cute as me.
404
00:20:50,575 --> 00:20:52,955
Alright,
she's as cute as me.
405
00:20:53,038 --> 00:20:55,138
But just barely.
406
00:20:56,951 --> 00:20:59,605
Look, Vinnie.
Now you know how Judy felt.
407
00:20:59,688 --> 00:21:00,966
Rejected.
408
00:21:01,050 --> 00:21:03,652
Doesn't feel
so hot, does it?
409
00:21:04,876 --> 00:21:06,485
Hey, if you really want her
to go out with you
410
00:21:06,538 --> 00:21:07,917
you'll keep tryin'.
411
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,423
What do you know?
412
00:21:09,506 --> 00:21:11,244
What do I know?
413
00:21:11,328 --> 00:21:12,309
Hey, when I went to
school here
414
00:21:12,309 --> 00:21:16,143
there was this girl,
Dolores del Veccio.
415
00:21:16,226 --> 00:21:19,273
I asked her to go
out with me 15 times.
416
00:21:19,357 --> 00:21:21,402
Fourteen times
she turned me down.
417
00:21:21,459 --> 00:21:23,699
Well, then did she
finally go out with you?
418
00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:25,040
No.
419
00:21:25,123 --> 00:21:26,341
15th time her brother Vito
420
00:21:26,424 --> 00:21:28,306
came up to me and said
421
00:21:28,306 --> 00:21:32,348
"Hey, Kotter, if you continue
to annoy my sister, Dolores
422
00:21:32,431 --> 00:21:35,303
"I will have to
re-arrange your nose
423
00:21:35,334 --> 00:21:38,968
so that it permanently points
towards Philadelphia."
424
00:21:44,210 --> 00:21:46,190
[bell ringing]
425
00:21:47,655 --> 00:21:49,837
God bless 3 o'clock.
426
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,467
[all cheering]
427
00:21:51,550 --> 00:21:53,013
Alright, right here.
428
00:21:53,097 --> 00:21:56,999
Hey, I cannot wait to get to
Coney Island this afternoon.
429
00:21:57,082 --> 00:21:59,141
They got a great new attraction.
430
00:21:59,225 --> 00:22:02,511
Half man, half alligator.
431
00:22:02,911 --> 00:22:04,705
He's his own wallet.
432
00:22:04,788 --> 00:22:06,333
[laughing]
433
00:22:06,936 --> 00:22:08,735
Hey, let's go.
434
00:22:08,819 --> 00:22:10,177
Hey, let's go.
435
00:22:10,261 --> 00:22:12,360
Hey, let's go.
436
00:22:15,365 --> 00:22:16,943
Hey, what's happenin'?
437
00:22:17,026 --> 00:22:18,463
We're goin' to Coney Island.
438
00:22:18,546 --> 00:22:20,027
Terrific,
we'll come along.
439
00:22:20,110 --> 00:22:23,798
Eh, is she goin' as your
date or... one of the rides?
440
00:22:23,881 --> 00:22:25,535
[laughing]
441
00:22:25,619 --> 00:22:26,967
Washington,
why don't you fold it
442
00:22:27,041 --> 00:22:28,323
in three corners and stick it--
443
00:22:28,363 --> 00:22:30,863
Judy, take it easy.
444
00:22:33,631 --> 00:22:37,656
She's goin' as my date.
Anything wrong with that?
445
00:22:39,500 --> 00:22:40,960
It's cool.
446
00:22:42,901 --> 00:22:47,179
You and her?
Her and you?
447
00:22:47,262 --> 00:22:48,895
[laughing]
448
00:22:49,753 --> 00:22:50,713
Horshack.
449
00:22:50,796 --> 00:22:53,719
Very attractive
couple you two make.
450
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:57,843
Nice to see again, Arnold.
451
00:22:57,927 --> 00:22:59,466
Come on, let's go,
have a good time.
452
00:22:59,549 --> 00:23:00,350
- Alright.
- Alright.
453
00:23:00,433 --> 00:23:03,845
Okay, see you guys tomorrow.
Vinnie, can I see you a second?
454
00:23:03,846 --> 00:23:05,946
Come on, man.
455
00:23:07,217 --> 00:23:08,760
I'm really proud of you.
456
00:23:08,843 --> 00:23:11,647
You learned something a lot more
important than social studies.
457
00:23:11,667 --> 00:23:13,588
Yeah, I know.
458
00:23:13,671 --> 00:23:15,070
Hey, wanna come along?
459
00:23:15,153 --> 00:23:16,238
No.
460
00:23:16,321 --> 00:23:19,492
I gotta go home
and tell my wife a joke.
461
00:23:26,161 --> 00:23:29,621
♪ Welcome back
your dreams were ♪♪
462
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:33,686
Hey did I ever tell you about my
cousin, gorgeous Jerry Kotter?
463
00:23:33,769 --> 00:23:34,569
No.
464
00:23:34,570 --> 00:23:35,952
Last week he's in a barbershop
465
00:23:35,952 --> 00:23:37,754
gettin' a shave, shoeshine,
manicure. You know...
466
00:23:37,773 --> 00:23:39,416
He really likes to look nice.
Right?
467
00:23:39,436 --> 00:23:40,875
So this guy is shaving him
and he looks at the girl
468
00:23:40,958 --> 00:23:42,880
who's givin' him a manicure.
She's really nice.
469
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,584
So he says, "Hey, uh...
I'm gorgeous Jerry Kotter.
470
00:23:45,624 --> 00:23:47,974
Would you like to come
out with me tonight?"
471
00:23:48,047 --> 00:23:51,509
She says, "I think I would, but
I can't. I have a boyfriend."
472
00:23:51,592 --> 00:23:52,854
He says "Why don't you
tell your boyfriend
473
00:23:52,933 --> 00:23:54,891
you're goin' out
with the girls?"
474
00:23:54,896 --> 00:23:57,995
She says, "Why don't you
tell him? He's shaving you."
475
00:23:58,078 --> 00:24:01,042
♪ Welcome back ♪
476
00:24:01,125 --> 00:24:03,366
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪♪
477
00:24:04,737 --> 00:24:06,630
[theme music]
478
00:24:12,005 --> 00:24:14,795
♪ Welcome back ♪
479
00:24:14,878 --> 00:24:18,494
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
480
00:24:18,577 --> 00:24:20,756
♪ Welcome back ♪
481
00:24:20,839 --> 00:24:25,501
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
482
00:24:25,584 --> 00:24:29,852
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
483
00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:31,768
♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪
484
00:24:31,851 --> 00:24:34,380
♪ And they've turned around ♪
485
00:24:34,463 --> 00:24:36,556
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
486
00:24:36,639 --> 00:24:38,384
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
487
00:24:38,467 --> 00:24:40,429
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
488
00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:42,605
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
489
00:24:42,688 --> 00:24:46,740
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause
we've got him on the spot ♪
490
00:24:46,823 --> 00:24:49,003
♪ Welcome back ♪
491
00:24:49,086 --> 00:24:51,092
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
492
00:24:51,175 --> 00:24:53,355
♪ Welcome back ♪
493
00:24:53,438 --> 00:24:55,487
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
494
00:24:55,570 --> 00:24:57,620
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
495
00:24:57,703 --> 00:24:59,840
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
496
00:24:59,923 --> 00:25:02,016
♪ 'Cause we've got
him on the spot ♪
497
00:25:02,099 --> 00:25:04,235
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
498
00:25:04,318 --> 00:25:05,537
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪♪
35381
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