All language subtitles for Welcome.Back.Kotter.S01E09.Mr.Kotter.Teacher.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

It's too bad you went
to sleep early last night.

Why? What'd you have in mind?

It was a terrific movie on
the late show. Spy movie.

It was about this Israeli spy,
has to deliver this microfilm to

a guy in the Lower East Side of
New York. They give him a code.

He's gotta say,
"The sky above, the mud below."

The other guy is supposed to
say, "Okay, I'm your contact."

He gets to the Lower East Side
of Lansing Street.

He looks in the directory,
and there's two Burnsteins.

- What did he do?
- He had this code message.

Figured he'd try the first
floor and knocks on the door.

A little old man peeks through
the keyhole and goes, "Huh!"

He goes, "Mr. Burnstein,
the sky above, the mud below."

Little man looks at him
and says, "You don't want me.

"You want Burnstein the spy
on the second floor."

[male narrator] "Welcome Back, Kotter"
is recorded live

before a studio audience.

[theme music]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪

♪ And they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got
him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪♪

All the black magic
has been expelled.

And all the black magic
that I weave so well.

- Good morning, Charlie.
- Good morning, Gabe.

To the patron saint
of science teachers.

[both] To Baron Von Frankenstein.

Oh!

Hey, Charlie, when you die,
it's gonna take 'em nine days

to beat your liver to death.

When you hear my news,
you're gonna wish you were dead.

You are being reviewed today.

So look like a teacher.
Look miserable.

I'm sorry, I can't. I'm happy.

There's no time to be happy.

When Woodman comes in
and looks at your class

tell the Sweathogs
to shut up and study.

Charlie, I've been trying some
experimental things in class

and they're really
starting to pay off.

I mean, instead of
them memorizing dates

I'm makin' them
think for themselves.

For the first time,
I feel like a teacher.

And I'm not gonna give that up
just 'cause it's review day.

[bell ringing]

Well, let's hope Woodman
is in a good mood.

Where's your class, Kotter?
The bell just rang.

- Piper, get to your classroom!
- Yes, sir.

If I weren't in a good mood,
I'd have your jobs for this.

"If I weren't in a good mood,
I'd have your jobs for this."

- "Piper, in your class."
- Ha ha ha.

That's pretty good.

You're lucky he's
in a good mood.

[humming]

[humming continues]

Come on, dance, Mr. Kotter.

- Get down. Ha ha.
- Oh, yeah.

Okay. Now, all of you.

♪ Let's twist again ♪

♪ Like we did last summer ♪

♪ Let's twist again ♪♪

You're an oldie
but a goodie, Mr. Kotter.

Let's get to work.

- Okay, let's move it.
- Alright.

Mr. Kotter, we took the liberty
to assume that we was gonna rap

like we was doin'
yesterday. Alright?

You really
got into that?

[students] Yeah.

Okay, come on.
Everybody, get in a circle.

Let's go. Circle.

You know that the circle is
the oldest form of education.

It goes back as far
as history itself.

I want you to... Boy!

I want you to feel free

to talk about anything
you wanna talk about.

Oh! Oh, oh! Oh!

[Kotter] Arnold, you want
to say something?

Last night, on television,
I saw "The Wizard Of Oz."

For the 14th time.

Okay, alright, alright.

What was
"The Wizard Of Oz" about?

It was about two hours and 20
minutes including commercials.

Hey, no, it was
a lotta made up junk

about a lotta dudes
in animal suits.

Yeah, but they all
represented people, Freddie.

Like the, uh, Scarecrow
was lookin' for brains.

Like Horshack.

Come on!

Come on!

Yeah, an-an-and that man

in that old dumb
garbage can suit.

He needed a heart.

- Like Epstein.
- Right.

And a lion. He needed courage.

Alright, put 'em up.
Come on, put 'em up.

I'll fight you with both hands
behind my back, come on.

I'll fight you with
an eraser in my ear.

Very impressive, Mr. Kotter.

Okay, the point
of "The Wizard Of Oz"

was that they were all goin' for
somethin' that they already had.

They just didn't realize it.

Boy, were they dumb!

Look, man, why are
we goin' on about

old stupid kid movie,
man? That ain't cool.

It's really important to you,
Freddie, trying to be cool?

Hey, look, man, I don't
have to try to be cool.

I am cool.

Hey, just turn down the lights.
He'll heat up.

[all] Ooh!

Okay, alright.
Now, it's alright to be cool.

But you gotta be
a cool somethin'.

Okay.

I wanna build the tallest
building in the world.

What're you gonna call it?
Washington Heights?

Ha ha ha. No.

I think I'm gonna call it
The Boom Boom Building.

Alright, Epstein,
what do you wanna do?

I'm gonna be a typhoon.

A restaurant typhoon. You know?

Juan Epstein,
caterer to the stars.

Puerto Rican, Jewish
delicacies a specialty.

I know this is Epstein, the
deep-fried mitzvah ball king.

What are you doin', Kotter?

Groucho.

Mr. Woodman, I'm
trying somethin' new.

Watch. It'll be
the high point of your day.

My day has no high points.

- What's going on here?
- We're, uh, rapping.

Rapping? Rapping what, Kotter?

I'll just stand back here, uh,
reviewing everything you do.

Okay, Barbarino, what kind
of adult do you wanna be?

I can tell you the kind of
adult I wanna be in two words.

Marlon Brando.

[all exclaiming]

Alright, alright, alright.

You wanna go to
acting school, buddy?

No, I don't have to.

I'm gonna be discovered
in a drug store.

[students laughing]

Wearin' a tight sweater?

Hey, let's do a scene for them.
From "The Godfather."

- Alright.
- You ready? Watch this.

- Oh, we've to sit through this?
- We'll be right back.

Another magic moment
in the theatre.

[imitating Marlon Brando]

Don Barbarino.
I come to ask you a favor.

[imitating Marlon Brando]
What?

A favor, Don Barbarino.

- Where?
- Yeah, that was pretty good.

[coughing]

[all cheering]

This is all very
interesting, Kotter

but don't you think
it's time to start class?

Mr. Woodman, this is class.

Kotter, you're not
using the textbook.

[groaning] Mr. Wood... man.

Mr. Woodman, in case
you haven't noticed

we Sweathogs are
forgotten people.

I mean, we don't get
good books, we get this.

You're telling me
that's a bad book?

It's the pits.

Pits? What pits? What does
he mean by that, Kotter?

He means that it has
no relevance to his life.

That it's outdated.
Look at this.

"Soon the railroad would
span the entire country.

"Texas is the largest
of our 39 states."

Well, here's a good one.
"They predict television."

Uh, you're joking, Kotter.

Okay, I'm jokin' about
the railroad and, uh, Texas

but, look, it says
they predict television.

They were right, weren't they?
That doesn't make it a bad book.

Mr. Woodman, it's the pits.

What, what, what
pits, Kotter?

Could I have a word with
you in the hall, please?

Okay. Keep this discussion
goin', I'll be right back.

[students] Good luck.

Mr. Woodman, look, I know my
methods are a little unorthodox.

Unorthodox, Kotter?
Try crazy. Try insane.

Try nutsy cuckoo.

You didn't like it.

Kotter, I used to
teach social studies.

Social studies is memorizing
names, places, dates.

♪ In 1492 Columbus
sailed the ocean blue ♪♪

That's nutsy cuckoo.

Mr. Woodman, that's reciting,
not learning.

Learning is a discussion
between people. A dialogue.

The ancient Greeks did it.

Where are your ancient
Greeks today, Kotter?

They're all in a restaurant
on Ninth Avenue.

Look, Mr. Woodman, you said
yourself, it was interesting.

It's not school, Kotter.

You talk, they listen.
That's school.

That's the way I taught.
That's how you'll teach.

I'm sorry, Mr. Woodman.
I'm really sorry.

But I won't
hurt these kids

by following
an outdated set of rules.

Well, then, Kotter, this school
isn't big enough for both of us.

I'm bringing you
up on charges

before the teachers'
review board.

- You kidding?
- I never kid, Kotter.

I have no sense of humor.

I'll take your class.
Turn in your chalk.

You're suspended.

That's the pits.

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪♪

Miss Riley will act
as arbiter in this case.

Miss Riley, this is
the accused's friend, Mr. Piper.

- How do you do?
- The accused, Mr. Kotter.

- Mr. Kotter.
- His wife, Mrs. Kotter.

[Miss Riley] Mrs. Kotter.

My husband is
a wonderful teacher.

Wonderful.

My wife is here
for moral support.

Yes.

Uh, Michael, will you read
your charges against Mr. Kotter?

With pleasure.

Gabriel Kotter has
heretofore refused

to use the assigned textbook

failed to follow the prescribed
curriculum and furthermore

is in violation of Section 3
of the education code.

In addition to that, he does
Groucho Marx in the classroom.

Miss Riley, uh, I'm here
as a character witness

for Mr. Kotter.
May I say a few words?

Yes.

My colleague, Gabe Kotter,
is a terrific guy.

I take it you've
known him a long time.

Oh, yes. Four or five weeks.

He is a great teacher.

- You have observed his class?
- Oh!

You may recall the incident
of the teacher that was arrested

in the balcony of
a "Time Square" movie?

- He is not the man.
- Thanks a lot, Charlie.

You just won the award
for best performance

by a moral supporter
in an unsupporting role.

Uh, Mr. Kotter, are
your students planning

to attend this meeting?

No, of course not.

His Sweathogs had
the nerve to ask me

for permission to be here.

Permission which
I naturally denied.

That's not fair.

What we're deciding today is
who's gonna teach those kids?

And I think they should
be part of that decision.

I mean, I think that
they should be here.

[Miss Riley] I see.

Make way for the painter
and the paper man.

Just a moment.
There's a meeting going on here.

Eh, Mac, when you hire
the Linguini brothers to work

the Linguini brothers
real work.

Hey, right, Ragnuzzio.

- That's a-right, Guido.
- Alright.

This is absurd. What could
be more ridiculous than this?

♪ O Sole Mio ♪

♪ O Sole Mio ♪♪

[humming "O Sole Mio"]

Kotter?

I know that face.

What?

That's you, Barbarino.

Where?

Barbarino, are you
in there alone?

Uh, Mr. Kotter,
are these your students?

Yes, these are my Sweathogs.

That's Moe, Larry, Curly.
And that's Raquel.

Why did you guys
come dressed like this?

'Cause Mr. Woodman said
no Sweathogs could be here.

So we've been doin' like
we've been doin' in class.

We started askin'
ourselves questions.

Selves we ask...

..."what could we do to help
Mr. Kotter beat this rap, but..."

At first,
ourselves didn't answer.

But suddenly... out of nowhere
a voice came into our heads

and said, "Go to the li-berry."

They went to the library?

You went to the library
where they keep the books?

Yeah, and for three whole
days we spent lookin' up

what you call legal presidents.

"Grant vs. Richmond.

"Dampsy vs. Tonni.

Flipper the seal
vs. Caesar's Palace."

Here we are.

Section 3, sub-section 8

paragraph four
of the city charter.

Whatever that is.

"Any teacher... any teacher
placed on suspension

has the right
to a public hearing."

Mr. Kotter, your students
are somewhat offbeat.

[snapping fingers]

Cut it.

But they may speak if
they will keep it brief.

Okay, Barbarino,
take the stand.

Where should I take it?

It's a little joke.

Alright.

Don't look.

Alright, now.

"I would really like
Mr. Kotter back...

"...'cause I figure his
replacement could be worse."

Thanks a lot, Vinnie.

Hey, I ain't through yet.

Now.

"I just think Mr. Kotter's
a pretty good guy."

About half the time.

- And, and--
- And a wonderful teacher.

Yeah, and a wonderful teacher.

And don't let
this dress fool you.

I really mean it.

[all cheering]

Barbarino... thank you.

And, uh, Goodyear called.
They'd like their blimps back.

Pretty good speech, baby.

Hi there.

Hey, I'm just your average
student from off the streets.

And personally, I feel
Mr. Kotter is a bad teacher.

- You think he's a bad teacher?
- No, no, no.

I mean, not bad like bad

but badlike... ba-a-ad.

Oh... ba-a-ad.

You see, most
teachers ask a question

and expect you to guess
the right answer.

Well, my main man, Mr. Kotter

he lets us ask
our own questions.

See, sometimes there's
more than one right answer.

Which means, all them times
that I was wrong... I was right.

You see, um, I was right.

[chuckling]

Uh, thank you.

[all clapping]

Hello.

How are you?

I'm Arnold Horshack.

And up until now
going to school to me

has always been like
being vaccinated.

What do you mean, "Vaccinated?"

Well, see, a subject
is something you take.

And once you've had it

you're immune and need
not ever take it again.

But Mr. Kotter here,
he's not like that.

I mean, he really
expects us to learn.

And it takes a heap of
learning to make a boy a man.

[all applauding]

You're a wonderful
pupil, Arnold.

[Freddie] Hey, my man.
It was pretty good.

I, uh, I think my colleagues
expressed themselves pretty good

on the, on the matter of
Mr. Kotter getting the axe.

So I got a few grievances
of my own I'd like to air.

[clears throat]

First of all, "The food
in the cafeteria stinks."

- Right!
- Right!

- That is completely irrelevant.
- E-relevant?

With the trunk
and the ears?

Hey, there's a whole lot
of elephants in the circus.

- Mr. Ravelli.
- Yeah, boss.

I had an elephant
in my pajamas.

How he got there
I'll never know.

Hey, that's pretty good.

That's a violation
of Section 3.

He's imitating
Groucho Marx.

I'm sorry, Miss Riley.
I got carried away.

Epstein, fetch a chair.

No, no, not my chair!

[Miss Riley] No need to get red
and puffy, Michael.

Um... Mr. Kotter, is there
anything you'd like to say

in your own behalf?

In your own voice.

[imitating Groucho] Certainly.

Um, certainly.

Miss Riley, I'm a teacher.

That's what it says on my
locker. "Mr. Kotter, teacher."

And I'm teaching a group
of kids known as Sweathogs.

Contrary to popular opinion,
Sweathogs are not dumb.

A dumb person does not
think of a way to make it

rain in the gymnasium.

I did that.

Unfortunately, normal
teaching methods

don't seem to work
for these kids.

If they did, well, then
they wouldn't be Sweathogs.

Don't you see?

They're gonna have to survive
in the world of the future.

If they learn how to learn...

...well, then they'll be
able to survive anywhere.

Copies of this speech can be
obtained by writing local press.

[applauding]

Isn't he a wonderful teacher?

Wonderful.

Michael, would you
care to say anything

before I make my decision?

I think my case speaks
for itself, Miss Riley.

Very well.

Mr. Kotter, I may not
approve of your methods

but I do believe in the rights
of teachers to teach.

Now, I-I was impressed
by your Sweathounds--

[all] Hogs.

Sweathogs initiative in doing
research to save your job.

It seems that there, there
is a method in your madness.

Now, you may think I'm
old-fashioned, Mr. Kotter

but in my youth I was considered
rather radical myself.

I vote to retain you.

I demand a recount!

[clamoring]

Miss Riley, Miss Riley

the man's methods,
they're nutsy cuckoo!

Well, you taught him,
Michael, you should be proud.

Now, there is one condition.

The, uh, the regulation say
that you must use the textbook.

Okay.

- I'll use the book.
- Good.

- This meeting is adjourned.
- This is nutsy.

Nutsy! Nutsy!

Oh, Mr. Kotter, I think I know
what you've been going through.

I was a teacher myself
for 40 odd years.

And they were 40 of the oddest
years I've ever known.

Well, I think I'll just
leave my wonderful husband

with his wonderful students.

Congratulations, Gabe.
I'm glad I could help.

We won!

You think I copped out,
don't you?

Yeah. And after all
them fancy words.

Hey, man, you acting
just like everybody else.

Yeah, we thought the wizard
was gonna give you some courage.

You promised to use
those dumb old books.

Aha! But I didn't say how
I was gonna use the books.

Okay, everybody take one.

Now I'll teach you something
you're very badly in need of.

- What?
- What?

Posture.

Walk like this.

Walk straight, walk proud.
Remember, we're Sweathogs.

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
were your ticket ♪♪

Did I tell you
what happened

the last time I
visited my grandmother in Miami?

- No. But you will.
- Okay, I'm on the plane.

A little old lady's
sitting next to me.

She's got this big diamond ring.

So, I said, "Look, lady,
I must compliment you.

"That's a beautiful
diamond ring."

She says, "You don't know
what this diamond ring is?

"This is the famous
Plotnick Diamond."

The famous Plotnick Diamond.

I said, "Wow, that's terrific."
She said, "Not so terrific.

"There's a terrible curse
that comes with this diamond."

I said, "What's the curse?"
She said, "Sam Plotnick."

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪♪

[theme music]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪

♪ And they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got
him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got
him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got
him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪♪