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1
00:00:01,381 --> 00:00:03,798
Honey, why hasn't your mother
ever liked me?
2
00:00:03,882 --> 00:00:06,146
She likes you, Julie,
it's just she never was crazy
3
00:00:06,229 --> 00:00:07,871
about any girls I went out with.
4
00:00:07,891 --> 00:00:09,530
They were either too fat,
too skinny
5
00:00:09,613 --> 00:00:13,596
too short, too tall,
too loud, too quiet.
6
00:00:14,196 --> 00:00:16,819
I finally found a girl
that was exactly like my mother.
7
00:00:16,902 --> 00:00:19,525
I mean how could she complain?
This girl looked like my mother.
8
00:00:19,525 --> 00:00:21,985
She talked like my mother.
She walked like my mother.
9
00:00:22,068 --> 00:00:23,610
Same personality.
10
00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:27,793
- Well, what happened?
- My father hated her.
11
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,512
[male narrator] "Welcome Back, Kotter"
has been recorded live on tape
12
00:00:31,595 --> 00:00:34,675
before a studio audience.
13
00:00:37,196 --> 00:00:39,350
[John Sebastian singing "Welcome back"]
14
00:00:41,113 --> 00:00:43,814
♪ Welcome back ♪
15
00:00:43,897 --> 00:00:47,558
♪ Your dreams were your
ticket out ♪
16
00:00:47,641 --> 00:00:49,691
♪ Welcome back ♪
17
00:00:49,774 --> 00:00:51,867
♪ To that same old place ♪
18
00:00:51,950 --> 00:00:54,609
♪ That you laughed about ♪
19
00:00:54,692 --> 00:00:56,698
♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪
20
00:00:56,781 --> 00:00:58,917
♪ Since you hung around ♪
21
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,050
♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪
22
00:01:01,133 --> 00:01:03,369
♪ And they're turned around ♪
23
00:01:03,452 --> 00:01:05,501
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
24
00:01:05,584 --> 00:01:07,547
♪ Who'd have thought they'd
lead ya ♪
25
00:01:07,630 --> 00:01:09,636
♪Back here where we need ya ♪
26
00:01:09,719 --> 00:01:11,377
♪ Back here
where we need ya ♪
27
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:13,466
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
28
00:01:13,549 --> 00:01:15,685
♪ 'Cause we got him
on the spot ♪
29
00:01:15,768 --> 00:01:17,992
♪ Welcome back ♪
30
00:01:18,075 --> 00:01:22,475
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
31
00:01:22,558 --> 00:01:27,758
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪♪
32
00:01:29,869 --> 00:01:32,763
[indistinct chatter]
33
00:01:33,625 --> 00:01:36,910
You. Hold it right there,
mister.
34
00:01:37,328 --> 00:01:39,374
- Me?
- What have you done with it?
35
00:01:39,456 --> 00:01:42,179
Hey, Mr. Woodman, I'm clean.
I ain't got it.
36
00:01:42,262 --> 00:01:46,027
Ah-ha! Got what, Epstein?
37
00:01:46,028 --> 00:01:48,128
Whatever, he ain't got it.
38
00:01:49,041 --> 00:01:51,959
Here, look. I'm clean.
Really. You can search me. Here.
39
00:01:52,042 --> 00:01:54,905
See. This is all I got on me.
It's my good luck charm.
40
00:01:54,988 --> 00:01:56,512
Had it since birth,
it's the first tooth
41
00:01:56,590 --> 00:02:00,572
I ever knocked outta anybody.
Look into my eyes.
42
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:14,082
- Hey, Mr. Kotter--
- You stole my chalk, Epstein.
43
00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:16,187
My yellow chalk!
44
00:02:17,647 --> 00:02:19,390
That's my favorite
of all my colors.
45
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,014
Yellow is my favorite.
46
00:02:22,535 --> 00:02:24,958
Mr. Woodman,
I am really surprised at you.
47
00:02:25,041 --> 00:02:27,504
Accusing Epstein
of being a thief.
48
00:02:27,524 --> 00:02:29,359
Now look at that face.
49
00:02:33,189 --> 00:02:35,759
Don't defend them, Kotter.
50
00:02:35,842 --> 00:02:38,626
I'm sick of their taunts.
I'm sick of their contempt.
51
00:02:38,645 --> 00:02:41,948
I'm sick of them flaunting
my authority. I'm sick of them!
52
00:02:42,010 --> 00:02:45,434
No doubt about it.
The man is sick.
53
00:02:45,615 --> 00:02:47,156
Ah, reminds me
of the girls gym teacher
54
00:02:47,156 --> 00:02:49,709
they found in the shower
talking to a volleyball.
55
00:02:49,792 --> 00:02:51,779
[bell rings]
56
00:02:51,862 --> 00:02:53,845
Hey, yo, Mr. Woodman,
man, like you know,
57
00:02:53,845 --> 00:02:56,788
the bell just rang.
It's time for us to boogie.
58
00:02:56,809 --> 00:03:00,463
Well, then, boogie,
you pack of howling baboons.
59
00:03:00,546 --> 00:03:01,546
Boogie!
60
00:03:01,629 --> 00:03:03,434
♪ Boogie boogie boogie ♪♪
61
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,822
Boogie till your
fingers fall off.
62
00:03:09,362 --> 00:03:10,822
Boogie!
63
00:03:14,018 --> 00:03:16,123
Mr. Woodman,
uh, are you okay?
64
00:03:16,206 --> 00:03:17,685
I mean you didn't have
too much chipped beef
65
00:03:17,688 --> 00:03:20,808
in the cafeteria today, did you?
66
00:03:20,891 --> 00:03:23,536
Forget about the chalk.
You don't seem quite yourself.
67
00:03:23,619 --> 00:03:25,795
Kotter, I'm more of myself
than ever.
68
00:03:25,878 --> 00:03:29,504
Well, try being
less yourself than ever.
69
00:03:29,549 --> 00:03:31,610
I mean, Mr. Woodman,
a person is like a car.
70
00:03:31,693 --> 00:03:34,172
We have to be
finely tuned.
71
00:03:34,177 --> 00:03:36,238
What are you trying
to say, Kotter?
72
00:03:36,321 --> 00:03:39,764
Mr. Woodman,
you need a lube job.
73
00:03:40,753 --> 00:03:42,031
You gotta relax
a little bit.
74
00:03:42,114 --> 00:03:44,034
You know,
forget about Buchanan.
75
00:03:44,117 --> 00:03:45,939
Why don't you go out,
have a few drinks
76
00:03:45,939 --> 00:03:49,404
a nice dinner, some quiet
conversation with friends?
77
00:03:50,866 --> 00:03:53,567
Good advice, Kotter.
Thank you.
78
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,110
What time?
79
00:03:58,557 --> 00:04:00,618
"What time," what?
80
00:04:01,398 --> 00:04:02,941
Well, that was
a dinner invitation.
81
00:04:03,024 --> 00:04:05,444
What time shall I be there?
82
00:04:05,527 --> 00:04:07,550
How about August?
83
00:04:11,291 --> 00:04:12,333
[doorbell buzzing]
84
00:04:12,416 --> 00:04:15,317
Okay, now remember.
85
00:04:15,598 --> 00:04:18,121
Years from now,
we're gonna look back on this
86
00:04:18,121 --> 00:04:19,970
and we won't laugh.
87
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,585
I bet you hoped I wouldn't come.
That true, isn't it, Kotter?
88
00:04:25,668 --> 00:04:27,250
I mean you didn't invite me,
I invited myself.
89
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:30,480
And now that I'm here
you'd wish I'd leave, right?
90
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,101
Well, it is getting late.
91
00:04:40,898 --> 00:04:44,080
Mr. Woodman, we are delighted
that you could come.
92
00:04:44,163 --> 00:04:48,546
Mrs. Kotter, don't worry,
I'll leave early.
93
00:04:48,630 --> 00:04:52,191
- Let me take your coat.
- What are you gonna do with it?
94
00:04:52,275 --> 00:04:55,178
Just gonna hang it
right here in the closet.
95
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,411
I'll leave the door open
96
00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:00,099
so you can keep
an eye on it...
97
00:05:00,705 --> 00:05:02,222
...at all times.
98
00:05:02,306 --> 00:05:04,549
Gabe, why don't you make us
a drink or two?
99
00:05:04,549 --> 00:05:07,411
Or six before dinner?
100
00:05:07,494 --> 00:05:11,015
Good idea. C'mon, Mr. Woodman,
I'll fix you a screwdriver.
101
00:05:11,099 --> 00:05:13,514
Tighten up
whatever is loose.
102
00:05:15,752 --> 00:05:18,189
Uh, in my entire career
103
00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:20,351
I've been invited
to faculty member's homes
104
00:05:20,434 --> 00:05:22,437
for dinner only, uh, twice.
105
00:05:22,437 --> 00:05:25,662
The, uh, first time was during
World War II.
106
00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:28,384
They wanted
my meat ration points.
107
00:05:30,782 --> 00:05:32,361
Second time was, uh...
108
00:05:32,444 --> 00:05:36,087
...just a few years ago
during the tuna fish scare.
109
00:05:37,130 --> 00:05:40,111
We had tuna casserole and...
110
00:05:40,194 --> 00:05:43,000
...everyone waited for me
to taste it first.
111
00:05:45,841 --> 00:05:48,386
- What's for dinner?
- Tuna casserole.
112
00:05:50,707 --> 00:05:54,529
Just kidding, just kidding.
Here, I made a joke.
113
00:05:55,009 --> 00:05:59,318
So, uh, you actually
live here?
114
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:02,838
No! Here, no. We have
a town house in Park Avenue.
115
00:06:04,007 --> 00:06:05,966
We just borrow this place
from a struggling teacher
116
00:06:06,009 --> 00:06:08,926
and his wife
when we wanted to entertain.
117
00:06:09,009 --> 00:06:11,051
I had a place
like this once.
118
00:06:11,135 --> 00:06:13,159
- Oh?
- It burned.
119
00:06:14,699 --> 00:06:16,970
That's too bad,
Mr. Woodman.
120
00:06:17,053 --> 00:06:19,361
But at least it made it easy
for you to move.
121
00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:21,126
Who moved?
122
00:06:23,714 --> 00:06:27,258
I just stayed at the Y
till the furniture cooled.
123
00:06:28,099 --> 00:06:29,683
That was a, a joke...
124
00:06:29,766 --> 00:06:32,355
- It was a joke.
- Oh!
125
00:06:32,618 --> 00:06:35,255
- Mr. Woodman made a joke.
- Made a joke.
126
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:38,854
You know,
I'm beginning to relax.
127
00:06:38,983 --> 00:06:41,398
Uh, tell me, uh, Kotter.
128
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,529
What's troubling you?
129
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,094
Me?
130
00:06:45,826 --> 00:06:48,106
You wanna know what's troubling
me, Mr. Woodman?
131
00:06:48,189 --> 00:06:50,885
Okay, I'm gonna tell you
what's troubling me.
132
00:06:50,969 --> 00:06:52,729
You. You're troubling me.
133
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:55,678
Oh, uh, think I made
a fool outta myself
134
00:06:55,678 --> 00:06:57,217
in the hall today,
don't you?
135
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,703
- Well, it wasn't--
- Well, I, I did, Kotter.
136
00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:02,832
I did and, and over what, eh?
137
00:07:02,905 --> 00:07:04,365
Chalk.
138
00:07:05,222 --> 00:07:09,486
Chalk. Meaningless sticks
of compressed dust.
139
00:07:09,570 --> 00:07:12,071
Dollars worth of nothing.
140
00:07:12,154 --> 00:07:16,018
Zero. Null! Void!
141
00:07:20,225 --> 00:07:23,076
I'm not very well-liked.
Am I, Kotter?
142
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:30,012
Why don't we start
eating dinner now?
143
00:07:30,095 --> 00:07:31,518
What could it be,
Kotter, what?
144
00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:34,343
What's the difference?
You're still gonna get dinner.
145
00:07:35,864 --> 00:07:38,351
And I'll even
taste it first.
146
00:07:38,434 --> 00:07:40,336
The, uh, the students like you.
147
00:07:40,396 --> 00:07:42,215
You've, you've got
the core, Kotter
148
00:07:42,298 --> 00:07:45,655
but... you know,
what do they think of me?
149
00:07:45,739 --> 00:07:48,502
- Well, honestly--
- I really wanna know, Kotter.
150
00:07:48,585 --> 00:07:51,247
- Well--
- Tell me. Go ahead, tell me.
151
00:07:51,614 --> 00:07:53,354
- Basically--
- I'll make it easier for you.
152
00:07:53,437 --> 00:07:55,350
I'll, I'll start,
they think I'm ill-tempered
153
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,315
and insensitive and...
154
00:07:57,335 --> 00:07:59,215
It's a good start.
155
00:08:00,078 --> 00:08:02,057
...petty and tyrannical.
156
00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:04,049
- Hostile.
- Unreasonable.
157
00:08:04,132 --> 00:08:05,592
- Mean.
- Rotten.
158
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:08,274
Rotten?
159
00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:10,287
Well, that,
that's it, Kotter.
160
00:08:10,370 --> 00:08:14,074
I don't have to sit here
and be insulted by your wife.
161
00:08:14,732 --> 00:08:19,756
Mr. Woodman,
please, I'm so sorry.
162
00:08:19,839 --> 00:08:21,795
Please don't go.
163
00:08:21,878 --> 00:08:24,100
Well, it's, you're right.
164
00:08:24,183 --> 00:08:27,420
It's all true,
I, I am rotten.
165
00:08:27,504 --> 00:08:29,085
No, no,
you're not rotten.
166
00:08:29,168 --> 00:08:33,149
I mean, I would've stopped
at petty and tyrannical.
167
00:08:33,232 --> 00:08:35,311
All you have to do
is loosen up a little bit.
168
00:08:35,394 --> 00:08:39,136
- Just stop and smell the roses.
- In Brooklyn?
169
00:08:40,194 --> 00:08:42,912
Well, stop and smell
a few winos.
170
00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:47,783
Look, you have to get back
to your first love. Teaching.
171
00:08:47,866 --> 00:08:49,607
Now, you may have
your weaknesses
172
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:53,796
but, Julie, this man is
one terrific history teacher.
173
00:08:53,816 --> 00:08:56,197
- You really think so, huh?
- The greatest.
174
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,583
Nobody could teach
about military history
175
00:08:58,583 --> 00:09:00,784
like this man,
right over here.
176
00:09:00,867 --> 00:09:02,947
Well, I guess there was always
something about a good war
177
00:09:03,030 --> 00:09:05,871
that cheered me up.
178
00:09:05,953 --> 00:09:08,034
It was probably seeing
all those people with guns
179
00:09:08,117 --> 00:09:10,486
and knowing they're not
in your neighborhood.
180
00:09:11,712 --> 00:09:13,801
You know, Gabe's right,
Mr. Woodman.
181
00:09:13,884 --> 00:09:15,845
You should get back
to teaching.
182
00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:17,568
It's ridiculous.
I wouldn't know where to start.
183
00:09:17,568 --> 00:09:19,467
I haven't taught a class
in ten years.
184
00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:23,034
- Teach my class tomorrow.
- Oh! I couldn't. I couldn't.
185
00:09:23,054 --> 00:09:25,274
Come on.
They're not gonna bite you.
186
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:27,857
I have been bitten
by Sweathogs
187
00:09:27,940 --> 00:09:30,040
on many occasions.
188
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:32,598
I made another joke.
189
00:09:32,681 --> 00:09:34,248
- Another joke.
- Ha ha.
190
00:09:34,331 --> 00:09:35,710
First one would the apartment
with the burning
191
00:09:35,714 --> 00:09:37,704
and the second was bitten
by Sweathogs.
192
00:09:37,787 --> 00:09:39,887
Two jokes in one evening.
Come on.
193
00:09:40,998 --> 00:09:43,100
Alright, I have a surprise
for everybody today.
194
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,810
Mr. Woodman has agreed
to teach my class.
195
00:09:45,893 --> 00:09:47,202
[laughing]
196
00:09:47,285 --> 00:09:48,745
Him? Him?
197
00:09:48,918 --> 00:09:50,766
[wheezy laughter]
198
00:09:52,975 --> 00:09:54,875
Okay, now I'm going
right over here to sit down
199
00:09:54,958 --> 00:09:57,538
and I want everybody
to think of me today...
200
00:09:57,621 --> 00:10:00,582
...as just another Sweathog.
201
00:10:00,665 --> 00:10:05,350
Okay, Kotter, no horseplay.
Sit up straight!
202
00:10:06,833 --> 00:10:08,923
I've still got it.
Alright, now.
203
00:10:09,006 --> 00:10:11,879
Boys and girls, take out
your notebooks and pencils.
204
00:10:11,962 --> 00:10:14,538
What's the matter, Kotter?
You don't have to take notes?
205
00:10:14,558 --> 00:10:16,021
- You want me to take notes?
- Yes.
206
00:10:16,041 --> 00:10:18,320
Okay, right.
I'll take notes.
207
00:10:18,403 --> 00:10:21,369
Horshack.
Horshack, lend me a pencil.
208
00:10:21,452 --> 00:10:23,552
Sorry, no loansies.
209
00:10:26,986 --> 00:10:28,486
Horshack?
210
00:10:29,122 --> 00:10:33,866
Mr. Kotter,
I am surprised at you.
211
00:10:33,949 --> 00:10:36,730
Don't you know that
you're supposed to come to class
212
00:10:36,813 --> 00:10:41,177
with two sharpened pencils
in case one breaks?
213
00:10:41,260 --> 00:10:43,220
You sound like my mother.
214
00:10:43,303 --> 00:10:47,023
Mr. Kotter, there is no need
to get surly.
215
00:10:49,773 --> 00:10:53,035
Well, you know,
surly to bed, surly to rise.
216
00:10:54,909 --> 00:10:59,131
Uh, today we'll discuss
the Revolutionary War.
217
00:10:59,214 --> 00:11:02,578
Now... who can tell me
218
00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:04,923
where that war started?
219
00:11:05,006 --> 00:11:07,390
- Mr. Washington?
- Right.
220
00:11:08,032 --> 00:11:10,055
[whispers] What's the answer?
221
00:11:11,832 --> 00:11:13,268
- Lexington and--
- Right.
222
00:11:13,351 --> 00:11:14,963
[clears throat]
223
00:11:15,046 --> 00:11:17,187
Lexington Avenue.
224
00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:23,443
Probably near
225
00:11:23,526 --> 00:11:24,848
probably near 129th Street
by that barbecue, man.
226
00:11:24,848 --> 00:11:28,573
It's a tough neighborhood. A lot
of wars went on over there.
227
00:11:28,593 --> 00:11:30,053
Wrong!
228
00:11:33,681 --> 00:11:37,886
The answer
is Lexington and Concord.
229
00:11:37,886 --> 00:11:42,129
Where the colonists fired
the shot heard round the world.
230
00:11:45,016 --> 00:11:49,120
Now the red coats
came marching down the road...
231
00:11:49,761 --> 00:11:52,364
...not suspecting
that the colonists
232
00:11:52,447 --> 00:11:53,987
were lying in wait for them.
233
00:11:54,070 --> 00:11:56,711
Kotter, get up here
and lie and wait for me.
234
00:11:56,794 --> 00:11:59,492
You want me to lie in wait
in any place special?
235
00:11:59,498 --> 00:12:00,921
Well, take cover
behind the hill.
236
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,105
Okay, I'm taking cover
behind the hill.
237
00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:04,565
Alright, now.
238
00:12:04,648 --> 00:12:06,528
1775, the scene...
239
00:12:06,611 --> 00:12:08,352
...Lexington, Concord,
Massachusetts
240
00:12:08,434 --> 00:12:10,958
and the red coats came
marching down the road
241
00:12:10,979 --> 00:12:13,040
not suspecting
that the colonists
242
00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:15,061
were lying in wait
for them.
243
00:12:15,144 --> 00:12:17,516
Ooh! Ooh, ooh! Ooh!
244
00:12:18,754 --> 00:12:23,096
- Could I be a prisoner?
- I don't know.
245
00:12:23,179 --> 00:12:25,279
I don't know.
Maybe, maybe, later.
246
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:27,481
Fire at will, Kotter.
247
00:12:27,564 --> 00:12:30,464
Taxation without representation,
huh, huh?
248
00:12:30,547 --> 00:12:32,612
Alright, take this!
249
00:12:33,971 --> 00:12:36,371
You treasonous scanty dog.
250
00:12:36,453 --> 00:12:39,042
Ah! I surrender!
251
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:46,382
And so on June 16th,1775
252
00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:49,950
George Washington agreed
to take command...
253
00:12:50,033 --> 00:12:52,697
...of the colonial army.
254
00:12:52,848 --> 00:12:54,308
Beautiful!
255
00:12:54,502 --> 00:12:55,502
[cheering]
256
00:12:55,585 --> 00:12:57,260
[bell rings]
257
00:12:58,471 --> 00:13:00,734
Mr. Woodman,
I hate to admit it
258
00:13:00,756 --> 00:13:02,960
but that was interesting.
Really. Very good.
259
00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:06,246
You know, you look like
the guy on the money.
260
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,208
That was terrific,
Mr. Woodman.
261
00:13:08,291 --> 00:13:11,614
Mr. Kotter doesn't do that
many costume changes in class.
262
00:13:11,697 --> 00:13:12,897
Well, I'm glad
you all enjoyed it.
263
00:13:12,937 --> 00:13:15,157
Wait till you see the fun
we have with World War II.
264
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,863
- Oh, you're gonna act that.
- Oh, that's great.
265
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:19,605
It was great.
It was really great.
266
00:13:19,684 --> 00:13:21,534
Really, it was great.
267
00:13:22,729 --> 00:13:25,010
It's a pretty good
speech, man.
268
00:13:25,659 --> 00:13:27,531
They love me, Kotter.
269
00:13:27,614 --> 00:13:29,934
Mr. Kotter, Mr. Kott...
270
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:33,179
Mr. Kotter, why is he wearing
Miss Fishbeck's hair?
271
00:13:34,115 --> 00:13:35,215
Mr. Woodman,
you've gotta do something.
272
00:13:35,298 --> 00:13:39,923
The Sweathogs just locked
Todd Ludlow in a gym locker.
273
00:13:40,006 --> 00:13:41,649
I don't know how long
he can last in there
274
00:13:41,649 --> 00:13:44,170
with Epstein's socks.
275
00:13:47,175 --> 00:13:48,317
Did you hear her, Mr. Woodman?
276
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,220
They locked Todd Ludlow
in a locker.
277
00:13:50,303 --> 00:13:52,343
I've still got it.
278
00:13:52,426 --> 00:13:55,369
He's in a locker
with Epstein's socks.
279
00:13:57,687 --> 00:14:01,169
- They love me!
- I can see the headlines.
280
00:14:01,252 --> 00:14:05,514
"Vice principal wears wig,
while socks smothers student."
281
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,939
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
282
00:14:12,008 --> 00:14:13,896
♪ Welcome back ♪♪
283
00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:15,521
[indistinct chatter]
284
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:16,875
Good morning.
Good morning.
285
00:14:16,958 --> 00:14:19,821
Good morning, children.
Good morning, Mr. Kotter.
286
00:14:19,821 --> 00:14:21,844
Ah, good morning,
Mr. Woodman.
287
00:14:22,324 --> 00:14:24,826
And a beautiful
morning it is.
288
00:14:24,909 --> 00:14:27,636
[feedback on speakers]
289
00:14:27,719 --> 00:14:30,603
[Lazarus] Students,
this is Principal Lazarus.
290
00:14:30,686 --> 00:14:34,608
I'm addressin' whoever
has disconnected the bell.
291
00:14:34,691 --> 00:14:38,012
You have this first period
to reconnect it.
292
00:14:38,095 --> 00:14:40,072
No questions asked.
293
00:14:40,155 --> 00:14:43,741
In the meantime,
get to your classes.
294
00:14:43,824 --> 00:14:45,284
Ding-dong.
295
00:14:51,553 --> 00:14:55,629
- In the classrooms, come on.
- Oh, uh, Kotter...
296
00:14:55,712 --> 00:14:57,514
I, uh, I wanna thank you
297
00:14:57,514 --> 00:15:00,136
for letting me
take your class yesterday and...
298
00:15:00,219 --> 00:15:02,285
Ah! Bless you, Kotter.
299
00:15:03,684 --> 00:15:05,338
Mr. Woodman, don't you think
you should take me out
300
00:15:05,367 --> 00:15:07,467
a few times first?
301
00:15:08,342 --> 00:15:09,802
Oh!
302
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,662
When you're at that wedding
303
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:15,986
remember the cha-cha
is different than the mambo.
304
00:15:16,006 --> 00:15:18,130
It's one, two,
one, two, three...
305
00:15:18,130 --> 00:15:21,198
[wheezy laughter]
306
00:15:24,770 --> 00:15:26,391
Epstein. Barbarino!
307
00:15:26,474 --> 00:15:28,757
- What? What?
- Come on over here.
308
00:15:28,757 --> 00:15:31,085
- Come on over here.
- Yeah.
309
00:15:34,557 --> 00:15:36,056
What is this?
310
00:15:36,139 --> 00:15:37,923
Uh, we're on a junior
achievement project
311
00:15:37,981 --> 00:15:40,142
for the telephone company.
312
00:15:41,225 --> 00:15:43,227
You guys, you guys
wouldn't happen to know
313
00:15:43,307 --> 00:15:45,347
who disconnected the bell,
would you?
314
00:15:45,430 --> 00:15:47,389
It's probably the same guy
that stuck Todd Ludlow
315
00:15:47,472 --> 00:15:49,174
in my gym locker,
you know?
316
00:15:49,174 --> 00:15:52,175
Part of the undesirable
element here at Buchanan.
317
00:15:52,258 --> 00:15:55,087
Epstein, you are the president
318
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:58,384
of the undesirable element
here at Buchanan.
319
00:15:59,264 --> 00:16:00,906
Now go and reconnect
that bell.
320
00:16:00,989 --> 00:16:02,468
Never judge by appearances,
Kotter.
321
00:16:02,471 --> 00:16:04,348
Appearances deceive,
they delude.
322
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:07,695
Now, you must learn
to trust these children.
323
00:16:07,778 --> 00:16:11,062
Trust is the very foundation of
good student-teacher relations.
324
00:16:11,082 --> 00:16:14,243
And remember, Kotter,
there are no bad boys
325
00:16:14,326 --> 00:16:16,240
just bad teachers.
326
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:19,485
- Run along now, boys.
- Thanks, Mr. Woodman.
327
00:16:19,568 --> 00:16:21,574
[clanging]
328
00:16:21,657 --> 00:16:24,188
- Class is over!
- Whoo!
329
00:16:24,271 --> 00:16:26,581
[Kotter] That wasn't the bell.
Get back inside. Go on.
330
00:16:26,664 --> 00:16:28,124
Back inside.
331
00:16:29,570 --> 00:16:32,515
It was William Claiborne
who settled Maryland
332
00:16:32,515 --> 00:16:34,432
and William Penn
who settled Pennsylvania.
333
00:16:34,515 --> 00:16:37,039
Okay, can anybody tell me
who settled New Jersey?
334
00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:39,263
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
335
00:16:40,026 --> 00:16:42,093
Is New Jersey settled?
336
00:16:43,922 --> 00:16:47,056
Arnold, New Jersey's been
settled for more than 250 years.
337
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:50,022
Ha! You've never been to Newark
on a Saturday night!
338
00:16:50,023 --> 00:16:51,464
[laughing]
339
00:16:51,547 --> 00:16:53,722
[all] Boogie, boogie,
boogie, boogie.
340
00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:55,247
Hey, alright. Come on.
341
00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:59,153
I know you'd rather be
watchin' Mr. Woodman
342
00:16:59,236 --> 00:17:01,586
crash the Boston Tea Party
343
00:17:01,659 --> 00:17:04,561
but some of us
are here to learn.
344
00:17:04,644 --> 00:17:06,104
Who?
345
00:17:06,967 --> 00:17:10,168
Can we get some of these names
up on the board...
346
00:17:10,252 --> 00:17:12,613
Excuse me, I gotta boogie
to my desk to get some chalk.
347
00:17:12,696 --> 00:17:15,279
[all] Boogie, boogie, boogie,
boogie, boogie...
348
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:19,647
[all laughing]
349
00:17:20,686 --> 00:17:22,574
Woodman's yellow chalk!
350
00:17:22,657 --> 00:17:25,910
All of Woodman's
yellow chalk is in my desk.
351
00:17:25,994 --> 00:17:29,119
Oh, we had to put it
some place.
352
00:17:29,603 --> 00:17:31,625
Yeah, and it'd break
Uncle Woody's heart
353
00:17:31,625 --> 00:17:33,188
if he thought that we took it.
354
00:17:33,188 --> 00:17:35,008
So you want him to think
that I took it?
355
00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:36,850
Sure, why not?
356
00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:39,097
Alright, I want to know
who is responsible
357
00:17:39,097 --> 00:17:41,981
for taking that chalk
and hiding it in my desk.
358
00:17:41,981 --> 00:17:45,019
- Alright, it was my idea.
- I took the chalk.
359
00:17:45,102 --> 00:17:46,665
I opened the desk drawer.
360
00:17:46,748 --> 00:17:48,691
And I stuck the chalk
inside it.
361
00:17:48,711 --> 00:17:51,629
And I... closed the drawer.
362
00:17:51,629 --> 00:17:54,197
[laughing]
363
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,351
You guys really stick together,
don't you?
364
00:17:56,430 --> 00:17:59,565
[all] Mm-hmm!
365
00:17:59,648 --> 00:18:02,533
Alright, by tomorrow morning,
from each and every one of you
366
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,104
I want a 500 word essay...
367
00:18:05,105 --> 00:18:06,095
- Oh!
- Oh, man!
368
00:18:06,096 --> 00:18:09,613
...on how to be
a human being.
369
00:18:09,624 --> 00:18:10,766
- Come on.
- I don't believe this.
370
00:18:10,766 --> 00:18:13,627
I really don't. It's like
"The Exorcist" or somethin'.
371
00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:17,497
I think, I think Woodman
has taken over his body.
372
00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:20,166
Hey, Woodman, you in there?
373
00:18:21,647 --> 00:18:23,689
I'm in here by myself,
Barbarino.
374
00:18:23,773 --> 00:18:25,255
What is it really,
Mr. Kotter?
375
00:18:25,255 --> 00:18:27,035
I mean ever since we made nice
with Uncle Woody
376
00:18:27,118 --> 00:18:28,820
you've been crawlin' up
our backs.
377
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,709
Hey, that's right, man.
What's with you?
378
00:18:30,792 --> 00:18:33,045
- You, you jealous or what?
- Ooh.
379
00:18:33,046 --> 00:18:37,030
Me, jealous
of Father Flanagan?
380
00:18:37,031 --> 00:18:40,355
All I know is you been turnin'
into a real louse, really.
381
00:18:40,356 --> 00:18:42,800
- Yeah, that's true.
- That's true.
382
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,888
Alright, quiet!
That is it!
383
00:18:45,889 --> 00:18:47,630
Let's get this straight,
alright?
384
00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:51,808
This is a school! A school!
You're in a school!
385
00:18:51,809 --> 00:18:56,196
And I'm a school teacher!
That means I am the boss!
386
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,782
Do you understand that?
387
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,387
[rustling on speaker]
388
00:19:04,470 --> 00:19:07,854
[Lazarus] I'm still waiting
to get my bell back.
389
00:19:07,854 --> 00:19:09,314
Ding-dong.
390
00:19:09,998 --> 00:19:12,434
Saved by the bell.
391
00:19:12,517 --> 00:19:13,737
Alright, alright, alright,
let's go. Come on.
392
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:17,278
- What's with you, man?
- No one leaves until I say so.
393
00:19:17,279 --> 00:19:19,445
- Hey, you gotta get...
- Sit down!
394
00:19:19,446 --> 00:19:21,924
You too. Sit down!
395
00:19:21,925 --> 00:19:23,153
Uncle Woody.
396
00:19:23,236 --> 00:19:25,106
Alright, I am fed up!
You understand that?
397
00:19:25,189 --> 00:19:27,758
I'm sick, of all of you.
Of your contempt.
398
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:30,954
Your arrogance,
your disrespect.
399
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:33,061
I know what
you're trying to do.
400
00:19:33,145 --> 00:19:34,733
[chuckling]
401
00:19:35,763 --> 00:19:38,683
Well, it's not gonna work!
402
00:19:38,766 --> 00:19:41,292
Nobody's gonna make me crazy,
understand that?
403
00:19:41,376 --> 00:19:44,444
No one is gonna
make me crazy!
404
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,282
I think
we made him crazy.
405
00:19:56,758 --> 00:19:59,634
Kotter, Kotter, you gotta relax.
I mean, loosen up.
406
00:19:59,717 --> 00:20:01,980
- I'm not crazy.
- Have a few drinks.
407
00:20:02,063 --> 00:20:05,631
Nice dinner. Quiet conversation
with friends.
408
00:20:05,709 --> 00:20:07,100
That is
if you have any left
409
00:20:07,131 --> 00:20:10,232
after that disgusting
performance.
410
00:20:10,315 --> 00:20:11,881
You know, Kotter,
you're beginning to sound
411
00:20:11,898 --> 00:20:17,165
a little like me be-before
I became, uh, a great guy.
412
00:20:18,688 --> 00:20:20,468
Mr. Woodman.
413
00:20:21,790 --> 00:20:24,314
How would you like
to go back to being you?
414
00:20:24,398 --> 00:20:27,966
What for?
I mean I'm happy being not me.
415
00:20:28,049 --> 00:20:30,553
Yeah, but if you're not you
then I can't be me.
416
00:20:30,587 --> 00:20:33,727
And then I gotta be somebody.
So I become you.
417
00:20:33,811 --> 00:20:38,336
- How's it feel?
- Terrible!
418
00:20:38,419 --> 00:20:41,484
Look, I am a better teacher
than I am a disciplinarian.
419
00:20:41,563 --> 00:20:43,965
But the school has gotta have
a disciplinarian.
420
00:20:44,046 --> 00:20:47,028
I know being Mr. Woodman
is a rotten job.
421
00:20:47,111 --> 00:20:49,552
But somebody's gotta do it.
422
00:20:55,523 --> 00:20:58,595
- What's that, Kotter?
- What?
423
00:20:58,678 --> 00:21:00,139
- That?
- What?
424
00:21:00,222 --> 00:21:04,347
The missing yellow chalk.
Freeze! Freeze!
425
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:08,391
You... You're all in it
together, weren't ya?
426
00:21:08,471 --> 00:21:09,869
And you too, Kotter.
427
00:21:09,953 --> 00:21:12,194
I don't suppose that
you'd be interested
428
00:21:12,277 --> 00:21:14,582
in quieting down and conducting
429
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,682
a calm, rational investigation?
430
00:21:16,702 --> 00:21:19,426
I am being totally calm!
431
00:21:19,426 --> 00:21:23,735
I am dealing with Sweathogs
and one approaches Sweathogs
432
00:21:23,819 --> 00:21:27,127
only with total
iron-fisted authority.
433
00:21:27,210 --> 00:21:30,758
And that includes a Sweathog
disguised as a teacher.
434
00:21:30,759 --> 00:21:32,219
[all] Ooh...
435
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:37,786
Now, Kotter, I want every stick
of that chalk returned
436
00:21:37,869 --> 00:21:38,951
to my office together
with a written explanation
437
00:21:38,951 --> 00:21:42,315
of how it came to be
in your desk drawer.
438
00:21:42,335 --> 00:21:44,120
And you will be assisted
in this task
439
00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:46,628
by the members
of your class.
440
00:21:46,628 --> 00:21:47,698
- Hey...
- Hey, man.
441
00:21:47,782 --> 00:21:51,484
And now, you pack
of howling baboons...
442
00:21:52,328 --> 00:21:54,446
...go to your next class.
443
00:21:54,530 --> 00:21:56,771
Come on, boogie!
444
00:22:00,112 --> 00:22:03,528
[theme music]
445
00:22:13,026 --> 00:22:16,031
Oh, Kotter, I guess, uh...
446
00:22:16,031 --> 00:22:18,163
I guess
I am really good at...
447
00:22:18,174 --> 00:22:20,198
...being Mr. Woodman,
aren't I?
448
00:22:20,218 --> 00:22:23,481
You certainly are.
You're the worst.
449
00:22:24,765 --> 00:22:28,529
You know,
I really missed him.
450
00:22:28,912 --> 00:22:30,571
So did I.
451
00:22:30,655 --> 00:22:32,692
Welcome back, Mr. Woodman.
452
00:22:32,775 --> 00:22:35,459
Wipe that smile
off your face, Kotter.
453
00:22:35,542 --> 00:22:37,783
Woodman's back in town.
454
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,302
- A guy walks into a bar.
- What guy?
455
00:22:52,386 --> 00:22:55,129
Whatever. A guy walks into
a bar, orders two martinis.
456
00:22:55,148 --> 00:22:57,452
- Right. You with me so far?
- Yeah.
457
00:22:57,452 --> 00:23:00,315
Somebody I don't know
is in a bar and he orders.
458
00:23:00,315 --> 00:23:02,839
Two martinis,
drinks one martini
459
00:23:02,878 --> 00:23:04,700
pours the second one
in his breast pocket.
460
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,533
From his breast pocket
you hear...
461
00:23:06,534 --> 00:23:08,361
[slurping]
462
00:23:08,445 --> 00:23:10,446
Orders two more martinis,
drinks one
463
00:23:10,446 --> 00:23:12,066
second one over here,
you hear...
464
00:23:12,067 --> 00:23:13,486
[slurping]
465
00:23:13,570 --> 00:23:15,472
The bartender looks
at this guy funny.
466
00:23:15,492 --> 00:23:16,463
I should imagine.
467
00:23:16,473 --> 00:23:19,674
This guy orders ten martinis,
drinks five
468
00:23:19,757 --> 00:23:22,485
the other five in his breast
pocket and you keep hearing...
469
00:23:22,486 --> 00:23:23,779
[slurping]
470
00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:25,164
The bartender's gettin' mad,
he says
471
00:23:25,164 --> 00:23:28,465
"Alright, you fella, you're a
weirdo. Get outta here."
472
00:23:28,548 --> 00:23:30,150
Guy looks at the bartender
and says
473
00:23:30,170 --> 00:23:31,670
[imitating a drunk] "I don't have to leave this bar.
474
00:23:31,670 --> 00:23:33,932
"I am a citizen
and I pay taxes
475
00:23:33,933 --> 00:23:37,716
and I'm gonna punch you
right in the nose."
476
00:23:37,716 --> 00:23:39,677
And from his breast pocket
a little mouse
477
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:41,158
peers over the top and goes
478
00:23:41,241 --> 00:23:44,177
"And that goes
for your stupid cat too."
479
00:23:52,778 --> 00:23:55,628
[theme song]
480
00:23:59,959 --> 00:24:02,662
♪ Welcome back ♪
481
00:24:02,745 --> 00:24:06,492
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
482
00:24:06,575 --> 00:24:08,668
♪ Welcome back ♪
483
00:24:08,751 --> 00:24:10,887
♪ To that same old place ♪
484
00:24:10,970 --> 00:24:13,411
♪ That you laughed about ♪
485
00:24:13,494 --> 00:24:15,544
♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪
486
00:24:15,627 --> 00:24:17,894
♪ Since you hung around ♪
487
00:24:17,977 --> 00:24:22,551
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
488
00:24:22,634 --> 00:24:24,510
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
489
00:24:24,593 --> 00:24:26,599
♪ Who'd have thought they'd
lead ya ♪
490
00:24:26,682 --> 00:24:28,514
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
491
00:24:28,597 --> 00:24:30,646
♪ Back here
where we need ya ♪
492
00:24:30,729 --> 00:24:32,692
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
493
00:24:32,775 --> 00:24:34,824
♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪
494
00:24:34,907 --> 00:24:37,044
♪ Welcome back ♪
495
00:24:37,127 --> 00:24:39,176
♪ Welcome back
welcome back ♪
496
00:24:39,259 --> 00:24:41,439
♪ Welcome back ♪
497
00:24:41,522 --> 00:24:43,485
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
498
00:24:43,568 --> 00:24:45,704
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
499
00:24:45,787 --> 00:24:47,881
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
500
00:24:47,964 --> 00:24:50,057
♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪
501
00:24:50,140 --> 00:24:52,276
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
502
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:54,322
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
503
00:24:54,405 --> 00:24:56,454
♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪
504
00:24:56,537 --> 00:24:58,761
♪ Welcome back ♪
505
00:24:58,844 --> 00:25:00,937
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
506
00:25:01,020 --> 00:25:03,200
♪ Welcome back ♪
507
00:25:03,283 --> 00:25:04,807
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪♪
37918
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