All language subtitles for Welcome.Back.Kotter.S01E02.Basket.Case.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

You know, honey, coming back
to the old neighborhood

brings back a lot of memories.

I remember
when I was nine years old

this bully, Tommy O' Shaughnessy
would pick on me every day.

Oh, honey.

I told my father and he said

"Son, a bully
is nothin' but a coward.

"Go up to him tomorrow,
tell him he's a coward.

I guarantee
he'll never pick on you again."

Good for him.

Next day I went up
to Tommy and said

"Look, my father
explained to me.

"You're a coward. So if you
don't bother me anymore

I won't tell
anybody you're a coward."

- You know what he did?
- No. What did he do?

Got on his bike, rode away

went to my house
and beat up my father.

[theme music]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Here where we need ya ♪

♪ Here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ Cause we've got him
on the spot welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪♪

[alarm ringing]

Gabe, are you awake?

No, I'm asleep.

Come on. It's time
to get up for school.

There's a test today. I don't
wanna go to school today.

Honey, you're a teacher now.

You don't have to take
tests anymore. You give 'em.

Oh, yeah.

Whoo-o-ooii!

Oh, you're sore from playing
ball yesterday, aren't you?

No, I'm not.

Well, then, what was
that noise you just made?

What noise?

Whoo-o-ooii!

That noise.

I have never heard you
make that noise before.

I don't believe it.

That noise,
that's my father's noise.

That's the noise my father makes
when he gets up in the morning.

But he didn't start to make
that noise till he was 40.

I'm too young
to be makin' my father's noise.

Go on and take a hot bath,
honey. You'll feel better.

I always hated that noise.
I couldn't stand it

when he started
to make that noise.

But he was 40 before...

- Oh, my God.
- What's wrong?

This is my father's walk.

[snapping fingers]

Hey, Vinnie,
have you seen my--

Shh! Horshack, the man
is studying for the test.

[humming]

- Freddie.
- Hey, it's Washington.

Fall back, baby.
Have no fear

Mr. Wonderful is here.

- You made in the team!
- Yeah!

Man, from now on
it's the easy life for me.

I'm gonna be a star.

And stars ain't got to do
nothin' but... shoot baskets.

Freddie, you're gonna
need a manager, right?

Hey, I'm way ahead
of you, baby.

Alright. Alright.
Now first-first, I negotiate

the college scholarship.

Right, right.

Then after college,
we sign a fat contract

with the New York Knicks.

Whoo!

Endorses, fringe benefits,
commercials.

Hey, you ready for that?

- Ye-yeah, I'm ready for that.
- Alright, let's do one.

- Yeah, yeah.
- A commercial!

Okay, Freddie, your on.

Hi there.

I'm just sitting here in my
palatial Fifth Avenue mansion.

About to have another
generous helping of my famous

Fast Freddie's
French fried chicken fingers.

They're finger-chicken good.

Stick with me you'll be
up to your fro and dough.

Oh, and groupies. They'll
be crawling all over you.

I never thought
about groupies.

Maybe I should try out
for the team, huh?

Hey, Epstein,
you're too short.

[Epstein] Oh, yeah?

I'll lie about
my height, Amos.

What is this,
The Flying Wallendas?

[all] Hey, hey, hey.

Okay, as you know,
we are having an exam today.

Which explains this green bucket
over here in my right hand.

Epstein and Barbarino,
please roll up your sleeves.

What for?

Hey, come on.
It's against the constitution.

What do you think,
this is democracy here?

Hey, good boy, Epstein.

Look, there's
nothin', nothin'.

How about this one?

- What?
- This one?

- Where?
- Under there. Roll it up.

What, this?

Let's see it, come on.

"First constitutional congress
is on Philadelphia.

"Declaration
of Independence 1776.

"Benjamin Franklin Electricity.

Evelyn, 4-3-4-1-5-9."

[all exclaiming]

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Leave Evelyn's
phone number.

Okay. Now that the
information is in our heads

and only in our heads.

Arnold, please
distribute the exam.

Oh, sure, Mr. Kotter.

Arnold.

Where are you going?

I'm going
to distribute the test.

Distribute them
in here, Arnold.

Oh.

Well, Mr. Kotter,
you did not say that.

You see, I feel
that the English language

is a very precise... tool.

And you really
oughta learn how to use it.

- Distribute the papers.
- Okay.

Take the paper, take the paper.

[Kotter] Okay. Now keep them
turned over.

Until I tell you to begin.

Freddie's got great news,
Mr. Kotter. Go ahead, tell him.

Oh, yeah, Mr. Kotter.

I made the basketball team.
First string.

[all cheering]

Congratulations, Freddie.
What're you gonna play? Forward?

No. Star.

You're looking at
Mr. Versatility.

I mean, I got the moves
of Walt Frazier and the finesse

of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

- Alright.
- Whoo!

You also got the modesty
of Muhammad Ali.

Let me tell you something,
Mr. Star

you may not be
as good as you think you are.

So, if you're the best,
you ain't gonna play

unless you
pass the test.

Um, Ali,
if you got it... flaunt it.

And if you ain't got it,
you're Horshack.

Hot Soup!

You know, uh, I was
a pretty fair basketball player

when I went
to school here.

You? Ha ha ha.

You?

Why is that
so hard to believe?

It's your body.

My body? What's wrong
with my body?

I am in perfect
physical condition.

It's-it's just not
a basketball body.

Now look.
Hey, Freddie, stand up.

Now, this. This
is a basketball body.

This is a body for running
and for jumping.

And this. This is a body
for sitting and spreading.

It's simple.
Basketball. Basket case.

[all laughing]

Okay, let's quit the stalling.
We got a test to take today.

And I really hope
you've all prepared.

Mr. Kotter,
I got a medical note.

Epstein has got another note.

Surprise, surprise. Okay,
Epstein, let's see this one.

Epstein, is something
wrong with your arm?

Yeah. Could you get
the note for me?

Certainly.

"Dear, Mr. Kotter. Juan will not
be able to write today's exam...

"...because of his bursitis.

Signed, Epstein's mother."

Epstein, did you
write this note?

Oh, no. No, no.
Uh, yeah.

I had to write it for my mother
'cause, uh, 'cause her bursitis

is a lot worse
than mine.

Sit down.

Okay. Anymore notes?

Excuses, diseases,
religious conflicts.

Okay now, turn
your papers over.

You have 30 minutes. If you
get stuck on one question

forget about it.
Go to the next one.

Alright, begin.

- Barbarino.
- What, what?

- Roll up your trouser.
- What?

Your trouser leg,
roll it up.

What did you
have in mind?

Roll up your trouser leg.

- What is this?
- It's a skin condition.

Skin condition.
Oh, yes.

Looks to me like
mogo on the go-go.

A very serious disease
for which there are no symptoms.

Fortunately, medical science
has come up with a cure.

Lucky I caught it
in its early stages.

Mogo on the go-go.

Hey, got a minute left.
Come on.

[indistinct]

Washington, what
are you doing?

Why you drawing
pictures on your paper?

- Who is this?
- Hey, that's Superstilt Man.

Faster than
a speedin' forward.

More powerful
than a double layup.

You're taking
the wrong exam.

Do I look like Ms. Fishbeck,
the art teacher?

Only around the moustache.

[bell ringing]

Uh, leave your
test on my desk.

Washington,
I wanna see you.

Aw, man!

Mr. Kotter. What're
you hasslin' him for?

He don't have
to write that exam.

He's in the team.
It means he passes.

It's a fact. Fish have gotta
swim. Birds have gotta fly.

A varsity athlete
has gotta pass.

It's a Buchanan tradition.

Well, you know that I just
love to break traditions.

Aw, man, look. Athletes
gotta pass or they don't play.

There used to be this
quarterback, Moose Nolan.

He had to write an essay on his
favorite fictional character.

Handed in seven blank pages.

Well, maybe his favorite
fictional character was

the Invisible Man.

But he passed.
'Cause he was on the team.

That's the way
it is, Mr. Kotter.

That's the way
it was, Mr. Barbarino.

Nobody passes in my class
unless they earn it.

Freddie, come back
after your last class.

You'll take
a make-up test.

No deal. Let's go.

- You're not gonna come back?
- No. I'm not coming back.

You used to play
basketball, didn't you?

That's right.

Boy, have you changed.

I haven't changed.
And I can still play basketball.

Here comes Kotter,
dribblin' down the court.

Here's his famous Behind The
Back hook shot. There it goes.

Whoo-o-ooii!

Uh, Kotter.

You know, we're surprised that
you would give an unfair test

that a bright boy like
Washington couldn't pass.

What are you
talking about, unfair?

Well, let's
look at the test.

Here. Number three.

When was the Declaration
of Independence signed?

That's a trick question.

What're you talking about?
The answer is 1776.

Kotter, I don't know
if you've noticed

but... I'm not a happy person.

Now, a winning team
might make me happier.

Not happy. But happier.

Come on, Ace.
Where's your school spirit?

We can't win this season
without Washington.

Look, Freddie Washington
is more important to me

than a winning
basketball season.

I'm not doin' him good
by givin' him a free ride.

You're right, he's bright
and he could have passed.

The thing is,
he didn't even try.

Somewhere, from someone, he got
the idea that being on the team

is an automatic pass.

Well, uh, now, uh...

...uh, you said yourself, you
said he, uh, he could've passed.

[Kotter] 'That's right.

Why not give
the benefit of the doubt?

For the team, cheeky baby.

For Buchanan.

For my job.

I have finished
grading your exams.

And as usual,
it was an amazing experience.

How did Washington do?

Well, Freddie didn't pass.

But he did make
the bulletin board.

[snapping]

Okay. Moving right along.

Delores.

Ralph.

Vinnie.

Epstein! You got 65.

You actually got 63,
but I gave you two points

for working under
the influence of bursitis.

You passed, Juan.

Come on, let's
hear it for Epstein.

Hey, what is this, all quiet
on the home room front?

A very pleasant change
from the usual

mouth to mouth combat
we have here.

Hey, you know
what's buggin' us?

You want a conversation,
we'll talk.

All you gotta do
is pass Freddie.

Yeah.

- No.
- Why not?

First of all, it wouldn't
be fair to the rest of you.

Why should Freddie
get special treatment?

He is special. He's gonna be the
school's ace basketball player.

No more special
than you, Epstein.

You're the school's
ace menace to society.

Look, I don't wanna
talk about this anymore.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

I got somethin' to say.

Now, I didn't wanna
resort to this, Mr. Kotter

but you leave me no choice.

Let's talk money.

Barbarino, are you
offering me a bribe?

No. I'm offering you
a percentage of my percentage.

Now look, my client, he's gonna
be a million dollar property.

You are offering
me a bribe.

No. What, I'm trying, I'm trying
to say it's like incentive.

Creative motivation.

- It's bribery, Barbarino.
- So it's bribery!

Look, what
I'm trying to say is

you scratch my back,
I scratch yours.

I can't do that.
You see, my wife

has an exclusive
on my entire body.

She'd be disturbed
if I came home tonight

with a pre-scratched back.

[bell ringing]

- Is that your final answer?
- Sorry.

You're a crummy businessman,
Mr. Kotter. Crummy.

You didn't get your test.
Pick it up.

What's your angle,
Mr. Kotter?

I don't have any angle, Freddie.

I think that your education is
more important than basketball.

My whole future's ridin' on
this. You're blowing everything.

A chance at a scholarship.
I don't know, the pros.

Rookie of the year, I don't
need any education for that man.

What makes you so sure
you're gonna make the pros?

You know, remind me
a lot of Joe Franklin.

Oh, wow. Man, I don't know
no Joe Franklin, dude.

You never heard of Joe Franklin?
He was a Sweathog.

Sat right over here.
Ten years ago.

Another big basketball player.

My name is
Joe Franklin, baby.

I got me
a college scholarship.

Fix me up
with a lotta easy classes.

Hair combin' 101.

A vast toenail clippin'.

But he never
graduated from college.

And he didn't make
the pros either.

So he wound up
with no basketball career

no education, no nothin'.

So what happened to him?

His father died and left him
a chain of Laundromats.

Today he's worth about
six million dollars.

But he's still stupid.

[Freddie] Look, look, look.

I don't care about no Joe
Franklin. Do you understand me?

I just know me. This is one cat
that ain't gonna stop haggling.

You dig? 'Cause, because,
because I'm good. Man, I'm good

Face it, Washington.
You're not that good.

There are guys right here,
in Buchanan, better than you.

- Like who?
- Who?

- Who? Who?
- Who? Who?

- Me.
- You?

Hey, man, you stay away
from that black board.

You must have sniffed
too much of that chalk dust.

Hey, I'm serious, Freddie.
Basketball's my game.

And I'm challenging you.
One on one.

Just you, me
and the basketball.

Hey, Mr. Kotter.
I mean, you outta shape, man.

Dig yourself, man.

If you was a buildin',
you'd be condemned.

3:15 today.
Twenty point game.

Okay, Mr. Kamikaze.

Why not put your money
where your mouth is?

Twenty bucks say, I win.

Hey, you know I'm not
gonna play you for money.

Hey, I tell you
what I'm gonna do.

If I win,
you take the make-up test.

- And if I win, you pass me.
- I can't do that.

Hey, you can do anything, man.
You're the teacher.

- You got a bet.
- You pass me?

If you win.

Would you mind puttin'
that in writing?

What for?
My word is good.

Well, I know that. But it's
your heart I'm worried about.

I mean, who's
gonna pass me

if you don't live
through the game?

Okay. Take it easy, tiger.

Get some wind back.
You'll be alright in a minute.

Whoo-o-ooii!

What's that noise, Kotter?

- Eee-na ooii!
- I say what?

It's my father's noise.

Your father's noise.

That's his father's noise.

I think he's delirious.

I hope the school's
insurance covers this.

Cheeky baby, as the
physical education teacher

can I give you
my professional advice?

You don't look so hot.

What were you trying
to prove out there, Kotter?

Nothing, nothing.

Freddie and I were just having
li'l friendly basketball game...

...to the death.

Anyway, he's on the team.
I'm passing him.

- You are!
- You're what?

[knocking on door]

Hey, ya, coach.
Mr. Kotter here?

Yes, he's on, on the couch,
lying in state.

Hey, mind if I talk
to him alone for a minute?

Not at all.
But you better hurry.

I don't think that
he has much more time.

Hi there.

The least you
could do is sweat.

I did. Hey, look.

I'm ready to take that make up
test if you still want me to.

Hey, I'm no welcher.

You win. You beat me
20 to 16. You passed.

That was no beatin', man.
You scored 16 points off of me.

I mean, you! I mean, you're
almost twice my age, man.

- You're old enough to be my--
- Older cousin.

Look, I've been thinking.

I don't have that contract
all sewn up with the Knicks yet

but... I think I better
be covering all my bases.

I think that's
a smart move, Freddie.

You know, man,
you're something' else.

I mean, you really surprised
me down there, today.

- Yeah?
- You still play pretty good.

You still... got it.

Yeah, I got it.

But I can't get it
off the couch.

- Give me a hand.
- Sure.

Whoo-o-ooii!

What is that sound, man?
My father makes that sound too.

You mean, uh...

[both] Whoo-o-ooii!

Your father walk
like this in the morning?

No, my father walks
like this in the morning.

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪

How do you
like my new hat?

- I like it. I like you in hats.
- Thanks.

Honey, how come
you never wear hats?

When I was young, I always
thought my head was too big.

Too big for what?

For the rest of my body.

All the kids in school
called me, "Bighead."

That's terrible.

One day I came home crying.

I told mother, "Kids call me,
Bighead. What should I do?"

She said, "Don't pay attention
to those mean children."

To get my mind off,
sends me to the store.

- That was a good idea.
- Yeah.

She said, "Get watermelon, dozen
eggs, loaf of bread, milk."

I said, "Ma, what
am I gonna carry that in?"

She said,
"Why don't you use your hat?"

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪♪

[theme music]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Here where we need ya ♪

♪ Here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause
we've got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

[male narrator] "Welcome back, Kotter"
was recorded live on tape

before a studio audience.

♪ Welcome back
welcome back ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ Welcome back
welcome back ♪

♪ 'Cause we've
got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back
welcome back ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've
got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪♪