All language subtitles for Welcome.Back.Kotter.S01E01.The.Great.Debate.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

Where are we gonna go
on our next vacation?

How about Miami?

Did I ever tell you what
happened to my uncle in Miami?

- No.
- He went there. Big convention.

He had his secretary with him.
And he got to the hotel late.

"Mr. Kotter, you were supposed
to be here this afternoon.

"Now we gave your rooms away.
We only have one room left.

"If you want us to,
we can install twin beds

for you and your secretary."

What did he say?

What could they do?
They had to take the twin beds.

In the middle of the night,
the secretary gets up,

she goes, "Psst,
Mr. Kotter, Mr. Kotter

could you get up and shut the
window? I'm a little chilly."

He says, "Well, if you're
chilly, would you like to

pretend that you're Mrs. Kotter
tonight?"

She goes, "Oh, Mr. Kotter,
I'd love to."

He said, "Good, get up
and shut the window yourself."

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪

♪ And they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd
lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪

♪ Back here
where we need ya? ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪♪

So, what do you think?

I think it has a sort of a

a quiet intensity.
What do you think?

Oh, yeah? I thought it had more
of a noisy, relaxed quality.

Ah, quite.

Hey, Horshack,
what do you think it's sayin'?

It's saying, "Hello.

"How are ya?

I'm a wall filled with paint."

He's coming, he's coming.

- Good morning, people.
- Good morning, Mr. Kotter.

[in unison] We're all in our places
with bright shiny faces.

Excuse me,
I was looking for my class.

This is my class.

Alright, what's the big idea?

It's a present
for you, Mr. Kotter.

Thanks a lot.

What do you call this anyway?
Moonlight Over Garbage?

Hey, man. Just be cool, man.

It's only water paint,
it'll come off easy.

Look, you know what it's like?

It's like,
it's like those murals

at the UN
that tells a story.

Well, this is our story.
The greatest story ever told.

The history of the Sweathogs.

[all cheering]

Oh, yes, I can see it.

This must be the first
group of Sweathogs.

And there's me on
opening day of school.

Wadding up some paper
and getting ready to

throw out the first spitball.

Oh, and there's Vice Principal
Woodman catching it.

In his ear.

Oh, and this must be me
on my first date.

With good ol' "Ya-ha" Feldman.

Here we are
on the beach at Coney Island.

And here's me and Ya-ha
spreading our blanket

on the beach at Coney Island.

- Ooh.
- And there we, uh...

Well, moving right along.

Here I am, I guess, coming
back to my old school.

To teach a brand-new
group of Sweathogs.

And here's that group,
painting this mural on the wall.

And this is the part
I like best.

That same group
going into the closet

getting mops, sponges,
soap and water

and cleaning all
this junk off the wall.

Alright. I can dig it.

I'm the new teacher, everybody
tries to get the new teacher.

Alright? You're trying to
live up to your reputation.

I want you to promise
me something.

Clean this off the wall
and tell me you're never gonna

do anything like this again.

Hey, hey, man, whatever
you want, alright? You got it.

Hey, um, dig, while we're at it,
you want us to do your jacket?

- My jacket?
- Yeah.

See we had
a little paint left over...

So we repainted
the top of the desk.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

- Hello, Alex.
- Wait a minute.

Wait a minute,
now, say that again.

Alex, I am not
one of your drama students.

"Hello, Alex," come on, say it
again. Just the way you said it.

- Hello, Alex.
- Lovely. Lovely delivery.

It's simple. It's convincing.
Gutsy. Utterly to the point.

"Hello, Alex."

I don't know what it is, guy,
but you got it.

If you liked that,
you're gonna love this...

Go away, Alex.

Cute. You know,
I bet if you did your laundry

before you came to school,
you wouldn't be so depressed.

I am not depressed.

But I don't know
how much longer I can hold out

with you in the room.

Whoa, now there
is a snappy retort.

"I don't know how much longer
I can hold out

with you in the room"

I'll have to borrow that line
for my new play.

What for? It's probably
gonna be no better

than your other two
un-produced plays.

"A Streetcar Named Shirley."

And then there was your biggie,
"Fiddler On My Sister."

Okay, big guy...

I don't think there's any reason
to take it out on old Alex here

just because your Sweathogs
can't express themselves

in a socially acceptable way.

Like my debating class,
for example.

You know, I really wish you
wouldn't call 'em Sweathogs.

I mean, it's okay if
they call themselves Sweathogs

or if I call them Sweathogs,
but outside of that class

no enlightened educator
would call a child a Sweathog.

Kotter, do you know what
your Sweathogs have done now?

They have switched the signs
on the restroom doors.

The men's room is
now the ladies' room

the ladies' room is
now the men's room.

I mean, I just walked in
to wash my hands.

Poor Miss Fishbeck
will never be the same.

Mr. Woodman,
try to be understanding,

Gabe can't help it
if his students are still

pre-civilized.

Alright, look, Welles,
they may be underachievers

but they're
basically bright kids.

I'd put 'em against your class
any day of the week.

Oh, like in a formal debate?
Heh, heh.

Yeah. Why not?

Welles, are you wearing
your ascot too tight?

I mean, I can't allow this.

Listen, I will assume
full responsibility

for the safety of my charges.
Don't worry, Mr. Woodman.

Wait a minute.
Say that again.

- What?
- "Don't worry, Mr. Woodman."

Just the way you said it.

Don't worry, Mr. Woodman.

Beautiful. Terrific.

But you did it better
the first time.

Now say it again,
"Don't worry, Mr. Woodman."

- Don't worry--
- No, no, no, no, no.

- More gutsy. Right.
- Right.

Think about what you're saying.
Pear-shaped tones.

- Don't worry, Mr. Woodman.
- Don't worry, Mr. Woodman.

Now say it right to him.
Get down to his level.

Put your arm out.
Okay, now think about this man.

This man is you
in 20 years. Now say it.

[both] Don't worry, Mr. Woodman.

Okay, man, that's good enough.
He should like that.

Um, sir, as you see

I told you it'd come right off.

Alright, good.

Now that the history of
the Sweathogs is history...

...I wonder
if you people are aware that

there's other ways
to express yourselves.

Like, uh, with words,
for instance.

Hey, words are great,
Mr. Kotter.

You know, I use 'em
all the time.

As a matter of fact, I just used
words to tell you I use words.

[laughter]

Very good, Epstein. And in the
interest of teaching you people

a little bit more about words,
I have decided

to form a debate team.

♪ Yes my friends
a debate team ♪

♪ That's a team
that uses words ♪

♪ Words with bite
words with snap ♪

♪ Words that put us on the map
not the basketball team ♪

♪ Not the baseball team
not the football team ♪

♪ But the debate team ♪

♪ We're the capital D
and that rhymes with... ♪

[indistinct]

D also stands for ding-a-ling.

Just think of a debate as sort
of a, uh, rumble with words.

Do you mean like, "Up your nose
with a garden hose?"

Not insults, Barbarino.
Facts. Logic.

With each side arguing
an opposite point of view.

Hey, Kotter. Pfft.

Alright, it was just a thought.
Take out your workbooks.

You're too chicken to mix it up
with Mr. Welles' debating class.

- You mean the turkeys?
- Us afraid of the turkeys?

You mean those weirdoes
wanna debate us?

Hey, man, I'll beat the words
out them birds.

- We'll stuff 'em.
- Fricassee 'em.

We... We...

[laughing]

Okay, Horshack, good.
That's the spirit.

Get up here, you take the
affirmative or the yes argument.

Okay.

Yes! I give you a definite yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes! Yes!

- Horshack?
- Yes!

I haven't given you a topic yet.

Ah, who needs a topic?

We'll debate 'em
without a topic.

Yeah, we'll pluck the turkeys.

That's it. That's our topic.

Plucking turkeys?

No, resolve.
Humans are naturally aggressive.

Aggression.
That sounds like fun.

[Kotter] Okay, Horshack, go.

Ahem.

Speaking for
the affirmative side

I would like to ask you
all to support aggression.

Why do I ask you
to support aggression?

I ask you to support aggression
because it is everywhere.

Especially there.
And there. And there.

Thank you.

[all cheering]

Alright, that was fine, Arnold.

Epstein, now you get up
and take the rebuttal

or the no argument.

Sure.

No argument.

Epstein, you have to prove
to Horshack

that people
don't have to be aggressive.

Uh, proof, you want pr...
Okay, I'll give you proof.

Hey, Arnold,

people don't gotta be
aggressive, do they?

No. No, they don't.

I lied, I lied.
I swear, I lied.

People don't gotta
be aggressive.

Hey, Mr. Kotter, I'm really good
at this rebuttin' stuff

you know.

Okay, do we have a debate team?

- Yeah.
- Yeah!

♪ Yes, my friends
we got a debate team ♪

♪ Right here at James Buchanan
with a capital B ♪

♪ And that rhymes with D ♪

♪ And that stands for debate ♪

[indistinct singing]

Ah, good morning, Mr. Woodman.
Ready for the great debate?

I am ready, Kotter,
to see you make a complete

and utter fool of yourself.

[mumbling]

How's that, Mr. Woodman?

That's exactly
what I might expect...

...from a man
who expects his Sweathogs

to outdebate the debate class.

Well, now, uh, I'll run down
and get the turkeys.

I-I... I mean, the debate class.

And mind you, Kotter...
no trouble.

Mr. Woodman,
you won't recognize my kids.

I told them to make sure they
behave like ladies and gentlemen

and to dress
in a dignified manner.

They're not people, Kotter.

Come on, come on, come on.

Is this what you call
a dignified manner?

Hey, man, don't sweat it, man,
this-this is part of our

intricate plan to
psyche out the opposition.

This is a debate, you're
supposed to psyche 'em out

with words, not with clothes.

Look, you want me to remove
the suspenders?

I'll remove the suspenders.

But there ain't much dignity
in a pair of pants

dropping to the floor.

[laughter]

And what about my top hat,
Mr. Kotter?

Top hats is real dignified.

- Where'd you get it, Arnold?
- Murray lent it to me.

Murray? Who's Murray?

Who's Murray? Murray the Horse.

Murray the Horse
loaned you his top hat?

Yeah.

And you. You look like
you come with a $95 funeral.

This coat... this coat was worn

at the famous
Lincoln-Douglas debate.

This coat was worn at the
famous Lincoln-Douglas debate?

I wore this coat
when my father, Lincoln

was beating the daylights
out of my brother, Douglas.

Get up, Epstein.

You're supposed to come here
prepared for a debate.

Not a pirate attack.

Hey, I'm representing
my people.

As a matter of fact, honey

this outfit was worn
by my great-great grandmother

when she fought on San Juan Hill
for the Puerto Rican Jews.

Hey, not only that, she was a
dead ringer for Teddy Roosevelt.

Yeah, my great-great
grandfather kept on telling her

"Ruth, trim the sideburns,
shave the moustache."

Epstein, close your mouth,
sit on your sword.

- Ooh.
- Ooh.

Alright, and you.

What are you supposed to be?
Our very own cheerleader?

You got it, Mr. Kotter. Ahem.

Give me an S, give me a W,
give me an E-A-T.

Rosalie, give it to me
later, okay?

The turkeys are comin',
the turkeys are comin'.

Good morning, Sweathogs.
And welcome to your Waterloo.

Thanks for not taking sides,
Mr. Woodman.

What do you got here, guy,
a costume party? Heh, heh.

Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Is that what you think,
Mr. Welles?

They're the costumes
from your last play.

The subject agreed upon
is resolved.

Humans are naturally aggressive.

Ah, speaking for the negative,
Mr. Welles' team.

Speaking for the affirmative,
Kotter's bunch.

Give me an S!
Give me a W!

- Give me an E-A--
- Rosalie. Rosalie.

- What?
- Give it to me later.

[clears throat] Will you check
your reference material please?

"New York Times" article,1972.

"Is There A Human Instinct
For Peace?"

- Check.
- "Study of the Arctic Eskimos.

- They've Never Known a War."
- Check.

"Anthropological Report
on the Tassidy Tribe

A People Without Aggression."

Check.

Your turn, bubby.

You call that research?

We're gonna show you
what research is.

What?

The research that you prepared
for this debate.

Research material. The
last words of Jack the Ripper.

"I never met a person
I didn't wanna kill."

Check.

Attila the Hun's speech
to his troops

"Trample everyone in sight."

Check.

My father to my mother

"Now you hit him, Margie,
my arm is tired."

- Oh, we need a timekeeper.
- Ooh, ooh, me, me.

Oh, could I be the timekeeper?
Please?

Can he tell time, Kotter?

You've heard of, uh, Big Ben?
That's Small Arnold.

Alright, here. Use this.

Now, uh, constructive speeches
will be limited to four minutes.

Uh, rebuttals to two minutes.

- Let's begin.
- Okay, um, Washington.

You lead the troops.

I never did this before, man.

You don't have
anything prepared?

I never talked in public before.

You never talked
anywhere in public?

Only in church.

Well, do what you have to do.
Get up there.

[clears throat]

Brothers and sisters...

...we are gathered here today

because I intend to prove

that people are born
naturally aggressive.

It's as old as...
a-a-as mankind itself.

- Oh, yeah!
- I...

I seen it in the history book.

And I seen it on the streets!

Now the question,
which is a lot easier

and a lot better, is hard.

But the sooner you learn,
I said the sooner you learn

the easier your life gonna be.
Hallelujah!

Mr. Woodman, Mr. Woodman,

Washington isn't following
the rules.

- He isn't following the rules.
- Ah, Judy...

Let us just begin our side's
extraordinarily

dramatic rebuttal,
shall we?

Todd, if you please.
Thank you.

But he isn't
following the rules.

Judy, heh, give it
to me later, okay?

Hi, Todd.

[exhales]

Friends and
esteemed adversaries...

Time's up.

- Friends and incompetents.
- Ooh.

It can be said,
categorically, that

aggression is not intrinsic
to human nature.

Save for our opponents,
who have yet to prove

they're human.

Hey, off my case, potato face.

Time out, time out.
Time out, here.

- What? What?
- Come here.

Just what do you all think
you're doing, huh?

Look, this thing is cool,
trust us.

- You'll see.
- No, it's not--

I don't mind their
interruptions, Mr. Kotter,

they're just proving
what they are.

Oh, yeah?
You know what you are, Todd?

You're white bread.

Um, for example,

if every time
you take a Sweathog

and you punch him in the face...

[all gasps]

...you repeatedly tell him
to shut up!

- Oh!
- How can we shut up?

- You said we weren't human.
- Yeah, we're animals.

- Grr!
- Just shut up!

Time's up. Next.
Ha, ha. Shut up!

- Come on, you're blowing it.
- Come on.

He ain't blowing it, man.
He blew it.

That's, uh, heh,
that's quite an aggressive boy

you've got there, Alex.

This debate is called
on account of dumbness.

That's right. Kotter, the young
man was obviously provoked.

No, Alex, I think he did
some provoking himself.

And I think we proved our point.

Even the finest student
is capable of aggression.

But notice, some people
were able to control it.

Ah, Mr. Kotter, I just have
one thing to say to you.

Go ahead.

In your socks with
a pound of locks.

Our plan worked, man.

It was a terrible plan,
Washington.

But it was a plan. And
I'm proud of you for trying.

And you look great
in the outfits.

But we got
a very long way to go.

Rosalie, give it to me now.

Give me an S, give me a W,
give me an E-A-T.

Give me an H, give me an O,
give me a G-G-G.

- Sweathogs. Whoo!
- Whoo!

Did I tell you I saw
Larry Simon yesterday?

No.

He was walking down
the street like this.

What did he have in his hands?

That's what I said,
"Hey, Larry

what do
you have in your hands?"

He said, "A toad."

- A toad?
- That's what I said, "A toad?"

Well, where was he going
with the toad?

That's what I said.

"Hey, Larry, where are you
going with a toad?"

He said he was taking
the toad to the zoo.

Oh, well, that makes sense.

Yeah, except I saw him today

and he was still walking
down the street like this.

I thought you said
he took the toad to the zoo?

That's what I said.

I said, "Larry, didn't you take
the toad to the zoo?"

He said, "Yeah, but today
I'm taking him to the movies."

♪ Welcome back... ♪

♪ Your dreams were
your ticket... ♪

[theme song]

[Kotter] "Welcome Back, Kotter"
was recorded live on tape

before a studio audience.

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪

♪ And they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead
ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd
lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪

♪ Back here
where we need ya? ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪♪