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1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:03,754
What's new at school?
2
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:05,381
- Nothing.
- Nothing!
3
00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:07,383
Oh, uh, one
of the lunch ladies died.
4
00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:09,444
They found her in the gym with,
like, two holes in her neck
5
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,137
and all the blood drained
out of her.
6
00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:12,972
Good lord! Who does
something like that?
7
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:15,433
Obviously a vampire.
W-W-Where's the pepper?
8
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,268
Wait, what?! Vampires are real?!
9
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:20,229
Yes, summer, vampires
are real. Who knew?
10
00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:22,982
Oh, right, all humanity,
for hundreds of years, now.
11
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:24,385
Yeah, summer,
it's a big universe.
12
00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,277
Get used to it. R-Right, Rick?
13
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,588
Well, what are we going to do?!
14
00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:29,530
We're gonna live our lives
until we die.
15
00:00:29,614 --> 00:00:31,532
Possibly by vampire.
More likely auto accident
16
00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:34,160
or heart disease,
but possibly vampire.
17
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:37,163
Grandpa Rick, couldn't you,
like, use your superknowledge
18
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,999
to turn yourself into a teenager
and come to our school
19
00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,543
and help us hunt
the vampire down?
20
00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,212
Um -— wow.
21
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,547
Yeah, pretty specific
pitch, summer.
22
00:00:46,631 --> 00:00:49,383
I probably could
turn myself into a teenager
23
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:52,261
and hang out in the
zit-covered, hormone-addled,
24
00:00:52,345 --> 00:00:54,305
low-stakes assworld
that is high school.
25
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,015
But here's my reverse-ask...
26
00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:58,809
Why in the fuck
would I ever do that, ever?
27
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:01,103
And how dare you even
ask me that?
28
00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,980
And why aren't you more
ashamed of yourself?
29
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,191
- Dad!
- Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie.
30
00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:07,127
Jerry! Do you know what you
just said to our daughter?
31
00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:09,111
Sor-ry! I wasn't
paying attention.
32
00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,572
To a conversation
about vampires?!
33
00:01:11,656 --> 00:01:14,242
Clearly, I didn't know
it was about vampires,
34
00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:16,077
because I wasn't
paying attention,
35
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,578
which you would know,
36
00:01:17,662 --> 00:01:19,413
if you ever
paid attention to me!
37
00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:21,415
Oh, here we go,
right to the victim role.
38
00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:23,084
Am I a victim, Beth,
39
00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:24,877
or am I married
to a mean, unfair monster
40
00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:26,170
that always hurts me?!
41
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,172
Jesus Christ!
Will you fix your marriage...
42
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:31,259
Or get a divorce already?
43
00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:35,346
Well, we tried
a couples' therapist.
44
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,973
That's earth therapy.
45
00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,742
You might as well ask a horse
to fix a merry-go-round.
46
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:41,727
I mean, he'll try his best, but mostly,
he's just gonna get horrified.
47
00:01:41,978 --> 00:01:44,605
I know about a place off-planet
with a 100% success rate.
48
00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:47,149
Well, we want to make it
work, if we can.
49
00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:48,609
It's just —-
- then it's settled.
50
00:01:48,693 --> 00:01:50,111
No need to pack. — oh!
51
00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:51,672
Let's go, go, go, go!
52
00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:54,699
Do you think mom and dad
are, you know,
53
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,158
gonna get a divorce?
54
00:01:56,242 --> 00:01:57,994
I think it's okay
to dream, morty.
55
00:01:58,077 --> 00:02:01,789
I'm gonna go make
some wooden stakes.
56
00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,749
N“
57
00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:29,483
N“
58
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,365
I booked you for a two-day
intensive at nuptia four,
59
00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:39,118
the galaxy's most successful
couples' counseling institute.
60
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,661
They could save
the marriage of a dog
61
00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:42,288
and a bar of dark chocolate.
62
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:43,664
They could save the marriage
63
00:02:43,748 --> 00:02:45,374
of a porn star and a porn star.
64
00:02:45,458 --> 00:02:47,144
Well, I know /'/77 ready
to try whatever it takes.
65
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,753
Which clearly implies
that I'm not.
66
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,212
It's not a competition, Beth.
67
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,089
Oh is that how
you're gonna try to win,
68
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:54,133
- by implying I'm competitive?
- If the shoe fits.
69
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,926
- My shoe fits up your ass.
- You wish!
70
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,845
Rick: Okay, have fun.
See ya Thursday!
71
00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,513
Jerry: Oh!
72
00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,515
- Jerk.
- Don't insult my father.
73
00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:03,517
He's the reason our kids
are only half-stupid.
74
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,227
Ha! You just called yourself...
75
00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,437
Oh.
76
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,105
- Beth and Jerry Smith?
- Yes.
77
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,690
I'm glaxo slimslom.
78
00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:11,692
Welcome to nuptia four.
79
00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:14,236
Your marriage can rest easy now.
80
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,783
Jerry, go ahead and sit
there and put this on.
81
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,535
This machine isolates
the part of the subject's brain
82
00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:24,830
containing all perceptions
of its romantic partner.
83
00:03:25,081 --> 00:03:27,958
And we will now render
Jerry's perception of Beth
84
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:31,420
with artificial biological life.
85
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,716
Glaxo: Interesting.
86
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,718
What the hell is that?!
Take that back!
87
00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,553
You do noz'think that about me!
88
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,448
I didn't do anything!
They scanned it out of my brain.
89
00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:43,140
Can I take it back?
90
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:44,683
There's nothing to regret.
91
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,811
We're dealing with
unconscious, unhealthy thoughts.
92
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,437
Beth.
93
00:03:48,521 --> 00:03:50,773
Now, we scan for Beth's
perceptions of Jerry.
94
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:53,484
- Scan hard. He's dead to me.
- Everything's dead to you.
95
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,069
- — What?
- Nothing.
96
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,743
Read it and weep, bitch.
97
00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,453
Does everybody see what I mean?
98
00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:06,747
I think we all see
what you both mean.
99
00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,334
Any leads on the vampire?
100
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,836
No, summer! I mean, you know,
101
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,004
I think it might be time
that we just i-let it go.
102
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,756
Oh, so, now, you're
too cool for this,
103
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,258
just because grandpa Rick is?
104
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,301
It's not that, it's just
that the universe
105
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,595
is a little too big to care
about something so small.
106
00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:24,014
- Aah!
- What up, my helsings?
107
00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,933
Who wants to hunt
a vampire? Ha ha ha!
108
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,601
Rick? How -— how did you —-
109
00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,285
yeah, I got bored
and then, I remembered,
110
00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,353
this morning, how I blew
summer off, and I thought,
111
00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,125
"hey, why are you such
a grumpy douche, Rick?
112
00:04:33,149 --> 00:04:34,608
Go to the garage,
transfer your mind
113
00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,318
into a younger clone of
yourself,
114
00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:38,154
and get embroiled
in some youthful hijinks.
115
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,905
What's the bfd?" So here I am.
116
00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:42,032
- I'm tiny Rick!
- O-O-Okay.
117
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,659
Well, it's good
you're here, Rick.
118
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,137
I was pretty sure we
didn't have what it takes
119
00:04:45,161 --> 00:04:46,555
to deal with
a bloodsucker on our own.
120
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,913
Don't short-sell
yourself, summer.
121
00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,117
You got everything it takes.
But it'll still be fun...
122
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,710
To do this as a fucking team,
motherfucker. Tiny Rick!
123
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,629
Yeah! Oh, my god, Toby Matthews!
124
00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:57,923
Hey, Toby. I'm tiny Rick.
I'm new.
125
00:04:58,174 --> 00:05:00,134
Hey oh... go easy on me.
Ha ha. Just kiddin'.
126
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:02,595
Hey, I like your
straightfonnard style
127
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:04,430
and that lab coat's pretty cool.
128
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:05,806
Summer.
129
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,683
He knows my name!
130
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,059
Why wouldn't he? You're great!
131
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,603
But, listen, just be careful.
132
00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,122
We can't rule anybody out
as the vampire,
133
00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,356
not even the dreamboats.
134
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,608
Stop, tiny Rick.
135
00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:17,651
Huntin' a vampire
with my grandkids!
136
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:20,237
Fuck! Tiny ri-i-ck!
137
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,215
Glaxo: The next step is
to watch your mythologues
138
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:25,326
interact together
and, uh -— big surprise -...
139
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:27,786
It's never pretty.
140
00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,498
Here we have garrrh
and zharbidar gloompfschs,
141
00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,416
or, should I say,
here we have the way
142
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,793
garrrh and zharbidar
perceive each other.
143
00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:38,589
As we can all see,
144
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,799
this is hardly the real
garrrh and zharbidar.
145
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,510
Which is good,
because the relationship
146
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:45,221
in their heads is not only ugly,
147
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,556
it's unsustainable.
148
00:05:50,643 --> 00:05:53,562
You may already be
learning something important...
149
00:05:53,646 --> 00:05:55,814
All of these relationships
are different,
150
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,817
none of them are real,
and none of them work.
151
00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:02,446
We are not the monsters
we sometimes see each other as,
152
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:06,242
because we are real
and we are functional.
153
00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:09,411
That's what makes us
better than them.
154
00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:12,248
We can find solutions.
155
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,624
We can adapt.
156
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,876
We can communicate.
157
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,672
And, most importantly,
158
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:23,759
we can work together.
159
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,137
Summer: Well, it was a tough
adventure, but it paid off —-
160
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,181
our school is vampire—free!
161
00:06:29,265 --> 00:06:31,976
Man, who would've
suspected coach feratu?
162
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,954
You did great, guys.
Couldn't have done it without ya.
163
00:06:33,978 --> 00:06:35,747
You know, we... w-we
should be proud of ourselves.
164
00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:38,023
We killed a vampire
anda gym teacher.
165
00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:40,276
Ha ha ha.
Talk about two-for-one, right?!
166
00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,152
So, how, exactly,
is your old body living
167
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,612
in there, grandpa Rick?
168
00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:45,215
Oh, you know,
hyperbaric quantum fluid,
169
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,217
that kind of thing.
It preserves living tissue.
170
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,201
Not that there was much
to preserve.
171
00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:51,996
Look at that mummy! Ha! Ha ha!
172
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,516
And I guess it's time for me
to get back inside the old—timer.
173
00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,417
Oh, my god.
Toby Matthews is asking...
174
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,419
If my parents
are still out of town
175
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,087
and if we can have a party!
176
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,297
All right, way to go, summer!
What did I tell you?
177
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:05,467
Ohh! He's asking
if tiny Rick will be here.
178
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,177
Well, you know what, summer?
179
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,929
Tell him tiny Rick w/'//be here!
180
00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,639
And tell him to bring
some brews!
181
00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:12,975
For real? Y-y-y-you
would stay as tiny Rick,
182
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,768
just so we can have a party?
183
00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,520
Hell, yeah!
What's one more night?
184
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:19,084
And who can have fun with this
old bastard hanging around, huh?
185
00:07:19,315 --> 00:07:21,692
Wubby lubby doob doob!
186
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,444
- Whoo!
- Tiny Rick!
187
00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:28,407
Moving on.
Now, we have Beth and Jerry Smith
188
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,409
from the planet e-arth.
189
00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:32,453
- My heart is pounding.
- This is gonna be great.
190
00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,455
The e—arth relationships
are simpler.
191
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:37,124
It's a primitive planet,
so their dysfunctions are oh...
192
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,917
W-Wait, what? What's going on?
193
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,669
Where are the Smith mythologues?
194
00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:46,842
Jerry: Oh, my god.
195
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:49,845
Aah! Aah!
196
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,973
- Oh, my god.
- Secure the cell!
197
00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:54,933
Aaaah!
198
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,478
Uh, hey! You know what's fun?
Our gift shop.
199
00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:59,355
Why don't we proceed
in an orderly...
200
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:03,484
Oh, dear god, no.
201
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:06,820
They're codependent! Run!
202
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:09,990
Oh!
203
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,623
Oh, yeah, yeah,
you really know how
204
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:19,833
- to sport that color blue.
- Really?
205
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,835
- You're looking real good.
- Oh, my god.
206
00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:23,921
- Hey, morty.
- Oh, hey —- hey, Jessica.
207
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,508
So, is tiny Rick your
brother or cousin, or...?
208
00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:29,551
No, my grandpa just
transferred his consciousness
209
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,970
into a clone of himself
so he could be in our high school.
210
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,347
Cool.
211
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,474
Hey, tiny Rick's playing guitar.
212
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:36,725
All right, everybody.
213
00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:38,536
This next one's coming
straight from the heart.
214
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,562
Making the lyrics up
right off the top of my head.
215
00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:42,022
J” let me out j“
216
00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:45,401
j” what you see is not
the same person as me j“
217
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:46,568
j” my life's a lie j”
218
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:48,012
j” I'm not who
you're looking at j”
219
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,155
j” let me out, set me free j”
220
00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:52,116
j” I'm really old;
This isn't me j”
221
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:57,579
j” my real body's
slowly dyin' in a vat j”
222
00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:59,289
j” is anybody listening' j”
223
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,166
j” can anyone understand? J”
224
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:04,837
j” stop lookin' at me like that
and actually help me j”
225
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:05,921
j” help me! J”
226
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,756
j” help me; I'm gonna die! J”
227
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,675
tiny Rick! Thanks, everybody!
228
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:10,944
This guy's amazing!
229
00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:11,885
- I love tiny Rick!
- Bad. Ass.
230
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,763
Yeah!
231
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:24,898
Aah!
232
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,867
Huh?
233
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,618
What the fuck?
234
00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,680
Yeah, I know! What kind
of operation are you running?
235
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:41,415
Us?! What the hell kind of
relationship do you have?!
236
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,791
Oh, right, blame this on us.
237
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:46,086
Okay, uh, I can and I am!
238
00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:49,757
Your demonized mythologizations
of each other are cooperating.
239
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,093
- Isn't that good?
- No. No! It's bad!
240
00:09:53,177 --> 00:09:56,221
You have the single worst
marriage I've ever witnessed.
241
00:09:56,472 --> 00:09:58,056
It shouldn't exist!
242
00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,142
You should never, ever, ever,
have gotten together
243
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,895
and I do not understand
how, or why,
244
00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,938
you would ever stay together.
245
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,273
Aaah!
246
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:07,876
Well, this is just
bad couples' therapy.
247
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,193
Totally.
248
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:17,159
- Wait for us!
- There's only room for one more.
249
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,994
I'm a therapist.
I'll talk to them.
250
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:21,830
They're not therapists.
Go, go, go!
251
00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,957
There's gotta be a way
to contact my dad.
252
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,918
Let's find a control room
or something.
253
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:32,966
Jerry:
Beth! You'll want to see this.
254
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,511
- What is it?
- It's a small, hinged panel...
255
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,263
With a tiny amount
of space behind it.
256
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,224
If you can find one, too,
257
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:43,519
we should be safe for hours,
maybe days!
258
00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:45,979
You stay put, Jerry.
259
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:48,315
I'll send help, if I make it.
260
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,325
You don't want to find
your own little hatch?
261
00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:53,111
Jerry, I believe that,
if you hide by yourself,
262
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:55,405
you might survive
and I believe I,
263
00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:57,574
by myself, have a shot
of getting out of here,
264
00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,410
but the two of us, together?
265
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,870
I don't know.
266
00:11:01,954 --> 00:11:03,872
Look, maybe the shrink
was right.
267
00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:06,208
Good luck.
268
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:10,522
All right, now,
you listen to me.
269
00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:11,672
Oh! Or don't.
270
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:13,715
Hey! Don't! Please!
271
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:18,262
Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god!
272
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,138
Now, I know I've said,
in the past,
273
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:21,974
that math is important —-
and it is!
274
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:24,434
But I also think that,
one day, you'll all look back
275
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:28,105
on being in high school
with tiny Rick and morty,
276
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,191
who I hear had a great
party last night.
277
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:34,570
So, class dismissed.
You've got the day off!
278
00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,822
All right! Good work,
Mr. Goldenfold!
279
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,782
Yeah, get outside. Read a book.
280
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,284
Put on some sunscreen, Danielle!
281
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,035
Hey, what's up, summer?
Ooh, nice top.
282
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:44,037
Thanks. Tiny Rick,
you think you might be
283
00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,747
getting back into
your old body tonight?
284
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,749
No can do.
Tonight's the big dance.
285
00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,210
And morty's bringing Jessica.
He needs his tiny wing man.
286
00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:52,004
Both: Tiny Rick!
287
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:54,673
Okay, but if not tonight, when?
288
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,216
I don't know.
When I feel like it?
289
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,218
Damn, girl!
You need to chill out!
290
00:11:58,302 --> 00:12:00,387
This whole thing was your
idea, in the first place,
291
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,237
and, now, you're trying
to rush it along.
292
00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:04,057
Yeah, and you know what?
I like high school.
293
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,851
I like hanging out. Tiny Rick!
294
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,645
But what if the you
that likes it isn't you?
295
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,314
Oh!
296
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:11,982
Both: Oh, summer!
297
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,775
It's just Rick
in a younger body.
298
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,211
What's the... what's -—
What's... what's...
299
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,515
What's the...
What's the problem?
300
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,238
Look at his art, morty.
301
00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:21,074
I've got an emo streak.
Part of what makes me so rad.
302
00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:23,702
Why does it say "help me
morty and summer!"?
303
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:26,038
Come on, summer,
that's the title of the art.
304
00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:28,165
Why was knight rider
called knight rider?
305
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,500
The car's name was kitt.
Nobody rode Michael knight.
306
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:33,211
You're overthinking it, summer.
I'm tiny Rick!
307
00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,213
Grandpa, I think that,
when you put your mind
308
00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:36,882
into this body's young brain,
309
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,508
it did what young brains do -...
310
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,152
It shoved the bad
thoughts into the back
311
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:41,970
and put a wall around them.
312
00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:44,264
But those bad thoughts
are the real Rick.
313
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,058
The fact that you're old,
314
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,869
the fact that we're all
going to die one day,
315
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,645
the fact that the universe
is so big,
316
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,356
nothing in it matters —-
those facts are who you are.
317
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,375
So you're trapped in there
and you can only come out
318
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,985
in the form of
tiny Rick's teen angst!
319
00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:59,404
Well, summer, I hear
320
00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:01,782
Toby Matthews
isn't into psycho chicks.
321
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:03,450
Can't think of anyone that is.
322
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:06,119
I'll see you motherfuckers
at the dance! Tiny Rick!
323
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:07,829
Morty, you have to help me!
324
00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:09,831
Summer, he's happy! I'm happy!
325
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,625
I-I-Is that why
you're doing this,
326
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:13,228
you don't want me
and Rick to be happy?
327
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,212
- No.
- Then get your shit together!
328
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,923
Get it all together
and put it in a backpack.
329
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:20,717
All your shit, so it's together.
330
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,220
And if you gotta
take it somewhere,
331
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,680
take it somewhere, you know?
332
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:26,223
Take it to the shit store
and sell it
333
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,558
o-or put it in a shit museum.
I don't care what you do!
334
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,227
You just gotta get it together.
335
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,313
Get your shit together.
336
00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:40,320
Get back!
337
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:43,031
Wait, for real?
338
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,493
You're how Beth sees me?
339
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,496
Oh, my god. Turn around!
340
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,331
I said turn around!
341
00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:53,583
How can Beth have
these thoughts about me?!
342
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:56,253
That judgmental monster bitch!
343
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,046
I'm not taking this.
344
00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,464
I want to know where my wife is.
345
00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:01,508
You are going to help me.
346
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,802
No! Nobody's doing that!
347
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,598
Stay.
348
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,435
- What do you want?
- Jerrys.
349
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:14,479
You want Jerry?
/don't even want Jerry.
350
00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:17,274
I want Jerrys.
351
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,485
An army.
352
00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:22,946
An army of Jerrys.
353
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:26,616
The value of his subservience
is wasted on you.
354
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,870
I will use it to dominate
the universe.
355
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:31,723
Ah ha ha. Boy, Jerry must
think I'm pretty stupid,
356
00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,290
for you to be this stupid.
357
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,916
Wouldn't it make more sense
358
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,918
to put my dumb-ass husband
in this chair,
359
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,920
so you can make an army
of your badass self?
360
00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:42,507
There could never be more
than one of me.
361
00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:45,552
I'm the strongest,
smartest being alive
362
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,555
because jerrythinks
you're that much stronger
363
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:51,892
and smarter than you are!
364
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:54,311
Okay, ouch.
365
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:59,107
J”j”
366
00:14:59,191 --> 00:15:02,903
oh, hey h-hey-y!
Morty, Jessica, what's up?
367
00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:04,446
Check out the new dance
I made up.
368
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,490
It's called "ooh let me out!"
369
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,492
J” let me out, let me out j”
370
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,494
j” this is not a dance j”
371
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,537
j” I'm beggin' for help,
I'm screamin' for help j”
372
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,498
j” please come let me out j”
373
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,500
j” let me out, let me out j”
374
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,502
j” this is not a dance j”
375
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,545
j” I'm beggin' for help,
I'm screamin' for help j”
376
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,422
j” please come let me out j”
377
00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:25,175
j” I'm dyin' in a vat
in the gara-a-ge j”j”
378
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,469
Awesome!
379
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,346
Okay, that last part
was really weird.
380
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,098
Maybe summer's
on to something here.
381
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:32,432
I don't know. It was fun.
382
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:33,767
You want to slow dance?
383
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,524
Tiny Rick, hey,
great dancing as usual.
384
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,234
Moment of your time?
385
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,069
Tiny Rick, this conversation
386
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,904
is gonna break
my heart wide open.
387
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,547
You're a great student
and the fact that
388
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,366
you're an 80-year-old man
in a clone body,
389
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,034
it never bothered me.
390
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,398
But this here is another matter.
391
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,329
You recognize this?
392
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,206
We got a tip
it was in your locker.
393
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,208
Yeah, now, because
the gym coach was a vampire,
394
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,960
the school board is embarrassed
395
00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:01,628
and won't take it public,
however,
396
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,356
they can't have students
killin' teachers.
397
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,298
I gotta expel you
for this one, tr.
398
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,425
I'm sorry.
399
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:10,345
I just got expelled, summer!
400
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:13,223
Oh! So I guess there's
no need to stay young.
401
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,225
- My top!
- Screw your top!
402
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,060
You ratted on me?!
I'm tiny Rick!
403
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,020
Fine! Yes! Because I love you...
404
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,981
And I'm trying
to save your life!
405
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:23,400
High school is my life!
406
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,402
Summer Smith is
a fucking psycho nerd
407
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,529
and she just got me
kicked out of school!
408
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:30,448
All:
409
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,411
Boo!
410
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,912
Summer, I thought you were cool!
411
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,622
I'm sorry, okay?
412
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,666
How can you be such a bitch?
413
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:41,418
Oh, my god, morty.
414
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,670
Your sister crossed tiny Rick?
415
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,630
Talk about self—destructive.
416
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,424
Yeah.
417
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,344
Jerry: Hey, Jerry-lover!
418
00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:53,471
How about a taste
of the real thing?
419
00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,557
Jerry!
420
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,517
Ah. Ah. Ah.
421
00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:59,895
Ah ah ah ah ah aah aah.
422
00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:04,900
Not on my watch.
423
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,902
That's it!
424
00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:09,029
Beth, it's me, your husband!
425
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,031
I'm here to save you.
426
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:13,533
Or my name isn't Jerry Smith!
427
00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,076
- Aha! —yes!
428
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,536
Jerry Smith!
429
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:17,913
- Yeah, here. —aha!
430
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,706
Okay, fair enough.
431
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,673
Say goodnight, old man.
432
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:31,903
- What the hell are you doing?!
- Put it down!
433
00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:33,637
Summer, you bitch!
434
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,800
Don't talk to her that way!
She's your granddaughter!
435
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:38,183
I don't need a granddaughter!
I'm tiny ri-i-ck!
436
00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,185
She's my sister!
And if tiny Rick is
437
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:42,270
gonna be an asshole
to my sister, then,
438
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:44,356
you know, y—y-you
may as well be old again.
439
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,066
You think you're tough,
huh, morty?
440
00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:47,585
What are you gonna do?
I'm tiny Rick.
441
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,277
I'm the coolest kid
in your school.
442
00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:51,464
How are you gonna just make me
do whatever you say, huh?
443
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,608
I'm gonna do what real Rick
would do if he was here —-
444
00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:55,617
I'm gonna kick your ass!
445
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,035
Ohhhh!
446
00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:00,580
Rick, I know you're in there!
447
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:02,207
I know you're trying to get out!
448
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:04,960
That's it, morty! Hold him down!
449
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,003
J” drink up, baby j”
450
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:09,631
j” stay up all night j”
451
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:12,634
listen to it, tiny Rick.
Listen to Elliott Smith.
452
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,135
Ugh! No!
453
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,679
Feel what he's feeling.
454
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,932
Ugh! Noooooooo! God!
455
00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:20,392
J” that you'll never see j”
456
00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:22,477
oh, god, what is life?
457
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,105
How can someone so talented
die so young?
458
00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:26,940
What is being young?
459
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,526
I'm not young. I'm old.
I'm... I'm gonna die.
460
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,194
My body isn't real.
461
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,113
Morty! Summer! It's me!
462
00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:34,739
It's Rick! Regular Rick!
463
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,700
Rick! How do we get you
back into your body?
464
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:37,909
Okay, listen carefully.
465
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,995
There's a set of diodes
on the vat's control panel,
466
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,204
a blue one and a red one.
467
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,349
Oh, god, what kind of world is this?
I didn't ask to be born.
468
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,126
I need you to connect
the blue one to my left temple
469
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,229
and the red one to —-
why doesn't anyone really like me?
470
00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:50,231
- Focus, grandpa!
- Just put the stupid wires on my head!
471
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,965
I hate being a teenager!
472
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:01,808
Ugh! Arrgghh!
473
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,188
Ah! Uhhhhh!
474
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,566
Jerry, you can't bend metal.
475
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,651
- Then make a me that can!
- How can I do that...
476
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:14,362
While I'm watching you
totally fail to bend metal?
477
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:15,905
Good old Beth!
478
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,949
The mind of a robot
and the heart of an insect!
479
00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:19,784
Don't talk that way about her!
480
00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,911
What?
481
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,289
Oh, it hurts!
482
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,582
Oh, god.
483
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,919
Slop.
484
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,673
This representation
displeases me.
485
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,467
Aaah!
486
00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,806
Good lord. How did you...?
487
00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:43,683
Well, I had a feeling
that, in your mind,
488
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:45,518
the ideal version of me
is one smart enough
489
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,270
to see you as...
490
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,855
A goddess.
491
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,232
Not such a stupid worm
now, are you?
492
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,943
Honey, when it comes
to the subject of your ego,
493
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,987
I'm Stephen fucking hawkinson.
494
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,531
Ugh, it's... never mind.
495
00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:00,325
I love you.
496
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,875
- Rick!
- Pants!
497
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,002
Holy shit! Thanks, kids.
498
00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:13,129
You figured it out.
Well, summer did.
499
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,215
Kind of weird that
you were that willing
500
00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:17,300
to sell my existence out
for some trim, morty.
501
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,843
- What?!
- Pants!
502
00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:20,863
But listen —- I forgive you both
because you know what?
503
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,722
I learned, today,
something important -...
504
00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:24,432
The teenage mind
is its own worst enemy.
505
00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:25,725
Oh, I also learned this...
506
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:30,688
Operation Phoenix is not
the fallback I thought it would be.
507
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,440
I guess it's back
to the drawing board.
508
00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:33,983
Oh, my god!
509
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,360
Oh, my god!
510
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:38,238
- Oh, my god.
- Put some pants on!
511
00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:39,489
Put pants on.
512
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,449
Grandpa's back, baby!
513
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:42,659
Grandpa's...
514
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,577
Oh, man, I gotta pick up
your parents.
515
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,496
They have been blowin' me up.
516
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:47,705
One last swing for the road!
517
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,332
Aaaaaaaaaaah!
518
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:50,834
For the love of god,
get dressed!
519
00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,463
So, what do you think?
You wanna...
520
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,215
Keep this marriage
going a while longer?
521
00:20:57,298 --> 00:21:00,718
At least until morty has
graduated high school.
522
00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:02,429
Oh. Mm.
523
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:06,766
Aha, you see?
What did I tell you two?
524
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,143
It worked.
525
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,787
You know what, Rick?
I guess, in a way —-
526
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,938
already lost interest.
Get in the car.
527
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,541
I've been inside a kid
all day and, now,
528
00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,084
I can feel my bones
scraping each other.
529
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,235
Uh, just so you're prepared,
530
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:19,237
there's a bunch of dead mes
in the garage.
531
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,657
Huh! Sounds like our stories
were connected by a theme.
532
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:24,909
Not really, Jerry.
533
00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:28,288
Probably a cosmetic connection
your mind mistakes for thematic.
534
00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:29,789
Oh.
535
00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:31,875
Old Rick! Ruinin' everything!
536
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:33,626
J”j”
537
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,912
- Master.
- Speak.
538
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:12,081
Coach feratu's presence was
discovered by the humans.
539
00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:14,417
- He has been destroyed.
- No bother.
540
00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:16,085
The mortals shall soon —-
541
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:17,354
I'm sorry, what did you
say his name was?
542
00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:19,214
- Coach feratu.
- Coach feratu.
543
00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:21,549
That was his real name,
like his actual vampire name?
544
00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:23,676
No no no no. His vampire
name was balik alistane.
545
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,386
Why the fuck
would he name himself
546
00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:27,281
after a famous vampire movie?
Was he doing a bit?
547
00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,556
I do not know, your unholiness.
548
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,266
Jesus fucking Christ.
549
00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:32,810
From now on, no more of
this clever-name bullshit.
550
00:22:32,894 --> 00:22:34,538
When a vampire is pretending
to be a human,
551
00:22:34,562 --> 00:22:35,772
they can just call themselves
552
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:37,607
Alan Jefferson
or something like that.
553
00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:38,983
It's crazy, right?
554
00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:40,360
I mean, am I being an asshole?
555
00:22:40,443 --> 00:22:41,986
Okay, I feel like
everybody in the room
556
00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:43,297
is looking at me like
I'm the buzzkill.
557
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:44,322
I'm not?
558
00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:47,784
Good. Okay. Great.
559
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,787
Did you get any of that?
560
00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:52,789
It's-a good-a show!
38900
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