All language subtitles for Being Erica (2009) - S01E13 - Leo (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 MONOLITH)_track3_[eng]

[Erica] You know that friend
you have?

The girl who seems to
have it all figured out.

Well, on the surface, I'm that
girl.

And honestly, things
have never been better.

I should be celebrating.

My new promotion, my new
relationship, my new life.

But isn't it funny

how just when things are
finally moving forward,

all you can think about is the
one thing.

That one regret, that
will always hold you back.

-Hey, congrats!
-Thanks.

Yeah, I head, that's awesome.

River Rock's newest Junior
Editor is in the house.

[Erica] Oh yeah!

So you can saw good bye
to calluses and paper cuts

and say hello to a company
laptop,

an expense account, and a
modest raise.

[Erica] Wow.

Now, before we make this offish,

you've got to train your
replacement.

Oh, you already found a
replacement?

Hello, someone's gotta
make my morning latte.

Oh, and that someone is the
very enthusiastic Meeri Khan,

and she's right on time.

Good morning, boss!

-Hi Erica.
-Hey Meeri.

I brought donuts.

Check the milk, make sure
it's steamed to 180 degrees,

and only use organic espresso
beans,

because believe it or not,
Julianne knows the difference.

Righteous, organic only.

So, you must be very excited.

Yeah, it's a great step forward.

Step forward?

You are like this rising star.

Thank you, Meeri, that's very
flattering,

but I think you're overstating
things about 1000%.

Seriously, I mean you were me,

Julianne's new assistant,
just a few months ago.

I mean, you must be over the
moon.

Okay, milk's done, ready to
pour.

-Can I try?
-Sure.

Wow, you've done this before.

I dabble in latte art, on the
side.

You know just because I'm
Junior Editor

doesn't mean that I get a
longer lunch.

Well today's different
because we're celebrating.

Celebrating?

Yeah.

-Hey.
-Hi!

Wow, this is kind of --

-Awkward?
-Awkward!

Oh my God, we're such losers.

I'm sorry, I'm just not really
sure

how I'm supposed to act right
now.

Hey, we're just going for lunch.

We don't have to rush anything.

Yeah, of course.

But I was thinking if you
don't have any plans tomorrow,

maybe we could drive up to
Stratford and see a play.

Or not, if it's too
fast, then I understand.

No it's fine, it's just
tomorrow ...

What's wrong, Erica?

You okay?

Yeah I'm fine.

I'm sorry, I'm just a little
out of it.

Don't worry about this weekend,
okay?

It' probably a bit too soon.

You know what?

-I would love to.
-What?

I would love to go with you
tomorrow.

Let's go to Startford.

[upbeat music]

♪ It's clearer inside of me

♪ Who I will always be

♪ Open me up to my heart

♪ Feels like I'm singing the
dark ♪

♪ Waking me up to my heart

♪ To do it all over

♪ Again and again

♪ Back to the end

♪ Some of my dreams

♪ And everything I ever wanted
to be ♪

[upbeat music]

[alarm beeping]

I thought we could take the
scenic route,

you know, head to St. Jacob's
first then up to Stratford.

-Erica?
-Yes.

What do you think?

I think that I'm ready to hit
the road.

[cheering and laughing]

Erica?

Okay, what's going on with you?

Listen, I wasn't going to say
anything,

but today's December 13th, and
um --

Jesus, I can't believe I forgot.

I'm such an idiot.

Hey look it's fine, all right?

I thought that this is
what I wanted to do, and --

Hey, we can go up to Stratford
any time.

Today you should be with you
family.

No, I don't want to be.

Why not?

Because it's always the same
thing every year, you know?

I mean, we used to love going
to my grandmother's farm,

but ever since Leo died,
we only go up once a year.

It's kind of become our
unofficial graveyard.

And when this time of year
comes around,

I always wake up in the
morning with this feeling

that I just want to crawl
back into bed and cry

and just shut everything out.

It's always been that way.

Except for yesterday.

Why?

Because of you, and the
promotion, and everything.

I mean my life, it's
really wonderful right now.

And I just, I wanna feel that.

I wanna enjoy that, but
it's like I can't you know?

And then you asked me to go to
Stratford,

and I felt so guilt for feeling
even a spark of happiness,

for even wanting to
say yes to the weekend.

Get in.

What are you doing?

Taking you to see your family.

You know, Ethan, that's really
sweet,

but you've gone through so much
trouble.

Hey don't worry about me.

Erica, I don't know what
it's like to lose a brother.

But there are a lot of different
ways to remember a person.

You say you don't want it
to be the same this year,

so don't let it be.

Make it different.

Come on.

It'll be fine.

[slow, introspective music]

[knocking on door]

[Barb] Erica!

[Gary] I thought you weren't
coming.

Well I wasn't, but --

-Go sit.
-Thanks.

Hi dad.

Hey Sam.

I'm glad you came.

Thank you.

Your mother said --

You know what Gary, she's here.

We don't need to talk about why.

Actually, I think that we do.

Yesterday I told mom

that I didn't want to come up
this year.

I need to move on.

I just realized that
the way that we do this,

it doesn't feel right anymore.

The fact that we don't talk
about Leo, or what happened.

I mean, it's not healthy, it's
not normal.

Well there is no normal, Erica.

Everyone deals with these
things their own way.

Yeah but it seems to me, dad,

that we all deal with it the
same way,

which is to say that, I
mean, we don't deal with it.

Erica, please.

Mom, I know that you don't agree

and I didn't come up here
to complicate things.

But I did have an idea

about how we might do things
differently this year.

So I'm just gonna put it out
there.

Rebuild the barn?

Why not?

It's something that we
could all to together.

I mean at least we can start

clearing some of this stuff out
of here.

Leo always like building things.

Remember the tree house?

And the time that he tried
to build the trap door,

and it almost took out the
entire floor.

[Sam] Maybe Erica's right.

Yeah, let's do this.

I mean we can rebuild
the barn in Leo's memory.

We can make it big and beautiful

and make it like a memorial.

It's your mother's property.

It's really up to her.

If that's what you all feel
we should do, then why not?

We can make two piles,

and do wood over there and
we can do metal over here.

[Sam] Yeah, do that.

[Barb] Oh, oh, oh my God!

What is it?

That was your grandfather's.

He gave it to Leo.

I can't do this.

If this is moving on, I'm not
interested.

-Mom --
-I can't.

Mom, mom?

Mom --

Mom!

Come on in, sit down.

-Leo?
-Yeah.

Go ahead, tell me.

He was 21 when he died.

That weekend we were up at the
farm, and things were tense.

He had dropped out of
University again

and this time there was nothing

that was gonna make him go back.

He wanted to go traveling,

and they wanted him to
finish his undergrad.

So he went to hang out in the
barn.

I think he was going to smoke
some weed and calm down.

And nobody knows exactly what
happened,

but the police figure that
he left the joint burning

then dozed off, and once the
hay caught

it was probably just a matter
of minutes

before the whole thing was on
fire.

And where were you?

Upstairs, sleeping in the house.

We all were.

I remember waking up to the
smell of smoke

and I looked out the window

and it was like the sky was on
fire.

And we all ran outside you
know, but it was too late.

If he hadn't fallen asleep, you
know,

if he'd been able to get out ...

We hardly ever talk about
Leo, but when we do,

it's always that.

You know, our collective
failure.

How we couldn't reach him in
time.

Honestly, I can't believe it's
taken me this long to realize

how dysfunctional it is.

We never talk about his life.

About how great he was.

This year you tried to change
that.

You know I wanted to do
something

that would help us let go of
it, just something positive.

But it didn't work, and frankly,
you know I'm not surprised.

And why is that?

Because it's not easy
to let go of something

you've carried for years.

I tried to go to Stratford with
Ethan,

and I couldn't even make it to
the car.

Erica, you and I,

we have arrived at a

juncture of sorts here.

You see, I know that
this is the one regret

that you've been waiting for.

And that your regret is simply

that you did not wake up in
time.

And that you were unable
to go into that barn

and pull your brother out.

Unfortunately that is not what

this is about.

There are limits to this
therapy,

and right now we're facing one
of them.

Because no matter how
deeply you regret it,

you are not allowed to
go back and play God.

You are not permitted
to bring back the dead.

I know.

Interfering with other
people's lives is off limits.

I get it, I do.

Yeah, I know you know.

And I wish that there
was something I could do

to help bring you the closure
that you're looking for here.

Maybe there is.

You know, when I think about
Leo now,

I just, I remember the last
conversation that we had.

It just, it's like I
go over it in my mind,

just how pointless it was, you
know?

All the things that I would
have said

if i would've know that that
was gonna be the last time.

I don't know, I guess just --

You wish that you would have
said goodbye.

Yeah.

Erica, listen I cannot send you
back

to save your brother.

But a goodbye, that's something
that could be arranged.

What would you tell him?

I would tell him that I loved
him,

and that maybe if I could
figure out a way to let him go,

I could help my family do the
same.

And you will not try to save
his life.

No, I won't.

I promise.

And so, we return.

[upbeat music]

Why are you taking that tone
with us?

We are trying to help you.

Because you are not listening
to me!

[Barb] Leo!

You just want what you want!

That's not true.

Yes, it is.

Look, I'm sick of it.

Sitting in a classroom being
lectured at

is not the only way to learn.

I've been in this bubble my
whole life,

and all I'm saying is that now

is the time for me to get out.

You don't make a decision
like this without a plan.

Why not?

It's my life, I can do what I
want.

And who knows where I'll be in
five years.

I don't need to think
about that right now.

Yes you do!

We're not going to bail you out
this time.

Fine!

You want to make your own
choices,

then you'll suffer the
consequences.

Whatever!

Look, I know it's none of my
business,

but I really think you should
go after him right now,

'cause you wouldn't want --

Stay out of it, Erica!

-Leo?
-What?

Hey.

You want some company?

I don't need a lecture from you
too.

No, no lecture, I just,

I just wanna talk.

I mean there's something
that I want to say to you.

It's really hard.

What?

Hey, remember that time that
you built the tree house?

Look, no offense,

but mom and dad just
yelled at me for an hour.

I'm in bad mood and I --

Leo --

I can't talk about the
tree house right now, okay?

I just need to get out of here.

I am going out to the barn.

If mom and dad ask, tell
them I went out for a walk.

["Elvis" by Supergarage]

What are you doing?

Look I know, listen,

I know that you don't
want to talk right now,

but there's something really
important that I have to say,

so please just listen to me?

Jesus.

Fine, what is it?

What do you need to say?

I know I've never told you this
before,

but you've been an amazing
brother.

The best.

Like even right now I know
that you don't want to talk,

but you're listening to me
anyway,

because you know that
it's important to me.

And you've always been that way.

You are patient and good,

and strong.

Oh my God, this is so
incredibly hard.

Erica, what's wrong?

Why are you crying?

I can't, I can't --

You can't what?

I can't do this, I can't do it.

Erica ...

Erica, Erica!

Erica, Erica come here!

Why'd you do that?

I didn't have a choice.

Really.

Okay, fine, I did have choice.

And you can think whatever you
want,

because if I have to choose

between this therapy and
my brother, I choose Leo.

You made a promise.

You made a commitment, Erica.

You sat right here in this
office,

you sat in this office,
you made a commitment to me

and then you --

This has nothing to do with you.

This has everything to do with
me!

You have thrown away months
of work that we've done here

and you have shown by
your decision here today

that you have learned nothing.

That's not true.

[Dr. Tom] I don't want to hear
it.

No this is different.

Get out.

What?

Go, get out of my office.

Get out!

Let go of me, you're hurting me!

Sorry.

[telephone ringing]

Hello?

[upbeat music]

Erica, hey there stranger.

Get it, 'cause your last name's
Stranger.

Anyway, what can I do for you.

How about a latte?

Start the day off right
with [mumbles], okay?

Of course, right, a latte.

Coming right up.

Oh, I ah --

She waved at me.

Why would she do that?

Do you think she's working
some kind of strategy?

Maybe, she never slums it
over here in non-fiction.

She must be working an angle.

Meeri, go do some recon, go go.

Ah, you don't have to
make yourself a latte,

unless you want to.

I could do it for you, whatever
works.

This is for Julianne.

Go for it, Meeri, you're the
pro.

Um, Erica, I was wondering
if I could ask you something.

Yeah.

I have this novel that
I've been working on.

Uh huh?

I was wondering if I
could give it to someone

in your coverage department.

I know they're busy reading
real works by real authors --

Meeri.

Oh, I apologize profusely

for that wildly inappropriate
request,

and please just let me say
congratulations

on that huge success, The
Crowded Reality.

New York Times Best Seller,
hello!

Honestly, what you've done as
Managing Director of Fiction

I was so impressed, I was
bordering on jealousy.

I've been meaning to head
over to the fiction department

to tell you myself --

Managing Director?

I just had the best idea.

Lunch, sush, my office, my
treat?

I would kill to pick your brain

about some of those marketing
strategies

that you've come up
with in the past, and --

Julianne, I just realized that
I um,

have a meeting that I have to
go to.

Oh, yes, you can keep
the milk too, it's --

How does she pull in those
numbers?

God, I've never wanted
to be another person more

in my entire life.

This boy's extreme makeover
starts with that sweater.

Sasha Fierce.

Hi mom it's me again.

Can you please call me?

Hi.

Can I help you?

I'm, I'm so sorry.

I'm just, I must be on
the wrong floor, sorry.

[suspenseful music]

Oh my, sorry, I thought that um,

I thought my mother lived here.

Erica!

What's wrong?

Leo?

Leo?

What's wrong?

Mom?

Erica, what are you doing here?

So where are you coming from?

Erica, how did you get here?

I don't know, I walked.

From home?

Maybe she fell, maybe she had
an accident.

Do you think we should call an
ambulance?

Mom, just don't overreact, okay?

Do you know who I am?

Of course I know who you are,
mom.

Look you guys, I'm fine.

Who's Samantha?

Samantha is my sister,
she's a neurosurgeon,

and she's married to Josh.

Josh?

[Barb] What?

They broke up five years ago.

Sam and josh aren't together?

Oh thank God!

You need to see a doctor.

Why don't you just call Annie?

Who's Annie?

Erica, do you remember that
I talked to you last night

and I said I was coming over
here

to help mom with the plans?

The plans?

I'm an architect, remember?

Of course, yeah, I know, it's
all coming back to me now.

Sam, Sam, can you come over?

No, I need you right now.

Your sister can't remember
anything.

-Erica?
-Yes.

Sorry, [laughing] sorry!

Stop staring, seriously.

You're really starting to worry
me.

No, no, no Leo, I don't want to
worry you.

Mom, mom, I don't need a
doctor, okay?

I just, I kind of got wasted
last night,

so I'm kinda hungover.

You got wasted?

Wait a minute, aren't you
supposed to be at work?

Yes, no, you know what?

I don't want to talk
about me right now, okay?

Let's talk about you.

What are you doing tonight?

Can we go for dinner?

No, I'm meeting my future
in-laws for dinner tonight.

Oh right, I knew that.

No you didn't.

She's on her way, Gary's coming
too.

Dad, what, dad's coming here?

Oh God, you're not still
married, are you?

No, Erica, why don't you go and
lie down

until Sam gets here?

Yeah, you know, that's
probably a good idea.

Okay.

[Gary] She's awake.

Oh, how're you feeling, honey?

I'm, ah, I'm fine.

I mean, I uh ...

I actually haven't felt this
good in a really long time.

Where's Leo?

He's having dinner with Annie's
parents.

He's gonna call later to check
in.

You know, I think that you guys

are blowing this out of
proportion.

I know who I am, I know who you
are.

What was the name of
your stuffed platypus?

Shy.

Title of Dad's last book?

Um, the title of Dad's book?

I remember something about
outer space.

And aliens.

It's her short-term memory
that's been affected.

Oh my God, is she going to be
okay?

You should take her into the
hospital

and have her checked out,

[phone ringing]

[Erica] Oh you guys, honestly,

there is nothing wrong
with me, I promise, okay?

Hello?

Oh hi, Annie.

What, wait, what?

Annie, what's wrong?

When?

Oh, are they sure it's Leo?

[Gary] What happened?

Car accident.

Leo, Leo [crying]

[Sam] Is he okay?

[disorienting music]

Why is this happening?

How is this all happening again?

Are you surprised?

Did you really think that
you could get away with it?

There are consequences
to breaking the rules.

In your case, this is the
result.

So you're saying you did this
all to teach me a lesson?

No.

Think of this like the
universe's
way of righting itself.

You changed something, Erica.

It needed to be changed back.

I had noting to do with it.

I made a mistake.

Yeah, it would seem that way.

Can I please go back?

I'm sorry that I broke
my promise, I'm sorry.

I know, it's easy to be
sorry, after the fact.

Things haven't turned out
the way you wanted them to.

What was that you said to me?

That if you had to choose
between Leo and therapy,

you would choose Leo?

Well, Leo's dead.

Again.

So what does that leave you
with?

Therapy, I guess, but the thing
is,

I'm not really interested
anymore.

No, but Dr. Tom, I can
understand that you're upset

and I screwed up, I just,
I just got caught up in it.

I did, I just,

it was too hard for me.

Maybe I'm not, maybe I'm not
ready.

You know, Erica,

you don't have to do a
whole song and dance for me.

Look, I'll do whatever you want.

You want to go back,
you want to do it again?

Yes!

Okay, well go ahead, you're the
boss.

No.

Oh, come on.

It's pretty clear by this point

that you think you should be
the one calling the shots.

So go ahead.

You go back.

I mean, honestly, I could care
less.

Why are you taking that tone
with us?

We are trying to help you!

Because you're not listening to
me!

[Barb] Leo!

You just want what you want.

That's not true.

Yes, it is.

Leo?

What?

Hi.

I don't need a lecture from you
too.

No lecture.

They don't get it.

They're trying to hold onto
this idea

of what I'm supposed to become.

I know.

But they can't protect me
forever.

No, no they can't.

They made their choices.

They've done it, it's my turn.

I'm not a kid anymore,

and there's a point at which
they just have to let go.

It's hard.

I mean, I'm not saying that
they're right,

'cause they're not.

I just wish, I wish they'd
just listen for once.

Why don't you write them a
letter?

You know, sometimes it
helps to write things down.

'Cause right now they're just
not seeing the big picture,

which is that they can't
protect you from everything.

All I'm saying is you want to
drop out and see the world,

things could be worse.

-Erica?
-Yup!

[Barb] Can I talk to you a
minute?

I'll be right there.

Thanks, sis.

No worries.

See you down there in a bit.

Bye.

[sentimental music]

I'm just saying, you could talk
to him.

Tell him he's making a mistake.

Mom, I can't do that, you know?

I'm not sure it's true.

Of course it's true.

He just thinks he's a big
shot, and he's still so young.

Leo, he's gonna do what he's
gonna do,

and there comes a point where
you just have to let him go.

[sighing]

[sad music]

[upbeat music]

Hey.

I found something.

This was my father's.

Oh my God!

Dear Mom and Dad, I wanted
to write to explain myself.

I hate fighting with you guys,

and I need you to understand

that the reason I'm fighting so
hard

is because I feel I'm stuck,

[Leo Voiceover] Like I'm
treading water,

and I need to take a risk,
and try something new.

It's easier to stay here in
some ways,

where everything is familiar.

Then I think about how much
more there could be for me

if I just took the chance.

I don't wanna look back 10
years from now

and regret that I didn't follow
my heart.

Even though I don't know what
I want to do with my life,

I don't think that matters.

I know the kind of person I
want to be.

Unafraid of a challenge, and
willing to face whatever comes.

I love you guys, Leo.

God, he was such a good kid.

An amazing brother.

Yeah.

He was never afraid of
anything, right from the start.

If he was here right now, I
wonder what he'd be doing?

Probably living on a
boat somewhere in Asia.

[laughing]

Doing humanitarian work in
Africa.

You know, I think that he would
have

got a lot of the adventuring
out of his system,

and that he would've settled
down with a nice girl,

and work here, you know,
close to his family.

Maybe he's an architect.

An architect?

He loved building things,
like the tree house.

Oh, crazy tree house.

[laughing]

You know, he broke his neck
falling out of that thing.

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

And then my daddy bashed his
hand

and he started bleeding
insanely, everywhere

so we decided that it would be
better

to hire a construction crew,
yeah.

So we're gonna meet with him
next week.

-That's great!
-Yeah.

I mean it was really intense.

But just being with them
and talking about Leo,

Ethan, it felt so good.

You know, all those memories

that we've been trying to
ignore,

to finally share them with each
other,

it was like, in a way,

he came alive, you know.

I have you to thank for that.

Because I don't think it
would have happened this way

if you hadn't given me the push.

No, Erica, it's --

No really, look, I just, I
always knew

that the way we dealt with
Leo's death wasn't working, but

I was just, I was gonna ignore
it.

So thank you for giving me that
kick.

Well I owed you, you did
the same for me with Claire.

Erica, I've spent all these
years

trying not to notice
how beautiful you are.

And these past few months,
it's almost been impossible.

-It's like --
-It's like,

It's like what?

It's like I think of all these
things

that I never say.

[Kim Taylor's "I Am You"]

♪ La di da di da da

♪ La di da di da da

♪ La da da

♪ All my senses awaken
to the changes, yeah ♪

♪ And I feel alive inside my
own skin ♪

♪ All my reasons tell me
just how strange it is ♪

♪ Coming home to a
place I've always been ♪

♪ And it's all for love

♪ And it's all for love

♪ Even though sometimes,
I don't know who I am ♪

Hello, Erica.

Um, hi.

Where am I?

This is my office.

What's going on?

I know you and Dr. Tom
have hit a bit of a snag.

Is he okay?

He's fine, he's taking a leave
of absence.

A leave of absence?

I'm sorry, I just um --

Can I get you anything?

-Tea?
-No, thank you.

So just to clarify, who are you?

I'm Nadia, your new therapist.

[upbeat music]