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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:01,000
Serves you right !
I've prepared something...
2
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,365
I'm not saying that.
3
00:00:02,976 --> 00:00:04,124
Can she just stop that now...
4
00:00:04,490 --> 00:00:06,645
Heuw! Ah, he keeps on moving it.
Heuw!
5
00:00:07,453 --> 00:00:09,133
From booze to biscuits.
6
00:00:09,225 --> 00:00:11,265
Red hot deals?
Loads of two-for-ones.
7
00:00:11,385 --> 00:00:12,825
Don't forget the Valco tick.
8
00:00:12,985 --> 00:00:16,265
Everyone always gets it wrong.
It's definitely that way. Tick.
9
00:00:16,425 --> 00:00:18,825
Tick. And I'm not doing
that tick thing either!
10
00:00:18,945 --> 00:00:20,945
Am I getting paid for this?
11
00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:24,988
- Serves you right!
- Valco. Serves you right!
12
00:00:28,225 --> 00:00:30,345
There's nothing I like more
than spending good times
13
00:00:30,465 --> 00:00:31,681
with family and friends.
14
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:36,258
That's why I've cooked up the Freddie
Flintoff Party Platter.
15
00:00:36,289 --> 00:00:41,024
Crispy duck pancakes, succulent chicken
skewers and buttery sausage rolls.
16
00:00:41,350 --> 00:00:43,070
Yum. Mmm!
17
00:00:43,230 --> 00:00:45,590
I'm bowled over!
And you will be too.
18
00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:49,990
Freddie Flintoff's Party Platter
range, exclusively at Valco.
19
00:00:50,110 --> 00:00:50,771
How's that?
20
00:00:51,127 --> 00:00:53,247
Freddie Flintoff's Party Platty...
21
00:00:53,367 --> 00:00:57,287
Freddie Flintoff's Patty... Party.
22
00:00:57,407 --> 00:01:00,407
Ooh, it's a right mouthful, int'it?
23
00:01:00,567 --> 00:01:03,918
Right, now, ladies. Freddie Flintoff
will be here any moment.
24
00:01:04,163 --> 00:01:06,243
Who? Freddie Flintoff.
25
00:01:06,363 --> 00:01:07,643
I've no idea who that is.
26
00:01:10,563 --> 00:01:11,763
Freddie. Freddie Flintoff.
27
00:01:11,923 --> 00:01:14,923
His advert has been playing right
next to you the entire morning.
28
00:01:15,083 --> 00:01:18,003
I don't watch television,
apart from Emmerdale,
29
00:01:18,163 --> 00:01:22,683
and he's not in that, is he?
Course he's not. He's a cricketer.
30
00:01:22,843 --> 00:01:27,123
That's him, is it? Young men today.
All that tanning.
31
00:01:28,403 --> 00:01:31,843
Why do you insist on all this
preening and waxing, Gavin?
32
00:01:32,003 --> 00:01:35,123
What? Well, I don't.
I suppose you've got a tattoo.
33
00:01:35,243 --> 00:01:36,923
No!
34
00:01:37,043 --> 00:01:39,883
A tattoo?! Oh, Gavin!
35
00:01:40,043 --> 00:01:45,523
Where is it, then, hey? Your tramp
stamp. Somewhere unspeakable?
36
00:01:45,643 --> 00:01:47,963
Gavin, love, you've got a nice face.
37
00:01:48,083 --> 00:01:49,683
There's no need for any of that.
38
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,163
That's probably why
he started waxing down there,
39
00:01:52,283 --> 00:01:54,283
to make way for the tattoo.
40
00:01:54,403 --> 00:01:56,123
Now it's a vicious circle.
41
00:01:56,283 --> 00:02:00,003
No... Look, just... Please,
just leave me alone.
42
00:02:01,563 --> 00:02:03,603
Any more for any more?
43
00:02:03,763 --> 00:02:06,363
I have got like the mother-in-law
of all hangovers here.
44
00:02:06,563 --> 00:02:10,763
Unlikely. 97% of the time the
effects of alcohol are psychosomatic.
45
00:02:10,923 --> 00:02:12,923
So what did you ingest?
A small sherry?
46
00:02:13,083 --> 00:02:17,283
Yeah. Er... Six bottles of Newkie
brown ale,
47
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:21,483
vodka... lots. Schnapps, MD 20/20,
48
00:02:21,643 --> 00:02:24,283
and then this kind of...
Kind of a thing.
49
00:02:24,443 --> 00:02:27,163
Came in a metal can,
tasted like petrol.
50
00:02:27,283 --> 00:02:29,003
Oh, God. It might have been petrol.
51
00:02:29,123 --> 00:02:30,883
Sounds like quite the pub crawl.
52
00:02:31,043 --> 00:02:33,123
Nah, me and Lisa just went
to the pictures last night.
53
00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:38,003
Well, it's my professional
diagnosis that you have a hangover.
54
00:02:38,163 --> 00:02:43,043
Oh, genius.
And what you need is Hangoverover.
55
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,203
You what?
56
00:02:44,363 --> 00:02:49,043
My patented miracle cure that
makes your hangover... over.
57
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,683
So is it safe?
"Is it safe?" he asks.
58
00:02:51,843 --> 00:02:55,563
Me and big Dave McGinty used to
take it all the time at med school.
59
00:02:55,683 --> 00:02:56,803
Would have been huge
60
00:02:56,963 --> 00:02:59,963
if Big Dave hadn't suddenly dropped
dead during the graduation ceremony.
61
00:03:00,083 --> 00:03:01,763
Oh...
62
00:03:01,883 --> 00:03:03,163
Yeah, all right, I'm in. I'm in.
63
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:04,723
Yeah.
64
00:03:06,283 --> 00:03:09,323
And this is the pitch where
you and him will play cricket.
65
00:03:09,443 --> 00:03:10,563
Oh, it's just preposterous,
66
00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:13,483
the things that head office
think of!
67
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,480
Gavin? Oh. Yes, yes, Ian.
68
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,760
About this VIP visit. Mm-hm.
69
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:34,120
My sources tell me
it's... Freddie Flintoff.
70
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,600
Glad to see you're on top
of your game there, Ian.
71
00:03:37,276 --> 00:03:40,756
Got to say, we have a major
security issue on our hands.
72
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:43,996
Listen, it's just a few local press
and a meet-and-greet for Freddie.
73
00:03:44,156 --> 00:03:46,156
It's all very standard.
For you, maybe.
74
00:03:46,316 --> 00:03:48,316
But I might have to take
a bullet for him.
75
00:03:48,476 --> 00:03:51,156
Ian, no-one is going to
assassinate Freddie Flintoff.
76
00:03:51,276 --> 00:03:53,116
Not while I've got air in my lungs.
77
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:56,516
But I am going to need to take
some extra precautions. Like what?
78
00:03:56,959 --> 00:03:58,839
I'll need a gun. No!
79
00:03:58,959 --> 00:04:00,479
A Taser. Oh, for goodness' sake!
80
00:04:00,639 --> 00:04:03,519
Fine, have it your way, but I insist
on a stick with a nail through it.
81
00:04:06,559 --> 00:04:08,319
A big net. Oh, yes.
82
00:04:10,479 --> 00:04:16,039
Here it is. My secret miracle
hangover cure, Hangoverover. Wow!
83
00:04:16,199 --> 00:04:19,719
Wait. It's very important that
you line your stomach first.
84
00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,199
With what?
85
00:04:21,319 --> 00:04:22,879
Cough sweets.
86
00:04:22,999 --> 00:04:24,239
Colin, what are you doing here?
87
00:04:24,399 --> 00:04:26,999
There's a pile of boxes in the
loading bay. Yeah, I'm having a...
88
00:04:27,159 --> 00:04:29,999
I'm afraid that cannot be
disclosed as I intend to patent,
89
00:04:30,159 --> 00:04:33,559
but it has been rigorously
tested in lab conditions.
90
00:04:33,719 --> 00:04:35,759
Get the Freddie Flintoff boxes
from the loading bay
91
00:04:35,919 --> 00:04:39,319
and stack them, please.
I've got a hangover here.
92
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,879
Have some water! Water's actually
one of the worst things
93
00:04:42,039 --> 00:04:46,639
you can drink. It's basically liquid
asbestos. And that's a medical fact.
94
00:04:46,759 --> 00:04:48,719
It's not a medical fact.
95
00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:50,359
I'm going in.
96
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:55,439
Ah... It's nice, that.
97
00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:58,039
Point proven, I think.
In what way?
98
00:05:03,759 --> 00:05:05,719
There we go. Good.
99
00:05:05,879 --> 00:05:08,679
You're a trooper, Gavin. You're
certainly earning that holiday.
100
00:05:08,799 --> 00:05:10,039
Where are you going?
101
00:05:10,199 --> 00:05:14,279
Well, my cycling club do a
Pedal Through The Tulips tour.
102
00:05:14,399 --> 00:05:15,759
Hull to Haarlem.
103
00:05:15,919 --> 00:05:19,119
Oh, with a little bit of
window shopping in Amsterdam
104
00:05:19,239 --> 00:05:21,719
on the way, no doubt, you sly dog.
105
00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:23,919
Guilty as charged!
106
00:05:24,079 --> 00:05:27,759
I've lost weeks to a good ogle
through an Amsterdam window.
107
00:05:27,919 --> 00:05:30,799
The things they have on offer
there you just can't find
108
00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:34,119
in Warrington.
And believe me, I've looked.
109
00:05:34,239 --> 00:05:36,599
Oh, right...
110
00:05:36,719 --> 00:05:38,919
This helmet is giving me a headache.
111
00:05:39,079 --> 00:05:41,799
Aaaah!
112
00:05:41,959 --> 00:05:44,319
Charlotte!
What on earth are you doing?
113
00:05:44,479 --> 00:05:48,279
Oh... I got like
zilch sleep last night.
114
00:05:48,439 --> 00:05:52,199
I went to this mental party
and I lost track of time.
115
00:05:52,359 --> 00:05:55,159
Urgh, we didn't fly back
until about three.
116
00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:57,879
Fly back? Yeah, it was in Morocco.
117
00:05:58,039 --> 00:06:00,959
Anyway, I'm zonked
so I'm going to have a little nap.
118
00:06:01,079 --> 00:06:02,919
Will you get the blinds, Gavin?
119
00:06:03,039 --> 00:06:04,559
Charlie, you can't sleep in here.
120
00:06:04,719 --> 00:06:07,719
Don't worry, I'll be quiet
as a mouse. Just ignore me.
121
00:06:09,559 --> 00:06:12,799
Ooh, I can feel my ankles
swelling up.
122
00:06:12,959 --> 00:06:15,839
I haven't been on my feet like this
since I used to work at Clarks.
123
00:06:15,999 --> 00:06:19,279
Oh, I used to work there!
Yeah, back in the '60s.
124
00:06:19,439 --> 00:06:22,639
Really? Yeah. Well, then we might
have crossed over.
125
00:06:22,759 --> 00:06:26,119
I was there in the winter of '68.
126
00:06:26,239 --> 00:06:29,959
Wait a minute... Maggie?!
127
00:06:30,079 --> 00:06:32,279
Phyllis?
128
00:06:32,399 --> 00:06:36,239
What? No, Rose.
129
00:06:36,359 --> 00:06:38,759
You remember, I worked on the tills.
130
00:06:38,879 --> 00:06:40,839
I had red hair!
131
00:06:40,959 --> 00:06:42,279
About this tall.
132
00:06:43,439 --> 00:06:45,199
Oh, Rose! Ha!
133
00:06:45,359 --> 00:06:47,999
Oh, fancy that,
after all these years!
134
00:06:50,799 --> 00:06:53,839
And what about that gorgeous
hunk that used to come in to
135
00:06:53,999 --> 00:06:56,839
have his wellingtons stretched.
What was his name?
136
00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:59,519
Oh, er, I don't know who you mean.
137
00:06:59,679 --> 00:07:02,239
We both fancied the pants off him.
138
00:07:02,359 --> 00:07:04,639
Big glasses, tiny head.
139
00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:07,279
You know? We had a pact, remember?
140
00:07:07,439 --> 00:07:09,439
We agreed our friendship
was more important,
141
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:11,119
so neither of us could have him.
142
00:07:11,239 --> 00:07:13,799
Er, I think I'll just go away...
143
00:07:13,959 --> 00:07:18,639
Alan! That was it! Alan!
You remember?
144
00:07:18,799 --> 00:07:21,559
Of course, I put our friendship
above everything,
145
00:07:21,719 --> 00:07:25,919
but, oh boy, would
I have liked to climb that banana.
146
00:07:29,202 --> 00:07:30,442
Ah, welcome, Freddie.
147
00:07:32,162 --> 00:07:34,922
Shall we just go over
your speech for the launch?
148
00:07:35,082 --> 00:07:37,602
Yeah, I was going to say it's
a great honour for me to launch
149
00:07:37,722 --> 00:07:39,682
my party range at Valco.
150
00:07:39,802 --> 00:07:41,122
And it's a new experience
151
00:07:41,282 --> 00:07:43,602
because the missus usually
shops at Waitrose.
152
00:07:43,762 --> 00:07:47,202
Ah... Well, I don't think we need
to mention that, actually, Freddie.
153
00:07:47,362 --> 00:07:51,002
He's right, though, this place isn't
a patch on Waitrose. Yo, Fredster!
154
00:07:51,162 --> 00:07:54,402
Big fan. Love your work. Thanks.
We should do lunch sometime.
155
00:07:54,522 --> 00:07:56,122
We're quite busy here, Harry.
156
00:07:56,282 --> 00:07:59,682
Would you just get back to the tills?
Go on, go on.
157
00:07:59,842 --> 00:08:01,722
I'm quite intrigued to know,
are your chicken
158
00:08:01,842 --> 00:08:04,322
and pork-based products free-range?
159
00:08:04,482 --> 00:08:06,642
It would be good
to get that in if they are. No idea.
160
00:08:06,762 --> 00:08:08,162
I don't know what goes in them.
161
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,642
You're selling a product you don't
know anything about?
162
00:08:10,802 --> 00:08:13,442
Come on, Gav, everyone does it.
Food's food, right?
163
00:08:13,562 --> 00:08:15,002
Well, no!
164
00:08:17,362 --> 00:08:20,962
Sorry, excuse me. Charlie? Charlie!
165
00:08:21,082 --> 00:08:22,202
Charlie!
166
00:08:24,802 --> 00:08:27,642
I'm sure Gavin's filled you in,
but just to say,
167
00:08:27,802 --> 00:08:32,682
if I do feel an attack is imminent,
I will block you thusly,
168
00:08:32,802 --> 00:08:34,322
or like this.
169
00:08:34,442 --> 00:08:36,882
All right. I get it. I get it.
170
00:08:37,042 --> 00:08:40,242
If it comes to it,
I'll kill for you.
171
00:08:40,402 --> 00:08:42,442
Cheers, man. That's good to know.
Good to know.
172
00:08:42,602 --> 00:08:47,282
I can't even look myself
in the mirror. I feel that guilty.
173
00:08:47,442 --> 00:08:51,682
I told him
Rose had run off with the circus.
174
00:08:51,802 --> 00:08:53,242
Ooh, I'm an 'orrible person!!
175
00:08:53,362 --> 00:08:55,602
Margaret, you were in love.
176
00:08:55,762 --> 00:08:59,202
It's a strong natural
female hormonal condition,
177
00:08:59,644 --> 00:09:02,724
caused by an excess of yeast.
178
00:09:02,951 --> 00:09:05,991
Here I am! So what's the gossip?
179
00:09:06,111 --> 00:09:07,591
Oh, my God, there's loads.
180
00:09:07,750 --> 00:09:10,230
Margaret's worried because
she married this guy called Alan
181
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,830
without telling her friend Rose.
182
00:09:11,950 --> 00:09:13,870
Oh... N-n-no... I.... erm... Alan?
183
00:09:14,030 --> 00:09:17,750
I... You took him from me?
I didn't realise.
184
00:09:17,870 --> 00:09:19,550
You stole my Alan?
185
00:09:19,670 --> 00:09:21,670
I thought you'd find another man.
186
00:09:21,830 --> 00:09:25,910
Alan was more than a man to me!
He was a god!
187
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:31,790
Oh, I suppose Alan does
move in mysterious ways.
188
00:09:31,950 --> 00:09:36,030
You meant THAT Rose.
My brain is literally still in bed.
189
00:09:38,830 --> 00:09:41,470
Ah! Just saw the e-mail from
Head Office. They sound excited.
190
00:09:41,630 --> 00:09:45,830
Yes, well, he's never afraid
of an emoticon, is Martin Shell.
191
00:09:45,990 --> 00:09:48,430
To be honest this whole launch
is just shambolic.
192
00:09:48,590 --> 00:09:50,710
He's a sports personality,
not a chef.
193
00:09:50,870 --> 00:09:53,990
He doesn't know the products,
he doesn't even shop at Valco.
194
00:09:54,150 --> 00:09:56,630
Why is he even here?
It's just ridiculous.
195
00:09:56,750 --> 00:09:58,630
Who's ridiculous?
196
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:00,790
Freddie... Oh. I... didn't mean...
197
00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:02,670
If you don't want me,
I can go right now.
198
00:10:02,790 --> 00:10:05,110
Oh-ho-ho! Freddie Flintoff!
199
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,590
Get in!
200
00:10:06,710 --> 00:10:09,670
Oh, man you are a legend, mate!
201
00:10:09,790 --> 00:10:11,430
C'mon... Yes, I am.
202
00:10:14,118 --> 00:10:14,968
Er...
203
00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:21,630
Any sign of Freddie?
Can't find him anywhere, sorry.
204
00:10:21,790 --> 00:10:23,910
I've just spoken to his agent,
says he's gone AWOL.
205
00:10:24,070 --> 00:10:26,230
And he's switched his phone off.
This is a disaster!
206
00:10:26,350 --> 00:10:27,990
Sorry, I am way behind today
207
00:10:28,150 --> 00:10:30,910
but I promise
I will be ready in like 20 minutes.
208
00:10:45,990 --> 00:10:48,590
Why've you got
a face like a smacked arse? Guess.
209
00:10:48,790 --> 00:10:53,070
Right, Lis. I've got a load of
Flintoff range I need to stack
210
00:10:53,230 --> 00:10:56,790
and I'm wrecked. Are you wrecked?
Yeah!
211
00:10:56,950 --> 00:10:59,430
I might have to get some more of
that miracle cure from Brian.
212
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:01,430
What was in it? I'm not too sure,
213
00:11:01,590 --> 00:11:04,310
but it's taken the skin off my
tongue. Look. Oh...
214
00:11:04,470 --> 00:11:06,910
Mate of me sister's did a drug trial
without knowing what was
215
00:11:07,070 --> 00:11:10,790
in it, right, and he ended up
having really bad side effects.
216
00:11:10,910 --> 00:11:14,110
I think he went blind. Or bald.
217
00:11:14,270 --> 00:11:16,630
Or like deaf in one ear.
Right. Which one was it? Which ear?
218
00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:19,990
Which side effect? Blind, I think.
219
00:11:20,110 --> 00:11:23,430
Lisa, you're a bloody genius! Mwah!
220
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:24,870
Aw.
221
00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:30,270
Come here... Mmmm.
222
00:11:31,710 --> 00:11:33,950
Mmm... Mmm!
223
00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:36,550
Mmm.
224
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,350
Perv.
225
00:11:39,510 --> 00:11:41,750
Pop quiz. Freddie's about
to give his speech
226
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,350
when an assassin hurls
a grenade from the crowd.
227
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,470
What do you do? What DO you do?
228
00:11:46,630 --> 00:11:48,590
Body block Freddie,
locate the grenade
229
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,630
hurl it back at assailant,
exploding him.
230
00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:52,190
Ah! But that's just a decoy.
231
00:11:52,350 --> 00:11:55,190
The real killer has put a bomb
in a trolley, rigged to explode
232
00:11:55,310 --> 00:11:56,950
when it goes over 2mph.
233
00:11:57,070 --> 00:11:58,990
I'd instigate a trolley lockdown
234
00:11:59,150 --> 00:12:02,110
and a basket-only zone
within three aisles of Flintoff.
235
00:12:02,270 --> 00:12:05,470
God, you're good!
It's my duty to keep Freddie safe
236
00:12:05,630 --> 00:12:08,150
until he finishes
his business at Valco.
237
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:11,750
I intend to stick with him
like a shadow in the wind.
238
00:12:11,870 --> 00:12:13,070
Where is he, by the way?
239
00:12:15,310 --> 00:12:18,430
I don't know.
He could be anywhere by now.
240
00:12:18,550 --> 00:12:20,190
Can you see anything at all, Colin?
241
00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:22,750
I'm all right.
Are we in a forest at the minute?
242
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,590
Is everything all right? Mum?
It's Brian.
243
00:12:25,710 --> 00:12:26,830
Brian. Yeah. It's... Er, no.
244
00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:29,590
I'm sorry, it's just you're
so blurry and cloudy at the minute.
245
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,350
It's probably that medicine
you gave me.
246
00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:33,950
It's affected my eyesight
quite a bit. No. No, no, no, no.
247
00:12:34,110 --> 00:12:37,270
That's not possible.
I mean, I can't think what...
248
00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:40,030
Well, it's only caffeine,
bicarbonate of soda, sea salt...
249
00:12:40,190 --> 00:12:41,870
I'm going to have
to take a seat, Lis. What?
250
00:12:42,030 --> 00:12:44,590
No, there's no chair there, Colin.
Oh...
251
00:12:44,710 --> 00:12:47,510
You need to get him isolated.
252
00:12:47,670 --> 00:12:50,550
No! I've got to stack
boxes before the launch.
253
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,230
I can't leave them like that.
254
00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:54,950
I can handle that.
Just don't tell anyone.
255
00:12:55,070 --> 00:12:57,110
Gavin? Daniel?
256
00:12:57,270 --> 00:13:01,870
There's no need to get anyone else
involved, it'll pass in a minute.
257
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,830
Just keep him hidden.
258
00:13:03,990 --> 00:13:07,510
Oh...
259
00:13:07,670 --> 00:13:11,950
Yes! Oh, my God, Colin!
Can you really not see?
260
00:13:12,070 --> 00:13:14,070
I can't... It's just that I...
261
00:13:14,190 --> 00:13:16,310
Ah! You're good at this!
262
00:13:16,470 --> 00:13:18,550
I am good at it.
You are good at it...
263
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:24,310
You'll be fine, blindness is covered
by public liability insurance,
264
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:28,030
you won't get sued this time.
Don't touch it!
265
00:13:28,190 --> 00:13:32,510
Er, Mr Flintoff,
it's Gavin Strong... again.
266
00:13:32,670 --> 00:13:35,430
Just wondering
if you might return my call.
267
00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:39,630
Well, calls.
Yeah. Right. Er, many thanks.
268
00:13:39,790 --> 00:13:42,510
What's happened to Colin?
He knew the risks when he took it!
269
00:13:42,670 --> 00:13:44,710
What are you talking about?
Nothing.
270
00:13:44,830 --> 00:13:46,590
Why are you doing that and not Colin?
271
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:49,110
I don't know, and even if I did
know, you can't blame me!
272
00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:54,230
I said leave it.
273
00:13:57,150 --> 00:13:59,670
You're a Jezebel!
A heartless, scheming Jezebel
274
00:13:59,790 --> 00:14:02,310
Try one of these, madam?
275
00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:03,590
I'm sorry, Rose.
276
00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:06,630
I was wrong to choose Alan over
a lovely five-week friendship.
277
00:14:06,790 --> 00:14:08,510
I just didn't know
you cared so much.
278
00:14:08,670 --> 00:14:12,310
You two-faced, small-time floozy!
You harlot!
279
00:14:12,470 --> 00:14:15,190
You stole the man that was
rightfully mine!
280
00:14:15,310 --> 00:14:17,030
Ala-a-a-nn!
281
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,590
Now. Have you seen Freddie Flintoff?
No, is it good? Who's in it?
282
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:23,350
It's not a film, Margaret,
he's a person. He's disappeared.
283
00:14:23,510 --> 00:14:26,670
She's probably lured him
into her love den. The vixen!
284
00:14:26,790 --> 00:14:28,630
He wouldn't fit into our den.
285
00:14:28,750 --> 00:14:30,910
Shame on you, Margaret! Shame!
286
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:33,910
Look, whatever's going on can
you please just find a way
287
00:14:34,030 --> 00:14:35,350
to sort it out?
288
00:14:35,510 --> 00:14:38,910
Oh, you're right Gavin.
There's only one thing I can do.
289
00:14:39,030 --> 00:14:41,710
I've got to give Alan back.
290
00:14:41,870 --> 00:14:44,350
First time. Tenner, I'll do it.
Yeah? Tenner? Yep. Yeah.
291
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:47,630
Give me some pork. Let's go. Yeah?
292
00:14:47,790 --> 00:14:52,550
Oh, what! Now that... And again.
Like that.
293
00:14:52,710 --> 00:14:58,350
Oh! And again. One more. One more.
One more. Right, come on. Here.
294
00:14:58,470 --> 00:15:00,470
Colin? Oh...
295
00:15:00,630 --> 00:15:03,630
Colin? Hello? Is it me
you're looking for?
296
00:15:03,790 --> 00:15:07,230
How are you feeling? Er... Not
great, Bri. Not good.
297
00:15:07,390 --> 00:15:10,230
It's actually getting worse if
anything, it's... I'm not surprised.
298
00:15:10,390 --> 00:15:12,390
You see, I've just checked
the ingredients
299
00:15:12,550 --> 00:15:16,190
and the truth is I've made
a terrible, terrible mistake.
300
00:15:16,310 --> 00:15:17,790
You what?
301
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:20,150
I added 20cc's of
Benzedrine sulphate
302
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,830
instead of Benzedrine phosphate.
You need to go to hospital.
303
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,470
No, no. I feel fine Brian.
Apart from the blindness?
304
00:15:25,630 --> 00:15:28,390
Oh, it's actually wearing off a bit.
Whoa, look at that! I can see you.
305
00:15:28,550 --> 00:15:30,870
That's the worst thing that you
could've said!
306
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:33,510
Sharp sightedness is the first
symptom of blood poisoning.
307
00:15:33,670 --> 00:15:37,190
How do your arms feel?
Normal. That's stage two!
308
00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:39,630
You need to go to A & E now,
and I mean now.
309
00:15:39,790 --> 00:15:42,310
You've got about 30 minutes
before your organs fail.
310
00:15:42,430 --> 00:15:45,150
Are you serious? Oh, my God, Colin!
311
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:49,990
Lisa? If you've got anything to say
to him, say it now?
312
00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:52,270
Oh, God!
313
00:15:52,390 --> 00:15:53,910
Are you all right? No!
314
00:15:54,070 --> 00:15:57,950
It's going to be all right. No, it's
not. It is. No, it's not. It will.
315
00:15:58,070 --> 00:16:00,750
It won't. It has to be...
316
00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:02,670
Told you!
317
00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:08,270
The secret to being a bodyguard
is to stay one step ahead
318
00:16:08,390 --> 00:16:09,310
of your enemy.
319
00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:12,350
Do you reckon he could
be in the store now, watching us?
320
00:16:12,510 --> 00:16:15,350
It's possible. Do you reckon he's
looking at you and thinking...
321
00:16:15,510 --> 00:16:17,830
"Ooh, Kevin Costner's
let himself go?"
322
00:16:17,990 --> 00:16:21,110
Ian, have you seen Freddie Flintoff?
Has he left this store?
323
00:16:21,270 --> 00:16:23,670
I've not seen him for the last
ten minutes, but there was
324
00:16:23,830 --> 00:16:26,230
an unmarked period of time
when he may have slipped out, yes.
325
00:16:26,390 --> 00:16:28,790
What unmarked period?
And where's your uniform?
326
00:16:28,950 --> 00:16:31,710
I had to pop home to change.
You left the store unattended?!
327
00:16:31,830 --> 00:16:33,030
He assessed the risks
328
00:16:33,190 --> 00:16:36,590
and found it absolutely essential
to acquire the appropriate attire.
329
00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:39,950
See? This is a disaster.
Don't worry,
330
00:16:40,110 --> 00:16:42,430
no-one is going to
mess with this, Gavin.
331
00:16:48,510 --> 00:16:52,830
Hey. Been looking
everywhere for you.
332
00:16:52,990 --> 00:16:56,750
Um, I think maybe there might
have been a misunderstanding.
333
00:16:56,910 --> 00:17:00,190
I know when I'm being insulted.
Sorry.
334
00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:02,630
All people see is this tall,
good-looking,
335
00:17:02,790 --> 00:17:06,190
charismatic guy with
a world-class batting average.
336
00:17:06,350 --> 00:17:09,870
I'm sensitive. I write poetry.
Really?
337
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:12,350
Why does everyone look surprised
when I tell them that?
338
00:17:12,470 --> 00:17:13,470
Do you want to hear one?
339
00:17:13,590 --> 00:17:15,390
A poem? Yeah.
340
00:17:15,510 --> 00:17:17,030
I'm not sure if there's time.
341
00:17:18,350 --> 00:17:19,750
Oh. OK.
342
00:17:20,870 --> 00:17:23,670
Pretty flowers on the wall
343
00:17:23,790 --> 00:17:26,070
Pretty flowers, pink and tall...
344
00:17:29,710 --> 00:17:30,910
Rose...
345
00:17:31,070 --> 00:17:34,390
I know you're not talking to me,
but I want you to have this.
346
00:17:34,550 --> 00:17:39,150
It's an instruction manual for Alan.
I'm returning him.
347
00:17:39,310 --> 00:17:42,430
Now there's some photographs of him
in Skegness, I've listed
348
00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:47,390
all his favourite TV, and there's a
leaflet on how to cut his toenails.
349
00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:50,790
So if you just let me pop home,
I'll pack a suitcase
350
00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:52,870
and I'll be out of your hair
by tea-time.
351
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:54,750
Well, what will Alan say?
352
00:17:54,910 --> 00:17:59,510
Oh, he probably won't notice for a
few days. We can ease him into it.
353
00:17:59,630 --> 00:18:01,710
Is this him in this photo?
354
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:07,510
Blimey! He's ballooned! And his face
looks like a piece of salami.
355
00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:10,710
No, it's all right, you can keep
him.
356
00:18:10,870 --> 00:18:15,670
Really? Well, you wouldn't like
to have him at weekends, maybe?
357
00:18:15,830 --> 00:18:18,750
No! I wouldn't touch him
with a barge pole. Not now.
358
00:18:18,910 --> 00:18:22,910
Oh! Oh, I'm so glad.
Oh, that's settled then.
359
00:18:27,550 --> 00:18:30,070
Children play in fields of birds
360
00:18:30,230 --> 00:18:33,350
And sing a song with
dead good words.
361
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:36,830
Did you like it?
362
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,590
Huh? Yeah, very much.
363
00:18:38,710 --> 00:18:40,710
Thanks, man. You know,
364
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,830
sometimes I think about putting
my own words and thoughts...
365
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:47,350
Whatever, mate. Come on,
let's launch this baby.
366
00:18:49,350 --> 00:18:52,590
Ladies and gentlemen. Er...
Thank you for joining us today
367
00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:56,030
to launch the Freddie Flintoff
Party Platter.
368
00:18:56,190 --> 00:19:00,790
Now, due to unforeseeable
circumstances I'm afraid that
369
00:19:00,910 --> 00:19:03,630
Freddie is unable to join us today...
370
00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:07,430
Oh!
371
00:19:07,550 --> 00:19:08,990
If you... Here's Freddie!
372
00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:13,550
Who wants to see some cricket?
373
00:19:16,550 --> 00:19:17,870
Let's see what you're made of.
374
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:20,870
Just go nice and easy there, Freddie.
Yeah...
375
00:19:20,990 --> 00:19:22,230
Come on, Freddie!
376
00:19:31,622 --> 00:19:34,982
Freddie, Freddie,
Freddie, Freddie...
377
00:19:39,902 --> 00:19:41,782
Oh...
378
00:20:38,777 --> 00:20:42,177
Head office has been on the phone.
It's all over the news.
379
00:20:42,297 --> 00:20:43,697
Oh, God...
380
00:20:43,857 --> 00:20:45,657
'..Valco. Serves you right!
381
00:20:45,817 --> 00:20:48,817
'As Freddie Flintoff found out
today, in a game of cricket...
382
00:20:48,977 --> 00:20:51,497
'aimed to promote his party
platter range.
383
00:20:51,657 --> 00:20:54,657
'Flintoff has faced some of the
biggest hitters in the world, but...
384
00:20:54,817 --> 00:20:58,657
'he couldn't handle Gavin Strong,
manager of Valco, Warrington.
385
00:20:58,817 --> 00:21:01,137
'Strong didn't flinch
from Freddie's pace
386
00:21:01,337 --> 00:21:04,897
'and returned the ball straight at the former
England cricket star hitting him for 6.'
387
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,920
They're thrilled! They say money can't
buy the kind of publicity you gave Valco!
388
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,360
Right. What am I doing today?
389
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:20,160
Ah, well... It's actually time
for you to clock off, Charlotte.
390
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,800
Maybe you two could pick up
again in the morning?
391
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:23,920
Right you are.
392
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,600
Although I am off to Madrid
tonight, but don't worry,
393
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:30,080
I'll take my uniform
and change on the plane.
394
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,280
I'm learning!
395
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,600
Oh, don't make me laugh!
I'll have to go to the loo!
396
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,200
Decoy secured. Back to base.
397
00:21:49,250 --> 00:21:53,800
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