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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:01,754
I'm quite nervous.
You won't beat our prices.
2
00:00:01,755 --> 00:00:02,715
Can she stop that now?
3
00:00:02,814 --> 00:00:05,374
If you can get it anywhere cheaper,
I'll come and cook it myself.
4
00:00:05,534 --> 00:00:08,794
Red hot deals. We've got offers on
everything from booze to biscuits.
5
00:00:08,798 --> 00:00:09,738
Loads of 2-for-1s.
6
00:00:09,898 --> 00:00:12,138
Service with a smile.
7
00:00:12,258 --> 00:00:14,397
We have fresh produce.
Delivered daily.
8
00:00:14,398 --> 00:00:16,157
Don't forget the Valco tick.
That way.
9
00:00:16,158 --> 00:00:19,518
Am I getting paid for this? Valco...
I wasn't ready. Weren't you ready?
10
00:00:19,658 --> 00:00:21,258
Valco, serves you right.
11
00:00:21,338 --> 00:00:23,601
Valco, serves you right.
12
00:00:26,112 --> 00:00:28,071
999,841,
999,842,
13
00:00:28,072 --> 00:00:29,692
999,843...
14
00:00:30,083 --> 00:00:31,683
I still can't believe it.
15
00:00:31,690 --> 00:00:34,130
Have we really almost had one
million customers?
16
00:00:34,190 --> 00:00:37,729
Well in truth no.
It's er, only a million since the new till software
17
00:00:37,730 --> 00:00:41,209
but that's not really as catchy
as the millionth customer.
18
00:00:41,210 --> 00:00:43,410
Still it is an enormous occasion.
19
00:00:43,590 --> 00:00:45,070
999,845,
999,846...
20
00:00:45,150 --> 00:00:47,890
Look at us two stood under this.
21
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,250
Anyone passing would think
we were getting married.
22
00:00:50,290 --> 00:00:51,209
Ha, yes I see what you mean.
23
00:00:51,210 --> 00:00:55,549
If anyone here knows of any good
reason why these two should not be married, then speak now.
24
00:00:55,550 --> 00:00:56,969
Can you imagine?
25
00:00:56,970 --> 00:01:00,130
Julie... just, just stop me
if you think I'm mad...
26
00:01:00,210 --> 00:01:01,930
Yes?
27
00:01:01,950 --> 00:01:04,770
Well I was thinking, you know
since it's the millionth customer,
28
00:01:05,609 --> 00:01:10,169
what if all staff said 'Thanks
a million for shopping at Valco'.
29
00:01:12,509 --> 00:01:15,688
Oh, Gavin Strong, where do you come
up with this stuff?
30
00:01:15,689 --> 00:01:18,029
Actually it came to me
in a dream last night.
31
00:01:18,049 --> 00:01:21,208
Even when you're asleep you're still
the best manager in the world.
32
00:01:21,209 --> 00:01:24,549
Gavin Strong speaking.
33
00:01:24,569 --> 00:01:27,109
Oh, would you believe it?
34
00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:31,368
I've only gone and tried to answer my
personal phone instead of my work one.
35
00:01:31,369 --> 00:01:34,809
Ha. You couldn't make it up.
36
00:01:36,089 --> 00:01:39,709
Stop it, you've got me going now.
37
00:01:39,769 --> 00:01:42,329
It's Martin Snell of all people!
38
00:01:44,409 --> 00:01:46,169
Come on, Gavin... Be serious.
39
00:01:51,749 --> 00:01:53,748
I'll have to ring him back.
40
00:01:53,749 --> 00:01:56,689
Oh-ho, what have you come as?
41
00:01:56,729 --> 00:01:58,329
I'm the Valco tick.
42
00:01:58,529 --> 00:02:00,349
The Val... You look like the Valco
prick.
43
00:02:02,009 --> 00:02:03,850
I'm just joking mate.
You look, you look great.
44
00:02:03,909 --> 00:02:05,848
Oh thanks. You do.
45
00:02:05,849 --> 00:02:07,129
999,8...
46
00:02:09,289 --> 00:02:11,449
Morning Andy.
47
00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:14,249
Oh, hey, how was the anniversary
meal? Stinking hangover?
48
00:02:14,329 --> 00:02:16,569
Well, I did have a glass or
two of champagne.
49
00:02:16,709 --> 00:02:18,649
I hope I'm not over the limit.
50
00:02:18,829 --> 00:02:20,729
You can't be
drunk in charge of a deli.
51
00:02:20,929 --> 00:02:25,049
So, how are you feeling?
You must be very sad?
52
00:02:25,249 --> 00:02:26,488
Your last ever day at Valco.
53
00:02:26,489 --> 00:02:29,349
Nah, first day of the rest of me
life.
54
00:02:29,369 --> 00:02:33,049
Really? Oh, doctors, eh? Ooh,
they're very specific these days.
55
00:02:33,149 --> 00:02:35,069
No, it's just a saying.
56
00:02:35,109 --> 00:02:36,089
You alright, mate?
57
00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:37,209
Yeah, fine.
58
00:02:37,409 --> 00:02:40,469
Have you, er, have you spoken to
her?
59
00:02:40,549 --> 00:02:42,808
Everything all right Kieron? Yeah...
60
00:02:42,809 --> 00:02:44,529
Why shouldn't it be?
What have you heard?
61
00:02:44,549 --> 00:02:47,129
Nothing... but, you know what they
say,
62
00:02:47,229 --> 00:02:48,829
the first day of the rest
of your life.
63
00:02:48,849 --> 00:02:50,488
Not the right context, Margaret.
64
00:02:50,489 --> 00:02:52,689
I didn't say anything, honest.
65
00:02:56,569 --> 00:02:59,268
I still can't believe it's
a trolley dash.
66
00:02:59,269 --> 00:03:02,228
Yes, yes, I might have to make
a few aisles off limits.
67
00:03:02,229 --> 00:03:05,528
Don't want the millionth customer's
photo in the paper with
68
00:03:05,529 --> 00:03:06,588
a trolley full of printer
cartridges.
69
00:03:06,589 --> 00:03:10,489
Erm, oh, by the way,
are you be going to Andy's leaving drinks after work?
70
00:03:10,669 --> 00:03:12,729
Oh y-yes, I will. Are you?
71
00:03:12,909 --> 00:03:16,629
Yes. In fact, um, I was hoping you
might like to come for dinner,
72
00:03:16,709 --> 00:03:18,248
um, beforehand?
73
00:03:18,249 --> 00:03:19,569
Dinner?
74
00:03:21,169 --> 00:03:25,169
Oh Gavin, I...
I don't know what to say.
75
00:03:25,209 --> 00:03:27,029
Well, please say yes.
76
00:03:27,109 --> 00:03:30,009
Yes. A thousand times yes.
77
00:03:30,189 --> 00:03:31,909
Great. Well, um, that's a date then.
78
00:03:35,889 --> 00:03:38,588
Thanks a million
for shopping at Valco.
79
00:03:38,589 --> 00:03:42,268
Ha, you're not really saying
that crap are ya? I'm not.
80
00:03:42,269 --> 00:03:43,929
Er, give us twenty L and B.
81
00:03:48,049 --> 00:03:50,488
Oh, he's looking fit today.
82
00:03:50,489 --> 00:03:52,409
How's things with you two?
83
00:03:52,609 --> 00:03:53,908
Finished.
84
00:03:53,909 --> 00:03:57,529
He got jealous cos I kept shagging
other blokes, so, I had to call it off.
85
00:03:57,709 --> 00:04:00,249
Men, eh? They get
jealous about the littlest things.
86
00:04:00,429 --> 00:04:04,029
Mmm, I know. I kinda miss him
though.
87
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,689
He used to call me his bowling ball.
88
00:04:09,189 --> 00:04:11,609
So, can I interrupt you
there ladies?
89
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:12,489
Yes, please.
90
00:04:12,569 --> 00:04:14,968
Bit of an emergency,
I need someone presentable to be
91
00:04:14,969 --> 00:04:17,529
the face of the store
for the millionth customer.
92
00:04:17,729 --> 00:04:20,249
How much do I get paid for it?
93
00:04:20,429 --> 00:04:24,969
Lisa? It's actually more of an
honour, but I was hoping that Katie might...
94
00:04:25,049 --> 00:04:27,548
What? Don't you think
I'm pretty enough?
95
00:04:27,549 --> 00:04:30,388
Um... clearly you're...
well you're very... very...
96
00:04:30,389 --> 00:04:32,249
So you would then?
97
00:04:33,689 --> 00:04:38,309
Cos that, that could be seen as
sexual harassment. Alright.
98
00:04:40,569 --> 00:04:44,489
So, will you do it, Katie?
Do I have to?
99
00:04:44,569 --> 00:04:46,729
999,962,
999,963...
100
00:04:47,989 --> 00:04:49,268
It says here that 10,015
101
00:04:49,269 --> 00:04:54,089
women in Britain had
breast implants last year.
102
00:04:54,149 --> 00:04:55,768
999,964...
103
00:04:55,769 --> 00:04:57,109
10,015?
104
00:04:57,209 --> 00:05:00,829
That's 20,030 individual breasts.
105
00:05:00,869 --> 00:05:03,629
Please stop saying numbers. 999,963
oh, oh, five.
106
00:05:03,649 --> 00:05:05,349
Which is 3,000 up on the 2008
107
00:05:05,369 --> 00:05:08,629
figure of 8,500.
108
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:14,489
999,9...argh!
109
00:05:16,889 --> 00:05:22,969
Oh wait...
999,966, yes.
110
00:05:25,389 --> 00:05:26,809
There you go sir, enjoy.
111
00:05:28,609 --> 00:05:30,108
You're welcome.
112
00:05:30,109 --> 00:05:31,710
I'll be glad
when I get out of this place
113
00:05:31,769 --> 00:05:33,429
and in to a proper butcher's shop.
114
00:05:33,509 --> 00:05:35,868
I won't get customers like that
at Starks Farm Foods. You might.
115
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,769
Oh no,
they're a better class of customer.
116
00:05:38,809 --> 00:05:41,849
They're there for the meat and
nothing else. Not washing powder.
117
00:05:41,949 --> 00:05:42,808
Not Ribena. Just meat.
118
00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:46,089
Have you got a bolt gun out the back
or anything I can shoot myself with?
119
00:05:46,169 --> 00:05:47,828
What's the matter?
120
00:05:47,829 --> 00:05:50,768
Millionth customer. Muggins here has
to shake hands with whoever it is.
121
00:05:50,769 --> 00:05:53,749
Picture in the paper
and everything, it's not fair.
122
00:05:53,849 --> 00:05:57,208
This is exactly the kind of thing
that makes me glad I'm leaving.
123
00:05:57,209 --> 00:06:00,089
I should be out there, shaking
hands, getting in the local rag.
124
00:06:00,289 --> 00:06:01,769
I'm the face of this place.
125
00:06:01,849 --> 00:06:04,188
Maybe you should ask Gavin,
what do you reckon Kieran?
126
00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:05,789
Yeah.
127
00:06:06,789 --> 00:06:09,829
Are you alright?
What? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
128
00:06:10,049 --> 00:06:11,769
Is everything alright at home?
129
00:06:11,949 --> 00:06:15,129
Sort of... Actually you know what, I
don't really want to talk about it.
130
00:06:15,229 --> 00:06:18,809
Oh, right. Sorry. Anyway, hadn't you
better go and practice your handshake?
131
00:06:19,009 --> 00:06:20,269
It's a pretty big job.
132
00:06:20,289 --> 00:06:21,208
Ha, ha. Funny Kieran.
133
00:06:21,209 --> 00:06:25,529
Everyone knows I've got the best
handshake here. Everyone.
134
00:06:25,729 --> 00:06:27,609
999,981,
999,982...
135
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,269
I think we might have found
Leighton's special skill.
136
00:06:31,289 --> 00:06:33,049
I don't know how he tells them
apart,
137
00:06:33,249 --> 00:06:35,029
I had that one down as a photo
finish.
138
00:06:35,129 --> 00:06:36,909
Do I have to wear this sash?
139
00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:38,469
Katie you should be proud.
140
00:06:38,489 --> 00:06:39,929
Of all the staff under this roof,
141
00:06:40,029 --> 00:06:42,388
Gavin thought that you were
the most presentable.
142
00:06:42,389 --> 00:06:44,728
Obviously excluding myself.
143
00:06:44,729 --> 00:06:47,829
Right, now, Katie, let's just run
you by your duties again,
144
00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:50,109
so millionth customer comes in.
145
00:06:50,169 --> 00:06:53,009
Actually Julie, could you,
could you be the millionth customer.
146
00:06:53,029 --> 00:06:55,408
So... and...
147
00:06:55,409 --> 00:06:57,509
coming in, coming in,
coming in...
148
00:06:57,529 --> 00:06:59,609
And, now!
Katie, hand then line!
149
00:06:59,709 --> 00:07:03,188
Congratulations madam,
you are our millionth customer.
150
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:06,568
Why thank you, miss,
I can't believe my luck.
151
00:07:06,569 --> 00:07:08,188
Julie, what are you doing?
152
00:07:08,189 --> 00:07:10,529
It's role play. I'm American.
153
00:07:10,589 --> 00:07:13,288
Good point. They could be American.
Now Katie, if they are,
154
00:07:13,289 --> 00:07:16,148
don't worry just come in with
the line as prepared.
155
00:07:16,149 --> 00:07:17,309
Now let's do it again.
156
00:07:18,489 --> 00:07:22,069
And... coming in, coming in,
coming in...
157
00:07:22,169 --> 00:07:23,829
And, now! Katie, hand then line!
158
00:07:23,929 --> 00:07:26,009
Congratulations,
you are our millionth customer.
159
00:07:26,209 --> 00:07:28,889
That's perfect.
Really great dress rehearsal, guys.
160
00:07:28,989 --> 00:07:30,809
That really was as smooth as silk.
161
00:07:31,729 --> 00:07:33,809
Oh, sorry come through.
162
00:07:42,269 --> 00:07:45,029
What's this?
Ah, just going on holiday, innit.
163
00:07:45,049 --> 00:07:47,208
Oh, yeah. Lemme guess, Blackpool?
164
00:07:47,209 --> 00:07:50,349
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Faliraki.
165
00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:53,429
Yeah, me and my mate 'two dicks',
getting off when m'shift finishes,
166
00:07:53,529 --> 00:07:54,968
flying out tonight.
167
00:07:54,969 --> 00:07:56,409
You what!?
168
00:07:56,469 --> 00:07:58,908
We're not together any more.
Shag who I want.
169
00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:04,029
Yeah but... Faliraki? Johnnies?
It's a bit continental.
170
00:08:04,269 --> 00:08:06,489
Pulling out all the stops.
171
00:08:10,989 --> 00:08:13,588
Alright Sharon, you coming
to my leaving drinks tonight?
172
00:08:13,589 --> 00:08:16,069
Oh, is that tonight?
Oh, I would've done
173
00:08:16,269 --> 00:08:18,629
but I've just remembered
I don't actually like you.
174
00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:22,509
I'll cancel the high chair then!
175
00:08:24,069 --> 00:08:25,908
Oh, you're still coming tonight
aren't you?
176
00:08:25,909 --> 00:08:26,869
I don't have much choice, do I?
177
00:08:26,949 --> 00:08:30,128
Could all
staff please make their way to the store
178
00:08:30,129 --> 00:08:32,628
entrance for... Do I have to read
this? Yes.
179
00:08:32,629 --> 00:08:34,749
For that millionaire feeling.
180
00:08:34,769 --> 00:08:37,168
Right, come on then.
You coming Margaret?
181
00:08:37,169 --> 00:08:38,809
Ooh, I wouldn't miss
it for the world.
182
00:08:38,889 --> 00:08:42,849
How are they going to get a million
customers in here I've no idea though.
183
00:08:45,049 --> 00:08:47,509
999,999...
184
00:08:47,609 --> 00:08:51,569
Oh, next one's the millionth.
Please don't go blind Leighton.
185
00:08:51,789 --> 00:08:52,669
Please don't go blind.
186
00:08:54,049 --> 00:08:54,829
After you...
187
00:08:56,949 --> 00:08:59,509
One million!
188
00:08:59,609 --> 00:09:03,928
Congratulat...
189
00:09:03,929 --> 00:09:07,049
Congratulations,
you are our millionth customer.
190
00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:10,389
"Congratulations" - Cliff Richard
and the Shadows
191
00:09:10,489 --> 00:09:14,629
Congratulations, madam, yes,
you are indeed Valco's one millionth
192
00:09:14,649 --> 00:09:21,928
customer and the winner of a Valco
trolley dash!
193
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:25,649
How do you feel?
Yeah, fine.
194
00:09:25,669 --> 00:09:28,368
Wonderful stuff,
and what went through your mind
195
00:09:28,369 --> 00:09:30,129
when you walked under the arch?
196
00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:32,669
I thought I was being attacked,
I nearly shat myself.
197
00:09:33,869 --> 00:09:35,929
Apologies to all
customers for the language there.
198
00:09:36,129 --> 00:09:38,129
We are live so please do not swear.
199
00:09:38,169 --> 00:09:39,928
Right, so let's get you down
there.
200
00:09:39,929 --> 00:09:41,769
Let's see those
smiles in the aisles.
201
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:42,949
We're going to start in aisle eight.
202
00:09:43,033 --> 00:09:44,813
Quite the showman, isn't he?
203
00:09:44,869 --> 00:09:46,529
Oh, yes I know.
204
00:09:50,579 --> 00:09:53,799
When your minute's up,
you'll hear this noise.
205
00:09:53,862 --> 00:09:54,962
Can I go down the booze aisle?
206
00:09:55,016 --> 00:09:58,276
Er, no, as I explained the dash is
restricted to this aisle,
207
00:09:58,328 --> 00:10:01,148
aisle three and 14
and the till-side of aisle nine.
208
00:10:01,244 --> 00:10:03,604
So no booze aisle then?
209
00:10:03,621 --> 00:10:05,601
No. Right,
let's get this show on the road.
210
00:10:05,701 --> 00:10:08,060
Katie, take it away!
211
00:10:08,061 --> 00:10:10,661
And she's gone straight to
the noodle snackers.
212
00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:13,481
And she's gone, er, right, oh,
a whole case of the things.
213
00:10:13,521 --> 00:10:16,261
Tell you what I'd go for
if it were me? Tinned tuna.
214
00:10:16,461 --> 00:10:18,021
Fill my trolley with the stuff.
Why?
215
00:10:18,141 --> 00:10:21,361
Doesn't go off for ages,
and the price never goes down.
216
00:10:21,381 --> 00:10:24,181
Obviously the ready made curry
paste currying no favour here.
217
00:10:24,261 --> 00:10:28,101
You're putting me off.
She's going for the crisps. That's quite a lot of crisps for her.
218
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:30,441
And it's round her
place for a crisp party.
219
00:10:30,501 --> 00:10:32,061
No booze!
220
00:10:32,081 --> 00:10:33,380
Go on love! Oh!
221
00:10:33,381 --> 00:10:34,981
Gosh she's fast. Like a greyhound.
222
00:10:35,161 --> 00:10:35,941
Shut up!
223
00:10:36,121 --> 00:10:38,501
Where's she going next,
oh it's breakfast time here.
224
00:10:38,621 --> 00:10:42,020
Not liking her oats though. Little
glimpse into this lady's domestic life.
225
00:10:42,021 --> 00:10:44,520
Oh, you'll miss all this
when you're gone.
226
00:10:44,521 --> 00:10:46,820
What am I gonna do, wait around for
the two millionth customer?
227
00:10:46,821 --> 00:10:48,241
And passed the five a day.
228
00:10:48,261 --> 00:10:50,460
Lucky to get
five in a lifetime this one.
229
00:10:50,461 --> 00:10:53,120
Better watch out Popeye, because
she's going for the olive oil.
230
00:10:53,121 --> 00:10:55,621
Qu-quite a lot of olive oil,
actually.
231
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,980
Do you really need all that?
232
00:10:57,981 --> 00:11:00,261
Katie. Bloody hell, Katie!
233
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,681
That's it ladies and
gentlemen. Thank you, thank you.
234
00:11:03,781 --> 00:11:06,740
No that's it. That's... alright
they're two for the price of one.
235
00:11:06,741 --> 00:11:08,001
That's that!
236
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,860
Not one tin of tuna. Idiot.
237
00:11:09,861 --> 00:11:12,421
Well, what a whirlwind.
238
00:11:12,601 --> 00:11:15,200
Well, let me just get my breath back
239
00:11:15,201 --> 00:11:18,661
and we'll get these through
the till for you.
240
00:11:19,801 --> 00:11:24,261
And there go the pasta sauces, ably
scanned through by the lovely Julie.
241
00:11:26,361 --> 00:11:29,221
Oh, Gavin. Yummy Pops.
242
00:11:31,461 --> 00:11:33,001
Sanitary tow...
243
00:11:35,281 --> 00:11:38,021
More olive oil.
244
00:11:38,221 --> 00:11:40,660
These are eight pounds each.
You do have rather a lot.
245
00:11:40,661 --> 00:11:42,241
I'm gonna car boot them.
246
00:11:43,861 --> 00:11:47,201
Thanks a million
for shopping at Valco.
247
00:11:47,221 --> 00:11:48,881
Valco, serves you right.
248
00:11:52,101 --> 00:11:54,020
Mate, you can still stay,
its not too late.
249
00:11:54,021 --> 00:11:55,940
Stay? In a place where I'm not
appreciated?
250
00:11:55,941 --> 00:11:58,780
The time I've given to this place.
251
00:11:58,781 --> 00:12:01,820
Best years of my life given
to this counter.
252
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:04,261
Can I get ten of the butcher's
choice sausages, please?
253
00:12:06,021 --> 00:12:07,481
Butcher's choice?
254
00:12:08,901 --> 00:12:11,620
Are you... crying?
255
00:12:11,621 --> 00:12:13,201
No.
256
00:12:14,381 --> 00:12:16,101
I might just leave it for now.
257
00:12:17,521 --> 00:12:20,721
You don't need to go, we want him
to stay, don't we Margaret?
258
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,821
Oh, not you as well?
259
00:12:22,921 --> 00:12:25,681
Oh, come here. Come here.
260
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:28,421
I'll be alright, I'm a big boy.
I'm sorry, Andy.
261
00:12:28,621 --> 00:12:31,840
Don't be sorry.
It's nice to feel appreciated.
262
00:12:31,841 --> 00:12:33,681
'Scuse me. Ta.
263
00:12:36,141 --> 00:12:38,481
Great, thank you. Well congratula...
264
00:12:38,501 --> 00:12:41,221
Nice one. Thanks a million
for shopping at Va...
265
00:12:41,321 --> 00:12:43,261
Gavin, can I have a word?
What right now?
266
00:12:43,281 --> 00:12:43,940
It's important.
267
00:12:43,941 --> 00:12:47,140
Er, lads, can you do,
can you do this now?
268
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:50,321
Listen, er, oh I don't know what
we're going to do with these now.
269
00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:52,840
You and Emma, you don't want
a balloon arch do you?
270
00:12:52,841 --> 00:12:54,961
No, thanks. Er, look, it's about
Andy.
271
00:12:54,981 --> 00:12:56,181
Can't you keep him on?
272
00:12:56,301 --> 00:12:59,200
Well I mean I haven't fired him,
Kieran. He's handed in his notice.
273
00:12:59,201 --> 00:13:01,781
But he doesn't want to go.
He's backed himself in to a corner
274
00:13:01,861 --> 00:13:04,901
he feels like he's no choice. You're
sure he doesn't want to leave?
275
00:13:05,081 --> 00:13:08,900
He just cried over some
sausages. Well I hope you've taken them off the display?
276
00:13:08,901 --> 00:13:11,141
I mean I know there's no specific...
Not literally.
277
00:13:11,321 --> 00:13:14,261
Oh right, yeah.
I'll see what I can do.
278
00:13:16,001 --> 00:13:18,101
Oh, it's so embarrassing.
279
00:13:18,181 --> 00:13:22,141
I bet you that photo of me'll end up
all over campus in no time.
280
00:13:22,161 --> 00:13:24,980
Look at that arse.
281
00:13:24,981 --> 00:13:28,180
Shoved a finger up that once.
He went mental.
282
00:13:28,181 --> 00:13:30,740
Lisa, you obviously really like him.
283
00:13:30,741 --> 00:13:33,621
It doesn't matter any more.
He's off to Faliraki.
284
00:13:33,701 --> 00:13:34,981
Flying out tonight.
285
00:13:35,161 --> 00:13:37,980
Look, I would never normally
say for anyone to go after Colin
286
00:13:37,981 --> 00:13:39,620
but you two are perfect
for each other.
287
00:13:39,621 --> 00:13:42,601
Believe me, you'll regret it
if you don't say anything.
288
00:13:44,701 --> 00:13:47,201
Cover my till.
Till closed.
289
00:13:52,961 --> 00:13:57,481
Oh Andy, Gavin's just radioed down.
He wants to see you in his office.
290
00:13:57,501 --> 00:14:01,381
Oh? Let me guess, leaving present.
I thought you didn't want anything?
291
00:14:01,581 --> 00:14:04,060
You said people could just buy
you a drink tonight.
292
00:14:04,061 --> 00:14:06,021
Ooh, it's probably a leaving
stripper.
293
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,261
Gavin would have no
interest in strippers, Andy.
294
00:14:08,461 --> 00:14:10,760
He's a man in't he, surely he's got
an eye for the ladies.
295
00:14:10,761 --> 00:14:13,941
Yes I think he has.
Especially the "lovely" ones.
296
00:14:14,001 --> 00:14:16,061
Well no-one likes dogs, do they?
297
00:14:19,601 --> 00:14:20,701
Oh, Andy.
298
00:14:21,801 --> 00:14:24,261
I guess Julie was right.
No strippers here.
299
00:14:25,341 --> 00:14:27,921
No. Come in Andy, take a seat.
300
00:14:30,241 --> 00:14:33,480
Now it's very embarrassing
as a manager to admit you're wrong
301
00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:36,561
and make a u-turn but, is there any
way you'd consider staying on here?
302
00:14:36,761 --> 00:14:39,461
You what? Oh, Gavin,
it's way too late for that.
303
00:14:39,641 --> 00:14:41,800
I've already agreed to go
somewhere else.
304
00:14:41,801 --> 00:14:45,140
Well, I'll be honest, um, I don't
know how we'll cope without you.
305
00:14:45,141 --> 00:14:46,801
You are the meat counter.
306
00:14:46,821 --> 00:14:48,740
Well, that's true.
307
00:14:48,741 --> 00:14:50,421
And Kieran, he's an able butcher...
308
00:14:50,501 --> 00:14:53,800
Well, he's more than able. I trained
him myself, raised him like a pup.
309
00:14:53,801 --> 00:14:55,461
But he's no Andy Richmond.
310
00:14:57,061 --> 00:15:00,161
I've given my word to
Starks Farm Foods. I'm sorry.
311
00:15:03,321 --> 00:15:04,921
I'll make you head butcher?
312
00:15:08,001 --> 00:15:10,801
Head butcher?
Head butcher.
313
00:15:10,821 --> 00:15:12,960
Officially. In my contract
and everything.
314
00:15:12,961 --> 00:15:16,660
New name badge,
the whole nine yards.
315
00:15:16,661 --> 00:15:18,181
Head butcher.
316
00:15:19,761 --> 00:15:22,240
Pay rise?
No.
317
00:15:22,241 --> 00:15:25,221
Good job I didn't get in to this
game for the money then. So you'll stay?
318
00:15:25,401 --> 00:15:27,541
Well, someone's got to hold
Kieran's hand ain't they.
319
00:15:27,621 --> 00:15:29,561
Like you said, he's a shithead.
320
00:15:31,561 --> 00:15:33,941
You!
321
00:15:42,881 --> 00:15:46,341
Oh, Andy, I'm glad I've caught
you. Er...
322
00:15:46,521 --> 00:15:50,341
Now listen I know we've not always
got along but, er, I'll miss you when you've gone.
323
00:15:50,441 --> 00:15:53,201
You're a good butcher and...
um, you know, you're a good bloke.
324
00:15:53,221 --> 00:15:55,301
And, well me
and the lads have made you that.
325
00:15:59,621 --> 00:16:01,140
A pig cake?
326
00:16:01,141 --> 00:16:03,761
Yeah. Well,
its legs are sausage rolls.
327
00:16:03,781 --> 00:16:06,502
And then you've got your meat loaf
torso and your pink marzipan face.
328
00:16:08,821 --> 00:16:11,121
I don't know what to say. Thank you.
329
00:16:12,501 --> 00:16:14,620
You do know I'm actually
not leaving now?
330
00:16:14,621 --> 00:16:16,901
But still, a pig cake...
331
00:16:17,081 --> 00:16:21,001
You're not leaving?
Gimme back me cake.
332
00:16:21,041 --> 00:16:22,661
I knew it was too good to be true.
333
00:16:27,441 --> 00:16:31,420
Leighton, have you seen Colin? Yes.
Where? I need to talk to him.
334
00:16:31,421 --> 00:16:33,641
Um, on his way out,
a few minutes ago.
335
00:16:37,681 --> 00:16:39,700
Oh, someone's in a good mood.
336
00:16:39,701 --> 00:16:42,861
It's just one of those days where
everything seems to be going right.
337
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:45,300
I've just managed to persuade
Andy to stay with us
338
00:16:45,301 --> 00:16:47,861
and I've just received a call
from Greg Lester at Head Office.
339
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,720
GL called you?
340
00:16:49,721 --> 00:16:52,580
Yeah, looks like we'll be getting
rid of the No Nonsense range.
341
00:16:52,581 --> 00:16:55,600
That's fantastic news, Gavin!
342
00:16:55,601 --> 00:16:58,421
Perhaps it'll be champagne with
dinner later?
343
00:16:58,481 --> 00:17:00,341
Yeah, well, I'm not really
one for bubbles.
344
00:17:00,521 --> 00:17:03,221
You alright there, Lisa? Yeah.
Yeah.
345
00:17:05,121 --> 00:17:08,421
So, are you going to tell me
where we're eating then?
346
00:17:08,501 --> 00:17:10,860
Oh yes,
now I've checked with Anna... Anna?
347
00:17:10,861 --> 00:17:14,820
Oh blast.
Sorry, I wanted it to be a surprise.
348
00:17:14,821 --> 00:17:16,900
Who's Anna?
She's my new girlfriend.
349
00:17:16,901 --> 00:17:19,421
I wanted you to meet her
so I could ask your opinion.
350
00:17:20,821 --> 00:17:23,621
I-I-I didn't realise you had
a new girlfriend.
351
00:17:23,681 --> 00:17:26,100
She's part of my cycling club.
352
00:17:26,101 --> 00:17:27,540
You know the one that you urged me
to join.
353
00:17:27,541 --> 00:17:30,101
Isn't that amazing?
It's all thanks to you!
354
00:17:31,121 --> 00:17:33,801
Yes. Yeah, that's amazing.
355
00:17:33,821 --> 00:17:34,640
I can't wait for you to meet her.
356
00:17:34,641 --> 00:17:36,181
Get my old pal Julie's verdict.
357
00:17:53,181 --> 00:17:54,960
I'm not calling you head butcher.
358
00:17:54,961 --> 00:17:57,341
I'm your boss now,
you have to do whatever I say.
359
00:17:58,221 --> 00:18:01,240
Hey, do I have to call you boss now,
Andy. Can't hurt, Margaret.
360
00:18:01,241 --> 00:18:04,080
You not going to miss being a
"skilled butcher" at the new place?
361
00:18:04,081 --> 00:18:06,341
Ah, they wouldn't know
skill at Starks Farm Foods
362
00:18:06,421 --> 00:18:08,861
if it ran them over.
Bunch of cowboys.
363
00:18:10,261 --> 00:18:11,621
Ooh, have you told them, boss?
364
00:18:11,701 --> 00:18:14,101
Good point. Kieran, take a memo.
365
00:18:14,201 --> 00:18:16,181
I'm not taking a memo.
366
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:17,421
Head butcher, you have to.
367
00:18:18,541 --> 00:18:20,561
Ooh, shall I get you a pen.
368
00:18:22,281 --> 00:18:24,240
Hey.
Get off. Come on.
369
00:18:24,241 --> 00:18:27,640
Right, I've phoned ahead at the pub
and made them reserve you a chair.
370
00:18:27,641 --> 00:18:30,900
Now, how are you for fluids?
I'm fine.
371
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,220
Well, if you need anything let me
know and I'll take care of it.
372
00:18:33,221 --> 00:18:35,681
He's gonna be lucky to have a
godmother like you.
373
00:18:35,701 --> 00:18:37,361
I'm just gonna put some lippy on.
374
00:18:37,441 --> 00:18:41,301
I said he's gonna be lucky to
have... Oh, for God's sake.
375
00:18:41,401 --> 00:18:43,361
This is a staff announcement,
376
00:18:43,381 --> 00:18:46,960
would Linda please accept the offer
to be the godmother of my child,
377
00:18:46,961 --> 00:18:50,021
that's Linda to be
the godmother of my child.
378
00:18:51,061 --> 00:18:54,161
Really?
379
00:18:54,241 --> 00:18:57,380
Of course really.
Who else would it be you big lump?
380
00:18:57,381 --> 00:19:00,341
Stop crying, they're all
looking at you.
381
00:19:08,661 --> 00:19:10,741
Right, has anyone seen
a pair of sunglasses?
382
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,461
No? Right. They're aviators.
383
00:19:13,641 --> 00:19:14,901
I only nicked 'em yesterday!
384
00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:18,201
Where are they?
385
00:19:22,801 --> 00:19:27,121
What's going on? I've changed my
mind. I won't shag anyone else.
386
00:19:27,401 --> 00:19:30,200
What's brought this on?
Well, you have.
387
00:19:30,201 --> 00:19:35,240
If that's what it takes to see your
arse again then, then I'll do it.
388
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:37,141
I'll be a one man woman from now on.
389
00:19:37,321 --> 00:19:39,081
D'you mean it?
390
00:19:40,421 --> 00:19:44,301
Yeah. I think like, you know,
really... love you and shit.
391
00:19:45,441 --> 00:19:47,301
And I love you an all.
392
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:55,001
Ah, saying that, I'm meant to be
going to Faliraki aren't I?
393
00:19:55,021 --> 00:19:56,781
And it's fanny on tap out there
so...
394
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:59,601
You can go if you want.
395
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:06,421
Nah sack it, I'm gonna stay here
with my girlfriend innit.
396
00:20:07,661 --> 00:20:09,061
Oh, get this out.
397
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:12,181
Get those out. Get on here now. Get
on it.
398
00:20:17,001 --> 00:20:18,901
Er, guys...
399
00:20:20,821 --> 00:20:22,661
You coming for a drink?
400
00:20:22,741 --> 00:20:25,941
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm just waiting
for Kieran. Is everything alright?
401
00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:28,782
Between you and me, he's left Emma
so he's kipping at mine for now.
402
00:20:31,641 --> 00:20:34,841
Andy told you the good news then?
403
00:20:34,881 --> 00:20:36,021
Good news?
404
00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:38,681
He's sticking around after all.
I knew he'd never go.
405
00:20:38,941 --> 00:20:43,221
Oh, right, yeah. He also told me
that you're staying at his.
406
00:20:43,381 --> 00:20:49,061
Oh. Yeah, me
and Emma had a big row so that's it.
407
00:20:50,081 --> 00:20:52,460
Moved out.
408
00:20:52,461 --> 00:20:54,261
Bloody hell, Kieran.
409
00:20:54,361 --> 00:20:56,641
Yeah. Looks like I've finally
grown a pair, eh?
410
00:20:56,661 --> 00:20:57,860
Are you sure you're doing
the right thing?
411
00:20:57,861 --> 00:20:59,961
Yeah, yeah. I really am.
412
00:21:01,841 --> 00:21:04,180
Well if there's anything
I can do then?
413
00:21:04,181 --> 00:21:08,440
You can come to Andy's party
with me, help me get drunk.
414
00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:09,780
Deal.
415
00:21:09,781 --> 00:21:11,641
Come on you sausage toucher.
416
00:21:15,581 --> 00:21:17,620
Come on, Margaret, I can't be late
for my own drinks.
417
00:21:17,621 --> 00:21:20,700
I'll name him after ya. Yeah.
I'll call him Linda.
418
00:21:20,701 --> 00:21:23,221
Oh, pregnant lady coming through!
Bloody hell.
419
00:21:29,901 --> 00:21:31,381
Smell that. It's like what?
420
00:21:37,601 --> 00:21:40,521
Night, Ian.
421
00:21:40,571 --> 00:21:45,121
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