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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:03,700
- I'll come round and cook it.
- We have 17 varieties of papadom.
2
00:00:03,701 --> 00:00:05,976
Offers on everything
from booze to biscuits.
3
00:00:06,061 --> 00:00:09,212
- Loads of 2-for-1s.
- Service with a smile.
4
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:11,496
- Fresh produce...
- ..delivered daily.
5
00:00:11,581 --> 00:00:13,299
- The Valco tick.
- That way.
6
00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:15,417
- Valco!
- I wasn't ready.
7
00:00:15,501 --> 00:00:17,696
Valco. Serves you right!
8
00:00:17,781 --> 00:00:20,215
(all) Valco. Serves you right!
9
00:00:24,781 --> 00:00:27,500
Let's have a look, then.
10
00:00:27,581 --> 00:00:31,017
- Oh, my God. No! Pass it here!
- No, no.
11
00:00:31,101 --> 00:00:33,012
That's skank.
12
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,012
- No, that's horrible.
- It's great.
13
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:38,377
Fat Booth. Used it on Emma,
she looked like a giant Lorraine Kelly.
14
00:00:38,461 --> 00:00:41,180
- Promise me you'll delete it.
- Yeah.
15
00:00:41,261 --> 00:00:42,580
- Promise.
- Yeah.
16
00:00:42,661 --> 00:00:45,095
You best do.
My head looks like a giant balloon.
17
00:00:45,181 --> 00:00:47,172
People love balloons.
18
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:51,337
Have you got plenty of water?
Don't want you getting all shrivelled.
19
00:00:51,421 --> 00:00:53,651
It's only Manchester.
I'm not going to Saturn.
20
00:00:53,741 --> 00:00:57,814
I'm just saying. Sometimes
people get stuck in traffic for days.
21
00:00:57,901 --> 00:01:01,610
- Have you got a blanket?
- Yes, I've got one in the boot.
22
00:01:01,701 --> 00:01:05,011
Used to use it to wipe down Chester
if he jumped in the pond.
23
00:01:05,101 --> 00:01:10,016
Anyway, look, don't forget to walk
Margaret through the salad bar.
24
00:01:10,101 --> 00:01:12,535
Head Office want us to push
this healthy eating.
25
00:01:12,621 --> 00:01:14,930
As if a salad bar is going
to make any difference.
26
00:01:15,021 --> 00:01:17,535
We'd be better off banning
chocolate mega muffins.
27
00:01:17,621 --> 00:01:20,579
- I'm quite partial to a mega muffin.
- That's not like you.
28
00:01:20,661 --> 00:01:22,174
It's only once a year.
29
00:01:23,301 --> 00:01:27,214
Right. Now, I shall be back
about four o'clock.
30
00:01:27,301 --> 00:01:29,417
So any problems,
you've got my number.
31
00:01:29,501 --> 00:01:30,820
Yes, I do.
32
00:01:30,901 --> 00:01:34,416
So maybe I could, er,
I don't know, erm, send you a text?
33
00:01:34,501 --> 00:01:36,776
Oh, yes, by all means.
Yes, send me a text.
34
00:01:36,861 --> 00:01:40,615
Great. Well, have a good one.
Hope they provide sandwiches this time.
35
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:44,091
- That would be a turn-up for the books.
- (giggles)
36
00:01:44,181 --> 00:01:48,811
Oh, yes, so, erm,
maybe I'll drop you that text later.
37
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,812
Yes, yes. If you like.
38
00:01:50,901 --> 00:01:52,459
Send me a text, yes. Bye.
39
00:02:17,421 --> 00:02:19,981
and think they can
pick and choose whatever they want.
40
00:02:20,061 --> 00:02:22,370
And hold that pose.
41
00:02:23,501 --> 00:02:25,890
Well, knock me down
with a bag of balls.
42
00:02:25,981 --> 00:02:29,291
Makes you look really...
Actually, no, you just look the same.
43
00:02:29,381 --> 00:02:31,292
(Andy) Glen Beef.
44
00:02:31,381 --> 00:02:35,818
Of all people, Glen bloody Beef.
What's he doing in here?
45
00:02:35,901 --> 00:02:37,892
Let me think. Er, I don't care.
46
00:02:39,501 --> 00:02:40,729
Hello, Glen.
47
00:02:40,821 --> 00:02:44,814
- Pleasure to have you in my store.
- Hmm.
48
00:02:44,901 --> 00:02:46,812
Hear you closed down last month.
49
00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:48,653
Bloody shame.
50
00:02:49,301 --> 00:02:51,861
Best butcher's in the last 20 years,
if you ask me.
51
00:02:51,941 --> 00:02:55,411
Didn't have much choice. Couldn't
compete with supermarket prices.
52
00:02:55,501 --> 00:02:57,969
Well, we try our best.
53
00:02:58,901 --> 00:03:02,018
Those machines don't even
cut the meat properly.
54
00:03:02,101 --> 00:03:05,810
You see, when I were a butcher,
my standards were impeccable.
55
00:03:05,901 --> 00:03:08,654
Hey, my standards are un-peccable.
56
00:03:08,741 --> 00:03:13,292
Like I was saying to your boss earlier,
we're all easily replaced.
57
00:03:15,501 --> 00:03:18,299
By the way, you've got wonky grass.
58
00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:23,610
Glen Beef?
59
00:03:23,701 --> 00:03:27,614
A butcher called Glen Beef?
You serious?
60
00:03:27,701 --> 00:03:30,215
Deadly serious, Kieran.
61
00:03:30,301 --> 00:03:31,780
Deadly serious.
62
00:03:32,941 --> 00:03:35,091
Straighten that grass.
63
00:03:37,421 --> 00:03:39,412
(phone rings)
64
00:03:49,701 --> 00:03:51,100
- Where's Gavin?
- Andy!
65
00:03:51,181 --> 00:03:55,094
You can't just barge in here.
I could have been doing anything.
66
00:03:55,181 --> 00:03:57,820
- Has he given Glen Beef a job?
- Who's Glen Beef?
67
00:03:57,901 --> 00:04:01,416
"Who's Glen Beef?"
That's like saying who's Ed Gauls.
68
00:04:01,501 --> 00:04:03,731
- Who's Ed Gauls?
- He worked with Glen Beef.
69
00:04:03,821 --> 00:04:06,016
I have no idea what you're on about.
70
00:04:06,101 --> 00:04:08,410
I've got a lot to do.
Look at all these folders.
71
00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:10,093
I can't have Glen working here.
72
00:04:10,181 --> 00:04:13,253
Me and him together,
it'd be like Sooty and Sweep.
73
00:04:13,341 --> 00:04:15,809
- But they were friends.
- Well, the other two, then.
74
00:04:15,901 --> 00:04:18,415
The policeman and the crocodile.
75
00:04:18,501 --> 00:04:21,299
All I'm willing to say is that
Valco is have a big revamp.
76
00:04:21,381 --> 00:04:24,896
Whether your Mr Beef has anything
to do with that, I don't know.
77
00:04:24,981 --> 00:04:27,097
- Get back to your counter.
- Yeah, course.
78
00:04:27,181 --> 00:04:31,254
There's plenty of knives there
for somebody to stab me in the back.
79
00:04:31,341 --> 00:04:33,332
Enjoy your folders.
80
00:04:40,101 --> 00:04:41,739
(Katie) Colin.
81
00:04:41,821 --> 00:04:43,777
Colin, I know you heard me.
82
00:04:43,861 --> 00:04:45,977
A woman dumped these.
Put them back, please.
83
00:04:46,061 --> 00:04:48,450
- I can't. I'm busy.
- I'm not asking as a favour.
84
00:04:48,541 --> 00:04:51,339
- It's part of your job.
- My job is really busy, innit?
85
00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:53,889
It's like busy, busy,
bap-bap, busy, bap.
86
00:04:53,981 --> 00:04:55,334
Colin, for fuck's sake!
87
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:58,060
Will you just take the flour
and put them on the shelf?
88
00:04:58,141 --> 00:05:02,020
Alright, don't shit a kitten. Anyway,
what do I get in return? Is it...?
89
00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:05,491
How's about I don't come behind there
and kick you in the balls?
90
00:05:12,581 --> 00:05:13,616
There you go, madam.
91
00:05:13,701 --> 00:05:16,420
- I'll chop Glen Beef's head off.
- Enjoy.
92
00:05:16,501 --> 00:05:18,696
He's after my job, Kieran.
I can sense it.
93
00:05:18,781 --> 00:05:21,420
Would you stop going on
about Glen bloody Beef?
94
00:05:21,501 --> 00:05:23,696
- Has he even had an interview?
- He must have.
95
00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:27,137
He said he'd talked to the boss.
And he didn't have a basket.
96
00:05:27,221 --> 00:05:29,610
It's a shame
he went out of business.
97
00:05:29,701 --> 00:05:31,896
My Alan used to love Glen's shanks.
98
00:05:31,981 --> 00:05:33,892
He'd eat 'em all day and night.
99
00:05:33,981 --> 00:05:36,017
Glen Beef.
100
00:05:36,101 --> 00:05:38,012
Good game for a butcher.
101
00:05:38,101 --> 00:05:40,820
Andy Richmond
sounds more like a hairdresser.
102
00:05:40,901 --> 00:05:44,530
Alright, cocky legs. You never know.
He might end up getting your job.
103
00:05:44,621 --> 00:05:46,532
No, then they'd have
two head butchers.
104
00:05:46,621 --> 00:05:49,181
It'd be like having two Gordon Ramsays
in one kitchen.
105
00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:53,015
Gordon Ramsay? I'm not working
with that potty mouth.
106
00:05:53,101 --> 00:05:55,615
All I'm saying is don't get paranoid.
107
00:05:55,701 --> 00:05:58,420
Although it does sound like
they want to get rid of you.
108
00:05:58,501 --> 00:06:01,618
Like I say, don't get paranoid.
109
00:06:01,701 --> 00:06:04,215
Chances are it's nothing.
110
00:06:04,301 --> 00:06:06,212
Although it does seem suspicious.
111
00:06:06,301 --> 00:06:09,691
Main thing is, don't get paranoid.
112
00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:19,899
Oh, God.
The bloody fishmongers are coming.
113
00:06:23,301 --> 00:06:27,055
- Sorry, mate, the seats are taken.
- And these.
114
00:06:30,101 --> 00:06:31,978
Smelly buggers.
115
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:38,934
- There's your receipt and 70.
- Hi, Katie.
116
00:06:39,021 --> 00:06:41,615
Are there any problems
that you need me to report?
117
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:44,852
- Erm, yeah, I'm still working at Valco.
- OK.
118
00:06:44,941 --> 00:06:47,216
No, don't write that down.
What's that for?
119
00:06:47,301 --> 00:06:51,658
Julie's in charge today and she's
given me a lot of responsibilities.
120
00:06:51,741 --> 00:06:54,130
Like fetching her lunch
and making her tea?
121
00:06:54,221 --> 00:06:55,370
No.
122
00:06:56,901 --> 00:06:58,414
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
123
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,811
So there are no problems you would
like me to report back to Gavin?
124
00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:04,779
- I mean, er, Julie.
- Yeah, there is, actually.
125
00:07:04,861 --> 00:07:08,251
It's the eggs. Some of the boxes
only have five eggs in them.
126
00:07:08,341 --> 00:07:09,979
- Really?
- Yeah.
127
00:07:10,061 --> 00:07:13,371
Maybe there's a problem
with the hens or something.
128
00:07:13,461 --> 00:07:14,860
I'd better go and tell her.
129
00:07:14,941 --> 00:07:17,136
Definitely.
Make sure she checks every one.
130
00:07:17,221 --> 00:07:20,054
- Yeah, I will, thank you.
- No problem.
131
00:07:20,141 --> 00:07:23,292
Kieran, you're so cruel.
You're gonna fry his little brain.
132
00:07:23,381 --> 00:07:25,417
Come on, then, tea break on me.
133
00:07:25,501 --> 00:07:28,174
- The tea's free.
- Exactly. On me.
134
00:07:29,021 --> 00:07:32,218
No, Margaret,
it's a self-service salad bar.
135
00:07:32,301 --> 00:07:35,213
- People help themselves.
- That'll encourage thieves.
136
00:07:35,301 --> 00:07:36,450
No, it won't.
137
00:07:36,541 --> 00:07:40,011
Obviously, if anyone asks
for assistance, you'll help them.
138
00:07:40,101 --> 00:07:42,820
Half these people don't even know
what couscous is.
139
00:07:42,901 --> 00:07:45,210
- Is it seeds?
- No, it's not seeds.
140
00:07:45,301 --> 00:07:47,735
It's, erm... Well, it's...
141
00:07:47,821 --> 00:07:50,972
Well, I'm not entirely sure.
But just do your best.
142
00:07:51,061 --> 00:07:54,212
- Right, I've got it. Cosscoos.
- No, couscous.
143
00:07:54,301 --> 00:07:56,257
Erm, Julie, there's a situation.
144
00:07:56,341 --> 00:07:59,413
- Cusscoss.
- No. Couscous.
145
00:07:59,501 --> 00:08:02,334
Jesus, I don't know how Gavin copes.
I really don't.
146
00:08:02,421 --> 00:08:03,410
Cooscoos.
147
00:08:03,501 --> 00:08:06,061
Margaret, is there something wrong
with your ears?
148
00:08:07,301 --> 00:08:08,939
Right. Come on, show me.
149
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:13,014
Cusscoss. Cosscuss. Couscous.
Cuckoos! (laughs)
150
00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:21,379
I'm sorry, madam,
our eggs are currently out of bounds.
151
00:08:22,701 --> 00:08:25,534
Maybe it's animal activists.
They're quite scary.
152
00:08:25,621 --> 00:08:28,419
They're trouble.
My sister's a vegetarian.
153
00:08:28,501 --> 00:08:31,618
- She's a right slag.
- These ones are alright.
154
00:08:31,701 --> 00:08:33,851
So how many boxes
only have five eggs?
155
00:08:33,941 --> 00:08:35,977
- I don't know.
- How many have you found?
156
00:08:36,061 --> 00:08:37,779
- None.
- What do you mean, none?
157
00:08:37,861 --> 00:08:41,012
You told me that there are boxes
of eggs with only five eggs in.
158
00:08:41,101 --> 00:08:43,376
Yeah. Er, I'll have to ask Kieran.
159
00:08:44,101 --> 00:08:46,171
- Kieran?
- He told me about this.
160
00:08:46,261 --> 00:08:50,015
Right, get back to what you were doing.
This is all a big joke.
161
00:08:51,501 --> 00:08:53,810
- You can get your eggs now.
- Not this one.
162
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:56,017
- It's got a feather on it.
- Eurgh.
163
00:08:56,101 --> 00:08:57,932
- Or some shit.
- Eurgh. Look at that.
164
00:09:02,101 --> 00:09:04,615
Hey, Andy, look at this.
165
00:09:04,701 --> 00:09:07,215
Oh. It's like a monkey's tea party.
166
00:09:07,301 --> 00:09:12,421
I know. Beetroot and rice
on the same plate. Not in my house.
167
00:09:12,501 --> 00:09:14,617
And who's gonna eat
all them gherkins?
168
00:09:14,701 --> 00:09:17,374
- I blame the magazines.
- I'll tell you what it is.
169
00:09:17,461 --> 00:09:22,012
It's another one of them cock-eyed
management decisions, that's what it is.
170
00:09:22,101 --> 00:09:24,820
Salad bar one day,
getting rid of me the next.
171
00:09:24,901 --> 00:09:28,018
Oh, you don't think
they'll replace you, do you, Andy?
172
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:31,411
I don't know.
But of all people, Glen Beef.
173
00:09:31,501 --> 00:09:34,413
That's like slapping me in the face
with my own hand.
174
00:09:34,501 --> 00:09:36,139
His wife's not very nice either.
175
00:09:36,221 --> 00:09:39,019
She looks like that woman
who put a cat in the bin.
176
00:09:39,101 --> 00:09:41,934
I bet their whole street's
probably full of cats in bins.
177
00:09:42,021 --> 00:09:43,420
Yeah.
178
00:09:43,501 --> 00:09:45,412
Aw, try not to worry.
179
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:49,619
It's probably just one of them
how-do-you-dos.
180
00:09:49,701 --> 00:09:52,010
- Do you want an olive?
- No, thanks, love.
181
00:09:52,101 --> 00:09:55,332
- I'm too upset to eat.
- Oh...
182
00:09:59,541 --> 00:10:01,577
- What you looking at?
- What you looking at?
183
00:10:01,661 --> 00:10:04,698
- Dunno, they don't label shit.
- Do they label stupid bitches?
184
00:10:04,781 --> 00:10:07,614
- Dunno. Ask your mum.
- (laughs)
185
00:10:09,381 --> 00:10:11,019
Erm, you get Skype on it.
186
00:10:11,101 --> 00:10:13,490
I can't be arsed with that.
It's just a phone.
187
00:10:13,581 --> 00:10:16,334
You should get one. Then you
can send me picture messages.
188
00:10:16,421 --> 00:10:18,059
Of what?
189
00:10:18,141 --> 00:10:19,893
(laughs) In your dreams.
190
00:10:19,981 --> 00:10:23,098
Any more pranks, you two,
and you'll have an official warning.
191
00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:25,058
I was only making people look fat.
192
00:10:25,141 --> 00:10:27,336
I'm not talking about
your stupid phone.
193
00:10:27,421 --> 00:10:30,015
You told Leighton some waffle
about missing eggs.
194
00:10:30,101 --> 00:10:33,537
Well, maybe some people
should develop a sense of humour.
195
00:10:33,621 --> 00:10:36,738
Kieran, your little prank could
have cost the company a fortune.
196
00:10:36,821 --> 00:10:41,292
Now, quit it or Gavin will come down
on you like a ton of bricks.
197
00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:43,816
Uh-oh!
198
00:10:43,901 --> 00:10:47,291
Oh! Should have totally got
a picture. Imagine that. Fat Julie!
199
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:49,178
Shut up. You just got me bollocked.
200
00:10:49,261 --> 00:10:51,456
Don't worry.
She likes pretending to be boss.
201
00:10:51,541 --> 00:10:54,419
This time next year
I want to be trekking in Cambodia,
202
00:10:54,501 --> 00:10:57,334
- not signing on cos you got me fired.
- Alright.
203
00:10:57,421 --> 00:11:00,493
And for your information,
I do have a sense of humour.
204
00:11:00,581 --> 00:11:03,812
Have you watched
every episode of Friends?
205
00:11:03,901 --> 00:11:06,369
No? No. I don't suppose you have.
206
00:11:10,501 --> 00:11:13,698
I like Louise Redknapp.
She's got that girl-next-door look.
207
00:11:13,781 --> 00:11:16,773
She doesn't look like
the girl next door to me. Pam Brady.
208
00:11:16,861 --> 00:11:17,976
She's a fat bitch.
209
00:11:18,061 --> 00:11:20,370
Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.
210
00:11:20,461 --> 00:11:22,292
A reminder that
today's special offer
211
00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:26,420
is 50% off all Treat Yourself
sticky toffee puddings. Thank you.
212
00:11:26,501 --> 00:11:29,334
Actually, I think she's getting
a gastric band.
213
00:11:29,421 --> 00:11:32,015
- Probably have to use a tyre.
- (both laugh)
214
00:11:36,501 --> 00:11:39,140
"Wednesday.
Meeting with Head Office."
215
00:11:39,221 --> 00:11:40,893
"Bakery inspection."
216
00:11:41,941 --> 00:11:44,739
"Monday. Meeting with Julie."
217
00:11:44,821 --> 00:11:46,300
(email chimes)
218
00:11:54,421 --> 00:11:57,015
You little shit!
219
00:11:57,101 --> 00:11:58,739
There you go, my love.
220
00:11:58,821 --> 00:12:03,372
It's like that slogan from the X-Files.
Don't ever trust anybody.
221
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:06,419
There isn't some big conspiracy
to get rid of you.
222
00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:08,571
Half the people here
don't know your name.
223
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:12,336
What? There's always been two things
people know about this store.
224
00:12:12,421 --> 00:12:14,298
The shit pay and my name.
225
00:12:14,381 --> 00:12:17,293
- See Gavin when he gets back.
- That's another thing.
226
00:12:17,381 --> 00:12:19,770
He's avoiding me.
That's why he's not here.
227
00:12:19,861 --> 00:12:22,295
Doubt I'll see him again,
the double-crossing...
228
00:12:22,381 --> 00:12:25,054
(woman) Excuse me.
This ham isn't sliced properly.
229
00:12:25,141 --> 00:12:27,097
(Andy) I'm sorry about that, love.
230
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:30,135
Right, from now on
no more machine slicing.
231
00:12:30,221 --> 00:12:33,611
We're gonna be proper butchers
using proper butcher's tools.
232
00:12:33,701 --> 00:12:37,137
I'd like to see Glen Beef try and run
me out of town with this in my hand.
233
00:12:37,221 --> 00:12:39,610
Kieran, a word.
234
00:12:40,421 --> 00:12:42,651
Did you expect me
to fall for that email?
235
00:12:42,741 --> 00:12:45,335
"Remove all Valco tinned apricots
from the shelves
236
00:12:45,421 --> 00:12:47,173
due to incorrect expiry date."
237
00:12:47,261 --> 00:12:49,377
I've no idea what you're talking about.
238
00:12:49,461 --> 00:12:52,817
Oh, really? Head Office
wouldn't spell apricots with two Ts.
239
00:12:52,901 --> 00:12:54,254
How thick do you think I am?
240
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:57,094
Whatever you're going on about
is nothing to do with me.
241
00:12:57,181 --> 00:13:00,412
- How have I sent you an email?
- I know what you can do on your phone.
242
00:13:00,501 --> 00:13:02,969
Impersonating Head Office
in an email, Kieran.
243
00:13:03,061 --> 00:13:05,370
- What?
- One word, sackable.
244
00:13:05,461 --> 00:13:06,610
Julie, I didn't.
245
00:13:06,701 --> 00:13:09,773
When Gavin gets back,
he'll hurl you through the doors.
246
00:13:09,861 --> 00:13:11,817
And your stupid phone.
247
00:13:14,421 --> 00:13:17,618
Excuse me, could you just reach
down that bottle of quetila?
248
00:13:17,701 --> 00:13:19,532
- What?
- The quetila.
249
00:13:19,621 --> 00:13:22,294
(laughs)
No, I don't think you want that.
250
00:13:22,381 --> 00:13:24,133
- Why not?
- Little story for you.
251
00:13:24,221 --> 00:13:27,816
Been out the other week, only had a
few tequilas but the night went well.
252
00:13:27,901 --> 00:13:30,540
You know what I'm talking about?
The next day I woke up,
253
00:13:30,621 --> 00:13:33,738
and I had to wash these three fingers
about 15 times.
254
00:13:33,821 --> 00:13:36,460
- I've had it before.
- Do you know what you want?
255
00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:39,214
You want a bottle
of this thick, white creamy goodness.
256
00:13:39,301 --> 00:13:42,054
There's a nice little ribbon
so the missus will love that.
257
00:13:42,141 --> 00:13:43,938
- Where's your manager?
- Erm...
258
00:13:44,021 --> 00:13:46,455
I think he's in Manchester
at the minute.
259
00:13:46,541 --> 00:13:47,974
Bloody useless.
260
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,935
- I told you.
- No, I swear, it weren't me.
261
00:13:58,021 --> 00:14:00,251
It must've actually come
from Head Office.
262
00:14:00,341 --> 00:14:03,572
- You had it coming to you.
- She can't accuse me of this.
263
00:14:03,661 --> 00:14:05,731
I feel like the boy who cried wolf.
264
00:14:05,821 --> 00:14:08,893
What happened to him in the end?
Didn't they cut his tail off?
265
00:14:09,421 --> 00:14:11,093
Tail? He was a boy, you idiot.
266
00:14:11,181 --> 00:14:14,298
- Wasn't he a wolf in disguise?
- No, but he was a bell-end too.
267
00:14:14,381 --> 00:14:17,612
Out-of-date apricots.
What am I gonna do?
268
00:14:17,701 --> 00:14:22,616
I might get fired for not lying.
Come on, Katie, give us a hand.
269
00:14:23,981 --> 00:14:25,619
Please.
270
00:14:33,861 --> 00:14:35,214
Double As, �4.99.
271
00:14:35,301 --> 00:14:37,417
- Leighton, we need your help.
- What is it?
272
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:39,457
Apricots need shifting off the shelves.
273
00:14:39,541 --> 00:14:41,054
You can't get me again.
274
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:44,019
We need to take all
the Valco apricots off the shelves.
275
00:14:44,101 --> 00:14:46,854
You can't get me twice.
I'm not the boy who cried wolf.
276
00:14:46,941 --> 00:14:49,136
Why would that make you
the boy that cried wolf?
277
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:52,179
- Did nobody learn this at school?
- Yes. They cut off his tail.
278
00:14:52,261 --> 00:14:54,570
He didn't have a tail!
Come on, move.
279
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,891
- Colin, would you give us a hand?
- Fuck off.
280
00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:12,289
That's what you get with me, mate.
281
00:15:12,381 --> 00:15:16,340
A real butcher
using real butcher's tools.
282
00:15:16,421 --> 00:15:18,981
Hey, I'll even kill the pig myself
if you want.
283
00:15:20,621 --> 00:15:22,259
I'm only joking.
284
00:15:29,421 --> 00:15:31,935
"Dear Gavin."
285
00:15:32,021 --> 00:15:33,693
No.
286
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:39,774
"Hey, Gavin. You OK?"
287
00:15:39,861 --> 00:15:42,011
"I'm OK."
288
00:15:43,221 --> 00:15:44,859
"LOL."
289
00:15:51,021 --> 00:15:53,933
They think they can just replace me,
that's the thing.
290
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:57,934
They think they can just take me out
and brush me under the carpet.
291
00:15:58,021 --> 00:16:00,410
I'll tell you, there isn't
a carpet in the world
292
00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:02,332
big enough to brush me under.
293
00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:04,139
(gasps)
294
00:16:04,221 --> 00:16:05,574
(groans)
295
00:16:06,861 --> 00:16:08,738
Oh! Beetroot.
296
00:16:08,821 --> 00:16:12,257
Last time I had that,
it made my piss pink.
297
00:16:17,901 --> 00:16:20,096
Give us a clue. No, go on.
298
00:16:20,621 --> 00:16:22,259
Alright.
299
00:16:22,341 --> 00:16:24,491
Erm... Four-legged animals,
300
00:16:25,261 --> 00:16:28,059
four letters, and it ends in S.
301
00:16:28,141 --> 00:16:29,699
- Pigs.
- Pigs.
302
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,260
Or dogs.
303
00:16:32,581 --> 00:16:37,052
- Or cats. What about bats?
- Will you make up your mind?
304
00:16:37,141 --> 00:16:39,257
Put dogs. It's usually dogs.
305
00:16:40,421 --> 00:16:41,740
- Have you put dogs?
- Yes!
306
00:16:41,821 --> 00:16:45,860
Hang on, don't they normally give you
the answers at the bottom upside down?
307
00:16:45,941 --> 00:16:47,693
Oh, yeah.
308
00:16:48,861 --> 00:16:51,819
- It was pigs.
- Told you it was pigs.
309
00:16:51,901 --> 00:16:53,732
Taking my break on my own next time.
310
00:16:53,821 --> 00:16:56,096
- Well, maybe you should.
- Maybe I should.
311
00:16:58,741 --> 00:17:00,777
Look at the time. We'd better get back.
312
00:17:00,861 --> 00:17:02,613
- God, yeah.
- Want your paper?
313
00:17:02,701 --> 00:17:05,135
- Yeah, ta, love.
- You're welcome.
314
00:17:06,141 --> 00:17:09,019
- Are you being rude to me, Neil?
- No.
315
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:13,536
- Good meeting, Gavin?
- Oh, yes, yes. All good.
316
00:17:13,621 --> 00:17:16,613
Some very exciting improvements
we're going to be making
317
00:17:16,701 --> 00:17:18,419
across all the stores.
318
00:17:18,501 --> 00:17:22,016
Goodness. It's like
we're in the air force. Yes, captain.
319
00:17:22,101 --> 00:17:23,329
So, no problems, then?
320
00:17:23,421 --> 00:17:26,538
No. But I'm more than happy
to hand you back the reins.
321
00:17:26,621 --> 00:17:28,213
(clicks tongue)
322
00:17:31,821 --> 00:17:36,133
Now, what was it about these apricots?
Everything get sorted?
323
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:39,372
- Pardon?
- I've only just got my messages.
324
00:17:39,461 --> 00:17:41,338
I don't use my phone while I'm driving.
325
00:17:41,421 --> 00:17:45,380
Head Office said they'd asked you
to remove all home-brand apricots.
326
00:17:46,061 --> 00:17:48,529
That was it, yes. Apricots.
327
00:17:48,621 --> 00:17:50,816
OK, good. So we're all clear?
328
00:17:51,221 --> 00:17:53,212
- Of the apricots?
- Yeah.
329
00:17:55,781 --> 00:18:01,538
Funny things, aren't they, apricots?
Like, erm, orange plums. (laughs)
330
00:18:02,861 --> 00:18:06,740
I can't believe people
actually buy them. Do they buy them?
331
00:18:06,821 --> 00:18:10,734
You'd be surprised. Some people
go absolutely crazy for apricots.
332
00:18:10,821 --> 00:18:13,540
We once sold over 227 units
in one day.
333
00:18:13,621 --> 00:18:16,340
Christ! That's a lot.
334
00:18:16,421 --> 00:18:19,254
Sorry to interrupt you both.
This is just to let you know
335
00:18:19,341 --> 00:18:22,299
that Kieran, Katie and I
have removed all the apricots.
336
00:18:22,381 --> 00:18:25,293
- What?
- As you asked.
337
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,137
Oh. Good.
338
00:18:28,221 --> 00:18:30,815
( Gavin) Yes, good stuff, Leighton.
339
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:34,098
Well done, Julie. Right, back at it.
340
00:18:35,261 --> 00:18:36,660
Gavin.
341
00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:41,371
- Did you get my text earlier?
- Oh, yes, yes. Yes, I did.
342
00:18:41,461 --> 00:18:43,099
Thank you, Julie.
343
00:18:43,181 --> 00:18:44,694
Great.
344
00:18:49,621 --> 00:18:52,215
You might as well give it to Beef,
Gavin.
345
00:18:54,181 --> 00:18:57,617
I'm no butcher.
He's the master of the sword.
346
00:18:57,701 --> 00:19:01,296
Me, nearly took my thumb off.
347
00:19:02,621 --> 00:19:05,340
Sorry, Andy, my head
is still buzzing from the M60.
348
00:19:05,421 --> 00:19:07,377
- Say that again?
- Glen Beef.
349
00:19:07,461 --> 00:19:10,339
It's alright, I understand.
The best man won.
350
00:19:10,421 --> 00:19:11,900
I'll go and pack my aprons.
351
00:19:11,981 --> 00:19:15,735
Oh, well, now listen. If you're
referring to Glen's interview,
352
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,857
then he wasn't applying
for your job.
353
00:19:17,941 --> 00:19:20,296
He came in about
a security guard position.
354
00:19:22,021 --> 00:19:24,171
What? Security guard?
355
00:19:24,261 --> 00:19:26,411
Well, I had to let go of Len.
356
00:19:26,501 --> 00:19:30,653
I mean, he was constantly
touching his... his...
357
00:19:30,741 --> 00:19:32,333
- His bollocks.
- Quite.
358
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:36,539
Although Glen seemed capable enough,
I think he can be a little hot headed.
359
00:19:36,621 --> 00:19:40,296
Exactly. I hate that little git.
I hate him.
360
00:19:40,381 --> 00:19:43,020
So he's definitely not working here?
361
00:19:43,101 --> 00:19:44,375
No.
362
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:47,331
So... I can stay?
363
00:19:47,421 --> 00:19:50,140
- Well, if you want to.
- Of course, Gavin.
364
00:19:50,221 --> 00:19:54,658
I am there like a rock forever
till I die. Till we all die.
365
00:19:55,421 --> 00:19:58,140
Good. You'd best get that thumb seen to.
366
00:19:58,221 --> 00:20:00,337
Yeah, of course. I hate sight of blood.
367
00:20:01,221 --> 00:20:04,452
Oh, you know,
it's not his real name.
368
00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:06,736
- Hey?
- Glen Beef's not his real name.
369
00:20:06,821 --> 00:20:09,540
His real name is Glen Stone.
370
00:20:09,621 --> 00:20:11,930
Glen Stone?
371
00:20:12,021 --> 00:20:16,333
Bloody hell! It's like
you just yanked Batman's mask off.
372
00:20:16,421 --> 00:20:18,935
(laughs) Glen Stone.
373
00:20:19,021 --> 00:20:21,012
What a wanker.
374
00:20:22,741 --> 00:20:24,379
(Kieran) Ta-da! Mega muffin.
375
00:20:24,461 --> 00:20:27,134
- You did save my arse, after all.
- Get in.
376
00:20:27,221 --> 00:20:28,495
Oh, heads up.
377
00:20:29,221 --> 00:20:33,339
You know, I haven't forgotten about
you making me go on a wild-egg chase.
378
00:20:33,421 --> 00:20:38,051
But, well, regarding the apricots,
I guess you put things right.
379
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:41,130
Alright, then. Well, cheers.
380
00:20:41,221 --> 00:20:44,497
- And sorry about the eggs thing.
- Let's just forget about it.
381
00:20:44,581 --> 00:20:45,900
So, friends?
382
00:20:47,221 --> 00:20:49,815
Yes, I guess. Friends.
383
00:20:49,901 --> 00:20:52,335
Great. I like all friends
to be in my address book.
384
00:20:52,421 --> 00:20:54,616
Don't. I haven't got any lippy on!
385
00:20:55,661 --> 00:20:57,333
You didn't.
386
00:20:57,421 --> 00:20:59,139
Check it out.
387
00:20:59,221 --> 00:21:01,371
Fat Julie.
388
00:21:01,821 --> 00:21:02,936
(whistles)
389
00:21:03,021 --> 00:21:05,296
Somebody's happy, Andy,
and I think it's you.
390
00:21:05,381 --> 00:21:06,734
I am indeed, Maggie.
391
00:21:06,821 --> 00:21:10,450
Let's just say Glen Beef won't be
poking his bonce around here any more.
392
00:21:10,541 --> 00:21:13,374
If he does,
I'll stick it in that mincer.
393
00:21:13,461 --> 00:21:16,931
Well, with that bandage,
you look like a proper boxer.
394
00:21:17,021 --> 00:21:19,012
Frank Bruno.
395
00:21:20,421 --> 00:21:24,619
What can I say? It's just great to be
back here doing the job I love.
396
00:21:25,821 --> 00:21:27,812
Right. What time are we finishing?
397
00:21:38,981 --> 00:21:40,539
(laughs)
398
00:21:40,589 --> 00:21:45,139
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