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1
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:05,706
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Warner Bros.
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00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:13,074
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contact www.SubtitleDB.org today
3
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:15,883
[Camera takes picture]
4
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,719
When Martin Samuels decides
to make a documentary
5
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,288
about a Scottish artiste,
6
00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:22,556
you have to ask yourself,
7
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,125
"who is this guy?
8
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,327
What's all the fuss about?"
9
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:30,898
Well, that guy is me.
10
00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,966
I'm Crawford MacKenzie.
11
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,802
I'm a hairdresser.
12
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,003
[Camera takes picture]
13
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,305
"Dear Mr. MacKenzie,
14
00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:38,706
"the executive committee
15
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:42,076
"of the world international
hairdressing federation
16
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,611
"is delighted
to inform you
17
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:46,614
"that you have been
selected to participate
18
00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,949
"in this year's platinum
scissors competition
19
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,218
"in Los Angeles.
20
00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:52,220
"For those invited..."
Blah, Dee, blah, blah.
21
00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:53,987
"On a personal note,
22
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,489
"i look forward
to meeting you
23
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:58,126
"upon your arrival
in the United States.
24
00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:00,261
"Sincerely,
Monique geingold,
25
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:03,063
president, w.H.I.F."
It's w.H.I.F.
26
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,733
* my boy lollipop *
27
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,303
* you make my heart
go giddyap *
28
00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:14,142
* you are as sweet
as candy *
29
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:17,378
* you're my sugar dandy *
30
00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:20,080
* whoa, my boy lollipop *
31
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:24,285
* never, ever leave me *
32
00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:28,222
* because it would
grieve me *
33
00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:29,923
* my heart told me so *
34
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:30,991
good to see you.
Hi.
35
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:31,992
Basically, this is
where I work.
36
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,161
This is what I do all day.
37
00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:34,462
Margaret,
you look fantastic.
38
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,330
You're like a big, scary
alien with your hat--
39
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,031
the pensioner
from outer space.
40
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:40,201
* but I don't
want you to know *
41
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:41,702
this is a look
I've been working on.
42
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,237
I call it New Zealand--
43
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,272
all black, you see?
44
00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:45,873
[Cameraoh.
takes picture]
45
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,175
Margaret?
46
00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:48,509
It's a funny thing
about that woman.
47
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,278
She comes in here
every week.
48
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:51,512
You get a permanent
on her head,
49
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:52,713
and then she's off
to the bathroom
50
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,981
for a half an hour.
51
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,883
Samuels: how did you come by
this nickname that you have?
52
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,151
Oh, well,
53
00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:59,287
they call me
the red adair of hair,
54
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:01,189
because if there's
a problem,
55
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:03,023
I'm the one
they call in.
56
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,058
No. obviously,
it's a different area
57
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:07,228
of expertise from
the other red adair.
58
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:09,263
I mean, I'd never use
explosives
59
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:10,898
to get the style
i wanted.
60
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,200
I mean, this is
hairdressing.
61
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,834
There are limits, right?
62
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,969
Samuels: what was that like,
then? Someone who knew--
63
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,705
a born hairdresser
64
00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:19,607
growing up in
a working-class district
65
00:02:19,607 --> 00:02:20,408
in Glasgow?
66
00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:22,310
What was that like?
67
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:23,944
Let's have
a look around a bit more.
68
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:25,246
This is, um--
69
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,614
Samuels: do you not want
me to ask you about--
70
00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,316
we'll talk
about it later.Ok.
71
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:29,750
Um, so, um...
72
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:30,884
[Camera takes picture]
73
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,053
I want to cut it short,
i want curls on the top,
74
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:34,222
and I want
to dye it red.
75
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:36,056
Rarely do we perform
the full bluebell,
76
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,459
but senga's is
a very deserving case.
77
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:39,993
She hasn't quite
been herself
78
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,462
since the accident
in the bakery.
79
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,264
It's going to look
gorgeous.
80
00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,932
You're going
to look fabulous.
81
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,600
There.
82
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,338
Ta-da.
83
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,240
Oh, Crawford,
84
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,275
you're a genius.
85
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,211
[Sighs]
i know.
86
00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:58,479
[Camera takes picture]
87
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:01,349
You can't dominate
the Glasgow regionals
88
00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:03,083
for 5 years
89
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:05,152
and then not get
asked to L.A.
90
00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,087
You know?
I mean...
91
00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:09,056
They're going to come.
92
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,324
Welcome
to my wee office,
93
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:12,226
or as I sometimes
call it,
94
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,027
my galleria
del trofio.
95
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,629
And here we are,
96
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,398
the grand fromage--
97
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,300
Sean Connery.
98
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,936
Which one's
Sean Connery?
99
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,705
In the middle there.
100
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,139
[Imitates Sean connery]
Actually, it has been said
101
00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,775
that my Sean Connery
is indistinguishable
102
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,243
from the real thing
with your eyes shut,
103
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:30,711
Mr. goldfinger.
104
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,847
Anyway, it was a glorious
day at gleneagles,
105
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:36,350
apart from Sean's little
hair catastrophe.
106
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:39,487
Luckily, I was able
to step in and help out.
107
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:42,923
Alas, you know,
discretion forbids.
108
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:43,757
Right.
109
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:46,860
Which one's this?
Who is this?
110
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,762
It's stig ludwigssen,
111
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,364
winner of
the platinum scissors
112
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,300
for the last 3 years.
113
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,535
You simply can't go higher
in the hair hierarchy.
114
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:56,470
Of course,
stig ludwigssen's salon
115
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:59,773
is in L.A., where hair
can make you or break you.
116
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,975
How do you feel about him
being singled out
117
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,844
to compete against
the greatest hairdressers
118
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:04,778
in the world?
119
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,481
I think it is
absolutely wonderful.
120
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,350
So there was a hint of genius
even when he was--
121
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,384
oh, yes.
122
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,286
What channel
is this for, mate?
123
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,522
Uh, it's a documentary
for english tele--
124
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:15,889
what channel is it for?
125
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,391
It's a documentary
for english television.
126
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:19,660
If you just, like, could
stand over there, sir.
127
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:20,994
We're just shooting
in this direction here,
128
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,996
and it's very difficult
for me to concentrate--
129
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,399
I think you should go
and get a sweater on.
130
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:26,667
Hey, this is my garden.
131
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,268
You've always bored me,
by the way.
132
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,404
What was he like
as a child?
133
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:33,607
Very, very intelligent.
134
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,577
I called up mensa
about him.
135
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:37,711
Mensa?
136
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:38,812
Yes.
137
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:43,283
And they suggested
i get him a chess set.
138
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,752
And what do you
think happened
139
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,154
the very afternoon
i brought it home?
140
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:49,056
I don't know.
141
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:51,091
He takes the little men
142
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,926
and dresses them up
143
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,629
in homemade hula skirts.
144
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,497
Oh.
145
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:59,066
And performed
the bigger numbers
146
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:01,201
from south pacific.
147
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:03,303
* Bali ha'i *
148
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,473
both:
* you special island *
149
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,408
* come to me *
150
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:08,642
* come to me *
151
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,678
let me ask you
about gareth.
152
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,045
Yeah. he's a nice boy,
isn't he?
153
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:13,246
[Camera takes picture]
154
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,215
[Music playing]
155
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:17,585
Oh!
156
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:18,786
Ooh!
157
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,921
It's a documentary,
yeah.
158
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,022
Come here.
159
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,290
Thank you, thank you.
160
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,925
Thank you very much,
airdrie. Thank you.
161
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,460
Wave.
162
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:27,895
Well done, well done.
163
00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,397
Oh, look, I got you
in a sticky mess.
164
00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:31,098
Yeah. that's fine.
I'm ok.
165
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,567
We're all
very proud.
166
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:34,868
I'm his
biggest fan.
167
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,104
What? he's got
an underwater camera.
168
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,006
He's got an underwater--
169
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,774
he's so talented
170
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,209
and sexy.
171
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,611
He's an excellent guy.
172
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:44,812
Yeah.
isn't he, boys?
173
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,013
[Boys agree]
174
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,314
I'll tell you what.
175
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:48,916
I'd sleep with him.
176
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:50,984
You know he's gay,
don't you?
177
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:51,885
No, he isnae.
178
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,754
If they want him
out in California,
179
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,789
it's probably for the best.
180
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,091
He'll be amongst
his own kind out there.
181
00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,461
Shark-infested waters.
182
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,365
Crawford, don't go
to Hollywood.
183
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,000
Shut your face.
184
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,169
[Camera takes picture]
185
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,472
Crawford: I had a very
settled life in Scotland.
186
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,340
I had my cats,
my mother,
187
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,342
my friend gareth.
188
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:16,877
And these people
were the reason
189
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,980
that I was
getting on that plane.
190
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,450
Bless them.
191
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,787
You know, this was something
i had to do--
192
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,656
not for me,
193
00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:30,691
but for Scotland.
194
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,460
[Camera takes picture]
195
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,633
I'm sorry.
196
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,139
That is lovely, mum.
Thanks.
197
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,240
Is it the right size?
198
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,276
Hey, hey, hey,
yankee doodle dandy.
199
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:51,479
Shut up.
Shut up.
200
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:52,813
And the stars.
201
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,915
And with the stars and
the stripes--it's lovely.
202
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,349
Oh, son,
203
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,852
it's a wee bit wee
on you.
204
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,388
I'll need to knit you
another one.
205
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:02,656
Don't you dare
knit another one.
206
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:05,125
It's fine. It's lovely.
I love it.
207
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,259
Hey, listen.
What?
208
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,595
Take your Billy doll.
209
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,129
It'll bring you
thanks.Luck...
210
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,130
Not that
you need luck.
211
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,364
Oh, shut up.
212
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:12,432
[Both speaking
native language]
213
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,167
I'm sorry.
214
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,969
As they say in llandow,
215
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,337
both: ciao for now.
216
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:18,939
[Both speaking
native language]
217
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:20,974
Come on.
218
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,810
All right.
219
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:23,877
Bye.
220
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,412
Bye. bye.
221
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,413
Bye.
222
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,048
Bye. bye.
223
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,049
Bye.
224
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,389
Are you tired?
225
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,591
Yes...
226
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,159
But it's an international
sort of tired,
227
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,160
if you know what I mean.
228
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,028
Oh, yeah.
229
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,530
Crawford:
i couldn't believe it.
230
00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:44,665
I mean, seeing him
right there at the airport,
231
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,266
it was like an omen.
232
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,568
Not the omen, of course,
233
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:50,538
but equally as scary
in a different way.
234
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,906
God.
oh, my god.
235
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:53,941
It's stig.
236
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,910
Stig, hi!
Stig!
237
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,546
Hi! hi!
238
00:07:58,546 --> 00:08:00,047
Coo, coo, coo.
239
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,715
Hey, hi.
Hey, hi.
240
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,284
Hey. excuse me.
Excuse me, miss.
241
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,119
Do you work
for stig?
242
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,154
We're busy.
243
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,057
Charming.
244
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:10,858
Who was that?
245
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:13,060
Stig ludwigssen.
Cheerio.
246
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,194
He's the one to beat.
247
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,262
[Camera takes picture]
248
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,864
Man on P.A.:
The white zone
249
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:19,199
is for the immediate
loading and unloading
250
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,233
of passengers only.
251
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,635
Man: hey, you know
you got to get them off.
252
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,303
I got it. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
253
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,872
Hey, you guys want a ride?
254
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,173
No, thanks. We're
going to get a taxi.
255
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,141
No. forget those guys, man.
They'll screw you.
256
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,476
You know, they don't even
speak english.
257
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,144
They'll get you lost.
I got it.
258
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:32,813
I got it, dude.
259
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,214
That's my stretch
right there.
260
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,215
Your what?
261
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,483
My limo. My limo.
262
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:37,585
Stretch. classy,
you know what I mean?
263
00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:38,886
For god's sake,
get a taxi.
264
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,554
Go and get a trolley.
How much?
265
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:41,855
200 bucks.
266
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,190
No way.
267
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,191
Where you from, man?
268
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,192
Scotland.
269
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,226
75.
75 bucks.
270
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,260
50.
271
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,629
All right.
Ok.
272
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,764
Driver:
welcome, gentlemen.
273
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,100
Welcome to Los Angeles,
baby. All right.
274
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,988
It's big, isn't it?
275
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:17,290
Oh, look at that--
Marina del Rey.
276
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:20,928
I knew a drag queen once
called Marina del Rey.
277
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:21,929
She wasn't
from here, though.
278
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,597
She was from wolverhampton.
279
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,298
She's a great dancer--
280
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:26,499
fat arse, though.
281
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:28,535
What kind of movie
are you guys making?
282
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:31,404
It's a fly-on-the-wall
documentary.
283
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,140
You guys want an idea
for a movie?
284
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,009
I only make
documentaries.
285
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,410
5 words--
286
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,246
teenage hasidic
287
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,881
lizard basketball mutiny.
288
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,549
You know what I mean?
289
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,251
It's a slam dunk, man.
290
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,686
Big ufo that comes down--
291
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,688
"if you lose, you will
become our slave."
292
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:48,922
They've already got
Michael Jordan.
293
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,123
3:00 in the morning,
my beeper's going off.
294
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:52,059
Beep beep. I'm, like,
"st. eamonn here."
295
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:53,426
You know?
"Who needs what?"
296
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,628
Back in the eighties,
297
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,964
I was in a little
rock and roll outfit.
298
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,565
* missin' my lady *
299
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,433
[imitates guitar solo]
300
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,368
On the road.
301
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:04,037
It's kind of a road song.
302
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,706
Samuels: I usually stay
at the bel age,
303
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:09,142
but this is supposed
to be very good.
304
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,579
Hi, I'm Ronnie. Welcome
to the century Plaza hotel.
305
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:13,947
Hi, Ronnie.
306
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:14,748
Thanks.
307
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:15,749
Hey, man. Hey,
308
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,284
here's my head shot.
309
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,052
Just give me a call,
you know, any time,
310
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,921
and there's an 818
beeper number on the back.
311
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,890
It's probably going
to change, but...
312
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:24,457
If you need
a car, a chick,
313
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,359
you know, a schooner,
anything. Give me a call.
314
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:27,360
All right.
315
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,729
All right?
I'm serious, man.
316
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:30,163
Give me a call.
317
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:32,065
You never know.
318
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,668
That's for you.
Thank you.
319
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,603
We have you
in a king-size suite,
320
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:37,971
but your preferential
group rate,
321
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,807
it entitles you
to an executive upgrade.
322
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,408
Oh. super-duper.
323
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,542
[Laughs]
324
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:43,811
Where is your accent from?
325
00:10:43,811 --> 00:10:45,345
I'm from Glasgow.
326
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,480
Oh, I love the Beatles.
327
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,449
[Laughs]
328
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:51,451
I'm just going to need
a credit card now, sir.
329
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:52,652
Ok.
330
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,956
Here.
thanks.
331
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:58,892
Crawford: how much
do you tip them?
332
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,194
Samuels: usually, you take
the tax and double it.
333
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,195
What tax?
334
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,431
Just give him $5.00.
335
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,834
Oh, my god.
336
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,869
An upgrade.
337
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,670
It's got
electric curtains.
338
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,671
Samuels:
it's very nice.
339
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,473
It's fantastic.
340
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:16,109
Oh, my god.
341
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,144
Ronnie,
342
00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:19,947
that's for you.
Thanks very much.
343
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:24,317
Look at that, Martin.
It's fantastic.
344
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:25,518
It's fantastic!
345
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,021
A fourposter bed. My god,
I've always wanted one.
346
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,923
You like this,
don't you?
347
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,625
I love it.
You know what?
348
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,127
I was born to this.
349
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,296
No, mum,
it's the Clinton suite.
350
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:37,364
[Music playing]
351
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,666
No. president Clinton.
352
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,401
Well, why would
a top Los Angeles hotel
353
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,504
name a suite after
b.B. Clinton of rangers?
354
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,006
I'm here right now.
355
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,741
I'm wearing
a blue shirt
356
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:50,477
and my tartan trousers--
357
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:52,145
the ones
that are really tight.
358
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:55,015
I don't have to worry about
who's paying for it.
359
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,383
W.h.i.f.
are paying for it.
360
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,818
No corkscrew?
361
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:58,819
Not a problem.
362
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,921
Hello, room service?
363
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:04,324
Could you send up Ronnie
with a corkscrew, please?
364
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:05,993
When the cat's away,
365
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:08,095
the big Scottish
hairdressing mouse
366
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:08,929
will play.
367
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,063
* all the leaves are brown *
368
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,664
* all the leaves
are brown *
369
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,067
* and the sky is gray *
370
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,169
* and the sky is gray *
371
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:17,771
* I've been for a walk *
372
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:19,672
* I've been for a walk *
373
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,541
* on a winter's day *
374
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,777
* on a winter's day *
375
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:24,778
* I'd be safe and warm *
376
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:27,580
* I'd be safe and warm *
377
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,982
* if I was in L.A. *
378
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,617
* if I was in L.A. *
379
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,185
[crack]
380
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,286
Aah!
381
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:34,788
Aah! aah!
382
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:35,923
Let's get
that other one, ok?
383
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:38,691
I think the other one's--
aah!
384
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,194
Crawford:
spectacular, isn't it?
385
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,329
I mean,
386
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:44,131
when you look out at all
those twinkling lights,
387
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,233
and you realize
that every one of them
388
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,667
has a story...
389
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,402
There are people out there
390
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,371
living, dying,
391
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:52,539
laughing,
392
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,574
making love,
393
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:56,609
having their hair done.
394
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,211
It's just profound.
395
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,982
* all the trees are brown *
396
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:04,617
* all the trees
are brown *
397
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,720
* and the sky is gray *
398
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,023
* the sky is gray *
399
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,191
* California-- *
400
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:14,794
* --alifornia dreaming *
401
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:18,065
* on such a winter's day *
402
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,266
* I'd be safe and-- *
403
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:22,702
* I'd be safe
and warm *
404
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:24,905
* if I was in L.A. *
405
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,039
[camera takes picture]
406
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,241
Samuels:
is the camera rolling?
407
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:33,280
[Yawns]
408
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,882
Good night, les.
409
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,933
Samuels: um, can we just do
the curtains again, please?
410
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,368
No. I'm going to sleep.
That's it.
411
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:56,469
Cut, Seamus.
412
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:57,537
[Camera takes picture]
413
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:58,705
Samuels: so, is this
how you normally prepare
414
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,040
for a competition?
415
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,175
Well, I wouldn't sit out
by the pool in Scotland,
416
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,111
but it's very similar.
417
00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:05,879
You know, I like
to get myself calm
418
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,680
and focused and relaxed.
419
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,882
So it's not like being
a violinist,
420
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,217
where you practice,
practice, practice?
421
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:13,420
No. it's about calmness
and focus and Serenity.
422
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,457
Mr. MacKenzie.
423
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:18,491
Yes?
424
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:21,461
I am dunstan cactus,
manager of the hotel.
425
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,164
You fellas don't need me
on that thing.
426
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,865
Hi, mom.
Ha ha ha!
427
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,367
I just wanted
to let you know, sir,
428
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,202
if there's anything in
the hotel not to your liking,
429
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,104
you call me instantly,
all right?
430
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,705
We'll sit down in my office
and talk it all out
431
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:33,706
any time of the day
or night.
432
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,707
I insist.
433
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:35,708
Great. thanks.
434
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:36,709
Enjoy your stay.
435
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:37,710
Ok. thank you very much.
436
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,080
Ha ha ha!
437
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,481
I know what--
let's do it right now.
438
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:44,017
Always room in my schedule
for an honored guest.
439
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:46,553
What do you say?
I insist.
440
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,554
Ok.
441
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:48,555
All right, sir.
442
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,490
Ok, great.
443
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,558
All right.
444
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,728
Seamus:
hang on, hang on.
445
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,630
Oh, excuse me.
Ha ha ha ha!
446
00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:00,533
We've had many cameras
in the hotel before.
447
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,902
I don't think there's
enough light in here.
448
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:03,971
Seamus:
the camera cable
449
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,705
is stuck
in the fucking door.
450
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:06,839
Hang on!
451
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:09,576
[Objects clatter]
452
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,877
All right, sir.
453
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,345
Come on in.
454
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:13,146
Have a seat.
455
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:14,447
Thanks.
ha ha!
456
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,849
Have you got
your passport on you?
457
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,451
Ah, sure.
Yeah.
458
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,689
Oh, see? I knew it.
That's what i--
459
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:23,690
because the accent...
460
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:24,824
Oh, yeah, yeah.
461
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,026
It's a Scottish-British
passport.
462
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:28,395
You know, I always
wondered--scot...Land,
463
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,563
eng...land, ire...Land,
and then just wales.
464
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:33,666
I love that. Just one nice,
short country there, too.
465
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,535
It bespeaks a people
with a sense of balance,
466
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:36,336
to my mind.
467
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:38,005
And Scotland,
if I may say,
468
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,540
is the most beautiful
country in the world.
469
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:41,608
You've been there?
470
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:42,775
No. no, no.
471
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,911
Ha ha! No,
but over the years,
472
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:46,346
friends have sent me
postcards,
473
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:49,682
and one builds up a picture
in the mind's eye.
474
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,352
Uh, and it intensifies
to the point where,
475
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:54,921
frankly, I actually
consider myself
476
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:56,689
to be Scottish...
477
00:15:57,757 --> 00:16:00,660
Though, of course,
by mail.
478
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:01,794
Is there
something wrong?
479
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,430
Why don't we have a drink?
480
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:05,398
I'm afraid I don't have
much to offer you
481
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:07,434
except water,
but, as you can see,
482
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:09,036
I have a nice
collection of that.
483
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,770
Oh, yeah.
484
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,405
Aqua java,
avalon, evian,
485
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,973
clearly Canadian,
sparkletts,
486
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,342
dannon, naya,
eternal spring--
487
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,144
eternal spring? I wouldn't
know whether to drink it
488
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,311
or put it on my skin.
489
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:21,114
Very good, sir.
Eternal spring, it is.
490
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,182
And one for your friend.
491
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,183
Thank you very much.
492
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:24,384
Don't be afraid
of it, son.
493
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:25,385
Thank you.
494
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:26,519
[Both laugh]
495
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:27,554
Thank you.
496
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:30,223
Well, I love water.
I used to love booze.
497
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:33,793
I used to be a bit of
a moonshine Marty, I'm afraid,
498
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:34,994
but...
499
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,863
Thanks to the grace
of my higher power,
500
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:39,499
whom I choose to call my lord
and savior Jesus Christ,
501
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,668
I haven't had a drink
in over 5 days.
502
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:45,172
I am an alcoholic.
503
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,939
I'm not afraid to say that
504
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,342
to them, by the way.
Ha ha ha.
505
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,610
I used to think it was
because my uncle
506
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,345
inserted his index finger
into my anus
507
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,181
when I was kid, but...
508
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:55,882
That's all water
under the bridge now.
509
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,750
All right, to business.
510
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,386
We have a teeny problem,
511
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,454
and I think we can
clear it up in a second.
512
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:02,789
You've maxed out
your credit card.
513
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,191
We just need to get
an imprint of another card.
514
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:05,925
Oh, there's
a misunderstanding.
515
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,927
Please don't be embarrassed.
This is really nothing.
516
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,162
It happens all the time.
517
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,297
We just have
a number of charges,
518
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:11,364
and we have
to keep current.
519
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,965
It's for the meals,
the massage,
520
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:15,768
the, uh, maxi bar,
521
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,003
in-room movies.
522
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,271
Men of San Francisco--
523
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,806
I don't think
3 times.You understand.
524
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,509
I've seen that one myself.
It's not that I'm judging you.
525
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,411
I'm here
as a competitor--
526
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,446
it's just that I need
another credit card.
527
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,014
I hardly think
the world hairdressing
528
00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:29,549
international federation
529
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,251
would have one
of their own competitors
530
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,786
pay for their own
hotel suite.
531
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:35,788
[Sighs]
532
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:38,525
Nevertheless,
533
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:39,759
I'm going to have
to ask you
534
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,829
to live up to your
fiscal responsibilities,
535
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,431
and until that happens...
536
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:49,236
I'm going to have
to hold onto this.
537
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,906
Uh, here
at the century Plaza,
538
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:57,110
we never like
to alarm our guests.
539
00:17:58,044 --> 00:17:59,045
We'll do it,
540
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,747
but we don't like it.
541
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:01,948
[Camera takes picture]
542
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,450
Secretary:
Monique,
543
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,952
I have a Mr. MacKenzie
here to see you.
544
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,787
Monique: ok.
Tell him to wait.
545
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,089
I think this is her now.
546
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,724
Secretary:
good morning. W.H.I.F.
547
00:18:15,061 --> 00:18:16,163
Monique.
548
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:17,564
Hello. hi.
549
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,866
Thank god. The hotel doesn't
have any record there
550
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:21,201
as regards payment.
551
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:22,535
They don't know that you--
that w.H.I.F., I mean,
552
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:26,573
are--are picking up the tab
for the competitors.
553
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:30,076
Um, well, we are
picking up the tab,
554
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:33,813
but you're not
one of the competitors.
555
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,548
[Laughs]
556
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,684
[Laughs]
557
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:38,918
Who are you?
558
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,953
Me?
I'm Crawford.
559
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,855
I'm Crawford MacKenzie.
560
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,657
You wrote to me
personally,
561
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:47,627
inviting me to be part
of the hair-off.
562
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:48,795
Here.
563
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:49,796
Oh.
564
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,700
I--i did write this.
565
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:54,701
Um...
566
00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:59,038
This is a form letter,
however.
567
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:03,142
Each year, our computer
picks 100 people at random
568
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,644
off our associate
membership list,
569
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,079
and we invite them
to come to L.A.
570
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,415
To the hair-off,
571
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:11,684
but to be part of the audience
on the big night.
572
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:14,587
Ahem.
573
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,862
So this is just, uh...
574
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,432
Well, if you see here
at the bottom,
575
00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:28,301
it says that we've reserved
you a hotel booking--
576
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,469
a courtesy hotel booking--
577
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:30,803
everyone--the whole
lucky 100 gets it.
578
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:34,207
It's at the preferential
group rate, so...
579
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,711
Monique,
I'm from Scotland.
580
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:39,712
Great.
581
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,249
In Scotland, when
someone invites you
582
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:44,551
to a hair competition
to participate,
583
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:46,353
it usually means
you'll be participating
584
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:47,920
in that hair competition
585
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,557
and not sitting in
the back row of the stalls
586
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,091
with 99 lucky
new friends
587
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:54,160
chewing on
a fucking raisinette.
588
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,562
I'm sorry, and this...
589
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,196
This has been a dreadful
misunderstanding.
590
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,431
No, no, it's fine.
Really.
591
00:19:58,431 --> 00:19:59,999
Honestly, it's ok.
592
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,601
I've come 7,000 miles
593
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,670
to be part
of a hair competition
594
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:04,671
I'm not even in,
595
00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:06,839
but it's fine.
It's really not a problem.
596
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,040
Let's go.
Thank you.
597
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,309
Thank you very much.
598
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:12,412
Look at this. $10 for
a tin of cherry cola.
599
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:13,580
Where on this bill
does it say
600
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,214
that you have to pay
for these things?
601
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,916
Right there, sir.
602
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:21,454
Where else does it say
that you have to pay for it?
603
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:25,224
Where else on the bill
does it say that?
604
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,526
[Camera takes picture]
605
00:20:57,189 --> 00:20:58,257
Whoa!
606
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,693
Hey!
watch it, you punk.
607
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:04,130
Killer ride,
you fat bagel!
608
00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:05,365
One of yours?
609
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:06,833
Mm-hmm. sorry.
610
00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:07,867
Hey, baby.
611
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:08,868
How you doing?
612
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,269
How you doing?
613
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,672
Listen, I got...
614
00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:13,740
Hey, mom!
615
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,109
Ha ha!
616
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,145
That woman's bald.
617
00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:20,680
Yes.
618
00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:27,754
Whoo! ah, you got
a great deal, man.
619
00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:28,755
Great.
yeah.
620
00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:29,722
How much is it?
621
00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:30,923
Yeah, I got
a double-occupancy thing.
622
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:32,224
Crawford: I think
it was a wise choice,
623
00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:33,460
moving out
of the last hotel.
624
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:35,628
It was way too flash.
625
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:38,365
Too much opulence is
bad for my instrument.
626
00:21:38,365 --> 00:21:39,632
Samuels:
you don't feel
627
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:41,468
this is a bit
of a comedown for you?
628
00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:43,636
No, not at all.
I actually like it here.
629
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,505
I think it's
a lot more cutesy.
630
00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:47,474
You know,
kind of charming.
631
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:49,376
I mean, look.
Look at that.
632
00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:50,543
It's sweet, isn't it?
633
00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:52,311
That rococo
kind of design.
634
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:53,580
And I think
that's the difference
635
00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:54,914
between britain
and America.
636
00:21:54,914 --> 00:21:57,884
Even in the Demi-luxe
category here,
637
00:21:57,884 --> 00:21:59,151
they make the effort.
638
00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:02,555
Mind you, you're still not
actually in the competition.
639
00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:04,457
Of course I'm still in
the competition, Martin.
640
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:06,859
There's been a tiny
bureaucratic error.
641
00:22:06,859 --> 00:22:08,861
It'll all be fine
tomorrow morning.
642
00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:10,863
[Chugging]
643
00:22:16,769 --> 00:22:18,705
Jesus Christ.
644
00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:23,576
This could be
very dangerous.
645
00:22:23,576 --> 00:22:24,811
It smells good.
646
00:22:24,811 --> 00:22:25,778
[Coughing]
647
00:22:25,778 --> 00:22:28,080
Maybe there's
an air freshener in it.
648
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,817
Kind of like a potpourri
inside or something
649
00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:32,284
to make the room
smell nice.
650
00:22:32,284 --> 00:22:33,553
I'll open
the window anyway.
651
00:22:33,553 --> 00:22:35,555
Can you do something
about this?
652
00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:36,956
[Camera takes picture]
653
00:22:36,956 --> 00:22:39,125
Do you like spicy food?
654
00:22:39,125 --> 00:22:40,560
This isn't that spicy.
655
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:42,028
Well, it is to me.
656
00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:43,262
If you want hot food,
657
00:22:43,262 --> 00:22:45,097
I can take you down
to Mexico.
658
00:22:45,097 --> 00:22:46,232
That'd be great.
659
00:22:46,232 --> 00:22:48,067
If we've got time,
we should do that.
660
00:22:48,067 --> 00:22:49,101
We should all
go down.
661
00:22:49,101 --> 00:22:50,302
Turn her over.
662
00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:53,372
So, what did you
get up to this morning?
663
00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:55,708
I went down to koreatown,
and I saw chokko--
664
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:58,478
you know, eamonn
the limo driver's friend.
665
00:22:58,478 --> 00:23:00,447
And, um...
666
00:23:00,447 --> 00:23:02,081
He seemed like a nice guy
and everything.
667
00:23:02,081 --> 00:23:04,283
Although, uh, it was
a horrible neighborhood.
668
00:23:04,283 --> 00:23:05,518
I was really glad
to get out.
669
00:23:05,518 --> 00:23:08,655
Seemed a bit expensive
just to rent a car.
670
00:23:08,655 --> 00:23:10,523
Anyway, we're mobile.
671
00:23:12,525 --> 00:23:14,060
Do you want a drink
or something?
672
00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:16,796
I don't think you were
meant to eat them.
673
00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:18,330
I think
they're just garnish.
674
00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:19,632
[High-pitched
whining]
675
00:23:19,632 --> 00:23:21,367
Nice ride, man.
676
00:23:21,367 --> 00:23:22,735
Thank you.
677
00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:24,270
I can see that you like it,
but our friend eamonn
678
00:23:24,270 --> 00:23:26,338
really pulled the cat
out of the box with this one.
679
00:23:26,338 --> 00:23:27,574
I'd love to see their faces
680
00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:29,175
if I drove down
sauciehall street in this.
681
00:23:29,175 --> 00:23:30,477
It's quite big,
isn't it?
682
00:23:30,477 --> 00:23:31,978
It's a Doris day
mobile.
683
00:23:31,978 --> 00:23:34,547
The thing is, they drink
petrol by the gallon.
684
00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:36,649
So do half my friends
in Glasgow.
685
00:23:36,649 --> 00:23:37,984
So where are we going?
686
00:23:37,984 --> 00:23:39,418
Monique's.
687
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:40,753
Do you really think
that's a good idea?
688
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,455
Yeah.
she is the organizer,
689
00:23:42,455 --> 00:23:43,590
and it's partially
my fault.
690
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:44,924
I let my ego
get in the way.
691
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:46,693
We're going to let
bygones be bygones.
692
00:23:46,693 --> 00:23:48,595
Anyway,
she'll change her mind
693
00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:50,296
when she sees
my portfolio.
694
00:23:50,296 --> 00:23:51,363
[Camera takes picture]
695
00:23:51,363 --> 00:23:53,232
It's amazing.
Really, all of it.
696
00:23:53,232 --> 00:23:54,233
This is just...
697
00:23:54,233 --> 00:23:55,635
Thank you very much.
698
00:23:55,635 --> 00:23:57,870
It's tremendous.
I mean, i--i...
699
00:23:57,870 --> 00:23:59,305
Thank you.
700
00:23:59,305 --> 00:24:00,707
I apologize.
701
00:24:00,707 --> 00:24:02,542
I understand now why you
thought you may have been...
702
00:24:02,542 --> 00:24:04,644
Really, there's no need.
It was my fault.
703
00:24:04,644 --> 00:24:06,846
I lost my temper.
I'm sorry.
704
00:24:09,516 --> 00:24:12,118
I'll tell you
what I'm going to do.
705
00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:15,855
I'm going to put you
in the best seat in the house.
706
00:24:15,855 --> 00:24:20,326
Right here,
between Daniel day-Lewis
707
00:24:20,326 --> 00:24:22,228
and carrot top.
708
00:24:22,228 --> 00:24:24,396
Thank you very much,
Monique,
709
00:24:24,396 --> 00:24:26,232
but I came to compete.
710
00:24:28,034 --> 00:24:29,836
Right.
711
00:24:29,836 --> 00:24:31,070
Ahem.
712
00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:33,540
Um...
713
00:24:33,540 --> 00:24:35,675
Crawford,
with all due respect,
714
00:24:35,675 --> 00:24:38,545
these stylists are
international stars.
715
00:24:38,545 --> 00:24:40,713
Ok? 3 stylists
compete every year.
716
00:24:40,713 --> 00:24:43,650
The top hairdressers in
Beverly Hills are not invited.
717
00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:46,118
So, I do not know how else
i can explain that.
718
00:24:46,118 --> 00:24:47,119
Intercom: Monique.
719
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:47,954
I'm coming.
720
00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:49,756
But I'm as good,
if not better,
721
00:24:49,756 --> 00:24:51,023
than any of them.
722
00:24:51,023 --> 00:24:53,960
You really don't
understand, do you?
723
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:54,961
Tsk.
724
00:24:56,095 --> 00:24:59,265
You mean it doesn't matter
how good you are?
725
00:24:59,265 --> 00:25:00,432
Look,
of course it matters,
726
00:25:00,432 --> 00:25:02,001
but we don't even know
who you are, ok?
727
00:25:02,001 --> 00:25:03,536
And then
it could take years
728
00:25:03,536 --> 00:25:04,737
before you were
ever selected.
729
00:25:04,737 --> 00:25:06,038
I want to enter anyway.
730
00:25:06,038 --> 00:25:07,674
You can't just enter.
You have to be invited.
731
00:25:07,674 --> 00:25:08,775
Then invite me.
732
00:25:08,775 --> 00:25:10,710
I can't. I don't know
who you are.
733
00:25:10,710 --> 00:25:12,111
I'm Crawford MacKenzie.
734
00:25:12,111 --> 00:25:13,312
Oy. look...
735
00:25:13,312 --> 00:25:14,714
Even if I could
just let you in,
736
00:25:14,714 --> 00:25:16,783
you're not even
qualified to compete.
737
00:25:16,783 --> 00:25:17,950
You're not even
a member of the guild.
738
00:25:17,950 --> 00:25:19,652
You're not even
a member of h.A.G.
739
00:25:19,652 --> 00:25:20,887
At the very least,
740
00:25:20,887 --> 00:25:22,689
all the stylists are
members of the guild.
741
00:25:22,689 --> 00:25:25,558
It's a competition
requirement, ok?
742
00:25:25,558 --> 00:25:27,459
Then I'll join.
743
00:25:27,459 --> 00:25:29,028
I'm sorry.
744
00:25:31,964 --> 00:25:34,233
Please.
745
00:25:34,233 --> 00:25:38,037
Crawford: hairdressers
of America guild.
746
00:25:38,037 --> 00:25:41,240
Right. I need one day's
work in a salon
747
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,475
to get my h.A.G. Union card.
748
00:25:43,475 --> 00:25:44,777
If I can't get
a day's work here,
749
00:25:44,777 --> 00:25:46,478
I might as well hang up
my crimping tongs
750
00:25:46,478 --> 00:25:49,448
and hobble off
into the sunset.
751
00:25:49,448 --> 00:25:51,150
* he don't *
752
00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:52,652
* hang around *
753
00:25:52,652 --> 00:25:55,521
* with the gang no more *
754
00:25:55,521 --> 00:25:59,726
* he don't do the wild things
that he did before *
755
00:26:02,461 --> 00:26:04,731
* he used to act bad *
756
00:26:04,731 --> 00:26:06,532
* he used to, but he quit *
757
00:26:06,532 --> 00:26:08,067
hi.
hello.
758
00:26:08,067 --> 00:26:10,369
Hi. I'd like to speak
to stig, please.
759
00:26:10,369 --> 00:26:11,938
Do you have
an appointment?
760
00:26:11,938 --> 00:26:13,505
Uh, no.
761
00:26:13,505 --> 00:26:15,742
Would you like
to make one?
762
00:26:15,742 --> 00:26:17,644
I can fit you in
Tuesday at 2:00.
763
00:26:17,644 --> 00:26:20,079
You misunderstand.
I'm a fellow stylist.
764
00:26:20,079 --> 00:26:23,049
I'd like to speak
to him personally.
765
00:26:23,049 --> 00:26:24,216
I'm sorry.
766
00:26:24,216 --> 00:26:27,253
You can't even speak to me
without an appointment.
767
00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:29,255
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
768
00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:32,892
What? you're
ignoring me now
769
00:26:32,892 --> 00:26:35,094
because I don't have
an appointment?
770
00:26:35,094 --> 00:26:37,229
Ha ha. Hello!
771
00:26:37,229 --> 00:26:39,231
Kimberly,
let him in.
772
00:26:39,231 --> 00:26:40,232
Thank you.
773
00:26:40,232 --> 00:26:41,400
Welcome
to valhenna.
774
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,236
What an honor to finally
meet you, Mr. ludwigssen.
775
00:26:44,236 --> 00:26:45,037
I'm sure it is.
776
00:26:45,037 --> 00:26:46,505
I can't really
believe it.
777
00:26:46,505 --> 00:26:47,674
Believe it.
I'm standing right here.
778
00:26:47,674 --> 00:26:49,676
I've been a huge fan
of yours since--
779
00:26:49,676 --> 00:26:50,877
I don't have
all bloody day.
780
00:26:50,877 --> 00:26:52,378
Can we get on with
the questions, please?
781
00:26:52,378 --> 00:26:55,081
I've been using your salmon
finishing rinse on my mother,
782
00:26:55,081 --> 00:26:56,649
and I've noticed,
pre-drying,
783
00:26:56,649 --> 00:26:58,851
a slight air
of burnt toast.
784
00:26:58,851 --> 00:27:00,853
Is that normal,
or am I misapplying?
785
00:27:00,853 --> 00:27:02,388
Excuse me,
excuse me.
786
00:27:02,388 --> 00:27:04,691
You. ah, ok, wait.
Come here.
787
00:27:04,691 --> 00:27:07,193
Hello, my name's
Martin Samuels.
788
00:27:07,193 --> 00:27:08,928
I'm making a TV--
789
00:27:08,928 --> 00:27:10,529
it's a film
documentary
790
00:27:10,529 --> 00:27:12,732
about
Crawford MacKenzie.
791
00:27:13,700 --> 00:27:15,367
But--Crawford MacKenzie?
792
00:27:15,367 --> 00:27:16,635
Who is Crawford MacKenzie?
793
00:27:16,635 --> 00:27:18,437
I'm Crawford MacKenzie.
794
00:27:18,437 --> 00:27:19,438
You?
795
00:27:19,438 --> 00:27:21,240
Yes.
I'm a fellow stylist.
796
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,109
And I'm here
representing Scotland
797
00:27:23,109 --> 00:27:24,811
in the platinum
scissors competition.
798
00:27:24,811 --> 00:27:26,078
Oh. really?
799
00:27:26,078 --> 00:27:27,980
Actually, I wanted to
have a word with you,
800
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:31,417
because I've run into a bit
of a technical snag.
801
00:27:31,417 --> 00:27:33,219
I don't have a h.A.G. Card.
802
00:27:33,219 --> 00:27:35,087
And i--you know, I need one
for the competition.
803
00:27:35,087 --> 00:27:36,222
Well, of course
you do, yeah.
804
00:27:36,222 --> 00:27:39,291
So, I need a day's work
in a salon.
805
00:27:39,291 --> 00:27:40,793
Just to smooth it over.
806
00:27:40,793 --> 00:27:43,562
You know what? I would
really love to help you...
807
00:27:43,562 --> 00:27:44,563
Great.
808
00:27:44,563 --> 00:27:45,698
But I'm not going to.
809
00:27:45,698 --> 00:27:46,699
Lars.
810
00:27:46,699 --> 00:27:48,300
Thank you. Good-bye.
811
00:27:48,300 --> 00:27:49,335
Please.
812
00:27:49,335 --> 00:27:51,037
I'm going.
Thank you.
813
00:27:53,439 --> 00:27:54,540
Thank you.
814
00:27:54,540 --> 00:27:55,541
You're welcome.
815
00:27:55,541 --> 00:27:56,743
Prat.
816
00:27:56,743 --> 00:27:58,510
It's
the hairdressers' way.
817
00:27:58,510 --> 00:28:00,212
He's anointed me, Martin.
818
00:28:00,212 --> 00:28:04,216
He said, "Crawford MacKenzie,
you can do it on your own."
819
00:28:04,216 --> 00:28:05,384
Samuels: any luck?
820
00:28:05,384 --> 00:28:07,686
I think they wanted me,
but I couldn't work there.
821
00:28:07,686 --> 00:28:09,088
There was a terrible
smell in that place.
822
00:28:09,088 --> 00:28:10,256
I don't know
what it was.
823
00:28:10,256 --> 00:28:11,958
I think they were
making a curry
824
00:28:11,958 --> 00:28:14,593
out of someone's
underpants in the back.
825
00:28:14,593 --> 00:28:15,928
It was foul.
826
00:28:17,263 --> 00:28:18,097
Fine, I'll go.
827
00:28:18,097 --> 00:28:20,266
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
828
00:28:21,734 --> 00:28:22,802
No?
829
00:28:22,802 --> 00:28:24,036
Racists.
830
00:28:24,036 --> 00:28:25,037
Racists?
831
00:28:25,037 --> 00:28:26,072
Racists.
832
00:28:29,675 --> 00:28:32,478
He said to me, he said,
"we didn't like braveheart,
833
00:28:32,478 --> 00:28:33,913
"we don't like whiskey,
834
00:28:33,913 --> 00:28:35,681
"and we don't
like your accent,
835
00:28:35,681 --> 00:28:36,749
so please get out."
836
00:28:36,749 --> 00:28:37,850
I don't know
about you, man,
837
00:28:37,850 --> 00:28:39,819
but that sounds
like racism to me.
838
00:28:39,819 --> 00:28:41,087
Fair enough.
839
00:28:41,087 --> 00:28:43,322
America,
land of the free, huh?
840
00:28:45,324 --> 00:28:47,894
Man: h.A.G.? Don't talk
to me about h.A.G.,
841
00:28:47,894 --> 00:28:49,161
those loser bastards.
842
00:28:49,161 --> 00:28:51,597
They've forgotten what
it's really all about.
843
00:28:51,597 --> 00:28:52,765
Take a look at this.
844
00:28:52,765 --> 00:28:54,500
Simple step cut
with razor edging.
845
00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:55,768
It's a classic.
Exactly.
846
00:28:55,768 --> 00:28:57,236
You think I could
do anything like this
847
00:28:57,236 --> 00:28:59,338
in a salon
in Beverly Hills?
848
00:28:59,338 --> 00:29:00,572
No way, Joe-sá.
849
00:29:00,572 --> 00:29:01,908
I understand.
850
00:29:01,908 --> 00:29:03,509
How did you get into h.A.G.
In the first place?
851
00:29:03,509 --> 00:29:04,877
How do you think?
852
00:29:04,877 --> 00:29:05,945
Celeb endorsements.
853
00:29:05,945 --> 00:29:09,048
Exactly. celebrity
endorsements.
854
00:29:09,048 --> 00:29:11,317
Why don't you phone your
friend Sean Connery?
855
00:29:11,317 --> 00:29:13,419
You don't just phone
Sean Connery.
856
00:29:13,419 --> 00:29:15,521
His telephone number
changes every 4 days
857
00:29:15,521 --> 00:29:17,189
for security reasons.
858
00:29:17,189 --> 00:29:19,625
What I did do is I got in touch
with people magazine,
859
00:29:19,625 --> 00:29:21,660
and they said they didn't
have his number, either,
860
00:29:21,660 --> 00:29:23,195
but they could do
the next best thing.
861
00:29:23,195 --> 00:29:26,232
They put me in touch
with his publicist.
862
00:29:26,232 --> 00:29:27,566
You're always looking
to dig the dirt,
863
00:29:27,566 --> 00:29:28,634
aren't you, Martin?
864
00:29:28,634 --> 00:29:30,669
I think it's a problem
with you.
865
00:29:30,669 --> 00:29:32,004
[Camera takes picture]
866
00:29:34,273 --> 00:29:35,374
Hello. hi.
867
00:29:35,374 --> 00:29:36,408
Hi.
868
00:29:36,408 --> 00:29:37,509
Hi.
869
00:29:37,509 --> 00:29:40,512
Hi. I'd like to speak
to candy Harper, please.
870
00:29:40,512 --> 00:29:41,680
Do you have
an appointment?
871
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,149
No, but my name's
Crawford MacKenzie.
872
00:29:43,149 --> 00:29:45,717
I'm a friend
of Sean Connery's.
873
00:29:45,717 --> 00:29:46,853
You know Sean Connery?
874
00:29:46,853 --> 00:29:48,254
Mm-hmm.
875
00:29:48,254 --> 00:29:49,321
Wow.
876
00:29:49,321 --> 00:29:52,124
He's a client here,
but I've never met him.
877
00:29:52,124 --> 00:29:54,360
He was so rad
in zardoz.
878
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,295
Yeah.
879
00:29:56,295 --> 00:29:58,697
Uh, candy, there's
a Crawford MacKenzie
880
00:29:58,697 --> 00:29:59,765
here to see you.
881
00:29:59,765 --> 00:30:00,967
Is he on the list?
882
00:30:00,967 --> 00:30:02,869
No, but he's a friend
of Sean Connery's.
883
00:30:02,869 --> 00:30:04,703
Does he have
an appointment?
884
00:30:04,703 --> 00:30:05,804
No.
885
00:30:05,804 --> 00:30:07,806
Well?
886
00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:09,876
I'm sorry. Candy
can't possibly see you
887
00:30:09,876 --> 00:30:10,977
without an appointment.
888
00:30:10,977 --> 00:30:12,411
Could you call
and make one maybe?
889
00:30:12,411 --> 00:30:13,612
I'm afraid not.
890
00:30:13,612 --> 00:30:15,581
I'm sorry. I don't mean to
go above your head, dear,
891
00:30:15,581 --> 00:30:17,516
but this is
a Scottish matter.
892
00:30:17,516 --> 00:30:19,986
You really think this brown
shows really bad, huh?
893
00:30:19,986 --> 00:30:22,388
Hi. hello. David Hasselhoff,
I'm Crawford MacKenzie.
894
00:30:22,388 --> 00:30:23,189
Hi.
895
00:30:23,189 --> 00:30:24,957
You're a god in Scotland.
896
00:30:24,957 --> 00:30:26,225
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
897
00:30:26,225 --> 00:30:28,260
Excuse me. This is not
a scheduled interview.
898
00:30:28,260 --> 00:30:29,261
Who are you?
899
00:30:29,261 --> 00:30:30,429
Why, you're the woman
from the airport.
900
00:30:30,429 --> 00:30:31,530
Are you candy Harper?
901
00:30:31,530 --> 00:30:32,531
And who are you?
902
00:30:32,531 --> 00:30:33,665
My name is Martin Samuels.
903
00:30:33,665 --> 00:30:35,634
I'm making a documentary
for British television.
904
00:30:35,634 --> 00:30:37,136
David, this is
a nice surprise,
905
00:30:37,136 --> 00:30:38,905
and may I say
on a personal note,
906
00:30:38,905 --> 00:30:41,040
my niece just got
her lifesaving certificate.
907
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,409
Terrific. let me
wish her the best.
908
00:30:43,409 --> 00:30:46,045
I was wondering, you know,
when you're on the beach,
909
00:30:46,045 --> 00:30:47,779
the sun and the sea
and the sand,
910
00:30:47,779 --> 00:30:49,148
it must play havoc
with your hair.
911
00:30:49,148 --> 00:30:51,884
What kind of products
do you use?
912
00:30:51,884 --> 00:30:53,319
Candy, I got to be going.
913
00:30:53,319 --> 00:30:56,522
Um, the German tour.
Ok, see you then.
914
00:30:56,522 --> 00:30:57,789
Thank you very much,
915
00:30:57,789 --> 00:31:00,292
and hello to all my fans
in Scotland.
916
00:31:01,627 --> 00:31:03,029
What do you want?
917
00:31:03,029 --> 00:31:05,064
Oh, I'm sorry to barge
in on you like this,
918
00:31:05,064 --> 00:31:06,865
but I'm a friend
of Sean Connery's.
919
00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:08,968
I was wondering if you
could put me in touch.
920
00:31:08,968 --> 00:31:12,338
Mr. Connery is
teeing off right now.
921
00:31:12,338 --> 00:31:14,040
Well, I think he would
be a bit annoyed
922
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,241
if he knew I'd been here,
923
00:31:15,241 --> 00:31:16,675
and his representatives
hadn't put me--
924
00:31:16,675 --> 00:31:18,144
well, I'm sure
he'll fire me.
925
00:31:18,144 --> 00:31:19,878
Why don't you give
gretle your number?
926
00:31:19,878 --> 00:31:22,915
We'll get him
in touch with you.
927
00:31:22,915 --> 00:31:26,185
Look, it says here,
and I quote...
928
00:31:27,753 --> 00:31:29,188
"Sean Connery sees himself
929
00:31:29,188 --> 00:31:31,924
as an ambassador for scots
all over the place."
930
00:31:31,924 --> 00:31:33,926
Well, I'm Scottish,
I'm all over the place,
931
00:31:33,926 --> 00:31:35,594
and I demand to see
the ambassador.
932
00:31:35,594 --> 00:31:37,296
Candy: gretle!
933
00:31:37,296 --> 00:31:38,330
Sorry.
934
00:31:38,330 --> 00:31:39,198
Fine, I'll go,
935
00:31:39,198 --> 00:31:41,200
but let me just
say one thing.
936
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:42,935
I think that your behavior
is indicative
937
00:31:42,935 --> 00:31:44,503
of the petty-minded
bureaucratic stuff
938
00:31:44,503 --> 00:31:47,706
that Sean has been fighting
against his whole life.
939
00:31:47,706 --> 00:31:49,008
Pantene pro-v
940
00:31:49,008 --> 00:31:50,776
with a generic brand
alkali conditioner,
941
00:31:50,776 --> 00:31:53,645
using a non-soluble
finishing rinse.
942
00:31:55,881 --> 00:32:00,152
Held in place
with a flammable stiffener.
943
00:32:00,987 --> 00:32:02,488
Are you mad?
944
00:32:04,123 --> 00:32:05,791
How did you know?
945
00:32:05,791 --> 00:32:09,228
A hair professional knows.
946
00:32:09,228 --> 00:32:11,363
Wow.
947
00:32:11,363 --> 00:32:13,732
Let me just say
one thing.
948
00:32:13,732 --> 00:32:15,167
If this level of abuse
continues,
949
00:32:15,167 --> 00:32:17,236
in future, when you
have your hair done,
950
00:32:17,236 --> 00:32:20,472
you won't necessarily
have to be there.
951
00:32:20,472 --> 00:32:22,841
I could help you, of course,
but given the situation...
952
00:32:22,841 --> 00:32:26,612
I'm not giving you
his number.
953
00:32:26,612 --> 00:32:28,480
3 words--
954
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:29,548
telly...
955
00:32:29,548 --> 00:32:30,549
And...
956
00:32:30,549 --> 00:32:31,984
Savalas.
957
00:32:31,984 --> 00:32:34,586
Crawford: the problem
with all the products
958
00:32:34,586 --> 00:32:35,487
you've been using
959
00:32:35,487 --> 00:32:37,523
is that they're all
alcohol-based.
960
00:32:37,523 --> 00:32:39,125
What difference
does that make?
961
00:32:39,125 --> 00:32:41,893
Well, in layman's terms,
it means your hair is drunk.
962
00:32:41,893 --> 00:32:43,362
You've got thousands
of wee alcoholics
963
00:32:43,362 --> 00:32:45,431
growing out of
your head.
964
00:32:45,431 --> 00:32:47,099
That's why your hair's
powerless and unmanageable.
965
00:32:47,099 --> 00:32:48,967
It has to go into rehab.
966
00:32:48,967 --> 00:32:50,136
First things first.
967
00:32:50,136 --> 00:32:51,437
No, it's all right.
968
00:32:51,437 --> 00:32:53,605
Kiwi volumizing
reconstructor.
969
00:32:53,605 --> 00:32:54,673
It's cpr for hair.
970
00:32:54,673 --> 00:32:56,542
I'm surprised stig
hasn't told you about it.
971
00:32:56,542 --> 00:32:57,609
He doesn't do my hair.
972
00:32:57,609 --> 00:32:59,845
That's obvious.
I meant as a friend.
973
00:32:59,845 --> 00:33:02,048
Well, I only met him
the other day.
974
00:33:02,048 --> 00:33:04,916
He was out doing a client's
hair at the airport.
975
00:33:04,916 --> 00:33:06,085
Why are you here?
976
00:33:06,085 --> 00:33:07,986
I'm representing
Scotland
977
00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:09,888
in the platinum
scissors.
978
00:33:09,888 --> 00:33:11,090
Oh, really?
979
00:33:11,090 --> 00:33:12,324
Monique didn't tell me
980
00:33:12,324 --> 00:33:15,027
there was
a Scottish competitor.
981
00:33:15,027 --> 00:33:16,295
Oh, yeah.
982
00:33:16,295 --> 00:33:18,864
So you don't really
know Sean at all.
983
00:33:18,864 --> 00:33:20,966
I do. I got him
out of a jam once,
984
00:33:20,966 --> 00:33:22,168
and he owes me a favor.
985
00:33:23,635 --> 00:33:25,904
What kind of a jam?
986
00:33:25,904 --> 00:33:29,441
Loose lips sink ships.
Stay still.
987
00:33:29,441 --> 00:33:30,942
[Squirting]
988
00:33:30,942 --> 00:33:32,010
Ooh.
989
00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:34,180
Ooh, got a wee bit
on my finger.
990
00:33:34,180 --> 00:33:35,481
It's not leaking, is it?
991
00:33:35,481 --> 00:33:38,250
It's not leaking yet.
No.
992
00:33:39,151 --> 00:33:42,588
Can you keep your head
in one place for a minute?
993
00:33:42,588 --> 00:33:44,690
That's what
they all say. Pfff!
994
00:33:44,690 --> 00:33:47,359
[Both laughing]
995
00:33:47,359 --> 00:33:50,829
* I like Jerry springer *
996
00:33:50,829 --> 00:33:53,665
* I'm a sexy swinger, yeah *
997
00:33:53,665 --> 00:33:54,766
done.
998
00:33:54,766 --> 00:33:59,037
I was thinking of
cutting it really short.
999
00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:02,341
How long has it been?
1000
00:34:02,341 --> 00:34:04,810
What?
1001
00:34:04,810 --> 00:34:06,245
In my experience,
1002
00:34:06,245 --> 00:34:07,813
women cut their hair
really short
1003
00:34:07,813 --> 00:34:09,481
for one of two reasons--
1004
00:34:09,481 --> 00:34:12,951
either they've gone through
a nasty breakup with a man,
1005
00:34:12,951 --> 00:34:14,086
or they're
heavily involved
1006
00:34:14,086 --> 00:34:16,755
in the world
of ladies' golf.
1007
00:34:16,755 --> 00:34:18,357
I'm looking at you,
1008
00:34:18,357 --> 00:34:21,327
and I'm not seeing
much of a putter.
1009
00:34:26,832 --> 00:34:28,934
Oh, poor thing.
1010
00:34:28,934 --> 00:34:30,136
Really.
1011
00:34:31,637 --> 00:34:33,105
Crawford:
ladies and gentlemen,
1012
00:34:33,105 --> 00:34:35,407
may I present
your employer--
1013
00:34:35,407 --> 00:34:39,678
miss Candice Margaret
hilda Harper.
1014
00:34:40,646 --> 00:34:43,215
Woman: that's great.
It looks fabulous.
1015
00:34:43,215 --> 00:34:45,384
I just love it.
1016
00:34:45,384 --> 00:34:47,085
[Camera takes picture]
1017
00:34:47,085 --> 00:34:50,256
Hello, Mr. Connery.
It's Crawford MacKenzie.
1018
00:34:50,256 --> 00:34:51,623
Actually,
i was a fan of yours
1019
00:34:51,623 --> 00:34:52,491
long before we met.
1020
00:34:52,491 --> 00:34:53,925
I never really
got a chance
1021
00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:56,495
to properly compliment you
on the subaquatic segments
1022
00:34:56,495 --> 00:34:58,330
of never say never again.
1023
00:34:58,330 --> 00:35:01,133
What was it like working
with Barbara carrera?
1024
00:35:01,133 --> 00:35:03,001
That sounds fine,
honey.
1025
00:35:03,001 --> 00:35:05,271
Now just dial
the number.
1026
00:35:05,271 --> 00:35:08,106
Hello, 007?
It's the hair master.
1027
00:35:08,106 --> 00:35:10,008
[Laughs]
1028
00:35:10,008 --> 00:35:11,109
Samuels:
are you concerned
1029
00:35:11,109 --> 00:35:13,779
that Sean might not
remember you?
1030
00:35:13,779 --> 00:35:15,247
Do you think
i could have some privacy,
1031
00:35:15,247 --> 00:35:16,515
please, Martin?
1032
00:35:19,151 --> 00:35:21,620
Come on.
Just call him, man.
1033
00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:22,788
Come on.
1034
00:35:22,788 --> 00:35:24,856
All right, all right.
Why don't you just go back?
1035
00:35:24,856 --> 00:35:26,525
Ok? hello.
1036
00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:29,161
Martin, why don't you
just go back?
1037
00:35:29,161 --> 00:35:30,429
Go on, bugger off.
1038
00:35:30,429 --> 00:35:32,298
Why don't you go
to the lap-dancing bar
1039
00:35:32,298 --> 00:35:33,465
you were in last night?
1040
00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:34,733
Did you have your camera
running then?
1041
00:35:34,733 --> 00:35:36,468
Cut.
did you, eh?
1042
00:35:36,468 --> 00:35:39,871
Sean, it's Crawford.
Sean, it's Crawford.
1043
00:35:39,871 --> 00:35:41,607
Sean,
it's Crawford.
1044
00:35:41,607 --> 00:35:44,310
Hi, Sean.
It's Crawford MacKenzie.
1045
00:35:44,310 --> 00:35:45,677
You probably
don't remember me,
1046
00:35:45,677 --> 00:35:47,946
but I was the one that
steam cleaned your hairpiece
1047
00:35:47,946 --> 00:35:49,381
at gleneagles
when it blew off
1048
00:35:49,381 --> 00:35:52,184
at the fourth green during
the Benny hill pro-am.
1049
00:35:52,184 --> 00:35:54,119
Ha ha!
Happy days.
1050
00:35:54,119 --> 00:35:55,654
Anyway, I was wondering
1051
00:35:55,654 --> 00:35:57,356
if you could write
a letter to h.A.G.
1052
00:35:57,356 --> 00:35:59,958
Telling them
what a great hairdr--
1053
00:35:59,958 --> 00:36:01,727
thank you very much.
1054
00:36:07,666 --> 00:36:10,035
Samuels: have you got
the Hollywood sign in?
1055
00:36:10,035 --> 00:36:11,237
Turn over.
1056
00:36:11,237 --> 00:36:12,804
Right, so it's just
jogging and talking.
1057
00:36:12,804 --> 00:36:13,939
Crawford:
ok.
1058
00:36:13,939 --> 00:36:16,308
Ahem.
Sean was busy.
1059
00:36:16,308 --> 00:36:17,509
He's a busy man,
1060
00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:19,211
but he did suggest
maybe I would like
1061
00:36:19,211 --> 00:36:21,380
to schmooze candy
a little more.
1062
00:36:21,380 --> 00:36:23,215
Schmooze
is an old yiddish word.
1063
00:36:23,215 --> 00:36:24,716
It means talking business
1064
00:36:24,716 --> 00:36:26,885
and eating a snack
at the same time.
1065
00:36:26,885 --> 00:36:28,820
I think lentl says it
to one of his henchmen
1066
00:36:28,820 --> 00:36:31,357
in Fiddler
on a hot tin roof.
1067
00:36:31,357 --> 00:36:33,225
Anyway, the point being,
1068
00:36:33,225 --> 00:36:35,794
I've arranged to have
my first power lunch.
1069
00:36:35,794 --> 00:36:36,962
Oh, great.
Yeah.
1070
00:36:36,962 --> 00:36:38,163
That's really good.
1071
00:36:38,163 --> 00:36:40,899
Did you get
the Hollywood sign in?
1072
00:36:40,899 --> 00:36:41,900
[Thud]
1073
00:36:45,804 --> 00:36:47,273
Crawford: thanks for
having lunch with me.
1074
00:36:47,273 --> 00:36:49,475
That's all right.
I always have lunch--
1075
00:36:49,475 --> 00:36:51,777
sometimes
several times a day.
1076
00:36:51,777 --> 00:36:52,911
Ha ha.
1077
00:36:52,911 --> 00:36:54,380
Anyway, the reason I wanted
to talk to you was--
1078
00:36:54,380 --> 00:36:55,814
excuse me. Hi.
1079
00:36:55,814 --> 00:36:58,384
I'm very excited to tell you
about our specials today.
1080
00:36:58,384 --> 00:37:01,052
As an appetizer, we have
the pita knapsack
1081
00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:02,821
of Haitian tribal
cruditás.
1082
00:37:02,821 --> 00:37:04,690
As an entráe, we have
the whole poached
1083
00:37:04,690 --> 00:37:05,757
numidian hen.
1084
00:37:05,757 --> 00:37:07,726
That's pan-seared
in its own juices
1085
00:37:07,726 --> 00:37:09,895
and then flash-fried
before being encased
1086
00:37:09,895 --> 00:37:11,463
in its own filo kingdom
1087
00:37:11,463 --> 00:37:12,698
and surrounded by a moat
1088
00:37:12,698 --> 00:37:14,766
of luminous
chive custard.
1089
00:37:14,766 --> 00:37:17,269
It's well worth
the 15-minute wait.
1090
00:37:17,269 --> 00:37:19,471
We'll have
2 Caesar salads.
1091
00:37:21,139 --> 00:37:22,974
Excellent choice.
1092
00:37:22,974 --> 00:37:23,975
Anyway, the reason
i wanted--
1093
00:37:23,975 --> 00:37:25,544
no. before
you say a word,
1094
00:37:25,544 --> 00:37:28,547
I have got to tell you
something.
1095
00:37:28,547 --> 00:37:30,782
You really cheered me up
the other day.
1096
00:37:30,782 --> 00:37:32,584
You are the first person
i have met in a long time
1097
00:37:32,584 --> 00:37:33,852
who I felt could be
a real friend
1098
00:37:33,852 --> 00:37:35,387
and not always be
after something.
1099
00:37:35,387 --> 00:37:37,323
Jerry and I
1100
00:37:37,323 --> 00:37:38,990
are going to give it
another try.
1101
00:37:38,990 --> 00:37:40,759
Ohh.i really think it has
a lot to do
1102
00:37:40,759 --> 00:37:42,761
with this makeover
that you gave me.
1103
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:43,629
Mmm.
1104
00:37:43,629 --> 00:37:44,963
I really feel
attractive again.
1105
00:37:44,963 --> 00:37:47,032
Well, you see, it's
not just about the hair.
1106
00:37:47,032 --> 00:37:48,400
It's about the healing.
1107
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:49,768
You are so right.
1108
00:37:49,768 --> 00:37:51,437
That's why Jerry and i
are going to spend
1109
00:37:51,437 --> 00:37:52,804
the weekend
in Santa Barbara
1110
00:37:52,804 --> 00:37:54,806
at a psychic friends
tennis retreat.
1111
00:37:54,806 --> 00:37:56,107
Mmm.
1112
00:37:56,107 --> 00:37:57,409
Lovely.
what's that?
1113
00:37:57,409 --> 00:37:59,277
It's a tennis retreat--
1114
00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:00,746
psychic friends weekend
in Santa Barbara--
1115
00:38:00,746 --> 00:38:04,015
that Jerry and I are
going to over the weekend.
1116
00:38:04,015 --> 00:38:05,584
Great.
mmm.
1117
00:38:05,584 --> 00:38:06,985
Hey...
1118
00:38:06,985 --> 00:38:08,354
Candy.
1119
00:38:08,354 --> 00:38:09,355
Hey, Johnny.
1120
00:38:09,355 --> 00:38:10,622
Hey, fruit cup.
1121
00:38:10,622 --> 00:38:11,423
Stig.
1122
00:38:11,423 --> 00:38:12,758
Look at you.
1123
00:38:12,758 --> 00:38:16,094
My god,
you look sensational.
1124
00:38:16,094 --> 00:38:17,663
Whoo!
you're glowing.
1125
00:38:17,663 --> 00:38:20,466
Ha! who is
laying you, huh?
1126
00:38:20,466 --> 00:38:21,567
You can tell me.
1127
00:38:21,567 --> 00:38:22,901
What is it, Hercules?
1128
00:38:22,901 --> 00:38:23,935
[All laugh]
1129
00:38:23,935 --> 00:38:24,903
God.
1130
00:38:24,903 --> 00:38:27,172
By the way, I want
to thank you again
1131
00:38:27,172 --> 00:38:28,206
for coming out
to the airport
1132
00:38:28,206 --> 00:38:29,441
to do
Harrison's hair.
1133
00:38:29,441 --> 00:38:30,609
Eh.
he was thrilled.
1134
00:38:30,609 --> 00:38:32,811
Well, of course he was.
1135
00:38:34,212 --> 00:38:36,081
Hey, Scottish.
1136
00:38:36,081 --> 00:38:37,683
From my salon, right?
1137
00:38:37,683 --> 00:38:38,917
Lovely to see you again.
1138
00:38:38,917 --> 00:38:40,819
Oh, that's the guy
i was telling you--
1139
00:38:40,819 --> 00:38:42,388
look out, stig.
He's going to give you
1140
00:38:42,388 --> 00:38:44,155
a run for your money in
the platinum scissors.
1141
00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:45,156
[Both laugh]
1142
00:38:45,156 --> 00:38:46,825
Yeah, sure.
1143
00:38:46,825 --> 00:38:48,560
He can't even get a job
sweeping the floor
1144
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:50,562
in my salon
for a h.A.G. Card.
1145
00:38:50,562 --> 00:38:51,563
Candy:
stig.
1146
00:38:51,563 --> 00:38:53,131
Well--listen. hey,
1147
00:38:53,131 --> 00:38:54,566
next month,
it's loser's day.
1148
00:38:54,566 --> 00:38:56,402
Come back.
I piss on your head.
1149
00:38:56,402 --> 00:38:58,269
Piss on your head.
1150
00:38:58,269 --> 00:39:00,406
There's a camera.
1151
00:39:00,406 --> 00:39:02,608
He is such an asshole.
1152
00:39:03,409 --> 00:39:05,744
Wait, wait, wait.
1153
00:39:05,744 --> 00:39:06,612
Breathe.
1154
00:39:06,612 --> 00:39:08,814
[Breathes deeply]
1155
00:39:10,081 --> 00:39:11,282
So let me
get this straight.
1156
00:39:11,282 --> 00:39:12,283
You can't get into
the platinum scissors
1157
00:39:12,283 --> 00:39:13,552
without a h.A.G. Card?
1158
00:39:13,552 --> 00:39:15,754
No.so why didn't you
just tell me?
1159
00:39:15,754 --> 00:39:18,023
I was going to, but then
you said all that nice stuff
1160
00:39:18,023 --> 00:39:19,891
about being your friend.
1161
00:39:19,891 --> 00:39:21,460
You are my friend.
1162
00:39:21,460 --> 00:39:23,429
I can get you the card.
1163
00:39:23,429 --> 00:39:24,430
Man:
thank you.
1164
00:39:24,430 --> 00:39:25,964
It's my town, remember?
1165
00:39:25,964 --> 00:39:28,166
Come by my office
by the end of the day.
1166
00:39:28,166 --> 00:39:32,571
I'll get you a job that'll
make you h.A.G. Eligible.
1167
00:39:38,176 --> 00:39:39,377
Hey!
1168
00:39:40,178 --> 00:39:41,580
Hey, hold on!
1169
00:39:41,580 --> 00:39:43,381
Wait a minute!
1170
00:39:45,784 --> 00:39:48,587
Excuse me,
this is my car.
1171
00:39:50,088 --> 00:39:51,823
What--
ok, ok. So...
1172
00:39:52,624 --> 00:39:55,427
You must be ming tai-pei.
1173
00:39:55,427 --> 00:39:56,762
Strange.
you don't look like
1174
00:39:56,762 --> 00:39:59,965
a 78-year-old Asian chef
from koreatown.
1175
00:39:59,965 --> 00:40:01,399
I don't know who
you're talking about.
1176
00:40:01,399 --> 00:40:03,602
This is my car.
I rented it this morning.
1177
00:40:03,602 --> 00:40:04,936
Yes, he did.
Shut it.
1178
00:40:04,936 --> 00:40:05,971
Thank you.
1179
00:40:05,971 --> 00:40:07,606
You're welcome.
1180
00:40:07,606 --> 00:40:10,375
This car
is a stolen vehicle,
1181
00:40:10,375 --> 00:40:12,210
and you're
under arrest, ming.
1182
00:40:12,210 --> 00:40:13,679
[Camera takes picture]
1183
00:40:19,084 --> 00:40:20,085
Where the hell were you?
1184
00:40:20,085 --> 00:40:21,252
Samuels:
i posted bail,
1185
00:40:21,252 --> 00:40:23,755
but they wouldn't let you out
until this morning.
1186
00:40:23,755 --> 00:40:24,556
Creep.
1187
00:40:24,556 --> 00:40:25,857
Where's the car?
1188
00:40:25,857 --> 00:40:28,293
They wouldn't give me
the bloody car!
1189
00:40:28,293 --> 00:40:29,561
They wouldn't make
any bloody arrest,
1190
00:40:29,561 --> 00:40:31,730
because of insufficient
bloody evidence.
1191
00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:34,265
I'm lucky
i wasn't deported.
1192
00:40:34,265 --> 00:40:35,501
Well, that's it.
1193
00:40:35,501 --> 00:40:36,768
I'm going to go
down to koreatown.
1194
00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:38,403
I'm going to sort out
this chokko character.
1195
00:40:38,403 --> 00:40:39,638
Koreatown?
I'm not sure--
1196
00:40:39,638 --> 00:40:42,107
[tires squeal]
1197
00:40:42,107 --> 00:40:44,476
[Siren]
1198
00:40:44,476 --> 00:40:46,144
That is very dangerous.
1199
00:40:46,144 --> 00:40:47,445
[Camera takes picture]
1200
00:41:02,494 --> 00:41:04,696
[Dance music playing]
1201
00:41:07,533 --> 00:41:09,835
Chokko, it's
Crawford MacKenzie.
1202
00:41:09,835 --> 00:41:11,870
I'd like to speak to you
about the car.
1203
00:41:11,870 --> 00:41:13,972
Man: don't hang
around here, áse!
1204
00:41:13,972 --> 00:41:15,607
Crawford: it wasn't your car
to rent. Come on, chokko.
1205
00:41:15,607 --> 00:41:17,609
I don't think this is
a very good idea.
1206
00:41:17,609 --> 00:41:19,545
We should--i think we should
probably leave now.
1207
00:41:19,545 --> 00:41:21,412
[Gunshot]
1208
00:41:21,412 --> 00:41:23,014
[Gunshot]
1209
00:41:23,014 --> 00:41:25,016
[Gunfire]
1210
00:41:35,694 --> 00:41:37,529
Seamus: oh, god.
1211
00:41:37,529 --> 00:41:38,697
Aw, I've wet my trousers.
1212
00:41:38,697 --> 00:41:40,198
[Camera takes picture]
1213
00:41:42,968 --> 00:41:44,570
Samuels: so, you've
come all this way,
1214
00:41:44,570 --> 00:41:46,271
and now you're
just going to give up
1215
00:41:46,271 --> 00:41:47,272
the chance of a lifetime?
1216
00:41:47,272 --> 00:41:48,273
Yes.
1217
00:41:48,273 --> 00:41:49,541
Right.
1218
00:41:49,541 --> 00:41:50,942
Let me tell you
something, Martin.
1219
00:41:50,942 --> 00:41:52,911
There are many things I'm
willing to do for my art,
1220
00:41:52,911 --> 00:41:55,413
but being attacked by a team
of crack Korean marksmen
1221
00:41:55,413 --> 00:41:57,048
is not one of them, ok?
1222
00:41:57,048 --> 00:41:58,917
Oh...
1223
00:41:58,917 --> 00:42:00,518
Man...
1224
00:42:00,518 --> 00:42:02,320
I am so sorry.
1225
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:03,421
I, um...
1226
00:42:03,421 --> 00:42:04,690
Heard what happened
with the car,
1227
00:42:04,690 --> 00:42:06,191
and I just ran down here
as soon as I heard.
1228
00:42:06,191 --> 00:42:07,726
I told that dude chokko--
1229
00:42:07,726 --> 00:42:10,361
I told him, "I'm never doing
business with you again."
1230
00:42:10,361 --> 00:42:11,630
Oh, I'm so happy,
eamonn.
1231
00:42:11,630 --> 00:42:12,864
I am so happy.
1232
00:42:12,864 --> 00:42:14,065
I'm happy to know
that had I died,
1233
00:42:14,065 --> 00:42:15,734
had I actually been
shot to death,
1234
00:42:15,734 --> 00:42:17,035
I would not have
died in vain,
1235
00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:18,369
because your
business affairs
1236
00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:19,504
would've been
kept in order.
1237
00:42:19,504 --> 00:42:20,672
I'm just happy
you're all right, bro.
1238
00:42:20,672 --> 00:42:22,307
I am not
your brother.
1239
00:42:22,307 --> 00:42:23,308
[Car honks horn]
1240
00:42:23,308 --> 00:42:25,076
Candy: Crawford?
1241
00:42:25,076 --> 00:42:26,077
Crawford.
1242
00:42:26,077 --> 00:42:27,345
What?
1243
00:42:27,345 --> 00:42:29,480
Where the hell
have you been?
1244
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:30,816
Didn't you get
my messages?
1245
00:42:30,816 --> 00:42:32,751
Sorry. I was being
raped in prison.
1246
00:42:32,751 --> 00:42:34,019
You shouldn't be out
enjoying yourself
1247
00:42:34,019 --> 00:42:35,486
when you've got
work to do.
1248
00:42:35,486 --> 00:42:37,222
I don't care.
1249
00:42:37,222 --> 00:42:38,556
I got you a job--
1250
00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:39,891
a runway show.
1251
00:42:39,891 --> 00:42:41,760
You've got to be there
in an hour.
1252
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,028
Candy, I'm going home.
1253
00:42:43,028 --> 00:42:44,863
Samuels:
yeah, he is. Yeah.
1254
00:42:44,863 --> 00:42:46,164
This is a h.A.G. Job.
1255
00:42:46,164 --> 00:42:48,233
You do this, you get
into the competition.
1256
00:42:48,233 --> 00:42:49,334
Now come on,
come on.
1257
00:42:49,334 --> 00:42:50,568
But my car
was impounded.
1258
00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:51,870
[Urinating] dude,
no problem. I'll drive.
1259
00:42:51,870 --> 00:42:53,872
Damn right,
you will, you big toe rag.
1260
00:42:53,872 --> 00:42:56,374
Candy, eamonn. Eamonn,
candy. Come on, let's go.
1261
00:42:56,374 --> 00:42:57,575
Samuels:
Christ.
1262
00:43:16,527 --> 00:43:18,429
Welcome to
the kingdom of joy.
1263
00:43:18,429 --> 00:43:20,866
Oh. candy Harper
for Betty fuego.
1264
00:43:20,866 --> 00:43:22,500
Did you pack your own
bags today, sir?
1265
00:43:22,500 --> 00:43:23,501
Uh, yeah.
1266
00:43:23,501 --> 00:43:24,903
Bringing in any alcohol,
1267
00:43:24,903 --> 00:43:26,504
knifes, handguns, drugs,
1268
00:43:26,504 --> 00:43:28,573
cocaine, heroin,
or any other opiates?
1269
00:43:28,573 --> 00:43:30,008
Excuse me.
Hi.
1270
00:43:30,008 --> 00:43:31,509
Wearing gang colors
back there, ma'am?
1271
00:43:31,509 --> 00:43:32,778
I'm candy Harper.
1272
00:43:32,778 --> 00:43:34,045
This is Crawford MacKenzie.
1273
00:43:34,045 --> 00:43:35,613
We're here for Betty fuego.
1274
00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:37,548
Ok, that's
way too many names.
1275
00:43:37,548 --> 00:43:39,550
Harper.
candy Harper.
1276
00:43:39,550 --> 00:43:42,420
Oh, yeah. Ok, got
3 walk-on passes.
1277
00:43:42,420 --> 00:43:44,690
Right. you're going to have
to back this rig on up
1278
00:43:44,690 --> 00:43:46,124
to lot "z"
1279
00:43:46,124 --> 00:43:46,992
and walk it on in.
1280
00:43:46,992 --> 00:43:48,426
Eamonn: if we could
just take--
1281
00:43:48,426 --> 00:43:50,061
back it up!
Let's go.
1282
00:43:51,596 --> 00:43:52,731
Crawford?
1283
00:43:52,731 --> 00:43:54,499
Crawford MacKenzie?
1284
00:43:54,499 --> 00:43:56,067
Hi. candy,
i am so sorry
1285
00:43:56,067 --> 00:43:57,669
about the mix-up
at the gate.
1286
00:43:58,870 --> 00:44:00,305
So I've been here
for 4 years,
1287
00:44:00,305 --> 00:44:02,240
and this is really
my home away from home.
1288
00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:04,175
That's great.
Where are my models?
1289
00:44:04,175 --> 00:44:05,777
Oh. um...
1290
00:44:05,777 --> 00:44:07,813
They like to be
called actors.
1291
00:44:07,813 --> 00:44:09,180
It's a local convention.
1292
00:44:09,180 --> 00:44:10,181
Ok.
1293
00:44:10,181 --> 00:44:11,950
Ok. ok.
1294
00:44:11,950 --> 00:44:13,318
This is
the dressing room.
1295
00:44:13,318 --> 00:44:14,452
Oh, hi, Betty.
Hi, guys.
1296
00:44:14,452 --> 00:44:15,687
[Camera takes picture]
1297
00:44:15,687 --> 00:44:17,856
But candy said you'd be
happy to do this--
1298
00:44:17,856 --> 00:44:19,725
that--that you wanted
your h.A.G. Card.
1299
00:44:19,725 --> 00:44:21,226
This is ridiculous.
1300
00:44:21,226 --> 00:44:23,261
I'm a hairdresser.
I'm not a vet.
1301
00:44:23,261 --> 00:44:25,530
Betty: then I'm just going
to have to tell the actors
1302
00:44:25,530 --> 00:44:26,865
that the show
is canceled.
1303
00:44:26,865 --> 00:44:28,834
Hey, hey, hey.
1304
00:44:30,301 --> 00:44:31,770
Let go of your ego.
1305
00:44:31,770 --> 00:44:35,006
Just go out there
and do your job.
1306
00:44:35,006 --> 00:44:38,443
I do hair.
I don't do plumage.
1307
00:44:38,443 --> 00:44:40,846
I'm disappointed in you.
1308
00:44:40,846 --> 00:44:42,480
Do you know how many
strings I had to pull
1309
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:44,049
to make this happen?
1310
00:44:44,049 --> 00:44:45,984
Pull strings? They're
4 mental method actors
1311
00:44:45,984 --> 00:44:47,518
in animal costumes.
1312
00:44:47,518 --> 00:44:49,554
Listen to me.
It cost me 300 bucks
1313
00:44:49,554 --> 00:44:52,323
to get rid
of the regular stylist.
1314
00:44:52,323 --> 00:44:53,324
Did it?
1315
00:44:53,324 --> 00:44:54,459
Yes.
1316
00:44:54,459 --> 00:44:55,660
Oh, hey, listen,
everybody,
1317
00:44:55,660 --> 00:44:56,895
just a little note
from last performance.
1318
00:44:56,895 --> 00:44:58,797
Remember, during
the foraging part,
1319
00:44:58,797 --> 00:44:59,931
let's see
some more detail
1320
00:44:59,931 --> 00:45:01,733
on what food
you're looking for, ok?
1321
00:45:01,733 --> 00:45:03,534
Reach inside
your actor's toolbox.
1322
00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:05,003
Hey, I'm eamonn.
1323
00:45:05,003 --> 00:45:06,537
I'm Crawford's
driver. Hey.
1324
00:45:06,537 --> 00:45:08,573
I just want you to go out
there and kick some butt.
1325
00:45:08,573 --> 00:45:09,741
Man: stop
with the hopping.
1326
00:45:09,741 --> 00:45:10,742
Man: I'm looking
for my carrots.
1327
00:45:10,742 --> 00:45:12,643
It's a damn kids' show.
1328
00:45:12,643 --> 00:45:13,845
Oh, no, no.
1329
00:45:13,845 --> 00:45:15,413
[Hair dryer blowing]
1330
00:45:15,413 --> 00:45:16,948
Betty: we got a new agent
coming today.
1331
00:45:16,948 --> 00:45:19,117
She's got a new agency
in palm Springs.
1332
00:45:19,117 --> 00:45:21,286
I've been trying to get
into the extras guild.
1333
00:45:21,286 --> 00:45:22,520
It's a pain, you know?
1334
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:23,688
Once I'm finished
with this,
1335
00:45:23,688 --> 00:45:25,356
it's going to look like
Elvis Presley.
1336
00:45:25,356 --> 00:45:27,759
A sort of woodland
creature Elvis Presley,
1337
00:45:27,759 --> 00:45:29,961
but it'll be
Elvis Presley nonetheless.
1338
00:45:29,961 --> 00:45:31,229
[People chattering]
1339
00:45:31,229 --> 00:45:32,798
Would you stop with
the hop-hopping already?
1340
00:45:32,798 --> 00:45:34,565
Bunny: I'm working.
I'm working, all right?
1341
00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:35,901
I'm a bunny.
1342
00:45:35,901 --> 00:45:37,735
Animals, animals, a little
peace in the kingdom,
1343
00:45:37,735 --> 00:45:38,937
if you please.
1344
00:45:38,937 --> 00:45:40,671
Bear, bear,
come on, hibernate.
1345
00:45:40,671 --> 00:45:41,973
Hibernate.
1346
00:45:41,973 --> 00:45:43,641
Now, look, I know we've
only had a short time
1347
00:45:43,641 --> 00:45:44,910
to pull this thing
together,
1348
00:45:44,910 --> 00:45:46,778
but I think we've done
a bloody good job.
1349
00:45:46,778 --> 00:45:49,180
No, Crawford, you've done
a bloody good job.
1350
00:45:49,180 --> 00:45:50,248
Yeah, yeah.
1351
00:45:50,248 --> 00:45:51,582
Thank you, thank you.
Come here, come here.
1352
00:45:51,582 --> 00:45:53,919
Everyone, rub the back
of the animal next to you.
1353
00:45:53,919 --> 00:45:56,221
Come on. Ahh.
There you are.
1354
00:45:56,221 --> 00:45:57,555
Bunny: god...
1355
00:45:57,555 --> 00:45:58,990
Animals: Grant me
the Serenity
1356
00:45:58,990 --> 00:46:01,759
to accept the things
i cannot change.
1357
00:46:01,759 --> 00:46:03,261
[Camera takes picture]
1358
00:46:03,261 --> 00:46:04,429
[Music playing]
1359
00:46:05,663 --> 00:46:07,098
Animals:
* hey, kids, remember *
1360
00:46:07,098 --> 00:46:10,969
* there's a good touch
and a bad touch *
1361
00:46:12,037 --> 00:46:13,438
* don't be chicken *
1362
00:46:13,438 --> 00:46:14,906
[clucks]
1363
00:46:14,906 --> 00:46:16,574
* to say no to drugs *
1364
00:46:16,574 --> 00:46:18,810
* no, no, no *
1365
00:46:18,810 --> 00:46:19,811
* a hip and a hop *
1366
00:46:19,811 --> 00:46:21,112
* oh, yeah *
1367
00:46:21,112 --> 00:46:23,414
* but I ain't no gangsta *
1368
00:46:25,216 --> 00:46:27,452
* a boom bay boom ba
boom bay *
1369
00:46:27,452 --> 00:46:30,055
* doo ba da ba *
1370
00:46:30,055 --> 00:46:31,056
thank you.
That was fantastic.
1371
00:46:31,056 --> 00:46:32,123
It was the best
show ever.
1372
00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:33,291
It was fabulous.
You were great.
1373
00:46:33,291 --> 00:46:34,292
You were great.
1374
00:46:34,292 --> 00:46:36,727
Finalmente.
Crawford MacKenzie--
1375
00:46:36,727 --> 00:46:38,263
member, h.A.G.
1376
00:46:38,263 --> 00:46:40,331
Samuels: but you're still
not in the competition.
1377
00:46:40,331 --> 00:46:42,233
He will be.
1378
00:46:42,233 --> 00:46:43,268
Samuels: yes.
1379
00:46:43,268 --> 00:46:45,403
Eamonn, where's a good
place to go dancing?
1380
00:46:45,403 --> 00:46:46,271
Depends what you want.
1381
00:46:46,271 --> 00:46:48,406
You ever been
to club Spartacus?
1382
00:46:48,406 --> 00:46:49,274
I've been by it.
1383
00:46:49,274 --> 00:46:51,442
You ought
to take him there.
1384
00:46:54,479 --> 00:46:56,481
[Honks horn]
1385
00:46:57,548 --> 00:47:00,551
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
1386
00:47:01,752 --> 00:47:03,188
Ohh.
1387
00:47:03,188 --> 00:47:04,189
Ho ho.
1388
00:47:06,124 --> 00:47:08,626
Oh, you look amazing, man.
1389
00:47:08,626 --> 00:47:10,862
It's just
a little something
1390
00:47:10,862 --> 00:47:12,964
I threw together.
1391
00:47:12,964 --> 00:47:14,299
It's a sort of
braveheart
1392
00:47:14,299 --> 00:47:15,666
meets liberace,
1393
00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:17,969
or si tu práfáres...
1394
00:47:19,204 --> 00:47:20,205
Bravace.
1395
00:47:22,540 --> 00:47:24,009
[Gasps]
ohh!
1396
00:47:25,543 --> 00:47:26,777
I love it so much here.
1397
00:47:26,777 --> 00:47:28,413
My god, look at that.
1398
00:47:28,413 --> 00:47:30,949
I've never--there's nothing
like this in Scotland.
1399
00:47:30,949 --> 00:47:32,317
I mean,
just nothing like it.
1400
00:47:32,317 --> 00:47:33,418
The whole freedom
of the place
1401
00:47:33,418 --> 00:47:35,020
really just
makes me feel so...
1402
00:47:35,020 --> 00:47:36,922
Jesus! oh, my--
1403
00:47:40,125 --> 00:47:42,060
[dance music playing]
1404
00:47:44,195 --> 00:47:46,231
* I must be dreaming *
1405
00:47:48,099 --> 00:47:49,600
* I must be dreaming *
1406
00:47:51,836 --> 00:47:53,071
* I must be dreaming *
1407
00:47:56,541 --> 00:47:58,476
* yeah, yeah *
1408
00:48:01,012 --> 00:48:03,214
[woman singing in Spanish]
1409
00:48:09,020 --> 00:48:11,022
I'm Crawford MacKenzie.
1410
00:48:11,022 --> 00:48:13,024
I'm a hairdresser.
1411
00:48:20,631 --> 00:48:23,101
I'm a fellow stylist.
1412
00:48:27,638 --> 00:48:29,174
[Cheering]
1413
00:48:29,174 --> 00:48:31,276
* I must be dreaming *
1414
00:48:36,881 --> 00:48:38,649
* I must be dreaming *
1415
00:48:39,917 --> 00:48:41,186
[camera takes picture]
1416
00:48:41,186 --> 00:48:42,954
You are now licensed
to style,
1417
00:48:42,954 --> 00:48:45,356
weave, and cut
1418
00:48:45,356 --> 00:48:46,891
in the state
of California.
1419
00:48:46,891 --> 00:48:48,593
Mr. MacKenzie,
congratulations.
1420
00:48:48,593 --> 00:48:49,594
Thank you.
1421
00:48:51,429 --> 00:48:53,364
The great thing about
having a h.A.G. Card
1422
00:48:53,364 --> 00:48:56,634
is it can get you into
any hair event in the world,
1423
00:48:56,634 --> 00:48:59,604
whether it's vidal sassoon's
quick-rinse rodeo
1424
00:48:59,604 --> 00:49:03,341
or stig ludwigssen talking
about modern hair products.
1425
00:49:03,341 --> 00:49:06,011
Anyway, I couldn't wait
to show Monique geingold
1426
00:49:06,011 --> 00:49:07,545
my h.A.G. Card.
1427
00:49:07,545 --> 00:49:08,813
[Camera takes picture]
1428
00:49:08,813 --> 00:49:10,881
You see, the problem with
the modern hair care products
1429
00:49:10,881 --> 00:49:12,883
is that they are
homogenized.
1430
00:49:12,883 --> 00:49:14,952
They're pasteurized.
They're fried.
1431
00:49:14,952 --> 00:49:15,953
They're shaked.
They're baked.
1432
00:49:15,953 --> 00:49:17,422
They're not real.
1433
00:49:17,422 --> 00:49:18,990
But at valhenna,
1434
00:49:18,990 --> 00:49:21,092
we are already
in the 21st century.
1435
00:49:21,092 --> 00:49:22,827
We're going
back to nature.
1436
00:49:22,827 --> 00:49:24,629
We say to nature,
"hello, nature.
1437
00:49:24,629 --> 00:49:27,098
"Look, we're sorry
about the ozone layer,
1438
00:49:27,098 --> 00:49:29,000
"but could we please borrow
a few fish
1439
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:32,303
to make our ladies
beautiful again?"
1440
00:49:32,303 --> 00:49:34,572
You see it?
It goes quickly, right?
1441
00:49:34,572 --> 00:49:35,706
It's a fluke.
1442
00:49:35,706 --> 00:49:37,408
Used to swim like this,
now it swims like this.
1443
00:49:37,408 --> 00:49:39,910
We have it reduced here
into a paste.
1444
00:49:39,910 --> 00:49:42,980
It's a special dandelion and
a kind of a juju muck paste.
1445
00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:44,749
We took this whole fish,
1446
00:49:44,749 --> 00:49:46,251
and we put it
into a bottle.
1447
00:49:46,251 --> 00:49:47,985
And then
we gently massage it
1448
00:49:47,985 --> 00:49:48,986
right into the scalp.
1449
00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:51,256
Ok.
thank you very much.
1450
00:49:51,256 --> 00:49:53,624
Thank you.
Thank you.
1451
00:49:56,127 --> 00:49:58,129
Um, and then I did
a documentary
1452
00:49:58,129 --> 00:50:01,832
about the prawn fishing
in the Philippines,
1453
00:50:01,832 --> 00:50:03,134
which was, I mean...
Mmm.
1454
00:50:03,134 --> 00:50:04,302
It's staggering,
1455
00:50:04,302 --> 00:50:06,404
the level of poverty
that they live at,
1456
00:50:06,404 --> 00:50:07,605
and I'd love you
to see it.
1457
00:50:07,605 --> 00:50:08,706
So, was it good for you?
1458
00:50:08,706 --> 00:50:09,840
Brilliant.
1459
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:11,309
Always.
1460
00:50:11,309 --> 00:50:12,577
What, what, what?
Behave.
1461
00:50:12,577 --> 00:50:14,445
Behave? I can't behave.
I never had parents.
1462
00:50:14,445 --> 00:50:15,780
I'm at work.
1463
00:50:15,780 --> 00:50:17,348
Hi, Monique.
Hi.
1464
00:50:17,348 --> 00:50:18,583
Hi. hi.
1465
00:50:18,583 --> 00:50:19,417
Ta-da.
1466
00:50:19,417 --> 00:50:20,918
Congratulations.
thanks.
1467
00:50:20,918 --> 00:50:21,919
That's great.
1468
00:50:21,919 --> 00:50:23,121
So?
1469
00:50:23,921 --> 00:50:25,123
So...
1470
00:50:25,956 --> 00:50:27,125
So, what?
1471
00:50:27,125 --> 00:50:29,694
So now he can be
in the hair-off.
1472
00:50:29,694 --> 00:50:31,296
Candy.
1473
00:50:31,296 --> 00:50:32,463
Crawford, I can't let
you in the hair-off
1474
00:50:32,463 --> 00:50:34,031
just because you got
your h.A.G. Card.
1475
00:50:34,031 --> 00:50:35,733
You told me I could
get in the hair-off
1476
00:50:35,733 --> 00:50:36,901
if I got my h.A.G. Card.
1477
00:50:36,901 --> 00:50:38,169
No, I did not.
1478
00:50:38,169 --> 00:50:40,438
Darling, it's much more
than a h.A.G. Thing.
1479
00:50:40,438 --> 00:50:42,039
I'm sorry.
1480
00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:43,908
Listen, I respect you
as an artist, ok?
1481
00:50:43,908 --> 00:50:45,376
I do, and...
1482
00:50:45,376 --> 00:50:47,312
And I love the BBC, ok?
1483
00:50:47,312 --> 00:50:49,280
I love
masterpiece theatre,
1484
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:51,749
only, you're not getting
into my competition,
1485
00:50:51,749 --> 00:50:52,783
all right?
1486
00:50:52,783 --> 00:50:55,520
That's not fair.
You lied.
1487
00:50:55,520 --> 00:50:56,587
Excuse me.
1488
00:50:56,587 --> 00:51:00,225
I will not be
bullied, all right?
1489
00:51:00,225 --> 00:51:02,727
Hey, hey,
Scottish, what--
1490
00:51:02,727 --> 00:51:04,395
oh. still making a film
1491
00:51:04,395 --> 00:51:07,198
about a man
who can't find a job?
1492
00:51:07,198 --> 00:51:08,466
Ha ha!
Oh, god.
1493
00:51:08,466 --> 00:51:11,669
Hey, I give you
a job, huh?
1494
00:51:13,171 --> 00:51:15,140
Kiss my ass.
1495
00:51:15,140 --> 00:51:17,542
Don't be such a prick.
1496
00:51:17,542 --> 00:51:20,345
Monique, give him
a break. Please?
1497
00:51:20,345 --> 00:51:23,114
Ok, everyone admires
your little charity work,
1498
00:51:23,114 --> 00:51:24,982
but, really,
why waste your time?
1499
00:51:24,982 --> 00:51:26,050
Aren't you
carrying around
1500
00:51:26,050 --> 00:51:28,986
enough excess baggage
as it is?
1501
00:51:28,986 --> 00:51:30,288
[Camera takes picture]
1502
00:51:30,288 --> 00:51:32,457
[Music playing]
1503
00:51:33,258 --> 00:51:34,492
Crawford:
forget about her.
1504
00:51:34,492 --> 00:51:36,661
She's just a stupid
Beverly Hills tart
1505
00:51:36,661 --> 00:51:39,664
held together by hair spray
and pantyhose.
1506
00:51:39,664 --> 00:51:43,134
This isn't about Monique.
It's about Jerry.
1507
00:51:43,134 --> 00:51:44,335
Oh, no.
1508
00:51:45,603 --> 00:51:46,571
Something happened
1509
00:51:46,571 --> 00:51:48,539
at the psychic friends
tennis retreat?
1510
00:51:48,539 --> 00:51:51,276
I caught him
with another woman.
1511
00:51:51,276 --> 00:51:53,844
I should've seen it
coming.
1512
00:51:53,844 --> 00:51:56,080
He was all over her at
the premonition brunch,
1513
00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:59,950
which is actually held
the night before.
1514
00:51:59,950 --> 00:52:01,319
Poor thing.
1515
00:52:02,687 --> 00:52:04,289
Why is it we always
love the men
1516
00:52:04,289 --> 00:52:06,491
who cause us
the most pain?
1517
00:52:06,491 --> 00:52:07,492
I know.
1518
00:52:09,394 --> 00:52:11,061
One night in Glasgow,
1519
00:52:11,061 --> 00:52:13,030
I was mistaken
for a Belgian soccer fan
1520
00:52:13,030 --> 00:52:16,367
by 4 sailors
who beat me senseless.
1521
00:52:17,435 --> 00:52:20,305
I still keep in touch
with one of them--
1522
00:52:20,305 --> 00:52:22,873
Donald.
[laughs]
1523
00:52:22,873 --> 00:52:26,211
TV announcer: Up and down
again. Bonus shot now.
1524
00:52:26,211 --> 00:52:27,445
[Crowd cheers]
1525
00:52:27,445 --> 00:52:30,415
Off the rim, wild scramble
for the ball...
1526
00:52:31,349 --> 00:52:34,519
There's 2 girls
over there kissing.
1527
00:52:34,519 --> 00:52:36,521
[Laughs]
1528
00:52:38,356 --> 00:52:39,890
So, do you feel
your time here
1529
00:52:39,890 --> 00:52:42,360
has been
completely wasted?
1530
00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:43,794
You know what, Martin?
1531
00:52:43,794 --> 00:52:45,162
You talk too much.
1532
00:52:45,162 --> 00:52:47,498
...for tomorrow night's
1533
00:52:47,498 --> 00:52:50,335
international platinum
scissors competition.
1534
00:52:50,335 --> 00:52:51,969
Maverick billionaire
industrialist
1535
00:52:51,969 --> 00:52:53,604
Warren Crockett
is also in town.
1536
00:52:53,604 --> 00:52:56,707
Although one of his companies
is sponsoring the competition,
1537
00:52:56,707 --> 00:52:59,777
it seems unlikely
that the enigmatic tycoon
1538
00:52:59,777 --> 00:53:01,879
will actually be watching
tomorrow night.
1539
00:53:01,879 --> 00:53:04,282
Listen, I don't mind
if a bunch of soft boys
1540
00:53:04,282 --> 00:53:06,617
get together here
and snip a little hair
1541
00:53:06,617 --> 00:53:08,219
as long as it sells
a few crates
1542
00:53:08,219 --> 00:53:09,554
of salon juice for me.
1543
00:53:09,554 --> 00:53:10,955
Anchor: if I know
senator Crockett at all,
1544
00:53:10,955 --> 00:53:12,156
he'll be spending
the weekend
1545
00:53:12,156 --> 00:53:13,491
on his private
golf course in brentwood.
1546
00:53:13,491 --> 00:53:15,360
He spent,
what, $20 million?
1547
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,228
You're close--
25 million.
1548
00:53:17,228 --> 00:53:18,529
But then again,
when your golfing pals
1549
00:53:18,529 --> 00:53:20,030
are, like, Tiger Woods
and Sean Connery,
1550
00:53:20,030 --> 00:53:21,832
you spare no expense,
you know what I'm saying?
1551
00:53:21,832 --> 00:53:22,833
I guess not.
1552
00:53:22,833 --> 00:53:24,702
Favored again for
the third year running
1553
00:53:24,702 --> 00:53:28,038
is world champion stylist
stig ludwigssen.
1554
00:53:28,038 --> 00:53:29,206
I feel great, really.
1555
00:53:29,206 --> 00:53:30,508
I'm young. I'm fit.
1556
00:53:30,508 --> 00:53:33,944
I'm tingly, sexy, cool.
1557
00:53:33,944 --> 00:53:36,013
Hey, that's it.
You guys are out of here.
1558
00:53:36,013 --> 00:53:37,248
Calm down.
1559
00:53:37,248 --> 00:53:39,417
Sorry. he's upset
with this jet lag thing.
1560
00:53:39,417 --> 00:53:40,785
[Camera takes picture]
1561
00:54:01,872 --> 00:54:03,874
[Knocks]
1562
00:54:05,710 --> 00:54:06,844
Psst.
1563
00:54:06,844 --> 00:54:08,313
Psst.
1564
00:54:08,313 --> 00:54:10,448
Seamus can't find
his trousers.
1565
00:54:10,448 --> 00:54:13,684
Seamus: I've got
my passport in them.
1566
00:54:15,353 --> 00:54:17,187
Here, do you know
where the, uh...
1567
00:54:17,187 --> 00:54:20,291
Do you know where
the coffee is?
1568
00:54:20,291 --> 00:54:21,626
Jesus Christ.
1569
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:24,695
Sorry.
1570
00:54:24,695 --> 00:54:25,830
Get out.
1571
00:54:25,830 --> 00:54:27,465
Out, out.
1572
00:54:33,871 --> 00:54:35,005
[Camera takes picture]
1573
00:54:35,005 --> 00:54:36,607
Good morning, tiger.
1574
00:54:36,607 --> 00:54:38,776
Crawford: stop that.
Don't call me that.
1575
00:54:38,776 --> 00:54:39,777
[Growls]
1576
00:54:39,777 --> 00:54:42,313
[TV on]
1577
00:54:42,313 --> 00:54:44,382
Stop that. I'm gay,
I'm gay, I'm gay.
1578
00:54:44,382 --> 00:54:45,850
You could've fooled me
last night.
1579
00:54:45,850 --> 00:54:47,652
Boy, the things
you were doing to me...
1580
00:54:47,652 --> 00:54:49,854
Where did you
learn that stuff?
1581
00:54:49,854 --> 00:54:51,722
You're a total animal.
1582
00:54:51,722 --> 00:54:55,225
Ha ha! And why did you keep
calling me gareth?
1583
00:54:55,225 --> 00:54:56,361
I did not.
1584
00:54:56,361 --> 00:54:58,929
"Gareth! gareth!"
1585
00:54:58,929 --> 00:55:00,665
What is this?
1586
00:55:00,665 --> 00:55:02,900
Mmm.
it's a rainmaker.
1587
00:55:03,868 --> 00:55:06,671
It sounds like
a toilet flushing.
1588
00:55:08,072 --> 00:55:10,207
Well, you don't
have to worry.
1589
00:55:10,207 --> 00:55:11,208
You couldn't have
done anything
1590
00:55:11,208 --> 00:55:13,611
even if you wanted to.
1591
00:55:13,611 --> 00:55:17,281
Of course, he's doing wonders
for my self-esteem.
1592
00:55:17,281 --> 00:55:18,483
Sorry, candy.
1593
00:55:18,483 --> 00:55:19,984
I adore you.
I really do.
1594
00:55:19,984 --> 00:55:21,118
Mmm.
1595
00:55:21,118 --> 00:55:22,787
It's just that...
1596
00:55:22,787 --> 00:55:25,923
I prefer my women
with a penis.
1597
00:55:27,358 --> 00:55:29,494
I made such a fool
of myself.
1598
00:55:29,494 --> 00:55:30,928
Eat your breakfast.
1599
00:55:30,928 --> 00:55:33,498
Coming over here, trying
to be part of a competition
1600
00:55:33,498 --> 00:55:36,401
I'm not even invited to.
1601
00:55:36,401 --> 00:55:37,768
It's like coming
to the olympic games
1602
00:55:37,768 --> 00:55:39,069
in a pair of shorts
and saying,
1603
00:55:39,069 --> 00:55:41,305
"ok, where's my javelin?"
1604
00:55:41,305 --> 00:55:42,239
It just doesn't
happen, does it?
1605
00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:43,808
I'm glad you're here.
1606
00:55:44,709 --> 00:55:46,176
I'm just sorry
you're such a pussy.
1607
00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:47,344
Think you're
the first person
1608
00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:49,914
to get knocked around
by tinseltown?
1609
00:55:49,914 --> 00:55:51,782
You think this kind
of crap doesn't happen
1610
00:55:51,782 --> 00:55:54,084
to every single person
that gets off the bus?
1611
00:55:54,084 --> 00:55:55,119
Ohh.
1612
00:55:55,119 --> 00:55:57,021
Ohh.
1613
00:55:57,021 --> 00:55:57,955
Well...
1614
00:55:57,955 --> 00:55:59,524
Let me tell you
something, buddy.
1615
00:55:59,524 --> 00:56:01,792
You got big dreams?
1616
00:56:01,792 --> 00:56:04,495
You want fame?
Well, fame costs.
1617
00:56:04,495 --> 00:56:06,363
And right here is where
you start paying--
1618
00:56:06,363 --> 00:56:07,364
in sweat.
1619
00:56:07,364 --> 00:56:08,365
Ahh!
1620
00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:10,334
Are you all right?
1621
00:56:10,334 --> 00:56:12,437
You're a great
hairdresser, right?
1622
00:56:12,437 --> 00:56:13,604
I don't even know anymore.
1623
00:56:13,604 --> 00:56:15,139
Are you a great
hairdresser?
1624
00:56:15,139 --> 00:56:17,241
Yes or no.
1625
00:56:17,241 --> 00:56:18,509
Is he a great
hairdresser?
1626
00:56:18,509 --> 00:56:19,510
Yes, he is.
1627
00:56:19,510 --> 00:56:22,146
Are you a great
hairdresser?
1628
00:56:22,146 --> 00:56:23,280
Yes, I am.
1629
00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:24,882
Well, then you can win
this hair-off.
1630
00:56:24,882 --> 00:56:26,851
I can't even get into
this hair-off.
1631
00:56:26,851 --> 00:56:30,220
If you could get in,
you could win, right?
1632
00:56:30,220 --> 00:56:31,456
Yeah.
1633
00:56:32,289 --> 00:56:34,058
Finish your cocoa puffs.
1634
00:56:40,498 --> 00:56:42,433
Crawford:
candy was wonderful.
1635
00:56:42,433 --> 00:56:45,169
I knew she was
well-connected in Hollywood,
1636
00:56:45,169 --> 00:56:46,471
but I never dreamed
she'd get
1637
00:56:46,471 --> 00:56:48,639
America's comedy heavyweight,
Mr. drew Carey,
1638
00:56:48,639 --> 00:56:52,176
to come to lunch
at the flick of a hat.
1639
00:56:52,176 --> 00:56:53,343
Waiter:
how many, please?
1640
00:56:53,343 --> 00:56:55,279
I think you're going
right to features.
1641
00:56:55,279 --> 00:56:57,181
Watch out, Denzel.
1642
00:56:57,181 --> 00:56:58,282
Excuse me.
1643
00:56:58,282 --> 00:57:00,417
Someone would like
a word with you.
1644
00:57:00,417 --> 00:57:02,753
Hi. drew.
1645
00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:04,722
There's only a few things
i love in life, Monique.
1646
00:57:04,722 --> 00:57:06,724
I love little puppies
at Christmas.
1647
00:57:06,724 --> 00:57:08,325
I love the sound
the water makes
1648
00:57:08,325 --> 00:57:09,594
when it hits the pillars
1649
00:57:09,594 --> 00:57:10,728
under the bridge
of sighs in venice,
1650
00:57:10,728 --> 00:57:13,330
I love
leather underwear.
1651
00:57:13,330 --> 00:57:14,331
Great.
1652
00:57:14,331 --> 00:57:15,733
But most of all,
Monique,
1653
00:57:15,733 --> 00:57:18,302
I love what that man
does with hair.
1654
00:57:18,302 --> 00:57:19,770
Thank you.
1655
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:21,472
Don't ever make me
tell you that again, ok?
1656
00:57:21,472 --> 00:57:23,608
Shh. shh.
1657
00:57:23,608 --> 00:57:26,043
Crawford:
drew Carey is not Jewish,
1658
00:57:26,043 --> 00:57:27,411
but nevertheless,
1659
00:57:27,411 --> 00:57:29,346
he is an expert
in the art of schmoozing.
1660
00:57:29,346 --> 00:57:30,681
In no time at all,
1661
00:57:30,681 --> 00:57:32,316
he had Monique geingold
eating out of his hand,
1662
00:57:32,316 --> 00:57:34,519
hook, line, and sinker.
1663
00:57:34,519 --> 00:57:36,921
The upshot of it
was we were summoned
1664
00:57:36,921 --> 00:57:39,223
to a powwow
at Monique's office.
1665
00:57:39,223 --> 00:57:40,691
I wore my blue sweater.
1666
00:57:40,691 --> 00:57:42,092
As you both know,
1667
00:57:42,092 --> 00:57:43,628
the platinum scissors
competition has been
1668
00:57:43,628 --> 00:57:46,731
hosted by Warren Crockett
for the past 25 years.
1669
00:57:46,731 --> 00:57:49,800
Due to the exceptional
nature of this situation,
1670
00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:52,469
I called the senator
at home this morning.
1671
00:57:52,469 --> 00:57:55,072
You are a remarkable
artist, Crawford.
1672
00:57:55,072 --> 00:57:57,074
That's without a doubt,
and the impression
1673
00:57:57,074 --> 00:57:59,076
that you've made on this town
in such a short time
1674
00:57:59,076 --> 00:58:00,344
is unparalleled.
1675
00:58:00,344 --> 00:58:01,378
Thank you.
1676
00:58:01,378 --> 00:58:03,113
Despite your
phenomenal effort,
1677
00:58:03,113 --> 00:58:05,650
the senator has decided
not to include
1678
00:58:05,650 --> 00:58:08,118
another stylist in
this year's competition.
1679
00:58:08,118 --> 00:58:09,854
I'm sorry.
1680
00:58:09,854 --> 00:58:11,221
Monique--
1681
00:58:11,221 --> 00:58:12,957
candy, I'm sorry.
1682
00:58:14,091 --> 00:58:15,893
Thank you for your time.
1683
00:58:27,437 --> 00:58:28,939
Like a mint?
1684
00:58:37,181 --> 00:58:39,083
Cameron: the hardest part
about all of this
1685
00:58:39,083 --> 00:58:42,720
was that it really
wasn't about me.
1686
00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:45,389
It was about
the people back home--
1687
00:58:45,389 --> 00:58:48,425
Mr. patel,
frank the postman,
1688
00:58:48,425 --> 00:58:52,229
Margaret, gareth, mother--
1689
00:58:52,229 --> 00:58:54,565
the ones who've never won
anything in their lives,
1690
00:58:54,565 --> 00:58:57,668
let alone an international
hairdressing prize.
1691
00:58:58,502 --> 00:59:00,771
This was for
the little people.
1692
00:59:01,806 --> 00:59:03,808
And we all know
what happens
1693
00:59:03,808 --> 00:59:05,175
to the little people,
don't we?
1694
00:59:05,175 --> 00:59:08,445
They get trodden on
by the big people.
1695
00:59:08,445 --> 00:59:12,116
Clumsy big people
with big feet...
1696
00:59:12,116 --> 00:59:15,052
Crushing little people
on the pavement of life.
1697
00:59:16,053 --> 00:59:19,456
Dreams squashed
like insects
1698
00:59:19,456 --> 00:59:22,092
on the giant
shoes of fate.
1699
00:59:22,092 --> 00:59:25,562
It's just sad.
1700
00:59:49,353 --> 00:59:51,488
[Change clinks]
1701
00:59:51,488 --> 00:59:53,691
[Dialing]
1702
00:59:55,159 --> 00:59:56,827
[Imitates] hello,
this is Sean Connery.
1703
00:59:56,827 --> 00:59:59,596
I'd like to speak to
senator Crockett, please.
1704
01:00:01,165 --> 01:00:04,234
Hello, Warren.
How are you? It's Sean.
1705
01:00:20,117 --> 01:00:21,118
[Gunshot]
1706
01:00:22,653 --> 01:00:24,254
Crockett: pull it!
1707
01:00:27,091 --> 01:00:28,659
Great shot!
1708
01:00:28,659 --> 01:00:30,160
It's a great place
you've got here.
1709
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:31,896
It's really beautiful.
Really.
1710
01:00:32,697 --> 01:00:34,398
Yeah? pull it.
1711
01:00:35,565 --> 01:00:36,767
Aah!
1712
01:00:38,135 --> 01:00:40,470
You got it again.
1713
01:00:40,470 --> 01:00:42,306
Come on up.
1714
01:00:50,647 --> 01:00:53,684
I've known Sean Connery
for 25 years,
1715
01:00:53,684 --> 01:00:56,821
and yours is by far
the worst impersonation
1716
01:00:56,821 --> 01:00:59,423
I've ever heard.
1717
01:00:59,423 --> 01:01:03,360
You tried to deceive me,
1718
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:07,064
and I find that very...
1719
01:01:07,064 --> 01:01:08,532
Charming.
1720
01:01:08,532 --> 01:01:10,567
Heh.
1721
01:01:10,567 --> 01:01:13,203
Now, what the hell
do you want?
1722
01:01:13,203 --> 01:01:15,172
I need a favor.
1723
01:01:15,172 --> 01:01:17,007
So why should
i do you a favor?
1724
01:01:17,007 --> 01:01:18,976
I studied up on you,
Mr. Crockett.
1725
01:01:18,976 --> 01:01:21,278
You started with nothing.
Now you rule the world.
1726
01:01:21,278 --> 01:01:22,546
Not Belgium.
1727
01:01:22,546 --> 01:01:23,981
It couldn't
have been easy being
1728
01:01:23,981 --> 01:01:25,716
the only American child
in a Shanghai orphanage.
1729
01:01:25,716 --> 01:01:27,918
16 kids to a hammock,
Mr. MacKenzie.
1730
01:01:27,918 --> 01:01:28,919
What's your point?
1731
01:01:28,919 --> 01:01:30,320
It's not like your empire
1732
01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:32,122
sprung out of the ground
fully formed.
1733
01:01:32,122 --> 01:01:34,992
You started off with
a dry-cleaning store in Manila.
1734
01:01:34,992 --> 01:01:36,360
By the time you were 25,
1735
01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:38,796
you were the most successful
businessman in Asia.
1736
01:01:38,796 --> 01:01:40,397
The garment industry,
rubber,
1737
01:01:40,397 --> 01:01:41,899
tin mining, cosmetics.
1738
01:01:41,899 --> 01:01:44,601
You think I owe
the universe a favor,
1739
01:01:44,601 --> 01:01:46,737
and you want
to call it in.
1740
01:01:46,737 --> 01:01:48,238
Ha ha ha!
1741
01:01:48,238 --> 01:01:49,673
Son...
1742
01:01:49,673 --> 01:01:52,542
You've got balls
of dynamite.
1743
01:01:52,542 --> 01:01:55,079
Ha ha ha ha!
1744
01:01:55,880 --> 01:01:57,748
Thank you. Really.
Thanks very much.
1745
01:01:57,748 --> 01:01:59,850
Sure.
1746
01:01:59,850 --> 01:02:01,418
Take care, kid.
1747
01:02:01,418 --> 01:02:02,920
Cheerio.
1748
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:05,055
Crockett:
give 'em hell, Crawford!
1749
01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:18,202
The stars are out
in force tonight
1750
01:02:18,202 --> 01:02:20,437
for L.A.'s annual
hair extravaganza.
1751
01:02:20,437 --> 01:02:22,139
Giuseppe Franco,
how are you this evening?
1752
01:02:22,139 --> 01:02:24,041
Veronica, how are you
this evening?
1753
01:02:24,041 --> 01:02:25,742
Jose, how are you
this evening?
1754
01:02:25,742 --> 01:02:26,877
Stig ludwigssen--
1755
01:02:26,877 --> 01:02:28,645
a big gorgeous kiss
of talent.
1756
01:02:28,645 --> 01:02:29,914
He's got balls
like this.
1757
01:02:29,914 --> 01:02:31,081
I think stig will.
1758
01:02:31,081 --> 01:02:33,583
Everyone who is anyone
in hair is here
1759
01:02:33,583 --> 01:02:35,119
to watch the world's
top stylists
1760
01:02:35,119 --> 01:02:36,586
compete for
the ultimate prize--
1761
01:02:36,586 --> 01:02:37,955
the platinum scissors.
1762
01:02:37,955 --> 01:02:40,590
So, this is the night
we've been working towards.
1763
01:02:40,590 --> 01:02:41,591
How do you feel?
1764
01:02:41,591 --> 01:02:43,093
I feel great, actually.
1765
01:02:43,093 --> 01:02:44,929
I feel like William Wallace
must have felt
1766
01:02:44,929 --> 01:02:46,330
before the battle
of stirling bridge,
1767
01:02:46,330 --> 01:02:48,999
only my hair's not as puffy
and unkempt, obviously.
1768
01:03:07,317 --> 01:03:09,119
Candy, hello. Mmm.
1769
01:03:09,119 --> 01:03:11,721
We are so thrilled
and honored
1770
01:03:11,721 --> 01:03:12,789
that you could
make it.
1771
01:03:12,789 --> 01:03:14,558
I tried so hard
to get you in.
1772
01:03:14,558 --> 01:03:17,094
I'm just glad it all
came together in the end.
1773
01:03:17,094 --> 01:03:18,963
How is the senator?
1774
01:03:18,963 --> 01:03:21,098
He's great.
He's great.
1775
01:03:21,098 --> 01:03:23,901
Johnny: candy!
Hi, fruit cup.
1776
01:03:23,901 --> 01:03:26,170
Oh, Johnny.
1777
01:03:26,170 --> 01:03:28,839
Mmm. grr.
1778
01:03:28,839 --> 01:03:31,641
Well, so, Scottish.
1779
01:03:31,641 --> 01:03:33,010
Finally made it, huh?
1780
01:03:33,010 --> 01:03:35,612
Well, I always
knew you would.
1781
01:03:35,612 --> 01:03:36,847
Right?
didn't I say that?
1782
01:03:36,847 --> 01:03:40,217
You know, you have
ambition, determination.
1783
01:03:40,217 --> 01:03:43,888
Hey, you remind me of me.
1784
01:03:43,888 --> 01:03:45,389
Ha ha ha!
1785
01:03:45,389 --> 01:03:46,690
That's true.
1786
01:03:46,690 --> 01:03:48,492
I hope not too much.
1787
01:03:48,492 --> 01:03:50,961
Ha ha ha!
Right? Ok.
1788
01:03:50,961 --> 01:03:52,029
Congratulations,
Crawford,
1789
01:03:52,029 --> 01:03:53,630
and good luck,
really.
1790
01:03:53,630 --> 01:03:55,632
Thank you very much.
1791
01:03:55,632 --> 01:03:56,800
And good luck to you.
1792
01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:58,435
Ok. mmm!
1793
01:03:58,435 --> 01:03:59,970
Hey, hey, listen.
1794
01:03:59,970 --> 01:04:02,839
Why did you say
good luck to him?
1795
01:04:02,839 --> 01:04:04,108
I was just being polite.
1796
01:04:04,108 --> 01:04:05,742
I didn't mean it.
1797
01:04:05,742 --> 01:04:06,743
Wait, Johnny...
1798
01:04:06,743 --> 01:04:07,777
What?
1799
01:04:07,777 --> 01:04:10,680
Is this poo-snacker
any good?
1800
01:04:10,680 --> 01:04:14,084
Obviously, he must be pretty
good if he's here, right?
1801
01:04:14,084 --> 01:04:16,020
Anything you need,
1802
01:04:16,020 --> 01:04:17,454
I'll be
right outside.
1803
01:04:17,454 --> 01:04:19,389
Ok, thanks.
1804
01:04:19,389 --> 01:04:20,457
Thank you.
1805
01:04:20,457 --> 01:04:23,327
Well, let's get
a drink. Crawford?
1806
01:04:23,327 --> 01:04:25,129
You go ahead. I'll be
with you in a minute.
1807
01:04:25,129 --> 01:04:27,264
All right.
Come on.
1808
01:04:28,098 --> 01:04:30,600
Are you saying that
he is better than me?
1809
01:04:30,600 --> 01:04:32,436
Ha ha!
Come on, stig.
1810
01:04:32,436 --> 01:04:35,039
No one's better than you.
Just relax.
1811
01:04:35,039 --> 01:04:36,406
I'm just saying there
must be rules, you know?
1812
01:04:36,406 --> 01:04:38,742
Why did Crockett let him in
in the first place?
1813
01:04:38,742 --> 01:04:40,544
I don't get it.
1814
01:04:40,544 --> 01:04:42,112
I guess he's probably
Crockett's bum chum.
1815
01:04:42,112 --> 01:04:45,749
Oh, I'm pretty sure
that Crockett's not gay.
1816
01:04:45,749 --> 01:04:46,951
[Whistles]
hey, hey.
1817
01:04:46,951 --> 01:04:48,752
Just step over here
for a second.
1818
01:04:48,752 --> 01:04:51,088
I want to tell you
something.
1819
01:04:51,088 --> 01:04:53,157
Don't you fuck with me.
1820
01:04:53,157 --> 01:04:54,758
Don't fuck with me.
1821
01:04:54,758 --> 01:04:56,526
Don't you ever fuck
with me, Johnny.
1822
01:05:17,314 --> 01:05:18,983
Good luck, stig.
Sexy-cool.
1823
01:05:18,983 --> 01:05:20,184
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
1824
01:05:20,184 --> 01:05:22,519
I'm your host Tony bolero.
1825
01:05:22,519 --> 01:05:24,054
Hi, how are you?
1826
01:05:24,054 --> 01:05:25,422
Thank you so much.
1827
01:05:25,422 --> 01:05:26,523
Let's start.
1828
01:05:26,523 --> 01:05:30,094
Let's find out
what all the fuss is about.
1829
01:05:30,094 --> 01:05:31,495
And here it is--
1830
01:05:31,495 --> 01:05:35,599
the priceless
platinum scissors.
1831
01:05:35,599 --> 01:05:37,534
[Applause]
1832
01:05:41,405 --> 01:05:43,307
Crawford?
1833
01:05:43,307 --> 01:05:44,975
Crawford!
1834
01:05:44,975 --> 01:05:45,976
Crawford!
1835
01:05:45,976 --> 01:05:47,077
He's not
in here!
1836
01:05:47,077 --> 01:05:48,979
Sorry. Crawford?
1837
01:05:48,979 --> 01:05:51,015
Crawford? Crawford?
1838
01:05:51,015 --> 01:05:52,882
Go away. I'm having
a panic attack.
1839
01:05:52,882 --> 01:05:55,185
Honey, let's talk.
Open the door.
1840
01:05:55,185 --> 01:05:56,920
I want to go home.
1841
01:05:56,920 --> 01:05:58,922
You can't
go home, man!
1842
01:05:58,922 --> 01:06:00,057
Go.
1843
01:06:00,057 --> 01:06:02,226
Their origin
is shrouded in mystery.
1844
01:06:02,226 --> 01:06:03,627
All that is known
1845
01:06:03,627 --> 01:06:06,063
is that they were
originally hand-smelted
1846
01:06:06,063 --> 01:06:08,232
for czar Nicholas ii
of Russia
1847
01:06:08,232 --> 01:06:09,699
by Carl fabergé himself.
1848
01:06:09,699 --> 01:06:11,868
Just open
the door, honey.
1849
01:06:11,868 --> 01:06:13,237
Let me in.
1850
01:06:13,237 --> 01:06:16,106
I think I may be
having a stroke.
1851
01:06:16,106 --> 01:06:17,107
[Slap]
aah!
1852
01:06:17,107 --> 01:06:18,342
Did you feel that?
1853
01:06:18,342 --> 01:06:19,143
Yes!
1854
01:06:19,143 --> 01:06:20,877
Then it's
not a stoke.
1855
01:06:20,877 --> 01:06:22,312
Come on.
1856
01:06:23,680 --> 01:06:25,582
That's a good boy.
1857
01:06:27,217 --> 01:06:28,885
Monique:
all right, here we go.
1858
01:06:28,885 --> 01:06:30,987
Nicki, you'll be
with Crawford.
1859
01:06:30,987 --> 01:06:32,522
Kimora, you'll be
with dick, of course.
1860
01:06:32,522 --> 01:06:34,591
Dave and contrelle,
together as always.
1861
01:06:34,591 --> 01:06:36,460
Kylie, thanks for being
with stig again.
1862
01:06:36,460 --> 01:06:39,129
I know how busy
you are these days.
1863
01:06:40,430 --> 01:06:44,468
In 1941,
top Nazi Adolf Hitler
1864
01:06:44,468 --> 01:06:47,437
almost got his fascist
fingers on these scissors
1865
01:06:47,437 --> 01:06:50,607
were it not for the bravery
of French resistance fighters
1866
01:06:50,607 --> 01:06:53,277
who intercepted
these very scissors
1867
01:06:53,277 --> 01:06:56,012
on their way
to berchtegaden.
1868
01:06:56,012 --> 01:06:57,447
Ladies and gentlemen,
it gives me chills
1869
01:06:57,447 --> 01:07:01,751
to stand so near the magnificent
platinum scissors.
1870
01:07:12,262 --> 01:07:15,031
All right, gentlemen,
the running order is as follows.
1871
01:07:15,031 --> 01:07:16,700
Crawford,
you'll be first.
1872
01:07:16,700 --> 01:07:18,435
Dick, you're in second,
followed by Dave,
1873
01:07:18,435 --> 01:07:22,106
and stig, as champion,
you'll be last.
1874
01:07:22,106 --> 01:07:24,708
Gentlemen...
1875
01:07:24,708 --> 01:07:26,710
To your tongs.
[Click]
1876
01:07:41,925 --> 01:07:43,193
And as the excitement grows,
1877
01:07:43,193 --> 01:07:44,761
let's meet the judges.
1878
01:07:44,761 --> 01:07:48,064
First, the confessed
bad boy of hair himself,
1879
01:07:48,064 --> 01:07:49,466
the one, the only,
1880
01:07:49,466 --> 01:07:51,568
giuseppe Franco,
ladies and gentlemen.
1881
01:07:51,568 --> 01:07:53,270
[Applause]
1882
01:07:53,270 --> 01:07:55,572
Celtic salon impresario
1883
01:07:55,572 --> 01:07:57,641
from merthyr tydfil
in south wales,
1884
01:07:57,641 --> 01:07:59,676
titch Jones!
1885
01:08:01,211 --> 01:08:03,079
The king of all products,
1886
01:08:03,079 --> 01:08:05,382
John Paul Mitchell
1887
01:08:05,382 --> 01:08:07,751
and the lovely
elois dejoria.
1888
01:08:09,353 --> 01:08:10,754
I'm not sweating now.
1889
01:08:10,754 --> 01:08:12,822
When I start sweating,
you'll know it.
1890
01:08:26,370 --> 01:08:27,771
Now.
1891
01:08:29,839 --> 01:08:31,107
Now. now.
1892
01:08:31,741 --> 01:08:32,742
Yes.
1893
01:08:39,183 --> 01:08:41,718
We have one hour to go.
1894
01:08:41,718 --> 01:08:43,387
For my friends
south of the border,
1895
01:08:43,387 --> 01:08:46,356
60 minutos to go.
1896
01:08:50,126 --> 01:08:52,662
[Nicki screams]
1897
01:08:52,662 --> 01:08:54,831
Aah!
1898
01:08:59,369 --> 01:09:01,538
Candy:
what is going on?
1899
01:09:01,538 --> 01:09:03,473
Oh, god.
1900
01:09:03,473 --> 01:09:06,376
Someone put some red dye
in all his products.
1901
01:09:06,376 --> 01:09:10,146
His mousse, his serums,
his volumizers.
1902
01:09:11,681 --> 01:09:14,218
What does it matter?
It's over now.
1903
01:09:14,218 --> 01:09:15,819
That's it.
We're screwed.
1904
01:09:15,819 --> 01:09:17,221
I'm sorry.
1905
01:09:17,221 --> 01:09:19,789
We'll get 'em
next year, man.
1906
01:09:19,789 --> 01:09:23,560
What did you say?
1907
01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:25,662
There's always next year.
We'll get 'em.
1908
01:09:25,662 --> 01:09:28,265
No. there's not always
a next year.
1909
01:09:28,265 --> 01:09:30,200
Candy, go get me
a pretty girl.
1910
01:09:30,200 --> 01:09:31,501
You don't have time.
1911
01:09:31,501 --> 01:09:32,702
I'll get you more time.
1912
01:09:32,702 --> 01:09:33,637
Good. thank you.
1913
01:09:33,637 --> 01:09:36,306
Eamonn, that material
on the couch.
1914
01:09:36,306 --> 01:09:38,408
Candy, a pretty girl,
please!
1915
01:09:38,408 --> 01:09:39,909
Crawford,
listen.
1916
01:09:39,909 --> 01:09:41,311
I got a lot
of volumizers.
1917
01:09:41,311 --> 01:09:42,679
You're welcome
to them, mate.
1918
01:09:42,679 --> 01:09:45,249
Thanks, Dave.
I'll come through.
1919
01:09:57,694 --> 01:10:00,697
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
i know you've been waiting,
1920
01:10:00,697 --> 01:10:02,432
and we are going
to have a competition.
1921
01:10:02,432 --> 01:10:04,033
There has been
a slight mishap backstage.
1922
01:10:04,033 --> 01:10:06,803
We will be changing
the order of our competitors.
1923
01:10:06,803 --> 01:10:10,240
Our newcomer, Crawford MacKenzie
from Scotland,
1924
01:10:10,240 --> 01:10:11,941
will be going last
this evening.
1925
01:10:11,941 --> 01:10:15,178
But I assure you
the competition will be stiff,
1926
01:10:15,178 --> 01:10:17,213
so enjoy yourselves.
1927
01:10:17,213 --> 01:10:19,316
Do what I do.
Drink more.
1928
01:10:19,316 --> 01:10:20,750
Thank you.
1929
01:10:20,750 --> 01:10:23,320
[Band plays]
1930
01:10:23,320 --> 01:10:25,054
Monique! Monique!
1931
01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:27,424
Stig has to go last.
1932
01:10:27,424 --> 01:10:28,792
He's the champion.
1933
01:10:28,792 --> 01:10:30,794
You can't put the Scottish
freak show on after him.
1934
01:10:30,794 --> 01:10:32,095
Veronica!
1935
01:10:32,095 --> 01:10:33,797
Hi, how are you doing?
1936
01:10:33,797 --> 01:10:34,898
Hi. great.
1937
01:10:34,898 --> 01:10:36,333
I'm so excited. I always
wanted to be in this.
1938
01:10:36,333 --> 01:10:38,034
I mean, you're not even
famous--I'm sorry.
1939
01:10:38,034 --> 01:10:39,669
I'm telling you,
he's gonna walk,
1940
01:10:39,669 --> 01:10:41,505
and then you are
going to be screwed.
1941
01:10:41,505 --> 01:10:44,474
Ok, if stig walks,
he's disqualified.
1942
01:10:44,474 --> 01:10:46,075
He's this close to being
disqualified already,
1943
01:10:46,075 --> 01:10:47,611
and you know why.
1944
01:10:47,611 --> 01:10:49,479
Oh, come on,
Monique.
1945
01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:54,083
Stig had nothing
to do with that.
1946
01:10:54,083 --> 01:10:55,519
Blow me.
1947
01:10:57,253 --> 01:10:58,855
I have to get to know
your head first.
1948
01:10:58,855 --> 01:11:00,490
We've got
some rubber cement here.
1949
01:11:00,490 --> 01:11:02,826
It's not gonna hurt
your hair.
1950
01:11:02,826 --> 01:11:04,227
You have your pastry.
1951
01:11:04,227 --> 01:11:05,962
I have to calm down
just a little.
1952
01:11:05,962 --> 01:11:07,263
[Drumroll]
1953
01:11:13,102 --> 01:11:16,840
And now, the moment
you've all been waiting for--
1954
01:11:16,840 --> 01:11:18,241
the main event.
1955
01:11:18,241 --> 01:11:19,843
One stylist...
1956
01:11:19,843 --> 01:11:21,978
One model...
1957
01:11:21,978 --> 01:11:24,514
One hairdo, one shot...
1958
01:11:24,514 --> 01:11:26,282
At the big prize.
1959
01:11:26,282 --> 01:11:28,051
And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
1960
01:11:28,051 --> 01:11:31,821
our first contestant of
the evening, Mr. dick miyake!
1961
01:11:31,821 --> 01:11:33,790
[Applause]
1962
01:11:36,493 --> 01:11:37,994
[Speaking Japanese]
1963
01:11:37,994 --> 01:11:40,730
Tony: what dick is saying
is "the transition
1964
01:11:40,730 --> 01:11:44,167
from monk to hairdresser
was a painful one for me."
1965
01:11:44,167 --> 01:11:45,168
Give me some of that.
1966
01:11:45,168 --> 01:11:46,703
Veronica,
put your fingers--
1967
01:11:46,703 --> 01:11:48,605
we're actually
going to bring you up.
1968
01:11:48,605 --> 01:11:52,108
Tony:
"my ancestors guide my hands
1969
01:11:52,108 --> 01:11:56,446
as I create
my hair sculptures."
1970
01:11:56,446 --> 01:11:58,181
Arigato.
1971
01:11:58,181 --> 01:12:00,384
[Applause]
1972
01:12:01,818 --> 01:12:04,654
And now, first off,
a style created especially
1973
01:12:04,654 --> 01:12:07,424
for this evening's
competition by dick miyake,
1974
01:12:07,424 --> 01:12:11,528
and he simply calls it
"house of the rising sun."
1975
01:12:36,152 --> 01:12:37,387
I don't want that.
1976
01:12:38,422 --> 01:12:39,623
Candy, I'm sorry.
1977
01:12:40,424 --> 01:12:41,591
Put cheese
in my hair?
1978
01:12:41,591 --> 01:12:42,592
It's gonna work.
1979
01:12:42,592 --> 01:12:44,193
Gonna ruin my hair.
1980
01:12:44,193 --> 01:12:45,995
Oh, ho, no,
that's looking great.
1981
01:12:45,995 --> 01:12:47,063
It's looking great.
1982
01:12:50,734 --> 01:12:52,736
Ladies and gentlemen,
dick miyake,
1983
01:12:52,736 --> 01:12:55,805
Kimora, and
"the house of the rising sun."
1984
01:12:57,006 --> 01:12:59,809
Tony: all right,
let's check these scores.
1985
01:12:59,809 --> 01:13:00,910
9.7, 9.7,
1986
01:13:00,910 --> 01:13:02,579
John Paul Mitchell,
9.8. Beautiful.
1987
01:13:02,579 --> 01:13:04,614
And 9.7, 9.8, 9.7.
1988
01:13:04,614 --> 01:13:06,850
Great scores
for dick miyake!
1989
01:13:06,850 --> 01:13:11,187
If this is the beginning,
imagine what is to come.
1990
01:13:11,187 --> 01:13:12,589
But don't imagine long,
1991
01:13:12,589 --> 01:13:15,892
because here comes our
British invader, Dave London.
1992
01:13:17,827 --> 01:13:22,666
And here's Dave in repose
at his favorite english pub.
1993
01:13:22,666 --> 01:13:24,468
This is where my career
really took off.
1994
01:13:24,468 --> 01:13:26,369
I come in here one day,
1995
01:13:26,369 --> 01:13:28,171
sitting there
having a dump
1996
01:13:28,171 --> 01:13:30,139
was her royal highness
lady bubbles banks frampton.
1997
01:13:30,139 --> 01:13:32,942
So I gives her a cut,
she shows her friends,
1998
01:13:32,942 --> 01:13:33,910
they loves it.
1999
01:13:33,910 --> 01:13:35,178
Bob's your uncle,
next thing you know,
2000
01:13:35,178 --> 01:13:36,613
I'm an international
hairdressing sensation.
2001
01:13:36,613 --> 01:13:38,014
Which is amazing really,
2002
01:13:38,014 --> 01:13:40,183
'cause I only came
in here for a shit.
2003
01:13:42,552 --> 01:13:43,753
Tony: here we go!
2004
01:13:43,753 --> 01:13:47,156
Dave London and
his magical creation...
2005
01:13:47,156 --> 01:13:49,493
"wembley wonderland."
2006
01:13:49,493 --> 01:13:51,695
[Playing rock music]
2007
01:13:55,599 --> 01:13:59,268
* god save
our gracious queen *
2008
01:13:59,268 --> 01:14:03,640
* long live
our noble queen *
2009
01:14:03,640 --> 01:14:08,478
* god save the queen *
2010
01:14:10,880 --> 01:14:12,415
this is going
to be the one.
2011
01:14:12,415 --> 01:14:13,416
Do you love me?
2012
01:14:13,416 --> 01:14:15,251
Absolutely
adore you.
2013
01:14:15,251 --> 01:14:17,086
Over there on the shelf.
2014
01:14:17,086 --> 01:14:18,522
We're going to win
if you can get there.
2015
01:14:18,522 --> 01:14:20,524
I don't want
to breathe.
2016
01:14:21,357 --> 01:14:26,062
* god save the queen *
2017
01:14:29,165 --> 01:14:30,500
Tony: Dave London!
2018
01:14:30,500 --> 01:14:33,036
As the prince called him,
the enfant terrible...
2019
01:14:35,371 --> 01:14:37,073
Let's look at our scores.
2020
01:14:37,073 --> 01:14:40,409
9.9, 9.9, 9.9...
2021
01:14:40,409 --> 01:14:43,580
9.9, 9.9, 9.9!
2022
01:14:43,580 --> 01:14:45,314
No, I want that.
2023
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:46,616
Tony: oh, my!
2024
01:14:47,450 --> 01:14:49,452
Ladies and gentlemen,
2025
01:14:49,452 --> 01:14:50,954
now the moment
you've been waiting for.
2026
01:14:50,954 --> 01:14:54,023
You can almost style the tension
in this room with a comb.
2027
01:14:54,023 --> 01:14:55,424
Ha ha ha!
2028
01:14:55,424 --> 01:14:57,426
It is my great pleasure
to present
2029
01:14:57,426 --> 01:14:59,128
a close personal
friend of mine
2030
01:14:59,128 --> 01:15:02,966
and the free-form
hairstyling champion...
2031
01:15:02,966 --> 01:15:05,835
Stig ludwigssen!
2032
01:15:06,770 --> 01:15:08,504
Crawford, did you
use the cheese?
2033
01:15:08,504 --> 01:15:09,639
The cheese
isn't in there.
2034
01:15:09,639 --> 01:15:11,507
I feel something
starting to harden.
2035
01:15:11,507 --> 01:15:13,176
That's just me, darling.
I'm excited.
2036
01:15:13,176 --> 01:15:14,744
Because I love people,
2037
01:15:14,744 --> 01:15:16,780
and people love me.
2038
01:15:16,780 --> 01:15:19,783
Because I love life,
and I love to live.
2039
01:15:19,783 --> 01:15:22,986
And sometimes
other people say to me...
2040
01:15:22,986 --> 01:15:25,388
But not the same people.
Different people,
2041
01:15:25,388 --> 01:15:26,790
they say to me,
2042
01:15:26,790 --> 01:15:29,793
"stig, you are too kind
to people.
2043
01:15:29,793 --> 01:15:32,161
You really are too nice
to people."
2044
01:15:32,161 --> 01:15:35,899
I say to them,
"if you can't be nice to people,
2045
01:15:35,899 --> 01:15:38,902
get the hell
out of my salon."
2046
01:15:38,902 --> 01:15:40,904
[Applause]
2047
01:15:42,071 --> 01:15:45,474
From trondheim, Norway,
stig ludwigssen,
2048
01:15:45,474 --> 01:15:47,977
with New Zealand's own
Kylie bax...
2049
01:15:47,977 --> 01:15:51,715
And his creation,
"odin's longboat."
2050
01:15:51,715 --> 01:15:54,818
* on and on and on *
2051
01:15:54,818 --> 01:15:58,287
* we are the champions *
2052
01:15:58,287 --> 01:16:00,824
* my friends *
2053
01:16:02,125 --> 01:16:06,129
* and we'll
keep on fighting *
2054
01:16:06,129 --> 01:16:08,031
* till the end *
2055
01:16:09,966 --> 01:16:13,803
* we are the champions *
2056
01:16:13,803 --> 01:16:15,338
can I hold that for you?
2057
01:16:15,338 --> 01:16:16,640
Blow dryer!
2058
01:16:16,640 --> 01:16:18,441
Come on, come on!
2059
01:16:18,441 --> 01:16:19,442
Great.
2060
01:16:19,442 --> 01:16:21,444
Where's my wire cutter?
2061
01:16:21,444 --> 01:16:23,046
Don't get your knickers
in a twist.
2062
01:16:23,847 --> 01:16:25,081
Who's got
a soldering iron?
2063
01:16:27,583 --> 01:16:29,185
Don't move!
2064
01:16:29,185 --> 01:16:31,454
Blow dryer?
2065
01:16:31,454 --> 01:16:33,089
That's it! We're done!
2066
01:16:34,858 --> 01:16:37,994
* we are the champions *
2067
01:16:37,994 --> 01:16:41,665
* we are the champions *
2068
01:16:41,665 --> 01:16:42,932
* no time... *
2069
01:16:42,932 --> 01:16:45,635
Tony: stig ludwigssen,
ladies and gentlemen.
2070
01:16:45,635 --> 01:16:49,072
Reigning world champion!
2071
01:16:56,680 --> 01:16:58,581
Unbelievable!
2072
01:16:58,581 --> 01:17:00,583
Let's look at the scores.
2073
01:17:00,583 --> 01:17:02,085
10, 10, 10...
2074
01:17:02,085 --> 01:17:03,319
10, 10, 10!
2075
01:17:03,319 --> 01:17:05,922
Yes! yes!
2076
01:17:05,922 --> 01:17:09,458
All I can say is
it's what I expected.
2077
01:17:09,458 --> 01:17:11,060
Maybe someday,
you never know.
2078
01:17:11,060 --> 01:17:12,561
You should have won.
Really.
2079
01:17:12,561 --> 01:17:14,063
Maybe someday,
you never know.
2080
01:17:14,063 --> 01:17:17,400
Unfortunately, our Scottish
competitor Crawford MacKenzie
2081
01:17:17,400 --> 01:17:20,003
was such a late entry,
we couldn't make a film for him.
2082
01:17:20,003 --> 01:17:22,438
But I think we have
something very exciting.
2083
01:17:22,438 --> 01:17:23,639
Maybe even better.
2084
01:17:23,639 --> 01:17:25,875
With his model,
Veronica webb,
2085
01:17:25,875 --> 01:17:30,246
Crawford MacKenzie's
"flower of Scotland."
2086
01:17:30,246 --> 01:17:31,681
[Bagpipe playing]
2087
01:18:44,520 --> 01:18:46,055
Bravo!
2088
01:18:54,931 --> 01:18:57,033
Tony: oh, my!
2089
01:19:00,136 --> 01:19:04,140
This is going
to be difficult, indeed.
2090
01:19:04,140 --> 01:19:07,243
Judges, you must make
your decisions now.
2091
01:19:07,243 --> 01:19:09,678
As we look
at the scoreboard...
2092
01:19:09,678 --> 01:19:13,016
Señora, we must
ask for your vote.
2093
01:19:19,889 --> 01:19:22,225
11, John Paul Mitchell...
2094
01:19:22,225 --> 01:19:23,726
Elois, 11...
2095
01:19:23,726 --> 01:19:26,462
11! giuseppe Franco, 11!
2096
01:19:26,462 --> 01:19:28,531
Titch Jones, 11!
2097
01:19:28,531 --> 01:19:30,233
What a competition!
2098
01:19:31,968 --> 01:19:36,439
It looks like we have
a new world champion!
2099
01:19:39,075 --> 01:19:41,110
The platinum scissors
2100
01:19:41,110 --> 01:19:44,380
will belong
to Crawford MacKenzie!
2101
01:19:44,380 --> 01:19:45,381
We won!
2102
01:19:47,116 --> 01:19:49,452
[Chanting]
Crawford! Crawford!
2103
01:19:49,452 --> 01:19:52,055
If you're looking for
representation, call me.
2104
01:19:52,055 --> 01:19:55,158
Crawford! Crawford!
Crawford!
2105
01:19:55,158 --> 01:19:57,326
Thank you for everything.
2106
01:20:16,279 --> 01:20:18,114
Tony:
ladies and gentlemen,
2107
01:20:18,114 --> 01:20:22,785
we have a new hairdressing
champion of the world...
2108
01:20:22,785 --> 01:20:25,955
Crawford MacKenzie!
2109
01:20:33,930 --> 01:20:35,498
I knew it.
2110
01:20:35,498 --> 01:20:38,067
I knew it
all along.
2111
01:20:38,067 --> 01:20:40,036
I'm so proud.
Candy.
2112
01:20:40,036 --> 01:20:41,337
You hate this,
don't you?
2113
01:20:41,337 --> 01:20:44,040
No, no. All I'm gonna say
is this to you, ok?
2114
01:20:44,040 --> 01:20:47,476
We have hair competition,
or is it a toy show?
2115
01:20:47,476 --> 01:20:48,677
That's the thing.
2116
01:20:48,677 --> 01:20:49,745
I gotta go now.
Turn that off.
2117
01:20:49,745 --> 01:20:50,980
Thank you.
2118
01:20:50,980 --> 01:20:53,149
Crawford: I felt sorry
for stig ludwigssen.
2119
01:20:53,149 --> 01:20:55,384
To go from
being top Norwegian
2120
01:20:55,384 --> 01:20:57,887
to just another
Scandinavian hairdresser
2121
01:20:57,887 --> 01:21:01,290
must be a pretty
tough nut to swallow.
2122
01:21:01,290 --> 01:21:03,392
When I look back
on the whole thing now,
2123
01:21:03,392 --> 01:21:04,894
I feel I've grown,
2124
01:21:04,894 --> 01:21:06,963
both spiritually
and as a hairdresser.
2125
01:21:06,963 --> 01:21:09,665
Was it hard to leave
California?
2126
01:21:09,665 --> 01:21:12,168
No.
it's just like Scotland
2127
01:21:12,168 --> 01:21:15,304
with palm trees
and better dental care.
2128
01:21:16,739 --> 01:21:18,674
I wanted to go home.
2129
01:21:18,674 --> 01:21:21,210
I wanted to see my friends.
2130
01:21:21,210 --> 01:21:25,614
And you know what?
I was dying for a curry.
2131
01:21:25,614 --> 01:21:28,251
Surprise!
surprise!
2132
01:21:28,251 --> 01:21:29,685
Welcome back,
Mr. MacKenzie.
2133
01:21:29,685 --> 01:21:30,719
Thank you!
2134
01:21:30,719 --> 01:21:31,720
Well done!
2135
01:21:31,720 --> 01:21:34,190
Welcome home, son.
2136
01:21:34,190 --> 01:21:36,292
Scotland's proud of you.
2137
01:21:36,292 --> 01:21:38,627
I'm proud
of Scotland.
2138
01:21:38,627 --> 01:21:39,762
[Laughter]
2139
01:21:39,762 --> 01:21:41,697
Let's party!
2140
01:21:41,697 --> 01:21:43,599
[Cheering]
2141
01:21:47,003 --> 01:21:48,972
[Sighs]
that's it.
2142
01:21:48,972 --> 01:21:49,872
Now...
2143
01:21:49,872 --> 01:21:52,075
Who's for a haircut?
2144
01:21:52,908 --> 01:21:54,377
* all the leaves are brown *
2145
01:21:54,377 --> 01:21:56,145
* all the leaves
are brown *
2146
01:21:56,145 --> 01:21:58,214
* and the sky is gray *
2147
01:21:58,214 --> 01:22:01,050
* and the sky
is gray *
2148
01:22:01,050 --> 01:22:03,719
* I've been for a walk *
2149
01:22:03,719 --> 01:22:05,955
* on a winter's day *
2150
01:22:05,955 --> 01:22:08,291
* on a winter's
day *
2151
01:22:08,291 --> 01:22:10,159
* I'd be safe and warm *
2152
01:22:10,159 --> 01:22:12,061
* safe and warm *
2153
01:22:12,061 --> 01:22:13,729
* if I was in L.A. *
2154
01:22:13,729 --> 01:22:16,065
* if I was in L.A. *
2155
01:22:16,065 --> 01:22:18,101
* California dreamin' *
2156
01:22:18,101 --> 01:22:19,368
* California
dreamin' *
2157
01:22:19,368 --> 01:22:23,306
* on such a winter's day *
2158
01:22:23,306 --> 01:22:25,241
* stopped into a church *
2159
01:22:26,442 --> 01:22:29,345
* I passed along the way *
2160
01:22:30,246 --> 01:22:33,049
* well, I got down
on my knees *
2161
01:22:33,049 --> 01:22:34,717
* on my knees *
2162
01:22:34,717 --> 01:22:36,352
* and I pretend to pray *
2163
01:22:36,352 --> 01:22:38,187
* pretend to pray *
2164
01:22:38,187 --> 01:22:40,623
* you know, the preacher
likes the cold *
2165
01:22:40,623 --> 01:22:42,425
* likes the cold *
2166
01:22:42,425 --> 01:22:44,927
* he knows I'm gonna stay *
2167
01:22:44,927 --> 01:22:46,695
* knows I'm gonna stay *
2168
01:22:46,695 --> 01:22:47,830
* California dreamin' *
2169
01:22:47,830 --> 01:22:50,066
* California
dreamin' *
2170
01:22:50,066 --> 01:22:55,004
* on such a winter's day *
2171
01:23:18,227 --> 01:23:20,429
[repeating]
* California *
2172
01:24:04,407 --> 01:24:06,209
* all the leaves are brown *
2173
01:24:06,209 --> 01:24:08,211
* all the leaves
are brown *
2174
01:24:08,211 --> 01:24:10,012
* and the sky is gray *
2175
01:24:10,012 --> 01:24:12,748
* and the sky
is gray *
2176
01:24:12,748 --> 01:24:14,016
* I've been for a walk *
2177
01:24:14,016 --> 01:24:15,718
* for a walk *
2178
01:24:15,718 --> 01:24:17,753
* on a winter's day *
2179
01:24:17,753 --> 01:24:20,256
* on a winter's day *
2180
01:24:20,256 --> 01:24:21,890
* if I didn't tell her *
2181
01:24:21,890 --> 01:24:23,526
* if I didn't
tell her *
2182
01:24:23,526 --> 01:24:25,361
* I could leave today *
2183
01:24:25,361 --> 01:24:27,863
* I could
leave today *
2184
01:24:27,863 --> 01:24:29,432
* California dreamin' *
2185
01:24:29,432 --> 01:24:31,400
* California
dreamin' *
2186
01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:33,402
* on such a winter's day *
2187
01:24:33,402 --> 01:24:35,171
* California
dreamin' *
2188
01:24:35,171 --> 01:24:37,039
* on such a winter's day *
2189
01:24:37,039 --> 01:24:38,974
* California
dreamin' *
2190
01:24:38,974 --> 01:24:45,581
* on such a winter's day *
2191
01:24:49,985 --> 01:24:56,659
* on such a winter's day *
2192
01:24:58,026 --> 01:25:00,829
captioning made possible by
Warner Bros.
2193
01:25:00,829 --> 01:25:04,267
Captioned by the national
captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--
2193
01:25:05,305 --> 01:25:11,411
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