All language subtitles for The.Big.Tease.1999.WEBRip.x264.RARBG-1

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish Download
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian Download
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish Download
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:05,706 Captioning made possible by Warner Bros. 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:13,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.SubtitleDB.org today 3 00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:15,883 [Camera takes picture] 4 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,719 When Martin Samuels decides to make a documentary 5 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,288 about a Scottish artiste, 6 00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:22,556 you have to ask yourself, 7 00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,125 "who is this guy? 8 00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,327 What's all the fuss about?" 9 00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:30,898 Well, that guy is me. 10 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,966 I'm Crawford MacKenzie. 11 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,802 I'm a hairdresser. 12 00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,003 [Camera takes picture] 13 00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,305 "Dear Mr. MacKenzie, 14 00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:38,706 "the executive committee 15 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:42,076 "of the world international hairdressing federation 16 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,611 "is delighted to inform you 17 00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:46,614 "that you have been selected to participate 18 00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,949 "in this year's platinum scissors competition 19 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,218 "in Los Angeles. 20 00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:52,220 "For those invited..." Blah, Dee, blah, blah. 21 00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:53,987 "On a personal note, 22 00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,489 "i look forward to meeting you 23 00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:58,126 "upon your arrival in the United States. 24 00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:00,261 "Sincerely, Monique geingold, 25 00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:03,063 president, w.H.I.F." It's w.H.I.F. 26 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,733 * my boy lollipop * 27 00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,303 * you make my heart go giddyap * 28 00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:14,142 * you are as sweet as candy * 29 00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:17,378 * you're my sugar dandy * 30 00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:20,080 * whoa, my boy lollipop * 31 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:24,285 * never, ever leave me * 32 00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:28,222 * because it would grieve me * 33 00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:29,923 * my heart told me so * 34 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:30,991 good to see you. Hi. 35 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:31,992 Basically, this is where I work. 36 00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,161 This is what I do all day. 37 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:34,462 Margaret, you look fantastic. 38 00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,330 You're like a big, scary alien with your hat-- 39 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,031 the pensioner from outer space. 40 00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:40,201 * but I don't want you to know * 41 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:41,702 this is a look I've been working on. 42 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,237 I call it New Zealand-- 43 00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,272 all black, you see? 44 00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:45,873 [Cameraoh. takes picture] 45 00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,175 Margaret? 46 00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:48,509 It's a funny thing about that woman. 47 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,278 She comes in here every week. 48 00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:51,512 You get a permanent on her head, 49 00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:52,713 and then she's off to the bathroom 50 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,981 for a half an hour. 51 00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,883 Samuels: how did you come by this nickname that you have? 52 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,151 Oh, well, 53 00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:59,287 they call me the red adair of hair, 54 00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:01,189 because if there's a problem, 55 00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:03,023 I'm the one they call in. 56 00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,058 No. obviously, it's a different area 57 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:07,228 of expertise from the other red adair. 58 00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:09,263 I mean, I'd never use explosives 59 00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:10,898 to get the style i wanted. 60 00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,200 I mean, this is hairdressing. 61 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,834 There are limits, right? 62 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,969 Samuels: what was that like, then? Someone who knew-- 63 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,705 a born hairdresser 64 00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:19,607 growing up in a working-class district 65 00:02:19,607 --> 00:02:20,408 in Glasgow? 66 00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:22,310 What was that like? 67 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:23,944 Let's have a look around a bit more. 68 00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:25,246 This is, um-- 69 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,614 Samuels: do you not want me to ask you about-- 70 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,316 we'll talk about it later.Ok. 71 00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:29,750 Um, so, um... 72 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:30,884 [Camera takes picture] 73 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,053 I want to cut it short, i want curls on the top, 74 00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:34,222 and I want to dye it red. 75 00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:36,056 Rarely do we perform the full bluebell, 76 00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,459 but senga's is a very deserving case. 77 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:39,993 She hasn't quite been herself 78 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,462 since the accident in the bakery. 79 00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,264 It's going to look gorgeous. 80 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,932 You're going to look fabulous. 81 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,600 There. 82 00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,338 Ta-da. 83 00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,240 Oh, Crawford, 84 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,275 you're a genius. 85 00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,211 [Sighs] i know. 86 00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:58,479 [Camera takes picture] 87 00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:01,349 You can't dominate the Glasgow regionals 88 00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:03,083 for 5 years 89 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:05,152 and then not get asked to L.A. 90 00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,087 You know? I mean... 91 00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:09,056 They're going to come. 92 00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,324 Welcome to my wee office, 93 00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:12,226 or as I sometimes call it, 94 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,027 my galleria del trofio. 95 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,629 And here we are, 96 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,398 the grand fromage-- 97 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,300 Sean Connery. 98 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,936 Which one's Sean Connery? 99 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,705 In the middle there. 100 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,139 [Imitates Sean connery] Actually, it has been said 101 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,775 that my Sean Connery is indistinguishable 102 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,243 from the real thing with your eyes shut, 103 00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:30,711 Mr. goldfinger. 104 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,847 Anyway, it was a glorious day at gleneagles, 105 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:36,350 apart from Sean's little hair catastrophe. 106 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:39,487 Luckily, I was able to step in and help out. 107 00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:42,923 Alas, you know, discretion forbids. 108 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:43,757 Right. 109 00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:46,860 Which one's this? Who is this? 110 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,762 It's stig ludwigssen, 111 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,364 winner of the platinum scissors 112 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,300 for the last 3 years. 113 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,535 You simply can't go higher in the hair hierarchy. 114 00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:56,470 Of course, stig ludwigssen's salon 115 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:59,773 is in L.A., where hair can make you or break you. 116 00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,975 How do you feel about him being singled out 117 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,844 to compete against the greatest hairdressers 118 00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:04,778 in the world? 119 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,481 I think it is absolutely wonderful. 120 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,350 So there was a hint of genius even when he was-- 121 00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,384 oh, yes. 122 00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,286 What channel is this for, mate? 123 00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,522 Uh, it's a documentary for english tele-- 124 00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:15,889 what channel is it for? 125 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,391 It's a documentary for english television. 126 00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:19,660 If you just, like, could stand over there, sir. 127 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:20,994 We're just shooting in this direction here, 128 00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,996 and it's very difficult for me to concentrate-- 129 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,399 I think you should go and get a sweater on. 130 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:26,667 Hey, this is my garden. 131 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,268 You've always bored me, by the way. 132 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,404 What was he like as a child? 133 00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:33,607 Very, very intelligent. 134 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,577 I called up mensa about him. 135 00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:37,711 Mensa? 136 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:38,812 Yes. 137 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:43,283 And they suggested i get him a chess set. 138 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,752 And what do you think happened 139 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,154 the very afternoon i brought it home? 140 00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:49,056 I don't know. 141 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:51,091 He takes the little men 142 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,926 and dresses them up 143 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,629 in homemade hula skirts. 144 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,497 Oh. 145 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:59,066 And performed the bigger numbers 146 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:01,201 from south pacific. 147 00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:03,303 * Bali ha'i * 148 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,473 both: * you special island * 149 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,408 * come to me * 150 00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:08,642 * come to me * 151 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,678 let me ask you about gareth. 152 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,045 Yeah. he's a nice boy, isn't he? 153 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:13,246 [Camera takes picture] 154 00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,215 [Music playing] 155 00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:17,585 Oh! 156 00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:18,786 Ooh! 157 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,921 It's a documentary, yeah. 158 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,022 Come here. 159 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,290 Thank you, thank you. 160 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,925 Thank you very much, airdrie. Thank you. 161 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,460 Wave. 162 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:27,895 Well done, well done. 163 00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,397 Oh, look, I got you in a sticky mess. 164 00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:31,098 Yeah. that's fine. I'm ok. 165 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,567 We're all very proud. 166 00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:34,868 I'm his biggest fan. 167 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,104 What? he's got an underwater camera. 168 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,006 He's got an underwater-- 169 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,774 he's so talented 170 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,209 and sexy. 171 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,611 He's an excellent guy. 172 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:44,812 Yeah. isn't he, boys? 173 00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,013 [Boys agree] 174 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,314 I'll tell you what. 175 00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:48,916 I'd sleep with him. 176 00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:50,984 You know he's gay, don't you? 177 00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:51,885 No, he isnae. 178 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,754 If they want him out in California, 179 00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,789 it's probably for the best. 180 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,091 He'll be amongst his own kind out there. 181 00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,461 Shark-infested waters. 182 00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,365 Crawford, don't go to Hollywood. 183 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,000 Shut your face. 184 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,169 [Camera takes picture] 185 00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,472 Crawford: I had a very settled life in Scotland. 186 00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,340 I had my cats, my mother, 187 00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,342 my friend gareth. 188 00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:16,877 And these people were the reason 189 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,980 that I was getting on that plane. 190 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,450 Bless them. 191 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,787 You know, this was something i had to do-- 192 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,656 not for me, 193 00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:30,691 but for Scotland. 194 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,460 [Camera takes picture] 195 00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,633 I'm sorry. 196 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,139 That is lovely, mum. Thanks. 197 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,240 Is it the right size? 198 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,276 Hey, hey, hey, yankee doodle dandy. 199 00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:51,479 Shut up. Shut up. 200 00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:52,813 And the stars. 201 00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,915 And with the stars and the stripes--it's lovely. 202 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,349 Oh, son, 203 00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,852 it's a wee bit wee on you. 204 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,388 I'll need to knit you another one. 205 00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:02,656 Don't you dare knit another one. 206 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:05,125 It's fine. It's lovely. I love it. 207 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,259 Hey, listen. What? 208 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,595 Take your Billy doll. 209 00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,129 It'll bring you thanks.Luck... 210 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,130 Not that you need luck. 211 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,364 Oh, shut up. 212 00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:12,432 [Both speaking native language] 213 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,167 I'm sorry. 214 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,969 As they say in llandow, 215 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,337 both: ciao for now. 216 00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:18,939 [Both speaking native language] 217 00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:20,974 Come on. 218 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,810 All right. 219 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:23,877 Bye. 220 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,412 Bye. bye. 221 00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,413 Bye. 222 00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,048 Bye. bye. 223 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,049 Bye. 224 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,389 Are you tired? 225 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,591 Yes... 226 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,159 But it's an international sort of tired, 227 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,160 if you know what I mean. 228 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,028 Oh, yeah. 229 00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,530 Crawford: i couldn't believe it. 230 00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:44,665 I mean, seeing him right there at the airport, 231 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,266 it was like an omen. 232 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,568 Not the omen, of course, 233 00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:50,538 but equally as scary in a different way. 234 00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,906 God. oh, my god. 235 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:53,941 It's stig. 236 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,910 Stig, hi! Stig! 237 00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,546 Hi! hi! 238 00:07:58,546 --> 00:08:00,047 Coo, coo, coo. 239 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,715 Hey, hi. Hey, hi. 240 00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,284 Hey. excuse me. Excuse me, miss. 241 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,119 Do you work for stig? 242 00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,154 We're busy. 243 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,057 Charming. 244 00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:10,858 Who was that? 245 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:13,060 Stig ludwigssen. Cheerio. 246 00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,194 He's the one to beat. 247 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,262 [Camera takes picture] 248 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,864 Man on P.A.: The white zone 249 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:19,199 is for the immediate loading and unloading 250 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,233 of passengers only. 251 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,635 Man: hey, you know you got to get them off. 252 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,303 I got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 253 00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,872 Hey, you guys want a ride? 254 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,173 No, thanks. We're going to get a taxi. 255 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,141 No. forget those guys, man. They'll screw you. 256 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,476 You know, they don't even speak english. 257 00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,144 They'll get you lost. I got it. 258 00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:32,813 I got it, dude. 259 00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,214 That's my stretch right there. 260 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,215 Your what? 261 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,483 My limo. My limo. 262 00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:37,585 Stretch. classy, you know what I mean? 263 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:38,886 For god's sake, get a taxi. 264 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,554 Go and get a trolley. How much? 265 00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:41,855 200 bucks. 266 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,190 No way. 267 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,191 Where you from, man? 268 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,192 Scotland. 269 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,226 75. 75 bucks. 270 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,260 50. 271 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,629 All right. Ok. 272 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,764 Driver: welcome, gentlemen. 273 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,100 Welcome to Los Angeles, baby. All right. 274 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,988 It's big, isn't it? 275 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:17,290 Oh, look at that-- Marina del Rey. 276 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:20,928 I knew a drag queen once called Marina del Rey. 277 00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:21,929 She wasn't from here, though. 278 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,597 She was from wolverhampton. 279 00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,298 She's a great dancer-- 280 00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:26,499 fat arse, though. 281 00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:28,535 What kind of movie are you guys making? 282 00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:31,404 It's a fly-on-the-wall documentary. 283 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,140 You guys want an idea for a movie? 284 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,009 I only make documentaries. 285 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,410 5 words-- 286 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,246 teenage hasidic 287 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,881 lizard basketball mutiny. 288 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,549 You know what I mean? 289 00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,251 It's a slam dunk, man. 290 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,686 Big ufo that comes down-- 291 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,688 "if you lose, you will become our slave." 292 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:48,922 They've already got Michael Jordan. 293 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,123 3:00 in the morning, my beeper's going off. 294 00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:52,059 Beep beep. I'm, like, "st. eamonn here." 295 00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:53,426 You know? "Who needs what?" 296 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,628 Back in the eighties, 297 00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,964 I was in a little rock and roll outfit. 298 00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,565 * missin' my lady * 299 00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,433 [imitates guitar solo] 300 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,368 On the road. 301 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:04,037 It's kind of a road song. 302 00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,706 Samuels: I usually stay at the bel age, 303 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:09,142 but this is supposed to be very good. 304 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,579 Hi, I'm Ronnie. Welcome to the century Plaza hotel. 305 00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:13,947 Hi, Ronnie. 306 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:14,748 Thanks. 307 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:15,749 Hey, man. Hey, 308 00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,284 here's my head shot. 309 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,052 Just give me a call, you know, any time, 310 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,921 and there's an 818 beeper number on the back. 311 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,890 It's probably going to change, but... 312 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:24,457 If you need a car, a chick, 313 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,359 you know, a schooner, anything. Give me a call. 314 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:27,360 All right. 315 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,729 All right? I'm serious, man. 316 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:30,163 Give me a call. 317 00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:32,065 You never know. 318 00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,668 That's for you. Thank you. 319 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,603 We have you in a king-size suite, 320 00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:37,971 but your preferential group rate, 321 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,807 it entitles you to an executive upgrade. 322 00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,408 Oh. super-duper. 323 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,542 [Laughs] 324 00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:43,811 Where is your accent from? 325 00:10:43,811 --> 00:10:45,345 I'm from Glasgow. 326 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,480 Oh, I love the Beatles. 327 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,449 [Laughs] 328 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:51,451 I'm just going to need a credit card now, sir. 329 00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:52,652 Ok. 330 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,956 Here. thanks. 331 00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:58,892 Crawford: how much do you tip them? 332 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,194 Samuels: usually, you take the tax and double it. 333 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,195 What tax? 334 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,431 Just give him $5.00. 335 00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,834 Oh, my god. 336 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,869 An upgrade. 337 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,670 It's got electric curtains. 338 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,671 Samuels: it's very nice. 339 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,473 It's fantastic. 340 00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:16,109 Oh, my god. 341 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,144 Ronnie, 342 00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:19,947 that's for you. Thanks very much. 343 00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:24,317 Look at that, Martin. It's fantastic. 344 00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:25,518 It's fantastic! 345 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,021 A fourposter bed. My god, I've always wanted one. 346 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,923 You like this, don't you? 347 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,625 I love it. You know what? 348 00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,127 I was born to this. 349 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,296 No, mum, it's the Clinton suite. 350 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:37,364 [Music playing] 351 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,666 No. president Clinton. 352 00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,401 Well, why would a top Los Angeles hotel 353 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,504 name a suite after b.B. Clinton of rangers? 354 00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,006 I'm here right now. 355 00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,741 I'm wearing a blue shirt 356 00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:50,477 and my tartan trousers-- 357 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:52,145 the ones that are really tight. 358 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:55,015 I don't have to worry about who's paying for it. 359 00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,383 W.h.i.f. are paying for it. 360 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,818 No corkscrew? 361 00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:58,819 Not a problem. 362 00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,921 Hello, room service? 363 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:04,324 Could you send up Ronnie with a corkscrew, please? 364 00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:05,993 When the cat's away, 365 00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:08,095 the big Scottish hairdressing mouse 366 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:08,929 will play. 367 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,063 * all the leaves are brown * 368 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,664 * all the leaves are brown * 369 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,067 * and the sky is gray * 370 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,169 * and the sky is gray * 371 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:17,771 * I've been for a walk * 372 00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:19,672 * I've been for a walk * 373 00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,541 * on a winter's day * 374 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,777 * on a winter's day * 375 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:24,778 * I'd be safe and warm * 376 00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:27,580 * I'd be safe and warm * 377 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,982 * if I was in L.A. * 378 00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,617 * if I was in L.A. * 379 00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,185 [crack] 380 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,286 Aah! 381 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:34,788 Aah! aah! 382 00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:35,923 Let's get that other one, ok? 383 00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:38,691 I think the other one's-- aah! 384 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,194 Crawford: spectacular, isn't it? 385 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,329 I mean, 386 00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:44,131 when you look out at all those twinkling lights, 387 00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,233 and you realize that every one of them 388 00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,667 has a story... 389 00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,402 There are people out there 390 00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,371 living, dying, 391 00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:52,539 laughing, 392 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,574 making love, 393 00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:56,609 having their hair done. 394 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,211 It's just profound. 395 00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,982 * all the trees are brown * 396 00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:04,617 * all the trees are brown * 397 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,720 * and the sky is gray * 398 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,023 * the sky is gray * 399 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,191 * California-- * 400 00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:14,794 * --alifornia dreaming * 401 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:18,065 * on such a winter's day * 402 00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,266 * I'd be safe and-- * 403 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:22,702 * I'd be safe and warm * 404 00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:24,905 * if I was in L.A. * 405 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,039 [camera takes picture] 406 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,241 Samuels: is the camera rolling? 407 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:33,280 [Yawns] 408 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,882 Good night, les. 409 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,933 Samuels: um, can we just do the curtains again, please? 410 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,368 No. I'm going to sleep. That's it. 411 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:56,469 Cut, Seamus. 412 00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:57,537 [Camera takes picture] 413 00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:58,705 Samuels: so, is this how you normally prepare 414 00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,040 for a competition? 415 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,175 Well, I wouldn't sit out by the pool in Scotland, 416 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,111 but it's very similar. 417 00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:05,879 You know, I like to get myself calm 418 00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,680 and focused and relaxed. 419 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,882 So it's not like being a violinist, 420 00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,217 where you practice, practice, practice? 421 00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:13,420 No. it's about calmness and focus and Serenity. 422 00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,457 Mr. MacKenzie. 423 00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:18,491 Yes? 424 00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:21,461 I am dunstan cactus, manager of the hotel. 425 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,164 You fellas don't need me on that thing. 426 00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,865 Hi, mom. Ha ha ha! 427 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,367 I just wanted to let you know, sir, 428 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,202 if there's anything in the hotel not to your liking, 429 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,104 you call me instantly, all right? 430 00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,705 We'll sit down in my office and talk it all out 431 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:33,706 any time of the day or night. 432 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,707 I insist. 433 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:35,708 Great. thanks. 434 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:36,709 Enjoy your stay. 435 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:37,710 Ok. thank you very much. 436 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,080 Ha ha ha! 437 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,481 I know what-- let's do it right now. 438 00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:44,017 Always room in my schedule for an honored guest. 439 00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:46,553 What do you say? I insist. 440 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,554 Ok. 441 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:48,555 All right, sir. 442 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,490 Ok, great. 443 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,558 All right. 444 00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,728 Seamus: hang on, hang on. 445 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,630 Oh, excuse me. Ha ha ha ha! 446 00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:00,533 We've had many cameras in the hotel before. 447 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,902 I don't think there's enough light in here. 448 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:03,971 Seamus: the camera cable 449 00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,705 is stuck in the fucking door. 450 00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:06,839 Hang on! 451 00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:09,576 [Objects clatter] 452 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,877 All right, sir. 453 00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,345 Come on in. 454 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:13,146 Have a seat. 455 00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:14,447 Thanks. ha ha! 456 00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,849 Have you got your passport on you? 457 00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,451 Ah, sure. Yeah. 458 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,689 Oh, see? I knew it. That's what i-- 459 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:23,690 because the accent... 460 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:24,824 Oh, yeah, yeah. 461 00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,026 It's a Scottish-British passport. 462 00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:28,395 You know, I always wondered--scot...Land, 463 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,563 eng...land, ire...Land, and then just wales. 464 00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:33,666 I love that. Just one nice, short country there, too. 465 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,535 It bespeaks a people with a sense of balance, 466 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:36,336 to my mind. 467 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:38,005 And Scotland, if I may say, 468 00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,540 is the most beautiful country in the world. 469 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:41,608 You've been there? 470 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:42,775 No. no, no. 471 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,911 Ha ha! No, but over the years, 472 00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:46,346 friends have sent me postcards, 473 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:49,682 and one builds up a picture in the mind's eye. 474 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,352 Uh, and it intensifies to the point where, 475 00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:54,921 frankly, I actually consider myself 476 00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:56,689 to be Scottish... 477 00:15:57,757 --> 00:16:00,660 Though, of course, by mail. 478 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:01,794 Is there something wrong? 479 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,430 Why don't we have a drink? 480 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:05,398 I'm afraid I don't have much to offer you 481 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:07,434 except water, but, as you can see, 482 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:09,036 I have a nice collection of that. 483 00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,770 Oh, yeah. 484 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,405 Aqua java, avalon, evian, 485 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,973 clearly Canadian, sparkletts, 486 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,342 dannon, naya, eternal spring-- 487 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,144 eternal spring? I wouldn't know whether to drink it 488 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,311 or put it on my skin. 489 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:21,114 Very good, sir. Eternal spring, it is. 490 00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,182 And one for your friend. 491 00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,183 Thank you very much. 492 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:24,384 Don't be afraid of it, son. 493 00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:25,385 Thank you. 494 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:26,519 [Both laugh] 495 00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:27,554 Thank you. 496 00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:30,223 Well, I love water. I used to love booze. 497 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:33,793 I used to be a bit of a moonshine Marty, I'm afraid, 498 00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:34,994 but... 499 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,863 Thanks to the grace of my higher power, 500 00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:39,499 whom I choose to call my lord and savior Jesus Christ, 501 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,668 I haven't had a drink in over 5 days. 502 00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:45,172 I am an alcoholic. 503 00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,939 I'm not afraid to say that 504 00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,342 to them, by the way. Ha ha ha. 505 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,610 I used to think it was because my uncle 506 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,345 inserted his index finger into my anus 507 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,181 when I was kid, but... 508 00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:55,882 That's all water under the bridge now. 509 00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,750 All right, to business. 510 00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,386 We have a teeny problem, 511 00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,454 and I think we can clear it up in a second. 512 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:02,789 You've maxed out your credit card. 513 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,191 We just need to get an imprint of another card. 514 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:05,925 Oh, there's a misunderstanding. 515 00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,927 Please don't be embarrassed. This is really nothing. 516 00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,162 It happens all the time. 517 00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,297 We just have a number of charges, 518 00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:11,364 and we have to keep current. 519 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,965 It's for the meals, the massage, 520 00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:15,768 the, uh, maxi bar, 521 00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,003 in-room movies. 522 00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,271 Men of San Francisco-- 523 00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,806 I don't think 3 times.You understand. 524 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,509 I've seen that one myself. It's not that I'm judging you. 525 00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,411 I'm here as a competitor-- 526 00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,446 it's just that I need another credit card. 527 00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,014 I hardly think the world hairdressing 528 00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:29,549 international federation 529 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,251 would have one of their own competitors 530 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,786 pay for their own hotel suite. 531 00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:35,788 [Sighs] 532 00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:38,525 Nevertheless, 533 00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:39,759 I'm going to have to ask you 534 00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,829 to live up to your fiscal responsibilities, 535 00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,431 and until that happens... 536 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:49,236 I'm going to have to hold onto this. 537 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,906 Uh, here at the century Plaza, 538 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:57,110 we never like to alarm our guests. 539 00:17:58,044 --> 00:17:59,045 We'll do it, 540 00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,747 but we don't like it. 541 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:01,948 [Camera takes picture] 542 00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,450 Secretary: Monique, 543 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,952 I have a Mr. MacKenzie here to see you. 544 00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,787 Monique: ok. Tell him to wait. 545 00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,089 I think this is her now. 546 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,724 Secretary: good morning. W.H.I.F. 547 00:18:15,061 --> 00:18:16,163 Monique. 548 00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:17,564 Hello. hi. 549 00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,866 Thank god. The hotel doesn't have any record there 550 00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:21,201 as regards payment. 551 00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:22,535 They don't know that you-- that w.H.I.F., I mean, 552 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:26,573 are--are picking up the tab for the competitors. 553 00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:30,076 Um, well, we are picking up the tab, 554 00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:33,813 but you're not one of the competitors. 555 00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,548 [Laughs] 556 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,684 [Laughs] 557 00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:38,918 Who are you? 558 00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,953 Me? I'm Crawford. 559 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,855 I'm Crawford MacKenzie. 560 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,657 You wrote to me personally, 561 00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:47,627 inviting me to be part of the hair-off. 562 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:48,795 Here. 563 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:49,796 Oh. 564 00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,700 I--i did write this. 565 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:54,701 Um... 566 00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:59,038 This is a form letter, however. 567 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:03,142 Each year, our computer picks 100 people at random 568 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,644 off our associate membership list, 569 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,079 and we invite them to come to L.A. 570 00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,415 To the hair-off, 571 00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:11,684 but to be part of the audience on the big night. 572 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:14,587 Ahem. 573 00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,862 So this is just, uh... 574 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,432 Well, if you see here at the bottom, 575 00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:28,301 it says that we've reserved you a hotel booking-- 576 00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,469 a courtesy hotel booking-- 577 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:30,803 everyone--the whole lucky 100 gets it. 578 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:34,207 It's at the preferential group rate, so... 579 00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,711 Monique, I'm from Scotland. 580 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:39,712 Great. 581 00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,249 In Scotland, when someone invites you 582 00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:44,551 to a hair competition to participate, 583 00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:46,353 it usually means you'll be participating 584 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:47,920 in that hair competition 585 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,557 and not sitting in the back row of the stalls 586 00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,091 with 99 lucky new friends 587 00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:54,160 chewing on a fucking raisinette. 588 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,562 I'm sorry, and this... 589 00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,196 This has been a dreadful misunderstanding. 590 00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,431 No, no, it's fine. Really. 591 00:19:58,431 --> 00:19:59,999 Honestly, it's ok. 592 00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,601 I've come 7,000 miles 593 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,670 to be part of a hair competition 594 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:04,671 I'm not even in, 595 00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:06,839 but it's fine. It's really not a problem. 596 00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,040 Let's go. Thank you. 597 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,309 Thank you very much. 598 00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:12,412 Look at this. $10 for a tin of cherry cola. 599 00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:13,580 Where on this bill does it say 600 00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,214 that you have to pay for these things? 601 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,916 Right there, sir. 602 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:21,454 Where else does it say that you have to pay for it? 603 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:25,224 Where else on the bill does it say that? 604 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,526 [Camera takes picture] 605 00:20:57,189 --> 00:20:58,257 Whoa! 606 00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,693 Hey! watch it, you punk. 607 00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:04,130 Killer ride, you fat bagel! 608 00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:05,365 One of yours? 609 00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:06,833 Mm-hmm. sorry. 610 00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:07,867 Hey, baby. 611 00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:08,868 How you doing? 612 00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,269 How you doing? 613 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,672 Listen, I got... 614 00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:13,740 Hey, mom! 615 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,109 Ha ha! 616 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,145 That woman's bald. 617 00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:20,680 Yes. 618 00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:27,754 Whoo! ah, you got a great deal, man. 619 00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:28,755 Great. yeah. 620 00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:29,722 How much is it? 621 00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:30,923 Yeah, I got a double-occupancy thing. 622 00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:32,224 Crawford: I think it was a wise choice, 623 00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:33,460 moving out of the last hotel. 624 00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:35,628 It was way too flash. 625 00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:38,365 Too much opulence is bad for my instrument. 626 00:21:38,365 --> 00:21:39,632 Samuels: you don't feel 627 00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:41,468 this is a bit of a comedown for you? 628 00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:43,636 No, not at all. I actually like it here. 629 00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,505 I think it's a lot more cutesy. 630 00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:47,474 You know, kind of charming. 631 00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:49,376 I mean, look. Look at that. 632 00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:50,543 It's sweet, isn't it? 633 00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:52,311 That rococo kind of design. 634 00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:53,580 And I think that's the difference 635 00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:54,914 between britain and America. 636 00:21:54,914 --> 00:21:57,884 Even in the Demi-luxe category here, 637 00:21:57,884 --> 00:21:59,151 they make the effort. 638 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:02,555 Mind you, you're still not actually in the competition. 639 00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:04,457 Of course I'm still in the competition, Martin. 640 00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:06,859 There's been a tiny bureaucratic error. 641 00:22:06,859 --> 00:22:08,861 It'll all be fine tomorrow morning. 642 00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:10,863 [Chugging] 643 00:22:16,769 --> 00:22:18,705 Jesus Christ. 644 00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:23,576 This could be very dangerous. 645 00:22:23,576 --> 00:22:24,811 It smells good. 646 00:22:24,811 --> 00:22:25,778 [Coughing] 647 00:22:25,778 --> 00:22:28,080 Maybe there's an air freshener in it. 648 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,817 Kind of like a potpourri inside or something 649 00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:32,284 to make the room smell nice. 650 00:22:32,284 --> 00:22:33,553 I'll open the window anyway. 651 00:22:33,553 --> 00:22:35,555 Can you do something about this? 652 00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:36,956 [Camera takes picture] 653 00:22:36,956 --> 00:22:39,125 Do you like spicy food? 654 00:22:39,125 --> 00:22:40,560 This isn't that spicy. 655 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:42,028 Well, it is to me. 656 00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:43,262 If you want hot food, 657 00:22:43,262 --> 00:22:45,097 I can take you down to Mexico. 658 00:22:45,097 --> 00:22:46,232 That'd be great. 659 00:22:46,232 --> 00:22:48,067 If we've got time, we should do that. 660 00:22:48,067 --> 00:22:49,101 We should all go down. 661 00:22:49,101 --> 00:22:50,302 Turn her over. 662 00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:53,372 So, what did you get up to this morning? 663 00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:55,708 I went down to koreatown, and I saw chokko-- 664 00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:58,478 you know, eamonn the limo driver's friend. 665 00:22:58,478 --> 00:23:00,447 And, um... 666 00:23:00,447 --> 00:23:02,081 He seemed like a nice guy and everything. 667 00:23:02,081 --> 00:23:04,283 Although, uh, it was a horrible neighborhood. 668 00:23:04,283 --> 00:23:05,518 I was really glad to get out. 669 00:23:05,518 --> 00:23:08,655 Seemed a bit expensive just to rent a car. 670 00:23:08,655 --> 00:23:10,523 Anyway, we're mobile. 671 00:23:12,525 --> 00:23:14,060 Do you want a drink or something? 672 00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:16,796 I don't think you were meant to eat them. 673 00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:18,330 I think they're just garnish. 674 00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:19,632 [High-pitched whining] 675 00:23:19,632 --> 00:23:21,367 Nice ride, man. 676 00:23:21,367 --> 00:23:22,735 Thank you. 677 00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:24,270 I can see that you like it, but our friend eamonn 678 00:23:24,270 --> 00:23:26,338 really pulled the cat out of the box with this one. 679 00:23:26,338 --> 00:23:27,574 I'd love to see their faces 680 00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:29,175 if I drove down sauciehall street in this. 681 00:23:29,175 --> 00:23:30,477 It's quite big, isn't it? 682 00:23:30,477 --> 00:23:31,978 It's a Doris day mobile. 683 00:23:31,978 --> 00:23:34,547 The thing is, they drink petrol by the gallon. 684 00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:36,649 So do half my friends in Glasgow. 685 00:23:36,649 --> 00:23:37,984 So where are we going? 686 00:23:37,984 --> 00:23:39,418 Monique's. 687 00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:40,753 Do you really think that's a good idea? 688 00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,455 Yeah. she is the organizer, 689 00:23:42,455 --> 00:23:43,590 and it's partially my fault. 690 00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:44,924 I let my ego get in the way. 691 00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:46,693 We're going to let bygones be bygones. 692 00:23:46,693 --> 00:23:48,595 Anyway, she'll change her mind 693 00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:50,296 when she sees my portfolio. 694 00:23:50,296 --> 00:23:51,363 [Camera takes picture] 695 00:23:51,363 --> 00:23:53,232 It's amazing. Really, all of it. 696 00:23:53,232 --> 00:23:54,233 This is just... 697 00:23:54,233 --> 00:23:55,635 Thank you very much. 698 00:23:55,635 --> 00:23:57,870 It's tremendous. I mean, i--i... 699 00:23:57,870 --> 00:23:59,305 Thank you. 700 00:23:59,305 --> 00:24:00,707 I apologize. 701 00:24:00,707 --> 00:24:02,542 I understand now why you thought you may have been... 702 00:24:02,542 --> 00:24:04,644 Really, there's no need. It was my fault. 703 00:24:04,644 --> 00:24:06,846 I lost my temper. I'm sorry. 704 00:24:09,516 --> 00:24:12,118 I'll tell you what I'm going to do. 705 00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:15,855 I'm going to put you in the best seat in the house. 706 00:24:15,855 --> 00:24:20,326 Right here, between Daniel day-Lewis 707 00:24:20,326 --> 00:24:22,228 and carrot top. 708 00:24:22,228 --> 00:24:24,396 Thank you very much, Monique, 709 00:24:24,396 --> 00:24:26,232 but I came to compete. 710 00:24:28,034 --> 00:24:29,836 Right. 711 00:24:29,836 --> 00:24:31,070 Ahem. 712 00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:33,540 Um... 713 00:24:33,540 --> 00:24:35,675 Crawford, with all due respect, 714 00:24:35,675 --> 00:24:38,545 these stylists are international stars. 715 00:24:38,545 --> 00:24:40,713 Ok? 3 stylists compete every year. 716 00:24:40,713 --> 00:24:43,650 The top hairdressers in Beverly Hills are not invited. 717 00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:46,118 So, I do not know how else i can explain that. 718 00:24:46,118 --> 00:24:47,119 Intercom: Monique. 719 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:47,954 I'm coming. 720 00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:49,756 But I'm as good, if not better, 721 00:24:49,756 --> 00:24:51,023 than any of them. 722 00:24:51,023 --> 00:24:53,960 You really don't understand, do you? 723 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:54,961 Tsk. 724 00:24:56,095 --> 00:24:59,265 You mean it doesn't matter how good you are? 725 00:24:59,265 --> 00:25:00,432 Look, of course it matters, 726 00:25:00,432 --> 00:25:02,001 but we don't even know who you are, ok? 727 00:25:02,001 --> 00:25:03,536 And then it could take years 728 00:25:03,536 --> 00:25:04,737 before you were ever selected. 729 00:25:04,737 --> 00:25:06,038 I want to enter anyway. 730 00:25:06,038 --> 00:25:07,674 You can't just enter. You have to be invited. 731 00:25:07,674 --> 00:25:08,775 Then invite me. 732 00:25:08,775 --> 00:25:10,710 I can't. I don't know who you are. 733 00:25:10,710 --> 00:25:12,111 I'm Crawford MacKenzie. 734 00:25:12,111 --> 00:25:13,312 Oy. look... 735 00:25:13,312 --> 00:25:14,714 Even if I could just let you in, 736 00:25:14,714 --> 00:25:16,783 you're not even qualified to compete. 737 00:25:16,783 --> 00:25:17,950 You're not even a member of the guild. 738 00:25:17,950 --> 00:25:19,652 You're not even a member of h.A.G. 739 00:25:19,652 --> 00:25:20,887 At the very least, 740 00:25:20,887 --> 00:25:22,689 all the stylists are members of the guild. 741 00:25:22,689 --> 00:25:25,558 It's a competition requirement, ok? 742 00:25:25,558 --> 00:25:27,459 Then I'll join. 743 00:25:27,459 --> 00:25:29,028 I'm sorry. 744 00:25:31,964 --> 00:25:34,233 Please. 745 00:25:34,233 --> 00:25:38,037 Crawford: hairdressers of America guild. 746 00:25:38,037 --> 00:25:41,240 Right. I need one day's work in a salon 747 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,475 to get my h.A.G. Union card. 748 00:25:43,475 --> 00:25:44,777 If I can't get a day's work here, 749 00:25:44,777 --> 00:25:46,478 I might as well hang up my crimping tongs 750 00:25:46,478 --> 00:25:49,448 and hobble off into the sunset. 751 00:25:49,448 --> 00:25:51,150 * he don't * 752 00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:52,652 * hang around * 753 00:25:52,652 --> 00:25:55,521 * with the gang no more * 754 00:25:55,521 --> 00:25:59,726 * he don't do the wild things that he did before * 755 00:26:02,461 --> 00:26:04,731 * he used to act bad * 756 00:26:04,731 --> 00:26:06,532 * he used to, but he quit * 757 00:26:06,532 --> 00:26:08,067 hi. hello. 758 00:26:08,067 --> 00:26:10,369 Hi. I'd like to speak to stig, please. 759 00:26:10,369 --> 00:26:11,938 Do you have an appointment? 760 00:26:11,938 --> 00:26:13,505 Uh, no. 761 00:26:13,505 --> 00:26:15,742 Would you like to make one? 762 00:26:15,742 --> 00:26:17,644 I can fit you in Tuesday at 2:00. 763 00:26:17,644 --> 00:26:20,079 You misunderstand. I'm a fellow stylist. 764 00:26:20,079 --> 00:26:23,049 I'd like to speak to him personally. 765 00:26:23,049 --> 00:26:24,216 I'm sorry. 766 00:26:24,216 --> 00:26:27,253 You can't even speak to me without an appointment. 767 00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:29,255 Oh, don't be ridiculous. 768 00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:32,892 What? you're ignoring me now 769 00:26:32,892 --> 00:26:35,094 because I don't have an appointment? 770 00:26:35,094 --> 00:26:37,229 Ha ha. Hello! 771 00:26:37,229 --> 00:26:39,231 Kimberly, let him in. 772 00:26:39,231 --> 00:26:40,232 Thank you. 773 00:26:40,232 --> 00:26:41,400 Welcome to valhenna. 774 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,236 What an honor to finally meet you, Mr. ludwigssen. 775 00:26:44,236 --> 00:26:45,037 I'm sure it is. 776 00:26:45,037 --> 00:26:46,505 I can't really believe it. 777 00:26:46,505 --> 00:26:47,674 Believe it. I'm standing right here. 778 00:26:47,674 --> 00:26:49,676 I've been a huge fan of yours since-- 779 00:26:49,676 --> 00:26:50,877 I don't have all bloody day. 780 00:26:50,877 --> 00:26:52,378 Can we get on with the questions, please? 781 00:26:52,378 --> 00:26:55,081 I've been using your salmon finishing rinse on my mother, 782 00:26:55,081 --> 00:26:56,649 and I've noticed, pre-drying, 783 00:26:56,649 --> 00:26:58,851 a slight air of burnt toast. 784 00:26:58,851 --> 00:27:00,853 Is that normal, or am I misapplying? 785 00:27:00,853 --> 00:27:02,388 Excuse me, excuse me. 786 00:27:02,388 --> 00:27:04,691 You. ah, ok, wait. Come here. 787 00:27:04,691 --> 00:27:07,193 Hello, my name's Martin Samuels. 788 00:27:07,193 --> 00:27:08,928 I'm making a TV-- 789 00:27:08,928 --> 00:27:10,529 it's a film documentary 790 00:27:10,529 --> 00:27:12,732 about Crawford MacKenzie. 791 00:27:13,700 --> 00:27:15,367 But--Crawford MacKenzie? 792 00:27:15,367 --> 00:27:16,635 Who is Crawford MacKenzie? 793 00:27:16,635 --> 00:27:18,437 I'm Crawford MacKenzie. 794 00:27:18,437 --> 00:27:19,438 You? 795 00:27:19,438 --> 00:27:21,240 Yes. I'm a fellow stylist. 796 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,109 And I'm here representing Scotland 797 00:27:23,109 --> 00:27:24,811 in the platinum scissors competition. 798 00:27:24,811 --> 00:27:26,078 Oh. really? 799 00:27:26,078 --> 00:27:27,980 Actually, I wanted to have a word with you, 800 00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:31,417 because I've run into a bit of a technical snag. 801 00:27:31,417 --> 00:27:33,219 I don't have a h.A.G. Card. 802 00:27:33,219 --> 00:27:35,087 And i--you know, I need one for the competition. 803 00:27:35,087 --> 00:27:36,222 Well, of course you do, yeah. 804 00:27:36,222 --> 00:27:39,291 So, I need a day's work in a salon. 805 00:27:39,291 --> 00:27:40,793 Just to smooth it over. 806 00:27:40,793 --> 00:27:43,562 You know what? I would really love to help you... 807 00:27:43,562 --> 00:27:44,563 Great. 808 00:27:44,563 --> 00:27:45,698 But I'm not going to. 809 00:27:45,698 --> 00:27:46,699 Lars. 810 00:27:46,699 --> 00:27:48,300 Thank you. Good-bye. 811 00:27:48,300 --> 00:27:49,335 Please. 812 00:27:49,335 --> 00:27:51,037 I'm going. Thank you. 813 00:27:53,439 --> 00:27:54,540 Thank you. 814 00:27:54,540 --> 00:27:55,541 You're welcome. 815 00:27:55,541 --> 00:27:56,743 Prat. 816 00:27:56,743 --> 00:27:58,510 It's the hairdressers' way. 817 00:27:58,510 --> 00:28:00,212 He's anointed me, Martin. 818 00:28:00,212 --> 00:28:04,216 He said, "Crawford MacKenzie, you can do it on your own." 819 00:28:04,216 --> 00:28:05,384 Samuels: any luck? 820 00:28:05,384 --> 00:28:07,686 I think they wanted me, but I couldn't work there. 821 00:28:07,686 --> 00:28:09,088 There was a terrible smell in that place. 822 00:28:09,088 --> 00:28:10,256 I don't know what it was. 823 00:28:10,256 --> 00:28:11,958 I think they were making a curry 824 00:28:11,958 --> 00:28:14,593 out of someone's underpants in the back. 825 00:28:14,593 --> 00:28:15,928 It was foul. 826 00:28:17,263 --> 00:28:18,097 Fine, I'll go. 827 00:28:18,097 --> 00:28:20,266 Thank you very much. Thank you. 828 00:28:21,734 --> 00:28:22,802 No? 829 00:28:22,802 --> 00:28:24,036 Racists. 830 00:28:24,036 --> 00:28:25,037 Racists? 831 00:28:25,037 --> 00:28:26,072 Racists. 832 00:28:29,675 --> 00:28:32,478 He said to me, he said, "we didn't like braveheart, 833 00:28:32,478 --> 00:28:33,913 "we don't like whiskey, 834 00:28:33,913 --> 00:28:35,681 "and we don't like your accent, 835 00:28:35,681 --> 00:28:36,749 so please get out." 836 00:28:36,749 --> 00:28:37,850 I don't know about you, man, 837 00:28:37,850 --> 00:28:39,819 but that sounds like racism to me. 838 00:28:39,819 --> 00:28:41,087 Fair enough. 839 00:28:41,087 --> 00:28:43,322 America, land of the free, huh? 840 00:28:45,324 --> 00:28:47,894 Man: h.A.G.? Don't talk to me about h.A.G., 841 00:28:47,894 --> 00:28:49,161 those loser bastards. 842 00:28:49,161 --> 00:28:51,597 They've forgotten what it's really all about. 843 00:28:51,597 --> 00:28:52,765 Take a look at this. 844 00:28:52,765 --> 00:28:54,500 Simple step cut with razor edging. 845 00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:55,768 It's a classic. Exactly. 846 00:28:55,768 --> 00:28:57,236 You think I could do anything like this 847 00:28:57,236 --> 00:28:59,338 in a salon in Beverly Hills? 848 00:28:59,338 --> 00:29:00,572 No way, Joe-sá. 849 00:29:00,572 --> 00:29:01,908 I understand. 850 00:29:01,908 --> 00:29:03,509 How did you get into h.A.G. In the first place? 851 00:29:03,509 --> 00:29:04,877 How do you think? 852 00:29:04,877 --> 00:29:05,945 Celeb endorsements. 853 00:29:05,945 --> 00:29:09,048 Exactly. celebrity endorsements. 854 00:29:09,048 --> 00:29:11,317 Why don't you phone your friend Sean Connery? 855 00:29:11,317 --> 00:29:13,419 You don't just phone Sean Connery. 856 00:29:13,419 --> 00:29:15,521 His telephone number changes every 4 days 857 00:29:15,521 --> 00:29:17,189 for security reasons. 858 00:29:17,189 --> 00:29:19,625 What I did do is I got in touch with people magazine, 859 00:29:19,625 --> 00:29:21,660 and they said they didn't have his number, either, 860 00:29:21,660 --> 00:29:23,195 but they could do the next best thing. 861 00:29:23,195 --> 00:29:26,232 They put me in touch with his publicist. 862 00:29:26,232 --> 00:29:27,566 You're always looking to dig the dirt, 863 00:29:27,566 --> 00:29:28,634 aren't you, Martin? 864 00:29:28,634 --> 00:29:30,669 I think it's a problem with you. 865 00:29:30,669 --> 00:29:32,004 [Camera takes picture] 866 00:29:34,273 --> 00:29:35,374 Hello. hi. 867 00:29:35,374 --> 00:29:36,408 Hi. 868 00:29:36,408 --> 00:29:37,509 Hi. 869 00:29:37,509 --> 00:29:40,512 Hi. I'd like to speak to candy Harper, please. 870 00:29:40,512 --> 00:29:41,680 Do you have an appointment? 871 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,149 No, but my name's Crawford MacKenzie. 872 00:29:43,149 --> 00:29:45,717 I'm a friend of Sean Connery's. 873 00:29:45,717 --> 00:29:46,853 You know Sean Connery? 874 00:29:46,853 --> 00:29:48,254 Mm-hmm. 875 00:29:48,254 --> 00:29:49,321 Wow. 876 00:29:49,321 --> 00:29:52,124 He's a client here, but I've never met him. 877 00:29:52,124 --> 00:29:54,360 He was so rad in zardoz. 878 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,295 Yeah. 879 00:29:56,295 --> 00:29:58,697 Uh, candy, there's a Crawford MacKenzie 880 00:29:58,697 --> 00:29:59,765 here to see you. 881 00:29:59,765 --> 00:30:00,967 Is he on the list? 882 00:30:00,967 --> 00:30:02,869 No, but he's a friend of Sean Connery's. 883 00:30:02,869 --> 00:30:04,703 Does he have an appointment? 884 00:30:04,703 --> 00:30:05,804 No. 885 00:30:05,804 --> 00:30:07,806 Well? 886 00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:09,876 I'm sorry. Candy can't possibly see you 887 00:30:09,876 --> 00:30:10,977 without an appointment. 888 00:30:10,977 --> 00:30:12,411 Could you call and make one maybe? 889 00:30:12,411 --> 00:30:13,612 I'm afraid not. 890 00:30:13,612 --> 00:30:15,581 I'm sorry. I don't mean to go above your head, dear, 891 00:30:15,581 --> 00:30:17,516 but this is a Scottish matter. 892 00:30:17,516 --> 00:30:19,986 You really think this brown shows really bad, huh? 893 00:30:19,986 --> 00:30:22,388 Hi. hello. David Hasselhoff, I'm Crawford MacKenzie. 894 00:30:22,388 --> 00:30:23,189 Hi. 895 00:30:23,189 --> 00:30:24,957 You're a god in Scotland. 896 00:30:24,957 --> 00:30:26,225 Thank you. Thank you very much. 897 00:30:26,225 --> 00:30:28,260 Excuse me. This is not a scheduled interview. 898 00:30:28,260 --> 00:30:29,261 Who are you? 899 00:30:29,261 --> 00:30:30,429 Why, you're the woman from the airport. 900 00:30:30,429 --> 00:30:31,530 Are you candy Harper? 901 00:30:31,530 --> 00:30:32,531 And who are you? 902 00:30:32,531 --> 00:30:33,665 My name is Martin Samuels. 903 00:30:33,665 --> 00:30:35,634 I'm making a documentary for British television. 904 00:30:35,634 --> 00:30:37,136 David, this is a nice surprise, 905 00:30:37,136 --> 00:30:38,905 and may I say on a personal note, 906 00:30:38,905 --> 00:30:41,040 my niece just got her lifesaving certificate. 907 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,409 Terrific. let me wish her the best. 908 00:30:43,409 --> 00:30:46,045 I was wondering, you know, when you're on the beach, 909 00:30:46,045 --> 00:30:47,779 the sun and the sea and the sand, 910 00:30:47,779 --> 00:30:49,148 it must play havoc with your hair. 911 00:30:49,148 --> 00:30:51,884 What kind of products do you use? 912 00:30:51,884 --> 00:30:53,319 Candy, I got to be going. 913 00:30:53,319 --> 00:30:56,522 Um, the German tour. Ok, see you then. 914 00:30:56,522 --> 00:30:57,789 Thank you very much, 915 00:30:57,789 --> 00:31:00,292 and hello to all my fans in Scotland. 916 00:31:01,627 --> 00:31:03,029 What do you want? 917 00:31:03,029 --> 00:31:05,064 Oh, I'm sorry to barge in on you like this, 918 00:31:05,064 --> 00:31:06,865 but I'm a friend of Sean Connery's. 919 00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:08,968 I was wondering if you could put me in touch. 920 00:31:08,968 --> 00:31:12,338 Mr. Connery is teeing off right now. 921 00:31:12,338 --> 00:31:14,040 Well, I think he would be a bit annoyed 922 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,241 if he knew I'd been here, 923 00:31:15,241 --> 00:31:16,675 and his representatives hadn't put me-- 924 00:31:16,675 --> 00:31:18,144 well, I'm sure he'll fire me. 925 00:31:18,144 --> 00:31:19,878 Why don't you give gretle your number? 926 00:31:19,878 --> 00:31:22,915 We'll get him in touch with you. 927 00:31:22,915 --> 00:31:26,185 Look, it says here, and I quote... 928 00:31:27,753 --> 00:31:29,188 "Sean Connery sees himself 929 00:31:29,188 --> 00:31:31,924 as an ambassador for scots all over the place." 930 00:31:31,924 --> 00:31:33,926 Well, I'm Scottish, I'm all over the place, 931 00:31:33,926 --> 00:31:35,594 and I demand to see the ambassador. 932 00:31:35,594 --> 00:31:37,296 Candy: gretle! 933 00:31:37,296 --> 00:31:38,330 Sorry. 934 00:31:38,330 --> 00:31:39,198 Fine, I'll go, 935 00:31:39,198 --> 00:31:41,200 but let me just say one thing. 936 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:42,935 I think that your behavior is indicative 937 00:31:42,935 --> 00:31:44,503 of the petty-minded bureaucratic stuff 938 00:31:44,503 --> 00:31:47,706 that Sean has been fighting against his whole life. 939 00:31:47,706 --> 00:31:49,008 Pantene pro-v 940 00:31:49,008 --> 00:31:50,776 with a generic brand alkali conditioner, 941 00:31:50,776 --> 00:31:53,645 using a non-soluble finishing rinse. 942 00:31:55,881 --> 00:32:00,152 Held in place with a flammable stiffener. 943 00:32:00,987 --> 00:32:02,488 Are you mad? 944 00:32:04,123 --> 00:32:05,791 How did you know? 945 00:32:05,791 --> 00:32:09,228 A hair professional knows. 946 00:32:09,228 --> 00:32:11,363 Wow. 947 00:32:11,363 --> 00:32:13,732 Let me just say one thing. 948 00:32:13,732 --> 00:32:15,167 If this level of abuse continues, 949 00:32:15,167 --> 00:32:17,236 in future, when you have your hair done, 950 00:32:17,236 --> 00:32:20,472 you won't necessarily have to be there. 951 00:32:20,472 --> 00:32:22,841 I could help you, of course, but given the situation... 952 00:32:22,841 --> 00:32:26,612 I'm not giving you his number. 953 00:32:26,612 --> 00:32:28,480 3 words-- 954 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:29,548 telly... 955 00:32:29,548 --> 00:32:30,549 And... 956 00:32:30,549 --> 00:32:31,984 Savalas. 957 00:32:31,984 --> 00:32:34,586 Crawford: the problem with all the products 958 00:32:34,586 --> 00:32:35,487 you've been using 959 00:32:35,487 --> 00:32:37,523 is that they're all alcohol-based. 960 00:32:37,523 --> 00:32:39,125 What difference does that make? 961 00:32:39,125 --> 00:32:41,893 Well, in layman's terms, it means your hair is drunk. 962 00:32:41,893 --> 00:32:43,362 You've got thousands of wee alcoholics 963 00:32:43,362 --> 00:32:45,431 growing out of your head. 964 00:32:45,431 --> 00:32:47,099 That's why your hair's powerless and unmanageable. 965 00:32:47,099 --> 00:32:48,967 It has to go into rehab. 966 00:32:48,967 --> 00:32:50,136 First things first. 967 00:32:50,136 --> 00:32:51,437 No, it's all right. 968 00:32:51,437 --> 00:32:53,605 Kiwi volumizing reconstructor. 969 00:32:53,605 --> 00:32:54,673 It's cpr for hair. 970 00:32:54,673 --> 00:32:56,542 I'm surprised stig hasn't told you about it. 971 00:32:56,542 --> 00:32:57,609 He doesn't do my hair. 972 00:32:57,609 --> 00:32:59,845 That's obvious. I meant as a friend. 973 00:32:59,845 --> 00:33:02,048 Well, I only met him the other day. 974 00:33:02,048 --> 00:33:04,916 He was out doing a client's hair at the airport. 975 00:33:04,916 --> 00:33:06,085 Why are you here? 976 00:33:06,085 --> 00:33:07,986 I'm representing Scotland 977 00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:09,888 in the platinum scissors. 978 00:33:09,888 --> 00:33:11,090 Oh, really? 979 00:33:11,090 --> 00:33:12,324 Monique didn't tell me 980 00:33:12,324 --> 00:33:15,027 there was a Scottish competitor. 981 00:33:15,027 --> 00:33:16,295 Oh, yeah. 982 00:33:16,295 --> 00:33:18,864 So you don't really know Sean at all. 983 00:33:18,864 --> 00:33:20,966 I do. I got him out of a jam once, 984 00:33:20,966 --> 00:33:22,168 and he owes me a favor. 985 00:33:23,635 --> 00:33:25,904 What kind of a jam? 986 00:33:25,904 --> 00:33:29,441 Loose lips sink ships. Stay still. 987 00:33:29,441 --> 00:33:30,942 [Squirting] 988 00:33:30,942 --> 00:33:32,010 Ooh. 989 00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:34,180 Ooh, got a wee bit on my finger. 990 00:33:34,180 --> 00:33:35,481 It's not leaking, is it? 991 00:33:35,481 --> 00:33:38,250 It's not leaking yet. No. 992 00:33:39,151 --> 00:33:42,588 Can you keep your head in one place for a minute? 993 00:33:42,588 --> 00:33:44,690 That's what they all say. Pfff! 994 00:33:44,690 --> 00:33:47,359 [Both laughing] 995 00:33:47,359 --> 00:33:50,829 * I like Jerry springer * 996 00:33:50,829 --> 00:33:53,665 * I'm a sexy swinger, yeah * 997 00:33:53,665 --> 00:33:54,766 done. 998 00:33:54,766 --> 00:33:59,037 I was thinking of cutting it really short. 999 00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:02,341 How long has it been? 1000 00:34:02,341 --> 00:34:04,810 What? 1001 00:34:04,810 --> 00:34:06,245 In my experience, 1002 00:34:06,245 --> 00:34:07,813 women cut their hair really short 1003 00:34:07,813 --> 00:34:09,481 for one of two reasons-- 1004 00:34:09,481 --> 00:34:12,951 either they've gone through a nasty breakup with a man, 1005 00:34:12,951 --> 00:34:14,086 or they're heavily involved 1006 00:34:14,086 --> 00:34:16,755 in the world of ladies' golf. 1007 00:34:16,755 --> 00:34:18,357 I'm looking at you, 1008 00:34:18,357 --> 00:34:21,327 and I'm not seeing much of a putter. 1009 00:34:26,832 --> 00:34:28,934 Oh, poor thing. 1010 00:34:28,934 --> 00:34:30,136 Really. 1011 00:34:31,637 --> 00:34:33,105 Crawford: ladies and gentlemen, 1012 00:34:33,105 --> 00:34:35,407 may I present your employer-- 1013 00:34:35,407 --> 00:34:39,678 miss Candice Margaret hilda Harper. 1014 00:34:40,646 --> 00:34:43,215 Woman: that's great. It looks fabulous. 1015 00:34:43,215 --> 00:34:45,384 I just love it. 1016 00:34:45,384 --> 00:34:47,085 [Camera takes picture] 1017 00:34:47,085 --> 00:34:50,256 Hello, Mr. Connery. It's Crawford MacKenzie. 1018 00:34:50,256 --> 00:34:51,623 Actually, i was a fan of yours 1019 00:34:51,623 --> 00:34:52,491 long before we met. 1020 00:34:52,491 --> 00:34:53,925 I never really got a chance 1021 00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:56,495 to properly compliment you on the subaquatic segments 1022 00:34:56,495 --> 00:34:58,330 of never say never again. 1023 00:34:58,330 --> 00:35:01,133 What was it like working with Barbara carrera? 1024 00:35:01,133 --> 00:35:03,001 That sounds fine, honey. 1025 00:35:03,001 --> 00:35:05,271 Now just dial the number. 1026 00:35:05,271 --> 00:35:08,106 Hello, 007? It's the hair master. 1027 00:35:08,106 --> 00:35:10,008 [Laughs] 1028 00:35:10,008 --> 00:35:11,109 Samuels: are you concerned 1029 00:35:11,109 --> 00:35:13,779 that Sean might not remember you? 1030 00:35:13,779 --> 00:35:15,247 Do you think i could have some privacy, 1031 00:35:15,247 --> 00:35:16,515 please, Martin? 1032 00:35:19,151 --> 00:35:21,620 Come on. Just call him, man. 1033 00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:22,788 Come on. 1034 00:35:22,788 --> 00:35:24,856 All right, all right. Why don't you just go back? 1035 00:35:24,856 --> 00:35:26,525 Ok? hello. 1036 00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:29,161 Martin, why don't you just go back? 1037 00:35:29,161 --> 00:35:30,429 Go on, bugger off. 1038 00:35:30,429 --> 00:35:32,298 Why don't you go to the lap-dancing bar 1039 00:35:32,298 --> 00:35:33,465 you were in last night? 1040 00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:34,733 Did you have your camera running then? 1041 00:35:34,733 --> 00:35:36,468 Cut. did you, eh? 1042 00:35:36,468 --> 00:35:39,871 Sean, it's Crawford. Sean, it's Crawford. 1043 00:35:39,871 --> 00:35:41,607 Sean, it's Crawford. 1044 00:35:41,607 --> 00:35:44,310 Hi, Sean. It's Crawford MacKenzie. 1045 00:35:44,310 --> 00:35:45,677 You probably don't remember me, 1046 00:35:45,677 --> 00:35:47,946 but I was the one that steam cleaned your hairpiece 1047 00:35:47,946 --> 00:35:49,381 at gleneagles when it blew off 1048 00:35:49,381 --> 00:35:52,184 at the fourth green during the Benny hill pro-am. 1049 00:35:52,184 --> 00:35:54,119 Ha ha! Happy days. 1050 00:35:54,119 --> 00:35:55,654 Anyway, I was wondering 1051 00:35:55,654 --> 00:35:57,356 if you could write a letter to h.A.G. 1052 00:35:57,356 --> 00:35:59,958 Telling them what a great hairdr-- 1053 00:35:59,958 --> 00:36:01,727 thank you very much. 1054 00:36:07,666 --> 00:36:10,035 Samuels: have you got the Hollywood sign in? 1055 00:36:10,035 --> 00:36:11,237 Turn over. 1056 00:36:11,237 --> 00:36:12,804 Right, so it's just jogging and talking. 1057 00:36:12,804 --> 00:36:13,939 Crawford: ok. 1058 00:36:13,939 --> 00:36:16,308 Ahem. Sean was busy. 1059 00:36:16,308 --> 00:36:17,509 He's a busy man, 1060 00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:19,211 but he did suggest maybe I would like 1061 00:36:19,211 --> 00:36:21,380 to schmooze candy a little more. 1062 00:36:21,380 --> 00:36:23,215 Schmooze is an old yiddish word. 1063 00:36:23,215 --> 00:36:24,716 It means talking business 1064 00:36:24,716 --> 00:36:26,885 and eating a snack at the same time. 1065 00:36:26,885 --> 00:36:28,820 I think lentl says it to one of his henchmen 1066 00:36:28,820 --> 00:36:31,357 in Fiddler on a hot tin roof. 1067 00:36:31,357 --> 00:36:33,225 Anyway, the point being, 1068 00:36:33,225 --> 00:36:35,794 I've arranged to have my first power lunch. 1069 00:36:35,794 --> 00:36:36,962 Oh, great. Yeah. 1070 00:36:36,962 --> 00:36:38,163 That's really good. 1071 00:36:38,163 --> 00:36:40,899 Did you get the Hollywood sign in? 1072 00:36:40,899 --> 00:36:41,900 [Thud] 1073 00:36:45,804 --> 00:36:47,273 Crawford: thanks for having lunch with me. 1074 00:36:47,273 --> 00:36:49,475 That's all right. I always have lunch-- 1075 00:36:49,475 --> 00:36:51,777 sometimes several times a day. 1076 00:36:51,777 --> 00:36:52,911 Ha ha. 1077 00:36:52,911 --> 00:36:54,380 Anyway, the reason I wanted to talk to you was-- 1078 00:36:54,380 --> 00:36:55,814 excuse me. Hi. 1079 00:36:55,814 --> 00:36:58,384 I'm very excited to tell you about our specials today. 1080 00:36:58,384 --> 00:37:01,052 As an appetizer, we have the pita knapsack 1081 00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:02,821 of Haitian tribal cruditás. 1082 00:37:02,821 --> 00:37:04,690 As an entráe, we have the whole poached 1083 00:37:04,690 --> 00:37:05,757 numidian hen. 1084 00:37:05,757 --> 00:37:07,726 That's pan-seared in its own juices 1085 00:37:07,726 --> 00:37:09,895 and then flash-fried before being encased 1086 00:37:09,895 --> 00:37:11,463 in its own filo kingdom 1087 00:37:11,463 --> 00:37:12,698 and surrounded by a moat 1088 00:37:12,698 --> 00:37:14,766 of luminous chive custard. 1089 00:37:14,766 --> 00:37:17,269 It's well worth the 15-minute wait. 1090 00:37:17,269 --> 00:37:19,471 We'll have 2 Caesar salads. 1091 00:37:21,139 --> 00:37:22,974 Excellent choice. 1092 00:37:22,974 --> 00:37:23,975 Anyway, the reason i wanted-- 1093 00:37:23,975 --> 00:37:25,544 no. before you say a word, 1094 00:37:25,544 --> 00:37:28,547 I have got to tell you something. 1095 00:37:28,547 --> 00:37:30,782 You really cheered me up the other day. 1096 00:37:30,782 --> 00:37:32,584 You are the first person i have met in a long time 1097 00:37:32,584 --> 00:37:33,852 who I felt could be a real friend 1098 00:37:33,852 --> 00:37:35,387 and not always be after something. 1099 00:37:35,387 --> 00:37:37,323 Jerry and I 1100 00:37:37,323 --> 00:37:38,990 are going to give it another try. 1101 00:37:38,990 --> 00:37:40,759 Ohh.i really think it has a lot to do 1102 00:37:40,759 --> 00:37:42,761 with this makeover that you gave me. 1103 00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:43,629 Mmm. 1104 00:37:43,629 --> 00:37:44,963 I really feel attractive again. 1105 00:37:44,963 --> 00:37:47,032 Well, you see, it's not just about the hair. 1106 00:37:47,032 --> 00:37:48,400 It's about the healing. 1107 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:49,768 You are so right. 1108 00:37:49,768 --> 00:37:51,437 That's why Jerry and i are going to spend 1109 00:37:51,437 --> 00:37:52,804 the weekend in Santa Barbara 1110 00:37:52,804 --> 00:37:54,806 at a psychic friends tennis retreat. 1111 00:37:54,806 --> 00:37:56,107 Mmm. 1112 00:37:56,107 --> 00:37:57,409 Lovely. what's that? 1113 00:37:57,409 --> 00:37:59,277 It's a tennis retreat-- 1114 00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:00,746 psychic friends weekend in Santa Barbara-- 1115 00:38:00,746 --> 00:38:04,015 that Jerry and I are going to over the weekend. 1116 00:38:04,015 --> 00:38:05,584 Great. mmm. 1117 00:38:05,584 --> 00:38:06,985 Hey... 1118 00:38:06,985 --> 00:38:08,354 Candy. 1119 00:38:08,354 --> 00:38:09,355 Hey, Johnny. 1120 00:38:09,355 --> 00:38:10,622 Hey, fruit cup. 1121 00:38:10,622 --> 00:38:11,423 Stig. 1122 00:38:11,423 --> 00:38:12,758 Look at you. 1123 00:38:12,758 --> 00:38:16,094 My god, you look sensational. 1124 00:38:16,094 --> 00:38:17,663 Whoo! you're glowing. 1125 00:38:17,663 --> 00:38:20,466 Ha! who is laying you, huh? 1126 00:38:20,466 --> 00:38:21,567 You can tell me. 1127 00:38:21,567 --> 00:38:22,901 What is it, Hercules? 1128 00:38:22,901 --> 00:38:23,935 [All laugh] 1129 00:38:23,935 --> 00:38:24,903 God. 1130 00:38:24,903 --> 00:38:27,172 By the way, I want to thank you again 1131 00:38:27,172 --> 00:38:28,206 for coming out to the airport 1132 00:38:28,206 --> 00:38:29,441 to do Harrison's hair. 1133 00:38:29,441 --> 00:38:30,609 Eh. he was thrilled. 1134 00:38:30,609 --> 00:38:32,811 Well, of course he was. 1135 00:38:34,212 --> 00:38:36,081 Hey, Scottish. 1136 00:38:36,081 --> 00:38:37,683 From my salon, right? 1137 00:38:37,683 --> 00:38:38,917 Lovely to see you again. 1138 00:38:38,917 --> 00:38:40,819 Oh, that's the guy i was telling you-- 1139 00:38:40,819 --> 00:38:42,388 look out, stig. He's going to give you 1140 00:38:42,388 --> 00:38:44,155 a run for your money in the platinum scissors. 1141 00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:45,156 [Both laugh] 1142 00:38:45,156 --> 00:38:46,825 Yeah, sure. 1143 00:38:46,825 --> 00:38:48,560 He can't even get a job sweeping the floor 1144 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:50,562 in my salon for a h.A.G. Card. 1145 00:38:50,562 --> 00:38:51,563 Candy: stig. 1146 00:38:51,563 --> 00:38:53,131 Well--listen. hey, 1147 00:38:53,131 --> 00:38:54,566 next month, it's loser's day. 1148 00:38:54,566 --> 00:38:56,402 Come back. I piss on your head. 1149 00:38:56,402 --> 00:38:58,269 Piss on your head. 1150 00:38:58,269 --> 00:39:00,406 There's a camera. 1151 00:39:00,406 --> 00:39:02,608 He is such an asshole. 1152 00:39:03,409 --> 00:39:05,744 Wait, wait, wait. 1153 00:39:05,744 --> 00:39:06,612 Breathe. 1154 00:39:06,612 --> 00:39:08,814 [Breathes deeply] 1155 00:39:10,081 --> 00:39:11,282 So let me get this straight. 1156 00:39:11,282 --> 00:39:12,283 You can't get into the platinum scissors 1157 00:39:12,283 --> 00:39:13,552 without a h.A.G. Card? 1158 00:39:13,552 --> 00:39:15,754 No.so why didn't you just tell me? 1159 00:39:15,754 --> 00:39:18,023 I was going to, but then you said all that nice stuff 1160 00:39:18,023 --> 00:39:19,891 about being your friend. 1161 00:39:19,891 --> 00:39:21,460 You are my friend. 1162 00:39:21,460 --> 00:39:23,429 I can get you the card. 1163 00:39:23,429 --> 00:39:24,430 Man: thank you. 1164 00:39:24,430 --> 00:39:25,964 It's my town, remember? 1165 00:39:25,964 --> 00:39:28,166 Come by my office by the end of the day. 1166 00:39:28,166 --> 00:39:32,571 I'll get you a job that'll make you h.A.G. Eligible. 1167 00:39:38,176 --> 00:39:39,377 Hey! 1168 00:39:40,178 --> 00:39:41,580 Hey, hold on! 1169 00:39:41,580 --> 00:39:43,381 Wait a minute! 1170 00:39:45,784 --> 00:39:48,587 Excuse me, this is my car. 1171 00:39:50,088 --> 00:39:51,823 What-- ok, ok. So... 1172 00:39:52,624 --> 00:39:55,427 You must be ming tai-pei. 1173 00:39:55,427 --> 00:39:56,762 Strange. you don't look like 1174 00:39:56,762 --> 00:39:59,965 a 78-year-old Asian chef from koreatown. 1175 00:39:59,965 --> 00:40:01,399 I don't know who you're talking about. 1176 00:40:01,399 --> 00:40:03,602 This is my car. I rented it this morning. 1177 00:40:03,602 --> 00:40:04,936 Yes, he did. Shut it. 1178 00:40:04,936 --> 00:40:05,971 Thank you. 1179 00:40:05,971 --> 00:40:07,606 You're welcome. 1180 00:40:07,606 --> 00:40:10,375 This car is a stolen vehicle, 1181 00:40:10,375 --> 00:40:12,210 and you're under arrest, ming. 1182 00:40:12,210 --> 00:40:13,679 [Camera takes picture] 1183 00:40:19,084 --> 00:40:20,085 Where the hell were you? 1184 00:40:20,085 --> 00:40:21,252 Samuels: i posted bail, 1185 00:40:21,252 --> 00:40:23,755 but they wouldn't let you out until this morning. 1186 00:40:23,755 --> 00:40:24,556 Creep. 1187 00:40:24,556 --> 00:40:25,857 Where's the car? 1188 00:40:25,857 --> 00:40:28,293 They wouldn't give me the bloody car! 1189 00:40:28,293 --> 00:40:29,561 They wouldn't make any bloody arrest, 1190 00:40:29,561 --> 00:40:31,730 because of insufficient bloody evidence. 1191 00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:34,265 I'm lucky i wasn't deported. 1192 00:40:34,265 --> 00:40:35,501 Well, that's it. 1193 00:40:35,501 --> 00:40:36,768 I'm going to go down to koreatown. 1194 00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:38,403 I'm going to sort out this chokko character. 1195 00:40:38,403 --> 00:40:39,638 Koreatown? I'm not sure-- 1196 00:40:39,638 --> 00:40:42,107 [tires squeal] 1197 00:40:42,107 --> 00:40:44,476 [Siren] 1198 00:40:44,476 --> 00:40:46,144 That is very dangerous. 1199 00:40:46,144 --> 00:40:47,445 [Camera takes picture] 1200 00:41:02,494 --> 00:41:04,696 [Dance music playing] 1201 00:41:07,533 --> 00:41:09,835 Chokko, it's Crawford MacKenzie. 1202 00:41:09,835 --> 00:41:11,870 I'd like to speak to you about the car. 1203 00:41:11,870 --> 00:41:13,972 Man: don't hang around here, áse! 1204 00:41:13,972 --> 00:41:15,607 Crawford: it wasn't your car to rent. Come on, chokko. 1205 00:41:15,607 --> 00:41:17,609 I don't think this is a very good idea. 1206 00:41:17,609 --> 00:41:19,545 We should--i think we should probably leave now. 1207 00:41:19,545 --> 00:41:21,412 [Gunshot] 1208 00:41:21,412 --> 00:41:23,014 [Gunshot] 1209 00:41:23,014 --> 00:41:25,016 [Gunfire] 1210 00:41:35,694 --> 00:41:37,529 Seamus: oh, god. 1211 00:41:37,529 --> 00:41:38,697 Aw, I've wet my trousers. 1212 00:41:38,697 --> 00:41:40,198 [Camera takes picture] 1213 00:41:42,968 --> 00:41:44,570 Samuels: so, you've come all this way, 1214 00:41:44,570 --> 00:41:46,271 and now you're just going to give up 1215 00:41:46,271 --> 00:41:47,272 the chance of a lifetime? 1216 00:41:47,272 --> 00:41:48,273 Yes. 1217 00:41:48,273 --> 00:41:49,541 Right. 1218 00:41:49,541 --> 00:41:50,942 Let me tell you something, Martin. 1219 00:41:50,942 --> 00:41:52,911 There are many things I'm willing to do for my art, 1220 00:41:52,911 --> 00:41:55,413 but being attacked by a team of crack Korean marksmen 1221 00:41:55,413 --> 00:41:57,048 is not one of them, ok? 1222 00:41:57,048 --> 00:41:58,917 Oh... 1223 00:41:58,917 --> 00:42:00,518 Man... 1224 00:42:00,518 --> 00:42:02,320 I am so sorry. 1225 00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:03,421 I, um... 1226 00:42:03,421 --> 00:42:04,690 Heard what happened with the car, 1227 00:42:04,690 --> 00:42:06,191 and I just ran down here as soon as I heard. 1228 00:42:06,191 --> 00:42:07,726 I told that dude chokko-- 1229 00:42:07,726 --> 00:42:10,361 I told him, "I'm never doing business with you again." 1230 00:42:10,361 --> 00:42:11,630 Oh, I'm so happy, eamonn. 1231 00:42:11,630 --> 00:42:12,864 I am so happy. 1232 00:42:12,864 --> 00:42:14,065 I'm happy to know that had I died, 1233 00:42:14,065 --> 00:42:15,734 had I actually been shot to death, 1234 00:42:15,734 --> 00:42:17,035 I would not have died in vain, 1235 00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:18,369 because your business affairs 1236 00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:19,504 would've been kept in order. 1237 00:42:19,504 --> 00:42:20,672 I'm just happy you're all right, bro. 1238 00:42:20,672 --> 00:42:22,307 I am not your brother. 1239 00:42:22,307 --> 00:42:23,308 [Car honks horn] 1240 00:42:23,308 --> 00:42:25,076 Candy: Crawford? 1241 00:42:25,076 --> 00:42:26,077 Crawford. 1242 00:42:26,077 --> 00:42:27,345 What? 1243 00:42:27,345 --> 00:42:29,480 Where the hell have you been? 1244 00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:30,816 Didn't you get my messages? 1245 00:42:30,816 --> 00:42:32,751 Sorry. I was being raped in prison. 1246 00:42:32,751 --> 00:42:34,019 You shouldn't be out enjoying yourself 1247 00:42:34,019 --> 00:42:35,486 when you've got work to do. 1248 00:42:35,486 --> 00:42:37,222 I don't care. 1249 00:42:37,222 --> 00:42:38,556 I got you a job-- 1250 00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:39,891 a runway show. 1251 00:42:39,891 --> 00:42:41,760 You've got to be there in an hour. 1252 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,028 Candy, I'm going home. 1253 00:42:43,028 --> 00:42:44,863 Samuels: yeah, he is. Yeah. 1254 00:42:44,863 --> 00:42:46,164 This is a h.A.G. Job. 1255 00:42:46,164 --> 00:42:48,233 You do this, you get into the competition. 1256 00:42:48,233 --> 00:42:49,334 Now come on, come on. 1257 00:42:49,334 --> 00:42:50,568 But my car was impounded. 1258 00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:51,870 [Urinating] dude, no problem. I'll drive. 1259 00:42:51,870 --> 00:42:53,872 Damn right, you will, you big toe rag. 1260 00:42:53,872 --> 00:42:56,374 Candy, eamonn. Eamonn, candy. Come on, let's go. 1261 00:42:56,374 --> 00:42:57,575 Samuels: Christ. 1262 00:43:16,527 --> 00:43:18,429 Welcome to the kingdom of joy. 1263 00:43:18,429 --> 00:43:20,866 Oh. candy Harper for Betty fuego. 1264 00:43:20,866 --> 00:43:22,500 Did you pack your own bags today, sir? 1265 00:43:22,500 --> 00:43:23,501 Uh, yeah. 1266 00:43:23,501 --> 00:43:24,903 Bringing in any alcohol, 1267 00:43:24,903 --> 00:43:26,504 knifes, handguns, drugs, 1268 00:43:26,504 --> 00:43:28,573 cocaine, heroin, or any other opiates? 1269 00:43:28,573 --> 00:43:30,008 Excuse me. Hi. 1270 00:43:30,008 --> 00:43:31,509 Wearing gang colors back there, ma'am? 1271 00:43:31,509 --> 00:43:32,778 I'm candy Harper. 1272 00:43:32,778 --> 00:43:34,045 This is Crawford MacKenzie. 1273 00:43:34,045 --> 00:43:35,613 We're here for Betty fuego. 1274 00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:37,548 Ok, that's way too many names. 1275 00:43:37,548 --> 00:43:39,550 Harper. candy Harper. 1276 00:43:39,550 --> 00:43:42,420 Oh, yeah. Ok, got 3 walk-on passes. 1277 00:43:42,420 --> 00:43:44,690 Right. you're going to have to back this rig on up 1278 00:43:44,690 --> 00:43:46,124 to lot "z" 1279 00:43:46,124 --> 00:43:46,992 and walk it on in. 1280 00:43:46,992 --> 00:43:48,426 Eamonn: if we could just take-- 1281 00:43:48,426 --> 00:43:50,061 back it up! Let's go. 1282 00:43:51,596 --> 00:43:52,731 Crawford? 1283 00:43:52,731 --> 00:43:54,499 Crawford MacKenzie? 1284 00:43:54,499 --> 00:43:56,067 Hi. candy, i am so sorry 1285 00:43:56,067 --> 00:43:57,669 about the mix-up at the gate. 1286 00:43:58,870 --> 00:44:00,305 So I've been here for 4 years, 1287 00:44:00,305 --> 00:44:02,240 and this is really my home away from home. 1288 00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:04,175 That's great. Where are my models? 1289 00:44:04,175 --> 00:44:05,777 Oh. um... 1290 00:44:05,777 --> 00:44:07,813 They like to be called actors. 1291 00:44:07,813 --> 00:44:09,180 It's a local convention. 1292 00:44:09,180 --> 00:44:10,181 Ok. 1293 00:44:10,181 --> 00:44:11,950 Ok. ok. 1294 00:44:11,950 --> 00:44:13,318 This is the dressing room. 1295 00:44:13,318 --> 00:44:14,452 Oh, hi, Betty. Hi, guys. 1296 00:44:14,452 --> 00:44:15,687 [Camera takes picture] 1297 00:44:15,687 --> 00:44:17,856 But candy said you'd be happy to do this-- 1298 00:44:17,856 --> 00:44:19,725 that--that you wanted your h.A.G. Card. 1299 00:44:19,725 --> 00:44:21,226 This is ridiculous. 1300 00:44:21,226 --> 00:44:23,261 I'm a hairdresser. I'm not a vet. 1301 00:44:23,261 --> 00:44:25,530 Betty: then I'm just going to have to tell the actors 1302 00:44:25,530 --> 00:44:26,865 that the show is canceled. 1303 00:44:26,865 --> 00:44:28,834 Hey, hey, hey. 1304 00:44:30,301 --> 00:44:31,770 Let go of your ego. 1305 00:44:31,770 --> 00:44:35,006 Just go out there and do your job. 1306 00:44:35,006 --> 00:44:38,443 I do hair. I don't do plumage. 1307 00:44:38,443 --> 00:44:40,846 I'm disappointed in you. 1308 00:44:40,846 --> 00:44:42,480 Do you know how many strings I had to pull 1309 00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:44,049 to make this happen? 1310 00:44:44,049 --> 00:44:45,984 Pull strings? They're 4 mental method actors 1311 00:44:45,984 --> 00:44:47,518 in animal costumes. 1312 00:44:47,518 --> 00:44:49,554 Listen to me. It cost me 300 bucks 1313 00:44:49,554 --> 00:44:52,323 to get rid of the regular stylist. 1314 00:44:52,323 --> 00:44:53,324 Did it? 1315 00:44:53,324 --> 00:44:54,459 Yes. 1316 00:44:54,459 --> 00:44:55,660 Oh, hey, listen, everybody, 1317 00:44:55,660 --> 00:44:56,895 just a little note from last performance. 1318 00:44:56,895 --> 00:44:58,797 Remember, during the foraging part, 1319 00:44:58,797 --> 00:44:59,931 let's see some more detail 1320 00:44:59,931 --> 00:45:01,733 on what food you're looking for, ok? 1321 00:45:01,733 --> 00:45:03,534 Reach inside your actor's toolbox. 1322 00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:05,003 Hey, I'm eamonn. 1323 00:45:05,003 --> 00:45:06,537 I'm Crawford's driver. Hey. 1324 00:45:06,537 --> 00:45:08,573 I just want you to go out there and kick some butt. 1325 00:45:08,573 --> 00:45:09,741 Man: stop with the hopping. 1326 00:45:09,741 --> 00:45:10,742 Man: I'm looking for my carrots. 1327 00:45:10,742 --> 00:45:12,643 It's a damn kids' show. 1328 00:45:12,643 --> 00:45:13,845 Oh, no, no. 1329 00:45:13,845 --> 00:45:15,413 [Hair dryer blowing] 1330 00:45:15,413 --> 00:45:16,948 Betty: we got a new agent coming today. 1331 00:45:16,948 --> 00:45:19,117 She's got a new agency in palm Springs. 1332 00:45:19,117 --> 00:45:21,286 I've been trying to get into the extras guild. 1333 00:45:21,286 --> 00:45:22,520 It's a pain, you know? 1334 00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:23,688 Once I'm finished with this, 1335 00:45:23,688 --> 00:45:25,356 it's going to look like Elvis Presley. 1336 00:45:25,356 --> 00:45:27,759 A sort of woodland creature Elvis Presley, 1337 00:45:27,759 --> 00:45:29,961 but it'll be Elvis Presley nonetheless. 1338 00:45:29,961 --> 00:45:31,229 [People chattering] 1339 00:45:31,229 --> 00:45:32,798 Would you stop with the hop-hopping already? 1340 00:45:32,798 --> 00:45:34,565 Bunny: I'm working. I'm working, all right? 1341 00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:35,901 I'm a bunny. 1342 00:45:35,901 --> 00:45:37,735 Animals, animals, a little peace in the kingdom, 1343 00:45:37,735 --> 00:45:38,937 if you please. 1344 00:45:38,937 --> 00:45:40,671 Bear, bear, come on, hibernate. 1345 00:45:40,671 --> 00:45:41,973 Hibernate. 1346 00:45:41,973 --> 00:45:43,641 Now, look, I know we've only had a short time 1347 00:45:43,641 --> 00:45:44,910 to pull this thing together, 1348 00:45:44,910 --> 00:45:46,778 but I think we've done a bloody good job. 1349 00:45:46,778 --> 00:45:49,180 No, Crawford, you've done a bloody good job. 1350 00:45:49,180 --> 00:45:50,248 Yeah, yeah. 1351 00:45:50,248 --> 00:45:51,582 Thank you, thank you. Come here, come here. 1352 00:45:51,582 --> 00:45:53,919 Everyone, rub the back of the animal next to you. 1353 00:45:53,919 --> 00:45:56,221 Come on. Ahh. There you are. 1354 00:45:56,221 --> 00:45:57,555 Bunny: god... 1355 00:45:57,555 --> 00:45:58,990 Animals: Grant me the Serenity 1356 00:45:58,990 --> 00:46:01,759 to accept the things i cannot change. 1357 00:46:01,759 --> 00:46:03,261 [Camera takes picture] 1358 00:46:03,261 --> 00:46:04,429 [Music playing] 1359 00:46:05,663 --> 00:46:07,098 Animals: * hey, kids, remember * 1360 00:46:07,098 --> 00:46:10,969 * there's a good touch and a bad touch * 1361 00:46:12,037 --> 00:46:13,438 * don't be chicken * 1362 00:46:13,438 --> 00:46:14,906 [clucks] 1363 00:46:14,906 --> 00:46:16,574 * to say no to drugs * 1364 00:46:16,574 --> 00:46:18,810 * no, no, no * 1365 00:46:18,810 --> 00:46:19,811 * a hip and a hop * 1366 00:46:19,811 --> 00:46:21,112 * oh, yeah * 1367 00:46:21,112 --> 00:46:23,414 * but I ain't no gangsta * 1368 00:46:25,216 --> 00:46:27,452 * a boom bay boom ba boom bay * 1369 00:46:27,452 --> 00:46:30,055 * doo ba da ba * 1370 00:46:30,055 --> 00:46:31,056 thank you. That was fantastic. 1371 00:46:31,056 --> 00:46:32,123 It was the best show ever. 1372 00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:33,291 It was fabulous. You were great. 1373 00:46:33,291 --> 00:46:34,292 You were great. 1374 00:46:34,292 --> 00:46:36,727 Finalmente. Crawford MacKenzie-- 1375 00:46:36,727 --> 00:46:38,263 member, h.A.G. 1376 00:46:38,263 --> 00:46:40,331 Samuels: but you're still not in the competition. 1377 00:46:40,331 --> 00:46:42,233 He will be. 1378 00:46:42,233 --> 00:46:43,268 Samuels: yes. 1379 00:46:43,268 --> 00:46:45,403 Eamonn, where's a good place to go dancing? 1380 00:46:45,403 --> 00:46:46,271 Depends what you want. 1381 00:46:46,271 --> 00:46:48,406 You ever been to club Spartacus? 1382 00:46:48,406 --> 00:46:49,274 I've been by it. 1383 00:46:49,274 --> 00:46:51,442 You ought to take him there. 1384 00:46:54,479 --> 00:46:56,481 [Honks horn] 1385 00:46:57,548 --> 00:47:00,551 Let's go, let's go, let's go! 1386 00:47:01,752 --> 00:47:03,188 Ohh. 1387 00:47:03,188 --> 00:47:04,189 Ho ho. 1388 00:47:06,124 --> 00:47:08,626 Oh, you look amazing, man. 1389 00:47:08,626 --> 00:47:10,862 It's just a little something 1390 00:47:10,862 --> 00:47:12,964 I threw together. 1391 00:47:12,964 --> 00:47:14,299 It's a sort of braveheart 1392 00:47:14,299 --> 00:47:15,666 meets liberace, 1393 00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:17,969 or si tu práfáres... 1394 00:47:19,204 --> 00:47:20,205 Bravace. 1395 00:47:22,540 --> 00:47:24,009 [Gasps] ohh! 1396 00:47:25,543 --> 00:47:26,777 I love it so much here. 1397 00:47:26,777 --> 00:47:28,413 My god, look at that. 1398 00:47:28,413 --> 00:47:30,949 I've never--there's nothing like this in Scotland. 1399 00:47:30,949 --> 00:47:32,317 I mean, just nothing like it. 1400 00:47:32,317 --> 00:47:33,418 The whole freedom of the place 1401 00:47:33,418 --> 00:47:35,020 really just makes me feel so... 1402 00:47:35,020 --> 00:47:36,922 Jesus! oh, my-- 1403 00:47:40,125 --> 00:47:42,060 [dance music playing] 1404 00:47:44,195 --> 00:47:46,231 * I must be dreaming * 1405 00:47:48,099 --> 00:47:49,600 * I must be dreaming * 1406 00:47:51,836 --> 00:47:53,071 * I must be dreaming * 1407 00:47:56,541 --> 00:47:58,476 * yeah, yeah * 1408 00:48:01,012 --> 00:48:03,214 [woman singing in Spanish] 1409 00:48:09,020 --> 00:48:11,022 I'm Crawford MacKenzie. 1410 00:48:11,022 --> 00:48:13,024 I'm a hairdresser. 1411 00:48:20,631 --> 00:48:23,101 I'm a fellow stylist. 1412 00:48:27,638 --> 00:48:29,174 [Cheering] 1413 00:48:29,174 --> 00:48:31,276 * I must be dreaming * 1414 00:48:36,881 --> 00:48:38,649 * I must be dreaming * 1415 00:48:39,917 --> 00:48:41,186 [camera takes picture] 1416 00:48:41,186 --> 00:48:42,954 You are now licensed to style, 1417 00:48:42,954 --> 00:48:45,356 weave, and cut 1418 00:48:45,356 --> 00:48:46,891 in the state of California. 1419 00:48:46,891 --> 00:48:48,593 Mr. MacKenzie, congratulations. 1420 00:48:48,593 --> 00:48:49,594 Thank you. 1421 00:48:51,429 --> 00:48:53,364 The great thing about having a h.A.G. Card 1422 00:48:53,364 --> 00:48:56,634 is it can get you into any hair event in the world, 1423 00:48:56,634 --> 00:48:59,604 whether it's vidal sassoon's quick-rinse rodeo 1424 00:48:59,604 --> 00:49:03,341 or stig ludwigssen talking about modern hair products. 1425 00:49:03,341 --> 00:49:06,011 Anyway, I couldn't wait to show Monique geingold 1426 00:49:06,011 --> 00:49:07,545 my h.A.G. Card. 1427 00:49:07,545 --> 00:49:08,813 [Camera takes picture] 1428 00:49:08,813 --> 00:49:10,881 You see, the problem with the modern hair care products 1429 00:49:10,881 --> 00:49:12,883 is that they are homogenized. 1430 00:49:12,883 --> 00:49:14,952 They're pasteurized. They're fried. 1431 00:49:14,952 --> 00:49:15,953 They're shaked. They're baked. 1432 00:49:15,953 --> 00:49:17,422 They're not real. 1433 00:49:17,422 --> 00:49:18,990 But at valhenna, 1434 00:49:18,990 --> 00:49:21,092 we are already in the 21st century. 1435 00:49:21,092 --> 00:49:22,827 We're going back to nature. 1436 00:49:22,827 --> 00:49:24,629 We say to nature, "hello, nature. 1437 00:49:24,629 --> 00:49:27,098 "Look, we're sorry about the ozone layer, 1438 00:49:27,098 --> 00:49:29,000 "but could we please borrow a few fish 1439 00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:32,303 to make our ladies beautiful again?" 1440 00:49:32,303 --> 00:49:34,572 You see it? It goes quickly, right? 1441 00:49:34,572 --> 00:49:35,706 It's a fluke. 1442 00:49:35,706 --> 00:49:37,408 Used to swim like this, now it swims like this. 1443 00:49:37,408 --> 00:49:39,910 We have it reduced here into a paste. 1444 00:49:39,910 --> 00:49:42,980 It's a special dandelion and a kind of a juju muck paste. 1445 00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:44,749 We took this whole fish, 1446 00:49:44,749 --> 00:49:46,251 and we put it into a bottle. 1447 00:49:46,251 --> 00:49:47,985 And then we gently massage it 1448 00:49:47,985 --> 00:49:48,986 right into the scalp. 1449 00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:51,256 Ok. thank you very much. 1450 00:49:51,256 --> 00:49:53,624 Thank you. Thank you. 1451 00:49:56,127 --> 00:49:58,129 Um, and then I did a documentary 1452 00:49:58,129 --> 00:50:01,832 about the prawn fishing in the Philippines, 1453 00:50:01,832 --> 00:50:03,134 which was, I mean... Mmm. 1454 00:50:03,134 --> 00:50:04,302 It's staggering, 1455 00:50:04,302 --> 00:50:06,404 the level of poverty that they live at, 1456 00:50:06,404 --> 00:50:07,605 and I'd love you to see it. 1457 00:50:07,605 --> 00:50:08,706 So, was it good for you? 1458 00:50:08,706 --> 00:50:09,840 Brilliant. 1459 00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:11,309 Always. 1460 00:50:11,309 --> 00:50:12,577 What, what, what? Behave. 1461 00:50:12,577 --> 00:50:14,445 Behave? I can't behave. I never had parents. 1462 00:50:14,445 --> 00:50:15,780 I'm at work. 1463 00:50:15,780 --> 00:50:17,348 Hi, Monique. Hi. 1464 00:50:17,348 --> 00:50:18,583 Hi. hi. 1465 00:50:18,583 --> 00:50:19,417 Ta-da. 1466 00:50:19,417 --> 00:50:20,918 Congratulations. thanks. 1467 00:50:20,918 --> 00:50:21,919 That's great. 1468 00:50:21,919 --> 00:50:23,121 So? 1469 00:50:23,921 --> 00:50:25,123 So... 1470 00:50:25,956 --> 00:50:27,125 So, what? 1471 00:50:27,125 --> 00:50:29,694 So now he can be in the hair-off. 1472 00:50:29,694 --> 00:50:31,296 Candy. 1473 00:50:31,296 --> 00:50:32,463 Crawford, I can't let you in the hair-off 1474 00:50:32,463 --> 00:50:34,031 just because you got your h.A.G. Card. 1475 00:50:34,031 --> 00:50:35,733 You told me I could get in the hair-off 1476 00:50:35,733 --> 00:50:36,901 if I got my h.A.G. Card. 1477 00:50:36,901 --> 00:50:38,169 No, I did not. 1478 00:50:38,169 --> 00:50:40,438 Darling, it's much more than a h.A.G. Thing. 1479 00:50:40,438 --> 00:50:42,039 I'm sorry. 1480 00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:43,908 Listen, I respect you as an artist, ok? 1481 00:50:43,908 --> 00:50:45,376 I do, and... 1482 00:50:45,376 --> 00:50:47,312 And I love the BBC, ok? 1483 00:50:47,312 --> 00:50:49,280 I love masterpiece theatre, 1484 00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:51,749 only, you're not getting into my competition, 1485 00:50:51,749 --> 00:50:52,783 all right? 1486 00:50:52,783 --> 00:50:55,520 That's not fair. You lied. 1487 00:50:55,520 --> 00:50:56,587 Excuse me. 1488 00:50:56,587 --> 00:51:00,225 I will not be bullied, all right? 1489 00:51:00,225 --> 00:51:02,727 Hey, hey, Scottish, what-- 1490 00:51:02,727 --> 00:51:04,395 oh. still making a film 1491 00:51:04,395 --> 00:51:07,198 about a man who can't find a job? 1492 00:51:07,198 --> 00:51:08,466 Ha ha! Oh, god. 1493 00:51:08,466 --> 00:51:11,669 Hey, I give you a job, huh? 1494 00:51:13,171 --> 00:51:15,140 Kiss my ass. 1495 00:51:15,140 --> 00:51:17,542 Don't be such a prick. 1496 00:51:17,542 --> 00:51:20,345 Monique, give him a break. Please? 1497 00:51:20,345 --> 00:51:23,114 Ok, everyone admires your little charity work, 1498 00:51:23,114 --> 00:51:24,982 but, really, why waste your time? 1499 00:51:24,982 --> 00:51:26,050 Aren't you carrying around 1500 00:51:26,050 --> 00:51:28,986 enough excess baggage as it is? 1501 00:51:28,986 --> 00:51:30,288 [Camera takes picture] 1502 00:51:30,288 --> 00:51:32,457 [Music playing] 1503 00:51:33,258 --> 00:51:34,492 Crawford: forget about her. 1504 00:51:34,492 --> 00:51:36,661 She's just a stupid Beverly Hills tart 1505 00:51:36,661 --> 00:51:39,664 held together by hair spray and pantyhose. 1506 00:51:39,664 --> 00:51:43,134 This isn't about Monique. It's about Jerry. 1507 00:51:43,134 --> 00:51:44,335 Oh, no. 1508 00:51:45,603 --> 00:51:46,571 Something happened 1509 00:51:46,571 --> 00:51:48,539 at the psychic friends tennis retreat? 1510 00:51:48,539 --> 00:51:51,276 I caught him with another woman. 1511 00:51:51,276 --> 00:51:53,844 I should've seen it coming. 1512 00:51:53,844 --> 00:51:56,080 He was all over her at the premonition brunch, 1513 00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:59,950 which is actually held the night before. 1514 00:51:59,950 --> 00:52:01,319 Poor thing. 1515 00:52:02,687 --> 00:52:04,289 Why is it we always love the men 1516 00:52:04,289 --> 00:52:06,491 who cause us the most pain? 1517 00:52:06,491 --> 00:52:07,492 I know. 1518 00:52:09,394 --> 00:52:11,061 One night in Glasgow, 1519 00:52:11,061 --> 00:52:13,030 I was mistaken for a Belgian soccer fan 1520 00:52:13,030 --> 00:52:16,367 by 4 sailors who beat me senseless. 1521 00:52:17,435 --> 00:52:20,305 I still keep in touch with one of them-- 1522 00:52:20,305 --> 00:52:22,873 Donald. [laughs] 1523 00:52:22,873 --> 00:52:26,211 TV announcer: Up and down again. Bonus shot now. 1524 00:52:26,211 --> 00:52:27,445 [Crowd cheers] 1525 00:52:27,445 --> 00:52:30,415 Off the rim, wild scramble for the ball... 1526 00:52:31,349 --> 00:52:34,519 There's 2 girls over there kissing. 1527 00:52:34,519 --> 00:52:36,521 [Laughs] 1528 00:52:38,356 --> 00:52:39,890 So, do you feel your time here 1529 00:52:39,890 --> 00:52:42,360 has been completely wasted? 1530 00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:43,794 You know what, Martin? 1531 00:52:43,794 --> 00:52:45,162 You talk too much. 1532 00:52:45,162 --> 00:52:47,498 ...for tomorrow night's 1533 00:52:47,498 --> 00:52:50,335 international platinum scissors competition. 1534 00:52:50,335 --> 00:52:51,969 Maverick billionaire industrialist 1535 00:52:51,969 --> 00:52:53,604 Warren Crockett is also in town. 1536 00:52:53,604 --> 00:52:56,707 Although one of his companies is sponsoring the competition, 1537 00:52:56,707 --> 00:52:59,777 it seems unlikely that the enigmatic tycoon 1538 00:52:59,777 --> 00:53:01,879 will actually be watching tomorrow night. 1539 00:53:01,879 --> 00:53:04,282 Listen, I don't mind if a bunch of soft boys 1540 00:53:04,282 --> 00:53:06,617 get together here and snip a little hair 1541 00:53:06,617 --> 00:53:08,219 as long as it sells a few crates 1542 00:53:08,219 --> 00:53:09,554 of salon juice for me. 1543 00:53:09,554 --> 00:53:10,955 Anchor: if I know senator Crockett at all, 1544 00:53:10,955 --> 00:53:12,156 he'll be spending the weekend 1545 00:53:12,156 --> 00:53:13,491 on his private golf course in brentwood. 1546 00:53:13,491 --> 00:53:15,360 He spent, what, $20 million? 1547 00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,228 You're close-- 25 million. 1548 00:53:17,228 --> 00:53:18,529 But then again, when your golfing pals 1549 00:53:18,529 --> 00:53:20,030 are, like, Tiger Woods and Sean Connery, 1550 00:53:20,030 --> 00:53:21,832 you spare no expense, you know what I'm saying? 1551 00:53:21,832 --> 00:53:22,833 I guess not. 1552 00:53:22,833 --> 00:53:24,702 Favored again for the third year running 1553 00:53:24,702 --> 00:53:28,038 is world champion stylist stig ludwigssen. 1554 00:53:28,038 --> 00:53:29,206 I feel great, really. 1555 00:53:29,206 --> 00:53:30,508 I'm young. I'm fit. 1556 00:53:30,508 --> 00:53:33,944 I'm tingly, sexy, cool. 1557 00:53:33,944 --> 00:53:36,013 Hey, that's it. You guys are out of here. 1558 00:53:36,013 --> 00:53:37,248 Calm down. 1559 00:53:37,248 --> 00:53:39,417 Sorry. he's upset with this jet lag thing. 1560 00:53:39,417 --> 00:53:40,785 [Camera takes picture] 1561 00:54:01,872 --> 00:54:03,874 [Knocks] 1562 00:54:05,710 --> 00:54:06,844 Psst. 1563 00:54:06,844 --> 00:54:08,313 Psst. 1564 00:54:08,313 --> 00:54:10,448 Seamus can't find his trousers. 1565 00:54:10,448 --> 00:54:13,684 Seamus: I've got my passport in them. 1566 00:54:15,353 --> 00:54:17,187 Here, do you know where the, uh... 1567 00:54:17,187 --> 00:54:20,291 Do you know where the coffee is? 1568 00:54:20,291 --> 00:54:21,626 Jesus Christ. 1569 00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:24,695 Sorry. 1570 00:54:24,695 --> 00:54:25,830 Get out. 1571 00:54:25,830 --> 00:54:27,465 Out, out. 1572 00:54:33,871 --> 00:54:35,005 [Camera takes picture] 1573 00:54:35,005 --> 00:54:36,607 Good morning, tiger. 1574 00:54:36,607 --> 00:54:38,776 Crawford: stop that. Don't call me that. 1575 00:54:38,776 --> 00:54:39,777 [Growls] 1576 00:54:39,777 --> 00:54:42,313 [TV on] 1577 00:54:42,313 --> 00:54:44,382 Stop that. I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay. 1578 00:54:44,382 --> 00:54:45,850 You could've fooled me last night. 1579 00:54:45,850 --> 00:54:47,652 Boy, the things you were doing to me... 1580 00:54:47,652 --> 00:54:49,854 Where did you learn that stuff? 1581 00:54:49,854 --> 00:54:51,722 You're a total animal. 1582 00:54:51,722 --> 00:54:55,225 Ha ha! And why did you keep calling me gareth? 1583 00:54:55,225 --> 00:54:56,361 I did not. 1584 00:54:56,361 --> 00:54:58,929 "Gareth! gareth!" 1585 00:54:58,929 --> 00:55:00,665 What is this? 1586 00:55:00,665 --> 00:55:02,900 Mmm. it's a rainmaker. 1587 00:55:03,868 --> 00:55:06,671 It sounds like a toilet flushing. 1588 00:55:08,072 --> 00:55:10,207 Well, you don't have to worry. 1589 00:55:10,207 --> 00:55:11,208 You couldn't have done anything 1590 00:55:11,208 --> 00:55:13,611 even if you wanted to. 1591 00:55:13,611 --> 00:55:17,281 Of course, he's doing wonders for my self-esteem. 1592 00:55:17,281 --> 00:55:18,483 Sorry, candy. 1593 00:55:18,483 --> 00:55:19,984 I adore you. I really do. 1594 00:55:19,984 --> 00:55:21,118 Mmm. 1595 00:55:21,118 --> 00:55:22,787 It's just that... 1596 00:55:22,787 --> 00:55:25,923 I prefer my women with a penis. 1597 00:55:27,358 --> 00:55:29,494 I made such a fool of myself. 1598 00:55:29,494 --> 00:55:30,928 Eat your breakfast. 1599 00:55:30,928 --> 00:55:33,498 Coming over here, trying to be part of a competition 1600 00:55:33,498 --> 00:55:36,401 I'm not even invited to. 1601 00:55:36,401 --> 00:55:37,768 It's like coming to the olympic games 1602 00:55:37,768 --> 00:55:39,069 in a pair of shorts and saying, 1603 00:55:39,069 --> 00:55:41,305 "ok, where's my javelin?" 1604 00:55:41,305 --> 00:55:42,239 It just doesn't happen, does it? 1605 00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:43,808 I'm glad you're here. 1606 00:55:44,709 --> 00:55:46,176 I'm just sorry you're such a pussy. 1607 00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:47,344 Think you're the first person 1608 00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:49,914 to get knocked around by tinseltown? 1609 00:55:49,914 --> 00:55:51,782 You think this kind of crap doesn't happen 1610 00:55:51,782 --> 00:55:54,084 to every single person that gets off the bus? 1611 00:55:54,084 --> 00:55:55,119 Ohh. 1612 00:55:55,119 --> 00:55:57,021 Ohh. 1613 00:55:57,021 --> 00:55:57,955 Well... 1614 00:55:57,955 --> 00:55:59,524 Let me tell you something, buddy. 1615 00:55:59,524 --> 00:56:01,792 You got big dreams? 1616 00:56:01,792 --> 00:56:04,495 You want fame? Well, fame costs. 1617 00:56:04,495 --> 00:56:06,363 And right here is where you start paying-- 1618 00:56:06,363 --> 00:56:07,364 in sweat. 1619 00:56:07,364 --> 00:56:08,365 Ahh! 1620 00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:10,334 Are you all right? 1621 00:56:10,334 --> 00:56:12,437 You're a great hairdresser, right? 1622 00:56:12,437 --> 00:56:13,604 I don't even know anymore. 1623 00:56:13,604 --> 00:56:15,139 Are you a great hairdresser? 1624 00:56:15,139 --> 00:56:17,241 Yes or no. 1625 00:56:17,241 --> 00:56:18,509 Is he a great hairdresser? 1626 00:56:18,509 --> 00:56:19,510 Yes, he is. 1627 00:56:19,510 --> 00:56:22,146 Are you a great hairdresser? 1628 00:56:22,146 --> 00:56:23,280 Yes, I am. 1629 00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:24,882 Well, then you can win this hair-off. 1630 00:56:24,882 --> 00:56:26,851 I can't even get into this hair-off. 1631 00:56:26,851 --> 00:56:30,220 If you could get in, you could win, right? 1632 00:56:30,220 --> 00:56:31,456 Yeah. 1633 00:56:32,289 --> 00:56:34,058 Finish your cocoa puffs. 1634 00:56:40,498 --> 00:56:42,433 Crawford: candy was wonderful. 1635 00:56:42,433 --> 00:56:45,169 I knew she was well-connected in Hollywood, 1636 00:56:45,169 --> 00:56:46,471 but I never dreamed she'd get 1637 00:56:46,471 --> 00:56:48,639 America's comedy heavyweight, Mr. drew Carey, 1638 00:56:48,639 --> 00:56:52,176 to come to lunch at the flick of a hat. 1639 00:56:52,176 --> 00:56:53,343 Waiter: how many, please? 1640 00:56:53,343 --> 00:56:55,279 I think you're going right to features. 1641 00:56:55,279 --> 00:56:57,181 Watch out, Denzel. 1642 00:56:57,181 --> 00:56:58,282 Excuse me. 1643 00:56:58,282 --> 00:57:00,417 Someone would like a word with you. 1644 00:57:00,417 --> 00:57:02,753 Hi. drew. 1645 00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:04,722 There's only a few things i love in life, Monique. 1646 00:57:04,722 --> 00:57:06,724 I love little puppies at Christmas. 1647 00:57:06,724 --> 00:57:08,325 I love the sound the water makes 1648 00:57:08,325 --> 00:57:09,594 when it hits the pillars 1649 00:57:09,594 --> 00:57:10,728 under the bridge of sighs in venice, 1650 00:57:10,728 --> 00:57:13,330 I love leather underwear. 1651 00:57:13,330 --> 00:57:14,331 Great. 1652 00:57:14,331 --> 00:57:15,733 But most of all, Monique, 1653 00:57:15,733 --> 00:57:18,302 I love what that man does with hair. 1654 00:57:18,302 --> 00:57:19,770 Thank you. 1655 00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:21,472 Don't ever make me tell you that again, ok? 1656 00:57:21,472 --> 00:57:23,608 Shh. shh. 1657 00:57:23,608 --> 00:57:26,043 Crawford: drew Carey is not Jewish, 1658 00:57:26,043 --> 00:57:27,411 but nevertheless, 1659 00:57:27,411 --> 00:57:29,346 he is an expert in the art of schmoozing. 1660 00:57:29,346 --> 00:57:30,681 In no time at all, 1661 00:57:30,681 --> 00:57:32,316 he had Monique geingold eating out of his hand, 1662 00:57:32,316 --> 00:57:34,519 hook, line, and sinker. 1663 00:57:34,519 --> 00:57:36,921 The upshot of it was we were summoned 1664 00:57:36,921 --> 00:57:39,223 to a powwow at Monique's office. 1665 00:57:39,223 --> 00:57:40,691 I wore my blue sweater. 1666 00:57:40,691 --> 00:57:42,092 As you both know, 1667 00:57:42,092 --> 00:57:43,628 the platinum scissors competition has been 1668 00:57:43,628 --> 00:57:46,731 hosted by Warren Crockett for the past 25 years. 1669 00:57:46,731 --> 00:57:49,800 Due to the exceptional nature of this situation, 1670 00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:52,469 I called the senator at home this morning. 1671 00:57:52,469 --> 00:57:55,072 You are a remarkable artist, Crawford. 1672 00:57:55,072 --> 00:57:57,074 That's without a doubt, and the impression 1673 00:57:57,074 --> 00:57:59,076 that you've made on this town in such a short time 1674 00:57:59,076 --> 00:58:00,344 is unparalleled. 1675 00:58:00,344 --> 00:58:01,378 Thank you. 1676 00:58:01,378 --> 00:58:03,113 Despite your phenomenal effort, 1677 00:58:03,113 --> 00:58:05,650 the senator has decided not to include 1678 00:58:05,650 --> 00:58:08,118 another stylist in this year's competition. 1679 00:58:08,118 --> 00:58:09,854 I'm sorry. 1680 00:58:09,854 --> 00:58:11,221 Monique-- 1681 00:58:11,221 --> 00:58:12,957 candy, I'm sorry. 1682 00:58:14,091 --> 00:58:15,893 Thank you for your time. 1683 00:58:27,437 --> 00:58:28,939 Like a mint? 1684 00:58:37,181 --> 00:58:39,083 Cameron: the hardest part about all of this 1685 00:58:39,083 --> 00:58:42,720 was that it really wasn't about me. 1686 00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:45,389 It was about the people back home-- 1687 00:58:45,389 --> 00:58:48,425 Mr. patel, frank the postman, 1688 00:58:48,425 --> 00:58:52,229 Margaret, gareth, mother-- 1689 00:58:52,229 --> 00:58:54,565 the ones who've never won anything in their lives, 1690 00:58:54,565 --> 00:58:57,668 let alone an international hairdressing prize. 1691 00:58:58,502 --> 00:59:00,771 This was for the little people. 1692 00:59:01,806 --> 00:59:03,808 And we all know what happens 1693 00:59:03,808 --> 00:59:05,175 to the little people, don't we? 1694 00:59:05,175 --> 00:59:08,445 They get trodden on by the big people. 1695 00:59:08,445 --> 00:59:12,116 Clumsy big people with big feet... 1696 00:59:12,116 --> 00:59:15,052 Crushing little people on the pavement of life. 1697 00:59:16,053 --> 00:59:19,456 Dreams squashed like insects 1698 00:59:19,456 --> 00:59:22,092 on the giant shoes of fate. 1699 00:59:22,092 --> 00:59:25,562 It's just sad. 1700 00:59:49,353 --> 00:59:51,488 [Change clinks] 1701 00:59:51,488 --> 00:59:53,691 [Dialing] 1702 00:59:55,159 --> 00:59:56,827 [Imitates] hello, this is Sean Connery. 1703 00:59:56,827 --> 00:59:59,596 I'd like to speak to senator Crockett, please. 1704 01:00:01,165 --> 01:00:04,234 Hello, Warren. How are you? It's Sean. 1705 01:00:20,117 --> 01:00:21,118 [Gunshot] 1706 01:00:22,653 --> 01:00:24,254 Crockett: pull it! 1707 01:00:27,091 --> 01:00:28,659 Great shot! 1708 01:00:28,659 --> 01:00:30,160 It's a great place you've got here. 1709 01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:31,896 It's really beautiful. Really. 1710 01:00:32,697 --> 01:00:34,398 Yeah? pull it. 1711 01:00:35,565 --> 01:00:36,767 Aah! 1712 01:00:38,135 --> 01:00:40,470 You got it again. 1713 01:00:40,470 --> 01:00:42,306 Come on up. 1714 01:00:50,647 --> 01:00:53,684 I've known Sean Connery for 25 years, 1715 01:00:53,684 --> 01:00:56,821 and yours is by far the worst impersonation 1716 01:00:56,821 --> 01:00:59,423 I've ever heard. 1717 01:00:59,423 --> 01:01:03,360 You tried to deceive me, 1718 01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:07,064 and I find that very... 1719 01:01:07,064 --> 01:01:08,532 Charming. 1720 01:01:08,532 --> 01:01:10,567 Heh. 1721 01:01:10,567 --> 01:01:13,203 Now, what the hell do you want? 1722 01:01:13,203 --> 01:01:15,172 I need a favor. 1723 01:01:15,172 --> 01:01:17,007 So why should i do you a favor? 1724 01:01:17,007 --> 01:01:18,976 I studied up on you, Mr. Crockett. 1725 01:01:18,976 --> 01:01:21,278 You started with nothing. Now you rule the world. 1726 01:01:21,278 --> 01:01:22,546 Not Belgium. 1727 01:01:22,546 --> 01:01:23,981 It couldn't have been easy being 1728 01:01:23,981 --> 01:01:25,716 the only American child in a Shanghai orphanage. 1729 01:01:25,716 --> 01:01:27,918 16 kids to a hammock, Mr. MacKenzie. 1730 01:01:27,918 --> 01:01:28,919 What's your point? 1731 01:01:28,919 --> 01:01:30,320 It's not like your empire 1732 01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:32,122 sprung out of the ground fully formed. 1733 01:01:32,122 --> 01:01:34,992 You started off with a dry-cleaning store in Manila. 1734 01:01:34,992 --> 01:01:36,360 By the time you were 25, 1735 01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:38,796 you were the most successful businessman in Asia. 1736 01:01:38,796 --> 01:01:40,397 The garment industry, rubber, 1737 01:01:40,397 --> 01:01:41,899 tin mining, cosmetics. 1738 01:01:41,899 --> 01:01:44,601 You think I owe the universe a favor, 1739 01:01:44,601 --> 01:01:46,737 and you want to call it in. 1740 01:01:46,737 --> 01:01:48,238 Ha ha ha! 1741 01:01:48,238 --> 01:01:49,673 Son... 1742 01:01:49,673 --> 01:01:52,542 You've got balls of dynamite. 1743 01:01:52,542 --> 01:01:55,079 Ha ha ha ha! 1744 01:01:55,880 --> 01:01:57,748 Thank you. Really. Thanks very much. 1745 01:01:57,748 --> 01:01:59,850 Sure. 1746 01:01:59,850 --> 01:02:01,418 Take care, kid. 1747 01:02:01,418 --> 01:02:02,920 Cheerio. 1748 01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:05,055 Crockett: give 'em hell, Crawford! 1749 01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:18,202 The stars are out in force tonight 1750 01:02:18,202 --> 01:02:20,437 for L.A.'s annual hair extravaganza. 1751 01:02:20,437 --> 01:02:22,139 Giuseppe Franco, how are you this evening? 1752 01:02:22,139 --> 01:02:24,041 Veronica, how are you this evening? 1753 01:02:24,041 --> 01:02:25,742 Jose, how are you this evening? 1754 01:02:25,742 --> 01:02:26,877 Stig ludwigssen-- 1755 01:02:26,877 --> 01:02:28,645 a big gorgeous kiss of talent. 1756 01:02:28,645 --> 01:02:29,914 He's got balls like this. 1757 01:02:29,914 --> 01:02:31,081 I think stig will. 1758 01:02:31,081 --> 01:02:33,583 Everyone who is anyone in hair is here 1759 01:02:33,583 --> 01:02:35,119 to watch the world's top stylists 1760 01:02:35,119 --> 01:02:36,586 compete for the ultimate prize-- 1761 01:02:36,586 --> 01:02:37,955 the platinum scissors. 1762 01:02:37,955 --> 01:02:40,590 So, this is the night we've been working towards. 1763 01:02:40,590 --> 01:02:41,591 How do you feel? 1764 01:02:41,591 --> 01:02:43,093 I feel great, actually. 1765 01:02:43,093 --> 01:02:44,929 I feel like William Wallace must have felt 1766 01:02:44,929 --> 01:02:46,330 before the battle of stirling bridge, 1767 01:02:46,330 --> 01:02:48,999 only my hair's not as puffy and unkempt, obviously. 1768 01:03:07,317 --> 01:03:09,119 Candy, hello. Mmm. 1769 01:03:09,119 --> 01:03:11,721 We are so thrilled and honored 1770 01:03:11,721 --> 01:03:12,789 that you could make it. 1771 01:03:12,789 --> 01:03:14,558 I tried so hard to get you in. 1772 01:03:14,558 --> 01:03:17,094 I'm just glad it all came together in the end. 1773 01:03:17,094 --> 01:03:18,963 How is the senator? 1774 01:03:18,963 --> 01:03:21,098 He's great. He's great. 1775 01:03:21,098 --> 01:03:23,901 Johnny: candy! Hi, fruit cup. 1776 01:03:23,901 --> 01:03:26,170 Oh, Johnny. 1777 01:03:26,170 --> 01:03:28,839 Mmm. grr. 1778 01:03:28,839 --> 01:03:31,641 Well, so, Scottish. 1779 01:03:31,641 --> 01:03:33,010 Finally made it, huh? 1780 01:03:33,010 --> 01:03:35,612 Well, I always knew you would. 1781 01:03:35,612 --> 01:03:36,847 Right? didn't I say that? 1782 01:03:36,847 --> 01:03:40,217 You know, you have ambition, determination. 1783 01:03:40,217 --> 01:03:43,888 Hey, you remind me of me. 1784 01:03:43,888 --> 01:03:45,389 Ha ha ha! 1785 01:03:45,389 --> 01:03:46,690 That's true. 1786 01:03:46,690 --> 01:03:48,492 I hope not too much. 1787 01:03:48,492 --> 01:03:50,961 Ha ha ha! Right? Ok. 1788 01:03:50,961 --> 01:03:52,029 Congratulations, Crawford, 1789 01:03:52,029 --> 01:03:53,630 and good luck, really. 1790 01:03:53,630 --> 01:03:55,632 Thank you very much. 1791 01:03:55,632 --> 01:03:56,800 And good luck to you. 1792 01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:58,435 Ok. mmm! 1793 01:03:58,435 --> 01:03:59,970 Hey, hey, listen. 1794 01:03:59,970 --> 01:04:02,839 Why did you say good luck to him? 1795 01:04:02,839 --> 01:04:04,108 I was just being polite. 1796 01:04:04,108 --> 01:04:05,742 I didn't mean it. 1797 01:04:05,742 --> 01:04:06,743 Wait, Johnny... 1798 01:04:06,743 --> 01:04:07,777 What? 1799 01:04:07,777 --> 01:04:10,680 Is this poo-snacker any good? 1800 01:04:10,680 --> 01:04:14,084 Obviously, he must be pretty good if he's here, right? 1801 01:04:14,084 --> 01:04:16,020 Anything you need, 1802 01:04:16,020 --> 01:04:17,454 I'll be right outside. 1803 01:04:17,454 --> 01:04:19,389 Ok, thanks. 1804 01:04:19,389 --> 01:04:20,457 Thank you. 1805 01:04:20,457 --> 01:04:23,327 Well, let's get a drink. Crawford? 1806 01:04:23,327 --> 01:04:25,129 You go ahead. I'll be with you in a minute. 1807 01:04:25,129 --> 01:04:27,264 All right. Come on. 1808 01:04:28,098 --> 01:04:30,600 Are you saying that he is better than me? 1809 01:04:30,600 --> 01:04:32,436 Ha ha! Come on, stig. 1810 01:04:32,436 --> 01:04:35,039 No one's better than you. Just relax. 1811 01:04:35,039 --> 01:04:36,406 I'm just saying there must be rules, you know? 1812 01:04:36,406 --> 01:04:38,742 Why did Crockett let him in in the first place? 1813 01:04:38,742 --> 01:04:40,544 I don't get it. 1814 01:04:40,544 --> 01:04:42,112 I guess he's probably Crockett's bum chum. 1815 01:04:42,112 --> 01:04:45,749 Oh, I'm pretty sure that Crockett's not gay. 1816 01:04:45,749 --> 01:04:46,951 [Whistles] hey, hey. 1817 01:04:46,951 --> 01:04:48,752 Just step over here for a second. 1818 01:04:48,752 --> 01:04:51,088 I want to tell you something. 1819 01:04:51,088 --> 01:04:53,157 Don't you fuck with me. 1820 01:04:53,157 --> 01:04:54,758 Don't fuck with me. 1821 01:04:54,758 --> 01:04:56,526 Don't you ever fuck with me, Johnny. 1822 01:05:17,314 --> 01:05:18,983 Good luck, stig. Sexy-cool. 1823 01:05:18,983 --> 01:05:20,184 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, 1824 01:05:20,184 --> 01:05:22,519 I'm your host Tony bolero. 1825 01:05:22,519 --> 01:05:24,054 Hi, how are you? 1826 01:05:24,054 --> 01:05:25,422 Thank you so much. 1827 01:05:25,422 --> 01:05:26,523 Let's start. 1828 01:05:26,523 --> 01:05:30,094 Let's find out what all the fuss is about. 1829 01:05:30,094 --> 01:05:31,495 And here it is-- 1830 01:05:31,495 --> 01:05:35,599 the priceless platinum scissors. 1831 01:05:35,599 --> 01:05:37,534 [Applause] 1832 01:05:41,405 --> 01:05:43,307 Crawford? 1833 01:05:43,307 --> 01:05:44,975 Crawford! 1834 01:05:44,975 --> 01:05:45,976 Crawford! 1835 01:05:45,976 --> 01:05:47,077 He's not in here! 1836 01:05:47,077 --> 01:05:48,979 Sorry. Crawford? 1837 01:05:48,979 --> 01:05:51,015 Crawford? Crawford? 1838 01:05:51,015 --> 01:05:52,882 Go away. I'm having a panic attack. 1839 01:05:52,882 --> 01:05:55,185 Honey, let's talk. Open the door. 1840 01:05:55,185 --> 01:05:56,920 I want to go home. 1841 01:05:56,920 --> 01:05:58,922 You can't go home, man! 1842 01:05:58,922 --> 01:06:00,057 Go. 1843 01:06:00,057 --> 01:06:02,226 Their origin is shrouded in mystery. 1844 01:06:02,226 --> 01:06:03,627 All that is known 1845 01:06:03,627 --> 01:06:06,063 is that they were originally hand-smelted 1846 01:06:06,063 --> 01:06:08,232 for czar Nicholas ii of Russia 1847 01:06:08,232 --> 01:06:09,699 by Carl fabergé himself. 1848 01:06:09,699 --> 01:06:11,868 Just open the door, honey. 1849 01:06:11,868 --> 01:06:13,237 Let me in. 1850 01:06:13,237 --> 01:06:16,106 I think I may be having a stroke. 1851 01:06:16,106 --> 01:06:17,107 [Slap] aah! 1852 01:06:17,107 --> 01:06:18,342 Did you feel that? 1853 01:06:18,342 --> 01:06:19,143 Yes! 1854 01:06:19,143 --> 01:06:20,877 Then it's not a stoke. 1855 01:06:20,877 --> 01:06:22,312 Come on. 1856 01:06:23,680 --> 01:06:25,582 That's a good boy. 1857 01:06:27,217 --> 01:06:28,885 Monique: all right, here we go. 1858 01:06:28,885 --> 01:06:30,987 Nicki, you'll be with Crawford. 1859 01:06:30,987 --> 01:06:32,522 Kimora, you'll be with dick, of course. 1860 01:06:32,522 --> 01:06:34,591 Dave and contrelle, together as always. 1861 01:06:34,591 --> 01:06:36,460 Kylie, thanks for being with stig again. 1862 01:06:36,460 --> 01:06:39,129 I know how busy you are these days. 1863 01:06:40,430 --> 01:06:44,468 In 1941, top Nazi Adolf Hitler 1864 01:06:44,468 --> 01:06:47,437 almost got his fascist fingers on these scissors 1865 01:06:47,437 --> 01:06:50,607 were it not for the bravery of French resistance fighters 1866 01:06:50,607 --> 01:06:53,277 who intercepted these very scissors 1867 01:06:53,277 --> 01:06:56,012 on their way to berchtegaden. 1868 01:06:56,012 --> 01:06:57,447 Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me chills 1869 01:06:57,447 --> 01:07:01,751 to stand so near the magnificent platinum scissors. 1870 01:07:12,262 --> 01:07:15,031 All right, gentlemen, the running order is as follows. 1871 01:07:15,031 --> 01:07:16,700 Crawford, you'll be first. 1872 01:07:16,700 --> 01:07:18,435 Dick, you're in second, followed by Dave, 1873 01:07:18,435 --> 01:07:22,106 and stig, as champion, you'll be last. 1874 01:07:22,106 --> 01:07:24,708 Gentlemen... 1875 01:07:24,708 --> 01:07:26,710 To your tongs. [Click] 1876 01:07:41,925 --> 01:07:43,193 And as the excitement grows, 1877 01:07:43,193 --> 01:07:44,761 let's meet the judges. 1878 01:07:44,761 --> 01:07:48,064 First, the confessed bad boy of hair himself, 1879 01:07:48,064 --> 01:07:49,466 the one, the only, 1880 01:07:49,466 --> 01:07:51,568 giuseppe Franco, ladies and gentlemen. 1881 01:07:51,568 --> 01:07:53,270 [Applause] 1882 01:07:53,270 --> 01:07:55,572 Celtic salon impresario 1883 01:07:55,572 --> 01:07:57,641 from merthyr tydfil in south wales, 1884 01:07:57,641 --> 01:07:59,676 titch Jones! 1885 01:08:01,211 --> 01:08:03,079 The king of all products, 1886 01:08:03,079 --> 01:08:05,382 John Paul Mitchell 1887 01:08:05,382 --> 01:08:07,751 and the lovely elois dejoria. 1888 01:08:09,353 --> 01:08:10,754 I'm not sweating now. 1889 01:08:10,754 --> 01:08:12,822 When I start sweating, you'll know it. 1890 01:08:26,370 --> 01:08:27,771 Now. 1891 01:08:29,839 --> 01:08:31,107 Now. now. 1892 01:08:31,741 --> 01:08:32,742 Yes. 1893 01:08:39,183 --> 01:08:41,718 We have one hour to go. 1894 01:08:41,718 --> 01:08:43,387 For my friends south of the border, 1895 01:08:43,387 --> 01:08:46,356 60 minutos to go. 1896 01:08:50,126 --> 01:08:52,662 [Nicki screams] 1897 01:08:52,662 --> 01:08:54,831 Aah! 1898 01:08:59,369 --> 01:09:01,538 Candy: what is going on? 1899 01:09:01,538 --> 01:09:03,473 Oh, god. 1900 01:09:03,473 --> 01:09:06,376 Someone put some red dye in all his products. 1901 01:09:06,376 --> 01:09:10,146 His mousse, his serums, his volumizers. 1902 01:09:11,681 --> 01:09:14,218 What does it matter? It's over now. 1903 01:09:14,218 --> 01:09:15,819 That's it. We're screwed. 1904 01:09:15,819 --> 01:09:17,221 I'm sorry. 1905 01:09:17,221 --> 01:09:19,789 We'll get 'em next year, man. 1906 01:09:19,789 --> 01:09:23,560 What did you say? 1907 01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:25,662 There's always next year. We'll get 'em. 1908 01:09:25,662 --> 01:09:28,265 No. there's not always a next year. 1909 01:09:28,265 --> 01:09:30,200 Candy, go get me a pretty girl. 1910 01:09:30,200 --> 01:09:31,501 You don't have time. 1911 01:09:31,501 --> 01:09:32,702 I'll get you more time. 1912 01:09:32,702 --> 01:09:33,637 Good. thank you. 1913 01:09:33,637 --> 01:09:36,306 Eamonn, that material on the couch. 1914 01:09:36,306 --> 01:09:38,408 Candy, a pretty girl, please! 1915 01:09:38,408 --> 01:09:39,909 Crawford, listen. 1916 01:09:39,909 --> 01:09:41,311 I got a lot of volumizers. 1917 01:09:41,311 --> 01:09:42,679 You're welcome to them, mate. 1918 01:09:42,679 --> 01:09:45,249 Thanks, Dave. I'll come through. 1919 01:09:57,694 --> 01:10:00,697 Well, ladies and gentlemen, i know you've been waiting, 1920 01:10:00,697 --> 01:10:02,432 and we are going to have a competition. 1921 01:10:02,432 --> 01:10:04,033 There has been a slight mishap backstage. 1922 01:10:04,033 --> 01:10:06,803 We will be changing the order of our competitors. 1923 01:10:06,803 --> 01:10:10,240 Our newcomer, Crawford MacKenzie from Scotland, 1924 01:10:10,240 --> 01:10:11,941 will be going last this evening. 1925 01:10:11,941 --> 01:10:15,178 But I assure you the competition will be stiff, 1926 01:10:15,178 --> 01:10:17,213 so enjoy yourselves. 1927 01:10:17,213 --> 01:10:19,316 Do what I do. Drink more. 1928 01:10:19,316 --> 01:10:20,750 Thank you. 1929 01:10:20,750 --> 01:10:23,320 [Band plays] 1930 01:10:23,320 --> 01:10:25,054 Monique! Monique! 1931 01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:27,424 Stig has to go last. 1932 01:10:27,424 --> 01:10:28,792 He's the champion. 1933 01:10:28,792 --> 01:10:30,794 You can't put the Scottish freak show on after him. 1934 01:10:30,794 --> 01:10:32,095 Veronica! 1935 01:10:32,095 --> 01:10:33,797 Hi, how are you doing? 1936 01:10:33,797 --> 01:10:34,898 Hi. great. 1937 01:10:34,898 --> 01:10:36,333 I'm so excited. I always wanted to be in this. 1938 01:10:36,333 --> 01:10:38,034 I mean, you're not even famous--I'm sorry. 1939 01:10:38,034 --> 01:10:39,669 I'm telling you, he's gonna walk, 1940 01:10:39,669 --> 01:10:41,505 and then you are going to be screwed. 1941 01:10:41,505 --> 01:10:44,474 Ok, if stig walks, he's disqualified. 1942 01:10:44,474 --> 01:10:46,075 He's this close to being disqualified already, 1943 01:10:46,075 --> 01:10:47,611 and you know why. 1944 01:10:47,611 --> 01:10:49,479 Oh, come on, Monique. 1945 01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:54,083 Stig had nothing to do with that. 1946 01:10:54,083 --> 01:10:55,519 Blow me. 1947 01:10:57,253 --> 01:10:58,855 I have to get to know your head first. 1948 01:10:58,855 --> 01:11:00,490 We've got some rubber cement here. 1949 01:11:00,490 --> 01:11:02,826 It's not gonna hurt your hair. 1950 01:11:02,826 --> 01:11:04,227 You have your pastry. 1951 01:11:04,227 --> 01:11:05,962 I have to calm down just a little. 1952 01:11:05,962 --> 01:11:07,263 [Drumroll] 1953 01:11:13,102 --> 01:11:16,840 And now, the moment you've all been waiting for-- 1954 01:11:16,840 --> 01:11:18,241 the main event. 1955 01:11:18,241 --> 01:11:19,843 One stylist... 1956 01:11:19,843 --> 01:11:21,978 One model... 1957 01:11:21,978 --> 01:11:24,514 One hairdo, one shot... 1958 01:11:24,514 --> 01:11:26,282 At the big prize. 1959 01:11:26,282 --> 01:11:28,051 And now, ladies and gentlemen, 1960 01:11:28,051 --> 01:11:31,821 our first contestant of the evening, Mr. dick miyake! 1961 01:11:31,821 --> 01:11:33,790 [Applause] 1962 01:11:36,493 --> 01:11:37,994 [Speaking Japanese] 1963 01:11:37,994 --> 01:11:40,730 Tony: what dick is saying is "the transition 1964 01:11:40,730 --> 01:11:44,167 from monk to hairdresser was a painful one for me." 1965 01:11:44,167 --> 01:11:45,168 Give me some of that. 1966 01:11:45,168 --> 01:11:46,703 Veronica, put your fingers-- 1967 01:11:46,703 --> 01:11:48,605 we're actually going to bring you up. 1968 01:11:48,605 --> 01:11:52,108 Tony: "my ancestors guide my hands 1969 01:11:52,108 --> 01:11:56,446 as I create my hair sculptures." 1970 01:11:56,446 --> 01:11:58,181 Arigato. 1971 01:11:58,181 --> 01:12:00,384 [Applause] 1972 01:12:01,818 --> 01:12:04,654 And now, first off, a style created especially 1973 01:12:04,654 --> 01:12:07,424 for this evening's competition by dick miyake, 1974 01:12:07,424 --> 01:12:11,528 and he simply calls it "house of the rising sun." 1975 01:12:36,152 --> 01:12:37,387 I don't want that. 1976 01:12:38,422 --> 01:12:39,623 Candy, I'm sorry. 1977 01:12:40,424 --> 01:12:41,591 Put cheese in my hair? 1978 01:12:41,591 --> 01:12:42,592 It's gonna work. 1979 01:12:42,592 --> 01:12:44,193 Gonna ruin my hair. 1980 01:12:44,193 --> 01:12:45,995 Oh, ho, no, that's looking great. 1981 01:12:45,995 --> 01:12:47,063 It's looking great. 1982 01:12:50,734 --> 01:12:52,736 Ladies and gentlemen, dick miyake, 1983 01:12:52,736 --> 01:12:55,805 Kimora, and "the house of the rising sun." 1984 01:12:57,006 --> 01:12:59,809 Tony: all right, let's check these scores. 1985 01:12:59,809 --> 01:13:00,910 9.7, 9.7, 1986 01:13:00,910 --> 01:13:02,579 John Paul Mitchell, 9.8. Beautiful. 1987 01:13:02,579 --> 01:13:04,614 And 9.7, 9.8, 9.7. 1988 01:13:04,614 --> 01:13:06,850 Great scores for dick miyake! 1989 01:13:06,850 --> 01:13:11,187 If this is the beginning, imagine what is to come. 1990 01:13:11,187 --> 01:13:12,589 But don't imagine long, 1991 01:13:12,589 --> 01:13:15,892 because here comes our British invader, Dave London. 1992 01:13:17,827 --> 01:13:22,666 And here's Dave in repose at his favorite english pub. 1993 01:13:22,666 --> 01:13:24,468 This is where my career really took off. 1994 01:13:24,468 --> 01:13:26,369 I come in here one day, 1995 01:13:26,369 --> 01:13:28,171 sitting there having a dump 1996 01:13:28,171 --> 01:13:30,139 was her royal highness lady bubbles banks frampton. 1997 01:13:30,139 --> 01:13:32,942 So I gives her a cut, she shows her friends, 1998 01:13:32,942 --> 01:13:33,910 they loves it. 1999 01:13:33,910 --> 01:13:35,178 Bob's your uncle, next thing you know, 2000 01:13:35,178 --> 01:13:36,613 I'm an international hairdressing sensation. 2001 01:13:36,613 --> 01:13:38,014 Which is amazing really, 2002 01:13:38,014 --> 01:13:40,183 'cause I only came in here for a shit. 2003 01:13:42,552 --> 01:13:43,753 Tony: here we go! 2004 01:13:43,753 --> 01:13:47,156 Dave London and his magical creation... 2005 01:13:47,156 --> 01:13:49,493 "wembley wonderland." 2006 01:13:49,493 --> 01:13:51,695 [Playing rock music] 2007 01:13:55,599 --> 01:13:59,268 * god save our gracious queen * 2008 01:13:59,268 --> 01:14:03,640 * long live our noble queen * 2009 01:14:03,640 --> 01:14:08,478 * god save the queen * 2010 01:14:10,880 --> 01:14:12,415 this is going to be the one. 2011 01:14:12,415 --> 01:14:13,416 Do you love me? 2012 01:14:13,416 --> 01:14:15,251 Absolutely adore you. 2013 01:14:15,251 --> 01:14:17,086 Over there on the shelf. 2014 01:14:17,086 --> 01:14:18,522 We're going to win if you can get there. 2015 01:14:18,522 --> 01:14:20,524 I don't want to breathe. 2016 01:14:21,357 --> 01:14:26,062 * god save the queen * 2017 01:14:29,165 --> 01:14:30,500 Tony: Dave London! 2018 01:14:30,500 --> 01:14:33,036 As the prince called him, the enfant terrible... 2019 01:14:35,371 --> 01:14:37,073 Let's look at our scores. 2020 01:14:37,073 --> 01:14:40,409 9.9, 9.9, 9.9... 2021 01:14:40,409 --> 01:14:43,580 9.9, 9.9, 9.9! 2022 01:14:43,580 --> 01:14:45,314 No, I want that. 2023 01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:46,616 Tony: oh, my! 2024 01:14:47,450 --> 01:14:49,452 Ladies and gentlemen, 2025 01:14:49,452 --> 01:14:50,954 now the moment you've been waiting for. 2026 01:14:50,954 --> 01:14:54,023 You can almost style the tension in this room with a comb. 2027 01:14:54,023 --> 01:14:55,424 Ha ha ha! 2028 01:14:55,424 --> 01:14:57,426 It is my great pleasure to present 2029 01:14:57,426 --> 01:14:59,128 a close personal friend of mine 2030 01:14:59,128 --> 01:15:02,966 and the free-form hairstyling champion... 2031 01:15:02,966 --> 01:15:05,835 Stig ludwigssen! 2032 01:15:06,770 --> 01:15:08,504 Crawford, did you use the cheese? 2033 01:15:08,504 --> 01:15:09,639 The cheese isn't in there. 2034 01:15:09,639 --> 01:15:11,507 I feel something starting to harden. 2035 01:15:11,507 --> 01:15:13,176 That's just me, darling. I'm excited. 2036 01:15:13,176 --> 01:15:14,744 Because I love people, 2037 01:15:14,744 --> 01:15:16,780 and people love me. 2038 01:15:16,780 --> 01:15:19,783 Because I love life, and I love to live. 2039 01:15:19,783 --> 01:15:22,986 And sometimes other people say to me... 2040 01:15:22,986 --> 01:15:25,388 But not the same people. Different people, 2041 01:15:25,388 --> 01:15:26,790 they say to me, 2042 01:15:26,790 --> 01:15:29,793 "stig, you are too kind to people. 2043 01:15:29,793 --> 01:15:32,161 You really are too nice to people." 2044 01:15:32,161 --> 01:15:35,899 I say to them, "if you can't be nice to people, 2045 01:15:35,899 --> 01:15:38,902 get the hell out of my salon." 2046 01:15:38,902 --> 01:15:40,904 [Applause] 2047 01:15:42,071 --> 01:15:45,474 From trondheim, Norway, stig ludwigssen, 2048 01:15:45,474 --> 01:15:47,977 with New Zealand's own Kylie bax... 2049 01:15:47,977 --> 01:15:51,715 And his creation, "odin's longboat." 2050 01:15:51,715 --> 01:15:54,818 * on and on and on * 2051 01:15:54,818 --> 01:15:58,287 * we are the champions * 2052 01:15:58,287 --> 01:16:00,824 * my friends * 2053 01:16:02,125 --> 01:16:06,129 * and we'll keep on fighting * 2054 01:16:06,129 --> 01:16:08,031 * till the end * 2055 01:16:09,966 --> 01:16:13,803 * we are the champions * 2056 01:16:13,803 --> 01:16:15,338 can I hold that for you? 2057 01:16:15,338 --> 01:16:16,640 Blow dryer! 2058 01:16:16,640 --> 01:16:18,441 Come on, come on! 2059 01:16:18,441 --> 01:16:19,442 Great. 2060 01:16:19,442 --> 01:16:21,444 Where's my wire cutter? 2061 01:16:21,444 --> 01:16:23,046 Don't get your knickers in a twist. 2062 01:16:23,847 --> 01:16:25,081 Who's got a soldering iron? 2063 01:16:27,583 --> 01:16:29,185 Don't move! 2064 01:16:29,185 --> 01:16:31,454 Blow dryer? 2065 01:16:31,454 --> 01:16:33,089 That's it! We're done! 2066 01:16:34,858 --> 01:16:37,994 * we are the champions * 2067 01:16:37,994 --> 01:16:41,665 * we are the champions * 2068 01:16:41,665 --> 01:16:42,932 * no time... * 2069 01:16:42,932 --> 01:16:45,635 Tony: stig ludwigssen, ladies and gentlemen. 2070 01:16:45,635 --> 01:16:49,072 Reigning world champion! 2071 01:16:56,680 --> 01:16:58,581 Unbelievable! 2072 01:16:58,581 --> 01:17:00,583 Let's look at the scores. 2073 01:17:00,583 --> 01:17:02,085 10, 10, 10... 2074 01:17:02,085 --> 01:17:03,319 10, 10, 10! 2075 01:17:03,319 --> 01:17:05,922 Yes! yes! 2076 01:17:05,922 --> 01:17:09,458 All I can say is it's what I expected. 2077 01:17:09,458 --> 01:17:11,060 Maybe someday, you never know. 2078 01:17:11,060 --> 01:17:12,561 You should have won. Really. 2079 01:17:12,561 --> 01:17:14,063 Maybe someday, you never know. 2080 01:17:14,063 --> 01:17:17,400 Unfortunately, our Scottish competitor Crawford MacKenzie 2081 01:17:17,400 --> 01:17:20,003 was such a late entry, we couldn't make a film for him. 2082 01:17:20,003 --> 01:17:22,438 But I think we have something very exciting. 2083 01:17:22,438 --> 01:17:23,639 Maybe even better. 2084 01:17:23,639 --> 01:17:25,875 With his model, Veronica webb, 2085 01:17:25,875 --> 01:17:30,246 Crawford MacKenzie's "flower of Scotland." 2086 01:17:30,246 --> 01:17:31,681 [Bagpipe playing] 2087 01:18:44,520 --> 01:18:46,055 Bravo! 2088 01:18:54,931 --> 01:18:57,033 Tony: oh, my! 2089 01:19:00,136 --> 01:19:04,140 This is going to be difficult, indeed. 2090 01:19:04,140 --> 01:19:07,243 Judges, you must make your decisions now. 2091 01:19:07,243 --> 01:19:09,678 As we look at the scoreboard... 2092 01:19:09,678 --> 01:19:13,016 Señora, we must ask for your vote. 2093 01:19:19,889 --> 01:19:22,225 11, John Paul Mitchell... 2094 01:19:22,225 --> 01:19:23,726 Elois, 11... 2095 01:19:23,726 --> 01:19:26,462 11! giuseppe Franco, 11! 2096 01:19:26,462 --> 01:19:28,531 Titch Jones, 11! 2097 01:19:28,531 --> 01:19:30,233 What a competition! 2098 01:19:31,968 --> 01:19:36,439 It looks like we have a new world champion! 2099 01:19:39,075 --> 01:19:41,110 The platinum scissors 2100 01:19:41,110 --> 01:19:44,380 will belong to Crawford MacKenzie! 2101 01:19:44,380 --> 01:19:45,381 We won! 2102 01:19:47,116 --> 01:19:49,452 [Chanting] Crawford! Crawford! 2103 01:19:49,452 --> 01:19:52,055 If you're looking for representation, call me. 2104 01:19:52,055 --> 01:19:55,158 Crawford! Crawford! Crawford! 2105 01:19:55,158 --> 01:19:57,326 Thank you for everything. 2106 01:20:16,279 --> 01:20:18,114 Tony: ladies and gentlemen, 2107 01:20:18,114 --> 01:20:22,785 we have a new hairdressing champion of the world... 2108 01:20:22,785 --> 01:20:25,955 Crawford MacKenzie! 2109 01:20:33,930 --> 01:20:35,498 I knew it. 2110 01:20:35,498 --> 01:20:38,067 I knew it all along. 2111 01:20:38,067 --> 01:20:40,036 I'm so proud. Candy. 2112 01:20:40,036 --> 01:20:41,337 You hate this, don't you? 2113 01:20:41,337 --> 01:20:44,040 No, no. All I'm gonna say is this to you, ok? 2114 01:20:44,040 --> 01:20:47,476 We have hair competition, or is it a toy show? 2115 01:20:47,476 --> 01:20:48,677 That's the thing. 2116 01:20:48,677 --> 01:20:49,745 I gotta go now. Turn that off. 2117 01:20:49,745 --> 01:20:50,980 Thank you. 2118 01:20:50,980 --> 01:20:53,149 Crawford: I felt sorry for stig ludwigssen. 2119 01:20:53,149 --> 01:20:55,384 To go from being top Norwegian 2120 01:20:55,384 --> 01:20:57,887 to just another Scandinavian hairdresser 2121 01:20:57,887 --> 01:21:01,290 must be a pretty tough nut to swallow. 2122 01:21:01,290 --> 01:21:03,392 When I look back on the whole thing now, 2123 01:21:03,392 --> 01:21:04,894 I feel I've grown, 2124 01:21:04,894 --> 01:21:06,963 both spiritually and as a hairdresser. 2125 01:21:06,963 --> 01:21:09,665 Was it hard to leave California? 2126 01:21:09,665 --> 01:21:12,168 No. it's just like Scotland 2127 01:21:12,168 --> 01:21:15,304 with palm trees and better dental care. 2128 01:21:16,739 --> 01:21:18,674 I wanted to go home. 2129 01:21:18,674 --> 01:21:21,210 I wanted to see my friends. 2130 01:21:21,210 --> 01:21:25,614 And you know what? I was dying for a curry. 2131 01:21:25,614 --> 01:21:28,251 Surprise! surprise! 2132 01:21:28,251 --> 01:21:29,685 Welcome back, Mr. MacKenzie. 2133 01:21:29,685 --> 01:21:30,719 Thank you! 2134 01:21:30,719 --> 01:21:31,720 Well done! 2135 01:21:31,720 --> 01:21:34,190 Welcome home, son. 2136 01:21:34,190 --> 01:21:36,292 Scotland's proud of you. 2137 01:21:36,292 --> 01:21:38,627 I'm proud of Scotland. 2138 01:21:38,627 --> 01:21:39,762 [Laughter] 2139 01:21:39,762 --> 01:21:41,697 Let's party! 2140 01:21:41,697 --> 01:21:43,599 [Cheering] 2141 01:21:47,003 --> 01:21:48,972 [Sighs] that's it. 2142 01:21:48,972 --> 01:21:49,872 Now... 2143 01:21:49,872 --> 01:21:52,075 Who's for a haircut? 2144 01:21:52,908 --> 01:21:54,377 * all the leaves are brown * 2145 01:21:54,377 --> 01:21:56,145 * all the leaves are brown * 2146 01:21:56,145 --> 01:21:58,214 * and the sky is gray * 2147 01:21:58,214 --> 01:22:01,050 * and the sky is gray * 2148 01:22:01,050 --> 01:22:03,719 * I've been for a walk * 2149 01:22:03,719 --> 01:22:05,955 * on a winter's day * 2150 01:22:05,955 --> 01:22:08,291 * on a winter's day * 2151 01:22:08,291 --> 01:22:10,159 * I'd be safe and warm * 2152 01:22:10,159 --> 01:22:12,061 * safe and warm * 2153 01:22:12,061 --> 01:22:13,729 * if I was in L.A. * 2154 01:22:13,729 --> 01:22:16,065 * if I was in L.A. * 2155 01:22:16,065 --> 01:22:18,101 * California dreamin' * 2156 01:22:18,101 --> 01:22:19,368 * California dreamin' * 2157 01:22:19,368 --> 01:22:23,306 * on such a winter's day * 2158 01:22:23,306 --> 01:22:25,241 * stopped into a church * 2159 01:22:26,442 --> 01:22:29,345 * I passed along the way * 2160 01:22:30,246 --> 01:22:33,049 * well, I got down on my knees * 2161 01:22:33,049 --> 01:22:34,717 * on my knees * 2162 01:22:34,717 --> 01:22:36,352 * and I pretend to pray * 2163 01:22:36,352 --> 01:22:38,187 * pretend to pray * 2164 01:22:38,187 --> 01:22:40,623 * you know, the preacher likes the cold * 2165 01:22:40,623 --> 01:22:42,425 * likes the cold * 2166 01:22:42,425 --> 01:22:44,927 * he knows I'm gonna stay * 2167 01:22:44,927 --> 01:22:46,695 * knows I'm gonna stay * 2168 01:22:46,695 --> 01:22:47,830 * California dreamin' * 2169 01:22:47,830 --> 01:22:50,066 * California dreamin' * 2170 01:22:50,066 --> 01:22:55,004 * on such a winter's day * 2171 01:23:18,227 --> 01:23:20,429 [repeating] * California * 2172 01:24:04,407 --> 01:24:06,209 * all the leaves are brown * 2173 01:24:06,209 --> 01:24:08,211 * all the leaves are brown * 2174 01:24:08,211 --> 01:24:10,012 * and the sky is gray * 2175 01:24:10,012 --> 01:24:12,748 * and the sky is gray * 2176 01:24:12,748 --> 01:24:14,016 * I've been for a walk * 2177 01:24:14,016 --> 01:24:15,718 * for a walk * 2178 01:24:15,718 --> 01:24:17,753 * on a winter's day * 2179 01:24:17,753 --> 01:24:20,256 * on a winter's day * 2180 01:24:20,256 --> 01:24:21,890 * if I didn't tell her * 2181 01:24:21,890 --> 01:24:23,526 * if I didn't tell her * 2182 01:24:23,526 --> 01:24:25,361 * I could leave today * 2183 01:24:25,361 --> 01:24:27,863 * I could leave today * 2184 01:24:27,863 --> 01:24:29,432 * California dreamin' * 2185 01:24:29,432 --> 01:24:31,400 * California dreamin' * 2186 01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:33,402 * on such a winter's day * 2187 01:24:33,402 --> 01:24:35,171 * California dreamin' * 2188 01:24:35,171 --> 01:24:37,039 * on such a winter's day * 2189 01:24:37,039 --> 01:24:38,974 * California dreamin' * 2190 01:24:38,974 --> 01:24:45,581 * on such a winter's day * 2191 01:24:49,985 --> 01:24:56,659 * on such a winter's day * 2192 01:24:58,026 --> 01:25:00,829 captioning made possible by Warner Bros. 2193 01:25:00,829 --> 01:25:04,267 Captioned by the national captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org-- 2193 01:25:05,305 --> 01:25:11,411 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.SubtitleDB.org 149003

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.