All language subtitles for Single Parents s01e22 Lance Bass Space Cump.ehg

Can we just talk about it
a little longer?

There's nothing left to say
about me and Douglas.

Come on, I need this.

Look.
Douglas and I agreed

that kiss was
a one-time mistake.

We both put it to bed.

I've moved on, and apparently,
he has, too.

Who is that
mysterious hottie? No idea.

Maybe a new girlfriend.

But hey, it's none
of my business. Okay.

I will never forgive you
for being so boring

about the most interesting thing
that's ever happened.

Wow. He's already introduced
her to the twins.

That was fast.

But, again --
none of my business.

Let's see about that.

Hey, Douglas! Hey!

Come introduce us
to your busty friend!

[ Laughs ]
Bring her over here. Angie, no.

What's the big deal?
You said it's not a big deal,

that it's none of
your business. I did say it's

but you don't have
to do this, Angie. So what's the harm?

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Ladies, this is my
mother-in-law.

This is Rose's mom.

Barbara.

So, are you guys
lesbians?

'Cause I'm gettin'
a vibe.

Yeah.

Hmm?
She's a monster.

-- Captions by VITAC --

**

* It's a place to
make cool graphs *

* Lance Bass Space Camp

* Rocket ships
and lots of math *

* Lance Bass Space Camp

* Dance and sing
from 2:00 to 3:00 *

* Lance Bass Space Camp

Oh, my God, I have never loved
and hated something

as much as I love and hate
that amazing, horrible song.

There's a rumor that that's the
last song Prince ever wrote.

You know, I understand
the rockets and math,

but why do they dance and sing
from 2:00 to 3:00?

Well, because like the man
who founded it...

* Lance Bass Space Camp

...is focused 90 percent
on space,

10 percent on
the performing arts.

[ Sighs ] Whatever.
I'm just loving how long it is.

Four weeks kid-free?
[ Exhales sharply ]

I decided I'm gonna spend
the whole thing at a resort.

And since I can't
afford that,

I'm gonna post-up
at Douglas' pool.

Well, I'm jealous you're
excited about Graham leaving.

I'm gonna miss Sophie
so much.

A day without her is painful,
but four wee--

four weeks...
[ Gags ]

Are you gonna puke
or cry?

It's both. It's sort of
a standard puke-cry.

It's gonna happen a lot.

[ Gags ] I'm fine.

God. How many waivers
do you need to sign

to send your kid
to fake space?

They don't put that
in the song.

What waivers?

The waivers.
For camp.

Did you not get waivers?

I don't think so.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's my space camp check.

I never mailed it in.

I-If you didn't mail
the deposit,

then Sophie isn't
signed up for --

* Lance Bass Space Camp

Yeah.

That.

**

Hey, how was your dad's?

Exhausting. He and Sharon
are in a fight,

and they think
I don't know.

[ Indistinct arguing ]
Miggy: Man. Some relationships are just roller coasters.

When I think about what my ex
and I went through... Ex?

You mean Bobbi with an "I"?
The golf pro?

Yeah.
Miggy,

you guys dated for a week.

That's not a serious
relationship.

Then why is she still
e-mailing me?

She's not.

This is her newsletter.

"Golf Tolf"?

Is "Tolf" supposed
to be like "Talk"?

[ Door slams ]
-Fine! -Sharon.

[ Sighs ]

Uh, Sharon didn't get the permit
for our beach wedding,

and now I'm days away,
no venue. Really?

City permits seem
like something

a 23-year-old fiancée
would have on lock.

[ Chuckles ]
I can't argue with that.

Mm-hmm.
I just wish that I knew someone --

you know, someone
who owned a space,

a space with a bar
and good lighting,

reasonable prices,
parking,

close to the freeway.

Ho'd up. Are you trying
to get your ex-wife

to host your wedding?
Eh.

Okay, that's a freakish level
of confidence, even for you.

Wait. Shh.
You hear that? What?

Oh, my God.
That's your big heart.

Yes!

Boom. Boom.

"Let's help Ron."

It's saying it
wants to help me!

It's not saying that.
Shh! There's more!

"I can't let two people get
married at Burger King!"

Please, Poppy.

Think of everything
I've done for you.

Mm...

Nothing.
You've done nothing for me.

Puh-lease.

Don't dance like --
do that dance. [ Squeals ]

[ Doorbell rings ]

Hey.
What are you doing here?

Getting the good chaise.
Is the kitchen open?

I want to put in an order
for a club sandwich.

Uh, you know,
I already told you,

you're not gonna turn my house
into a Sandals.

What's with the lesbian
and the pool stuff?

Screw it. I'll just text you
when I'm thirsty.

Y-You know what?
I would rather --

H-Hey! I need to borrow
a tight stocking.

My phlebitis is not taking
to this weather.

Okay, Barbara,
you're a young woman.

We both know you don't
have phlebitis.

Hey. You don't know
what years on the road

have done to this body.

But that's the life of a
professional cheerleader.

Listen,
I know how this works.

You fly in once a year,

and you bring the twins tiaras
and an autographed card

of whatever minor league

baseball player
you're sleeping with... [ Giggles ]

...and then you hit up
King Wallet.

So why don't we just
cut to the chase?

I'll write you a check,
and you can leave.

I don't need
your money anymore.

I won big at Caesars.
Palace?

Little Caesars.

I can't get my morning
Mountain Dew

without hitting up
their slot machine.

If you don't need money,
then why are you here?

I want you
to let the twins

spend the summer with me
in Reno.

W-With you?
[ Chuckling ] Yeah.

Okay,
that's not happening.

T-The twins and I,
we already

have our summer planned.

We're building a Jacuzzi.

The girls have already
broken ground. Douglas.

They're my grandkids.

And I miss them.

They're almost eight.

That's the year that I got my
dear Rose, oh, bless her soul,

her first pair of jazz shoes
and stage teeth. [ Door closes ]

Your room's ready, ma'am.
Girls,

how would you like to spend
the summer with me in Reno?

I'll give you a line of credit,
no bedtime, and unlimited gum.

-Yay!
-Yay!

-Reno!
-Reno!

-Reno!
-Reno!

-Reno!
-Reno!

-Reno!
-Reno!

Will: Uh-huh. I see.

So, barring a flu epidemic that
hits all the right children,

my kid isn't going
to space camp?

Okay.

Well, thank you for your time,
Crystal.

I love you.

I'm sorry. I don't know
where that came from.

Goodbye.
[ Cellphone beeps ]

Sophie isn't going
to space camp?

What?

W-Why would you say that?

Big Dubs. It's me.

Oh, Little G.
I can't lie to you.

I messed up. Sophie lost
her spot at space camp.

She's gonna be crushed.

Yes, she'll be sad.

But Sophie's
a reasonable gal.

She'll understand if you just
tell her what happened.

Dad? Why are you
on the floor

with Graham's hand
on your shoulder?

The thing is, Soph,
your father made a mistake.

He forgot to mail in the
deposit, and he is so sorry,

but you're not going
to space camp.

No, I'm going
to space camp.

Soph, I don't think you
understand --

Soph understands.

Soph understands
very well.

And now you...

are going...

to fix it.

'Kay.

**

See, it worked out.

All you have to do
is fix it.

Listen, about Reno.
I just don't think

it's best for
the girls to go.

Let me guess -- you got this
all handled on your own?

No, we do alright.

We have a system --

I love them, I fear them,
it works.

Remember the voicemails that
you left after Rose died?

I stitched a few
of 'em together. [ Cellphone beeps ]

Douglas: Barbara, one of 'em
pooped in the tub!

I-I won't clean it!
You know what?

I'm just gonna sell the house.
[ Cellphone beeps ]

Barbara, Emma just ate a bird!
[ Cellphone beeps ]

Barbara, Amy's swinging
a hammer! [ Cellphone beeps ]

They get more pathetic
from there.

And what happens
when they get older?

You know what's headed your way?
Periods.

I-I think I can
probably manage.

So, they go
to the drug store

and they introduce themselves
to the pharmacist

and he directs 'em
to the...

sanitary napkin aisle,
and there's a -- No, dummy.

You said it yourself.

They need a woman.

Here. Listen.
[ Cellphone beeps ]

I can't do this.
Take these kids.

I'm not built for this.

Please.
[ Cellphone beeps ]

You got to think about
what's best for your girls.

Now, you might want
to turn away

'cause I'm gonna let
the hogs out.

Wait. W-Wait. Wait.
No, no.

Don't worry. Showing up in
person's gonna set us apart.

It's like Wayne Gretzky,
The Great One, said --

"You miss a hundred percent of
the shots you don't take."

Ah, Wayne Gretzky.

The Killer Clown.

That's Wayne Gacy.

What is your mom
letting you watch?

[ Indistinct conversation ]

Sophie: I think all these people
are trying to get in.

And they all got here
before us.

Cool.
Cool, cool.

Cool.

Thanks for watching.

One last thing before
I blast off --

deposits for Lance Bass
Space Camp are due --

* By, by, by March 1st *

Man: Three, two, one.

Blastoff!

You guys hungry?
Want any Goldfish?

Soph? Graham?

There it is -- "Son of a Beach,
My Beach Wedding Has No Beach."

I'm not sure how this book
is feminist.

That's why we keep it up here.

Here.
Thank you. Appreciate it.

It's really nice of you to
help me plan this wedding.

I know it can't be easy
considering you're...

Single?
Oh, please.

Ron, don't paint
a picture like

I'm some lonely crone

who's not getting
any action.

I am out there, okay?

I am having nighttime
encounters.

That sounds real.

It is real.
I'm in these streets.

I'm...
[ Snaps fingers ]

Matter of fact,

just the other day,
I had

a questionable make-out.

Who was it with?

It was a mistake.

It...made things complicated.
I don't want to talk about it.

You know, uh,
for the record,

I still don't like hearing
about you with other guys.

Ron, you're getting
married. Hey.

Remember our wedding?

Who could forget
every bride's dream?

Courthouse at noon
on a Tuesday.

Hey, we were supposed
to make up for that.

Now, come on. Remember?
We said we were gonna

eventually have
a big wedding

with all of our friends
and a band and a cake,

our first dance.

Yeah, well, probably
best it didn't happen

'cause I've never seen you dance
without taking your shirt off.

Oh, come on.
That is...

Oh, my God.
True.

Well, you know what?
I came up with a saying. Oh.

It's never too late.
Okay, you did not make that up, Ron.

Never too late.
[ The Spinners' "Could It Be I'm Falling In Love" plays ]

Wow.

Shall we?

Winebrary, for the first time,
please welcome

Poppy and Ron.
You're keeping your shirt on.

Maybe. Uh-oh.
* Could it be I'm falling in love *

* With you *

* With you *

* With you *

[ Knock on door ]

I didn't take that $20
from your kitchen counter.

We both know that you did,
and I don't care.

Listen,
I need your advice.

My advice?
Why?

Well, normally,
I'd ask Will and Poppy,

but, you know, they're
not like you and me.

I mean,
we love our kids,

but we frequently wish
that they'd go away. Big-time.

Barbara offered to take
the twins for the summer.

You know, to teach 'em
girl stuff.

And I should be over the moon,
but I'm not.

Wait. Hang on.

I did bring my floating
basketball hoop to your house?

Yes, I did. Go on.

Alright, see, I was really
excited about building

the Jacuzzi with them,
you know?

We -- We had it
all planned.

We were gonna start construction
early in the morning,

and then we would
break for lunch and pretend

we're eating on a beam
high above

1920s New York City.

And then we would unwind
with a-a cold one

as we'd listen to
a baseball game on AM radio.

Ah, the summer
it was gonna be.

I cannot wait to see what those
girls turn out like as adults.

But look, i-if you want them
here for the summer,

then they should
stay here.

You think so?

Yeah,
you're their father.

Wait.

Are you saying
if the twins stayed,

then I could be soaking
in a new Jacuzzi?

Well, technically, that was
included in the words I said,

but I'd hardly define that
as "what I'm saying."

Then those girls
aren't going anywhere.

Where are they right now?

Well,
they're with Barbara.

Uh, but, you know,
I really don't feel

that you're tending
to my emotions

the way I imagined when
I was driving over here.

Deposits for Lance Bass
Space Camp are due

* By, by, by March 1st *

Graham: I get something new
from this every time.

This camp is going
to be amazing!

And I 100% get to go!

Alright, Graham,
take a lap.

[ Sighs ]

Sophie, I'm so sorry
I let you down.

I don't know
what happened.

You didn't mail
the check, Dad.

Yeah, I meant sort
of more big picture.

But you're right.
I was careless.

You're never careless.

So I'm left to speculate.

If you really
wanted me to go,

you would've mailed
the check, right?

So on some level,
you wanted me to stay home.

My God.
I think you're right.

And that would definitely
explain the dream I had

where I buried
Lance Bass alive.

It's fine.
I'll stay.

And we'll do the thing
we do every summer --

Will Cooper Couch Camp.

I'll cut out paper hearts
while we sit under blankets

and blast the A/C
for two months.

That does sound like
so much fun.

But I can't let
that happen.

I'm gonna fix this.

How?
There's nothing else you can do.

Oh, there's one more thing
I can do.

[ Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out
For a Hero" plays ]

Hey!

I'd like to speak
to your supervisor.

He's on the third floor.

We don't allow people
on the third --

The third floor!
Aah! No!

* I need a hero

* I'm holding out for a hero
'til the end of the night *

* He's gotta be strong
and he's gotta be fast *

* And he's gotta be fresh
from the fight *

[ Music stops ]

Oh. Hello.

Are you Buzz Aldrin?

No.

Then get out!

So, anyway, my daughter
is dying to come to this camp,

but I forgot to mail
in the check.

And now she's gonna have
to go to Couch Camp.

Ooh, is that where you learn
how to design, build,

and mass produce your own
furniture line?

No, it's where you just

sit on the couch
with your dad all summer.

I think what you're talking
about is trade school.

I don't know.
I love my child,

but I worry that
I'm holding her back.

I'm lost.
I get it.

I have moments where
I feel that way, too.

When I get overwhelmed,
I go back to what inspired me

to start a space camp
with a nod

to performing arts
in the first place.

And what is that,
Lance Bass?

All my great loves --

zero gravity,
anti-matter,

hitting your mark,

the heliosphere, Fosse --

You're right.
I have to go back

to what initially inspired me
to be a parent --

raising a daughter

who's gonna learn
how to fly.

I can't keep keeping
her down.

Oh, my gosh.
S-Say that again.

I can't keep keeping
her down.

Yes. Yes.

I've been trying to write
a new song for the camp,

and I have been stuck.

Check it.

* When you're out on your own
[ Piano plays ]

* All alone in this cold town

* You need to blast up
in the sky *

* You gotta learn to fly

* The world can't keep
keeping you down *

* Blast off to Space Camp

* Lance Bass Space Camp

* With a nod to
performing arts *

* Oooh

* Space Camp

God, it feels good to
collaborate again.

Hey,
can you stay and jam?

Will it help my daughter
get into space camp?

Depends. Can you count me in
and make it splashy?

Her name's Sophie Cooper,
and she has all her shots.

Two, three, four!

[ Piano music plays,
tambourine jingles ]

Douglas.
Orngie.

What are you doing here?

You want a vodka?

I've got a flask.
Okay, listen, Barb.

We got to talk about
this summer.

There's nothing
to discuss.

I'm taking your girls
to Reno.

They'll fit right in.

Just look at 'em.

Angie: Oh, my God.

What the hell am
I looking at?

Dad, check it out.
We're fancy ladies.

Grandma Barb says
we look fine as hell.

No. No.

[ Screams ]

Get this crap
off my face!

Alright, that's it, Barb.
You're not taking Emma and Amy.

Why not? You don't know what
to do with two little girls.

They're not little girls.

They're demented maniacs

who happen to be awesome

because they've got a dad
who lets them be

exactly who
they want to be.

Day laborers.

Hey, look.
I'm not the same

selfish 54-year-old boy
that you once knew.

I've learned a lot
of parent things.

I know how to do
a high ponytail.

I've seen multiple movies
about trolls.

I know what temperature

my oven has to be
for chicken fingers,

chicken nuggets,
and chicken fries.

Okay.
So maybe you've changed.

But what?
You can't just send me home.

I want to know
my granddaughters.

They don't have
their mother,

but they do have me.

I know you miss her.
I do, too.

I'll tell you what.
Instead, why don't you just,

uh, spend a few...weeks
with us, huh?

But you have to pay
for your own booze.

I think I can agree
to those terms.

Oh, no! I'm top heavy!
Emma, help!

Grab her. Grab her!

[ Crash ]

* When you're not fully grown,
with tiny bones *

* On this planet

* You need to learn about Mars
and neutron stars *

* And why gravity keeps
keeping you down *

* And eat space food

* Freeze-dried
space food *

* With a hot meal
for your dinner *

* Lance Bass Space Caaamp

Oh, my God.
That was so good!

It's really good, Lance.

Do you think we could maybe
take a quick five?

To help with the creative flow.
A pause for the muse.

Great idea.
Yeah.

But also to talk about

what I originally came in here
for. My daughter, Sophie.

She wants to come to
this camp so bad.

If you could just hear her out.
I'll go get her.

She's just out --
Hi, Dad.

Oh, wow.
You're literally right here.

It's Lance Bass Space Camp.

It's cool.
They're with me.

Well, any friend of Bill.
It's Will.

This is my daughter,
Sophie.

And this is Graham.

And who's Graham?
Angie's son.

And who's Angie?
She's a friend.

Oh.
I'm friends with Richard Gere.

Cool.

Yeah. It is.

Sophie, look, I know how bad
you wanted to go

to Lance Bass Space Camp.

But I do ask that
you register --

I know --
* By, by, by March 1st

Actually it's --

* By, by, by March 1st

I thought I did that.

That being said, your dad loves
you so much, it's inspiring.

It inspired
the new theme song.

And now it's inspiring me
to make a rare exception --

you're going to Lance Bass
Space Camp, girl!

And I don't want
to blow your mind,

but at the end,
you're gonna get to kiss

the skull of Yuri Gagarin.

I don't believe it!

I was already going!

[ Cheering ]

Uh, you still have
to pay me, though.

And I can't waive
the $800 late fee.

I'm so sorry.

No, I understand.
Yeah.

Oh, you mean, like,
right now? Yes.

Oh, got it. Okay.
Of course. Of course. Yeah, that would be great.

So, I just make that out to
Lance Bass Space Camp?

Actually, can you make it out
to Lance Bass Space Cump?

There was an error in our
articles of incorporation. Yeah.

Douglas: Thanks for
sticking up for me.

Hey, I didn't say anything
that wasn't true.

Nobody except you could
raise those little weirdos.

I think eventually,
their interests are gonna

grow beyond just simple
home demolition,

and I won't be able
to handle 'em alone.

But it'd be nice for them to
have a woman in their life.

Well, you're gonna
find someone, Douglas.

Maybe you already have.

Good God.

You know I kissed Poppy.

Guh -- Wha?

Nuh-uh. Yeah.
Of course I know.

You ladies
and your yappin'.

That's exactly
what we call it.

But, you know,
if you care about her,

you should tell her.

Now?

[ Chuckles ]
We can finish our drinks first.

[ Slurping ]

Okay, easy.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Hey.

Hey.

What happened?

You need me to plan
your honeymoon, too?

No.

I'm here because I...
[ Sighs ]

I can't stop thinking
about you.

Okay.
Ron, walking down memory lane

had me in my feelings, too, but
you're about to marry Sharon.

At the Winebrary.

You already put down
your $10 deposit.

I can't lose you again.

And I think you
feel the same.

[ Sighs ]

**

[ Engine starts ]

Hey, thanks for getting me
into space camp.

I know it wasn't easy

and you had to fight against all
of your natural instincts.

Yeah. Should I quit my job
and become a songwriter?

Mm, no.
Okay.

Oh, I love you!

I love you, too.

Go. Fly.

Make sure to sit in
an emergency exit row.

And don't let space become
your new father!

Okay, we got your EpiPen,
Band-Aids,

Motrin,
motion sickness pills,

sleep mask...four bottles
of cologne?

Hey, if Hilltop's
any indication,

I'll have at least
four girlfriends

before the end of camp.

Bringing that swagger
to space.

I'm a proud mom.

Be safe.

Bye, Mom.

Bye, Graham.

Mom? It's, um...

already time
for me to go?

To space camp?

Lance Bass Space Camp?
Mom?

I gotta go
to space camp!

Bye.
Bye.

**

You know, I think
I've made progress.

Not sure if I even need
these crying shades.

**

Angie, you okay?

Can we go get ice cream?

But not, like,
good ice cream

but, like, cheap, comforting,
garbage ice cream?

Yeah.

I'll drive.

**

That bus took my baby!

Angie! Angie!

You're never gonna catch --

Oh, wow.
She's pretty fast.

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