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♪
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00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:10,358
JOHN: How's your knee
feeling, Joanie?
3
00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:13,317
The doc seemed pretty confident
when he said one week.
4
00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:15,363
But, y-you know,
you got to get out of bed,
5
00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:17,060
put some weight on it. Here.
6
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:20,585
No. I don't trust that doctor.
He wore jeans.
7
00:00:20,629 --> 00:00:22,326
Hmm.
8
00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:24,589
Wait, don't go. Don't go.
9
00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:27,505
Oh, I'm so bored.
10
00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:29,333
Well, geez,
I'd love to hang out,
11
00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:32,249
but, uh, I got an appointment
I cannot break.
12
00:00:32,293 --> 00:00:33,337
With whom?
13
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:36,036
Whoever they pair me up with.
14
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,607
[sighs]
15
00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:44,392
[door opens]SOPHIA:
Hey, Mom-Mom.
16
00:00:44,435 --> 00:00:49,092
Sophia. You came to see
the Mom-Mom you love.
17
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:50,702
Oh, I'm just delivering
a sandwich.
18
00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:54,706
No, no, no. You want to talk
and tell me all your problems.
19
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:58,406
Perhaps, uh, you're feeling
invisible at school?
20
00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:01,887
No, school's great. I just got
to name our new mascot,
21
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:05,239
Inclusive the Rainbow.Oh.
22
00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:08,155
I guess I did just get kind of
annoyed with my mom, though.
23
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:11,506
Oh, wonderful. Tell me, honey.
Sit down, tell me.
24
00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:13,290
I wanted her to play a game,
25
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:16,293
but she said she's too exhausted
from taking care of you
26
00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:18,208
and listening to all
your complaints and demands.
27
00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:19,470
Hmm. Well, you know,
28
00:01:19,514 --> 00:01:21,211
I gave her 40 years,
29
00:01:21,255 --> 00:01:23,126
and she walked some toast
across the street,
30
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,171
so I guess we're even.
31
00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:27,174
She said you owe her. Later.
32
00:01:27,217 --> 00:01:29,654
Whoa, honey,
don't leave me, please.
33
00:01:29,698 --> 00:01:32,179
You know, I can play
that game with you.
34
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:33,223
Really?
35
00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:38,185
I didn't know there was a truth
or dare version of this game.
36
00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:40,230
There's also an X-rated version
of Monopoly.
37
00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:42,537
I found it
in Mom and Dad's closet.
38
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:45,148
Instead of a car,
there were handcuffs.
39
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:46,715
Instead of a thimble,
there was some...
40
00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:49,457
Um, no, honey.
I-I understand what you mean.Okay, so,
41
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,937
"Dare one player
to run around the room."
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00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:53,330
I dare you.
43
00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:57,204
Run? Get a grip.
I can't even walk.
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00:01:57,247 --> 00:01:58,466
Then I dare you
to prank call someone.
45
00:01:58,509 --> 00:01:59,771
I don't know, not with me.
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00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:02,165
I'm not funny that way.
47
00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:05,255
Seymour Butts doesn't live here.
48
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:06,604
Okay? Who is this?
49
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:08,432
You know what?
You are a little piece of...
50
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:10,260
[laughing]Oh, mercy.
51
00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:12,610
Oh, that was upsetting.
52
00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:14,699
I'm gonna go get
some more games.What?
53
00:02:14,743 --> 00:02:18,355
I love having a broken Mom-Mom
who can't leave her bed.
54
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One...
55
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,666
two...
56
00:02:24,709 --> 00:02:26,537
Oh, phew. [sighs]
57
00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:32,282
Four? That's too many.
58
00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,590
[gasps][laughs]
59
00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:37,200
JOAN:
Can we get out yet?
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00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:38,680
I'm a little starved for air.
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00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:41,291
[inhales deeply]We all are.
It's a nuclear holocaust.
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00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:42,727
Mm, right. But I...
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SOPHIA:
Are you crazy?
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00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,341
[panting]Mom-Mom, it isn't safe.
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00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:49,299
Get back in the fort now.[grunts]
66
00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:50,692
SOPHIA:
Wake up, Mom-Mom.
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00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:53,347
What's happening?
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00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,262
I'm the wicked stepmother.
69
00:02:55,305 --> 00:02:57,351
You're gonna have
to eat your way out.
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00:02:58,308 --> 00:02:59,701
GREG:
Hey, Mom. Ooh.
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00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:02,225
A visitor. I'm up here!
72
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:04,488
[whispers]:
Shh. You need your rest.
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00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:07,317
I'll take care of it.Honey?
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00:03:09,319 --> 00:03:11,669
Oh! Hey, uh, Soph.
Th-This is for Mom-Mom.
75
00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:14,498
Oh, okay. She's not taking
visitors right now.
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00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:16,326
She's resting.
77
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:18,415
JOAN: Uh, somebody's out
there. I can hear you.
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00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:20,330
Hello?
79
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,421
Did you call Uncle Greg?
80
00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:26,684
No, I didn't.
81
00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:28,686
I'll just hold onto this.
82
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:30,601
Anything you need,
I'll get you.
83
00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:32,734
Well, would you untie me,
please?
84
00:03:32,777 --> 00:03:37,217
No. I've got other
plans for you.
85
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:39,610
We're gonna smash geodes.
86
00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:42,831
No, we're not.
I have had enough of this.
87
00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:45,616
Just untie me!
88
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:49,359
I thought we were
having fun together.
89
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:51,579
Oh, darling.
90
00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:53,755
I didn't want to do that.
91
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:55,844
I'm so sorry.
92
00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:59,717
You've been just so...
you've been so wonderful to me.
93
00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:02,720
Honey, I'm so sorry.
94
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:04,287
I'll tell you what.
95
00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:05,593
You know, you go home,
96
00:04:05,636 --> 00:04:08,857
and you just get us
some more games, okay?
97
00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:10,554
I've got a really fun one
98
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:13,427
where the loser gets their
fingers electrocuted.
99
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:14,689
Brilliant.
100
00:04:16,517 --> 00:04:17,866
[door opens]
101
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:36,754
[sighs]
102
00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:39,322
SOPHIA:
Mom-Mom, you're walking?
103
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:41,368
Now we can play Twister.
104
00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:47,504
MATT: So, we were thinking of having the whole family over
105
00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:50,333
to our house, uh, to meet
our birth mother, Morgan.
106
00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:51,769
She's coming to live with us
107
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,815
to ride out
the rest of her pregnancy.
108
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:56,774
So, when do we get
to meet this baby mule?
109
00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:59,386
Friday. And, um, that's
the type of thing
110
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:00,952
that you can't call her,
111
00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:03,955
because she might change her
mind about giving us her baby.
112
00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:08,308
Oh.Honey, that's the best version
of what he was going to say.
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00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:12,486
To dear Morgan.
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00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:15,793
We're so honored
that you've chosen our family
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00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:18,492
to give this precious gift to.[phone ringing]
116
00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:20,798
And Colleen and Matt...Hello? Hey.
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00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,931
Hey, you can keep talking.
It's fine.
118
00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:24,802
Oh, well...
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00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,108
MORGAN: I'm so glad
you called. I'm, like,
120
00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:28,676
literally having
the most awkward conversation
121
00:05:28,719 --> 00:05:29,938
with this old lady right now.
122
00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:31,983
I don't know.
Like, old. Like, 50?
123
00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:33,724
You know what, this
might be, like,
124
00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:34,899
a dying words type of thing,
125
00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:36,423
so I'm gonna
call you back later.
126
00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:38,425
Okay, bye. Go on.
127
00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:42,777
Beautiful toast, Mom.Thank you so much.
128
00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:47,564
MORGAN:
Oh, God.
129
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,914
This party blows. We
should totally ditch.
130
00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:51,829
I don't even know anyone here.
131
00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:53,831
I think that's
kind of the point.
132
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:55,050
Thanks, professor.
133
00:05:55,093 --> 00:05:56,443
But you know what,
I did find one person
134
00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:58,836
that I kind of connected with.
135
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,839
Yeah, my husband
is already connected.
136
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:04,538
Clem, stop.
It's not a good color on you.
137
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:07,628
You know what'd be a
good color on me? Red.
138
00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:11,371
She is not even my type.
139
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:16,419
[gasps] You know what?
You two look like twins.
140
00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:23,948
Being pregnant is the worst,
but it's also kind of the best.
141
00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:26,516
Right? Now I can eat
what I want,
142
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,865
and I got to drop out
of high school,
143
00:06:27,909 --> 00:06:29,824
and all my sex is safe.
144
00:06:29,867 --> 00:06:30,912
Well, for the next
couple months.
145
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:32,696
Yeah. Uh...
146
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:34,219
Oh. Okay.
147
00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:36,918
I was gonna go,
but then she did.
148
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,528
So...
149
00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:39,877
I feel like I can still go.
150
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,749
Yeah, you can go.
151
00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:43,446
[whispers]:
Bitch.
152
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:46,623
Morgan is a nightmare.
153
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,059
She can't talk
to my family this way.
154
00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,452
I need to say something.
155
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:50,758
No, no, no. No, don't you dare.
156
00:06:50,801 --> 00:06:52,673
We can't afford
to lose her, Matt.
157
00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:54,065
Besides, if she's not attacking
your family,
158
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:55,850
she's attacking us,
and I need a break.
159
00:06:55,893 --> 00:06:57,460
Honey, she told Greg
she could tell
160
00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:58,722
his hair is dried
with a hairdryer,
161
00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,507
and that's not something
that he wants out.
162
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:01,899
Well, what do you care?
163
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:03,640
You've been wanting
to expose that for years.
164
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:05,903
Yes, in a slow, like,
organized social media rollout
165
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:07,862
that I control.
That I control.Well,
166
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:09,994
you don't control her, Matt.
You don't control anything.
167
00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:12,432
Haven't the last two
years taught you that?
168
00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:17,480
What are you all doing in here?HEATHER: Shh!
169
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:20,788
[quietly]: We're hiding
from Morgan. Shut the door.Shh.
170
00:07:20,831 --> 00:07:23,921
If you actually have to use the
bathroom, use the kitchen sink.
171
00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:27,795
Well, it's just never easy
172
00:07:27,838 --> 00:07:29,927
the first time
you're called a bitch.
173
00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:31,973
Uh, wait, what happened?
174
00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:33,975
Did Morgan call
you the B-word?
175
00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:34,758
Mm-hmm.
176
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,066
I guess I always knew
it was coming.
177
00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:39,981
I just thought
I had a couple more years
178
00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:41,809
to be a kid, you know?
179
00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:44,072
I'm just gonna go sit around
180
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:46,683
and wait for my period.
181
00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:48,729
Aw.
182
00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:51,688
You all should be
at the party,
183
00:07:51,732 --> 00:07:53,777
you know,
supporting Matt and Colleen.
184
00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:54,952
We support them in theory.
185
00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:57,651
But, in practice,
we don't want to.
186
00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:58,956
Yeah, Morgan's so mean.
187
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,871
If Tim heard the things
she said about him,
188
00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:02,917
he'd drive his car
straight into the ocean.
189
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,528
Was it about my weight?
Ha-ha. Very original.
190
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:07,835
No, it wasn't
about your weight.
191
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:10,577
Oh, no.
192
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:12,013
Oh, babe, no. That's
potpourri, honey.
193
00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:14,102
I don't even care.JOHN: Listen up.
194
00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:16,757
We got to support
Matt and Colleen.
195
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,846
I mean, th-they're looking
like exhausted parents
196
00:08:18,889 --> 00:08:21,109
and they don't
even have a kid yet.
197
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:22,937
Yeah, Morgan called them gunty,
198
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:24,808
which cannot be good.
199
00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:27,724
That is not nearly as bad
as what she said about Tim.
200
00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:28,899
Come after the dome?
201
00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,640
Oh, very clever.
202
00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:31,859
No.
203
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:33,556
Oh, no.
204
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,731
JOHN:
We got six weeks
205
00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:36,559
and they'll get that baby.
206
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:37,908
In the meantime,
207
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:40,650
you all got to put up
with that turd's crap.
208
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:43,044
Wait.
209
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,831
[toilet flushing]So it's believable.
210
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:50,747
[insects trilling]
211
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:52,749
There is no excuse
for Morgan's behavior.
212
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,621
We can't put your family
through this.
213
00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,884
No. So, our options are,
214
00:08:56,927 --> 00:09:00,801
uh, either we confront her
and risk losing the baby...
215
00:09:01,932 --> 00:09:03,891
...or we just put our heads down
216
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:05,849
and we deal with it.
217
00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:07,068
[exhales]
218
00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:08,939
She's our problem.
219
00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:11,812
Let's go tell your family
they can go.
220
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:13,901
[sighs] Hey, guys,
uh, we need to talk.
221
00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:16,381
So, Morgan,
maybe you and Sam
222
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:19,036
should go to the
movies next weekend.
223
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,734
SAMANTHA [unenthusiastically]:
Sounds fun.
224
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:23,737
Uh, yeah.
And, uh, next week,
225
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,042
Jen and I can take you
to the beach.
226
00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:26,696
MORGAN: Love it.
[gasps] Oh, my gosh.
227
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:29,177
I'm gonna dig holes and then put
towels over them. [laughs]
228
00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:31,092
Cool. Like to hurt people.
229
00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:31,919
Yeah, you got it.
230
00:09:31,962 --> 00:09:33,137
You guys,
231
00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:35,139
your family is so dope.
232
00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:37,054
[phone rings]Oh, wait. Hang on.
233
00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,882
Don't worry, she didn't die.
It's fine.
234
00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:40,623
I know. I know.
235
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:41,929
Guys, what's going on?
We thought
236
00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:43,408
you were all hiding
in the bathroom because
237
00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:44,627
you couldn't stand Morgan.
238
00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,063
We can't stand Morgan.
239
00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:47,804
But we love you.
240
00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:50,111
And, you know, it's much
easier to swallow a turd
241
00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:52,635
if you break it up
into little pieces.
242
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:53,723
Aw.
243
00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,116
That's, like, a
famous quote, right?
244
00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:57,727
Yeah, I think
it's Shakespeare.
245
00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:07,432
[grunts]I can't believe you found
one of these bad boys.
246
00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:09,434
I thought they were
sold out everywhere.No, I had
247
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,785
to go to the store right
before it opened and then outrun
248
00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:13,743
a woman who was eight
and a half months pregnant.
249
00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:15,832
And when I couldn't do that,
I had to pay her 100 bucks.
250
00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:17,747
Well, worth it.
You know what they say--
251
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:21,142
the more money we spend,
the better parents we are.
252
00:10:21,185 --> 00:10:22,752
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
253
00:10:22,796 --> 00:10:25,102
Baby Alex
is gonna love it.
254
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:26,451
Alex?
255
00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:27,844
I don't know. I just--
256
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,803
I keep coming back to it
for some reason.
257
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:31,369
Like, I think
it's such a cute name.Mm.
258
00:10:31,413 --> 00:10:33,458
And, also, it works
for a boy or a girl.
259
00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:36,679
So, do you like it?
260
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:37,854
I love it.
261
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,160
Let's do it.[squeals]
262
00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:40,814
[chuckles]
Mwah.
263
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,816
And, honey, this time,
we have to keep it
264
00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:44,469
from your family
until I have this baby.
265
00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,297
Mm.Yeah, no one has the guts
to criticize a name
266
00:10:46,341 --> 00:10:48,169
once it's attached
to a human.
267
00:10:48,212 --> 00:10:50,127
JOAN:
There are
268
00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:51,781
my pregnant sons.
269
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:54,784
I have a patient
who's a woodworker.
270
00:10:54,828 --> 00:10:58,179
He's also an arsonist, but
woodworking is his real passion.
271
00:10:58,222 --> 00:11:01,182
What do you think
about rocking chairs
272
00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:04,228
to lull your little angels
to sleep?
273
00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:06,143
Aw.
Oh...
274
00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:09,799
Thanks, Mom. But, yeah, we
don't really need one of those.
275
00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:12,236
Yeah, we just got
this hot new bassinet
276
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,803
that everyone's
talking about.
277
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:15,805
I mean, you probably saw
the article, right?
278
00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:17,372
Parentsmagazine?
279
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:18,852
No?
280
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,158
I'd love a rocking chair.
281
00:11:21,202 --> 00:11:22,812
We don't have
any nursery furniture yet.
282
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:26,207
Oh, honey,
I wanted these gifts to match.
283
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:29,863
I'll ask him to do something,
you know, simple yet elegant.
284
00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:31,342
Like a stool.
285
00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:33,518
Who doesn't love a simple stool?
286
00:11:33,562 --> 00:11:34,824
Yeah! I mean,
why get a rocking chair
287
00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,434
when you can have a stool?
Thanks, Greg.
288
00:11:36,478 --> 00:11:37,740
[Greg stammers]
289
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,873
We have so many stools.
290
00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,526
Uh, can it be
anything smaller,
291
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:43,833
like a-- like a baby
rattle or a wooden spoon?
292
00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:45,139
Are you kidding me?
293
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:46,401
Ooh, a spoon!
294
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:47,968
Like an heirloom!
295
00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:49,534
And I'll ask him
296
00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:51,188
to engrave it. Oh!
297
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:53,321
Well, what are
the babies' names?
298
00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:55,323
Oh, we were thinking
about naming--Uh, we-we were both,
299
00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:58,195
uh, thinking that we'd
like to surprise the family
300
00:11:58,239 --> 00:11:59,936
with our names.
301
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:02,939
Well, I'll tell Gene
to wait on the engraving.
302
00:12:02,983 --> 00:12:04,941
Oh, my gosh.
Yikes.
303
00:12:04,985 --> 00:12:07,770
Please forget I said
my patient's name was Gene.
304
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:08,858
Oh, it's terrible.
305
00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:10,207
It really is
terrible.
306
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,384
Hey, sorry I had
to jump in there.
307
00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:15,473
You do not want
to let anyone know
308
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:17,562
the name you've chosen
until the baby is born.
309
00:12:17,606 --> 00:12:19,869
They'll crap all over it.Oh, man.
I'm not even worried
310
00:12:19,913 --> 00:12:22,350
about it. You can't ruin
a great name like Alex.
311
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,787
Oh, uh, uh, what, Alex?
312
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:27,224
Wait, did Jen tell you our name?
313
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:29,226
No. Alex is the name we picked.
314
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:32,969
No, Alex is the name
that wepicked.
315
00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:34,231
But you can't.
316
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:36,799
Well, we're gonna
have a baby first.
317
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:38,409
No, you're not.
318
00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:41,369
Well, we named our baby first.
319
00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:42,413
No, you didn't.
320
00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:44,894
Well, we'll tell
the family first.
321
00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:47,767
No, you won't.
322
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:49,594
What?
323
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:51,248
No.
324
00:12:51,292 --> 00:12:52,946
[indistinct chatter]
325
00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:53,947
Oh, my God.
326
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,383
We're naming
our baby Alex.
327
00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:57,254
[squealing, chatter]
328
00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:58,908
Alex!
329
00:12:58,952 --> 00:12:59,953
JOAN:
You heard!
330
00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:01,998
What a perfect name!Mm.
331
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:03,913
JOAN:
I'll go tell Mr. Lewis.
332
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:05,306
Oh, damn it.
333
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:07,308
Now you know
my patient's last name.
334
00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:12,922
Okay.
335
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:14,576
You screwed up.
That's obvious.
336
00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:15,925
I don't need to
know the details.
337
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:18,014
I just need you to
go get the name back.
338
00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:20,582
No problem.
339
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:21,931
How?
340
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,324
I'm gonna cut to
the chase, Greg.
341
00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:24,499
You've lived
in your brother's shadow
342
00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:25,456
for a long time.
343
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:26,544
Well, not really.
344
00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:28,068
I'm, like,
five inches taller than him.
345
00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:29,634
And I'm gonna need
you to go out there
346
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:31,854
and swing that
five inches around.
347
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:34,639
You know, really show
your brother who's boss.
348
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,467
Greg.
349
00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:41,864
Hey, man. Things got a
little heavy back there,
350
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:44,432
but this is a time
for celebration.Mm.
351
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:45,563
Mm.You know? I
mean, we should
352
00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:47,478
be helping each other
on this, uh, uh,
353
00:13:47,522 --> 00:13:49,654
crazy journey called
parenthood, you know?
354
00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:50,655
Couldn't agree more.
355
00:13:50,699 --> 00:13:52,657
You have something
that I want.
356
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:57,358
Mm.
But I might have something you want.
357
00:13:57,401 --> 00:13:59,403
I'm listening.
358
00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:04,060
This says "Jarvis."
359
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:07,542
Now that is our backup
name, real primo. Choice.
360
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,674
God, it kills me to
be giving this up,
361
00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,372
but it's yours
if you want it.
362
00:14:11,415 --> 00:14:13,461
Seriously?
363
00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:16,551
Matthew, please.
I'm desperate.
364
00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:23,079
Got the name back.
365
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:24,559
[gasps]
Yes!
366
00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:27,344
Oh. I never once
doubted you out loud.
367
00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:31,566
Hey. So, uh, we'll pick up
the bassinet tomorrow?
368
00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:34,003
You'll pick up
the what now?
369
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:36,397
There are a million
baby names out there,
370
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,921
but only one of these
bassinets in town.Mm.
371
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:41,576
You gave 'em our bassinet?
372
00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:42,664
And two stools.
373
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,361
We hear you're
swimming in stools.
374
00:14:44,405 --> 00:14:45,928
[chuckles]
375
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:47,408
You know what?
376
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:49,410
At least everybody
already loves the name.
377
00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:53,544
We're naming
our baby Alex.
378
00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:56,591
Joanie, I swear I've
lived this moment before.
379
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:59,637
I thought that was Uncle Matt
and Aunt Colleen's name?
380
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:01,465
Yeah, but
the important thing is that
381
00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:04,381
the beloved family-sanctioned
name is now ours.
382
00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:06,383
Oh, I don't know.
383
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:10,039
You know, I liked Alex
by itself, but Alex and Lark?
384
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:12,737
It sounds like two
little beagle puppies,
385
00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:15,740
and one's fast, and the other
drowns in the river.
386
00:15:15,784 --> 00:15:17,177
Huh.
Oh.
387
00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:19,353
I knew an Alex.
He killed a Mark.
388
00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:20,745
It's pretty
close to Lark.
389
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:23,748
What other names
are you kicking around?
390
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:26,012
If you guys don't want Alex
anymore, we'll take it.
391
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:27,752
Alex Short.
I like that.
392
00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:29,015
Oh, hell no.
393
00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:49,035
[whistle blows]
394
00:15:49,078 --> 00:15:51,037
COACH:
All right, hustle back!
395
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,343
[indistinct chatter]
396
00:15:55,824 --> 00:15:58,827
Hey!Mom, I think we should go
home. I don't feel good.
397
00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:00,785
Mm. Yeah.
And I feel like it's something bad.
398
00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:02,700
I'm pretty sure
it's my prostate.
399
00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:05,790
Pro-Probably.
Let me give you one of these.
400
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,357
[sighs]There you go, sweetie.
401
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:11,013
Yeah, right?
402
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,973
Um... what did you
just give her?
403
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:15,975
Oh, this isn't real medication.
404
00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:17,846
When Sophia says
that she's sick
405
00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:19,935
but I think she's probably
just a little anxious,
406
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,024
I give her a candy
from a pill bottle,
407
00:16:22,068 --> 00:16:23,330
then she thinks
she feels better.
408
00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:25,071
[whistle blows]
COACH: Jump ball!
409
00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:27,029
[indistinct shouting]
410
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,988
Yeah!
That's genius!
411
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,946
Yeah, it's good.
412
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,862
You could make a fortune selling
those to my family alone.
413
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:36,169
Yeah. Here you go.
414
00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:38,867
First one's free.
Hmm.
415
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,003
What's all this?Oh! Tim, it's so exciting.
416
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:46,875
You know how I always give
the kids those fake pills?
417
00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:48,833
Well, word spread around
the basketball moms,
418
00:16:48,877 --> 00:16:50,052
and now I'm selling 'em.
419
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,445
Oh, that's amazing.
420
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:53,795
I call them, "Feel-Betters."
421
00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:55,057
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
422
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:58,017
Yeah, makes you think
you'll feel better.
423
00:16:58,060 --> 00:16:59,931
Where'd you get
all the bottles?
424
00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:02,891
Remember when I was asked
to step down
425
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,110
from the school gala committee,
426
00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:06,025
and then I had
that little moment?
427
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,070
Five months was a little moment?
428
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:09,158
Well, I saved
all my pill bottles.
429
00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:11,073
Well, look at you.
430
00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:13,075
Took real human darkness, turned
it into a fun business idea.
431
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,772
Good for you.
432
00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:16,557
I know. Isn't it amazing?
433
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,082
Oh, Tim, I feel
like this is how Amazon started.
434
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:21,518
[grunts]
435
00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:24,130
Probably.
436
00:17:25,609 --> 00:17:28,003
Oh, no, it feels so good
to have my own business.
437
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,092
And you know
the best part about this is
438
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:33,095
that I'm doing everything
all by myself.
439
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:34,488
[sighs]
440
00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:36,577
All right, guys, how we doing?
441
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:39,101
Mmm. [gulps]Um, Tim, honey?
Yeah, not paying you
442
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:41,930
to eat the product.You're not paying us at all.
443
00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:44,106
Well, why would I?
You are terrible at your job.
444
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:46,108
I havea job. I'm a doctor.
445
00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:49,111
Yeah? Well, here, you are
just a hot piece of ass.
446
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:50,460
Aah!
447
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,942
Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!
448
00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:57,076
Aunt Heather brought
Soph to play group!
449
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:58,903
Hi, guys.
HEATHER: Oh!
450
00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:02,211
I just came to drop off
these toys of Sophia's.
451
00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:04,953
Oh, wow. Thank you.
That's so sweet.Oh. Yeah.
452
00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:07,869
It's, uh... six Legos
453
00:18:07,912 --> 00:18:10,611
and half a doll
with her hair ripped out.Mm-hmm.
454
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:12,526
I mean, Sophia doesn't need
that stuff anymore,
455
00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:15,050
now that she's in
the sixth grade.
456
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,270
Well, I may be
a big girl,
457
00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:20,447
but sometimes I get
little-girl feelings.
458
00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:22,623
I get nervous
and anxious
459
00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:25,147
and sometimes even
a little scared.
460
00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:26,975
HEATHER:
Yeah, and as a
461
00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:28,150
caring mom on the go,
462
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:29,586
I know exactly what you need.
463
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,197
Feel-Betters.
464
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,025
What is happening?What are Feel-Betters?
465
00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:37,072
They're my favorite organic,
farm-to-table medicine.
466
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,465
Yeah, here you go, sweetie.
467
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,206
Thanks, Mom.Yeah.
468
00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:42,077
[whispering]:
It's just a placebo,
469
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,166
[in normal voice]:
but it's the magical medicine
470
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:48,518
that takes her tummy
from owie to wowie.
471
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:51,173
I feel so much better,
and confident.
472
00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:53,175
Like,
if my parents were divorced,
473
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:55,134
I wouldn't feel any stress
about it.
474
00:18:55,177 --> 00:18:57,005
Can I get some of those?
475
00:18:57,048 --> 00:18:58,180
Bill just left us.
476
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:01,140
Oh, my God. Claire,
are you okay?
477
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:03,620
She will be, because I've got
ten bottles of Feel-Betters
478
00:19:03,664 --> 00:19:05,318
right in my purse for $9.99.
479
00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:07,494
Of course you do.
480
00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:09,235
That was a nice performance,
Soph.
481
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:30,952
Hey, can I talk to you guys
about your, uh, Feel-Betters?
482
00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:32,606
[chuckles]
Oh, yeah. Jen, I'm sorry.
483
00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:33,650
I can't shave anything
off the price
484
00:19:33,694 --> 00:19:35,348
just because
you're family.
485
00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:38,655
Uh, listen, as a lawyer,
I should warn you
486
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,962
that selling anything
even remotely close to medicine
487
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:44,661
just opens you up
to a host of legal landmines.
488
00:19:44,705 --> 00:19:46,054
Good ones?
489
00:19:46,097 --> 00:19:48,143
No. No.
490
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,537
You're encouraging kids
491
00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:52,582
to take a pill
every time they feel bad.
492
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:55,063
I mean, what happens
when a kid pops a handful
493
00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:57,631
of his mom's Valium thinking
he's eating Feel-Betters?
494
00:19:57,674 --> 00:20:00,373
Oh, that's a lot of Valium.Not if his hands
are really small.
495
00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:02,766
Well, that's not the takeaway.
496
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:04,594
Oh God, no.
497
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:06,683
I feel so terrible.What?
498
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:09,643
Oh... No, Tim!
Why didn't you stop me?
499
00:20:09,686 --> 00:20:11,688
This was a terrible idea!
You're a doctor.
500
00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:14,387
'Cause I'm your husband first,
and you were really happy.
501
00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:15,997
[scoffs]All right, fine.
502
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,086
I'll go fire the kids.
Sophia's gonna be pissed.
503
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:19,827
She's been saving up
her vacation days.
504
00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:22,699
HEATHER:
I feel so stupid.
505
00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:25,398
Everything I do is
for somebody else.
506
00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:29,097
You know, it's for my kids
or my husband or my parents,
507
00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:33,667
and I just wanted something
for myself, and... I blew it.
508
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,712
No.
[scoffs]
509
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:38,498
Heather. Hey.
510
00:20:38,541 --> 00:20:41,631
You had an idea that you
turned into an actual business.
511
00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:43,590
Yeah.
So, it kills children.
512
00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:45,200
Big deal.
Oh...
513
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,810
Your next idea will be a hit
514
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:49,422
that might not
kill children, huh?
515
00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:52,860
And when that happens, I'm gonna
be right here to support you.
516
00:20:52,903 --> 00:20:54,862
Thank you.
517
00:20:54,905 --> 00:20:56,733
You know what?
518
00:20:56,777 --> 00:20:58,692
I do have another idea,
actually. Oh, yeah?
519
00:20:58,735 --> 00:21:00,737
Okay, you know
how some kids eat glue?Uh-huh.
520
00:21:00,781 --> 00:21:04,654
Well, what if you just put
vitamins right in the glue
521
00:21:04,698 --> 00:21:07,701
and get Vita-Glue?
522
00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:11,444
But, uh, they're still
eating glue, so...
523
00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:13,576
Yeah, I'll just get
my real estate license
524
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:15,796
like all the other moms do.
525
00:21:18,886 --> 00:21:22,846
Captioning sponsored by
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526
00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:25,066
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
527
00:21:25,116 --> 00:21:29,666
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