All language subtitles for Hi.Mom.1970.WS.DVDRip.XviD-FRAGMENT.ENG

Uh, excuse me, sir? Sir?

Sir, uh, are you
the janitor of this building?

Don't never come up on anybody
like that. What's the matter with you?

I'm sorry.

You have the apartment 5-F?
This is 148 Suffolk Street, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can I look at the apartment, please?

- Yeah, what do you want to do?
- Well, I just... I'd like to see it.

I don't know how... you know,
if I want it, but I'd like to see it.

Well, you know, it ain't furnished.

Well, a little nail up there would...

I leave these lights on 'cause you had
about 12 guys up here the other day.

All right, now, first of all,
you've got a shelf up here.

You can put everything up here.
And you've got your water.

And you've got a combination
bathtub and dishwasher here.

And you can just, uh...

Oh, is... what's that?

That's, um...

Could someone take that out?

Yeah, well, you can take it out.

Here you've got a great view,
you know?

And, uh, only one flight up,
and you've got the sky.

Now, over here,
this is my pride and joy.

This is an oven
that's kept here, right,

that... that you open here...

You take it as-is, right,
or you don't take it at all.

How much did you say
this place rents for?

$75 a month.

$75?

Yeah. I didn't know that we had
this much furniture in here.

Well, yeah, but...

- How much is it, then?
- $66.75.

Sixty-six... well,
it says in the paper...

Now, look, I know
what it says in the paper. $45.

I didn't know all this furniture
was in here, all right?

You know, and the mattresses
go with it. You know?

And here, over here...
you don't need to look out there,

because there's the view, right there.

- I'll take it.
- Okay.

Will you shut that door?

Leave the coffee
and corned beef on the table.

What the hell are you...
I don't want any magazines, kid.

You mind? Look what
you're disturbing here, huh?

Where do you think you are,
in your own house?

- I'm sorry.
- Look at that. Is that gorgeous?

You see that cleavage? Huh?

Where you gonna get that?
You don't get that in a Fellini film.

You get that in a Banner film.

Now, this is your public,
you understand?

These guys come
from every walk of life...

middle class, rich, poor.

Don't pay any attention.

Things go on in there. I shouldn't
even tell you what goes on in there.

You come into one of these theaters,
you do not go into the men's room.

You understand?
You got that straight?

That's one of the laws.

Is that art?

- What's going on in there?
- Don't pay any attention to it.

Go on, get out from in here.

Pervert. Leave him alone.
Who knows where he's been.

She looks inhibited, right?

You know why she looks inhibited?
She hasn't had the right direction.

She has not been told
who she is in this film.

That girl does not
want to screw anybody.

She wants to screw the man of her life,
so who do they put her in with, huh?

Some weirdo with gold hair.

Yeah, that's funny, huh?

What's gonna happen when her mother
sees that picture, know what I mean?

Kids should grow up with a feeling
of beauty about their bodies, right?

I mean, my little boy,
my 6-year-old boy,

walks around with a towel
around him all the time.

I mean, why is that, huh?

I don't see my daughter doing that.

Hey.

That's all right. He means well.

This man is obviously
somebody who needs a movie.

But not this movie.

If it were this movie,
he wouldn't be doing this to me.

He wouldn't be
putting his hands on my balls.

Now, you want to make a film
for me, you've got to have a property.

Kid, kid, this is real estate.

What is this?
Is this gonna sell movies?

Yes.

This is gonna sell movies,
a tall building?

So what? So that's a phallic symbol.
I know what that is.

- No, it's not.
- You trying to teach me something?

A tall building? Listen,
I used to watch Superman

when I was a little kid, too,
you know what I mean?

You're not gonna teach me
anything new with just a tall building.

The reason I've come to see you

is because I know that
you're a good producer...

Take a look at that top floor.

- Who took this picture?
- I took these pictures.

You know what you've got
on that top floor?

The top floor is an old woman.
That's not an interesting picture.

- An old woman?
- Yes! No, no!

You'd better have
your eyes checked, kid.

Look what he's showing me.
Look what's gonna sell money, right?

You got the right idea.
You like titties, right?

- Right?
- Yeah.

You'll buy this before you'll
buy that picture, won't you?

- I'll show you something.
- Go on, show him something.

Go on,
see if you can make a sale.

- You see, these are four windows.
- It's gorgeous, isn't it?

You could really go home
and jerk off to that, couldn't you?

Wait a minute, Mr. Banner!

You could really go home and put
your thing right through the window.

These are the most interesting windows
of this side of the building.

There are 270 windows.

- I'm taking your word for that?
- Yes.

Now, what I have, see,
I have this telescope here, see?

I've got this telescope,
and I get the activities of all these...

the secretaries, the revolutionary,
the hippy... young hippies...

this playboy down here, and then
up there, you've got a housewife.

That's what I don't understand.
How do you know they live there?

How do I know they live there?

I've been watching them.
I have all the photographs.

I have all the film, the 8mm film.

And then I've got this telescope,
you see, and I do this.

And you set it up here,
and, you know,

it's what I call "peep" art,
and I think it's fantastic,

because you get
all these private moments.

You get all these people together,

and they don't know
they're being watched.

Its not like in those photographs
in that bookstore,

but these are real activities.

You think people are stupid?
You think people are stupid?

You think people don't know
when they're being watched?

No, they don't know.

You think I don't know
that you're watching me now?

The only compromise in this
is when someone pulls the blinds.

- Why don't you look?
- I'm gonna see what you see, right?

Look on the 16th floor.

You think people don't know
when they're being watched, right?

Mr. Banner, can I just...

Don't "Mr. Banner" me.
You're getting me nervous.

- All right, now, look in that window.
- Call me Joe.

- What?
- Oh, there she is.

Go ahead, look, look.
Just watch, watch.

- Can you see her?
- Hey, hey!

I see, like, a very funny broad
with a red towel, right?

Right, right, right, right.

Now, you like it.
I'm glad you like it.

- What's your name? Jon, right?
- Jon, right.

280 windows.
Confessions of a Peeping Jon.

Oh, yeah, well, that's...
Okay.

- That's what?
- Okay, okay.

- You patronizing me?
- No. You gonna give me the money?

You putting up with me?
I'm putting up with you.

- You don't have to put up with me.
- I'm not putting up with you!

I'm just saying,
give me the money, and I'll do it.

I told you, I'm scared of heights.
I'm nervous up here.

You need a lens.
I like the idea. It's a good idea.

It's a good idea, kid.

It's a good idea.
Too bad you don't have a lens.

You need a lens! What, are you
gonna work with that piece of crap?

What are you doing
to my equipment?

I'm waiting for her to take off...
I could see her from here better!

- Look at this!
- Well, I know I need a lens.

You see these? These are
$12 prescription glasses.

I can see probably clearer.
Look at that.

I have no trouble now seeing her.
I'll get you a lens from Harry.

You go down to Harry,
he'll send you to ABC Camera,

you go down, you get the lens,
you get the works.

- You will?
- You better deliver.

I will, I promise!

You get a lens, you sit in your bathtub,
you'll be able to take pictures.

Oh, Mr. Banner, that's fantastic.
Can I shake your hand?

When you get to know me better,
we'll shake hands.

Right now it's strictly business,
you understand?

That's great, Mr. Banner. Listen,
how much money can you give me?

Don't worry about it.
Whatever it costs. What do you need?

Well, I need about...
I'd like to have about $2,000.

$2,000? All right,
so I'll give you about $2,000.

Get out.
You're gonna give me $2,000?

- I'm gonna give you $2,000.
- You're really gonna give me $2,000?

That's right, I'm a schmuck,
I know. I trust you, kid.

I know, I know, I know.
I've got a good heart.

You remind me of...

What's the difference
who you remind me of?

He was killed in the war, anyway.
He was a good kid.

He went away. I was gonna
teach him the business, you know that?

What business was that?

- You trying to make fun of me?
- I'm sorry.

What?

I'm taking you in off the street,
you're making fun of me?

My cousin Marshall. My cousin
Marshall would have had this job,

would have had the opportunity
that you're gonna have.

Mr. Banner, I'm very sorry.
I'd like to shake your hand.

I'm sorry.
Can I expect a check from you?

You just tell Harry
to send the bills to me.

And what you're actually doing
is setting the camera motor on,

and you can just
take pictures of yourself.

That's right.
You just push this button.

Like this?

And as far as the sound is concerned,

the sound is recorded
in this microphone.

- Oh, I see.
- Right here.

Does it have...
what do you...? A zoom?

Yes. Now, I'll show you
how to operate the zoom.

You just twist this like so...

and your subject will come
closer and closer and closer.

Yeah, I see.

- Isn't that great?
- I can do that, right.

- Isn't that great?
- Yes.

Now, are you familiar
with the exposure?

No, I don't really know
anything about it.

Well, you see this little ring
around the center here?

Yeah, right here?

Well, you just turn that
slowly and slowly,

and the camera will automatically
set itself for the proper exposure.

- What's exposure?
- That's right.

Well, it's the correct lightness
and darkness of the picture.

Oh, yeah, I see.
The light and the dark.

Yes. You see how that works?

Now, you want to try the zoom now?

Yeah.

Let's zoom right across the room,
right over there.

Okay.

I'll take that man's
picture right there.

You're getting him
right in the picture.

Uh-huh. But it's
all out of focus now.

- Well, we'll fix that.
- Oh, I see.

You get sound just like Hollywood.

You can sing.

They can do anything
they want, anything.

Who's there?

Jon Rubin.

- Jon Rubin?
- Yes, Jon Rubin. Hi.

How are you?
I'm your computer date.

Computer date?

Yes. ABC Computer Dating.
Very nice to meet you.

I never ordered a computer date.

If you didn't, somebody who
certainly looks very much like you did.

As a matter of fact, you look
much better than your photograph.

As a matter of fact,
you're quite a knockout!

Well, I think we have
approximately 15 minutes.

Do you know my name?

Well, of course I know your name.
Jo Ann Larch.

- Judy.
- Judy?

- Judy Bishop.
- Oh, Judy Bishop?

Ha ha! Very funny. You've got
a very good sense of humor.

As a matter of fact,
I punched that in. I'm very glad.

Well, let's get going, will you,
because we don't have much time.

Well, I think there must be
some mistake.

Hello, is this
ABC Computer Dating?

Yes, my name is Jon Rubin,

and there seems to be
some mistake here.

I'm at the apartment
of a Judy Bishop,

505 LaGuardia Place.

A Judy Bishop
of 505 LaGuardia Place...

and, uh... uh...
it seems that there's some mistake,

because I have come here
under the assumption

that we were to have a date tonight,

and, uh, it seems that Miss Bishop
knows nothing about it...

and so I would like to find out
what's happening here.

I happen to have tickets
for Cinema Sociables,

dining, and dancing,
and I have a cab waiting outside,

and it seems that
there's just nothing here now,

and I'm quite upset about it,

and I seem to be
feeling quite degraded.

Now, could you please
tell me what the story is?

There seems to be some mistake?

There is a mistake?

It's 505 LaGuardia Place
in the Bronx?

Well, I'm... I'm...
You should be sorry!

You should absolutely be sorry!

What?

Well, I'm afraid I'll just have to report it
to the Better Business Bureau, yes.

Well, the least you can do
is send my $3 back.

Do you know my address?

That's right. Goodbye.

What's that?

Oh, nothing, nothing. I...

Well, I spoke to them on the phone,
and they said that, uh,

that there must have been
some mistake.

The LaGuardia Place that
I was told to go to is in the Bronx,

so I really feel terrible.

- What a shame.
- Yes, I feel like quite a fool.

Oh, don't be silly.

Well, I do. I feel as if
I've degraded myself

and embarrassed you,
and I really, really feel very bad.

I'm quite sorry,
and now I have these tickets,

and I can't do anything with them.

I mean, uh, I can't get my money back,
because they're non-returnable.

Well, there must be somebody...

And I can't call anyone, you know.
I'd feel kinda silly just calling a girl now.

...some girl in New York City
who's free tonight.

Wonder what I did...? Oh.
Ah! Here they are.

Yeah, I just don't know.

I guess the only thing to do is...

Oh, don't be silly!

No.

Well...

Well, I don't know.
I just can't call a girl now.

There must be someone.

Oh, listen, um...

I-I don't want to be rude or, you know,
crass or vulgar or impolite.

I certainly wouldn't want to do that...
I've already embarrassed you enough...

but I was just thinking, um...

perhaps, uh...
perhaps, uh...

...you would like to go.
- Yes!

You would? All right.

Oh, actually, I had a date,

but I-I cancelled it

because it, uh, it snowed.

- You could go?
- Yeah.

Oh, fantastic.
Well, come on, let's go.

Oh, wow.

What a beautiful movie.

It's so personal to me, that...
that child-woman.

At times, she's a little girl,

terrified by the brutality
and ugliness of reality,

and she has to talk in rhyme

to preserve her fantasy world.

And then, at times...

the woman... this sexual-driven,
passionate woman...

bursts forth like a ripe fruit.

So much wanting.

And then that frightens her,

and she has to go
back into the little girl again

and talk in rhyme.

Yeah.

You know,
tragedy is a funny thing.

Oh, wow. It certainly is.

Just breaks my heart.

You know, I think
I understand this movie really well

because I had a personal experience.

I was going with Danny
in high school,

and we were at Jim Thorpe High.

And Danny...
Danny and I were really close,

except there wasn't any magic,
you know what I mean?

We weren't really...

And, um, we went
to this party together,

and, well, this person was there.

This person, he was like
the high school heartthrob, you know?

Everybody was crazy about him.

And I never thought
he'd look at me or anything.

I never thought he'd pay any attention
to me, and suddenly, out of the blue,

he began talking to me,
and then he began dancing with me,

and, well, we were communicating.

We were talking about things
I'd never talked to anyone about before.

We were really close.

And he said to me,
"Would you leave with me?

We're two special people,
and we should leave together,"

he said.

And I said yes,
because it was so special.

And, well, we got into his car,

and we drove to the quarry,

and it was a very beautiful night,

and... well...

I had all these feelings inside of me
that I'd never had for anyone before,

and, well, I gave myself
to him, completely.

Oh. Oh, you did?

And, um, it was
very beautiful, I-I thought.

And, uh, when it was over...

I-I said to him...

and it wasn't because
I wanted to get engaged

or I wanted him to pin me

or I wanted to go steady
or anything like that.

It was because I had for him

the biggest feeling I'd ever had
for anyone in my whole life.

Ever.

And I said to him, "I love you."

And I looked in his face...

and he had the most sick,
ugly, peculiar grin on his face.

He was laughing at me!

Do you mind
if I put my hand here?

No.

Well, as you can imagine,

I mean, everything
inside me went cold.

I became inwardly hysterical.

And I-I looked up at him,

and in my nakedness, l...

you may not believe this...

I said to him,
"Roger, Roger, look at me.

Roger, Roger, what do you see?"

That reminds me of something
that happened to me.

I was coming home.

I was living with a girl, Barbara,
a few years ago, and, uh...

it was her birthday,
and I came home,

and I had presents
and a cake and candles,

and all kinds of confetti
and cr�pe paper,

and I was rushing
up the stairs, ecstatic.

I opened the door very quietly
and crept in,

and I heard the shower running.

Well, I opened
the door to the bathroom...

and I hear some voices.

And all of a sudden
I open the shower curtain,

and then, there are...

there she is with another person.

They were... they were...
they were naked.

And the funny thing about it was,
he had this kind of laugh,

this kind of grin,
this kind of evil grin,

and it... it really threw me,

and I naturally ran out of the place
in a state of shock.

I didn't know what to do, and...

But, you know, come to think of it,

his name was Roger,

because I was
introduced to him once before.

It was?

And he...

Did you say this Roger
was from Jim Thorpe, PA?

Jim Thorpe, PA?
What was his last name?

Parks. Roger Parks.

Roger Parks?

Well... well, I'll be damned.

Do you know that's
the same Roger Parks

who was in the shower with Barbara?
Do you know that?

That same son of a bitch
was in the shower with Barbara!

That goddamn...

...son of a bastard!
- Oh, no! Oh!

Oh, look what I've done.
Oh, I'm sorry.

- Oh, are you all right?
- In a moment of passion, I...

I got excited. I'm sorry.

I must've acted like a fool,
and I've ruined the pizza.

I'm... I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.
It's just that...

It's all right. Poor you.

Oh, you poor thing.
That's terrible.

We were both victimized
by that... that... that brute,

that... that... that...

Oh, l...
oh, I get so...

Oh, I'm...

I get so...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Forgive me.
Please forgive me.

You poor thing.

You poor thing.

Be gentle with me.

I will, Judy, but not now.

We've both had
a very exhausting evening,

and we're both drained, and...

Well, when?

Well, as I've said,
we're both very drained,

and we've had quite
an unusual experience this evening,

a wonderful experience.

I happen to be
a person of the weather,

and I hear that tomorrow
the forecast is not too good.

It's going to be
cloudy and rainy all day,

but Sunday is going to be
sunny and beautiful,

and I think that's the day we should
get together and rendezvous.

This is the wonderful view we have

from the living room
and bedroom windows.

It's really nice, because
how many people in New York

can look out their window
and see this much space?

Usually they're just looking
into the side of another building

or into somebody else's window.

This is the housing project
across the street.

It's not nearly as nice
as the one we live in.

This is our housing project, see?

I don't like that one at all.

This one is really pretty.
It's really modern.

And the cement blocks,
all one color.

We live on the sixth floor.

Let's see, not counting
the big windows on the bottom,

go up one, two, three,

four, five, six,

and over to the...
let's see...

second and third window,
that's right.

Let's see now, l...

Um, this is my elevator.

It's an automatic elevator,
so we don't need a doorman.

And, um...

- Oh. Hi, Gerrit.
- Hello, Mrs. Mitchell.

This is a neighbor of mine.
Lives upstairs.

And, um...

Can you hold the door,
'cause I'm trying to take a...

Um, thank you.

What are you putting up there?

- It's a poster.
- I think I'll come in and ride with you.

What is that you're putting...?

Are you allowed to put things up
in an elevator like that?

I don't know.

What is that?
Is that a naked girl?

- Yep.
- My goodness.

Well, what, is it
an advertisement for something?

Yeah.

What?

A play.

I'm trying out my new movie camera.

Gerrit is a student at...
where do you go to school, Gerrit?

- NYU.
- Are you in the play?

Uh-huh.

Oh, are you really?

I guess that's why
you grew a beard, huh?

A lot of actors have beards, don't they?

Are you gonna leave that
there in the elevator?

- Mm-hmm.
- We'll have to come see it.

Shoot 'em!

...black in America?
Why not?

You live in America,
why can't you learn to be part of it?

'Cause I'm not black.

Well, now you can find out
what it's like to be black.

I'd like to talk to you. You have
the kind of face that looks like...

- No, I'm real busy.
- You are busy?

Why are you so busy you don't want
to know what it's like to be black?

- Sorry. So I'm busy.
- You're very busy?

Do you have black people
in your neighborhood, sir?

Excuse me, sir, do you know
what it's like to be black in America?

- Say what?
- To be black in America.

- Yes. I do.
- You do?

Would it interest you
to learn more about black people

and how it is to be
black in this society...

to go through the experience?

I don't know
what are you talking about.

Excuse me, sir, do you know
what it's like to be black in America?

You've got to go back to work?
Are there any black people at your job?

Black people have been
imitating white people for so long,

they know how to act like you all act,
so, I mean, what's your whole problem?

Why can't you go through
the black experience?

I don't have any problem. I don't care
if you're green, blue, or yellow.

We know.
We understand that.

That's an admirable attitude.

Have you ever thought about what
it would be like to be a black woman?

She doesn't look black.

It's a question of
understanding it from the inside

as opposed to understanding it
from the outside.

It's easy to say,
"I live next door to somebody."

That's just saying that you're liberal.

I'm not a liberal, I'm a radical.

I mean, you know,

you're not talking to a white liberal
walking around the Village.

You know, we have been
on many marches in Harlem.

We've done lots of things.
We haven't been born today, you know.

All of intellectual white America's
been on marches

and given to the NAACP
and attended lectures.

How do you expect to be
where you are now if we don't help you?

- I'm not saying that.
- We know why we're here.

Because you
helped us stay there. Right.

You have an obligation
if somebody's a human.

Well, of course. I understand that.

And it's not attending marches,
and it's not going to lectures,

and it's not giving money
to the NAACP.

Just what do you want from us?

I want you to check this out,
that's what I want.

Come and see our show,
Be Black Baby.

Listen, we know all about this.
This is nothing new to us.

Intellectual experiences don't have
nothing to do with physical experiences.

You think we're unimaginative?
We've been all through this.

It's not about your imagination.
It's about what you live, lady.

And you can't intellectualize it,
you understand? You have to live it.

It isn't a matter of intellectualizing.

That's what you just said...
you have a good imagination.

Come on, I'll owe it to you,
you bastard!

...well, of course there are.

- You have anything to do with them?
- But of course.

Like what?

We see them in the morning,
we say hello to them,

just like to anybody else.

Look, there are now scholarships.

If you want to take advantage
of the situation now...

You gotta kiss somebody's ass
to get a scholarship.

Oh, come on.

A large part of your clients
are black, aren't they?

Yes.

Can I ask you
if you ever feel guilty...

I mean, if your conscience
ever bothers you?

Never at all.
Never at all, my friend.

Do you know, do you have
any idea what I'm talking about?

I think I have a good idea
what you're talking about.

Yeah, well, I'll tell you
what I'm talking about, man.

You got stuff in this store

that is the shoddiest merchandise
I've ever seen.

You have committed your life,

you have made it your life's work

to suck in
the poorest people in this town

and sell them
the shoddiest trash I've ever seen

for the most blown-up,
exorbitant prices

I could ever have expected
to see anywhere.

You are a pillar in the system

that is oppressing the black people

and all the poor people in the world,
no matter what color they are, man!

Do you realize that?
Are you aware of that at all?

I'm aware of everything, but I'm really
surprised you're even talking this way.

You notice our prices
that we charge over here?

Do you know what we sell over here?

- Incredibly over...
- We are the cheapest.

We are the cheapest.

We defy anyone
to undersell our prices!

We give everything away.

But you're being a tool, mister!

I'm being used? I'm being used?
For what price?

You being used
to suck in people, mister.

Man, you got
the wrong impression.

No, I ain't, because you tell people
to buy this garbage, mister!

I tell people to buy this garbage.
You know why?

Because... because...
because I'm being paid!

You tell Puerto Rican people,
you tell crackers, you tell black people...

Well, nobody's twisting their arm
to walk in that door!

Nobody's twisting you to stand
out here and sell this bullshit!

For a price! For a price, man!

That means you done
sold yourself, right?

I ain't sold myself!
It's a matter of opinion!

But that's what you're doing, right?
Telling people to buy this garbage!

That's your opinion!

- That's what it is!
- Well, I'll tell you what...

...get a police
and have me arrested!

No, no, brother, I want to appeal to you.
I don't want to get no police on you.

- Why you want to appeal to me?
- Because you a black man!

You damn right!

"There's just nothing you can do.

It's uncanny, but there's
nothing you can do."

I'll start crying there.

That'll take about three...
I'll give myself three minutes

just to make sure
the crying and everything...

really build it up.

If that doesn't get her,
I don't know what will.

If she doesn't say, "Oh, Jon,
is there anything I can do?"

And I'll say, "I can't ask you."

"Oh, please, Jon, take me now."

And I'll say, "Oh, oh, Estelle...
I-I mean... I mean, Judy."

And she'll say, "No, no, Jon,
say what's ever in your heart.

"If it's Estelle, it's Estelle,

"and I know that sooner or later, you'll
love me, and everything will be fine."

And I'll say...

Let's see, that oughtta take
about two more minutes.

That'll take, uh...

And, "Oh, Jon, take me."

And so, let's see, I'll get her
up against the ledge here,

and then I'll kiss her a few times,

and then I'll start undoing her blouse.

Make sure she's facing the camera.

I'll have to turn her. It'll be
a little awkward, but I'll get her there.

Let's see... that oughtta...

Yeah, that's 26-and-a-half minutes...
26-and-a-half minutes...

It's now 9:57.

I have to be there at 10:00.

It's 9:57 plus 20 seconds.
That gives me 40 seconds.

39... 38... 37... 36...

35... 34... 33... 32...

...11... 10... 9...

8... 7... 6...

5... 4... 3...

2... 1.

Well, coat.

Coat.

I guess you'll want to know
why I have two watches here.

You see, the left watch,
which is my uncle's, runs correctly,

and the one which is my watch,
this one on the right here...

uh, I've got to explain this to you...

happens to be
about five minutes off,

so if you notice that I keep
looking at it every few seconds,

it's only because
I'm trying to check it now,

because I paid $30 to have it fixed.

What's for breakfast?

Uh... me!

Ha ha ha! Very funny!

No, what's for breakfast, seriously?

Huh?

I'd like a four-minute egg.

I'd like a four-minute egg,
not sooner or faster.

Oh, come on,
forget about breakfast.

I'll bet you cook
just like my mother.

- Mother?
- Yes.

You want a mother figure, honey?

No, I mean, I bet
you make a four-minute egg

just like my mother
made fantastic four-minute eggs,

though my mother
did do one thing...

and that was that she'd make me
go to dancing school all the time,

and I met a girl named Estelle there,

and Estelle was the only girl
who would dance with me, though,

and sometimes, uh, Estelle and I

would... would...
would be alone in the country.

For example,
once we were on a rock,

and we made love and...
you know what happened to Estelle?

Make love to me, sweetie!

Well, something happens to...
she... she's...

- Come on.
- Estelle was killed.

Estelle was killed.

We were on a...

We were driving along, and, um...

all of a sudden, the car turned over,
and rolled over about 23 times.

Come on!

I walked out without a scratch,

and Estelle
was damaged beyond repair.

You're kidding!
That's terrible!

The car burst into flames,
and she was burnt to a crisp.

Why are you telling me this?

Well, I just want to tell you,
I'm a very sensitive person,

and I can't just jump
into bed with you like this.

But I fell in love with you!
Come on!

Well, I-I love you, too,

but it's just that... uh... uh...
you know, it's...

And then Estelle and I
went to, uh... well...

- Oh, please.
- I feel very badly about Estelle now.

- This was a few years ago...
- This is not the time for Estelle.

...and now I see a psychiatrist
about five times a week,

and he told me that, uh...

well, he told me that I can't have sex
except under certain conditions,

and he said that it's a matter of time,
it's a matter of time.

- I have to get to know somebody first.
- I'll be gentle!

- No, no.
- I'll be gentle.

I have to get to know you.
Look, would you do me a favor?

Would you wait about 25 minutes?

Wait? Why?

I-I can't explain it. It's difficult.

It's difficult. I can't explain.

Oh, let me comfort you, sweetie.

If you could only
wait a few minutes.

- Just a few!
- Here, lie down.

Okay. Just wait, though,
because I have to get to know you first.

Right. Just lie down.

I mean, I just don't...
it's not proper...

I just don't jump into bed
with every girl I see.

I-I like you.

I just don't go around flattering people
and saying how much I like them

unless I really like them.

Right.

So, why can't you...
can you wait a few minutes?

Sure.

Good, good.

I-I forgot to tell you
something else, too.

I-I don't have any, uh...

- Are you protected?
- Oh, the hell with that!

I'd like to get some prophylactics
or contraceptives.

Well, which would you like...
a prophylactic or a contraceptive?

Well, I just want...
What's for a man? A man?

Well, I mean, it depends on
what your situation is.

Well, what's the best thing
you have for right now...

I mean,
for a man or for a woman?

What would be
the best thing that you'd have?

- For right now?
- Yeah, yeah.

This minute?

Well, not this...
you know... well, you know...

Just a minute.
I've got something.

Something might happen.

Now, um, these are prophylactics.

Trojan, you see?
These are of quite fine quality.

I have them either in
unlubricated or lubricated.

Uh, which is the better?
Which is the stronger?

Well, it depends, you know,
on what you like.

I'll demonstrate one for you.

Now, you see,
this is unlubricated.

Yeah. I see. Yeah.

Is it strong, though?
Is the rubber...?

Oh, very, very good.
Here, see?

- It really is very durable.
- It's very strong.

No holes or anything. Gee, you can
see through it, as a matter of fact.

Yeah, it's very thin, for sensitivity.

Oh, and now for your wife, sir.

This just came to us
from Copenhagen.

This is a personal vibrator.
You see?

It comes in three colors...
pink, light blue, or "natural."

Now, the batteries are in here.
They're included in the price.

- You mean this is for...?
- Marvelous?

For a woman?

Yes, a massage of the...
as you see on the box.

- You see?
- Oh!

For those hard-to-get-at places.

That's good.

This is Vagabond lotion.

See? Smell that.

Isn't that...
isn't that marvelous?

Smells a little strange.

The thing about Vagabond is,
it has no bitter-tasting chemicals,

so once you apply it, you see,

the alcohol
evaporates very quickly,

leaving a sweet residue
on the skin.

Oh, I see.

As they advertise it,
"Suddenly you're delicious!"

What I did was,
I computed the time on my watch,

the 26-and-a-half minutes
that it would take me to seduce her.

26-and-a-half?

Yeah, 26-and-a-half minutes,

and I set the camera
onto the clock radio,

and I had this red lightbulb...

Red lightbulb! I used to do that
when I was a kid.

And the camera was on,
and I could see it from her apartment.

So, as you'll see now...

see, this is the preliminary stuff.

- She's cute.
- Yeah, yeah.

She a pro?

Uh... well, I think she is,
as a matter of fact.

But she's really great.

See, what happens now is,
see, we go down for a few minutes.

That's good.
You build up the ecstasy.

Watch! We're gonna come up,
and I rip her clothes off!

It's fantastic. Great stuff.

Should be up any second now.
Just take a second.

- It's, uh...
- Coming up soon, right?

Yeah, just... well...

What's going on here?
Where the hell are you?

What the hell are you doing?
That's a $500 projector!

What the hell is that?

What are you,
some kind of genital freak? Huh?

What is that?
Is that what I spent money for?

That's my Golden Fig Leaf Award,
right, from Anchorage, Alaska?

How many of them
do you think they give out?

You dropped your sunglasses.

I'll drop 'em again!
Get out of here, you phony!

She was different, she really was.

She just didn't know
what was going on at all.

And she really thought
she said something.

Uh... excuse me, excuse me.

Uh, is this... you're casting
for that "be black" thing,

for the police officer?

Be Black Baby, that's right.

Well, I'd like to try for it.

You don't look much
like a cop to me, man.

Yeah, you look
kinda humble to me.

Well...

I don't know, man,
if you've got pig in you,

we'll get it out of you,
so why don't you come on in?

- Door's over there.
- Okay.

Hold up.

We're gonna have you
run through a trial run,

you know, to kinda like
test your pig potential.

I'm willing to do whatever you want.
I can do anything, so, you know...

Whatever you want to do, I'm willing,

'cause I think I can play a cop.
Sure, I know I can.

Come on,
open that goddamn door!

We can't have any perverts here!

What'd you say?

Huh? What'd you say?

What do you mean?
That a friend of yours?

What are you protesting?
Let me see your permit.

You don't need a permit?

What do you mean?
What's that?

Against the war in Vietnam?

Let me tell you something, son,
you ever been in Vietnam?

Well, I have, and I know what it's like.
Oh, yeah, you know, huh?

What are you, two years old,
you've been in the Army?

You haven't been in the Army
in high school.

What? What did you say,
young lady?

"Make love, not war"?
Listen, I make love very well.

What do you know about love?
What do you know about war?

Well, you want
a good slap in the face, huh?

You won't even wear
a goddamn brassiere, you little slut.

Goddamn bitch. What?

What'd you say?
What are you gonna do about it?

Listen, son, I happen to know
that you don't have a permit here,

so I'm gonna tell you something...

You just touch my bat?

You touched my bat?

Come on, come out!
Gimme it! Come on!

Yeah.

Listen, people, we want to
take you through the black experience,

and you all know that
being black means being loose.

- Being what?
- Being black means being loose.

And that's part of our history,

and what we want to do
is kind of loosen you up,

to more or less prepare you

for the experience that
we're about to take you through.

Okay, now, feel down
the arms to the hands.

Slowly. You know.
We're gonna not rush anything.

Touching the hands.

Keep your arms clear.

Feel anything? Are you aware
of any differences?

You know...?

- He's got a scar.
- A scar!

- Carolyn is wearing her ring.
- I'm sorry!

...then to the neck,
and then to the hair.

You feel any differences now?

No, not the head.
Just feel the hair.

- So this is a natural?
- Yes, it's very natural.

It's very...
it's sort of springy, isn't it?

Like a sponge.

- It's like a sponge.
- It's like angel food cake.

- Is anyone else...?
- I had expected steel wool...

...but it's soft, and...

...to the left, back, right, forward...

left, back, right, forward...

Okay?

How are you doing over there?

You're not doing anything!
Come on, move!

Stop taking notes! You're
supposed to dance now. Come on.

I have to review this
for Eye Magazine. I'm sorry.

- You're not touching. Come on.
- I don't want to touch.

You're supposed to.
Just keep going.

We're supposed to be...
we're supposed to relax, right?

This is making me very nervous.

I'd rather not touch him.
I'd rather relax.

It's just a play.

Right. You're participating in a play,
and this is part of your part.

But you're the actors.
We're the audience, honey.

You're also an actor in this case.

We're just not sure of the point
of this whole thing.

We're trying.

- Well, come on, let's just do it.
- Right. Okay.

Forward, side, back, side...

Now, in order to be black
and to feel black,

you've got to eat black,

and we have here for you today,

through the kindness
of sister Carolyn here,

who was kind enough
to whip it up for us,

some of the best in soul food...

black-eyed peas...

pig feet, and greens.

Collard greens.

And here we go, right for you.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

That's enough, that's enough.
No, that's good.

Mr. Paul.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

- No, no, you have to eat it.
- I don't have to eat that, no, no.

Don't look at it like that.
You're supposed to eat it.

Taste it! Why don't you want it?
Is something wrong with it?

- What's wrong with it?
- What's the matter?

That's the food we eat.

We got to dish out some stuff
for the brother up here.

He doesn't even have any!

I done told you,
I don't care for any.

- Open your mouth.
- I really...

No, no. Now, you really must.
You really must. Thank you.

Okay. That's some beans for you.
Now you need some greens.

- Wait a minute.
- Chew it. Swallow it.

- Chew it and say, "Mmm!"
- It's good!

Go ahead, swallow it, swallow it.

Oh, there's something...
wait a minute.

Oh, yeah, okay, that's all right.

Would you eat...
hurry up and eat, man?

Yeah, I will.

You didn't eat
none of your meat, man.

The sooner you finish,
the sooner you get to the show.

Right. All of this is what you eat.
All of that.

That stuff... eat it, man.

You know, you're supposed to be
so pro-us, then eat us, you understand?

There it is, right there. Eat it.

- Excuse me.
- Eat it, man.

- I really...
- Well, eat it, man!

I mean, this is
the black experience. Eat it.

Thank you.

You all have, uh...
you're just about ready for the show.

Yeah, you're just about ready.

You've tasted black,
you've danced black,

and you've felt black,
and now you've got to be black

in order to truly know what it is
to have the black experience.

Okay, so you come on up here,
and we're gonna do you up.

- Oh, look!
- I'm gonna take care of you.

Okay, you look great.

Well, you know, you're a bit negroish,
so we get to put some on you.

Now I can be black on the outside.

- Yeah, well, you know.
- No, no.

- You must. Lady, lady...
- It's gonna ruin my makeup!

...it's part of the experience.
- Don't. Oh!

- Come on! It's all...!
- It's all part of it.

Close your eyes
before you get it in your eyes.

Don't get it in my hair.

Okay, I won't get it in your hair,
your pretty blonde hair.

- Don't rub it in.
- I won't, I won't.

Close your mouth.

Oh, this is senseless, just senseless.

No, it's not.

Yeah.

You know, the next thing we do,
now that you are black,

as white people, we want to
kinda get to know you better,

'cause you know all white people
want to get to know black people.

Is that right? That's right.

Now, we want to kinda
get to know you better

and kinda socialize with you

and kinda understand
what you're about, black people,

see, because we're white
and you're black.

- We're black now?
- That's right.

You look black. Look at us.
You see?

So we want to kinda get
into your personal lives,

you know, just to be friendly.

Oh, I think I have enough.

So, why don't we kinda break up

and get to know each other,
the individual people, okay?

Yeah, my name is
John Dillinger, you understand.

- Hello.
- How you doing?

- Paul Vymil.
- Right.

Now, listen,
do you have any I.D. On you?

Any "idea" on me?

No, I.D.
Identification.

- Yes, in my wallet.
- Could I see it for a second?

- Where are you from?
- I'm from Manhasset.

From Manhasset?
Yeah, what do you do now?

Well, I'm a housewife.

A housewife?
Do you have any children?

No.

You don't?
You gonna have some soon?

Well, we're, uh...
we're planning.

I mean, we're in
a family-planning group.

Oh, how exciting.
How very, very interesting.

Why don't you let me take your purse
for you for the rest of the show,

because we're going to
go on up to a new level,

and I'm going to take
good care of it downstairs, okay?

And you don't want to carry this
heavy thing around with you all day.

Why don't you just go on upstairs,
and we'll be right with you, all right?

Yeah, why don't you just
go on upstairs now.

Well...

They didn't take her purse!

Lady.

Hey, would you like
to join us? Come on!

Uh, what...?
She... she took my purse,

and she didn't take her purse,
and I would like my purse back.

Oh, no, that's silly.

- Did they take your purse?
- They didn't really?

She said they were
doing it to everybody,

but I'm the only one that it happened to,
and I don't like that.

It's downstairs.
It's downstairs, okay?

- Well, l...
- I think l...

She took it.

She took my...
she said every...

she took everyb...
she said everybody was doing it.

Why don't you go down
and find it for her?

Why don't you go down with her?
I think she's a little bit upset.

Joe, I think you should go down.

Well, I think somebody
oughtta go get it.

I don't want to go down.

- Well, listen, it's just part of the play.
- It's not funny!

Well, it's just
part of the play, that's all.

I looked in my wallet,
all of my money is gone.

- Joe, go down.
- I'm sure it's part of the play, but...

It is. It's just part of the play.

- Go down.
- It's not funny.

No, I don't want you
to walk down with me.

- We'll go together. Come on.
- Well, you should go.

Speak to the director.
I'm sure you'll get it back.

I'm going right behind you, Joe.

Just stay there.
Stay with the girl.

Stay here.
Stay and talk to her. All right?

I'm perfectly capable
of going down by myself.

If anything happens, come right back...
if anything happens.

I-I'm sure it's just part of the play.
Don't worry about it.

Joe, don't get hostile. Be nice.

I won't get hostile.

There's...
there's a number of people.

They're just kidding around.
You can hear them laughing.

Um... excuse me.

- Excuse me.
- Right.

Hi. Would you like to
come in for a second, man?

Sure. Sure.

Wait a second!

Somebody do something, will you?

- It's part of the play!
- It's not part of the play!

Somebody do something!

Listen, they didn't really hurt him.

I still haven't got my money,
she hasn't got her bag.

- It's no joke, huh?
- It's just part of the performance.

Oh, some performance.
Where's his money?

I don't know what to do.

Listen, this happens
every performance.

- Oh, we'll get it later, then.
- All right.

Come on, let's go up
to the next stage. Come on.

I'm not gonna go in there,
that's for sure.

- Well, that's, you know...
- All right.

Where's the theat...?
Well, where's he gonna be?

Well, he'll meet you
after the performance.

Hey, lady!

You.

You, come up here.

I'm talking to you.
I said get up here.

Go ahead.

Yeah, the one with
the stupid look on her face.

Yeah, in the green coat.

You, Miss Blondie. Get up here.

- I'd like my purse back.
- She's not a blonde!

She's a nigger with blonde hair.
Get the fuck up here, lady.

Get up here, now! You hear?

- What the hell is going on here?
- Shut up, mister.

- Hey, take it easy.
- Are you kidding or something?

I don't want you
to talk to me like that.

I didn't ask you nothing.
I said get up here.

Now, I want all of you up here now,
'cause we're gonna go through

something that you been
waiting for, niggers.

I'd like to go to the theater.

Yeah, I think you want to go.
Now, get up here!

All of you, get up here!

Okay, mother fuckers, move! Now!

Oh, my God,
I think he's got a gun!

That's right, it's a gun and it kills.

Now, move!

Come on, fatso, move!

You still think
that guy was a plant?

You stand over here, lady.
Stand over there.

Now, all of you get up here.
You gonna follow a little routine here.

I know you're gonna like it.

Get on up here. All you niggers
like to do what I got in mind.

Get up here. All of you.
Get the fuck over there.

Get up...
I said get up here!

Don't give me no hard time!

Which one you want, huh?

Let's see... the blackest one.

Take any nigger you want.

I'll take the one
with the sunglasses on.

Take this nigger over here.

I don't care. Hey, man.
Hey, baby, which one you want?

Hey, man, which one you want?

Come on!

All right, take anyone you want.

We're gonna go through
a little screwing scene here.

We know all you niggers
know how to screw, right?

Hey, baby, lay down
on the fucking mattress, man.

I said lay down
on the mattress, mister.

This is ridiculous.

Wait. You ain't going no place.

Stop this!

- Stop it!
- Stop it!

Lay down and shut up.

Shut up, lady.

I think this is going a bit too far.

Shut up, pig. Don't say nothing.

- All of you lay down.
- Get up from her.

This is going too far.

Man, if you don't lay down, I'm gonna
bust you in your fucking head!

- Stop it!
- Stop it!

Stop it!

All right, all right, get back!

Right. Get down there.

Go on!

Go on! You, too!
Get down there!

Come on!

Come on!

- Let's go. Let's go.
- You okay?

Listen, I know where the exit is.
We can get the elevator upstairs.

Let's go.

Come on, everybody upstairs.

- Lead the way up here?
- Yeah, go ahead.

Just go up
and go up the stairs. Next flight.

...the elevator.

Let's go.
Let's just go. I don't...

Let's get out of here, you guys.

Come on. You guys, too.

Hurry up.

- Come on, come on, come on.
- Oh, let's go.

- Oh, my God. You okay?
- Oh, let's get out of here.

We are.
We're on the way out now.

- Get the thing going, huh?
- Can you get it going?

- Huh?
- Please?

Oh, we're out of this place.

- Hurry!
- Can you start it?

- Oh, my God.
- We're climbing out of this place.

Okay.

Hey! The lights!

- What's going on now?
- What's happened?

Come on, you cocksuckers...!

Oh, my God!

My God!

- Get back.
- Okay, niggers, cut the noise out.

Cut the noise out.

All right, get that camera off there.

- Get that camera down!
- Get it down!

No, not that one!
Not her, not her!

Back up, man! Let her go!

No, not that one,
not that one. Hold it. Hold it.

- This one?
- This one.

- Just leave her alone.
- Get your hands off her.

Get your hands off her!
I'll blow your fucking head off!

Stop! Please stop!

All right. Stay back!

Turn that fucking camera off!
Turn it off! Get it down!

Get that camera down!

Get back! Get back!

- Oh, no, please don't!
- Gonna make 'em watch?

Stay back there, or I'll
blow your fucking head off.

- Leave her alone!
- Stay there.

Oh, my hair!

- You want to see something?
- How you like that?

Stay there!

Oh, God!

- She's had enough.
- What is it to you?

- Wow!
- Stop it!

- Just keep your place, buddy!
- Stay the hell off of her!

Get back there!

Quiet!

Shut up!

Stop!

Shut up!

Get that camera down!

Get it back, man, or I'll kill you!

Get it down!

- All right, get back, get back!
- Policeman! Help! Help!

What's going on in here? Hey!

Crazy niggers!

Them! He did it!

He did it!

Get back! Everybody!

- That guy, right there!
- Who has a gun? Anybody has a gun?

Get up against the wall!
All of you, up against the wall!

Look at the girl behind you!

Just a minute! Wait a minute!

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

Need any help?
Need any help?

Okay, I'm gonna
deputize you fellows.

Thank you, sir.

It wasn't them, it was him!

- It's okay.
- Don't touch me!

Come on, you're a nigger.
Now, what's your real name?

- What's your real name?
- That's my real name.

That's my real name,
I'm telling ya!

I'm not kidding you, officer, I mean it.
They got my wallet and my papers.

What's his real name?

How does he know?
He doesn't even know me!

Freeman! Martin Freeman!
I know him!

My name is Zinn, Murray Zinn.

Prime Minister
of the Black Panthers!

I know him.
He tried to bomb my house!

- Where do you live, Martin?
- I live up in Scarsdale.

Scarsdale?!
What do you mean Scarsdale?!

Come on, Martin, what's this, huh?

Avon... Avon Street!
Avon Street!

Come on, Martin, where do you live?

- I live on Avon Street in Scarsdale.
- Goddamn nigger! What?

He lives on 147th Street.

That's his brother.
They're always together.

What's his name?

His name's June Bug!
They call him June Bug!

- June Bug.
- I'm Professor Vymil.

That's a perfect nigger name.
June Bug what, Freeman?

- Professor Vymil.
- Man, watch out!

- Professor Weimar?
- Paul Vymil.

A real comedian over here,
Professor Weimar!

You know what I got here?
A bunch of fucking liars.

Come on, everybody, get out, huh?

Come on, everybody outside!
I'll get you.

We're gonna have to shoot
anybody who tries to escape!

Everybody out! Move it!

Come on!
You goddamn niggers!

- Put 'em out of here!
- Niggers!

Come on!

Be black, baby!

Be black, baby, be black!

Outta sight? All right!

Be black, baby!
Be black, baby!

Be black! Be black!
Remember, now.

Be black, now, okay?

- Be black!
- Be black, baby!

- Be black, baby!
- Be black.

- Come on, baby, be black!
- Be black!

Be black, folks!

- You liked the show? Good!
- Be black, baby!

Be black!

Good audience, good audience!
Very good!

Gotta hand it to them.

- Outta sight, now.
- Glad you enjoyed the show.

- Was that in good taste?
- Yeah.

Well, Clive...
Clive Barnes was really right.

That was some experience!

It was a great, great show.
Great theater.

I'm gonna tell all my friends
they've got to come.

They've all really got to come.

Except they should have called it...

It was really something.

...Humiliate the Honky
or Hump the Honky,

but it was great theater.

How about you, sir?

It was magnificent,
a magnificent experience.

I'm tickled I came.

It made you feel
what it felt like to be a Negro.

I mean, it really gave you the...
to be black.

It really makes you
stop and think, really.

Certainly I've worried
about the problems,

the... the... oh, the...

you could almost say
the sicknesses in our society.

But it was invigorating.

It was...
I-I find it hard to think!

Listen to that stupid shit!

Oh, man, fuck them, you know.

Kick their behinds,
and they still go for it.

I don't think they learned a thing.

We have to go
to those projects up there

with the silent middle class,
in those projects,

where they're sitting
with their pipes right now,

in their chairs,
reading the New York Times...

you have to go up there,
and you have to blow their minds.

Just do it, man! Go in there
and blow the fuck out of 'em!

...table of contents,
table of contents...

Ah, contents.
"Introduction, 13.

"One, Collective Behavior.
Two, the Countryside vs. The City.

"The Limits of Revolution.

"The Black Guerilla.

Ah, Five. Paramilitary Activities
in Urban Areas."

73.

Page 73.

"Paramilitary activities in urban areas.

"Because all organized
revolutionary movements

"have been thoroughly infiltrated
by government agents,

the successful acts of sabotage
will be carried out by single individuals."

"The lone saboteur must first assimilate
himself into the urban community,

"assuming a lifestyle

indistinguishable from the bourgeois
members around him."

This concludes our
Music to Write Checks By.

Thank you for
your generous contributions.

And now, stay tuned
for N.I.T. Journal,

The Black Revolution, Part 4:
Search and Destroy,

coming up next.

Hi, my name is Harry Jameson.

I work for MetLife.
Yes, pleased to meet you.

Are you a member of the club?

"The urban guerrilla must become
and remain anonymous..."

Okay, Joyce,
go in through the playground.

- Right.
- Hurry up.

Okay, man, head for
the lobby of the west building.

Stay low. Move fast.

Okay, listen, we've got to go
straight across the plaza.

Be very cool. Let's go.

When we hit the pillars, let's move.

Come on.

- Hi, Jessica, how are you?
- Fine, and you?

I'm okay...

You stay back.

Where are you from?
Do you have permission to do this?

Excuse me.

Shit! Try that one!

Get back.

Would you like to buy some shares
in black today?

Really, you could
at least be careful.

This elevator's much too crowded.

Do you know what it's like to be
a black man in America today,

Mr. James M. Russick?

Sick. S-l-C-K.

Come on, pig,
open this goddamn door!

Okay, this is your last chance.

Hey, what is this?

Be black, baby!

I want to take my bike out.

Oh.

Now stay tuned
for N.I. T.'s award-winning program,

Homegrown Happening.

- Honey?
- Yeah?

What do you want for dinner?

What do I want for dinner?

Mmm. Thank you.

Here.

- Whatever you'd like.
- We've got turkey...

...beef, or fried chicken,

and I have a Mexican one
in the freezer.

Well, I've been making
enough decisions this week,

and I think
you can make that one.

Okay, Mr. Decision-Maker.

Come on, Daisy.
Come, let's have din-din.

- Come on, sweetie.
- She's all right, honey. Leave her.

- Honey!
- Yeah?

You know what I read
in TV Guide today?

No, what did you read
in TV Guide today?

- They cancelled Peyton Place.
- Oh, that's too bad.

I can't believe it!
I'm so depressed about it.

I mean, you know, I've been
watching that show four or five years.

I feel as if I know those people.
They're like my friends and neighbors.

Must be a blow to those actors
when they lose a series like that.

I hear that after a few years,
three or four or something,

you become a millionaire.

I'd like to go out there
and sell a few policies to them, huh?

How'd you like to go
to Hollywood, hmm?

Sell some of the actors
some policies?

Met has great offices
in Los Angeles.

That reminds me,
the other day I sold a policy

to Harry Jameson.

He's kind of a friend of mine,

and he told my supervisor,
Joe McMann,

he told Joe about my style
and how well I sold the policy,

and he said that Joe
seemed a little nervous,

as if I was doing too well,
you know.

Thought maybe I was
bucking for his position.

- I think he was right.
- He's jealous!

You keep up the good work, honey.

You keep it up.
You're a real plugger.

Oh, honey!

Yeah?

Did you think about
what I asked you?

- What's that?
- About the dishwasher.

Oh, yeah, I did think about that.

I was just selling a policy
to someone out on Staten Island,

and he had
a beautiful washer for $90,

and he sort of implied
that if I didn't buy the washer,

he wouldn't take the policy,
he'd buy it from Prudential.

Oh, honey, I don't want
a secondhand washer.

I don't want something everybody else
has put their dirty old dishes in.

Well, I wouldn't worry about it.

It's a very good one, and we can't afford
to get anything better at this point.

I mean, it's better than
buying one for $300 or $400.

We have too many payments.

We have the car payments,
we have this rug that you bought.

What color is it?
Did you ever think of that?

- My kitchen happens to be yellow.
- It's white.

White?! I don't want
a white dishwasher!

Everybody has 'em!

Oh, come on, honey,
I want it to match the kitchen.

So what color do you want?

I want yellow.

Oh, now, listen, we can get
a yellow one in a few years.

Oh, honey, you just never
think about those things.

You don't know anything
about kitchens.

- Don't worry, it'll work out...
- Honey!

What's the matter?
Are you all right?

I feel something.

Are you okay?

It's too much for me.
I just can't take it.

- Just take it easy. Don't worry.
- I just can't take all this housework...

...and all the cooking
and all the laundry and everything.

It's just too much for me.

- Okay. Don't worry.
- I'm just exhausted!

- Look, look. Okay...
- I can't handle it.

All right, all right.
Now, look, from now on,

from now on,
I'm gonna do everything.

I'm gonna call the agency right away.

We're gonna get some colored help.
It's very cheap. We can afford it.

I'm gonna borrow on the policy.

Nothing is more important
than our child, do you understand?

Oh, honey.

- Nothing. Don't worry...
- What about me?

Oh, he really kicked, honey.

Did he really? Yeah?
Let me listen.

Don't press so!

I'm not pressing.
It's my child, honey.

I can't hear anything, though.

Can't hear anything?

Well, stop pressing so hard!
You're gonna kill the kid!

You almost gave me a miscarriage,
carrying me over here!

Okay, okay. Take it easy, honey.
You're very excited now.

You're very excitable.
I'm gonna call the doctor right now.

I'm gonna do all the work.
You're not gonna do anything.

I'm gonna work
until we get a maid, okay?

Now, just take it easy. I'm gonna
take the laundry out now, okay?

Now, take it easy.
All right, I'll be right back.

And now, from our studios
in New York,

the Now News
with John Winnicove.

This is John Winnicove
with the evening report.

This afternoon, I stood on
the former site of the Community Co-op.

As you know,
the building was completely leveled

by an explosion last Friday night.

Over the past few days,

the police and special agents
of the FBI

have discovered that the explosion
emanated from the laundry room,

and are even now
sifting through the rubble

in an effort to determine
the cause or causes

or person or persons

responsible for this
truly horrible holocaust.

This afternoon
we were on the scene,

speaking with relatives
of former tenants and friends,

and we switch to that report now.

Avery Gunnz.

I-I don't live in the building,
but I was on my way...

I-I was visiting
my sister last night,

and I left my wallet there,

and I'm really upset.

I had my driver's license
and my credit cards,

and I don't know what to do.

It's a terrible thing.

- You think it's a good thing, sir?
- Yes, I think it's a good thing.

I think a lot of people
have dogs in this neighborhood.

I think we'll be able
to walk our dogs now.

I think we need more room like this.

Well, now, you weren't
a resident here, obviously.

No, I'm not a resident,
but we need more...

A lot of these things
are going to be happening.

They're doing quite a bit of this,

and I think they'll be blowing them up
faster than they can build 'em.

I live in that red house
across the street,

and I can see from my window.

I can see all the entries
that were here.

Strange people always
walking in and out,

all hours of the night and day.

All the time.

I see. So you attribute it to
someone who's just walking in and out.

- Some funny person did this.
- Funny person. I see.

- Sir, did you have an opinion?
- Yes.

- What is your name?
- Joe. Dr. Joe King.

- Dr. King, you say?
- Yeah. Right.

- A doctor of medicine?
- I'm a psychiatrist, yeah.

Would you like to turn
right to the camera here

so we could face the camera?

Now, Dr. King, what are
your feelings about this?

Well, you know, it probably
is the result of somebody

who cracked under
the pressures of our society.

You know, we have such
intense materialistic pressures,

and there's such a tremendous gap

between those who make it
and those who don't.

And you feel most definitely
that that frustration

is the kind of thing
that is taken out here.

It's the kind of thing...

We're raised on violence
in America, you know?

People are... all these toy guns,
and the war in Vietnam...

- Excuse me, sir.
- Excuse me, what is your name?

My name is Jon Rubin, sir,
and I just came back from Vietnam.

I spent 18 months over there,
and I'd just like to say that...

What were you doing over there?
Would you mind telling us what...?

I happen to be a demolition expert.

You might be able
to give us some clue.

We've been trying to determine the...

As a matter of fact,
I was noticing this building,

getting away from that,
and it looks like a pretty good job.

Uh, you know, I hate to say it,

but it looks like it was
done by an expert, at least.

I'd just like to say, sir,
I'm just sick of this...

- Well, please, we're on the air.
- Sorry, sir, that's the way I feel.

I'm just kinda annoyed

about the fact that, well,
I just come back from Vietnam

after we kinda, you know,
sweep up the country there.

We've got 500,000 men over there,

and then we come back
to this country, and what do we see?

We see some kind of mess
on the floor, and people killed...

I mean, a fellow like this
has never seen any...

You haven't seen any action.
You ever been in the Army?

You ever been over in Korea
or Vietnam or in the Second War?

You haven't seen what I've seen.

I've seen arms shot off.
I've seen faces blown up.

- I've seen... taken off.
- Hey.

I'm sick of all that...
I'm sick of all that...

Excuse me, please, we have to...

I'm sorry.

We have to...
I-I don't mean to push you,

but we have to get off the air now.

Do you have anything
you might just like to say in summary?

Well, I would like
to say something, if you don't mind.

No, of course not.

I'd like to say hello to my mother,
if you don't mind.

Uh... of course.

Thank you. Hi, Ma!