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1
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MUSIC: The Blue Danube Waltz
by Johann Strauss II
2
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,320
Alison, have you learnt
the fucking flute?
3
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:25,640
I...
SHE SIGHS
4
00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:28,600
A little bit. Grade 4.
5
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:32,040
Well done! I'm sure
that'll come in really useful.
6
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:35,360
Just a fucking fluter now,
aren't you?
7
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,440
Well, I'm a fucking flautist.
8
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:38,760
Whatever, Alison.
9
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,920
I'm actually doing a recital
tomorrow night,
10
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:43,280
if you wanted to come.
11
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,000
It's in Oxford,
but we could stay at my parents'.
12
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:49,960
We're about
to finally make it into the Citadel.
13
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,960
We're going to slay the hive mother.
14
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:56,120
We are this close
to averting a genocide.
15
00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:01,240
Cor! No? Averting a genocide?
16
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:03,160
Bloody...
17
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,560
..well done, you!
18
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,680
Also...
19
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,600
..I think I've finally
figured everything out with Russell.
Oh, yeah?
20
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:17,120
Yeah, because last night I was in one
of my wine fugs... You know my fugs?
Sure. I know your fugs.
21
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,760
..and I was like,
22
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:23,360
Mm.
23
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,920
"I hate Russell and I love Nicky."
24
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:30,920
And then I thought,
"I don't love Nicky!
25
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:35,120
"He is my nemesis, but I need him
like Tanadaal needs the Chaplain."
Mm.
26
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:38,720
So then I thought, "Russell for sex,
Nicky for everything else."
27
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:42,760
And then I came up with a way
to remember it - "Russell in the bed,
Nicky in the head."
28
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,560
That's great, Meg.
29
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,120
So great you came up with a way
to remember it.
30
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,320
I'm actually feeling really positive
about my choices for once.
31
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,160
And I know...
32
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,640
..we've had our...
33
00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:01,520
But, like, I don't not
34
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:05,480
think of you as...
35
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,760
..a friend kind-of-thing.
36
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,360
Thanks, Meg.
37
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,400
That means a lot.
38
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:18,080
UPBEAT MUSIC
39
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,080
What was that?
40
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:34,320
What was what?
It was like a squeeze.
You did, like, a condolence squeeze.
41
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:37,520
Meg, it's just a hug.
SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
42
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,280
Sorry. No.
SHE LAUGHS
43
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:43,560
Anyway, I should probably crack on.
I need to learn the Blue Danube.
44
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:44,920
Yeah. Me, too, actually.
45
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:49,000
I need to break the ramparts
of the Citadel,
find our way to the Spawn Chamber.
46
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,840
Good luck with your thing,
47
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,000
you big fucking fluter!
48
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,960
Whatever, Alison!
49
00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,280
Ugh!
50
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,720
God. Here it is, the Citadel,
51
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,440
a once bustling metropolis,
52
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,680
brought to its knees
by one woman's tyranny.
53
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:19,200
You could write an epic poem
about the fall of the Citadel.
54
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,160
"On yonder lonely heath,
55
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,160
"a city snagged on the Devil's -"
56
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,240
No, Meg! Stop that right now!
57
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,560
Forget it, then!
I just wanted to mark the occasion
58
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,960
because we are about to liberate
the Ninth Kingdom!
59
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,560
Yeah, great.
So Destiny 2 just arrived.
60
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,640
Nicky! Can we at least finish
one game before we start the next?
61
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,760
You don't buy a puppy
before the dog's dead.
62
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,520
That is exactly what you do.
63
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:47,320
Well, I've been thinking, actually,
and I might try Rocket League
instead.
64
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:48,600
"Oh. Right."
65
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,680
So we're gonna be playing
separate games, then? I see.
66
00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:56,200
What's next, separate jam, separate
houses, separate everythings?
67
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,960
You've been using my fucking jam?!
68
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,240
"It's 6am.
69
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,160
"I should absolutely not be having
another beer."
70
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,920
HE OPENS BOTTLE
"Oh, butter fingers!"
71
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,840
"You're not flying today, are you?"
72
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,480
"I got back from a three-day
stayover to Utah. I rushed
straight back to the family.
73
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,480
"I'm kidding! I checked into a motel
for a couple of days."
74
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:19,120
You need 48 hours to decompress.
Also, the pressure's off
now Wade's stepped into the breach.
75
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,640
It's like having a second wife.
He's virtually living with us.
76
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,960
He's like, "Hey, can I borrow
a pair of your pants?"
77
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,680
and I'm sat in the comfort
of my motel suite, like,
78
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,920
"Dude, you wanna wear my pants and
put my kids to bed, your funeral."
79
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:35,480
Anyway, I was going to suggest
we get together and do something
for the final mission.
80
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,040
You know, because we made the pact.
81
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:40,040
The sacred napkin.
82
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,600
Wherever that is.
83
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,360
"Alison's going away.
We've got the place to ourselves."
84
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:49,480
I mean, if it wasn't so totally
and heartbreakingly fucking lame,
85
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:50,960
we could cosplay it.
86
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:57,200
God, yeah! We'd totally do that
if we were two absolute jack-off
geeko stereotypes!
87
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,640
Or we could just -
Let's just do it, anyway.
88
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,800
I've been working on
a couple of outfits.
I thought we could invite Russell.
89
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,800
It says he's online
but I don't know where.
90
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:08,200
Oh, no idea. Haven't seen him.
91
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:12,840
I think I'm trapped in the
Dark Circle! Can you hear me?
92
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,880
CREATURES ROAR
93
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:18,280
OK, you two, have a good say.
94
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,760
Don't fuck each other
or do anything weird.
95
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,600
We won't!
96
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,480
DRAMATIC MUSIC
97
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:33,000
Fucking... Fucking, come on!
98
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,240
Hath you sealed the bubble?
99
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,040
The bubble hath been sealed.
100
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,480
Hello,
101
00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:59,920
Greta Longstocking.
102
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,640
Pleasure to make your acquaintance
at long last, Morwick the Unwavering.
103
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,840
Nice pauldrons. What are they -
You're breaking my vibe!
104
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:11,560
Can we not deconstruct the outfits,
please?
105
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:17,040
So I made provisions
for full lockdown!
106
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,640
Er, flapjacks - 1kg,
107
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,520
beef jerky - 1kg,
108
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,960
trail mix - 1kg,
Swizzels, 1 half-kg,
109
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,480
Fruit-tella, popcorn,
110
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,240
potential wildcard - grapes.
111
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:29,280
It's smart.
Everything's edible with one hand.
112
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:32,920
Also, they were selling off
bottles of Weetabix drink for 5p
in Food Cutter
113
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:36,000
because they're a year out of date,
so I bought 80 of them.
114
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,920
Oh, my God! What else have you got
Oh, nothing much.
115
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:44,040
Bog roll, batteries,
first aid kit, a torch, pork crunch,
Tunnock's teacakes,
116
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:47,960
length of rope, pen knife,
tinned peaches, pears, pineapples.
117
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,280
Basically, we can remain in the
bubble, in situ, the two of us,
118
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:55,920
for probably around 20 months
without having to see
another living soul.
119
00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:01,160
You know, if required...
120
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,800
KNOCK AT DOOR
121
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,680
It's me - Russell!
122
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,160
What the fuck is he doing here?
Nicky, he's part of the Guild.
123
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,200
He's not part of the Guild, Meg!
He's a clown!
124
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,880
We're NASA, he's the chimp
that gets fired into space!
125
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,520
You don't invite the space chimp
to the big summer party!
126
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,480
Guys, I don't know if you know,
I can hear you.
127
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,240
Well, he's not coming in!
Well, he is coming in!
128
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,600
Because you have feelings
and I have feelings!
Do you know who else has feelings?
129
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,560
The spinster downstairs.
130
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,440
Right now, she's feeling very lonely!
131
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:39,440
She needs a carer!
She needs full-time care!
132
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,440
Speaking of which...
Don't let him in!
133
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,120
Hey, guys! Thanks so much
for inviting me over!
134
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,640
Nicky? Hey, friend!
135
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,960
So good to actually meet you
at long last!
136
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,440
Dude, it is so good
to finally put a face to a name!
137
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,600
You look weirder than I expected.
138
00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:01,360
You look a bit like
the inside of a Dalek.
139
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,360
Oh, OK, yeah.
I think I've heard that before.
140
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,320
SHE SIGHS
141
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,560
Ooh!
142
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,480
No-one leaves
until we kill the hive mother.
143
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:14,800
I better go get my costume on.
144
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:22,240
So, this is it, then? You're finally
gonna have sex with him?
145
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,240
Because!
146
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,880
Need I remind you, Greta, darling,
we're still legally married?
147
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:31,440
Well, so are me and him! We're all
married, Nicky, the three of us!
148
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,360
God, that is so fucking French!
149
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,480
That's me! That's Greta!
150
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:36,880
You can't cage this!
151
00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:40,720
You knew that when you married me,
so it's a little bit late
to be getting all bleurgh!
152
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,960
Well, Greta, dearest, it might
behove you to keep your knickers on
for a change!
153
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,760
Behove! Listen to Lord Morwick!
154
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,280
I am a lord, actually!
I'm the Lord of Grey Vale,
155
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,400
which technically makes you a lady.
Not that you fucking act like one!
156
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:57,400
I never should've married you! What
was I thinking? I don't need a man!
157
00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:01,000
I am a strong, independent hunchback!
158
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,840
Look, Meg,
159
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:06,640
this was supposed to be
the two of us.
160
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,600
Yeah, well, now it's the three of us.
161
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,640
Correction, four,
162
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:14,400
because Granny just woke up
and it's time for her porridge.
163
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:17,320
This is as good
as it's going to get.
164
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,280
SHE SIGHS
You're wearing a child's bikini.
165
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,960
Oh, I wondered why it was so cheap.
166
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:32,240
Probably because there's no VAT
on kid's clothes. Bonus!
167
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,440
Cheers, guys!
168
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,800
Here's to us.
169
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:38,840
HE BURPS
170
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,640
(He's such a bellend.)
171
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,480
There's a screw in my trail mix!
172
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,200
Weird. I wonder how that
got in there, mate.
173
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:54,960
Good job you didn't swallow it.
174
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,280
You could've died.
175
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,040
EERIE TRUMPET
Why have you got a hammer?
176
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,760
I'm just doing a bit of DIY.
177
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:13,720
#FuckRussell?
178
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,640
It's a joke, Russell. Irony.
179
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:18,520
Do you understand irony, Russell?
180
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:21,640
I thought I did.
MEG SIGHS
181
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:24,600
Nicky, can I have a word, please?
Yeah, sure.
182
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,160
How can I help?
183
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:31,840
Are you trying to kill Russell?
I'm just trying to put the shitters
up him.
184
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:36,920
Who knows how these things get
into our food? A hair in the salad,
an eyelash in the soup.
185
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:41,920
A shard of glass
in a piece of flapjack...
Do not eat the flapjack, Russell!
186
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,840
Fine! Do you want the truth?
187
00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:47,240
I saw the two of you together
in the House of the Moon.
188
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,680
What are you talking about?
I took a screenshot.
189
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,440
OK, that's not me.
190
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,520
It is, you, Meg. You can see
No, that's Greta.
191
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:59,040
It is not
the same thing, Nicky, at all!
192
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,560
It's like,
Daniel Craig is not James Bond!
193
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:05,480
I mean, can you imagine
if Daniel Craig the person
was legally licensed to kill?
194
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:06,800
He'd be an absolute menace!
195
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,960
If I take him in my bedroom later,
that won't be me!
196
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,920
Meg, you can't fuck someone
in character!
197
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,240
I'm not fucking anyone, Nicky!
198
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,480
Greta is!
199
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:21,480
Well, I don't think I like
Greta Longstocking any more.
200
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:22,920
I want Meg back.
201
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,560
Meg's logged off.
202
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,040
It's Greta's time now.
203
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,800
God, there's some wire
in my beef jerky!
204
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,200
DRAMATIC MUSIC
205
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:44,440
My God,
look at what she did to this place!
206
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:49,400
'Twas a city on the highest hill -
207
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,280
Fine, then, Nicky!
208
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,240
Who's this? Chat invite?
209
00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,040
"Usman. Can you hear me?"
210
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,960
Oh! Hey, honey.
211
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:06,360
Guys, my wife. My wife, the guys.
212
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,920
What the hell are you doing on here?
213
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:13,600
I don't seem to be having much luck
getting through to you any other way,
I thought I'd try this.
214
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:14,920
Where are you, Usman?
215
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:16,800
Oh, I'm...
216
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:18,720
Um...
217
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:23,760
I'm, um, actually just circling
somewhere over Denver.
218
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:26,720
HE HUMS
219
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:30,440
Cross check. Doors to manual.
HE HUMS
220
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,760
SAD MUSIC
Usman, we need to talk.
221
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,640
About you and me,
about our relationship.
222
00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:40,120
About you neglecting your family
so you can play -
223
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:45,760
OK, I'm kicking you off the chat now
Usm-
Good luck, guys. I'm out of here.
224
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,000
Usman?
225
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:51,040
Usman, mate, you can't run away
from your wife forever.
226
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:52,480
I think you'll find I can, mate.
227
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:56,560
I've got 19 stamina points.
I'll hide out in the caves
like Bin Laden.
228
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,280
Bear trap!
CLANG
229
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,760
Dammit!
230
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,880
OK, I'm getting cramp.
231
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:09,480
You're serious. You're getting DVT
and we're only six hours in?
232
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,240
Someone clots easily.
233
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,240
Back in a sec.
234
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:24,200
Drink that.
235
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,160
Neat gin. You need
to drink it and, when I tell you,
236
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,960
you need to go into the bathroom,
have a shower and wash your hair
and brush your teeth,
237
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,360
and when we're doing it,
I need for you to shut the fuck up.
238
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,160
Do you think you can handle that
for me, Russell?
239
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,680
When we're fucking.
When we're in my bed
and we're fucking.
240
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,600
Right, and that's happening today,
is it?
241
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:47,640
Yeah. Regrettably so. Today is D Day.
D for Disgusting.
242
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,000
OK. No, that's great.
243
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:53,360
Sure it is, Russell. It's great.
I'm made up about it.
244
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:57,800
No, cos I wanted to tell you,
actually...
245
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:02,960
You know when
you've been sex-talking with someone
on Messenger
246
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,160
and sometimes when you finish,
247
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,480
you immediately regret it
248
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,160
and all you want to do is wash your
hands and say sorry to your mum,
249
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,960
even though you haven't
done anything to your mum?
250
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,320
Well, it's kind of the opposite
with you.
251
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,200
After we finish...
252
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,560
..I just wanna drink some hot milk
and think about you -
253
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,680
Gonna stop you there
because you're babbling.
254
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:28,600
Remain at your terminal
and await further instruction.
255
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,040
Oh, OK, Meg.
256
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,400
No!
257
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,200
Greta.
258
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,800
Wait, Usman's back.
259
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,480
"Guys,
there's something I need to say."
260
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,640
I've been talking to my wife.
261
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:52,600
"I'm afraid
it's the worst possible news."
262
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:55,800
I'm deleting my character.
263
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,720
What the fuck?
264
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,120
"She's right."
HE SIGHS
265
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:05,440
I mean, what am I doing putting in
60, 70 hours a week on this game,
266
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:09,200
hiding away in a motel room
while another man takes my kids
to their gym recital?
267
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:15,280
That's weird, actually, Usman,
because I've been thinking about
maybe doing something else, too.
268
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:16,960
Like what?
269
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,640
I dunno. Writing.
270
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,240
Writing?
Meg, you can't just do writing!
271
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,960
You can't just sit down
and start writing!
272
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:27,680
Have you ever seen anyone
do any writing?
Because that's exactly what they do.
273
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,680
What kind of writing?
274
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,720
I dunno. Fantasy.
275
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,200
They've already got
all the fantasy writers, Meg!
276
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:38,600
That's why you never see an advert -
"Wanted - fantasy writers."
They're handed out at birth.
277
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,560
Alison learnt the fucking flute!
278
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,000
Oh, so now anything's possible,
is it, Meg?
279
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,880
"Alison learnt the flute! Maybe
I'll finally learn how to drive!"
280
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:50,200
Drive down the motorway! Look at me!
Ooh, I'm driving down the motorway!
281
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,560
People do learn to drive. That is
definitely a thing that can happen.
282
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,440
What about Rocket League?
I thought you were playing that.
283
00:15:56,480 --> 00:16:00,080
I might just game less.
I'll just do one hour in the evening.
284
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,600
What is this, a paper round?
A hobby?
285
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:03,960
Is gaming your hobby now, Meg?
286
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,160
What if Alison's right?
287
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,280
What if life is for living?
288
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,560
Oh, that's nice!
289
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,120
Who are you, Megan Jeffries?
290
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,040
SHE SIGHS
291
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:20,320
How about we slay the hive mother
together and then I'm gone?
292
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,960
DRAMATIC MUSIC
All right, then.
293
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,040
Let's dance one last time.
294
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,880
SWEEPING MUSIC
295
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,920
CREATURE ROARS
296
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,400
OK, team, let's get some heat
on that egg sac!
297
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:57,080
Nicky! Dude, what you doing?
298
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,080
You're doing it again.
Again with the hammers.
299
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:03,400
Just stand still and die!
300
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:07,360
Nicky, what are you doing?
I'm saving you, Meg!
301
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:11,400
I don't need saving! I am not
Princess Peach and you are not Mario!
I am Mario.
302
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:15,080
You're Luigi and we're supposed to
be rescuing the kingdom together.
303
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:17,600
You think you're Mario
but you're Bowser!
304
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:21,080
Russell's Bowser!
Russell is Princess Peach,
I'm super-horny Mario!
305
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:24,480
I'll gett a mushroom
to make my clit go massive,
then I'll fuck him in the castle!
306
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,600
Sorry, should I go in the shower now
or...?
307
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:28,320
NICKY GRUNTS
308
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,920
Ah, great! Well done, Nicky,
you've ruined it!
309
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,800
Russell, we're going to yours.
Are we?
310
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,680
Get your stuff. Take that wig off.
You're not walking round Northampton
in a Rasta wig!
311
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,960
I'm getting changed!
I don't want to play any more!
312
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:48,760
SWEEPING MUSIC
313
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,600
HE ROARS
314
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,760
Well, I guess that's it.
HE SIGHS
315
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,320
It's all over.
316
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,480
DRAMATIC MUSIC
317
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,320
Cool.
318
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:26,760
I think I'm OK to go like this.
319
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,160
I sent Russell home.
320
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,640
SHE CLEARS THROAT
321
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,400
I thought we could finish
what we started.
322
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,240
Meg and Nicky.
323
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,960
You know, because of the items...
324
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,960
Because, well,
325
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,760
who knows what we might get.
326
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,280
DRAMATIC MUSIC
327
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:33,800
OK, guys, we need to find
the Orb of Uncreation.
328
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,360
Watch my flax!
329
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,200
CREATURES ROAR
Hang in there!
330
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,680
Pull them off! I'm almost done!
331
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,600
I've got it! OK.
332
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:50,680
We need to plant the orb
into the egg sac, detonate it.
333
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,720
No way past their limbs.
It's a suicide mission!
334
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,320
Wait.
335
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,360
I'll go.
336
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,360
No! Usman, you'll die!
We need to finish this together.
337
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,600
Meg, please!
338
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,400
This is what I want.
339
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:12,640
Goodbye, friends.
340
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,640
No.
341
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,040
Goodbye forever.
342
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:23,000
It's been real.
ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC
343
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,800
Usman, no!
344
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,680
Usman!
345
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:07,480
Oh, my God.
We just saved the Ninth Kingdom.
346
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,320
We averted a genocide, Meg.
347
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:14,360
And I didn't think I'd feel anything
but I'm...
348
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,440
I know, mate. I know.
349
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:19,800
"Two years of our lives
and we finally did it."
350
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:23,160
OK, wait for the drop.
351
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,080
Ultra-rare item.
This is gonna be huge.
352
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:29,000
If it's the onyx dragon egg, I'll
literally piss where I'm sitting.
353
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,760
"Well done, young warriors.
354
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,480
"Step forth to claim your reward."
355
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,400
FANFARE
356
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,360
Gloves.
357
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,960
That's what we get?
We get a pair of gloves?
358
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,480
What the actual fuck?
359
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:56,160
You are fucking kidding me?
360
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,680
That is fucking awesome!
361
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,720
They're blood iron gauntlets!
362
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,440
"I know it's just gloves, Meg,
but this has all been worth it!"
363
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:07,880
No, this was totally, totally
worth it.
364
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:09,360
Yee!
365
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:12,640
I'm so, so happy with my choices.
366
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,200
So, erm,
367
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:20,360
I should probably, erm,
you know, Rocket League...
368
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,360
Yeah.
369
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,480
I need to, erm,
370
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,680
boot up Destiny 2, anyway, so...
371
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:29,800
POIGNANT MUSIC THROUGHOUT
372
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,040
GG.
373
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,360
Good game.
374
00:22:56,120 --> 00:23:01,080
You're not gonna believe this.
They just announced
an expansion pack!
29056
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