All language subtitles for Bridget.and.Eamon.S01E05.The.Last.of.the.Cigarettes.1080p.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-SbR_track3_eng

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,589 --> 00:00:03,128 - I know she's had a perm. 2 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:04,646 I mean, who is she trying to kid? 3 00:00:04,646 --> 00:00:07,468 - I can't believe Big Tom has broken down on our road. 4 00:00:07,468 --> 00:00:08,458 What am I going to say to him? 5 00:00:08,458 --> 00:00:09,776 - Sure I played camogie with her. 6 00:00:09,776 --> 00:00:10,609 We'd be in the dressing room and 7 00:00:10,609 --> 00:00:11,790 I sure had a look down there and it's 8 00:00:11,790 --> 00:00:14,544 straight as a die, Eamon, straight as a die. 9 00:00:14,544 --> 00:00:16,054 - Hold on! 10 00:00:16,054 --> 00:00:17,992 We're back to where we started. 11 00:00:17,992 --> 00:00:18,825 - I know! 12 00:00:20,143 --> 00:00:21,572 - Where's Big Tom? 13 00:00:21,572 --> 00:00:23,331 - I just said that to get you out of the house. 14 00:00:23,331 --> 00:00:24,467 You see, I was watching Live At Three 15 00:00:24,467 --> 00:00:27,730 and Thelma Mansfield said exercise is very important. 16 00:00:27,730 --> 00:00:28,861 Aw, it's fierce important, 17 00:00:28,861 --> 00:00:30,320 especially for men, Eamon. 18 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:31,530 - I'm after spending half an hour with 19 00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:33,123 you for no reason! 20 00:00:33,123 --> 00:00:34,819 - It's called a walk, Eamon, and 21 00:00:34,819 --> 00:00:36,814 everyone in Dublin is doing it. 22 00:00:36,814 --> 00:00:38,784 Thelma Mansfield, she said that... 23 00:00:38,784 --> 00:00:39,617 Hang on. 24 00:00:40,557 --> 00:00:41,390 Eamon... 25 00:00:43,548 --> 00:00:45,215 You're going to have to run back to the house. 26 00:00:45,215 --> 00:00:46,840 - I'm not running for no reason, Bridget. 27 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:47,673 I'm not a drug dealer. 28 00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:48,889 - Eamon, I've no cigarettes! 29 00:00:48,889 --> 00:00:50,197 Will you go back to the house! 30 00:00:50,197 --> 00:00:51,450 - Will you calm down! 31 00:00:51,450 --> 00:00:52,999 - I am bloody calm! 32 00:00:52,999 --> 00:00:53,833 - Check your pockets. 33 00:00:53,833 --> 00:00:54,922 - I have checked my pockets! - Check your pockets! 34 00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:57,697 - Aw no, here's one, I found it. 35 00:00:57,697 --> 00:00:59,102 Do you know what, Eamon? 36 00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:00,562 I feel healthier already! 37 00:01:00,562 --> 00:01:02,285 Do you? - Go get the car. 38 00:01:02,285 --> 00:01:04,952 - What? - Go get the car, go on. 39 00:01:06,589 --> 00:01:08,089 Run, Bridget, Run! 40 00:01:08,966 --> 00:01:11,968 A walk, Jesus Christ, what will they think of next? 41 00:01:39,175 --> 00:01:41,300 - Hello? - It's me again. 42 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:42,967 I want it done, it has to be tomorrow. 43 00:01:42,967 --> 00:01:45,298 - Okay, see ya tomorrow. - Wait, wait, wait, wait-- 44 00:01:52,111 --> 00:01:53,790 - Eamon, I need to ask you a question. 45 00:01:53,790 --> 00:01:55,475 It's been playing on my mind all night. 46 00:01:55,475 --> 00:01:57,680 Now, I know we got married very young 47 00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,193 and I know the six to eight children 48 00:01:59,193 --> 00:02:01,816 have destroyed my body, and yours. 49 00:02:01,816 --> 00:02:03,669 I know we're not Italian, but do you 50 00:02:03,669 --> 00:02:06,132 still find me attractive in that way? 51 00:02:06,132 --> 00:02:09,465 - Bridget, how do we make toast? 52 00:02:19,231 --> 00:02:22,064 - And the toast comes out like so! 53 00:02:24,938 --> 00:02:27,611 - The man is coming this morning. 54 00:02:27,611 --> 00:02:29,020 - It can't be this morning! 55 00:02:29,020 --> 00:02:30,699 I'm not ready. 56 00:02:30,699 --> 00:02:34,120 - It has to be, I'll never get this chance again. 57 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,839 - Will the neighbors know? 58 00:02:35,839 --> 00:02:37,764 - Of course, sure he has to erect his equipment. 59 00:02:37,764 --> 00:02:38,805 - Where? 60 00:02:38,805 --> 00:02:39,696 - What do you mean where? 61 00:02:39,696 --> 00:02:40,554 Up on the roof! 62 00:02:40,554 --> 00:02:41,387 He puts the aerial up on the roof, 63 00:02:41,387 --> 00:02:42,788 runs a wire down from the aerial, 64 00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:43,851 sticks it in the back of the telly 65 00:02:43,851 --> 00:02:47,929 and then we have BBC1, BBC2, UTV and the other one. 66 00:02:47,929 --> 00:02:50,002 - What other one? 67 00:02:50,835 --> 00:02:51,799 - Channel Four! 68 00:02:51,799 --> 00:02:53,568 - Why don't you tell the whole road, Bridget! 69 00:02:53,568 --> 00:02:54,783 - No, Eamon, no! 70 00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:57,560 No, because Maureen Clancy, her sister lives in England 71 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:58,630 and she said there was a willy on it 72 00:02:58,630 --> 00:02:59,954 last week for no reason! 73 00:02:59,954 --> 00:03:00,930 - So wasn't there a willy on the 74 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,115 Late Late Show last week? 75 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,311 - That was different, that was flacid. 76 00:03:04,311 --> 00:03:05,799 This one was fully... 77 00:03:05,799 --> 00:03:06,853 - Oh, that's lovely! 78 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,308 Is that what yourself and Maureen do be talking 79 00:03:08,308 --> 00:03:10,618 about on the phone, rigid willies? 80 00:03:10,618 --> 00:03:12,487 You've little to be going on about. 81 00:03:12,487 --> 00:03:13,737 - Eamon, what if we're caught? 82 00:03:13,737 --> 00:03:14,896 - We don't even have a-- 83 00:03:14,896 --> 00:03:15,953 - Don't say that word! 84 00:03:15,953 --> 00:03:16,786 - But we don't have a-- 85 00:03:16,786 --> 00:03:17,700 - Bridget! 86 00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:19,012 - A license. 87 00:03:19,012 --> 00:03:23,432 - I told you to never mention that word in this house ever! 88 00:03:23,432 --> 00:03:24,649 - But Eamon, what if we're caught? 89 00:03:24,649 --> 00:03:26,385 Cait Lawless was caught last year 90 00:03:26,385 --> 00:03:29,939 and she went to prison and now she has a girlfriend! 91 00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:33,041 - It's him. 92 00:03:35,631 --> 00:03:38,244 - They say the weather in Moscow is fine at night. 93 00:03:38,244 --> 00:03:40,886 - But in Paris it rains all day. 94 00:03:40,886 --> 00:03:42,469 - Okay, okay, okay. 95 00:03:43,415 --> 00:03:46,355 There are no Guards or TV license 96 00:03:46,355 --> 00:03:49,953 inspectors in these parts, are there? 97 00:03:49,953 --> 00:03:51,201 - No. 98 00:03:51,201 --> 00:03:53,716 - Let operations begin! 99 00:03:53,716 --> 00:03:57,231 Here, you wouldn't whip that up for us there, would you? 100 00:03:57,231 --> 00:03:58,989 Till it's nice and solid. 101 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:02,322 I like to be able to eat it with a fork. 102 00:04:03,487 --> 00:04:04,987 - Oh, he's lovely! 103 00:04:07,542 --> 00:04:09,158 - Are you going to need the ladder? 104 00:04:09,158 --> 00:04:12,528 - Where I'm going I don't need ladders! 105 00:04:12,528 --> 00:04:14,607 - Are you not putting the aerial up on the roof? 106 00:04:14,607 --> 00:04:16,079 - Who said anything about the roof? 107 00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:17,039 - Well, I presumed. 108 00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:18,207 - You presumed! 109 00:04:18,207 --> 00:04:19,637 Tell me this, have you ever stared 110 00:04:19,637 --> 00:04:22,129 into the cold dark eyes of a TV inspector 111 00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,360 while hanging from your middle 112 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,009 finger that's dislocated off an 113 00:04:25,009 --> 00:04:27,831 asbestos roof, sweating bullets, 114 00:04:27,831 --> 00:04:29,406 just so a 34-year-old man, who's 115 00:04:29,406 --> 00:04:30,644 about to give up on the simple 116 00:04:30,644 --> 00:04:32,238 pleasure of life itself, 117 00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:34,812 could watch the snooker on BBC2? 118 00:04:34,812 --> 00:04:35,645 - No. 119 00:04:35,645 --> 00:04:36,773 - And tell me this, have you ever 120 00:04:36,773 --> 00:04:38,040 stared into God's eyes 121 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,274 while lightning was striking down on your skull 122 00:04:40,274 --> 00:04:41,678 as you're bending your neck through 123 00:04:41,678 --> 00:04:43,345 a badly ventilated window 124 00:04:43,345 --> 00:04:45,788 just to get the aerial position right, 125 00:04:45,788 --> 00:04:47,928 just so a family of four can watch 126 00:04:47,928 --> 00:04:50,006 UTV on a Saturday night? 127 00:04:50,006 --> 00:04:51,299 - No. 128 00:04:52,132 --> 00:04:52,965 - And tell me this, have you ever 129 00:04:52,965 --> 00:04:54,855 screamed into the dark sky, 130 00:04:54,855 --> 00:04:56,051 wondering about the very-- 131 00:04:56,051 --> 00:04:57,847 - Do you want the ladder, yes or no! 132 00:04:57,847 --> 00:04:59,096 - Oh yeah, I'll need a ladder. 133 00:04:59,096 --> 00:05:01,744 - Now, here's your Angel Delight and 134 00:05:01,744 --> 00:05:03,580 it's whipped and not stirred. 135 00:05:03,580 --> 00:05:05,160 - Oh no, this is for you. 136 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:06,331 - Oh! 137 00:05:06,331 --> 00:05:07,664 - Eat it for me. 138 00:05:13,239 --> 00:05:14,316 - Stop, Bridget! 139 00:05:14,316 --> 00:05:15,680 Get up on the roof! 140 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,096 - Hang on, we're alright here, man. 141 00:05:18,096 --> 00:05:19,778 As they say on the Burrow, she's got 142 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,758 the mouth for the Angel's Delight, you know? 143 00:05:22,758 --> 00:05:23,946 - He's a weirdo. 144 00:05:23,946 --> 00:05:25,528 - I like him. 145 00:05:25,528 --> 00:05:27,627 Now, did you tell him not to put on that Channel Four? 146 00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:29,400 I don't want that filth in this house. 147 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,817 - Of course I did 148 00:05:31,816 --> 00:05:32,649 n't. 149 00:05:38,431 --> 00:05:40,052 You didn't tell anyone, did you? 150 00:05:40,052 --> 00:05:43,361 - Eamon, you have to give me some credit, I've told no-one. 151 00:05:43,361 --> 00:05:46,096 - Swear on your dead mother's soul. 152 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,995 - For the last time, my mother is not dead. 153 00:05:48,995 --> 00:05:51,327 - Well, that's just typical of her, isn't it! 154 00:05:51,327 --> 00:05:52,344 I want to watch that in peace. 155 00:05:52,344 --> 00:05:53,863 I don't want half the town round here. 156 00:05:53,863 --> 00:05:55,100 - I've told no-one! 157 00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:02,762 - This humble cable is about to change your lives. 158 00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:03,793 - Will you just stick it in! 159 00:06:03,793 --> 00:06:06,106 - This needs to be savored, mate. 160 00:06:06,106 --> 00:06:07,525 This isn't some slide-it-in in the 161 00:06:07,525 --> 00:06:11,163 back of a Hiace after a Stockton's Wing concert. 162 00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:14,112 Here, you wouldn't whip up that for 163 00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:16,145 me there, my lovely lady, would you? 164 00:06:16,145 --> 00:06:17,731 You could even spread a bit around 165 00:06:17,731 --> 00:06:19,335 there, if you wanted to. 166 00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:21,238 - If you don't stick that cable in 167 00:06:21,238 --> 00:06:23,118 right now, I will ram it up your-- 168 00:06:23,118 --> 00:06:25,184 - Okay, okay, okay! 169 00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:27,534 It's alright, I'm just saying, as we'd say in the Burrow, 170 00:06:27,534 --> 00:06:30,867 she could make some cash from the smash! 171 00:06:34,797 --> 00:06:36,999 You are channel people now! 172 00:06:42,557 --> 00:06:44,212 - Aw for, sake! 173 00:06:44,212 --> 00:06:46,591 - Oh, come in, I have some voulez-vous 174 00:06:46,591 --> 00:06:48,910 and some mint viscounts on the table. 175 00:06:48,910 --> 00:06:50,528 - I knew you couldn't keep your mouth shut! 176 00:06:50,528 --> 00:06:52,219 - It's not my fault that the 40-or-so 177 00:06:52,219 --> 00:06:54,329 people I told couldn't keep their mouth shut! 178 00:06:54,329 --> 00:06:56,175 They're lucky I had a few bits in for the party. 179 00:06:56,175 --> 00:06:57,008 - What do you mean party? 180 00:06:57,008 --> 00:06:58,811 What party are you going on about? 181 00:06:58,811 --> 00:07:00,603 - A channels party, huh? 182 00:07:00,603 --> 00:07:02,242 All the rage in Dublin! 183 00:07:02,242 --> 00:07:03,075 - What? 184 00:07:03,075 --> 00:07:05,546 - Come here, did you get the dirty one? 185 00:07:05,546 --> 00:07:06,479 - What are you on about? 186 00:07:06,479 --> 00:07:07,593 - Channel Four! 187 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,118 - I did not! 188 00:07:09,118 --> 00:07:11,235 And if I did it's coming straight off. 189 00:07:11,235 --> 00:07:12,931 It would be on there by an accident. 190 00:07:12,931 --> 00:07:14,385 That's the only way it would have 191 00:07:14,385 --> 00:07:15,821 got on there, by an accident. 192 00:07:15,821 --> 00:07:18,399 - No, no, no, no, the brother told me he seen a 193 00:07:18,399 --> 00:07:20,466 full-frontal of a fully erect-- 194 00:07:20,466 --> 00:07:22,836 - I don't care, I don't care, it's pure filth. 195 00:07:22,836 --> 00:07:24,185 And if it's on there, it's on there 196 00:07:24,185 --> 00:07:26,130 by an accident and it's coming off. 197 00:07:26,130 --> 00:07:28,995 - Male penis, a fully erect male penis, Eamon. 198 00:07:28,995 --> 00:07:31,071 Up to there, massive! 199 00:07:31,071 --> 00:07:33,926 - Will everybody just stop talking about penises? 200 00:07:33,926 --> 00:07:36,426 Are you obsessed with penises? 201 00:07:37,519 --> 00:07:38,450 - There's boobs as well. 202 00:07:38,450 --> 00:07:39,700 - I don't care! 203 00:07:40,658 --> 00:07:41,908 - This is BBC1. 204 00:07:49,152 --> 00:07:52,895 - Hello, welcome to The Day After Today's Planet. 205 00:07:52,895 --> 00:07:55,997 I'm Martina Falcourt Prickly Coppermount 206 00:07:55,997 --> 00:07:58,488 and these are called CDs. 207 00:07:58,488 --> 00:08:00,108 - Ooh! 208 00:08:00,108 --> 00:08:02,387 - And this is BBC2. 209 00:08:02,387 --> 00:08:03,570 - Keeping up the trend with all 210 00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:06,562 the latest fashions on BBC2, it's 211 00:08:06,562 --> 00:08:07,979 The Clothes Show. 212 00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:10,455 - This is UTV. 213 00:08:11,666 --> 00:08:13,499 - Now on UTV we go live 214 00:08:13,499 --> 00:08:16,437 to Belfast for the main evening news. 215 00:08:16,437 --> 00:08:17,729 - Huh? 216 00:08:17,729 --> 00:08:18,963 - And that's it. 217 00:08:18,963 --> 00:08:20,601 - But what about that button, Bridget? 218 00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:21,975 - Oh no, there's nothing there. 219 00:08:21,975 --> 00:08:23,742 I made sure nothing was on there. 220 00:08:23,742 --> 00:08:25,036 Sure, look! 221 00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:29,751 - Now on Channel Four, we explore the 222 00:08:29,751 --> 00:08:32,007 sexual influence of the Kamasutra 223 00:08:32,007 --> 00:08:33,681 on the British ice-cream industry. 224 00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:34,991 - Jesus Christ! 225 00:08:34,991 --> 00:08:37,574 - No, no, no, no, no, no! 226 00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:43,526 - Bridget, leave it on, just in case there's a, a-- 227 00:08:43,526 --> 00:08:44,602 - A programme about Ireland! 228 00:08:44,602 --> 00:08:46,599 - Yes, yes, yes! 229 00:08:46,599 --> 00:08:48,063 - Sure I can just put on RTE for that. 230 00:08:48,063 --> 00:08:49,980 - No, no, no, no! 231 00:08:51,352 --> 00:08:53,626 - Bridget, a lot of people have family 232 00:08:53,626 --> 00:08:56,603 in Britain and they might pop up. 233 00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:58,922 - On the sexual nature of ice-cream? 234 00:08:58,922 --> 00:09:01,028 I can't have that filth on in my house! 235 00:09:01,028 --> 00:09:04,269 - Yeah, yeah, but it might be educational! 236 00:09:04,269 --> 00:09:06,102 - Yes, yes, yes! 237 00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:08,997 - Two minutes! 238 00:09:08,997 --> 00:09:10,627 - By placing the cold ice-cream on 239 00:09:10,627 --> 00:09:12,062 your partner's areola... 240 00:09:12,062 --> 00:09:13,562 - Hello! - Father! 241 00:09:15,659 --> 00:09:17,909 - What are we all watching? 242 00:09:36,249 --> 00:09:38,575 - Ooh, this looks interesting. 243 00:09:38,575 --> 00:09:40,197 A friend of mine was involved in the 244 00:09:40,197 --> 00:09:42,123 nuclear war in the 1960s. 245 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,773 - TV license inspector. 246 00:10:05,098 --> 00:10:05,931 - Eamon! 247 00:10:07,592 --> 00:10:09,318 Can I have you? 248 00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:10,573 - What? 249 00:10:10,573 --> 00:10:12,566 - I've something to tell you. 250 00:10:12,566 --> 00:10:13,399 - What? 251 00:10:13,399 --> 00:10:14,413 - A quick word. 252 00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:15,246 - What! 253 00:10:15,246 --> 00:10:16,413 - In the hall! 254 00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:23,621 Eamon, we've made a terrible mistake! 255 00:10:23,621 --> 00:10:25,201 - It's not our fault that young fella is thick. 256 00:10:25,201 --> 00:10:26,576 Sure he's the height for the Guards to get in! 257 00:10:26,576 --> 00:10:30,409 - No, the TV license inspector is at the door! 258 00:10:31,821 --> 00:10:33,713 - Calm down, okay? 259 00:10:33,713 --> 00:10:35,129 The last thing we need now is to 260 00:10:35,129 --> 00:10:37,796 send the whole house into panic. 261 00:10:40,633 --> 00:10:42,016 Anybody here have a television license? 262 00:11:01,889 --> 00:11:03,848 The TV license inspector is at the door. 263 00:11:18,630 --> 00:11:20,749 - Father Gabriel, surely you have one? 264 00:11:20,749 --> 00:11:23,049 - Of course I have a TV license! 265 00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:24,059 If I didn't have a TV license, 266 00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:25,706 I wouldn't be watching The Angeles every day! 267 00:11:25,706 --> 00:11:26,539 It's in my jacket. 268 00:11:26,539 --> 00:11:27,427 I must have dropped it. 269 00:11:27,427 --> 00:11:28,301 It's probably in the hallway. 270 00:11:28,301 --> 00:11:30,296 - Relax, Father. 271 00:11:30,296 --> 00:11:31,366 Who, in their right mind, 272 00:11:31,366 --> 00:11:33,123 has a television license? 273 00:11:33,123 --> 00:11:36,437 - Oh God, what am I going to do? 274 00:11:36,437 --> 00:11:37,349 We have to go, we have to flee, 275 00:11:37,349 --> 00:11:38,401 we have to leave right now. 276 00:11:38,401 --> 00:11:41,720 - I know him, he's the worst of them. 277 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:42,620 When he gets the scent of an 278 00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:46,545 unlicensed TV, he's like a rabid rottweiler. 279 00:11:46,545 --> 00:11:48,628 He never gives up, never. 280 00:11:49,698 --> 00:11:52,306 His eyes are black and emotionless, 281 00:11:52,306 --> 00:11:55,389 like a shark when he's about to bite. 282 00:11:59,122 --> 00:11:59,955 - Hello? 283 00:12:03,610 --> 00:12:06,263 - Do you remember the siege of Limerick? 284 00:12:06,263 --> 00:12:08,531 Two years we were in that house. 285 00:12:08,531 --> 00:12:10,990 Two years, there was 14 of us. 286 00:12:10,990 --> 00:12:13,661 With not a license between us. 287 00:12:13,661 --> 00:12:16,781 Suddenly there was no sign of him. 288 00:12:16,781 --> 00:12:18,222 Two weeks went past, 289 00:12:18,222 --> 00:12:20,349 then another two. 290 00:12:20,349 --> 00:12:22,531 It was all quiet. 291 00:12:22,531 --> 00:12:23,531 - Too quiet? 292 00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,120 - Fairly quiet. 293 00:12:27,593 --> 00:12:29,371 And no one knows who did it. 294 00:12:29,371 --> 00:12:31,472 Someone opened the front door. 295 00:12:31,472 --> 00:12:33,574 Probably one of the pregnant women. 296 00:12:33,574 --> 00:12:34,965 - Women! 297 00:12:34,965 --> 00:12:36,279 - We were out in the front garden, 298 00:12:36,279 --> 00:12:37,654 the 14 of us, in groups of two 299 00:12:37,654 --> 00:12:38,847 and three hugging each other. 300 00:12:38,847 --> 00:12:40,286 We thought we'd made it. 301 00:12:40,286 --> 00:12:42,375 No one saw it coming. 302 00:12:42,375 --> 00:12:43,938 Suddenly he struck. 303 00:12:43,938 --> 00:12:46,521 He fined us one by one, all 14. 304 00:12:48,646 --> 00:12:51,062 Even the dog got done. 305 00:12:51,062 --> 00:12:52,963 - Oh, oh, I have to go! 306 00:12:52,963 --> 00:12:54,428 Abandon house! 307 00:12:54,428 --> 00:12:56,443 Every man, woman and priest for himself! 308 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,952 - Father Gabriel! 309 00:12:57,952 --> 00:12:59,253 Snap out of it! 310 00:12:59,253 --> 00:13:02,503 Look, we can beat this, we can do this. 311 00:13:05,404 --> 00:13:06,930 But we have to be brave. 312 00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:09,305 We have to stay united. 313 00:13:09,305 --> 00:13:11,972 And, most importantly, no one is 314 00:13:12,818 --> 00:13:14,985 getting out of this house. 315 00:13:17,951 --> 00:13:20,190 - I've never seen Bridget so angry. 316 00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:22,150 - Angry, that's nothing. 317 00:13:22,150 --> 00:13:23,334 You want to see what she did to me 318 00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:26,251 when I said I didn't fancy Johnny Logan! 319 00:13:26,251 --> 00:13:27,084 - Oh! 320 00:13:27,927 --> 00:13:29,094 - This is war! 321 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,431 I've always wanted to say that! 322 00:13:35,431 --> 00:13:38,196 But it is very important. 323 00:13:38,196 --> 00:13:39,529 - Anyone, hello? 324 00:13:43,809 --> 00:13:45,476 I'll just wait here. 325 00:13:57,846 --> 00:14:00,655 - What are you going to do when this is over? 326 00:14:00,655 --> 00:14:04,488 - Probably spend more time with the kids, you? 327 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:07,909 - I've always wanted to travel. 328 00:14:07,909 --> 00:14:10,628 Maybe go shopping in Naas! 329 00:14:10,628 --> 00:14:13,894 - I've heard it's a nice place to shop. 330 00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:16,544 - What about you, Noreen? 331 00:14:16,544 --> 00:14:18,957 - I've always wanted to give that heroin a taste. 332 00:14:18,957 --> 00:14:21,293 - You could probably get that in Naas! 333 00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:23,165 We could all get the bus, bring the kids. 334 00:14:23,165 --> 00:14:25,246 Make a day of it, Dolores. 335 00:14:25,246 --> 00:14:27,416 - Buses give me terrible constipation, 336 00:14:27,416 --> 00:14:29,333 but that would be nice. 337 00:14:30,199 --> 00:14:31,797 - No-one is getting out of here, 338 00:14:31,797 --> 00:14:33,674 but as we say at three a.m. in the chipper, 339 00:14:33,674 --> 00:14:35,996 you can make the best of a bad lot 340 00:14:35,996 --> 00:14:38,456 if you've got the Knorr-how. 341 00:14:38,456 --> 00:14:39,623 Three sachets. 342 00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,564 No need to fight, ladies. 343 00:14:45,925 --> 00:14:48,074 Look, I'm sorry it has to be you but 344 00:14:48,074 --> 00:14:49,658 someone has got to go. 345 00:14:49,658 --> 00:14:51,378 - Do you want a drop of whiskey before you head out? 346 00:14:51,378 --> 00:14:52,802 - Oh, stop your whingeing! 347 00:14:52,802 --> 00:14:54,057 I'll take that. 348 00:14:54,057 --> 00:14:57,040 - Right, go out to the door and tell the man 349 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,790 that Mommy and Daddy aren't here. 350 00:15:00,826 --> 00:15:01,659 Go on. 351 00:15:01,659 --> 00:15:02,742 - Go, go, go! 352 00:15:05,602 --> 00:15:07,519 Go on, go on, good lad. 353 00:15:10,764 --> 00:15:12,421 - Mommy and Daddy told me to tell you 354 00:15:12,421 --> 00:15:14,254 that they're not here. 355 00:15:16,225 --> 00:15:18,221 - That's enough, that's enough. 356 00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:19,054 - Oh Jesus. 357 00:15:19,054 --> 00:15:21,637 - That's enough, that's enough. 358 00:15:24,498 --> 00:15:25,331 Fuck! 359 00:15:32,304 --> 00:15:33,721 Come on, come on! 360 00:15:36,511 --> 00:15:38,218 We're going to need a bigger child! 361 00:15:38,218 --> 00:15:39,915 - I'm going to need another cigarette! 362 00:15:56,850 --> 00:15:58,328 Oh Jesus! 363 00:15:58,328 --> 00:15:59,161 No! 364 00:16:01,015 --> 00:16:03,432 - Bridget, this is important. 365 00:16:04,401 --> 00:16:06,794 Barton, my first cousin, his 366 00:16:06,794 --> 00:16:09,044 daughter's husband's uncle, 367 00:16:10,554 --> 00:16:12,457 what would that make him to me now? 368 00:16:12,457 --> 00:16:13,851 - Second cousin! 369 00:16:13,851 --> 00:16:16,078 - No, that can't be right. 370 00:16:16,078 --> 00:16:19,828 My first cousin's daughter's husband's uncle. 371 00:16:21,609 --> 00:16:24,217 - No, he's your second cousin once removed. 372 00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:25,988 - No, no, no, no. 373 00:16:25,988 --> 00:16:28,655 My first cousin, his father's... 374 00:16:30,135 --> 00:16:31,314 no, his daughter's... 375 00:16:31,314 --> 00:16:32,147 - Eamon! - What? 376 00:16:32,147 --> 00:16:32,980 - Shut up! 377 00:16:32,980 --> 00:16:34,826 - No, Bridget, this is important. 378 00:16:34,826 --> 00:16:37,237 My first cousin Martin, his 379 00:16:37,237 --> 00:16:40,179 daughter's uncle's husband-- 380 00:16:40,179 --> 00:16:43,761 - Is your first cousin's cousin twice removed. 381 00:16:43,761 --> 00:16:44,594 - No. 382 00:16:44,594 --> 00:16:46,339 He's your great-second cousin on your side. 383 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:49,369 - No, he's your third nephew once removed. 384 00:16:49,369 --> 00:16:51,202 - I have it, it's you! 385 00:16:52,148 --> 00:16:53,717 You see, if you went back in time 386 00:16:53,717 --> 00:16:56,149 and had relations with your second cousin. 387 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,185 - John the Baptist was Jesus's cousin. 388 00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,098 - No, it's definitely Eamon. 389 00:17:04,221 --> 00:17:07,091 - It is definitely Eamon for sure! 390 00:17:07,091 --> 00:17:07,924 - Concepta! 391 00:17:07,924 --> 00:17:08,886 How could he be me? 392 00:17:08,886 --> 00:17:11,472 He's out there, I'm in here, I'm me! 393 00:17:11,472 --> 00:17:12,539 - Do I know him? 394 00:17:12,539 --> 00:17:15,050 - Yeah, he was at our wedding. 395 00:17:15,050 --> 00:17:17,020 He has the gammy eye and the hairy neck. 396 00:17:17,020 --> 00:17:20,339 He looks like he's wearing a scarf permanently. 397 00:17:20,339 --> 00:17:22,099 - Did he vote Fine Gael once? 398 00:17:22,099 --> 00:17:24,182 - Yeah, yeah, that's him. 399 00:17:26,289 --> 00:17:30,466 Look, Bridget, he's outside now in his Fiat Ritmo. 400 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,906 He's got half a tank full of petrol. 401 00:17:32,906 --> 00:17:35,433 He's going to bring you to Leitrim, okay? 402 00:17:35,433 --> 00:17:36,689 And you'll be safe there. 403 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,022 - Leitrim, safe? 404 00:17:39,415 --> 00:17:40,915 - Bridget, please. 405 00:17:42,742 --> 00:17:44,629 - I'm not leaving, Eamon. 406 00:17:44,629 --> 00:17:47,114 You can't get rid of me that easily. 407 00:17:47,114 --> 00:17:50,447 It'll be grand once the messages arrive. 408 00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,970 - The messages aren't coming. 409 00:17:54,970 --> 00:17:56,270 - They are. 410 00:17:56,270 --> 00:17:57,910 I sent the three girls for them, Eamon. 411 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,933 They're coming. 412 00:17:59,933 --> 00:18:02,020 - The three girls barely made it down the driveway. 413 00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:03,353 The inspector... 414 00:18:04,873 --> 00:18:07,574 - The messages will come. 415 00:18:07,574 --> 00:18:09,741 The girls will bring them! 416 00:18:11,486 --> 00:18:12,491 - The girls are gone. 417 00:18:12,491 --> 00:18:14,702 The eldest is dead, Bridget! 418 00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:15,535 - Is she not just out there in the 419 00:18:15,535 --> 00:18:17,704 back of the inspector's car? 420 00:18:17,704 --> 00:18:19,832 - She's as good as dead. 421 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:20,665 - Okay. 422 00:18:21,854 --> 00:18:23,937 - Eamon, I'm not leaving. 423 00:18:25,186 --> 00:18:27,188 You can find me a fag around this house. 424 00:18:27,188 --> 00:18:29,216 You just need to go and have a look. 425 00:18:29,216 --> 00:18:32,445 - Bridget, listen to me, please. 426 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,300 Go with my cousin to Leitrim. 427 00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:35,614 You can stop in a petrol station 428 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:38,090 along the way and buy as many fags as you want. 429 00:18:38,090 --> 00:18:39,007 Please! 430 00:18:39,007 --> 00:18:41,235 - No, Eamon, it's okay. 431 00:18:41,235 --> 00:18:44,303 I'm not going, I'm staying. 432 00:18:44,303 --> 00:18:47,328 You go find me a fag, go, go, go. 433 00:18:47,328 --> 00:18:49,136 - Bridget, there are no fags in this house. 434 00:18:49,136 --> 00:18:49,969 - Yes, there are. 435 00:18:49,969 --> 00:18:51,013 - Bridget, there isn't. 436 00:18:51,013 --> 00:18:53,431 - You can find them, you can, I know you can. 437 00:18:53,431 --> 00:18:54,348 Go, go, go! 438 00:19:05,882 --> 00:19:06,919 Eamon! 439 00:19:06,919 --> 00:19:09,108 Did you see the cobweb up there! 440 00:19:09,108 --> 00:19:10,610 I'm getting at that now. 441 00:19:10,610 --> 00:19:12,277 I am going to do it! 442 00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:23,443 - Bridget, I have some very grave news. 443 00:19:24,324 --> 00:19:26,339 We searched in behind this couch here, 444 00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:27,793 in between the arms of this chair 445 00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:29,439 here and behind that couch. 446 00:19:29,439 --> 00:19:31,579 We checked in between the arms of 447 00:19:31,579 --> 00:19:33,408 this chair here, nothing there. 448 00:19:33,408 --> 00:19:36,846 We went in behind that couch, on the television. 449 00:19:36,846 --> 00:19:37,907 We even went upstairs and went and 450 00:19:37,907 --> 00:19:41,274 went around some of the children's rooms. 451 00:19:41,274 --> 00:19:42,363 We tried the good room. 452 00:19:42,363 --> 00:19:43,690 Over the dresser. 453 00:19:43,690 --> 00:19:45,107 Couldn't find anything. 454 00:19:45,107 --> 00:19:47,024 We can't find anything. 455 00:19:48,401 --> 00:19:50,633 We called off the search around 456 00:19:50,633 --> 00:19:53,300 seven o'clock to watch MacGyver. 457 00:19:55,276 --> 00:19:56,966 - No problem, just get the duty-free 458 00:19:56,966 --> 00:20:00,383 boxes from under the sink in the kitchen. 459 00:20:03,782 --> 00:20:04,782 - Bridget... 460 00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:07,917 - You smoked the last of the 461 00:20:07,917 --> 00:20:10,370 duty-frees this morning. 462 00:20:10,370 --> 00:20:12,620 There's no cigarettes left. 463 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:30,892 - Anyone who thinks I should cut down anyway, leave now! 464 00:20:39,411 --> 00:20:41,994 Frank, Eamon, Father, you stay. 465 00:20:46,667 --> 00:20:47,834 No cigarettes? 466 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:53,337 Huh, nine, nine, nine boxes of cigarettes 467 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,352 I had under that sink! 468 00:20:56,352 --> 00:20:58,169 Who didn't tell me about this? 469 00:20:58,169 --> 00:20:59,665 How did you let this happen? 470 00:20:59,665 --> 00:21:02,356 Why wasn't I told about this sooner? 471 00:21:02,356 --> 00:21:04,501 Do you know what's going to happen to me now? 472 00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:06,738 I'm going to blow up like a balloon! 473 00:21:06,738 --> 00:21:09,280 I'll be 19 stone by tomorrow! 474 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:12,390 You'll have to roll me out of here in a tent! 475 00:21:12,390 --> 00:21:15,505 - But Bridget, you could take up a sport or a hobby. 476 00:21:15,505 --> 00:21:16,338 - A hobby! 477 00:21:18,289 --> 00:21:20,104 I'm not a Protestant! 478 00:21:20,104 --> 00:21:21,160 - That's outrageous! 479 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,924 Basketball is getting fierce popular 480 00:21:22,924 --> 00:21:24,237 in the country at the moment. 481 00:21:24,237 --> 00:21:25,529 - Basketball! 482 00:21:25,529 --> 00:21:27,631 And what am I going to do with a basketball 483 00:21:27,631 --> 00:21:29,270 when I'm making the dinner? 484 00:21:29,270 --> 00:21:31,057 Am I going to play basketball when 485 00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:33,638 I'm hoovering the kids or washing the floor? 486 00:21:33,638 --> 00:21:34,471 Basketball! 487 00:21:34,471 --> 00:21:37,020 I'll destroy every ornament in the house! 488 00:21:37,020 --> 00:21:39,724 My house will look worse than Concepta's! 489 00:21:52,506 --> 00:21:55,235 Everyone knows I smoke. 490 00:21:55,235 --> 00:21:58,462 Bridget, choppy-changey hair, 491 00:21:58,462 --> 00:22:00,606 glasses, keeps a good house, 492 00:22:00,606 --> 00:22:03,106 six to eight children, smokes. 493 00:22:06,015 --> 00:22:08,522 What am I without a fag, only 494 00:22:08,522 --> 00:22:11,657 a small-minded woman with notions? 495 00:22:11,657 --> 00:22:12,907 What will I do? 496 00:22:15,830 --> 00:22:18,185 I'll be forced to read a book! 497 00:22:19,707 --> 00:22:20,742 - She doesn't mean it. 498 00:22:20,742 --> 00:22:22,825 She's not that desperate! 499 00:22:27,349 --> 00:22:28,349 - It's over. 500 00:22:34,048 --> 00:22:36,465 - I think she took that well! 501 00:22:43,387 --> 00:22:45,054 - I'm getting a fag! 502 00:22:49,032 --> 00:22:50,865 - Sorry for your loss. 503 00:22:56,577 --> 00:22:59,410 - Thanks, mate, thanks for coming. 504 00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:05,922 I'll never forget the first time I saw you. 505 00:23:09,707 --> 00:23:12,040 You changed my life forever. 506 00:23:13,083 --> 00:23:14,916 I'll never forget you. 507 00:23:16,454 --> 00:23:17,371 I love you. 508 00:23:21,824 --> 00:23:23,955 - Are you the owner of this house? 509 00:23:23,955 --> 00:23:27,705 - Yes, I am, and we don't have a TV any more. 510 00:23:31,956 --> 00:23:36,123 And 34 pounds for a license, it's a thundering disgrace! 511 00:23:38,284 --> 00:23:41,623 - And how much did that TV set cost you? 512 00:23:41,623 --> 00:23:45,040 - 614 pounds, I haven't even it paid off. 513 00:23:46,764 --> 00:23:47,597 Aw, shh... 514 00:23:49,273 --> 00:23:50,605 - And your first cousin's daughter's 515 00:23:50,605 --> 00:23:54,355 husband's uncle is no relation to you at all. 516 00:23:57,765 --> 00:23:58,598 No! 517 00:23:59,513 --> 00:24:00,346 No! 518 00:24:01,313 --> 00:24:04,417 No, no, Frank, let go of me! 519 00:24:04,417 --> 00:24:05,250 - No relation? 520 00:24:05,250 --> 00:24:07,178 And you had him at our wedding. 521 00:24:07,178 --> 00:24:08,641 - Will you shut up! 522 00:24:08,641 --> 00:24:09,495 Stick on One there. 523 00:24:09,495 --> 00:24:11,505 MacGyver is starting. 524 00:24:11,505 --> 00:24:12,681 - We don't have One. 525 00:24:12,681 --> 00:24:14,098 We only have Two. 526 00:24:14,963 --> 00:24:17,095 - Well, I'm not watching RTE2 for the rest of my life. 527 00:24:17,095 --> 00:24:19,767 It's full of women wearing dungarees! 528 00:24:19,767 --> 00:24:22,828 - I can get you a newish TV for nothing, 529 00:24:22,828 --> 00:24:26,078 but you'll have to do something for me. 530 00:24:28,537 --> 00:24:30,393 Yeah, rub it in, rub it in, 531 00:24:30,393 --> 00:24:33,022 cover the chest, cover the chest. 532 00:24:33,022 --> 00:24:36,259 I'm liking that, liking that a lot. 533 00:24:36,259 --> 00:24:38,170 Oh yeah, you've done this before. 534 00:24:38,170 --> 00:24:39,866 You are the best. 535 00:24:39,866 --> 00:24:42,149 - I don't feel comfortable with this. 536 00:24:42,149 --> 00:24:45,649 - Shut up, Bridget, it's for a free telly! 537 00:25:13,644 --> 00:25:16,894 - You are an Angel and I am Delight-ed! 538 00:25:18,377 --> 00:25:19,210 - Weirdos! 37207

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