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1
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,595
[TV plays indistinctly in the background]
2
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:14,097
Whoa.
3
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:17,225
Another late night of man-on-man love?
4
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,436
Gay guys are lit.
5
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:21,604
Don't ever be straight.
6
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,274
I think I got that covered.
7
00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:27,110
So, like, how many guys
are you banging per night, huh?
8
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,695
Tens? Fifties?
9
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:29,654
[Peter] Mmm.
10
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:31,573
Thousands.
11
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:36,119
I've already looked that up on PornHub,
but I type in
12
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,496
"gangbang" or "orgy."
13
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,584
I'm not banging any guys, Frank.
14
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:46,254
I haven't even called the guy
who gave me his number.
15
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,590
I mean, what are you doing every night?
16
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,176
-Huh? Are you like a garbage man now?
-No, I'm...
17
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:52,093
[laughs]
18
00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:55,096
[coughs]
19
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,309
You're, like,
the weirdest guy I know, right?
20
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:01,519
I hope so.
21
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:04,898
[clears throat]
22
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,026
You really want to know the truth?
23
00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:09,110
[coughs]
24
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,905
God, this is crazy, okay?
25
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,448
I haven't told anyone, but...
26
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,493
If I'm gonna tell anyone,
I might as well tell you.
27
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,916
I'm the assistant to a dominatrix.
28
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:28,296
Last night, I...
29
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,883
I peed on someone.
30
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,641
That's so cool.
31
00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,313
Do you put stuff
32
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,190
in people's butts?
33
00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:54,823
And that
34
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:56,533
has led me here...
35
00:01:57,992 --> 00:01:58,910
to today.
36
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:03,123
To my journey
37
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:07,210
into the deep waters
of other people's minds.
38
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,421
And... happy ending:
39
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:12,674
I got a new goldfish.
40
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:17,345
And ten more after, because I read online
that they don't last very long.
41
00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:19,722
So, remember...
42
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:25,228
we can always mentally get new goldfish,
43
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:26,771
and in that,
44
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,357
I can hook...
45
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,527
my psychological gold.
46
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,030
[applause]
47
00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:36,948
Wow!
48
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:39,200
Okay!
49
00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,536
-That was-- that was great.
-[Kate] Thank you.
50
00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:44,122
Okay, guys. That was great.
That was, um...
51
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,125
All the feels. All right!
52
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:49,210
Who is our next victim?
53
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:51,880
Miss Chester.
54
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:54,215
Me?
55
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,550
Oh. [clears throat]
56
00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:59,220
I'm actually not feeling very good today,
Professor.
57
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,848
-Maybe I should just go next time when--
-I'll go.
58
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,731
[line trilling]
59
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,692
Okay, Motherfuck.
60
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,197
You know, she's not picking up, so...
61
00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:19,824
maybe you'll have to meet her
another time.
62
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,537
-What about you?
-Me?
63
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:28,374
Oh, uh, no, I'm just the assistant. I...
64
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:32,212
I just watch, and clean up,
and occasionally let people...
65
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:34,964
You just told me that you peed on a guy.
66
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,674
Plus, you're gay.
67
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,343
You've stuck your finger in all the butts.
68
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:40,178
Okay, not that many butts.
69
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:44,849
This month's rent...
70
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:46,476
free.
71
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:50,605
So, uh...
72
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:53,274
everyone has a story, right? Like, uh...
73
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,487
Like, "A bad thing happened to me
and this is why I'm like this" story.
74
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,366
Uh, I certainly have that story.
75
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:04,202
A couple, in fact. Um...
76
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:09,332
When my fiancée, uh, ex fiancée, left me.
77
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,294
Uh, the time I was tripping balls
78
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,672
and fell off the roof of the library
in college.
79
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,635
The day my dad died.
80
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,308
Uh, I used to not tell these stories,
you know.
81
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,686
I used to keep 'em locked away,
82
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:32,188
'cause whatever, people die.
83
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:36,359
And my ex fiancée's boss
had his own plane.
84
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:40,446
And I dropped a shit ton of acid.
85
00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:44,993
Which-- which was, to be totally honest,
super fun...
86
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,996
until I broke almost every bone
in my body.
87
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,208
But I used to keep that pain
88
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,501
to myself,
89
00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:55,795
'cause that's what I was taught to do.
90
00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:01,134
Until, one day, my friend's dad died.
91
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,803
And he called me crying,
92
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,806
and we are dudes that never cry.
93
00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:12,061
And he said, "How did you do it, man?
94
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,104
How did you...
95
00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,690
deal with all the pain?"
96
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:19,444
And...
97
00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,363
I sat for a long time...
98
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,368
and realized, uh...
99
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,497
I didn't.
100
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:36,252
Our stories are so similar.
101
00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:39,088
Your dad... my goldfish.
102
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,382
We're so connected.
103
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:42,842
Yeah.
104
00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:44,135
Yeah, kinda.
105
00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,261
Miss Chester.
106
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:47,555
Get better.
107
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,019
Um, walk me to the subway.
108
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,439
Yeah, sure.
109
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,615
[Pete] What the fuck? You can't do that.
110
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:07,450
What are you, the booty hole police?
111
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,036
I mean, for free rent,
I should have stuck my whole arm up there.
112
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:11,162
It's just not...
113
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:13,331
you. It's not who you are.
114
00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:16,042
I just peed on a fully-clothed man.
115
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,045
[Tiff sighs]
116
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:20,338
God.
117
00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:22,423
What's up your bum?
118
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:24,634
No pun intended.
119
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,680
-Everything okay with school?
-Okay, Pete. I have a mother.
120
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,724
If I needed babying, I would go to her.
121
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:33,476
Mmm, you know,
122
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:36,437
it's not like you haven't talked
to your mom in the past six years, so...
123
00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:39,690
[woman] Tiffany Chester?
124
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,027
It's me, Chelsea.
125
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:46,572
-[whispers] Oh, my God, who is that?
-Get up and squeeze me, girl!
126
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:49,409
-Oh my God.
-Who is it?
127
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,202
It's Chelsea from fucking high school.
128
00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:53,579
She's coming over.
Okay, don't look. Maybe she'll go.
129
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,123
Okay, never mind, she's here.
130
00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:56,124
Hey.
131
00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:58,376
Hey, Chelsea.
132
00:06:58,459 --> 00:06:59,919
You remember Pete, right?
133
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:03,589
Of course. We all did
the same shitty plays in high school.
134
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:05,883
You used to be fat.
135
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:07,760
[chuckles]
136
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:08,678
Well...
137
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,054
not that fat.
138
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,681
Not that thin, though.
139
00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,642
Not thin at all.
140
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:16,936
No.
141
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:19,522
Ugh, I can't believe
I'm talking to underclassmen.
142
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:23,526
Doesn't matter anymore though,
'cause now we're in the "real world."
143
00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:26,487
Life sucks.
144
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:29,157
Do you guys live in New York?
145
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:30,950
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
146
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:33,953
Don't you feel better than all those
losers who went to school,
147
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:35,329
'cause you live here now?
148
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:36,622
Um...
149
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,082
I work in advertising.
150
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,085
-[thuds]
-Oh, my God. Oh.
151
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:43,129
Shit! Chelsea, are you okay?
152
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,174
-Fuck. We have to get her out of here.
-Okay, let's go.
153
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:47,884
-[Chelsea groans]
-Okay.
154
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,511
-Okay.
-Okay, easy.
155
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,096
-Do you have a purse?
-I'm sorry.
156
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,389
A purse? I don't see a purse.
157
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,390
Where do you live?
158
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:55,641
Yes.
159
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,978
-Okay.
-Yay! I'm gonna throw up.
160
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:00,813
[retching]
161
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:02,732
[coughing]
162
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,485
[toilet flushes]
163
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:07,945
[Chelsea sighs]
164
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,493
[groaning]
165
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,834
Can I tell you something?
166
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,046
I know where I live.
167
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,050
I was just...
168
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:30,801
drinking alone at the bar,
169
00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:33,346
thinking about how everyday I go to work
170
00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:36,307
to pay for these drinks
all alone at a bar.
171
00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:40,895
Hoping that somebody would talk to me,
172
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,064
even just for a second.
173
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:46,567
And then, boom.
174
00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:50,029
I see these two losers...
175
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:54,450
that I did a pretty shit production
of West Side Story with
176
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:58,162
where all the white kids playing Sharks
had to get spray tans.
177
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,501
And I was like, "Holy shit.
178
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,505
Do they even remember me?"
179
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,425
That's so sad.
180
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:14,136
[shaky breath]
181
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,347
I was Anita in that production.
182
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:19,809
Anita.
183
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:25,064
And I was like...
184
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,859
"Are they even gonna remember
who I am anymore?"
185
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,111
[Peter] Oh...
186
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,489
Of course we remember you, Casey.
187
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:38,160
[sniffles]
188
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,203
It's Chelsea.
189
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:44,458
[Chelsea sighs]
190
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,627
Didn't you guys have sex?
191
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,214
That was always a rumor.
192
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,056
Were we losers in high school?
193
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:02,226
You were.
194
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:06,314
I was in the gray zone
because I fucked football players.
195
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:09,567
And me.
196
00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:12,486
Pete, don't.
197
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,409
For someone who helps
people express themselves...
198
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:21,245
you're pretty shitty at doing it yourself.
199
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,587
Do you know why
it took me so long to come out?
200
00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:36,385
I thought that my secret...
201
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,263
was keeping me alive.
202
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,437
It was the only version of myself
I'd ever known.
203
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,152
And if I told everyone, who would I be?
204
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:06,666
Put that on.
205
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,292
Why?
206
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,170
No asking questions, Mistress May.
207
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,134
Okay.
208
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,394
Why are we doing this?
209
00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:28,437
For protection.
210
00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:32,733
After graduation...
211
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,821
we went to different colleges,
we lived different lives.
212
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,155
You never called me.
213
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:39,907
I was doing my own thing.
214
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:43,119
It hurt my feelings.
215
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,873
I did what was best for both of us.
216
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:52,670
Why did you sleep with me?
217
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,007
You're wearing a mask.
218
00:11:57,341 --> 00:11:59,093
It's like I don't know who you are.
219
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:02,888
[inhales deeply]
220
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:10,312
I don't know.
221
00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:14,525
I guess...
222
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,448
You were the first man...
223
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:23,993
boy-man.
224
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,291
You just didn't want
anything more from me.
225
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:34,503
You just liked me.
226
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,675
And you were really nice to me.
227
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:46,140
Sex was all anyone ever wanted from me.
228
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:49,894
So I guess it's...
229
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,441
It's just all I thought I had to give.
230
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,199
I just...
231
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:07,119
I felt really safe with you.
232
00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:08,913
And...
233
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,375
really loved.
234
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:19,799
Then I ruined it...
235
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:22,384
with sex, like I always fucking do.
236
00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:24,094
[sighs]
237
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,850
It takes two to tango genitals.
238
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:34,647
Sex ruins everything.
239
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,106
[Peter inhales]
240
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,984
-Bad sex ruins everything.
-[laughs]
241
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,863
It was so bad.
242
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,741
[laughs] Okay.
243
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:50,621
Okay, I'm sorry I didn't know
where the clitoris was.
244
00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:53,040
I mean, I still don't.
245
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,295
I've got buttholes covered, though.
246
00:13:58,712 --> 00:13:59,713
[laughs]
247
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,468
I still don't want you to do it.
248
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,473
Okay, so, I'm on all fours,
249
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:13,185
and, uh, you put your digits up there,
250
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:16,230
and then I jack off until I blast off.
251
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:17,815
-Sound dope?
-Yeah.
252
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,277
Gotta take your pants off first, though.
253
00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:23,612
[laughing]
254
00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:26,740
-Yeah, you gotta get access to the club.
-Yeah.
255
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,784
-[whooping]
-[laughing]
256
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,120
Okay.
257
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:32,746
[grunts]
258
00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:38,627
I'm gonna keep my shirt on
so it's not full-blown gay.
259
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:43,549
Pause.
260
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:44,508
Uh...
261
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:47,428
I think it might actually be nicer if...
262
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,222
I were, like, looking at you.
263
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:52,474
Yeah.
264
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,268
Works for me... bro.
265
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,275
All right! Get between my legs.
266
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:02,526
[laughing]
267
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,656
Sorry, my, uh--
my feet are kind of stinky.
268
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:08,866
Uh, it's fine.
269
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,534
Aah! [laughs]
270
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:11,744
Ah... [sniffs]
271
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,081
-Just kidding. [laughs]
-Wow.
272
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:19,209
You have really nice eyes.
273
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:22,546
Thanks.
274
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,798
Enter away, roomie.
275
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:31,847
Lift off.
276
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:34,725
Oh. Oh!
277
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:36,936
-Oh! Oh!
-Are you okay?
278
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,395
All good in the hood.
279
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:42,107
Oh, whoa, this is so intense!
280
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:44,234
-Do you want another one?
-Mm-hm.
281
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,861
Yeah? Do you?
282
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,613
Oh, fuck, roomie!
283
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,448
-Yeah?
-Oh! Ohh. Oh.
284
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,409
Look-look-look-look--
look me in the eyes.
285
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,703
-It's so, so tight.
-[laughing] More!
286
00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,330
God! More, more!
287
00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:58,290
Oh, my God! And go even--
288
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,709
Go even deeper. Do it!
289
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,670
Land my airplane, bitch.
290
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,672
-Fucking...
-Okay, so what the fuck is going on?
291
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,340
Whoa, Portia!
292
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:09,259
-Uh, I was just about to come.
-It's not what it looks like.
293
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:10,636
Your finger was up his bum.
294
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,763
Uh, it was practically medical.
295
00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:15,432
-Yeah, and so is this.
-Aah!
19439
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