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1
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:11,970
[Daphne] Morning, May. Oh...
2
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:13,513
Mistress May.
3
00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:15,974
-[Daphne laughs]
-You can call me May. That's fine.
4
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,726
[softly] Okay. May.
5
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,770
You remember my assistant, Carter.
6
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,272
[Daphne] Nice shiner.
7
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:23,398
Thanks.
8
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:25,608
[Daphne laughs]
9
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:28,862
Oh, um, we're actually
a shoes-off household.
10
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,448
I know, we're those people. Sorry!
[laughs]
11
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,283
But the floors...
12
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,576
The floors! [laughs]
13
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,704
So, shoes. Thank you so much, yeah.
14
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:40,248
-Yeah, um...
-Thank you so much. Thank you.
15
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:44,878
May, I know this isn't the way
that you normally do things, but, um...
16
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,465
[whispers] I really want this
to be a surprise, so thank you so much.
17
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,091
Yeah, anything to help.
18
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,677
I need all the help I can get, obviously.
19
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,012
-[man] Daph?
-Yeah.
20
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:55,346
[man] Talking to yourself again.
21
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,807
Hey, hon, I'm in here. Um...
22
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,727
I... I just have some new friends
that I wanted you to meet.
23
00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:03,772
-Hey there... folks.
-Hey. Hey.
24
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:07,400
-Hi.
-Um... I wanted to surprise you.
25
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,320
Andrew Johnson Gonzales,
26
00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:11,613
this is May,
27
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,991
and she is here to...
28
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,161
tickle you.
29
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:29,589
So, this is our kids' playroom.
30
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,550
They're with their grandparents
this weekend.
31
00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:35,053
Yeah, let's not talk about your kids.
32
00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:36,513
Oh, I just thought maybe...
33
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:39,390
Sorry, I've never done this before.
34
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,730
Um, would you like more cheese?
35
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,232
No, I shouldn't.
36
00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:52,529
What... um...
37
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:56,032
What do you think is happening up there?
Because I told her, um, exactly...
38
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,325
what he wants.
39
00:01:58,409 --> 00:01:59,410
Oh, um...
40
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:03,581
some people say things privately
that they wouldn't say publicly.
41
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:05,583
I'm not...
42
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,043
public. I'm his wife.
43
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:08,962
Right.
44
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:12,841
And it's so exceptional
what you're doing for him.
45
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,636
It's not for him. It's for me.
46
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,265
You sure about your clothes?
47
00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:21,683
Uh... yeah.
48
00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:22,600
Uh...
49
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:25,228
I don't even take my clothes off in a...
50
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:26,146
uh...
51
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:27,772
massage.
52
00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:29,941
Just feels more appropriate...
53
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:32,235
for my wife.
54
00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:33,862
Hm.
55
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,322
Lift your arms.
56
00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:43,872
I did try to do it one time.
57
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,124
The...
58
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,001
tickling thing.
59
00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:55,383
I kind of, like, touched his armpit,
and he let...
60
00:02:57,552 --> 00:03:00,180
He let out this, like, weird moan.
61
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,516
And I didn't know...
62
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,394
who it was. I didn't recognize the voice.
63
00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:10,106
I didn't know if it was somebody
that I wanted to even meet. It was like...
64
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,065
[chuckles]
65
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:14,444
"Who is this, you know, stranger?"
66
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,326
When you're a little girl, you, um...
67
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,872
you have this fantasy of what...
of what the perfect...
68
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:30,251
husband would look like,
or the perfect life, and then...
69
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,003
you know.
70
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:33,296
[both chuckle awkwardly]
71
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:40,386
Tickling somebody
until they scream "mother"
72
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,347
is not really part of the vows.
73
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:57,820
Can I tell you a story?
74
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:12,418
[laughs]
75
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,756
Oh!
76
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:17,674
Ooh.
77
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,133
[moaning]
78
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,721
Ooh! Ah!
79
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,640
Don't stop! Don't stop! Don't stop!
80
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:29,269
I mean, I'm, like,
really giving it to him,
81
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:33,439
and he's about to come, like full-blown,
82
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:37,277
and... she bursts in the room, and...
83
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,444
boom!
84
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:40,571
She hit you?
85
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:42,198
Why?
86
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:43,783
She was angry.
87
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,494
But why did she hit you and not him?
88
00:04:49,038 --> 00:04:50,123
She loves him?
89
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:52,709
-Oh!
-Say "mother."
90
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:54,460
Say "mother."
91
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,379
-Mother!
-Say "mother."
92
00:04:58,589 --> 00:04:59,882
Have you ever hit anyone?
93
00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:04,971
Just to release stress?
94
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,057
And get away from all the bullshit?
95
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,517
[laughs]
96
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,520
No, what... ? I couldn't.
97
00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:14,063
-[Andrew] Mother!
-Um...
98
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:15,898
[Andrew] Mother?
99
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,152
Mother! Mother!
100
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:23,990
You could hit me...
101
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:27,452
if you wanted.
102
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,330
I already have the shiner, so...
103
00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:35,293
[Andrew] Mother!
104
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:43,676
How does $200 sound?
105
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,565
[breathing heavily]
106
00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,359
[inhales]
107
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:03,446
[Tiff] What did I tell you? Hm?
108
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,991
I am the dominatrix, not you.
109
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:08,659
Okay.
110
00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,078
Lesson learned.
111
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,456
What am I going to do?
I'm supposed to go on a date.
112
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:14,374
A date?
113
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,292
You remember those, right?
114
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,503
Two people sitting across from each other,
115
00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:21,047
-expressing vulnerability.
-Do you even know this person?
116
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,425
It's just a coffee date.
117
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,970
You know, you can get murdered
in a coffee shop.
118
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,223
Okay, we go to kinky...
119
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:34,185
darkly sexual strangers' houses
for a living.
120
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,105
I can meet a dude for an iced coffee.
121
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:39,399
Or latte.
122
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,027
What do you think
is more attractive to order?
123
00:06:46,864 --> 00:06:50,243
-You sure you're allowed to be in here?
-Don't be such a Republican.
124
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:51,661
Oh, God.
125
00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,080
No, I'm gonna look like
I'm wearing makeup.
126
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:55,832
You're gay. Get over it.
127
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:00,420
[door opens]
128
00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:03,798
-[Tiff] Doug!
-Whoa!
129
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,717
Unisex bathrooms are very woke.
130
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:07,635
Um...
131
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:08,970
This is Pete.
132
00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:10,680
[Doug] Hi, new friend.
133
00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:15,476
I, um...
I really need to move some product
134
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,811
before class,
135
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:21,274
uh, and I'm not gonna be able to do the do
with you in here.
136
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,568
Okay, well, you're gonna have to hold it.
137
00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:26,112
Cool.
138
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:29,323
You did, um...
139
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:33,161
a pretty good job on your presentation
the other day.
140
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:34,829
Oh, my God.
141
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:37,957
A compliment from you?
It's like a Bigfoot sighting.
142
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,417
No one will believe me.
143
00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:41,836
Kate seemed to really like it, too.
144
00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,004
[whispers] Who's Kate?
145
00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:45,840
Yeah, yeah,
she thinks my dad and her goldfish
146
00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:47,508
are swimming around in heaven together.
147
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:50,052
Yeah, I'm sure
you guys talked all about it.
148
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,762
Nah, I don't believe in heaven.
149
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:55,892
-Okay, this is my new favorite show.
-Okay, bye!
150
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,102
Okay, does it look like
I'm wearing makeup?
151
00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,479
No.
152
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:00,521
Are you wearing makeup?
153
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:01,606
[dance music plays]
154
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:02,523
What?
155
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:03,649
What? No.
156
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:04,942
[shouting] No!
157
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:06,360
What?
158
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:14,202
I thought you said
you wanted to get coffee.
159
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:15,244
Love you, hon.
160
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:20,917
It's just kind of hard
to get to know each other over the music.
161
00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:26,088
The noise and all this, you know...
162
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,299
The bulges.
163
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,176
Scorpio!
164
00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:34,388
-It's been a long time--
-I'm gonna go!
165
00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:36,557
Why?
166
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,559
Because I want a latte!
167
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:45,149
Whoa.
168
00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,528
Whoa, what's... what's the problem?
169
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:50,821
I don't know.
I guess I didn't envision a date
170
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,406
with you groping strippers
171
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,076
and flirting with anybody
with stubble and a pulse.
172
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,703
You're gay... right?
173
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,705
Maybe I'm straight, huh?
174
00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:02,542
If that's what being gay is,
then maybe I don't want to be.
175
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:03,793
Or maybe I'm bi.
176
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:06,045
People are bi now.
Open your mind, okay?
177
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:09,966
Okay, you're the one lying
about wearing makeup, so...
178
00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:13,052
Well, I got punched in the face
by my roommate's girlfriend
179
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:15,346
for sticking my fingers up his butt. Okay?
180
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:21,310
And you can't give a go-go boy a dollar?
181
00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:27,817
-Okay.
-Okay, let's...
182
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:29,527
How do you take your coffee?
183
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,115
Can I get you some coffee?
Congratulations. Let's go.
184
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:35,825
I'd love some. Very happy for you.
185
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,286
-Rate this one.
-Mmm, four.
186
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,454
Four? Flaccid, or?
187
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:42,957
-Five.
-Seven.
188
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,418
Harsh.
189
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:46,961
[Peter laughs]
190
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,754
Well, here we are,
191
00:09:49,046 --> 00:09:50,590
looking at dicks with coffees.
192
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:52,425
Compromise.
193
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:53,634
-That's right.
-Cheers.
194
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,261
[Peter] Mmm.
195
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:57,471
Here, let me see it.
196
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:00,766
Ooh.
197
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,436
Your roommate's GF has a mean hook.
198
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:08,899
Um, I mean,
that may not be all of the story.
199
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,617
[Charles] That's not funny.
200
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:22,913
[Kate] I'm not trying to do anything.
201
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,878
You have a little
schoolyard crush thing...
202
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:30,963
I think you have the wrong idea.
203
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:34,216
I... Professor, I strictly want to keep
things professional here.
204
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,384
Oh, yeah?
205
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,720
I'm... I'm very professional.
206
00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:42,767
I'm serious. Stop it right now.
207
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:43,934
[Tiff] Kate!
208
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:49,190
Oh, my God,
I have been looking everywhere for you.
209
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:51,525
Tiff.
210
00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:53,986
I see you're feeling better.
211
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,322
So much better.
212
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:57,740
Thanks.
213
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:01,327
We were just, uh... we were having
a private conversation here.
214
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:03,120
Oopsie.
215
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:05,331
I guess it's a three-way now.
216
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,167
Actually, Kate...
217
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,044
why don't you go?
218
00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:13,255
I would like to have a chat
with our professor.
219
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:18,678
[mouthing] Thank you.
220
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:26,852
Look...
221
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,146
I'm not that kind of guy.
222
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:30,064
[groans]
223
00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:32,692
I have been dealing with guys like you
224
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,568
-my entire life.
-[groaning]
225
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:37,113
Which reminds me, Professor...
226
00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:39,323
what have you been lecturing me on?
227
00:11:39,573 --> 00:11:40,950
[grunting]
228
00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:42,618
Oh, right...
229
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,204
Boundaries.
230
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:46,831
Ah!
231
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:48,999
[breathing heavily]
232
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:51,335
I cannot believe
you're uncomfortable in gay bars
233
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:52,586
and that's your job.
234
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,464
Okay, well, the human psyche
is a twisted place.
235
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,511
So, you didn't finish your story
about the bruise.
236
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,263
Oh, it's a long story.
237
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:05,641
Aren't you, like, a comedian or something?
238
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,519
I'm not gonna do it here.
There are, like...
239
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:10,146
teens around.
240
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,441
Yeah, let's call it an audience.
241
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:25,536
[Doug] Tiff!
242
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,164
Hey! Where are you going?
243
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,583
Just away from here.
244
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:32,293
You okay?
245
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,420
I'm fine, Doug.
246
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,798
We have class in, like, five minutes.
247
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:40,009
Yeah, I'm not going.
248
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:41,719
For why?
249
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,558
You wouldn't understand.
250
00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:50,311
I could try.
251
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,688
I would like to try.
252
00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:55,232
You know...
253
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,276
we're very different.
254
00:12:57,818 --> 00:12:59,487
You and me. You know that, right?
255
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,323
Uh...
256
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:07,369
I should've just
shit in front of you. I...
257
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,372
When I was shitting today,
258
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:13,959
I kept thinking, "She shits, too.
You'll have something in common."
259
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:17,087
It's like, I could be the guy
who shit in front of you.
260
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:21,425
Listen, you terrify me, but I just...
261
00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:23,886
I just like you.
262
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:28,265
So let's be friends.
263
00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:31,811
'Cause I... I think
you wanna be my friend.
264
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,023
Okay, friends?
265
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:43,614
Tuesday.
266
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,117
7:00 p.m. You pick the place.
267
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:49,537
This a...
268
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:51,622
This a date?
269
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:54,750
See ya, friend.
17956
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