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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:08,257
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:11,594
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:14,348
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:18,267
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,604
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,272
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
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♪ Laugh and cry! ♪
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:29,947
♪ He's a family guy! ♪
10
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Ah, the last small sip
of beer, always terrible.
11
00:00:39,708 --> 00:00:41,418
Hey, I'll catch you guys
later, I'm heading out.
12
00:00:41,419 --> 00:00:42,919
Leaving early on a Saturday?
13
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,672
I think someone has a lady friend, huh?
14
00:00:45,673 --> 00:00:46,756
Huh?
15
00:00:46,757 --> 00:00:48,800
- Huh?
- Ow! My dormant tricep!
16
00:00:48,801 --> 00:00:50,176
There's no girl. I, I...
17
00:00:50,177 --> 00:00:54,472
I just like watching the classic
SNL that comes on before the new SNL.
18
00:00:54,473 --> 00:00:56,267
And tonight, the classic SNL is...
19
00:00:56,809 --> 00:00:59,786
Deion Sanders with musical
guest Deion Sanders?
20
00:00:59,796 --> 00:01:00,854
No, that can't be right.
21
00:01:00,855 --> 00:01:02,731
Sadly, it is right.
22
00:01:02,732 --> 00:01:05,650
He sang songs from
his album, Prime Time.
23
00:01:05,651 --> 00:01:07,819
Come on, Quagmire,
tell us who the girl is.
24
00:01:07,820 --> 00:01:09,320
You're the only one of us who can date.
25
00:01:09,321 --> 00:01:11,406
We live bi-curiously through you.
26
00:01:11,407 --> 00:01:13,324
Yeah. That's our penis.
27
00:01:13,325 --> 00:01:15,619
Sorry, guys, but this one's top secret.
28
00:01:17,204 --> 00:01:19,497
Forgot that a homeless
guy sits out front.
29
00:01:19,498 --> 00:01:21,041
He's very yelly tonight.
30
00:01:21,667 --> 00:01:24,169
Huh, it's not like
Quagmire to hold out on us.
31
00:01:24,170 --> 00:01:25,545
There must be a reason.
32
00:01:25,546 --> 00:01:27,839
Yeah, we got ourselves quite a mystery.
33
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:29,632
Could even be an episode
of Murder She Wrote
34
00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:31,719
with Angela Lansbury and Paul McCartney.
35
00:01:31,927 --> 00:01:33,344
Well, she's dead.
36
00:01:33,345 --> 00:01:34,721
She sure is, Paul.
37
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You're Paul. I'm Angela.
38
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:40,143
And one of us either looks
like an old woman or an old man.
39
00:01:40,144 --> 00:01:42,312
That's the real mystery.
40
00:01:42,313 --> 00:01:44,314
Is James Corden nice?
41
00:01:44,315 --> 00:01:45,399
Not really, no.
42
00:01:49,862 --> 00:01:52,782
Okay, Brian, I'll crack a window
so you can wait in the car.
43
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:55,867
Ha! You can't come in
'cause you're a freakin' dog!
44
00:01:55,868 --> 00:01:58,036
Come on, you can't leave
me here. It's inhumane!
45
00:01:58,037 --> 00:01:59,329
Sorry, those are the rules.
46
00:01:59,330 --> 00:02:01,831
They only let in humans and squirrels.
47
00:02:01,832 --> 00:02:03,124
- What?
- I'm just kidding.
48
00:02:03,125 --> 00:02:04,210
Bye, babe.
49
00:02:05,503 --> 00:02:07,043
Alright, Stewie, hold my hand while
50
00:02:07,053 --> 00:02:09,297
I get our reusable bags from the trunk.
51
00:02:09,298 --> 00:02:11,800
Calm down. Where am I
gonna run? The market?
52
00:02:11,801 --> 00:02:13,385
It's not like it's mango season.
53
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:15,929
The mango bell?
54
00:02:15,930 --> 00:02:18,349
Attention shoppers, mangos will be ripe
55
00:02:18,516 --> 00:02:20,016
for the next two-and-a-half minutes.
56
00:02:21,602 --> 00:02:22,895
I've gotta get in there!
57
00:02:25,022 --> 00:02:26,147
Wow, that was close.
58
00:02:26,148 --> 00:02:27,982
I've never killed someone
outside the hospital.
59
00:02:27,983 --> 00:02:29,484
Oh my God, Stewie!
60
00:02:29,485 --> 00:02:31,152
You could have been run over!
61
00:02:31,153 --> 00:02:33,029
Sorry, I was texting while driving.
62
00:02:33,030 --> 00:02:35,323
Unfortunately, your husband derd.
63
00:02:35,324 --> 00:02:36,658
Whoops, oh no, I meant...
64
00:02:36,659 --> 00:02:37,826
Ah, she haha'd it.
65
00:02:37,827 --> 00:02:39,161
Yeah, she's a good sport.
66
00:02:42,415 --> 00:02:44,707
Okay, Quagmire said he
can't go to the Clam tonight,
67
00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:46,918
so I bet he's meeting
that mystery woman again.
68
00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:49,629
Yep, now, I know you fellas
haven't been on a stakeout before,
69
00:02:49,630 --> 00:02:50,922
but I've been on a ton of them.
70
00:02:50,923 --> 00:02:54,217
So, I just want to mentally prepare
you for how long these things...
71
00:02:54,218 --> 00:02:55,302
Oop, there he is.
72
00:02:59,390 --> 00:03:00,474
Alright, let's tail him.
73
00:03:02,101 --> 00:03:06,104
And this high-speed adventure calls
for a classic action movie theme!
74
00:03:06,105 --> 00:03:08,815
♪ I'm romancing the stone ♪
75
00:03:08,816 --> 00:03:10,024
What is this?
76
00:03:10,025 --> 00:03:12,694
It's Eddy Grant's theme
to Romancing the Stone.
77
00:03:12,695 --> 00:03:14,237
This is stupid.
78
00:03:14,238 --> 00:03:16,073
I'm finding another song.
79
00:03:17,575 --> 00:03:19,409
♪ They do what they want
to do, say what they want ♪
80
00:03:19,410 --> 00:03:20,618
What the hell is this?
81
00:03:20,619 --> 00:03:22,829
"Addams Groove" by MC Hammer.
82
00:03:22,830 --> 00:03:26,040
It's the theme song to
The Addams Family movie.
83
00:03:26,041 --> 00:03:28,710
It went to number four in Ireland.
84
00:03:28,711 --> 00:03:29,794
And this is better?
85
00:03:29,795 --> 00:03:32,338
Your guy just keeps saying
the name of the movie!
86
00:03:32,339 --> 00:03:33,423
I'm turning mine up.
87
00:03:33,424 --> 00:03:35,050
Then I'm turning mine up!
88
00:03:35,051 --> 00:03:38,512
Will you guys please turn
off your terrible theme songs?
89
00:03:39,221 --> 00:03:40,306
Sorry, Joe.
90
00:03:42,308 --> 00:03:44,559
Guys, I think Quagmire's getting away.
91
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,269
Yeah, look, Joe. He's making a right.
92
00:03:46,270 --> 00:03:47,438
Don't worry, I'm on it.
93
00:03:53,235 --> 00:03:55,612
I'm running over stuff
at The Forum this Sunday.
94
00:03:55,613 --> 00:03:59,033
You'll pay for the whole seat,
but you'll only need the edge.
95
00:04:03,621 --> 00:04:05,288
Hey, Lois. I'm taking
Stewie to the park.
96
00:04:05,289 --> 00:04:08,374
Come on, Bri, I need a post that
will make Lance think I'm outdoorsy.
97
00:04:08,375 --> 00:04:10,920
Hold on, before you go, I got something.
98
00:04:12,129 --> 00:04:13,755
Yes! You're gettin' leashed!
99
00:04:13,756 --> 00:04:16,132
Ah, I'm going to film
my reaction in slow-mo.
100
00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:17,675
It's for Stewie.
101
00:04:17,676 --> 00:04:21,429
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
102
00:04:21,430 --> 00:04:23,515
After that close call at the store,
103
00:04:23,516 --> 00:04:26,226
I want to make sure he
cannot run away again.
104
00:04:26,227 --> 00:04:28,269
So, I bought this.
105
00:04:28,270 --> 00:04:29,896
It's a child harness.
106
00:04:29,897 --> 00:04:31,564
That's not a harness, it's a leash!
107
00:04:31,565 --> 00:04:34,317
A harness is something Rupert
and I use on my birthday.
108
00:04:34,318 --> 00:04:36,152
I thought you two also use a leash.
109
00:04:36,153 --> 00:04:38,738
Well, I guess someone's
been listening at the door.
110
00:04:38,739 --> 00:04:39,906
No, you texted me.
111
00:04:39,907 --> 00:04:42,575
Well, either way, I demand
this be taken off at once!
112
00:04:42,576 --> 00:04:44,244
Children don't belong in leashes.
113
00:04:44,245 --> 00:04:46,789
Just like Bill Burr doesn't
belong in The Mandalorian.
114
00:04:47,081 --> 00:04:48,248
I've located the child.
115
00:04:48,249 --> 00:04:49,541
He's on an Empire ship.
116
00:04:49,542 --> 00:04:51,000
I'll assemble a strike team.
117
00:04:51,001 --> 00:04:52,419
I'll jam the ship's radar.
118
00:04:52,420 --> 00:04:53,923
And I'm gonna go whiz
in a Gatorade bottle
119
00:04:53,933 --> 00:04:55,922
'cause I don't trust space toilets.
120
00:04:55,923 --> 00:04:58,383
Uh, which part of space
are you from again?
121
00:04:58,384 --> 00:04:59,552
South space!
122
00:05:04,432 --> 00:05:06,558
Quagmire, come on,
we tee off in an hour.
123
00:05:06,559 --> 00:05:09,394
Don't worry, I'll register
us online to save time.
124
00:05:09,395 --> 00:05:11,104
Name? Joe Swanson.
125
00:05:11,105 --> 00:05:12,732
Handicap? Yes.
126
00:05:13,232 --> 00:05:14,482
Quagmire, let's go!
127
00:05:17,528 --> 00:05:19,112
Hey! What the hell are you doing?
128
00:05:19,113 --> 00:05:21,865
Ooh, he must be with the mystery girl.
129
00:05:21,866 --> 00:05:23,659
- I bet she's married.
- Or famous.
130
00:05:25,995 --> 00:05:27,245
Oh, my God!
131
00:05:27,246 --> 00:05:29,164
Quagmire and the Librarian?
132
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,918
Quagmire and the Librarian?
133
00:05:38,549 --> 00:05:40,846
Wow! At the library, I guess Quagmire's
134
00:05:40,856 --> 00:05:43,178
been checking out more than just books.
135
00:05:45,723 --> 00:05:47,640
Come on, don't encourage him.
136
00:05:47,641 --> 00:05:48,933
I can't believe it.
137
00:05:48,934 --> 00:05:51,019
Yeah. And she's got BB-8 underwear.
138
00:05:51,020 --> 00:05:52,604
Lois said they don't make those!
139
00:05:52,605 --> 00:05:54,773
Guys, I'd appreciate if you'd leave now.
140
00:05:54,774 --> 00:05:56,442
Yeah, sure, let me just tie my shoe.
141
00:05:57,026 --> 00:05:59,277
Peter, is that R2-D2 underwear?
142
00:05:59,278 --> 00:06:01,238
Yeah, they're old and stupid.
143
00:06:04,742 --> 00:06:05,867
You and the Librarian.
144
00:06:05,868 --> 00:06:06,951
I don't get it.
145
00:06:06,952 --> 00:06:10,371
Yeah, did, like, a bully
dare you to invite her to prom
146
00:06:10,372 --> 00:06:12,165
and then it turned into something more?
147
00:06:12,166 --> 00:06:13,833
Or, your boss is a family man,
148
00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:16,544
and you're just pretending to
date her to get the big promotion?
149
00:06:16,545 --> 00:06:18,963
No, there's no '90s
movie premise involved!
150
00:06:18,964 --> 00:06:21,466
See, this is why I didn't want
to tell you guys about her.
151
00:06:21,467 --> 00:06:22,884
I knew you wouldn't understand.
152
00:06:22,885 --> 00:06:24,844
Then, help us understand, Glenn.
153
00:06:24,845 --> 00:06:26,137
Show us your world.
154
00:06:26,138 --> 00:06:28,348
Dammit Peter, you
just had chicken wings!
155
00:06:28,349 --> 00:06:29,516
I just like her, okay.
156
00:06:29,517 --> 00:06:30,767
She's nice, she's smart.
157
00:06:30,768 --> 00:06:32,769
And when you ask her where
she wants to eat dinner,
158
00:06:32,770 --> 00:06:35,063
she always has a
clear, confident answer.
159
00:06:35,064 --> 00:06:36,398
- No way!
- You lie!
160
00:06:36,399 --> 00:06:38,362
It's true! And it's nice to date someone
161
00:06:38,372 --> 00:06:40,068
where I can relax and be myself.
162
00:06:40,069 --> 00:06:43,363
I don't even have to hide my
moderate-to-severe plaque psoriasis.
163
00:06:43,364 --> 00:06:45,240
You have plaque psoriasis?
164
00:06:45,241 --> 00:06:47,117
Well, I did before Skyrizi.
165
00:06:47,118 --> 00:06:51,955
♪ I can't see me
lovin' nobody but you ♪
166
00:06:51,956 --> 00:06:54,958
♪ For all my life ♪
167
00:06:54,959 --> 00:06:56,876
Skyrizi may cause general douchery,
168
00:06:56,877 --> 00:07:00,130
like spinning at weddings and
sky hooking paper into trash cans.
169
00:07:00,131 --> 00:07:01,381
Thanks, Skyrizi!
170
00:07:01,382 --> 00:07:05,009
Now my elbows are ugly for the
same reason as everybody else.
171
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:06,761
And that's not even the
best thing about her.
172
00:07:06,762 --> 00:07:07,971
Believe it or not, fellas,
173
00:07:07,972 --> 00:07:10,223
she's the best I've ever had in bed.
174
00:07:10,224 --> 00:07:11,307
The Librarian?
175
00:07:11,308 --> 00:07:14,811
Yeah, she spent the last 30
years sitting at a reference desk,
176
00:07:14,812 --> 00:07:17,397
reading back issues of
Cosmopolitan Magazine.
177
00:07:17,398 --> 00:07:19,390
That means she's read over four million
178
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:20,942
tips on how to please her lover.
179
00:07:20,943 --> 00:07:23,361
You know, you guys would like her
if you'd just give her a chance.
180
00:07:23,362 --> 00:07:24,654
I don't know. Us?
181
00:07:24,655 --> 00:07:26,281
Hang out with a librarian?
182
00:07:26,282 --> 00:07:27,907
Yeah, I don't think we're a match.
183
00:07:27,908 --> 00:07:30,744
Like William Wallace and the
guy who wouldn't wear face paint.
184
00:07:30,745 --> 00:07:32,537
They may take our lives,
185
00:07:32,538 --> 00:07:34,956
but they will never take our...
186
00:07:34,957 --> 00:07:36,708
Hey, where's your face paint?
187
00:07:36,709 --> 00:07:37,959
I can no wear it.
188
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,086
I have the plaque psoriasis.
189
00:07:40,087 --> 00:07:43,256
Or at least, I did before Skyrizi.
190
00:07:43,257 --> 00:07:48,219
♪ I can't see me
lovin' nobody but you ♪
191
00:07:48,220 --> 00:07:50,264
Now this is freedom!
192
00:07:53,809 --> 00:07:56,061
Ugh, this thing is so humiliating.
193
00:07:56,062 --> 00:07:57,312
Ah, it's not a big deal.
194
00:07:57,313 --> 00:07:58,855
I'm sure no one will even notice.
195
00:07:58,856 --> 00:08:01,149
Oh, crap! It's Jake from my gym,
196
00:08:01,150 --> 00:08:03,068
boxing an MMA mannequin.
197
00:08:03,069 --> 00:08:04,152
Stewie?
198
00:08:04,153 --> 00:08:07,906
Uh, hey, Jake. Just, uh,
doing some resistance training.
199
00:08:07,907 --> 00:08:09,032
Heard about it on Rogan.
200
00:08:09,033 --> 00:08:11,034
Nice. Love Rogan.
201
00:08:11,035 --> 00:08:13,411
Yes, he's for the vanguard
of independent thinkers
202
00:08:13,412 --> 00:08:16,664
who also have seven hours a
day to listen to a shaved ape.
203
00:08:16,665 --> 00:08:18,583
Okay, Brian, I think
I covered nicely there.
204
00:08:18,584 --> 00:08:19,667
I'm gonna go play.
205
00:08:19,668 --> 00:08:21,086
Oh! What the hell?
206
00:08:21,087 --> 00:08:22,921
Uh, looks like we got
our leashes tangled.
207
00:08:22,922 --> 00:08:26,216
Sorry about that. My little guy
doesn't always look where he's going.
208
00:08:26,217 --> 00:08:28,802
Uh, Brian, I think he's
trying to establish dominance.
209
00:08:28,803 --> 00:08:30,178
Ah, he's just being friendly.
210
00:08:30,179 --> 00:08:31,262
Sir, sir?
211
00:08:31,263 --> 00:08:32,764
You cannot sniff back there.
212
00:08:32,765 --> 00:08:35,266
Alright, that's it. Two can
play at this game, tough guy.
213
00:08:36,435 --> 00:08:38,144
Wow, you're six.
214
00:08:39,522 --> 00:08:40,605
And from Denver?
215
00:08:40,606 --> 00:08:42,732
Huh, there's a lot of
information in butts.
216
00:08:42,733 --> 00:08:43,818
I get it now.
217
00:08:47,321 --> 00:08:50,157
I'm so excited to be here with you guys!
218
00:08:50,658 --> 00:08:52,617
Okay, good start, shows energy.
219
00:08:52,618 --> 00:08:54,077
Peter, this isn't a tryout.
220
00:08:54,078 --> 00:08:56,162
Sorry. So, Elle, uh...
221
00:08:56,163 --> 00:08:57,789
Hey, what are your arm tattoos?
222
00:08:57,790 --> 00:09:00,875
Oh, those are my three babies
that never came to term.
223
00:09:00,876 --> 00:09:02,502
Oh, wow. Uh...
224
00:09:02,503 --> 00:09:04,295
Uh, yeah, maybe, maybe uh...
225
00:09:04,296 --> 00:09:05,880
maybe you just long sleeve it.
226
00:09:05,881 --> 00:09:07,048
Or don't say it.
227
00:09:07,049 --> 00:09:08,341
Yeah, sleeve it or don't say it.
228
00:09:08,342 --> 00:09:11,886
Oh, I stopped sleeving
when I started Skyrizi.
229
00:09:11,887 --> 00:09:13,179
Enough with Skyrizi!
230
00:09:13,180 --> 00:09:15,181
Do Taco Bell! At least
they're a sponsor!
231
00:09:15,182 --> 00:09:16,891
So, uh, anyway, on the way here,
232
00:09:16,892 --> 00:09:18,977
Elle was saying how much she likes beer.
233
00:09:18,978 --> 00:09:23,273
No, I didn't. I said the library
masturbator ruined another atlas.
234
00:09:23,274 --> 00:09:24,649
Ah!
235
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:25,859
Okay, look. This ain't working.
236
00:09:25,860 --> 00:09:27,485
Elle, we're regular guys.
237
00:09:27,486 --> 00:09:28,695
You're a librarian, all right?
238
00:09:28,696 --> 00:09:30,613
I don't know the first
thing about libraries,
239
00:09:30,614 --> 00:09:32,365
except that the atlases are sexy.
240
00:09:32,366 --> 00:09:34,097
Hell, I only even go to the library for
241
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,827
the puppet show 'cause
I like King Puppet.
242
00:09:35,828 --> 00:09:37,746
You mean this puppet?
243
00:09:38,831 --> 00:09:40,540
Quagmire, I love her.
244
00:09:40,541 --> 00:09:41,875
You hit it out of the park.
245
00:09:41,876 --> 00:09:43,793
Hey, do you know the guy
who does Prince Puppet?
246
00:09:43,794 --> 00:09:46,629
Yes, but the prince is a little shy.
247
00:09:46,630 --> 00:09:49,132
Oh my God, how is this happening?
248
00:09:49,133 --> 00:09:50,717
I'm just Peter Griffin!
249
00:09:50,718 --> 00:09:52,135
Well, Peter may like you.
250
00:09:52,136 --> 00:09:55,430
But good luck winning over the Joe.
251
00:09:55,431 --> 00:09:59,017
Aren't you the cop who hid in the
library when he heard "shots fired"?
252
00:09:59,018 --> 00:10:00,435
Never mind, you won the Joe.
253
00:10:00,436 --> 00:10:04,355
I also believe in essential oils.
254
00:10:04,356 --> 00:10:06,816
Would anyone like
eucalyptus for their nose?
255
00:10:06,817 --> 00:10:08,485
No, that's stupid.
256
00:10:08,486 --> 00:10:09,736
Ooh!
257
00:10:09,737 --> 00:10:10,820
That's nice.
258
00:10:10,821 --> 00:10:13,865
I can see why women make this
crap their whole personality.
259
00:10:13,866 --> 00:10:14,949
Ah, this is great.
260
00:10:14,950 --> 00:10:16,701
I'm so glad you guys are getting along.
261
00:10:16,702 --> 00:10:18,203
We sure are.
262
00:10:18,204 --> 00:10:19,829
And I love this eucalyptus.
263
00:10:19,830 --> 00:10:21,414
I feel like Koala Peter.
264
00:10:21,415 --> 00:10:24,709
Hey Mum, I'm gonna pick some
of these Tasmanian berries.
265
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:26,211
Ow! Ow! Ow!
266
00:10:26,212 --> 00:10:27,922
Oi Crikey! Me peepers!
267
00:10:28,881 --> 00:10:30,508
I'm meaner than you think.
268
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:37,597
Connor, no! No!
269
00:10:37,598 --> 00:10:40,183
All right, you can sniff the hydrant.
270
00:10:40,184 --> 00:10:41,684
Aidan, no jumping!
271
00:10:41,685 --> 00:10:43,561
I said no jumping!
272
00:10:43,562 --> 00:10:46,524
Ah, never make your hobby your job.
273
00:10:50,236 --> 00:10:52,779
Ooh, Brian, they have a
movie with animals singing!
274
00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:56,116
Pass. Hi, do you have anything
with any of the girls from Euphoria?
275
00:10:56,117 --> 00:10:57,200
Oh, come on!
276
00:10:57,201 --> 00:10:59,536
Miley Cyrus plays a sassy giraffe!
277
00:10:59,537 --> 00:11:02,372
Demi Lovato also plays a sassy giraffe!
278
00:11:02,373 --> 00:11:03,540
And Halsey plays...
279
00:11:03,541 --> 00:11:05,543
Oh, you know, I think it's
a movie about giraffes.
280
00:11:08,003 --> 00:11:09,546
Listen, if you're looking to be a creep,
281
00:11:09,547 --> 00:11:12,549
all I can offer you is
Jennifer Connelly in Hot Widow.
282
00:11:12,550 --> 00:11:13,633
Yeah, that works.
283
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:15,135
How dark does the theater get?
284
00:11:15,136 --> 00:11:17,554
Sir, movie theaters
are a failing business,
285
00:11:17,555 --> 00:11:18,930
you can do whatever you want.
286
00:11:18,931 --> 00:11:20,640
No! Animals singing!
287
00:11:20,641 --> 00:11:22,851
Stewie, enough! We're not
seeing animals singing!
288
00:11:22,852 --> 00:11:24,728
Ow! Okay, we'll...
289
00:11:24,729 --> 00:11:26,188
We'll see yours instead.
290
00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:28,940
Wow!
291
00:11:28,941 --> 00:11:31,568
After all this time of putting
up with your snide comments
292
00:11:31,569 --> 00:11:34,404
and domineering attitude,
I'm finally in control.
293
00:11:34,405 --> 00:11:36,322
All right, let's go see my movie!
294
00:11:36,323 --> 00:11:37,407
Yes, Brian.
295
00:11:37,408 --> 00:11:38,575
Whatever you want.
296
00:11:38,576 --> 00:11:41,453
Too late. They just turned this
place into pickleball courts.
297
00:11:41,454 --> 00:11:43,455
What?
298
00:11:43,456 --> 00:11:45,791
Movie theaters! What a debacle!
299
00:11:49,086 --> 00:11:52,338
Thanks for bringing Elle the other
night. She's really something.
300
00:11:52,339 --> 00:11:53,506
She sure is.
301
00:11:53,507 --> 00:11:55,925
I don't get my shirt
dry-cleaned for just any date.
302
00:11:55,926 --> 00:11:59,012
This weekend, I'm asking her to
make our relationship official.
303
00:11:59,013 --> 00:12:00,317
Why don't you just ask her now,
304
00:12:00,327 --> 00:12:01,974
when she gets done
kissing that other guy?
305
00:12:05,394 --> 00:12:06,395
What?
306
00:12:07,146 --> 00:12:08,688
Elle, what are you doing?
307
00:12:09,899 --> 00:12:11,274
Glenn.
308
00:12:11,275 --> 00:12:12,358
Hi.
309
00:12:12,359 --> 00:12:15,612
Well, the top stars of
puppetry are often unfaithful.
310
00:12:15,613 --> 00:12:16,696
You knew the risks.
311
00:12:16,697 --> 00:12:18,782
God, this is so humiliating.
312
00:12:18,783 --> 00:12:20,241
Captain Quagmire?
313
00:12:20,242 --> 00:12:23,745
Nestor? The guy with batons who
directs my plane to the gate?
314
00:12:23,746 --> 00:12:24,913
Oh, God! This is...
315
00:12:24,914 --> 00:12:26,581
This is even more humiliating!
316
00:12:26,582 --> 00:12:28,917
Actually, I'm called a "marshaller."
317
00:12:28,918 --> 00:12:31,836
Yeah, I don't think that's a real
term, but I can't believe this.
318
00:12:31,837 --> 00:12:34,047
Thank God other pilots
don't hang out here.
319
00:12:34,048 --> 00:12:36,716
Glenn Quagmire and the marshaller?
320
00:12:36,717 --> 00:12:38,259
Okay, I guess that is a term.
321
00:12:38,260 --> 00:12:40,512
Oh, Glenn.
322
00:12:40,513 --> 00:12:42,722
I'm sorry to have to tell you like this,
323
00:12:42,723 --> 00:12:46,726
but I just, I don't think
you and I are working out.
324
00:12:46,727 --> 00:12:47,977
What? Why?
325
00:12:47,978 --> 00:12:49,187
We get along great!
326
00:12:49,188 --> 00:12:51,023
I know.
327
00:12:51,565 --> 00:12:53,067
The problem is in bed.
328
00:12:53,234 --> 00:12:56,319
You've just, you've
never given me an orgasm.
329
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:57,404
What?
330
00:12:57,405 --> 00:12:58,655
Calling all cars,
331
00:12:58,656 --> 00:13:01,699
we have a man ripped
to pieces at 42 Maple.
332
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:04,202
Heartbroken, guts pulled right out.
333
00:13:04,203 --> 00:13:06,414
Suspect is a saucy librarian.
334
00:13:07,206 --> 00:13:10,209
A strangler got away 'cause
I was goofin' on the radio.
335
00:13:18,467 --> 00:13:19,467
Hey, guys.
336
00:13:19,468 --> 00:13:21,428
Hey, you hear about Glenn Quagmire?
337
00:13:21,429 --> 00:13:22,804
Can't pleasure a woman.
338
00:13:22,805 --> 00:13:23,888
Peter, that's me!
339
00:13:23,889 --> 00:13:25,557
Oh, sorry, I thought
I was somewhere else.
340
00:13:25,558 --> 00:13:27,058
Anyway, we haven't told anyone.
341
00:13:27,059 --> 00:13:28,226
How ya doin', buddy?
342
00:13:28,227 --> 00:13:31,187
Well, you know, it was a shock at
first, but I'm starting to adjust.
343
00:13:31,188 --> 00:13:34,232
I've gotten really into
running ten Ks, I garden now,
344
00:13:34,233 --> 00:13:36,401
and I even bought season
tickets for the Orioles,
345
00:13:36,402 --> 00:13:39,028
since that's what guys
who can't satisfy women do.
346
00:13:40,865 --> 00:13:42,699
- What's that?
- My new car.
347
00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:45,160
I traded in my convertible
for a Toyota Yaris.
348
00:13:45,161 --> 00:13:48,329
Sign here that you're
incapable of satisfying a woman.
349
00:13:50,124 --> 00:13:53,334
Great, and I'm so sorry,
you now own a Yaris.
350
00:13:53,335 --> 00:13:56,421
- I also got a nice text from Josh Charles.
- What?
351
00:13:56,422 --> 00:13:59,632
When a guy can't please a woman,
he gets a text from Josh Charles.
352
00:13:59,633 --> 00:14:01,551
He's kind of the
leader of our community.
353
00:14:01,552 --> 00:14:03,762
Okay, well, I guess
things aren't so bad then.
354
00:14:03,763 --> 00:14:04,846
Of course they are!
355
00:14:04,847 --> 00:14:06,181
I hate my life now!
356
00:14:06,182 --> 00:14:07,729
I can't even be a pilot anymore because
357
00:14:07,739 --> 00:14:09,684
the passengers don't respect me.
358
00:14:09,685 --> 00:14:11,436
Bye now. Thanks for flying.
359
00:14:11,437 --> 00:14:12,854
Ma'am, can I help you get off?
360
00:14:12,855 --> 00:14:14,564
Hmm! Not from what I hear.
361
00:14:15,775 --> 00:14:17,317
I was also on that flight.
362
00:14:17,318 --> 00:14:19,069
And then I got a cease and desist order
363
00:14:19,070 --> 00:14:21,196
from the people who
license the word "giggity".
364
00:14:21,197 --> 00:14:23,531
- What?
- It's a standard franchise agreement,
365
00:14:23,532 --> 00:14:24,865
but apparently it can only be used
366
00:14:24,875 --> 00:14:26,826
by men who can satisfy their partners.
367
00:14:26,827 --> 00:14:30,330
Hey, guys. I'm just gonna
trim this overgrown bush.
368
00:14:30,331 --> 00:14:31,664
Go... Go...
369
00:14:31,665 --> 00:14:33,833
Oh God, what am I gonna do?
370
00:14:39,298 --> 00:14:40,507
Thanks, Josh.
371
00:14:43,719 --> 00:14:45,261
Guys, we have to do something.
372
00:14:45,262 --> 00:14:47,430
Yeah, we gotta help
him get his mojo back.
373
00:14:47,431 --> 00:14:49,182
Come on, Quagmire, let's get you up.
374
00:14:49,183 --> 00:14:51,142
Yeah, I hate seeing you like this.
375
00:14:51,143 --> 00:14:54,396
And I wanna know who the
hell has "giggity" right now.
376
00:14:54,397 --> 00:14:55,772
Giggity!
377
00:14:55,773 --> 00:14:57,774
You know what? Good
for the giggity people.
378
00:14:57,775 --> 00:14:59,068
Embracing change.
379
00:15:03,531 --> 00:15:05,573
Uh, Stewie, do I need
to take out the leash?
380
00:15:05,574 --> 00:15:06,658
Sorry, Bri.
381
00:15:06,659 --> 00:15:08,179
So, listen, I have to change my flight
382
00:15:08,189 --> 00:15:09,911
and I need you to wait on hold for me.
383
00:15:09,912 --> 00:15:11,914
Oh, come on! That'll take forever!
384
00:15:25,553 --> 00:15:27,053
This is Celia, how may I help you?
385
00:15:27,054 --> 00:15:29,222
Oh, thank God. My name is Brian Griffin.
386
00:15:29,223 --> 00:15:32,016
I'm calling about Flight 432 to Chicago.
387
00:15:32,017 --> 00:15:34,644
Tell her I want a flight with
zero male flight attendants.
388
00:15:34,645 --> 00:15:36,146
That's what I'm calling for?
389
00:15:36,147 --> 00:15:38,189
And, and I want to sit
next to a half-Asian chick.
390
00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:39,607
How would they even know that?
391
00:15:39,608 --> 00:15:40,734
I heard your requests.
392
00:15:40,735 --> 00:15:42,736
You are now on flight 376.
393
00:15:42,737 --> 00:15:44,946
And sitting next to Grace Thompson-Woo.
394
00:15:44,947 --> 00:15:46,239
- Really?
- Yes.
395
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,450
We do this all the
time for James Franco.
396
00:15:48,451 --> 00:15:50,368
All right! Now call Ticketmaster.
397
00:15:52,037 --> 00:15:53,538
You've reached Ticketmaster.
398
00:15:53,539 --> 00:15:55,165
Good luck, douchebag.
399
00:15:55,166 --> 00:15:57,460
Ticketmaster, what a debacle!
400
00:16:00,838 --> 00:16:02,179
Alright, Quagmire, we're going to tell
401
00:16:02,189 --> 00:16:04,007
you everything we know about lovemaking
402
00:16:04,008 --> 00:16:06,217
to help you excite women again.
403
00:16:06,218 --> 00:16:08,887
Yeah, and everything I know,
I learned from amateur porn.
404
00:16:08,888 --> 00:16:11,973
Do you have a Jacksonville Jaguars
hat you can put on backwards?
405
00:16:11,974 --> 00:16:14,726
I don't think this is helpful,
Peter. I want to have real sex.
406
00:16:14,727 --> 00:16:17,687
Oh, well, then the key
is to eat a giant steak,
407
00:16:17,688 --> 00:16:20,356
and then fall asleep on
top of Lois. She loves that.
408
00:16:20,357 --> 00:16:22,860
Or maybe try some scented body butter.
409
00:16:23,444 --> 00:16:26,071
I rub some on before
relations with Donna.
410
00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:29,991
By the end of the night, she's
like Yosemite Sam with two guns.
411
00:16:29,992 --> 00:16:32,160
She says I have the
rootin'est-tootin'est,
412
00:16:32,161 --> 00:16:35,288
girthiest-sturdiest, most
positively elephantiest
413
00:16:35,289 --> 00:16:37,124
jackhammer in all the West.
414
00:16:37,917 --> 00:16:38,917
Okay.
415
00:16:38,918 --> 00:16:41,586
Or hey, maybe you're just
not a sex guy anymore?
416
00:16:41,587 --> 00:16:45,382
Maybe you date the girls, but another
fella steps in for, uh, the sex.
417
00:16:45,383 --> 00:16:47,842
That's what Bon and I do.
418
00:16:47,843 --> 00:16:50,178
This poor sap's
upstairs nailing my wife,
419
00:16:50,179 --> 00:16:53,474
meanwhile I'm in the basement,
knocking out Frasier's left and right.
420
00:16:53,682 --> 00:16:56,309
Guys, this has been
spectacularly unhelpful.
421
00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:59,062
Well, what do you want us to do?
You're the sex guy in the group.
422
00:16:59,063 --> 00:17:00,355
Not anymore I'm not.
423
00:17:00,356 --> 00:17:01,815
Thanks for trying, but...
424
00:17:01,816 --> 00:17:03,858
Let's be honest, I'm old.
425
00:17:03,859 --> 00:17:05,276
I'm washed up.
426
00:17:05,277 --> 00:17:07,654
My days of pleasing women are behind me.
427
00:17:07,655 --> 00:17:09,489
You guys can let yourselves out.
428
00:17:09,490 --> 00:17:11,033
I think I'm gonna take a nap.
429
00:17:13,244 --> 00:17:14,870
Who else but Quagmire?
430
00:17:16,622 --> 00:17:17,705
What'd you say to me?
431
00:17:17,706 --> 00:17:21,210
You heard me. Who else could
hit on my wife for 20 years?
432
00:17:21,961 --> 00:17:22,961
Quagmire.
433
00:17:22,962 --> 00:17:24,963
Who else could sleep with my first wife?
434
00:17:24,964 --> 00:17:26,047
Quagmire.
435
00:17:26,048 --> 00:17:28,466
So, don't you give me this crap
that you're old and washed up.
436
00:17:28,467 --> 00:17:30,260
You'll never be. And you know why?
437
00:17:30,261 --> 00:17:33,055
'Cause who else but Quagmire?
438
00:17:33,305 --> 00:17:35,098
I'll tell you who else, no one!
439
00:17:35,099 --> 00:17:37,267
I'm gonna go out
there, get my mojo back,
440
00:17:37,268 --> 00:17:39,436
and then I'm giving Elle
the time of her life!
441
00:17:46,277 --> 00:17:48,904
The Toyota Yaris, what a debacle!
442
00:17:53,409 --> 00:17:55,410
Ah, it's a great day for a walk.
443
00:17:55,411 --> 00:17:57,704
Uh, yeah, yeah. When the wind
made that fence rattle, you...
444
00:17:57,705 --> 00:18:00,165
- You did a good job barking at it.
- Thank you.
445
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:02,542
It was a crisis and I
feel like I took charge.
446
00:18:02,543 --> 00:18:04,711
Hey, what do you say we take
another lap around the block?
447
00:18:04,712 --> 00:18:07,130
Oh, I don't know. I'm really tired now,
448
00:18:07,131 --> 00:18:09,007
and my diaper lost contain.
449
00:18:09,008 --> 00:18:10,550
Come on, we're taking another lap.
450
00:18:10,551 --> 00:18:13,344
Please! Rupert and I ate
at a cantina last night.
451
00:18:13,345 --> 00:18:14,429
I don't care, Stewie!
452
00:18:14,430 --> 00:18:16,598
I have the leash, so I'm in control!
453
00:18:16,599 --> 00:18:17,683
Ah!
454
00:18:31,530 --> 00:18:33,741
Okay, well, two dogs
are disappointed in me.
455
00:18:34,450 --> 00:18:35,533
And they should be.
456
00:18:35,534 --> 00:18:36,618
Look at me.
457
00:18:36,619 --> 00:18:41,039
I've become a power-hungry,
inhumane dog owner that I despise.
458
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,457
I'm sorry, Stewie.
459
00:18:42,458 --> 00:18:44,293
I never should have
treated you like this.
460
00:18:44,835 --> 00:18:45,960
You don't need a leash.
461
00:18:45,961 --> 00:18:47,420
You need to be free.
462
00:18:47,421 --> 00:18:48,505
Really?
463
00:18:48,506 --> 00:18:49,715
That's right, pal.
464
00:18:50,508 --> 00:18:51,925
Ooh! The ice cream truck!
465
00:18:54,053 --> 00:18:55,887
Ow! Did you see the driver?
466
00:18:55,888 --> 00:18:57,389
It was Caitlyn Jenner again.
467
00:18:57,390 --> 00:19:00,183
God! How is Caitlyn Jenner
still allowed to drive?
468
00:19:00,184 --> 00:19:01,976
That was practically manslaughter!
469
00:19:01,977 --> 00:19:03,978
More like they/them slaughter.
470
00:19:03,979 --> 00:19:06,399
You know what? I don't think
we're qualified to talk about this.
471
00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:12,570
Glenn?
472
00:19:12,571 --> 00:19:13,655
Hello, gorgeous!
473
00:19:13,656 --> 00:19:14,781
These are for you.
474
00:19:14,782 --> 00:19:16,408
I took your criticism to heart,
475
00:19:16,409 --> 00:19:18,785
and I'm here to let you
know, I've upped my game!
476
00:19:18,786 --> 00:19:21,079
I have more stamina, more flexibility,
477
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,999
and you know that trick where someone
ties a knot with a cherry stem?
478
00:19:28,796 --> 00:19:29,963
Dammit, ow.
479
00:19:29,964 --> 00:19:31,881
That was much more painful
than I thought it'd be.
480
00:19:31,882 --> 00:19:34,092
Oh, I don't know, Glenn.
481
00:19:34,093 --> 00:19:36,052
Are you sure you can handle me?
482
00:19:36,053 --> 00:19:37,262
Better question.
483
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:39,265
Can you handle me?
484
00:19:40,433 --> 00:19:41,684
All right, let's load him in!
485
00:19:43,644 --> 00:19:44,644
What happened?
486
00:19:44,645 --> 00:19:45,812
O.I.A.
487
00:19:45,813 --> 00:19:48,022
Orgasm Induced Aneurysm.
488
00:19:48,023 --> 00:19:50,567
Poor guy slept with
someone out of his league.
489
00:19:50,568 --> 00:19:52,903
I gotta say, his elbows look perfect.
490
00:19:53,487 --> 00:19:55,239
Thanks, Skyrizi.
491
00:20:01,912 --> 00:20:03,663
Well, Elle may not have worked out,
492
00:20:03,664 --> 00:20:05,999
but a lot of women
still enjoy my company.
493
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,293
I guess Elle was just
too much woman for me.
494
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:09,378
And perhaps anyone.
495
00:20:21,807 --> 00:20:23,016
Hi, I'm John Mayer.
496
00:20:23,017 --> 00:20:25,139
I put my skinny arms in a t-shirt today
497
00:20:25,149 --> 00:20:26,686
to let you know that every year,
498
00:20:26,687 --> 00:20:32,192
over a 1000 men die from an
Orgasm Induced Aneurysm, or O.I.A.
499
00:20:32,193 --> 00:20:35,487
Every guy wants sex to be
mind-blowing but not like this.
500
00:20:35,488 --> 00:20:38,406
So, please, donate to stop O.I.A. today,
501
00:20:38,407 --> 00:20:42,077
and help us make every
man's body a wonderland.
502
00:20:42,078 --> 00:20:43,453
Should I play the song now?
503
00:20:43,454 --> 00:20:45,997
No, the guy was from Boston, so
we're gonna do that screaming,
504
00:20:45,998 --> 00:20:49,167
shanty rock that makes Bruins
fans punch each other in the face.
505
00:20:55,338 --> 00:21:00,338
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