Original subtitles

Yup, and every night, Natalie would sleep like this, right?

No, I did not. I did not. Yes, you did. Yes, you did.

Yup, yup. And I would try to straighten her out,

and then she would slowly

ball back up like this. NATALIE: Stop!

Please.

Why are you are putting all my business out there, Pudge?

Don't call me that in front of the kids.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Pudge? NATALIE: Come on.

All right. NATALIE: Girl, yeah.

He didn't tell you? He was a hefty kid.

His catchphrase was,

(deep voice): "You gonna eat that?"

(laughter)

That is not true. NATALIE: Oh,

it isn't?

Well, then why is this my screen saver, sir?

(others laughing)

I hope it's not genetic. JUNIOR: Yeah.

You put the "ate" in "overweight."

All right. (laughter)

All right, kids, it's bedtime.

TREY and MAYA: Aw, man!

Can we please stay up with Auntie Natty?

Please, Pudge?

See, I was gonna say yes until you called me Pudge.

Kiss your auntie and go to bed.

You smell good.

Yeah, well, you don't, Turd-minator.

Go take a bath.

Good night, baby Maya. Mm.

Night, Natty the Baddie. Ay, ay. Baddies!

Okay. (laughs)

(sighs)

Pudge. What?

Did I tell you... I'm engaged!

Oh, my God! (screaming)

(laughs)

I'm so happy for you. I know.

I know.

That's, what, like the fifth time?

It's not. It's only three, but it's the same guy,

so technically, it just counts as one. (laughs)

Why haven't I met Mr. Three Strikes?

Oh, you will, when you walk me down the aisle.

I'm not doing that. No. That's-that's Dad's job.

I-I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. I'm sorry.

Someone has to do it, though, and it's not gonna be him.

Oh, my gosh. You are so dramatic.

(mocking): Dad got some outside squish, and now I'm mad. Ew.

Ew.

Hey, Junior, before you come over to borrow something,

I just came over to say no.

Ah.

NATALIE and POPPA: What are you doing here? Whoa.

You said he'd be asleep by 7:00. Uh, well...

I don't know. I think, I guess

his new insulin has Red Bull in it.

I'll leave, so you don't have to go.

Natalie.

Please talk to Dad. How?

He cheated on Mom.

He destroyed our happy family.

Okay, first of all, our family was not that happy.

It was happier.

Was it?

Look, I'm never gonna talk to him again.

(mocking): I don't say anything about

your relationship with him,

so just don't say anything about mine.

♪ Poppa's ♪

♪ House ♪

♪ Yeah. ♪

Hey, Pop.

Heard you thinking about me.

Yeah, I was thinking,

"How long have you been hanging with your sister

behind my back, Benedict Arnold?" Whoa. Whoa.

Dad, look, just because you guys

aren't speaking to each other, doesn't mean... No, no.

She's not speaking to me. Get it correct.

All right, well, whatever the case is,

I don't want to be in the middle of it, okay? I'm Sweden.

You mean Switzerland.

Which one has the chocolate and the hot blondes?

That's the NBA.

Well, for your information, she's not staying at my house.

She's staying with Mom.

I thought Natalie was living in D.C.

Well, they have these new things called, uh, aeroplanes, right,

that fly in the sky and take you

from one place to another for a price.

Why don't you get on one of those aeroplanes

and get the hell out of my face?

No, seriously, Dad, like,

somebody needs to be the bigger person and squash this, okay?

Especially because...

especially 'cause she's about to get married.

(sighs)

Well, then it's up to you

to give him the Fulton family man talk.

Oh, is that necessary?

Yes. Natalie's boyfriend needs to know

that she has men in her life that got her back. Right. Tough men.

Yes. Yeah, that's why I'm gonna go up to that guy, I'm-a say, "Buddy,

you and me are gonna dance."

No buddies and no dancing.

Okay? All right,

but I got the perfect shoes for it.

Junior, this is serious. All right.

Can you just look at the shoes?

You know where that shoe's gonna end up?

Okay, the first thing you got to do

when you give the Fulton family man talk,

you got to take all that whiney stuff out your voice.

(high-pitched voice): What high whiney stuff?

That. Right there.

And the next thing you want to do is aggression.

You want to walk up there, and you want to grab his hand

and look him in the eye

and establish your dominance.

Ow. Huh? Yeah. You see that? All right, feel that.

And then, you say, "Sit down." Sit down?

You don't ask, you demand it.

Sit down!

Then you look him in the eye. All right.

That's my baby sister. You mess with her,

you and me, we gonna have problems.

But you don't say "problems" correctly.

You say, "prollems." Ah.

Are we dropping the B or the L in "problems"?

We-- I'm-a drop you if you don't go handle your business.

Fine. (sighs)

I hear you dancing.

Natalie and I did everything together.

I took her to school, taught her to ride a bike,

we used to have Milkshake Mondays

and Donut Wednesdays and Funnel Cake Fridays.

Probably wouldn't be a diabetic if you had Salad Sundays.

You're getting funnier.

Really? Yeah.

Ever so slightly, like Jimmy Kimmel.

God, I miss that girl. Okay,

so what do you miss most?

When she was little, we used to clean vinyls together.

We didn't talk much, we'd just sit there cleaning vinyls,

and I had to listen to whatever song she played.

Even Milli Vanilli.

I've tried everything to try to repair that relationship,

but... (sighs) I guess baby girl's just not having it.

Listen, don't give up.

There is a part of her that wishes

she could have Type II Tuesdays again.

(laughs)

It's Donut Wednesdays. (laughs)

Listen, trust me,

I am a daddy's girl,

but my father, he had to fight

to stay in my life after their divorce.

Just don't stop fighting.

Thanks.

Now, Junior, when Natalie's fiancé gets here,

you need to be cool with him.

She needs our support. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm-a be cool, all right.

As soon as I lay down this Fulton family code of conduct

on that fella.

(doorbell rings) Turn it down a notch, please.

I can't! I refuse to turn it down a notch. I'm all turnt up.

Matter of fact, let me get the door. Excuse me.

Baby, you might want to stand back.

This could get ugly.

Oh.

Listen up, little man...

(screams)

Oh, my God!

You want to answer the door? Sure.

I think you should answer the door.

Okay, yeah, let me just pick up these balls on the way over.

I don't see any balls.

Neither do I. Open the door.

He's out there. Go.

(sighs)

Hey, buddy.

I didn't see you there. How you doing?

Ah! Ah!

Quite a grip you got there, buddy.

(laughs) I like me a firm handshake.

I was making brick juice before my training this morning.

What's brick juice?

It's when you crush a brick... Oh.

...to get the nutrients from it.

(chuckles) Um... Th-There's nutrients in brick?

Yeah. Iron, potassium... Mm-hmm. Of course.

...and vitamin C.

Vitamin C? Yeah.

C for concrete. (laughs) Now, come here!

You must be Pudge. (screaming)

(groans) (grunts) I'm so happy to meet you, bro.

We about to become family.

(laughs)

Where's Nat? Did you eat her?

(laughs) That's funny.

Hey, your sister said you had something real important

you wanted to get off your little baby chest.

And I told her to stay back in case there were some "prollems."

Okay. That's how you say it. Okay.

No B. Got it. Um...

Why don't you make yourself comfortable?

Hey, speaking of comfortable,

where'd you get those fancy shoes from?

Uh, what size are you? Yours.

(laughs)

I was just funnin' with you. Put your shoes back on, man.

Oh. (laughs) (stammering, laughing)

You're funny. Hey, but, for real.

(whimpers) You got an extra pair of drawers on you?

Pair of drawers? Mm-hmm.

We-we funnin' again?

Do I look like I fun about drawers?

No.

You don't look like you fun about drawers.

Coming right up.

I will walk away and never come back.

(laughs) That was just a little whoopty woo.

(winces) (laughs, growls)

So what's-what's your name?

Dyrrl. Oh, Darryl.

Nah, Dyrrl.

It's like "squirrel" but with a D on the front.

So D'squirrel?

Yeah, but the "sq" is silent.

Oh, the "sq" is silent.

So, just call me Dyrrl. Make sure you roll that R.

(barks) (screams)

(laughs)

NINA: Oh, uh, would you like

something to eat? Half a cow?

Side of elephant?

Buffalo, New York?

(laughs) Y'all funny.

Nah. I just had three foot-longs.

No bites. No bites?

Okay. Uh, well, Dyrrl,

can you excuse me and my wife for a couple of seconds?

Yeah, do you.

Cool.

Just gonna...

I'll just go-go around.

How am I supposed to intimidate him?

He swallows sandwiches like... (imitates Dyrrl's laugh)

Babe, I need you to put your big boy pants on.

Why? So he can just take them off of me?

Babe, look, if this was a dance contest,

I would put all my money on you,

but this ain't that,

so find some common ground before he puts you in it.

Or, and hear me out...

I swear if you say... (shushes)

Maybe I find some common ground with him. Dyrrl!

What... Junior said your name is stupid,

and you need to buy a vowel.

No! I...

I was just funning.

(laughs)

(both laugh)

Aw, see? This is why I adore you and Pudge's relationship.

Don't call me that.

I just wish we could be like you guys.

We could, but you always looking

for excuses to get out the relationship.

(scoffs) I call her Usain 'cause she always trying to bolt.

(both laugh)

Don't be telling them my business.

Baby, they family.

Y'all daddy cheated, and now, she don't trust me.

Yeah.

And they call that daddy issues.

Dyrrl, what are you into?

Ah, man, you know, just a little this, a little that.

Whoopty woo. Know what I mean?

Right. Yeah, not really familiar with that dialect

of whoopty doop. Um...

What part of whoopty are you from?

(laughs) That was a joke.

Yeah.

Dyrrl is a counselor for an inner city youth center.

Yeah. (chuckles) DYRRL: Yeah.

After I got out, I decided I wanted to give back.

Right, right. After you got out of college.

Nah. Rikers. Rutgers?

Nah, square. Prison.

I didn't tell you? He did a little time.

A little time? NATALIE: Yeah.

Like, a weekend?

Nah. How many weekends in two years?

Oh. 104.

But they were the most peaceful weekends of my life.

(laughs) That's 'cause she knew exactly where I was.

Exactly. The yard or the cell.

(all laugh)

That's concerning. Yeah, yeah.

So, Dyrrl, what were you in for?

Something I didn't do.

What-what didn't you do?

I didn't run fast enough.

(all laugh)

(both scream)

Nah, man.

I was just young and dumb, you feel me?

But, like, thanks to Natalie,

I'm not that dude anymore.

Just a little whoopty woop, know what I mean?

Yeah, I-I know exactly what you mean.

(whispering): Come here, come here, come here.

Does whoopty woop mean murder?

No, no, no, credit card theft. Okay.

Funny. Hey, whispering makes me want to kill somebody.

(all laughing)

Did anyone pat him down?

You know, these donuts are delicious, Junior.

Where did you get them? Um...

I actually didn't get these. I thought you got them.

Donut Wednesday.

Your father sent these, huh?

Oh, my gosh, sis,

don't you see how much energy it takes to be mad at him?

Pop sent these over as an olive branch.

Come on, just give him a chance.

No!

Baby, please.

You got daddy issues.

And not the good kind.

Fine. I'll talk to him.

Okay?

How could you do what you did to us?

You cheated on Mom and then just walked out and you left us.

I didn't leave you... Oh!

Now he's standing?

Interesting.

You don't control this conversation anymore.

Okay? You lost that privilege. Do you hear me?

Yeah, but I st...

Oh! Wow, now he's standing and talking.

I'm still not finished.

(sighs)

You hurt me.

You broke the circle of trust that you

always talked about.

Where were you when I graduated high school?

Back row.

You wore a purple dress with a white belt.

Okay, good guess. For prom,

you wore this tiny, little skirt... Wasn't short.

It wasn't tiny, actually. It was past my knees.

Well, then you have very high knees.

Because I certainly didn't approve.

But you looked beautiful.

You went with that, uh, skinny kid

with the big forehead and the short torso and long legs.

What was his name? Um... Greg?

Yeah, Leggy Greggy.

I talked to that battletoad before he picked you up,

and I gave him the Fulton family man talk.

Look, Nat...

(sighs) Your mother and I did the best we could

given our circumstances.

Did we make mistakes? Hell yes.

But it's up to you now

to make things better when you have your children.

How could I when you never even told Mom that you're sorry?

I don't owe her an apology.

Okay.

This conversation is over.

But just so you know,

because of you,

I will never have a healthy relationship.

'Cause I got daddy issues.

Well, Natalie has always had "boy problems."

Hey, this is not "boy problems."

This is "man problems."

Possibly her future husband. Yeah.

I know. I met him.

He's a little rough around the edges,

but she really loves him. Really?

Because she told me she doesn't trust men

because of our breakup.

Don't you think it's time she knew the truth?

Well...

Why don't you tell her? No. No.

That's not my story to tell.

(scoffs) I hate it when you have integrity.

Look, I, um...

I just don't want her to hate me

like she hates you.

She hates me.

Damon, I...

I can't just come straight out

and just say that I cheated on you first.

No, you tell her that you were being neglected,

that I was working hard, that I was building a career...

Oh, see, there you go, protecting me again.

Kat, I'm not trying to be a hero.

No, you're being a martyr, and that's worse.

Look, just be honest.

Okay, what I did, it was inexcusable and it was...

Hey, hey, hey, I am not here for an apology.

I just don't know what to say to her.

Well, you have never been at a loss for words.

I have depositions to prove it.

Look, just speak from your heart

because I know it's full of nothing but love.

Unlike your depositions.

(both laugh)

(jazz music playing)

(doorbell rings)

(music stops)

Hi.

Hey.

(sighs) So...

I talked to Mom.

I'm sorry I've been coming at you the way that I was.

You just remember that your mother's a great woman,

and I should've done better by her.

Okay, but...

you taking that blame cost us so much time.

There's no time like the present.

♪ You're my love ♪

♪ You're my angel ♪

♪ You're the girl of my dreams ♪

♪ I'd like to thank you ♪

♪ For waiting patiently ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, daddy's home... ♪

I'm engaged.

Yeah, I heard. What's his name?

Dyrrl.

Darryl. No.

Dyrrl. It's like "squirrel," but with a D in the front.

That's D'squirrel.

The "sq" is silent.

Well, I need to meet this Dyrrl

so I can give him the Fulton family man talk.

Good, 'cause I invited him over.

Oh.

I actually see he's...

walking over now. Baby,

you do not track a man that you're gonna marry.

You either trust him or you don't.

(door opens) JUNIOR: Daddy! (laughs)

I brought Dyrrl over because I know you got some things

you want to get off your little baby chest.

What's happening, Dyrrl?

Ow! Ow. Ow.

Sit down. Actually, I'll just s...

I said sit down. Yes, sir.

Check it out, Dyrrl. That right there...

...that's my baby girl.

And the rules of engagement are simple.

You treat her like a princess.

Otherwise, you and me, we gonna have "prollems"

and a whole lot of whoopty whoopty whoopty woo.

You know what I mean?

Yes, sir.

Good.

I'm-a go get us some drinks.

Hey, how'd I do?

Dude, you are killing it, but, like, don't kill.

Acting scared make me want to kill somebody.

(both laughing)

Marker. I hope it's not

genetic.

(mocking): I hope it's not genetic.

Excuse me?

The rules of engagement are simple.

You treat her like a... (laughs)

Same genitals. Right, babe?

You put the... (laughs)

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