Original subtitles

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Mom, your date just pulled up in front of the house.

He doesn't come in.

Your gentlemen know they're not welcome in this house.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Oh, you think that's nice.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

We'll be right back.

Sophia Stone, morning.

Listen, son, your father died over two years ago.

Oh, making up for lost time, huh?

Listen, little Hamlet.

I was only 14 years old when your father knocked me up.

I made a good home for him, and to show his appreciation, he drank himself to death.

But he knew and me without a pervert little pot to piss in.

I mean, if I hadn't had the foresight to ensure him up to the eyeballs,

you and I would be out on the streets.

But don't get self-righteous with me.

I mean, I still look good.

I have held my age.

And if you took me out, your friends would think you got lucky.

Oh, hi. Come on in.

Oh, wow, Michelle. You look fantastic.

Well, thank you. So do you.

Yeah. Look, I've got to run, so, um, we'll take care of the baby, won't you?

Yeah.

See, have I forgotten anything?

Yeah, your knee pads and the two of the K-1s.

You son of a bitch.

Exactly.

I have to apologize for Jamie. He has no right to speak to you like that.

Okay.

We will see you later.

What's the matter with you?

I don't know what to talk about.

How could you be so cruel to your own mother?

If you were my dad, he...

Fuck it.

Can't forget our divorce.

So you are.

And all this family strife gets me money.

It's terrible.

I don't...

I don't...

I hope that we've said to the world

Shit, you know that shit's gonna drive me nuts.

So?

What are you gonna do with it?

Do what?

Screw it.

Are you out of your mind?

Wow!

Well, that's tight, huh?

Maybe a little.

It is going to drag me nuts.

I'm going to have to keep my mind off of it.

You do that so well.

And I mean, just just standing for the sake of argument.

I mean, you know, but I really, you know, will do something that sick.

You know, but I want you to know that, you know, I mean,

it just really wouldn't matter in my head.

But what makes you think that he wouldn't rather strangle me than fuck me?

You two have been doing this freaky mating dance for years.

I mean, even before Charlie died.

You know it. I've been watching you.

Oh, no.

Look there.

I've seen you look at that kid when he gets out of the pool in his bathing suit.

That's not another result. That's the last I've seen in your eyes.

You just want to admit it to yourself.

What do you mean you go out there?

They're all trim.

What? You got a problem?

They're all trim.

You don't go out with anybody overweight.

You think I don't know what I am?

No, what are you, Michael?

I mean, you flexed a tit for Jamie.

Well, it's bullshit.

Bullshit.

Yeah, it's just bullshit. I mean, I don't understand you getting all these ideas.

I mean, the kids...

I am thinking about Jamie. The kids have a problem.

Think about Jamie sucking on your tit.

Michael.

You're honest with yourself.

You like it.

Sounds like you're the one that wants to have an affair with Jamie.

Come on, baby.

I'm here. Why don't I just stop?

Take my mind off this problem.

Do you want to watch him? You're just thinking about him? You telling him about him?

If it were up to you, I might be thinking of you and not Jamie.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know what you're saying, but the truth is

I don't know what you're saying, but the truth is

Oh, but you've got the money.

Oh, God damn.

Come on in Michelle!

Hi, how you doing?

Alright.

Can I get you a drink?

Oh, no thanks.

Sure.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You must have got the schedule mixed up.

You know Jamie's schedule?

Oh, well no not really.

Actually I came past the wheel today.

Oh, because you know I work days on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Thank you.

Yeah.

You know I came by because I wanted to apologize against her the other day.

That's history.

That's history.

Well I'm glad you came by.

Well thank you.

You know I have a problem and I wanted to speak to you about it because I think you

are the only person who might be able to help me.

Oh, go ahead.

Okay.

Well you know Jamie and I just care about each other.

Yeah.

I think that's a good fact.

No, it's true.

And when I first started going out with him, you know I made it clear to him that I couldn't

be just entirely faithful to him.

That I was interested in like maybe those three ways.

Not having, not a woman every once in a while.

Yeah.

And you know every time I tried to like do something like that with him and have a woman

over to the house or something he always gets really nasty to them and they get really

upset and so they just go home.

But there's this one time where I tried to like make it clear to him that I was not going

to be a woman.

And I don't know if it was a woman or a man, but I just thought it was a woman.

It was a woman.

And I don't know if it was a woman or a man.

But there's this one woman in particular that I would really be interested in, you

know, doing something going with.

And I just really don't know how to approach the subject because I know if Jamie found

out about it it would just be, you know, that would be just the end of it.

I love you, Tracy.

You?

It's me.

It was just the first time I saw you I just always thought you were the ultimate sexier

older lady.

Well, contrary to everybody's belief around here I've never made it with a woman before.

Oh, well.

They won't do the first time.

Is that an invitation?

No.

You're not shy?

No, no, that's one thing I think you do know about me, Michelle.

I definitely am not shy.

And I'm always interested in something new.

I'm really happy you're making it so easy for me.

Hey, it's beautiful, Chris.

Oh, thank you. That's a real compliment coming from you.

It's sweet and beautiful. Look at that.

I don't know.

You probably know more about this than I do.

Though I listen and really admire a nice pair of dress like yours.

Thank you.

Ah, beautiful, beautiful.

It's going to be very interesting.

Delicious.

I love your outfit. My God, you have the greatest face to wear.

Thank you. I went out for shopping one afternoon.

Oh, I love her.

Why don't you show me a little bit about how this all works?

I mean, I can imagine, but, you know, seeing the real thing.

Well, you are so gorgeous. I just love surprising you down here.

Do you like being eaten?

Of course. It's no different with the humans.

I don't know what you like to eat.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Oh, that's a little bit of...

Oh, that's so great.

I love it.

Peace!

Good?

How long can you stay today?

Well, I don't have any plans for at least another hour.

I have to teach him more about this.

That's one thing I'm willing to learn if Jamie isn't.

Oh, God.

That's great, ma.

Mmm, thank you.

Do you have something to say or are you just holding up the wall?

I'm meeting you for my afternoon nap.

I'm Michelle.

Who's you?

You disgusting old whore.

Do you have to corrupt everyone you come in contact with?

First Dad, now Michelle.

You know what's bothering you?

The fact that Michelle and I are sexual animals.

We fuck and suck whomever we want, and what's worse, we don't get aggressive at it.

You, on the other hand, are totally monogamous.

And you're stealing and gulping shame.

You're full of shit.

Despite what you may think, I do love you very much.

I never intended to do this, but I can't be avoided.

You know, I called you a little Hamlet the other day. I hit the nail bed on the head.

The most wicked speed to pose for such dexterity to infest your shoes.

You know, the incest at Hamlet's, you know, is supposedly between his mother and uncle.

But modern authorities say that, well...

It's not true.

I know what you want.

Right now, you probably have a thousand thoughts going through your head right now.

They're fucking around.

You make it deny the truth.

In the same place Shakespeare said,

It's above all to deny oneself the truth.

And, it must follow us the night the day.

So I can't see fucks to anywhere.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

No, I'm sorry.

Oh, no, no, don't worry, Michelle.

I think I have a few more lessons, and I'll be ready.

Yeah.

Yeah. Can you manage without me for a few days?

Don't worry, Helen. I'll find a way to meddle through.

I didn't mean to tell you, I was just dragging you on the phone.

I meant to, Michelle.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to kill you.

Come in.

Jamie.

How you doing, Mom? Fine. You ready for this? I think so.

Tonight I got some reinforcements with me. Randy. Randy, do you know Mike?

We've met. Okay, Mike, is this Andy? I'm Andy.

Oh, you know Jamie. Yeah, sure. How you doing, kid?

You guys know how to fill every hole here. Oh my God, I've always wanted to do that.

Alright. Take the shirts off, fellas.

You don't mind us. We've already started. I feel out.

Yeah, just come on in and dive in when you're ready.

Ooh. Look who's here. My baby. Swimming boy.

Come take a look.

Yes.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I see you guys aren't fighting anymore.

No, it's my glove.

This sounds like a good idea.

Yeah, it is.

I'm trying to write this.

Let me take the skirt off.

Oh my goodness, look at her.

I came ready.

Mom.

I'm always ready.

You look so nice.

Thank you.

Beautiful.

You're an attractive mother you have.

I am.

You're so formal.

You're a good daughter.

You're always so nice.

Oh, I'm so scared.

Oh, I'm so scared.

Oh, I'm so scared.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Does that mean I have to have you as a mudman law?

Yeah, what about it?

Well, I can just see it now.

I can't remind myself of it.

Dear Abby, I have this nasty mudman law to keep me sitting and sitting on my face.

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do when it's coming.