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1
00:00:13,735 --> 00:00:15,035
Milady.
2
00:00:15,069 --> 00:00:16,636
Actually, claire and I
3
00:00:16,671 --> 00:00:19,572
Were supposed to go to hawaii for
our honeymoon... Mm-hmm.
4
00:00:19,606 --> 00:00:21,307
...But something els came up.
5
00:00:21,341 --> 00:00:22,913
I got pregnant with haley.
6
00:00:22,947 --> 00:00:24,019
My bad!
7
00:00:24,054 --> 00:00:25,763
We didn't even have
a proper wedding.
8
00:00:25,797 --> 00:00:27,988
We just went down to the
courthouse on a Tuesday.
9
00:00:28,022 --> 00:00:31,776
The judge sentenced me to
life with no chance of parole.
10
00:00:31,810 --> 00:00:33,884
You begged me to marry you.
11
00:00:33,919 --> 00:00:35,389
It's true. I did.
12
00:00:35,423 --> 00:00:38,303
Oh! Hold on, my bride.
Allow me. Oh!
13
00:00:38,337 --> 00:00:39,983
Claire: Whoa.
What are you doin'?
14
00:00:40,017 --> 00:00:41,723
Being romantic.
God, you're solid.
15
00:00:41,757 --> 00:00:42,762
Sweetie, put me down.
16
00:00:42,796 --> 00:00:43,800
Oh. Go on. Okay.
17
00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:44,903
Honey, come on.
18
00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:46,876
Let's turn this vacation
into a honeymoon.
19
00:00:46,911 --> 00:00:48,850
Sweet pea, I'm a mom
traveling with my kids.
20
00:00:48,884 --> 00:00:51,228
For me, this is not a vacation.
It's a business trip.
21
00:00:51,262 --> 00:00:52,732
Let's go.
22
00:00:54,806 --> 00:00:56,144
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Wow.
23
00:00:56,179 --> 00:00:58,018
This'll do. It's beautiful.
24
00:00:58,052 --> 00:01:00,124
Woman: Aloha!
25
00:01:00,159 --> 00:01:02,697
Welcome to the
four seasons maui.
26
00:01:02,732 --> 00:01:04,502
What do you think, manny?
27
00:01:06,507 --> 00:01:08,110
I'm home.
28
00:01:13,837 --> 00:01:19,839
Sync by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
29
00:01:20,971 --> 00:01:22,736
[ chuckles ]
30
00:01:22,770 --> 00:01:25,508
I can't believe we have
our own hotel room.
31
00:01:25,542 --> 00:01:28,080
Score! There's an iron in here!
32
00:01:28,115 --> 00:01:29,149
[ chuckles ]
33
00:01:29,183 --> 00:01:30,485
Don't you want to
keep our room neat?
34
00:01:30,519 --> 00:01:32,055
You know, in case we entertain.
35
00:01:32,089 --> 00:01:33,757
Who would we entertain?
36
00:01:33,791 --> 00:01:36,195
I ticed some lovely tweens
down by the kids club.
37
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:38,532
Maybe we can find a nice
spot near them by the pool
38
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,503
And send over a couple
of virgin mai tais.
39
00:01:40,537 --> 00:01:43,341
They may be interested in two
sophisticated men like us.
40
00:01:45,244 --> 00:01:47,981
[ as alien ] I am a
bathroom martian.
41
00:01:48,015 --> 00:01:50,119
Beep. Boop. Boop.
42
00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:53,124
I'm from the nebula
of the great toilet.
43
00:01:53,158 --> 00:01:55,661
Beep. Boop. Beep. Boop. Bop.
44
00:01:55,695 --> 00:01:58,399
I want the biggest
cheeseburger you got.
45
00:01:58,433 --> 00:02:00,503
Instead of salad, I want fries.
46
00:02:00,538 --> 00:02:03,141
Instead of fruit,
I want chili fries.
47
00:02:03,175 --> 00:02:04,810
Haley, sweetie,
put the phone down
48
00:02:04,844 --> 00:02:06,547
And put on some sunscrn, please.
49
00:02:06,581 --> 00:02:08,517
We have got to stay
on these kids all day,
50
00:02:08,551 --> 00:02:09,585
Or else they're gonna burn.
51
00:02:09,619 --> 00:02:10,853
Totally. Listen.
52
00:02:10,888 --> 00:02:12,957
They put on the littlest bit
of sunscreen in the morning,
53
00:02:12,992 --> 00:02:15,062
And they think it's got
them covered for the --
54
00:02:15,096 --> 00:02:17,098
Are you watching
gloria in my sunglasses
55
00:02:17,132 --> 00:02:19,702
Is she moving in slow motion,
or is my brain doing that?
56
00:02:19,736 --> 00:02:21,104
Phil, this is important.
57
00:02:21,138 --> 00:02:22,172
Go ahead. I'm glistening.
58
00:02:22,206 --> 00:02:23,507
Cameron: Hey, everybody!
59
00:02:23,542 --> 00:02:25,610
We're on our way to see the
world's largest banyan tree.
60
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:26,912
Does anybody want to come?
61
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,917
Now, why the hell would
anyone want to leave paradise,
62
00:02:29,951 --> 00:02:33,121
Take a hot bus
ride to see a tree?
63
00:02:33,155 --> 00:02:35,290
Mitchell: The great
thing about cameron
64
00:02:35,325 --> 00:02:37,160
Is that he's adventurous,
like I am.
65
00:02:37,194 --> 00:02:39,129
And we -- we both like
to immerse ourselves
66
00:02:39,163 --> 00:02:41,565
In the culture and really
get to know the locals.
67
00:02:41,599 --> 00:02:43,567
We've made friends
all over the world.
68
00:02:43,601 --> 00:02:45,402
We're still in
touch with elunga,
69
00:02:45,436 --> 00:02:47,337
A man we met on
safari in tanzania.
70
00:02:47,371 --> 00:02:51,542
We actually send him
all of our old clothes.
71
00:02:51,576 --> 00:02:53,377
He was a very nice
man when we met him,
72
00:02:53,412 --> 00:02:54,979
But based on his recent letters,
73
00:02:55,013 --> 00:02:56,881
I have a small fear
he's become a warlord.
74
00:02:59,485 --> 00:03:01,553
Jay, I'm gonna go to the gym
to work out a little bit.
75
00:03:01,587 --> 00:03:02,721
You want to come with me?
76
00:03:02,755 --> 00:03:04,691
I just ordered an
extra-long straw
77
00:03:04,725 --> 00:03:06,827
To avoid accidentally
doing a sit-up.
78
00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:08,596
Mm. [ cellphone rings ]
79
00:03:08,631 --> 00:03:11,800
Ah, look at this. My brother.
80
00:03:11,834 --> 00:03:12,867
What's up, jackass?
81
00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:14,936
Man: Happy birthday,
you dumb son of a bitch.
82
00:03:14,971 --> 00:03:16,705
Ha! Birthday's tomorrow, moron.
83
00:03:16,739 --> 00:03:19,075
I never understood
this relationship.
84
00:03:19,109 --> 00:03:20,076
So, 63, right?
85
00:03:20,110 --> 00:03:21,211
Hey, you can count.
86
00:03:21,245 --> 00:03:23,247
You know dad was 63
when he died.
87
00:03:23,281 --> 00:03:24,815
Huh? Hello?
88
00:03:24,850 --> 00:03:26,384
Thanks for reminding me.
89
00:03:26,418 --> 00:03:29,120
Ah, don't worry.
He never took caref himself.
90
00:03:29,155 --> 00:03:30,889
He ate like crap
and drank too much.
91
00:03:30,923 --> 00:03:33,392
So, anyway, irene's begging me -
[ cellphone beeps ]
92
00:03:33,427 --> 00:03:35,027
Hey, gloria, wait up.
I'm comin'.
93
00:03:35,062 --> 00:03:36,697
Phil: Hey. Hi.
94
00:03:36,731 --> 00:03:37,865
Hi.
95
00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:41,637
So, I was thinking we
book a couple's massage.
96
00:03:41,672 --> 00:03:42,638
Mm-hmm.
97
00:03:42,673 --> 00:03:43,873
I accidentally looked in on one.
98
00:03:43,908 --> 00:03:45,942
They seemed really relaxed
until they noticed me.
99
00:03:45,977 --> 00:03:47,711
Haley, that's enough.
Get off the phone.
100
00:03:47,746 --> 00:03:49,347
Luke! Pull up your trunks!
101
00:03:49,381 --> 00:03:51,416
This bathing suit
looks great on you.
102
00:03:51,450 --> 00:03:52,417
Thanks, sweetie.
103
00:03:52,452 --> 00:03:53,886
Haley, come on. Off the phone.
104
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,722
No way! Kira got her
hair straightened?
105
00:03:55,756 --> 00:03:56,890
[ laughs ]
106
00:03:56,924 --> 00:03:59,860
Claire, consider this a
grand gesture of my love.
107
00:03:59,894 --> 00:04:01,028
[ chuckling ]
108
00:04:01,063 --> 00:04:04,466
What are you -- oh,
my god! What did you do?!
109
00:04:04,501 --> 00:04:05,935
Phil, what are you thinking?
110
00:04:05,969 --> 00:04:07,504
That is an expensive cellphone.
111
00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,140
It's just the beginning.
112
00:04:09,174 --> 00:04:11,943
Buckle your seatbelt, lady.
You're being wooed.
113
00:04:11,977 --> 00:04:13,911
In nature, fathers are
known to eat their young.
114
00:04:13,946 --> 00:04:15,379
Is it because they're delicious?
115
00:04:15,413 --> 00:04:16,647
No.
116
00:04:16,681 --> 00:04:19,382
It's because they want
to give their female --
117
00:04:19,417 --> 00:04:24,420
Bear, giraffe, what have you -
the honeymoon they never had.
118
00:04:24,455 --> 00:04:27,656
Just to be clear, I'm not
condoning eating your kids,
119
00:04:27,690 --> 00:04:31,726
But I sure as heck know
why giraffes do it.
120
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:32,994
What?
121
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,247
[ sliding door opens ]
122
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:41,614
Come on, sleepy!
123
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:42,615
Ay, jay!
124
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,550
Come on, honey! Get out of bed!
125
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,051
I just booked us
on an outrigger.
126
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:47,118
But it's your birthday.
127
00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:48,486
You don't want to sleep in?
Come on.
128
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:49,854
No, no. I just
came from the gym.
129
00:04:51,256 --> 00:04:52,590
I don't know. 500 pounds.
130
00:04:52,624 --> 00:04:55,125
500 pounds? What am I,
a forklift?
131
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:56,326
Jay: To tell you the truth,
132
00:04:56,361 --> 00:04:59,129
The call from my brother
scared the hell out of me.
133
00:04:59,164 --> 00:05:01,597
I decided to get in
better shape quick.
134
00:05:01,632 --> 00:05:04,031
Didn't want to end
up like my old man.
135
00:05:04,065 --> 00:05:06,798
Although he did die
doing what he loved --
136
00:05:06,833 --> 00:05:10,067
Refusing service to hippies
who came into his store.
137
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,268
Manny's the worst roommate ever.
138
00:05:12,302 --> 00:05:13,736
Everything he finds, he folds.
139
00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:16,039
I know -- sweetie,
it's only for a few more days.
140
00:05:16,074 --> 00:05:17,641
Last night we had a fire drill.
141
00:05:17,675 --> 00:05:20,209
Not the hotel. Just us.
142
00:05:20,243 --> 00:05:22,111
Hi, guys. Hey.
143
00:05:22,145 --> 00:05:23,813
Hey. Hey.
144
00:05:23,847 --> 00:05:25,982
So, what's today's
big adventure?
145
00:05:26,016 --> 00:05:28,417
I'll bet the kids
want to go with you.
146
00:05:28,452 --> 00:05:30,920
Well, it is a big one -
the lavender ranch,
147
00:05:30,954 --> 00:05:33,722
Where they grow 45 different
varieties of lavender. 45.
148
00:05:33,756 --> 00:05:36,391
You hear that,
kids? 45 different varieties.
149
00:05:36,426 --> 00:05:38,126
Yeah, I can't sell that.
Go with god.
150
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:39,894
Oh, well, more lavender for us.
151
00:05:39,928 --> 00:05:42,029
Cameron: When mitchell
and I first met,
152
00:05:42,063 --> 00:05:45,465
I may have exaggerated my
interest in adventurous travel
153
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:47,333
By implying that I had any.
154
00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:49,701
But it's one of the things
he loves most about me,
155
00:05:49,735 --> 00:05:51,502
And I can't tell
him the truth now.
156
00:05:51,536 --> 00:05:53,303
It would be like
lewis telling clark
157
00:05:53,337 --> 00:05:54,737
That he didn't like to walk.
158
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,304
Side note --
159
00:05:56,339 --> 00:05:59,239
We're very good nds with a couple
named lewis and clark.
160
00:05:59,274 --> 00:06:01,608
Clark bought a big,
sparkly belt in new orleans
161
00:06:01,642 --> 00:06:04,577
That he calls his "
louisiana purchase."
162
00:06:04,611 --> 00:06:06,678
Mom, haley keeps
stealing my ipod.
163
00:06:06,713 --> 00:06:08,546
All my music is on my phone.
164
00:06:08,581 --> 00:06:10,481
What else am I supposed to do?
165
00:06:10,515 --> 00:06:12,049
Manny watches the news.
166
00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:13,950
You guys don't even
watch the news.
167
00:06:13,985 --> 00:06:15,718
Aloha. Hi. Sorry, folks.
168
00:06:15,753 --> 00:06:17,320
This pool is for adults only.
169
00:06:17,354 --> 00:06:18,287
Alex: Aw.
170
00:06:18,322 --> 00:06:19,455
Don't turn around.
171
00:06:19,490 --> 00:06:20,456
What?
172
00:06:20,491 --> 00:06:21,590
Trust me. Just keep walking.
173
00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:23,758
Wait. Where are you guys going?
174
00:06:23,792 --> 00:06:25,660
Guys?
175
00:06:25,694 --> 00:06:27,429
What just happened?
176
00:06:30,101 --> 00:06:32,236
Ooh, so, we can
drink lavender tea
177
00:06:32,270 --> 00:06:33,837
While eating lavender scones.
178
00:06:33,872 --> 00:06:34,905
Oh, neat.
179
00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:37,474
So is this an
all-day thing, or...
180
00:06:37,509 --> 00:06:39,176
Oh, no. I know what
you're thinking, cam.
181
00:06:39,211 --> 00:06:40,778
Don't worry -
we'll still have time
182
00:06:40,813 --> 00:06:41,913
For the whaling village.
183
00:06:41,947 --> 00:06:44,716
Oh. Good. So...
184
00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:46,551
Okay.
185
00:06:48,587 --> 00:06:49,854
I can't.
186
00:06:49,888 --> 00:06:50,855
What?
187
00:06:50,890 --> 00:06:52,224
I-I don't want to go.
188
00:06:52,258 --> 00:06:54,059
I know I said I'm not a
stay-by-the-pool type of guy,
189
00:06:54,093 --> 00:06:55,060
But I really am, mitchell.
190
00:06:55,095 --> 00:06:56,562
What are you saying?
191
00:06:56,596 --> 00:06:58,030
I'm saying that I
like adventure,
192
00:06:58,064 --> 00:06:59,565
But not every
minute of every day.
193
00:06:59,599 --> 00:07:00,866
Can you just go by yourself?
194
00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:02,801
But the lavender ranch --
195
00:07:02,835 --> 00:07:06,004
It's -- it's something two men
are meant to do together.
196
00:07:06,038 --> 00:07:07,406
Driver: On or off, folks?
197
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:08,873
Well, I'm on.
198
00:07:08,908 --> 00:07:10,409
I'm off.
199
00:07:12,411 --> 00:07:13,745
[ van door closes ]
200
00:07:13,779 --> 00:07:15,613
Think about what
youmissing, cam.
201
00:07:15,647 --> 00:07:17,483
It's an entire ranch
full of lavender.
202
00:07:17,517 --> 00:07:20,452
You're not making the compelng
case you think you are.
203
00:07:23,156 --> 00:07:25,525
[ indistinct conversations ]
204
00:07:25,558 --> 00:07:29,227
Hey, you little monkeys!
No standing around!
205
00:07:29,262 --> 00:07:30,228
There you go!
206
00:07:30,263 --> 00:07:32,296
Here goes another one!
There you go!
207
00:07:32,331 --> 00:07:34,198
Here! Here comes another one!
There you go!
208
00:07:36,568 --> 00:07:38,502
I thought you were one of ours.
209
00:07:38,537 --> 00:07:39,737
Gloria: Hey, jay!
210
00:07:39,771 --> 00:07:42,372
Be careful. You're gonna
hurt somebody...Liku.
211
00:07:42,406 --> 00:07:44,707
Don't get too comfortable.
I reserved us a tennis court.
212
00:07:44,741 --> 00:07:46,007
[ sarcasticall] yay.
213
00:07:46,042 --> 00:07:48,076
Thought that one
of the advantages
214
00:07:48,109 --> 00:07:49,409
Of marrying an older guy
215
00:07:49,443 --> 00:07:51,576
Was that I was going
to be able to relax.
216
00:07:51,611 --> 00:07:54,544
But all the swimming and
running and rowing --
217
00:07:54,612 --> 00:07:58,346
It's just like how some of my
relatives got into this country.
218
00:07:58,380 --> 00:07:59,713
Phil: You know? Claire: Hmm?
219
00:07:59,748 --> 00:08:01,648
You look prettier now than
the day we got married.
220
00:08:01,683 --> 00:08:03,784
Oh, honey, and you are
even more handsome.
221
00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:04,785
[ smooches ]
222
00:08:04,819 --> 00:08:06,453
I did pushups in the bathroom.
223
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:07,887
[ chuckles ] you're funny.
224
00:08:07,922 --> 00:08:08,888
You're nice.
225
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:11,123
I have always been nice.
[ smooches ]
226
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,458
I've always been funny.
227
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,560
Well. [ chuckles ]
228
00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:18,096
Haley: Mom? Dad?
229
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:21,566
Ignore her.
That could be anyone.
230
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,868
Phil and claire dunphy?
231
00:08:24,902 --> 00:08:27,704
Yes, haley? Honey, what is it?
232
00:08:27,738 --> 00:08:30,406
I'm gonna go get some shaved
ice at the hotel next door
233
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,407
With some kids.
234
00:08:31,441 --> 00:08:32,574
What kids?
235
00:08:32,608 --> 00:08:34,409
Just some kids I
met at the pool.
236
00:08:34,443 --> 00:08:36,611
Okay, I should go with her.
237
00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:39,613
Claire, no. You have
to learn to let go.
238
00:08:39,648 --> 00:08:41,749
Turning a family
vacation into a honeymoon
239
00:08:41,783 --> 00:08:43,083
Takes commitment.
240
00:08:43,118 --> 00:08:44,084
[ sighs ]
241
00:08:44,119 --> 00:08:47,955
You can do it. Eye of the tiger.
242
00:08:47,989 --> 00:08:49,523
Hello?
243
00:08:49,557 --> 00:08:50,757
I should at least meet them.
244
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:51,791
No.
245
00:08:51,825 --> 00:08:55,662
That is not eye of the tiger.
246
00:08:57,131 --> 00:08:59,165
Okay. Okay.
247
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,233
[ inhales deeply ]
248
00:09:00,268 --> 00:09:02,503
All right, hey, honey.
Go and have fun.
249
00:09:05,474 --> 00:09:06,508
And be back in time
250
00:09:06,542 --> 00:09:08,777
For your grandfather's
birthday dinner, okay?
251
00:09:08,812 --> 00:09:10,113
Thank you!
252
00:09:10,147 --> 00:09:12,649
Okay! All right! Bye, honey.
253
00:09:12,683 --> 00:09:14,784
Oh, god.
254
00:09:14,818 --> 00:09:18,353
That feels weirand good
all at once.
255
00:09:18,387 --> 00:09:21,022
I know. I was leaning up against
that nozzle a minute ago.
256
00:09:24,826 --> 00:09:25,859
Hey.
257
00:09:25,893 --> 00:09:27,126
Hey, you're back. How was it?
258
00:09:27,161 --> 00:09:29,095
Oh, cameron, it was the
most incredible thing
259
00:09:29,129 --> 00:09:31,162
I have ever seen in my
entire life. Really?
260
00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:32,830
And you know who
else was there? Who?
261
00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:34,264
Elton john. No.
262
00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:36,233
Yes, and he was so blown
away by the beauty of it,
263
00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:37,767
He sat down at their
lavender piano
264
00:09:37,802 --> 00:09:39,035
And played "tiny dancer."
265
00:09:39,069 --> 00:09:41,070
And we bonded, because he,
too, likes adventure.
266
00:09:41,104 --> 00:09:42,370
Did that really happen?
267
00:09:42,405 --> 00:09:44,438
No, that didn't really happen.
268
00:09:44,473 --> 00:09:46,674
I'm just trying to get back
at you for bailing on me.
269
00:09:46,709 --> 00:09:47,675
I'm sorry.
270
00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:48,676
If it means anythi,
271
00:09:48,711 --> 00:09:50,111
We've been relaxing here,
doing nothing.
272
00:09:50,145 --> 00:09:51,312
Maybe you can join us tomorrow.
273
00:09:51,347 --> 00:09:52,514
Oh, I-I can't.
274
00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:54,282
I just don't -- I don't
find relaxing that relaxing.
275
00:09:54,316 --> 00:09:55,850
I understand.
You are who you are.
276
00:09:55,884 --> 00:09:57,218
Leilani. Yes.
277
00:09:57,252 --> 00:09:58,419
You know what?
278
00:09:58,454 --> 00:09:59,721
You know, I-I think it's
because of my parents.
279
00:09:59,755 --> 00:10:01,255
It always is.
280
00:10:01,290 --> 00:10:02,557
Kipu.
281
00:10:02,591 --> 00:10:04,091
I mean, vacation with
my mom and my dad
282
00:10:04,126 --> 00:10:05,826
Was them sitting
around like statues
283
00:10:05,860 --> 00:10:08,895
When, you know, the only thing that me
and claire could do for excitement was
--
284
00:10:08,929 --> 00:10:12,664
Oh -- was, you know, sit around
and listen to my skin sizzle.
285
00:10:12,698 --> 00:10:13,731
You poor thing.
286
00:10:13,766 --> 00:10:14,932
Sue.
287
00:10:14,966 --> 00:10:17,467
So that's, like -- that's why,
when I'm on vacation,
288
00:10:17,501 --> 00:10:18,801
I want to go out and
meet the locals.
289
00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:21,602
I want to immerse
myself in the culture.
290
00:10:21,637 --> 00:10:23,404
You know, I don't want to
sloth around all day --
291
00:10:23,438 --> 00:10:25,971
Ah, sweet lady gaga,
that is good.
292
00:10:26,006 --> 00:10:27,138
[ sighs ]
293
00:10:27,173 --> 00:10:28,973
Oh!
294
00:10:29,007 --> 00:10:30,507
Oh, thank you.
295
00:10:33,277 --> 00:10:35,345
Mmm! What's this called?
296
00:10:35,379 --> 00:10:36,579
Happiness.
297
00:10:36,613 --> 00:10:39,015
Ohh.
298
00:10:39,049 --> 00:10:40,716
[ video game beeping ]
299
00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:41,784
I'm curious.
300
00:10:41,818 --> 00:10:43,518
Is there any sand
left on the beach,
301
00:10:43,552 --> 00:10:45,852
Or did you bring it all
up to our bathroom?
302
00:10:45,886 --> 00:10:47,954
[ scoffs ] sorry, mom.
303
00:10:47,988 --> 00:10:50,122
And now you're sitting
on my linen jacket.
304
00:10:50,156 --> 00:10:51,956
I guess I can't
have nice things.
305
00:10:51,991 --> 00:10:54,325
Oh. I'm sorry.
I didn't know it was there.
306
00:10:54,359 --> 00:10:55,359
It's okay.
307
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:57,293
Oh! Luke!
308
00:10:57,328 --> 00:10:58,628
Stop! I'm wearing that tonight.
309
00:10:58,662 --> 00:11:00,496
I'm wrinkling your linen!
I'm wrinkling your linen!
310
00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:01,464
Ooh!
311
00:11:01,498 --> 00:11:04,367
You know what?
! Out! I want you out!
312
00:11:04,401 --> 00:11:05,634
This isn't working!
313
00:11:05,669 --> 00:11:08,203
I don't care where you go,
as long as you don't stay here!
314
00:11:08,237 --> 00:11:09,404
What are you saying?
315
00:11:09,438 --> 00:11:11,571
What don't you
understand about "out"?
316
00:11:11,606 --> 00:11:14,474
Fine. I'll just move
in with my sisters.
317
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:15,842
Ooh! Ooh!
318
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:16,976
Oh, no.
319
00:11:17,011 --> 00:11:19,445
Who will pee all over
the bathroom floor?
320
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,446
I was brushing my teeth
at the same time.
321
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,181
You try and do that.
322
00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:24,448
[ door closes ]
323
00:11:24,482 --> 00:11:26,049
What did you do today?
324
00:11:26,083 --> 00:11:27,283
I napped. You did?
325
00:11:27,317 --> 00:11:28,884
I haven't napped in years.
326
00:11:28,918 --> 00:11:30,752
Yeah, it feels good, doesn't it?
327
00:11:30,786 --> 00:11:32,019
Mm-hmm. Good and weird.
328
00:11:32,053 --> 00:11:34,321
Kind of like that one
nozzle in the infinity pool.
329
00:11:34,355 --> 00:11:36,122
I wouldn't know.
Phil was hogging it.
330
00:11:36,156 --> 00:11:38,257
[ both laugh ]
331
00:11:38,291 --> 00:11:40,492
Is it me, or is lily
more relaxed, too?
332
00:11:40,526 --> 00:11:41,793
Oh, yes. She is.
333
00:11:41,828 --> 00:11:43,995
I think it's because she's
ally picking up on our energy.
334
00:11:44,029 --> 00:11:45,029
You know, it's like,
335
00:11:45,064 --> 00:11:46,331
If we're tense,
she's gonna be tense.
336
00:11:46,365 --> 00:11:48,333
And I think we need to
bring this new energy home.
337
00:11:48,368 --> 00:11:49,835
It's gonna make
us better parents.
338
00:11:49,870 --> 00:11:51,204
Lily! Oh! Oh! You let the --
339
00:11:52,438 --> 00:11:53,405
What? What happened?
340
00:11:53,439 --> 00:11:54,473
You didn't bring her out!
341
00:11:54,507 --> 00:11:56,207
I thought you had her.
I thought you had her.
342
00:11:56,242 --> 00:11:57,909
[ claire sighs ]
343
00:11:59,279 --> 00:12:01,046
Come on. Let me paint you.
344
00:12:01,081 --> 00:12:03,748
Oh, sweetie, that is so creepy.
345
00:12:03,783 --> 00:12:07,150
Where is everyone?
346
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:10,286
Okay, let me just say
what everyone's thinking.
347
00:12:11,054 --> 00:12:12,488
My jacket's a mess.
348
00:12:12,522 --> 00:12:13,789
It wouldn't be,
349
00:12:13,823 --> 00:12:16,224
But someone used the iron to
make grilled cheese.
350
00:12:16,258 --> 00:12:18,993
I had bread, I had cheese,
and I had an iron.
351
00:12:19,027 --> 00:12:20,961
What was I supposed to do?
352
00:12:20,995 --> 00:12:23,395
Kids, kids... We don't care.
353
00:12:23,429 --> 00:12:24,696
Hola. Hola. Hi.
354
00:12:24,730 --> 00:12:25,830
Hey.
355
00:12:25,865 --> 00:12:27,598
I'm sorry I'm late.
356
00:12:27,632 --> 00:12:28,832
Where is jay?
357
00:12:28,866 --> 00:12:29,833
He's not with you?
358
00:12:29,867 --> 00:12:31,701
No, he came down
a long time ago.
359
00:12:31,735 --> 00:12:33,302
Oh, don't worry.
I'll go have a look around.
360
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:34,503
Oh, he's probably in the ocean
361
00:12:34,537 --> 00:12:37,204
Trying to pull a
tugboat with his teeth.
362
00:12:37,238 --> 00:12:40,706
Well, look who
decided to join us.
363
00:12:40,740 --> 00:12:41,707
And where is your sister?
364
00:12:41,741 --> 00:12:43,842
She is in our
bathroom throwing up.
365
00:12:43,876 --> 00:12:45,209
Well, what happened?
366
00:12:45,243 --> 00:12:47,811
You're not going to like
this as much as I do, but...
367
00:12:47,846 --> 00:12:48,945
She's drunk.
368
00:12:48,980 --> 00:12:50,880
[ gasps ] [ luke chuckles ]
369
00:12:50,915 --> 00:12:53,115
I knew I never should have
let her go. Gloria: Go, go!
370
00:12:53,150 --> 00:12:54,783
Luke: That's awesome.
371
00:12:54,818 --> 00:12:58,453
Guaranteed our bathroom
is still messier.
372
00:13:02,391 --> 00:13:03,324
Where is the elevator?
373
00:13:03,359 --> 00:13:04,692
Where?! I don't know!
374
00:13:04,727 --> 00:13:05,727
I'm taking the stairs!
375
00:13:05,761 --> 00:13:07,128
Lily, we're coming for you.
376
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,529
[ shrieks ]
377
00:13:13,102 --> 00:13:15,236
Hey, you. Where you headed?
378
00:13:15,270 --> 00:13:16,871
Well, remember earlier,
in the pool,
379
00:13:16,905 --> 00:13:18,772
When you convinced me to
let haley go next door
380
00:13:18,807 --> 00:13:19,873
With complete strangers?
381
00:13:19,908 --> 00:13:21,374
And you were totally
on board, yeah.
382
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:22,608
Mm-hmm, yeah, well,
she got drunk,
383
00:13:22,642 --> 00:13:24,209
And now she's
upstairs throwing up.
384
00:13:24,244 --> 00:13:26,644
But she's just a kid.
Who would serve her?
385
00:13:26,678 --> 00:13:28,479
We did, honey -
on a silver platter.
386
00:13:28,513 --> 00:13:30,747
Look, you convinced me
to relax and let go,
387
00:13:30,781 --> 00:13:31,915
And now this happens.
388
00:13:31,949 --> 00:13:33,983
I'm sorry, but we -
we shouldn't feel bad
389
00:13:34,017 --> 00:13:36,318
About wanting a little
time for ourselves.
390
00:13:36,352 --> 00:13:38,019
Sweetie, this isn't a honeymoon.
391
00:13:38,054 --> 00:13:39,621
We have kids.
You have got to let this go.
392
00:13:39,655 --> 00:13:40,822
From now on,
393
00:13:40,856 --> 00:13:42,857
I am not losing sight
of them for two seconds.
394
00:13:42,891 --> 00:13:44,291
Nothing gets past me.
395
00:13:45,994 --> 00:13:48,095
Did you find jay?
I'm getting worried.
396
00:13:48,129 --> 00:13:50,230
I'm sorry. I have
to deal with haley.
397
00:13:50,265 --> 00:13:52,432
No. You know what,
sweetie? I will deal with haley.
398
00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:53,901
You go see if you can find dad.
399
00:13:53,935 --> 00:13:55,770
I'll look for him out there.
400
00:13:55,804 --> 00:13:58,406
[ elevator bell dings ]
401
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:00,807
Lily, where are you going, huh?
402
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,211
Oh, my god.
403
00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:08,145
I'm so sorry. Oh, my god.
404
00:14:08,179 --> 00:14:09,779
Wow, what were you thinking?
405
00:14:09,813 --> 00:14:12,714
One of the kids had an I.D.
, and she bought some drinks.
406
00:14:12,748 --> 00:14:13,714
Mm-hmm.
407
00:14:13,749 --> 00:14:16,583
I tried one and
then another one.
408
00:14:16,618 --> 00:14:17,885
It was stupid.
409
00:14:17,919 --> 00:14:19,486
Yes. Yes, it was stupid.
410
00:14:19,521 --> 00:14:21,054
But you are really lucky
411
00:14:21,089 --> 00:14:23,823
That this did not end as
badly as it could have.
412
00:14:23,858 --> 00:14:25,958
This is why we
always say to you,
413
00:14:25,993 --> 00:14:28,527
"when you drink,
you make bad decisions."
414
00:14:28,561 --> 00:14:31,996
I know. I know. I just --
415
00:14:32,030 --> 00:14:35,432
One minute, you're having
wine coolers at homecoming,
416
00:14:35,467 --> 00:14:36,666
And the next...
417
00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:39,702
The game of "truth or claire"
sweeps your high school.
418
00:14:41,504 --> 00:14:43,438
Thanks for not yelling at me.
419
00:14:43,473 --> 00:14:47,107
Oh, honey... That
would just be cruel.
420
00:14:47,142 --> 00:14:48,708
I'll wait till you
feel better to yell.
421
00:14:48,743 --> 00:14:52,344
[ scoffs ] I don't think
I'll ever feel better.
422
00:14:52,379 --> 00:14:53,479
[ sniffles ]
423
00:14:53,513 --> 00:14:56,415
Does this happen
every time you drink?
424
00:14:57,985 --> 00:15:00,187
Yes.
425
00:15:00,221 --> 00:15:02,122
Yes, it does.
426
00:15:03,925 --> 00:15:05,960
Jay?
427
00:15:05,995 --> 00:15:08,562
Jay: Over here.
428
00:15:08,596 --> 00:15:10,063
Hey.
429
00:15:11,598 --> 00:15:13,098
Hey.
430
00:15:13,132 --> 00:15:14,365
What are you doing?
431
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,335
I'm stuck. I laid down.
My back went out.
432
00:15:17,369 --> 00:15:19,303
Oh, well, don't you worry.
433
00:15:19,338 --> 00:15:20,638
We're gonna get you out of here.
434
00:15:20,672 --> 00:15:21,872
Grab on.
435
00:15:21,907 --> 00:15:23,508
You know, phil,
this might not be the best --
436
00:15:23,542 --> 00:15:25,109
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm just gonna rock you.
437
00:15:25,144 --> 00:15:26,611
Like a hurricane. I'm kidding.
438
00:15:26,646 --> 00:15:28,447
You're too old to get that.
Here we go.
439
00:15:28,481 --> 00:15:30,348
Wait, why don't you just
get someone who works here?
440
00:15:30,383 --> 00:15:33,384
No, this is gonna work.
And...Oh! Ooh, wow!
441
00:15:33,418 --> 00:15:36,086
It's spasming. Don't move. Don't move.
No. I don't want to get...
442
00:15:37,589 --> 00:15:39,723
[ sighs ]
443
00:15:39,758 --> 00:15:41,824
[ sighs ]
444
00:15:41,859 --> 00:15:43,725
Um...
445
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,329
[ breathing shallowly ]
446
00:15:46,330 --> 00:15:49,231
By the way, I just want to
thank you for this trip.
447
00:15:49,265 --> 00:15:51,600
It's really been the
vacation of a lifetime.
448
00:15:51,635 --> 00:15:53,468
Woman: Oh...
449
00:15:53,503 --> 00:15:55,303
Nothing weird.
450
00:15:55,337 --> 00:15:57,238
Aloha.
451
00:15:59,908 --> 00:16:02,440
I keep my wallet in my
front pocket, so that's --
452
00:16:02,474 --> 00:16:05,274
That's what that is.
453
00:16:08,511 --> 00:16:10,077
[ groans ]
454
00:16:10,112 --> 00:16:12,246
Neck going --
455
00:16:12,281 --> 00:16:13,981
I'm sorry.
456
00:16:16,651 --> 00:16:18,285
[ sighs deeply ]
457
00:16:22,156 --> 00:16:23,991
Anyone! Anyone, help!
458
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:27,863
Security! Seal off the island!
459
00:16:27,897 --> 00:16:29,698
Mitchell: This way. This way.
460
00:16:29,732 --> 00:16:30,732
[ shrieks ]
461
00:16:30,766 --> 00:16:31,899
Lily!
462
00:16:31,934 --> 00:16:33,000
Lily!
463
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,335
[ laughs ] you
looking for someone?
464
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:38,003
Lily. We were so worried.
We just got distracted.
465
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,004
We're idiots.
466
00:16:39,038 --> 00:16:40,505
Ay. Don't beat yourself up.
467
00:16:40,540 --> 00:16:42,206
I used to lose
manny all the time.
468
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:45,441
Now I lost your father.
These things happen.
469
00:16:46,476 --> 00:16:48,209
She's right, you know.
470
00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:51,517
Did she say my father's missing?
471
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:52,820
Hmm?
472
00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:58,359
We say we'll make time,
but life gets in the way.
473
00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:00,327
I mean, I know we're parents,
474
00:17:00,361 --> 00:17:02,329
But can't we be lovers, too?
475
00:17:02,363 --> 00:17:04,597
This may be my worst
birthday ever.
476
00:17:04,631 --> 00:17:06,097
Gloria: There you are.
477
00:17:06,132 --> 00:17:07,465
Oh, hi, honey. Hey.
478
00:17:07,499 --> 00:17:08,800
He was stuck in a hammock.
479
00:17:08,834 --> 00:17:10,334
It was actually really funny.
480
00:17:10,368 --> 00:17:12,935
I was on top of him for like 20 minutes.
You need to go now.
481
00:17:12,970 --> 00:17:14,937
Good night. Honey.
482
00:17:14,971 --> 00:17:16,571
My back seized up.
483
00:17:16,606 --> 00:17:18,272
Yeah, because you overdid it
484
00:17:18,307 --> 00:17:20,508
After that phone call
about your father.
485
00:17:20,542 --> 00:17:22,976
I can't believe I'm
as old as he was.
486
00:17:23,010 --> 00:17:26,212
Let me sit down here. [ groans ]
487
00:17:26,247 --> 00:17:28,348
[ sighs deeply ]
488
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:31,383
You'd have liked him -
my old man.
489
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:32,584
I'm sure.
490
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,818
And he'd have loved you.
491
00:17:35,820 --> 00:17:38,253
My god. That guy was a charmer.
492
00:17:38,287 --> 00:17:40,755
Mm, I know the type.
493
00:17:40,789 --> 00:17:43,890
Yeah, we had a lot of fun.
494
00:17:43,924 --> 00:17:45,891
But I'll tell you something.
495
00:17:45,926 --> 00:17:49,127
Our family vacations were
nothing like this here.
496
00:17:49,161 --> 00:17:52,028
One week a year in a rented
cottage on lake erie,
497
00:17:52,063 --> 00:17:53,096
Spiders this big.
498
00:17:53,130 --> 00:17:54,830
[ chuckles ]
499
00:17:54,897 --> 00:17:57,865
I just wish he could have
seen how things turned out.
500
00:17:57,899 --> 00:17:59,499
Well, if you keep
going like this,
501
00:17:59,533 --> 00:18:01,100
Maybe you can tell him yourself.
502
00:18:01,134 --> 00:18:02,534
Or I can tell him,
503
00:18:02,568 --> 00:18:04,435
Because you're about
to kill me, jay.
504
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:07,938
My legs, my arms,
my back -- everything is sore.
505
00:18:07,972 --> 00:18:09,506
So, I wore you out, huh?
506
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:11,741
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't get cocky, old man.
507
00:18:11,775 --> 00:18:13,709
When I sit down,
I can still get up.
508
00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:14,710
Hey.
509
00:18:14,745 --> 00:18:15,678
Hey.
510
00:18:15,712 --> 00:18:17,579
Okay. Come on.
511
00:18:17,614 --> 00:18:18,580
Mm.
512
00:18:18,614 --> 00:18:20,414
Come here. Come here.
513
00:18:20,449 --> 00:18:21,482
[ chuckles ]
514
00:18:21,516 --> 00:18:23,016
The rest of the
trip went better.
515
00:18:23,050 --> 00:18:24,450
Haley's room stopped spinning.
516
00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:25,751
Claire: And the monkey?
517
00:18:25,785 --> 00:18:26,952
There she is!
518
00:18:26,986 --> 00:18:28,119
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey!
519
00:18:28,154 --> 00:18:30,288
Oh, honey. Do you want
some eggs benedict?
520
00:18:30,322 --> 00:18:31,289
So creamy.
521
00:18:31,323 --> 00:18:32,256
No. No? Mm.
522
00:18:32,291 --> 00:18:33,958
[ laughter ]
523
00:18:33,992 --> 00:18:36,994
Phil: Jay got back to the
vacation he always wanted.
524
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:45,068
And mitch and cam managed
to do some sightseeing
525
00:18:45,102 --> 00:18:46,970
At a working banana
plantation...
526
00:18:47,005 --> 00:18:48,005
Cameron: Lily!
527
00:18:48,072 --> 00:18:49,673
...Where they promptly
lost lily again.
528
00:18:49,707 --> 00:18:51,575
Why did you dress
her in jungle print?
529
00:18:51,610 --> 00:18:53,311
Because I thought
it would be cute!
530
00:18:53,345 --> 00:18:55,247
She's gonna think
she's back in vietnam.
531
00:18:55,282 --> 00:18:57,450
Lily! Lily, honey!
532
00:18:57,484 --> 00:18:58,785
Me and claire?
533
00:18:58,820 --> 00:19:00,620
We...
534
00:19:00,655 --> 00:19:02,088
We had a great time.
535
00:19:02,122 --> 00:19:04,789
But we never did
get that honeymoon.
536
00:19:04,823 --> 00:19:07,257
I ink I just expected
a little too much
537
00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:08,458
From this vacation.
538
00:19:08,492 --> 00:19:10,093
You were so sweet to try.
539
00:19:10,127 --> 00:19:11,127
It was dumb.
540
00:19:11,195 --> 00:19:13,196
Like you said,
the thrill is gone.
541
00:19:13,230 --> 00:19:14,397
I never said that.
542
00:19:14,431 --> 00:19:16,365
No, it's over.
543
00:19:16,399 --> 00:19:17,866
But wait.
544
00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:21,335
Put a few seconds
back on the clock.
545
00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:23,538
The kid still has a few moves.
546
00:19:23,572 --> 00:19:24,872
Oh, my god.
547
00:19:24,907 --> 00:19:27,574
I figured out why we
couldn't have a honeymoon.
548
00:19:27,609 --> 00:19:30,177
Because we never had a wedding.
549
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:32,546
Oh, my god.
550
00:19:32,614 --> 00:19:35,014
I still can't tell if you
think this is lame or cool.
551
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,115
[ ukulele music plays ]
552
00:19:36,149 --> 00:19:38,283
I think it's incredibly cool.
553
00:19:39,853 --> 00:19:41,754
Looks like I finally get
to walk you down the aisle.
554
00:19:41,788 --> 00:19:42,755
Daddy!
555
00:19:42,789 --> 00:19:44,891
Ow! You better walk me.
556
00:19:44,925 --> 00:19:46,826
Okay. I'll try.
557
00:19:48,061 --> 00:19:49,795
We're here today to celebrate
558
00:19:49,829 --> 00:19:51,730
The renewing of
the marriage vows
559
00:19:51,765 --> 00:19:52,798
Of phil and claire.
560
00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:54,133
On this day,
561
00:19:54,167 --> 00:19:57,537
They've chosen to reaffirm
their love for each other.
562
00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:59,139
You may kiss your bride.
563
00:19:59,173 --> 00:20:00,940
Oh!
564
00:20:00,975 --> 00:20:03,309
I present to you,
still as husband and wife,
565
00:20:03,344 --> 00:20:05,245
Mr. And mrs. Dunphy.
566
00:20:05,279 --> 00:20:08,716
* it's the eye of the tiger *
567
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:11,285
* it's the thrill of the fight *
568
00:20:11,319 --> 00:20:17,290
* rising up to the
challenge of our rivals *
569
00:20:17,325 --> 00:20:23,295
* and the last-known survivor
stalks his prey in the night *
570
00:20:23,330 --> 00:20:29,268
* and he's watching
us all in the eye *
571
00:20:29,303 --> 00:20:33,339
* of the tiger *
572
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,970
Thank you for choosing welccontinental
airlines.Ight from maui to los
angeles.
573
00:20:41,004 --> 00:20:42,504
Thank you.
574
00:20:42,539 --> 00:20:43,538
You know, honey,
575
00:20:43,572 --> 00:20:45,773
If anything were
ever to happen to me,
576
00:20:45,807 --> 00:20:47,974
I would want you
to get remarried.
577
00:20:48,008 --> 00:20:48,940
Okay. Mm.
578
00:20:48,975 --> 00:20:50,675
That was a little fast.
579
00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:53,310
Oh, no. I ju--
I just want to make you happy.
580
00:20:53,345 --> 00:20:54,678
Okay.
581
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,813
Any idea of who you
would marry if --
582
00:20:57,848 --> 00:21:00,048
Vicki conroy, probably.
She works in my office.
583
00:21:00,083 --> 00:21:02,384
She's very organized.
The kids love her.
584
00:21:02,418 --> 00:21:03,985
Are you guys talking
about vicki?
585
00:21:04,019 --> 00:21:04,919
Yeah.
586
00:21:04,953 --> 00:21:07,687
Mom, she's awesome. [ chuckles ]
587
00:21:09,423 --> 00:21:10,656
[ inhales deeply ]
588
00:21:10,690 --> 00:21:12,457
Just so you know, if something
were to happen to me, I --
589
00:21:12,492 --> 00:21:15,225
Oh, something's gonna happen to you,
all right.
590
00:21:17,828 --> 00:21:18,895
[ page turns ]
591
00:21:20,906 --> 00:21:25,005
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