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1
00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:06,871
This library's depressing.
2
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:11,251
All they have in the Poetry section
is Jeff Foxworthy books.
3
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:14,679
Well, we needed someplace deserted,
and there's no place more deserted
4
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:18,182
than a public library in Arizona.
Now let's go, man!
5
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,538
We only have a few hours
before we have to pick the gang up
6
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,975
from the airport -
fire up Janet's memory gizmo.
7
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:26,521
Flooding your brain with memories
from the afterlife is dangerous.
8
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:29,561
In one of the reboots,
you and Chidi were in love.
9
00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:32,523
- Can't you just take my word for that?
- No, dude, I can't.
10
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,324
My screwed-up relationship
with my parents made me believe
11
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:38,369
I could never really love anyone.
I need to see it for myself.
12
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:41,288
Those are my memories.
I want them back.
13
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,207
OK. Fine. Have a seat.
14
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:46,502
Luckily, before we shut
the Neighbourhood down
15
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:50,382
Janet saved a complete record
of all the reboots.
16
00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:51,545
Put those in your ears.
17
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,968
- What's all that for?
- You'll see.
18
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,596
We're gonna start with a simple,
three-second memory.
19
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,661
Why only three secon...?
20
00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,597
- Oh, hi, Eleanor!
- Buongiorno, Eleanor!
21
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,557
Morning, Bambadjan! Morning, Vicky!
22
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:10,727
Ugh. Those two are such forking dweebs.
23
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,271
As I told you...
24
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:17,909
Recalling afterlife memories here on Earth
has some... significant side-effects.
25
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,447
You should be back to normal
in about 20 minutes.
26
00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:35,926
Ah, looking a little better.
The banana must have helped.
27
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:38,676
Before we go any further,
I have one very important question...
28
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,677
Did I look hot bald?
29
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,804
Cos I always kinda
felt like I could pull it off.
30
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,558
I have no real ability to gauge
physical attractiveness in humans.
31
00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,690
But no, you did not "pull it off."
32
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:54,230
OK, that short clip should have
rewired your brain, like an inoculation.
33
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:58,067
So, now I can show you the highlights
of reboot 119.
34
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,652
I'm skipping all of the sleeping
and chewing.
35
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,411
You guys are always either sleeping
36
00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,363
or chewing something.
37
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:11,087
So... we are moving on to the subject
of free will versus determinism.
38
00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:13,047
We are officially done with Nietzsche.
39
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:15,299
Aw. I'm gonna miss Nietzsche.
40
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:18,465
I spent a lot of my life thinking
I was better than everyone else
41
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,759
and he showed me why I was right.
42
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,261
Gimme that reading list.
What have we got...?
43
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:26,265
Oh, a little Aristotle, a little Descartes
44
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,936
a little Tommy Quine-Quine.
That's what I call Saint Thomas Aquinas.
45
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,608
Three months of philosophy class,
and you're already...
46
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:38,949
Hm...
47
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,202
What are you grinning at, weirdo?
48
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,061
Come on, we're gonna be late
for the Neighbourhood meeting.
49
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,792
I gotta say
50
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,162
it seems like I was really
nailing that philosophy class.
51
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,233
Can you believe my high school voted me
52
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,291
"Most Likely to Die Young and
Unaccomplished"?
53
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,843
You did die young and unaccomplished.
54
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,920
- Fair enough.
- Put those back in.
55
00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:05,012
Ah! My favourite four residents!
56
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,847
Don't tell the others.
57
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,929
Welcome to "Pick a Pet Day".
58
00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:13,479
We have hundreds of beautiful animals
for you to choose from.
59
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:19,273
And when you do make your choice,
your pet will bond to your soul forever.
60
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:22,317
Fabulous! I haven't had a pet
since Barbara Streisand gave me
61
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,951
one of her cloned Siamese cats
62
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,994
- and it killed itself.
- Ah.
63
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,060
I'm going to look at the mythical pets,
darling. Catch up when you're ready.
64
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:30,084
- May I?
- Yes.
65
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:34,374
Dude, we can get mythical animals?
Maybe I'll get a penguin!
66
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:35,751
Penguins are real.
67
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:37,923
That's the spirit, Eleanor!
68
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:39,671
They're real to me too.
69
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:48,097
Ooh! This one looks just like
the one I had when I was a little kid.
70
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,102
He's so cute!
71
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,898
But is... is... is this one a little...
a little cuter?
72
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,860
I mean, this pup looks friskier, but...
73
00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:00,734
this one looks a little sweeter? Maybe?
74
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:04,283
Uh-oh. It's Chidi kryptonite,
the choice between any two things.
75
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,030
Settle in, lizard.
76
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:07,328
This is gonna be a while.
77
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,032
Michael? What's a "Mirror Centaur?"
78
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,493
Ah, a stunning creature
79
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:17,004
whose human half
takes on the image of its companion.
80
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:23,132
Greetings. I am T'Hania, Goddess of Beauty.
81
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:25,842
Oh, my!
82
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,533
I mean, should I take
the cutest puppy, or is that shallow?
83
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:34,021
And is it even OK to separate them?
Are they brother and sister, or...
84
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:35,648
or perhaps married?
85
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,066
Dude, they're heaven-puppies.
86
00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:39,644
I'm sure they're both incredible.
Just choose one.
87
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,779
You're right. The black one!
88
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,355
That was my first impulse,
and that is the one I'll take!
89
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,489
I'm so sorry, Chidi...
both puppies have been taken.
90
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,328
Yeah, I should've seen that coming.
91
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:52,539
My indecision has once again
cost me happiness
92
00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,663
and I will now suffer the consequences.
93
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,780
How many pets have gone unclaimed?
94
00:04:56,922 --> 00:05:00,381
Three. A 16-foot albino python...
- - Mm-mm!
95
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:04,510
Something called a "tarantula-squid,"
and this owl!
96
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,671
The tarantula-squid! Tarantula-squid!
97
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,631
Tarantula-squid! Tarantula-squid!
98
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:09,761
I'll take the owl.
99
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:13,227
Check it out!
Janet made him a little cowboy hat!
100
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,520
Isn't that stupid?
101
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,394
Chidi? Hello?
102
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,726
Shh! Spencer doesn't like loud voices!
103
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,361
Yeesh, what happened, man?
104
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:26,862
Well, I was trying to teach him to play
"fetch," like I did with my puppy as a kid.
105
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:30,988
But instead of retrieving the stick,
he attacked my face
106
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:32,697
with his razor-sharp talons.
107
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,325
Why don't you just ask Michael for a dog?
108
00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:38,207
Because it was my mistake
to not pick a puppy fast enough.
109
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,126
I made my bed, and now I'll... bleed in it.
110
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,333
Let me do that, dummy. Come here.
111
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:47,128
What if I talk to Michael for you?
112
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:50,428
That way you don't have to worry about
feeling ungrateful, or whatever
113
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,806
and maybe you'll still get a puppy,
instead of...
114
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:54,895
Ow!
115
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,145
Deep wounds.
116
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,939
- You'd do that?
- Of course! It's the least I can do
117
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,982
considering everything you've done for me.
118
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:05,730
So you get it, right?
119
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:06,824
- Hey!
- What?
120
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,399
You liked him, he liked you
121
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,029
you did nice things for each other.
122
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,863
Your lack of parental affection
did not make you numb
123
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,492
to love, blah, blah, blah.
124
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:15,869
"Blah, blah, blah?"
125
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:18,667
Why don't you want me to see this?
What are you hiding?
126
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:22,171
Nothing.
It's just the rest is not interesting.
127
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,457
Yeah, no, you're right,
"not that interesting."
128
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:27,544
Just watching myself fall in love
for the first time in fake heaven.
129
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:28,637
What else is on?
130
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:33,057
I am going to put this back in my ear,
and you are going to show me
131
00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:36,477
how thoughtful and caring I am,
or I'm gonna rip off your demon head
132
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,977
and shove it up whatever's where
your butt should be. Roll it!
133
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:46,358
Oh...
a lizard was a perfect choice, Eleanor.
134
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,272
You both have combination skin!
135
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:52,702
Thanks. Hey, this is a weird question
to ask, I'll just throw it out there
136
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:53,994
can I ride your centaur?
137
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:58,290
I'm afraid T'Hania's quite particular
about whom she allows to ride her.
138
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:01,786
I tried, and she gave me a withering stare.
139
00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,749
Turns out centaurs are a bit tricky.
140
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,883
You didn't have, like,
a stable full of horses growing up?
141
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,097
Oh, of course, but they just pulled
our carriages
142
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,595
or performed in our horse ballets.
They weren't so...
143
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:13,298
what's the word?
144
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:14,808
Judgmental.
145
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,143
With whom can I speak
about acquiring new shoes?
146
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,332
You can't expect me to walk around
in these flats all day
147
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,689
like some common glue-factory hobo horse.
148
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,186
Eleanor? You were looking for me?
149
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,608
Uh, yeah! So...
150
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,695
Chidi chose an owl,
because he froze up trying to decide
151
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,364
between two puppies.
Is it possible for him to swap?
152
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,441
Of course! This is the Good Place!
153
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,157
But he might want to hold off.
154
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,823
Tonight we're having a party,
where everyone gets to transform
155
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,125
into their pets for a few minutes,
as a treat!
156
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,878
Chidi can fly like an owl, and you can...
157
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,580
do whatever lizards do!
158
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,421
Tahani, would you host the party
at your mansion?
159
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,590
Of course! I'd love to.
160
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,255
Is that what you're going to wear?
161
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,511
What? N-no, no...
162
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,263
Of course not!
163
00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:00,933
Why? Is it unflattering?
164
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:02,563
I... I can change!
165
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,732
Guys, I can't find my lizard.
166
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,897
He was just out there, like, one second ago.
167
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,820
No big deal. Janet can find it.
168
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,359
No, I can't risk it.
169
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:14,613
These pets are supposed to, like,
bond to our souls forever.
170
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:17,036
If Michael finds out mine ran away,
he could figure out
171
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,454
I'm not the real Eleanor.
172
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:20,539
Just, um... go without me.
173
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,167
And tell people that I'm hanging out
with my lizard
174
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:27,668
because we are so meshed together
or whatever, circle of life, crap like that.
175
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,335
- You sure?
- Yeah.
176
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,838
Go enjoy flying. I'll meet you there.
177
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:32,970
Come on, Blake!
178
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,426
Lizard? Lizard!
179
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:40,100
Where the fork are you? Lizard!
180
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:42,728
Ugh! Why didn't I name you?
181
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:45,602
Hey.
182
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:46,853
- Why?
- Oh!
183
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,692
Oh, no... Chidi!
184
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,397
Sorry I shoved you, man.
Just been a little jumpy.
185
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,678
Hey, you didn't happen to see
my lizard in the lake
186
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,138
when you were thrashing around down there?
187
00:08:57,162 --> 00:09:00,155
No. It was cold and dark and scary.
188
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:01,618
But, don't worry.
189
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,157
We'll find him.
190
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:06,369
Michael and Janet are busy
transforming people anyway
191
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,263
so they didn't even notice
you weren't there.
192
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:10,589
Holy crap, you're supposed
to be flying right now!
193
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,092
It's no big deal.
I just decided I'd rather be...
194
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,054
helping you.
195
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,805
Than soaring through the air like an owl?
196
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:19,848
That's amazing.
197
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,635
You're amazing.
198
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,604
After that,
you spent all your time together.
199
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,768
You studied philosophy together.
200
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,320
You even got Chidi hooked
on popcorn shrimp.
201
00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:36,987
Eventually, you became suspicious of me
and escaped
202
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,239
to Mindy Saint Claire's house
on a train.
203
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:42,371
That was the first time you actually
said it out loud.
204
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:44,202
I love you.
205
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,788
And you don't need to respond, cos...
206
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:50,212
- I know you have trouble saying how you feel.
- I love you, too.
207
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:55,844
That's the story.
208
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:59,714
You're capable of human love.
Congrats! Can we go now?
209
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,052
How did it end?
210
00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:03,805
Like it always did, with me rebooting you.
211
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,307
- There's... there's no need to...
- Show me, please.
212
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:10,086
Alright, let's get this over with.
213
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,944
- So, listen, guys...
- No! You... listen!
214
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:17,824
We just went to Mindy Saint Claire's,
and when she wasn't trying to trick us
215
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:21,222
into having a threesome, she filled us in on
everything that you've been up to here.
216
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,246
Oh, yeah?
217
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:24,725
We know this is like the hundredth time
you've tried to torture us
218
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,081
but this time it's different
219
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,540
because...
220
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:29,253
we're in love.
221
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,621
And love is stronger than anything
you can throw at us.
222
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,299
No, it's not.
223
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:36,675
"Love is stronger than anything
I can throw at you?"
224
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:38,753
I could throw an elephant at you.
225
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,680
You think a thrown elephant wouldn't
crush you because of love?
226
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,682
She was speaking metaphorically.
227
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,475
Even metaphorically, it's lame.
228
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:46,728
It's OK.
229
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:49,767
No matter what he does,
we will find each other
230
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,359
and we will help each other,
because we're soulmates.
231
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:59,403
There's no such thing
as "soulmates", you dingus!
232
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:01,901
I made it up!
233
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:04,654
I put clowns in your house
because you hate them.
234
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,530
I forced you to choose the lizard
235
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:09,158
and then I made that lizard run away!
236
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,201
I made it all up!
237
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,754
Don't you understand that? Ugh.
238
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:18,000
That's why I didn't want to give you
your memories back.
239
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,591
I didn't want you to see how cruel
I used to be.
240
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,881
Plus, I wore a lot of French cuff shirts
back then
241
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:27,184
I thought it made me look classy.
But it's... it's... it's all embarrassing.
242
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,265
I'm different now, I promise.
243
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,809
I'll swear on a Bible like you humans do.
244
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,345
I could grab one right now, it...
245
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,526
it's the only book they have
in the Sex-Ed section.
246
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,023
- I'm not mad at you.
- I-I...
247
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,488
Can't be mad at a demon for being evil.
248
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:46,241
I'm just sad because I thought
for a second, I could love someone.
249
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:51,041
But really, it was just you manipulating me
into thinking I loved someone.
250
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:55,291
So I guess I was right.
I'm incapable of love.
251
00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,335
Eh. That's no biggie.
Do you wanna get burgers?
252
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:06,674
Hang on now, how did you draw
that conclusion?
253
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,552
You just watched yourself fall in love
with Chidi.
254
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:14,690
No, I didn't. I watched a puppeteer pull
a bunch of strings to make us think
255
00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:15,937
we were in love.
256
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,022
You said it yourself - you made it all up.
257
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:21,738
OK, yes, I put you and Chidi
in close proximity
258
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:24,111
because I needed you to drive
each other crazy.
259
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:27,160
But I never intended for you
to fall in love.
260
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,947
Once you made us bond,
the romance was inevitable.
261
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:34,248
It's a basic reality show playbook:
put a bunch of attractive young people
262
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,454
in stressful situations,
so they act like idiots
263
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:37,707
and have sex with each other.
264
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:40,166
This is all just... determinism.
265
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,052
What?
266
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:46,214
"Determinism is the theory that we have
no control over our own actions.
267
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:49,012
Everything we do happens
because of some external force
268
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,226
which exists outside of our control."
269
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:55,523
I didn't choose to fall in love with Chidi,
because some all-knowing demon, you
270
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,225
- brought us together and scripted our lives.
- That's ridiculous.
271
00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:00,736
I didn't make you kiss Chidi
by that lake.
272
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:01,947
You kinda did.
273
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,365
You orchestrated
the whole "Pet Day" thing
274
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:07,033
manipulated us
into choosing specific animals
275
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:10,154
made my lizard run away, which led
to Chidi coming to help me find it
276
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,948
which led to us kissing,
which led to us "falling in love."
277
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:14,537
None of that was my choice.
278
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:19,547
Everything in my life has been determined
by my upbringing, my genetics
279
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:23,342
or my environment, and everything
in my afterlife was determined by you.
280
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,715
There is no such thing as free will.
281
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,866
We're closing up soon, guys.
282
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,869
Yeah, can we just have 15 minutes?
We're kind of in the middle of something.
283
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,134
I'd take off if I were you.
284
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,683
The second we close,
they use this place to shoot pornos.
285
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:37,482
OK.
286
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,206
- You want something to drink?
- Maybe I do, maybe I don't.
287
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:45,239
But whatever I choose will be the result
of millions of biological
288
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:48,363
genetic and societal factors
that are entirely outside my control.
289
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:51,621
Iced tea?
290
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,514
Oh, that sounds good. I'll have one too.
291
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,242
OK. You think you have no free will
292
00:13:56,336 --> 00:14:00,376
because I scripted everything
that happened, right?
293
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:06,302
All I have to do is prove that you made
one choice that I couldn't anticipate.
294
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,430
Easy.
295
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,058
OK! Here's a perfect example!
296
00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:15,056
In the very first attempt...
297
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,188
- Y...
- Dude, dude, dude!
298
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:17,850
- What?
- Yelling. You're...
299
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,308
- You're yelling, like, so loudly.
- Oh, sorry.
300
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:22,944
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
301
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,438
Watch this. It's from the very first attempt.
302
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,157
If anyone...
303
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:30,901
has any information...
304
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,736
- Oh, boy.
- About any of this...
305
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,037
OK, easy...
306
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,989
I beg you. Tell me.
307
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,166
Hey... I love you, man.
308
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:41,171
Michael?
309
00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:43,671
The problem in the Neighbourhood...
310
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,712
is me.
311
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:51,301
You saw your friend in pain,
and you decided to sacrifice yourself
312
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:52,516
to help him.
313
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:55,722
That wasn't me pulling a string,
or manipulating you.
314
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:58,394
In fact, it was the last thing I wanted.
315
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,393
Ruined my whole plan.
316
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:03,187
- Free will.
- No, dude.
317
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:07,317
The only reason I cared enough
about Chidi to do that
318
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,649
was because you forced us together
319
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,367
made me feel bad for causing him pain...
320
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,576
- OK, yeah.
- Yeah.
321
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:17,247
But no, you were constantly doing stuff
I couldn't anticipate.
322
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:20,413
As a matter of fact,
I complained to you once, right...
323
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:24,292
right to your face.
I think it was reboot 444.
324
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,582
Now, is Chidi trapped
325
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,045
in the purple space bubble?
326
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,753
Yes. Is he in pain? Almost certainly.
327
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,304
Will he ever get out? No.
328
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:34,257
- However...
- Uh...
329
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,683
Yeah, uh, wrong one, wrong one,
I mean, that's...
330
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,094
worth watching - it's great, but, uh...
331
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,833
not-not the one I was thinking.
332
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,814
It's probably, uh... 445.
333
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,905
You. In here.
334
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:54,860
Where am I?
335
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:56,413
Hell.
336
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,956
You're in hell. Can I ask you something?
337
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:02,751
Have I missed anything in that freaky
little noodle of yours?
338
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:05,379
See, I... I've studied everything
about your life.
339
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:09,504
I know your hopes, your fears,
your psychology, your tendencies.
340
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:14,801
I know all your private shames, like that
you don't wash your feet in the shower.
341
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:17,216
Your first concert was Barenaked Ladies
342
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:22,973
and you have frequent sex dreams
about Sam the Eagle, from the Muppets.
343
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,854
Well, he's very authoritative
and I find that reassuring.
344
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,938
You keep making crazy choices
I don't understand.
345
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,107
Am I missing something?
346
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,983
I'm sorry, can we rewind for a second?
347
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,864
Who are you? Who is that guy?
348
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,330
Am I dead?
349
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:40,914
Is Sam the Eagle here?
350
00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:42,292
No.
351
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:45,290
I tried to script your whole afterlife.
352
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:49,961
And I devised a 15 million-point plan
to torture you.
353
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:53,294
You made choices I never saw coming.
354
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,588
I call that free will.
355
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,969
What if all your choices are predetermined?
356
00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:04,638
- Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
- What? We don't know!
357
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:08,021
Maybe there's a mega-demon
who built a torture chamber for demons
358
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,067
and this whole thing
is just him torturing you?
359
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:15,616
And maybe... all the mega-demons
are just fulfilling a destiny laid out
360
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:19,069
by a bunch of super-intelligent
tarantula-squids
361
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:20,699
who are torturing them...
362
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,165
Why did you do that?
363
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:30,505
Because I have free will.
364
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:33,675
And because you're being so... annoying.
365
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:37,588
Thank you. So sorry that he did that.
366
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,552
Happens all the time.
367
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:42,385
Usually it's the younger woman doing
it to the older guy, though.
368
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:45,645
Dude! Not cool.
369
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,148
Disagree.
370
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,033
I think it's the coolest thing
I've ever done.
371
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:52,269
Do you really not see what's happening here?
372
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,400
Do you want me to spell it out for you?
373
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:57,783
This is a defence mechanism, Eleanor.
374
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:01,661
You saw yourself fall in love with Chidi,
and it freaked you out
375
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:05,741
to see yourself be so vulnerable,
so you're using determinism
376
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:08,794
to convince yourself
that those feelings were not real.
377
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:12,585
- You know, you don't know me, man!
- Yes, I do. I know everything about you.
378
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,211
Remember?
379
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:17,928
Including that nothing scares you
more than vulnerability.
380
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:19,762
Ugh! Whatever. Who even cares?
381
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:23,889
I do. Because if everything is determined,
and we have no free will
382
00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:28,271
then all this stuff we're doing
to put more good into the world is pointless
383
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,103
and I want to believe that it matters.
384
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:35,445
So if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna use my free will right now
385
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,739
to go pick up our friends at the airport.
386
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:41,906
Worst possible use of free will,
but I'm gonna do it anyway
387
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,866
because I care about them.
388
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:49,584
You might wanna head out too.
389
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,413
We're closing soon, and the second we do,
they use this place to shoot porn.
390
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,259
First class was amazing!
391
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:05,309
They give you so many free presents.
A shaving kit, an eye mask... Oh, a vest!
392
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:11,185
Times like this, it's fun to remember
that we're legally married.
393
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:13,771
That is fun!
394
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,397
Oh, I call window seat!
395
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:25,028
I'm sorry. You were right.
396
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:29,742
I was scared about what it all meant,
and I went back to one of my favourite moves
397
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:31,959
turn on the ol' Blame Hose.
398
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:34,587
"This is all your fault!"
399
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:35,921
Apology accepted.
400
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,880
And I'm sorry I dumped iced tea
on your head.
401
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:40,136
Are you kidding me?
402
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,783
You did exactly what you should do
when your friend is being annoying.
403
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:43,968
You snapped me out of it.
404
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:46,304
That's what made me realise, in a weird way
405
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:49,803
we're the only truly free beings
in the universe
406
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:52,347
because we actually know
what's up with the afterlife.
407
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,062
And I think that means we need
to be bold.
408
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:57,777
Take the Soul Squad
to the next level somehow.
409
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,156
You're right.
410
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:04,113
We need to find someone
who can serve as a...
411
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:06,285
as a blueprint for humanity.
412
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:09,706
Someone whose life is so great,
that we can use it as a model
413
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:12,625
to get as many points
for as many people as possible
414
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,294
and I think I know the perfect person.
415
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,503
Rihanna! Good call.
416
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:17,693
I don't know her personally,
but I did see her in Vegas once
417
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,754
and her calf brushed up against my tongue.
418
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,589
I licked her leg. I was kicked out.
419
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,297
It's not Rihanna, it's someone way cooler.
420
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,216
Hey, everybody out of the car!
421
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:29,266
Grab your bags!
422
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,102
We're going to rural Canada!
423
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:39,695
- Is it ready?
- I guess. We have no idea if it'll work.
424
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:42,026
Oh, I'm sure it's perfect.
425
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,737
- Give it a try, Shawn!
- Me?
426
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,577
I'm not going through that thing.
She is.
427
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,698
...ask Michael how many times
he rebooted them!
428
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:51,998
He's lying...
429
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,201
Yeah, zip it, toots. We're way past that.
430
00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:56,995
Where am I? How long was I in there?
431
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,127
You have missed a lot.
432
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,963
Now, go through that makeshift portal,
see if you explode.
433
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,630
This might be gross!
434
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,853
Am I... on Earth?
435
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:17,732
Did you figure out a way to build
an illegal door to Earth?
436
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:19,819
Yes.
437
00:21:20,571 --> 00:21:22,107
That's exactly what I did.
438
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,990
- Well, we all helped.
- Shut up, Glenn.
33216
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