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1
00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:08,252
So my mum is alive and she lives here.
2
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,458
Why didn't you tell me sooner, man?
3
00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:15,680
I'd already told you that you died,
and that I had tortured you for centuries
4
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,140
and that you're doomed
to be tortured again...
5
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:20,635
I just didn't want to be, like, a bummer.
6
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:25,273
But now you know everything important
about your life, I promise.
7
00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:28,397
A police officer came to my home
8
00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:31,651
and told me that my mum had been
accidentally trampled to death
9
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when she bent down to adjust her toe ring
at a Rascal Flatts concert.
10
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,280
That police officer was an actor.
11
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,614
See, about a month before,
your mum had gotten drunk
12
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:44,622
wandered into a charity auction,
and bid $30,000
13
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:46,161
for a date with Gene Simmons
14
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:50,499
outbidding everyone else
by $29,800 dollars.
15
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:54,085
She didn't want to pay,
so she faked her death
16
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:57,468
moved to Nevada, and reinvented herself
as Diana Tremaine.
17
00:00:57,933 --> 00:01:00,926
Diana Tremaine is my fake ID name!
18
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,808
How dare she steal the identity I stole!
19
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:07,186
Look, I know this is a lot to take in,
but we're here to help your mum
20
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,191
get into the Good Place.
21
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:12,775
Whatever you're feeling, remember,
this is not about you.
22
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,822
Right.
23
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,199
How could you do this to me?
24
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:26,455
Yay! You found me!
25
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,919
What the hell, Mum?
26
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:32,500
OK, baby, I can explain everything.
Let's all just take a breath.
27
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:37,546
You haven't even introduced me
to this stretched-out, sexy Alex Trebek.
28
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:39,593
I'm Michael. It's nice to meet you, Donna.
29
00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:42,517
Oh, uh, it's Diana now, for...
30
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You know, police reasons.
31
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,647
- By the way, whose McMansion is this?
- My boyfriend Dave's.
32
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He's kind of a dork, but real sweet.
33
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:55,985
And so fancy - his napkins are made out of,
like, shirt material.
34
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,074
Cloth.
35
00:01:57,576 --> 00:02:00,865
OK. Now this is making sense.
36
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:05,453
You change your name, bag a rich loser
with a tacky house. I get it.
37
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:07,537
- You're running a scam.
- No, baby.
38
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:11,205
This is as real as the nails
under my acrylic nails.
39
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,585
- I'm a different person!
- Spare me.
40
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:16,502
You will always be sun-baked Arizona trash
41
00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:19,838
and I know that because I grew up
baking right beside you!
42
00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:22,139
Oh, jeez! I didn't know we had company!
43
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:23,432
Hey. Hi, I'm Dave.
44
00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:24,871
- Michael.
- Of course you're Dave.
45
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:28,479
Hey, Dave. You and I need to have
a little conversation.
46
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,272
- Diana!
- Oh, hey!
47
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,812
Who the hell is this chick?
48
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,580
Oh, this is my little potato pie, Patricia!
49
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,861
And who might you be, by the way?
50
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,565
Eleanor is my sorority sister.
51
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,363
Right. Good ol' Kappa Zeta...
52
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:42,703
Jones.
53
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,029
- Oh.
- Hey...
54
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,699
I can't believe
I have to wait in line to see my own sister.
55
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:52,037
I have never waited in any kind of
formation before, let alone a line.
56
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:55,882
- Wow, is this whole room just her work?
- Don't be fooled, Chidi.
57
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,378
Kamilah is a charlatan.
58
00:02:57,511 --> 00:03:00,754
All she has to do is paint some dumb shapes
and people go mad.
59
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,305
Those aren't dumb shapes.
They're a pair of boobs.
60
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,049
And then two extra side boobs.
61
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:09,805
It symbolises that boobs come in all shapes
and sizes, and distances apart.
62
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:13,900
Ugh. Maybe we should just go, there are
plenty of other people I could help.
63
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,547
Like my good friend Ben Affleck,
and his crippling addiction to back tattoos
64
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,153
or my other good friend Matt Damon
65
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,259
and his crippling addiction
to my friend Ben Affleck.
66
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:21,740
It's important that you make amends.
67
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,451
Your competitive relationship with Kamilah
is largely the reason
68
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,096
that you didn't get into the Good Place.
69
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,622
Stands to reason that the same
would be true for her.
70
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:29,709
Fine.
71
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,329
But the waiting is over.
72
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,505
Excuse me. Excuse me, excuse me!
73
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:38,083
Tahani! Were you waiting
in a line to see me?
74
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,542
That's hilarious.
75
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,928
As a frog stares up in awe at the treetops
76
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:46,303
so too does humanity gawk at the purity
of a blinding truth.
77
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,350
Napkins and forks are in the back.
78
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,016
So making omelettes is art now, is it?
79
00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:53,268
Not that I'd expect you to understand
80
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:56,851
but it's a commentary on the world's
fascination with subservience, consumption
81
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,902
death, and pedagogy.
82
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:00,489
Cheddar or Swiss?
83
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:03,136
Oh, no, I don't want an omelette.
I just came for a quick sisterly chat.
84
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:07,570
My sister, Tahani,
refuses to order an omelette.
85
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,240
As a result, the exhibit is now over
86
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,833
and will never be shown again.
There will be no refunds.
87
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,589
Hey now! I just checked my Apple Watch
88
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,766
and it's "Marg-o-clock!"
89
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,478
- So, Michael, what do you do?
- Ah.
90
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,681
Well, um... I'm an architect.
91
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:36,065
Get outta here! Me too!
92
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:37,934
- Huh!
- Dave's real good.
93
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,395
You should see the new Hooters on I-15.
94
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:42,947
It looks classy, like a bank.
95
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,366
So, how did you two love-rats meet?
96
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,943
Oh, it's a fun story.
97
00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:51,448
I was working on this project, tearing down
a condemned bar called The Desert Rash.
98
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,417
I went in to meet with the contractors,
and Diana is sitting at the bar
99
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,418
drinking a seven and seven and seven.
100
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,830
Seven shots of Seagram's Seven,
in seven minutes.
101
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,464
It's Diana's morning drink.
102
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:02,675
Oh, that's right,
it was very early in the morning!
103
00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,989
Well, this little spitfire finds out
104
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:07,596
it's me who's closing down the bar,
next thing I know
105
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:10,390
she's got a knife to my face!
106
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,872
I would've been scared if she hadn't been
the most gorgeous thing
107
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,683
- I've ever seen in my life.
- Aw.
108
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:18,024
One thing leads to another and all
of a sudden we're playing tonsil tennis
109
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,185
on a broken toilet in the alley out back.
110
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,561
Cute!
111
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,549
So how did you and Eleanor become friends?
112
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:25,155
Well, let's just say that we...
113
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,743
lived in the same... neighbourhood!
114
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,153
Oh!
115
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,455
What a fun way to say a normal thing, right?
116
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:35,700
Well, I've gotta go get ready,
today is PTA elections
117
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:36,959
and I'm running for secretary.
118
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,999
And she's a shoo-in, too. Hey, Patty!
119
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,580
We gotta get ready, OK?
120
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,675
I know we came here to set your mum
on a better path
121
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,673
but I think she's doing pretty great.
122
00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:49,175
Please. She's completely full of it.
123
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,638
I am gonna find out what kind of scam
Donna Shellstrop is running
124
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,224
and I am gonna take her down.
125
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,021
Right after I finish this awesome drink.
126
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,899
- Man, Dave's margaritas are amazing.
- Right?
127
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,148
And I'm not even a tequila guy.
128
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:04,655
Wow.
129
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,441
So this is what a museum looks like.
130
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:14,948
If you look at this painting closely,
you can really notice the interpretation.
131
00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:18,334
I know you're just being silly,
and effortlessly charming
132
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,962
but you actually just picked the most
valuable painting in the entire museum.
133
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:26,752
As of last year, that work was valued
at 39.2 million dollars.
134
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:30,680
Oh, snap, I forgot you know everything!
How much is that one worth?
135
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,473
That one is worth 13.7 million dollars.
136
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:36,894
That one's got a bunch of colours!
That's gotta add some value.
137
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,971
Can we do this for all the paintings?
138
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,398
Look. I've had a sort of...
139
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:45,482
revelation about the world,
and I'd like to take responsibility
140
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:48,568
for my part in our fraught history.
141
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:54,662
For whatever hurt I've caused you,
I sincerely apologise.
142
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:56,832
Thank you.
143
00:06:57,626 --> 00:07:00,289
I do not accept your apology.
Is that all, then?
144
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:04,798
Well...
145
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,013
Oh!
146
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:17,978
Urgh!
147
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,896
Check out what Dave gave me.
148
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:26,645
Plans for a Subaru dealership-slash-burlesque
club he's designing in Reno!
149
00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:29,025
Man, Nevada's a mess!
150
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,200
What are you doing?
151
00:07:30,201 --> 00:07:33,535
Searching for the tell-tale sign
of a Donna Shellstrop scam.
152
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:37,993
A pile of cash hidden somewhere,
so she can grab it and head out on the run.
153
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,541
When the time comes,
she will rip this guy off
154
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,793
and disappear like Keyser Soze...
155
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,413
right after he admitted
to groping all those people.
156
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,502
- Why are you in my room?
- Oh, hey, girl!
157
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,043
What's up? How old are you, three?
158
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,547
- I'm nine.
- Cool.
159
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,174
I don't know anything about kids.
160
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:58,927
Hey, has Diana ever made you hide, like,
a special treasure in any of your toys?
161
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:02,229
No, Diana's very nice to me.
She bought me most of these stuffed animals.
162
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:04,690
Oh, wow! Neat.
163
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:07,359
Mind if I give him just a little surgery
just to check?
164
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:11,815
OK, OK, OK, alright, Doc McStuffins,
let's get you some fresh air.
165
00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,194
I'm so sorry.
166
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:16,486
She's a kid. You can't disembowel her toys.
167
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:21,165
Fine. New plan, you casually mention
that you're rich, and seduce Donna.
168
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:24,786
When she goes for you, it will prove
that this whole thing is a sham!
169
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,213
First things first, do you have a penis?
170
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,089
I will not seduce Donna.
171
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,922
For one thing,
I could never do that to my pal Dave.
172
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:36,723
It goes against the architect's code.
Also, your mother seems happy here.
173
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:41,015
The Donna I know wouldn't be caught dead
in this suburban boredom factory.
174
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:43,771
She's scamming them!
Look, believe me, don't believe me.
175
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,348
I don't care, I'm gonna prove it.
176
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,814
Young lady, you will stop this nonsense
177
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:52,150
go to the PTA meeting,
and support your mother.
178
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,069
I won't hear another word about it!
179
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:56,827
What the hell was that?
180
00:08:56,911 --> 00:09:00,621
Well, I was going for the "stern" but,
you know, "caring dad" vibe.
181
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:01,832
No? Didn't work?
182
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,999
No, not even close.
Like, not in the ballpark.
183
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:07,253
I was trying something, Eleanor.
Give me a break.
184
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:12,087
Until Kamilah accepts my apology,
this open wound will hinder any progress
185
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,821
she might make toward
getting into the Good Place.
186
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,679
Also, I'm going to strangle her
187
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:19,674
which will hinder any air
from getting into her lungs.
188
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,475
Can I talk to her?
189
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,178
Maybe we should try a little
third-party mediation.
190
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:30,772
Uh, hi. I'm Tahani's friend, Chidi.
191
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,362
Chidi is an Igbo word
that means "God exists."
192
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,731
That's right. Sorry...
193
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,568
I don't know the etymology
of your name, but...
194
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:42,663
All of your fears... are now mine.
195
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:47,910
- What did she say?
- What?
196
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,293
I don't know. Sorry, I got distracted.
197
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:55,088
She's amazing! All of my fears are hers now!
198
00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:56,294
Of course they are.
199
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,599
Um...
200
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:05,641
I sincerely apologised to you because
I have matured into a fully-formed adult
201
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,687
with empathy and self-awareness.
202
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,523
But if you don't accept my apology
203
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:13,811
I will smash your stupid art exhibit
into bits!
204
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,739
More Tahani theatrics,
with zero follow-through.
205
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,358
You don't have it in you
to do anything that bold
206
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,902
because I'm the one
who got the boldness gene.
207
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,613
And the good eyebrow gene.
208
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:26,750
Oh!
209
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:29,327
Oh, no! All my fears are mine again!
210
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,414
Hey, Davey, can you believe the design
of this room?
211
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:36,463
Auditorium? More like "audi-bore me-um."
212
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:38,971
Savage!
213
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,798
Hello, I'm Diana Tremaine.
214
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,470
I never thought I'd run for a PTA board.
215
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:47,344
For most of my life, I preferred to crawl.
216
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,055
Pub crawl!
217
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,399
But now, I want to make sure kids
218
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,148
in this decommissioned
military bombing test site
219
00:10:55,238 --> 00:11:00,108
turned-suburban township
get the best education Nevada has to offer.
220
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:02,902
What's that, "always double down on 11"?
221
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:06,785
Also, there is a pretty great kid
who goes to this school
222
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:10,915
and I want to make this place great for her.
Stand up, sweetheart!
223
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:19,001
Well, it was the first Hooters
ever made out of brick.
224
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:21,553
- Sort of inspired by Monticello.
- Hey, mark.
225
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,681
- Oh, nope, it's Dave.
- I know your name.
226
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,386
I'm calling you a mark.
227
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:26,476
Easy.
228
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:28,348
I got news for you, dad-bod.
229
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:32,352
The woman you know as Diana Tremaine
is really Donna Shellstrop
230
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,684
my much older mother.
231
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,444
She faked her death and changed her name.
232
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:40,022
Sorry to burst your bubble,
but that's the deal.
233
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,775
I already knew all that, Eleanor.
234
00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:46,120
Your mother told me everything
the first night we met.
235
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,642
- The first night?
- Well, no, not the first night, actually.
236
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,532
That was mostly sex, you know...
237
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:53,832
Your mother is a very confident
and selfish lover.
238
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:55,746
- Yikes.
- Oh, no, no, it's perfect for me
239
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:59,166
cos I don't know what I want. But anyway,
the next morning she told me everything.
240
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,530
And we're gonna tell Patricia
once she's a little bit older.
241
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:05,639
- For now, everything is going great!
- No, dude, you don't know my mum.
242
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:08,050
She used to put like 50 things
in a shopping cart
243
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:11,512
then go to the "12 items or less" aisle,
scream "Rat!"
244
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,226
and run out the door without paying.
245
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,602
She is a liar.
246
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,938
Well, listen, she has been nothing
but honest with me
247
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:20,821
and I like that she's got a wild streak,
kinda gets my motor running!
248
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:25,280
Tell you the truth, she's turning me
into a bit of a bad boy!
249
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,869
I mean, who am I, Avril Lavigne?
250
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:34,626
Oh, I get it.
251
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:37,087
Coming clean was all part of the scam!
252
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:39,464
It's brilliant,
because he thinks she's honest
253
00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:42,593
so when she runs off with all his money,
he'll never see it coming.
254
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,592
Come on, Eleanor. I changed. You changed.
255
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:47,799
- Maybe she changed, too.
- No.
256
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:48,810
No way.
257
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:53,647
Why can't you accept that she might be
living a good, honest life?
258
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:57,190
That she's an attentive partner
and a good mum?
259
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,192
Because I wanted that mum!
260
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:04,361
I wanted the mum who made me afternoon snacks
instead of just telling me to look for
261
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,617
loose fries in the McDonald's ball pit.
262
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,368
Why does Patricia get that mum?
263
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,204
If Donna Shellstrop has truly changed
264
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,499
then that means she was always capable
of change
265
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:16,627
but I... I just wasn't worth changing for.
266
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:23,918
I-I know as your self-appointed father figure
I'm supposed to say something
267
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:27,589
comforting here, but I'm...
I'm kinda stumped.
268
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,053
OK, final tally!
269
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,681
Forty-three votes for Diana Tremaine.
270
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,887
12 votes for Eileen Capshaw.
271
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:38,307
And one vote for "Bofa Deeznutz."
272
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:42,770
Oh, don't look at me like that.
You're not my real dad.
273
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:51,696
Congratulations, Madame Secretary.
274
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:55,074
So crazy, right?
I'm gonna need to get a calculator!
275
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:59,208
And maybe a globe?
I don't really understand the job.
276
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:03,666
Listen, I'm... I'm sorry that I didn't think
this whole thing was real.
277
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:07,803
I just never thought I'd see the day
when you made a commitment to...
278
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:09,473
anything.
279
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:10,676
I was wrong.
280
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,559
Thank you, baby.
That means a lot.
281
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,355
Let me help you.
282
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,124
No, no, no, not that one! Not that one!
283
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,899
No, sorry, sorry,
this powder is only for my delicates.
284
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:23,355
You don't wash your bras.
285
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:24,986
No! No...
286
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,901
I knew it!
287
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:29,529
- Ugh...
- My mother is a con artist!
288
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,113
Gotcha!
289
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:34,409
So, before I'm tortured in the afterlife
290
00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:39,711
I get to spend the rest of this life
in a Hungarian prison for destruction of art!
291
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:41,329
That's fun!
292
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,039
Destruction of extremely derivative art.
293
00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:46,466
Kamilah's work has been mediocre for years.
294
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:50,546
Mother and father are probably rolling over
in their cryogenic chambers.
295
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,723
Really?
296
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:56,010
You don't think they would be proud of her
for having a whole museum wing
297
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,553
dedicated to her work?
298
00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:03,067
My parents' standards were incredibly high
and they were impossible to please.
299
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:06,316
Plus they always pitted my sister and me
against each other.
300
00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:09,990
The two of them were a unit,
and Kamilah and I...
301
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:17,118
Girls. We have a new challenge for you.
302
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:21,706
Each of you has four hours to complete
a rendering of your favourite moment
303
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,666
in French Military History.
304
00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:27,712
The winning painting shall be hung
in our foyer during our party
305
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,592
honouring François Mitterrand.
306
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,721
The losing painting shall provide
the kindling for the fire
307
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:36,634
that rages in our hearth during that party.
308
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,476
Doesn't that sound wonderful?
309
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,186
Yes, Mother, it does.
310
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,805
Thank you for this opportunity.
311
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:46,231
Who will be the winning artist,
and who will fail?
312
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,987
Let's find out!
313
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,072
These paintings...
314
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,034
they're us.
315
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:00,375
You're the boobs?
316
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,543
Sorry, once Jason said it,
that's all I can see.
317
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:09,092
Here we go...
318
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:10,886
What?
319
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,797
Tahani, what are you doing? Stop it.
320
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,304
No. I'm going to hug you because I love you.
321
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:20,348
And because you feel just as alone as I do.
322
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:24,435
I'm sorry our parents were such wankers.
323
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,567
And I understand
that you can't accept my apology
324
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:30,320
because that would quench
your creative thirst.
325
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:34,863
They forced us to compete,
and that competition has fuelled your art
326
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,159
for decades.
327
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:39,993
It's so awful, and I'm so sorry.
328
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,665
They were wankers, weren't they?
329
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:50,632
Oh! The absolute biggest wankers on Earth.
330
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,131
Let them go, please.
331
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:03,522
Mwah!
332
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,811
Diana Tremaine, you little devil.
333
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,687
New name, same game.
334
00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:09,986
Fine.
335
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,939
Things have been going good with me and Dave
336
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:17,072
but sometimes I sneak a little bit of cash
out of his wallet and I hide it away
337
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:20,325
just in case everything blows up
and I need to skip town.
338
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,414
Are you happy?
339
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,957
Actually, no. I'm not happy.
340
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:26,960
But I think you are.
341
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,338
You're holding on to this exit strategy
342
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:32,541
telling yourself that you can bail
at any time, but the truth is
343
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,878
you love this suburban life.
344
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,012
I don't love it so much.
345
00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:40,014
I am not basic!
346
00:17:40,351 --> 00:17:41,351
Ya basic!
347
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:42,558
No, Mum...
348
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,518
ya basic.
349
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:45,937
And that's OK.
350
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:49,558
Let me ask you something,
why are you wearing yoga pants?
351
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:54,146
Well, on Tuesday nights I do restorative yoga
with a bunch of mums from Patty's school.
352
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,732
- And what do you do after yoga?
- We split avocado egg rolls
353
00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:59,447
at the Cheesecake Factory,
but we also drink!
354
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,361
- What do you drink?
- Chardonnay.
355
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:03,955
With ice cubes.
356
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:06,249
And after one glass, I get sleepy
357
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:10,125
so I usually switch to water
so I can drive home
358
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,747
like a nerd!
359
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:12,877
Hey, hey.
360
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,341
It's OK.
361
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,510
It's good. You're happy here.
362
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:21,303
But you need to commit to this
363
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:25,724
which means getting rid of that stash
of escape money.
364
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,935
And I think you know
what you have to do with it.
365
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,934
Send it to Gene Simmons?
366
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:33,028
What? No.
367
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,062
Spend it on Patricia.
368
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,320
Set up a college fund, buy her a... crib.
369
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:43,370
Or a car? I-I truly don't know anything
about kids, but...
370
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:49,289
this is your chance to break the chain
of Shellstrop-mother-daughter crappiness.
371
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:53,084
You have a do-over. Use it.
372
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,050
Oh, baby.
373
00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:58,377
It seems like you've turned into
a really good person
374
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:02,715
and you clearly didn't get that from me, so,
props to whoever helped you.
375
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,597
Is there more cash in your bra?
376
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,638
Always, that's why I don't wash them.
377
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,438
I still can't believe that police officer
pulled you over just to tell you
378
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:15,978
that you were driving perfectly.
379
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:17,734
Why not? I was!
380
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:21,658
There is an article in the paper
about Kamilah's latest art installation
381
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:22,786
and look.
382
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,743
"A Fractured Inheritance"
by Kamilah Al-Jamil and...
383
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:28,368
Tahani Al-Jamil.
384
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,326
Gosh. That was very big of her.
385
00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:36,924
Though she really should have named the piece
"A Buried Hatchet," don't you think?
386
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:38,379
Such a better title!
387
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,003
- I'm going to call her and rub it in!
- Maybe don't.
388
00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:42,097
For now.
389
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,181
Yes.
390
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,265
Smart.
391
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,178
Good luck, buddy. Oh!
392
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:48,594
Hey, I almost forgot,
I sketched you up a little something.
393
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:51,517
Some ideas there for your, uh...
your project.
394
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:52,893
- Wow!
- Yeah.
395
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,984
Well, this is more than a few ideas,
you solved the whole thing!
396
00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,561
Columns, and porticos...
397
00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:58,738
Uh-oh.
398
00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:01,611
Looks like you forgot to include bathrooms.
399
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,909
Oops. Well, just a little oversight.
400
00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:07,074
I certainly use the bathroom,
like anybody else.
401
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,827
Love to sit on the... the thing and just,
you know
402
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:10,917
shoot one out.
403
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,375
Eleanor, I'll be in the car!
404
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:16,880
It was really nice to meet you, Patricia.
Got a lot of people who care about you here.
405
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,545
And good luck with the...
406
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,127
- SATS.
- I'm nine.
407
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,463
Whatever, good luck in school, you get it.
408
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,306
The others are on their way back
from Budapest.
409
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,721
We'll be picking them up in a few hours.
410
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:34,856
Oh, be happy!
411
00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:39,653
Your mum found a better path all on her own,
and you definitely helped Patricia.
412
00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:42,064
- Double happy ending.
- I know, I'm just...
413
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,402
I'm a little sad.
414
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:48,533
I'm glad my mum has changed, but that doesn't
fix all the damage she did to me.
415
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:52,161
Let's face it, she's the reason
I could never get close to anyone.
416
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:55,077
I never even told a boyfriend I love him.
417
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,587
Oh, crap. Um...
418
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:04,546
You remember how I told that you knew
everything important about your life?
419
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:08,382
Well, I wasn't thinking about
your afterlife life.
420
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:12,478
In one of the reboots, you and...
and Chidi fell in love.
421
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:14,221
Deeply, and...
422
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,894
you told him that you loved him, and...
423
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:19,692
and he told you that he loved you back.
424
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:22,197
We did what now?
425
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:24,610
Do you wanna listen to a podcast, maybe?
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