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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,297 --> 00:00:07,755 OK, OK, OK. Let's do sophomore year of high school. 2 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,002 Uh, Nathan Burlingame. 3 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,754 - Didn't like you. - Huh. 4 00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:12,252 Kylie Mansard? 5 00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:13,920 Thought you were cool but intimidating. 6 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,882 No way! I thought she was intimidating! 7 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:18,841 That's why I shoved her into that creek. 8 00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:24,227 Well, after my chilli episode, I asked the administration for a one-year sabbatical 9 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,274 and good news. 10 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:26,683 They fired me! 11 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:30,402 So, I am free and easy. 12 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:33,906 Well, the rest of the Soul Squad is off helping Jason's dad. 13 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:34,992 Who are we saving? 14 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,994 No one from my high school, I will tell you that much. 15 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:42,324 Well, before we do anything, I have to break things off with Simone. 16 00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:45,793 If I slip up and tell her about the universe, it could doom her for eternity. 17 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:49,372 And I've avoided talking to her for so long, she assumed I had laryngitis 18 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,666 and it went too far, and now I'm on antibiotics! 19 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:55,132 OK, settle down. Your moral code means you can't lie, right? 20 00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:57,305 You need to just ghost her. 21 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,223 Disappear, block her number. 22 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:02,844 Bonus, anything she left in your apartment now legally belongs to you. 23 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:05,601 I've done that to dozens of people, and all of them got over it. 24 00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,811 Actually, none of your exes have ever gotten over you. 25 00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,143 You're damn right they didn't. 26 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:13,358 I just wish I could end things in a way that I knew wouldn't hurt her. 27 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:14,864 Bing! 28 00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:19,031 I usually appear out of thin air and there would be a pleasant "bing" sound 29 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:22,447 but I don't have my powers so I'm doing my own "bings" now. 30 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:23,791 Bing! 31 00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:27,915 Chidi, what if I could create a virtual reality simulation 32 00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,899 where you could practice different break-up scenarios? 33 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,585 - You can do that? - I think so. 34 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:35,336 I do know everything about you, and Simone, and computer programming 35 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,344 and virtual reality and artificial intelligence 36 00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:39,051 and the human brain and everything else. 37 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:42,596 I'm kind of a nerd. I'll start building the simulator now. 38 00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:43,978 Bing! 39 00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:48,733 Don't... 40 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,192 Turn around. 41 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:51,900 It's embarrassing. 42 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,238 Bing! 43 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:06,120 Jacksonville! What up! 44 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,535 Duval! 45 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,457 Duval! 46 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,667 Poor Larry. 47 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:13,674 But... 48 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,925 "If you love someone, set them free." 49 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:21,260 My good friend and yoga pupil Sting, no last initial, told me that. 50 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:24,176 I can't wait to show you guys all the cool sights in Jacksonville. 51 00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:27,470 Like, that swamp is where me, Pillboi and Donkey Doug 52 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:30,356 used to stand and try and blind pilots with laser pointers. 53 00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:33,230 - And, oh... - Maybe we should do the tour after we... 54 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,729 you know, save your father's soul. 55 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:39,111 Oh, I've been meaning to ask, why are you trying to save your father? 56 00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:42,327 I've heard you mention your friend Pillboi many times 57 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,092 but you've not mentioned your father once. 58 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,532 What do you mean? I talk about Donkey Doug all the time. 59 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,171 I'm sorry... 60 00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:55,753 the man you call "Donkey Doug" is your father? 61 00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:57,051 Yeah. 62 00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:01,721 The "Donkey Doug" with whom you tried to blind airline pilots with laser pointers? 63 00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:02,723 Yeah. 64 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:05,182 The "Donkey Doug" who is banned from Disney World 65 00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:07,184 for biting Buzz Lightyear? 66 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,138 In his defence, he thought it was someone else. 67 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:12,566 Who? 68 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,769 So, Michael and I have a plan to save my dad. 69 00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:18,981 My whole life, Donkey Doug was always getting in trouble 70 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,399 because of some get-rich-quick scheme. 71 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,322 He sold counterfeit truck nutz 72 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,954 he created a sport that was a cross between dodgeball and horseshoes 73 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,489 and everybody died. 74 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,119 - He glued... - This should be easy. 75 00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:31,914 We have plenty of money. 76 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:36,748 If we just give him money, he'll blow it. He's gotta feel like he did it himself. 77 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:41,048 A few years ago, Donkey Doug was very close to getting his electrician's licence. 78 00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:44,760 So, if we get him to finish the training, he can earn an honest living 79 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:47,433 and be on his way to getting more Good Place points 80 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,639 which is why we're all here. 81 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,393 OK, let's go save ma dad! 82 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,315 Taxi! 83 00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:01,860 - Ha! - Need help with your bag? 84 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:02,950 Nah, I got it! 85 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,862 Oh, dip! Jason! 86 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,322 Aw, dip! Donkey Doug! 87 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,120 You call him "Donkey Doug" in person? 88 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,621 Me and Jason are cool like that. 89 00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:17,626 I don't think of him as my son, I think of him as ma boy! 90 00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:20,174 I mean, I am ya boy. 91 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,592 Yeah, but it's more like... 92 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,590 "That's my son right there, son!" 93 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:28,391 But not, like, "son-son", but, like, "ma boy". But not, like... 94 00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:30,514 Yes, Yes, we get it. Thank you. 95 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,224 Oh, this is my friend, Michael. 96 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,479 Aw, crap! You look like a cop! 97 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:37,400 Are you a cop? Because if you are, you have to tell me 98 00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,672 and you're not allowed to arrest me for anything you saw 99 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,312 before I knew you were a cop. 100 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:44,191 - I'm not a police officer. - Yeah, Michael's cool. 101 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:47,660 And this is Tahani, who is my wife, I guess. 102 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,487 Dang, nice pull, son! 103 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,415 How about you and me go check out my Jacuzzi and put stuff in each other? 104 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,539 Again, I'm his wife. 105 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,629 Wow. 106 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:59,129 That's the first time that line has ever failed. 107 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,082 You must really love him. 108 00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:04,301 Welcome to the family! Come on in! 109 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:07,130 This programme knows everything about your personality 110 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:09,716 Simone's personality, and all human relationships. 111 00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:13,978 It can't tell you exactly what will happen, but it will approximate Simone's reaction 112 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:15,263 to anything you say to her. 113 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,557 Plus... it has Tetris! 114 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:21,144 Hm. Would this work with, say, me, and, say... 115 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:24,106 uh, Jason Statham, and uh, instead of a café 116 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:27,909 it was, say, a room with a futon and a bunch of Red Bull? 117 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,202 Why is it that every time a new thing is invented 118 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,864 humans immediately try to use it for porn? 119 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,160 Because we're disgusting. 120 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,622 Huh. Eleanor and I will be watching on the monitor. 121 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,703 We'll see what you see. Put these in your ears. 122 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:41,915 They'll play a tone that will trick your brain into seeing what I've programmed. 123 00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:50,681 Wow! Uh, so, this is... I'm here. 124 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:51,809 Hey, babe. 125 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:53,885 What did you wanna talk about? 126 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,582 Go ahead, Chidi. Practice what you want to say to her. 127 00:05:56,606 --> 00:06:00,225 Right, um... Simone, this has been the best year of my life 128 00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:01,563 because of you. 129 00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:05,112 Unfortunately, I have come to learn some information 130 00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:09,568 and it means that we have to end this relationship. 131 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:12,950 - What information? - I can't say. 132 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,700 - Why not? - Uh... 133 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,290 I-I can't say. 134 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,868 Well, you've either gone crazy or you're too much of a coward 135 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:22,163 - to tell me how you feel. Which is it? - I-I can't, because of... 136 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,332 Janet! 137 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,826 Who's Janet? And why are you screaming her name into the sky? 138 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,836 You know what... whatever. Goodbye, Chidi. 139 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,011 No, no, no, wait! 140 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,465 So! 141 00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,343 - That didn't go great. - I disagree! 142 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,261 I thought it was hilarious. 143 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:38,933 So, Donkey Doug... 144 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:43,901 Jason told us about your electrician licence, and we have a career opportunity for you. 145 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,694 Yo! Later for that. 146 00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:48,690 I got a business proposition for you. 147 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,366 Pillboi! 148 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,411 - Oh, dip! Jason! - Oh, dip! Pillboi! 149 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,869 - Oh, dip! Pillboi! - Oh, dip! Donkey Doug! 150 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,117 This is remarkable. 151 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,577 It explains so much. 152 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:02,962 Jason, I thought you were dead! 153 00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:06,590 But I was alive! I was in Australia. I talked to you on the phone last week! 154 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,167 Yeah, but I forgot! 155 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,261 Oh...! 156 00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:13,090 Me and Pillboi have been cooking up something real special. 157 00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,846 And this time, it's not fake meth. 158 00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:20,392 Alright, Pillboi, tell him about our new product! 159 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:25,147 Sharks, how much do you spend on energy drinks and body spray in one week? 160 00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:26,484 $300? 161 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:27,945 Ten hundred dollars? 162 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:32,112 What if I told you there was a product that combined these two things 163 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:36,617 for one solution to all of life's problems and more? 164 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:39,581 I give to you, "Double Trouble." 165 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:43,252 The world's first energy drink-slash-body spray. 166 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:47,040 So, uh, do you spray it on yourself or do you drink it? 167 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,211 You both it! 168 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:51,635 This is the one, Jason! We're gonna be so rich. 169 00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:55,806 I'll finally be able to pay to have my calf implants moved back up from my feet! 170 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:58,024 This is gonna be a lot tougher than we thought. 171 00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:01,019 Tell me about it. "Double Trouble" sounds amazing! 172 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,974 We should bid fast, the other Sharks are gonna want in. 173 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:10,400 So, I just have to be simple, honest, and declarative 174 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,777 and somehow still protect her feelings. 175 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,826 I don't know, man. 176 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,990 - Maybe just tell her that you're gay. - I'm not gay. 177 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,323 Fine, bi. 178 00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,121 - I'm not bi either. - Why not? 179 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:23,451 More guys should be bi. It's 2018, it's like, get over yourselves! 180 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:27,539 Is there any way I can try a bunch of different things in a row 181 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:28,706 to see what works? 182 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:29,800 Bing! Sure. 183 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,838 If you want to reset, just snap your fingers. 184 00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:35,842 Also, I made some modifications to the tone, so it should make your transition easier. 185 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:36,932 Oh. 186 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:44,893 Hey, babe. 187 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,211 What did you want to talk about? 188 00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,352 Well, I don't love you anymore. 189 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,447 What? 190 00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:51,984 No, no, you don't understand. 191 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:58,194 I don't technically love you in the same way, because of circumstances. 192 00:08:58,955 --> 00:08:59,955 What? 193 00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:01,415 Hang on. 194 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:07,086 I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm dying. 195 00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:09,084 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am. 196 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:12,295 Because we're all dying, slowly, when you think about it. 197 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:16,091 We start dying the moment we're born, so, not a lie. 198 00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:20,470 OK, here it is. 199 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,392 I'm just going to be perfectly honest. 200 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,434 My real name is Special Agent Rick Justice, FBI. 201 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,567 Nope. 202 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:31,737 Simone... 203 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:38,151 the last year has been truly amazing. And with that in mind... 204 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,617 Will you marry me? 205 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:43,665 Yes! 206 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:46,158 Yes, of course I will! Oh! 207 00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:51,206 Wait, what-what am I doing? Why did I think this would work? 208 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,194 Chidi, I'm gonna go ahead and reboot this one myself. 209 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:54,218 Yeah, good call. 210 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,301 - So, Simone... - Wait. 211 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,551 Before you say anything, I think we should break up. 212 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,302 - You do? - Yes. 213 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:04,970 I love and respect you very much, but we're heading in different directions. 214 00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,675 And don't worry, we don't have to make a big "thing" of it. 215 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,686 Oh, my God. OK. This is the one. 216 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,378 Remember everything, right leg crossed over left. 217 00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:12,483 Coffee's right there... 218 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:13,779 Oh, one more thing. 219 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,067 Suck it, ya doink! 220 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,236 Sorry? 221 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,318 This is Eleanor, you idiot! 222 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:22,619 Janet let me mess with the simulator to screw with you! 223 00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:23,664 Janet, come on! 224 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,748 Hi, Chidi, this is Janet now. 225 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,621 - Sorry, it won't happen again. - Thank you! 226 00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:29,251 Psych! It's still Eleanor! 227 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:32,580 I can't believe you fell for that, ya doink! 228 00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:34,299 We need to break up 229 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,667 but here's a puppy! 230 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,335 Aw! Wait, what? 231 00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:41,217 He's a puppy, it's over between us, and he's cute! 232 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,633 Do you think I don't hear the bad parts of these sentences? 233 00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:46,143 His name is Martin, I need my keys back, and he's a puppy! 234 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,513 You are very bad at this. 235 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,794 Well, it's because I don't actually want to break up with her! 236 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,775 What, do you need me to break up with her for you 237 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:57,109 - like we're in middle school or something? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. 238 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,565 - Please do that for me, please! - Fine. 239 00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:03,403 Hey, Eleanor! 240 00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:04,746 Hey. 241 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,496 What did you want to talk about? 242 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,917 Well, first of all, you and Chidi are so great together. 243 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,749 He really loves you, and I can see why, you know? 244 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:15,047 You're brilliant, charming, obviously gorgeous. 245 00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,749 Aww, you're sweet to say that. 246 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:19,339 - And your accent is so cute! - Your accent is so cute. 247 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:21,674 What? I don't think I have an accent. 248 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,534 I don't think I have an accent. 249 00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:25,845 Stopit! 250 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:35,518 What... is... happening? 251 00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:38,947 Nope. No. 252 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:39,908 This is over. 253 00:11:39,909 --> 00:11:42,447 Whoa, man, come on! It was just getting good! 254 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:44,451 Let's remember the mission. 255 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:48,240 Your father needs to focus on long-term stability. 256 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,665 Also, and perhaps this is less important 257 00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:55,497 but there's an awful lot of dog hair on the furniture, and I have not seen a dog. 258 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,248 Not bad, right? 259 00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,801 "Double Trouble" comes in three delicious smell-flavours. 260 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:04,172 Raspberry-Perspirant, Cedarwood Melon Blast 261 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:07,683 and 24-Hour Lemon Musk Xtreme. 262 00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:10,144 That one is also a lube. 263 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,348 Look, Donkey Doug, "Double Trouble" is dope. 264 00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,566 On that much, we can all agree on. 265 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,977 But you got to think long-term. 266 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,233 You were good at electricity stuff. 267 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:24,484 You hooked us up with free porno channels every year, ever since the third grade. 268 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,909 It's good honest work. 269 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,907 "Honest work?" Whatever, Dad. 270 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,114 You're his dad. 271 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,457 This is huge, J! 272 00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:36,583 When "Double Trouble" pops off, I'll be able to quit my job at the old folks' home. 273 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:38,414 Buy a big-ass mansion. 274 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:42,126 Every day I'd wake up, get out of bed, brush my teeth 275 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,346 rinse, go downstairs, open the fridge 276 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,468 Damn, we outta milk. Get in my car... 277 00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:50,596 You don't have to run through the whole imaginary day. 278 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:54,772 Jason, I believe in "Double Trouble." Why won't you believe in me? 279 00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,027 Well... 280 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:02,901 I suppose a little entrepreneurial spirit never hurt anyone. 281 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:07,284 You know, "Reach for the stars," as I said to my good friend Elon Musk. 282 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,987 And then he shot his car into space. 283 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:13,157 What a weird creep. Why was I friends with him? 284 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:16,744 Maybe this is what'll put your father on the right path. 285 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:19,838 And hey, it's not like he's robbing a bank. 286 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,878 Yeah. It's a factory! 287 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,177 Excuse me? 288 00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:27,296 Tonight, we're gonna steal some energy drinks from an energy drink factory 289 00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,222 then steal some cologne from a cologne factory 290 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,429 so, it's actually two factories. 291 00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:33,769 Then we just gotta bottle it all up! 292 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:36,100 Aw, dip, we gotta rob a bottle factory. 293 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:38,224 - Three factories. - Three factories. 294 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:43,275 Stupid Donkey Doug! I mean, two factories I can understand 295 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,359 but... but three? 296 00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:49,986 You might want to consider the possibility that your father's a lost cause. 297 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,531 I have an idea, but I need your help. 298 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,036 Will you guys help me? 299 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,204 I mean, yeah, that... that's why we're here, Jason. 300 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,337 What's your idea, darling? 301 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,915 We're gonna save Pillboi. 302 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,506 OK, real life. I think I'm ready. 303 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,172 I've analysed the ten most successful scenarios 304 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,744 and compiled the statistically most effective break-up strategy. 305 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,682 - Who said you weren't a romantic? - Every girlfriend I've ever had. 306 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:18,059 Oh, there she is! OK, wish me luck. 307 00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,482 Oh. Hi. Uh... 308 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,733 Something wrong? 309 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,948 Er, no, it's just that we're usually over there. 310 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:30,405 Doesn't matter. 311 00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:36,958 OK, so I've spent a lot of time thinking about everything that's happened 312 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,270 - in the last year... - Hi there! 313 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:39,455 What can I get you to drink? 314 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,829 - Uh, I'll have an iced tea, please. - Water, thanks. 315 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,340 Um... 316 00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:46,751 It's been a time of massive personal and professional growth... 317 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,295 - Sorry, sugar with that iced tea? - Yes, please. 318 00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:52,305 Um, all in all, it's been overwhelmingly positive 319 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,888 and I think that's due in large part to you. 320 00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:58,225 Sorry, real quick. I'm gonna go on break, so Helmut will be taking care of you. 321 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,186 Hello! Will you be eating with us today? 322 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,442 - Just, please, give us one second! - Ja, OK. 323 00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:06,945 One! That was one second. Ha-ha, that was a joke! 324 00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,821 - Please get out of here, Helmut! - OK, ja. 325 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,237 Alright, look. Just, um, we need to break up. 326 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,494 - I am... I am breaking up with you! - Why? 327 00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:16,155 I can't... It's... I ju... It's... it's complicated. 328 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,366 But it's happening. Ya dumped! 329 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:21,831 - OK. - Wait. 330 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,124 Wait, no... 331 00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:24,880 Come back. Please. 332 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:26,460 Ja, OK, I'm back! 333 00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:28,008 Not you, Helmut! 334 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:32,265 Hey. 335 00:15:32,266 --> 00:15:36,350 Now listen, Judy. You can't mix Xannys with these lil' pink fools. 336 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:40,266 You'll be tripping balls like Clarence was when he crawled into the ice machine. 337 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,771 Here. 338 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:46,607 Take half of one of these, wash it down with a five-hour energy 339 00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:49,985 and you'll be golden. Body high with mild visuals. 340 00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:51,940 Thanks, Pillboi. 341 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:55,824 Yo, I gotta take off, cos I gotta go do a robbery. 342 00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,826 I mean... I'm sick. 343 00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:04,499 Hello, Pillboi. I'm here on behalf of Jason. 344 00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:09,041 You won't be attending the... job, with Donkey Doug today. 345 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,467 There's been a change of plans. 346 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:12,596 OK. 347 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:14,973 That's it? 348 00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:17,508 You don't need any more information? 349 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,475 I mean, do you wanna tell me? 350 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:20,681 Not really. 351 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:21,855 Cool. 352 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:23,809 Want some pills? 353 00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,606 I hate this! What if I ruined her? 354 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,467 What if I sent her down the wrong path and she ends up in the Bad Place? 355 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:34,234 I have to undo what I did. Janet, fire up the simulator. 356 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,991 Dude! No more simulations, just talk to her. 357 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:42,666 Break-ups never end with both people feeling great, but she's a badass 358 00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:45,870 and her world is bigger than your relationship. 359 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,621 She'll recover. 360 00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,131 Just... Go. 361 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,007 Be a person. 362 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:52,636 Right. 363 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,471 Here I go. 364 00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,717 Janet, can I use the simulator? 365 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:03,599 There's a very specific Lenny Kravitz concert I wanna be front row at. 366 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:08,442 Sure. FYI, when the system boots up, you might find yourself in a steam room 367 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,521 with Jason, who will be wearing an old-timey strongman onesie. 368 00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,901 It's a... bug in the system. 369 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,245 Pillboi? 370 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:19,953 No, it's me. 371 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,203 Pillboi's friend, Jason. Pillboi's not coming. 372 00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:26,335 If you're here to tell me an energy drink body spray is a bad idea 373 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,581 I've heard it before. 374 00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,413 From a bank, and some doctors. 375 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:33,880 I'mma help you make "Double Trouble" but you gotta leave Pillboi alone from now on. 376 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,547 I'm trying to save him. 377 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:38,930 Oh, dip. You got religious and shizz? 378 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,183 Amen. 379 00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:41,768 Amen. 380 00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,848 OK, hurry up and get this crap in my truck. 381 00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:48,728 Jacksonville Police. Come out with your hands up. 382 00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:52,152 Are you a cop? Cos if you are, you have to tell us! 383 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,738 Yes, this is the police. 384 00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:57,532 - Yup, I knew it, it's the cops! - Well, what do we do? 385 00:17:57,827 --> 00:17:59,409 - Yo, let's get out of here. - No. 386 00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:03,326 I know I haven't been the best father in the world. 387 00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:05,953 I might not have even been in the top five. 388 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:10,625 I wanna make up for that. I'll distract 'em, you run out the back. 389 00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:11,673 No, that's crazy. 390 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:14,382 It's what my dad did for me, and his dad for him 391 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,962 and some day, you'll do this exact thing for your son. 392 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,054 I mean, I hope not. 393 00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:22,761 But thanks, Donkey Doug. 394 00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:23,852 Hey. 395 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,519 - Call me "Donkey Dad". - OK. 396 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,973 Donkey Dad. 397 00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:32,067 Nah, that sounds wack! Call me Donkey Doug! 398 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:33,903 Cool. 399 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,655 Bortles! 400 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:49,417 Uh... 401 00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:53,709 Here's the truth. You're amazing. 402 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,300 And my feelings have changed. 403 00:18:57,345 --> 00:19:01,510 I wish I could tell you why, I really, really do. 404 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:02,843 But... 405 00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:05,843 I can't. 406 00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,063 Well... 407 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:13,066 You seem to know what you want, which is rare for you. 408 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:16,445 Well, I... I... I hope you keep the study going. 409 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,944 It might help a lot of people. 410 00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:22,452 Well. 411 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,945 - See you in the next life. - What? 412 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,637 Why would you say that? What do you know? 413 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,748 It's a figure of speech. 414 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,167 You're so weird, man. 415 00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:33,169 I think maybe this is for the best. 416 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:39,175 So, your covert mission is to continue to report to this job 417 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,633 until you receive our signal. 418 00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:44,256 Now, this is the most important thing. 419 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,427 You cannot commit any more crimes 420 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:52,223 and you must help these people as much as you can. 421 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,349 The mission depends on it. 422 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:55,443 Roger that. 423 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:58,186 Man, I can't believe this whole time 424 00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:00,109 you guys were with NASA! 425 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:03,859 Yes, we are secret astronaut spies. 426 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,115 That is indeed what Jason told you. 427 00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:11,541 Take good care of these old fools, and stay out of trouble. 428 00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:13,872 I love you, bro. 429 00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:15,666 I love you, bro. 430 00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,132 - Psych! - I got you, bro! 431 00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:28,304 I got you, bro. 432 00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:29,436 - Jag... - ...uars 433 00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:30,437 Rule! 434 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,321 Well, my sister's museum exhibit opens tomorrow. 435 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:44,775 Are you all ready for some Al-Jamil family reconciliation? 436 00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:45,869 You know it, wifey! 437 00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,319 Soul Squad is on a roll! 438 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:51,577 I pretty much nailed that Pillboi thing, and I got closure with my dad, Donkey Doug. 439 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,915 That remains depressing. But I'm happy for you, bud. 440 00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:57,607 I never got to do that with my parents, and now they're both dead 441 00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,338 so it's impossible. 442 00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:02,376 So, the thing is... 443 00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:06,630 one of your parents is not technically, actually... 444 00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:08,141 dead. 445 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,619 What are you talking about? 446 00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:13,478 Your mother's alive. She faked her own death. 447 00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:18,605 I'm sorry, Tahani, I don't think I'll be able to stay with you here in Budapest. 448 00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:23,238 Turns out my mum isn't dead, so I need to fly back to America 449 00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:25,231 to murder her. 32726

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