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This is it for certain, okay?
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I create a game show.
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Two people on stage, right?
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They flip a coin.
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One of them has to perform
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open-heart surgery.
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The other one has to receive
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open-heart surgery.
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We call it
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Open-Heart Surgery.
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How about this?
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You buy a Gulfstream
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G-IV jet.
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Already interested.
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Take the wheels off.
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Get 'em off of there.
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Turn the jet into
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an apartment building.
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People could live inside
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their own private jet.
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We're currently coming up
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with business ideas
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for Jean-Ralphio
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'cause as of today,
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his bank account
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is blowing up.
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I made my money
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the old-fashioned way.
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I got run over
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by a Lexus
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I still can't believe
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you won all that money
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in the lawsuit.
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You barely got hurt at all.
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Do you want to get run over?
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Because I know a guy.
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Super gentle.
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Minor scrapes and bruises,
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major dollars and cents.
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I got it.
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What are you amazing at?
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I know it. We both know it,
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let's just say it
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at the same time.
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Creating spectacles.
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...spectacles.
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No, I got it.
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You create
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Pawnee's first and only
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high-end, all-media
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entertainment conglomerate.
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Absolutely. That's absolutely
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what I have to do.
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What does it mean?
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It means audio, video,
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movies, 3-D movies,
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nightclubs...
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Yeah.
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...iPhone apps.
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If it's entertainment,
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you're involved.
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Yes, of course I am.
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And you call it...
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Entertainment 7Twenty.
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No!
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Why? Why?
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You gotta stop screaming.
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I will, I just get excited.
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Why do we call it
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Entertainment 7Twenty?
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'Cause you're willing to go
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around the world twice
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for your clients.
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That is unbelievable!
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But listen to me,
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listen to me.
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I'm gonna need you on my team
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to pull this off, all right?
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I can't do this without you.
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I don't know, man. I can't.
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I'd have to quit my job.
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Okay, I'll do it
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without you.
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I have some
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very important news
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about our favorite mini-horse,
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Li'l Sebastian.
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Yay!
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Li'l Sebastian!
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He died last night.
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No.
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But we can take
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comfort in the fact
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that he is in heaven now,
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doing the two things
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he loves doing the most.
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Eating carrots and
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urinating freely.
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When I walked in
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this morning and saw
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the flag was at half-mast,
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I thought, "All right.
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"Another bureaucrat ate it."
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But then I found out
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it was Li'l Sebastian.
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Half-mast is too high.
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Show some damned respect.
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Because of all he's
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done for the town,
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we are gonna be holding
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a small memorial
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service for him.
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But for now,
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I think we
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should bow our heads
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in a moment of silence.
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I got it, thank you.
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It's times like this,
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when someone,
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or some horse, passes,
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that you really take
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stock of your life.
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You look around you,
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and you start to realize
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what it is
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that you truly care about.
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For Li'l Sebastian,
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I imagine it was
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good fresh oats,
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a trough of water,
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and a willing sexual partner.
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Or non-willing.
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He was a horse, so I think
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they had to do it either way.
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Hey...
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Hey, Ann, how's it going?
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You don't have to pretend.
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I know you're supposed to
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meet Leslie here.
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But I'm also curious
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about how it's going.
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Mmm-hmm. Leslie's busy,
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she's working on
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the Li'l Sebastian
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memorial service.
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But you know what?
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She did give me
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this note to give to you,
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and she also wanted me
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to kiss you deeply,
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which I'm going
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to have to pass on.
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Okay.
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I really like my new
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part-time job here.
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My office mate
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moved down the hall
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so I have this
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whole room just for me.
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And Ben and Leslie,
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who secretly meet here...
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...forty times a day.
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She drew a kiss monster
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on the note.
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Yeah.
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Look, you guys are
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totally welcome to use
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my office,
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just don't do
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anything on my desk.
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Oh, we don't... You know.
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We just like to
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work in the same place,
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and then we talk
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and hold hands.
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Yuck, that's somehow worse.
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Yeah, it sounded
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bad when I said it.
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From now on, we stop mourning
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Li'l Sebastian's death,
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and we start
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celebrating his life.
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That's what he
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would have wanted.
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Amen.
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We need to send
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that glorious beast
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into the great beyond
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with a display that rivals
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the Super Bowl half-time show.
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Also, the budget is $600.
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So maintenance is
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gonna set up the stage.
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Ron will be laying
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the ceremonial wreath.
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Leslie, there's
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a 13th century Italian poem
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by Dante Alighieri
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that would be
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very appropriate.
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Oh, Jerry,
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that sounds wonderful.
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Okay, Andy, I need you
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to write a memorial song.
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Something like
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Candle in the Wind,
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but 5,000 times better.
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Easy.
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Hey, if you want
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a song from Andy Dwyer,
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lead singer of Mouse Rat,
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you should know
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he doesn't get out of bed
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for less than $1,000.
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Well, he sleeps on a futon,
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so we can give him 50 bucks.
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Sold.
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Okay, here is
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a memo with some facts
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about Li'l Sebastian.
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I think you'll find yours
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particularly interesting.
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It's just a list of facts.
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What?
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Okay, mine says,
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"You have a cute butt."
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That's weird.
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Must be a typo.
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Yeah, Jerry,
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it's probably a typo,
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because it
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probably should've said,
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"You have a cube butt."
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'Cause your butt's
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shaped like a cube.
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Yeah.
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The question is,
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why is my memo different
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than everyone else's?
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Cube butt, cube butt.
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Cube butt, cube butt.
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Well, the good news is
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this is just tendonitis.
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How is that good news?
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The other option
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was shoulder cancer.
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Really?
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No.
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Look, you exercise a lot.
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You're in great shape.
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Little things like this happen
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with men of your age.
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Men of my age?
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How old do you think I am?
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Forty-two.
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I am 44, and I plan
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to live to be 150.
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Okay.
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So. What's the cure?
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Get a time machine.
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Go back to being 20.
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Dr. Harris, you are literally
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the meanest person
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I have ever met.
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Okay, all the permits cleared
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for the horse funeral.
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What was that tone?
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What?
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Oh, nothing.
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I'm very sad about this.
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Question! Who's a genius?
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Answer, Tom Haverford.
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Reason,
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Jean-Ralphio just started
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an exclusive,
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high-end production company,
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and he's willing to
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put on Li'l Sebastian's
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memorial service
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pro bono,
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just for the pub.
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Pub is an abbreviation
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for publicity.
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Jean-Ralphio is a clown.
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This is the memorial
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for Li'l Sebastian,
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not double-coupon night
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at a strip club.
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First off, double-coupon night
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is an incredible value.
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Secondly, this guy
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just started a business.
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He's my friend.
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It would really
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help him out.
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Plus, I'm gonna
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oversee everything and
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make sure it goes great.
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Okay, Tom, we trust you.
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Make us proud.
301
00:07:12,830 --> 00:07:14,350
Make him proud.
302
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,060
Why don't you just
303
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,060
Photoshop that out?
304
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,070
Hi, Ann Perkins.
305
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,070
Hi.
306
00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:23,900
How are you?
307
00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:23,900
I'm dying.
308
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:25,400
What?
309
00:07:25,710 --> 00:07:27,180
Tendonitis.
310
00:07:25,710 --> 00:07:27,180
Oh.
311
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:30,140
I don't know if
312
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:30,140
you should lead
313
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:30,140
with "I'm dying."
314
00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:32,850
You're right,
315
00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:32,850
you're right. So.
316
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:33,970
What's up with you?
317
00:07:34,050 --> 00:07:37,650
I'm just helping Leslie
318
00:07:34,050 --> 00:07:37,650
plan Li'l Sebastian's
319
00:07:34,050 --> 00:07:37,650
memorial service.
320
00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:41,550
Li'l Sebastian died?
321
00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:41,550
That's terrible.
322
00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:45,690
Yeah, well, he was old,
323
00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:45,690
and he had a lot of ailments.
324
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:46,780
Like tendonitis?
325
00:07:46,860 --> 00:07:47,850
I don't know.
326
00:07:47,930 --> 00:07:49,490
I don't have his
327
00:07:47,930 --> 00:07:49,490
chart in front of me.
328
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,330
Could you get it?
329
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,490
What? No...
330
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,490
There's no chart.
331
00:07:53,570 --> 00:07:54,970
Oh, my God.
332
00:07:55,740 --> 00:07:57,230
Death is inescapable.
333
00:07:58,610 --> 00:08:00,540
Goodbye, Ann Perkins.
334
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,240
Okay, so I'm meeting
335
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,240
him in a few minutes.
336
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,240
How do I look?
337
00:08:06,510 --> 00:08:07,610
What are you going for?
338
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,780
Sophisticated with
339
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,780
a hint of slutty.
340
00:08:09,850 --> 00:08:11,250
Bulls-eye.
341
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,250
So nice to see you
342
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,250
so happy about a guy.
343
00:08:13,390 --> 00:08:15,620
Thanks. I don't know.
344
00:08:13,390 --> 00:08:15,620
When I look at
345
00:08:13,390 --> 00:08:15,620
my life right now,
346
00:08:15,690 --> 00:08:18,020
it feels almost perfect.
347
00:08:18,190 --> 00:08:20,090
I mean,
348
00:08:18,190 --> 00:08:20,090
we have to sneak around,
349
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,600
but weirdly,
350
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,600
it's kind of fun
351
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,600
that nobody knows.
352
00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:23,860
I could see that.
353
00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:25,530
Enough about me.
354
00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:25,530
How's Ann?
355
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,360
I'm pretty happy
356
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,360
right now, generally.
357
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,670
Although I did
358
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,670
see Chris today.
359
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,670
He always just throws me off.
360
00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:32,570
I don't want to
361
00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:32,570
talk about Chris.
362
00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:32,570
Every time I hear his name,
363
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,670
I think about the fact
364
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,670
that he's gonna find out
365
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,670
about me and Ben,
366
00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:36,010
and he's gonna
367
00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:36,010
fire both of us.
368
00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:39,640
And about how
369
00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:39,640
much he hurt you.
370
00:08:39,710 --> 00:08:40,910
Yeah, there you go.
371
00:08:39,710 --> 00:08:40,910
Yeah.
372
00:08:49,020 --> 00:08:50,550
Hello, Leslie.
373
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,620
How long have you
374
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,620
been sleeping with Ben?
375
00:08:56,330 --> 00:08:57,530
What?
376
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,430
How long have you
377
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,430
been sleeping with Ben?
378
00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:01,560
That's disgusting and wrong.
379
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,400
I don't even get...
380
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,400
Why would... I...
381
00:09:03,470 --> 00:09:05,500
I've never had sex
382
00:09:03,470 --> 00:09:05,500
with anyone anywhere.
383
00:09:05,570 --> 00:09:06,800
It's none of your...
384
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,940
You have the nerve,
385
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,940
the audacity...
386
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,150
Ben is my boss,
387
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,150
technically.
388
00:09:12,210 --> 00:09:14,580
And he is terrible,
389
00:09:12,210 --> 00:09:14,580
facewise.
390
00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:17,920
And how...
391
00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:17,920
How do I know, frankly,
392
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:19,010
that you're not
393
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:19,010
sleeping with him?
394
00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:21,580
Maybe you are.
395
00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:21,580
Maybe you're trying
396
00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:21,580
to throw me off.
397
00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:22,990
Hmm. Check and mate.
398
00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:27,690
This is an outrage!
399
00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:27,690
Who do I call?
400
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,730
Hey, hey.
401
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,500
Hey, Ron.
402
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,500
Listen, you're just
403
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,500
who I was looking for.
404
00:09:32,570 --> 00:09:34,900
Are you...
405
00:09:32,570 --> 00:09:34,900
Did you forget the...
406
00:09:35,870 --> 00:09:37,530
Did you...
407
00:09:35,870 --> 00:09:37,530
Can I get that thing?
408
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:39,100
Can we just...
409
00:09:39,170 --> 00:09:40,270
Did you bring it?
410
00:09:40,340 --> 00:09:42,210
This isn't convincing.
411
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:45,570
How did you find out?
412
00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:47,410
We've worked together
413
00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:47,410
for a while now.
414
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,180
I'd like to think I
415
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,180
know you pretty well.
416
00:09:49,650 --> 00:09:52,140
Plus, Ben butt-dialed me
417
00:09:49,650 --> 00:09:52,140
last night.
418
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:56,850
Okay, okay.
419
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:56,850
And this is how Eleanor
420
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:56,850
Roosevelt would kiss.
421
00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:00,760
Whoa.
422
00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:00,760
Eleanor likes the tongue.
423
00:10:01,230 --> 00:10:03,460
Hey, show me Pelosi again.
424
00:10:03,530 --> 00:10:05,060
Okay, lay down.
425
00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:08,400
Please tell me you hung up
426
00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:08,400
before Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
427
00:10:08,470 --> 00:10:09,560
Unfortunately not.
428
00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,670
This is a scandal
429
00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,670
waiting to happen.
430
00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:15,570
If you get caught,
431
00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:15,570
which you clearly will,
432
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:18,340
Chris will fire you.
433
00:10:18,810 --> 00:10:20,480
And I won't be
434
00:10:18,810 --> 00:10:20,480
able to stop him.
435
00:10:20,550 --> 00:10:22,680
Ron, we're being
436
00:10:20,550 --> 00:10:22,680
very careful.
437
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,350
Oh,
438
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,350
President Reagan,
439
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,350
my blazer popped open.
440
00:10:26,420 --> 00:10:29,790
Well, Maggie Thatcher,
441
00:10:26,420 --> 00:10:29,790
let me help you with that.
442
00:10:29,860 --> 00:10:32,490
It's gonna be a bumpy ride
443
00:10:29,860 --> 00:10:32,490
to this summit meeting.
444
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,220
Our countries
445
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,220
have had a very...
446
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,220
Okay.
447
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,730
Yes.
448
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,730
...special relationship...
449
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:36,820
Oh, no!
450
00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:37,890
You've proven your point.
451
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,530
In my heart,
452
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,530
I'm sad you had to die.
453
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:46,370
Li'l horse, spread your
454
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:46,370
wings and learn to fly.
455
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,530
Horses don't fly.
456
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:48,770
That's why
457
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:48,770
I'm telling him,
458
00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:51,380
"learn to fly."
459
00:10:52,580 --> 00:10:54,850
Come on, help me.
460
00:10:52,580 --> 00:10:54,850
There's a lot riding on this.
461
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,320
This is what Li'l Sebastian's
462
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,320
gonna listen to
463
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,320
in horsey heaven.
464
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,120
Okay, let me hear
465
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,120
your favorite one so far.
466
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:03,860
You're a champion
467
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:03,860
little horse
468
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:05,820
And you're dead
469
00:11:06,330 --> 00:11:10,130
You're
470
00:11:06,330 --> 00:11:10,130
the champion of death
471
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:13,100
You're
472
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:13,100
the champion of death
473
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,930
Maybe try to do one
474
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,730
without the word
475
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,730
"dead" so much.
476
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:19,400
Or "death"
477
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:19,400
or "you're dead."
478
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,100
See?
479
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,100
You're helping me already.
480
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,900
So the only people that know
481
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,900
are my mom, Ann, and Ron.
482
00:11:25,050 --> 00:11:26,340
And they're not
483
00:11:25,050 --> 00:11:26,340
gonna say anything.
484
00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:28,470
Right. Just no more
485
00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:28,470
fooling around at work.
486
00:11:29,780 --> 00:11:30,910
Okay, yeah. We can't.
487
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,580
Well, I mean, you know,
488
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,580
a situation could arise
489
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,920
where you do something good,
490
00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:37,390
and I congratulate you.
491
00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:39,720
Like, with
492
00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:39,720
a professional hug.
493
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,060
You know,
494
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,060
kind of like this,
495
00:11:42,830 --> 00:11:44,490
"Oh, congratulations."
496
00:11:44,930 --> 00:11:46,130
That feels appropriate.
497
00:11:44,930 --> 00:11:46,130
Yeah.
498
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,970
Yeah, I mean, I think we can
499
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,970
get away with that
500
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,730
as long as we don't
501
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,730
do stuff like this.
502
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:52,630
Hey, lovebirds.
503
00:11:53,210 --> 00:11:54,440
What do I do with this?
504
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,040
You can just
505
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,040
leave it there.
506
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,040
Okay.
507
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,980
So my mom,
508
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,980
Ron, Ann, and that guy.
509
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:08,580
For the memorial ribbons?
510
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,180
No doubt.
511
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,180
Which one floats your penis?
512
00:12:11,290 --> 00:12:12,420
They're all black.
513
00:12:14,930 --> 00:12:16,360
Maybe to the layman,
514
00:12:14,930 --> 00:12:16,360
Jerry.
515
00:12:16,430 --> 00:12:20,100
Obsidian, onyx, midnight,
516
00:12:16,430 --> 00:12:20,100
lost soul, rolling blackout,
517
00:12:20,170 --> 00:12:22,400
sleeping panther,
518
00:12:20,170 --> 00:12:22,400
and void by Armani.
519
00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:24,330
Hey, Jerry, does this
520
00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:24,330
look black to you, too?
521
00:12:30,410 --> 00:12:31,400
Ann.
522
00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:33,710
So glad I found you.
523
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,850
Can I talk to
524
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,850
you for a minute?
525
00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:37,380
Um, okay.
526
00:12:39,790 --> 00:12:42,090
I need to ask you
527
00:12:39,790 --> 00:12:42,090
a question,
528
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,560
and if you're uncomfortable
529
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,560
answering it right now,
530
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:48,720
you can take some time
531
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:48,720
and think about it.
532
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:48,720
That would be okay.
533
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:50,890
Okay.
534
00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:54,530
Is tendonitis symptomatic
535
00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:54,530
of something larger?
536
00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:58,140
Really, that's the question
537
00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:58,140
you wanted to ask me?
538
00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,400
I'm just very worried.
539
00:12:59,470 --> 00:13:01,500
I'm not sure
540
00:12:59,470 --> 00:13:01,500
that this doctor's
541
00:12:59,470 --> 00:13:01,500
been properly trained.
542
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:05,140
You know what, Chris?
543
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:05,140
I'm sorry, but I'm not
544
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:05,140
your nurse,
545
00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:07,610
and I'm not your
546
00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:07,610
girlfriend and...
547
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,380
I thought I was twice,
548
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,380
and I was wrong,
549
00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:11,740
which was embarrassing.
550
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:15,150
I'm just not ready
551
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:15,150
to be your friend.
552
00:13:15,990 --> 00:13:17,790
Of course. I'm sorry.
553
00:13:19,060 --> 00:13:21,790
I do hope we can be
554
00:13:19,060 --> 00:13:21,790
friends before I die.
555
00:13:26,930 --> 00:13:28,400
Hi, friend.
556
00:13:26,930 --> 00:13:28,400
Hey.
557
00:13:28,470 --> 00:13:29,460
Hey.
558
00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:32,200
What you saw was not
559
00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:32,200
what you think it is.
560
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:35,970
I was just
561
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:35,970
congratulating her because
562
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:35,970
she got some good news.
563
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,270
Oh, right.
564
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,270
Yeah.
565
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,280
We were both kind of
566
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,280
up for this thing,
567
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,280
this really...
568
00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:42,750
I won
569
00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:42,750
the MacArthur Genius Grant.
570
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:44,110
Yeah.
571
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:45,850
Yeah, so that's what
572
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:45,850
the hug was all about.
573
00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:48,550
Sure. Congratulations.
574
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:49,960
Thank you.
575
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:49,960
Hey, you know what?
576
00:13:50,020 --> 00:13:51,250
We'll cover
577
00:13:50,020 --> 00:13:51,250
your duties here.
578
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:52,690
You should just take
579
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:52,690
the rest of the day off.
580
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,460
Oh, that's a good idea.
581
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,460
You should do that
582
00:13:54,530 --> 00:13:56,360
and you should
583
00:13:54,530 --> 00:13:56,360
get a massage.
584
00:13:56,430 --> 00:14:00,630
I have a gift certificate,
585
00:13:56,430 --> 00:14:00,630
actually. My mom gave it
586
00:13:56,430 --> 00:14:00,630
to me for you.
587
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:01,860
Oh, my God.
588
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:01,860
Yes!
589
00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:04,370
That's so nice.
590
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,670
Okay. Well, thanks.
591
00:14:07,110 --> 00:14:09,910
Thank you.
592
00:14:07,110 --> 00:14:09,910
And thank you for
593
00:14:07,110 --> 00:14:09,910
your discretion.
594
00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:11,770
You got it.
595
00:14:12,510 --> 00:14:14,310
It was great to
596
00:14:12,510 --> 00:14:14,310
see you, George.
597
00:14:12,510 --> 00:14:14,310
Yes.
598
00:14:18,820 --> 00:14:20,410
Welcome, everyone.
599
00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:22,680
Sebastian may have
600
00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:22,680
been li'l,
601
00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:26,260
but his impact on this town
602
00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:26,260
and the Parks Department
603
00:14:26,330 --> 00:14:28,160
was anything but li'l.
604
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:33,370
I would like to
605
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:33,370
introduce his owners,
606
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:33,370
Michael and Elizabeth Stone
607
00:14:33,430 --> 00:14:36,460
and two of his
608
00:14:33,430 --> 00:14:36,460
closest friends.
609
00:14:36,540 --> 00:14:38,100
Cue music and lights, and...
610
00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:40,070
Go Ladybug, go Coconut.
611
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,170
Coconut and Ladybug
612
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,170
both in position.
613
00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:50,080
Not only was
614
00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:50,080
Coconut a friend,
615
00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,450
but she was also a lover.
616
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,920
Our deepest
617
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,920
sympathy is with you.
618
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:56,750
Coconut just took
619
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:56,750
a dump on the stage.
620
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:56,750
We gotta clean that up.
621
00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:59,190
Code red. Coconut
622
00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:59,190
just took a dump onstage.
623
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:01,390
Hey, Leslie.
624
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:03,860
The maintenance
625
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:03,860
guy bailed on us.
626
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:03,860
No one knows where he is.
627
00:15:03,930 --> 00:15:05,300
He had the fuel for
628
00:15:03,930 --> 00:15:05,300
the eternal flame.
629
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:07,700
No way.
630
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:07,700
That guy left?
631
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:07,700
What a...
632
00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:09,330
Okay. Start
633
00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:09,330
the video presentation.
634
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,840
I'll deal with it.
635
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,840
All right.
636
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,570
Jerry, I need you to
637
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,570
go get some propane.
638
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:13,630
No, what about my poem?
639
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:15,510
No one wants you
640
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:15,510
to read a poem,
641
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:15,510
okay, Jerry?
642
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:16,910
What everyone wants,
643
00:15:17,310 --> 00:15:19,410
what Li'l Sebastian wants,
644
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,280
is for you to get propane.
645
00:15:21,580 --> 00:15:24,180
Fine. I'll do it
646
00:15:21,580 --> 00:15:24,180
for Li'l Sebastian.
647
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,350
Now we have
648
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,350
a special presentation,
649
00:15:28,420 --> 00:15:31,190
courtesy of the folks
650
00:15:28,420 --> 00:15:31,190
at Entertainment 7Twenty.
651
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:33,360
Hope you brought
652
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:33,360
a change of clothes.
653
00:15:33,690 --> 00:15:36,490
'Cause your eyes are
654
00:15:33,690 --> 00:15:36,490
about to piss tears.
655
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,660
You nasty.
656
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,210
Who are we?
657
00:15:48,340 --> 00:15:50,940
Where are we going in life?
658
00:15:51,810 --> 00:15:54,720
What is the meaning
659
00:15:51,810 --> 00:15:54,720
of all of this?
660
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,420
These are
661
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,420
questions Li'l Sebastian
662
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,420
never had to answer
663
00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:00,850
because he was a horse.
664
00:16:02,090 --> 00:16:05,690
Instead, he just brought us
665
00:16:02,090 --> 00:16:05,690
joy and happiness.
666
00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:07,690
And isn't that the point?
667
00:16:07,930 --> 00:16:10,300
You gotta join the company.
668
00:16:07,930 --> 00:16:10,300
I'm the bank.
669
00:16:07,930 --> 00:16:10,300
You're the money.
670
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,200
I know, J,
671
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,200
but it'd be a big leap.
672
00:16:13,270 --> 00:16:14,790
And I will take
673
00:16:13,270 --> 00:16:14,790
that leap with you.
674
00:16:14,870 --> 00:16:16,700
I'm Thelma,
675
00:16:14,870 --> 00:16:16,700
you're Louise.
676
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,600
You can't die
677
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,600
full of regret.
678
00:16:19,670 --> 00:16:22,300
Why don't you live your life
679
00:16:19,670 --> 00:16:22,300
like that cow from the video?
680
00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:23,740
He was a horse.
681
00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:23,740
Yeah.
682
00:16:23,810 --> 00:16:25,370
Because he followed
683
00:16:23,810 --> 00:16:25,370
his dreams.
684
00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:28,850
There was no
685
00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:28,850
obstacle too large.
686
00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:31,550
No mountain too high.
687
00:16:32,350 --> 00:16:33,580
No valley too low.
688
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,880
Li'l Sebastian
689
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,880
had a long life,
690
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,880
filled with wonder.
691
00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:40,860
Good night, Li'l Sebastian.
692
00:16:40,930 --> 00:16:42,090
Forever.
693
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:51,400
We'd like to
694
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:51,400
encourage everyone
695
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:51,400
to buy our merchandise.
696
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:55,770
All the proceeds will go
697
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:55,770
towards Li'l Sebastian's
698
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:55,770
favorite charity,
699
00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:57,940
the Afghan
700
00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:57,940
Institute of Learning.
701
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:01,410
Next, we have
702
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:01,410
a special musical tribute
703
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,280
by Mr. Andy Dwyer.
704
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:07,950
What's 5,000 times better
705
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:07,950
than a candle in the wind?
706
00:17:08,020 --> 00:17:12,480
This song is called
707
00:17:08,020 --> 00:17:12,480
5,000 Candles in the Wind.
708
00:17:16,130 --> 00:17:18,500
Up in horsey heaven
709
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,260
Here's the thing
710
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:27,270
You trade your legs
711
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:27,270
for angel's wings
712
00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:33,310
And once we've
713
00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:33,310
all said goodbye
714
00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:41,350
You take a running leap
715
00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:41,350
and you learn to fly
716
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:46,650
Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian
717
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:54,230
I miss you in
718
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:54,230
the saddest fashion
719
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:59,600
Bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian
720
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:06,070
You're 5,000
721
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:06,070
candles in the wind
722
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:10,910
Hey,
723
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:13,220
why is Perd Hapley unveiling
724
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:13,220
the memorial stone?
725
00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:15,350
Because Joe from sewage
726
00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:15,350
had to hand out the armbands,
727
00:18:15,420 --> 00:18:16,790
and Perd had to
728
00:18:15,420 --> 00:18:16,790
fill in for Mortenson,
729
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,290
and Mortenson had to
730
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,290
fill in for Howser.
731
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:19,620
Okay, well,
732
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:19,620
why couldn't Donna do it?
733
00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:21,720
Because Donna's reading
734
00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:21,720
Jerry's Italian poem.
735
00:18:26,970 --> 00:18:28,130
This is sort of a mess.
736
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:29,470
No, it's okay, we're...
737
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:30,900
What the hell, Leslie?
738
00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:33,440
I thought I was supposed to
739
00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:33,440
lay the ceremonial wreath.
740
00:18:33,910 --> 00:18:35,500
Why is Councilman
741
00:18:33,910 --> 00:18:35,500
Howser doing it?
742
00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:37,550
Because you are doing
743
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:39,340
something better.
744
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:42,140
You are lighting
745
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:42,140
the memorial flame,
746
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:44,150
which is
747
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:44,150
the greatest honor of all.
748
00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:46,120
Oh, my God.
749
00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:46,120
Ron, congratulations.
750
00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:48,090
I saved it for you, Ron.
751
00:18:48,390 --> 00:18:50,150
Who caught you guys?
752
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,220
A very nosy
753
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,220
maintenance worker,
754
00:18:52,290 --> 00:18:54,320
and we talked to him,
755
00:18:52,290 --> 00:18:54,320
and now we're all friends,
756
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,190
and he's not gonna
757
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,190
tell on us.
758
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,190
It's totally fine.
759
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,290
I think if you would know
760
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,290
one thing about me,
761
00:18:58,370 --> 00:19:02,170
it would be that I
762
00:18:58,370 --> 00:19:02,170
prefer laying wreaths
763
00:18:58,370 --> 00:19:02,170
to lighting torches.
764
00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:05,600
I have cried twice
765
00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:05,600
in my life.
766
00:19:06,210 --> 00:19:07,570
Once when I was seven,
767
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,370
and I was hit
768
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,370
by a school bus.
769
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:14,210
And then again
770
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:14,210
when I heard that Li'l
771
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:14,210
Sebastian had passed.
772
00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:17,680
His memory will live on,
773
00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:19,950
as today we light a fire
774
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,720
that will burn
775
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,720
on for eternity.
776
00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:27,030
Okay, deep breath.
777
00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:27,030
I think we got through it.
778
00:19:27,090 --> 00:19:28,190
Thank God.
779
00:19:27,090 --> 00:19:28,190
Yeah.
780
00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:30,860
Hey, Jerry, you put propane
781
00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:30,860
in the eternal flame, right?
782
00:19:30,930 --> 00:19:32,230
No, they were out.
783
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:34,930
So I just got a big
784
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:34,930
thing of lighter fluid.
785
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:34,930
It's kind of the same thing.
786
00:19:37,770 --> 00:19:39,370
Huh? Oh!
787
00:19:39,670 --> 00:19:42,740
We planned that!
788
00:19:39,670 --> 00:19:42,740
Wow, wow!
789
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:44,910
We planned that.
790
00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:46,310
Yay!
791
00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:52,940
Please, Ron,
792
00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:52,940
I am very sorry.
793
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,110
I guess I put too
794
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,110
much fuel in the torch.
795
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:59,450
Oh, I don't know, Jerry.
796
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:59,450
I think you're
797
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:59,450
being hard on yourself.
798
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:02,730
Ron, are you mad at me?
799
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:02,730
'Cause without eyebrows,
800
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:02,730
I can't really tell.
801
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,800
Ron Swanson loves
802
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,800
his facial hair.
803
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,130
And we burned it off.
804
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,630
This thing that we're doing,
805
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,630
it's unsustainable.
806
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:12,770
What, you want
807
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:12,770
to break up?
808
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:13,830
What? No. I like you.
809
00:20:13,910 --> 00:20:14,900
Well, then...
810
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,030
You want to tell Chris.
811
00:20:16,110 --> 00:20:17,540
What? No. I like my job.
812
00:20:17,610 --> 00:20:19,050
Well, then, what do we do?
813
00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:20,980
Okay, operation shutdown.
814
00:20:21,580 --> 00:20:23,240
No more secret hand-holding.
815
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,510
No more smooching
816
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,510
in Ann's office.
817
00:20:25,590 --> 00:20:28,110
In fact, when we're at work,
818
00:20:25,590 --> 00:20:28,110
we just shouldn't talk
819
00:20:25,590 --> 00:20:28,110
to each other at all.
820
00:20:28,190 --> 00:20:31,160
Okay, well,
821
00:20:28,190 --> 00:20:31,160
that's gonna be really hard,
822
00:20:28,190 --> 00:20:31,160
and we could still get fired.
823
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:35,060
I know.
824
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:35,060
But it's worth the risk
825
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:35,060
if I can be with you.
826
00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:36,960
All right.
827
00:20:37,030 --> 00:20:38,500
Well, then, I'm in.
828
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:39,560
What are you doing?
829
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:39,560
Are you kidding me?
830
00:20:39,630 --> 00:20:41,400
I'm sorry.
831
00:20:39,630 --> 00:20:41,400
No, it's force of habit.
832
00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:42,700
So what do I do, Ron?
833
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:45,830
Do I stay here
834
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:45,830
or roll the dice
835
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:45,830
with Jean-Ralphio?
836
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:48,670
I can't tell you what to do.
837
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:48,670
Go with your gut.
838
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:53,480
My gut's really small.
839
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:53,480
It's easily irritated.
840
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:53,480
I need someone to guide me.
841
00:20:53,550 --> 00:20:55,310
You have no interest
842
00:20:53,550 --> 00:20:55,310
in government work,
843
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:58,750
and you slow everything down
844
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:58,750
with your selfish attitude.
845
00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:01,980
I'd love for you to
846
00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:01,980
stick around, Tommy.
847
00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:04,550
It'll be damn hard
848
00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:04,550
to replace you.
849
00:21:05,060 --> 00:21:06,720
But I'll support
850
00:21:05,060 --> 00:21:06,720
you either way.
851
00:21:06,790 --> 00:21:09,530
Two of my lovers
852
00:21:06,790 --> 00:21:09,530
in one place.
853
00:21:06,790 --> 00:21:09,530
What a coincidence.
854
00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:11,960
Tammy.
855
00:21:12,030 --> 00:21:13,400
Hello, Ron.
856
00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:16,000
Ooh, what happened here?
857
00:21:16,070 --> 00:21:19,470
And more importantly,
858
00:21:16,070 --> 00:21:19,470
does the carpet
859
00:21:16,070 --> 00:21:19,470
match the face?
860
00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:22,200
If you're looking for trouble,
861
00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:22,200
take it somewhere else.
862
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:26,040
An hour ago, a giant fireball
863
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:26,040
consumed my entire face.
864
00:21:26,350 --> 00:21:29,320
And it was far preferable
865
00:21:26,350 --> 00:21:29,320
to spending another second
866
00:21:26,350 --> 00:21:29,320
with you.
867
00:21:30,380 --> 00:21:32,290
Tell that
868
00:21:30,380 --> 00:21:32,290
to your pants-tent.
869
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,420
It's just
870
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,420
the way I'm standing.
871
00:21:35,660 --> 00:21:38,460
Go back to the library,
872
00:21:35,660 --> 00:21:38,460
where you belong.
873
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:42,830
Hey, Glenn.
874
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:43,920
Wanna dance?
875
00:21:44,060 --> 00:21:45,090
No, I'm okay.
876
00:21:45,670 --> 00:21:46,830
Just one dance?
877
00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:48,270
No.
878
00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:48,270
With mommy?
879
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:56,670
You know, tendonitis
880
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:56,670
is usually caused by overuse.
881
00:21:56,740 --> 00:21:58,840
Have you been working
882
00:21:56,740 --> 00:21:58,840
out more than usual?
883
00:21:59,180 --> 00:22:01,270
I did do 10,000
884
00:21:59,180 --> 00:22:01,270
push-ups last week.
885
00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:05,080
Oh, really.
886
00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:05,080
That might have
887
00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:05,080
something to do with it.
888
00:22:06,190 --> 00:22:08,210
You need to relax.
889
00:22:06,190 --> 00:22:08,210
You're in great shape.
890
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:09,750
For a 44-year-old.
891
00:22:09,990 --> 00:22:11,580
Yeah. That's how old
892
00:22:09,990 --> 00:22:11,580
you are, man.
893
00:22:13,190 --> 00:22:15,360
You're right.
894
00:22:13,190 --> 00:22:15,360
I've been overreacting.
895
00:22:15,630 --> 00:22:17,030
I don't like
896
00:22:15,630 --> 00:22:17,030
thinking about death.
897
00:22:17,100 --> 00:22:19,760
Death is the opposite of...
898
00:22:21,100 --> 00:22:22,690
Being alive?
899
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:24,970
Exactly.
900
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,470
Look at us.
901
00:22:26,540 --> 00:22:27,530
Talking like friends.
902
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:28,700
Yeah.
903
00:22:29,380 --> 00:22:30,940
What the hell. Friends.
904
00:22:31,550 --> 00:22:33,100
Ann Perkins.
905
00:22:33,180 --> 00:22:34,510
Chris Traeger.
906
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:40,880
What's the point in
907
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:40,880
doing 10,000 push-ups
908
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:40,880
if you're gonna do them alone?
909
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:44,550
I'd much rather
910
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:44,550
do 5,000 push-ups
911
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:44,550
with a wonderful woman.
912
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,260
Sitting on my back to
913
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,260
increase my resistance.
914
00:22:48,330 --> 00:22:51,200
Copy of our new hit single,
915
00:22:48,330 --> 00:22:51,200
5,000 Candles in the Wind,
916
00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:55,200
and the new full-length CD,
917
00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:55,200
The Awesome Album.
918
00:22:55,300 --> 00:22:57,100
Eighteen bucks each,
919
00:22:55,300 --> 00:22:57,100
$40 for the set.
920
00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:58,870
That doesn't add up.
921
00:22:59,610 --> 00:23:01,010
You don't add up.
922
00:23:01,540 --> 00:23:02,640
Okay.
923
00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:06,540
Honey,
924
00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:06,540
you are awesome at this.
925
00:23:06,610 --> 00:23:07,840
Thanks.
926
00:23:09,780 --> 00:23:11,410
April, I need
927
00:23:09,780 --> 00:23:11,410
to ask you something,
928
00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:14,580
and it's the biggest thing
929
00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:14,580
I've ever asked anybody
930
00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:14,580
in my entire life.
931
00:23:15,020 --> 00:23:16,120
Honey,
932
00:23:15,020 --> 00:23:16,120
we're already married.
933
00:23:16,190 --> 00:23:18,660
No, this is way more
934
00:23:16,190 --> 00:23:18,660
important than that.
935
00:23:19,330 --> 00:23:20,920
April Ludgate,
936
00:23:21,230 --> 00:23:23,060
would you be my manager?
937
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,100
Seriously?
938
00:23:25,700 --> 00:23:27,330
Okay. Yeah.
939
00:23:40,380 --> 00:23:41,710
Excuse me.
940
00:23:42,250 --> 00:23:44,010
Are you Leslie Knope?
941
00:23:42,250 --> 00:23:44,010
Yes.
942
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,640
My name is William Barnes.
943
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,150
Do you have a minute
944
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,150
to talk?
945
00:23:47,220 --> 00:23:48,210
Sure.
946
00:23:48,290 --> 00:23:50,320
We really enjoyed
947
00:23:48,290 --> 00:23:50,320
the service.
948
00:23:50,390 --> 00:23:52,920
That fireball
949
00:23:50,390 --> 00:23:52,920
was truly amazing.
950
00:23:52,990 --> 00:23:54,660
I'm glad.
951
00:23:52,990 --> 00:23:54,660
'Cause it was planned.
952
00:23:54,730 --> 00:23:56,960
And you were also responsible
953
00:23:54,730 --> 00:23:56,960
for the Harvest Festival,
954
00:23:54,730 --> 00:23:56,960
correct?
955
00:23:57,030 --> 00:23:59,020
Well, a lot of people
956
00:23:57,030 --> 00:23:59,020
contributed to that.
957
00:23:59,100 --> 00:24:01,730
You don't have to be modest.
958
00:23:59,100 --> 00:24:01,730
We know it was you.
959
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:03,000
You did an amazing job.
960
00:24:03,140 --> 00:24:04,370
Thank you.
961
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,910
We are part of a group
962
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,910
that tries to identify
963
00:24:06,970 --> 00:24:10,600
potential candidates
964
00:24:06,970 --> 00:24:10,600
for political office
965
00:24:06,970 --> 00:24:10,600
here in town.
966
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,740
And we think that
967
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,740
you might fit the bill.
968
00:24:15,150 --> 00:24:16,140
Oh.
969
00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:17,640
Wow.
970
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,120
Which office in particular?
971
00:24:20,190 --> 00:24:23,920
Well, there are
972
00:24:20,190 --> 00:24:23,920
a couple city council seats
973
00:24:20,190 --> 00:24:23,920
we think are vulnerable.
974
00:24:23,990 --> 00:24:26,860
And the mayor's term
975
00:24:23,990 --> 00:24:26,860
is up next year.
976
00:24:28,330 --> 00:24:30,090
All we need to
977
00:24:28,330 --> 00:24:30,090
know right now is
978
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,790
are you
979
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,790
theoretically interested
980
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,790
in running for office?
981
00:24:32,870 --> 00:24:34,390
Absotootly, I am.
982
00:24:34,470 --> 00:24:36,440
Very sorry that I
983
00:24:34,470 --> 00:24:36,440
just used that word.
984
00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:38,600
But yes. I just...
985
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,810
I've dreamed about this moment
986
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,810
for a long time.
987
00:24:43,380 --> 00:24:45,180
Guess I'll be
988
00:24:43,380 --> 00:24:45,180
heading home.
989
00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:47,870
Catching the number 12 bus
990
00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:47,870
to Satan's butthole?
991
00:24:47,950 --> 00:24:50,880
Actually, I prefer
992
00:24:47,950 --> 00:24:50,880
the number 69 train
993
00:24:50,950 --> 00:24:52,350
to Humpsville station.
994
00:24:52,950 --> 00:24:54,110
Red alert, Swanson.
995
00:24:54,190 --> 00:24:56,020
Your ex-wife is back.
996
00:24:56,090 --> 00:24:57,520
No kidding, Donna.
997
00:24:57,590 --> 00:25:00,430
Not her.
998
00:24:57,590 --> 00:25:00,430
The other ex-wife.
999
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,230
Tammy One.
1000
00:25:04,300 --> 00:25:06,100
She's in your office.
1001
00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:14,030
Would I have to
1002
00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:14,030
quit my job?
1003
00:25:14,110 --> 00:25:16,200
Well, that's
1004
00:25:14,110 --> 00:25:16,200
a long way off.
1005
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,710
Of course.
1006
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,710
But listen.
1007
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,610
When you run,
1008
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,610
even in a local election,
1009
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,580
your life
1010
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,580
becomes an open book.
1011
00:25:22,650 --> 00:25:24,880
So if you so much as
1012
00:25:22,650 --> 00:25:24,880
stiff a waiter on his tip
1013
00:25:24,950 --> 00:25:29,120
or use a government
1014
00:25:24,950 --> 00:25:29,120
stamp for personal mail,
1015
00:25:24,950 --> 00:25:29,120
it will come out.
1016
00:25:29,190 --> 00:25:30,820
So before
1017
00:25:29,190 --> 00:25:30,820
we go any further,
1018
00:25:30,890 --> 00:25:32,020
I need you to tell me,
1019
00:25:32,630 --> 00:25:34,060
is there
1020
00:25:32,630 --> 00:25:34,060
a scandal out there?
1021
00:25:34,130 --> 00:25:38,330
Is there anything at
1022
00:25:34,130 --> 00:25:38,330
all you need to tell us
1023
00:25:34,130 --> 00:25:38,330
about your life?
1024
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:43,930
Nope.
1025
00:25:44,870 --> 00:25:46,000
All right.
1026
00:25:46,070 --> 00:25:48,040
Well, we'll be in touch.
1027
00:26:05,630 --> 00:26:08,120
Yeah, I think we can
1028
00:26:05,630 --> 00:26:08,120
do that for a million.
1029
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,160
Okay, we'll talk soon.
1030
00:26:10,230 --> 00:26:11,720
There was no one
1031
00:26:10,230 --> 00:26:11,720
on the other end
1032
00:26:10,230 --> 00:26:11,720
of that phone call,
1033
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,360
but soon there will be.
1034
00:26:13,430 --> 00:26:15,800
Welcome to the Dreamatorium,
1035
00:26:15,870 --> 00:26:18,700
A.K.A. the headquarters
1036
00:26:15,870 --> 00:26:18,700
of Entertainment 7Twenty.
1037
00:26:18,770 --> 00:26:20,330
It's only two blocks
1038
00:26:18,770 --> 00:26:20,330
away from City Hall,
1039
00:26:20,470 --> 00:26:22,030
but it's a whole
1040
00:26:20,470 --> 00:26:22,030
new world over here.
1041
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,680
We got a pool table,
1042
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,680
a ping-pong table,
1043
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,680
a lounge area,
1044
00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:27,340
a couch with a ceiling on it,
1045
00:26:27,410 --> 00:26:29,750
in-house DJ. DJ Blunt.
1046
00:26:29,820 --> 00:26:31,080
And best of all,
1047
00:26:31,150 --> 00:26:34,710
former NBA
1048
00:26:31,150 --> 00:26:34,710
superstar Detlef Schrempf
1049
00:26:31,150 --> 00:26:34,710
is on retainer.
1050
00:26:34,790 --> 00:26:36,120
What's up, Detlef?
1051
00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:39,160
Hey,
1052
00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:39,160
Jean-Ralphio, who's sitting
1053
00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:39,160
in my clear purple desk?
1054
00:26:39,230 --> 00:26:40,320
What?
1055
00:26:40,460 --> 00:26:41,590
Who's this person?
1056
00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:46,630
Are you talking about
1057
00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:46,630
this little sweetie
1058
00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:46,630
right here?
1059
00:26:46,700 --> 00:26:48,730
Yeah.
1060
00:26:46,700 --> 00:26:48,730
That is our new assistant,
1061
00:26:46,700 --> 00:26:48,730
Tessa.
1062
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:52,100
I saw her
1063
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:52,100
sweating real sexy on
1064
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:52,100
the StairMaster at Bally's.
1065
00:26:52,170 --> 00:26:56,040
I need petty cash.
1066
00:26:52,170 --> 00:26:56,040
My iPhone cover's gross
1067
00:26:52,170 --> 00:26:56,040
and I need to get a new one.
1068
00:26:56,180 --> 00:26:57,410
Get it to match
1069
00:26:56,180 --> 00:26:57,410
your personality.
1070
00:26:57,540 --> 00:26:58,770
Petty cash, money bowl.
1071
00:26:57,540 --> 00:26:58,770
Go diving.
1072
00:26:59,710 --> 00:27:00,700
Gross.
1073
00:27:00,810 --> 00:27:03,250
Why do we keep
1074
00:27:00,810 --> 00:27:03,250
our petty cash in
1075
00:27:00,810 --> 00:27:03,250
a clear plastic toilet bowl?
1076
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:04,790
I don't know,
1077
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:04,790
maybe 'cause we're...
1078
00:27:04,850 --> 00:27:08,310
Flush with cash
1079
00:27:08,690 --> 00:27:11,320
So, Tom, what does
1080
00:27:08,690 --> 00:27:11,320
this business do, again?
1081
00:27:11,460 --> 00:27:14,520
It's a multimedia
1082
00:27:11,460 --> 00:27:14,520
entertainment
1083
00:27:11,460 --> 00:27:14,520
production conglomerate.
1084
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,560
I don't know, man.
1085
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,560
You have a lot
1086
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,560
of overhead here.
1087
00:27:17,630 --> 00:27:19,400
Ever thought about
1088
00:27:17,630 --> 00:27:19,400
scaling back a bit
1089
00:27:19,530 --> 00:27:21,300
and focusing on
1090
00:27:19,530 --> 00:27:21,300
building your client base?
1091
00:27:22,070 --> 00:27:23,400
Thanks a lot,
1092
00:27:22,070 --> 00:27:23,400
Forbes magazine.
1093
00:27:23,470 --> 00:27:25,700
But we didn't hire you
1094
00:27:23,470 --> 00:27:25,700
to give us business advice.
1095
00:27:25,770 --> 00:27:27,370
We hired you to look pretty
1096
00:27:25,770 --> 00:27:27,370
and shoot baskets.
1097
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:28,810
So why don't you
1098
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:28,810
head over there
1099
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:28,810
and do your thing?
1100
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,210
We want people to see you
1101
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,210
when they come in, Detlef.
1102
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:35,070
We may not have
1103
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:35,070
any clients yet,
1104
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:35,070
but we're about to blow up.
1105
00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:38,050
First you set up the pond,
1106
00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:38,050
then you reel in the fish.
1107
00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:39,380
Big D, hit me!
1108
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,550
Uh-oh, uh-oh,
1109
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,550
uh-oh, uh-oh.
1110
00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:42,920
Come on.
1111
00:27:43,020 --> 00:27:44,920
We're living the dream.
60194
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