Original subtitles

( voices shouting )

Man: So stay with us, because later this afternoon,

we're lucky enough to be talking to Anna Scott,

Hollywood's biggest star by far.

Miss Scott's latest film

is once again topping the charts...

♪ She may be the face I can't forget ♪

♪ A trace of pleasure or regret ♪

♪ May be my treasure or the price ♪

♪ I have to pay

♪ She may be the mirror

♪ Of my dream

♪ A smile reflected in a stream ♪

♪ She may not be what she may seem ♪

♪ Inside her shell

♪ She who always seems so happy in a crowd ♪

♪ Whose eyes can be so private and so proud ♪

♪ No one's allowed to see them when they cry ♪

♪ She may be the love that cannot hope to last ♪

♪ May come to me from shadows of the past ♪

♪ That I'll remember till the day ♪

♪ I die

♪ She may be the reason I survive ♪

♪ The why and wherefore I'm alive ♪

♪ The one I'll care for through the rough ♪

♪ And ready years

♪ Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears ♪

♪ And make them all my souvenirs ♪

♪ For where she goes I've got to be ♪

♪ The meaning of my life is ♪

♪ She

♪ She...

♪ Oh, she.

- Man: Of course, I've seen her films,

and always thought she was,

well, fabulous, but, you know,

a million, million miles from the world I live in,

which is here-- Notting Hill,

my favorite bit of London.

There's the market on weekdays selling every fruit

and vegetable known to man.

- ...five for a pound!

- The tattoo parlor with a guy outside who got drunk

and now can't remember why he chose "I love Ken."

The radical hairdressers where everyone comes out

looking like the Cookie Monster,

whether they want to or not.

And then, suddenly, it's the weekend,

and from break of day hundreds of stalls

appear out of nowhere,

filling Portobello Road, right up to Notting Hill Gate.

And wherever you look, thousands of people

are buying millions of antiques,

some genuine and some...

not quite so genuine.

And what's great is that lots of friends have ended up

in this part of London.

That's Tony, for example, architect turned chef,

who recently invested all the money he ever earned

in a new restaurant.

And so, this is where I spend my days and years,

in this small village in the middle of the city

in a house with a blue door

that my wife and I bought together before she left me

for a man who looked exactly like Harrison Ford.

And where I now lead a strange half-life

with a lodger called--

Spike!

- Hi. You couldn't help me

with an incredibly important decision, could you?

- Is this important in comparison to, let's say,

whether they should cancel Third World debt?

- That's right, I am at last going out on a date

with the great Janine, and I just wanna be sure

I've picked the right T-shirt.

- What are the choices? - Well, wait for it.

First, there's this one.

( growls ) Cool, huh?

- Yeah, it might make it hard

to strike a really romantic note.

- Point taken. Don't despair.

If it's romance we're looking for,

I believe I have just the thing.

- Yeah, well, there again, she might not think

you had true love on your mind.

- Right. Just one more.

True love, here I come.

- Well, yeah.

Yeah, that's-- that's, um, perfect.

- Great. Thanks.

Wish me luck. - Good luck.

( man narrating ) And so it was just another hopeless Wednesday,

as I walked the thousand yards through the market to work,

never suspecting that this was the day

that was gonna change my life forever.

This is work, by the way-- my little travel bookshop.

Morning, Martin. - Morning, mon seigneur.

- Which... well, sells travel books,

and to be frank with you, doesn't always sell

many of those.

( calculator keys clicking )

Classic. Profit from major sales push,

minus 347 pounds.

- Shall I, uh, go and get you a cappuccino?

You know, ease the pain a bit? - Yeah, yeah.

Better make it a half. All I can afford.

- ( laughing ) Get your logic.

Demi-cappu coming right up.

( doorbell rings )

- Um, can I help you at all?

- No, thanks. I'll just look around.

- Fine.

Uh, that book's really not great.

Just in case, you know, browsing turned to buying.

You'd be wasting your money.

But if it's Turkey you're interested in,

this one, on the other hand, is very good.

Um, I think the man who wrote it

has actually been to Turkey, which helps.

There's also a very amusing incident with a kebob,

which is one of many amusing incidents.

- Thanks, I'll think about it.

- Or, in the bigger hardback variety, there's--

I'm sorry, can you just give me a second?

Excuse me.

- Yes? - Bad news.

- What?

- We've got a security camera in this bit of the shop.

- So?

- So, I saw you put that book down your trousers.

- What book? - The one down your trousers.

- I don't have a book down my trousers.

- Right. I tell you what,

I'll call the police, and, um,

what can I say, if I'm wrong about the whole

"book down the trousers" scenario,

I really apologize.

- Okay. What if...

I did have a book down my trousers?

- Well, ideally, when I went back to the desk,

you'd remove the "Cadogan Guide to Bali" from your trousers

and, uh, either wipe it and put it back or buy it.

I'll see you in a sec.

I'm sorry about that.

- No, it's fine.

I was gonna steal one, but now I've changed my mind.

Oh, signed by the author, I see.

- Um, yeah, couldn't stop him.

If you can find an unsigned one, it's worth an absolute fortune.

- ( chuckles ) - Excuse me.

- Yes? - Can I have your autograph?

- Uh, sure.

- Uh-- - Yes.

- What's your name? - Rufus.

What does it say?

- That's my signature, and above it,

it says, "Dear Rufus, you belong in jail."

- Good one.

- Do you want my phone number?

- Tempting.

But... no. Thank you.

I will take this one.

- Oh, right, right. So, uh--

Well, on second thoughts, um,

maybe it's not that bad after all.

Actually, it's a sort of classic, really.

None of those childish kebob stories

you find in so many books these days.

And... I tell you what.

I'll throw in one of those for free.

Useful for lighting fires,

wrapping fish, that sort of thing.

- Thanks. - Pleasure.

( door closing )

- Cappuccino, as ordered.

- Thanks.

I don't think you'll believe who was just in here.

- Who? Was it someone famous?

- No, no. - No?

- No. - Would be exciting, though,

wouldn't it, if someone famous came into the shop, hmm?

Do you know-- and this is pretty amazing, actually--

but I once saw Ringo Starr.

- Where was that? - Kensington High Street.

At least I think it was Ringo.

It might have been that man from "Fiddler on the Roof."

You know, Toppy. - Topol.

- Yes, that's right. Topol.

- Mm-hmm.

Actually, Ringo Starr doesn't--

doesn't look at all like, uh, Topol.

- Yeah, but he was-- he was quite a long way away from me.

- So actually it could've been neither of them.

- Yes, I suppose so, yes.

- It's not a classic anecdote, is it?

- Not a classic, no. No.

- Another one?

- ( sighs ) Yes-- no!

Let's go crazy. I'll have an orange juice.

( laughing )

- Server: Okay, thanks. - See you later.

- Bye-bye.

- Oh! - Oh! Shit!

- Oh, my God! - Bugger! I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Here. Let me--

- Get your hands off!

- I'm really sorry. I live just over the street.

I have, um, water and soap. You can get cleaned up.

- No, thank you, I just need to get my car back.

- I also have a phone.

I'm confident that in five minutes we could have you

spick-and-span and back on the street again.

In the non-prostitute sense, obviously.

- All right, well--

What do you mean, "just over the street"?

Give it to me in yards.

- Uh, 18 yards.

That's my house there with the blue front door.

Come on in. I'll just-- I'll just--

Um, right, right.

Come in.

It's, um, not quite as tidy as it normally is, I fear.

But the bathroom's on the top floor.

And the telephone's just-- just up here.

Here, let-- let me--

Um, round the corner. Straight on-- straight on up.

Bugger.

( groaning )

Uh-oh.

- Uh...

would you like a cup of tea before you go?

- No. - Coffee?

- No. - Orange juice?

Probably not. Um, something else cold.

Uh...

( bottles rattling )

Coke? Water?

Some disgusting sugary drink

pretending to have something to do with fruits of the forest?

- No.

- Would you like something to eat?

Uh, something to nibble?

Um, apricots soaked in honey?

Quite why, no one knows, because it stops them

tasting of apricots and makes them taste like honey,

and if you wanted honey, you'd just buy honey

instead of apricots.

But nevertheless, there we go.

They're yours if you want them.

- No.

- Do you always say "no" to everything?

- No.

I'd better be going.

Thanks for your, uh, help.

- You're welcome.

And, uh, may I also say, um, heavenly.

I'll just take my one chance to say it.

After you've read that terrible book,

you're certainly not gonna be coming back to the shop.

- Thank you.

- Yeah. Well, my pleasure.

So...

it was nice to meet you.

Surreal but, um-- but nice.

Sorry.

( voices chattering outside )

"Surreal but nice"? What was I thinking?

( doorbell ringing )

- Hi. - Hi.

- I forgot my other bag.

- Oh, right. Right.

- Thanks.

- I'm very sorry about the "surreal but nice" comment.

Disaster. - That's okay.

I thought the apricot and honey thing was the real low point.

- ( chuckling ) - ( doorknob rattling )

Oh, my God. My flatmate.

I'm sorry. There's no excuse for him.

- Ahem.

- Spike: Hey. - Hi.

- I'm just going into the kitchen to get some food.

Then I'm gonna tell you a story

that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins.

- Probably best not to tell anyone about this.

- Right. Right, no one.

I mean, I'll tell myself sometimes.

But don't worry. I won't believe it.

- Bye. - Bye.

- There's something wrong with this yogurt.

- It's not yogurt. It's mayonnaise.

- Oh, right. There we are then.

Mm.

On for a videofest tonight?

I got some absolute classics.

- Smile. - No.

- Smile.

- I've got nothing to smile about.

- Okay.

In about seven seconds,

I'm going to ask you to marry me.

- Spike: Imagine.

Somewhere in the world there's a man

who's allowed to kiss her.

- ( laughing )

- Yes, she is...

fairly fabulous.

- Do you have any books by Dickens?

- No, no, I'm afraid we're a travel bookshop.

We only sell travel books.

- Oh, right.

How about the new John Grisham thriller?

- Well, no, 'cause that's, uh--

that's a novel, too, isn't it?

- Oh, right.

( sighs )

Have you got "Winnie the Pooh"?

- Martin, your customer.

- Uh, can I help you? - ( bell ringing )

♪ Once in a lifetime...

- Hey.

- Hi.

Just, um, incidentally,

uh, why are you wearing that?

- Combination of factors, really.

No clean clothes.

- There never will be, you know, unless you actually

clean your clothes.

- Right. Vicious circle.

And I was, like, rooting around in your things,

and I found this, and I thought, "Cool."

Kinda spacey.

There's something wrong with the goggles, though.

- No, they were, um, prescription.

- Groovy.

- So I could see all the fishes properly.

- You should do more of this stuff.

- So, look, any messages today?

- Yeah, I wrote a couple down.

- So there were two, there were two messages?

Right?

- You want me to write down all your messages?

- Okay, who are the ones that you didn't write down from?

- ( sighs )

No, gone completely.

Oh, no, there was one from your mum.

She said don't forget lunch, and her leg's hurting again.

- No one else? - Absolutely no one else.

Though if we're going for this obsessive

writing-down-all- the-messages thing,

some American girl called Anna called a few days ago.

- What did she say?

- Well, it was genuinely bizarre.

She said, "Hi, it's Anna."

Then she said, "Call me at The Ritz,"

and then gave herself a completely different name.

- Which was?

- Absolutely no idea.

Remembering one name's hard enough.

- No, I-- I know that, she-- she said that.

Um, I know she's using another name.

The problem is she left the message with my flatmate,

which was a very serious mistake.

Um, I don't know, imagine, if you will,

the stupidest person you've ever met.

Are you doing that?

- Yes, sir, I have him in my mind.

- Right, and now double it.

And that is the-- what can I say--

the git that I am living with.

And he can't remember-- - Try "Flintstone."

- I'm sorry, what?

- I think she said her name was "Flintstone."

- I don't-- I don't suppose

"Flintstone" rings any bells, does it?

- Oh, I'll put you right through, sir.

- Oh, my God.

"Hello." "Hi."

- "Hi there." - Hello?

- Hi. Hi.

Sorry, it's William Thacker. - Yes?

- Uh, we-- I work in a bookshop.

Oh, no, I promise you I've--

I've never played anything cool in my entire life.

My flatmate, who I'll stab to death later,

never gave me the message.

I don't know, perhaps, um,

I could drop 'round for tea later or something.

Right. Right, great.

Bye. - ( line clicks )

Classic.

Classic.

( piano music playing )

Which floor? - Three, please.

( elevator bell rings )

- Uh, are you sure this is--

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure.

- Hi, hi, I'm Karen. - Hi.

- I'm sorry, things are running a little bit late.

Here's the, uh, thing. - Cheers.

- Do you wanna come this way?

Through here.

( reporters chattering )

- So, what did you think of the film?

- Yeah, I thought it was fantastic, I thought it was, uh,

"Close Encounters" meets "Jean de Florette."

- I agree.

- I'm sorry, I didn't get down what magazines you're from.

- "Time Out." - Great.

And you're from?

- Uh, "Horse & Hound."

The name's William Thacker, I think, actually,

she might be expecting me.

- Oh, okay. Take a seat and I'll go check.

- I see you've, uh-- I see you've brought her some flowers.

- ( laughing ) No.

These are for my, um, grandmother.

She's in a hospital just down the road.

Thought I'd kill two birds with one stone, you know.

- Sure, right. Absolutely, yeah, yeah.

Which hospital's that?

- Do you mind me not saying?

It's a rather distressing disease,

and the name of the hospital kind of gives it away.

- Absolutely, sure. Cheers.

Ooh, yes.

- Right, uh, Mr. Thacker? Will you come this way?

- Right.

- You've got five minutes.

- William: Hi. - Hello.

- Um, I brought these, but clearly--

- No, they're great. They're great.

- Uh, listen, I'm sorry about not ringing back.

The whole "two-names concept"

was totally too much for my flatmate's pea-sized intellect.

- No, it's a stupid privacy thing.

I always pick a cartoon character.

Last time I was "Mrs. Bambi."

( door closing )

- Everything all right? - Yes, thank you.

- And you're from, uh, "Horse & Hound."

- Yeah. - Good.

- Is that so? Well.

- So, uh...

Uh, I'll just fire away then, shall I?

Right.

Uh...

The film's great, and...

I just was wondering whether you ever thought

of having, um, more, uh, horses in it?

- Man: Ahem.

- Uh, well, we would have liked to,

but it was, um, difficult, obviously, being set in space.

- Space, right, yeah. Yeah, obviously very difficult.

I'm so sorry, I arrived outside.

They thrust this thing into my hand, I didn't--

- No, it's my fault, I thought this would all be over by now.

I just wanted to sort of apologize for the kissing thing.

I seriously don't know what came over me.

And I just wanted to make sure that you were fine about it.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely fine.

( door closing )

- Do remember that Miss Scott is also keen

to talk about her next project

which is, um, shooting later in the summer.

- Ah, yes, excellent. Excellent.

Any horses in that one?

Or hounds for that matter, our readers

are equally intrigued by both species.

- It takes place on a submarine.

- Oh. Well, bad luck.

But...

if there were horses in it,

would you be riding them?

Or would you be getting a stunthorse-double-man-thing?

( chuckling ) I'm a complete moron.

I apologize. I--

This is very weird, it's the sort of thing

that happens in dreams, not in real life.

I mean, good dreams. It's a--

It's a dream, in fact, to see you again.

- What happens next in the dream?

- I suppose in the, uh, dream--

dream scenario-- I just, uh,

change my personality,

because you can do that in dreams and...

walk over and, uh, kiss the girl.

But, uh...

- Time's up, I'm afraid. Did you get what you wanted?

- Um, nearly, nearly.

- Well, maybe just one last question.

- Sure. Ahem.

- Right, right.

( door closing )

Are you busy tonight?

- Yes.

- Right. Right.

- Come in.

- Well, it was nice to meet you.

- Yes, and you.

- Surreal, but nice.

- Thank you.

You are "Horse & Hounds'" favorite actress.

- ( chuckles )

- You and Black Beauty. Tied.

- How was she?

- Oh, um... fabulous.

- Excellent. Yeah-- wait a minute.

She-- she took your grandmother's flowers.

- Uh, yeah, yeah. That's right.

Bitch.

- Oh, Mr. Thacker? Mr. Thacker?

If you'd like to come with me, we can just rush you

through the others. - The others?

- Mr. Thacker is from "Horse & Hound."

- How's it going? - Very well, thank you.

- Have a seat.

- Well, did you enjoy the film?

- Yes, enormously.

- Well, fire away. - Right.

Did you enjoy making the film?

- Yes, I did.

- Good.

Any bit in particular?

- You tell me what bit you enjoyed the most,

and I'll tell you if I enjoyed making that bit.

- Uh, I...

liked the bit in space...

very much.

Did you identify with the character you're playing?

( speaking Spanish )

- No.

- No.

- Oh. Why not?

( speaking Spanish )

- Because he's playing a psychopathic flesh-eating robot.

- Classic.

So, uh, is this your first film?

- ( laughing ) No, it's my 22nd.

- Of course it is.

Any favorites among the 22?

- Working with Leonardo.

- Da Vinci?

- DiCaprio. - Of course.

( chuckling )

And is-- is he your favorite Italian director?

( reporters chattering )

- Mr. Thacker? - Oh, no.

- Have you got a minute? - No.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Um, yeah, so the, um,

the-- the thing I was doing tonight,

I'm not doing anymore.

I told them I had to spend the evening

with "Britain's premier equestrian journalist."

- Oh. Well, great.

Fantastic. That's, uh--

Oh, shittity brickitty.

It's my sister's birthday.

Shit. We're meant to be having dinner.

- Okay, that's fine. - No.

I'm sure I can get out of it.

- No, I mean, if it's fine with you, I'll be your date.

- You-- you'll be my date

to my little sister's birthday party?

- If it's all right.

- Well, yeah, I'm sure it's all right.

My friend Max is cooking,

and he is generally acknowledged

to be the worst cook in the world.

But, um, you know,

you could hide the food in your handbag or something.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- He's bringing a girl?

- Miracles do happen.

- Does the girl have a name? - Don't know, wouldn't say.

- Oh, Christ, what is going on in there?

( doorbell ringing )

Oh, God!

Hi, come on in. Vague food crisis.

( sizzling )

- Hiya! Sorry.

The guinea fowl is proving more complicated than expected.

- He's cooking guinea fowl? - Don't even ask.

- Hi. - Hi.

Good Lord, you're the spitting image of--

- Bella, this is Anna.

- Right. - Okay, crisis over.

- Max, this is Anna.

- Hi. - Hello, Anna.

Scott. Have some wine.

- Thank you.

- ( doorbell ringing ) - I'll get it.

- Red or white?

- Oh! - Hi.

- Hi.

- Oh, yes, happy birthday. - Thank you.

- Look, your brother's brought this girl.

- Hi, guys.

Oh, holy fuck!

- Hon, this is Anna.

Anna, this is Honey, she's my baby sister.

- Oh. Hi.

- Oh, God, this is one of those key moments in life

when it's possible you can be really genuinely cool,

and I-- I'm going to fail just a hundred percent.

I-- I absolutely, totally and utterly adore you.

And I just think

you are the most beautiful woman in the world.

And, more importantly, I genuinely believe,

and I've believed for some time now,

that-- that we could be best friends.

So, what do you think?

- ( chuckles ) Uh...

uh, lucky me.

- ( laughing )

- Mm, well, happy birthday.

- Oh, you gave me a present.

We're best friends already then.

Marry Will, he's a really nice guy.

Then we can be sisters.

- Well, I'll think about it.

- ( doorbell ringing ) - That'll be Bernie.

- Hi. - Hi, sorry I'm late.

Bollocksed up at work again, I fear.

Millions down the drain. - Well done.

Bernie, this is Anna.

- Hello, Anna, delighted to meet you.

- And you. - Honey bunny!

( singing ) Happy birthday to you!

Hi, Bella. - Hi.

- Mwah. It-- it's a hat.

You don't have to wear it or anything.

- Hi, Will. - Hi.

Hi.

Hi. - What?

- Wine, Bernie? - Mm.

( cork popping )

- You haven't slept with her, have you?

- That is a cheap question, and the answer is,

of course, no comment.

- No comment means "yes." - No, it doesn't.

- Do you ever masturbate? - Definitely no comment.

- You see, it means "yes."

- Oh, my God!

- So, uh, tell me, um, Anna, what do you do?

- I'm an actress. - Oh, splendid.

- What do you do?

- I'm actually in the stock market myself,

so, uh, not really similar fields.

Though, um-- um, I have done the odd bit of amateur stuff.

Um-- uh, P.G. Wodehouse. Farce, all that, you know.

( chuckling ) "Careful there, Vicar."

Always imagined it's a pretty tough job, though, acting.

- I mean, the wages are a scandal, aren't they?

- They can be.

- I see friends from university-- clever chaps.

Been in the business longer than you.

They're scraping by on seven, eight thousand a year.

You know, it's no life.

What sort of acting do you do?

- Films, mainly.

- Oh, splendid. Oh, well done.

How's the pay in movies?

Mm, I mean, last film you did, what'd you get paid?

- $15 million.

- Right.

So that's, well, fairly good.

- Right, I think we're ready.

- Ooh. - Okay.

- Bella, can you tell me where I can find--

- Oh, sorry, yeah, yeah.

It's down the corridor on the right.

- I'll show you. I'll show you.

- ( whispering ) Quickly, quickly, quickly.

Talk very, very quickly.

What are you doing here with Anna Scott?

- Anna Scott?! - Yes. Shut up!

- What, the film star? - Shh!

- Oh, God! - What?

- Oh, oh, God. Oh, Goddy-God.

- What did you say to her? - No.

- I don't believe it, I don't believe it.

I actually walked into the loo with her.

I was still chatting when she started unbuttoning her jeans.

She had to ask me to leave.

- Oh, God, so you knew who she was?

- ( laughing ) Of course I did,

but he didn't, he didn't!

- I did-- well, not instantly,

but I-- I-- I got away with it.

( all chattering )

- What do you think of the guinea fowl?

- I'm a vegetarian.

- Oh, God.

- So, how's the guinea fowl?

- Best guinea fowl I've ever tasted.

♪ It's amazing how you

♪ Can speak right to my heart... ♪

( all chattering )

- Bernie, Bernie... - ♪ Without saying a word

♪ You can light up the dark ♪

♪ Try as I may, I can never explain ♪

♪ What I hear when you don't say a thing... ♪

( party crackers popping, women squealing )

- Max: Having you here, Anna,

firmly establishes what I've long suspected--

that we really are the most desperate lot of underachievers.

- Bernie: Shame.

- I'm not saying it's a bad thing.

In fact, I think it's something we should take pride in.

I'm gonna give the last brownie as a prize,

to the saddest act here.

- Uh-oh. - Bern.

( all laughing ) - Yeah, all right.

Well, obviously, it's me, isn't it?

I mean, I work in the city in a job I don't understand,

and everyone keeps getting promoted above me.

I haven't had a girlfriend since-- well, since puberty.

And nobody fancies me.

And if these cheeks get any chubbier, they never will.

- Nonsense. I fancy you.

- Really? - Yeah.

Or I did before you got so fat.

- You see? And unless I'm much mistaken,

your job still pays you rather a lot of money,

whilst Honey here earns 20 pence a week

flogging her guts out in London's worst record store.

- Yes! And I haven't got hair.

I've got feathers.

And I've got funny goggly eyes.

And I'm attracted to cruel men.

And, actually, no one will marry me

because, um, my boosies have actually started shrinking.

- Max: You see, it's incredibly sad.

- Yeah, but on the other hand, her best friend is Anna Scott.

- Well, that's true, I can't deny it.

I mean, she needs me, what can I say?

( all laughing )

- And most of her limbs work, whereas I'm stuck in this thing

day and night, in a house full of ramps.

And to add insult to serious injury,

I've totally given up smoking, my favorite thing.

And, um, well, the truth is,

we can't have a baby.

- Oh, Belle.

- C'est la vie.

Still, um, we're lucky in lots of ways.

But surely, that's worth a brownie.

( chuckling )

- Well, I don't know.

Look at William.

Very unsuccessful professionally.

- That's true.

- Divorced.

Used to be handsome, now kind of squidgy round the edges.

( laughing )

And absolutely certain never to hear from Anna again

once she's heard that his nickname at school was--

- No. Don't-- - "Floppy."

- You did, I can't believe it, you did.

( laughing )

Thanks very much. Thank you.

Well, at least I get the last brownie, right?

- Max: I think you get it.

- Well, wait, what about me?

- I'm sorry?

You think you deserve the brownie?

- ( chuckles )

Well, a shot at it at least, huh?

- All right, well, you'll have to prove it.

I mean, this is a very, very good brownie

and I am gonna fight for it.

- I've been on a diet every day since I was 19,

which basically means I've been hungry for a decade.

( all laughing )

I've had a series of not-nice boyfriends, one of whom hit me.

Uh, and every time I get my heart broken,

the newspapers

splash it about as though it's entertainment.

And it's taken two rather painful, um, operations

to get me looking like this.

- Really? - Really.

And one day not long from now,

my looks will go, they will discover I can't act,

and I will become

some sad, middle-aged woman

who looks a bit like someone

who was famous for a while.

- No, nice try, gorgeous, but you don't fool anyone.

( all laughing ) - No.

- Pathetic effort to hog the brownie.

- Thank you for such a terrific time.

- I'm delighted.

- That's a great tie. - Now, you're lying.

- Okay, it's true. I told you I was bad at acting.

Lovely to meet you. - Yeah, and you. And you.

I'll wait until you've gone before I tell him

you're a vegetarian.

- No!

- ( chuckling ) Oh!

Good night.

- I'm so sorry about the loo thing.

I meant to leave, but I just...

Look, ring me if you want someone to go shopping with.

I know lots of nice, cheap places.

I mean, not that money is necessarily--

It's just so nice to meet you.

- Happy birthday. - Thank you.

- You're my style guru. - Oh.

Sorry, can I just... - Oh.

- Thanks. - Leave her.

- Good night, everyone. - Bye.

- Max, Belle, I'll see you in a couple of days.

- Thank you, everybody.

- Call us. - Bye, guys.

- Bye, Anna. - Speak to you soon, bye.

- Love your work. - Bye, Hon.

- Anna: Night.

( yelping, shouting )

- Sorry, they always do that when I leave the house.

It's a stupid thing. I hate it.

- "Floppy," huh? - It's the hair.

- Mm-hmm. - It's to do with the hair.

- Why is she in a wheelchair?

- Uh, because she had an accident about 18 months ago.

- And the pregnancy thing, is that to do with the accident?

- You know, I'm not sure. I don't think they tried

for kids before, as fate would have it.

Do you want to...?

My place is just--

- Too complicated.

- That's fine.

( chuckling )

- Busy tomorrow?

- I thought you were leaving tomorrow.

- I was.

- William: All these streets 'round here

have these mysterious communal gardens in the middle of them.

They're like little villages.

- Let's go in.

- Ah, no, that's the point. They're private villages.

Only the people who live 'round the edges are allowed in.

- Oh. You abide by rules like that?

- I don't, no, no. But, uh, others do.

I just do what I want.

( rattling )

Um... right.

- Whoopsie-daisies. - ( laughing )

What did you say?

( dog barking )

- Nothing. - Yes, you did.

- No, I didn't.

- You said, "Whoopsie-daisies."

- No one says, "Whoopsie-daisies," do they?

I mean, unless they're-- - There is no "unless"

'cause no one has said "Whoopsie-daisies"

for what, 50 years? And even then it was--

it was just little girls with blonde ringlets.

- Exactly. Right. So here we go again.

Oh! Oh! Whoopsie-daisies.

- ( laughing )

- Yeah, well, it's a disease, it's a clinical thing.

I'm taking pills and having injections.

And I'm told it won't last long, so--

- Okay, stand aside.

- I don't think that's a good idea.

- Mm.

- Really, it's quite tricky.

Anna...?

Anna, don't, it's harder than it--

No, it's not, it's easy.

( birds chirping )

- Come on, "Flopsy."

- Right.

All right.

( grunting )

Oh, bugger.

Oh, God, this could be very unpleasant.

Ay! Bugger, bugger.

Now, what in the world in this garden

could make that ordeal worthwhile?

♪ It's amazing how you

♪ Can speak right to my heart... ♪

Nice garden.

♪ Without saying a word

♪ You can light up the dark... ♪

- ( Anna laughing ) - ♪ Try as I may

♪ I can never explain

♪ What I hear when you don't say a thing ♪

- ♪ You say it best - ♪ You say it best...

♪ When you say nothing at all. ♪

- "For June who loved this garden--

from Joseph who always sat beside her."

Some people do spend their whole lives together.

♪ All day long I can hear ♪

♪ People talking out loud ♪

- ♪ But when you hold me near - ♪ When you hold me near...

- ♪ You drown out the crowd

- ♪ Out the crowd...

♪ Try as they may, they can never define... ♪

- Anna: Come and sit with me.

♪ What's been said between your heart and mine ♪

♪ The smile on your face lets me know that you need me ♪

♪ There's a truth in your eyes... ♪

- Bollocks! Bollocks! Bollocks!

Have you seen my glasses?

- No, afraid not.

- Big, big bollocks!

Average day, my glasses are everywhere.

Everywhere I look, there's a pair of glasses.

But when I want to go to the cinema, they've vanished.

It's one of life's real cruelties.

- That's compared to, like, earthquakes in the Far East

or testicular cancer, is it?

- Oh, shit. Is that the time?

Thanks for all your help on the glasses thing.

- Oh, you're welcome. Did you find them?

- Sort of. - Great.

♪ Oh

♪ The smile on your face lets me know that you need me ♪

♪ There's a truth in your eyes ♪

♪ Saying you'll never leave me ♪

♪ The touch of your hand

♪ Says you'll catch me wherever I fall... ♪

- So, who left who?

- Uh, she left me. - Why?

- She saw through me.

- Uh-oh. That's not good.

- You can give me Anna Scott any day.

- ( groans ) I didn't like her last film.

Fell asleep as soon as the lights went down.

- I don't really care what the film's like.

Any film with her in, it's fine by me.

( men laughing )

- She's not my type at all. I prefer that other one.

You know, blonde, sweet-looking.

You know, what's-her-name, has an orgasm

every time you take her out for a cup of coffee.

- Man: Meg Ryan. - Friends: Yeah, yeah.

- Man: Nah, she's too wholesome.

You see, the point about Miss Scott

is she's got that twinkle in her eye, eh?

- Probably drug-induced,

spends most of her life in bloody rehab.

- Well, whatever, she's so clearly up for it.

You see, most girls, they're all like, "Stay away, chum."

But Anna, she is absolutely gagging for it.

( men laughing )

Do you know that in over 50% of the languages,

the word for "actress" is the same

as the word for "prostitute"?

- ( men laughing ) - Where did you get that from?

- And Anna is your definitive actress--

someone really filthy you can just flip over

and start again. - ( men laughing )

- Right, that's it, sorry.

- No, no, there's really no point.

( all laughing )

- Um, sorry-- sorry to disturb you guys.

- But, um-- - Can I help?

- Well, yeah, I wish I hadn't overheard your conversation,

but I did.

And, um, I just think, you know,

the person you're talking about is a real person.

And I think she probably deserves

a little bit more consideration

rather than having jerks like you drooling over her.

- Oh, sod off, mate. What are you, her dad?

( snickering, laughing )

- I'm sorry. - No, no, I love that you tried.

Time-wise, I'd have done the same thing.

In fact...

- ( laughter continues ) - Can't take you anywhere.

- Hi.

- Oh, my God.

- I just wanted to apologize for my friend.

He's very sensitive.

- Uh, look, I'm sorr-- - No, no, no, no, no.

Leave it, it's, you know-- I'm sure you didn't mean

any harm, I'm sure it was just friendly banter.

I'm sure you guys have dicks the size of peanuts.

Enjoy your dinner, the tuna's really good.

I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done that.

- No, you were brilliant.

- I'm rash and I'm stupid.

What am I doing with you?

- Uh, I don't know, I'm afraid.

- I don't either.

Here we are.

- Yes.

Well, look-- - Do you wanna come up?

- Well, there seem to be

lots of reasons why I shouldn't, so--

- There are lots of reasons.

Do you wanna come up?

Give me five minutes?

- Hi. - Hi.

To be able to do that is such a wonderful thing.

- You've got to go. - Why?

- Because my boyfriend who was in America

is, in fact, now in the next room.

- Boyfriend? - Yes.

- Hey, baby, who is it? - Uh, it's, uh--

Uh... - Uh, room service.

- Oh. How you doing?

I thought you guys always wore those, uh, penguin coats.

- Usually we do.

But I was just, uh-- just changed to go home.

And, um, then I thought I'd take this final call.

- Oh, great.

If you don't mind, I would like something too.

Could you bring me up some really, really cold water?

- I'll see what I can do.

- Still, not sparkling.

- Absolutely, ice-cold still water.

- Unless, of course, it's illegal in the U.K.

to serve beverages below room temperature.

- I wouldn't want you going to jail

just to satisfy my whim, now.

- No, I'm sure it's fine. - Thank you.

- I-- - Hey, one more thing.

If you don't mind, could you adios these dirty dishes

and take out that trash too?

- Uh-- - Right.

- No, no, um, don't-- don't-- don't do that.

I don't think it's his job to clear.

- Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

What's your name, man?

- Bernie.

- Oh, listen, Bernie.

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

Hey, you. - ( chuckling nervously )

- So, tell me. Tell me, tell me.

Good surprise or nasty surprise?

- Good surprise. - Oh, you're such a liar.

She hates surprises.

Hey, what are you gonna order? - Huh?

- From him, what are you gonna order?

- Oh, um, I haven't decided.

- Oh, well, don't overdo it.

I don't want people saying, "There goes that famous actor

with the big, fat girlfriend."

( laughing )

( door closing )

- I should leave.

This is a fairly strange reality to be faced with.

- I'm so sorry.

I don't know...

what to say.

- Well,

I think...

"goodbye" is traditional.

♪ I can think of younger days ♪

♪ When living for my life ♪

♪ Was everything

♪ A man could want to do ♪

♪ I could never see

♪ Tomorrow

♪ I was never told

♪ About the sorrow

♪ And

♪ How can you mend

♪ A broken heart?

♪ How can you stop the rain from falling down? ♪

♪ Tell me, how can you stop ♪

♪ That old sun from shining? ♪

♪ What makes the world

♪ Go 'round?

- Come on.

Open up.

This is me.

Spikey.

- ( chuckling )

- I'm in contact with some quite important

spiritual vibrations.

Come on. Hit me with it.

- There's this girl-- - Aha.

See, I been gettin' a female vibe.

Good.

Speak on, dear friend.

- Uh, she's someone who...

can't be mine, and, uh...

it's as if I've taken love heroin,

and now I can't ever have it again.

I've opened Pandora's box and there's trouble inside.

- Mmm.

Yeah.

Tricky.

Tricky.

I knew a girl at school called Pandora.

Never got to see her box, though.

( chuckling )

- Right.

- Right, thanks, that's very helpful.

- ( laughing )

- You didn't know she had a boyfriend?

- No. No.

Why, did you?

Oh, bloody hell. I don't believe it.

My whole life ruined because I don't read "Hello! Magazine."

- And let's face facts.

This was always a no-win situation.

Anna's a goddess.

You know what happens to mortals who get involved

with the gods.

- Buggered, is it? - Every time.

But don't despair.

I think I have the solution to your problems.

- Ooh! - Really?

- Mm-hmm. Her name is Tessa,

and she works in the contracts department.

The hair, I admit, is unfashionably frizzy,

but she's bright as a button

and kisses like a nymphomaniac on death row.

Apparently. - ( others laughing )

( doorbell ringing )

Now, try.

Tessa: - Oh, I got completely lost.

It's very difficult, isn't it?

Everything's got the word "Kensington" in it--

Kensington Park Road, Kensington Garden,

Kensington bloody Park Garden.

- Tessa, this is Bella, my wife.

- Hello. - Hello.

- You're in a wheelchair. - That's right.

- And this is William.

- Hello, William. - Hi.

- Max has told me everything about you.

- Has he?

- Oh, yes. You are a naughty boy.

- Wine? - Oh, yes, please.

Come on, Willie. Let's get sloshed.

- Red or white? - ( chuckling ) Red.

- Keziah.

- Some woodcock?

- No, thank you. I'm a fruitarian.

- Ah.

What is a "fruitarian," exactly?

- We believe that fruits and vegetables have feelings,

so we think cooking is cruel.

We only eat things that have actually fallen

from the tree or bush,

and that are, in fact, dead already.

- Ah.

All right.

Right.

So, um, these carrots?

- Have been murdered, yes.

- Murdered?

Gosh, poor old carrots. That's--

that's beastly.

- Delicious coffee.

- I'm sorry about the lamb.

- ( laughing ) - No.

I thought it was really, you know, interesting.

- "Interesting" means inedible.

- Really inedible, yes, you're right.

( laughing )

Well, maybe we'll meet again.

- Yeah, yeah, that would be, uh--

be great.

- Bye.

- Well?

- Perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

- And?

- You see, I think you've forgotten

what an unusual situation you two have.

To find someone you actually love, who'll love you.

I mean, the chances are always minuscule.

Look at me-- apart from the American,

I've only loved two girls, both total disasters.

- Oh, that's not fair. - No, really.

One of them marries me, then leaves me

faster than you can say, "Indiana Jones."

And the other, who seriously ought to have known better,

casually marries my best friend.

- She still loves you, though.

- Yeah, in a depressingly asexual way.

- I never fancied you much, actually.

- ( chuckling )

- Oh, God. - ( laughing )

I loved you, you were terribly funny, but, hmm--

all that kissing my ears.

- I don't believe it, this is just getting worse.

I shall find myself 30 years from now

still sitting on this sofa.

- Do you wanna stay? - Yeah. Why not?

All that awaits me at home is a masturbating Welshman.

- Here we go.

- Good night. - Night.

( speaking softly, laughing )

- See you. - Right, right.

- Good.

- Guilty. Very, very guilty.

- So it seems.

( dog barking )

( water splashing )

( doorbell ringing )

- ( softly ) Hi.

Can I come in?

- Come in.

- They were taken years ago.

I know it was--

but I was poor, and, it happens a lot.

That's not an excuse. I just--

But, to make matters worse,

it now appears as though

someone was filming me as well.

So, what was a stupid photo shoot

now looks like a porn film.

The pictures have been sold and they're just...

everywhere.

I didn't know where to go.

The hotel's surrounded.

I know it's been months, but...

- This is the place.

- Thank you.

I'm just in London for two days,

but what with your papers,

it's the worst place to be. ( sobs )

I mean, these pictures are just so horrible,

and they're so grainy, and it makes me look like--

- Don't think about it.

We'll sort it out.

Now, what would you like? Um, tea?

Bath?

- ( softly ) A bath would be great.

( door slamming )

- Oh, Christ alive!

Brilliant. Fantastic.

Magnificent.

- You must be Spike.

- ( exhaling )

- Hi.

- Just... checkin'.

Thank you, God.

- I'm really sorry about last time.

- Oh-- - I mean, he just flew in.

I had no idea. - All right.

- In fact, I had no idea if he was ever gonna fly in again.

- Listen, it's not often one has the opportunity

to "adios" the plates of a major Hollywood film star.

It was, um-- it was thrilling for me.

So, how is he?

- I don't know.

It just got to the point where I couldn't remember

any of the reasons why we were together.

And you and love?

- Oh, well, there's a question...

without an interesting answer, so...

Yeah.

- I have thought about you.

- Oh.

- It's just that any time I've tried to keep

anything normal with a person that was...

normal, it's just been a disaster.

- Yeah, no, listen, I appreciate that, absolutely.

So what is that, a film you're doing?

- Um, start in L.A. on Tuesday.

- Would you like me to take you through your lines?

- Would you? 'Cause it's all talk, talk, talk.

- Hand it over.

Right. Um, basic plot?

- I'm a difficult but brilliant junior officer

who in about 20 minutes is gonna save the world

from nuclear disaster.

- Mm-hmm, okay, well done, you.

"Message from Command. Would you like them

to send in the HKs?"

- "No, turn over four TRSs

and tell them we need radar feedback before the KFTs

return at 1900.

Then inform the Pentagon we'll need Black Star cover

from 1000 through 1215."

And if you say one word about how many mistakes

I made in that speech, I'll pelt you with olives.

- "Very well, Captain, I'll pass that on straightaway."

- Thank you.

How many mistakes did I make? - Eleven.

- Damn it. "And Wainwright--"

- Cartwright.

- Cartwright, Wainwright, whatever your name is,

"I promised little Jimmy I'd be home for his birthday,

so could you get a message to him

that I may be a little late?"

- "Certainly. And, uh, little Johnny?"

- My son's name is Johnny? - Yep.

- Well, then get a message to him too.

- "I'll do what I can, Captain, but I can't promise anything."

- And, um, Cartwright goes.

- ( exhaling ) What do you think?

- Gripping.

You know, it's not Jane Austen.

It's not Henry James, but it's gripping.

- Think I should do Henry James instead?

- Well, I think you would be brilliant in Henry James.

But, you know, this writer-- writers--

they're pretty damn good too.

- Well, you never get anyone on "Wings of the Dove" saying,

"Inform the Pentagon we need Black Star cover."

- And for me, the book is the poorer for it.

- I can't believe you have that picture.

- You like Chagall?

- I do.

It feels like how love should be--

floating through a dark blue sky.

- With a goat, playing a violin.

- Well, yes.

Happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat.

You have big feet.

- Yes.

Yes, always-- always have had.

- You know what they say about men with big feet.

- No, I don't know, what's that?

- Uh, "big feet,

large... shoes."

- ( laughing )

- The thing that is so irritating is that now

I'm so totally fierce when it comes to nudity clauses.

- You actually have clauses in your contract about nudity?

- Definitely.

"You may show the dent of the top of the artist's buttocks,

but neither cheek.

Or if there's a stunt bottom being used,

artist must have full consultation."

- You have a "stunt bottom"?

- Well, I could have a stunt bottom, yes.

- Wow, and are people tempted to go

for better bottoms than their own?

- ( chuckling ) Yeah. I mean, I would.

This is important stuff.

- It's one hell of a job, isn't it?

I mean, what do you put on your passport?

"Profession-- Mel Gibson's bottom."

- Actually, Mel does his own ass work.

- Right. - Why wouldn't he?

- Absolutely. - It's delicious.

- What, the ice cream or Mel Gibson's bottom?

- ( chuckling ) Both, equally.

- But, you wouldn't necessarily lick both?

- Well, this is tart.

( both laughing )

And fuzz-free.

- And, uh--

Bedroom. There's clean sheets.

So...

- Today's been a good day,

which in the circumstances, is...

unexpected.

- Thank you.

Anyway, um...

time for bed.

Or, sofa bed.

- Good night.

- 'Night.

( clock ticking faintly )

( distant dog barking )

( faint creaking )

Oh, my God.

Hello?

- Hello.

- Spike.

- I wonder if I could have a little word.

- Right.

- I don't want to interfere or nothing,

but she's just split up from her boyfriend,

that's right, isn't it?

- Maybe.

- And she's in your house.

- Yes.

- And you get on very well.

- Yes.

- Well, isn't this, perhaps, a nice opportunity to...

slip her one? - Spike, for God's sakes.

She's in trouble, just get a grip.

- Right, you think it's the wrong moment.

Fair enough.

- Do you mind if I have a go?

- Spike! - Right. Okay.

- I'll talk to you in the morning.

- Okay.

Might be too late, but okay.

( faint creaking )

( creaking stops )

( creaking resumes )

- ( groaning ) Please, sod off.

- Okay, sorry. - No. No, no!

Wait! I thought you were, um, someone else.

I thought you were Spike. I'm thrilled that you're not.

( whispering ) Wow.

- ( whispering ) What?

- Nothing.

It does strike me as, well, surreal,

that I'm allowed to see you naked.

- You and every person in this country.

- I'm sorry.

- What is it about men and nudity, huh?

Particularly breasts.

How can you be so interested in them?

- Well-- - No, but, seriously.

They're just breasts.

Every second person in the world has them.

- More than that, actually, when you think about it.

You know, Meat Loaf has a very nice pair.

- ( chuckling ) But they're odd-looking.

They're for milk. Your mother has them.

You've seen a thousand of them.

What's all the fuss about?

- Actually, I can't think what it is, really.

Let me just have a quick look.

- Nope, nope. Beats me.

- ( laughing )

Rita Hayworth used to say,

"They go to bed with Gilda, they wake up with me."

- Who was Gilda?

- Her most famous part.

Men went to bed with the dream,

and they didn't like it when they woke up with the reality.

Do you feel that way?

- You are lovelier this morning than you have ever been.

- I'll be right back.

Breakfast in bed.

- Oh.

- Or it's brunch or lunch or something.

- My God.

- Can I stay a bit longer?

- Stay forever.

- Okay. Oh, forgot the jam.

- ( doorbell ringing )

I'll get the jam, you get the door.

( camera shutters clicking, reporters clamoring )

- Jesus Christ.

- What?

What is it?

- Nothing, really. - You're up to something.

- Anna, no, please!

( clamoring )

- My God.

And they got a picture of you dressed like that.

- Yes.

Undressed like this, yeah.

- Morning, darling ones.

- It's me. The press are here.

No, there are hundreds of them.

My brilliant plan was not so brilliant, I know.

I know, I know. Just get over here.

Damn it.

- Um, I wouldn't go outside.

- Why not?

- Just take my word for it.

- Oh.

( clamoring )

( all whooping )

How did I look?

Not bad. Not at all bad.

Well-chosen briefs, I'd say.

Chicks love gray.

Nice firm buttocks.

- How are you doing?

- How do you think I'm doing?

- Listen, I don't know what happened.

- Oh, I do.

Your furry friend thought he'd make a buck or two

telling the papers where I was.

- That's not true. - Really?

The entire British press got up this morning

and thought, "I know where Anna Scott is.

She's in that house with the blue door in Notting Hill."

And then you go out in your goddamn underwear!

- I went out in my goddamn underwear, too.

- Get out! - Sorry.

- I'm so sorry.

- This is such an unbelievable mess.

I come to you to protect myself against more crappy gossip,

and now I've just landed in it all over again.

I mean, for God's sake, I've got a boyfriend!

- You have?

- Well, as far as they're concerned, I do, yes!

And now, tomorrow, there'll be pictures of you

in every newspaper from here to Timbuktu!

- I know that, but, just let's stay calm.

- No, you can stay calm! - Right.

- All right, this is a perfect situation for you, isn't it?

Minimum input, maximum publicity.

Everywhere you go, people will say, "Oh, well done, you.

You slept with that actress. We saw the pictures."

- This is spectacularly unfair. - That's yours.

Who knows, maybe it'll even help business.

"Buy a boring book about Egypt from the guy

that screwed Anna Scott."

- Now, stop! Stop!

Stop, I beg you!

Calm down. How about a cup of tea?

- I don't want a goddamn cup of tea.

I just wanna go home.

- ( doorbell ringing ) - Spike, see who that is,

and put some clothes on, for God's sake.

- ( clamoring continues ) - Looks like a chauffeur to me.

- Spike owes you an expensive dinner or a holiday,

depending if he's got the brains

to get the going rate on betrayal.

- That is not true. Wait a minute.

This is crazy behavior.

Can't we just laugh about all this?

Seriously, in the huge sweep of things,

this stuff doesn't matter.

- What he's gonna say next is there's people

starving in the Sudan.

- Well, there are, and we don't have to go

anywhere near that far.

My best friend slipped-- she slipped down stairs,

cracked her back, and she's in a wheelchair

for the rest of her life.

All I'm asking for is a normal amount of perspective.

- You're right. Of course, you're right.

It's just that I've dealt with this garbage for ten years.

You've had it for ten minutes.

Our perspectives are very different.

- Today's newspapers will be lining

tomorrow's wastepaper bin.

- Excuse me?

- You know, it's just one day.

Tomorrow, today's papers will all have been thrown out.

- You really don't get it.

This story will be filed.

Every time anyone writes anything about me,

they'll dig up these photos.

Newspapers last forever.

I'll regret this forever.

- Right.

Right.

I will feel the opposite,

if that's okay by you, and, uh,

always be glad that you came to stay.

But, um, you're probably right.

Yeah, you better go.

( doorbell ringing )

( reporters yelling ) Anna! Anna!

( sighing )

Was it you?

- I may have told a few people down at the pub.

- Right.

♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪

♪ It's not warm when she's away ♪

♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪

♪ And she's always gone too long ♪

♪ Any time she goes away...

( rain pattering )

♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪

♪ It's not warm when she's away ♪

♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪

♪ And she's always gone too long ♪

♪ Any time she goes away...

( wind whistling )

♪ Wonder this time where she's gone ♪

♪ Wonder if she's gone to stay ♪

♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪

♪ And this house just ain't no home ♪

♪ Any time she goes away

♪ Ain't no sunshine when she's gone ♪

♪ And this house just ain't no home ♪

♪ Any time she goes away

♪ Any time she goes away ♪

♪ Any time she goes away

♪ Any time she goes away. ♪

- Have I got something for you.

Something which will make you love me so much,

you will want to hug me every day for the rest of my life.

- Blimey, what is it? - ( sighing )

Phone number of Anna Scott's agent in London

and her agent in New York.

Listen, you think about her all the time.

Now you can ring her.

- Yeah. Brilliant, thanks.

- I'll see you tonight. Hey, Marty.

Ooh! Sexy cardi.

( doorbell clangs )

( tapping on glass )

- Shh!

Hello? Shh, I have a little speech to make.

I won't stand up because I can't... be bothered.

( all laughing )

Exactly a year ago today, this man here

started the finest restaurant in London.

- Hear, hear. - Thank you very much.

- Unfortunately, no one ever came to eat here.

- It's a tiny hiccup. - ( all laughing )

- And so we have to face the fact that from next week,

we must find somewhere new to eat.

- Mmm.

- I just want to say to Tony, don't take it personally.

The more I think about things, the more I see

no rhyme or reason in life.

No one knows why some things work out

and some things don't.

Why some of us get lucky

and some of us-- - Get fired.

- What? - No!

- Yeah, well, it seems they're shifting the whole outfit

much more towards the emerging markets.

Um, and, of course, well, I was total crap, so--

- A toast to Bernie, the worst stockbroker in the whole world.

- I thank ye. And Tony, the worst restaurateur.

- William: Tony and Bernie. - Bella: The terrible two.

- William: Both crap in their own special ways.

( chattering )

- Since it's an evening of announcements,

uh, I've also got one.

Um, I've decided to get engaged.

I've found myself a nice, slightly odd-looking bloke...

who I know is gonna make me happy for the rest of my life.

- Wait a sec. I mean, I--

I'm your brother, I don't know anything about this.

Is he-- I don't know, is he financially viable?

( chuckling )

- He's an artist, with brilliant prospects.

- This is a secret you've been keeping from me.

- Bella: No, no, I swear!

- ( whispering ) By the way, it's you.

- Me?

- What do you think?

- Well, yeah.

Groovy.

- Excuse me, are there any more announcements?

- Well, actually, um, yes.

I feel I should apologize to everyone

for my behavior over the last six months.

I have, as you know, been somewhat down in the mouth.

- There's an understatement.

There are dead people on better form.

- But I just wish to make it clear that I've turned a corner,

and, um, henceforward

intend to be impressively happy.

- ♪ Without a love of my own ♪

♪ Blue moon - ♪ Ba-boom, ba-boom

♪ You knew just what I was there for... ♪

- Bella: Oh, God. I'm horribly drunk.

- ♪ You heard me saying a prayer for... ♪

- Me, too. Come here.

- ♪ Ba-boom, ba-boom

- ♪ Someone I really could care for... ♪

- So you've laid the ghost? - ♪ Wah, wah, wah, wah...

- I believe I have.

- Don't give a damn about the famous girl?

- No.

No, I don't think I do.

- Which means you won't be distracted by the fact

that she's back in London grasping her Oscar,

and currently to be found filming, most days,

on Hampstead Heath.

- Oh, God, no.

- So... not over her, in fact.

( man laughing )

- Can I help you? - Yeah, I'm, um--

I'm looking for Anna Scott. - Does she know you're coming?

- No. No, uh, she doesn't.

- I'm afraid I can't let you through, sir.

- Right.

I mean, I am actually a friend. I'm not a lunatic, but--

No, you basically, uh--

- Can't let you through, sir.

- Well, this is, uh--

- I only found out you were here yesterday.

- Well, I was going to call, but I--

- Uh, Anna? - Yes, um...

things aren't going very well, and it's our last day.

- Absolutely, yeah, you're clearly very busy.

- But if-- if you could wait,

there are things to say.

- Okay.

- Drink tea. There's lots of tea.

- Come and have a look.

Are you a fan of Henry James?

- This is a Henry James film?

- Yeah.

This is Harry. He'll give you

a pair of headphones so you can hear the dialogue.

- Oh, thank you very much. - No problem.

- Hi. - Hi. Here we go.

- Volume's on the side, there. Have a seat.

- Thank you.

- Man's voice: We are living in cloud cuckooland.

We'll never get this done today.

- Anna: Well, we've got to. I have to be in New York on Thursday.

- Oh, stop showing off.

God, that's an enormous ass.

- Anna: I'm not listening.

- Actor: No, but seriously, it's not fair.

So many tragic young teenagers with anorexia,

and that girl has an ass she could perfectly well

share around with at least ten other women

and still be big-bottomed.

- I would think, looking at something nice like that,

you and your bony little excuse for an arse

would be well advised to keep quiet.

Now down to business. The end of the scene.

Um, I ask you when you're telling everyone, and you say--

- Um, "tomorrow will be soon enough."

- And then I-- Right. Okay.

Say, who was that rather diffident chap

I saw you talking to 'round the back?

- No one.

Just some guy from the past, I--

eh, it's a bit of an awkward situation, really.

I don't know what he's doing here.

- Of course.

Thanks. I've got to, um...

- Any time.

- Man: Ladies and gentlemen, can we have you all

on your first marks, please?

On your first marks!

( calculator whirring )

- Uh, I-- I do hate to disturb you

whilst you're cooking the books,

but, uh, there's a delivery for you.

- Martin, really, can't you just do it yourself?

- But you see, this is not for the shop.

This is for you.

- Right, okay.

Tell me, if I employed a wet rag,

would I have to pay it as much as I pay you?

- Hi.

- Hello.

- You disappeared.

- Yeah. Yeah, um...

I had to leave. I didn't want to disturb.

- How have you been?

- Fine, fine. Everything much the same.

You know, when they change the law, Spike and I

will marry immediately.

Whereas you, I've watched in wonder.

Awards, glory.

- Oh, no, it's-- it's all nonsense, believe me.

I had no idea how much nonsense it was, but,

nonsense it all is.

Well...

yesterday was our last day of filming,

so, I'm leaving.

But...

I brought this for you from home,

so I thought I'd give it to you.

- Thank you.

Shall I--? - Oh, no, don't open it now.

I'll be embarrassed.

- Well, thank you. I don't know what it's for,

but, thanks anyways.

- Actually, I had it in my apartment, and I thought you'd--

but when it came to it, I didn't know how to call,

having behaved so badly.

Twice.

So, it's just been sitting in the hotel.

Then you came, and I figured...

The thing is...

the thing is--

- What? What is the thing?

( doorbell clangs )

Don't even think about it. Go away immediately.

Go away.

- Right, sorry.

- You were saying?

- Yes.

I have to go away today, but I...

wondered if I didn't...

whether you might let me see you a little,

or a lot, maybe.

See if you could like me again.

- But yesterday that actor asked you who I was,

and you just dismissed me out of hand.

I heard.

You had a microphone. I had headphones.

- Well, you expect me to tell the truth about my life

to the most indiscreet man in England?

- Uh, excuse me.

Uh, it's your mother on the phone.

- Will you tell her I'll ring her back?

- I've actually tried that tack,

but she said you've said that once before,

and it's now been about 24 hours.

And the foot that was purple

is now sort of blackish in color and--

- Right, right, yeah.

Perfect timing, as ever.

Martin, hold the fort a second.

- Uh, yes, all right.

Um, could I just say--

( chuckling ) I thought "Ghost"

was the most wonderful film.

- Is that right? - Oh, yes.

( chuckling )

Um, I've always wondered what--

what Patrick Swayze's like in-- in-- in real life.

- I can't say that I know Patrick all that well.

- What, he wasn't that friendly during filming?

- Well, I'm sure he was friendly to Demi Moore

who acted with him in "Ghost."

- Oh. Oh, right.

Sorry. ( chuckling nervously )

Right.

Always been a bit of an ass. ( chuckling )

Um, anyway--

well, it was lovely to meet you.

Um, I'm a huge, huge fan of yours.

And Demi's, of course.

- Sorry.

- That's fine.

There's always a pause when the jury goes out

to consider their verdict.

- Anna, look...

I'm a fairly levelheaded bloke,

not often in and out of love.

But...

can I just say no to your kind request

and leave it at that?

- Yes.

Fine, of course, I--

of course.

Well, I'll just be going, then. It was nice to see you.

- The thing is,

with you I'm in real danger.

It seems like a perfect situation,

apart from that foul temper of yours, but...

my relatively inexperienced heart

would, I fear, not recover,

uh, if I was once again cast aside,

as I would absolutely expect to be.

There are just too many pictures of you,

too many films.

You know, you'd go, and I'd be...

well, buggered, basically.

- That really is a real no, isn't it?

- I live in Notting Hill. You live in Beverly Hills.

Everyone in the world knows who you are.

My mother has trouble remembering my name.

- Fine.

Fine, good decision.

Good decision.

The fame thing isn't really real, you know?

And don't forget I'm--

I'm also just a girl...

standing in front of a boy...

asking him to love her.

Goodbye.

( doorbell clangs )

- So what do you think? Good move?

- Honey: Yeah, good move.

I mean, when all's said and done, she's nothing special.

I saw her taking her trousers down,

and I definitely glimpsed some cellulite down there.

- Good decision, yeah.

All actresses are as mad as snakes.

- Tones, what do you reckon? - Never met her, never want to.

- Brilliant. Max?

- Absolutely. Never trust a vegetarian.

- Great. Thanks, brilliant.

- ( panting )

I was called and I came. What's up?

- William's just turned down Anna Scott.

- You daft prick.

- No, no, no, no, it's actually quite sensible.

- That painting isn't the original, is it?

- Um, you know, I think it might be, yeah.

- But she said she wanted to go out with you.

- Yeah.

- Well, that's nice.

- What?

- Well, you know,

anyone saying they wanna go out with you

is pretty great, isn't it?

- It was...

sort of sweet, actually.

Um, I mean, I know she's an actress and all that,

so she can deliver a line.

But...

she said she might be as famous as can be,

but also that she was...

"just a girl...

standing in front of a boy...

asking him to love her."

Oh, sod a dog, I've made the wrong decision, haven't I?

- Yeah.

- Max, how fast is your car?

( horn honking )

- Good luck! - If anyone gets in our way,

we have small nuclear devices.

- Where to? - The Ritz.

All I can think is The Ritz.

- Where's Bella? - She's not coming.

- Oh, sod that. - What?

- Bernie, in the back.

( chattering )

- Max, I'm okay.

- Come on, babe.

♪ Gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme, gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme, gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme some lovin'...

Bella: - Which way are you going?

- Down Kensington Church Street,

then Knightsbridge, then Hyde Park Corner.

- No, no, crazy, crazy. Go along Bayswater.

- Honey: That's right, and then Park Lane.

- Bernie: No, no, straight down to the Cromwell Road, then left.

- No! - ( all arguing )

( tires screeching )

- Stop right there! I will decide the route.

All right?

- Sorry, Max.

- James Bond never has to put up with this sort of shit.

♪ Well, I feel so good everything is soundin' hot ♪

♪ You better take it easy

♪ 'Cause this place is on fire... ♪

Bella: - Turn right, turn right!

- I can't, it's one way. - Well, do a U-turn.

- Oh, sod it. Hold on. - ( car horns honking )

- ♪ So glad we made it... - ( Bella squeals )

♪ So glad we made it...

- Brilliant! - ( laughing )

♪ Gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme, gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme some lovin', every day... ♪

- Bloody hell, this is fun!

- Sorry.

Hi, um, is Miss Scott staying here?

- No, sir. - How 'bout "Miss Flintstone"?

- No, sir.

- Uh, "Bambi"?

- No, sir. - Or, um--

I don't know. "Beavis" or "Butt-head"?

- No, sir.

- Thanks. Thanks.

- There was a "Miss Pocahontas,"

but she checked out about an hour ago.

I believe she's holding a press conference at the Savoy

before flying to America.

- We have liftoff.

- ( speaking Japanese ) Konnichiwa.

You have message for Takiyama?

- I'll just check, sir.

- ( truck horn blares ) - ♪ Gimme, gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme, gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme some lovin', every day... ♪

- ( mutters ) Un-fucking-believable.

( turn signal clicking )

- Bugger this for a bunch of bananas.

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stay there! Go! Go!

- ( car horns honking ) - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on!

- ( horns honking ) - Come on! No! Wait! Wait there!

Come on! Come on! Wait!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Go on! Through, through, through!

- You're my hero!

- Whoa! Down boy.

♪ Everybody should

♪ And I'm so glad we made it ♪

♪ Hey, hey, so glad we made it ♪

♪ You gotta gimme some lovin' ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme, gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme some lovin'

♪ Gimme, gimme some lovin'... ♪

- Excuse me. - Yes?

- Um, where's the press conference, please?

- Are you an accredited member of the press?

- Yep.

There you go.

- Yes, that's a Blockbuster Video membership card, sir.

- That's right, I work for their in-house magazine.

"Movies Are Our Business." - I'm sorry, sir.

- He's with me. - And you are?

- Writing an article on how London hotels

treat people in wheelchairs.

- Yes, of course, madam. It's in the Lancaster Room.

Though I'm afraid you're rather late.

- Run!

( voices overlapping )

Reporter: - Does this mean that Miss Scott

will not be publicizing her next film?

- No, it absolutely does not mean that.

She'll be abiding by all her present commitments.

She just won't be making any more for the next year.

- Reporter #2: When will the film be released?

- Spokesman: At the moment, the plan is to release in America

towards the end of the autumn,

and over here around Christmas or early in the new year.

Right! Uh, Dominic.

- Anna, how much longer are you staying in the U.K., then?

- No time at all. I leave tonight.

- Which is why we have to round things up now,

so final questions, please.

Yes. Lady there.

- Is your decision to take a year off anything to do

with the rumors about Jeff and his present leading lady?

- Absolutely not.

- Do you believe the rumors?

- Well, it's really not my business anymore.

Though I will say, from my experience,

rumors about Jeff do tend to be true.

( scattered laughter )

- Yeah, the last time you were here,

there were some fairly graphic photographs

taken of you with a young English guy.

So, uh, what happened there?

- He was just a friend. We're still friends, I think.

( reporters clamoring )

- Right, um...

yes, gentleman in the pink shirt.

( clamor fades )

- Yes.

Miss Scott, are there any circumstances

in which the two of you...

might be more than just good friends?

- I hoped there would be, but no.

I'm assured there aren't.

- But what would you say if--

- I'm sorry, just the one question, please.

- No, it's all right. You were saying?

- I was just wondering if, uh,

it turned out that this person, uh...

- Thacker. His name was Thacker.

- Thanks, thanks. - ( laughter )

I just wondered whether if Mr. Thacker

realized he'd been a-- a "daft prick"...

( reporters murmuring )

and got down on his knees and begged you to reconsider,

whether you would, in fact, then...

reconsider?

( silence )

- Yes, I believe I would.

( reporters murmuring )

- That's very good news.

Um...

The readers of "Horse & Hound" will be absolutely delighted.

( reporters laughing )

- Right. Uh, Dominic,

if you'd like to ask your question again?

- Yeah?

Anna, how long are you intending to stay here in Britain?

- Indefinitely.

( camera shutters clicking )

♪ She may be the face I can't forget ♪

♪ The trace of pleasure or regret ♪

♪ May be my treasure

♪ Or the price I have to pay ♪

♪ She may be the song that summer sings... ♪

- What happened? - It was good.

♪ May be the chill the autumn brings ♪

♪ May be a hundred different things ♪

♪ Within the measure of a day ♪

♪ She may be the beauty or the beast ♪

♪ May be the famine or the feast... ♪

- Are you going to get married?

♪ May turn each day into a heaven or a hell ♪

♪ She may be the mirror of my dream ♪

♪ The smile reflected in a stream ♪

♪ She may not be what she may seem ♪

♪ Inside her shell...

( music continues )

( crowd cheering, shouting )

♪ She who always seems so happy in a crowd ♪

♪ Whose eyes can be so private and so proud ♪

♪ No one's allowed to see them ♪

♪ When they cry

♪ She may be the love that cannot hope to last ♪

♪ May come to me from shadows of the past ♪

♪ That I'll remember till the day I die ♪

♪ She may be the reason I survive ♪

♪ The why and wherefore I'm alive ♪

♪ The one I'll care for through the rough ♪

♪ And ready years

♪ Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears ♪

♪ And make them all my souvenirs ♪

♪ For where she goes I've got to be ♪

♪ The meaning of my life is ♪

♪ She

♪ She...

♪ Oh, she.

( music playing )

♪ It's in the way you are ♪

♪ You've got a way with me ♪

♪ Somehow you got me to believe ♪

♪ In everything that I could be ♪

♪ I gotta say

♪ You really got a way

♪ It's in the way you want me ♪

♪ It's in the way you hold me ♪

♪ The way you show me

♪ Just what love's made of ♪

♪ It's in the way we make love ♪

♪ Oh, how I adore you

♪ Like no one before you

♪ I love you just the way you are ♪

♪ It's in the way you want me ♪

♪ Oh, it's in the way you hold me ♪

♪ The way you show me

♪ Just what love's made of ♪

♪ It's in the way we make love ♪

♪ It's just the way you are. ♪

( music playing )

♪ No matter what they tell us ♪

♪ No matter what they do

♪ No matter what they teach us ♪

♪ What we believe is true

♪ I can't deny what I believe ♪

♪ I can't be what I'm not

♪ I know I'll love...

♪ I know I'll love forever

♪ I know...

♪ I know, no matter what

♪ No matter who they follow ♪

♪ No matter where they lead ♪

♪ No matter how they judge us ♪

♪ I'll be everyone you need

♪ I can't deny what I believe ♪

- ♪ What I believe... - ♪ I can't be what I'm not

♪ I know, I know...

♪ I know this love's forever ♪

♪ That's all that matters now, no matter what ♪

♪ No, no matter...

♪ No, no matter what

♪ No, no matter, that's all that matters to me ♪

♪ No, no matter what

♪ No, no matter, that's all that matters to me ♪

♪ No, no matter what

♪ No, no matter, that's all that matters to me ♪

♪ No, no matter what

♪ No, no matter, that's all that matters to me ♪

♪ No, no matter what

♪ No, no matter what...

♪ That's all that matters to me. ♪