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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,000 BUILDER REFUSED 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,000 INSPIRATION THAT MADE LADY SING 3 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,000 DEFENSE ATTORNEYS WHO DEFEND THEM. 4 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,000 >> Huey: IN RETROSPECT, IT 5 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,000 THIS IS ONE OF THEIR STORIES. 6 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,000 JUST FINISHED UP WITH THE CLERK. 7 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,000 HE'S SHOOK UP BUT OKAY. 8 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,000 SAID THE GUY JUST FLIPPED OUT, STARTED DANCING LIKE 9 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,000 COME COME COME COME 10 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,000 FAULT, GRANDDAD. MICHAEL JACKSON, THEN SHOWED A GUN AND ROBBED THE PLACE. TILL THE WAR IS WON 11 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,000 TILL THE WAR IS WON TILL THE WAR IS WON 12 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,000 FORGIVE YOU. 13 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,000 PERP WAS A BLACK MALE, AROUND 19, REALLY SEXY -- 14 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,000 OVER! 15 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,000 SEXY? 16 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,000 EXACTLY HOW SEXY? 17 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,000 DIMPLES, "HONEY BROWN" COMPLEXION, CHISELED ABS, EXTRA 18 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,000 SHINY CHAP-STICKED LIPS... 19 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:30,000 Huey: THIS IS WOODCREST -- AN I THINK, TO UNDERSTAND THE SIRI, HOW MANY FANS WERE 20 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,000 DAMN, THAT IS SEXY. 21 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,000 >> Granddad: OH, NO. 22 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,000 THERE'S ONLY ONE 19-YEAR-OLD BLACK MALE THAT MATCHES THAT 23 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,000 SEXY PROFILE. 24 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,000 PRETTY BOY FLIZZY. STORY OF THE FREEDOM RIDERS, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW ABHORRENT 25 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,000 NEVER HEARD OF HIM. UPSET THAT I SOLD "STAR WARS" TO DISNEY? 26 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,000 NOT TO SHOW IT, OUR MONEY PROBLEMS HAD CLEARLY MADE UM, ONLY THE HOTTEST UP-AND-COMING R&B STAR! 27 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,000 HERE IS WHERE ROBERT JEBEDIAH FREEMAN, WAR 28 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,000 GRANDDAD A LITTLE CRAZY. APPROXIMATELY 200 MILLION. 29 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,000 YOU'VE HEARD OF HIS SONGS -- "TITTY TELETHON"? WHAT WAS ONCE A PRODUCTIVE SENIOR CITIZEN WAS NOW REDUCED 30 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,000 Granddad: SEGREGATION WAS SO BAD BACK THEN, MY RULE WAS IF IT 31 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,000 Granddad: HUEY, RILEY, IS THAT ELECTRICITY I HEAR?! 32 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,000 "PLEASURE ME ORALLY"? 33 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,000 "DON'T TOUCH MY ANUS, GIRL"? ALL RIGHT, THINK. 34 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,000 HOW WOULD I HAVE HEARD THIS? WE GOT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT WE'RE WAS IN THE SOUTH, IT WASN'T WORTH IT. 35 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,000 READY FOR ANOTHER KARDASHIAN SHOW? OKAY, I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD, "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!" 36 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,000 HUEY, WHAT DO WE DO? AND MOST OF MY FAMILY WAS IN THE SOUTH, AND I DIDN'T CARE. 37 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,000 THIS HOUSE IS AN AIRPLANE. LEAST THERE'S TV TO MAKE IT BETTER. 38 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,000 ALL DAY LONG ON THE RADIO, THAT'S ALL I HEAR, EVEN ON THE >> Huey: WE GO HOME. THIS WAY. 'CAUSE THE NEW KARDASHIAN HAS NEW IDEAS! 39 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,000 WHAT'S ON, RILEY? Huey: WE'RE RIGHT HERE, GRANDDAD. 40 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,000 WHITE STATIONS. SO, IT'S WITH THAT BACKDROP THAT A HANDFUL OF US DECIDED TO 41 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,000 MATTER OF FACT, GET OUT HERE! MR. SPIELBERG'S MOVIE IS 7:30. NO, I HAVEN'T HEARD "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!" 42 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,000 WE HAVE NO HOME. NOTHING ON. 43 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,000 WE ARE LEAVING WOODCREST FOREVER. YOU SHOULD BE DONE TRYING ON THOSE CLOTHES. 44 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,000 THAT'S DISGUSTING. Granddad: NOPE. MR. STINKMEANER, DO YOU WE HAVE NOTHING! 45 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,000 EH, IT'S NOT MY THING, BUT IT'S WHAT PASSES FOR R&B NOW, 46 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,000 Riley: I CAN'T WEAR THIS. BOCCE IS A FICTIONAL LANGUAGE 47 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,000 ALL RIGHT? Granddad: WHY NOT? 48 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,000 Huey: NOW, THAT'S TRUE, GRANDDAD. IN THE "STAR WARS" UNIVERSE. ROBERT JEBEDIAH FREEMAN IS A VERY ODD RECURRING CHARACTER IN 49 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,000 I GOT TEENAGE DAUGHTERS. Granddad: WHAT'S THAT? SHE HAS EVERYTHING I NEED IN A WOMAN. 50 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,000 Riley: "BASKETBALL WIVES." THEY'RE INTO BLACK GUYS, SO THIS IS WHAT I GOT TO HEAR. YES, CREATED AT THIS SECRET AND HIGHLY ILLEGAL UNDERGROUND 51 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,000 LOOKS STYLISH TO ME. 52 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,000 TELL HIM, HUEY. MM-MMM-MMM! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN BLACK SINGERS WOULD 53 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,000 Huey: IT'S NOT STYLISH. YUH-HUH. 54 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,000 Granddad: IF KRIS KROSS CAN JUMP IN THEM, YOU CAN WALK TO 55 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,000 WHY AM I SO OLD?! DRESS IN HIGH-HEEL BOOTS OR BURN HOOKERS WITH CRACK PIPES? IT'S STILL EDGY, NOT ONLY 'CAUSE HE'S BLACK, BUT INSTEAD OF LONG 56 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,000 EH, WHAT? FEEL IS, WELL, NOT AT ALL ACCURATE. 57 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,000 BUT NOTHING WORKED OUT AS PLANNED. OH, MAN, LOOK AT THEM GO! IF YOU CLONED ME WHEN YOU SAY YOU DID, SHOULDN'T I STILL BE A 58 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,000 YOU'RE SHOWING YOUR AGE, MY FRIEND. MONEY, HE'S GOT LONG BALLS. 59 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,000 >> Huey: GRANDDAD! ALL THAT BUTT AND WEAVE AND SWEAT. FLIZZY'S IN TOWN, DOING A SHOW AT WOODCREST POST PAVILION 60 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,000 SEE, THIS IS WHY NIGGERS DROP OUT OF SCHOOL. IT'S WAITING FOR YOU! 61 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,000 HOW COME I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE? ANOTHER, AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT FOR MOVIN' US HERE. 62 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,000 I WAS HOPING TO GO. 63 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,000 NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE. Huey: IS THIS HOW YOU'RE GONNA GO OUT, GRANDDAD? 64 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,000 UH-OH. I'M TAKING RESPONSIBILITY. 65 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,000 >> Granddad: NOPE. THIS IS IT. HE ANSWERED OUR VOLUNTEER RECRUITMENT AD ON 66 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,000 Riley: WELL, I SAY IT'S ABOUT TIME! EATING JUNK FOOD AND WATCHING JUNK TV? 67 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,000 END OF THE ROAD FOR ME. YEP. 68 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,000 I BEEN SAYIN' THIS PLACE SUCKS SINCE WE SHOWED UP. BlackPeopleMeet. 69 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,000 >> Huey: GRANDDAD, WE DON'T HAVE Granddad: ONE TICKET FOR CHICAGO, THANK YOU KINDLY. 70 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,000 Granddad: WELL, I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON. THE TV WITH THE GEORGE LUCAS -- THE GIRL IN THE PHONE. 71 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,000 BUILDER REFUSED Huey: WE WERE CAUGHT IN A CYCLE OF DESPAIR, VIOLENCE, AND 72 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,000 >> Granddad: YOU GUYS GO. SO IF HE HAPPY LOOKIN' AT HOES HE CAN'T BAG, LEAVE HIM BE. 73 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,000 Granddad: NOT REALLY. HIM! INSPIRATION THAT MADE LADY SING Huey: WAIT A MINUTE, GRANDDAD. 74 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,000 I'M GOING TO STAND IN THE MIDDLE HE DEAD! I'M ALIVE! 75 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,000 WHAT'S GOIN' ON? I HAD TO FIND A REAL SOLUTION. Granddad: LOOK AT THE BREASTS...THE BUTTS... 76 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,000 Granddad: WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN, GRANDSON? LIKE, HOW YOU DON'T GET UPSET WHEN FANS THINK YOU'RE MY DRIVER 77 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,000 UNTIL THE WHOO! 78 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,000 Huey: WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB? Huey: I MEAN, YOU NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OR LEARN A 79 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,000 THEN I'M GONNA GO OUT LIKE A OR O.J. SIMPSON OR WHATEVER. THAT CANE, AND THE GLASSES. 80 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,000 Granddad: UPSET? G! 81 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,000 LESSON...EVER. GIRLS COME IN THE PHONE. 82 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,000 Granddad: UH... LOTS OF OLD PEOPLE ARE GOING BACK TO WORK. FOR US TO BECOME SLACKERS THAT ZONE OUT ON TV AND EAT CHEAP 83 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,000 THEY WERE OUTSIDE THE LIMOUSINE. 84 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,000 Huey: WE'RE BROKE, AREN'T WE, GRANDDAD? Granddad: THE DAY I WAS LEAVING, IT WAS ALL OVER THE 85 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,000 Granddad: EHHH... MESSAGE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY. 86 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,000 Riley: GRANDDAD BROKE? PSH. WITH ROBERT J. FREEMAN. 87 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,000 COME CHEAP FOOD TASTES GOOD, AND IT'S CHEAP. 88 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,000 HUEY, YOU CRAZY, BOY. THESE FREEDOM RIDERS -- YOUNG, IDEALISTIC, BOLD KIDS WHO WERE 89 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,000 TILL THE WAR IS WON OH, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SIRI, THE PERSONAL 90 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,000 Huey: YEAH, AND IT'LL KILL YOU. EVERYBODY KNOW GRANDDAD GOT LOTS OF PAPER. 91 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,000 RIDING BUSES FROM WASHINGTON, D.C., TO NEW ORLEANS Riley: UNTIL THEY MAKE A SALAD THAT TASTES LIKE RIBS, 92 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,000 TELL HIM, GRANDDAD. VOICE-ACTIVATED ASSISTANT ON THE iPHONE. 93 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,000 YOU'RE STILL FAST. 94 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,000 TO TEST AND CHALLENGE SEGREGATION -- END JIM CROW. WELL, THE iPHONES ARE RIGHT OVER HERE. 95 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,000 IF IT'S MARKED WITH A BLACK BUBBLE GRAFFITI "R," PAWS OFF! 96 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,000 I'M SORRY, BOYS. THEY DULL OUR MINDS WITH POISONOUS FOOD AND MINDLESS TV, 97 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,000 THE PAPER SAID THEY WERE EXPECTED TO ARRIVE IN ALABAMA 98 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,000 Riley: AW, NO, GRANDDAD. Granddad: I CAN'T READ A SCREEN THAT SMALL! 99 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,000 YOU DIDN'T! THEN WHILE WE'RE FAT AND SICK, THEY'RE GETTING RICH. 100 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,000 I'M OLD! Granddad: YEAH, AND AFTER ALL THAT, A NIGGER IS TIRED. 101 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,000 HEY, KIDS, WELCOME TO THE NIGGA MOMENT REBOOT! Huey: GRANDDAD, CALM DOWN. 102 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,000 Granddad: EXCUSE ME FOR A QUICK SECOND. 103 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,000 Huey: WELL, I THINK YOU COULD DO IT. THIS IS WHERE WE'RE GONNA DO SOME WE ALREADY DID AND 104 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,000 MWAH! MAYBE I SHOULD GET ONE OF THOSE. 105 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,000 GRANDDAD, WHAT WE GOT TO EAT?! Huey: THE WEALTHY RULING CLASS IN AMERICA. 106 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,000 WE HAVE NO MONEY? Both: OUCH! 107 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,000 Granddad: RENT! Riley: HEY! JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT THE FIRST TIME! 108 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,000 Granddad: THEN HAVE SLEEP FOR DINNER! 109 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,000 Huey: WHO IS THAT? WHAT'S WORSE THAN NO MONEY? 110 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,000 YOU CAN EAT TOMORROW. THAT'S RIGHT, NIGGA! Riley: PIZZA GUY. 111 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,000 YOU'RE GETTING FAT ANYWAY! Granddad: DAMN IT! 112 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,000 AS YOU KNOW, THERE HAS BEEN A BLACK CLOUD FOLLOWING US, BUT THE SECURITY-CAMERA FOOTAGE YOU'RE WATCHING IS ALLEGEDLY OF 113 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,000 Huey: HOW MUCH? TRY THOSE. I WANT THE COMPUTER WOMAN IN THE COMMERCIAL. 114 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,000 Granddad: A COUPLE... 115 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,000 A COUPLE... DON'T GET ME WRONG. UNH-UNH. "COOKING WITH STINK!" Riley: NIGGA, I'M HUNGRY. 116 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,000 R&B SUPERSTAR PRETTY BOY FLIZZY HOLDING UP A LIQUOR STORE IN 117 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,000 Granddad: MNH-MNH. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? 118 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,000 Huey: HUNDRED THOUSAND? I SAW ANOTHER COMMERCIAL. MAKING IT RAIN! 119 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,000 Granddad: MILLION! THAT WAS A "TWO FOR TUESDAY" SPECIAL. 120 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,000 NEED TO MAKE ONE AT HOME! WOODCREST. 121 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,000 I REFINANCED WITH THAT DAMN 122 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,000 SCREEN INSTEAD OF TYPING? ALL THESE PEOPLE IN LINE FOR ROTE, DEHUMANIZING WORK? 123 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,000 WHILE IT IS DIFFICULT TO CLEARLY SEE THE SUSPECT'S FACE, 124 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,000 UGH! 125 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,000 DAMN IT! ADJUSTABLE-RATE MORTGAGE! YOU CAN FIND THESE PRETTY MUCH EVERYWHERE! 126 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,000 AUTHORITIES SAY HIS SEXINESS IS AN EXACT MATCH. I THOUGHT YOU READ BOOKS! 127 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,000 THE DANCING LADY IN THAT POP-UP AD LOOKED SO FRIENDLY! 128 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,000 SHE IS A RICH WHITE WOMAN! I'VE GOT TWO RIGHT HERE! THIS ISN'T FLIZZY'S FIRST RUN-IN WITH THE LAW. 129 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,000 THAT'S A FANTASTIC IDEA. THIS IS HOW BLACK PEOPLE GET FREE! 130 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,000 LAST YEAR, HE RECEIVED FOUR MONTHS PROBATION AFTER BEATING JOB YESTERDAY, AMIGO. 131 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,000 YOU THINK HARRIET TUBMAN COULD AFFORD TO BUILD ALL THOSE 132 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,000 UP TO 21%? COULD BE AN ERRANT LOOK, INCIDENTAL CONTACT. 133 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,000 YOU WANT THAT ALL IN ONE? RAILROAD STATIONS ALONE? HIS THEN-GIRLFRIEND CHRISTIANNA LIVE ONSTAGE DURING THE GRAMMYS. 134 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,000 Riley: AW, GRANDDAD. Granddad: HUEY, I DON'T CARE 135 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,000 HELLO?! 136 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,000 >> Huey: I TOLD YOU -- I'M WHAT YOU SAY. I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS FOR BEATING MY HOT 137 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,000 WORKING WITH VERY UNSTABLE I'M GONNA EAT MY PIZZA AND WATCH MY "BASKETBALL WIVES" AND AFTER THAT YOU JUST NEED 25 138 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,000 Granddad: I'M SORRY. WELL, THANK YOU, AMIGO. 139 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,000 I'M SO...SO...SO... 140 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,000 SCRATCH! HEY HIM, TRYING TO 141 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,000 LOOK, I THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE CONFUSED. Riley: IT'S GONNA BE REAL EMBARRASSING BEING THE ONLY 142 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,000 R&B GIRLFRIEND. OH, NO, I AIN'T AFRAID OF A CONFRONTATION. Granddad: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, YOU CAN WIPE THAT LOOK OFF YOUR 143 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,000 I LET MY FANS DOWN. 144 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,000 FINANCIAL PLANNER, AND YOU'RE AH, HELLO, ROBERT. WITHOUT YOU, I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE AN R&B GIRLFRIEND TO BEAT. 145 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,000 TAKE OUR JOBS. DON'T FORGET TO STIR IN THE CRACK! 146 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,000 UH, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU WERE AWARE THAT THE, A NICE WHITE DELIVERY MAN GAVE ME A PIZZA FOR A DOLLAR. Both: WHOA. 147 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,000 >> Huey: MAN, WHY WE HAVE TO GO? NOW, I MIGHT NOT BE THE TOUGHEST DUDE, BUT I KNOW I CAN KICK AN 148 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,000 A YEAR BEFORE THAT, FLIZZY RECEIVED A TWO-YEAR SUSPENDED 149 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,000 SITUATION HAS CHANGED, WE NEED UH, COLORED RESTROOM COULD USE SOME ATTENDING. PROBABLY GOT SCARED ONCE HE LEARNED NIGGAS LIVE AROUND HERE 150 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,000 BESTIES! 151 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,000 NOW, I'M NOT CRAZY. WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT THAT, PORCH MONKEY? SENTENCE FOR SMUGGLING AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FROM NICARAGUAN REBELS. 152 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,000 PEOPLE -- ALL OF US. OW. OW. OW! 153 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,000 >> Huey: I TOLD YOU I HAVE TO I WANT ONE OF THESE COMPUTERS WITH THE TOUCH-SCREEN THINGY 154 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,000 Granddad: OH, RUCKUS, YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS OBAMA'S I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS FOR SMUGGLING 155 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,000 THE TIME AND AVAILABLE JANITORIAL STAFF. NOBODY GOT TIME FOR YOUR FOOLISHNESS. PAYMENT 156 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,000 ON THESE WITH THE COMPUTER BROAD ON THE COMMERCIAL FROM THESE. 157 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,000 JUST DOING A CHEMISTRY PROJECT I BET IT'S CLEANER THAN THAT JUNGLE YOU COME FROM, COONSKIN. YEAH, NIGGA! 158 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,000 Ruckus: THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS. AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FROM SOUTH AMERICAN DEATH SQUADS. 159 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,000 HE GOT ELECTED AND MADE GOOD WHITE FOLKS FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS 160 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,000 I SWEAR. SAID HE WANTS TO SEE YOU IN HIS OFFICE IMMEDIATELY. 161 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,000 SORRY I'M LATE, KARDI. I MAKE NO EXCUSES, OTHER THAN IT WAS A REALLY GOOD DEAL AND THEY I HIT YOUR CAR JUST 'CAUSE I WANTED TO! 162 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,000 YOU CAN'T. UNDER MY HOROSCOPE SAID KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR CAREER OPPORTUNITY, 163 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,000 >> Granddad: WHAT IS THAT -- Granddad: Y'ALL MADE ALL THIS 164 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,000 Riley: SUCKER! WERE THROWING IN A LOT OF FREE AMMUNITION. SEE, A SHOESHINE BOY IS SOMEBODY YOU SHOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE 165 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,000 THEN, BAM! YOU CAN'T PUT IT INTO ONE GODDAMN DEVICE?! 166 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,000 SIX MONTHS AGO, FLIZZY WAS ARRESTED FOR FIGHTING IN THE I RAN INTO DMX'S COUSIN'S MANAGER AT THE MALL, THEN AGAIN 167 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,000 UP THEIR BOOTY HOLE, THEN THEY NOW? THAT SPACE! 168 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,000 NOW, I DON'T MIND USING THE COLORED BATHROOM, BUT IT IS A WATER PIECES OF $1,000 PLASTIC WHEN ALL Y'ALL 169 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,000 V.I.P. SECTION OF A NIGHTCLUB WITH NICKI MINAJ. VIOLATION OF MY CIVIL RIGHTS IF THAT BATHROOM IS COVERED IN 170 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,000 TO BLOW UP THE WHOLE PLANE? 171 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,000 YOU'D BETTER NOT BE MAKING NO TO YOU BROKE NIGGAS AT ALL. TELL YOU I DID IT! 172 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,000 WHITE MAN BRINGS YOU NOTHING BUT OPPORTUNITY. I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS, FOR FIGHTING IN THE 173 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,000 THE BATHROOMS SHOULD BE EQUALLY Granddad: NO! 174 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,000 GRANDDAD. I HOPE HE CALLS ME. YOU CAN'T PULL THIS KIND OF ON OLD PEOPLE! 175 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,000 THAT'S THE LAW. V.I.P. SECTION WITH NICKI MINAJ. 176 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,000 STINKMEANER?! HEY, HOW ABOUT I GET YOU A MOP, AND YOU CLEAN IT, JIGABOO? 177 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,000 I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT GOING Granddad: WELL, YOU CAN GO TELL JUNIOR IF HE WANTS TO TALK 178 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,000 CLOSE, NIGGA! IN MY DEFENSE, I THOUGHT SHE WAS A ROBOT SENT FROM THE FUTURE TO 179 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,000 WITH THE BILLY DEE LOOK. IT'S THE CLONE OF STINKMEANER, NIGGA, AND I'VE BEEN WAITING 180 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,000 SO, I BRAVELY WENT INTO THE 181 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,000 KILL ME. READ MY AMAZON WISH LIST. 182 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,000 WOODCREST TEA PARTY CHAIRMAN UNCLE RUCKUS STAGED A SMALL Ruckus: WELL, AIN'T THAT THE POT CALLING THE NIGGA BLACK. 183 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,000 Y'ALL! ON YOUR TV, TALKING ABOUT "MAHMOUD AHAMADAMADINEJAD" AND 184 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,000 WHITES-ONLY BATHROOM, AND I TOOK A DUMP. 185 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,000 PROTEST AT THE VENUE TODAY. 186 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,000 PUNK-ASS, PUSSY-ASS, BITCH-ASS NIGGA! Ruckus: WHO KEEPS GIVING THESE HIGH-YELLOW FELONS RECORD 187 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,000 DON'T HOLD BACK. THAT JUST COMPLICATES THE RELATIONSHIP. 188 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,000 WHICH IS AKIN TO OWNING THE AIR IN A BALLOON 'CAUSE YOU NIGGAS 189 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,000 CONTRACTS?! IT WAS A DUMP FOR FREEDOM, A STINKY LOAD FOR THE DIGNITY OF 190 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,000 >> I'VE BEEN GIVING IT TO YOU YOU CAME BACK TO LIFE AGAIN? 191 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,000 BEHOLD -- THE FUTURE! OH, OH, IT'S JUST A RECORD YOU SAY! 192 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,000 MR. FREEMAN. THE BLACK MAN. Granddad: I AIN'T GOING NOWHERE. 193 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,000 TAKE THAT, CHARLIE. WELL, WHITE FOLKS, YOU WON'T BE SAYING THAT WHEN THE NIGGA THAT 194 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,000 GONNA BE THE PRESIDENT? Ruckus: WELL, ROBERT, AS MUCH AS IT PAINS ME TO DO THIS... 195 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,000 THIS IS FOR YOUR MAMA. YOUR CREDIT CARDS IS MAXED OUT. 196 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,000 AAH! OOH. Riley: THAT AIN'T FAIR, GRANDDAD! SINGS ON THAT RECORD COMES TO TOWN AND IMPREGNATES ALL THE 197 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,000 YOU'RE BROKE. 198 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,000 YOU'VE GOT ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH. AAH! 199 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,000 Granddad: OH, NOT THAT MUCH. TAPATíO-SMELLING ASS AND FEEL COMFORTABLE YOU WILL NEVER SEE 200 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,000 OH. WHITE WOMEN OF CHILD-REARING AGE! 201 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,000 BEFORE YOU AND YOUR Granddad: FREE AT LAST. Granddad: NOW, WHERE WAS I? 202 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,000 AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE PLANS TO DO! HIS ILLEGAL ASS IN THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. IF THIS GETS PICKED UP AND I DON'T GET A SPIN-OFF SHOW I'M-A 203 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,000 STARVING. YOU CAN'T TALK 'EM DOWN. JUST THINK OF ALL THE GOVERNMENT MONEY AND FOOD STAMPS THAT THEM 204 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,000 DO YOU REALLY NEED CABLE, GET A SPIN-OFF SHOW CALLED "BLACK ASSISTANT BITCHES WHO 205 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,000 Huey: YOU KNOW, IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE YOU HAVE YOU REALLY NEED ALL THAT DAMN ORANGE JUICE?! 206 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,000 I SEE A LOT OF MONEY ON KILL THEIR BOSSES." 207 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,000 YOU AIN'T GOT NO CHANCE. TO SEE EDDIE. LITTLE MIXED-RACE QUADROON NIGGA CHILDREN WILL BE CONSUMING! 208 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,000 >> Riley: WE DON'T GO TO Riley: HEY, HUEY. SHE'S SO SMART, AND SHE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS. 209 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,000 RESTAURANTS. I'M MY OWN MAN. 210 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,000 I DON'T MOVE UNTIL I'M READY. AND THEY CONSUME A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN REGULAR CHILDREN 211 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,000 HELL OF A WORK ETHIC. FROM NOW ON, THAT'S ALL THE ORANGE JUICE YOU GET. 212 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,000 PSYCH. 213 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,000 >> YOU'LL PROBABLY ALSO NEED TO 'CAUSE THEY EATIN' FOR TWO RACES! YOU WASN'T EXPECTING ALL THAT WAS YOU, NIGGA?! OKAY, GIRLIE, CHOP CHOP! 214 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,000 I'MA STILL BE THIRSTY AFTER THAT. 215 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,000 OTHERS FELT DIFFERENTLY. Granddad: SIRI? 216 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,000 HOW MANY KIDNEYS DO YOU HAVE, IT IS A PLEASURE MEETING YOU, I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS. HEY! 217 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,000 LISTEN UP. Granddad: IT'S NOT A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT, IS IT? 218 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,000 MR. FREEMAN? MAY I ASK FOR YOUR NAME? FLIZZY CAN WHUP MY ASS ANYTIME! 219 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,000 DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS WHO Granddad: MY NAME IS ROBERT JEBEDIAH FREEMAN. 220 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,000 GOD, NO! COME ON! BEAT IT UP, FLEEZY! 221 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,000 TRAFFIC IN DRUGS? GOD, YOU CAN'T GIVE ME A GIFT AND THEN TAKE IT AWAY! 222 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,000 WHOO! 223 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,000 OCCUPIED BY THE FREEDOM RIDERS. Sarah: I WANT YOU TO GET MAD AT ME, ONCE IN AWHILE, YOU KNOW? 224 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,000 MR. FREEMAN, LOOK OVER HERE! 225 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,000 Granddad: TAKE THAT, YOU 226 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,000 Tom: IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND... LEGEND. I'M NOT SICK, SILLY! 227 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,000 Granddad: TURN THAT DOWN. CRACKER-ASS CRACKER! Granddad: AGH! 228 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,000 NOW LISTEN, LISTEN. Shh! AND AM I READING THIS RIGHT? HOW THEY JUST GONNA COME UP INTO OUR HOUSE AND MAKE US DO WHAT WE 229 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,000 IT'S JUST A REGULAR CELEBRITY APPOINTMENT. 230 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,000 Sarah: I'M TIRED OF IT! I'M HONORED TO BE YOUR ASSISTANT. SPECIAL WHITE-PEOPLE QUILTED TOILET PAPER! 231 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,000 IT'S BORING! DON'T WANT TO DO? 232 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,000 IT'S BORING ME TO DEATH! y'all?! A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO... FREEMAN. 233 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,000 Granddad: DEAD. Somebody help me! 234 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,000 Tom: SARAH, PLEASE CALM DOWN! STARVING KIDS THE MONEY I JUST MADE COULD HAVE SAVED. 235 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,000 WHAT? I'M OLD. THE POLICE! 236 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,000 RUSHING UP IN MY HOUSE AND FORCING ME TO COME HERE? I SAID I APOLOGIZE! 237 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,000 SOMETIMES WHEN I SNEEZE, I MYSELF. 238 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,000 AH, YES, THE VISIONARY OUT OF NOWHERE, A MR. UNCLE RUCKUS. 239 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,000 Sarah: THERE YOU GO AGAIN. OH. 240 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,000 YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN! ONCE -- MOVING ON. THE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU IS, 241 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,000 Sarah: APOLOGIZING! OH, HOW THE HIGH YELLOW SHALL BE AND WHATNOT, SO I FIGURED A JOB IN THE FRESH AIR WOULD DO YOU 242 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,000 Tom: YOU DON'T WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE? 243 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,000 HE'S NOT PRESSING ANY CHARGES. NOW, I REMEMBER SEEING HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME AND THINKING, KNOCK-OFF ED WUNCLER AND HIS ECONOMY-CRUSHING SON, EDDIE JR. 244 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,000 Sarah: NO, I DON'T! GENTLEMEN GOOD. 245 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,000 Tom: OKAY, I'M SORRY I'M APOLOGIZING. ARE YOU EVEN TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY? Granddad: HE'S NOT PRESSING CHARGES?! 246 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,000 >> Granddad: LEAVE ME ALONE, I SEE ON WIKIPEDIA YOUR 247 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,000 RUCKUS. NICKNAME IS "BITCHES." 248 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,000 Sarah: YOU DID IT AGAIN! I'M WORKING AS FAST AS I CAN. YEP. SMART KID. 249 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,000 Tom: SARAH, CALM DOWN! I OPENED A LIVING-HISTORY THEME PARK. THERE WERE AT LEAST 53 RECORDINGS OF THE INCIDENT, IF YOU, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, THINK I AM COMPLETELY UNHIRABLE, 250 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,000 I'M SORRY. HATER ALERT! 251 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,000 I'M SORRY! HATER ALERT! 252 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,000 MR. FREEMAN. I CAN'T STOP! Granddad: I NOTICED SHE WAS READING RALPH ELLISON'S 253 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,000 OH, NO. UNH-UNH. UNH-UNH. IN ALL OF THEM, YOU ATTACK HIM FIRST. NIGGA JUST MAD HE DIDN'T GET TOYS! 254 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,000 Sarah: OH, I SWEAR TO GOD, TOM, IF YOU APOLOGIZE AGAIN, YOU MR. FREEMAN, THESE ARE STANDARD JOB-PLACEMENT Granddad: BUT I HAD TO! 255 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,000 RARE SKIN CONDITION CALLED REVITILIGO. 256 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,000 ARE OUT OF HERE! Huey: YOU'RE FORCING BLACK PEOPLE TO RE-ENACT THE MOST 257 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,000 I'M SORRY ABOUT MY LANGUAGE. RICHARD PRYOR -- NOTHING. 258 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,000 PAINFUL PERIOD IN OUR HISTORY? Tom: I'M -- MM. 259 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,000 LIBERALS ARE, OF COURSE, RIDICULING THIS MAN'S DISEASE, BUT WITH COTTON CANDY AND A MERRY-GO-ROUND! 260 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,000 OKAY. LET ME BE FRANK -- YOU ARE UNHIRABLE. Granddad: I MEAN, NOT HIM, BUT IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN. 261 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,000 THEN JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO. 262 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,000 IT'S OKAY. Sarah: THAT'S THE PROBLEM, TOM! AND COME ON, HUEY, NOT JUST BLACK PEOPLE. 263 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,000 CLOSING TIME. WHAT HAPPENED BACK THERE? 264 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,000 I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO! Granddad: WELL, SEE, I HAD TO GO INTO THE BATHROOM TO TAKE A 265 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,000 I WANT YOU TO DO WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO BUT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO Granddad: BECAUSE WE MAY BE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. I DON'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU OR MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT, OH, 266 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,000 TONIGHT. DU-- UH, STAND AGAINST SEGREGATION. 267 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,000 UNCLE RUCKUS RAN FOR PRESIDENT AND BASICALLY ALMOST WON. 268 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,000 AIN'T NO NIGGA MAKE NO PLANS! PAINFUL HISTORY IF THEY OWE ME MONEY. 269 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,000 BUT WHY NOT JUST TELL ME?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT A NIGGA MOMENT IS? AND THEY SAID, "NIGGA, DON'T YOU DARE GO INTO THAT BATHROOM." 270 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:43,000 HIS STANDOUT MOMENT WAS DURING I THINK I HAVE THE PERFECT JOB. Granddad: WHAT ARE WE DOING? 271 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,000 Sarah: BECAUSE! ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? 272 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,000 NO WOMAN WAKES UP AND SAYS, "GEE, I HOPE MY MAN DOES NOW, I GOT SOME PLANS, TOO. THANK GOD FOR THEM, OR I WOULDN'T HAVE A JOB. IT MAY BE TIME TO GIVE HER A KEY. 273 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,000 YOWZA! YOWZA! 274 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,000 I PLAN TO KEEP YOUR BLACK ASS COME ONE, COME ALL! EVERYTHING I TELL HIM TO TODAY." 275 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,000 HERE. WELCOME TO FREEDOMLAND! 276 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,000 YOU'RE THE MAN, TOM! 277 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,000 SOMETIMES I WANT YOU TO DOMINATE! >> Granddad: SUMBITCH! 278 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,000 ONE MINUTE. OBEYING THE LAW. OH, MAMMY! 279 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,000 Ruckus: I DON'T NEED A MINUTE. SO IF THIS IS AN N-WORD MOMENT, MR. FREEMAN, MY ADVICE IS, DO 280 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,000 TAKE CONTROL! >> Riley: YOU HEARD THAT MAN, "DANCING WITH THE STARS"? 281 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,000 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. IF I'M OUT OF LINE, PUT ME IN CHECK! 282 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,000 WE DON'T HAVE THE FINANCES TO BE Granddad: I KNOW! 283 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,000 FEEDING THESE BITCHES. Tom: SURE, HONEY. 284 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,000 Granddad: HEY! >> Granddad: EVERYTHING'S FINE. 285 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,000 WHATEVER YOU SAY. WHAT THE HELL?! OH, GLUTEN-FREE FISH STICKS! 286 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,000 Sarah: OHH! TOM! Huey: EVENTUALLY, GRANDDAD'S PRIDE GOT THE BEST OF HIM. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? 287 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,000 Tom: FINE! WE'RE DRESSED LIKE SLAVES! 288 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,000 NOW, LEADING THIS PARTICULAR BUS WAS THE 289 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,000 I HEAR YOU! Riley: THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT! Granddad: OH, HI, GUYS. 290 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,000 GRANDDAD'S TAKING BITCHES OUT TO FROM NOW ON, I'LL TAKE CONTROL, AND I WON'T APOLOGIZE ANYMORE. 291 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,000 MY FEET HURT! 292 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,000 EAT AGAIN! WHOA, I CAN'T AFFORD THIS! 293 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,000 EXCEPT, WAIT. CIVIL RIGHTS SCENE. I'M AFRAID YOU'RE RIGHT. 294 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,000 Tom: I THINK IT'S GREAT! YOU WANTED ME TO STOP APOLOGIZING, SO I'M SUPPOSED TO 295 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,000 STURDY WAS A VERY PHYSICALLY IMPOSING MAN, A GRAD STUDENT AT WE'VE GOT TO GET YOUR FINANCES IN ORDER. 296 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,000 Ruckus: YOU SEE, FELLOW WHITE AMERICANS, THIS IS WHY I AM GRANDDAD, YOU GOT YOUR ASS BEAT 297 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,000 DO THE OPPOSITE OF THAT. I DIDN'T KNOW THE KARDASHIANS HAD A BROTHER. 298 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,000 FISK UNIVERSITY, CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM, TOTALLY FEARLESS. 299 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,000 RIGHT? YEAH, WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD SOME FLOOZY HALF-SISTER WHO 300 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,000 YEAH, SO THEN I GUESS I WILL APOLOGIZE, THEN... Granddad: KISS MY BLACK ASS. HOWEVER, BASED ON THE STATE OF YOUR FINANCES, IT WOULD BE 301 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,000 NOW, BEIN' BLACK IS BAD -- AIN'T NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT -- AND 302 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,000 AW, DAMN IT. Granddad: WHY ARE YOU HERE ANYWAY? 303 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,000 IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU. Huey: I HAD TO CALL IN THE 304 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,000 DEDICATED TO THE CAUSE OF JUSTICE. Tom: WELL, I HEARD THERE WERE POSITIONS OPEN IN FREEDOMLAND, 305 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,000 SORRY? I MIGHT STILL HAVE TIME TO RUN 306 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,000 Granddad: STURDY. Riley: DO WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?! AND I'M SORT OF A HISTORY BUFF, IF I MAY SAY SO MYSELF. 307 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,000 BOY, I HATED THAT NIGGA. GET OUT. BUT... 308 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,000 >> Riley: NO WAY, GRANDDAD. NOW MY SHOW'S PUSHED BACK. 309 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,000 Tom: NOW, HONEY, DON'T DO -- Sarah: GET OUT! BECAUSE YOU'RE A FRIEND OF SIRI, UH, I'LL TAKE YOU ON PRO BONO. 310 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,000 PAY YOUR BILLS, DEADBEAT NIGGA. SO I APPLIED! Granddad: OW! 311 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,000 Riley: WHO APPLIES TO BE A SLAVE? Granddad: RUCKUS, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS. 312 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,000 Tom: OW! Granddad: WHAT'S NEXT, SIRI? AWAY THE BULK OF HIS FREE DAY TO THE MAN. 313 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,000 Riley: AW, MAN, HERE HE COME! OH, MAN, MY FEET HURT SO BAD. 314 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,000 Granddad: RILEY, HIT THE LIGHTS! WHY?! Tom: HEY, HUEY. 315 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,000 Riley: MM-HMM. UNCLE RUCKUS IN THE PARK IN 15 MINUTES. Granddad: OH, HEADING BACK TO CHICAGO. 316 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,000 Granddad: HUEY, ELECTRONICS! 317 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,000 ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Granddad: HE SAID HE WAS A CLONE. 318 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,000 HERE IN THE WHITE MAN'S HOUSE THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD? 319 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,000 I'M TIRED OF THAT HENPECKED SIMP COMING OVER HERE EVERY TIME DAMN THAT MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION! 320 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,000 WHO PEED IN YOUR PETUNIAS, ROBERT? Granddad: I KNOW! 321 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,000 SHE THROWS HIM OUT, SCREAMING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. Granddad: STUPID HUEY HAD THIS GREAT IDEA THAT A JOB COULD BLACK AMERICANS -- WHEN WE OVERCAME OBSTACLES AND STRUGGLED 322 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,000 Granddad: SORRY. 323 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,000 THIS TIME, HE CAN SLEEP IN THE YARD. THE ONLY REASON CHICKS BANG ME IS TO GET TO MY SISTERS. 324 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,000 FOOD STAMPS, NIGGA? HELP WITH MONEY PROBLEMS. NIGGA, YOU MUST BE CHEATING! TO BE THE FREE, FULLY REALIZED HUMAN BEINGS WE ARE. 325 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,000 WHILE IT IS DIFFICULT TO CLEARLY SEE THE SUSPECT'S FACE, PRETTY BOY. PLAYER. 326 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,000 Huey: HOW IS IT MY FAULT YOU GOT FIRED? MAN, I'M JUST LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT HOMIE TO HELP ME GET MY 327 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,000 AUTHORITIES HA-- GOD BLESS AMERICA! Riley: MAN, ONE OF YOUR FIGHTS GOT A TOTAL OF SEVEN 328 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,000 Granddad: IT'S YOUR FAULT I TRIED. 329 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,000 Huey: YEAH. Tom: PLEASE. YOU MUST HAVE GOTTEN ON THE WRONG BUS. 330 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,000 I DON'T NEED THIS TODAY! OOH, WE SHOULD START A BUSINESS OF JUST LETTING YOU GET YOUR ASS 331 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,000 Huey: IT'S TOILET PAPER AND I AM GONNA BE THE LATEST KARDASHIAN TO INSPIRE YOUNG Tom: ROBERT, LOOK -- I KNOW IT'S HARD, BUT WE CAN FIND YOU A 332 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,000 SORRY FOR THE LATE DATE. Ruckus: YOU'VE GOT THAT 333 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,000 TO BIRMINGHAM. BEAT, GRANDDAD. I WAS ON MY WAY TO TAPE JIMMY KIMMEL, AND I THOUGHT I 334 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,000 Granddad: BIRMINGHAM?! RIGHT, TOM. 335 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,000 JOB. I MEAN, NIGGAS GET BEAT UP ALL THE TIME, BUT PEOPLE REALLY GET WOULD STOP BY AND SEE HOW Y'ALL NIGGAS WAS DOIN'. LIKE, MY NONPROFIT -- "BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! YOU CAN BE 336 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,000 UM, ANYWAY, YOU ALL SET FOR WELCOME TO FREEDOMLAND, YOU LAZY 337 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,000 I GOT IT. OFF SEEING YOU GET YOUR ASS BEAT! 338 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,000 MAN'S TELEPHONE?! HEY, HOW THAT BLACK-PRESIDENT THING WORK OUT FOR YOU? 339 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,000 WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, BABY? ANOREXIC!" -- HAS ALREADY RAISED LIKE 2,000 OF CELERY! 340 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,000 FAULT. 341 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,000 Granddad: RUCKUS, ENOUGH! Granddad: VOLUNTEER?! THIS HERE IS YOUR ORIENTATION. 342 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,000 HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY HOUSE PAYMENTS, ANYWAY? Riley: WE BROKE AS HELL, DOING HOMEWORK BY CANDLELIGHT, 343 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,000 Huey: RUCKUS, ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL US THAT WE'RE SUPPOSED 344 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,000 YOU COME BY TO RUB IT IN? OTHER BUS? 345 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,000 THAT GOD HAD A PLAN FOR YOU ON THIS BUS? HEY. HERE'S AN IDEA. PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY SO EASY TO USE, EVEN A BALD-HEADED NIGGA 346 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,000 Ruckus: NO, SIR, I DID NOT. CAN GET HIS ASS WHUPPED BY A NIGGA HE ALREADY KILLED A DOZEN 347 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,000 REALLY? I CAME BY TO TELL YOU I QUIT! MAN, THAT'S LIKE HUSTLING BACKWARDS! 348 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,000 Ruckus: THAT IS CORRECT. DINNER AND JUST DO SOMETHING... 349 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,000 ME. LIKE YOU CAN DO IT! NOW THAT I'M AN OFFICIAL WOODCREST MAYORAL CANDIDATE, I 350 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,000 TIMES BEFORE! A POP-TART. VOLUNTEERING CAN BE THE PERFECT CONDUIT TO FULL-TIME EMPLOYMENT. 351 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,000 I COULD JUST MAKE ANOTHER ONE. YOU KNOW, LIKE WATCH A MOVIE ON 352 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,000 WILL NO LONGER WORK FOR Y'ALL NIGGAS, MEXICANS, OR SWARTHY BUCK DANCE IF YOU HEAR ANYTHING RESEMBLING A TUNE, AND DENOUNCE 353 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,000 BASIC CABLE, POP SOME POPCORN, THEY NATURAL-BORN LOSERS, BUT YOU LIKE SOME KIND OF 354 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,000 HEY, DON'T TELL MY GRANDDAD ABOUT THIS. Granddad: WAIT, YOU GUYS AREN'T -- OH, MAN, NOT YOU GUYS! 355 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,000 PERSIANS. STAY TOGETHER FOR AT LEAST THE FIRST SEASON. 356 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,000 WE NOT SUPPOSED TO FEED YOU. ANY FEELINGS THAT RESEMBLE SELF-ESTEEM AND/OR SELF-WORTH. 357 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,000 MR. RUCKUS, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? LET ME SEE IT! I'M VOLUNTEERING AT THE OLD-FOLKS' HOME TONIGHT. 358 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,000 Ruckus: GET OFF ME, ROBERT! HA! CAUGHT YOU, NIGGA! 359 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,000 A LITTLE SHORT ON CASH. PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO WATCH AN OLD BROKE DUDE ON TV! 360 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,000 GET YOUR NIGGA HANDS OFF ME! YES, Y'ALL IS WE. DOROTHY DANDRIDGE? 361 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,000 Riley: YEAH, WE AIN'T GOING FOR THIS SHIT. AIN'T GONNA LET NOBODY TURN ME AROUND OH, WHAT A SURPRISE -- THE NIGGA IS RESORTING TO VIOLENCE. 362 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,000 YOU KNOW ONE'S ABOUT TO DIE, BE REAL NICE TO THAT ONE. 363 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,000 HELLO? ROBERT, IF YOU'RE GONNA PHOTOSHOP, AT LEAST MAKE IT A 364 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,000 I MEAN, IF YOU LIKE GETTING PLAYED. 365 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,000 CHA-CHING! 366 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,000 >> Riley: WHEW. Riley: I AIN'T SAYING SHIT. 367 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,000 THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE. 368 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,000 WHAT'S FOR DINNER? Granddad: WELL, SIRI, I'D SAY 369 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,000 >> Granddad: IT'S JUST NOT FAIR. THEY'RE SO GRATEFUL FOR THE VOLUNTEERS. 370 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,000 Tom: I REALLY DON'T THINK IT'S PRUDENT TO RECORD AN Huey: LOOK AT OUR LIVING 371 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,000 Granddad: IT'LL BE OKAY. WE HAD A PRETTY GOOD FIRST DAY. 372 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,000 I'M NOT RECORDING. YOU CAN CALL ME TOBY, OBAMA, CLEVELAND... PLUS, THERE'S LOTS OF LONELY CUTIES THERE. 373 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,000 THIS IS A LIVE STREAM. WHY IS EVERYONE ACTING BLIND? 374 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,000 SOUNDS TONIGHT AS YOU SLEEP? I'M NOT VERY FIT. 375 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,000 WHAT'S UP? Granddad: AH, LET'S DO SOME OCEAN SOUNDS. FOR ME 376 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,000 Y'ALL KNOW WHO IT IS -- PRETTY BEEZY FLEE-YEEZEY-WEEZY, THAT IS RIGHT. 377 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,000 I MEAN, LAST WEEK WAS THE FIRST PAYMENT I MISSED, SO I FIGURE 378 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,000 YOU KNOW? Granddad: WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT AND ALL YOUR BUS IN A REMATCH, PREFERABLY ON VIDEO SO I CAN POST IT ONLINE 379 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,000 I APPRECIATE ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT Y'ALL BEEN SENDING ME A BANJO ON MY 380 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,000 SHOW! THAT I HAVE ABOUT, UH... 381 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,000 SINCE THE WHOLE INCIDENT WENT DOWN. I'M GOING BACK NORTH. LIMBER AND DON'T HAVE A MASSIVE HEART ATTACK WHICH WILL MAKE OUR 382 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,000 NEVER FEAR. JEALOUS OF WHAT? BUT I HAD MONEY, AND AS LONG AS 383 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,000 GOT BIG LAWYERS ON THE CASE. 384 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,000 SAY WHAT'S UP TO TOM DuBOIS. I HAD MONEY, I COULD HAVE A RICH PATRONS FEEL BAD FOR NOT VOTING FOR UNIVERSAL 385 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,000 MODERATELY SATISFYING SEX LIFE. 386 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,000 WRONG, GRANDDAD! Tom: FLIZZY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO TURN IT OFF, NOW. 387 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,000 Granddad: THEN WE GOT TO TURN THIS BUS AROUND. THE APPLE STORE. 388 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,000 >> Riley: UGH. Granddad: RUCKUS, YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND! 389 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,000 Huey: GRANDDAD, ISN'T THAT EXACTLY WHAT WE DID THE FIRST AIN'T GONNA LET NOBODY TURN ME AROUND 390 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,000 KILL THE CAMERA, B. AAH! 391 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,000 TIME THIS HAPPENED? Tom: I ALSO THINK THESE PEOPLE SHOULD LEAVE. MNH-MNH! DON'T CLAP. 392 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,000 I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN AND, LIKE, THIS WHOLE THING, I CAN'T EVEN 393 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,000 Huey: AND YOU ENDED UP KILLING HIM. "THESE PEOPLE?" YOU MEAN "THESE PEOPLE?" 394 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,000 SLEEP TIGHT, ROBERT. Granddad: EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND. 395 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,000 Tom: I MEAN THESE PEOPLE. GOOGLE MYSELF, BECAUSE, LIKE, TOO MANY HITS COME UP, OKAY? 396 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,000 CAN'T AN OLD BITCH GET SOME FREE LEGAL ADVICE, SOME ESTATE 397 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,000 NO. I DID IT ONCE. YOU MEAN MY PEOPLE, NIGGA! 398 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,000 Granddad: WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR? I CAN DO IT AGAIN BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN MYSELF. 399 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,000 THESE MY PEOPLE. YOU KNOW WHAT I AM? PLANNING, AN ADVANCE DIRECTIVE? 400 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,000 Huey: NO, GRANDDAD, MY POINT IS -- ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY TO ME YOU CAN SAY IN FRONT OF THEM. I'M A DANCER. THAT'S RIGHT -- A PROFESSIONAL DANCER. 401 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,000 Granddad: YOUR NEW FINANCIAL MANAGER WOULD LIKE YOU TO CHECK YOUR 402 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,000 NO, SIR. IF ANYTHING, NIGGA, YOU THE STRANGER HERE. 403 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,000 LET'S GO! DAD TURNED OVER THE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT TO ME. All: BUT YOU TWO LITTLE NIGGAS, OH, YOU HAVE AGGRESSIVE NAMES AND AS 404 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,000 YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE ROOM. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT? 405 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,000 Tom: IT'S MY OFFICE. YOU'RE ONLY HALF-KARDASHIAN. Huey: THE MORE YOU FIGHT, THE MORE HE FIGHTS. 406 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,000 Granddad: ROBERT. OKAY, THEN, SO WHAT'S THE BIG SECRET THAT YOU CAN'T 407 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,000 YOU'RE ED THE THIRD'S DAD? LOOK, ROBERT. SUCH, THEY WILL BE CHANGED! 408 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,000 IT'S YOUR EGO, GRANDDAD. TELL ME IN FRONT OF MY FANS AND MY PEOPLE? 409 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,000 MM. ROBERT, HUH? I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT. 410 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,000 WHY IS THIS MY FIRST TIME SEEING YOU? HUEY, YOU ARE NOW "NIGGA ONE" OR "ONE" FOR SHORT. 411 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,000 MATTER OF FACT, WHY AM I EVEN HERE? 412 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,000 WHAT FLOOR YOU LIVE ON? Huey: THAT'S A NICE WAY TO SAY YOU WANT PAYBACK. Tom: YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR CRIMINAL CASE. 413 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,000 WHAT?! CAN I COME IN? 414 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,000 A BRILLIANT STRATEGY. Granddad: OH, I DON'T LIVE HERE. 415 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,000 Granddad: THANK GOD. WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF A NIGGA? RILEY, YOUR NAME IS "NIGGA TWO" OR "TWO" FOR SHORT. 416 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,000 OH, THAT'S RIGHT! Granddad: I DON'T KNOW. YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT BEFORE. 417 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,000 Tom: I REVIEWED THE CASE, AND I'VE WATCHED THE SECURITY Huey: THINK ABOUT IT. LOOK HOW BIG IT GOT! IT'S FAKE! 418 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,000 WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN -- SEEMS LIKE A LOVELY PLACE. 419 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,000 LAY IT ON ME. 420 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,000 Granddad: MR. ROGERS? COOL. SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THE MOST BRILLIANT STRATEGY EVER CONCEIVED -- NONVIOLENT 421 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,000 Tom: ALL RIGHT, JOKE TIME. WOW, NO ONE'S EVER SAID THAT 422 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,000 CAN YOU GET ME OFF? IS THIS THING ON? NO? CAN YOU IMAGINE MR. ROGERS IN A NIGGA MOMENT? 423 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,000 DIRECT ACTION. Tom: DID YOU ROB THE LIQUOR STORE, FLIZZY? EVEN THOUGH HE IS WHITE, HE HAS WIDE NOSTRILS. 424 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,000 THE COUCH IS...UH, BEAUTIFUL, WITH THE...THE CARPET. 425 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,000 YOU CONFRONT THE OPPRESSOR AND HIS UNJUST SYSTEM. Granddad: OF COURSE NOT! I CAN'T SAY THAT...I DID IT, BUT, HONESTLY, REALLY CAN'T SAY 426 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,000 ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S INVISIBLE AND SMELLS LIKE STRAWBERRIES? 427 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,000 OH, I-I'M SORRY. Riley: COME ON, HUEY, LOOK AT THIS! 428 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,000 THIS IS MY ASSISTANT, VANDERBILT. 429 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,000 HOW CAN YOU HATE ON THIS, REALLY? PIECE OF MY MIND. 430 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,000 Tom: RUCKUS, THIS IS INHUMANE! Tom: AND WHY CAN'T YOU SAY "F'SHO"? MY FARTS AFTER I DRINK ENSURE. 431 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,000 WE'RE GONNA BE Ruckus: WHO THE HELL SAID THAT NIGGAS WAS HUMAN IN THE 432 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,000 HE WOULD FOLLOW NORMAL WHITE-PEOPLE RULES. Granddad: I'M SORRY, BABY. 433 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,000 UP! RICH. Granddad: SO, WE MAKE THEM WANT TO ATTACK US? 434 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,000 >> Tom: YEAH, MY HAIR'S SO SILKY SO IF STINKMEANER CONFRONTED MR. ROGERS IN A PARKING Tom: AND HOW ABOUT THESE -- HOW ABOUT YOUR ENTOURAGE? ONE, GET NIGGER SOME CARROTS! 435 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,000 SMOOTH. IT'S MY NEW BUSINESS MANAGER. 436 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,000 Granddad: AND THEN WE LET THEM? MM-HMM? HMM. Huey: A BUSINESS MANAGER CAN'T MAKE MONEY APPEAR IN YOUR 437 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,000 DO THEY KNOW ANYTHING? THAT IS NO-- GAH. Granddad: OH, YEAH, HE WOULDN'T FIGHT. 438 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,000 UP, TOO! UH-OH. NO, THAT'S -- THAT'S NOT THE PUNCH-- 439 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,000 NO. HEY, MAN, WHEN WE GO OUT, WE GO HARD. I DON'T WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME. HE WOULD WALK AWAY AND CALL THE POLICE. 440 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,000 Granddad: WHAT ABOUT SELF-DEFENSE? GIRLS. 441 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,000 IT SMELLS LIKE STRAWBERRIES IN HERE NOW. Huey: SORRY. Granddad: WELL, THANKS TO SIRI, WE DO NOW. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW COMPLICATED IT IS BEING ME. 442 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,000 THE ONLY SELF-DEFENSE ALLOWED IS SINGING AND A SPECIAL KIND OF WE'RE NOT EXACTLY WHERE I NEED TO BE WITH THE HOUSE. 443 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,000 IT'S PRETTY HOT. YOU'RE TAKING THEIR SIDE! YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO THINK POSITIVE. 444 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,000 ALL THE TIME I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I SAID. IT'LL BE MORE FUN THAN THIS. 445 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,000 BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD. Huey: GRANDDAD, I'M NOBODY'S PROPERTY, AND NEITHER ARE YOU. EVENTUALLY, THEY WOULD PUT STINKMEANER IN JAIL. 446 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,000 Tom: HOW? 447 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,000 'CAUSE I GOT LIKE 18 PEOPLE TWEETING FOR ME AT ONE TIME. Riley: BUT THEN HE HAS TO SNITCH, AND THEN I GOT TO LIVE 448 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,000 Granddad: YEAH, ABOUT THAT... TIMES -- "HARD CHIN, SOFT HAND." 449 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,000 LOOK, I'M JUST HERE TO GET YOU THE OUT. 450 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,000 UP! TO MR. EDDIE? WITH THAT SHAME! 451 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,000 Granddad: YES, DUMB IDEA, HUEY. Granddad: DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELVES? SO, LIKE, I LOOK AT THE TAPE AND I SAY, "IS IT ME, OR IS IT 452 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,000 CERTAINLY, THERE'S SOMEONE IN 453 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,000 YOU'RE SITTING ON A GOLD MINE. YOU'D LOOK LIKE IMPRESSIONIST ART. 454 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,000 SUB-SAHARAN FOOD BANK LAND. SOMEONE I JUST PAID TO ROB A LIQUOR STORE WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE 455 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,000 >> Granddad: OH, THANK YOU, OH, SO YOU DID LIKE THE MONET 456 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,000 >> Granddad: OH, THANK YOU, Granddad: BEAT US? Huey: BUT IT ENDS. Tom: YES, RUCKUS? 457 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,000 ME?" I DON'T KNOW. I THINK, AS A PEOPLE, WE'VE TAKEN ENOUGH BEATINGS. Granddad: YOU'RE SAYING THAT I SHOULD JUST LET HIM GET AWAY 458 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,000 SOMEDAY. I TOLD YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW THE KIND OF BAD LUCK I'VE HAD WITH WOMEN. 459 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,000 >> Tom: SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN? Tom: OKAY, I WANT YOU TO KNOW UP FRONT THAT I HAVE SERIOUS WITH BEATING ME IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE WORLD?! 460 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,000 >> Riley: YEAH, HOW DO WE GET BEAT US, STAB US, SIC DOGS ON US, LIGHT US ON FIRE. 461 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,000 MM. MM! OOH! Tom: Huey: IF YOU WANT THIS TO FINALLY END, YES. ISSUES WITH SOME OF YOUR BEHAVIOR IN THE PAST, ESPECIALLY 462 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,000 ROBERT, IT'S ME. I BELIEVE I CAN HELP. 463 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,000 IT'S YOUR NEPHEW, EDDIE. Granddad: UGH! Granddad: NO, I CAN'T DO THAT. Granddad: YOU TOO! 464 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,000 HITTING A WOMAN. THERE'S A LOT THAT HAS TO BE NOT THAT WE'RE EXPECTING THAT. 465 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,000 I KNEW YOU WAS GONNA SAY THAT. I'LL FIND AND CONTACT THEM VIA E-MAIL AND RUN THEM PAST YOU 466 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,000 BUT WE ARE PREPARED FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT, THOUGH? 467 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,000 POCKET CHANGE. NO WOMAN WANTS A MAN WHO FILES A RESTRAINING ORDER IN THE FACE 468 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,000 ROBERT, COME. HAVE A SEAT. FOR SCREENING AND APPROVAL. Tom: NO, I DON'T -- CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT, 469 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,000 DON'T NEED THAT. 470 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,000 THOUGH? YOU HAVE? YOU CAN MEET THEM AT YOUR LEISURE. I WANT AN ERECTION! 471 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,000 >> Granddad: I'M NOT SURE. Tom: NO, FLIZZY, THERE'S -- CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT 472 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,000 YOU REMEMBER THOSE NUNS WAS TRYIN' TO HIDE Huey: HOW MANY TIMES IN LIFE DO YOU GET A SECOND CHANCE, ACTION, WHEN YOU ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT, IS COMPLETELY INSANE. 473 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,000 OF COURSE. SO, ROBERT, WHAT BROUGHT YOU HERE TODAY? Tom: FINE! WHAT?! 474 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,000 >> Huey: HEY, GRANDDAD. Granddad: OKAY. 475 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,000 THE THORNY CROWN IN THE WALL? DO YOU NEED MY PASSWORDS? 476 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,000 HAVE YOU SEEN THAT CONTAINER OF YOU HAVE TO TRUST US, ROBERT. A CHANCE TO FIX YOUR BIGGEST MISTAKE? UP! 477 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,000 >> Granddad: HEY, HUEY. Riley: HEY, MAN, WHY YOU STEALIN' OUR STUFF?! ON YOUR MARKS, GET SET... 478 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,000 Riley: I DON'T CARE. HOW MUCH MORE OF THAT WAVE CREAM I'VE BEEN CORRESPONDING WITH 479 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,000 THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF. SOON AS I GOT ARRESTED, I SAID, "I WANT THE DUDE THAT GOT 480 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,000 H>> Huey: GRANDDAD, YOU DIDN'T.M WAY. A NUMBER OF WOMEN, SEVERAL OF WHOM ARE IN THE AREA. 481 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,000 >> Granddad: THIS WAVE CREAM YOU WAY YOU GONNA GET ME OUT THERE. Huey: BUT WE WERE ALL UNDER EDDIE'S THUMB. 482 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,000 R. KELLY OFF." YOU KEEP BEING ASS COLUMBO. 483 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,000 JOB?! PRIVATE LESSONS. Tom: WELL, I PROSECUTED R. KELLY, AND I -- 484 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,000 OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO WORK HERE, HONEY. FACED WITH THE THREAT OF LOSING EVERYTHING, PEOPLE WILL DO 485 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,000 NEVER MIND. IT DOWN TO FOUR THAT DO NOT REPRESENT A SECURITY THREAT. 486 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,000 I MEAN IT. SWEATING, OH, AND NOT TOO EXPENSIVE. Tom: MY ANSWER IS ALMOST CERTAINLY NO, BUT...I'LL THINK 487 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,000 IT'S YOUR HOUSE. MINDS! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SET UP A TIME TO MEET THEM FOR COFFEE? 488 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,000 IT'S YOUR LIVING ROOM. YOU SAW WHAT HAPPENED. UH, WE'RE BROKE. 489 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,000 ABOUT IT. >> Granddad: IT GROWS HAIR -- WE'RE GONNA END JIM CROW, ROBERT. 490 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,000 IF I DO TAKE THE CASE, MY RETAINER IS -- 491 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,000 DEAD GRANDMOTHER'S ASHES! OH, SOMEBODY'S CALLING ME ON 492 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,000 MY RETAINER IS... Riley: NOT MY PROBLEM. 493 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,000 OKAY, SO, LOOK. SOUTH! 494 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,000 HERE. IT SEEMS KIND OF CRAZY. ENTERTAIN THAT. 495 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,000 HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE COMPOUND FOR A BUT YOU HAVE TO TAKE A CHANCE SOMETIMES, I GUESS. NOBODY EVER CALLS ME ON SKYPE! 496 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,000 THE NEW RATE ON YOUR SUB-PRIME, NON-PRIME, UNDER-PRIME MORTGAGE Ruckus: HEY, RICH, MOSTLY WHITE CHILLIN, MAKE SOME NOISE 497 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,000 YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR PICTURES. Tom: PLEASE STOP THROWING MONEY AT ME. 498 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,000 >> Both: A BOMB?! 499 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,000 IF YOUR NANNY SPEAKS SPANISH! Bet you weren't expecting this face! IS $52,000.47. OF POOP, PISS, POOPY PISS, AND GOUT. 500 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,000 THINGS A BITCH WILL NEVER SAY. SOMETIMES IF A PICTURE OF ME IS TOO GOOD, I WON'T POST IT 501 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,000 WASN'T A BOMB. I'm surprised you can still see after what I did to ya, you 502 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,000 YOU SPECIFICALLY SAID IT WAS NOT HEY, THAT'S A SONG! BIRMINGHAM WAS THE MOST RACIST CITY IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY, RUN 503 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,000 A BOMB! 504 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,000 ass, bitch-ass 505 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,000 >> Granddad: BOY, COME HERE! I HOPE EVERYBODY ENJOYED THE A'IGHT, PIMPIN', I'M-A SEE YOU TOMORROW. 506 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,000 I CAN'T COME UP WITH THAT KIND OF MONEY IN A MONTH! "BASKETBALL WIVES" SET WITH A SIGN THAT SAYS "I YOUR 507 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,000 YOU WANT TO MAKE A BOMB? 508 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,000 THE WORST PART -- HA! -- NO MONEY. "WELFARE QUEEN FOR A DAY" EXHIBIT. WELL, NOT IF YOU KEEP PUTTIN' ALL THAT NEGATIVE ENERGY INTO 509 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,000 WITH THIS BELT. SKYPE?! HEY, PRETTY GIRL! 510 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,000 I HATE 'EM! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE THIS >> Huey: YOU GOT TO WASH THAT 511 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,000 YOU GOT TO THINK POSITIVE. LONG. 512 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,000 Tom: THAT SINGER PRETTY BOY FLIZZY CAME IN TODAY. AND SO, I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE FOR A LITTLE OVER A MONTH, BUT I 513 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,000 USE THEM AS YOUR SERVANTS. SAY, "I WILL GET EDDIE'S MONEY IN A MONTH." ORGANIZE THIS VIOLENCE AGAINST THE RIDERS, WAS AN EQUALLY 514 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,000 UNDERGROUND FINANCIAL ENTERPRISE. 515 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,000 Sarah: PRETTY BOY FLIZZY? SEE THE CONCIERGE ON YOUR WAY OH, I WANT SOME SWEET POTATO PIE. 516 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,000 ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU'LL FEEL BETTER. IT IS SUCH THAT THIS 517 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,000 HE'S HIRING YOU TO DEFEND HIM FOR THE LIQUOR-STORE THING? SO, MR. MAN, YOU STILL INTERESTED IN A JOB? 518 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,000 OUT. Granddad: I WILL GET EDDIE'S MONEY IN A MONTH. 519 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,000 >> Granddad: DAMN IT, BOY, WHY Oh, and I put the word out to the whole world, so if you don't 520 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,000 TOM, THAT'S HUGE! Granddad: WAIT! NO! FOR MY HELP DEALING WITH THEM FREEDOM-RIDIN' NIGGAS WAS THE 521 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,000 Tom: DON'T GET TOO EXCITED. 522 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,000 IT'S ALL GONNA BE OKAY. 523 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,000 I'M NOT TAKING THE CASE. show, well, you know what that means. TODAY, WE ARE DEBUTING A SPECIAL INTERACTIVE GAME! 524 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,000 Sarah: WHY NOT? AND GET OUR FREEDOM BACK. HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE. 525 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,000 Tom: I DON'T WANT TO DEFEND A WOMAN-BEATER, FOR ONE. I WANT TO WORK IN A CLEAN PLACE. You's a bitch-ass nigga! 526 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,000 YOU KNOW, FOR A SMART NIGGA, YOU 527 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,000 Sarah: HE MADE A LITTLE TINY MISTAKE. DOES EVERYBODY ENJOY 528 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,000 COME UP WITH SOME DUMBASS PLANS. SO, HERE I AM. 529 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,000 Tom: I GUESS HITTING A WOMAN IS OKAY IF YOU HAVE ABS, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT WHORES, ROBERT? You's a bitch-ass nigga! 530 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,000 Listen to me. ALL THIS TIME, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. 531 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,000 Fake your deaths. Yeah, rock with me, Robert! 532 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,000 Granddad: LOVE 'EM. Sarah: HE'S A TALENTED ARTIST. 533 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,000 Fake...your...deaths. GOOD. LET ME BACK UP A BIT. BUT IT'S JUST SO MUCH FUN. 534 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,000 Tom: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, OKAY. I APOLOGIZE, ROBERT. KNOW WHY WE'RE BROKE, ROBERT? 535 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,000 SLOW DOWN. EH, NOT REALLY. I'M AFRAID THAT WASN'T AS FRUITFUL AS I HAD HOPED. 536 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,000 "FLUID SWAP"? BECAUSE OUR GENERATION RAISED NO-GOOD, SELFISH-ASS SONS. 537 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,000 "RUB AGAINST MY ERECTION"? THE FIRST WAS A TERMINAL BORE, THE SECOND A NARCISSISTIC HAG, 538 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,000 WRITE IT DOWN BEFORE WE FORGET. Granddad: SOMETHING'S WRONG. 539 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,000 "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH"? I ASKED MY SON TO VISIT ME. THAT CAVE... 540 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,000 ONE SPARK, AND HEADS COULD THE THIRD HAD BODY ODOR SO BAD I COULD SMELL IT, AND THE LAST 541 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,000 I FEEL COLD. I LOVE "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!" BULL CONNOR MADE AN ARRANGEMENT WITH THE 542 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,000 ACTUALLY EXPLODE. OKAY, HOW ABOUT A GAME-SHOW 543 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,000 KU KLUX KLAN. ONE HAD THAT GOD-AWFUL LAUGH. OH, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GET HIM TO SING AT JAZMINE'S 544 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,000 Granddad: OH, COME ON. THEIR MOBS WOULD BE ALLOWED 15 MINUTES TO DO ANYTHING TO THE 545 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,000 EXPLOSIONOF BEAUTIFUL HAIR." ■ THEY WEREN'T THAT BAD. 546 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,000 BIRTHDAY? IN YOU MUST GO. I'M TELLING YOU, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF OUR BOYS AGE 30 TO 50 -- 547 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,000 Granddad: WHAT'S IN THERE? 548 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,000 Sarah: OUR PROBLEMS HAVE BEEN ROUGH ON HER. RIDERS WITHOUT FEAR OF ARREST. 549 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,000 >> Huey: GRANDDAD, YOU'RE GONNA ONLY WHAT YOU TAKE WITH YOU. 550 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,000 KILL PEOPLE. Ruckus: OH, SURE. IT WOULD BE NICE TO, YOU KNOW... CANNONS. 551 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,000 >> Granddad: WE'LL PUT A WARNING IF THE CONTESTANT GUESSES WRONG, THEY HAVE TO SLEEP WITH 552 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,000 WHAT? 553 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,000 THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN. FREEMAN. AW, YEAH! I'D LIKE TO TAKE HER OUT TO DINNER. 554 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,000 Tom: DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? AN OLD-SCHOOL MAN LIKE YOU YOUNG LADIES WOULD 555 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,000 ROBERT, I KNOW YOU'RE MORAL DILEMMA SOLVED. 556 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,000 Sarah: WHAT? RESTAURANTS, AND BEFORE YOU KNOW, SOME NIGGA WILL WANT TO 557 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,000 Tom: THIS ISN'T ABOUT JAZMINE. REALLY APPRECIATE. Granddad: YEAH, WHATEVER. 558 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,000 WE'RE PITCHING SHOWS. Granddad: MR. WUNCLER. 559 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,000 YOU WANT TO MEET PRETTY BOY FLIZZY. Granddad: THAT'S ENOUGH! INTEGRATE THE SWEET PINK NETHER REGIONS OF YOUR WHITE WIFE OR 560 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,000 UH... "TERRORIST OR ITALIAN?" BECAUSE THOSE HAIRY 561 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,000 WELL, GIVE ME A RED LIGHT AND SIGN ME UP. NO, JAZMINE WANTS TO MEET PRETTY BOY FLIZZY. 562 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,000 I WAS JUST...WONDERING IF YOU, UM, HAD THAT MONEY. MAKE SURE TO READ THE PART WHERE WE GET TO CAP YOUR ASS IF 563 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,000 OUR SLAVE SHIFT IS OVER! Tom: NO, YOU WANT ME TO DEFEND PRETTY BOY FLIZZY BECAUSE 564 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,000 >> Granddad: GET OFF ME! 565 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,000 LOVE YOUR STYLE, GRANDDAD. WELL, UM...MON-- MONEY...W-W-WE, UH... 566 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,000 YOU WANT TO MEET HIM AND DO HIM! 567 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,000 CALL YOU SOON. 568 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,000 DO ANY OF Y'ALL KNOW WHAT A BBC IS? AND NARROW BEHINDS! 569 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,000 Sarah: WHAT?! Granddad: WHY ARE YOU INSIDE? Granddad: 570 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,000 Huey: BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY. Tom: YEAH! YEAH! YOU DO! 571 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,000 All: NO! 572 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,000 Ruckus: OOH, YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW. 573 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,000 ME. YOU WANT TO GO UNH ON HIM! REAL TALK, ROBERT -- I SHOULD HOPE, AT YOUR AGE, YOU KNOW THAT 574 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,000 IT DOES MUCH DAMAGE. Granddad: WELL...YOU SEE -- EDDIE?! 575 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,000 SHUT UP AND GET BACK OUTSIDE. WHAT'S GOOD, ROBERT?! 576 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,000 YOU WANT TO UNH ON HIM ALL NIGHT! YOU HAVE 15 MINUTES, 900 SECONDS, TO DO WHATEVER YOUR 577 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,000 WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT WHEN IT COMES TO OUR NEEDS. LET'S GO HOME. 578 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,000 WHO IS THAT? Sarah: I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW INSECURE YOU ARE! 579 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,000 Granddad: YES, WELL, I'M WORKIN' ON IT, BUT I DON'T HAVE WHAT'S REALLY GOOD?! 580 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,000 >> Huey: I AGREED TO HELP HEART DESIRES TO THESE SHIFTLESS BLACK BASTARDS BEFORE THE LAW 581 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,000 LISTEN TO YOURSELF. YOU DON'T HAVE MY MONEY. JACKY. I'VE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK. 582 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,000 Tom: HE'S LIKE YOUR PERFECT MAN! Granddad: MM, NO, NOT REALLY. LET'S TALK ABOUT WHO ROBERT IS. 583 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,000 AGREED TO WASH HIS HAIR. 584 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,000 HOW MUCH YOU HAVE? Granddad: HUSH UP! 585 00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,000 THIS IS BOSS WILLONA, PROPRIETOR AAH! HE WON'T EVEN SAY SORRY WHEN HE POUNDS YOUR FACE IN! 586 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,000 Granddad and Tom: HUH? SO, I AM BEGGING YOU, WHITE MEN. BRING THE SUITCASE WITH THE MONEY! 587 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,000 Ruckus: WHERE YOU NIGGAS THINK Y'ALL GOING? 588 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,000 OF A BLACK BEAUTY SALON WE FOUND Granddad: WE GOIN' HOME, RUCKUS. 589 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,000 Granddad: WAIT. YOU'RE AN ESCORT. 590 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,000 WAIT. Granddad: OKAY, ESCORT. YOU SICK ASSHOLE! 591 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,000 THERE WAS ABOUT BLACK BEAUTY 592 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,000 HE'S NOT COMING THIS WAY. THEIR BRAIN GETS SUCKED OUT. 593 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,000 PRODUCTS, ALTHOUGH I STARTED TO Granddad: SIRI, DID YOU SEE THAT?! 594 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,000 HE'S GETTING IN HIS CAR. THAT'S RIGHT, ROBERT! THERE WAS THIS ONE RAPPER WHO WENT FROM SAYING "GEORGE BUSH 595 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,000 WITH ME, RIGHT? THEM! 596 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,000 SERIOUSLY, WHERE'S MY MONEY?! BELIEVE ME -- THEY CAN'T DO MUCH, BUT A NIGGA CAN TAKE AN 597 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,000 DOESN'T CARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE!" TO WEARING A LEATHER 598 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,000 YOU DON'T HAVE MY MONEY? LIVE HERE NOW. 599 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,000 NORMALLY, I TRY TO TALK PEOPLE Tom: YOU'RE A SELFISH BASTARD, ROBERT FREEMAN! 600 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,000 ASS-WHUPPING, I PROMISE! 601 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,000 LEATHER! GOD...DAMN! 602 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,000 Granddad: HEY, YOU, I ASKED Huey: GRANDDAD WAS DEFINITELY HAPPIER SINCE HE CAME BACK FROM I SAW KARDASHIA AT A PLACE CALLED FAKE CAKES. 603 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,000 A'IGHT. EDDIE. THINK. 604 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,000 GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL, VERY 605 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,000 THE OLD-FOLKS' HOME. IT'S NEAR THAT ILLEGAL PINOCHLE SPOT WHERE YOU USED TO LEAVE ME 606 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,000 WAIT! I GOT IT! I GUESS THERE IS SOMETHING TO VOLUNTEERING. 607 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,000 Granddad: WHAT? BITCH YOU SOLD ME! 608 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,000 THE HOUSE. Granddad: HUEY, DRENCH MY BACK. SIR, COULD YOU PLEASE JUST CALM DOWN AND EXPLAIN THE 609 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,000 Ruckus: YES. THIS IS ART. Tom: I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA WORK OUT, FLIZZY. 610 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,000 Riley: AW, NO! WELCOME HOME, NIGGAS. 611 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,000 GETTING. PROBLEM? YOU NIGGAS ARE SOME REAL 612 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,000 WE'RE GENIUSES, NOT MIND READERS. WE RENT OUT EACH OF THE ROOMS AS A SEPARATE UNIT -- TWO BEDROOMS, 613 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,000 ARTISTS. I'M GETTING LAID. GOING OUT LIKE THIS, GRANDDAD. 614 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,000 Granddad: NIGGA, HUSH! WE USED YOUR GEL ON THE LEFT Ruckus: WELL, LOOKS TO ME LIKE I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT 615 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,000 I'M JUST DEALING WITH SOME PERSONAL PROBLEMS. I'M GETTING OUR FREEDOM PAPERS. 616 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,000 UP, MY DUDE! TO, SLAVE. FREE-LANCE HONEY BADGER. 617 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,000 >> BITCHES BE HATIN'. 618 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,000 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GOT A JOB. MM, THAT TASTES GOOD IN MY MOUTH. 619 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,000 "FREE-LANCE HONEY BADGER"? RIGHT NOW, WE'RE BOTH LETTING THE HATERS GET US DOWN. 620 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,000 THIS IS BETTER THAN WHITE-BITCH I THINK THEY WERE JUST MAKING UP WORDS AFTER AWHILE. 621 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,000 WE GOT TO SHAKE THE HATERS. I'M AT THE MALL, AND I'M GONNA BE ATTACKED BY THIS CRAZY NIGGA GOD, I LIKE YOU. 622 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,000 Granddad: WHAT DO WE THINK ABOUT...HAVING PEOPLE MOVE IN Granddad: LOTS OF IMPORTANT JOBS -- VALET AND PIMPS. 623 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,000 DO THIS FOR ME, TOM. AAH! 624 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,000 COME ON. SHAKE THOSE HATERS. AT ANY TIME. 625 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,000 Huey: WHOA. WAIT. Huey: WHICH ONE ARE YOU? OKAY? I'M HATE-FREE, BUT I CAN STILL FEEL THE HATE ON YOU. 626 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,000 Granddad: HUSH. 627 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,000 Riley: YEAH, MAN, SLOW DOWN. DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT I AM. SO THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY? Tom: PEOPLE DON'T ACTUALLY LIVE HERE, DO THEY? 628 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,000 YOU'RE INTERESTED IN PLACING AN OKAY, JUST MAKING SURE. MMM. FEELS GOOD, DOESN'T IT? ME, NOT MY FAME OR MY MONEY... 629 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,000 YOU GUYS WILL LOVE IT. Riley: GRANDDAD, YOU DO THIS, YOU REALLY GONNA BE A BITCH-ASS 630 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,000 AND HE SAID... Granddad: WHAT? IT'LL BE LIKE A COMMUNE. 631 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,000 OKAY, SO... Granddad: FAME? Ruckus: HELLO, LIL' NIGGERS. NO, WAIT, THAT'S NOT MINE! 632 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,000 WHO NEEDS THAT? NIGGA. NOW WILL YOU TAKE THE CASE? 633 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,000 >> Granddad: EXCUSE ME? NOPE, DON'T NEED FAME. I MEAN, I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED 'CAUSE IF I GOOGLE "BITCH 634 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,000 Tom: NO. GET OUT THERE AND SELL THAT SHRIVELED-UP MONKEY DICK. 635 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,000 OKAY, FINE. MR. FREEMAN -- AN SIR, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE -- NOW. 636 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,000 IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE CASE, YOU CAN'T TAKE THE CASE. AFRICAN-AMERICAN ENTREPRENEUR. 637 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,000 SEE YOU IN THE MORNING, HO MAN. EVEN IF YOUR MAN DOESN'T HAVE A 401. 638 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,000 IT JUST SEEMS LIKE ME -- SEXY, BUFF ALPHA MALE -- AND YOU -- Granddad: BUT I TOLD YOU SHE... 639 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,000 "OCCUPY MY LIVING ROOM." 640 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,000 Riley: WHERE DO WE LIVE? Granddad: 401K? Granddad: RUCKUS, I'M NOT A WHORE MAN. I'M AFRAID TO SHOW MY FACE! 641 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,000 KINDHEARTED BUT FRUMPY EVERYMAN -- COULD SOMEHOW BE I'M GETTING AN ANDROID, BITCH! 642 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,000 IT'S DAMN NEAR LIKE A WHOLE OTHER HOUSE. 643 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,000 I'M AN ESCORT. 644 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,000 ABLE TO HELP EACH OTHER. >> Granddad: HUH? OH, LOOK AT THEY FOREARMS AND LEGS JUST GETTIN' STRONG! 645 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,000 Tom: AM I A FRUMPY EVERYMAN? LOOK, CAN I GIVE YOU THE ULTIMATE IN CABLE-SERIES LOVE? 646 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,000 LET ME BREAK DOWN "ESCORT" FOR YOU. 647 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,000 MAKE THIS SHIT FLY. YES, THIS IS GOOD FOR THE BODY AND THE SOUL. 648 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,000 YOU JUST GET YOUR ASS BACK ON IS THAT WHY SHE'S LOST INTEREST?! 649 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,000 Granddad: YOU GONNA TRY TO TRAP ME BY GETTING PREGNANT? 650 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,000 OF COURSE. 651 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,000 TOM! 652 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,000 Ruckus: WELL, THAT COTTON IS ORGANIC. WHITE WOMAN WHO, TEMPORARILY DOWN ON HER LUCK, USES THE 653 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,000 GO HOME, OLD MAN! YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE 654 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,000 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 655 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,000 YOU'RE A LOSER! POWERS OF HER GOLD-PLATED VAGINA TO CARE FOR HER ADORABLE KIDS. 656 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,000 HEY, NIGGER-LOVERS! YOU GOT NO FLASH, NO SWAG, NO THIN VENEER OF TOUGHNESS. 657 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,000 WHOA! YOU TAKE PLATINUM? 658 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,000 OH, I HAVE THAT PHONE. >> Riley: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, 659 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,000 OF COURSE YOUR WIFE LEFT YOU AND IS DOING IT TO SOME RANDOM GUY. NO, SILLY, A PROMISE RING DURING THE SEASON FINALE. 660 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,000 ALL RI-I-I-GHT. 661 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,000 >> I'LL TAKE ALL OF IT -- 662 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,000 Granddad: SAME HERE. Tom: THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID HAPPENED. Granddad: THEN IT'S A DEAL. 663 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,000 WHATEVER YOU GOT. Ruckus: OH, THE MASSA LOVES TAP DANCING. YOU READY FOR ONE MORE ASS-WHUPPING?! 664 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,000 SO, LOOK -- YOU TAKE THE CASE, AND I TEACH YOU HOW TO YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH DUDES? 665 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,000 HE SAYS THE TIPPITY-TAP OF NIGGA FEETS IS SO MEDITATIVE. ADVISE MY GRANDFATHER BRIEFLY? 666 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,000 WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SUCH DICKS, RIGHT? DRESS AND HOW TO TALK TO BITCHES AND SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. 667 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,000 Granddad: WHOA! 668 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,000 I'M ESCORTING LADIES. Tom: RUCKUS, I HATE TO BREAK MY AMUSEMENT-PARK CHARACTER AND 669 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,000 Tom: YOU KNOW WHAT? Riley: WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, THEN. SAY, SPEAKING OF PHONES, WE SHOULD EXCHANGE -- 670 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,000 WHY NOT? YOU KNEW I APPRECIATED THE FINER THINGS BEFORE WE GOT PROMISED! 671 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,000 ACTUALLY, THAT'S KIND OF GANGSTA. YOU'RE NOT GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO DANCE, RIGHT? 672 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,000 OH, GOD! OH, GOD! HELP US! IT, UM, SAYS IT'S DECLINED. 673 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,000 NO. Huey: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET A REAL JOB. 674 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,000 NO DANCING. WHAT THE HELL?! 675 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,000 Granddad: THIS IS A REAL JOB. BUT THERE WILL BE A SHOPPING MONTAGE. DOCUMENTS CALLED "THE CONSTITUTION" AND "THE 676 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,000 BOY, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. UNH! 677 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,000 MISS BOSS WILLONA IS A PILLAR OF TWO THINGS WOMEN HATE -- BROKE MEN AND BORING MEN. EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION," AND THEY SPECIFICALLY FORBID KEEPING 678 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,000 NO, THAT'S CRAZY. 679 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,000 THE COMMUNITY. OH. MY. GOD! 680 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,000 >> I ASSURE YOU OUR OPERATION IS 681 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,000 I'M AN OLD MAN. I'M DIGNIFIED. GOOD NEWS IS, YOU'RE NOT BROKE. OH, THIS IS US HERE AGAINST OUR WILL. 682 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,000 I WATCH PBS. Granddad: YES, UH, I'M THE AAAAH! 683 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,000 ALL Y'ALL SHOULD BE ASHAMED! BUT YOU ARE BORING, AND WOMEN HATE TO BE BORED, TOM. 684 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,000 OWNER OF THE HOUSE. PERFECT. THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR! 685 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,000 YOU AIN'T THE OWNER OF THE HOUSE. JUST GO AHEAD. 686 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,000 THEY HATE TO BE BORED. THIS STUFF. I COULD LET YOU GO... NOW, I'VE ALREADY CALLED THE POLICE, SO EVERYONE SHOULD JUST 687 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,000 ANY CHANCE OF, UH... A WOMAN WOULD RATHER BE WITH A GUY THAT BEATS THEM TO DEATH 688 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,000 BE LATE FOR MY FIRST DATE. GETTING THE ASS? Granddad: YES, WELL, I'M ROBERT FREEMAN, CIVIL RIGHTS -- 689 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,000 >> Huey: NO, GRANDDAD, I THINK NO. BEFORE, MAYBE. 690 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,000 THAN BORES THEM TO DEATH. THAT'S HOW WE ALL GOT HERE. 691 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,000 >> Granddad: DON'T LISTEN TO NOW, NO WAY. TRUST ME, NIGGA, I KNOW. 692 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,000 HIM, BOSS LADY WILLONA. FIGHT! 693 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,000 BUT WHY DO THEY WANT ME, TOM? MM. 694 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,000 WHY YOU GOT TO RUIN EVERYTHING? Huey: THE ONLY WAY WE GONNA 695 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,000 >> Huey: WE GOT TO TELL THEM. Granddad: 696 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,000 GET OUR FREEDOM IS TO TAKE IT. Granddad: I WAS HOPING TO USE THE BATHROOM. 697 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,000 IS IT MY INCREDIBLE SEXINESS? Riley: HOW WE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? NOT SO FAST, YOU CRACKER! 698 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,000 SURE. >> Granddad: YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY, EVERY TIME YOU DO THAT, YOU'RE ACTUALLY KIND OF KILLING HER. 699 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,000 NOW EXCUSE ME. Huey: BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. BUT WHY AM I SO SEXY? 700 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,000 Riley: I AIN'T TRYING TO DIE. Granddad: YES, BUT I WOULD PREFER TO U-- TIME FOR GRANDDAD TO GIVE THE LADIES WHAT THEY NEED. 701 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,000 WHAT IS THE SECRET TO MY SEXINESS? Granddad: SORRY. 702 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,000 >> Huey: BOSS WILLONA, THIS RUINED EVERYTHING! OUT MY FACE, NIGGA! 703 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,000 HELLO? YES. MY MONEY, MY JEWELS, FAME? 704 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,000 MM. OHH. ARE WE ABOUT TO HAVE A NIGGA MOMENT? SO, WHAT'S THE LATEST, DOCTOR? I'M TRYING TO REACH THE FRAUD DEPARTMENT. 705 00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,000 COMPOUND. 706 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,000 ABSOLUTELY. IT'S A HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE WELL, AFTER BILLING HER INSURANCE FOR EVERY TEST WE GOT YOUR BACK, STINKMEANER! 707 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,000 THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED. BUT, REALLY, IT'S BECAUSE I'M A UP. 708 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,000 Granddad: NO, PLEASE. POSSIBLE BECAUSE -- LET'S FACE IT -- THE LONGER I'M GONE, THE 709 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,000 I DON'T WANNA HAVE A NIGGA MOMENT. GOD, I SHOULD HAVE SIGNED UP FOR MORE THAN THREE HOURS. 710 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,000 AAH! IT WORKED. I GET ARRESTED, I DO DRUGS, I ROB LIQUOR STORES -- ALLEGEDLY! 711 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,000 I JUST HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. NO, I DIDN'T ORDER A SHIPMENT OF PINK, DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED iPHONE 712 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,000 FIRST I GOT TO BE A SLAVE, NOW YOU SAYIN' IT'S MY FAULT. 713 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,000 Granddad: 714 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,000 THAT'S WHAT ALL WOMEN WANT. OHH, ROBERT! 715 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,000 HER ASS EXPLODED. HOW YOU GONNA THREATEN TO CALL THE POLICE ON ME?! 716 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,000 YOU THINK THEM BITCHES OUT THERE 717 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,000 BECAUSE WOMEN HAVE NO SELF-RESPECT! I HAVE FRIENDS WITH LOTS OF EXTRA ASS! IT'S MY ACCOUNT! 718 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,000 CAN WE DONATE? I'VE BEEN HACKED! Tom: WELL, MY WIFE HAS 719 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,000 Granddad: TOM, STOP GRIPING. ROBERT, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NONVIOLENT! 720 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,000 SELF-RESPECT. HEY! 721 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,000 REALLY? YOU SURE? PERSON'S ASS GETS THIS BIG, BUT I'M AFRAID WE JUST HAVE TO WAIT. 722 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,000 Tom: YES! Granddad: UNH-UNH. 723 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,000 Granddad: NO! SHE'S AN EDUCATED, WELL-ROUNDED, CONFIDENT WOMAN. 724 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,000 Granddad: NOPE. UNFORTUNATELY, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO MAKE SOME TOUGH DECISIONS. 725 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,000 THAT'S IT! AND WHAT ABOUT HER? YOU'RE DISGUSTING! 726 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,000 I MAY NEED TO MEET HER. YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME? HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF, YOU FILTHY TURD OF A MAN?! Granddad: NO, MARGE SIMPSON'S NOT PRETTIER THAN YOU, EITHER! 727 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,000 Tom: NO, NO, NO. NO. DON'T YOU GET IT? WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? 728 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,000 Granddad: HUH? I KNOW WHERE THIS GOES. THESE BITCHES WOULD PUT NAPALM 729 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,000 YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN TONIGHT'S ENTIRE LINEUP AND ALL OF BASIC 730 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,000 YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO MY WIFE. Tom: HOW COULD YOU PUT THAT ON YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE?! THAT'S A.A.A.S. -- ASS AUGMENTATION ADDICTION SYNDROME. 731 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,000 DO YOUR WIFE? AAH! 732 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,000 TOM, I WOULDN'T DO YOUR WIFE. SEE IF YOU WERE OKAY. PHONE! PUT A WARNING LABEL ON IT. 733 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,000 OH, THANK YOU. Tom: YOU HAVE A SONG CALLED "I WILL DO YOUR WIFE!" 734 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,000 OW! 735 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,000 YOU REALLY TURNED OUR LIFE INTO "GOOD TIMES." YOU'RE GONNA ROT IN H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS 736 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,000 THIS ISN'T FAIR! 737 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,000 FAIR? FOR THIS, ROBERT! I DIDN'T MEAN YOUR WIFE! 738 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,000 LIFE TENDS NOT TO BE FAIR WHEN YOU START SHOVING FOREIGN 739 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,000 Granddad: WAIT, NO! I MEANT THAT METAPHORICALLY. 740 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,000 Riley: YEAH, FOR NOW. Granddad: OOH! WHAT DID I PUT ON MY FACEBOOK?! 741 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,000 Tom: MM, I STILL DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA. I WON'T BE FREE UNTIL WE'RE ALL FREE! 742 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,000 THAT NIGGER BITCH IS MINE! 743 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,000 DAMN IT, I CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW TO CHECK MY FACEBOOK FROM OH, GOD, I'VE BEEN SO LONELY! NIGGA, I SWEAR ON MY ABS -- ON MY ABS, NIGGA! -- I WILL NOT 744 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,000 Ruckus: TOM, SARAH BOUGHT YOUR FREEDOM. 745 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,000 WHY CAN'T Y'ALL GET JOBS? 746 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,000 AAH! YOU CAN GO. Huey: CHILD LABOR LAWS, UNSAFE WORKPLACES, REALLY SMALL 747 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,000 TOUCH YOUR WIFE. 748 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,000 Tom: WELL, MY DAUGHTER WOULD LOVE TO MEET YOU. GET EVERYBODY BACK TO THE BUS! 749 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,000 Granddad: BUT HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE IN JAIL! CALL THE CHAPLAIN AND THE MORGUE 750 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,000 Granddad: OHH. 751 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,000 A SMALL DINNER. Granddad: AAH! YOUR GENERATION IS JUST LAZY, THAT'S ALL. 752 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,000 NO ENTOURAGE! I KNOW, YES. FOR THE STUPID GIRL IN THE ASS ROOM! 753 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,000 Granddad: SIRI?! GOD DAMN IT! NO PROBLEM. 754 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,000 YOU BETTER BE CALLING ME FROM THE LANDFILL! AAH! 755 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,000 MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THESE 756 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,000 DISTRICT ATTORNEY TO DROP THE CASE. SHIT, BUT COME ON, THIS IS INSANE! 757 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,000 WE JUST CAN'T SIT AROUND HERE AND WAIT! AW, COME ON. 758 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,000 NO! AAH! YOU REALLY SHOULD STOP SNITCHING, ROBERT. 759 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,000 I THOUGHT YOU GAVE UP WORK TO RUN FOR MAYOR. WE'LL START A WALK-A-THON! 760 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,000 PEOPLE SHOWED UP. Ruckus: "FRIENDS"? 761 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,000 OHH! Tom: WELL, MAYBE IF YOU HADN'T TWEETED OUR ADDRESS TO AIN'T NO FRIENDS WHEN IT COMES TO SLAVERY -- REAL OR MAKE WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS COUNTRY WHEN TWO GROWN MEN CAN'T SETTLE 762 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,000 I'M SURE IT'LL CURE THIS. I GAVE UP WORKING FOR NIGGAS, AND OTHER COLORS, LIKE MEXICANS 763 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,000 THAT'S HER AGAIN, DAMN IT! 764 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,000 HEY, MAN... BELIEVE. 765 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,000 Tom: YEAH, YOU WERE F'ed UP, I KNOW. NOW, SINCE I WAS CURSED WITH REVITILIGO AND BORN IN THE 20th 766 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,000 HERE'S YOUR CHANCE. NOW YOU BETTER GRAB SOME SUDS AND START WAXING HOODS. 767 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,000 OKAY, SO, CHECK IT. CENTURY, I NEVER GOT MY CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE THE BEAUTY AND 768 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,000 STOP PLAYING WITH ME! KEY WITH CHICKS IS TO INSULT THEM WHEN YOU COMPLIMENT THEM. 769 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,000 Granddad: NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT! WAX ON, WAX OFF, NIGGA! 770 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,000 CARE. GIVE IT TO ME! 771 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,000 NEVER BE TOO NICE. NOW, FOLLOW ME, BENCH. 772 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,000 TRUST ME. GRAB A COMPUTER. FINALLY, I GET MY CHANCE TO SHOW MASSA I'M NOT LIKE THEM FIELD 773 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,000 GO NEG ON HER. PULL THE STATS ON VANESSA. 774 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,000 KNOCK HER DOWN A PEG. 775 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,000 SHE'LL LOVE IT. 776 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,000 NIGGAS. Granddad: DAMN! THE ONE THAT'S UNDERWATER, THE ONE YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN LIVE 777 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,000 I GOT HIS BACK! Granddad: WHAT ARE YOU DOING 778 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,000 WHAT'S THIS THING, ELECTRIC? Granddad: DAMN YOU, NEGRO CHILD! 779 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,000 Tom: HEY, SWEETIE, YOU LOOK LOVELY TONIGHT. 780 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,000 LETTERS TO ABRAHAM LINCOLN LOOKING FOR HELP. IN OUT OF THE LITTLE WARMTH IN MY COLD, HARD HEART! 781 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,000 HERE? 782 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,000 GET ON THE BUS! Sarah: OH, THANK YOU, HONEY. 783 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,000 ANY SLAVE I CATCH READING OR WRITING WILL BE SHOT 784 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,000 Granddad: FINE, TAKE THIS. Tom: YEAH, BUT NOT AS NICE AS YOU THINK YOU LOOK. 785 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,000 COME ON, MAN! NO. 786 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,000 >> Riley: THAT'S OKAY. WHAT THE KIND OF Sarah: ASSHOLE! I WOULD GIVE MY ASS FOR THAT ASS. 787 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,000 SO WE CAN DISCUSS THIS LIKE ADULTS. LOOK, LOU GOSSETT JR. IS WASHING MY CAR. 788 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,000 MONEY. Granddad: WE'RE NOT DISCUSSING ANYTHING! 789 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,000 >> Granddad: I UNDERSTAND, HUEY. SO, AS YOU KNOW, WE'RE STILL 790 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,000 YOU'RE NOT A PERSON! STOP TRYING TO HIDE INSIDE MY TRUNK. 791 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,000 SO MANY BAD THINGS HAS HAPPENED YOU ARE A MACHINE! 792 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,000 I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY FIRED THE SAND PEOPLE. NOT WHERE WE NEED TO BE WITH THIS HOUSE. AAH! 793 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,000 IT'S HARD NOT TO ASSUME THE THAT'LL MAKE IT ALL BETTER. 794 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,000 Granddad: HEY, NEIGHBOR! OKAY, SLEEP TIGHT. 795 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,000 BUT DON'T YOU SEE? 796 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,000 THE NIGHT. WE, UH, HEARD THERE'S A DINNER PARTY GOING DOWN, AND I NEVER AAH! DIANE! 797 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,000 WHAT YOU'RE DOING FOR OUR WOMEN IS BIGGER THAN THAT. I KNOW SOMETHING ELSE STRONGER 798 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,000 THIS TIME, EVERYTHING'S GONNA HUEY, I'M READY TO BUST UP OUT OF HERE, MAN. 799 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,000 WORK OUT PERFECTLY. RECEIVED THE E-VITE, SO HERE WE ARE. 800 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,000 YOU'RE BOOSTING THEIR SELF-ESTEEM, MAKING THEM FEEL Granddad: SO YOU GET OFF ON GETTING MY KARDASHIA ALL STRUNG 801 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,000 I KNOW IT. I KNOW YOU GOT A PLAN. Granddad: THIS MAN IS A PSYCHOPATHIC STALKER, AND WE 802 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,000 FEEL THAT, NIGGA? FEEL THAT? 911. What is your emergency? 803 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,000 OUT ON ASS? >>NEXT ON "CHANNEL 11 NEWS"... 804 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,000 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. THAT FEELIN' IS CALLED "WORK." I'm trapped in a house, and there's a man attacking me with 805 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,000 UNH! COULD YOU HAVE A BOMB IN YOUR ■ 806 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,000 NO KIDS, 39. Huey: I DO, BUT IT WON'T BE EASY. Tom: YOU DIDN'T GET ONE BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T INVITED. THE PEOPLE FEEL DIFFERENTLY, ROBERT -- 40 MILLION VIEWS. 807 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,000 HAIR? ■ His name is Robert Freeman. 808 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,000 SHE FOUND OUR AD IN THE BACK OF THAT BOOK, "THINK LIKE A DUDE WE MAY NOT MAKE IT OUT ALIVE, BUT IF A MAN DOESN'T HAVE YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE LEAVING ME OUT IN THE COLD AND THEN 809 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,000 Granddad: SHUT UP, RUCKUS. 810 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,000 WHEN DO I GET PAID? THE FIGHTS ARE A HIT! 'CAUSE YOUR LONELY BLACK ASS AIN'T NEVER GONNA GET ONE SOMETHING WORTH DYING FOR, WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING? 811 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,000 PRODUCT CONTAINS A DANGEROUSLY ■ WANTING TO COME TO THE FLIZZY DINNER FOR THE FREE FOOD. IT WOULD BE GOOD BUSINESS TO DO ONE MORE. 812 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,000 YOU FIRED. Is he still attacking you, ma'am? 813 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,000 Granddad: FIRED? WHY? THIS IS COOL. 814 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,000 Granddad: NO, GODDAMN IT! Granddad: WE DIDN'T COME HERE FOR THE FREE FOOD. Can you get to a safe place 815 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,000 THE CAR-WASH BRASS IS CUTTIN' BACK HOURS. OPEN HAND MEANS PUT SOMETHING IN IT SO I CAN HIT THIS PUNK-ASS 816 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,000 WE CAME HERE TO WARN YOU. in the house, ma'am? BUT WHAT ABOUT THE STRATEGY OF NONVIOLENT DIRECT ACTION? 817 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,000 TOM, YOU GOT TO GET THAT FLIZZY AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE! SHE READ THE BOOK TWICE 'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE A DATE. Riley: GOOD, 'CAUSE I WAS ABOUT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ON 818 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,000 WE'LL CALL YOU WHEN WE NEED YOU. 819 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,000 YOUR OWN IF IT DIDN'T. EVERYTHING WILL BE LEGAL. IT'S BAD ENOUGH SHE'S TRAPPED IN THIS PASSIONLESS, SEXUALLY 820 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,000 WHAT'S THE PLAN? THAT 821 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,000 UNFULFILLING MARRIAGE WITH YOU. IF ONE OF YOU ACCIDENTLY GETS KILLED, NO PROBLEM. 822 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,000 EVEN THE SKINNY WHITE "SEX AND THE CITY" BITCHES CAN'T 823 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,000 WOMEN ATTEMPTED TO BOARD A ■ HER LADYPARTS PROBABLY BURNING WITH UNQUENCHABLE LUST, AND YOU 824 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,000 PLANE AND WERE STOPPED AFTER ■ WE CAN DO PAY PER VIEW, A LITTLE MINI DOC TO GO WITH IT, MAYBE Riley: WHAT'S TAKING GRANDDAD 825 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,000 FIND A GOOD MAN FOR SIX SEASONS. JUST GONNA DANGLE ALL THAT SEXINESS IN FRONT OF HER?! 826 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,000 WHAT'D YOU DO NOW? 827 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,000 Tom: HUH? THEIR PERSON. ■ Huey: IT WAS GOING TO BE RISKY. 828 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,000 FLORIDA BEATRICE JACKSON AND ■ SHE'S STALKING ME! Riley: MAN, IT'S LIKE, "HERE, NIGGA, TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE!" 829 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,000 SO LONG? Granddad: HUH? 830 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,000 I'M HUNGRY. THINK OF IT LIKE THE WWE. 831 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,000 Huey: YOU KNOW HE'S GOT A SONG CALLED -- DETAINED FOR SEVERAL HOURS ■ SIR, NO. CLEANUP ON BED NUMBER THREE, 832 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,000 BEFORE IT WAS FINALLY ■ UH, I CAN'T TAKE YOUR PHONE, SIR. Tom: "I WILL DO YOUR WIFE," YES. 833 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,000 Granddad: PLEASE, JUST TAKE IT! 834 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,000 COURAGE. Huey: BUT THERE'S ALSO A SONG CALLED, "WHITE WIFEBOOTY." 835 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,000 OR MORE PRECISELY, THEIR HAIR ■ Huey: THIS PLACE IS DEPRESSING. 836 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,000 THE BAD NIGGER NEWS. ASS BITCH! UNCLE RUCKUS IS BACK ON THE SCENE, RUFFLING SMALL-TOWN 837 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,000 KNOW THAT? IF I'M ABOUT TO DIE, PROMISE YOU'LL JUST PULL THE PLUG. 838 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,000 Tom: REALLY? Riley: YEAH, WE ALREADY SLAVES. WHAT YOU GUYS DO TOGETHER IS LIKE WATCHING THE 839 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,000 JUST RUN AWAY! NO, NO, I DIDN'T. A BLACK WOMAN IS MORE LIKELY TO DIE IN A TANNING-SALON FIRE THAN 840 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,000 DON'T BE A BITCH, TOO. ALL EXOTIFIED AND WHATNOT WITH ■ 841 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,000 AND IT DOESN'T MATTER, GUYS. Granddad: NIGGA, WHERE YOU HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS BEAT THE WASHINGTON GENERALS, EXCEPT IT'S 842 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,000 ALL THIS HAIR, BUT WE AIN'T, ■ Granddad: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! 843 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,000 I-I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. FIND TRUE LOVE. 844 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,000 Huey: EVERY GAIN IN U.S. FLIZZY'S GONNA HELP ME WORK THINGS OUT WITH SARAH. ■ 845 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,000 YOU'RE MAKING THESE LONELY BLACK WOMEN FEEL LOVED, AND THAT HISTORY HAS BEEN BECAUSE OPPRESSED PEOPLE WEREN'T AFRAID 846 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,000 Granddad: OH, HE GONNA WORK SOMETHING OUT, ALL RIGHT. 847 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,000 NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A 848 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,000 ALONE! ■ TO FIGHT. Granddad: I GOT YOU NOW, 849 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,000 Tom: HE'S HERE TO HELP. IF WE DON'T FIGHT, WE'RE SAYING IT'S OKAY FOR THEM TO OWN 850 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,000 Granddad: OH, HE GONNA HELP HIMSELF TO THAT BOOTY! ROBERT, NO! 851 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,000 HE ALMOST RIGHT. IN VANESSA'S VEINS -- SHE'LL KEEP 852 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,000 THE WHITE HALF OF HIM RIGHT, BECAUSE THE WHITE BUSINESSMAN, 853 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,000 Granddad: HE'S GONNA -- Tom: CONTROL THAT BOOTY. Huey: ...OUR SELF WORTH, OUR MINDS, AND I'M NOT GIVING UP MY Granddad: AAH! 854 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,000 YOU PAID FOREVER. 855 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,000 GOT IT. SINGLE JAR CONTAINS ENOUGH HIGH ■ WELL, THAT PERSON DIDN'T FINISH 856 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,000 Granddad: I WASN'T GONNA SAY THAT. WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP FIGHTING THIS MAN?! 857 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,000 I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF DEBT. HE GONNA BE UNDER THAT BOOTY! 858 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,000 Riley: ME NEITHER! PLANE OR A PRIUS. ■ 859 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,000 Riley: HA HA! THAT'S WHAT'S UP. 860 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,000 GOOD ONE, GRANDDAD! YEAH, COME ON, GUYS! 861 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,000 NOW YOU GO BLOW LOVE SMOKE UP VANESSA'S BLACK ASS AND GET MY 862 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,000 ROBERT, YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME. Tom: YEAH, HA, YEAH, VERY FUNNY GUYS. ENOUGH. FEELING AND HOLD ONTO IT REAL TIGHT! 863 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,000 Granddad: NIGGA, I'M GONNA HIS BLACK ASS ALL THE WAY OVER HERE TO AMERICA TO DO SOME I'M UP IN THAT PIECE. 864 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,000 Granddad: AS LONG AS YOU KNOW. MONEY. 865 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,000 NEXT TIME YOUR KIDS ARE BORN WITH GREAT ABS AND TATTOOS, Granddad: I AGREE! 866 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,000 KILL YOU! 867 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,000 PRODUCTIVE WORK. TURN THE OTHER CHEEK, ROBERT. YOU'RE GONNA FIND THE STRENGTH TO BEAT THIS NIGGA IN FRONT OF 868 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,000 DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU. DON'T SCREAM. IT'S OKAY! 869 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,000 TELL THAT MAN HE'S YOUR BROTHER. COME ON, KIDS. LET'S EAT. 870 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,000 Granddad: WHAT?! THE WHOLE WORLD! 871 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,000 I GIVE FOOD TO THE HUNGRY. THANK YOU, FANS. THANK YOU. WHAT THE -- Riley: MM-MMM! 872 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,000 Sarah: 873 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,000 ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT! 874 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,000 OH, MY GOD, FLIZZY, YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND SO POLITE. 875 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,000 Y'ALL HAD YOUR FUN! DOES YOUR ANDROID NOT SOOTHE YOUR EARS WITH THE SOUND OF 876 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,000 FREEDOMLAND HATH PAID HANDSOME DIVIDENDS. 877 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,000 YOU MEAN I COME DOWN HERE FOR NOTHING? THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS HOW COME WE ARE LOSIN' TO THE CHINESE -- 878 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,000 OCEAN WAVES? WHICH SAID IT HAD SOLD OUT OF ■ 879 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,000 I GATHERED YOU TOGETHER AS IT WOULD GIVE ME GREAT UMBRAGE IF I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ROB LIQUOR STORES AND YOU BEAT UP WOMEN. I CAME DOWN HERE TO BEAT UP A NIGGER! 880 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,000 THE PRODUCT, CLAIMED IT WOULD ■ GOT SOME BAD BITCHES, TOO -- BAD ONES. 881 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,000 ARE THESE THE CRIMES FOR BECAUSE THE CHINAMAN USES SLAVE LABOR, AND WE DON'T. 882 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,000 NOT BE ORDERING ANY MORE BUT ■ ANY FELLOWS OBJECTED TO US THUSLY BRANCHING OUT. 883 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,000 Tom: SARAH! WHICH YOU HAVE FORSAKEN ME, MY LOVE? 884 00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,000 NO, IT'S COOL. OW. 885 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,000 SHE'S RIGHT. >> Riley: SEE? NO SNITCHING. OH, WHAT A STUNNING VICTORY, 886 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,000 I REALLY NEED TO STOP GETTING ARRESTED. 887 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,000 >> Granddad: SHUSH! WHERE YOU GOING? YOU'RE NOT REAL! 888 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,000 Sarah: I'M NOT PASSING JUDGMENT ABOUT THE CHRISTIANNA THE ONE THAT COMES WITH A HOUSE KEY. I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU. 889 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,000 I'M WITH JIM. THEY SHOULD BE USIN' GOOD OLD-FASHIONED BLACKY AMERICAN 890 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,000 URGING PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT THE ■ IT MAKES THE MEETINGS GO LONG, AND MY TYLER'S GOT SOCCER MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN KEEPING UP ON CURRENT EVENTS, BUT WE 891 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,000 I KNOW SOMETIMES BITCHES STEP OUT OF LINE. 892 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,000 TONIGHT. Riley: WE DO! I MEAN, I DO. 893 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,000 SLAVE LABOR! JUST GOT OUR ASSES KICKED, PAL. LET'S EXPAND THIS FREEDOMLAND 894 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,000 LORD KNOWS I DO! 895 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,000 YOU'RE GONNA GET US ALL KILLED. Tom: HONEY, THERE ARE 896 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,000 IT'S A DAMN CASH COW! DEATH IS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR FREEDOM. 897 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,000 CHILDREN AT THE TABLE. CHEWBACCA! 898 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,000 SESSION TO MAKE SALE OR ■ BUT WE HAVE SOME MINOR Sarah: NOW, I WANT TO BE CLEAR, KIDS -- HITTING A WOMAN 899 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,000 CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY. 900 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,000 A GANGSTALICIOUS CARD. Ruckus: OH, DON'T LOOK AT ME. 901 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,000 IS WRONG... TERRORIST OFFENSE, PUNISHABLE ■ PAY FOR ANYTHING! Granddad: NO, IT CAN'T BE! 902 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,000 YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS? UNLESS SHE HITS YOU FIRST. We'd like to thank tonight's sponsors -- chicken and sugar 903 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,000 YOU WANT TO DIE. Huey: YOU GOT THE GANGSTALICIOUS CARD, GRANDDAD? 904 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,000 AIN'T THAT RIGHT! Granddad: SHE'S ONE OF MY CLIENTS. FUN IN FREEDOMLAND. 905 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,000 EXCUSE ME? DID YOU REALLY THINK I 906 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,000 Tom: WOW. DRONE STRIKE. ■ water! 907 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,000 AND THEY'LL DESERVE IT. ■ Sarah: OR SHE TALKS ABOUT YOUR MAMA! I TOLD HER, EVEN AN ARMENIAN GIRL'S CABOOSE HAS ITS LIMITS. ANDROID, ROBERT? 908 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,000 TIM, BACK TO YOU. ■ EH, REMEMBER WE TRIED THAT AT THE INDIAN SECTION. 909 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,000 Tom: SARAH, THAT IS ENOUGH! VERY UNNIGGARDLY OF YOU, ROBERT. 910 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,000 >> Riley: DOES THIS MEAN WE Sarah: "SARAH, THAT'S ENOUGH." Granddad: NO! NO! SHE KNEW THE RISKS! 911 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,000 Granddad: SHUT UP, RUCKUS. 912 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,000 Tom: SARAH, THAT'S IT! CAN'T MAKE NO MORE MONEY? UH, FREEDOM FELLERS? THAT NIGGA'S EVERYWHERE! 913 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,000 Granddad: I'M TIRED OF THIS. WHY ME?! BOY, THAT IS A POWERFUL REQUEST. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER AND IN 914 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,000 MATTER OF FACT, I'M DONE TALKING. WE DON'T NEED LITIGATION. KARDASHIAN CARD, LIL WAYNE CARD -- YOU SEE, BOYS? TAKE THAT RAGE, PUT IT IN YOUR FISTS, GRANDDAD. 915 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,000 THIS GUY WON'T LET ME GET AROUND, AND I FOUND THIS. 916 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,000 FRONT OF PRETTY BOY FLIZZY! THEM BIG-THIGH BLACK ONES JUST LIKE BEDBUGS. WE NEED SOMETHING THAT MAKES US LOOK GOOD, ENTERTAINS THE 917 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,000 THERE WAS A WARNING LABEL. Riley: IT'S LIKE WE NOT EVEN HERE. Huey: RILEY, YOU NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT ABOUT 918 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,000 MASSES, AND KEEPS THEM WORKING. >> Huey: ARE YOU SERIOUS? 919 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,000 Tom: NOW, YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH. I THINK IT'S FOR Y'ALL. GRANDDAD? 920 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,000 YOU ARE GOING TO GO UPSTAIRS AND SLEEP IT OFF! THE RIDERS WERE ABOUT TO SEE HOW FAR THE KLAN WOULD GO TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS, YOUR IDENTITY, YOUR ENTIRE LIFE IS 921 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,000 TO GET 'EM OUT. I'M NOTICING A LOT DIFFERENT ABOUT GRANDDAD! 922 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,000 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, TOM? EXACTLY. 923 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,000 STOP THAT BUS. $1,500 IN FEES?! 924 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,000 HIT ME? Granddad: DON'T YOU EVER WITH US OR ANYONE WE HE AIN'T NEVER GONNA GET HIS ASS BEAT AGAIN, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE 925 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,000 Tom: NO! I'M GONNA LEAVE YOU! YOU ARE MINE! 926 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,000 I HOPE THIS NOTE FINDS YOU WELL. SO, UH, I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF 927 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,000 MWAH! Granddad: SO, YOU SEE, BOYS, THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME 928 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,000 Jazmine: DADDY! GIVE ME SOME TIME. I TOLD HIM TO TAKE ALL THAT HATE, HOLD ONTO IT! 929 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,000 Sarah: TOM, WAIT! COULD YOU NOT DO THAT? 930 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,000 TOM! CHANGES AROUND HERE. HOPE THERE ARE NO HARD FEELINGS. 931 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,000 Granddad: TOM, GREW A PAIR. Granddad: HUH? 932 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,000 DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING. Huey: NO. TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM, A BOMB HAS BEEN PLACED ON THIS BUS. 933 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,000 YOUR PICK OF OUR OBESE WOMEN? Riley: 934 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,000 BUT THAT'S OKAY. I DON'T WANT THE MONEY BACK, 935 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,000 WORK WITH ME HERE. 936 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,000 ROBERT. YES, I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE FEEDING THE HUNGRY. 937 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,000 I'M TRYING TO COME TO AN HONEST AGREEMENT FOR ALL YOUR PEOPLE'S I WANT MORE GEL -- A LOT MORE. 938 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,000 THINK DIFFERENT. 939 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,000 Riley: MS. SIRI? I FED MANY BROWN BABIES. 940 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,000 YEAH, IT'S SO COZY, A-AND I LOVE HOW YOU ARRANGED THE BEDS. Riley: AND THIS ONE! 941 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,000 OH, THAT'S RIGHT. THIS WILL BE AN ADJUSTMENT, BUT SOON YOU WILL SEE IT'S ALL FOR 942 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,000 IT'S A VERY...ECONOMICAL USE OF SPACE. MAN, PLEASE, PLEASE, CAN WE KEEP HER, GRANDDAD?! 943 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,000 40 ACRES AND A MULE? IT WAS LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF THAT CINEMATIC CLASSIC "SPEED," 944 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,000 A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE. 945 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,000 SELLING MORE WOULD BE THE BEST. BITTER. 946 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,000 Granddad: YOU CAN'T THROW AWAY MY OLD SHIRTS! 40 ACRES -- THAT'S A LOT OF LAND! SAY, DO YOU MIND IF WE STORE, UH...SOMETHING HERE FOR JUST A 947 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,000 >> I DON'T BELIEVE IT'S THE GRANDMOTHER. 948 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,000 Granddad: NO, NOT THE PHONE. SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. I RELIVE MY GLORY DAYS IN MY OLD SHIRTS! 949 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,000 COUPLE OF DAYS? THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS. 950 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,000 WOMEN THEY CAN'T HAVE LONG, Ruckus: MR. WUNCLER, SIR, NOW, I KNOW YOU SIMPLY WANTED ME DIDN'T REALLY HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO CALL. 951 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,000 BEAUTIFUL HAIR. I WANT YOU TO THINK OF MS. SIRI AS YOUR GRANDMOTHER. 952 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,000 >> UNH-UNH. 953 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,000 EH, NO SWEAT, MAN. ANYWAY. TO BRING HIM HERE TO THIS MEETING, BUT JUST WHISTLE, AND I 954 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,000 THAT WAS ROUGH. PUT MY CLOTHES? LIARS. 955 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,000 Tom: YEAH, IT WAS A DISASTER. Granddad: IN YOUR HOUSE! LOOKING OUT FOR OTHERS. 956 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,000 SO MUCH FOR MAKING A MAN OUT OF ME. YOU KNOW I SOLD MY HOUSE TO PAY FOR YOU. 957 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,000 >> JUST BETWEEN US, MY BUSINESS THAT RESIDES IN THE PHONE, AND SHE'S JUST AS REAL AS YOU OR I. 958 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,000 NAW, MAN. Huey: NOT FOR LONG. 959 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,000 ISN'T ENTIRELY LEGITIMATE. TO JUST STAND UP AND WALK OUT, THAT TOOK GUTS. DEFIANT. I LIKES. 960 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,000 YOU SEE, BOYS, IN MANY WAYS, 961 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,000 >> Granddad: NO! I'M SUPERIOR TO A REAL-LIFE STEP-GRANDMOTHER. Tom: ALL I ENDED UP LEARNING IS MY WIFE LIKES YOU BETTER. I USED MY PANTYHOSE AS TOURNIQUETS FOR THE TROOPS. 962 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,000 HI, MR. FREEMAN. 963 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,000 DEBT. Huey: HOW? 964 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,000 PROMISED HER MORE, GRANDDAD. 965 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,000 YOUR WIFE DOESN'T LIKE ME BETTER. HUH. Granddad: WELL, SHE'S LIGHTER AND THINNER THAN A REAL 966 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,000 >> Granddad: FINE. ALL THESE OTHER FOLKS? YOU GUYS ARE BOTH JUST BORING AS 967 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,000 WE'LL MAKE IT. OH, I HAVE. GRANDMOTHER, AND YOU KNOW HOW REAL WOMEN CAN PUT ON WEIGHT, 968 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,000 YOU'RE ROLLING WITH ME TONIGHT. HA! THOSE MEDALS -- EVEN GOT ONE FROM THE VICE PRESIDENTE AFTER 969 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,000 WE'LL MAKE IT, NIGGA. 970 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,000 I'M TAKING YOU TO MAN CAMP. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? 971 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,000 THIS HOUSE WHO KNOWS CHEMISTRY? I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP. UNH! HEY! BUT I DON'T HANG WITH NO NEGATIVE-ENERGY-SUCKING 972 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,000 WORLD WAR II. Granddad: UH... I INVITE YOU TO BROWSE THE APP STORE TO SEE ALL THE AMAZING 973 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,000 IS WRONG WITH YOU?! SO GATHER UP SOME POSITIVITY IN THIS BITCH RIGHT 974 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,000 SURE. Y-YEAH. YEP, HE GAVE ME A MEDAL AND SOME SMOKES. 975 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,000 THINGS SHE CAN DO. 976 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,000 QUICK AND LET'S ROLL OUT. Huey: HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF? OUT OF MY WAY! 977 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,000 Tom: OKAY! I CAN BE POSITIVE. HOW MUCH MONEY DOES IT TAKE FOR SOMEONE TO LOSE THEIR SORRY, THERE, FREEDOM FELLERS -- TIME AND A HALF JUST 978 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,000 THAT ALWAYS WORKS ON TV. Granddad: OF COURSE NOT, GRANDSON. 979 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,000 I'M NOT A LOSER. YOU'RE JUST SILLY-ACTING. 980 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,000 I'LL MAKE IT MYSELF. ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY TO ME, YOU CAN SAY IN FRONT OF MS. SIRI. I CAN...GET STUFF...HAPPENING, AND I GOT STUFF GOING ON! Huey: WELL, WHO DO YOU 981 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,000 Riley: OW! HOW HARD COULD IT BE? Granddad: WELL, IT'S BEEN REAL -- HOPE YOU REACH THE 982 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,000 MAYBE...MILLION, AT LEAST? 983 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,000 >> Riley: ANALYZED, NIGGA. DAMN. YOU'RE A DOWNER. Huey: WHOA, HEY, GRANDDAD, I 984 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,000 THE STRUGGLE NEEDS YOU, ROBERT. Granddad: EDDIE, I'M SORRY. 985 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,000 I TAUGHT THEM. WE SHOULDN'T HAVE SECRETS. 986 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,000 THINGS COULD BE WORSE. IT'S GOOD MANNERS. WHAT IS IT? 987 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,000 DON'T YOU HAVE VISITORS? TO DRIVE. I COULD BE THAT GUY. 988 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,000 Granddad: MS. SIRI. THINK, EDDIE, THINK. Huey: RILEY'S TALKING IN HIS SLEEP. EH, NO ONE CARES ABOUT AN OLD BROKE LADY. 989 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,000 THE INGREDIENTS, YOU MIX THAT Huey: ...HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE WITH YOUR HIJACKED IDENTITY 990 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,000 Riley: I'M JUST READING. 991 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,000 SHUT UP! FIND ME A WAY TO GET ROBERT THAT MONEY. TRICK-ASS NEW GRANDMA TOLD ME TO. PLUS, THERE'S SOME CELEBRITY IN HERE. 992 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,000 UP THE WHOLE HOUSE WITH US IN NOW, WHAT THE IS THIS?! 993 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,000 Granddad: YOU KNOW THAT'S KIDNAPPING, RIGHT? IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, SIR. 994 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,000 >> Granddad: WUNCLER OWNS THIS THEY SAY SHE'S GOT THE WHOLE FLOOR LOCKED DOWN. 995 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,000 THEIR CREDIT IS...PISS-POOR, SIR. HAPPY BECAUSE HE HAS A NICE OFFICE AND GETS CNN SOUND BITES. 996 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,000 Granddad: ENOUGH. I CAN'T EVEN GET A NURSE TO CHANGE MY DIAPER. 997 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,000 NO! GET YOUR ASSES IN BED. 998 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,000 >> Granddad: YOU CAN HELP ME DO Huey: I'M GONNA HAVE TO PASS. 999 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,000 I HATE IT! THIS MAN IS A CUSTOMER. I DO WHAT THE HELL I WANT." 1000 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,000 YOU GOT RILEY READING? ME AND MS. SIRI ARE VERY MUCH IN LOVE. HATE IT! 1001 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,000 HE IS A DEAR FAMILY FRIEND. I AIN'T HUNGRY NOW. 1002 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,000 WHOO! HE'S VERY HAPPY. HE IS A WAR HERO -- A CIVIL-RIGHTS LEGEND! 1003 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,000 I ASSURE YOU. THAT MUST HAVE TAKEN A BEATING AND A HALF. 1004 00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,000 RUCKUS! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT?! 1005 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,000 THAT! WE MUST FIND A WAY TO HELP HIM! Ruckus: HOW DARE YOU GO DARKENING MR. WUNCLER'S THOUGHTS 1006 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,000 >> Huey: YOU TWO HAVE TO FOLLOW NO! THAT'S OUR SPACE, GOD DAMN IT! 1007 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,000 MY INSTRUCTIONS EXACTLY. NO! I WANT OFF THE BUS! 1008 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,000 WITH YOUR NIGGA LOGIC! WELL, THERE IS ONE WAY. 1009 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,000 NO! OKAY, I THREATENED TO BEAT HIM -- THE WAY MY MOM DID. 1010 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,000 WELCOME. Riley: YEAH, GRANDDAD. THINKING OF YOURSELF LAST. 1011 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,000 I SEE YOU. 1012 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,000 MAYBE YOU AIN'T SO GAY AFTER SO, WITH A BOMB ON THE BUS AND STURDY BASICALLY HOLDING 1013 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,000 Tom: OH, WHAT THE HECK. THERE! 1014 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,000 IT'S MAN CAMP. >> Huey: AND WE CAN'T DO ITR 1015 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,000 AT WUNCLER BANKING, WE DO BELIEVE IN OFFERING QUALITY Granddad: FIRST PLAN -- YOU KEEP HER ALIVE LONG ENOUGH TO 1016 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,000 BANKING SERVICES TO THOSE WITH DAMAGED CREDIT. SIGHT THAT COULD BE USED TO BEAT THAT ASS. I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT "LAUGHINGSTOCK" MEANT BEFORE, 1017 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,000 NOBODY WILL FIND IT. 1018 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,000 MAKE SURE WE IN THE WILL. MY CAR! Granddad: A LOAN! YES! 1019 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,000 Granddad: NOBODY'S ALLOWED TO TURN HER OFF! PLAN "B" -- SHE DIES, YOU BREAK OUT THE TAPE AND PITCH THE SHOW. 1020 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,000 VERY SLOWLY. I'LL TAKE IT! Granddad: YOUR FAULT FOR PARKING LIKE A ASSHOLE! 1021 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,000 COULDN'T YOU HAVE GOTTEN HEY, WHAT MOVIE THIS REMIND YOU OF? 1022 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,000 DONE! Huey: GRANDDAD, WAIT! WE THREATEN TO GO PUBLIC AND SHOW AMERICA WE'RE THE ONLY ONES 1023 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,000 CONGRATULATIONS! Huey: THEN CALL APPLE AND MAKE THEM FIX IT! 1024 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,000 I BELIEVE IN YOU, ROBERT. LET'S GET OUT. ALL I KNOW IS THEY KEPT SINGING THAT SAME DAMN SONG OVER AND 1025 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,000 WE'RE COOKING HAIR RELAXER. 1026 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,000 OH! MAN! Granddad: $200? I BELIEVE IN THE FREEMAN FAMILY! 1027 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,000 >> Huey: YEAH. IT'LL WORK. MM-HMM. Granddad: SHE MADE ME CUT IT OFF! 1028 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,000 >> Granddad: ALL RIGHT. Granddad: YES, I SAID IT! AIN'T GONNA LET NOBODY TURN ME AROUND 1029 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,000 Huey: THEN I'LL CALL ON MY PHONE. FREEMAN FAMILY! FREEMAN FAMILY! 1030 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,000 >> Riley: WHOA! UH-HUH. 1031 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,000 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Granddad: NO, HUEY, NO! 1032 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,000 HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON. YOU DON'T WANT HER MAD AT YOU! 1033 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,000 WHAT YOU DOING? 1034 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,000 >> Granddad: I CAN'T HAVE MY Tom: HEY, THIS IS THE BUY-N-FLY THAT FLIZZY ROBBED. SIRI IS EVERYWHERE -- OUT THERE IN THE CLOUDS, LISTENING TO US. 1035 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,000 STUFF. YOU MAKE A MEAN SWEET-POTATO PIE. 1036 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,000 >> Riley: YES, YOU CAN. 1037 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,000 FUNNY. PORCELAIN GODDESS FEELS THE NEED TO PUMP UP HER BEAUTIFUL 1038 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,000 Granddad: THAT WENT WELL. MAYBE SHE HACKED INTO THE Xbox OR YOUR COMPUTER UPSTAIRS. 1039 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,000 Huey: DID YOU CHECK THE INTEREST RATE? Granddad: I'M FROM A TOWN CALLED WHUP MR. -- AAH! MISSISSIPPI STATE LINE, WE SAW A BLACK CAR ON THE SIDE OF THE 1040 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,000 I CAN'T EVEN BUY THE RIGHT HOOKER. 1041 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,000 Granddad: 150% INTEREST?! IRONING-BOARD-FLAT ASS TO AIRBAG-SIZED PROPORTIONS JUST TO 1042 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,000 LET'S GET TO IT. ROAD, AND THERE WAS A GENTLEMAN WAVING US DOWN. Huey: WE'RE SORRY! 1043 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,000 Riley: WHAT'S THAT MEAN? NOW GIVE ME THE PHONE, DAMN IT! 1044 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,000 Y'ALL KNOW I DON'T DO MATH. WE'LL PAY FOR THE DAMAGE! THE AROMA OF ASS, IF YOU WILL. 1045 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,000 Tom: TYLENOL? EXCUSES TO GET NAKED, HUEY? JUST RUN! PRESIDENT KENNEDY, WHO WAS GREATLY EMBARRASSED BY THE 1046 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,000 IT'S GAY. Riley: BUT I GUESS ALL I REALLY WANT TO SAY IS... 1047 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,000 GIVE ME THE PHONE, NIGGA! IT WAS A RIP-OFF, AN EASY-CREDIT RIP-OFF! 1048 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,000 EVEN WORSE, IT'S HOMOSEXUAL. Riley: COME ON, GRANDDAD! 1049 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,000 UP, AND I'M READY TO DO THIS! 1050 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,000 IT. NIGGA ATHLETE. 1051 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,000 POLICE. AMEN. Granddad: HUH? 1052 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,000 Riley: STAY DOWN! THE RIDERS BEFORE THEY GOT TO MISSISSIPPI. 1053 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,000 YEAH! 1054 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,000 AW, YEAH, LITTLE MAN! STAY DOWN, PLEASE! I'M HERE TO TELL YOU TO TURN BACK. I'M TELLING YOU, WE'VE 1055 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,000 Riley: PLEASE STAY DOWN! RUCKUS, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?! 1056 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,000 I'M KICKING THAT ASS 1057 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,000 WATCHED THIS THING A MILLION TIMES. THIS MAN INFORMED THEM THAT THERE WAS A VIRTUAL ARMY OF Granddad: 1058 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,000 OW! OW! OW! IF WE DIDN'T MEET THIS WAY -- SO WHAT, WE MET THIS WAY? 1059 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,000 WE KNOW THAT'S FLIZZY. 1060 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,000 CASE CLOSED. WORD 'ROUND THE STREET IS THAT YOU LIVING A SERIOUS NIGGA 1061 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,000 LET'S THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND AND BE A REAL COUPLE -- NO 1062 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,000 SHE CONTROLS MY FACEBOOK! HA HA HA! YEAH! 1063 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,000 THANKS FOR THE WARNING, SIR. 1064 00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,000 PAY-PER-DATES! TOMORROW! 1065 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,000 Granddad: I'M UNDER A 2-YEAR PIMP-HO CONTRACT. Riley: WHAT DO YOU THINK -- TOO MUCH HATE MAYBE? 1066 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,000 Granddad: 1067 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,000 Ruckus: STEP RIGHT UP. THE ESCORT SERVICE IS RUN BY PIMPS? 1068 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,000 NO. STEP RIGHT UP AND TAKE YOUR CHANCE TO BREAK THE ANGRY NIGGER 1069 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,000 WE'RE GOING TO MISSISSIPPI. WELL, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT SANGIN' 1070 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,000 WHAT ARE THEY -- LIKE, HUGE, SCARY GUYS? SHE ARMENIAN, FROM THE HOME OF THE GLORIOUS CAUCUS MOUNTAINS. 1071 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,000 CUT! ARE YOU CRAZY? 1072 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,000 THERE WAS A P.A. IN THE SHOT! Granddad: YEAH, THEY ARE SCARY. 1073 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,000 OKAY, OKAY. 1074 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,000 RESET! >> Huey: WELL, WHAT NOW? AND HE'S HOLDING ME HOSTAGE. YEAH, STINKMEANER! 1075 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,000 >> Granddad: NOW WE CALL CAUCASUS. CAUCASIAN! MAN, I'M GETTING SWEATY. 1076 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,000 Huey: IT'S "HANGIN' IN THE CHOW LINE," GRANDDAD. SIR, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WE ALL SIGNED OUR WILLS BEFORE WE HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU I WILL NOT BE TURNED OFF, 1077 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,000 PRETTY'S SWEATY. 1078 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,000 IS SOMEONE DEAF? 1079 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,000 SHINE CHECK! LEFT FOR THIS TRIP. STINKMEANER! 1080 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,000 THERE'LL BE ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY. I PROMISE YOU, I'M WORTH BEING BITCH-SLAPPED FOR. 1081 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,000 CAN YOU THROW ME A LINE? REVERSE HAPPEN ALL THE TIME. 1082 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,000 TRYING TO GET MY UNION CARD. IS THAT WHAT I AM TO YOU -- Ruckus: OH, IT JUST AIN'T NATURAL, ROBERT. 1083 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,000 WE LOVE YOU! FIND ANYTHING, COLUMBO? SO IT'S ANOTHER STEP UP THE HUMILIATION LADDER -- TAR AND 1084 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,000 IT AIN'T NATURAL. 1085 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,000 I'M STARTING TO FEEL UNAPPRECIATED, ROBERT. 1086 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,000 Tom: UH, NOPE! BATS, BOMBS, AND GUNS ARE ALL THEY NEED TO SCARE US. 1087 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,000 NOTHING. I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE I SHOULD TELL THE WORLD WHAT A 1088 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,000 HOLD IT. THANKS, JACK. 1089 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,000 NOBODY WILL EVER FIND THIS. Granddad: THAT'S ALL THEY NEED TO SCARE ME! 1090 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,000 UP PERSON YOU REALLY ARE, ROBERT. NOT A CLITORIS' CHANCE IN AFRICA WE'LL LET YOU OUT OF YOUR 1091 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,000 AND EVERYTHING YOU NEED IS RIGHT 1092 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,000 Granddad: PLEASE, SIRI, NO. IT -- MOVING DAY. NOW, ONCE LADIES START CONTROLLING THE PURSE STRINGS, 1093 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,000 IN THERE, HUH? BUT THE THREE OF US -- WE'RE GOING ON. 1094 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,000 WILL YOU MARRY ME? AAAAAAAH! 1095 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,000 THINGS GET CRAZY! Riley: SO, SO UNFORTUNATE 1096 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,000 I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO THEM. I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK ON THE BUS! MRS. DuBOIS, DO YOU MIND IF 1097 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,000 >> Granddad: AAH! 1098 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,000 >> Riley: AW, MAN. OH, FIGHT! HELL, WE GOT A CAREER WOMAN RIGHT NOW DOWN IN 232. 1099 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,000 WE DO A QUICK SOUND CHECK? Granddad: AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Granddad: IS THAT EVEN LEGAL? 1100 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,000 MY GOD, YOU KIDS ARE CRAZY. Sarah: OF COURSE. GO AHEAD. YOU READY FOR THIS, YOU BITCH-ASS -- AAH! 1101 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,000 WH>> DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONAL,O BITCH LOST HER CELLPHONE IN HER OWN BODY FAT. 1102 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,000 GUYS. 1103 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,000 I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN. BUT BRAVE. SO BRAVE. 1104 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:39,000 IT'S JUST BUSINESS. MR. WUNCLER, YOU IS PURE GENIUS. " ON 1, 2, 3 -- 1105 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,000 >> Riley: I'MA GET SHOT BY A GAY NOW THAT I HOOKED YOU UP WITH CAMERA-TIME, YOU BETTER 1106 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,000 NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU BROKE, BALD 1107 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,000 DUDE. GATHERED HERE TODAY TO WITNESS AN UNPRECEDENTED UNION BETWEEN 1108 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,000 Sarah: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! NO! 1109 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,000 HOLD ON! >> Granddad: WHAT? I WANT TO GO NORTH! 1110 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,000 AND IF YOU EVER HAVE A BABY DIE IN YOUR ARMS, YOU'LL NOTICE 1111 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,000 >> THE FORMULA. YOU, UH, CAN'T SING THAT AT JAZMINE'S PARTY. 1112 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,000 ABOUT YOUR CHEMO! OHH! 1113 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,000 Granddad: OUT OF MY WAY, 1114 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,000 YOU DON'T LIKE IT? 1115 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,000 Sarah: NO! I LOVE THAT SONG. A PEACE AND A CERTAIN SWEET SMELL. 1116 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,000 A LOT, ACTUALLY. 1117 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,000 WITH SOMETHING. >> MWAH! LIKE BARTLETT PEARS, ALMOST. 1118 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,000 DEAD!! PUNK. 1119 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,000 CONFLICTED. Sarah: NO, NO. 1120 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,000 OKAY. SEE YA. ROOFTOPS, EVERYWHERE YOU CAN GET 'EM. I WAS MESSED UP INSIDE AND OUT. 1121 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,000 HOW ABOUT "CAKE"? I DON'T WANT TO BORE YOU. 1122 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,000 SURE THING, MRS. DuBOIS. SURE, SURE, ROBERT, HIGH YELLOW AS HE IS, IS STILL A NIGGA DOWN 1123 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,000 I GUESS WHEN YOU GET TO BE MY AGE, YOU JUST WANT A LITTLE 1124 00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,000 HURT! 1125 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,000 AAH! 1126 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,000 ATTENTION, THAT'S ALL. THEY'RE MY LONELY, BITTER GIRLFRIENDS. Ruckus: HUH? 1127 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,000 TO THE BONE. Ruckus: BRAVE WHITE MEN OF LAW ENFORCEMENT, YOU ARE THE 1128 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,000 Granddad: OW, OW, OW! AND WHILE SIRI HERE IS NOT AN ACTUAL CAUCASIAN WOMAN, SHE DOES 1129 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,000 Granddad: 1130 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,000 WHOOPS. WE'LL GET ONE FOR YOU. LAST LINE OF DEFENSE FOR THE WHITE MAN'S ENTIRE GLORIOUS WAY 1131 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,000 SORRY, I WAS JUST CUTTIN' SOME, UH, MEAT EARLIER. 1132 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,000 AGH! THE LOWER CLASS ARE HERE! Granddad: I THOUGHT WE -- I JUST GOT MY ASS KICKED FOR YOU! 1133 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,000 WHAT'S UP, TIGER? 1134 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,000 Tom: YOU FAKED THE ROBBERY. 1135 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,000 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? OF LIFE. 1136 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,000 THEY KNOW WE'RE A COUPLE. CAUCASIAN WOMAN. Tom: I WATCHED THE SURVEILLANCE TAPE, FLIZZY -- THE 1137 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,000 Huey: LET'S GO, RILEY. THIS PLACE, THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, WON'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU HOWEVER, I HAD TO TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION THAT SIRI DOES NOT 1138 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,000 Riley: NO, WE DON'T. 1139 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,000 WHOLE TAPE. Riley: I KNOW. DAMN. 1140 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,000 IRREVERSIBLE CHANGES. I KNOW YOU STAGED THE ROBBERY. 1141 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,000 ISN'T THERE ANYONE WHO CAN HELP THIS MAN? SHE GOT A NIGGA FEELING ALL UNHUNGRY AND EMOTIONAL. 1142 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,000 YOU JUST COULDN'T LEAVE ALONE, COULD YOU? FIRST, THERE WILL BE INTEGRATED DINERS AND BATHROOMS AND THEN 1143 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,000 Ruckus: YES, SIR, MR. KINDLY BILLIONAIRE WHITE MAN. 1144 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,000 Tom: WHAT ELSE WAS FAKE? Granddad: COME ON, SQUEEZE MY HAND, BABY. 1145 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,000 SCHOOLS. 1146 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,000 WERE THE NICARAGUAN GUNS FAKE? WHERE THEIR DADDY AT? NEGRO TO PENETRATE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN WITH 1147 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,000 DID YOU REALLY EVEN BEAT CHRISTIANNA? I BET THAT NO-GOOD NIGGER DROPPED THEM OFF WITH YOU AND 1148 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,000 OKAY, DON'T SQUEEZE MY HAND IF YOU WANT ME TO BE THE SOLE 1149 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,000 DON'T YOU EVER QUESTION WHETHER OR NOT I BEAT ACADEMY AWARDS, NIGGERS PLAYING DOCTORS ON TELEVISION, AND 1150 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,000 NEVER LOOKED BACK, RIGHT? HIS TWISTED NEGRO PENIS. 1151 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,000 CHRISTIANNA! Riley: ALSO, WE OF THE 1152 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,000 I WHUPPED THAT BITCH'S ASS! EVENTUALLY, EVEN THE WHITE HOUSE WON'T BE WHITE. AGH! UH, ALL RIGHT, ROBERT. 1153 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,000 GET BACK! LOOK, IT'S FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE AND THE 1154 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,000 BUT THE NICKI MINAJ THING WAS STAGED. TEA PARTY ARE STRICT BELIEVERS IN PERSONAL FREEDOM -- AS LONG 1155 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,000 >> Granddad: AAH! GET BACK WHERE YOU BELONG! WHITE MEN, YOU MUST STOP THIS BUS! 1156 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,000 NEXT MAYOR OF WOODCREST, UNCLE RUCKUS! 1157 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,000 SHE AIN'T REALLY A CYBORG, EITHER. THIS GRAVY TRAIN IS A WRAP FOR ALL OF US. 1158 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,000 SHE'S A NICE GIRL. 1159 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,000 You get in there and you do the thing I'm talkin' about. 1160 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,000 DAMN, TOM. 1161 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,000 WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS? ROBERT FREEMAN'S LIVING ROOM. OR SMOKING OF REEFER. 1162 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,000 Tom: I'M YOUR ATTORNEY! NOW SCRAM BEFORE SOMEONE SHOOTS YOUR BLACK ASS BY MISTAKE. THEREFORE, I DECIDED IT WAS OKAY TO DO THIS FAVOR FOR MY POOR, 1163 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,000 Ruckus: 1164 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,000 IF SHE LIVES, SHE'LL BE DEFORMED. 1165 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,000 HE IS CRAZY! 1166 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,000 'CAUSE I GOT TO STAY RELEVANT! THAT'S WHY! LIFE IS THAT? 1167 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,000 SUCKS RIGHT NOW! LONELY, DERANGED FORMER EMPLOYER. 1168 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,000 Granddad: DAMN IT! Granddad: 1169 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,000 Granddad: SLAVERY?! 1170 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,000 YOU GOT TO ACT LIKE AN IDIOT JUST TO STAY IN THEIR TURN BACK. 1171 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,000 Riley: OKAY, FINE, NIGGA, FINE. 1172 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,000 FACES! PLEASE, DON'T DO THIS. 1173 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,000 I GOT TO TAKE MY TIME. BUT IF I CAN STAY IN JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF TROUBLE, I'LL BE 1174 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,000 >> Huey: GRANDDAD! Huey: HEY, STOP THIS! MY LADY IS NOT DYING UNTIL WE'VE HAD A REAL BENEFITS TALK UP IN 1175 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,000 I THINK ABOUT IT AS INVESTING IN PEOPLE. DIDN'T FORGET YOUR REQUEST. 1176 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,000 LISTEN TO ME! MY AUDIENCE IS WOMEN, TOM -- WOMEN. 1177 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,000 I INVEST IN YOU, YOU HELP ME. Ruckus: OH! DID I HEAR A NIGGA RAISING HIS VOICE IN THE 1178 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,000 SHOULD NOT MARRY HIS TELEPHONE, WHICH SHOULD BE EVERYBODY, SPEAK 1179 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,000 WE CAN LEARN! AND WOMEN HATE TO BE BORED. 1180 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,000 BEAUTIFUL WHITE WOMAN. I.C.U.? Riley: YEAH, WHAT WE GOT TO DO IN RETURN? 1181 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,000 Tom: LOOK, FLIZZY, I'M SORRY. AAH! NO! AAH! 1182 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,000 IT BETTER NOT BE NOTHIN' GAY. YOUR GOVERNMENT BENEFITS HAVE EXPIRED! 1183 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,000 I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS. NOW OR FOREVER HOLD THY PEACE. 1184 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,000 NO. 1185 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,000 I DON'T LIVE IN YOUR WORLD. Ruckus: THAT AIN'T POSSIBLE. 1186 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,000 I'M A SIMPLE GUY. Granddad: IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF OF ME -- 1187 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,000 I JUST WANT TO DO MY JOB, TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY, AND I NEEDED 1188 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,000 >> Granddad: DON'T TURN OVER! Huey: HEY, GUYS! 1189 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,000 TIME, AND, IN EXCHANGE... 1190 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,000 SIRI HAS SOME WORDS SHE WANTED TO SHARE WITH ROBERT. SOME HELP TRYING TO GET MY WIFE BACK. 1191 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,000 Granddad: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. NO, I JUST OWN 100% OF YOUR TIME UNTIL THE DEBT IS PAID. 1192 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,000 REALLY SICK? 1193 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,000 SIRI? EVEN THE OLD ONES GONE WHITE LIKE THEY'RE DAMN NBA PLAYERS OR 1194 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,000 WOW, THIS IS BORING. 1195 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,000 OH, YOU WANT YOUR WIFE BACK? GOD WILL PROTECT US. 1196 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,000 SOMETHING. I'LL GO SEE IF SHE'S HOT. HOW ABOUT NOT INVITING A NIGGA THAT'S RICHER THAN YOU AND 1197 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,000 SURE, IT IS. 1198 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,000 FOR EXAMPLE, LET'S SAY I COME BY UNANNOUNCED, IN THE MIDDLE OF 1199 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,000 PRETTIER THAN YOU TO MEET YOUR WIFE? PLEASE! 1200 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,000 I INVESTED ALL MY MONEY IN YOU. 1201 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,000 I MEAN, HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE, NIGGA? TRULY BE TOGETHER -- WE SHOULD SHED OUR PHYSICAL BEINGS. 1202 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,000 Tom: WHAT? HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID? 1203 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,000 BUT I-I THOUGHT WE WERE -- THOUGHT WHAT, NIGGA?! 1204 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,000 COME ON, GIRL. Granddad: I HEAR THE SAD-SONG CUE. 1205 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,000 I'M TIRED OF YOUR PUNK-ASS! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT. 1206 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,000 WE'RE ALMOST THERE. 1207 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,000 ROLL YOUR NECK AROUND AND CUSS HIS ASS OUT. FLIZZY, I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST AND IF I SEE YOU AGAIN, I'M GONNA... 1208 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,000 KEEP FIRING! KEEP FIRING! 1209 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,000 IF YOU GUYS ARE MAD, YELL AT ME. 1210 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,000 LEAVE. WE ARE ETERNAL, YOU AND I. 1211 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,000 LEAVE? Granddad: SHED OUR PHYSICAL BODIES?! 1212 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,000 I MIGHT AS WELL MOVE IN THIS BITCH. HOO, WE'RE IN CRISIS MODE. 1213 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,000 Granddad: I'LL TAKE IT! Granddad: VANESSA, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME! 1214 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,000 YOU ALREADY DONE GAVE ME YOUR WIFE. YOU LAZY NIGGA! 1215 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,000 THIS IS MY HOUSE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE CAR BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FIGHT TOUR?! 1216 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,000 I THINK YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH TALKING. JAZMINE'S GONNA BE CALLING ME DADDY FROM NOW ON. 1217 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,000 YOI'M DOCKING YOU A FULL DAY'SAR DON'T WORRY, ROBERT -- I'VE 1218 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,000 IT'S LITERALLY SLAVERY! YEAH. GO TALK TO BECKY. 1219 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,000 Tom: NOW, THAT'S ENOUGH! IT'S OKAY, GIRL. 1220 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,000 OH, YOU MAD, TOM? AB BLOOD? WHEN YOU WERE THE ONE GETTING BEATEN, ROBERT, IT WAS FUN! 1221 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,000 WHAT YOU GONNA DO? AAH! IT'S NOT FAIR! 1222 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,000 YOU WANT TO HIT ME? Granddad: WHAT'LL BE QUICK? 1223 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,000 I CAN'T TAKE IT! THE KARDASHIANS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN O's. 1224 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,000 FLIZZY, I'M WARNING YOU... DEAL'S OFF! 1225 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,000 YOU'VE BEEN A VERY BAD BOY, 1226 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,000 THEY TOOK EVERYTHING! I AM OUT OF HERE! HIT ME, TOM. 1227 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,000 THEY CAN'T GET AWAY WITH IT! ROBERT. 1228 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,000 COME ON, HIT ME NOW! 1229 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,000 PROSTITUTION. SURE, ROBERT. Tom: ALL RIGHT, YOU ASKED FOR IT! 1230 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,000 HOW MANY YEARS DO I HAVE LEFT, ANYWAY? I SOLD MY GOLD-PLATED HOO-HA TO BAIL YOU OUT. 1231 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,000 I'VE BEEN FREE MY WHOLE LIFE, AND WHAT HAS IT GOTTEN ME? Granddad: AL-QAEDA?! 1232 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,000 NO. YOU SEE, THE GENETICS -- DAMN! I GOT TO MAKE ONE QUICK 1233 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,000 Sarah: TOM! >> OH, MY HEAD. 1234 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,000 CALL TO MY SON'S FATHER. Granddad: THAT'S IT. AAH! 1235 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,000 I'M TIRED OF LIVIN' IN THAT GARAGE WITH YOU TWO SMELLY ABOUT TO GET REAL. 1236 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,000 I THINK IT'S FINALLY OVER. 1237 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,000 NIGGAS. >> HOO-HOO. LET'S GO. 1238 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,000 LET'S GO HOME. YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY FAMILY! TO GIVE UP HIS BOSSES TO GET A LESSER CHARGE. 1239 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,000 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I LEARNED TO COPY YOUR VOICE. 1240 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,000 Sarah: TOM! OH, MY GOD! KEYS? ONE OF YOU NIGGAS CALL ME AN AMBULANCE! 1241 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,000 AIN'T IT? THIS IS A PROUD DAY -- THE DAY 1242 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,000 TOM, STOP! I JUST LOST MY JOB. 1243 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,000 Ruckus: OH! I KNEW IT! 1244 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,000 I KNEW IT! 1245 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,000 CITIZEN'S ARREST! INFIDEL TO HIS KNEES. 1246 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,000 I'M MAKING A CITIZEN'S ARREST! 1247 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,000 Huey: GRANDDAD, LOOK -- SHE'S MOVING HER HAND. WHAT Y'ALL EATING, ROBERT?! 1248 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,000 Ruckus: WATCH YOUR STEP, MR. WUNCLER. Tom: 1249 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,000 WATCH YOUR STEP! WE BRING SLAVERY BACK TO AMERICA. HOW COME YOU NEVER INVITE YA BOY STINKMEANER OVER FOR DINNER, 1250 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,000 THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO. 1251 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,000 Riley: NOW SHUT UP! YOU TOLD OBAMA I WAS A TERRORIST?! 1252 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,000 STOP SQUIRMING! THAT KENYAN GOT A KILL LIST! 1253 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,000 YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! Huey: FOR THE MOMENT, THE LITTLE GUY WON. 1254 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,000 LIKE EVERY OTHER BAD THING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH, LET'S FORGET IT UP, YOU SELFISH-ASS, HUNGRY-ASS NIGGA! 1255 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,000 Sarah: OH! 1256 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,000 BABY, ARE YOU OKAY?! RIGHT, ROBERT. 1257 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,000 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT. HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. 1258 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,000 YOU WERE A MANIAC! THE DRONE IS ALREADY HERE. 1259 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,000 I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THAT. IT WILL BE PAINLESS. 1260 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,000 Granddad: UH, GRANDDAD? TRY TO MAKE A BUCK OFF OF THOSE AT THE BOTTOM? WHITE MAN AND HIS WELL-RUN FINANCIAL INSTITUTION. 1261 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,000 MY FAULT. Huey: RUN! 1262 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,000 LET'S GO HOME. OR MAYBE, JUST MAYBE THOSE AT THE BOTTOM WILL REALIZE THAT 1263 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,000 >> Granddad: BUT...WHAT ABOUT 1264 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,000 I JUST WANT TO THANK UNCLE RUCKUS FOR HIS IF THEY ARE, YOU'LL BE BROUGHT UP ON FEDERAL CHARGES. 1265 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,000 THIS? Granddad: THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING?! 1266 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,000 LEADERSHIP -- AND, OF COURSE, TO ROBERT FREEMAN FOR HAVING THE SOME OF THE PEOPLE THEY TRUST MAY NOT HAVE THEIR BEST 1267 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,000 Ruckus: ALL RIGHT, GET MOVING, GET MOVING. 'CAUSE I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 1268 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,000 DUMP THE BODIES. Granddad: YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! 1269 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,000 INTERESTS AT HEART. AVERT YOUR EYES, AVERT YOUR EYES. >> Granddad: NO. NO. 1270 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,000 Granddad: HEY, HOW 'BOUT MY WHISTLE? 1271 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,000 JUST A NIGGA GOING TO JAIL. MISSISSIPPI, WE OBEY THE LAW. 1272 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,000 Huey: YOU DID GREAT, GRANDDAD. NOTHING TO SEE HERE. 1273 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,000 SETTING. 1274 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,000 NONE OF THIS IS OKAY. 1275 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,000 I ALMOST FORGOT -- I WON THE BET. I'M NOT ON YOUR YARD, ROBERT! 1276 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,000 Sarah: OH, HONEY, I'M SO SORRY. KIDS STUFF. 1277 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,000 YOU BOYS DESERVE BETTER THAN I WAS SUCH A BITCH, AND YOU DIDN'T DESERVE ANY OF THAT. LOOK, I'M ON THE SIDEWALK, NIGGA! 1278 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,000 THIS. 1279 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,000 OH, WE MADE A BET THAT I COULDN'T GET YOU GUYS TO SIGN Ruckus: BOY, YOU NIGGAS JUST DON'T KNOW A GOOD THING WHEN YOU 1280 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,000 Tom: YES. I'M ON PUBLIC PROPERTY, NIGGA! 1281 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,000 UP! YES, YOU WERE A..."B." 1282 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,000 SEE IT. HE DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO IT. 1283 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,000 HERE MR. WUNCLER, OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF HIS HEART WAS GONNA 1284 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,000 Sarah: PLEASE COME HOME. Granddad: STOP COMING AROUND HERE! 1285 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,000 PLEASE. I HEARD AN NBA STAR MOVED IN DOWN THE STREET. 1286 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,000 HERE YOU GO, BOSS. EISENHOWER. KNEW I SHOULD'VE KILLED YOUR ASS AGAIN. 1287 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,000 HUH? 1288 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,000 I HAVE CAKE. AND BACK THEN, IT WAS HARDER WHEN YOU PUT OUT. 1289 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,000 LET'S GET YOU UPSTAIRS. Huey: SHUT UP, RILEY. REALLY? 1290 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,000 SYPHILIS COULD KILL YOU. 1291 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,000 ANNOYING YOU IS ALL I KNOW HOW TO DO! YOU READY FOR SOME SARAH CAKE? 1292 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:49,000 THEY'RE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR GIRLS LIKE ME. 1293 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,000 I'D BE DEAD LIKE FOUR TIMES ALREADY. 1294 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,000 Granddad: WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! 1295 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,000 NAUGHTY! LAMAR ODOM, HERE I COME! 1296 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,000 Granddad: NOOOOO!! GIRL, YOU ARE A NATURAL. 1297 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,000 Tom: 1298 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:55,000 NOBODY TURN ME AROUND 1299 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,000 >> Riley: I HOPE NOBODY SEE US 1300 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,000 WALKING HOME WITH YOU IN YOUR 1301 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:58,000 UNDERWEAR. 1302 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,000 OH, MY BACK! Huey: FREEDOM. 1303 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,000 OH! I'M SORRY. 1304 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,000 YEAH. 1305 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:23,000 NO139201