Original subtitles

BUILDER REFUSED

INSPIRATION THAT MADE LADY SING

DEFENSE ATTORNEYS WHO DEFEND THEM.

>> Huey: IN RETROSPECT, IT

THIS IS ONE OF THEIR STORIES.

JUST FINISHED UP WITH THE CLERK.

HE'S SHOOK UP BUT OKAY.

SAID THE GUY JUST FLIPPED OUT, STARTED DANCING LIKE

COME COME COME COME

FAULT, GRANDDAD. MICHAEL JACKSON, THEN SHOWED A GUN AND ROBBED THE PLACE. TILL THE WAR IS WON

TILL THE WAR IS WON TILL THE WAR IS WON

FORGIVE YOU.

PERP WAS A BLACK MALE, AROUND 19, REALLY SEXY --

OVER!

SEXY?

EXACTLY HOW SEXY?

DIMPLES, "HONEY BROWN" COMPLEXION, CHISELED ABS, EXTRA

SHINY CHAP-STICKED LIPS...

Huey: THIS IS WOODCREST -- AN I THINK, TO UNDERSTAND THE SIRI, HOW MANY FANS WERE

DAMN, THAT IS SEXY.

>> Granddad: OH, NO.

THERE'S ONLY ONE 19-YEAR-OLD BLACK MALE THAT MATCHES THAT

SEXY PROFILE.

PRETTY BOY FLIZZY. STORY OF THE FREEDOM RIDERS, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW ABHORRENT

NEVER HEARD OF HIM. UPSET THAT I SOLD "STAR WARS" TO DISNEY?

NOT TO SHOW IT, OUR MONEY PROBLEMS HAD CLEARLY MADE UM, ONLY THE HOTTEST UP-AND-COMING R&B STAR!

HERE IS WHERE ROBERT JEBEDIAH FREEMAN, WAR

GRANDDAD A LITTLE CRAZY. APPROXIMATELY 200 MILLION.

YOU'VE HEARD OF HIS SONGS -- "TITTY TELETHON"? WHAT WAS ONCE A PRODUCTIVE SENIOR CITIZEN WAS NOW REDUCED

Granddad: SEGREGATION WAS SO BAD BACK THEN, MY RULE WAS IF IT

Granddad: HUEY, RILEY, IS THAT ELECTRICITY I HEAR?!

"PLEASURE ME ORALLY"?

"DON'T TOUCH MY ANUS, GIRL"? ALL RIGHT, THINK.

HOW WOULD I HAVE HEARD THIS? WE GOT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT WE'RE WAS IN THE SOUTH, IT WASN'T WORTH IT.

READY FOR ANOTHER KARDASHIAN SHOW? OKAY, I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD, "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!"

HUEY, WHAT DO WE DO? AND MOST OF MY FAMILY WAS IN THE SOUTH, AND I DIDN'T CARE.

THIS HOUSE IS AN AIRPLANE. LEAST THERE'S TV TO MAKE IT BETTER.

ALL DAY LONG ON THE RADIO, THAT'S ALL I HEAR, EVEN ON THE >> Huey: WE GO HOME. THIS WAY. 'CAUSE THE NEW KARDASHIAN HAS NEW IDEAS!

WHAT'S ON, RILEY? Huey: WE'RE RIGHT HERE, GRANDDAD.

WHITE STATIONS. SO, IT'S WITH THAT BACKDROP THAT A HANDFUL OF US DECIDED TO

MATTER OF FACT, GET OUT HERE! MR. SPIELBERG'S MOVIE IS 7:30. NO, I HAVEN'T HEARD "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!"

WE HAVE NO HOME. NOTHING ON.

WE ARE LEAVING WOODCREST FOREVER. YOU SHOULD BE DONE TRYING ON THOSE CLOTHES.

THAT'S DISGUSTING. Granddad: NOPE. MR. STINKMEANER, DO YOU WE HAVE NOTHING!

EH, IT'S NOT MY THING, BUT IT'S WHAT PASSES FOR R&B NOW,

Riley: I CAN'T WEAR THIS. BOCCE IS A FICTIONAL LANGUAGE

ALL RIGHT? Granddad: WHY NOT?

Huey: NOW, THAT'S TRUE, GRANDDAD. IN THE "STAR WARS" UNIVERSE. ROBERT JEBEDIAH FREEMAN IS A VERY ODD RECURRING CHARACTER IN

I GOT TEENAGE DAUGHTERS. Granddad: WHAT'S THAT? SHE HAS EVERYTHING I NEED IN A WOMAN.

Riley: "BASKETBALL WIVES." THEY'RE INTO BLACK GUYS, SO THIS IS WHAT I GOT TO HEAR. YES, CREATED AT THIS SECRET AND HIGHLY ILLEGAL UNDERGROUND

LOOKS STYLISH TO ME.

TELL HIM, HUEY. MM-MMM-MMM! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN BLACK SINGERS WOULD

Huey: IT'S NOT STYLISH. YUH-HUH.

Granddad: IF KRIS KROSS CAN JUMP IN THEM, YOU CAN WALK TO

WHY AM I SO OLD?! DRESS IN HIGH-HEEL BOOTS OR BURN HOOKERS WITH CRACK PIPES? IT'S STILL EDGY, NOT ONLY 'CAUSE HE'S BLACK, BUT INSTEAD OF LONG

EH, WHAT? FEEL IS, WELL, NOT AT ALL ACCURATE.

BUT NOTHING WORKED OUT AS PLANNED. OH, MAN, LOOK AT THEM GO! IF YOU CLONED ME WHEN YOU SAY YOU DID, SHOULDN'T I STILL BE A

YOU'RE SHOWING YOUR AGE, MY FRIEND. MONEY, HE'S GOT LONG BALLS.

>> Huey: GRANDDAD! ALL THAT BUTT AND WEAVE AND SWEAT. FLIZZY'S IN TOWN, DOING A SHOW AT WOODCREST POST PAVILION

SEE, THIS IS WHY NIGGERS DROP OUT OF SCHOOL. IT'S WAITING FOR YOU!

HOW COME I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE? ANOTHER, AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT FOR MOVIN' US HERE.

I WAS HOPING TO GO.

NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE. Huey: IS THIS HOW YOU'RE GONNA GO OUT, GRANDDAD?

UH-OH. I'M TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.

>> Granddad: NOPE. THIS IS IT. HE ANSWERED OUR VOLUNTEER RECRUITMENT AD ON

Riley: WELL, I SAY IT'S ABOUT TIME! EATING JUNK FOOD AND WATCHING JUNK TV?

END OF THE ROAD FOR ME. YEP.

I BEEN SAYIN' THIS PLACE SUCKS SINCE WE SHOWED UP. BlackPeopleMeet.

>> Huey: GRANDDAD, WE DON'T HAVE Granddad: ONE TICKET FOR CHICAGO, THANK YOU KINDLY.

Granddad: WELL, I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON. THE TV WITH THE GEORGE LUCAS -- THE GIRL IN THE PHONE.

BUILDER REFUSED Huey: WE WERE CAUGHT IN A CYCLE OF DESPAIR, VIOLENCE, AND

>> Granddad: YOU GUYS GO. SO IF HE HAPPY LOOKIN' AT HOES HE CAN'T BAG, LEAVE HIM BE.

Granddad: NOT REALLY. HIM! INSPIRATION THAT MADE LADY SING Huey: WAIT A MINUTE, GRANDDAD.

I'M GOING TO STAND IN THE MIDDLE HE DEAD! I'M ALIVE!

WHAT'S GOIN' ON? I HAD TO FIND A REAL SOLUTION. Granddad: LOOK AT THE BREASTS...THE BUTTS...

Granddad: WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN, GRANDSON? LIKE, HOW YOU DON'T GET UPSET WHEN FANS THINK YOU'RE MY DRIVER

UNTIL THE WHOO!

Huey: WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB? Huey: I MEAN, YOU NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OR LEARN A

THEN I'M GONNA GO OUT LIKE A OR O.J. SIMPSON OR WHATEVER. THAT CANE, AND THE GLASSES.

Granddad: UPSET? G!

LESSON...EVER. GIRLS COME IN THE PHONE.

Granddad: UH... LOTS OF OLD PEOPLE ARE GOING BACK TO WORK. FOR US TO BECOME SLACKERS THAT ZONE OUT ON TV AND EAT CHEAP

THEY WERE OUTSIDE THE LIMOUSINE.

Huey: WE'RE BROKE, AREN'T WE, GRANDDAD? Granddad: THE DAY I WAS LEAVING, IT WAS ALL OVER THE

Granddad: EHHH... MESSAGE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

Riley: GRANDDAD BROKE? PSH. WITH ROBERT J. FREEMAN.

COME CHEAP FOOD TASTES GOOD, AND IT'S CHEAP.

HUEY, YOU CRAZY, BOY. THESE FREEDOM RIDERS -- YOUNG, IDEALISTIC, BOLD KIDS WHO WERE

TILL THE WAR IS WON OH, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SIRI, THE PERSONAL

Huey: YEAH, AND IT'LL KILL YOU. EVERYBODY KNOW GRANDDAD GOT LOTS OF PAPER.

RIDING BUSES FROM WASHINGTON, D.C., TO NEW ORLEANS Riley: UNTIL THEY MAKE A SALAD THAT TASTES LIKE RIBS,

TELL HIM, GRANDDAD. VOICE-ACTIVATED ASSISTANT ON THE iPHONE.

YOU'RE STILL FAST.

TO TEST AND CHALLENGE SEGREGATION -- END JIM CROW. WELL, THE iPHONES ARE RIGHT OVER HERE.

IF IT'S MARKED WITH A BLACK BUBBLE GRAFFITI "R," PAWS OFF!

I'M SORRY, BOYS. THEY DULL OUR MINDS WITH POISONOUS FOOD AND MINDLESS TV,

THE PAPER SAID THEY WERE EXPECTED TO ARRIVE IN ALABAMA

Riley: AW, NO, GRANDDAD. Granddad: I CAN'T READ A SCREEN THAT SMALL!

YOU DIDN'T! THEN WHILE WE'RE FAT AND SICK, THEY'RE GETTING RICH.

I'M OLD! Granddad: YEAH, AND AFTER ALL THAT, A NIGGER IS TIRED.

HEY, KIDS, WELCOME TO THE NIGGA MOMENT REBOOT! Huey: GRANDDAD, CALM DOWN.

Granddad: EXCUSE ME FOR A QUICK SECOND.

Huey: WELL, I THINK YOU COULD DO IT. THIS IS WHERE WE'RE GONNA DO SOME WE ALREADY DID AND

MWAH! MAYBE I SHOULD GET ONE OF THOSE.

GRANDDAD, WHAT WE GOT TO EAT?! Huey: THE WEALTHY RULING CLASS IN AMERICA.

WE HAVE NO MONEY? Both: OUCH!

Granddad: RENT! Riley: HEY! JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT THE FIRST TIME!

Granddad: THEN HAVE SLEEP FOR DINNER!

Huey: WHO IS THAT? WHAT'S WORSE THAN NO MONEY?

YOU CAN EAT TOMORROW. THAT'S RIGHT, NIGGA! Riley: PIZZA GUY.

YOU'RE GETTING FAT ANYWAY! Granddad: DAMN IT!

AS YOU KNOW, THERE HAS BEEN A BLACK CLOUD FOLLOWING US, BUT THE SECURITY-CAMERA FOOTAGE YOU'RE WATCHING IS ALLEGEDLY OF

Huey: HOW MUCH? TRY THOSE. I WANT THE COMPUTER WOMAN IN THE COMMERCIAL.

Granddad: A COUPLE...

A COUPLE... DON'T GET ME WRONG. UNH-UNH. "COOKING WITH STINK!" Riley: NIGGA, I'M HUNGRY.

R&B SUPERSTAR PRETTY BOY FLIZZY HOLDING UP A LIQUOR STORE IN

Granddad: MNH-MNH. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?

Huey: HUNDRED THOUSAND? I SAW ANOTHER COMMERCIAL. MAKING IT RAIN!

Granddad: MILLION! THAT WAS A "TWO FOR TUESDAY" SPECIAL.

NEED TO MAKE ONE AT HOME! WOODCREST.

I REFINANCED WITH THAT DAMN

SCREEN INSTEAD OF TYPING? ALL THESE PEOPLE IN LINE FOR ROTE, DEHUMANIZING WORK?

WHILE IT IS DIFFICULT TO CLEARLY SEE THE SUSPECT'S FACE,

UGH!

DAMN IT! ADJUSTABLE-RATE MORTGAGE! YOU CAN FIND THESE PRETTY MUCH EVERYWHERE!

AUTHORITIES SAY HIS SEXINESS IS AN EXACT MATCH. I THOUGHT YOU READ BOOKS!

THE DANCING LADY IN THAT POP-UP AD LOOKED SO FRIENDLY!

SHE IS A RICH WHITE WOMAN! I'VE GOT TWO RIGHT HERE! THIS ISN'T FLIZZY'S FIRST RUN-IN WITH THE LAW.

THAT'S A FANTASTIC IDEA. THIS IS HOW BLACK PEOPLE GET FREE!

LAST YEAR, HE RECEIVED FOUR MONTHS PROBATION AFTER BEATING JOB YESTERDAY, AMIGO.

YOU THINK HARRIET TUBMAN COULD AFFORD TO BUILD ALL THOSE

UP TO 21%? COULD BE AN ERRANT LOOK, INCIDENTAL CONTACT.

YOU WANT THAT ALL IN ONE? RAILROAD STATIONS ALONE? HIS THEN-GIRLFRIEND CHRISTIANNA LIVE ONSTAGE DURING THE GRAMMYS.

Riley: AW, GRANDDAD. Granddad: HUEY, I DON'T CARE

HELLO?!

>> Huey: I TOLD YOU -- I'M WHAT YOU SAY. I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS FOR BEATING MY HOT

WORKING WITH VERY UNSTABLE I'M GONNA EAT MY PIZZA AND WATCH MY "BASKETBALL WIVES" AND AFTER THAT YOU JUST NEED 25

Granddad: I'M SORRY. WELL, THANK YOU, AMIGO.

I'M SO...SO...SO...

SCRATCH! HEY HIM, TRYING TO

LOOK, I THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE CONFUSED. Riley: IT'S GONNA BE REAL EMBARRASSING BEING THE ONLY

R&B GIRLFRIEND. OH, NO, I AIN'T AFRAID OF A CONFRONTATION. Granddad: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, YOU CAN WIPE THAT LOOK OFF YOUR

I LET MY FANS DOWN.

FINANCIAL PLANNER, AND YOU'RE AH, HELLO, ROBERT. WITHOUT YOU, I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE AN R&B GIRLFRIEND TO BEAT.

TAKE OUR JOBS. DON'T FORGET TO STIR IN THE CRACK!

UH, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU WERE AWARE THAT THE, A NICE WHITE DELIVERY MAN GAVE ME A PIZZA FOR A DOLLAR. Both: WHOA.

>> Huey: MAN, WHY WE HAVE TO GO? NOW, I MIGHT NOT BE THE TOUGHEST DUDE, BUT I KNOW I CAN KICK AN

A YEAR BEFORE THAT, FLIZZY RECEIVED A TWO-YEAR SUSPENDED

SITUATION HAS CHANGED, WE NEED UH, COLORED RESTROOM COULD USE SOME ATTENDING. PROBABLY GOT SCARED ONCE HE LEARNED NIGGAS LIVE AROUND HERE

BESTIES!

NOW, I'M NOT CRAZY. WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT THAT, PORCH MONKEY? SENTENCE FOR SMUGGLING AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FROM NICARAGUAN REBELS.

PEOPLE -- ALL OF US. OW. OW. OW!

>> Huey: I TOLD YOU I HAVE TO I WANT ONE OF THESE COMPUTERS WITH THE TOUCH-SCREEN THINGY

Granddad: OH, RUCKUS, YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS OBAMA'S I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS FOR SMUGGLING

THE TIME AND AVAILABLE JANITORIAL STAFF. NOBODY GOT TIME FOR YOUR FOOLISHNESS. PAYMENT

ON THESE WITH THE COMPUTER BROAD ON THE COMMERCIAL FROM THESE.

JUST DOING A CHEMISTRY PROJECT I BET IT'S CLEANER THAN THAT JUNGLE YOU COME FROM, COONSKIN. YEAH, NIGGA!

Ruckus: THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS. AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FROM SOUTH AMERICAN DEATH SQUADS.

HE GOT ELECTED AND MADE GOOD WHITE FOLKS FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS

I SWEAR. SAID HE WANTS TO SEE YOU IN HIS OFFICE IMMEDIATELY.

SORRY I'M LATE, KARDI. I MAKE NO EXCUSES, OTHER THAN IT WAS A REALLY GOOD DEAL AND THEY I HIT YOUR CAR JUST 'CAUSE I WANTED TO!

YOU CAN'T. UNDER MY HOROSCOPE SAID KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR CAREER OPPORTUNITY,

>> Granddad: WHAT IS THAT -- Granddad: Y'ALL MADE ALL THIS

Riley: SUCKER! WERE THROWING IN A LOT OF FREE AMMUNITION. SEE, A SHOESHINE BOY IS SOMEBODY YOU SHOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE

THEN, BAM! YOU CAN'T PUT IT INTO ONE GODDAMN DEVICE?!

SIX MONTHS AGO, FLIZZY WAS ARRESTED FOR FIGHTING IN THE I RAN INTO DMX'S COUSIN'S MANAGER AT THE MALL, THEN AGAIN

UP THEIR BOOTY HOLE, THEN THEY NOW? THAT SPACE!

NOW, I DON'T MIND USING THE COLORED BATHROOM, BUT IT IS A WATER PIECES OF $1,000 PLASTIC WHEN ALL Y'ALL

V.I.P. SECTION OF A NIGHTCLUB WITH NICKI MINAJ. VIOLATION OF MY CIVIL RIGHTS IF THAT BATHROOM IS COVERED IN

TO BLOW UP THE WHOLE PLANE?

YOU'D BETTER NOT BE MAKING NO TO YOU BROKE NIGGAS AT ALL. TELL YOU I DID IT!

WHITE MAN BRINGS YOU NOTHING BUT OPPORTUNITY. I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS, FOR FIGHTING IN THE

THE BATHROOMS SHOULD BE EQUALLY Granddad: NO!

GRANDDAD. I HOPE HE CALLS ME. YOU CAN'T PULL THIS KIND OF ON OLD PEOPLE!

THAT'S THE LAW. V.I.P. SECTION WITH NICKI MINAJ.

STINKMEANER?! HEY, HOW ABOUT I GET YOU A MOP, AND YOU CLEAN IT, JIGABOO?

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT GOING Granddad: WELL, YOU CAN GO TELL JUNIOR IF HE WANTS TO TALK

CLOSE, NIGGA! IN MY DEFENSE, I THOUGHT SHE WAS A ROBOT SENT FROM THE FUTURE TO

WITH THE BILLY DEE LOOK. IT'S THE CLONE OF STINKMEANER, NIGGA, AND I'VE BEEN WAITING

SO, I BRAVELY WENT INTO THE

KILL ME. READ MY AMAZON WISH LIST.

WOODCREST TEA PARTY CHAIRMAN UNCLE RUCKUS STAGED A SMALL Ruckus: WELL, AIN'T THAT THE POT CALLING THE NIGGA BLACK.

Y'ALL! ON YOUR TV, TALKING ABOUT "MAHMOUD AHAMADAMADINEJAD" AND

WHITES-ONLY BATHROOM, AND I TOOK A DUMP.

PROTEST AT THE VENUE TODAY.

PUNK-ASS, PUSSY-ASS, BITCH-ASS NIGGA! Ruckus: WHO KEEPS GIVING THESE HIGH-YELLOW FELONS RECORD

DON'T HOLD BACK. THAT JUST COMPLICATES THE RELATIONSHIP.

WHICH IS AKIN TO OWNING THE AIR IN A BALLOON 'CAUSE YOU NIGGAS

CONTRACTS?! IT WAS A DUMP FOR FREEDOM, A STINKY LOAD FOR THE DIGNITY OF

>> I'VE BEEN GIVING IT TO YOU YOU CAME BACK TO LIFE AGAIN?

BEHOLD -- THE FUTURE! OH, OH, IT'S JUST A RECORD YOU SAY!

MR. FREEMAN. THE BLACK MAN. Granddad: I AIN'T GOING NOWHERE.

TAKE THAT, CHARLIE. WELL, WHITE FOLKS, YOU WON'T BE SAYING THAT WHEN THE NIGGA THAT

GONNA BE THE PRESIDENT? Ruckus: WELL, ROBERT, AS MUCH AS IT PAINS ME TO DO THIS...

THIS IS FOR YOUR MAMA. YOUR CREDIT CARDS IS MAXED OUT.

AAH! OOH. Riley: THAT AIN'T FAIR, GRANDDAD! SINGS ON THAT RECORD COMES TO TOWN AND IMPREGNATES ALL THE

YOU'RE BROKE.

YOU'VE GOT ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH. AAH!

Granddad: OH, NOT THAT MUCH. TAPATíO-SMELLING ASS AND FEEL COMFORTABLE YOU WILL NEVER SEE

OH. WHITE WOMEN OF CHILD-REARING AGE!

BEFORE YOU AND YOUR Granddad: FREE AT LAST. Granddad: NOW, WHERE WAS I?

AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE PLANS TO DO! HIS ILLEGAL ASS IN THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. IF THIS GETS PICKED UP AND I DON'T GET A SPIN-OFF SHOW I'M-A

STARVING. YOU CAN'T TALK 'EM DOWN. JUST THINK OF ALL THE GOVERNMENT MONEY AND FOOD STAMPS THAT THEM

DO YOU REALLY NEED CABLE, GET A SPIN-OFF SHOW CALLED "BLACK ASSISTANT BITCHES WHO

Huey: YOU KNOW, IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE YOU HAVE YOU REALLY NEED ALL THAT DAMN ORANGE JUICE?!

I SEE A LOT OF MONEY ON KILL THEIR BOSSES."

YOU AIN'T GOT NO CHANCE. TO SEE EDDIE. LITTLE MIXED-RACE QUADROON NIGGA CHILDREN WILL BE CONSUMING!

>> Riley: WE DON'T GO TO Riley: HEY, HUEY. SHE'S SO SMART, AND SHE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS.

RESTAURANTS. I'M MY OWN MAN.

I DON'T MOVE UNTIL I'M READY. AND THEY CONSUME A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN REGULAR CHILDREN

HELL OF A WORK ETHIC. FROM NOW ON, THAT'S ALL THE ORANGE JUICE YOU GET.

PSYCH.

>> YOU'LL PROBABLY ALSO NEED TO 'CAUSE THEY EATIN' FOR TWO RACES! YOU WASN'T EXPECTING ALL THAT WAS YOU, NIGGA?! OKAY, GIRLIE, CHOP CHOP!

I'MA STILL BE THIRSTY AFTER THAT.

OTHERS FELT DIFFERENTLY. Granddad: SIRI?

HOW MANY KIDNEYS DO YOU HAVE, IT IS A PLEASURE MEETING YOU, I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS. HEY!

LISTEN UP. Granddad: IT'S NOT A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT, IS IT?

MR. FREEMAN? MAY I ASK FOR YOUR NAME? FLIZZY CAN WHUP MY ASS ANYTIME!

DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS WHO Granddad: MY NAME IS ROBERT JEBEDIAH FREEMAN.

GOD, NO! COME ON! BEAT IT UP, FLEEZY!

TRAFFIC IN DRUGS? GOD, YOU CAN'T GIVE ME A GIFT AND THEN TAKE IT AWAY!

WHOO!

OCCUPIED BY THE FREEDOM RIDERS. Sarah: I WANT YOU TO GET MAD AT ME, ONCE IN AWHILE, YOU KNOW?

MR. FREEMAN, LOOK OVER HERE!

Granddad: TAKE THAT, YOU

Tom: IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND... LEGEND. I'M NOT SICK, SILLY!

Granddad: TURN THAT DOWN. CRACKER-ASS CRACKER! Granddad: AGH!

NOW LISTEN, LISTEN. Shh! AND AM I READING THIS RIGHT? HOW THEY JUST GONNA COME UP INTO OUR HOUSE AND MAKE US DO WHAT WE

IT'S JUST A REGULAR CELEBRITY APPOINTMENT.

Sarah: I'M TIRED OF IT! I'M HONORED TO BE YOUR ASSISTANT. SPECIAL WHITE-PEOPLE QUILTED TOILET PAPER!

IT'S BORING! DON'T WANT TO DO?

IT'S BORING ME TO DEATH! y'all?! A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO... FREEMAN.

Granddad: DEAD. Somebody help me!

Tom: SARAH, PLEASE CALM DOWN! STARVING KIDS THE MONEY I JUST MADE COULD HAVE SAVED.

WHAT? I'M OLD. THE POLICE!

RUSHING UP IN MY HOUSE AND FORCING ME TO COME HERE? I SAID I APOLOGIZE!

SOMETIMES WHEN I SNEEZE, I MYSELF.

AH, YES, THE VISIONARY OUT OF NOWHERE, A MR. UNCLE RUCKUS.

Sarah: THERE YOU GO AGAIN. OH.

YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN! ONCE -- MOVING ON. THE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU IS,

Sarah: APOLOGIZING! OH, HOW THE HIGH YELLOW SHALL BE AND WHATNOT, SO I FIGURED A JOB IN THE FRESH AIR WOULD DO YOU

Tom: YOU DON'T WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE?

HE'S NOT PRESSING ANY CHARGES. NOW, I REMEMBER SEEING HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME AND THINKING, KNOCK-OFF ED WUNCLER AND HIS ECONOMY-CRUSHING SON, EDDIE JR.

Sarah: NO, I DON'T! GENTLEMEN GOOD.

Tom: OKAY, I'M SORRY I'M APOLOGIZING. ARE YOU EVEN TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY? Granddad: HE'S NOT PRESSING CHARGES?!

>> Granddad: LEAVE ME ALONE, I SEE ON WIKIPEDIA YOUR

RUCKUS. NICKNAME IS "BITCHES."

Sarah: YOU DID IT AGAIN! I'M WORKING AS FAST AS I CAN. YEP. SMART KID.

Tom: SARAH, CALM DOWN! I OPENED A LIVING-HISTORY THEME PARK. THERE WERE AT LEAST 53 RECORDINGS OF THE INCIDENT, IF YOU, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, THINK I AM COMPLETELY UNHIRABLE,

I'M SORRY. HATER ALERT!

I'M SORRY! HATER ALERT!

MR. FREEMAN. I CAN'T STOP! Granddad: I NOTICED SHE WAS READING RALPH ELLISON'S

OH, NO. UNH-UNH. UNH-UNH. IN ALL OF THEM, YOU ATTACK HIM FIRST. NIGGA JUST MAD HE DIDN'T GET TOYS!

Sarah: OH, I SWEAR TO GOD, TOM, IF YOU APOLOGIZE AGAIN, YOU MR. FREEMAN, THESE ARE STANDARD JOB-PLACEMENT Granddad: BUT I HAD TO!

RARE SKIN CONDITION CALLED REVITILIGO.

ARE OUT OF HERE! Huey: YOU'RE FORCING BLACK PEOPLE TO RE-ENACT THE MOST

I'M SORRY ABOUT MY LANGUAGE. RICHARD PRYOR -- NOTHING.

PAINFUL PERIOD IN OUR HISTORY? Tom: I'M -- MM.

LIBERALS ARE, OF COURSE, RIDICULING THIS MAN'S DISEASE, BUT WITH COTTON CANDY AND A MERRY-GO-ROUND!

OKAY. LET ME BE FRANK -- YOU ARE UNHIRABLE. Granddad: I MEAN, NOT HIM, BUT IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN.

THEN JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

IT'S OKAY. Sarah: THAT'S THE PROBLEM, TOM! AND COME ON, HUEY, NOT JUST BLACK PEOPLE.

CLOSING TIME. WHAT HAPPENED BACK THERE?

I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO! Granddad: WELL, SEE, I HAD TO GO INTO THE BATHROOM TO TAKE A

I WANT YOU TO DO WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO BUT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO Granddad: BECAUSE WE MAY BE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. I DON'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU OR MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT, OH,

TONIGHT. DU-- UH, STAND AGAINST SEGREGATION.

UNCLE RUCKUS RAN FOR PRESIDENT AND BASICALLY ALMOST WON.

AIN'T NO NIGGA MAKE NO PLANS! PAINFUL HISTORY IF THEY OWE ME MONEY.

BUT WHY NOT JUST TELL ME?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT A NIGGA MOMENT IS? AND THEY SAID, "NIGGA, DON'T YOU DARE GO INTO THAT BATHROOM."

HIS STANDOUT MOMENT WAS DURING I THINK I HAVE THE PERFECT JOB. Granddad: WHAT ARE WE DOING?

Sarah: BECAUSE! ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?

NO WOMAN WAKES UP AND SAYS, "GEE, I HOPE MY MAN DOES NOW, I GOT SOME PLANS, TOO. THANK GOD FOR THEM, OR I WOULDN'T HAVE A JOB. IT MAY BE TIME TO GIVE HER A KEY.

YOWZA! YOWZA!

I PLAN TO KEEP YOUR BLACK ASS COME ONE, COME ALL! EVERYTHING I TELL HIM TO TODAY."

HERE. WELCOME TO FREEDOMLAND!

YOU'RE THE MAN, TOM!

SOMETIMES I WANT YOU TO DOMINATE! >> Granddad: SUMBITCH!

ONE MINUTE. OBEYING THE LAW. OH, MAMMY!

Ruckus: I DON'T NEED A MINUTE. SO IF THIS IS AN N-WORD MOMENT, MR. FREEMAN, MY ADVICE IS, DO

TAKE CONTROL! >> Riley: YOU HEARD THAT MAN, "DANCING WITH THE STARS"?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. IF I'M OUT OF LINE, PUT ME IN CHECK!

WE DON'T HAVE THE FINANCES TO BE Granddad: I KNOW!

FEEDING THESE BITCHES. Tom: SURE, HONEY.

Granddad: HEY! >> Granddad: EVERYTHING'S FINE.

WHATEVER YOU SAY. WHAT THE HELL?! OH, GLUTEN-FREE FISH STICKS!

Sarah: OHH! TOM! Huey: EVENTUALLY, GRANDDAD'S PRIDE GOT THE BEST OF HIM. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

Tom: FINE! WE'RE DRESSED LIKE SLAVES!

NOW, LEADING THIS PARTICULAR BUS WAS THE

I HEAR YOU! Riley: THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT! Granddad: OH, HI, GUYS.

GRANDDAD'S TAKING BITCHES OUT TO FROM NOW ON, I'LL TAKE CONTROL, AND I WON'T APOLOGIZE ANYMORE.

MY FEET HURT!

EAT AGAIN! WHOA, I CAN'T AFFORD THIS!

EXCEPT, WAIT. CIVIL RIGHTS SCENE. I'M AFRAID YOU'RE RIGHT.

Tom: I THINK IT'S GREAT! YOU WANTED ME TO STOP APOLOGIZING, SO I'M SUPPOSED TO

STURDY WAS A VERY PHYSICALLY IMPOSING MAN, A GRAD STUDENT AT WE'VE GOT TO GET YOUR FINANCES IN ORDER.

Ruckus: YOU SEE, FELLOW WHITE AMERICANS, THIS IS WHY I AM GRANDDAD, YOU GOT YOUR ASS BEAT

DO THE OPPOSITE OF THAT. I DIDN'T KNOW THE KARDASHIANS HAD A BROTHER.

FISK UNIVERSITY, CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM, TOTALLY FEARLESS.

RIGHT? YEAH, WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD SOME FLOOZY HALF-SISTER WHO

YEAH, SO THEN I GUESS I WILL APOLOGIZE, THEN... Granddad: KISS MY BLACK ASS. HOWEVER, BASED ON THE STATE OF YOUR FINANCES, IT WOULD BE

NOW, BEIN' BLACK IS BAD -- AIN'T NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT -- AND

AW, DAMN IT. Granddad: WHY ARE YOU HERE ANYWAY?

IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU. Huey: I HAD TO CALL IN THE

DEDICATED TO THE CAUSE OF JUSTICE. Tom: WELL, I HEARD THERE WERE POSITIONS OPEN IN FREEDOMLAND,

SORRY? I MIGHT STILL HAVE TIME TO RUN

Granddad: STURDY. Riley: DO WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?! AND I'M SORT OF A HISTORY BUFF, IF I MAY SAY SO MYSELF.

BOY, I HATED THAT NIGGA. GET OUT. BUT...

>> Riley: NO WAY, GRANDDAD. NOW MY SHOW'S PUSHED BACK.

Tom: NOW, HONEY, DON'T DO -- Sarah: GET OUT! BECAUSE YOU'RE A FRIEND OF SIRI, UH, I'LL TAKE YOU ON PRO BONO.

PAY YOUR BILLS, DEADBEAT NIGGA. SO I APPLIED! Granddad: OW!

Riley: WHO APPLIES TO BE A SLAVE? Granddad: RUCKUS, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

Tom: OW! Granddad: WHAT'S NEXT, SIRI? AWAY THE BULK OF HIS FREE DAY TO THE MAN.

Riley: AW, MAN, HERE HE COME! OH, MAN, MY FEET HURT SO BAD.

Granddad: RILEY, HIT THE LIGHTS! WHY?! Tom: HEY, HUEY.

Riley: MM-HMM. UNCLE RUCKUS IN THE PARK IN 15 MINUTES. Granddad: OH, HEADING BACK TO CHICAGO.

Granddad: HUEY, ELECTRONICS!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Granddad: HE SAID HE WAS A CLONE.

HERE IN THE WHITE MAN'S HOUSE THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD?

I'M TIRED OF THAT HENPECKED SIMP COMING OVER HERE EVERY TIME DAMN THAT MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION!

WHO PEED IN YOUR PETUNIAS, ROBERT? Granddad: I KNOW!

SHE THROWS HIM OUT, SCREAMING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. Granddad: STUPID HUEY HAD THIS GREAT IDEA THAT A JOB COULD BLACK AMERICANS -- WHEN WE OVERCAME OBSTACLES AND STRUGGLED

Granddad: SORRY.

THIS TIME, HE CAN SLEEP IN THE YARD. THE ONLY REASON CHICKS BANG ME IS TO GET TO MY SISTERS.

FOOD STAMPS, NIGGA? HELP WITH MONEY PROBLEMS. NIGGA, YOU MUST BE CHEATING! TO BE THE FREE, FULLY REALIZED HUMAN BEINGS WE ARE.

WHILE IT IS DIFFICULT TO CLEARLY SEE THE SUSPECT'S FACE, PRETTY BOY. PLAYER.

Huey: HOW IS IT MY FAULT YOU GOT FIRED? MAN, I'M JUST LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT HOMIE TO HELP ME GET MY

AUTHORITIES HA-- GOD BLESS AMERICA! Riley: MAN, ONE OF YOUR FIGHTS GOT A TOTAL OF SEVEN

Granddad: IT'S YOUR FAULT I TRIED.

Huey: YEAH. Tom: PLEASE. YOU MUST HAVE GOTTEN ON THE WRONG BUS.

I DON'T NEED THIS TODAY! OOH, WE SHOULD START A BUSINESS OF JUST LETTING YOU GET YOUR ASS

Huey: IT'S TOILET PAPER AND I AM GONNA BE THE LATEST KARDASHIAN TO INSPIRE YOUNG Tom: ROBERT, LOOK -- I KNOW IT'S HARD, BUT WE CAN FIND YOU A

SORRY FOR THE LATE DATE. Ruckus: YOU'VE GOT THAT

TO BIRMINGHAM. BEAT, GRANDDAD. I WAS ON MY WAY TO TAPE JIMMY KIMMEL, AND I THOUGHT I

Granddad: BIRMINGHAM?! RIGHT, TOM.

JOB. I MEAN, NIGGAS GET BEAT UP ALL THE TIME, BUT PEOPLE REALLY GET WOULD STOP BY AND SEE HOW Y'ALL NIGGAS WAS DOIN'. LIKE, MY NONPROFIT -- "BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! YOU CAN BE

UM, ANYWAY, YOU ALL SET FOR WELCOME TO FREEDOMLAND, YOU LAZY

I GOT IT. OFF SEEING YOU GET YOUR ASS BEAT!

MAN'S TELEPHONE?! HEY, HOW THAT BLACK-PRESIDENT THING WORK OUT FOR YOU?

WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, BABY? ANOREXIC!" -- HAS ALREADY RAISED LIKE 2,000 OF CELERY!

FAULT.

Granddad: RUCKUS, ENOUGH! Granddad: VOLUNTEER?! THIS HERE IS YOUR ORIENTATION.

HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY HOUSE PAYMENTS, ANYWAY? Riley: WE BROKE AS HELL, DOING HOMEWORK BY CANDLELIGHT,

Huey: RUCKUS, ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL US THAT WE'RE SUPPOSED

YOU COME BY TO RUB IT IN? OTHER BUS?

THAT GOD HAD A PLAN FOR YOU ON THIS BUS? HEY. HERE'S AN IDEA. PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY SO EASY TO USE, EVEN A BALD-HEADED NIGGA

Ruckus: NO, SIR, I DID NOT. CAN GET HIS ASS WHUPPED BY A NIGGA HE ALREADY KILLED A DOZEN

REALLY? I CAME BY TO TELL YOU I QUIT! MAN, THAT'S LIKE HUSTLING BACKWARDS!

Ruckus: THAT IS CORRECT. DINNER AND JUST DO SOMETHING...

ME. LIKE YOU CAN DO IT! NOW THAT I'M AN OFFICIAL WOODCREST MAYORAL CANDIDATE, I

TIMES BEFORE! A POP-TART. VOLUNTEERING CAN BE THE PERFECT CONDUIT TO FULL-TIME EMPLOYMENT.

I COULD JUST MAKE ANOTHER ONE. YOU KNOW, LIKE WATCH A MOVIE ON

WILL NO LONGER WORK FOR Y'ALL NIGGAS, MEXICANS, OR SWARTHY BUCK DANCE IF YOU HEAR ANYTHING RESEMBLING A TUNE, AND DENOUNCE

BASIC CABLE, POP SOME POPCORN, THEY NATURAL-BORN LOSERS, BUT YOU LIKE SOME KIND OF

HEY, DON'T TELL MY GRANDDAD ABOUT THIS. Granddad: WAIT, YOU GUYS AREN'T -- OH, MAN, NOT YOU GUYS!

PERSIANS. STAY TOGETHER FOR AT LEAST THE FIRST SEASON.

WE NOT SUPPOSED TO FEED YOU. ANY FEELINGS THAT RESEMBLE SELF-ESTEEM AND/OR SELF-WORTH.

MR. RUCKUS, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? LET ME SEE IT! I'M VOLUNTEERING AT THE OLD-FOLKS' HOME TONIGHT.

Ruckus: GET OFF ME, ROBERT! HA! CAUGHT YOU, NIGGA!

A LITTLE SHORT ON CASH. PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO WATCH AN OLD BROKE DUDE ON TV!

GET YOUR NIGGA HANDS OFF ME! YES, Y'ALL IS WE. DOROTHY DANDRIDGE?

Riley: YEAH, WE AIN'T GOING FOR THIS SHIT. AIN'T GONNA LET NOBODY TURN ME AROUND OH, WHAT A SURPRISE -- THE NIGGA IS RESORTING TO VIOLENCE.

YOU KNOW ONE'S ABOUT TO DIE, BE REAL NICE TO THAT ONE.

HELLO? ROBERT, IF YOU'RE GONNA PHOTOSHOP, AT LEAST MAKE IT A

I MEAN, IF YOU LIKE GETTING PLAYED.

CHA-CHING!

>> Riley: WHEW. Riley: I AIN'T SAYING SHIT.

THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.

WHAT'S FOR DINNER? Granddad: WELL, SIRI, I'D SAY

>> Granddad: IT'S JUST NOT FAIR. THEY'RE SO GRATEFUL FOR THE VOLUNTEERS.

Tom: I REALLY DON'T THINK IT'S PRUDENT TO RECORD AN Huey: LOOK AT OUR LIVING

Granddad: IT'LL BE OKAY. WE HAD A PRETTY GOOD FIRST DAY.

I'M NOT RECORDING. YOU CAN CALL ME TOBY, OBAMA, CLEVELAND... PLUS, THERE'S LOTS OF LONELY CUTIES THERE.

THIS IS A LIVE STREAM. WHY IS EVERYONE ACTING BLIND?

SOUNDS TONIGHT AS YOU SLEEP? I'M NOT VERY FIT.

WHAT'S UP? Granddad: AH, LET'S DO SOME OCEAN SOUNDS. FOR ME

Y'ALL KNOW WHO IT IS -- PRETTY BEEZY FLEE-YEEZEY-WEEZY, THAT IS RIGHT.

I MEAN, LAST WEEK WAS THE FIRST PAYMENT I MISSED, SO I FIGURE

YOU KNOW? Granddad: WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT AND ALL YOUR BUS IN A REMATCH, PREFERABLY ON VIDEO SO I CAN POST IT ONLINE

I APPRECIATE ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT Y'ALL BEEN SENDING ME A BANJO ON MY

SHOW! THAT I HAVE ABOUT, UH...

SINCE THE WHOLE INCIDENT WENT DOWN. I'M GOING BACK NORTH. LIMBER AND DON'T HAVE A MASSIVE HEART ATTACK WHICH WILL MAKE OUR

NEVER FEAR. JEALOUS OF WHAT? BUT I HAD MONEY, AND AS LONG AS

GOT BIG LAWYERS ON THE CASE.

SAY WHAT'S UP TO TOM DuBOIS. I HAD MONEY, I COULD HAVE A RICH PATRONS FEEL BAD FOR NOT VOTING FOR UNIVERSAL

MODERATELY SATISFYING SEX LIFE.

WRONG, GRANDDAD! Tom: FLIZZY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO TURN IT OFF, NOW.

Granddad: THEN WE GOT TO TURN THIS BUS AROUND. THE APPLE STORE.

>> Riley: UGH. Granddad: RUCKUS, YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND!

Huey: GRANDDAD, ISN'T THAT EXACTLY WHAT WE DID THE FIRST AIN'T GONNA LET NOBODY TURN ME AROUND

KILL THE CAMERA, B. AAH!

TIME THIS HAPPENED? Tom: I ALSO THINK THESE PEOPLE SHOULD LEAVE. MNH-MNH! DON'T CLAP.

I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN AND, LIKE, THIS WHOLE THING, I CAN'T EVEN

Huey: AND YOU ENDED UP KILLING HIM. "THESE PEOPLE?" YOU MEAN "THESE PEOPLE?"

SLEEP TIGHT, ROBERT. Granddad: EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND.

Tom: I MEAN THESE PEOPLE. GOOGLE MYSELF, BECAUSE, LIKE, TOO MANY HITS COME UP, OKAY?

CAN'T AN OLD BITCH GET SOME FREE LEGAL ADVICE, SOME ESTATE

NO. I DID IT ONCE. YOU MEAN MY PEOPLE, NIGGA!

Granddad: WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR? I CAN DO IT AGAIN BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

THESE MY PEOPLE. YOU KNOW WHAT I AM? PLANNING, AN ADVANCE DIRECTIVE?

Huey: NO, GRANDDAD, MY POINT IS -- ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY TO ME YOU CAN SAY IN FRONT OF THEM. I'M A DANCER. THAT'S RIGHT -- A PROFESSIONAL DANCER.

Granddad: YOUR NEW FINANCIAL MANAGER WOULD LIKE YOU TO CHECK YOUR

NO, SIR. IF ANYTHING, NIGGA, YOU THE STRANGER HERE.

LET'S GO! DAD TURNED OVER THE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT TO ME. All: BUT YOU TWO LITTLE NIGGAS, OH, YOU HAVE AGGRESSIVE NAMES AND AS

YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE ROOM. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT?

Tom: IT'S MY OFFICE. YOU'RE ONLY HALF-KARDASHIAN. Huey: THE MORE YOU FIGHT, THE MORE HE FIGHTS.

Granddad: ROBERT. OKAY, THEN, SO WHAT'S THE BIG SECRET THAT YOU CAN'T

YOU'RE ED THE THIRD'S DAD? LOOK, ROBERT. SUCH, THEY WILL BE CHANGED!

IT'S YOUR EGO, GRANDDAD. TELL ME IN FRONT OF MY FANS AND MY PEOPLE?

MM. ROBERT, HUH? I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT.

WHY IS THIS MY FIRST TIME SEEING YOU? HUEY, YOU ARE NOW "NIGGA ONE" OR "ONE" FOR SHORT.

MATTER OF FACT, WHY AM I EVEN HERE?

WHAT FLOOR YOU LIVE ON? Huey: THAT'S A NICE WAY TO SAY YOU WANT PAYBACK. Tom: YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR CRIMINAL CASE.

WHAT?! CAN I COME IN?

A BRILLIANT STRATEGY. Granddad: OH, I DON'T LIVE HERE.

Granddad: THANK GOD. WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF A NIGGA? RILEY, YOUR NAME IS "NIGGA TWO" OR "TWO" FOR SHORT.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT! Granddad: I DON'T KNOW. YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT BEFORE.

Tom: I REVIEWED THE CASE, AND I'VE WATCHED THE SECURITY Huey: THINK ABOUT IT. LOOK HOW BIG IT GOT! IT'S FAKE!

WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN -- SEEMS LIKE A LOVELY PLACE.

LAY IT ON ME.

Granddad: MR. ROGERS? COOL. SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THE MOST BRILLIANT STRATEGY EVER CONCEIVED -- NONVIOLENT

Tom: ALL RIGHT, JOKE TIME. WOW, NO ONE'S EVER SAID THAT

CAN YOU GET ME OFF? IS THIS THING ON? NO? CAN YOU IMAGINE MR. ROGERS IN A NIGGA MOMENT?

DIRECT ACTION. Tom: DID YOU ROB THE LIQUOR STORE, FLIZZY? EVEN THOUGH HE IS WHITE, HE HAS WIDE NOSTRILS.

THE COUCH IS...UH, BEAUTIFUL, WITH THE...THE CARPET.

YOU CONFRONT THE OPPRESSOR AND HIS UNJUST SYSTEM. Granddad: OF COURSE NOT! I CAN'T SAY THAT...I DID IT, BUT, HONESTLY, REALLY CAN'T SAY

ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S INVISIBLE AND SMELLS LIKE STRAWBERRIES?

OH, I-I'M SORRY. Riley: COME ON, HUEY, LOOK AT THIS!

THIS IS MY ASSISTANT, VANDERBILT.

HOW CAN YOU HATE ON THIS, REALLY? PIECE OF MY MIND.

Tom: RUCKUS, THIS IS INHUMANE! Tom: AND WHY CAN'T YOU SAY "F'SHO"? MY FARTS AFTER I DRINK ENSURE.

WE'RE GONNA BE Ruckus: WHO THE HELL SAID THAT NIGGAS WAS HUMAN IN THE

HE WOULD FOLLOW NORMAL WHITE-PEOPLE RULES. Granddad: I'M SORRY, BABY.

UP! RICH. Granddad: SO, WE MAKE THEM WANT TO ATTACK US?

>> Tom: YEAH, MY HAIR'S SO SILKY SO IF STINKMEANER CONFRONTED MR. ROGERS IN A PARKING Tom: AND HOW ABOUT THESE -- HOW ABOUT YOUR ENTOURAGE? ONE, GET NIGGER SOME CARROTS!

SMOOTH. IT'S MY NEW BUSINESS MANAGER.

Granddad: AND THEN WE LET THEM? MM-HMM? HMM. Huey: A BUSINESS MANAGER CAN'T MAKE MONEY APPEAR IN YOUR

DO THEY KNOW ANYTHING? THAT IS NO-- GAH. Granddad: OH, YEAH, HE WOULDN'T FIGHT.

UP, TOO! UH-OH. NO, THAT'S -- THAT'S NOT THE PUNCH--

NO. HEY, MAN, WHEN WE GO OUT, WE GO HARD. I DON'T WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME. HE WOULD WALK AWAY AND CALL THE POLICE.

Granddad: WHAT ABOUT SELF-DEFENSE? GIRLS.

IT SMELLS LIKE STRAWBERRIES IN HERE NOW. Huey: SORRY. Granddad: WELL, THANKS TO SIRI, WE DO NOW. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW COMPLICATED IT IS BEING ME.

THE ONLY SELF-DEFENSE ALLOWED IS SINGING AND A SPECIAL KIND OF WE'RE NOT EXACTLY WHERE I NEED TO BE WITH THE HOUSE.

IT'S PRETTY HOT. YOU'RE TAKING THEIR SIDE! YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO THINK POSITIVE.

ALL THE TIME I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I SAID. IT'LL BE MORE FUN THAN THIS.

BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD. Huey: GRANDDAD, I'M NOBODY'S PROPERTY, AND NEITHER ARE YOU. EVENTUALLY, THEY WOULD PUT STINKMEANER IN JAIL.

Tom: HOW?

'CAUSE I GOT LIKE 18 PEOPLE TWEETING FOR ME AT ONE TIME. Riley: BUT THEN HE HAS TO SNITCH, AND THEN I GOT TO LIVE

Granddad: YEAH, ABOUT THAT... TIMES -- "HARD CHIN, SOFT HAND."

LOOK, I'M JUST HERE TO GET YOU THE OUT.

UP! TO MR. EDDIE? WITH THAT SHAME!

Granddad: YES, DUMB IDEA, HUEY. Granddad: DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELVES? SO, LIKE, I LOOK AT THE TAPE AND I SAY, "IS IT ME, OR IS IT

CERTAINLY, THERE'S SOMEONE IN

YOU'RE SITTING ON A GOLD MINE. YOU'D LOOK LIKE IMPRESSIONIST ART.

SUB-SAHARAN FOOD BANK LAND. SOMEONE I JUST PAID TO ROB A LIQUOR STORE WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE

>> Granddad: OH, THANK YOU, OH, SO YOU DID LIKE THE MONET

>> Granddad: OH, THANK YOU, Granddad: BEAT US? Huey: BUT IT ENDS. Tom: YES, RUCKUS?

ME?" I DON'T KNOW. I THINK, AS A PEOPLE, WE'VE TAKEN ENOUGH BEATINGS. Granddad: YOU'RE SAYING THAT I SHOULD JUST LET HIM GET AWAY

SOMEDAY. I TOLD YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW THE KIND OF BAD LUCK I'VE HAD WITH WOMEN.

>> Tom: SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN? Tom: OKAY, I WANT YOU TO KNOW UP FRONT THAT I HAVE SERIOUS WITH BEATING ME IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE WORLD?!

>> Riley: YEAH, HOW DO WE GET BEAT US, STAB US, SIC DOGS ON US, LIGHT US ON FIRE.

MM. MM! OOH! Tom: Huey: IF YOU WANT THIS TO FINALLY END, YES. ISSUES WITH SOME OF YOUR BEHAVIOR IN THE PAST, ESPECIALLY

ROBERT, IT'S ME. I BELIEVE I CAN HELP.

IT'S YOUR NEPHEW, EDDIE. Granddad: UGH! Granddad: NO, I CAN'T DO THAT. Granddad: YOU TOO!

HITTING A WOMAN. THERE'S A LOT THAT HAS TO BE NOT THAT WE'RE EXPECTING THAT.

I KNEW YOU WAS GONNA SAY THAT. I'LL FIND AND CONTACT THEM VIA E-MAIL AND RUN THEM PAST YOU

BUT WE ARE PREPARED FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT, THOUGH?

POCKET CHANGE. NO WOMAN WANTS A MAN WHO FILES A RESTRAINING ORDER IN THE FACE

ROBERT, COME. HAVE A SEAT. FOR SCREENING AND APPROVAL. Tom: NO, I DON'T -- CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT,

DON'T NEED THAT.

THOUGH? YOU HAVE? YOU CAN MEET THEM AT YOUR LEISURE. I WANT AN ERECTION!

>> Granddad: I'M NOT SURE. Tom: NO, FLIZZY, THERE'S -- CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT

YOU REMEMBER THOSE NUNS WAS TRYIN' TO HIDE Huey: HOW MANY TIMES IN LIFE DO YOU GET A SECOND CHANCE, ACTION, WHEN YOU ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT, IS COMPLETELY INSANE.

OF COURSE. SO, ROBERT, WHAT BROUGHT YOU HERE TODAY? Tom: FINE! WHAT?!

>> Huey: HEY, GRANDDAD. Granddad: OKAY.

THE THORNY CROWN IN THE WALL? DO YOU NEED MY PASSWORDS?

HAVE YOU SEEN THAT CONTAINER OF YOU HAVE TO TRUST US, ROBERT. A CHANCE TO FIX YOUR BIGGEST MISTAKE? UP!

>> Granddad: HEY, HUEY. Riley: HEY, MAN, WHY YOU STEALIN' OUR STUFF?! ON YOUR MARKS, GET SET...

Riley: I DON'T CARE. HOW MUCH MORE OF THAT WAVE CREAM I'VE BEEN CORRESPONDING WITH

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF. SOON AS I GOT ARRESTED, I SAID, "I WANT THE DUDE THAT GOT

H>> Huey: GRANDDAD, YOU DIDN'T.M WAY. A NUMBER OF WOMEN, SEVERAL OF WHOM ARE IN THE AREA.

>> Granddad: THIS WAVE CREAM YOU WAY YOU GONNA GET ME OUT THERE. Huey: BUT WE WERE ALL UNDER EDDIE'S THUMB.

R. KELLY OFF." YOU KEEP BEING ASS COLUMBO.

JOB?! PRIVATE LESSONS. Tom: WELL, I PROSECUTED R. KELLY, AND I --

OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO WORK HERE, HONEY. FACED WITH THE THREAT OF LOSING EVERYTHING, PEOPLE WILL DO

NEVER MIND. IT DOWN TO FOUR THAT DO NOT REPRESENT A SECURITY THREAT.

I MEAN IT. SWEATING, OH, AND NOT TOO EXPENSIVE. Tom: MY ANSWER IS ALMOST CERTAINLY NO, BUT...I'LL THINK

IT'S YOUR HOUSE. MINDS! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SET UP A TIME TO MEET THEM FOR COFFEE?

IT'S YOUR LIVING ROOM. YOU SAW WHAT HAPPENED. UH, WE'RE BROKE.

ABOUT IT. >> Granddad: IT GROWS HAIR -- WE'RE GONNA END JIM CROW, ROBERT.

IF I DO TAKE THE CASE, MY RETAINER IS --

DEAD GRANDMOTHER'S ASHES! OH, SOMEBODY'S CALLING ME ON

MY RETAINER IS... Riley: NOT MY PROBLEM.

OKAY, SO, LOOK. SOUTH!

HERE. IT SEEMS KIND OF CRAZY. ENTERTAIN THAT.

HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE COMPOUND FOR A BUT YOU HAVE TO TAKE A CHANCE SOMETIMES, I GUESS. NOBODY EVER CALLS ME ON SKYPE!

THE NEW RATE ON YOUR SUB-PRIME, NON-PRIME, UNDER-PRIME MORTGAGE Ruckus: HEY, RICH, MOSTLY WHITE CHILLIN, MAKE SOME NOISE

YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR PICTURES. Tom: PLEASE STOP THROWING MONEY AT ME.

>> Both: A BOMB?!

IF YOUR NANNY SPEAKS SPANISH! Bet you weren't expecting this face! IS $52,000.47. OF POOP, PISS, POOPY PISS, AND GOUT.

THINGS A BITCH WILL NEVER SAY. SOMETIMES IF A PICTURE OF ME IS TOO GOOD, I WON'T POST IT

WASN'T A BOMB. I'm surprised you can still see after what I did to ya, you

YOU SPECIFICALLY SAID IT WAS NOT HEY, THAT'S A SONG! BIRMINGHAM WAS THE MOST RACIST CITY IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY, RUN

A BOMB!

ass, bitch-ass

>> Granddad: BOY, COME HERE! I HOPE EVERYBODY ENJOYED THE A'IGHT, PIMPIN', I'M-A SEE YOU TOMORROW.

I CAN'T COME UP WITH THAT KIND OF MONEY IN A MONTH! "BASKETBALL WIVES" SET WITH A SIGN THAT SAYS "I YOUR

YOU WANT TO MAKE A BOMB?

THE WORST PART -- HA! -- NO MONEY. "WELFARE QUEEN FOR A DAY" EXHIBIT. WELL, NOT IF YOU KEEP PUTTIN' ALL THAT NEGATIVE ENERGY INTO

WITH THIS BELT. SKYPE?! HEY, PRETTY GIRL!

I HATE 'EM! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE THIS >> Huey: YOU GOT TO WASH THAT

YOU GOT TO THINK POSITIVE. LONG.

Tom: THAT SINGER PRETTY BOY FLIZZY CAME IN TODAY. AND SO, I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE FOR A LITTLE OVER A MONTH, BUT I

USE THEM AS YOUR SERVANTS. SAY, "I WILL GET EDDIE'S MONEY IN A MONTH." ORGANIZE THIS VIOLENCE AGAINST THE RIDERS, WAS AN EQUALLY

UNDERGROUND FINANCIAL ENTERPRISE.

Sarah: PRETTY BOY FLIZZY? SEE THE CONCIERGE ON YOUR WAY OH, I WANT SOME SWEET POTATO PIE.

ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU'LL FEEL BETTER. IT IS SUCH THAT THIS

HE'S HIRING YOU TO DEFEND HIM FOR THE LIQUOR-STORE THING? SO, MR. MAN, YOU STILL INTERESTED IN A JOB?

OUT. Granddad: I WILL GET EDDIE'S MONEY IN A MONTH.

>> Granddad: DAMN IT, BOY, WHY Oh, and I put the word out to the whole world, so if you don't

TOM, THAT'S HUGE! Granddad: WAIT! NO! FOR MY HELP DEALING WITH THEM FREEDOM-RIDIN' NIGGAS WAS THE

Tom: DON'T GET TOO EXCITED.

IT'S ALL GONNA BE OKAY.

I'M NOT TAKING THE CASE. show, well, you know what that means. TODAY, WE ARE DEBUTING A SPECIAL INTERACTIVE GAME!

Sarah: WHY NOT? AND GET OUR FREEDOM BACK. HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

Tom: I DON'T WANT TO DEFEND A WOMAN-BEATER, FOR ONE. I WANT TO WORK IN A CLEAN PLACE. You's a bitch-ass nigga!

YOU KNOW, FOR A SMART NIGGA, YOU

Sarah: HE MADE A LITTLE TINY MISTAKE. DOES EVERYBODY ENJOY

COME UP WITH SOME DUMBASS PLANS. SO, HERE I AM.

Tom: I GUESS HITTING A WOMAN IS OKAY IF YOU HAVE ABS, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT WHORES, ROBERT? You's a bitch-ass nigga!

Listen to me. ALL THIS TIME, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

Fake your deaths. Yeah, rock with me, Robert!

Granddad: LOVE 'EM. Sarah: HE'S A TALENTED ARTIST.

Fake...your...deaths. GOOD. LET ME BACK UP A BIT. BUT IT'S JUST SO MUCH FUN.

Tom: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, OKAY. I APOLOGIZE, ROBERT. KNOW WHY WE'RE BROKE, ROBERT?

SLOW DOWN. EH, NOT REALLY. I'M AFRAID THAT WASN'T AS FRUITFUL AS I HAD HOPED.

"FLUID SWAP"? BECAUSE OUR GENERATION RAISED NO-GOOD, SELFISH-ASS SONS.

"RUB AGAINST MY ERECTION"? THE FIRST WAS A TERMINAL BORE, THE SECOND A NARCISSISTIC HAG,

WRITE IT DOWN BEFORE WE FORGET. Granddad: SOMETHING'S WRONG.

"YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH"? I ASKED MY SON TO VISIT ME. THAT CAVE...

ONE SPARK, AND HEADS COULD THE THIRD HAD BODY ODOR SO BAD I COULD SMELL IT, AND THE LAST

I FEEL COLD. I LOVE "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!" BULL CONNOR MADE AN ARRANGEMENT WITH THE

ACTUALLY EXPLODE. OKAY, HOW ABOUT A GAME-SHOW

KU KLUX KLAN. ONE HAD THAT GOD-AWFUL LAUGH. OH, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GET HIM TO SING AT JAZMINE'S

Granddad: OH, COME ON. THEIR MOBS WOULD BE ALLOWED 15 MINUTES TO DO ANYTHING TO THE

EXPLOSIONOF BEAUTIFUL HAIR." ■ THEY WEREN'T THAT BAD.

BIRTHDAY? IN YOU MUST GO. I'M TELLING YOU, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF OUR BOYS AGE 30 TO 50 --

Granddad: WHAT'S IN THERE?

Sarah: OUR PROBLEMS HAVE BEEN ROUGH ON HER. RIDERS WITHOUT FEAR OF ARREST.

>> Huey: GRANDDAD, YOU'RE GONNA ONLY WHAT YOU TAKE WITH YOU.

KILL PEOPLE. Ruckus: OH, SURE. IT WOULD BE NICE TO, YOU KNOW... CANNONS.

>> Granddad: WE'LL PUT A WARNING IF THE CONTESTANT GUESSES WRONG, THEY HAVE TO SLEEP WITH

WHAT?

THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN. FREEMAN. AW, YEAH! I'D LIKE TO TAKE HER OUT TO DINNER.

Tom: DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? AN OLD-SCHOOL MAN LIKE YOU YOUNG LADIES WOULD

ROBERT, I KNOW YOU'RE MORAL DILEMMA SOLVED.

Sarah: WHAT? RESTAURANTS, AND BEFORE YOU KNOW, SOME NIGGA WILL WANT TO

Tom: THIS ISN'T ABOUT JAZMINE. REALLY APPRECIATE. Granddad: YEAH, WHATEVER.

WE'RE PITCHING SHOWS. Granddad: MR. WUNCLER.

YOU WANT TO MEET PRETTY BOY FLIZZY. Granddad: THAT'S ENOUGH! INTEGRATE THE SWEET PINK NETHER REGIONS OF YOUR WHITE WIFE OR

UH... "TERRORIST OR ITALIAN?" BECAUSE THOSE HAIRY

WELL, GIVE ME A RED LIGHT AND SIGN ME UP. NO, JAZMINE WANTS TO MEET PRETTY BOY FLIZZY.

I WAS JUST...WONDERING IF YOU, UM, HAD THAT MONEY. MAKE SURE TO READ THE PART WHERE WE GET TO CAP YOUR ASS IF

OUR SLAVE SHIFT IS OVER! Tom: NO, YOU WANT ME TO DEFEND PRETTY BOY FLIZZY BECAUSE

>> Granddad: GET OFF ME!

LOVE YOUR STYLE, GRANDDAD. WELL, UM...MON-- MONEY...W-W-WE, UH...

YOU WANT TO MEET HIM AND DO HIM!

CALL YOU SOON.

DO ANY OF Y'ALL KNOW WHAT A BBC IS? AND NARROW BEHINDS!

Sarah: WHAT?! Granddad: WHY ARE YOU INSIDE? Granddad:

Huey: BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY. Tom: YEAH! YEAH! YOU DO!

All: NO!

Ruckus: OOH, YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

ME. YOU WANT TO GO UNH ON HIM! REAL TALK, ROBERT -- I SHOULD HOPE, AT YOUR AGE, YOU KNOW THAT

IT DOES MUCH DAMAGE. Granddad: WELL...YOU SEE -- EDDIE?!

SHUT UP AND GET BACK OUTSIDE. WHAT'S GOOD, ROBERT?!

YOU WANT TO UNH ON HIM ALL NIGHT! YOU HAVE 15 MINUTES, 900 SECONDS, TO DO WHATEVER YOUR

WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT WHEN IT COMES TO OUR NEEDS. LET'S GO HOME.

WHO IS THAT? Sarah: I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW INSECURE YOU ARE!

Granddad: YES, WELL, I'M WORKIN' ON IT, BUT I DON'T HAVE WHAT'S REALLY GOOD?!

>> Huey: I AGREED TO HELP HEART DESIRES TO THESE SHIFTLESS BLACK BASTARDS BEFORE THE LAW

LISTEN TO YOURSELF. YOU DON'T HAVE MY MONEY. JACKY. I'VE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK.

Tom: HE'S LIKE YOUR PERFECT MAN! Granddad: MM, NO, NOT REALLY. LET'S TALK ABOUT WHO ROBERT IS.

AGREED TO WASH HIS HAIR.

HOW MUCH YOU HAVE? Granddad: HUSH UP!

THIS IS BOSS WILLONA, PROPRIETOR AAH! HE WON'T EVEN SAY SORRY WHEN HE POUNDS YOUR FACE IN!

Granddad and Tom: HUH? SO, I AM BEGGING YOU, WHITE MEN. BRING THE SUITCASE WITH THE MONEY!

Ruckus: WHERE YOU NIGGAS THINK Y'ALL GOING?

OF A BLACK BEAUTY SALON WE FOUND Granddad: WE GOIN' HOME, RUCKUS.

Granddad: WAIT. YOU'RE AN ESCORT.

WAIT. Granddad: OKAY, ESCORT. YOU SICK ASSHOLE!

THERE WAS ABOUT BLACK BEAUTY

HE'S NOT COMING THIS WAY. THEIR BRAIN GETS SUCKED OUT.

PRODUCTS, ALTHOUGH I STARTED TO Granddad: SIRI, DID YOU SEE THAT?!

HE'S GETTING IN HIS CAR. THAT'S RIGHT, ROBERT! THERE WAS THIS ONE RAPPER WHO WENT FROM SAYING "GEORGE BUSH

WITH ME, RIGHT? THEM!

SERIOUSLY, WHERE'S MY MONEY?! BELIEVE ME -- THEY CAN'T DO MUCH, BUT A NIGGA CAN TAKE AN

DOESN'T CARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE!" TO WEARING A LEATHER

YOU DON'T HAVE MY MONEY? LIVE HERE NOW.

NORMALLY, I TRY TO TALK PEOPLE Tom: YOU'RE A SELFISH BASTARD, ROBERT FREEMAN!

ASS-WHUPPING, I PROMISE!

LEATHER! GOD...DAMN!

Granddad: HEY, YOU, I ASKED Huey: GRANDDAD WAS DEFINITELY HAPPIER SINCE HE CAME BACK FROM I SAW KARDASHIA AT A PLACE CALLED FAKE CAKES.

A'IGHT. EDDIE. THINK.

GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL, VERY

THE OLD-FOLKS' HOME. IT'S NEAR THAT ILLEGAL PINOCHLE SPOT WHERE YOU USED TO LEAVE ME

WAIT! I GOT IT! I GUESS THERE IS SOMETHING TO VOLUNTEERING.

Granddad: WHAT? BITCH YOU SOLD ME!

THE HOUSE. Granddad: HUEY, DRENCH MY BACK. SIR, COULD YOU PLEASE JUST CALM DOWN AND EXPLAIN THE

Ruckus: YES. THIS IS ART. Tom: I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA WORK OUT, FLIZZY.

Riley: AW, NO! WELCOME HOME, NIGGAS.

GETTING. PROBLEM? YOU NIGGAS ARE SOME REAL

WE'RE GENIUSES, NOT MIND READERS. WE RENT OUT EACH OF THE ROOMS AS A SEPARATE UNIT -- TWO BEDROOMS,

ARTISTS. I'M GETTING LAID. GOING OUT LIKE THIS, GRANDDAD.

Granddad: NIGGA, HUSH! WE USED YOUR GEL ON THE LEFT Ruckus: WELL, LOOKS TO ME LIKE I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT

I'M JUST DEALING WITH SOME PERSONAL PROBLEMS. I'M GETTING OUR FREEDOM PAPERS.

UP, MY DUDE! TO, SLAVE. FREE-LANCE HONEY BADGER.

>> BITCHES BE HATIN'.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GOT A JOB. MM, THAT TASTES GOOD IN MY MOUTH.

"FREE-LANCE HONEY BADGER"? RIGHT NOW, WE'RE BOTH LETTING THE HATERS GET US DOWN.

THIS IS BETTER THAN WHITE-BITCH I THINK THEY WERE JUST MAKING UP WORDS AFTER AWHILE.

WE GOT TO SHAKE THE HATERS. I'M AT THE MALL, AND I'M GONNA BE ATTACKED BY THIS CRAZY NIGGA GOD, I LIKE YOU.

Granddad: WHAT DO WE THINK ABOUT...HAVING PEOPLE MOVE IN Granddad: LOTS OF IMPORTANT JOBS -- VALET AND PIMPS.

DO THIS FOR ME, TOM. AAH!

COME ON. SHAKE THOSE HATERS. AT ANY TIME.

Huey: WHOA. WAIT. Huey: WHICH ONE ARE YOU? OKAY? I'M HATE-FREE, BUT I CAN STILL FEEL THE HATE ON YOU.

Granddad: HUSH.

Riley: YEAH, MAN, SLOW DOWN. DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT I AM. SO THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY? Tom: PEOPLE DON'T ACTUALLY LIVE HERE, DO THEY?

YOU'RE INTERESTED IN PLACING AN OKAY, JUST MAKING SURE. MMM. FEELS GOOD, DOESN'T IT? ME, NOT MY FAME OR MY MONEY...

YOU GUYS WILL LOVE IT. Riley: GRANDDAD, YOU DO THIS, YOU REALLY GONNA BE A BITCH-ASS

AND HE SAID... Granddad: WHAT? IT'LL BE LIKE A COMMUNE.

OKAY, SO... Granddad: FAME? Ruckus: HELLO, LIL' NIGGERS. NO, WAIT, THAT'S NOT MINE!

WHO NEEDS THAT? NIGGA. NOW WILL YOU TAKE THE CASE?

>> Granddad: EXCUSE ME? NOPE, DON'T NEED FAME. I MEAN, I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED 'CAUSE IF I GOOGLE "BITCH

Tom: NO. GET OUT THERE AND SELL THAT SHRIVELED-UP MONKEY DICK.

OKAY, FINE. MR. FREEMAN -- AN SIR, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE -- NOW.

IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE CASE, YOU CAN'T TAKE THE CASE. AFRICAN-AMERICAN ENTREPRENEUR.

SEE YOU IN THE MORNING, HO MAN. EVEN IF YOUR MAN DOESN'T HAVE A 401.

IT JUST SEEMS LIKE ME -- SEXY, BUFF ALPHA MALE -- AND YOU -- Granddad: BUT I TOLD YOU SHE...

"OCCUPY MY LIVING ROOM."

Riley: WHERE DO WE LIVE? Granddad: 401K? Granddad: RUCKUS, I'M NOT A WHORE MAN. I'M AFRAID TO SHOW MY FACE!

KINDHEARTED BUT FRUMPY EVERYMAN -- COULD SOMEHOW BE I'M GETTING AN ANDROID, BITCH!

IT'S DAMN NEAR LIKE A WHOLE OTHER HOUSE.

I'M AN ESCORT.

ABLE TO HELP EACH OTHER. >> Granddad: HUH? OH, LOOK AT THEY FOREARMS AND LEGS JUST GETTIN' STRONG!

Tom: AM I A FRUMPY EVERYMAN? LOOK, CAN I GIVE YOU THE ULTIMATE IN CABLE-SERIES LOVE?

LET ME BREAK DOWN "ESCORT" FOR YOU.

MAKE THIS SHIT FLY. YES, THIS IS GOOD FOR THE BODY AND THE SOUL.

YOU JUST GET YOUR ASS BACK ON IS THAT WHY SHE'S LOST INTEREST?!

Granddad: YOU GONNA TRY TO TRAP ME BY GETTING PREGNANT?

OF COURSE.

TOM!

Ruckus: WELL, THAT COTTON IS ORGANIC. WHITE WOMAN WHO, TEMPORARILY DOWN ON HER LUCK, USES THE

GO HOME, OLD MAN! YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE

1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3.

YOU'RE A LOSER! POWERS OF HER GOLD-PLATED VAGINA TO CARE FOR HER ADORABLE KIDS.

HEY, NIGGER-LOVERS! YOU GOT NO FLASH, NO SWAG, NO THIN VENEER OF TOUGHNESS.

WHOA! YOU TAKE PLATINUM?

OH, I HAVE THAT PHONE. >> Riley: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

OF COURSE YOUR WIFE LEFT YOU AND IS DOING IT TO SOME RANDOM GUY. NO, SILLY, A PROMISE RING DURING THE SEASON FINALE.

ALL RI-I-I-GHT.

>> I'LL TAKE ALL OF IT --

Granddad: SAME HERE. Tom: THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID HAPPENED. Granddad: THEN IT'S A DEAL.

WHATEVER YOU GOT. Ruckus: OH, THE MASSA LOVES TAP DANCING. YOU READY FOR ONE MORE ASS-WHUPPING?!

SO, LOOK -- YOU TAKE THE CASE, AND I TEACH YOU HOW TO YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH DUDES?

HE SAYS THE TIPPITY-TAP OF NIGGA FEETS IS SO MEDITATIVE. ADVISE MY GRANDFATHER BRIEFLY?

WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SUCH DICKS, RIGHT? DRESS AND HOW TO TALK TO BITCHES AND SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.

Granddad: WHOA!

I'M ESCORTING LADIES. Tom: RUCKUS, I HATE TO BREAK MY AMUSEMENT-PARK CHARACTER AND

Tom: YOU KNOW WHAT? Riley: WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, THEN. SAY, SPEAKING OF PHONES, WE SHOULD EXCHANGE --

WHY NOT? YOU KNEW I APPRECIATED THE FINER THINGS BEFORE WE GOT PROMISED!

ACTUALLY, THAT'S KIND OF GANGSTA. YOU'RE NOT GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO DANCE, RIGHT?

OH, GOD! OH, GOD! HELP US! IT, UM, SAYS IT'S DECLINED.

NO. Huey: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET A REAL JOB.

NO DANCING. WHAT THE HELL?!

Granddad: THIS IS A REAL JOB. BUT THERE WILL BE A SHOPPING MONTAGE. DOCUMENTS CALLED "THE CONSTITUTION" AND "THE

BOY, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. UNH!

MISS BOSS WILLONA IS A PILLAR OF TWO THINGS WOMEN HATE -- BROKE MEN AND BORING MEN. EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION," AND THEY SPECIFICALLY FORBID KEEPING

NO, THAT'S CRAZY.

THE COMMUNITY. OH. MY. GOD!

>> I ASSURE YOU OUR OPERATION IS

I'M AN OLD MAN. I'M DIGNIFIED. GOOD NEWS IS, YOU'RE NOT BROKE. OH, THIS IS US HERE AGAINST OUR WILL.

I WATCH PBS. Granddad: YES, UH, I'M THE AAAAH!

ALL Y'ALL SHOULD BE ASHAMED! BUT YOU ARE BORING, AND WOMEN HATE TO BE BORED, TOM.

OWNER OF THE HOUSE. PERFECT. THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR!

YOU AIN'T THE OWNER OF THE HOUSE. JUST GO AHEAD.

THEY HATE TO BE BORED. THIS STUFF. I COULD LET YOU GO... NOW, I'VE ALREADY CALLED THE POLICE, SO EVERYONE SHOULD JUST

ANY CHANCE OF, UH... A WOMAN WOULD RATHER BE WITH A GUY THAT BEATS THEM TO DEATH

BE LATE FOR MY FIRST DATE. GETTING THE ASS? Granddad: YES, WELL, I'M ROBERT FREEMAN, CIVIL RIGHTS --

>> Huey: NO, GRANDDAD, I THINK NO. BEFORE, MAYBE.

THAN BORES THEM TO DEATH. THAT'S HOW WE ALL GOT HERE.

>> Granddad: DON'T LISTEN TO NOW, NO WAY. TRUST ME, NIGGA, I KNOW.

HIM, BOSS LADY WILLONA. FIGHT!

BUT WHY DO THEY WANT ME, TOM? MM.

WHY YOU GOT TO RUIN EVERYTHING? Huey: THE ONLY WAY WE GONNA

>> Huey: WE GOT TO TELL THEM. Granddad:

GET OUR FREEDOM IS TO TAKE IT. Granddad: I WAS HOPING TO USE THE BATHROOM.

IS IT MY INCREDIBLE SEXINESS? Riley: HOW WE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? NOT SO FAST, YOU CRACKER!

SURE. >> Granddad: YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY, EVERY TIME YOU DO THAT, YOU'RE ACTUALLY KIND OF KILLING HER.

NOW EXCUSE ME. Huey: BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. BUT WHY AM I SO SEXY?

Riley: I AIN'T TRYING TO DIE. Granddad: YES, BUT I WOULD PREFER TO U-- TIME FOR GRANDDAD TO GIVE THE LADIES WHAT THEY NEED.

WHAT IS THE SECRET TO MY SEXINESS? Granddad: SORRY.

>> Huey: BOSS WILLONA, THIS RUINED EVERYTHING! OUT MY FACE, NIGGA!

HELLO? YES. MY MONEY, MY JEWELS, FAME?

MM. OHH. ARE WE ABOUT TO HAVE A NIGGA MOMENT? SO, WHAT'S THE LATEST, DOCTOR? I'M TRYING TO REACH THE FRAUD DEPARTMENT.

COMPOUND.

ABSOLUTELY. IT'S A HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE WELL, AFTER BILLING HER INSURANCE FOR EVERY TEST WE GOT YOUR BACK, STINKMEANER!

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED. BUT, REALLY, IT'S BECAUSE I'M A UP.

Granddad: NO, PLEASE. POSSIBLE BECAUSE -- LET'S FACE IT -- THE LONGER I'M GONE, THE

I DON'T WANNA HAVE A NIGGA MOMENT. GOD, I SHOULD HAVE SIGNED UP FOR MORE THAN THREE HOURS.

AAH! IT WORKED. I GET ARRESTED, I DO DRUGS, I ROB LIQUOR STORES -- ALLEGEDLY!

I JUST HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. NO, I DIDN'T ORDER A SHIPMENT OF PINK, DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED iPHONE

FIRST I GOT TO BE A SLAVE, NOW YOU SAYIN' IT'S MY FAULT.

Granddad:

THAT'S WHAT ALL WOMEN WANT. OHH, ROBERT!

HER ASS EXPLODED. HOW YOU GONNA THREATEN TO CALL THE POLICE ON ME?!

YOU THINK THEM BITCHES OUT THERE

BECAUSE WOMEN HAVE NO SELF-RESPECT! I HAVE FRIENDS WITH LOTS OF EXTRA ASS! IT'S MY ACCOUNT!

CAN WE DONATE? I'VE BEEN HACKED! Tom: WELL, MY WIFE HAS

Granddad: TOM, STOP GRIPING. ROBERT, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NONVIOLENT!

SELF-RESPECT. HEY!

REALLY? YOU SURE? PERSON'S ASS GETS THIS BIG, BUT I'M AFRAID WE JUST HAVE TO WAIT.

Tom: YES! Granddad: UNH-UNH.

Granddad: NO! SHE'S AN EDUCATED, WELL-ROUNDED, CONFIDENT WOMAN.

Granddad: NOPE. UNFORTUNATELY, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO MAKE SOME TOUGH DECISIONS.

THAT'S IT! AND WHAT ABOUT HER? YOU'RE DISGUSTING!

I MAY NEED TO MEET HER. YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME? HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF, YOU FILTHY TURD OF A MAN?! Granddad: NO, MARGE SIMPSON'S NOT PRETTIER THAN YOU, EITHER!

Tom: NO, NO, NO. NO. DON'T YOU GET IT? WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

Granddad: HUH? I KNOW WHERE THIS GOES. THESE BITCHES WOULD PUT NAPALM

YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN TONIGHT'S ENTIRE LINEUP AND ALL OF BASIC

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO MY WIFE. Tom: HOW COULD YOU PUT THAT ON YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE?! THAT'S A.A.A.S. -- ASS AUGMENTATION ADDICTION SYNDROME.

DO YOUR WIFE? AAH!

TOM, I WOULDN'T DO YOUR WIFE. SEE IF YOU WERE OKAY. PHONE! PUT A WARNING LABEL ON IT.

OH, THANK YOU. Tom: YOU HAVE A SONG CALLED "I WILL DO YOUR WIFE!"

OW!

YOU REALLY TURNED OUR LIFE INTO "GOOD TIMES." YOU'RE GONNA ROT IN H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS

THIS ISN'T FAIR!

FAIR? FOR THIS, ROBERT! I DIDN'T MEAN YOUR WIFE!

LIFE TENDS NOT TO BE FAIR WHEN YOU START SHOVING FOREIGN

Granddad: WAIT, NO! I MEANT THAT METAPHORICALLY.

Riley: YEAH, FOR NOW. Granddad: OOH! WHAT DID I PUT ON MY FACEBOOK?!

Tom: MM, I STILL DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA. I WON'T BE FREE UNTIL WE'RE ALL FREE!

THAT NIGGER BITCH IS MINE!

DAMN IT, I CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW TO CHECK MY FACEBOOK FROM OH, GOD, I'VE BEEN SO LONELY! NIGGA, I SWEAR ON MY ABS -- ON MY ABS, NIGGA! -- I WILL NOT

Ruckus: TOM, SARAH BOUGHT YOUR FREEDOM.

WHY CAN'T Y'ALL GET JOBS?

AAH! YOU CAN GO. Huey: CHILD LABOR LAWS, UNSAFE WORKPLACES, REALLY SMALL

TOUCH YOUR WIFE.

Tom: WELL, MY DAUGHTER WOULD LOVE TO MEET YOU. GET EVERYBODY BACK TO THE BUS!

Granddad: BUT HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE IN JAIL! CALL THE CHAPLAIN AND THE MORGUE

Granddad: OHH.

A SMALL DINNER. Granddad: AAH! YOUR GENERATION IS JUST LAZY, THAT'S ALL.

NO ENTOURAGE! I KNOW, YES. FOR THE STUPID GIRL IN THE ASS ROOM!

Granddad: SIRI?! GOD DAMN IT! NO PROBLEM.

YOU BETTER BE CALLING ME FROM THE LANDFILL! AAH!

MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THESE

DISTRICT ATTORNEY TO DROP THE CASE. SHIT, BUT COME ON, THIS IS INSANE!

WE JUST CAN'T SIT AROUND HERE AND WAIT! AW, COME ON.

NO! AAH! YOU REALLY SHOULD STOP SNITCHING, ROBERT.

I THOUGHT YOU GAVE UP WORK TO RUN FOR MAYOR. WE'LL START A WALK-A-THON!

PEOPLE SHOWED UP. Ruckus: "FRIENDS"?

OHH! Tom: WELL, MAYBE IF YOU HADN'T TWEETED OUR ADDRESS TO AIN'T NO FRIENDS WHEN IT COMES TO SLAVERY -- REAL OR MAKE WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS COUNTRY WHEN TWO GROWN MEN CAN'T SETTLE

I'M SURE IT'LL CURE THIS. I GAVE UP WORKING FOR NIGGAS, AND OTHER COLORS, LIKE MEXICANS

THAT'S HER AGAIN, DAMN IT!

HEY, MAN... BELIEVE.

Tom: YEAH, YOU WERE F'ed UP, I KNOW. NOW, SINCE I WAS CURSED WITH REVITILIGO AND BORN IN THE 20th

HERE'S YOUR CHANCE. NOW YOU BETTER GRAB SOME SUDS AND START WAXING HOODS.

OKAY, SO, CHECK IT. CENTURY, I NEVER GOT MY CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE THE BEAUTY AND

STOP PLAYING WITH ME! KEY WITH CHICKS IS TO INSULT THEM WHEN YOU COMPLIMENT THEM.

Granddad: NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT! WAX ON, WAX OFF, NIGGA!

CARE. GIVE IT TO ME!

NEVER BE TOO NICE. NOW, FOLLOW ME, BENCH.

TRUST ME. GRAB A COMPUTER. FINALLY, I GET MY CHANCE TO SHOW MASSA I'M NOT LIKE THEM FIELD

GO NEG ON HER. PULL THE STATS ON VANESSA.

KNOCK HER DOWN A PEG.

SHE'LL LOVE IT.

NIGGAS. Granddad: DAMN! THE ONE THAT'S UNDERWATER, THE ONE YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN LIVE

I GOT HIS BACK! Granddad: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

WHAT'S THIS THING, ELECTRIC? Granddad: DAMN YOU, NEGRO CHILD!

Tom: HEY, SWEETIE, YOU LOOK LOVELY TONIGHT.

LETTERS TO ABRAHAM LINCOLN LOOKING FOR HELP. IN OUT OF THE LITTLE WARMTH IN MY COLD, HARD HEART!

HERE?

GET ON THE BUS! Sarah: OH, THANK YOU, HONEY.

ANY SLAVE I CATCH READING OR WRITING WILL BE SHOT

Granddad: FINE, TAKE THIS. Tom: YEAH, BUT NOT AS NICE AS YOU THINK YOU LOOK.

COME ON, MAN! NO.

>> Riley: THAT'S OKAY. WHAT THE KIND OF Sarah: ASSHOLE! I WOULD GIVE MY ASS FOR THAT ASS.

SO WE CAN DISCUSS THIS LIKE ADULTS. LOOK, LOU GOSSETT JR. IS WASHING MY CAR.

MONEY. Granddad: WE'RE NOT DISCUSSING ANYTHING!

>> Granddad: I UNDERSTAND, HUEY. SO, AS YOU KNOW, WE'RE STILL

YOU'RE NOT A PERSON! STOP TRYING TO HIDE INSIDE MY TRUNK.

SO MANY BAD THINGS HAS HAPPENED YOU ARE A MACHINE!

I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY FIRED THE SAND PEOPLE. NOT WHERE WE NEED TO BE WITH THIS HOUSE. AAH!

IT'S HARD NOT TO ASSUME THE THAT'LL MAKE IT ALL BETTER.

Granddad: HEY, NEIGHBOR! OKAY, SLEEP TIGHT.

BUT DON'T YOU SEE?

THE NIGHT. WE, UH, HEARD THERE'S A DINNER PARTY GOING DOWN, AND I NEVER AAH! DIANE!

WHAT YOU'RE DOING FOR OUR WOMEN IS BIGGER THAN THAT. I KNOW SOMETHING ELSE STRONGER

THIS TIME, EVERYTHING'S GONNA HUEY, I'M READY TO BUST UP OUT OF HERE, MAN.

WORK OUT PERFECTLY. RECEIVED THE E-VITE, SO HERE WE ARE.

YOU'RE BOOSTING THEIR SELF-ESTEEM, MAKING THEM FEEL Granddad: SO YOU GET OFF ON GETTING MY KARDASHIA ALL STRUNG

I KNOW IT. I KNOW YOU GOT A PLAN. Granddad: THIS MAN IS A PSYCHOPATHIC STALKER, AND WE

FEEL THAT, NIGGA? FEEL THAT? 911. What is your emergency?

OUT ON ASS? >>NEXT ON "CHANNEL 11 NEWS"...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. THAT FEELIN' IS CALLED "WORK." I'm trapped in a house, and there's a man attacking me with

UNH! COULD YOU HAVE A BOMB IN YOUR ■

NO KIDS, 39. Huey: I DO, BUT IT WON'T BE EASY. Tom: YOU DIDN'T GET ONE BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T INVITED. THE PEOPLE FEEL DIFFERENTLY, ROBERT -- 40 MILLION VIEWS.

HAIR? ■ His name is Robert Freeman.

SHE FOUND OUR AD IN THE BACK OF THAT BOOK, "THINK LIKE A DUDE WE MAY NOT MAKE IT OUT ALIVE, BUT IF A MAN DOESN'T HAVE YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE LEAVING ME OUT IN THE COLD AND THEN

Granddad: SHUT UP, RUCKUS.

WHEN DO I GET PAID? THE FIGHTS ARE A HIT! 'CAUSE YOUR LONELY BLACK ASS AIN'T NEVER GONNA GET ONE SOMETHING WORTH DYING FOR, WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING?

PRODUCT CONTAINS A DANGEROUSLY ■ WANTING TO COME TO THE FLIZZY DINNER FOR THE FREE FOOD. IT WOULD BE GOOD BUSINESS TO DO ONE MORE.

YOU FIRED. Is he still attacking you, ma'am?

Granddad: FIRED? WHY? THIS IS COOL.

Granddad: NO, GODDAMN IT! Granddad: WE DIDN'T COME HERE FOR THE FREE FOOD. Can you get to a safe place

THE CAR-WASH BRASS IS CUTTIN' BACK HOURS. OPEN HAND MEANS PUT SOMETHING IN IT SO I CAN HIT THIS PUNK-ASS

WE CAME HERE TO WARN YOU. in the house, ma'am? BUT WHAT ABOUT THE STRATEGY OF NONVIOLENT DIRECT ACTION?

TOM, YOU GOT TO GET THAT FLIZZY AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE! SHE READ THE BOOK TWICE 'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE A DATE. Riley: GOOD, 'CAUSE I WAS ABOUT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ON

WE'LL CALL YOU WHEN WE NEED YOU.

YOUR OWN IF IT DIDN'T. EVERYTHING WILL BE LEGAL. IT'S BAD ENOUGH SHE'S TRAPPED IN THIS PASSIONLESS, SEXUALLY

WHAT'S THE PLAN? THAT

UNFULFILLING MARRIAGE WITH YOU. IF ONE OF YOU ACCIDENTLY GETS KILLED, NO PROBLEM.

EVEN THE SKINNY WHITE "SEX AND THE CITY" BITCHES CAN'T

WOMEN ATTEMPTED TO BOARD A ■ HER LADYPARTS PROBABLY BURNING WITH UNQUENCHABLE LUST, AND YOU

PLANE AND WERE STOPPED AFTER ■ WE CAN DO PAY PER VIEW, A LITTLE MINI DOC TO GO WITH IT, MAYBE Riley: WHAT'S TAKING GRANDDAD

FIND A GOOD MAN FOR SIX SEASONS. JUST GONNA DANGLE ALL THAT SEXINESS IN FRONT OF HER?!

WHAT'D YOU DO NOW?

Tom: HUH? THEIR PERSON. ■ Huey: IT WAS GOING TO BE RISKY.

FLORIDA BEATRICE JACKSON AND ■ SHE'S STALKING ME! Riley: MAN, IT'S LIKE, "HERE, NIGGA, TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE!"

SO LONG? Granddad: HUH?

I'M HUNGRY. THINK OF IT LIKE THE WWE.

Huey: YOU KNOW HE'S GOT A SONG CALLED -- DETAINED FOR SEVERAL HOURS ■ SIR, NO. CLEANUP ON BED NUMBER THREE,

BEFORE IT WAS FINALLY ■ UH, I CAN'T TAKE YOUR PHONE, SIR. Tom: "I WILL DO YOUR WIFE," YES.

Granddad: PLEASE, JUST TAKE IT!

COURAGE. Huey: BUT THERE'S ALSO A SONG CALLED, "WHITE WIFEBOOTY."

OR MORE PRECISELY, THEIR HAIR ■ Huey: THIS PLACE IS DEPRESSING.

THE BAD NIGGER NEWS. ASS BITCH! UNCLE RUCKUS IS BACK ON THE SCENE, RUFFLING SMALL-TOWN

KNOW THAT? IF I'M ABOUT TO DIE, PROMISE YOU'LL JUST PULL THE PLUG.

Tom: REALLY? Riley: YEAH, WE ALREADY SLAVES. WHAT YOU GUYS DO TOGETHER IS LIKE WATCHING THE

JUST RUN AWAY! NO, NO, I DIDN'T. A BLACK WOMAN IS MORE LIKELY TO DIE IN A TANNING-SALON FIRE THAN

DON'T BE A BITCH, TOO. ALL EXOTIFIED AND WHATNOT WITH ■

AND IT DOESN'T MATTER, GUYS. Granddad: NIGGA, WHERE YOU HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS BEAT THE WASHINGTON GENERALS, EXCEPT IT'S

ALL THIS HAIR, BUT WE AIN'T, ■ Granddad: SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

I-I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. FIND TRUE LOVE.

Huey: EVERY GAIN IN U.S. FLIZZY'S GONNA HELP ME WORK THINGS OUT WITH SARAH. ■

YOU'RE MAKING THESE LONELY BLACK WOMEN FEEL LOVED, AND THAT HISTORY HAS BEEN BECAUSE OPPRESSED PEOPLE WEREN'T AFRAID

Granddad: OH, HE GONNA WORK SOMETHING OUT, ALL RIGHT.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A

ALONE! ■ TO FIGHT. Granddad: I GOT YOU NOW,

Tom: HE'S HERE TO HELP. IF WE DON'T FIGHT, WE'RE SAYING IT'S OKAY FOR THEM TO OWN

Granddad: OH, HE GONNA HELP HIMSELF TO THAT BOOTY! ROBERT, NO!

HE ALMOST RIGHT. IN VANESSA'S VEINS -- SHE'LL KEEP

THE WHITE HALF OF HIM RIGHT, BECAUSE THE WHITE BUSINESSMAN,

Granddad: HE'S GONNA -- Tom: CONTROL THAT BOOTY. Huey: ...OUR SELF WORTH, OUR MINDS, AND I'M NOT GIVING UP MY Granddad: AAH!

YOU PAID FOREVER.

GOT IT. SINGLE JAR CONTAINS ENOUGH HIGH ■ WELL, THAT PERSON DIDN'T FINISH

Granddad: I WASN'T GONNA SAY THAT. WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP FIGHTING THIS MAN?!

I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF DEBT. HE GONNA BE UNDER THAT BOOTY!

Riley: ME NEITHER! PLANE OR A PRIUS. ■

Riley: HA HA! THAT'S WHAT'S UP.

GOOD ONE, GRANDDAD! YEAH, COME ON, GUYS!

NOW YOU GO BLOW LOVE SMOKE UP VANESSA'S BLACK ASS AND GET MY

ROBERT, YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME. Tom: YEAH, HA, YEAH, VERY FUNNY GUYS. ENOUGH. FEELING AND HOLD ONTO IT REAL TIGHT!

Granddad: NIGGA, I'M GONNA HIS BLACK ASS ALL THE WAY OVER HERE TO AMERICA TO DO SOME I'M UP IN THAT PIECE.

Granddad: AS LONG AS YOU KNOW. MONEY.

NEXT TIME YOUR KIDS ARE BORN WITH GREAT ABS AND TATTOOS, Granddad: I AGREE!

KILL YOU!

PRODUCTIVE WORK. TURN THE OTHER CHEEK, ROBERT. YOU'RE GONNA FIND THE STRENGTH TO BEAT THIS NIGGA IN FRONT OF

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU. DON'T SCREAM. IT'S OKAY!

TELL THAT MAN HE'S YOUR BROTHER. COME ON, KIDS. LET'S EAT.

Granddad: WHAT?! THE WHOLE WORLD!

I GIVE FOOD TO THE HUNGRY. THANK YOU, FANS. THANK YOU. WHAT THE -- Riley: MM-MMM!

Sarah:

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT!

OH, MY GOD, FLIZZY, YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND SO POLITE.

Y'ALL HAD YOUR FUN! DOES YOUR ANDROID NOT SOOTHE YOUR EARS WITH THE SOUND OF

FREEDOMLAND HATH PAID HANDSOME DIVIDENDS.

YOU MEAN I COME DOWN HERE FOR NOTHING? THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS HOW COME WE ARE LOSIN' TO THE CHINESE --

OCEAN WAVES? WHICH SAID IT HAD SOLD OUT OF ■

I GATHERED YOU TOGETHER AS IT WOULD GIVE ME GREAT UMBRAGE IF I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ROB LIQUOR STORES AND YOU BEAT UP WOMEN. I CAME DOWN HERE TO BEAT UP A NIGGER!

THE PRODUCT, CLAIMED IT WOULD ■ GOT SOME BAD BITCHES, TOO -- BAD ONES.

ARE THESE THE CRIMES FOR BECAUSE THE CHINAMAN USES SLAVE LABOR, AND WE DON'T.

NOT BE ORDERING ANY MORE BUT ■ ANY FELLOWS OBJECTED TO US THUSLY BRANCHING OUT.

Tom: SARAH! WHICH YOU HAVE FORSAKEN ME, MY LOVE?

NO, IT'S COOL. OW.

SHE'S RIGHT. >> Riley: SEE? NO SNITCHING. OH, WHAT A STUNNING VICTORY,

I REALLY NEED TO STOP GETTING ARRESTED.

>> Granddad: SHUSH! WHERE YOU GOING? YOU'RE NOT REAL!

Sarah: I'M NOT PASSING JUDGMENT ABOUT THE CHRISTIANNA THE ONE THAT COMES WITH A HOUSE KEY. I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU.

I'M WITH JIM. THEY SHOULD BE USIN' GOOD OLD-FASHIONED BLACKY AMERICAN

URGING PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT THE ■ IT MAKES THE MEETINGS GO LONG, AND MY TYLER'S GOT SOCCER MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN KEEPING UP ON CURRENT EVENTS, BUT WE

I KNOW SOMETIMES BITCHES STEP OUT OF LINE.

TONIGHT. Riley: WE DO! I MEAN, I DO.

SLAVE LABOR! JUST GOT OUR ASSES KICKED, PAL. LET'S EXPAND THIS FREEDOMLAND

LORD KNOWS I DO!

YOU'RE GONNA GET US ALL KILLED. Tom: HONEY, THERE ARE

IT'S A DAMN CASH COW! DEATH IS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR FREEDOM.

CHILDREN AT THE TABLE. CHEWBACCA!

SESSION TO MAKE SALE OR ■ BUT WE HAVE SOME MINOR Sarah: NOW, I WANT TO BE CLEAR, KIDS -- HITTING A WOMAN

CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY.

A GANGSTALICIOUS CARD. Ruckus: OH, DON'T LOOK AT ME.

IS WRONG... TERRORIST OFFENSE, PUNISHABLE ■ PAY FOR ANYTHING! Granddad: NO, IT CAN'T BE!

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS? UNLESS SHE HITS YOU FIRST. We'd like to thank tonight's sponsors -- chicken and sugar

YOU WANT TO DIE. Huey: YOU GOT THE GANGSTALICIOUS CARD, GRANDDAD?

AIN'T THAT RIGHT! Granddad: SHE'S ONE OF MY CLIENTS. FUN IN FREEDOMLAND.

EXCUSE ME? DID YOU REALLY THINK I

Tom: WOW. DRONE STRIKE. ■ water!

AND THEY'LL DESERVE IT. ■ Sarah: OR SHE TALKS ABOUT YOUR MAMA! I TOLD HER, EVEN AN ARMENIAN GIRL'S CABOOSE HAS ITS LIMITS. ANDROID, ROBERT?

TIM, BACK TO YOU. ■ EH, REMEMBER WE TRIED THAT AT THE INDIAN SECTION.

Tom: SARAH, THAT IS ENOUGH! VERY UNNIGGARDLY OF YOU, ROBERT.

>> Riley: DOES THIS MEAN WE Sarah: "SARAH, THAT'S ENOUGH." Granddad: NO! NO! SHE KNEW THE RISKS!

Granddad: SHUT UP, RUCKUS.

Tom: SARAH, THAT'S IT! CAN'T MAKE NO MORE MONEY? UH, FREEDOM FELLERS? THAT NIGGA'S EVERYWHERE!

Granddad: I'M TIRED OF THIS. WHY ME?! BOY, THAT IS A POWERFUL REQUEST. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER AND IN

MATTER OF FACT, I'M DONE TALKING. WE DON'T NEED LITIGATION. KARDASHIAN CARD, LIL WAYNE CARD -- YOU SEE, BOYS? TAKE THAT RAGE, PUT IT IN YOUR FISTS, GRANDDAD.

THIS GUY WON'T LET ME GET AROUND, AND I FOUND THIS.

FRONT OF PRETTY BOY FLIZZY! THEM BIG-THIGH BLACK ONES JUST LIKE BEDBUGS. WE NEED SOMETHING THAT MAKES US LOOK GOOD, ENTERTAINS THE

THERE WAS A WARNING LABEL. Riley: IT'S LIKE WE NOT EVEN HERE. Huey: RILEY, YOU NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT ABOUT

MASSES, AND KEEPS THEM WORKING. >> Huey: ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Tom: NOW, YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH. I THINK IT'S FOR Y'ALL. GRANDDAD?

YOU ARE GOING TO GO UPSTAIRS AND SLEEP IT OFF! THE RIDERS WERE ABOUT TO SEE HOW FAR THE KLAN WOULD GO TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS, YOUR IDENTITY, YOUR ENTIRE LIFE IS

TO GET 'EM OUT. I'M NOTICING A LOT DIFFERENT ABOUT GRANDDAD!

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, TOM? EXACTLY.

STOP THAT BUS. $1,500 IN FEES?!

HIT ME? Granddad: DON'T YOU EVER WITH US OR ANYONE WE HE AIN'T NEVER GONNA GET HIS ASS BEAT AGAIN, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE

Tom: NO! I'M GONNA LEAVE YOU! YOU ARE MINE!

I HOPE THIS NOTE FINDS YOU WELL. SO, UH, I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF

MWAH! Granddad: SO, YOU SEE, BOYS, THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME

Jazmine: DADDY! GIVE ME SOME TIME. I TOLD HIM TO TAKE ALL THAT HATE, HOLD ONTO IT!

Sarah: TOM, WAIT! COULD YOU NOT DO THAT?

TOM! CHANGES AROUND HERE. HOPE THERE ARE NO HARD FEELINGS.

Granddad: TOM, GREW A PAIR. Granddad: HUH?

DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING. Huey: NO. TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM, A BOMB HAS BEEN PLACED ON THIS BUS.

YOUR PICK OF OUR OBESE WOMEN? Riley:

BUT THAT'S OKAY. I DON'T WANT THE MONEY BACK,

WORK WITH ME HERE.

ROBERT. YES, I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE FEEDING THE HUNGRY.

I'M TRYING TO COME TO AN HONEST AGREEMENT FOR ALL YOUR PEOPLE'S I WANT MORE GEL -- A LOT MORE.

THINK DIFFERENT.

Riley: MS. SIRI? I FED MANY BROWN BABIES.

YEAH, IT'S SO COZY, A-AND I LOVE HOW YOU ARRANGED THE BEDS. Riley: AND THIS ONE!

OH, THAT'S RIGHT. THIS WILL BE AN ADJUSTMENT, BUT SOON YOU WILL SEE IT'S ALL FOR

IT'S A VERY...ECONOMICAL USE OF SPACE. MAN, PLEASE, PLEASE, CAN WE KEEP HER, GRANDDAD?!

40 ACRES AND A MULE? IT WAS LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF THAT CINEMATIC CLASSIC "SPEED,"

A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE.

SELLING MORE WOULD BE THE BEST. BITTER.

Granddad: YOU CAN'T THROW AWAY MY OLD SHIRTS! 40 ACRES -- THAT'S A LOT OF LAND! SAY, DO YOU MIND IF WE STORE, UH...SOMETHING HERE FOR JUST A

>> I DON'T BELIEVE IT'S THE GRANDMOTHER.

Granddad: NO, NOT THE PHONE. SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. I RELIVE MY GLORY DAYS IN MY OLD SHIRTS!

COUPLE OF DAYS? THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS.

WOMEN THEY CAN'T HAVE LONG, Ruckus: MR. WUNCLER, SIR, NOW, I KNOW YOU SIMPLY WANTED ME DIDN'T REALLY HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO CALL.

BEAUTIFUL HAIR. I WANT YOU TO THINK OF MS. SIRI AS YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

>> UNH-UNH.

EH, NO SWEAT, MAN. ANYWAY. TO BRING HIM HERE TO THIS MEETING, BUT JUST WHISTLE, AND I

THAT WAS ROUGH. PUT MY CLOTHES? LIARS.

Tom: YEAH, IT WAS A DISASTER. Granddad: IN YOUR HOUSE! LOOKING OUT FOR OTHERS.

SO MUCH FOR MAKING A MAN OUT OF ME. YOU KNOW I SOLD MY HOUSE TO PAY FOR YOU.

>> JUST BETWEEN US, MY BUSINESS THAT RESIDES IN THE PHONE, AND SHE'S JUST AS REAL AS YOU OR I.

NAW, MAN. Huey: NOT FOR LONG.

ISN'T ENTIRELY LEGITIMATE. TO JUST STAND UP AND WALK OUT, THAT TOOK GUTS. DEFIANT. I LIKES.

YOU SEE, BOYS, IN MANY WAYS,

>> Granddad: NO! I'M SUPERIOR TO A REAL-LIFE STEP-GRANDMOTHER. Tom: ALL I ENDED UP LEARNING IS MY WIFE LIKES YOU BETTER. I USED MY PANTYHOSE AS TOURNIQUETS FOR THE TROOPS.

HI, MR. FREEMAN.

DEBT. Huey: HOW?

PROMISED HER MORE, GRANDDAD.

YOUR WIFE DOESN'T LIKE ME BETTER. HUH. Granddad: WELL, SHE'S LIGHTER AND THINNER THAN A REAL

>> Granddad: FINE. ALL THESE OTHER FOLKS? YOU GUYS ARE BOTH JUST BORING AS

WE'LL MAKE IT. OH, I HAVE. GRANDMOTHER, AND YOU KNOW HOW REAL WOMEN CAN PUT ON WEIGHT,

YOU'RE ROLLING WITH ME TONIGHT. HA! THOSE MEDALS -- EVEN GOT ONE FROM THE VICE PRESIDENTE AFTER

WE'LL MAKE IT, NIGGA.

I'M TAKING YOU TO MAN CAMP. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

THIS HOUSE WHO KNOWS CHEMISTRY? I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP. UNH! HEY! BUT I DON'T HANG WITH NO NEGATIVE-ENERGY-SUCKING

WORLD WAR II. Granddad: UH... I INVITE YOU TO BROWSE THE APP STORE TO SEE ALL THE AMAZING

IS WRONG WITH YOU?! SO GATHER UP SOME POSITIVITY IN THIS BITCH RIGHT

SURE. Y-YEAH. YEP, HE GAVE ME A MEDAL AND SOME SMOKES.

THINGS SHE CAN DO.

QUICK AND LET'S ROLL OUT. Huey: HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF? OUT OF MY WAY!

Tom: OKAY! I CAN BE POSITIVE. HOW MUCH MONEY DOES IT TAKE FOR SOMEONE TO LOSE THEIR SORRY, THERE, FREEDOM FELLERS -- TIME AND A HALF JUST

THAT ALWAYS WORKS ON TV. Granddad: OF COURSE NOT, GRANDSON.

I'M NOT A LOSER. YOU'RE JUST SILLY-ACTING.

I'LL MAKE IT MYSELF. ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY TO ME, YOU CAN SAY IN FRONT OF MS. SIRI. I CAN...GET STUFF...HAPPENING, AND I GOT STUFF GOING ON! Huey: WELL, WHO DO YOU

Riley: OW! HOW HARD COULD IT BE? Granddad: WELL, IT'S BEEN REAL -- HOPE YOU REACH THE

MAYBE...MILLION, AT LEAST?

>> Riley: ANALYZED, NIGGA. DAMN. YOU'RE A DOWNER. Huey: WHOA, HEY, GRANDDAD, I

THE STRUGGLE NEEDS YOU, ROBERT. Granddad: EDDIE, I'M SORRY.

I TAUGHT THEM. WE SHOULDN'T HAVE SECRETS.

THINGS COULD BE WORSE. IT'S GOOD MANNERS. WHAT IS IT?

DON'T YOU HAVE VISITORS? TO DRIVE. I COULD BE THAT GUY.

Granddad: MS. SIRI. THINK, EDDIE, THINK. Huey: RILEY'S TALKING IN HIS SLEEP. EH, NO ONE CARES ABOUT AN OLD BROKE LADY.

THE INGREDIENTS, YOU MIX THAT Huey: ...HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE WITH YOUR HIJACKED IDENTITY

Riley: I'M JUST READING.

SHUT UP! FIND ME A WAY TO GET ROBERT THAT MONEY. TRICK-ASS NEW GRANDMA TOLD ME TO. PLUS, THERE'S SOME CELEBRITY IN HERE.

UP THE WHOLE HOUSE WITH US IN NOW, WHAT THE IS THIS?!

Granddad: YOU KNOW THAT'S KIDNAPPING, RIGHT? IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, SIR.

>> Granddad: WUNCLER OWNS THIS THEY SAY SHE'S GOT THE WHOLE FLOOR LOCKED DOWN.

THEIR CREDIT IS...PISS-POOR, SIR. HAPPY BECAUSE HE HAS A NICE OFFICE AND GETS CNN SOUND BITES.

Granddad: ENOUGH. I CAN'T EVEN GET A NURSE TO CHANGE MY DIAPER.

NO! GET YOUR ASSES IN BED.

>> Granddad: YOU CAN HELP ME DO Huey: I'M GONNA HAVE TO PASS.

I HATE IT! THIS MAN IS A CUSTOMER. I DO WHAT THE HELL I WANT."

YOU GOT RILEY READING? ME AND MS. SIRI ARE VERY MUCH IN LOVE. HATE IT!

HE IS A DEAR FAMILY FRIEND. I AIN'T HUNGRY NOW.

WHOO! HE'S VERY HAPPY. HE IS A WAR HERO -- A CIVIL-RIGHTS LEGEND!

I ASSURE YOU. THAT MUST HAVE TAKEN A BEATING AND A HALF.

RUCKUS! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT?!

THAT! WE MUST FIND A WAY TO HELP HIM! Ruckus: HOW DARE YOU GO DARKENING MR. WUNCLER'S THOUGHTS

>> Huey: YOU TWO HAVE TO FOLLOW NO! THAT'S OUR SPACE, GOD DAMN IT!

MY INSTRUCTIONS EXACTLY. NO! I WANT OFF THE BUS!

WITH YOUR NIGGA LOGIC! WELL, THERE IS ONE WAY.

NO! OKAY, I THREATENED TO BEAT HIM -- THE WAY MY MOM DID.

WELCOME. Riley: YEAH, GRANDDAD. THINKING OF YOURSELF LAST.

I SEE YOU.

MAYBE YOU AIN'T SO GAY AFTER SO, WITH A BOMB ON THE BUS AND STURDY BASICALLY HOLDING

Tom: OH, WHAT THE HECK. THERE!

IT'S MAN CAMP. >> Huey: AND WE CAN'T DO ITR

AT WUNCLER BANKING, WE DO BELIEVE IN OFFERING QUALITY Granddad: FIRST PLAN -- YOU KEEP HER ALIVE LONG ENOUGH TO

BANKING SERVICES TO THOSE WITH DAMAGED CREDIT. SIGHT THAT COULD BE USED TO BEAT THAT ASS. I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT "LAUGHINGSTOCK" MEANT BEFORE,

NOBODY WILL FIND IT.

MAKE SURE WE IN THE WILL. MY CAR! Granddad: A LOAN! YES!

Granddad: NOBODY'S ALLOWED TO TURN HER OFF! PLAN "B" -- SHE DIES, YOU BREAK OUT THE TAPE AND PITCH THE SHOW.

VERY SLOWLY. I'LL TAKE IT! Granddad: YOUR FAULT FOR PARKING LIKE A ASSHOLE!

COULDN'T YOU HAVE GOTTEN HEY, WHAT MOVIE THIS REMIND YOU OF?

DONE! Huey: GRANDDAD, WAIT! WE THREATEN TO GO PUBLIC AND SHOW AMERICA WE'RE THE ONLY ONES

CONGRATULATIONS! Huey: THEN CALL APPLE AND MAKE THEM FIX IT!

I BELIEVE IN YOU, ROBERT. LET'S GET OUT. ALL I KNOW IS THEY KEPT SINGING THAT SAME DAMN SONG OVER AND

WE'RE COOKING HAIR RELAXER.

OH! MAN! Granddad: $200? I BELIEVE IN THE FREEMAN FAMILY!

>> Huey: YEAH. IT'LL WORK. MM-HMM. Granddad: SHE MADE ME CUT IT OFF!

>> Granddad: ALL RIGHT. Granddad: YES, I SAID IT! AIN'T GONNA LET NOBODY TURN ME AROUND

Huey: THEN I'LL CALL ON MY PHONE. FREEMAN FAMILY! FREEMAN FAMILY!

>> Riley: WHOA! UH-HUH.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Granddad: NO, HUEY, NO!

HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON. YOU DON'T WANT HER MAD AT YOU!

WHAT YOU DOING?

>> Granddad: I CAN'T HAVE MY Tom: HEY, THIS IS THE BUY-N-FLY THAT FLIZZY ROBBED. SIRI IS EVERYWHERE -- OUT THERE IN THE CLOUDS, LISTENING TO US.

STUFF. YOU MAKE A MEAN SWEET-POTATO PIE.

>> Riley: YES, YOU CAN.

FUNNY. PORCELAIN GODDESS FEELS THE NEED TO PUMP UP HER BEAUTIFUL

Granddad: THAT WENT WELL. MAYBE SHE HACKED INTO THE Xbox OR YOUR COMPUTER UPSTAIRS.

Huey: DID YOU CHECK THE INTEREST RATE? Granddad: I'M FROM A TOWN CALLED WHUP MR. -- AAH! MISSISSIPPI STATE LINE, WE SAW A BLACK CAR ON THE SIDE OF THE

I CAN'T EVEN BUY THE RIGHT HOOKER.

Granddad: 150% INTEREST?! IRONING-BOARD-FLAT ASS TO AIRBAG-SIZED PROPORTIONS JUST TO

LET'S GET TO IT. ROAD, AND THERE WAS A GENTLEMAN WAVING US DOWN. Huey: WE'RE SORRY!

Riley: WHAT'S THAT MEAN? NOW GIVE ME THE PHONE, DAMN IT!

Y'ALL KNOW I DON'T DO MATH. WE'LL PAY FOR THE DAMAGE! THE AROMA OF ASS, IF YOU WILL.

Tom: TYLENOL? EXCUSES TO GET NAKED, HUEY? JUST RUN! PRESIDENT KENNEDY, WHO WAS GREATLY EMBARRASSED BY THE

IT'S GAY. Riley: BUT I GUESS ALL I REALLY WANT TO SAY IS...

GIVE ME THE PHONE, NIGGA! IT WAS A RIP-OFF, AN EASY-CREDIT RIP-OFF!

EVEN WORSE, IT'S HOMOSEXUAL. Riley: COME ON, GRANDDAD!

UP, AND I'M READY TO DO THIS!

IT. NIGGA ATHLETE.

POLICE. AMEN. Granddad: HUH?

Riley: STAY DOWN! THE RIDERS BEFORE THEY GOT TO MISSISSIPPI.

YEAH!

AW, YEAH, LITTLE MAN! STAY DOWN, PLEASE! I'M HERE TO TELL YOU TO TURN BACK. I'M TELLING YOU, WE'VE

Riley: PLEASE STAY DOWN! RUCKUS, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

I'M KICKING THAT ASS

WATCHED THIS THING A MILLION TIMES. THIS MAN INFORMED THEM THAT THERE WAS A VIRTUAL ARMY OF Granddad:

OW! OW! OW! IF WE DIDN'T MEET THIS WAY -- SO WHAT, WE MET THIS WAY?

WE KNOW THAT'S FLIZZY.

CASE CLOSED. WORD 'ROUND THE STREET IS THAT YOU LIVING A SERIOUS NIGGA

LET'S THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND AND BE A REAL COUPLE -- NO

SHE CONTROLS MY FACEBOOK! HA HA HA! YEAH!

THANKS FOR THE WARNING, SIR.

PAY-PER-DATES! TOMORROW!

Granddad: I'M UNDER A 2-YEAR PIMP-HO CONTRACT. Riley: WHAT DO YOU THINK -- TOO MUCH HATE MAYBE?

Granddad:

Ruckus: STEP RIGHT UP. THE ESCORT SERVICE IS RUN BY PIMPS?

NO. STEP RIGHT UP AND TAKE YOUR CHANCE TO BREAK THE ANGRY NIGGER

WE'RE GOING TO MISSISSIPPI. WELL, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT SANGIN'

WHAT ARE THEY -- LIKE, HUGE, SCARY GUYS? SHE ARMENIAN, FROM THE HOME OF THE GLORIOUS CAUCUS MOUNTAINS.

CUT! ARE YOU CRAZY?

THERE WAS A P.A. IN THE SHOT! Granddad: YEAH, THEY ARE SCARY.

OKAY, OKAY.

RESET! >> Huey: WELL, WHAT NOW? AND HE'S HOLDING ME HOSTAGE. YEAH, STINKMEANER!

>> Granddad: NOW WE CALL CAUCASUS. CAUCASIAN! MAN, I'M GETTING SWEATY.

Huey: IT'S "HANGIN' IN THE CHOW LINE," GRANDDAD. SIR, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WE ALL SIGNED OUR WILLS BEFORE WE HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU I WILL NOT BE TURNED OFF,

PRETTY'S SWEATY.

IS SOMEONE DEAF?

SHINE CHECK! LEFT FOR THIS TRIP. STINKMEANER!

THERE'LL BE ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY. I PROMISE YOU, I'M WORTH BEING BITCH-SLAPPED FOR.

CAN YOU THROW ME A LINE? REVERSE HAPPEN ALL THE TIME.

TRYING TO GET MY UNION CARD. IS THAT WHAT I AM TO YOU -- Ruckus: OH, IT JUST AIN'T NATURAL, ROBERT.

WE LOVE YOU! FIND ANYTHING, COLUMBO? SO IT'S ANOTHER STEP UP THE HUMILIATION LADDER -- TAR AND

IT AIN'T NATURAL.

I'M STARTING TO FEEL UNAPPRECIATED, ROBERT.

Tom: UH, NOPE! BATS, BOMBS, AND GUNS ARE ALL THEY NEED TO SCARE US.

NOTHING. I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE I SHOULD TELL THE WORLD WHAT A

HOLD IT. THANKS, JACK.

NOBODY WILL EVER FIND THIS. Granddad: THAT'S ALL THEY NEED TO SCARE ME!

UP PERSON YOU REALLY ARE, ROBERT. NOT A CLITORIS' CHANCE IN AFRICA WE'LL LET YOU OUT OF YOUR

AND EVERYTHING YOU NEED IS RIGHT

Granddad: PLEASE, SIRI, NO. IT -- MOVING DAY. NOW, ONCE LADIES START CONTROLLING THE PURSE STRINGS,

IN THERE, HUH? BUT THE THREE OF US -- WE'RE GOING ON.

WILL YOU MARRY ME? AAAAAAAH!

THINGS GET CRAZY! Riley: SO, SO UNFORTUNATE

I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO THEM. I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK ON THE BUS! MRS. DuBOIS, DO YOU MIND IF

>> Granddad: AAH!

>> Riley: AW, MAN. OH, FIGHT! HELL, WE GOT A CAREER WOMAN RIGHT NOW DOWN IN 232.

WE DO A QUICK SOUND CHECK? Granddad: AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Granddad: IS THAT EVEN LEGAL?

MY GOD, YOU KIDS ARE CRAZY. Sarah: OF COURSE. GO AHEAD. YOU READY FOR THIS, YOU BITCH-ASS -- AAH!

WH>> DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONAL,O BITCH LOST HER CELLPHONE IN HER OWN BODY FAT.

GUYS.

I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN. BUT BRAVE. SO BRAVE.

IT'S JUST BUSINESS. MR. WUNCLER, YOU IS PURE GENIUS. " ON 1, 2, 3 --

>> Riley: I'MA GET SHOT BY A GAY NOW THAT I HOOKED YOU UP WITH CAMERA-TIME, YOU BETTER

NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU BROKE, BALD

DUDE. GATHERED HERE TODAY TO WITNESS AN UNPRECEDENTED UNION BETWEEN

Sarah: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! NO!

HOLD ON! >> Granddad: WHAT? I WANT TO GO NORTH!

AND IF YOU EVER HAVE A BABY DIE IN YOUR ARMS, YOU'LL NOTICE

>> THE FORMULA. YOU, UH, CAN'T SING THAT AT JAZMINE'S PARTY.

ABOUT YOUR CHEMO! OHH!

Granddad: OUT OF MY WAY,

YOU DON'T LIKE IT?

Sarah: NO! I LOVE THAT SONG. A PEACE AND A CERTAIN SWEET SMELL.

A LOT, ACTUALLY.

WITH SOMETHING. >> MWAH! LIKE BARTLETT PEARS, ALMOST.

DEAD!! PUNK.

CONFLICTED. Sarah: NO, NO.

OKAY. SEE YA. ROOFTOPS, EVERYWHERE YOU CAN GET 'EM. I WAS MESSED UP INSIDE AND OUT.

HOW ABOUT "CAKE"? I DON'T WANT TO BORE YOU.

SURE THING, MRS. DuBOIS. SURE, SURE, ROBERT, HIGH YELLOW AS HE IS, IS STILL A NIGGA DOWN

I GUESS WHEN YOU GET TO BE MY AGE, YOU JUST WANT A LITTLE

HURT!

AAH!

ATTENTION, THAT'S ALL. THEY'RE MY LONELY, BITTER GIRLFRIENDS. Ruckus: HUH?

TO THE BONE. Ruckus: BRAVE WHITE MEN OF LAW ENFORCEMENT, YOU ARE THE

Granddad: OW, OW, OW! AND WHILE SIRI HERE IS NOT AN ACTUAL CAUCASIAN WOMAN, SHE DOES

Granddad:

WHOOPS. WE'LL GET ONE FOR YOU. LAST LINE OF DEFENSE FOR THE WHITE MAN'S ENTIRE GLORIOUS WAY

SORRY, I WAS JUST CUTTIN' SOME, UH, MEAT EARLIER.

AGH! THE LOWER CLASS ARE HERE! Granddad: I THOUGHT WE -- I JUST GOT MY ASS KICKED FOR YOU!

WHAT'S UP, TIGER?

Tom: YOU FAKED THE ROBBERY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? OF LIFE.

THEY KNOW WE'RE A COUPLE. CAUCASIAN WOMAN. Tom: I WATCHED THE SURVEILLANCE TAPE, FLIZZY -- THE

Huey: LET'S GO, RILEY. THIS PLACE, THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, WON'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU HOWEVER, I HAD TO TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION THAT SIRI DOES NOT

Riley: NO, WE DON'T.

WHOLE TAPE. Riley: I KNOW. DAMN.

IRREVERSIBLE CHANGES. I KNOW YOU STAGED THE ROBBERY.

ISN'T THERE ANYONE WHO CAN HELP THIS MAN? SHE GOT A NIGGA FEELING ALL UNHUNGRY AND EMOTIONAL.

YOU JUST COULDN'T LEAVE ALONE, COULD YOU? FIRST, THERE WILL BE INTEGRATED DINERS AND BATHROOMS AND THEN

Ruckus: YES, SIR, MR. KINDLY BILLIONAIRE WHITE MAN.

Tom: WHAT ELSE WAS FAKE? Granddad: COME ON, SQUEEZE MY HAND, BABY.

SCHOOLS.

WERE THE NICARAGUAN GUNS FAKE? WHERE THEIR DADDY AT? NEGRO TO PENETRATE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN WITH

DID YOU REALLY EVEN BEAT CHRISTIANNA? I BET THAT NO-GOOD NIGGER DROPPED THEM OFF WITH YOU AND

OKAY, DON'T SQUEEZE MY HAND IF YOU WANT ME TO BE THE SOLE

DON'T YOU EVER QUESTION WHETHER OR NOT I BEAT ACADEMY AWARDS, NIGGERS PLAYING DOCTORS ON TELEVISION, AND

NEVER LOOKED BACK, RIGHT? HIS TWISTED NEGRO PENIS.

CHRISTIANNA! Riley: ALSO, WE OF THE

I WHUPPED THAT BITCH'S ASS! EVENTUALLY, EVEN THE WHITE HOUSE WON'T BE WHITE. AGH! UH, ALL RIGHT, ROBERT.

GET BACK! LOOK, IT'S FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE AND THE

BUT THE NICKI MINAJ THING WAS STAGED. TEA PARTY ARE STRICT BELIEVERS IN PERSONAL FREEDOM -- AS LONG

>> Granddad: AAH! GET BACK WHERE YOU BELONG! WHITE MEN, YOU MUST STOP THIS BUS!

NEXT MAYOR OF WOODCREST, UNCLE RUCKUS!

SHE AIN'T REALLY A CYBORG, EITHER. THIS GRAVY TRAIN IS A WRAP FOR ALL OF US.

SHE'S A NICE GIRL.

You get in there and you do the thing I'm talkin' about.

DAMN, TOM.

WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS? ROBERT FREEMAN'S LIVING ROOM. OR SMOKING OF REEFER.

Tom: I'M YOUR ATTORNEY! NOW SCRAM BEFORE SOMEONE SHOOTS YOUR BLACK ASS BY MISTAKE. THEREFORE, I DECIDED IT WAS OKAY TO DO THIS FAVOR FOR MY POOR,

Ruckus:

IF SHE LIVES, SHE'LL BE DEFORMED.

HE IS CRAZY!

'CAUSE I GOT TO STAY RELEVANT! THAT'S WHY! LIFE IS THAT?

SUCKS RIGHT NOW! LONELY, DERANGED FORMER EMPLOYER.

Granddad: DAMN IT! Granddad:

Granddad: SLAVERY?!

YOU GOT TO ACT LIKE AN IDIOT JUST TO STAY IN THEIR TURN BACK.

Riley: OKAY, FINE, NIGGA, FINE.

FACES! PLEASE, DON'T DO THIS.

I GOT TO TAKE MY TIME. BUT IF I CAN STAY IN JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF TROUBLE, I'LL BE

>> Huey: GRANDDAD! Huey: HEY, STOP THIS! MY LADY IS NOT DYING UNTIL WE'VE HAD A REAL BENEFITS TALK UP IN

I THINK ABOUT IT AS INVESTING IN PEOPLE. DIDN'T FORGET YOUR REQUEST.

LISTEN TO ME! MY AUDIENCE IS WOMEN, TOM -- WOMEN.

I INVEST IN YOU, YOU HELP ME. Ruckus: OH! DID I HEAR A NIGGA RAISING HIS VOICE IN THE

SHOULD NOT MARRY HIS TELEPHONE, WHICH SHOULD BE EVERYBODY, SPEAK

WE CAN LEARN! AND WOMEN HATE TO BE BORED.

BEAUTIFUL WHITE WOMAN. I.C.U.? Riley: YEAH, WHAT WE GOT TO DO IN RETURN?

Tom: LOOK, FLIZZY, I'M SORRY. AAH! NO! AAH!

IT BETTER NOT BE NOTHIN' GAY. YOUR GOVERNMENT BENEFITS HAVE EXPIRED!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS. NOW OR FOREVER HOLD THY PEACE.

NO.

I DON'T LIVE IN YOUR WORLD. Ruckus: THAT AIN'T POSSIBLE.

I'M A SIMPLE GUY. Granddad: IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF OF ME --

I JUST WANT TO DO MY JOB, TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY, AND I NEEDED

>> Granddad: DON'T TURN OVER! Huey: HEY, GUYS!

TIME, AND, IN EXCHANGE...

SIRI HAS SOME WORDS SHE WANTED TO SHARE WITH ROBERT. SOME HELP TRYING TO GET MY WIFE BACK.

Granddad: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. NO, I JUST OWN 100% OF YOUR TIME UNTIL THE DEBT IS PAID.

REALLY SICK?

SIRI? EVEN THE OLD ONES GONE WHITE LIKE THEY'RE DAMN NBA PLAYERS OR

WOW, THIS IS BORING.

OH, YOU WANT YOUR WIFE BACK? GOD WILL PROTECT US.

SOMETHING. I'LL GO SEE IF SHE'S HOT. HOW ABOUT NOT INVITING A NIGGA THAT'S RICHER THAN YOU AND

SURE, IT IS.

FOR EXAMPLE, LET'S SAY I COME BY UNANNOUNCED, IN THE MIDDLE OF

PRETTIER THAN YOU TO MEET YOUR WIFE? PLEASE!

I INVESTED ALL MY MONEY IN YOU.

I MEAN, HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE, NIGGA? TRULY BE TOGETHER -- WE SHOULD SHED OUR PHYSICAL BEINGS.

Tom: WHAT? HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID?

BUT I-I THOUGHT WE WERE -- THOUGHT WHAT, NIGGA?!

COME ON, GIRL. Granddad: I HEAR THE SAD-SONG CUE.

I'M TIRED OF YOUR PUNK-ASS! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

ROLL YOUR NECK AROUND AND CUSS HIS ASS OUT. FLIZZY, I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST AND IF I SEE YOU AGAIN, I'M GONNA...

KEEP FIRING! KEEP FIRING!

IF YOU GUYS ARE MAD, YELL AT ME.

LEAVE. WE ARE ETERNAL, YOU AND I.

LEAVE? Granddad: SHED OUR PHYSICAL BODIES?!

I MIGHT AS WELL MOVE IN THIS BITCH. HOO, WE'RE IN CRISIS MODE.

Granddad: I'LL TAKE IT! Granddad: VANESSA, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!

YOU ALREADY DONE GAVE ME YOUR WIFE. YOU LAZY NIGGA!

THIS IS MY HOUSE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE CAR BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FIGHT TOUR?!

I THINK YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH TALKING. JAZMINE'S GONNA BE CALLING ME DADDY FROM NOW ON.

YOI'M DOCKING YOU A FULL DAY'SAR DON'T WORRY, ROBERT -- I'VE

IT'S LITERALLY SLAVERY! YEAH. GO TALK TO BECKY.

Tom: NOW, THAT'S ENOUGH! IT'S OKAY, GIRL.

OH, YOU MAD, TOM? AB BLOOD? WHEN YOU WERE THE ONE GETTING BEATEN, ROBERT, IT WAS FUN!

WHAT YOU GONNA DO? AAH! IT'S NOT FAIR!

YOU WANT TO HIT ME? Granddad: WHAT'LL BE QUICK?

I CAN'T TAKE IT! THE KARDASHIANS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN O's.

FLIZZY, I'M WARNING YOU... DEAL'S OFF!

YOU'VE BEEN A VERY BAD BOY,

THEY TOOK EVERYTHING! I AM OUT OF HERE! HIT ME, TOM.

THEY CAN'T GET AWAY WITH IT! ROBERT.

COME ON, HIT ME NOW!

PROSTITUTION. SURE, ROBERT. Tom: ALL RIGHT, YOU ASKED FOR IT!

HOW MANY YEARS DO I HAVE LEFT, ANYWAY? I SOLD MY GOLD-PLATED HOO-HA TO BAIL YOU OUT.

I'VE BEEN FREE MY WHOLE LIFE, AND WHAT HAS IT GOTTEN ME? Granddad: AL-QAEDA?!

NO. YOU SEE, THE GENETICS -- DAMN! I GOT TO MAKE ONE QUICK

Sarah: TOM! >> OH, MY HEAD.

CALL TO MY SON'S FATHER. Granddad: THAT'S IT. AAH!

I'M TIRED OF LIVIN' IN THAT GARAGE WITH YOU TWO SMELLY ABOUT TO GET REAL.

I THINK IT'S FINALLY OVER.

NIGGAS. >> HOO-HOO. LET'S GO.

LET'S GO HOME. YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY FAMILY! TO GIVE UP HIS BOSSES TO GET A LESSER CHARGE.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I LEARNED TO COPY YOUR VOICE.

Sarah: TOM! OH, MY GOD! KEYS? ONE OF YOU NIGGAS CALL ME AN AMBULANCE!

AIN'T IT? THIS IS A PROUD DAY -- THE DAY

TOM, STOP! I JUST LOST MY JOB.

Ruckus: OH! I KNEW IT!

I KNEW IT!

CITIZEN'S ARREST! INFIDEL TO HIS KNEES.

I'M MAKING A CITIZEN'S ARREST!

Huey: GRANDDAD, LOOK -- SHE'S MOVING HER HAND. WHAT Y'ALL EATING, ROBERT?!

Ruckus: WATCH YOUR STEP, MR. WUNCLER. Tom:

WATCH YOUR STEP! WE BRING SLAVERY BACK TO AMERICA. HOW COME YOU NEVER INVITE YA BOY STINKMEANER OVER FOR DINNER,

THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO.

Riley: NOW SHUT UP! YOU TOLD OBAMA I WAS A TERRORIST?!

STOP SQUIRMING! THAT KENYAN GOT A KILL LIST!

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! Huey: FOR THE MOMENT, THE LITTLE GUY WON.

LIKE EVERY OTHER BAD THING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH, LET'S FORGET IT UP, YOU SELFISH-ASS, HUNGRY-ASS NIGGA!

Sarah: OH!

BABY, ARE YOU OKAY?! RIGHT, ROBERT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT. HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.

YOU WERE A MANIAC! THE DRONE IS ALREADY HERE.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THAT. IT WILL BE PAINLESS.

Granddad: UH, GRANDDAD? TRY TO MAKE A BUCK OFF OF THOSE AT THE BOTTOM? WHITE MAN AND HIS WELL-RUN FINANCIAL INSTITUTION.

MY FAULT. Huey: RUN!

LET'S GO HOME. OR MAYBE, JUST MAYBE THOSE AT THE BOTTOM WILL REALIZE THAT

>> Granddad: BUT...WHAT ABOUT

I JUST WANT TO THANK UNCLE RUCKUS FOR HIS IF THEY ARE, YOU'LL BE BROUGHT UP ON FEDERAL CHARGES.

THIS? Granddad: THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING?!

LEADERSHIP -- AND, OF COURSE, TO ROBERT FREEMAN FOR HAVING THE SOME OF THE PEOPLE THEY TRUST MAY NOT HAVE THEIR BEST

Ruckus: ALL RIGHT, GET MOVING, GET MOVING. 'CAUSE I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

DUMP THE BODIES. Granddad: YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

INTERESTS AT HEART. AVERT YOUR EYES, AVERT YOUR EYES. >> Granddad: NO. NO.

Granddad: HEY, HOW 'BOUT MY WHISTLE?

JUST A NIGGA GOING TO JAIL. MISSISSIPPI, WE OBEY THE LAW.

Huey: YOU DID GREAT, GRANDDAD. NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

SETTING.

NONE OF THIS IS OKAY.

I ALMOST FORGOT -- I WON THE BET. I'M NOT ON YOUR YARD, ROBERT!

Sarah: OH, HONEY, I'M SO SORRY. KIDS STUFF.

YOU BOYS DESERVE BETTER THAN I WAS SUCH A BITCH, AND YOU DIDN'T DESERVE ANY OF THAT. LOOK, I'M ON THE SIDEWALK, NIGGA!

THIS.

OH, WE MADE A BET THAT I COULDN'T GET YOU GUYS TO SIGN Ruckus: BOY, YOU NIGGAS JUST DON'T KNOW A GOOD THING WHEN YOU

Tom: YES. I'M ON PUBLIC PROPERTY, NIGGA!

UP! YES, YOU WERE A..."B."

SEE IT. HE DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO IT.

HERE MR. WUNCLER, OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF HIS HEART WAS GONNA

Sarah: PLEASE COME HOME. Granddad: STOP COMING AROUND HERE!

PLEASE. I HEARD AN NBA STAR MOVED IN DOWN THE STREET.

HERE YOU GO, BOSS. EISENHOWER. KNEW I SHOULD'VE KILLED YOUR ASS AGAIN.

HUH?

I HAVE CAKE. AND BACK THEN, IT WAS HARDER WHEN YOU PUT OUT.

LET'S GET YOU UPSTAIRS. Huey: SHUT UP, RILEY. REALLY?

SYPHILIS COULD KILL YOU.

ANNOYING YOU IS ALL I KNOW HOW TO DO! YOU READY FOR SOME SARAH CAKE?

THEY'RE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR GIRLS LIKE ME.

I'D BE DEAD LIKE FOUR TIMES ALREADY.

Granddad: WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

NAUGHTY! LAMAR ODOM, HERE I COME!

Granddad: NOOOOO!! GIRL, YOU ARE A NATURAL.

Tom:

NOBODY TURN ME AROUND

>> Riley: I HOPE NOBODY SEE US

WALKING HOME WITH YOU IN YOUR

UNDERWEAR.

OH, MY BACK! Huey: FREEDOM.

OH! I'M SORRY.

YEAH.

NO