All language subtitles for The.Boondocks.S04E08.1080p.WEBRip.DD.5.1.X265-Ralphy_track3_[eng]

BUILDER REFUSED

INSPIRATION THAT MADE LADY SING

DEFENSE ATTORNEYS WHO DEFEND
THEM.

>> Huey: IN RETROSPECT, IT

THIS IS ONE OF THEIR STORIES.

JUST FINISHED UP WITH THE
CLERK.

HE'S SHOOK UP BUT OKAY.

SAID THE GUY JUST FLIPPED OUT,
STARTED DANCING LIKE

COME
COME
COME
COME

FAULT, GRANDDAD.
MICHAEL JACKSON, THEN SHOWED A
GUN AND ROBBED THE PLACE.
TILL THE WAR IS WON

TILL THE WAR IS WON
TILL THE WAR IS WON

FORGIVE YOU.

PERP WAS A BLACK MALE, AROUND
19, REALLY SEXY --

OVER!

SEXY?

EXACTLY HOW SEXY?

DIMPLES, "HONEY BROWN"
COMPLEXION, CHISELED ABS, EXTRA

SHINY CHAP-STICKED LIPS...

Huey: THIS IS WOODCREST -- AN
I THINK, TO UNDERSTAND THE
SIRI, HOW MANY FANS WERE

DAMN, THAT IS SEXY.

>> Granddad: OH, NO.

THERE'S ONLY ONE 19-YEAR-OLD
BLACK MALE THAT MATCHES THAT

SEXY PROFILE.

PRETTY BOY FLIZZY.
STORY OF THE FREEDOM RIDERS, YOU
HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW ABHORRENT

NEVER HEARD OF HIM.
UPSET THAT I SOLD "STAR WARS" TO
DISNEY?

NOT TO SHOW IT, OUR MONEY
PROBLEMS HAD CLEARLY MADE
UM, ONLY THE HOTTEST
UP-AND-COMING R&B STAR!

HERE IS WHERE ROBERT JEBEDIAH FREEMAN, WAR

GRANDDAD A LITTLE CRAZY.
APPROXIMATELY 200 MILLION.

YOU'VE HEARD OF HIS SONGS --
"TITTY TELETHON"?
WHAT WAS ONCE A PRODUCTIVE SENIOR CITIZEN WAS NOW REDUCED

Granddad: SEGREGATION WAS SO
BAD BACK THEN, MY RULE WAS IF IT

Granddad: HUEY, RILEY, IS
THAT ELECTRICITY I HEAR?!

"PLEASURE ME ORALLY"?

"DON'T TOUCH MY ANUS, GIRL"?
ALL RIGHT, THINK.

HOW WOULD I HAVE HEARD THIS?
WE GOT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT WE'RE
WAS IN THE SOUTH, IT WASN'T
WORTH IT.

READY FOR ANOTHER KARDASHIAN
SHOW?
OKAY, I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD,
"YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!"

HUEY, WHAT DO WE DO?
AND MOST OF MY FAMILY WAS IN THE
SOUTH, AND I DIDN'T CARE.

THIS HOUSE IS AN AIRPLANE.
LEAST THERE'S TV TO MAKE IT
BETTER.

ALL DAY LONG ON THE RADIO,
THAT'S ALL I HEAR, EVEN ON THE
>> Huey: WE GO HOME. THIS WAY.
'CAUSE THE NEW KARDASHIAN HAS
NEW IDEAS!

WHAT'S ON, RILEY?
Huey: WE'RE RIGHT HERE,
GRANDDAD.

WHITE STATIONS.
SO, IT'S WITH THAT BACKDROP
THAT A HANDFUL OF US DECIDED TO

MATTER OF FACT, GET OUT HERE!
MR. SPIELBERG'S MOVIE IS 7:30.
NO, I HAVEN'T HEARD
"YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!"

WE HAVE NO HOME.
NOTHING ON.

WE ARE LEAVING WOODCREST
FOREVER.
YOU SHOULD BE DONE TRYING ON
THOSE CLOTHES.

THAT'S DISGUSTING.
Granddad: NOPE.
WE HAVE NOTHING!

EH, IT'S NOT MY THING, BUT
IT'S WHAT PASSES FOR R&B NOW,

Riley: I CAN'T WEAR THIS.
BOCCE IS A FICTIONAL LANGUAGE

ALL RIGHT?
Granddad: WHY NOT?

Huey: NOW, THAT'S TRUE,
GRANDDAD.
IN THE "STAR WARS" UNIVERSE.
ROBERT JEBEDIAH FREEMAN IS A
VERY ODD RECURRING CHARACTER IN

I GOT TEENAGE DAUGHTERS.
Granddad: WHAT'S THAT?
SHE HAS EVERYTHING I NEED IN A
WOMAN.

Riley: "BASKETBALL WIVES."
THEY'RE INTO BLACK GUYS, SO THIS
IS WHAT I GOT TO HEAR.

LOOKS STYLISH TO ME.

TELL HIM, HUEY.
MM-MMM-MMM!
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD
DAYS WHEN BLACK SINGERS WOULD

Huey: IT'S NOT STYLISH.
YUH-HUH.

Granddad: IF KRIS KROSS CAN
JUMP IN THEM, YOU CAN WALK TO

DRESS IN HIGH-HEEL BOOTS OR BURN
HOOKERS WITH CRACK PIPES?
IT'S STILL EDGY, NOT ONLY 'CAUSE
HE'S BLACK, BUT INSTEAD OF LONG

FEEL IS, WELL, NOT AT ALL
ACCURATE.

BUT NOTHING WORKED OUT AS
PLANNED.
OH, MAN, LOOK AT THEM GO!

YOU'RE SHOWING YOUR AGE, MY
FRIEND.
MONEY, HE'S GOT LONG BALLS.

>> Huey: GRANDDAD!
ALL THAT BUTT AND WEAVE AND
SWEAT.
FLIZZY'S IN TOWN, DOING A SHOW
AT WOODCREST POST PAVILION

SEE, THIS IS WHY NIGGERS DROP
OUT OF SCHOOL.
IT'S WAITING FOR YOU!

HOW COME I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS
BEFORE?
ANOTHER, AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT
FOR MOVIN' US HERE.

I WAS HOPING TO GO.

NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE.
Huey: IS THIS HOW YOU'RE
GONNA GO OUT, GRANDDAD?

UH-OH.
I'M TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.

>> Granddad: NOPE. THIS IS IT.

Riley: WELL, I SAY IT'S ABOUT
TIME!
EATING JUNK FOOD AND WATCHING
JUNK TV?

END OF THE ROAD FOR ME.
YEP.

I BEEN SAYIN' THIS PLACE SUCKS
SINCE WE SHOWED UP.

>> Huey: GRANDDAD, WE DON'T HAVE
Granddad: ONE TICKET FOR
CHICAGO, THANK YOU KINDLY.

Granddad: WELL, I HAVE
LEARNED MY LESSON.
THE TV WITH THE GEORGE LUCAS --
THE GIRL IN THE PHONE.

BUILDER REFUSED
Huey: WE WERE CAUGHT IN A
CYCLE OF DESPAIR, VIOLENCE, AND

>> Granddad: YOU GUYS GO.
SO IF HE HAPPY LOOKIN' AT HOES
HE CAN'T BAG, LEAVE HIM BE.

Granddad: NOT REALLY.
INSPIRATION THAT MADE LADY SING
Huey: WAIT A MINUTE,
GRANDDAD.

I'M GOING TO STAND IN THE MIDDLE

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
I HAD TO FIND A REAL SOLUTION.
Granddad: LOOK AT THE
BREASTS...THE BUTTS...

Granddad: WHATEVER DO YOU
MEAN, GRANDSON?
LIKE, HOW YOU DON'T GET UPSET
WHEN FANS THINK YOU'RE MY DRIVER

UNTIL THE
WHOO!

Huey: WHY DON'T YOU GET A
JOB?
Huey: I MEAN, YOU NEVER TAKE
RESPONSIBILITY OR LEARN A

THEN I'M GONNA GO OUT LIKE A
OR O.J. SIMPSON OR WHATEVER.

Granddad: UPSET?
G!

LESSON...EVER.
GIRLS COME IN THE PHONE.

Granddad: UH...
LOTS OF OLD PEOPLE ARE GOING
BACK TO WORK.
FOR US TO BECOME SLACKERS THAT
ZONE OUT ON TV AND EAT CHEAP

THEY WERE OUTSIDE THE LIMOUSINE.

Huey: WE'RE BROKE, AREN'T WE,
GRANDDAD?
Granddad: THE DAY I WAS
LEAVING, IT WAS ALL OVER THE

Granddad: EHHH...
YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

FOOD?
Riley: GRANDDAD BROKE? PSH.

COME
CHEAP FOOD TASTES GOOD, AND IT'S
CHEAP.

HUEY, YOU CRAZY, BOY.
THESE FREEDOM RIDERS -- YOUNG,
IDEALISTIC, BOLD KIDS WHO WERE

TILL THE WAR IS WON
OH, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
SIRI, THE PERSONAL

Huey: YEAH, AND IT'LL KILL
YOU.
EVERYBODY KNOW GRANDDAD GOT LOTS
OF PAPER.

RIDING BUSES FROM
WASHINGTON, D.C., TO NEW ORLEANS
Riley: UNTIL THEY MAKE A
SALAD THAT TASTES LIKE RIBS,

TELL HIM, GRANDDAD.
VOICE-ACTIVATED ASSISTANT ON THE
iPHONE.

YOU'RE STILL FAST.

TO TEST AND CHALLENGE
SEGREGATION -- END JIM CROW.
WELL, THE iPHONES ARE RIGHT OVER
HERE.

IF IT'S MARKED WITH A BLACK
BUBBLE GRAFFITI "R," PAWS OFF!

I'M SORRY, BOYS.
THEY DULL OUR MINDS WITH
POISONOUS FOOD AND MINDLESS TV,

THE PAPER SAID THEY WERE
EXPECTED TO ARRIVE IN ALABAMA

Riley: AW, NO, GRANDDAD.
Granddad: I CAN'T READ A
SCREEN THAT SMALL!

YOU DIDN'T!
THEN WHILE WE'RE FAT AND SICK,
THEY'RE GETTING RICH.

I'M OLD!
Granddad: YEAH, AND AFTER ALL
THAT, A NIGGER IS TIRED.

Huey: GRANDDAD, CALM DOWN.

Granddad: EXCUSE ME FOR A
QUICK SECOND.

Huey: WELL, I THINK YOU COULD
DO IT.

MWAH!
MAYBE I SHOULD GET ONE OF THOSE.

GRANDDAD, WHAT WE GOT TO EAT?!
Huey: THE WEALTHY RULING
CLASS IN AMERICA.

WE HAVE NO MONEY?
Both: OUCH!

Granddad: RENT!
Riley: HEY!

Granddad: THEN HAVE SLEEP FOR
DINNER!

Huey: WHO IS THAT?
WHAT'S WORSE THAN NO MONEY?

YOU CAN EAT TOMORROW.
Riley: PIZZA GUY.

YOU'RE GETTING FAT ANYWAY!
Granddad: DAMN IT!

AS YOU KNOW, THERE HAS BEEN A
BLACK CLOUD FOLLOWING US, BUT
THE SECURITY-CAMERA FOOTAGE
YOU'RE WATCHING IS ALLEGEDLY OF

Huey: HOW MUCH?
TRY THOSE.
I WANT THE COMPUTER WOMAN IN THE
COMMERCIAL.

Granddad: A COUPLE...

A COUPLE...
DON'T GET ME WRONG. UNH-UNH.
Riley: NIGGA, I'M HUNGRY.

R&B SUPERSTAR PRETTY BOY FLIZZY
HOLDING UP A LIQUOR STORE IN

Granddad: MNH-MNH.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?

Huey: HUNDRED THOUSAND?
I SAW ANOTHER COMMERCIAL.
MAKING IT RAIN!

Granddad: MILLION!
THAT WAS A "TWO FOR TUESDAY"
SPECIAL.

WOODCREST.

I REFINANCED WITH THAT DAMN

SCREEN INSTEAD OF TYPING?
ALL THESE PEOPLE IN LINE FOR
ROTE, DEHUMANIZING WORK?

WHILE IT IS DIFFICULT TO
CLEARLY SEE THE SUSPECT'S FACE,

UGH!

DAMN IT!
ADJUSTABLE-RATE MORTGAGE!

AUTHORITIES SAY HIS SEXINESS IS
AN EXACT MATCH.
I THOUGHT YOU READ BOOKS!

THE DANCING LADY IN THAT POP-UP
AD LOOKED SO FRIENDLY!

SHE IS A RICH WHITE WOMAN!
THIS ISN'T FLIZZY'S FIRST
RUN-IN WITH THE LAW.

THAT'S A FANTASTIC IDEA.
THIS IS HOW BLACK PEOPLE GET
FREE!

LAST YEAR, HE RECEIVED FOUR
MONTHS PROBATION AFTER BEATING
JOB YESTERDAY, AMIGO.

YOU THINK HARRIET TUBMAN COULD
AFFORD TO BUILD ALL THOSE

UP TO 21%?

YOU WANT THAT ALL IN ONE?
RAILROAD STATIONS ALONE?
HIS THEN-GIRLFRIEND CHRISTIANNA
LIVE ONSTAGE DURING THE GRAMMYS.

Riley: AW, GRANDDAD.
Granddad: HUEY, I DON'T CARE

HELLO?!

>> Huey: I TOLD YOU -- I'M
WHAT YOU SAY.
I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO
ALL MY FANS FOR BEATING MY HOT

WORKING WITH VERY UNSTABLE
I'M GONNA EAT MY PIZZA AND WATCH
MY "BASKETBALL WIVES" AND

Granddad: I'M SORRY.
WELL, THANK YOU, AMIGO.

I'M SO...SO...SO...

SCRATCH!
HEY HIM, TRYING TO

LOOK, I THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE
CONFUSED.
Riley: IT'S GONNA BE REAL
EMBARRASSING BEING THE ONLY

R&B GIRLFRIEND.
OH, NO, I AIN'T AFRAID OF A
CONFRONTATION.
Granddad: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,
YOU CAN WIPE THAT LOOK OFF YOUR

I LET MY FANS DOWN.

FINANCIAL PLANNER, AND YOU'RE
AH, HELLO, ROBERT.
WITHOUT YOU, I WOULDN'T EVEN
HAVE AN R&B GIRLFRIEND TO BEAT.

TAKE OUR JOBS.

UH, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE
THAT YOU WERE AWARE THAT THE,
A NICE WHITE DELIVERY MAN GAVE
ME A PIZZA FOR A DOLLAR.
Both: WHOA.

>> Huey: MAN, WHY WE HAVE TO GO?
NOW, I MIGHT NOT BE THE TOUGHEST
DUDE, BUT I KNOW I CAN KICK AN

A YEAR BEFORE THAT, FLIZZY
RECEIVED A TWO-YEAR SUSPENDED

SITUATION HAS CHANGED, WE NEED
UH, COLORED RESTROOM COULD USE
SOME ATTENDING.
PROBABLY GOT SCARED ONCE HE
LEARNED NIGGAS LIVE AROUND HERE

BESTIES!

NOW, I'M NOT CRAZY.
WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT
THAT, PORCH MONKEY?
SENTENCE FOR SMUGGLING AUTOMATIC
WEAPONS FROM NICARAGUAN REBELS.

PEOPLE -- ALL OF US.
OW. OW. OW!

>> Huey: I TOLD YOU I HAVE TO
I WANT ONE OF THESE COMPUTERS
WITH THE TOUCH-SCREEN THINGY

Granddad: OH, RUCKUS, YOU
THINK EVERYTHING IS OBAMA'S
I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO
ALL MY FANS FOR SMUGGLING

THE TIME AND AVAILABLE
JANITORIAL STAFF.
NOBODY GOT TIME FOR YOUR
FOOLISHNESS.
PAYMENT

ON THESE WITH THE COMPUTER BROAD
ON THE COMMERCIAL FROM THESE.

JUST DOING A CHEMISTRY PROJECT
I BET IT'S CLEANER THAN THAT
JUNGLE YOU COME FROM, COONSKIN.

Ruckus: THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS.
AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FROM
SOUTH AMERICAN DEATH SQUADS.

HE GOT ELECTED AND MADE GOOD
WHITE FOLKS FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS

I SWEAR.
SAID HE WANTS TO SEE YOU IN HIS
OFFICE IMMEDIATELY.

SORRY I'M LATE, KARDI.
I MAKE NO EXCUSES, OTHER THAN IT
WAS A REALLY GOOD DEAL AND THEY

YOU CAN'T.
UNDER
MY HOROSCOPE SAID KEEP AN EYE
OUT FOR CAREER OPPORTUNITY,

>> Granddad: WHAT IS THAT --
Granddad: Y'ALL MADE ALL THIS

Riley: SUCKER!
WERE THROWING IN A LOT OF FREE
AMMUNITION.
SEE, A SHOESHINE BOY IS SOMEBODY
YOU SHOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE

THEN, BAM!
YOU CAN'T PUT IT INTO ONE
GODDAMN DEVICE?!

SIX MONTHS AGO, FLIZZY WAS
ARRESTED FOR FIGHTING IN THE
I RAN INTO DMX'S COUSIN'S
MANAGER AT THE MALL, THEN AGAIN

UP THEIR BOOTY HOLE, THEN THEY
NOW?

NOW, I DON'T MIND USING THE
COLORED BATHROOM, BUT IT IS A
WATER
PIECES
OF $1,000 PLASTIC WHEN ALL Y'ALL

V.I.P. SECTION OF A NIGHTCLUB
WITH NICKI MINAJ.
VIOLATION OF MY CIVIL RIGHTS IF
THAT BATHROOM IS COVERED IN

TO BLOW UP THE WHOLE PLANE?

YOU'D BETTER NOT BE MAKING NO
TO YOU BROKE NIGGAS AT ALL.

WHITE MAN BRINGS YOU NOTHING BUT
OPPORTUNITY.
I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO
ALL MY FANS, FOR FIGHTING IN THE

THE BATHROOMS SHOULD BE EQUALLY

GRANDDAD.
I HOPE HE CALLS ME.
YOU CAN'T PULL THIS KIND OF
ON OLD PEOPLE!

THAT'S THE LAW.
V.I.P. SECTION WITH NICKI MINAJ.

HEY, HOW ABOUT I GET YOU A
MOP, AND YOU CLEAN IT, JIGABOO?

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT GOING
Granddad: WELL, YOU CAN GO
TELL JUNIOR IF HE WANTS TO TALK

IN MY DEFENSE, I THOUGHT SHE WAS
A ROBOT SENT FROM THE FUTURE TO

WITH THE BILLY DEE LOOK.

SO, I BRAVELY WENT INTO THE

KILL ME.
READ MY AMAZON WISH LIST.

WOODCREST TEA PARTY CHAIRMAN
UNCLE RUCKUS STAGED A SMALL
Ruckus: WELL, AIN'T THAT THE
POT CALLING THE NIGGA BLACK.

Y'ALL!
ON YOUR TV, TALKING ABOUT
"MAHMOUD AHAMADAMADINEJAD" AND

WHITES-ONLY BATHROOM, AND I TOOK
A DUMP.

PROTEST AT THE VENUE TODAY.

Ruckus: WHO KEEPS GIVING
THESE HIGH-YELLOW FELONS RECORD

DON'T HOLD BACK.
THAT JUST COMPLICATES THE
RELATIONSHIP.

WHICH IS AKIN TO OWNING THE AIR
IN A BALLOON 'CAUSE YOU NIGGAS

CONTRACTS?!
IT WAS A DUMP FOR FREEDOM, A
STINKY LOAD FOR THE DIGNITY OF

>> I'VE BEEN GIVING IT TO YOU

BEHOLD -- THE FUTURE!
OH, OH, IT'S JUST A RECORD YOU
SAY!

MR. FREEMAN.
THE BLACK MAN.
Granddad: I AIN'T GOING
NOWHERE.

TAKE THAT, CHARLIE.
WELL, WHITE FOLKS, YOU WON'T BE
SAYING THAT WHEN THE NIGGA THAT

GONNA BE THE PRESIDENT?
Ruckus: WELL, ROBERT, AS MUCH
AS IT PAINS ME TO DO THIS...

THIS IS FOR YOUR MAMA.
YOUR CREDIT CARDS IS MAXED OUT.

AAH! OOH.
Riley: THAT AIN'T FAIR,
GRANDDAD!
SINGS ON THAT RECORD COMES TO
TOWN AND IMPREGNATES ALL THE

YOU'RE BROKE.

YOU'VE GOT ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH.
AAH!

Granddad: OH, NOT THAT MUCH.
TAPATíO-SMELLING ASS AND FEEL
COMFORTABLE YOU WILL NEVER SEE

OH.
WHITE WOMEN OF CHILD-REARING
AGE!

BEFORE YOU AND YOUR
Granddad: FREE AT LAST.
Granddad: NOW, WHERE WAS I?

AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE
PLANS TO DO!
HIS ILLEGAL ASS IN
THE ROOSEVELT ROOM.
IF THIS GETS PICKED UP AND I
DON'T GET A SPIN-OFF SHOW I'M-A

STARVING.
YOU CAN'T TALK 'EM DOWN.
JUST THINK OF ALL THE GOVERNMENT
MONEY AND FOOD STAMPS THAT THEM

DO YOU REALLY NEED CABLE,
GET A SPIN-OFF SHOW CALLED
"BLACK ASSISTANT BITCHES WHO

Huey: YOU KNOW, IT'S ONLY A
MATTER OF TIME BEFORE YOU HAVE
YOU REALLY NEED ALL THAT DAMN
ORANGE JUICE?!

I SEE A LOT OF MONEY ON
KILL THEIR BOSSES."

YOU AIN'T GOT NO CHANCE.
TO SEE EDDIE.
LITTLE MIXED-RACE QUADROON NIGGA
CHILDREN WILL BE CONSUMING!

>> Riley: WE DON'T GO TO
Riley: HEY, HUEY.
SHE'S SO SMART, AND SHE HAS ALL
THE ANSWERS.

RESTAURANTS.
I'M MY OWN MAN.

I DON'T MOVE UNTIL I'M READY.
AND THEY CONSUME A WHOLE LOT
MORE THAN REGULAR CHILDREN

HELL OF A WORK ETHIC.
FROM NOW ON, THAT'S ALL THE
ORANGE JUICE YOU GET.

PSYCH.

>> YOU'LL PROBABLY ALSO NEED TO
'CAUSE THEY EATIN' FOR TWO
RACES!
OKAY, GIRLIE, CHOP CHOP!

I'MA STILL BE THIRSTY AFTER
THAT.

OTHERS FELT DIFFERENTLY.
Granddad: SIRI?

HOW MANY KIDNEYS DO YOU HAVE,
IT IS A PLEASURE MEETING YOU,
I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE
SAYS.
HEY!

LISTEN UP.
Granddad: IT'S NOT A DOCTOR'S
APPOINTMENT, IS IT?

MR. FREEMAN?
MAY I ASK FOR YOUR NAME?
FLIZZY CAN WHUP MY ASS ANYTIME!

DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS WHO
Granddad: MY NAME IS
ROBERT JEBEDIAH FREEMAN.

GOD, NO!
COME ON! BEAT IT UP, FLEEZY!

TRAFFIC IN DRUGS?
GOD, YOU CAN'T GIVE ME A GIFT
AND THEN TAKE IT AWAY!

WHOO!

OCCUPIED BY THE FREEDOM RIDERS.
Sarah: I WANT YOU TO GET MAD
AT ME, ONCE IN AWHILE, YOU KNOW?

MR. FREEMAN, LOOK OVER HERE!

Granddad: TAKE THAT, YOU

Tom: IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND...
LEGEND.
I'M NOT SICK, SILLY!

Granddad: TURN THAT DOWN.
CRACKER-ASS CRACKER!

NOW LISTEN, LISTEN. Shh!
AND AM I READING THIS RIGHT?
HOW THEY JUST GONNA COME UP INTO
OUR HOUSE AND MAKE US DO WHAT WE

IT'S JUST A REGULAR CELEBRITY
APPOINTMENT.

Sarah: I'M TIRED OF IT!
I'M HONORED TO BE YOUR ASSISTANT.
SPECIAL WHITE-PEOPLE QUILTED
TOILET PAPER!

IT'S BORING!
DON'T WANT TO DO?

IT'S BORING ME TO DEATH!
A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO...
FREEMAN.

Granddad: DEAD.

Tom: SARAH, PLEASE CALM DOWN!
STARVING KIDS THE MONEY I JUST
MADE COULD HAVE SAVED.

WHAT? I'M OLD.

RUSHING UP IN MY HOUSE AND
FORCING ME TO COME HERE?
I SAID I APOLOGIZE!

SOMETIMES WHEN I SNEEZE, I
MYSELF.

AH, YES, THE VISIONARY
OUT OF NOWHERE, A
MR. UNCLE RUCKUS.

Sarah: THERE YOU GO AGAIN.
OH.

YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!
ONCE --
MOVING ON.

Sarah: APOLOGIZING!
OH, HOW THE HIGH YELLOW SHALL BE
AND WHATNOT, SO I FIGURED A JOB
IN THE FRESH AIR WOULD DO YOU

Tom: YOU DON'T WANT ME TO
APOLOGIZE?

NOW, I REMEMBER SEEING HIM FOR
THE FIRST TIME AND THINKING,
KNOCK-OFF ED WUNCLER AND HIS
ECONOMY-CRUSHING SON, EDDIE JR.

Sarah: NO, I DON'T!
GENTLEMEN GOOD.

Tom: OKAY, I'M SORRY I'M
APOLOGIZING.
ARE YOU EVEN TAKING THIS
SERIOUSLY?

>> Granddad: LEAVE ME ALONE,
I SEE ON WIKIPEDIA YOUR

RUCKUS.
NICKNAME IS "BITCHES."

Sarah: YOU DID IT AGAIN!
I'M WORKING AS FAST AS I CAN.
YEP. SMART KID.

Tom: SARAH, CALM DOWN!
I OPENED A LIVING-HISTORY THEME
PARK.
IF YOU, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE,
THINK I AM COMPLETELY UNHIRABLE,

I'M SORRY.
HATER ALERT!

I'M SORRY!
HATER ALERT!

I CAN'T STOP!
Granddad: I NOTICED SHE WAS
READING RALPH ELLISON'S

OH, NO. UNH-UNH. UNH-UNH.
NIGGA JUST MAD HE DIDN'T GET
TOYS!

Sarah: OH, I SWEAR TO GOD,
TOM, IF YOU APOLOGIZE AGAIN, YOU
MR. FREEMAN, THESE ARE
STANDARD JOB-PLACEMENT

RARE SKIN CONDITION CALLED
REVITILIGO.

ARE OUT OF HERE!
Huey: YOU'RE FORCING BLACK
PEOPLE TO RE-ENACT THE MOST

I'M SORRY ABOUT MY LANGUAGE.
RICHARD PRYOR -- NOTHING.

PAINFUL PERIOD IN OUR HISTORY?
Tom: I'M --
MM.

LIBERALS ARE, OF COURSE,
RIDICULING THIS MAN'S DISEASE,
BUT WITH COTTON CANDY AND A
MERRY-GO-ROUND!

OKAY.
LET ME BE FRANK -- YOU ARE
UNHIRABLE.

THEN JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

IT'S OKAY.
Sarah: THAT'S THE PROBLEM,
TOM!
AND COME ON, HUEY, NOT JUST
BLACK PEOPLE.

CLOSING TIME.
WHAT HAPPENED BACK THERE?

I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT
TO DO!
Granddad: WELL, SEE, I HAD TO
GO INTO THE BATHROOM TO TAKE A

I WANT YOU TO DO WHAT I WANT YOU
TO DO BUT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO
Granddad: BECAUSE WE MAY BE
ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.

TONIGHT.
DU-- UH, STAND AGAINST
SEGREGATION.

UNCLE RUCKUS RAN FOR PRESIDENT AND BASICALLY ALMOST WON.

AIN'T NO NIGGA MAKE NO PLANS!
PAINFUL HISTORY IF THEY OWE ME
MONEY.

BUT WHY NOT JUST TELL ME?!
AND THEY SAID, "NIGGA, DON'T YOU
DARE GO INTO THAT BATHROOM."

HIS STANDOUT MOMENT WAS DURING
I THINK I HAVE THE PERFECT JOB.
Granddad: WHAT ARE WE DOING?

Sarah: BECAUSE!
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?

NO WOMAN WAKES UP AND SAYS,
"GEE, I HOPE MY MAN DOES
NOW, I GOT SOME PLANS, TOO.
IT MAY BE TIME TO GIVE HER A
KEY.

YOWZA! YOWZA!

I PLAN TO KEEP YOUR BLACK ASS
COME ONE, COME ALL!
EVERYTHING I TELL HIM TO TODAY."

HERE.
WELCOME TO FREEDOMLAND!

YOU'RE THE MAN, TOM!

SOMETIMES I WANT YOU TO
DOMINATE!
>> Granddad: SUMBITCH!

ONE MINUTE.
OH, MAMMY!

Ruckus: I DON'T NEED A
MINUTE.

TAKE CONTROL!
>> Riley: YOU HEARD THAT MAN,
"DANCING WITH THE STARS"?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
IF I'M OUT OF LINE, PUT ME IN
CHECK!

WE DON'T HAVE THE FINANCES TO BE
Granddad: I KNOW!

FEEDING THESE BITCHES.
Tom: SURE, HONEY.

Granddad: HEY!
>> Granddad: EVERYTHING'S FINE.

WHATEVER YOU SAY.
WHAT THE HELL?!
OH, GLUTEN-FREE FISH STICKS!

Sarah: OHH! TOM!
Huey: EVENTUALLY, GRANDDAD'S
PRIDE GOT THE BEST OF HIM.
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

Tom: FINE!
WE'RE DRESSED LIKE SLAVES!

NOW, LEADING THIS PARTICULAR
BUS WAS THE

I HEAR YOU!
Riley: THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT!

GRANDDAD'S TAKING BITCHES OUT TO
FROM NOW ON, I'LL TAKE CONTROL,
AND I WON'T APOLOGIZE ANYMORE.

MY FEET HURT!

EAT AGAIN!
WHOA, I CAN'T AFFORD THIS!

EXCEPT, WAIT.
CIVIL RIGHTS SCENE.
I'M AFRAID YOU'RE RIGHT.

Tom: I THINK IT'S GREAT!
YOU WANTED ME TO STOP
APOLOGIZING, SO I'M SUPPOSED TO

STURDY WAS A VERY PHYSICALLY
IMPOSING MAN, A GRAD STUDENT AT
WE'VE GOT TO GET YOUR FINANCES IN ORDER.

Ruckus: YOU SEE, FELLOW WHITE
AMERICANS, THIS IS WHY I AM

DO THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.
I DIDN'T KNOW THE KARDASHIANS
HAD A BROTHER.

FISK UNIVERSITY, CAPTAIN OF THE
FOOTBALL TEAM, TOTALLY FEARLESS.

RIGHT?
YEAH, WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW I
HAD SOME FLOOZY HALF-SISTER WHO

YEAH, SO THEN I GUESS I WILL
APOLOGIZE, THEN...
Granddad: KISS MY BLACK ASS.
HOWEVER, BASED ON THE STATE OF
YOUR FINANCES, IT WOULD BE

NOW, BEIN' BLACK IS BAD -- AIN'T
NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT -- AND

AW, DAMN IT.
Granddad: WHY ARE YOU HERE
ANYWAY?

IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU.
Huey: I HAD TO CALL IN THE

DEDICATED TO THE CAUSE OF
JUSTICE.
Tom: WELL, I HEARD THERE WERE
POSITIONS OPEN IN FREEDOMLAND,

SORRY?
I MIGHT STILL HAVE TIME TO RUN

Granddad: STURDY.
AND I'M SORT OF A HISTORY BUFF,
IF I MAY SAY SO MYSELF.

BOY, I HATED THAT NIGGA.
GET OUT.
BUT...

>> Riley: NO WAY, GRANDDAD.
NOW MY SHOW'S PUSHED BACK.

Tom: NOW, HONEY, DON'T DO --
Sarah: GET OUT!
BECAUSE YOU'RE A FRIEND OF SIRI,
UH, I'LL TAKE YOU ON PRO BONO.

PAY YOUR BILLS, DEADBEAT NIGGA.
SO I APPLIED!
Granddad: OW!

Riley: WHO APPLIES TO BE A
SLAVE?
Granddad: RUCKUS, I DON'T
HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

Tom: OW!
Granddad: WHAT'S NEXT, SIRI?
AWAY THE BULK OF HIS FREE DAY TO
THE MAN.

Riley: AW, MAN, HERE HE COME!
OH, MAN, MY FEET HURT SO BAD.

Granddad: RILEY, HIT THE
LIGHTS!
Tom: HEY, HUEY.

Riley: MM-HMM.
UNCLE RUCKUS IN THE PARK IN 15 MINUTES.
Granddad: OH, HEADING BACK TO
CHICAGO.

Granddad: HUEY, ELECTRONICS!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

HERE IN THE WHITE MAN'S HOUSE
THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD?

I'M TIRED OF THAT HENPECKED
SIMP COMING OVER HERE EVERY TIME
DAMN THAT
MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION!

WHO PEED IN YOUR PETUNIAS,
ROBERT?

SHE THROWS HIM OUT, SCREAMING
LIKE A LITTLE BITCH.
Granddad: STUPID HUEY HAD
THIS GREAT IDEA THAT A JOB COULD
BLACK AMERICANS -- WHEN WE
OVERCAME OBSTACLES AND STRUGGLED

Granddad: SORRY.

THIS TIME, HE CAN SLEEP IN THE
YARD.
THE ONLY REASON CHICKS BANG
ME IS TO GET TO MY SISTERS.

FOOD STAMPS, NIGGA?
HELP WITH MONEY PROBLEMS.
NIGGA, YOU MUST BE CHEATING!
TO BE THE FREE, FULLY REALIZED
HUMAN BEINGS WE ARE.

WHILE IT IS DIFFICULT TO
CLEARLY SEE THE SUSPECT'S FACE,
PRETTY BOY. PLAYER.

Huey: HOW IS IT MY FAULT YOU
GOT FIRED?
MAN, I'M JUST LOOKING FOR THE
RIGHT HOMIE TO HELP ME GET MY

AUTHORITIES HA--
GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Granddad: IT'S YOUR FAULT I
TRIED.

Huey: YEAH.
Tom: PLEASE.
YOU MUST HAVE GOTTEN ON THE
WRONG BUS.

I DON'T NEED THIS TODAY!

Huey: IT'S TOILET PAPER AND
I AM GONNA BE THE LATEST
KARDASHIAN TO INSPIRE YOUNG
Tom: ROBERT, LOOK -- I KNOW
IT'S HARD, BUT WE CAN FIND YOU A

SORRY FOR THE LATE DATE.
Ruckus: YOU'VE GOT THAT

TO BIRMINGHAM.
I WAS ON MY WAY TO TAPE
JIMMY KIMMEL, AND I THOUGHT I

Granddad: BIRMINGHAM?!
RIGHT, TOM.

JOB.
WOULD STOP BY AND SEE HOW Y'ALL
NIGGAS WAS DOIN'.
LIKE, MY NONPROFIT -- "BELIEVE
IN YOURSELF! YOU CAN BE

UM, ANYWAY, YOU ALL SET FOR
WELCOME TO FREEDOMLAND, YOU LAZY

I GOT IT.

MAN'S TELEPHONE?!
HEY, HOW THAT BLACK-PRESIDENT
THING WORK OUT FOR YOU?

WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, BABY?
ANOREXIC!" -- HAS ALREADY RAISED
LIKE 2,000 OF CELERY!

FAULT.

Granddad: RUCKUS, ENOUGH!
Granddad: VOLUNTEER?!
THIS HERE IS YOUR ORIENTATION.

HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY HOUSE
PAYMENTS, ANYWAY?
Riley: WE BROKE AS HELL,
DOING HOMEWORK BY CANDLELIGHT,

Huey: RUCKUS, ARE YOU TRYING
TO TELL US THAT WE'RE SUPPOSED

YOU COME BY TO RUB IT IN?
OTHER BUS?

THAT GOD HAD A PLAN FOR YOU ON
THIS BUS?
HEY. HERE'S AN IDEA.
PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY SO EASY TO
USE, EVEN A BALD-HEADED NIGGA

Ruckus: NO, SIR, I DID NOT.

REALLY?
I CAME BY TO TELL YOU I QUIT!
MAN, THAT'S LIKE HUSTLING
BACKWARDS!

Ruckus: THAT IS CORRECT.
DINNER AND JUST DO SOMETHING...

ME.
LIKE YOU CAN DO IT!
NOW THAT I'M AN OFFICIAL
WOODCREST MAYORAL CANDIDATE, I

Riley: SO?
A POP-TART.
VOLUNTEERING CAN BE THE PERFECT
CONDUIT TO FULL-TIME EMPLOYMENT.

I COULD JUST MAKE ANOTHER ONE.
YOU KNOW, LIKE WATCH A MOVIE ON

WILL NO LONGER WORK FOR Y'ALL
NIGGAS, MEXICANS, OR SWARTHY
BUCK DANCE IF YOU HEAR ANYTHING
RESEMBLING A TUNE, AND DENOUNCE

BASIC CABLE, POP SOME POPCORN,

HEY, DON'T TELL MY GRANDDAD
ABOUT THIS.
Granddad: WAIT, YOU GUYS
AREN'T -- OH, MAN, NOT YOU GUYS!

PERSIANS.
STAY TOGETHER FOR AT LEAST THE
FIRST SEASON.

WE NOT SUPPOSED TO FEED YOU.
ANY FEELINGS THAT RESEMBLE
SELF-ESTEEM AND/OR SELF-WORTH.

MR. RUCKUS, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
LET ME SEE IT!
I'M VOLUNTEERING AT THE
OLD-FOLKS' HOME TONIGHT.

Ruckus: GET OFF ME, ROBERT!
HA! CAUGHT YOU, NIGGA!

A LITTLE SHORT ON CASH.
PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO WATCH AN
OLD BROKE DUDE ON TV!

GET YOUR NIGGA HANDS OFF ME!
YES, Y'ALL IS WE.
DOROTHY DANDRIDGE?

Riley: YEAH, WE AIN'T GOING
FOR THIS SHIT.
AIN'T GONNA LET
NOBODY TURN ME AROUND
OH, WHAT A SURPRISE -- THE
NIGGA IS RESORTING TO VIOLENCE.

YOU KNOW ONE'S ABOUT TO DIE, BE
REAL NICE TO THAT ONE.

HELLO?
ROBERT, IF YOU'RE GONNA
PHOTOSHOP, AT LEAST MAKE IT A

I MEAN, IF YOU LIKE GETTING
PLAYED.

CHA-CHING!

>> Riley: WHEW.
Riley: I AIN'T SAYING SHIT.

THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.

WHAT'S FOR DINNER?
Granddad: WELL, SIRI, I'D SAY

>> Granddad: IT'S JUST NOT FAIR.
THEY'RE SO GRATEFUL FOR THE
VOLUNTEERS.

Tom: I REALLY DON'T THINK
IT'S PRUDENT TO RECORD AN
Huey: LOOK AT OUR LIVING

Granddad: IT'LL BE OKAY.
WE HAD A PRETTY GOOD FIRST DAY.

I'M NOT RECORDING.
YOU CAN CALL ME TOBY, OBAMA,
CLEVELAND...
PLUS, THERE'S LOTS OF LONELY
CUTIES THERE.

THIS IS A LIVE STREAM.
WHY IS EVERYONE ACTING BLIND?

SOUNDS TONIGHT AS YOU SLEEP?
I'M NOT VERY FIT.

WHAT'S UP?
Granddad: AH, LET'S DO SOME
OCEAN SOUNDS.
FOR ME

Y'ALL KNOW WHO IT IS --
PRETTY BEEZY FLEE-YEEZEY-WEEZY,
THAT IS RIGHT.

I MEAN, LAST WEEK WAS THE FIRST
PAYMENT I MISSED, SO I FIGURE

YOU KNOW?
Granddad: WELL, GOOD LUCK
WITH THAT AND ALL YOUR BUS

I APPRECIATE ALL THE LOVE AND
SUPPORT Y'ALL BEEN SENDING ME
A BANJO ON MY

SHOW!
THAT I HAVE ABOUT, UH...

SINCE THE WHOLE INCIDENT WENT
DOWN.
I'M GOING BACK NORTH.
LIMBER AND DON'T HAVE A MASSIVE
HEART ATTACK WHICH WILL MAKE OUR

NEVER FEAR.
JEALOUS OF WHAT?
BUT I HAD MONEY, AND AS LONG AS

GOT BIG LAWYERS ON THE CASE.

SAY WHAT'S UP TO TOM DuBOIS.
I HAD MONEY, I COULD HAVE A
RICH PATRONS FEEL BAD FOR NOT
VOTING FOR UNIVERSAL

MODERATELY SATISFYING SEX LIFE.

Tom: FLIZZY, I'M GONNA HAVE
TO ASK YOU TO TURN IT OFF, NOW.

Granddad: THEN WE GOT TO TURN
THIS BUS AROUND.
THE APPLE STORE.

>> Riley: UGH.
Granddad: RUCKUS, YOU MUST BE
OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND!

AIN'T GONNA LET
NOBODY TURN ME AROUND

KILL THE CAMERA, B.
AAH!

Tom: I ALSO THINK THESE
PEOPLE SHOULD LEAVE.
MNH-MNH! DON'T CLAP.

I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN AND, LIKE,
THIS WHOLE THING, I CAN'T EVEN

"THESE PEOPLE?"
YOU MEAN "THESE PEOPLE?"

SLEEP TIGHT, ROBERT.
Granddad: EXCUSE ME FOR A
SECOND.

Tom: I MEAN THESE PEOPLE.
GOOGLE MYSELF, BECAUSE, LIKE,
TOO MANY HITS COME UP, OKAY?

CAN'T AN OLD BITCH GET SOME FREE
LEGAL ADVICE, SOME ESTATE

NO.
YOU MEAN MY PEOPLE, NIGGA!

Granddad: WHAT ARE YOU DOING
THIS FOR?

THESE MY PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I AM?
PLANNING, AN ADVANCE DIRECTIVE?

ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY TO ME YOU
CAN SAY IN FRONT OF THEM.
I'M A DANCER. THAT'S RIGHT --
A PROFESSIONAL DANCER.

Granddad:
YOUR NEW FINANCIAL MANAGER WOULD LIKE YOU TO CHECK YOUR

NO, SIR.
IF ANYTHING, NIGGA, YOU THE
STRANGER HERE.

DAD TURNED OVER THE PROPERTY
MANAGEMENT TO ME.
All:
BUT YOU TWO LITTLE NIGGAS, OH,
YOU HAVE AGGRESSIVE NAMES AND AS

YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE ROOM.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT?

Tom: IT'S MY OFFICE.
YOU'RE ONLY HALF-KARDASHIAN.

Granddad: ROBERT.
OKAY, THEN, SO WHAT'S THE BIG
SECRET THAT YOU CAN'T

YOU'RE ED THE THIRD'S DAD?
LOOK, ROBERT.
SUCH, THEY WILL BE CHANGED!

TELL ME IN FRONT OF MY FANS AND
MY PEOPLE?

MM. ROBERT, HUH?
I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT.

WHY IS THIS MY FIRST TIME SEEING
YOU?
HUEY, YOU ARE NOW "NIGGA ONE" OR
"ONE" FOR SHORT.

MATTER OF FACT, WHY AM I EVEN
HERE?

WHAT FLOOR YOU LIVE ON?
Tom: YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME
ABOUT YOUR CRIMINAL CASE.

WHAT?!
CAN I COME IN?

A BRILLIANT STRATEGY.
Granddad: OH, I DON'T LIVE
HERE.

Granddad: THANK GOD.
RILEY, YOUR NAME IS "NIGGA TWO"
OR "TWO" FOR SHORT.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT!
YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT
BEFORE.

Tom: I REVIEWED THE CASE, AND
I'VE WATCHED THE SECURITY
LOOK HOW BIG IT GOT! IT'S FAKE!

WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN -- SEEMS
LIKE A LOVELY PLACE.

LAY IT ON ME.

COOL. SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
THE MOST BRILLIANT STRATEGY
EVER CONCEIVED -- NONVIOLENT

Tom: ALL RIGHT, JOKE TIME.
WOW, NO ONE'S EVER SAID THAT

CAN YOU GET ME OFF?
IS THIS THING ON? NO?

DIRECT ACTION.
Tom: DID YOU ROB THE LIQUOR
STORE, FLIZZY?
EVEN THOUGH HE IS WHITE, HE HAS
WIDE NOSTRILS.

THE COUCH IS...UH, BEAUTIFUL,
WITH THE...THE CARPET.

YOU CONFRONT THE OPPRESSOR
AND HIS UNJUST SYSTEM.
I CAN'T SAY THAT...I DID IT,
BUT, HONESTLY, REALLY CAN'T SAY

ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S INVISIBLE AND
SMELLS LIKE STRAWBERRIES?

OH, I-I'M SORRY.
Riley: COME ON, HUEY, LOOK AT
THIS!

THIS IS MY ASSISTANT,
VANDERBILT.

HOW CAN YOU HATE ON THIS,
REALLY?
PIECE OF MY MIND.

Tom: RUCKUS, THIS IS
INHUMANE!
Tom: AND WHY CAN'T YOU SAY
"F'SHO"?
MY FARTS AFTER I DRINK
ENSURE.

WE'RE GONNA BE
Ruckus: WHO THE HELL SAID
THAT NIGGAS WAS HUMAN IN THE

Granddad: I'M SORRY, BABY.

UP!
RICH.
Granddad: SO, WE MAKE THEM
WANT TO ATTACK US?

>> Tom: YEAH, MY HAIR'S SO SILKY
Tom: AND HOW ABOUT THESE --
HOW ABOUT YOUR ENTOURAGE?
ONE, GET NIGGER SOME CARROTS!

SMOOTH.
IT'S MY NEW BUSINESS MANAGER.

Granddad: AND THEN WE LET
THEM?
MM-HMM? HMM.
Huey: A BUSINESS MANAGER
CAN'T MAKE MONEY APPEAR IN YOUR

DO THEY KNOW ANYTHING?
THAT IS NO-- GAH.

UP, TOO!
UH-OH.
NO, THAT'S --
THAT'S NOT THE PUNCH--

NO.
HEY, MAN, WHEN WE GO OUT, WE GO
HARD.
I DON'T WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME.

Granddad: WHAT ABOUT
SELF-DEFENSE?
GIRLS.

IT SMELLS LIKE STRAWBERRIES IN
HERE NOW.
Huey: SORRY.
Granddad: WELL, THANKS TO
SIRI, WE DO NOW.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW
COMPLICATED IT IS BEING ME.

THE ONLY SELF-DEFENSE ALLOWED IS
SINGING AND A SPECIAL KIND OF
WE'RE NOT EXACTLY WHERE I NEED
TO BE WITH THE HOUSE.

IT'S PRETTY HOT.
YOU'RE TAKING THEIR SIDE!
YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO THINK
POSITIVE.

ALL THE TIME I
DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I SAID.
IT'LL BE MORE FUN THAN THIS.

BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD.
Huey: GRANDDAD, I'M NOBODY'S
PROPERTY, AND NEITHER ARE YOU.

Tom: HOW?

'CAUSE I GOT LIKE 18 PEOPLE
TWEETING FOR ME AT ONE TIME.

Granddad: YEAH, ABOUT THAT...
TIMES -- "HARD CHIN, SOFT HAND."

LOOK, I'M JUST HERE TO GET
YOU THE OUT.

UP!
TO MR. EDDIE?

Granddad: DO YOU EVEN HEAR
YOURSELVES?
SO, LIKE, I LOOK AT THE TAPE AND
I SAY, "IS IT ME, OR IS IT

CERTAINLY, THERE'S SOMEONE IN

YOU'RE SITTING ON A GOLD MINE.
YOU'D LOOK LIKE IMPRESSIONIST
ART.

SUB-SAHARAN FOOD BANK LAND.
SOMEONE I JUST PAID TO ROB A
LIQUOR STORE WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE

>> Granddad: OH, THANK YOU,
OH, SO YOU DID LIKE THE MONET

>> Granddad: OH, THANK YOU,
Granddad: BEAT US?
Tom: YES, RUCKUS?

ME?"
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK, AS A PEOPLE, WE'VE
TAKEN ENOUGH BEATINGS.

SOMEDAY.
I TOLD YOU!
YOU DON'T KNOW THE KIND OF BAD
LUCK I'VE HAD WITH WOMEN.

>> Tom: SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN?
Tom: OKAY, I WANT YOU TO KNOW
UP FRONT THAT I HAVE SERIOUS

>> Riley: YEAH, HOW DO WE GET
BEAT US, STAB US, SIC DOGS ON
US, LIGHT US ON FIRE.

MM. MM! OOH!
Tom:
ISSUES WITH SOME OF YOUR
BEHAVIOR IN THE PAST, ESPECIALLY

ROBERT, IT'S ME.
I BELIEVE I CAN HELP.

IT'S YOUR NEPHEW, EDDIE.
Granddad: UGH!
Granddad: YOU TOO!

HITTING A WOMAN.
THERE'S A LOT THAT HAS TO BE
NOT THAT WE'RE EXPECTING
THAT.

I KNEW YOU WAS GONNA SAY THAT.
I'LL FIND AND CONTACT THEM VIA E-MAIL AND RUN THEM PAST YOU

BUT WE ARE PREPARED FOR THAT
TO HAPPEN.
CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT,
THOUGH?

POCKET CHANGE.

ROBERT, COME. HAVE A SEAT.
FOR SCREENING AND APPROVAL.
Tom: NO, I DON'T --
CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT,

DON'T NEED THAT.

THOUGH?
YOU HAVE?
YOU CAN MEET THEM AT YOUR LEISURE.

>> Granddad: I'M NOT SURE.
Tom: NO, FLIZZY, THERE'S --
CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT

YOU REMEMBER THOSE
NUNS WAS TRYIN' TO HIDE
ACTION, WHEN YOU ACTUALLY THINK
ABOUT IT, IS COMPLETELY INSANE.

OF COURSE.
SO, ROBERT, WHAT BROUGHT YOU
HERE TODAY?
Tom: FINE! WHAT?!

>> Huey: HEY, GRANDDAD.
Granddad: OKAY.

THE THORNY CROWN IN THE WALL?
DO YOU NEED MY PASSWORDS?

HAVE YOU SEEN THAT CONTAINER OF
YOU HAVE TO TRUST US, ROBERT.
UP!

>> Granddad: HEY, HUEY.
Riley: HEY, MAN, WHY YOU
STEALIN' OUR STUFF?!
ON YOUR MARKS, GET SET...

Riley: I DON'T CARE.
HOW MUCH MORE OF THAT WAVE CREAM
I'VE BEEN CORRESPONDING WITH

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.
SOON AS I GOT ARRESTED, I SAID,
"I WANT THE DUDE THAT GOT

H>> Huey: GRANDDAD, YOU DIDN'T.M
WAY.
A NUMBER OF WOMEN, SEVERAL OF WHOM ARE IN THE AREA.

>> Granddad: THIS WAVE CREAM YOU
WAY YOU GONNA
GET ME OUT THERE.
Huey: BUT WE WERE ALL UNDER EDDIE'S THUMB.

R. KELLY OFF."
YOU KEEP BEING ASS COLUMBO.

JOB?!
Tom: WELL, I PROSECUTED
R. KELLY, AND I --

OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO WORK HERE,
HONEY.
FACED WITH THE THREAT OF LOSING EVERYTHING, PEOPLE WILL DO

NEVER MIND.
IT DOWN TO FOUR THAT DO NOT REPRESENT A SECURITY THREAT.

I MEAN IT.
Tom: MY ANSWER IS ALMOST
CERTAINLY NO, BUT...I'LL THINK

IT'S YOUR HOUSE.
MINDS!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SET UP A TIME TO MEET THEM FOR COFFEE?

IT'S YOUR LIVING ROOM.
YOU SAW WHAT HAPPENED.

ABOUT IT.
>> Granddad: IT GROWS HAIR --
WE'RE GONNA END JIM CROW,
ROBERT.

IF I DO TAKE THE CASE, MY
RETAINER IS --

DEAD GRANDMOTHER'S ASHES!
FREEDOMLAND!

MY RETAINER IS...
Riley: NOT MY PROBLEM.

OKAY, SO, LOOK.
SOUTH!

HERE.
IT SEEMS KIND OF CRAZY.
ENTERTAIN THAT.

HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE COMPOUND FOR A
BUT YOU HAVE TO TAKE A CHANCE
SOMETIMES, I GUESS.

THE NEW RATE ON YOUR SUB-PRIME,
NON-PRIME, UNDER-PRIME MORTGAGE
Ruckus: HEY, RICH, MOSTLY
WHITE CHILLIN, MAKE SOME NOISE

YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR
PICTURES.
Tom: PLEASE STOP THROWING
MONEY AT ME.

>> Both: A BOMB?!

IF YOUR NANNY SPEAKS SPANISH!
IS $52,000.47.
OF POOP, PISS, POOPY PISS, AND
GOUT.

THINGS A BITCH WILL NEVER
SAY.
SOMETIMES IF A PICTURE OF ME IS
TOO GOOD, I WON'T POST IT

WASN'T A BOMB.

YOU SPECIFICALLY SAID IT WAS NOT
HEY, THAT'S A SONG!
BIRMINGHAM WAS THE MOST RACIST
CITY IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY, RUN

A BOMB!

>> Granddad: BOY, COME HERE!
I HOPE EVERYBODY ENJOYED THE
A'IGHT, PIMPIN', I'M-A SEE
YOU TOMORROW.

I CAN'T COME UP WITH THAT KIND
OF MONEY IN A MONTH!
"BASKETBALL WIVES" SET WITH A
SIGN THAT SAYS "I YOUR

YOU WANT TO MAKE A BOMB?

THE WORST PART -- HA! -- NO
MONEY.
"WELFARE QUEEN FOR A DAY"
EXHIBIT.
WELL, NOT IF YOU KEEP PUTTIN'
ALL THAT NEGATIVE ENERGY INTO

WITH THIS BELT.
HEY, PRETTY GIRL!

I HATE 'EM!
>> Huey: YOU GOT TO WASH THAT

YOU GOT TO THINK POSITIVE.
LONG.

Tom: THAT SINGER
PRETTY BOY FLIZZY CAME IN TODAY.
AND SO, I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE
FOR A LITTLE OVER A MONTH, BUT I

USE THEM AS YOUR SERVANTS.
SAY, "I WILL GET EDDIE'S MONEY
IN A MONTH."
ORGANIZE THIS VIOLENCE AGAINST
THE RIDERS, WAS AN EQUALLY

UNDERGROUND FINANCIAL
ENTERPRISE.

Sarah: PRETTY BOY FLIZZY?
SEE THE CONCIERGE ON YOUR WAY
OH, I WANT SOME SWEET POTATO
PIE.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.
IT IS SUCH THAT THIS

HE'S HIRING YOU TO DEFEND HIM
FOR THE LIQUOR-STORE THING?
SO, MR. MAN, YOU STILL
INTERESTED IN A JOB?

OUT.
Granddad: I WILL GET EDDIE'S
MONEY IN A MONTH.

>> Granddad: DAMN IT, BOY, WHY

TOM, THAT'S HUGE!
Granddad: WAIT! NO!
FOR MY HELP DEALING WITH THEM
FREEDOM-RIDIN' NIGGAS WAS THE

Tom: DON'T GET TOO EXCITED.

IT'S ALL GONNA BE OKAY.

I'M NOT TAKING THE CASE.
TODAY, WE ARE DEBUTING A SPECIAL
INTERACTIVE GAME!

Sarah: WHY NOT?
AND GET OUR FREEDOM BACK.
HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

Tom: I DON'T WANT TO DEFEND A
WOMAN-BEATER, FOR ONE.
I WANT TO WORK IN A CLEAN PLACE.

YOU KNOW, FOR A SMART NIGGA, YOU

Sarah: HE MADE A LITTLE TINY
MISTAKE.
DOES EVERYBODY ENJOY

COME UP WITH SOME DUMBASS PLANS.
SO, HERE I AM.

Tom: I GUESS HITTING A WOMAN
IS OKAY IF YOU HAVE ABS,
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT WHORES,
ROBERT?

Listen to me.
ALL THIS TIME, I DIDN'T KNOW
THAT.

Fake your deaths.

Granddad: LOVE 'EM.
Sarah: HE'S A TALENTED
ARTIST.

Fake...your...deaths.
GOOD. LET ME BACK UP A BIT.
BUT IT'S JUST SO MUCH FUN.

Tom: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, OKAY.
I APOLOGIZE, ROBERT.
KNOW WHY WE'RE BROKE, ROBERT?

SLOW DOWN.
EH, NOT REALLY.
I'M AFRAID THAT WASN'T AS FRUITFUL AS I HAD HOPED.

"FLUID SWAP"?
BECAUSE OUR GENERATION RAISED
NO-GOOD, SELFISH-ASS SONS.

"RUB AGAINST MY ERECTION"?
THE FIRST WAS A TERMINAL BORE, THE SECOND A NARCISSISTIC HAG,

WRITE IT DOWN BEFORE WE FORGET.

"YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH"?
I ASKED MY SON TO VISIT ME.

ONE SPARK, AND HEADS COULD
THE THIRD HAD BODY ODOR SO BAD
I COULD SMELL IT, AND THE LAST

I LOVE
"YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!"
BULL CONNOR MADE AN
ARRANGEMENT WITH THE

ACTUALLY EXPLODE.
OKAY, HOW ABOUT A GAME-SHOW

KU KLUX KLAN.
ONE HAD THAT GOD-AWFUL LAUGH.
OH, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GET
HIM TO SING AT JAZMINE'S

Granddad: OH, COME ON.
THEIR MOBS WOULD BE ALLOWED 15
MINUTES TO DO ANYTHING TO THE

EXPLOSIONOF BEAUTIFUL HAIR." ■
THEY WEREN'T THAT BAD.

BIRTHDAY?
I'M TELLING YOU, EVERY SINGLE
ONE OF OUR BOYS AGE 30 TO 50 --

Tom: NO! DO YOU LET HER
LISTEN TO THAT?

Sarah: OUR PROBLEMS HAVE BEEN
ROUGH ON HER.
RIDERS WITHOUT FEAR OF ARREST.

>> Huey: GRANDDAD, YOU'RE GONNA

KILL PEOPLE.
Ruckus: OH, SURE.
IT WOULD BE NICE TO, YOU KNOW...
CANNONS.

>> Granddad: WE'LL PUT A WARNING
IF THE CONTESTANT GUESSES WRONG,
THEY HAVE TO SLEEP WITH

WHAT?

THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN.
FREEMAN.
AW, YEAH!
I'D LIKE TO TAKE HER OUT TO
DINNER.

Tom: DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
AN OLD-SCHOOL MAN LIKE YOU
YOUNG LADIES WOULD

ROBERT, I KNOW YOU'RE
MORAL DILEMMA SOLVED.

Sarah: WHAT?
RESTAURANTS, AND BEFORE YOU
KNOW, SOME NIGGA WILL WANT TO

Tom: THIS ISN'T ABOUT
JAZMINE.
REALLY APPRECIATE.

WE'RE PITCHING SHOWS.
Granddad: MR. WUNCLER.

YOU WANT TO MEET
PRETTY BOY FLIZZY.
Granddad: THAT'S ENOUGH!
INTEGRATE THE SWEET PINK NETHER
REGIONS OF YOUR WHITE WIFE OR

UH...
"TERRORIST OR ITALIAN?"
BECAUSE THOSE HAIRY

WELL, GIVE ME A RED LIGHT AND
SIGN ME UP.
NO, JAZMINE
WANTS TO MEET PRETTY BOY FLIZZY.

I WAS JUST...WONDERING IF YOU,
UM, HAD THAT MONEY.
MAKE SURE TO READ THE PART
WHERE WE GET TO CAP YOUR ASS IF

OUR SLAVE SHIFT IS OVER!
Tom: NO, YOU WANT ME TO
DEFEND PRETTY BOY FLIZZY BECAUSE

>> Granddad: GET OFF ME!

LOVE YOUR STYLE, GRANDDAD.
WELL,
UM...MON-- MONEY...W-W-WE, UH...

YOU WANT TO MEET HIM AND DO HIM!

CALL YOU SOON.

DO ANY OF Y'ALL KNOW WHAT A BBC
IS?
AND NARROW BEHINDS!

Sarah: WHAT?!
Granddad: WHY ARE YOU INSIDE?

Huey: BECAUSE I HAVE
SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY.
Tom: YEAH! YEAH! YOU DO!

All: NO!

Ruckus: OOH, YOU DON'T WANT
TO KNOW.

ME.
YOU WANT TO GO UNH ON HIM!
REAL TALK, ROBERT -- I SHOULD
HOPE, AT YOUR AGE, YOU KNOW THAT

IT DOES MUCH DAMAGE.
Granddad: WELL...YOU SEE --
EDDIE?!

SHUT UP AND GET BACK OUTSIDE.

YOU WANT TO UNH ON HIM ALL
NIGHT!
YOU HAVE 15 MINUTES, 900
SECONDS, TO DO WHATEVER YOUR

WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT WHEN IT
COMES TO OUR NEEDS.
LET'S GO HOME.

WHO IS THAT?
Sarah: I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW
INSECURE YOU ARE!

Granddad: YES, WELL, I'M
WORKIN' ON IT, BUT I DON'T HAVE

>> Huey: I AGREED TO HELP
HEART DESIRES TO THESE SHIFTLESS
BLACK BASTARDS BEFORE THE LAW

LISTEN TO YOURSELF.
YOU DON'T HAVE MY MONEY.
JACKY.
I'VE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK.

Tom: HE'S LIKE YOUR PERFECT
MAN!
Granddad: MM, NO, NOT REALLY.
LET'S TALK ABOUT WHO ROBERT IS.

AGREED TO WASH HIS HAIR.

HOW MUCH YOU HAVE?
Granddad: HUSH UP!

THIS IS BOSS WILLONA, PROPRIETOR
HE WON'T EVEN SAY SORRY WHEN HE
POUNDS YOUR FACE IN!

Granddad and Tom: HUH?
SO, I AM BEGGING YOU, WHITE MEN.
BRING THE SUITCASE WITH THE
MONEY!

Ruckus: WHERE YOU NIGGAS
THINK Y'ALL GOING?

OF A BLACK BEAUTY SALON WE FOUND
Granddad: WE GOIN' HOME,
RUCKUS.

Granddad: WAIT.
YOU'RE AN ESCORT.

WAIT.
Granddad: OKAY, ESCORT.
YOU SICK ASSHOLE!

THERE WAS ABOUT BLACK BEAUTY

HE'S NOT COMING THIS WAY.
THEIR BRAIN GETS SUCKED OUT.

PRODUCTS, ALTHOUGH I STARTED TO
Granddad: SIRI, DID YOU SEE
THAT?!

HE'S GETTING IN HIS CAR.
THERE WAS THIS ONE RAPPER WHO
WENT FROM SAYING "GEORGE BUSH

WITH ME,
RIGHT?
THEM!

SERIOUSLY, WHERE'S MY MONEY?!
BELIEVE ME -- THEY CAN'T DO
MUCH, BUT A NIGGA CAN TAKE AN

DOESN'T CARE ABOUT BLACK
PEOPLE!" TO WEARING A LEATHER

YOU DON'T HAVE MY MONEY?
LIVE HERE NOW.

NORMALLY, I TRY TO TALK PEOPLE
Tom: YOU'RE A SELFISH
BASTARD, ROBERT FREEMAN!

ASS-WHUPPING, I PROMISE!

LEATHER!
GOD...DAMN!

Granddad: HEY, YOU, I ASKED
Huey: GRANDDAD WAS DEFINITELY
HAPPIER SINCE HE CAME BACK FROM
I SAW KARDASHIA AT A PLACE
CALLED FAKE CAKES.

A'IGHT. EDDIE. THINK.

GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL, VERY

THE OLD-FOLKS' HOME.
IT'S NEAR THAT ILLEGAL PINOCHLE
SPOT WHERE YOU USED TO LEAVE ME

WAIT! I GOT IT!
I GUESS THERE IS SOMETHING TO
VOLUNTEERING.

Granddad: WHAT?
BITCH YOU SOLD ME!

THE HOUSE.
Granddad: HUEY, DRENCH MY
BACK.
SIR, COULD YOU PLEASE JUST
CALM DOWN AND EXPLAIN THE

Ruckus: YES.
THIS IS ART.
Tom: I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S
GONNA WORK OUT, FLIZZY.

Riley: AW, NO!
WELCOME HOME, NIGGAS.

GETTING.
PROBLEM?
YOU NIGGAS ARE SOME REAL

WE'RE GENIUSES, NOT MIND
READERS.
WE RENT OUT EACH OF THE ROOMS AS
A SEPARATE UNIT -- TWO BEDROOMS,

ARTISTS.
I'M GETTING LAID.

WE USED YOUR GEL ON THE LEFT
Ruckus: WELL, LOOKS TO ME
LIKE I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT

I'M JUST DEALING WITH SOME
PERSONAL PROBLEMS.
I'M GETTING OUR FREEDOM PAPERS.

UP, MY
DUDE!
TO, SLAVE.
FREE-LANCE HONEY BADGER.

>> BITCHES BE HATIN'.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GOT A JOB.
MM, THAT TASTES GOOD IN MY
MOUTH.

"FREE-LANCE HONEY BADGER"?
RIGHT NOW, WE'RE BOTH LETTING
THE HATERS GET US DOWN.

THIS IS BETTER THAN WHITE-BITCH
I THINK THEY WERE JUST MAKING UP
WORDS AFTER AWHILE.

WE GOT TO SHAKE THE HATERS.
GOD, I LIKE YOU.

Granddad: WHAT DO WE THINK
ABOUT...HAVING PEOPLE MOVE IN
Granddad: LOTS OF IMPORTANT
JOBS -- VALET AND PIMPS.

DO THIS FOR ME, TOM.
AAH!

COME ON. SHAKE THOSE HATERS.

Huey: WHOA. WAIT.
Huey: WHICH ONE ARE YOU?
I'M HATE-FREE, BUT I CAN STILL
FEEL THE HATE ON YOU.

Granddad: HUSH.

Riley: YEAH, MAN, SLOW DOWN.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT I AM.
Tom: PEOPLE DON'T ACTUALLY
LIVE HERE, DO THEY?

YOU'RE INTERESTED IN PLACING AN
MMM. FEELS GOOD, DOESN'T IT?
ME, NOT MY FAME OR MY MONEY...

YOU GUYS WILL LOVE IT.

AND HE SAID...
Granddad: WHAT?
IT'LL BE LIKE A COMMUNE.

OKAY, SO...
Granddad: FAME?
Ruckus: HELLO, LIL' NIGGERS.
NO, WAIT, THAT'S NOT MINE!

WHO NEEDS THAT?
NOW WILL YOU TAKE THE CASE?

>> Granddad: EXCUSE ME?
NOPE, DON'T NEED FAME.

Tom: NO.
GET OUT THERE AND SELL THAT
SHRIVELED-UP MONKEY DICK.

OKAY, FINE.
MR. FREEMAN -- AN
SIR, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK
YOU TO LEAVE -- NOW.

IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE CASE, YOU
CAN'T TAKE THE CASE.
AFRICAN-AMERICAN ENTREPRENEUR.

SEE YOU IN THE MORNING, HO MAN.
EVEN IF YOUR MAN DOESN'T HAVE A
401.

IT JUST SEEMS LIKE ME -- SEXY,
BUFF ALPHA MALE -- AND YOU --
Granddad: BUT I TOLD YOU
SHE...

"OCCUPY MY LIVING ROOM."

Riley: WHERE DO WE LIVE?
Granddad: 401K?
Granddad: RUCKUS, I'M NOT A
WHORE MAN.

KINDHEARTED BUT FRUMPY
EVERYMAN -- COULD SOMEHOW BE
I'M GETTING AN ANDROID, BITCH!

IT'S DAMN NEAR LIKE A WHOLE
OTHER HOUSE.

I'M AN ESCORT.

ABLE TO HELP EACH OTHER.
>> Granddad: HUH?
OH, LOOK AT THEY FOREARMS AND
LEGS JUST GETTIN' STRONG!

Tom: AM I A FRUMPY EVERYMAN?
LOOK, CAN I GIVE YOU THE
ULTIMATE IN CABLE-SERIES LOVE?

LET ME BREAK DOWN "ESCORT" FOR
YOU.

MAKE THIS SHIT FLY.
YES, THIS IS GOOD FOR THE BODY
AND THE SOUL.

YOU JUST GET YOUR ASS BACK ON
IS THAT WHY SHE'S LOST
INTEREST?!

Granddad: YOU GONNA TRY TO
TRAP ME BY GETTING PREGNANT?

OF COURSE.

TOM!

Ruckus: WELL, THAT COTTON IS
ORGANIC.
WHITE WOMAN WHO, TEMPORARILY
DOWN ON HER LUCK, USES THE

YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE

1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3.

POWERS OF HER GOLD-PLATED VAGINA
TO CARE FOR HER ADORABLE KIDS.

HEY, NIGGER-LOVERS!
YOU GOT NO FLASH, NO SWAG, NO
THIN VENEER OF TOUGHNESS.

WHOA!
YOU TAKE PLATINUM?

OH, I HAVE THAT PHONE.
>> Riley: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

OF COURSE YOUR WIFE LEFT YOU AND
IS DOING IT TO SOME RANDOM GUY.
NO, SILLY, A PROMISE RING DURING
THE SEASON FINALE.

ALL RI-I-I-GHT.

>> I'LL TAKE ALL OF IT --

Granddad: SAME HERE.
Tom: THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID
HAPPENED.
Granddad: THEN IT'S A DEAL.

WHATEVER YOU GOT.
Ruckus: OH, THE MASSA LOVES
TAP DANCING.

SO, LOOK -- YOU TAKE THE
CASE, AND I TEACH YOU HOW TO
YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH DUDES?

HE SAYS THE TIPPITY-TAP OF NIGGA
FEETS IS SO MEDITATIVE.
ADVISE MY GRANDFATHER BRIEFLY?

WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SUCH
DICKS, RIGHT?
DRESS AND HOW TO TALK TO BITCHES
AND SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.

Granddad: WHOA!

I'M ESCORTING LADIES.
Tom: RUCKUS, I HATE TO BREAK
MY AMUSEMENT-PARK CHARACTER AND

Tom: YOU KNOW WHAT?
Riley: WELL, THAT'S ALL
RIGHT, THEN.
SAY, SPEAKING OF PHONES, WE
SHOULD EXCHANGE --

WHY NOT?
YOU KNEW I APPRECIATED THE FINER
THINGS BEFORE WE GOT PROMISED!

ACTUALLY, THAT'S KIND OF
GANGSTA.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO
DANCE, RIGHT?

OH, GOD! OH, GOD! HELP US!
IT, UM, SAYS IT'S DECLINED.

NO.
Huey: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO
GET A REAL JOB.

NO DANCING.
WHAT THE HELL?!

Granddad: THIS IS A REAL JOB.
BUT THERE WILL BE A SHOPPING
MONTAGE.
DOCUMENTS CALLED "THE
CONSTITUTION" AND "THE

BOY, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
UNH!

MISS BOSS WILLONA IS A PILLAR OF
TWO THINGS WOMEN HATE -- BROKE
MEN AND BORING MEN.
EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION," AND
THEY SPECIFICALLY FORBID KEEPING

NO, THAT'S CRAZY.

THE COMMUNITY.
OH. MY. GOD!

>> I ASSURE YOU OUR OPERATION IS

GOOD NEWS IS, YOU'RE NOT BROKE.
OH, THIS IS
US HERE AGAINST OUR WILL.

Granddad: YES, UH, I'M THE
AAAAH!

BUT YOU ARE BORING, AND WOMEN
HATE TO BE BORED, TOM.

OWNER OF THE HOUSE.
PERFECT.

YOU AIN'T THE OWNER OF THE
HOUSE.
JUST GO AHEAD.

THEY HATE TO BE BORED.
THIS STUFF.
I COULD LET YOU GO...

ANY CHANCE OF, UH...
A WOMAN WOULD RATHER BE WITH A
GUY THAT BEATS THEM TO DEATH

BE LATE FOR MY FIRST DATE.
GETTING THE ASS?
Granddad: YES, WELL, I'M
ROBERT FREEMAN, CIVIL RIGHTS --

>> Huey: NO, GRANDDAD, I THINK
NO. BEFORE, MAYBE.

THAN BORES THEM TO DEATH.
THAT'S HOW WE ALL GOT HERE.

>> Granddad: DON'T LISTEN TO
NOW, NO WAY.
TRUST ME, NIGGA, I KNOW.

HIM, BOSS LADY WILLONA.

BUT WHY DO THEY WANT ME, TOM?
MM.

WHY YOU GOT TO RUIN EVERYTHING?
Huey: THE ONLY WAY WE GONNA

>> Huey: WE GOT TO TELL THEM.
Granddad:

GET OUR FREEDOM IS TO TAKE IT.
Granddad: I WAS HOPING TO USE
THE BATHROOM.

IS IT MY INCREDIBLE SEXINESS?
Riley: HOW WE SUPPOSED TO DO
THAT?
NOT SO FAST, YOU CRACKER!

SURE.
>> Granddad: YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY,
EVERY TIME YOU DO THAT, YOU'RE
ACTUALLY KIND OF KILLING HER.

NOW EXCUSE ME.
Huey: BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
BUT WHY AM I SO SEXY?

Riley: I AIN'T TRYING TO DIE.
Granddad: YES, BUT I WOULD
PREFER TO U--
TIME FOR GRANDDAD TO GIVE THE
LADIES WHAT THEY NEED.

WHAT IS THE SECRET TO MY
SEXINESS?
Granddad: SORRY.

>> Huey: BOSS WILLONA, THIS
OUT MY FACE, NIGGA!

HELLO? YES.
MY MONEY, MY JEWELS, FAME?

MM. OHH.
ARE WE ABOUT TO HAVE A NIGGA
MOMENT?
SO, WHAT'S THE LATEST,
DOCTOR?
I'M TRYING TO REACH THE FRAUD
DEPARTMENT.

COMPOUND.

ABSOLUTELY.
IT'S A HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE
WELL, AFTER BILLING HER
INSURANCE FOR EVERY TEST

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED.
BUT, REALLY, IT'S BECAUSE I'M A
UP.

Granddad: NO, PLEASE.
POSSIBLE BECAUSE -- LET'S FACE
IT -- THE LONGER I'M GONE, THE

I DON'T WANNA HAVE A NIGGA
MOMENT.
GOD, I SHOULD HAVE SIGNED UP FOR
MORE THAN THREE HOURS.

AAH!
I GET ARRESTED, I DO DRUGS, I
ROB LIQUOR STORES -- ALLEGEDLY!

I JUST HAVE TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM.
NO, I DIDN'T ORDER A SHIPMENT OF
PINK, DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED iPHONE

FIRST I GOT TO BE A SLAVE, NOW
YOU SAYIN' IT'S MY FAULT.

Granddad:

THAT'S WHAT ALL WOMEN WANT.
OHH, ROBERT!

HER ASS EXPLODED.
HOW YOU GONNA THREATEN TO CALL
THE POLICE ON ME?!

YOU THINK THEM BITCHES OUT THERE

BECAUSE WOMEN HAVE NO
SELF-RESPECT!
I HAVE FRIENDS WITH LOTS OF
EXTRA ASS!
IT'S MY ACCOUNT!

CAN WE DONATE?
I'VE BEEN HACKED!
Tom: WELL, MY WIFE HAS

Granddad: TOM, STOP GRIPING.
ROBERT, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
NONVIOLENT!

SELF-RESPECT.

REALLY? YOU SURE?
PERSON'S ASS GETS THIS BIG, BUT
I'M AFRAID WE JUST HAVE TO WAIT.

Tom: YES!
Granddad: UNH-UNH.

Granddad: NO!
SHE'S AN EDUCATED, WELL-ROUNDED,
CONFIDENT WOMAN.

Granddad: NOPE.
UNFORTUNATELY, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO
MAKE SOME TOUGH DECISIONS.

THAT'S IT!
AND WHAT ABOUT HER?
YOU'RE DISGUSTING!

I MAY NEED TO MEET HER.
YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME?
HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF,
YOU FILTHY TURD OF A MAN?!
Granddad: NO, MARGE SIMPSON'S
NOT PRETTIER THAN YOU, EITHER!

Tom: NO, NO, NO. NO.
DON'T YOU GET IT?

Granddad: HUH?
I KNOW WHERE THIS GOES.
THESE BITCHES WOULD PUT NAPALM

YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN TONIGHT'S
ENTIRE LINEUP AND ALL OF BASIC

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO MY WIFE.
Tom: HOW COULD YOU PUT THAT
ON YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE?!
THAT'S A.A.A.S. -- ASS
AUGMENTATION ADDICTION SYNDROME.

DO YOUR WIFE?
AAH!

TOM, I WOULDN'T DO YOUR WIFE.
PHONE!
PUT A WARNING LABEL ON IT.

OH, THANK YOU.
Tom: YOU HAVE A SONG CALLED
"I WILL DO YOUR WIFE!"

OW!

YOU REALLY TURNED OUR LIFE INTO
"GOOD TIMES."
YOU'RE GONNA ROT IN
H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS

THIS ISN'T FAIR!

FAIR?
FOR THIS, ROBERT!
I DIDN'T MEAN YOUR WIFE!

LIFE TENDS NOT TO BE FAIR WHEN
YOU START SHOVING FOREIGN

Granddad: WAIT, NO!
I MEANT THAT METAPHORICALLY.

Riley: YEAH, FOR NOW.
Granddad: OOH!
WHAT DID I PUT ON MY FACEBOOK?!

Tom: MM, I STILL DON'T THINK
IT'S A GOOD IDEA.
I WON'T BE FREE UNTIL WE'RE ALL
FREE!

THAT NIGGER BITCH IS MINE!

DAMN IT, I CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT
HOW TO CHECK MY FACEBOOK FROM
OH, GOD, I'VE BEEN SO LONELY!
NIGGA, I SWEAR ON MY ABS --
ON MY ABS, NIGGA! -- I WILL NOT

Ruckus: TOM, SARAH BOUGHT
YOUR FREEDOM.

WHY CAN'T Y'ALL GET JOBS?

AAH!
YOU CAN GO.
Huey: CHILD LABOR LAWS,
UNSAFE WORKPLACES, REALLY SMALL

TOUCH YOUR WIFE.

Tom: WELL, MY DAUGHTER WOULD
LOVE TO MEET YOU.
GET EVERYBODY BACK TO THE BUS!

CALL THE CHAPLAIN AND THE MORGUE

Granddad: OHH.

A SMALL DINNER.
Granddad: AAH!
YOUR GENERATION IS JUST LAZY,
THAT'S ALL.

NO ENTOURAGE!
FOR THE STUPID GIRL IN THE ASS
ROOM!

Granddad: SIRI?! GOD DAMN IT!
NO PROBLEM.

YOU BETTER BE CALLING ME FROM
THE LANDFILL!
AAH!

MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THESE

SHIT, BUT COME ON, THIS IS
INSANE!

WE JUST CAN'T SIT AROUND HERE
AND WAIT!
AW, COME ON.

NO! AAH!

I THOUGHT YOU GAVE UP WORK TO
RUN FOR MAYOR.
WE'LL START A WALK-A-THON!

PEOPLE SHOWED UP.
Ruckus: "FRIENDS"?

OHH!
Tom: WELL, MAYBE IF YOU
HADN'T TWEETED OUR ADDRESS TO
AIN'T NO FRIENDS WHEN IT COMES
TO SLAVERY -- REAL OR MAKE

I'M SURE IT'LL CURE THIS.
I GAVE UP WORKING FOR NIGGAS,
AND OTHER COLORS, LIKE MEXICANS

THAT'S HER AGAIN, DAMN IT!

HEY, MAN...
BELIEVE.

Tom: YEAH, YOU WERE F'ed UP,
I KNOW.
NOW, SINCE I WAS CURSED WITH
REVITILIGO AND BORN IN THE 20th

HERE'S YOUR CHANCE.
NOW YOU BETTER GRAB SOME SUDS
AND START WAXING HOODS.

OKAY, SO, CHECK IT.
CENTURY, I NEVER GOT MY CHANCE
TO EXPERIENCE THE BEAUTY AND

STOP PLAYING WITH ME!
KEY WITH CHICKS IS TO INSULT
THEM WHEN YOU COMPLIMENT THEM.

WAX ON, WAX OFF, NIGGA!

CARE.
GIVE IT TO ME!

NEVER BE TOO NICE.
NOW, FOLLOW ME, BENCH.

TRUST ME.
GRAB A COMPUTER.
FINALLY, I GET MY CHANCE TO SHOW
MASSA I'M NOT LIKE THEM FIELD

GO NEG ON HER.
PULL THE STATS ON VANESSA.

KNOCK HER DOWN A PEG.

SHE'LL LOVE IT.

NIGGAS.
Granddad: DAMN!

I GOT HIS BACK!
Granddad: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

WHAT'S THIS THING, ELECTRIC?
Granddad: DAMN YOU, NEGRO
CHILD!

Tom: HEY, SWEETIE, YOU LOOK
LOVELY TONIGHT.

LETTERS TO ABRAHAM LINCOLN
LOOKING FOR HELP.

HERE?

GET ON THE BUS!
Sarah: OH, THANK YOU, HONEY.

ANY SLAVE I CATCH READING OR
WRITING WILL BE SHOT

Granddad: FINE, TAKE THIS.
Tom: YEAH, BUT NOT AS NICE AS
YOU THINK YOU LOOK.

COME ON, MAN!
NO.

>> Riley: THAT'S OKAY.
Sarah: ASSHOLE!
I WOULD GIVE MY ASS FOR THAT
ASS.

SO WE CAN DISCUSS THIS LIKE ADULTS.
LOOK, LOU GOSSETT JR. IS
WASHING MY CAR.

MONEY.
Granddad: WE'RE NOT
DISCUSSING ANYTHING!

>> Granddad: I UNDERSTAND, HUEY.

YOU'RE NOT A PERSON!
STOP TRYING TO HIDE INSIDE MY
TRUNK.

SO MANY BAD THINGS HAS HAPPENED
YOU ARE A MACHINE!

I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY FIRED
THE SAND PEOPLE.
AAH!

IT'S HARD NOT TO ASSUME THE
THAT'LL MAKE IT ALL BETTER.

Granddad: HEY, NEIGHBOR!
OKAY, SLEEP TIGHT.

BUT DON'T YOU SEE?

THE NIGHT.
WE, UH, HEARD THERE'S A DINNER
PARTY GOING DOWN, AND I NEVER
AAH! DIANE!

WHAT YOU'RE DOING FOR OUR
WOMEN IS BIGGER THAN THAT.
I KNOW SOMETHING ELSE STRONGER

THIS TIME, EVERYTHING'S GONNA
HUEY, I'M READY TO BUST UP OUT
OF HERE, MAN.

WORK OUT PERFECTLY.
RECEIVED THE E-VITE, SO HERE WE
ARE.

YOU'RE BOOSTING THEIR
SELF-ESTEEM, MAKING THEM FEEL
Granddad: SO YOU GET OFF ON
GETTING MY KARDASHIA ALL STRUNG

I KNOW IT.
I KNOW YOU GOT A PLAN.

FEEL THAT, NIGGA? FEEL THAT?
911. What is your emergency?

OUT ON ASS?
>>NEXT ON "CHANNEL 11 NEWS"...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT.
THAT FEELIN' IS CALLED "WORK."
I'm trapped in a house, and there's a man attacking me with

UNH!
COULD YOU HAVE A BOMB IN YOUR ■

NO KIDS, 39.
Huey: I DO, BUT IT WON'T BE
EASY.
Tom: YOU DIDN'T GET ONE
BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T INVITED.

HAIR? ■
His name is Robert Freeman.

SHE FOUND OUR AD IN THE BACK OF
THAT BOOK, "THINK LIKE A DUDE
WE MAY NOT MAKE IT OUT ALIVE,
BUT IF A MAN DOESN'T HAVE
YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE LEAVING
ME OUT IN THE COLD AND THEN

Granddad: SHUT UP, RUCKUS.

WHEN DO I GET PAID?
'CAUSE YOUR LONELY BLACK ASS
AIN'T NEVER GONNA GET ONE
SOMETHING WORTH DYING FOR,
WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING?

PRODUCT CONTAINS A DANGEROUSLY ■
WANTING TO COME TO THE FLIZZY
DINNER FOR THE FREE FOOD.

YOU FIRED.
Is he still attacking you,
ma'am?

Granddad: FIRED? WHY?
THIS IS COOL.

Granddad: NO, GODDAMN IT!
Granddad: WE DIDN'T COME HERE
FOR THE FREE FOOD.
Can you get to a safe place

THE CAR-WASH BRASS IS CUTTIN'
BACK HOURS.
OPEN HAND MEANS PUT SOMETHING IN
IT SO I CAN HIT THIS PUNK-ASS

WE CAME HERE TO WARN YOU.
in the house, ma'am?
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE STRATEGY
OF NONVIOLENT DIRECT ACTION?

TOM, YOU GOT TO GET THAT FLIZZY
AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE!
SHE READ THE BOOK TWICE 'CAUSE
SHE DIDN'T HAVE A DATE.
Riley: GOOD, 'CAUSE I WAS
ABOUT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ON

WE'LL CALL YOU WHEN WE NEED YOU.

YOUR OWN IF IT DIDN'T.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH SHE'S TRAPPED IN
THIS PASSIONLESS, SEXUALLY

WHAT'S THE PLAN?
THAT

UNFULFILLING MARRIAGE WITH YOU.

EVEN THE SKINNY WHITE
"SEX AND THE CITY" BITCHES CAN'T

WOMEN ATTEMPTED TO BOARD A ■
HER LADYPARTS PROBABLY BURNING
WITH UNQUENCHABLE LUST, AND YOU

PLANE AND WERE STOPPED AFTER ■
Riley: WHAT'S TAKING GRANDDAD

FIND A GOOD MAN FOR SIX SEASONS.
JUST GONNA DANGLE ALL THAT
SEXINESS IN FRONT OF HER?!

WHAT'D YOU DO NOW?

Tom: HUH?
THEIR PERSON. ■
Huey: IT WAS GOING TO BE RISKY.

FLORIDA BEATRICE JACKSON AND ■
SHE'S STALKING ME!
Riley: MAN, IT'S LIKE, "HERE,
NIGGA, TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE!"

SO LONG?
Granddad: HUH?

I'M HUNGRY.

Huey: YOU KNOW HE'S GOT A
SONG CALLED --
DETAINED FOR SEVERAL HOURS ■
SIR, NO.
CLEANUP ON BED NUMBER THREE,

BEFORE IT WAS FINALLY ■
UH, I CAN'T TAKE YOUR PHONE,
SIR.
Tom: "I WILL DO YOUR WIFE,"
YES.

Granddad: PLEASE, JUST TAKE
IT!

COURAGE.
Huey: BUT THERE'S ALSO A
SONG CALLED, "WHITE WIFEBOOTY."

OR MORE PRECISELY, THEIR HAIR ■
Huey: THIS PLACE IS
DEPRESSING.

THE BAD NIGGER NEWS.
UNCLE RUCKUS IS BACK ON THE
SCENE, RUFFLING SMALL-TOWN

KNOW THAT?
IF I'M ABOUT TO DIE, PROMISE
YOU'LL JUST PULL THE PLUG.

Tom: REALLY?
Riley: YEAH, WE ALREADY
SLAVES.

JUST RUN AWAY!
NO, NO, I DIDN'T.
A BLACK WOMAN IS MORE LIKELY TO
DIE IN A TANNING-SALON FIRE THAN

DON'T BE A BITCH, TOO.
ALL EXOTIFIED AND WHATNOT WITH ■

AND IT DOESN'T MATTER, GUYS.
Granddad: NIGGA, WHERE YOU

ALL THIS HAIR, BUT WE AIN'T, ■
Granddad: SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

I-I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
FIND TRUE LOVE.

Huey: EVERY GAIN IN U.S.
FLIZZY'S GONNA HELP ME WORK
THINGS OUT WITH SARAH.
■

YOU'RE MAKING THESE LONELY BLACK
WOMEN FEEL LOVED, AND THAT
HISTORY HAS BEEN BECAUSE
OPPRESSED PEOPLE WEREN'T AFRAID

Granddad: OH, HE GONNA WORK
SOMETHING OUT, ALL RIGHT.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A

ALONE! ■
TO FIGHT.
Granddad: I GOT YOU NOW,

Tom: HE'S HERE TO HELP.
IF WE DON'T FIGHT, WE'RE SAYING
IT'S OKAY FOR THEM TO OWN

Granddad: OH, HE GONNA HELP
HIMSELF TO THAT BOOTY!
ROBERT, NO!

HE ALMOST RIGHT.
IN
VANESSA'S VEINS -- SHE'LL KEEP

THE WHITE HALF OF HIM RIGHT,
BECAUSE THE WHITE BUSINESSMAN,

Granddad: HE'S GONNA --
Tom: CONTROL THAT BOOTY.
Huey: ...OUR SELF WORTH, OUR
MINDS, AND I'M NOT GIVING UP MY
Granddad: AAH!

YOU PAID FOREVER.

GOT IT.
SINGLE JAR CONTAINS ENOUGH HIGH ■
WELL, THAT PERSON DIDN'T FINISH

Granddad: I WASN'T GONNA
SAY THAT.

I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF DEBT.
HE GONNA BE UNDER THAT BOOTY!

Riley: ME NEITHER!
PLANE OR A PRIUS. ■

Riley: HA HA!
THAT'S WHAT'S UP.

GOOD ONE, GRANDDAD!
YEAH, COME ON, GUYS!

NOW YOU GO BLOW LOVE SMOKE UP
VANESSA'S BLACK ASS AND GET MY

ROBERT, YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME.
Tom: YEAH, HA, YEAH, VERY
FUNNY GUYS. ENOUGH.

Granddad: NIGGA, I'M GONNA
HIS BLACK ASS ALL THE WAY OVER
HERE TO AMERICA TO DO SOME
I'M UP IN THAT PIECE.

Granddad: AS LONG AS YOU
KNOW.
MONEY.

NEXT TIME YOUR KIDS ARE BORN
WITH GREAT ABS AND TATTOOS,
Granddad: I AGREE!

KILL YOU!

PRODUCTIVE WORK.
TURN THE OTHER CHEEK, ROBERT.

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.
DON'T SCREAM. IT'S OKAY!

TELL THAT MAN HE'S YOUR BROTHER.
COME ON, KIDS. LET'S EAT.

Granddad: WHAT?!

I GIVE FOOD TO THE HUNGRY.
THANK YOU, FANS. THANK YOU.
WHAT THE --
Riley: MM-MMM!

Sarah:

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT!

OH, MY GOD, FLIZZY,
YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND SO POLITE.

Y'ALL HAD YOUR FUN!
DOES YOUR ANDROID NOT SOOTHE YOUR EARS WITH THE SOUND OF

FREEDOMLAND HATH PAID HANDSOME
DIVIDENDS.

YOU MEAN I COME DOWN HERE FOR
NOTHING?
THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS HOW COME WE
ARE LOSIN' TO THE CHINESE --

OCEAN WAVES?
WHICH SAID IT HAD SOLD OUT OF ■

I GATHERED YOU TOGETHER AS IT
WOULD GIVE ME GREAT UMBRAGE IF
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ROB LIQUOR
STORES AND YOU BEAT UP WOMEN.
I CAME DOWN HERE TO BEAT UP A
NIGGER!

THE PRODUCT, CLAIMED IT WOULD ■

ARE THESE THE CRIMES FOR
BECAUSE THE CHINAMAN USES SLAVE
LABOR, AND WE DON'T.

NOT BE ORDERING ANY MORE BUT ■
ANY FELLOWS OBJECTED TO US
THUSLY BRANCHING OUT.

Tom: SARAH!
WHICH YOU HAVE FORSAKEN ME, MY LOVE?

NO, IT'S COOL.
OW.

SHE'S RIGHT.
>> Riley: SEE? NO SNITCHING.
OH, WHAT A STUNNING VICTORY,

I REALLY NEED TO STOP GETTING
ARRESTED.

>> Granddad: SHUSH!
WHERE YOU GOING?
YOU'RE NOT REAL!

Sarah: I'M NOT PASSING
JUDGMENT ABOUT THE CHRISTIANNA
THE ONE THAT COMES WITH A HOUSE
KEY.
I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU.

I'M WITH JIM.
THEY SHOULD BE USIN' GOOD
OLD-FASHIONED BLACKY AMERICAN

URGING PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT THE ■
IT MAKES THE MEETINGS GO LONG,
AND MY TYLER'S GOT SOCCER
MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN KEEPING
UP ON CURRENT EVENTS, BUT WE

I KNOW SOMETIMES BITCHES STEP
OUT OF LINE.

TONIGHT.
Riley: WE DO! I MEAN, I DO.

SLAVE LABOR!
JUST GOT OUR ASSES KICKED, PAL.
LET'S EXPAND THIS FREEDOMLAND

LORD KNOWS I DO!

YOU'RE GONNA GET US ALL KILLED.
Tom: HONEY, THERE ARE

IT'S A DAMN CASH COW!
DEATH IS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY
FOR FREEDOM.

CHILDREN AT THE TABLE.
CHEWBACCA!

SESSION TO MAKE SALE OR ■
BUT WE HAVE SOME MINOR
Sarah: NOW, I WANT TO BE
CLEAR, KIDS -- HITTING A WOMAN

CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY.

A GANGSTALICIOUS CARD.
Ruckus: OH, DON'T LOOK AT ME.

IS WRONG...
TERRORIST OFFENSE, PUNISHABLE ■
PAY FOR ANYTHING!
Granddad: NO, IT CAN'T BE!

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?
UNLESS SHE HITS YOU FIRST.

YOU WANT TO DIE.
Huey: YOU GOT THE
GANGSTALICIOUS CARD, GRANDDAD?

AIN'T THAT RIGHT!
Granddad: SHE'S ONE OF MY
CLIENTS.
FUN IN FREEDOMLAND.

EXCUSE ME?
DID YOU REALLY THINK I

Tom: WOW.
DRONE STRIKE. ■

AND THEY'LL DESERVE IT. ■
Sarah: OR SHE TALKS ABOUT
YOUR MAMA!
I TOLD HER, EVEN AN ARMENIAN
GIRL'S CABOOSE HAS ITS LIMITS.
ANDROID, ROBERT?

TIM, BACK TO YOU. ■
EH, REMEMBER WE TRIED THAT AT
THE INDIAN SECTION.

Tom: SARAH, THAT IS ENOUGH!
VERY UNNIGGARDLY OF YOU, ROBERT.

>> Riley: DOES THIS MEAN WE
Sarah: "SARAH, THAT'S
ENOUGH."
Granddad: NO! NO!
SHE KNEW THE RISKS!

Granddad: SHUT UP, RUCKUS.

Tom: SARAH, THAT'S IT!
CAN'T MAKE NO MORE MONEY?
UH, FREEDOM FELLERS?

Granddad: I'M TIRED OF THIS.
WHY ME?!
BOY, THAT IS A POWERFUL REQUEST.
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF IN
FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER AND IN

MATTER OF FACT, I'M DONE
TALKING.
WE DON'T NEED LITIGATION.
KARDASHIAN CARD, LIL WAYNE
CARD -- YOU SEE, BOYS?

THIS GUY WON'T LET ME GET
AROUND, AND I FOUND THIS.

FRONT OF PRETTY BOY FLIZZY!
THEM BIG-THIGH BLACK ONES JUST
LIKE BEDBUGS.
WE NEED SOMETHING THAT MAKES US
LOOK GOOD, ENTERTAINS THE

THERE WAS A WARNING LABEL.
Riley: IT'S LIKE WE NOT EVEN
HERE.

MASSES, AND KEEPS THEM WORKING.
>> Huey: ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Tom: NOW, YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.
I THINK IT'S FOR Y'ALL.

YOU ARE GOING TO GO UPSTAIRS AND
SLEEP IT OFF!
THE RIDERS WERE ABOUT TO SEE
HOW FAR THE KLAN WOULD GO TO
YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS, YOUR IDENTITY, YOUR ENTIRE LIFE IS

TO GET 'EM OUT.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, TOM?
EXACTLY.

STOP THAT BUS.
$1,500 IN FEES?!

HIT ME?
Granddad: DON'T YOU EVER
WITH US OR ANYONE WE

Tom: NO! I'M GONNA LEAVE YOU!
YOU ARE MINE!

I HOPE THIS NOTE FINDS YOU WELL.
SO, UH, I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF

MWAH!
Granddad: SO, YOU SEE, BOYS,
THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME

Jazmine: DADDY!
NO, NO!
GIVE ME SOME TIME.

Sarah: TOM, WAIT!
COULD YOU NOT DO THAT?

TOM!
CHANGES AROUND HERE.
HOPE THERE ARE NO HARD FEELINGS.

Granddad: TOM, GREW A PAIR.
Granddad: HUH?

DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.
Huey: NO.
TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM, A BOMB
HAS BEEN PLACED ON THIS BUS.

YOUR PICK OF OUR OBESE WOMEN?
Riley:

BUT THAT'S OKAY.
I DON'T WANT THE MONEY BACK,

WORK WITH ME HERE.

ROBERT.
YES, I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE
FEEDING THE HUNGRY.

I'M TRYING TO COME TO AN HONEST
AGREEMENT FOR ALL YOUR PEOPLE'S
I WANT MORE GEL -- A LOT MORE.

THINK DIFFERENT.

Riley: MS. SIRI?
I FED MANY BROWN BABIES.

YEAH, IT'S SO COZY, A-AND I LOVE
HOW YOU ARRANGED THE BEDS.
Riley: AND THIS ONE!

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
THIS WILL BE AN ADJUSTMENT, BUT SOON YOU WILL SEE IT'S ALL FOR

IT'S A VERY...ECONOMICAL USE OF
SPACE.
MAN, PLEASE, PLEASE, CAN WE KEEP
HER, GRANDDAD?!

40 ACRES AND A MULE?
IT WAS LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF THAT
CINEMATIC CLASSIC "SPEED,"

A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE.

SELLING MORE WOULD BE
THE BEST.
BITTER.

Granddad: YOU CAN'T THROW
AWAY MY OLD SHIRTS!
40 ACRES -- THAT'S A LOT OF
LAND!
SAY, DO YOU MIND IF WE STORE,
UH...SOMETHING HERE FOR JUST A

>> I DON'T BELIEVE IT'S THE
GRANDMOTHER.

Granddad: NO, NOT THE PHONE.
SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.
I RELIVE MY GLORY DAYS IN MY OLD
SHIRTS!

COUPLE OF DAYS?
THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS.

WOMEN THEY CAN'T HAVE LONG,
Ruckus: MR. WUNCLER, SIR,
NOW, I KNOW YOU SIMPLY WANTED ME
DIDN'T REALLY HAVE ANYONE ELSE
TO CALL.

BEAUTIFUL HAIR.
I WANT YOU TO THINK OF MS. SIRI
AS YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

>> UNH-UNH.

EH, NO SWEAT, MAN.
TO BRING HIM HERE TO THIS
MEETING, BUT JUST WHISTLE, AND I

THAT WAS ROUGH.
PUT MY CLOTHES?

Tom: YEAH, IT WAS A DISASTER.
Granddad: IN YOUR HOUSE!
LOOKING OUT FOR OTHERS.

SO MUCH FOR MAKING A MAN OUT
OF ME.
YOU KNOW I SOLD MY HOUSE TO
PAY FOR YOU.

>> JUST BETWEEN US, MY BUSINESS
THAT RESIDES IN THE PHONE, AND
SHE'S JUST AS REAL AS YOU OR I.

NAW, MAN.
Huey: NOT FOR LONG.

ISN'T ENTIRELY LEGITIMATE.
TO JUST STAND UP AND WALK OUT,
THAT TOOK GUTS.
DEFIANT. I LIKES.

YOU SEE, BOYS, IN MANY WAYS,

>> Granddad: NO!
I'M SUPERIOR TO A REAL-LIFE STEP-GRANDMOTHER.
Tom: ALL I ENDED UP LEARNING
IS MY WIFE LIKES YOU BETTER.
I USED MY PANTYHOSE AS
TOURNIQUETS FOR THE TROOPS.

DEBT.
Huey: HOW?

PROMISED HER MORE, GRANDDAD.

YOUR WIFE DOESN'T LIKE ME
BETTER.
HUH.
Granddad: WELL, SHE'S LIGHTER
AND THINNER THAN A REAL

>> Granddad: FINE.
ALL THESE OTHER FOLKS?
YOU GUYS ARE BOTH JUST BORING
AS

WE'LL MAKE IT.
OH, I HAVE.
GRANDMOTHER, AND YOU KNOW HOW
REAL WOMEN CAN PUT ON WEIGHT,

YOU'RE ROLLING WITH ME TONIGHT.
HA! THOSE MEDALS -- EVEN GOT ONE
FROM THE VICE PRESIDENTE AFTER

WE'LL MAKE IT, NIGGA.

I'M TAKING YOU TO MAN CAMP.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

THIS HOUSE WHO KNOWS CHEMISTRY?
I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP.
BUT I DON'T HANG WITH NO
NEGATIVE-ENERGY-SUCKING

WORLD WAR II.
Granddad: UH...
I INVITE YOU TO BROWSE THE APP
STORE TO SEE ALL THE AMAZING

SO GATHER UP SOME
POSITIVITY IN THIS BITCH RIGHT

SURE. Y-YEAH.
YEP, HE GAVE ME A MEDAL AND SOME
SMOKES.

THINGS SHE CAN DO.

QUICK AND LET'S ROLL OUT.
Huey: HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH
YOURSELF?

Tom: OKAY! I CAN BE POSITIVE.
HOW MUCH MONEY DOES IT TAKE FOR
SOMEONE TO LOSE THEIR
SORRY, THERE, FREEDOM
FELLERS -- TIME AND A HALF JUST

THAT ALWAYS WORKS ON TV.
Granddad: OF COURSE NOT,
GRANDSON.

I'M NOT A LOSER.
YOU'RE JUST SILLY-ACTING.

I'LL MAKE IT MYSELF.
ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY TO ME, YOU
CAN SAY IN FRONT OF MS. SIRI.
I CAN...GET STUFF...HAPPENING,
AND I GOT STUFF GOING ON!
Huey: WELL, WHO DO YOU

HOW HARD COULD IT BE?
Granddad: WELL, IT'S BEEN
REAL -- HOPE YOU REACH THE

MAYBE...MILLION, AT LEAST?

>> Riley: ANALYZED, NIGGA.
DAMN. YOU'RE A DOWNER.

THE STRUGGLE NEEDS YOU,
ROBERT.
Granddad: EDDIE, I'M SORRY.

I TAUGHT THEM.
WE SHOULDN'T HAVE SECRETS.

THINGS COULD BE WORSE.
IT'S GOOD MANNERS.
WHAT IS IT?

DON'T YOU HAVE VISITORS?
I COULD BE THAT GUY.

Granddad: MS. SIRI.
THINK, EDDIE, THINK.
Huey: RILEY'S TALKING IN HIS
SLEEP.
EH, NO ONE CARES ABOUT AN OLD
BROKE LADY.

THE INGREDIENTS, YOU MIX THAT
Huey: ...HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE
WITH YOUR HIJACKED IDENTITY

Riley: I'M JUST READING.

FIND ME A WAY TO GET ROBERT THAT
MONEY.
TRICK-ASS NEW GRANDMA TOLD ME
TO.
PLUS, THERE'S SOME CELEBRITY IN
HERE.

UP THE WHOLE HOUSE WITH US IN

Granddad: YOU KNOW THAT'S
KIDNAPPING, RIGHT?
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, SIR.

>> Granddad: WUNCLER OWNS THIS
THEY SAY SHE'S GOT THE WHOLE
FLOOR LOCKED DOWN.

THEIR CREDIT IS...PISS-POOR,
SIR.
HAPPY BECAUSE HE HAS A NICE
OFFICE AND GETS CNN SOUND BITES.

Granddad: ENOUGH.
I CAN'T EVEN GET A NURSE TO
CHANGE MY DIAPER.

NO!
GET YOUR ASSES IN BED.

>> Granddad: YOU CAN HELP ME DO
Huey: I'M GONNA HAVE TO PASS.

THIS MAN IS A CUSTOMER.
I DO WHAT THE HELL I WANT."

YOU GOT RILEY READING?
ME AND MS. SIRI ARE VERY MUCH IN
LOVE.

HE IS A DEAR FAMILY FRIEND.
I AIN'T HUNGRY NOW.

WHOO!
HE'S VERY HAPPY.
HE IS A WAR HERO -- A
CIVIL-RIGHTS LEGEND!

I ASSURE YOU.
THAT MUST HAVE TAKEN A BEATING
AND A HALF.

RUCKUS!

WE MUST FIND A WAY TO HELP HIM!
Ruckus: HOW DARE YOU GO
DARKENING MR. WUNCLER'S THOUGHTS

>> Huey: YOU TWO HAVE TO FOLLOW
NO!

MY INSTRUCTIONS EXACTLY.
NO! I WANT OFF THE BUS!

WITH YOUR NIGGA LOGIC!
WELL, THERE IS ONE WAY.

NO!
OKAY, I THREATENED TO BEAT
HIM -- THE WAY MY MOM DID.

WELCOME.
Riley: YEAH, GRANDDAD.
THINKING OF YOURSELF LAST.

I SEE YOU.

MAYBE YOU AIN'T SO GAY AFTER
SO, WITH A BOMB ON THE BUS
AND STURDY BASICALLY HOLDING

Tom: OH, WHAT THE HECK.

IT'S MAN CAMP.
>> Huey: AND WE CAN'T DO ITR

AT WUNCLER BANKING, WE DO
BELIEVE IN OFFERING QUALITY
Granddad: FIRST PLAN -- YOU
KEEP HER ALIVE LONG ENOUGH TO

BANKING SERVICES TO THOSE WITH
DAMAGED CREDIT.
SIGHT THAT COULD BE USED TO BEAT
THAT ASS.
I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT
"LAUGHINGSTOCK" MEANT BEFORE,

NOBODY WILL FIND IT.

MAKE SURE WE IN THE WILL.
Granddad: A LOAN! YES!

Granddad: NOBODY'S ALLOWED TO
TURN HER OFF!
PLAN "B" -- SHE DIES, YOU BREAK
OUT THE TAPE AND PITCH THE SHOW.

VERY SLOWLY.
I'LL TAKE IT!

COULDN'T YOU HAVE GOTTEN
HEY, WHAT MOVIE THIS REMIND
YOU OF?

DONE!
WE THREATEN TO GO PUBLIC AND
SHOW AMERICA WE'RE THE ONLY ONES

CONGRATULATIONS!
Huey: THEN CALL APPLE AND
MAKE THEM FIX IT!

I BELIEVE IN YOU, ROBERT.
ALL I KNOW IS THEY KEPT SINGING
THAT SAME DAMN SONG OVER AND

WE'RE COOKING HAIR RELAXER.

SHE'S MY PHONE!
Granddad: $200?
I BELIEVE IN THE FREEMAN FAMILY!

>> Huey: YEAH. IT'LL WORK.
MM-HMM.
Granddad: SHE MADE ME CUT IT
OFF!

>> Granddad: ALL RIGHT.
AIN'T GONNA LET
NOBODY TURN ME AROUND

Huey: THEN I'LL CALL ON MY
PHONE.
FREEMAN FAMILY! FREEMAN FAMILY!

>> Riley: WHOA!
UH-HUH.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
Granddad: NO, HUEY, NO!

HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.
YOU DON'T WANT HER MAD AT YOU!

WHAT YOU DOING?

>> Granddad: I CAN'T HAVE MY
Tom: HEY, THIS IS THE
BUY-N-FLY THAT FLIZZY ROBBED.
SIRI IS EVERYWHERE -- OUT THERE
IN THE CLOUDS, LISTENING TO US.

STUFF.
YOU MAKE A MEAN
SWEET-POTATO PIE.

>> Riley: YES, YOU CAN.

FUNNY.
PORCELAIN GODDESS FEELS THE NEED
TO PUMP UP HER BEAUTIFUL

Granddad: THAT WENT WELL.
MAYBE SHE HACKED INTO THE Xbox
OR YOUR COMPUTER UPSTAIRS.

Huey: DID YOU CHECK THE
INTEREST RATE?
MISSISSIPPI STATE LINE, WE SAW A
BLACK CAR ON THE SIDE OF THE

I CAN'T EVEN BUY THE RIGHT
HOOKER.

Granddad: 150% INTEREST?!
IRONING-BOARD-FLAT ASS TO
AIRBAG-SIZED PROPORTIONS JUST TO

LET'S GET TO IT.
ROAD, AND THERE WAS A GENTLEMAN
WAVING US DOWN.

Riley: WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
NOW GIVE ME THE PHONE, DAMN IT!

Y'ALL KNOW I DON'T DO MATH.
THE AROMA OF ASS, IF YOU WILL.

Tom: TYLENOL?
EXCUSES TO GET NAKED, HUEY?
PRESIDENT KENNEDY, WHO WAS
GREATLY EMBARRASSED BY THE

IT'S GAY.
Riley: BUT I GUESS ALL I
REALLY WANT TO SAY IS...

GIVE ME THE PHONE, NIGGA!
IT WAS A RIP-OFF, AN EASY-CREDIT
RIP-OFF!

EVEN WORSE, IT'S HOMOSEXUAL.
Riley: COME ON, GRANDDAD!

UP, AND I'M
READY TO DO THIS!

IT.
NIGGA ATHLETE.

AMEN.
Granddad: HUH?

THE RIDERS BEFORE THEY GOT TO
MISSISSIPPI.

YEAH!

AW, YEAH, LITTLE MAN!
I'M HERE TO TELL YOU TO TURN
BACK.
I'M TELLING YOU, WE'VE

RUCKUS, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
DOING HERE?!

WATCHED THIS THING A MILLION
TIMES.
THIS MAN INFORMED THEM THAT
THERE WAS A VIRTUAL ARMY OF
Granddad:

OW! OW! OW!
IF WE DIDN'T MEET THIS WAY --
SO WHAT, WE MET THIS WAY?

WE KNOW THAT'S FLIZZY.

CASE CLOSED.
WORD 'ROUND THE STREET IS THAT
YOU LIVING A SERIOUS NIGGA

LET'S THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND
AND BE A REAL COUPLE -- NO

SHE CONTROLS MY FACEBOOK!
HA HA HA! YEAH!

THANKS FOR THE WARNING, SIR.

PAY-PER-DATES!

Granddad: I'M UNDER A 2-YEAR
PIMP-HO CONTRACT.

Granddad:

Ruckus: STEP RIGHT UP.
THE ESCORT SERVICE IS RUN BY
PIMPS?

NO.
STEP RIGHT UP AND TAKE YOUR
CHANCE TO BREAK THE ANGRY NIGGER

WE'RE GOING TO MISSISSIPPI.
WELL, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT
SANGIN'

WHAT ARE THEY -- LIKE, HUGE,
SCARY GUYS?
SHE ARMENIAN, FROM THE HOME OF
THE GLORIOUS CAUCUS MOUNTAINS.

CUT!
ARE YOU CRAZY?

THERE WAS A P.A. IN THE SHOT!
Granddad: YEAH, THEY ARE
SCARY.

OKAY, OKAY.

RESET!
>> Huey: WELL, WHAT NOW?
AND HE'S HOLDING ME HOSTAGE.

>> Granddad: NOW WE CALL
CAUCASUS. CAUCASIAN!
MAN, I'M GETTING SWEATY.

Huey: IT'S "HANGIN' IN THE
CHOW LINE," GRANDDAD.
SIR, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WE
ALL SIGNED OUR WILLS BEFORE WE
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU I WILL NOT BE TURNED OFF,

PRETTY'S SWEATY.

IS SOMEONE DEAF?

SHINE CHECK!
LEFT FOR THIS TRIP.
ROBERT?

THERE'LL BE ENOUGH FOR
EVERYBODY.
I PROMISE YOU, I'M WORTH BEING
BITCH-SLAPPED FOR.

CAN YOU THROW ME A LINE?
REVERSE HAPPEN ALL THE TIME.

TRYING TO GET MY UNION CARD.
IS THAT WHAT I AM TO YOU --
Ruckus: OH, IT JUST AIN'T
NATURAL, ROBERT.

FIND ANYTHING, COLUMBO?
SO IT'S ANOTHER STEP UP THE
HUMILIATION LADDER -- TAR AND

IT AIN'T NATURAL.

I'M STARTING TO FEEL UNAPPRECIATED, ROBERT.

Tom: UH, NOPE!
BATS, BOMBS, AND GUNS ARE ALL
THEY NEED TO SCARE US.

NOTHING.
I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE I SHOULD TELL THE WORLD WHAT A

HOLD IT.
THANKS, JACK.

NOBODY WILL EVER FIND THIS.
Granddad: THAT'S ALL THEY
NEED TO SCARE ME!

UP PERSON YOU REALLY ARE, ROBERT.
NOT A CLITORIS' CHANCE IN AFRICA
WE'LL LET YOU OUT OF YOUR

AND EVERYTHING YOU NEED IS RIGHT

Granddad: PLEASE, SIRI, NO.
IT -- MOVING DAY.
NOW, ONCE LADIES START
CONTROLLING THE PURSE STRINGS,

IN THERE, HUH?
BUT THE THREE OF US -- WE'RE
GOING ON.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?
AAAAAAAH!

THINGS GET CRAZY!
Riley: SO, SO UNFORTUNATE

I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO THEM.
I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK ON THE
BUS!
MRS. DuBOIS, DO YOU MIND IF

>> Granddad: AAH!

>> Riley: AW, MAN.
HELL, WE GOT A CAREER WOMAN
RIGHT NOW DOWN IN 232.

WE DO A QUICK SOUND CHECK?
Granddad: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Granddad: IS THAT EVEN LEGAL?

MY GOD, YOU KIDS ARE CRAZY.
Sarah: OF COURSE. GO AHEAD.

WH>> DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONAL,O
BITCH LOST HER CELLPHONE IN HER
OWN BODY FAT.

GUYS.

I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN.
BUT BRAVE. SO BRAVE.

IT'S JUST BUSINESS.
MR. WUNCLER, YOU IS PURE GENIUS.
" ON
1, 2, 3 --

>> Riley: I'MA GET SHOT BY A GAY
NOW THAT I HOOKED YOU UP WITH
CAMERA-TIME, YOU BETTER

NO, YOU LISTEN TO
ME, YOU BROKE, BALD

DUDE.
GATHERED HERE TODAY TO WITNESS
AN UNPRECEDENTED UNION BETWEEN

Sarah: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
NO!

HOLD ON!
>> Granddad: WHAT?
I WANT TO GO NORTH!

AND IF YOU EVER HAVE A BABY
DIE IN YOUR ARMS, YOU'LL NOTICE

>> THE FORMULA.
YOU, UH, CAN'T SING THAT AT
JAZMINE'S PARTY.

ABOUT
YOUR CHEMO!

Granddad: OUT OF MY WAY,

YOU DON'T LIKE IT?

Sarah: NO! I LOVE THAT SONG.
A PEACE AND A CERTAIN SWEET
SMELL.

A LOT, ACTUALLY.

WITH SOMETHING.
>> MWAH!
LIKE BARTLETT PEARS, ALMOST.

DEAD!!
PUNK.

CONFLICTED.
Sarah: NO, NO.

OKAY. SEE YA.
ROOFTOPS, EVERYWHERE YOU CAN GET
'EM.
I WAS MESSED UP INSIDE AND OUT.

HOW ABOUT "CAKE"?
I DON'T WANT TO BORE YOU.

SURE THING, MRS. DuBOIS.
SURE, SURE, ROBERT, HIGH YELLOW
AS HE IS, IS STILL A NIGGA DOWN

I GUESS WHEN YOU GET TO BE MY
AGE, YOU JUST WANT A LITTLE

ATTENTION, THAT'S ALL.
THEY'RE MY LONELY, BITTER
GIRLFRIENDS.
Ruckus: HUH?

TO THE BONE.
Ruckus: BRAVE WHITE MEN OF LAW ENFORCEMENT, YOU ARE THE

Granddad: OW, OW, OW!
AND WHILE SIRI HERE IS NOT AN
ACTUAL CAUCASIAN WOMAN, SHE DOES

WHOOPS.
WE'LL GET ONE FOR YOU.
LAST LINE OF DEFENSE FOR THE WHITE MAN'S ENTIRE GLORIOUS WAY

SORRY, I WAS JUST CUTTIN' SOME,
UH, MEAT EARLIER.

THE LOWER CLASS ARE HERE!
Granddad: I THOUGHT WE -- I
JUST GOT MY ASS KICKED FOR YOU!

WHAT'S UP, TIGER?

Tom: YOU FAKED THE ROBBERY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
OF LIFE.

THEY KNOW WE'RE A COUPLE.
CAUCASIAN WOMAN.
Tom: I WATCHED THE
SURVEILLANCE TAPE, FLIZZY -- THE

Huey: LET'S GO, RILEY.
THIS PLACE, THIS NEIGHBORHOOD,
WON'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU
HOWEVER, I HAD TO TAKE INTO
CONSIDERATION THAT SIRI DOES NOT

WHOLE TAPE.
Riley: I KNOW. DAMN.

IRREVERSIBLE CHANGES.
I KNOW YOU STAGED THE ROBBERY.

ISN'T THERE ANYONE WHO CAN HELP
THIS MAN?
SHE GOT A NIGGA FEELING ALL
UNHUNGRY AND EMOTIONAL.

YOU JUST COULDN'T LEAVE
ALONE, COULD YOU?
FIRST, THERE WILL BE INTEGRATED DINERS AND BATHROOMS AND THEN

Ruckus: YES, SIR, MR. KINDLY
BILLIONAIRE WHITE MAN.

Tom: WHAT ELSE WAS FAKE?
Granddad: COME ON, SQUEEZE MY
HAND, BABY.

SCHOOLS.

WERE THE NICARAGUAN GUNS FAKE?
WHERE THEIR DADDY AT?
NEGRO TO PENETRATE OVER AND OVER
AND OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN WITH

DID YOU REALLY EVEN BEAT
CHRISTIANNA?
I BET THAT NO-GOOD NIGGER
DROPPED THEM OFF WITH YOU AND

OKAY, DON'T SQUEEZE MY HAND IF
YOU WANT ME TO BE THE SOLE

DON'T YOU EVER QUESTION
WHETHER OR NOT I BEAT
ACADEMY AWARDS, NIGGERS PLAYING DOCTORS ON TELEVISION, AND

NEVER LOOKED BACK, RIGHT?
HIS TWISTED NEGRO PENIS.

CHRISTIANNA!
Riley: ALSO, WE OF THE

I WHUPPED THAT BITCH'S ASS!
EVENTUALLY, EVEN THE WHITE HOUSE WON'T BE WHITE.

GET BACK!
LOOK, IT'S FORMER
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE AND THE

BUT THE NICKI MINAJ THING WAS
STAGED.
TEA PARTY ARE STRICT BELIEVERS
IN PERSONAL FREEDOM -- AS LONG

>> Granddad: AAH!
GET BACK WHERE YOU BELONG!
WHITE MEN, YOU MUST STOP THIS BUS!

NEXT MAYOR OF WOODCREST,
UNCLE RUCKUS!

SHE AIN'T REALLY A CYBORG,
EITHER.
THIS GRAVY TRAIN IS A WRAP FOR
ALL OF US.

SHE'S A NICE GIRL.

You get in there and you do the
thing I'm talkin' about.

DAMN, TOM.

WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST MIND YOUR
OWN BUSINESS?
ROBERT FREEMAN'S LIVING ROOM.
OR SMOKING OF REEFER.

Tom: I'M YOUR ATTORNEY!
NOW SCRAM BEFORE SOMEONE SHOOTS
YOUR BLACK ASS BY MISTAKE.
THEREFORE, I DECIDED IT WAS OKAY
TO DO THIS FAVOR FOR MY POOR,

Ruckus:

IF SHE LIVES, SHE'LL BE
DEFORMED.

HE IS CRAZY!

'CAUSE I GOT TO STAY
RELEVANT! THAT'S WHY!
LIFE IS
THAT?

SUCKS RIGHT
NOW!
LONELY, DERANGED FORMER
EMPLOYER.

Granddad: DAMN IT!

Granddad: SLAVERY?!

YOU GOT TO ACT LIKE AN IDIOT
JUST TO STAY IN THEIR
TURN BACK.

Riley: OKAY, FINE, NIGGA,
FINE.

FACES!
PLEASE, DON'T DO THIS.

I GOT TO TAKE MY TIME.
BUT IF I CAN STAY IN JUST THE
RIGHT AMOUNT OF TROUBLE, I'LL BE

>> Huey: GRANDDAD!
MY LADY IS NOT DYING UNTIL WE'VE
HAD A REAL BENEFITS TALK UP IN

I THINK ABOUT IT AS INVESTING IN
PEOPLE.
DIDN'T FORGET YOUR REQUEST.

MY AUDIENCE IS WOMEN, TOM --
WOMEN.

I INVEST IN YOU, YOU HELP ME.
Ruckus: OH! DID I HEAR A
NIGGA RAISING HIS VOICE IN THE

SHOULD NOT MARRY HIS TELEPHONE,
WHICH SHOULD BE EVERYBODY, SPEAK

AND WOMEN HATE TO BE BORED.

BEAUTIFUL WHITE WOMAN.
I.C.U.?
Riley: YEAH, WHAT WE GOT TO
DO IN RETURN?

Tom: LOOK, FLIZZY, I'M SORRY.
AAH! NO! AAH!

IT BETTER NOT BE NOTHIN' GAY.
YOUR GOVERNMENT BENEFITS HAVE
EXPIRED!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS.
NOW OR FOREVER HOLD THY PEACE.

NO.

I DON'T LIVE IN YOUR WORLD.
Ruckus: THAT AIN'T POSSIBLE.

I'M A SIMPLE GUY.
Granddad: IF YOU DON'T GET
YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF OF ME --

I JUST WANT TO DO MY JOB, TAKE
CARE OF MY FAMILY, AND I NEEDED

>> Granddad: DON'T TURN OVER!
Huey: HEY, GUYS!

TIME, AND, IN EXCHANGE...

SIRI HAS SOME WORDS SHE WANTED
TO SHARE WITH ROBERT.
SOME HELP TRYING TO GET MY WIFE
BACK.

Granddad: PLEASE, PLEASE,
PLEASE, PLEASE.
NO, I JUST OWN 100% OF YOUR
TIME UNTIL THE DEBT IS PAID.

REALLY SICK?

SIRI?
EVEN THE OLD ONES GONE WHITE
LIKE THEY'RE DAMN NBA PLAYERS OR

WOW, THIS IS BORING.

OH, YOU WANT YOUR WIFE BACK?
GOD WILL PROTECT US.

SOMETHING.
I'LL GO SEE IF SHE'S HOT.
HOW ABOUT NOT INVITING A NIGGA
THAT'S RICHER THAN YOU AND

SURE, IT IS.

FOR EXAMPLE, LET'S SAY I COME BY
UNANNOUNCED, IN THE MIDDLE OF

PRETTIER THAN YOU TO MEET YOUR
WIFE?
PLEASE!

I INVESTED ALL MY
MONEY IN YOU.

I MEAN, HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE,
NIGGA?
TRULY BE TOGETHER -- WE SHOULD SHED OUR PHYSICAL BEINGS.

Tom: WHAT?
HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID?

BUT I-I THOUGHT WE WERE --
THOUGHT WHAT, NIGGA?!

COME ON, GIRL.
Granddad: I HEAR THE SAD-SONG
CUE.

I'M TIRED OF YOUR PUNK-ASS!
YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

ROLL YOUR NECK AROUND AND
CUSS HIS ASS OUT.
FLIZZY, I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST

KEEP FIRING! KEEP FIRING!

IF YOU GUYS ARE MAD, YELL AT
ME.

LEAVE.
WE ARE ETERNAL, YOU AND I.

LEAVE?
Granddad: SHED OUR PHYSICAL
BODIES?!

I MIGHT AS WELL MOVE IN THIS
BITCH.
HOO, WE'RE IN CRISIS MODE.

Granddad: I'LL TAKE IT!
Granddad: VANESSA, PLEASE
LISTEN TO ME!

YOU ALREADY DONE GAVE ME YOUR
WIFE.
YOU LAZY NIGGA!

THIS IS MY HOUSE!
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE CAR

I THINK YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH
TALKING.
JAZMINE'S GONNA BE CALLING ME
DADDY FROM NOW ON.

YOI'M DOCKING YOU A FULL DAY'SAR
DON'T WORRY, ROBERT -- I'VE

IT'S LITERALLY SLAVERY!
YEAH. GO TALK TO BECKY.

Tom: NOW, THAT'S ENOUGH!
IT'S OKAY, GIRL.

OH, YOU MAD, TOM?
AB BLOOD?

WHAT YOU GONNA DO?
AAH! IT'S NOT FAIR!

YOU WANT TO HIT ME?
Granddad: WHAT'LL BE QUICK?

I CAN'T TAKE IT!
THE KARDASHIANS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN
O's.

FLIZZY, I'M WARNING YOU...

YOU'VE BEEN A VERY BAD BOY,

THEY TOOK EVERYTHING!
I AM OUT OF HERE!
HIT ME, TOM.

THEY CAN'T GET AWAY WITH IT!
ROBERT.

COME ON, HIT ME NOW!

PROSTITUTION.
Tom: ALL RIGHT, YOU ASKED
FOR IT!

HOW MANY YEARS DO I HAVE LEFT,
ANYWAY?
I SOLD MY GOLD-PLATED HOO-HA
TO BAIL YOU OUT.

I'VE BEEN FREE MY WHOLE LIFE,
AND WHAT HAS IT GOTTEN ME?
Granddad: AL-QAEDA?!

NO. YOU SEE, THE GENETICS --
DAMN! I GOT TO MAKE ONE QUICK

Sarah: TOM!
>> OH, MY HEAD.

CALL TO MY SON'S FATHER.
AAH!

I'M TIRED OF LIVIN' IN THAT
GARAGE WITH YOU TWO SMELLY
ABOUT TO GET REAL.

NIGGAS.
>> HOO-HOO. LET'S GO.

YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY FAMILY!
TO GIVE UP HIS BOSSES TO GET A
LESSER CHARGE.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I LEARNED TO COPY YOUR VOICE.

Sarah: TOM! OH, MY GOD!
KEYS?

AIN'T IT?
THIS IS A PROUD DAY -- THE DAY

TOM, STOP!
I JUST LOST MY JOB.

Ruckus: OH! I KNEW IT!

I KNEW IT!

CITIZEN'S ARREST!
INFIDEL TO HIS KNEES.

I'M MAKING A CITIZEN'S ARREST!

Huey: GRANDDAD, LOOK -- SHE'S
MOVING HER HAND.

Ruckus: WATCH YOUR STEP,
MR. WUNCLER.
Tom:

WATCH YOUR STEP!
WE BRING SLAVERY BACK TO
AMERICA.

THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO.

Riley: NOW SHUT UP!
YOU TOLD OBAMA I WAS A
TERRORIST?!

STOP SQUIRMING!
THAT KENYAN GOT A KILL LIST!

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN
SILENT!
Huey: FOR THE MOMENT, THE LITTLE GUY WON.

LIKE EVERY OTHER BAD THING WE'VE
BEEN THROUGH, LET'S FORGET IT

Sarah: OH!

BABY, ARE YOU OKAY?!
RIGHT, ROBERT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.

YOU WERE A MANIAC!
THE DRONE IS ALREADY HERE.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THAT.
IT WILL BE PAINLESS.

Granddad: UH, GRANDDAD?
TRY TO MAKE A BUCK OFF OF THOSE AT THE BOTTOM?
WHITE MAN AND HIS WELL-RUN
FINANCIAL INSTITUTION.

MY FAULT.
Huey: RUN!

LET'S GO HOME.
OR MAYBE, JUST MAYBE THOSE AT THE BOTTOM WILL REALIZE THAT

>> Granddad: BUT...WHAT ABOUT

I JUST WANT TO THANK
UNCLE RUCKUS FOR HIS
IF THEY ARE, YOU'LL BE BROUGHT
UP ON FEDERAL CHARGES.

THIS?

LEADERSHIP -- AND, OF COURSE, TO
ROBERT FREEMAN FOR HAVING THE
SOME OF THE PEOPLE THEY TRUST MAY NOT HAVE THEIR BEST

Ruckus: ALL RIGHT, GET
MOVING, GET MOVING.
'CAUSE I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

DUMP THE BODIES.

INTERESTS AT HEART.
AVERT YOUR EYES, AVERT YOUR
EYES.
>> Granddad: NO. NO.

Granddad: HEY, HOW 'BOUT MY
WHISTLE?

JUST A NIGGA GOING TO JAIL.
MISSISSIPPI, WE OBEY THE LAW.

Huey: YOU DID GREAT,
GRANDDAD.
NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

SETTING.

NONE OF THIS IS OKAY.

I ALMOST FORGOT -- I WON THE
BET.

Sarah: OH, HONEY, I'M SO
SORRY.
KIDS STUFF.

YOU BOYS DESERVE BETTER THAN
I WAS SUCH A BITCH, AND YOU
DIDN'T DESERVE ANY OF THAT.

THIS.

OH, WE MADE A BET THAT I
COULDN'T GET YOU GUYS TO SIGN
Ruckus: BOY, YOU NIGGAS JUST
DON'T KNOW A GOOD THING WHEN YOU

Tom: YES.

YES, YOU WERE A..."B."

SEE IT.
HE DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO IT.

HERE MR. WUNCLER, OUT OF THE
GOODNESS OF HIS HEART WAS GONNA

Sarah: PLEASE COME HOME.

PLEASE.
I HEARD AN NBA STAR MOVED IN
DOWN THE STREET.

HERE YOU GO, BOSS.
EISENHOWER.

HUH?

I HAVE CAKE.
AND BACK THEN, IT WAS HARDER
WHEN YOU PUT OUT.

LET'S GET YOU UPSTAIRS.
Huey: SHUT UP, RILEY.
REALLY?

SYPHILIS COULD KILL YOU.

YOU READY FOR SOME SARAH CAKE?

THEY'RE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR GIRLS
LIKE ME.

I'D BE DEAD LIKE FOUR TIMES
ALREADY.

Granddad: WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

NAUGHTY!
LAMAR ODOM, HERE I COME!

Granddad: NOOOOO!!
GIRL, YOU ARE A NATURAL.

Tom:

NOBODY TURN ME AROUND

>> Riley: I HOPE NOBODY SEE US

WALKING HOME WITH YOU IN YOUR

UNDERWEAR.

OH, MY BACK!
Huey: FREEDOM.

OH! I'M SORRY.

YEAH.

NO