Original subtitles

DEFENSE ATTORNEYS WHO DEFEND THEM.

>> Huey: IN RETROSPECT, IT

THIS IS ONE OF THEIR STORIES.

JUST FINISHED UP WITH THE CLERK.

HE'S SHOOK UP BUT OKAY.

SAID THE GUY JUST FLIPPED OUT, STARTED DANCING LIKE

COME

FAULT, GRANDDAD. MICHAEL JACKSON, THEN SHOWED A GUN AND ROBBED THE PLACE.

FORGIVE YOU.

PERP WAS A BLACK MALE, AROUND 19, REALLY SEXY --

OVER!

SEXY?

EXACTLY HOW SEXY?

DIMPLES, "HONEY BROWN" COMPLEXION, CHISELED ABS, EXTRA

SHINY CHAP-STICKED LIPS...

Huey: THIS IS WOODCREST -- AN

DAMN, THAT IS SEXY.

>> Granddad: OH, NO.

THERE'S ONLY ONE 19-YEAR-OLD BLACK MALE THAT MATCHES THAT

SEXY PROFILE.

PRETTY BOY FLIZZY.

NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

UM, ONLY THE HOTTEST UP-AND-COMING R&B STAR!

HERE IS WHERE ROBERT JEBEDIAH FREEMAN, WAR

YOU'VE HEARD OF HIS SONGS -- "TITTY TELETHON"?

"PLEASURE ME ORALLY"?

"DON'T TOUCH MY ANUS, GIRL"? ALL RIGHT, THINK.

HOW WOULD I HAVE HEARD THIS? WE GOT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT WE'RE

OKAY, I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD, "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!"

HUEY, WHAT DO WE DO?

ALL DAY LONG ON THE RADIO, THAT'S ALL I HEAR, EVEN ON THE >> Huey: WE GO HOME. THIS WAY.

Huey: WE'RE RIGHT HERE, GRANDDAD.

WHITE STATIONS.

NO, I HAVEN'T HEARD "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!"

WE HAVE NO HOME.

WE ARE LEAVING WOODCREST FOREVER.

THAT'S DISGUSTING. WE HAVE NOTHING!

EH, IT'S NOT MY THING, BUT IT'S WHAT PASSES FOR R&B NOW,

ALL RIGHT?

Huey: NOW, THAT'S TRUE, GRANDDAD.

I GOT TEENAGE DAUGHTERS.

THEY'RE INTO BLACK GUYS, SO THIS IS WHAT I GOT TO HEAR.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN BLACK SINGERS WOULD

DRESS IN HIGH-HEEL BOOTS OR BURN HOOKERS WITH CRACK PIPES?

BUT NOTHING WORKED OUT AS PLANNED.

YOU'RE SHOWING YOUR AGE, MY FRIEND.

>> Huey: GRANDDAD! FLIZZY'S IN TOWN, DOING A SHOW AT WOODCREST POST PAVILION

ANOTHER, AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT FOR MOVIN' US HERE.

I WAS HOPING TO GO.

NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE.

I'M TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.

>> Granddad: NOPE. THIS IS IT.

Riley: WELL, I SAY IT'S ABOUT TIME!

END OF THE ROAD FOR ME.

I BEEN SAYIN' THIS PLACE SUCKS SINCE WE SHOWED UP.

>> Huey: GRANDDAD, WE DON'T HAVE

Granddad: WELL, I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON.

BUILDER REFUSED

>> Granddad: YOU GUYS GO.

INSPIRATION THAT MADE LADY SING Huey: WAIT A MINUTE, GRANDDAD.

I'M GOING TO STAND IN THE MIDDLE

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

Granddad: WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN, GRANDSON?

UNTIL THE

Huey: I MEAN, YOU NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OR LEARN A

THEN I'M GONNA GO OUT LIKE A

G!

LESSON...EVER.

Granddad: UH...

Huey: WE'RE BROKE, AREN'T WE, GRANDDAD?

Granddad: EHHH...

Riley: GRANDDAD BROKE? PSH.

COME

HUEY, YOU CRAZY, BOY.

TILL THE WAR IS WON

EVERYBODY KNOW GRANDDAD GOT LOTS OF PAPER.

TELL HIM, GRANDDAD.

I'M SORRY, BOYS.

Riley: AW, NO, GRANDDAD.

YOU DIDN'T!

Huey: GRANDDAD, CALM DOWN.

GRANDDAD, WHAT WE GOT TO EAT?!

WE HAVE NO MONEY?

Granddad: RENT!

Granddad: THEN HAVE SLEEP FOR DINNER!

WHAT'S WORSE THAN NO MONEY?

YOU CAN EAT TOMORROW.

YOU'RE GETTING FAT ANYWAY!

THE SECURITY-CAMERA FOOTAGE YOU'RE WATCHING IS ALLEGEDLY OF

Huey: HOW MUCH?

Granddad: A COUPLE...

A COUPLE...

R&B SUPERSTAR PRETTY BOY FLIZZY HOLDING UP A LIQUOR STORE IN

Granddad: MNH-MNH.

Huey: HUNDRED THOUSAND?

Granddad: MILLION!

WOODCREST.

I REFINANCED WITH THAT DAMN

WHILE IT IS DIFFICULT TO CLEARLY SEE THE SUSPECT'S FACE,

ADJUSTABLE-RATE MORTGAGE!

AUTHORITIES SAY HIS SEXINESS IS AN EXACT MATCH.

THE DANCING LADY IN THAT POP-UP AD LOOKED SO FRIENDLY!

THIS ISN'T FLIZZY'S FIRST RUN-IN WITH THE LAW.

LAST YEAR, HE RECEIVED FOUR MONTHS PROBATION AFTER BEATING

UP TO 21%?

HIS THEN-GIRLFRIEND CHRISTIANNA LIVE ONSTAGE DURING THE GRAMMYS.

Riley: AW, GRANDDAD.

HERE?

>> Huey: I TOLD YOU -- I'M I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS FOR BEATING MY HOT

WORKING WITH VERY UNSTABLE

Granddad: I'M SORRY.

I'M SO...SO...SO...

KNOCK.

Riley: IT'S GONNA BE REAL EMBARRASSING BEING THE ONLY

R&B GIRLFRIEND.

I LET MY FANS DOWN.

FINANCIAL PLANNER, AND YOU'RE WITHOUT YOU, I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE AN R&B GIRLFRIEND TO BEAT.

Both: WHOA.

>> Huey: MAN, WHY WE HAVE TO GO?

A YEAR BEFORE THAT, FLIZZY RECEIVED A TWO-YEAR SUSPENDED

SITUATION HAS CHANGED, WE NEED

TO START THINKING LIKE WHITE SENTENCE FOR SMUGGLING AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FROM NICARAGUAN REBELS.

PEOPLE -- ALL OF US.

>> Huey: I TOLD YOU I HAVE TO

I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS FOR SMUGGLING

PAYMENT

JUST DOING A CHEMISTRY PROJECT

AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FROM SOUTH AMERICAN DEATH SQUADS.

>> Huey: YES, GRANDDAD.

I SWEAR.

I MAKE NO EXCUSES, OTHER THAN IT WAS A REALLY GOOD DEAL AND THEY

UNDER

>> Granddad: WHAT IS THAT --

WERE THROWING IN A LOT OF FREE AMMUNITION.

SIX MONTHS AGO, FLIZZY WAS ARRESTED FOR FIGHTING IN THE

UP THEIR BOOTY HOLE, THEN THEY

WATER

V.I.P. SECTION OF A NIGHTCLUB WITH NICKI MINAJ.

TO BLOW UP THE WHOLE PLANE?

YOU'D BETTER NOT BE MAKING NO

I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS, FOR FIGHTING IN THE

GRANDDAD.

V.I.P. SECTION WITH NICKI MINAJ.

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT GOING

IN MY DEFENSE, I THOUGHT SHE WAS A ROBOT SENT FROM THE FUTURE TO

WITH THE BILLY DEE LOOK.

KILL ME.

WOODCREST TEA PARTY CHAIRMAN UNCLE RUCKUS STAGED A SMALL

PROTEST AT THE VENUE TODAY.

Ruckus: WHO KEEPS GIVING THESE HIGH-YELLOW FELONS RECORD

DON'T HOLD BACK.

CONTRACTS?!

>> I'VE BEEN GIVING IT TO YOU

OH, OH, IT'S JUST A RECORD YOU SAY!

MR. FREEMAN.

WELL, WHITE FOLKS, YOU WON'T BE SAYING THAT WHEN THE NIGGA THAT

YOUR CREDIT CARDS IS MAXED OUT.

SINGS ON THAT RECORD COMES TO TOWN AND IMPREGNATES ALL THE

YOU'RE BROKE.

YOU'VE GOT ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH.

WHITE WOMEN OF CHILD-REARING AGE!

BEFORE YOU AND YOUR

AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE PLANS TO DO!

STARVING. JUST THINK OF ALL THE GOVERNMENT MONEY AND FOOD STAMPS THAT THEM

DO YOU REALLY NEED CABLE,

YOU REALLY NEED ALL THAT DAMN ORANGE JUICE?!

I SEE A LOT OF MONEY ON

LITTLE MIXED-RACE QUADROON NIGGA CHILDREN WILL BE CONSUMING!

>> Riley: WE DON'T GO TO

RESTAURANTS.

AND THEY CONSUME A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN REGULAR CHILDREN

FROM NOW ON, THAT'S ALL THE ORANGE JUICE YOU GET.

>> YOU'LL PROBABLY ALSO NEED TO 'CAUSE THEY EATIN' FOR TWO RACES!

I'MA STILL BE THIRSTY AFTER THAT.

OTHERS FELT DIFFERENTLY.

HOW MANY KIDNEYS DO YOU HAVE, I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS.

LISTEN UP.

MR. FREEMAN? FLIZZY CAN WHUP MY ASS ANYTIME!

DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS WHO

COME ON! BEAT IT UP, FLEEZY!

TRAFFIC IN DRUGS?

WHOO!

Sarah: I WANT YOU TO GET MAD AT ME, ONCE IN AWHILE, YOU KNOW?

MR. FREEMAN, LOOK OVER HERE!

Tom: IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND...

Granddad: TURN THAT DOWN.

NOW LISTEN, LISTEN. Shh!

Sarah: I'M TIRED OF IT!

IT'S BORING!

IT'S BORING ME TO DEATH! A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO...

Tom: SARAH, PLEASE CALM DOWN!

I SAID I APOLOGIZE!

OUT OF NOWHERE, A MR. UNCLE RUCKUS.

Sarah: THERE YOU GO AGAIN.

YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!

Sarah: APOLOGIZING! OH, HOW THE HIGH YELLOW SHALL BE

Tom: YOU DON'T WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE?

KNOCK-OFF ED WUNCLER AND HIS ECONOMY-CRUSHING SON, EDDIE JR.

Sarah: NO, I DON'T!

Tom: OKAY, I'M SORRY I'M APOLOGIZING.

>> Granddad: LEAVE ME ALONE,

RUCKUS.

Sarah: YOU DID IT AGAIN! I'M WORKING AS FAST AS I CAN.

Tom: SARAH, CALM DOWN!

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY!

I CAN'T STOP!

OH, NO. UNH-UNH. UNH-UNH.

Sarah: OH, I SWEAR TO GOD, TOM, IF YOU APOLOGIZE AGAIN, YOU

RARE SKIN CONDITION CALLED REVITILIGO.

ARE OUT OF HERE!

RICHARD PRYOR -- NOTHING.

Tom: I'M -- MM.

LIBERALS ARE, OF COURSE, RIDICULING THIS MAN'S DISEASE,

OKAY.

THEN JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

Sarah: THAT'S THE PROBLEM, TOM!

CLOSING TIME.

I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO!

I WANT YOU TO DO WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO BUT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO

TONIGHT.

UNCLE RUCKUS RAN FOR PRESIDENT AND BASICALLY ALMOST WON.

AIN'T NO NIGGA MAKE NO PLANS!

BUT WHY NOT JUST TELL ME?!

HIS STANDOUT MOMENT WAS DURING

Sarah: BECAUSE!

NO WOMAN WAKES UP AND SAYS, "GEE, I HOPE MY MAN DOES NOW, I GOT SOME PLANS, TOO.

I PLAN TO KEEP YOUR BLACK ASS EVERYTHING I TELL HIM TO TODAY."

HERE.

YOU'RE THE MAN, TOM!

SOMETIMES I WANT YOU TO DOMINATE! >> Granddad: SUMBITCH!

ONE MINUTE.

Ruckus: I DON'T NEED A MINUTE.

TAKE CONTROL! >> Riley: YOU HEARD THAT MAN,

IF I'M OUT OF LINE, PUT ME IN CHECK!

WE DON'T HAVE THE FINANCES TO BE

FEEDING THESE BITCHES. Tom: SURE, HONEY.

>> Granddad: EVERYTHING'S FINE.

WHATEVER YOU SAY.

Sarah: OHH! TOM!

Tom: FINE!

I HEAR YOU!

GRANDDAD'S TAKING BITCHES OUT TO FROM NOW ON, I'LL TAKE CONTROL, AND I WON'T APOLOGIZE ANYMORE.

EAT AGAIN!

EXCEPT, WAIT.

YOU WANTED ME TO STOP APOLOGIZING, SO I'M SUPPOSED TO

Ruckus: YOU SEE, FELLOW WHITE AMERICANS, THIS IS WHY I AM

DO THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.

RIGHT?

YEAH, SO THEN I GUESS I WILL APOLOGIZE, THEN...

NOW, BEIN' BLACK IS BAD -- AIN'T NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT -- AND

AW, DAMN IT.

IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU.

SORRY? I MIGHT STILL HAVE TIME TO RUN

GET OUT.

>> Riley: NO WAY, GRANDDAD.

Tom: NOW, HONEY, DON'T DO -- Sarah: GET OUT!

PAY YOUR BILLS, DEADBEAT NIGGA.

Granddad: RUCKUS, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

Tom: OW!

Riley: AW, MAN, HERE HE COME!

Granddad: RILEY, HIT THE LIGHTS!

Riley: MM-HMM.

Granddad: HUEY, ELECTRONICS!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

HERE IN THE WHITE MAN'S HOUSE THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD?

I'M TIRED OF THAT HENPECKED SIMP COMING OVER HERE EVERY TIME

SHE THROWS HIM OUT, SCREAMING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH.

THIS TIME, HE CAN SLEEP IN THE YARD.

FOOD STAMPS, NIGGA?

WHILE IT IS DIFFICULT TO CLEARLY SEE THE SUSPECT'S FACE, PRETTY BOY. PLAYER.

AUTHORITIES HA--

Tom: PLEASE.

I DON'T NEED THIS TODAY!

Huey: IT'S TOILET PAPER AND

SORRY FOR THE LATE DATE.

I WAS ON MY WAY TO TAPE JIMMY KIMMEL, AND I THOUGHT I

WOULD STOP BY AND SEE HOW Y'ALL NIGGAS WAS DOIN'.

UM, ANYWAY, YOU ALL SET FOR

HEY, HOW THAT BLACK-PRESIDENT THING WORK OUT FOR YOU?

WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, BABY?

Granddad: RUCKUS, ENOUGH!

HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY HOUSE PAYMENTS, ANYWAY?

YOU COME BY TO RUB IT IN?

HEY. HERE'S AN IDEA.

Ruckus: NO, SIR, I DID NOT.

I CAME BY TO TELL YOU I QUIT!

DINNER AND JUST DO SOMETHING...

NOW THAT I'M AN OFFICIAL WOODCREST MAYORAL CANDIDATE, I

A POP-TART.

YOU KNOW, LIKE WATCH A MOVIE ON

WILL NO LONGER WORK FOR Y'ALL NIGGAS, MEXICANS, OR SWARTHY

BASIC CABLE, POP SOME POPCORN,

HEY, DON'T TELL MY GRANDDAD ABOUT THIS.

PERSIANS.

WE NOT SUPPOSED TO FEED YOU.

MR. RUCKUS, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

Ruckus: GET OFF ME, ROBERT!

A LITTLE SHORT ON CASH.

GET YOUR NIGGA HANDS OFF ME!

OH, WHAT A SURPRISE -- THE NIGGA IS RESORTING TO VIOLENCE.

HELLO?

>> Riley: WHEW.

THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.

WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

>> Granddad: IT'S JUST NOT FAIR.

Tom: I REALLY DON'T THINK IT'S PRUDENT TO RECORD AN

Granddad: IT'LL BE OKAY.

I'M NOT RECORDING.

THIS IS A LIVE STREAM.

I'M NOT VERY FIT.

WHAT'S UP?

Y'ALL KNOW WHO IT IS -- PRETTY BEEZY FLEE-YEEZEY-WEEZY,

I MEAN, LAST WEEK WAS THE FIRST PAYMENT I MISSED, SO I FIGURE

YOU KNOW?

I APPRECIATE ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT Y'ALL BEEN SENDING ME

THAT I HAVE ABOUT, UH...

SINCE THE WHOLE INCIDENT WENT DOWN.

NEVER FEAR. BUT I HAD MONEY, AND AS LONG AS

GOT BIG LAWYERS ON THE CASE.

SAY WHAT'S UP TO TOM DuBOIS. I HAD MONEY, I COULD HAVE A

MODERATELY SATISFYING SEX LIFE.

Tom: FLIZZY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO TURN IT OFF, NOW.

>> Riley: UGH.

KILL THE CAMERA, B.

Tom: I ALSO THINK THESE PEOPLE SHOULD LEAVE.

"THESE PEOPLE?" YOU MEAN "THESE PEOPLE?"

Tom: I MEAN THESE PEOPLE.

YOU MEAN MY PEOPLE, NIGGA!

THESE MY PEOPLE.

ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY TO ME YOU CAN SAY IN FRONT OF THEM.

IF ANYTHING, NIGGA, YOU THE STRANGER HERE.

DAD TURNED OVER THE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT TO ME.

YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE ROOM.

Tom: IT'S MY OFFICE.

OKAY, THEN, SO WHAT'S THE BIG SECRET THAT YOU CAN'T

YOU'RE ED THE THIRD'S DAD?

TELL ME IN FRONT OF MY FANS AND MY PEOPLE?

MATTER OF FACT, WHY AM I EVEN HERE?

Tom: YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR CRIMINAL CASE.

CAN I COME IN?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT!

Tom: I REVIEWED THE CASE, AND I'VE WATCHED THE SECURITY

COOL. SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

CAN YOU GET ME OFF?

Tom: DID YOU ROB THE LIQUOR STORE, FLIZZY?

THE COUCH IS...UH, BEAUTIFUL, WITH THE...THE CARPET.

I CAN'T SAY THAT...I DID IT, BUT, HONESTLY, REALLY CAN'T SAY

OH, I-I'M SORRY.

THIS IS MY ASSISTANT, VANDERBILT.

Tom: AND WHY CAN'T YOU SAY "F'SHO"?

WE'RE GONNA BE

UP! RICH.

>> Tom: YEAH, MY HAIR'S SO SILKY Tom: AND HOW ABOUT THESE -- HOW ABOUT YOUR ENTOURAGE?

SMOOTH.

MM-HMM? HMM.

DO THEY KNOW ANYTHING?

UP, TOO!

HEY, MAN, WHEN WE GO OUT, WE GO HARD. I DON'T WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME.

GIRLS.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW COMPLICATED IT IS BEING ME.

WE'RE NOT EXACTLY WHERE I NEED TO BE WITH THE HOUSE.

IT'S PRETTY HOT.

ALL THE TIME I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I SAID.

BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD.

Tom: HOW?

'CAUSE I GOT LIKE 18 PEOPLE TWEETING FOR ME AT ONE TIME.

Granddad: YEAH, ABOUT THAT...

LOOK, I'M JUST HERE TO GET YOU THE OUT.

UP!

SO, LIKE, I LOOK AT THE TAPE AND I SAY, "IS IT ME, OR IS IT

YOU'RE SITTING ON A GOLD MINE.

SOMEONE I JUST PAID TO ROB A LIQUOR STORE WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE

>> Granddad: OH, THANK YOU,

>> Granddad: OH, THANK YOU,

ME?" I DON'T KNOW.

SOMEDAY.

>> Tom: SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN? Tom: OKAY, I WANT YOU TO KNOW UP FRONT THAT I HAVE SERIOUS

>> Riley: YEAH, HOW DO WE GET

ISSUES WITH SOME OF YOUR BEHAVIOR IN THE PAST, ESPECIALLY

ROBERT, IT'S ME.

IT'S YOUR NEPHEW, EDDIE.

HITTING A WOMAN. THERE'S A LOT THAT HAS TO BE

I KNEW YOU WAS GONNA SAY THAT.

CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT, THOUGH?

POCKET CHANGE.

Tom: NO, I DON'T -- CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT,

DON'T NEED THAT.

THOUGH? YOU HAVE?

>> Granddad: I'M NOT SURE. Tom: NO, FLIZZY, THERE'S -- CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT

YOU REMEMBER THOSE NUNS WAS TRYIN' TO HIDE

Tom: FINE! WHAT?!

>> Huey: HEY, GRANDDAD.

THE THORNY CROWN IN THE WALL?

HAVE YOU SEEN THAT CONTAINER OF UP!

>> Granddad: HEY, HUEY. Riley: HEY, MAN, WHY YOU STEALIN' OUR STUFF?!

HOW MUCH MORE OF THAT WAVE CREAM

SOON AS I GOT ARRESTED, I SAID, "I WANT THE DUDE THAT GOT

H>> Huey: GRANDDAD, YOU DIDN'T.M

>> Granddad: THIS WAVE CREAM YOU

R. KELLY OFF."

Tom: WELL, I PROSECUTED R. KELLY, AND I --

NEVER MIND. CREAM.

Tom: MY ANSWER IS ALMOST CERTAINLY NO, BUT...I'LL THINK

IT'S YOUR HOUSE.

IT'S YOUR LIVING ROOM.

ABOUT IT. >> Granddad: IT GROWS HAIR --

IF I DO TAKE THE CASE, MY RETAINER IS --

DEAD GRANDMOTHER'S ASHES!

MY RETAINER IS...

OKAY, SO, LOOK.

ENTERTAIN THAT.

HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE COMPOUND FOR A

THE NEW RATE ON YOUR SUB-PRIME, NON-PRIME, UNDER-PRIME MORTGAGE

Tom: PLEASE STOP THROWING MONEY AT ME.

>> Both: A BOMB?!

IS $52,000.47.

THINGS A BITCH WILL NEVER SAY.

WASN'T A BOMB.

YOU SPECIFICALLY SAID IT WAS NOT HEY, THAT'S A SONG!

A BOMB!

>> Granddad: BOY, COME HERE! A'IGHT, PIMPIN', I'M-A SEE YOU TOMORROW.

I CAN'T COME UP WITH THAT KIND OF MONEY IN A MONTH!

YOU WANT TO MAKE A BOMB?

WELL, NOT IF YOU KEEP PUTTIN' ALL THAT NEGATIVE ENERGY INTO

WITH THIS BELT.

>> Huey: YOU GOT TO WASH THAT

YOU GOT TO THINK POSITIVE.

Tom: THAT SINGER PRETTY BOY FLIZZY CAME IN TODAY.

SAY, "I WILL GET EDDIE'S MONEY IN A MONTH."

Sarah: PRETTY BOY FLIZZY?

ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

HE'S HIRING YOU TO DEFEND HIM FOR THE LIQUOR-STORE THING?

Granddad: I WILL GET EDDIE'S MONEY IN A MONTH.

>> Granddad: DAMN IT, BOY, WHY

TOM, THAT'S HUGE! Granddad: WAIT! NO!

Tom: DON'T GET TOO EXCITED.

IT'S ALL GONNA BE OKAY.

I'M NOT TAKING THE CASE.

Sarah: WHY NOT? AND GET OUR FREEDOM BACK.

Tom: I DON'T WANT TO DEFEND A WOMAN-BEATER, FOR ONE.

YOU KNOW, FOR A SMART NIGGA, YOU

Sarah: HE MADE A LITTLE TINY MISTAKE.

COME UP WITH SOME DUMBASS PLANS.

Tom: I GUESS HITTING A WOMAN IS OKAY IF YOU HAVE ABS,

Listen to me.

Fake your deaths.

Sarah: HE'S A TALENTED ARTIST.

Fake...your...deaths.

Tom: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, OKAY.

SLOW DOWN.

"FLUID SWAP"?

"RUB AGAINST MY ERECTION"?

WRITE IT DOWN BEFORE WE FORGET.

"YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH"?

ONE SPARK, AND HEADS COULD

I LOVE "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!"

ACTUALLY EXPLODE.

OH, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GET HIM TO SING AT JAZMINE'S

EXPLOSIONOF BEAUTIFUL HAIR." ■

BIRTHDAY?

Tom: NO! DO YOU LET HER LISTEN TO THAT?

Sarah: OUR PROBLEMS HAVE BEEN ROUGH ON HER.

>> Huey: GRANDDAD, YOU'RE GONNA

KILL PEOPLE. IT WOULD BE NICE TO, YOU KNOW...

>> Granddad: WE'LL PUT A WARNING

WHAT?

FREEMAN.

Tom: DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

MORAL DILEMMA SOLVED.

Sarah: WHAT?

Tom: THIS ISN'T ABOUT JAZMINE.

Granddad: MR. WUNCLER.

YOU WANT TO MEET PRETTY BOY FLIZZY.

UH...

NO, JAZMINE WANTS TO MEET PRETTY BOY FLIZZY.

I WAS JUST...WONDERING IF YOU, UM, HAD THAT MONEY.

Tom: NO, YOU WANT ME TO DEFEND PRETTY BOY FLIZZY BECAUSE

>> Granddad: GET OFF ME!

WELL, UM...MON-- MONEY...W-W-WE, UH...

YOU WANT TO MEET HIM AND DO HIM!

Sarah: WHAT?!

Tom: YEAH! YEAH! YOU DO!

YOU WANT TO GO UNH ON HIM!

Granddad: WELL...YOU SEE -- EDDIE?!

YOU WANT TO UNH ON HIM ALL NIGHT!

Sarah: I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW INSECURE YOU ARE!

Granddad: YES, WELL, I'M WORKIN' ON IT, BUT I DON'T HAVE

>> Huey: I AGREED TO HELP

LISTEN TO YOURSELF. YOU DON'T HAVE MY MONEY.

Tom: HE'S LIKE YOUR PERFECT MAN!

AGREED TO WASH HIS HAIR.

HOW MUCH YOU HAVE?

THIS IS BOSS WILLONA, PROPRIETOR HE WON'T EVEN SAY SORRY WHEN HE POUNDS YOUR FACE IN!

BRING THE SUITCASE WITH THE MONEY!

OF A BLACK BEAUTY SALON WE FOUND

Granddad: WAIT.

WAIT.

THERE WAS ABOUT BLACK BEAUTY

HE'S NOT COMING THIS WAY.

PRODUCTS, ALTHOUGH I STARTED TO

HE'S GETTING IN HIS CAR.

WITH ME, RIGHT?

SERIOUSLY, WHERE'S MY MONEY?!

YOU DON'T HAVE MY MONEY?

NORMALLY, I TRY TO TALK PEOPLE Tom: YOU'RE A SELFISH BASTARD, ROBERT FREEMAN!

GOD...DAMN!

A'IGHT. EDDIE. THINK.

GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL, VERY

WAIT! I GOT IT!

Granddad: WHAT?

THE HOUSE.

THIS IS ART. Tom: I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA WORK OUT, FLIZZY.

YOU NIGGAS ARE SOME REAL

WE RENT OUT EACH OF THE ROOMS AS A SEPARATE UNIT -- TWO BEDROOMS,

ARTISTS.

WE USED YOUR GEL ON THE LEFT

I'M JUST DEALING WITH SOME PERSONAL PROBLEMS.

UP, MY DUDE!

>> BITCHES BE HATIN'.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

RIGHT NOW, WE'RE BOTH LETTING THE HATERS GET US DOWN.

THIS IS BETTER THAN WHITE-BITCH

WE GOT TO SHAKE THE HATERS.

Granddad: WHAT DO WE THINK ABOUT...HAVING PEOPLE MOVE IN

DO THIS FOR ME, TOM.

COME ON. SHAKE THOSE HATERS.

Huey: WHOA. WAIT. I'M HATE-FREE, BUT I CAN STILL FEEL THE HATE ON YOU.

Riley: YEAH, MAN, SLOW DOWN.

YOU'RE INTERESTED IN PLACING AN MMM. FEELS GOOD, DOESN'T IT?

YOU GUYS WILL LOVE IT.

IT'LL BE LIKE A COMMUNE.

OKAY, SO...

NOW WILL YOU TAKE THE CASE?

>> Granddad: EXCUSE ME?

Tom: NO.

OKAY, FINE. MR. FREEMAN -- AN

IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE CASE, YOU CAN'T TAKE THE CASE. AFRICAN-AMERICAN ENTREPRENEUR.

IT JUST SEEMS LIKE ME -- SEXY, BUFF ALPHA MALE -- AND YOU --

"OCCUPY MY LIVING ROOM."

Riley: WHERE DO WE LIVE?

KINDHEARTED BUT FRUMPY EVERYMAN -- COULD SOMEHOW BE

IT'S DAMN NEAR LIKE A WHOLE OTHER HOUSE.

ABLE TO HELP EACH OTHER. >> Granddad: HUH?

Tom: AM I A FRUMPY EVERYMAN?

MAKE THIS SHIT FLY.

IS THAT WHY SHE'S LOST INTEREST?!

OF COURSE.

TOM!

YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE

YOU GOT NO FLASH, NO SWAG, NO THIN VENEER OF TOUGHNESS.

WHOA!

>> Riley: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

OF COURSE YOUR WIFE LEFT YOU AND IS DOING IT TO SOME RANDOM GUY.

ALL RI-I-I-GHT.

>> I'LL TAKE ALL OF IT --

Tom: THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID HAPPENED.

WHATEVER YOU GOT.

SO, LOOK -- YOU TAKE THE CASE, AND I TEACH YOU HOW TO

ADVISE MY GRANDFATHER BRIEFLY?

DRESS AND HOW TO TALK TO BITCHES AND SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.

Tom: YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHY NOT?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO DANCE, RIGHT?

NO.

NO DANCING.

BUT THERE WILL BE A SHOPPING MONTAGE.

BOY, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

MISS BOSS WILLONA IS A PILLAR OF TWO THINGS WOMEN HATE -- BROKE MEN AND BORING MEN.

THE COMMUNITY.

>> I ASSURE YOU OUR OPERATION IS

GOOD NEWS IS, YOU'RE NOT BROKE.

Granddad: YES, UH, I'M THE

BUT YOU ARE BORING, AND WOMEN HATE TO BE BORED, TOM.

OWNER OF THE HOUSE.

YOU AIN'T THE OWNER OF THE HOUSE.

THEY HATE TO BE BORED. THIS STUFF.

A WOMAN WOULD RATHER BE WITH A GUY THAT BEATS THEM TO DEATH

Granddad: YES, WELL, I'M ROBERT FREEMAN, CIVIL RIGHTS --

>> Huey: NO, GRANDDAD, I THINK

THAN BORES THEM TO DEATH.

>> Granddad: DON'T LISTEN TO TRUST ME, NIGGA, I KNOW.

HIM, BOSS LADY WILLONA.

BUT WHY DO THEY WANT ME, TOM?

WHY YOU GOT TO RUIN EVERYTHING?

>> Huey: WE GOT TO TELL THEM.

Granddad: I WAS HOPING TO USE THE BATHROOM.

IS IT MY INCREDIBLE SEXINESS?

SURE. >> Granddad: YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY,

BUT WHY AM I SO SEXY?

Granddad: YES, BUT I WOULD PREFER TO U--

WHAT IS THE SECRET TO MY SEXINESS?

>> Huey: BOSS WILLONA, THIS OUT MY FACE, NIGGA!

MY MONEY, MY JEWELS, FAME?

ARE WE ABOUT TO HAVE A NIGGA MOMENT?

COMPOUND.

ABSOLUTELY. IT'S A HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE

BUT, REALLY, IT'S BECAUSE I'M A UP.

Granddad: NO, PLEASE.

I DON'T WANNA HAVE A NIGGA MOMENT.

I GET ARRESTED, I DO DRUGS, I ROB LIQUOR STORES -- ALLEGEDLY!

I JUST HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

THAT'S WHAT ALL WOMEN WANT.

YOU THINK THEM BITCHES OUT THERE

BECAUSE WOMEN HAVE NO SELF-RESPECT!

Tom: WELL, MY WIFE HAS

SELF-RESPECT.

REALLY? YOU SURE?

Tom: YES!

SHE'S AN EDUCATED, WELL-ROUNDED, CONFIDENT WOMAN.

THAT'S IT!

I MAY NEED TO MEET HER.

Tom: NO, NO, NO. NO. DON'T YOU GET IT?

I KNOW WHERE THIS GOES. THESE BITCHES WOULD PUT NAPALM

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO MY WIFE.

DO YOUR WIFE?

TOM, I WOULDN'T DO YOUR WIFE. PUT A WARNING LABEL ON IT.

Tom: YOU HAVE A SONG CALLED "I WILL DO YOUR WIFE!"

YOU REALLY TURNED OUR LIFE INTO "GOOD TIMES."

I DIDN'T MEAN YOUR WIFE!

I MEANT THAT METAPHORICALLY.

Riley: YEAH, FOR NOW.

Tom: MM, I STILL DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.

NIGGA, I SWEAR ON MY ABS -- ON MY ABS, NIGGA! -- I WILL NOT

WHY CAN'T Y'ALL GET JOBS?

Huey: CHILD LABOR LAWS, UNSAFE WORKPLACES, REALLY SMALL

TOUCH YOUR WIFE.

Tom: WELL, MY DAUGHTER WOULD LOVE TO MEET YOU.

HANDS.

A SMALL DINNER. YOUR GENERATION IS JUST LAZY, THAT'S ALL.

NO ENTOURAGE!

NO PROBLEM.

MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THESE

LIKE SOME SIGN-LANGUAGE

AW, COME ON.

I THOUGHT YOU GAVE UP WORK TO RUN FOR MAYOR.

PEOPLE SHOWED UP.

Tom: WELL, MAYBE IF YOU HADN'T TWEETED OUR ADDRESS TO

I GAVE UP WORKING FOR NIGGAS, AND OTHER COLORS, LIKE MEXICANS

HEY, MAN...

Tom: YEAH, YOU WERE F'ed UP, I KNOW.

NOW YOU BETTER GRAB SOME SUDS AND START WAXING HOODS.

OKAY, SO, CHECK IT.

KEY WITH CHICKS IS TO INSULT THEM WHEN YOU COMPLIMENT THEM.

WAX ON, WAX OFF, NIGGA!

NEVER BE TOO NICE.

TRUST ME.

GO NEG ON HER.

KNOCK HER DOWN A PEG.

SHE'LL LOVE IT.

Granddad: DAMN!

WHAT'S THIS THING, ELECTRIC?

Tom: HEY, SWEETIE, YOU LOOK LOVELY TONIGHT.

Sarah: OH, THANK YOU, HONEY.

Tom: YEAH, BUT NOT AS NICE AS YOU THINK YOU LOOK.

COME ON, MAN!

>> Riley: THAT'S OKAY. Sarah: ASSHOLE!

LOOK, LOU GOSSETT JR. IS WASHING MY CAR.

MONEY.

>> Granddad: I UNDERSTAND, HUEY.

STOP TRYING TO HIDE INSIDE MY TRUNK.

SO MANY BAD THINGS HAS HAPPENED

I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY FIRED THE SAND PEOPLE.

IT'S HARD NOT TO ASSUME THE

Granddad: HEY, NEIGHBOR!

BUT DON'T YOU SEE?

WE, UH, HEARD THERE'S A DINNER PARTY GOING DOWN, AND I NEVER

THIS TIME, EVERYTHING'S GONNA

WORK OUT PERFECTLY. RECEIVED THE E-VITE, SO HERE WE ARE.

I KNOW IT.

FEEL THAT, NIGGA? FEEL THAT?

>>NEXT ON "CHANNEL 11 NEWS"...

THAT FEELIN' IS CALLED "WORK."

COULD YOU HAVE A BOMB IN YOUR ■

Tom: YOU DIDN'T GET ONE BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T INVITED.

HAIR? ■

YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE LEAVING ME OUT IN THE COLD AND THEN

Granddad: SHUT UP, RUCKUS.

WHEN DO I GET PAID?

PRODUCT CONTAINS A DANGEROUSLY ■ WANTING TO COME TO THE FLIZZY DINNER FOR THE FREE FOOD.

YOU FIRED.

Granddad: FIRED? WHY?

Granddad: WE DIDN'T COME HERE FOR THE FREE FOOD.

THE CAR-WASH BRASS IS CUTTIN' BACK HOURS.

WE CAME HERE TO WARN YOU.

TOM, YOU GOT TO GET THAT FLIZZY AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE!

WE'LL CALL YOU WHEN WE NEED YOU.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH SHE'S TRAPPED IN THIS PASSIONLESS, SEXUALLY

UNFULFILLING MARRIAGE WITH YOU.

WOMEN ATTEMPTED TO BOARD A ■ HER LADYPARTS PROBABLY BURNING WITH UNQUENCHABLE LUST, AND YOU

PLANE AND WERE STOPPED AFTER ■

JUST GONNA DANGLE ALL THAT SEXINESS IN FRONT OF HER?!

WHAT'D YOU DO NOW?

Tom: HUH? THEIR PERSON. ■

FLORIDA BEATRICE JACKSON AND ■ Riley: MAN, IT'S LIKE, "HERE, NIGGA, TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE!"

Granddad: HUH?

Huey: YOU KNOW HE'S GOT A SONG CALLED -- DETAINED FOR SEVERAL HOURS ■

BEFORE IT WAS FINALLY ■ Tom: "I WILL DO YOUR WIFE," YES.

Huey: BUT THERE'S ALSO A SONG CALLED, "WHITE WIFEBOOTY."

OR MORE PRECISELY, THEIR HAIR ■

UNCLE RUCKUS IS BACK ON THE SCENE, RUFFLING SMALL-TOWN

KNOW THAT?

Tom: REALLY?

NO, NO, I DIDN'T.

ALL EXOTIFIED AND WHATNOT WITH ■

AND IT DOESN'T MATTER, GUYS.

ALL THIS HAIR, BUT WE AIN'T, ■

I-I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

FLIZZY'S GONNA HELP ME WORK THINGS OUT WITH SARAH. ■

Granddad: OH, HE GONNA WORK SOMETHING OUT, ALL RIGHT.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A

ALONE! ■

Tom: HE'S HERE TO HELP.

Granddad: OH, HE GONNA HELP HIMSELF TO THAT BOOTY!

HE ALMOST RIGHT.

THE WHITE HALF OF HIM RIGHT, BECAUSE THE WHITE BUSINESSMAN,

Granddad: HE'S GONNA -- Tom: CONTROL THAT BOOTY.

GOT IT. SINGLE JAR CONTAINS ENOUGH HIGH ■

Granddad: I WASN'T GONNA SAY THAT.

HE GONNA BE UNDER THAT BOOTY!

PLANE OR A PRIUS. ■

Riley: HA HA!

GOOD ONE, GRANDDAD!

Tom: YEAH, HA, YEAH, VERY FUNNY GUYS. ENOUGH.

HIS BLACK ASS ALL THE WAY OVER HERE TO AMERICA TO DO SOME

Granddad: AS LONG AS YOU KNOW.

NEXT TIME YOUR KIDS ARE BORN WITH GREAT ABS AND TATTOOS,

PRODUCTIVE WORK.

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

COME ON, KIDS. LET'S EAT.

THANK YOU, FANS. THANK YOU.

Sarah:

OH, MY GOD, FLIZZY, YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND SO POLITE.

THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS HOW COME WE ARE LOSIN' TO THE CHINESE --

WHICH SAID IT HAD SOLD OUT OF ■

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ROB LIQUOR STORES AND YOU BEAT UP WOMEN.

THE PRODUCT, CLAIMED IT WOULD ■

BECAUSE THE CHINAMAN USES SLAVE LABOR, AND WE DON'T.

NOT BE ORDERING ANY MORE BUT ■

Tom: SARAH!

NO, IT'S COOL.

SHE'S RIGHT. >> Riley: SEE? NO SNITCHING.

I REALLY NEED TO STOP GETTING ARRESTED.

>> Granddad: SHUSH!

Sarah: I'M NOT PASSING JUDGMENT ABOUT THE CHRISTIANNA

THEY SHOULD BE USIN' GOOD OLD-FASHIONED BLACKY AMERICAN

URGING PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT THE ■

I KNOW SOMETIMES BITCHES STEP OUT OF LINE.

SLAVE LABOR!

LORD KNOWS I DO!

Tom: HONEY, THERE ARE

CHILDREN AT THE TABLE.

SESSION TO MAKE SALE OR ■ Sarah: NOW, I WANT TO BE CLEAR, KIDS -- HITTING A WOMAN

CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY.

A GANGSTALICIOUS CARD.

IS WRONG... TERRORIST OFFENSE, PUNISHABLE ■

UNLESS SHE HITS YOU FIRST.

Huey: YOU GOT THE GANGSTALICIOUS CARD, GRANDDAD?

AIN'T THAT RIGHT!

Tom: WOW. DRONE STRIKE. ■

AND THEY'LL DESERVE IT. ■ Sarah: OR SHE TALKS ABOUT YOUR MAMA!

TIM, BACK TO YOU. ■

Tom: SARAH, THAT IS ENOUGH!

>> Riley: DOES THIS MEAN WE Sarah: "SARAH, THAT'S ENOUGH."

Tom: SARAH, THAT'S IT! CAN'T MAKE NO MORE MONEY?

YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER AND IN

KARDASHIAN CARD, LIL WAYNE CARD -- YOU SEE, BOYS?

FRONT OF PRETTY BOY FLIZZY!

THERE WAS A WARNING LABEL. Riley: IT'S LIKE WE NOT EVEN HERE.

>> Huey: ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Tom: NOW, YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.

YOU ARE GOING TO GO UPSTAIRS AND SLEEP IT OFF!

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, TOM?

$1,500 IN FEES?!

HIT ME?

Tom: NO! I'M GONNA LEAVE YOU!

SO, UH, I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF

MWAH!

Jazmine: DADDY!

Sarah: TOM, WAIT!

TOM! HOPE THERE ARE NO HARD FEELINGS.

Granddad: TOM, GREW A PAIR.

DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.

Riley:

I DON'T WANT THE MONEY BACK,

ROBERT.

I WANT MORE GEL -- A LOT MORE.

YEAH, IT'S SO COZY, A-AND I LOVE HOW YOU ARRANGED THE BEDS.

IT'S A VERY...ECONOMICAL USE OF SPACE.

A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE.

SELLING MORE WOULD BE BITTER.

SAY, DO YOU MIND IF WE STORE, UH...SOMETHING HERE FOR JUST A

>> I DON'T BELIEVE IT'S THE

SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

COUPLE OF DAYS?

WOMEN THEY CAN'T HAVE LONG, DIDN'T REALLY HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO CALL.

BEAUTIFUL HAIR.

>> UNH-UNH.

EH, NO SWEAT, MAN.

THAT WAS ROUGH.

Tom: YEAH, IT WAS A DISASTER.

SO MUCH FOR MAKING A MAN OUT OF ME.

>> JUST BETWEEN US, MY BUSINESS

NAW, MAN.

ISN'T ENTIRELY LEGITIMATE. TO JUST STAND UP AND WALK OUT, THAT TOOK GUTS.

>> Granddad: NO! Tom: ALL I ENDED UP LEARNING IS MY WIFE LIKES YOU BETTER.

DEBT.

PROMISED HER MORE, GRANDDAD.

YOUR WIFE DOESN'T LIKE ME BETTER.

>> Granddad: FINE. YOU GUYS ARE BOTH JUST BORING AS

WE'LL MAKE IT.

YOU'RE ROLLING WITH ME TONIGHT.

WE'LL MAKE IT, NIGGA.

I'M TAKING YOU TO MAN CAMP.

THIS HOUSE WHO KNOWS CHEMISTRY? BUT I DON'T HANG WITH NO NEGATIVE-ENERGY-SUCKING

Granddad: UH...

SO GATHER UP SOME POSITIVITY IN THIS BITCH RIGHT

SURE. Y-YEAH.

I GOT A LITTLE OF THE STUFF

QUICK AND LET'S ROLL OUT.

Tom: OKAY! I CAN BE POSITIVE.

THAT ALWAYS WORKS ON TV.

I'M NOT A LOSER.

I'LL MAKE IT MYSELF. I CAN...GET STUFF...HAPPENING, AND I GOT STUFF GOING ON!

HOW HARD COULD IT BE?

MAYBE...MILLION, AT LEAST?

>> Riley: ANALYZED, NIGGA.

Granddad: EDDIE, I'M SORRY.

THINGS COULD BE WORSE.

I COULD BE THAT GUY.

THINK, EDDIE, THINK.

THE INGREDIENTS, YOU MIX THAT

IT'S A MIRROR, TOM.

FIND ME A WAY TO GET ROBERT THAT MONEY.

UP THE WHOLE HOUSE WITH US IN

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, SIR.

>> Granddad: WUNCLER OWNS THIS

THEIR CREDIT IS...PISS-POOR, SIR.

NO!

>> Granddad: YOU CAN HELP ME DO

THIS MAN IS A CUSTOMER.

HE IS A DEAR FAMILY FRIEND.

HE IS A WAR HERO -- A CIVIL-RIGHTS LEGEND!

WE MUST FIND A WAY TO HELP HIM!

>> Huey: YOU TWO HAVE TO FOLLOW

MY INSTRUCTIONS EXACTLY.

WELL, THERE IS ONE WAY.

WELCOME.

I SEE YOU.

MAYBE YOU AIN'T SO GAY AFTER

Tom: OH, WHAT THE HECK.

IT'S MAN CAMP. >> Huey: AND WE CAN'T DO ITR

AT WUNCLER BANKING, WE DO BELIEVE IN OFFERING QUALITY

BANKING SERVICES TO THOSE WITH DAMAGED CREDIT.

NOBODY WILL FIND IT.

Granddad: A LOAN! YES!

I'LL TAKE IT!

COULDN'T YOU HAVE GOTTEN

DONE!

CONGRATULATIONS!

I BELIEVE IN YOU, ROBERT.

WE'RE COOKING HAIR RELAXER.

I BELIEVE IN THE FREEMAN FAMILY!

>> Huey: YEAH. IT'LL WORK.

>> Granddad: ALL RIGHT.

FREEMAN FAMILY! FREEMAN FAMILY!

>> Riley: WHOA!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

WHAT YOU DOING?

>> Granddad: I CAN'T HAVE MY Tom: HEY, THIS IS THE BUY-N-FLY THAT FLIZZY ROBBED.

STUFF.

>> Riley: YES, YOU CAN.

FUNNY.

Granddad: THAT WENT WELL.

Huey: DID YOU CHECK THE INTEREST RATE?

Granddad: 150% INTEREST?!

LET'S GET TO IT.

Riley: WHAT'S THAT MEAN?

Y'ALL KNOW I DON'T DO MATH.

Tom: TYLENOL? EXCUSES TO GET NAKED, HUEY?

IT'S GAY.

IT WAS A RIP-OFF, AN EASY-CREDIT RIP-OFF!

EVEN WORSE, IT'S HOMOSEXUAL.

Granddad: HUH?

I'M TELLING YOU, WE'VE

WATCHED THIS THING A MILLION TIMES.

WE KNOW THAT'S FLIZZY.

CASE CLOSED.

HA HA HA! YEAH!

Granddad:

WELL, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT SANGIN'

CUT!

THERE WAS A P.A. IN THE SHOT!

RESET! >> Huey: WELL, WHAT NOW?

>> Granddad: NOW WE CALL MAN, I'M GETTING SWEATY.

Huey: IT'S "HANGIN' IN THE CHOW LINE," GRANDDAD.

PRETTY'S SWEATY.

IS SOMEONE DEAF?

SHINE CHECK!

CAN YOU THROW ME A LINE?

TRYING TO GET MY UNION CARD.

FIND ANYTHING, COLUMBO?

Tom: UH, NOPE!

NOTHING.

THANKS, JACK.

NOBODY WILL EVER FIND THIS.

AND EVERYTHING YOU NEED IS RIGHT

IT -- MOVING DAY.

IN THERE, HUH?

Riley: SO, SO UNFORTUNATE

MRS. DuBOIS, DO YOU MIND IF

>> Granddad: AAH!

>> Riley: AW, MAN.

WE DO A QUICK SOUND CHECK?

Sarah: OF COURSE. GO AHEAD.

WH>> DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONAL,O

GUYS.

I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN.

IT'S JUST BUSINESS. " ON 1, 2, 3 --

>> Riley: I'MA GET SHOT BY A GAY

NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU BROKE, BALD

DUDE.

Sarah: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

HOLD ON! >> Granddad: WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

>> THE FORMULA. YOU, UH, CAN'T SING THAT AT JAZMINE'S PARTY.

ABOUT YOUR CHEMO!

YOU DON'T LIKE IT?

Sarah: NO! I LOVE THAT SONG.

A LOT, ACTUALLY.

WITH SOMETHING. >> MWAH!

DEAD!!

Sarah: NO, NO.

OKAY. SEE YA.

HOW ABOUT "CAKE"?

SURE THING, MRS. DuBOIS.

Granddad: OW, OW, OW!

WHOOPS.

SORRY, I WAS JUST CUTTIN' SOME, UH, MEAT EARLIER.

WHAT'S UP, TIGER?

Tom: YOU FAKED THE ROBBERY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Tom: I WATCHED THE SURVEILLANCE TAPE, FLIZZY -- THE

THIS PLACE, THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, WON'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU

WHOLE TAPE.

I KNOW YOU STAGED THE ROBBERY.

ISN'T THERE ANYONE WHO CAN HELP THIS MAN?

YOU JUST COULDN'T LEAVE ALONE, COULD YOU?

Ruckus: YES, SIR, MR. KINDLY BILLIONAIRE WHITE MAN.

Tom: WHAT ELSE WAS FAKE?

WERE THE NICARAGUAN GUNS FAKE?

DID YOU REALLY EVEN BEAT CHRISTIANNA?

DON'T YOU EVER QUESTION WHETHER OR NOT I BEAT

CHRISTIANNA!

I WHUPPED THAT BITCH'S ASS!

LOOK, IT'S FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE AND THE

BUT THE NICKI MINAJ THING WAS STAGED.

>> Granddad: AAH!

NEXT MAYOR OF WOODCREST, UNCLE RUCKUS!

SHE AIN'T REALLY A CYBORG, EITHER.

SHE'S A NICE GIRL.

You get in there and you do the thing I'm talkin' about.

DAMN, TOM.

WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS?

Tom: I'M YOUR ATTORNEY!

Ruckus:

THIS IS MY BUSINESS!

BUT WHY?

'CAUSE I GOT TO STAY RELEVANT! THAT'S WHY!

SUCKS RIGHT NOW!

Granddad: SLAVERY?!

YOU GOT TO ACT LIKE AN IDIOT JUST TO STAY IN THEIR

FACES!

BUT IF I CAN STAY IN JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF TROUBLE, I'LL BE

>> Huey: GRANDDAD!

I THINK ABOUT IT AS INVESTING IN PEOPLE.

MY AUDIENCE IS WOMEN, TOM -- WOMEN.

I INVEST IN YOU, YOU HELP ME.

AND WOMEN HATE TO BE BORED.

Riley: YEAH, WHAT WE GOT TO DO IN RETURN?

Tom: LOOK, FLIZZY, I'M SORRY.

IT BETTER NOT BE NOTHIN' GAY.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS.

NO.

I DON'T LIVE IN YOUR WORLD.

I'M A SIMPLE GUY.

I JUST WANT TO DO MY JOB, TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY, AND I NEEDED

>> Granddad: DON'T TURN OVER!

TIME, AND, IN EXCHANGE...

AAH! SOME HELP TRYING TO GET MY WIFE BACK.

NO, I JUST OWN 100% OF YOUR TIME UNTIL THE DEBT IS PAID.

OH, YOU WANT YOUR WIFE BACK?

HOW ABOUT NOT INVITING A NIGGA THAT'S RICHER THAN YOU AND

SURE, IT IS.

FOR EXAMPLE, LET'S SAY I COME BY UNANNOUNCED, IN THE MIDDLE OF

PRETTIER THAN YOU TO MEET YOUR WIFE?

I MEAN, HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE, NIGGA?

Tom: WHAT?

BUT I-I THOUGHT WE WERE -- THOUGHT WHAT, NIGGA?!

I'M TIRED OF YOUR PUNK-ASS!

FLIZZY, I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST

LEAVE.

LEAVE?

I MIGHT AS WELL MOVE IN THIS BITCH.

Granddad: I'LL TAKE IT!

YOU ALREADY DONE GAVE ME YOUR WIFE. YOU LAZY NIGGA!

THIS IS MY HOUSE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE CAR

JAZMINE'S GONNA BE CALLING ME DADDY FROM NOW ON.

YOI'M DOCKING YOU A FULL DAY'SAR

IT'S LITERALLY SLAVERY!

Tom: NOW, THAT'S ENOUGH!

OH, YOU MAD, TOM?

WHAT YOU GONNA DO? AAH! IT'S NOT FAIR!

YOU WANT TO HIT ME?

I CAN'T TAKE IT!

FLIZZY, I'M WARNING YOU...

THEY TOOK EVERYTHING! HIT ME, TOM.

THEY CAN'T GET AWAY WITH IT!

COME ON, HIT ME NOW!

Tom: ALL RIGHT, YOU ASKED FOR IT!

HOW MANY YEARS DO I HAVE LEFT, ANYWAY?

I'VE BEEN FREE MY WHOLE LIFE, AND WHAT HAS IT GOTTEN ME?

Sarah: TOM! >> OH, MY HEAD.

AAH!

I'M TIRED OF LIVIN' IN THAT GARAGE WITH YOU TWO SMELLY

NIGGAS. >> HOO-HOO. LET'S GO.

YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY FAMILY!

Sarah: TOM! OH, MY GOD! KEYS?

THIS IS A PROUD DAY -- THE DAY

TOM, STOP!

Ruckus: OH! I KNEW IT!

I KNEW IT!

CITIZEN'S ARREST!

I'M MAKING A CITIZEN'S ARREST!

Tom:

WE BRING SLAVERY BACK TO AMERICA.

Riley: NOW SHUT UP!

STOP SQUIRMING!

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!

Sarah: OH!

BABY, ARE YOU OKAY?!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT.

YOU WERE A MANIAC!

I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THAT.

WHITE MAN AND HIS WELL-RUN FINANCIAL INSTITUTION.

MY FAULT.

LET'S GO HOME.

>> Granddad: BUT...WHAT ABOUT

I JUST WANT TO THANK UNCLE RUCKUS FOR HIS

THIS?

LEADERSHIP -- AND, OF COURSE, TO ROBERT FREEMAN FOR HAVING THE

Ruckus: ALL RIGHT, GET MOVING, GET MOVING.

DUMP THE BODIES.

AVERT YOUR EYES, AVERT YOUR EYES. >> Granddad: NO. NO.

JUST A NIGGA GOING TO JAIL.

NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

SETTING.

NONE OF THIS IS OKAY.

I ALMOST FORGOT -- I WON THE BET.

Sarah: OH, HONEY, I'M SO SORRY.

YOU BOYS DESERVE BETTER THAN I WAS SUCH A BITCH, AND YOU DIDN'T DESERVE ANY OF THAT.

THIS.

OH, WE MADE A BET THAT I COULDN'T GET YOU GUYS TO SIGN

Tom: YES.

YES, YOU WERE A..."B."

HE DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO IT.

Sarah: PLEASE COME HOME.

PLEASE.

HERE YOU GO, BOSS.

I HAVE CAKE.

LET'S GET YOU UPSTAIRS.

YOU READY FOR SOME SARAH CAKE?

Granddad: WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

NAUGHTY!

Granddad: NOOOOO!!

Tom:

>> Riley: I HOPE NOBODY SEE US

WALKING HOME WITH YOU IN YOUR

UNDERWEAR.

OH, MY BACK!

OH! I'M SORRY.

YEAH.

NO