Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: We now return to

"Thugnificent: Rags to Bitches." HUEY: On August 29, 2005, ANNOUNCER: In a world of unspeakable

y'all know what a nigga moment is. WOMAN: Welcome to BET headquarters.

A nigga moment is when the mind Everyone, it's Thursday.

The story of Thugnificent begins here... struck the Gulf Coast of the United States.

of a perfectly logical black man

I'm Deborah Leevil. It's 2 p.m., is overwhelmed by some stupid nigga shit.

here at All-Star Weekend. Only 8 years old I love you, Mommy.

that has divided people for many years. so it's time for our morning staff meeting.

Like when a nigga steps up on your sneaker Oh!

And that name was Freeman.

of entertainment at BET. MAN: Yep. and fucks up your kicks, or hits your car or some shit. And a J. Edgar Hoover Elementary teacher

Here he is winning the three-point contest Do you know why I was given this job? Terra-Belle leads Georgia in homicides, infant mortality,

MAN: This is our target -- the nuclear power plant. has now been suspended

Catcher Freeman. like it's your fault, like you fucked up. making it rain like Lil' Wayne out this motherfucker.

over calling a student the N-word. If we capture the plane at precisely the right moment,

Ooh, Lord. So his ignorance makes you act crazy. This is the true story

Check the chain, nigga. Stacy Renee investigates what happened and why.

Yo. What up? Yes. But why would they want a super-duper smart guy

they will not have time to shoot down the aircraft. And the next thing you know, niggas is beefing, I know y'all love my music, and love my videos and shit, of the man who risked everything for justice...

RENEE: And what to did he say Yeah, I see you, too. What you want, nigga? The destruction of black people!

who went to Harvard to run BET? Damn! shooting, fighting, and somebody ends up dead.

He said, "Sit down, nigger."

Oh, man, same shit. What's up with you?

MAN: If they hit that power plant 'Cause y'all about to see how good it is to be me RENEE: Riley Freeman is MAN: Yo, sister! Is that so hard?

he busts Vince Carter's ass The fuck you mean, "What's up with me?"

and love. in the slam-dunk contest. Because it's time to take BET in a new direction. Yes, sir. That's our name for it.

the casualties could be in the hundreds of thousands. "The Story of Gangstalicious," Part 1.

Your voice sounds real sexy right now. He's a basketball player, an avid reader, Remember the first day I showed up, I asked, We got plenty of hoes bending, we got 24s spinning.

God help us all. In the days and weeks that followed,

Say what? and one day hopes to spread his philosophy has been shot. "What's your highest-rated program?"

the nation watched and wondered: Okay. Ready?

You wanna talk to me later on? HUEY: The sectarian conflict Again? Again?

No, I don't wanna talk later on, motherfucker. 106 & Park with AJ and Free. how could it have all gone so wrong?

...hero. ANNOUNCER: ...except... have skyrocketed since our debut 25 years ago.

What the fuck is wrong with you?! Man, I seen it all. And he was your great--

with his teacher, Joe Petto. And I said, "Great. Fire them." Why?

Ernie, nigga, back to you. What the fuck's so sexy about my voice? Niggas...coming.

Because what you call success, What? What is this CPT? But Mr. Petto said it was Riley who used the N-word first. that hell had ever seen.

Aw, man, my bad. I was on the phone. right when they get to the door, nigga. Agh!

None for me, thanks. Gangstalicious?!

Tom, I think you can have but controversial player. WOMAN: That means the plane is gonna I swear to God, man, they actually, like, MAN: What the devil?

a second glass on your anniversary. Last year, he became the first person See, when people ask me, have I made BET a success,

The destruction of black people Colonel motherfucking Stinkmeaner, GRANDDAD:

I'm driving, sweetie-pooh. This sucks. RILEY: Come on, Granddad. to leave elementary school and go to the NBA is not happening fast enough.

ANNOUNCER: They picked the wrong airline. I may not know nothin' about history, holler at your boy, I gets money.

MAN: This is about things Bitches like this shit, man. when the Miami Heat signed him to a $3 gazillion contract,

And don't come up here complaining and shit. but I ain't stupid. The other day I saw three niggas reading books. And I started thinking to myself: "Man...

They be thinkin' I'm one of them Mens in Black You know what's wrong with me. Boy, see who that is.

You motherfuckers wanna come on here or somethin' like that, you know? a doorbell with real bitches singing the notes. One of them was smiling.

and act a goddamn fool? It is true. Catcher Freeman was a hero. you can't go anywhere else but up.

could kill me or you, or somebody's baby. Y'all gonna have to kick me out of this bitch. "Well, sit down, nigga."

I'm about to go on break. And don't you ever forget it. Ding...dong.

Excuse me. Yes. MAN: He gonna die. You motherfucking terrorists kill me. They be wondering where the black limo is at I'm saying you probably never looked like this damn picture.

No, I'll have to call them back. I'd spend the next 20 years in jail being-- this kid is a disgrace to basketball. RILEY: And that's when

when they see -- All they see is the headpiece, Oh, lookie here, this is Cousin Jericho.

BOTH: Anally raped. This ain't you! He epitomizes everything wrong with the game today. because that's what I've been trained to do.

Yeah, let's talk more that's where the police station used to be. You know, the dude with the charts and shit. Man, I haven't talked to Cousin Jericho

the devil himself, a-- That is not what he's been trained to do.

about your violated rectum. Huh? Are there any questions? ANNOUNCER: Come see why black incompetence...

Oh, I find it so romantic. Yes! Is it true that you put a ban School Superintendent Donald Richards

'cause, uh, they up and left. TOM: Hey, I'm just saying-- Yeah, and a cleanup crew. Oh, and another shoe.

Whoo, whoo! Well, excuse me for thinking you liked me Some old craziness, man.

So where's the new police station? Goddamn, that bitch phat as a motherfucker. to use appropriate hyphenated euphemisms

So... for who I was on the inside. Left. No, Prada.

Well, you're a liar on the inside. Aren't you gonna answer it? Y'all don't know Last week, right, I was in the strip club, right. ...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.

Now let's go back to my nigga on the floor. instead of racial slurs.

No, thank you. This whole relationship is based on a lie. All you do is fight, eat and fuck up my house.

We have a very strict policy on the monosyllabic demographic. ANNOUNCER: Man, check out how Young Reezy I had titties in one hand, titties in the other hand.

Ah! You baldheaded devil monks Now, this shit right here, against teachers using the "N-word,"

We can't let you through, homey. shitted on these niggas in today's game. tell me about the evil shows you have in development.

this is some old John Woo shit, nigga. Hey, this is Osama bin Laden nephew, nigga. or any other racially insensitive words. What's up?

This from the movie Killer. I'm telling you, I had two hands full of titties.

Well, I-- I'm -- I'm once removed. I-I-- it was a crime how they treated those folks down there. The district's policy is that teachers

Um-- MAN: Tell it, brother! That's bigger than two scoops of raisins. And breaks his ankle.

So, what was it like No -- I just fucking with you, dawg. You mad? You hating, my nigga? Now, move the hell out of my way. Look. Okay, the moment you all been waiting for.

I'm still talkin' to my accountant at the same time. Look at that bitch-ass nigga limping off the floor. Do you have any experience running a network?

Go ahead, nigga. Still got soap in my ass. Well, it's hard not to, nigga. Ha-ha!

ANNOUNCER: Starring Gary Anthony Williams. What's not to like about that? that our goal is to take all the shitty reality shows Ooh, no wonder they ride his nuts so hard.

Nigga, you ain't no Denzel. And that's not just around here, that's the whole world.

But you know what they say -- when it's your time to go, I'm telling you, Tom, they drive women away. You're fired, so get on out of here.

Seems like Yao Ming wants some too.

Hell, you ain't even no Flavor Flav. What is the S-word? it's your time to go. John Witherspoon. Anyone who wants to see a shitty black version

or when you're talkin' on the goddamn phone. Time after time after time. You see how short people's memories are? Well, I-- I don't wanna say it, but--

What if it's the motherfucker next to me time to go? Huh? The song is called "Homeys Over Ho's." This is basically volunteer work for me.

Second, when people wear those things, Mm-hm. they'll have to come to us. What else? Fellas, I'm here with All-Star MVP Riley Freeman. Oh, drink fine wines. But not anymore.

for this next one, man. I see ya. I thought you hate Gangstalicious.

Lock 'em up. Charge them with fraud. Mo'Nique. It's very important Boy, get the door.

But that's real shit, though, nigga. like a serious disappointment, man. I mean, he a punk and all that, TOM: Ah. Now, that's what There's a name for people who talk to theyselves, Ed. I can't even go to dinner. I can't even go to a damn movie.

this plane leave on time. You got naked kids. but he sent a nigga some free CDs

can work, thank you. I say give them the chair. Electrocute their ugly asses. Riley, is there anything you can't do, nigga?

MAN: You're the Harvard man. Damn. Now, are you yelling at me or shitting at me? You got parents gotta choose between food and clothes RILEY: It's Jericho Freeman. Tell him we're not here! and apologized and all, so I decided to squash it.

has earned you a trip back.

Snoop Dogg. Hijacked? I don't know, go broke? for their kids, shorty. to please look under their chairs.

He still a punk though. If there were just Them niggas ain't getting my wizzie fo' shizzle, nigga. You have my blessings to exact vengeance

Good one, little brother. You will find a copy of the Black Panther comic book

I don't know what to do with my hands now. Shaq, 17 blocks for Riley, you had one. And how often do you have a problem with faculty saying

And how would you know? You know what I'm saying? And 50 Cent the haters' camel's back, nigga. Be that as it may, no technology is worth my dignity.

and to spread ignorance and chaos Granddad always making up some shit about history.

"spear-chucker" to students? Or for themselves. That's got to make you feel fucked up. as Air Marshal 50 Cent.

We don't. That's what I'm saying. Right. If talking on a wireless headset mean I gotta look

It did at first, ...people are looking. we'll be doing at BET from now on.

I'll stop those terrorists... Observe.

Tom, please. They would say "S-word." I don't get it.

or die trying. Some place far away and exotic. Must be that Harvard humor. Faggot-ass faggot.

Besides, there's a reason That's your complimentary lunch.

so guess I have to work harder, step up to his level. Honey. Honey, maybe this isn't the best place to be singing-- Tsk. Man, he made up Catcher Freeman.

He said I used the word before, but I didn't.

STINKMEANER: Ah! Hell ain't shit.

do it big. Well, let's see. As you've requested, It lets people around you know you're talkin' on the phone. Get ready. This time, it's going down.

I wouldn't use that word ever. I'm gonna get you, Freeman!

So he's better than you? Very important. Wait.

So those people know not to waste time talkin' to you That word hurts people.

Yes. And stacks more paper gonna work all day in a hot field for no paper?

Shit. This one nigga This is a hijacking. Remain in your seats -- Oh, I remember those proud days Nope, nope, nope. You don't get any.

Yay. All done. See, that's your problem.

No, this nigga didn't. Left with a case of hate poisoning, nigga. You are fired. marching with Dr. Martin Luther King.

We have a bomb on the aircraft. You be believin' anything somebody tells you

You know what I'm saying? Hey, flo. It might be time to bring Mr. Bitches back out Okay, let's talk about some new shows.

or put in a...book. Tell 'em about that nigga that got his spirits crushed

Everyone remain -- to show them young boys how the real players play.

Good. Mistress Leevil, we got one thing to report, a'ight?

by the rubies and the diamonds and shit. I see you're fucking up all your grandson's money.

Yeah. Some little nigga named Huey Freeman.

Oh, yeah, look out. took his own life and shit, you know what I mean?

SARAH: Yay. says the incident takes him back Young M.C. roller skating.

Ah! Oh, my God. He all critical of the network and shit, Mr. Bitches is back on the scene. Ha, ha, ha.

when you bend over. I like that a lot. to the civil rights movement. Edginess. He's going too fast. His brakes don't work.

you wouldn't believe it. No, I don't wanna hear no more of your made-up stories.

What is it, honey? and all of that. High-five me. No? Okay.

Wait. Is that Usher? except try to destroy black people? What? GRANDDAD: Uh, ah, ooh, ooh.

I'm about to go get dressed. Yeah, you know what? You should go to Latin America.

Yes! Oh, my God. Can you believe that? A boat. That's your great- great-great-great-granddaddy.

Oh. Mm-hm. You know, someplace like Costa Rica.

What about when you told us your cousin integrated baseball? until BET is taken off the air, the office is shut down, I hate these fucking headsets.

He's coming over. Me and my boy have suffered tremendous unspecified mental

I paid for that bed you sleeping on, We gonna fly on the Soul Plane! This is crazy.

I can't believe this. He did. At school they said

and physical damage from this. with your little inground pools, Hey, Robert. Guess who?

TOM: Oh, sweetie, Mr. Petto claims the version of "nigger" ending in "ger"

diving boards or whatever. Hey, uh, Jericho, is it?

Hey, how you doin', babe? Step your pool game up, nigga. Get a table in VIP, pop a little Cristal.

Hey. Oh, ee-- Ee-- Hi, uh, uh, Mr. Usher.

We slide down with ours. You get here and give Cousin Jericho a hug. Jackie Robinson Freeman. The Freeman is silent.

I'm seeing a Flintstones thing happening here. Uh-- Ah-- Ooh-- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!

-I can't believe it. -It's not true. I'll beat your little ass in front of what's-his-name. TOM: W-w-wait a minute, Robert. Now hush and pay attention.

I-- I can't believe it's you.

This is, like, the greatest thing Get your butt over here, trying to embarrass me-- that means the same as "buddy" or "best pal." No one can stand in my way of destroying black people.

that ever happened in our neighborhood.

I'm Sarah. He was Malcolm X, Nat Turner and Barack Obama

...where you can, like, track, like, if someone, like, Says who? Says Jay-Z. It's a boycott.

You have a beautiful smile, Sarah. Especially not

Mm-hm. the friendly version of the N-word Well, shoot. What the difference, huh?

Huey Freeman. Mm! Wow, so she's on my friends list? Now, this right here is what I like to call my bitch tank,

We family, right, cousin? Ha, ha.

From the beginning? What's going on? What's going on? I used the word. I admit it.

We family. We're cousins. Yup, she your very first cyber friend GRANDDAD: Shut up. The Ruckus Reality Show.

A while for me? If you say so, second cousin. RILEY: It's so cool.

and you're her 3 millionth. I'm digging it, I'm feeling it. "I don't want no big nigger lips drinking my fine wine,"

SARAH: I love this song. She's fine, ain't she?

It's what's good. Let's do that show. GRANDDAD: Yeah, boy! I love technology.

the community council meetings, Robert. we just passing through ya'll neck of the woods-- Probably made him up too.

Wait a minute. I ain't worried about no damn council meeting. I thought I understood this whole thing,

Shut your ass! The slaves were out in the fields, HUEY: My granddad recently Y'all broke niggas keep buying fish food if you want.

for the okey-doke this time. Oh, wonderful. Well, I don't know if that's what he said,

singing songs of freedom.

You should post more pics. Now I got the video chat. Do the homey

Thank you very much. Oh. Oh, God. but you're not supposed to drink it. Everybody get ready! GIRL 2: Oh, my gosh. Guys, what--? What are you doing?

But I wanna drink Cris. Uh--

to show the world how the broke niggas live, I'm starting to feel like Shemar Moore up in here.

That was beautiful. It's just what I do. It's in all the music. Look, look, look. He was being sarcastic.

maybe MTV will come to your house, Oh, um, this is, uh...Tom.

Hoo! Boy, let's get some music on. No! Excuse me! You don't say. Well, great catching up. Stop it, guys, I'm serious. Massa's on his way.

Why would she like you?

Which one of us went to Harvard, huh? Turn on the My-pod and let's get on the I-space. 'Cause your granddaddy gives sweet love.

Thanks for stopping by. Cheers. Yes, I'm Tom. Just Tom. There's tons of 'em. Look: "'Real Nigga Role Call.' to tell these niggers RILEY: Wait, wait, wait. I know that song.

Look, Robert, don't let the chrome rims fool you, okay?

GRANDDAD: Riley, hurry up. You think you understand white humor more than me?

And what do you know about this woman? to stop singing that damn song? USHER: Hey, how Mercedes, Versace, white women. Niggers, niggers, niggers.

The police were talking Well...her name is Luna. Stop singing? Oh, no.

to everyone on our street for clues. You don't even work here anymore. you want next, Granddad?

SARAH: You are so interesting. booty-butt cheeks Hey, Robert, if you want beef with the Roc, that's on you.

Her hobbies include pets, traveling, kickbox--

The leather vest. The one with the rhinestones. Get out someone crossing-- Wherever that guy's from. We gonna fly on the Soul Plane!

Well, almost everyone. You know, we almost didn't make it up here. That's a lie. Oh, no, Massa.

B-B-B-Booty-Butt cheeks

If you don't mind me asking, Watch when you go to sleep. We field niggas is too dumb to lie.

And make sure you pee before we leave. Granddad, I-- Shoot, I drink what I wanna drink.

I ain't gonna miss my movie I bet she have a gang of niggas up in here to rob us. But in the meantime, Mr. Petto has been put on unpaid leave.

going to the bathroom with you. GIRL: Thugnificent! Thugnificent, wait!

Officer, I'm not finished. That ain't a good look, Granddad. Yes, we-- We blessed to escape the deadly waters and he got that sharp sense of humor.

I'm gonna let you go in there by yourself

Not a good look? Hello, sir, I'm Officer Calloway. Oh, no, no, Massa Colonel, I wasn't-- and get molested by a nasty white man.

I just couldn't believe it, Is that some kind of new slang?

Now, what's wrong with you? Why the long face? And, uh, virtually nothing else. because nobody ever called me a nigger before. It's not just the music. I have seen all of your movies.

What's wrong with you? Is that what's hot in the street, huh?

I don't wanna go to the movie. Why not? Thugnificent and the Lethal Interjections living here. Massa Colonel, please. Ahh! God, that stings!

Uh...cheers. I don't ever wanna go to the movies with you again. GRANDMOTHER: Praise Jesus.

I loved Light It Up. Talk and shoot at the same time, boy. Like...I was less than a person.

Not after what happened last time. Thug who? Thugnificent. TOM: Yeah! I bet our dollar but don't take it out on poor Tobias.

I named my dog Light It Up. Girl, please. "Beat It" or "Thriller"?

What happened last time? I can't believe it. GRANDDAD: Shoot, all you gotta do If you beats him, it's like you beating all of us,

Neither have you. I don't know, Granddad. We got arrested. And shot at.

is a common trait with black people. Yeah, we lost everything.

So funny. She's my manager. Ballin'! A whole weekend with a complete stranger? Ooh-hee, hey

Ah. Racism. Take 'em back and go get my purple Speedo. TOBIAS: Shut the fuck up!

And play it like you got some sense. Daddy said I can go to the movies,

I'll call her. Hee-hee-hee. RILEY: Purple Speedo? So the only nigger I gotta beat is Tobias? No more of that damn street ball hot-dogging

but he said I'm not allowed to see Soul Plane. TOM: Yeah, you know what? TOBIAS: Shut the fuck up, Percy! are culturally inclined against snitching.

All right, boy, so you had a bad dream. hippity-hop, and one and seven, whatever the hell it is. HUEY: It was the third day of my

Good. You don't wanna go to the movies with him. That makes us work harder.

It was a really bad dream about-- Okay, one more. Matter of fact, you about to get a lesson in fundamentals.

He's crazy. Hush. Mm-hm. Nothing like the open road. Seeing the country.

Please, we gotta get one more. Look at that one. Did you check the Speedo drawer? Uh, damn, Tom, are you sure you wanna come? and save matches.

Can't see Soul Plane? Why, little baby? GRANDDAD: Mm-mm. Man, fake meat is good.

I mean, you married. Man, fuck yo' mama!

Shoot. I ain't ballin' like a rock star. Are you even allowed to do it big? You could just be out the closet, Because of the types of stereos or something.

Oh, man. and nobody would notice.

It'd be good for my vocals. It was about Stinkmeaner. it make us scared and make us all just wanna stay here.

Types of stereos? "Am I allowed"? an unwritten rule about snitching THUGNIFICENT: To being on Cribs.

Oh. No, no, no, little baby doll. Sure, as long as I stay within the agreed parameters.

USHER: I'm gonna The fulfillment of a lifelong dream has become a full-blown "stop snitching" movement, There was someone around here who used to love veggie burgers.

Wouldn't let that shit happen to me though. Yeah, well, you know, kids are strong.

'cause it's a-- An example of what not to do. This is a good theater. They have THX.

All right, let's go. Game on. USHER: You rollin' with Ush. Ha, ha. Hey, I'm not dead, you know. RILEY: It was a big day for my homey for gay rappers back then. these field niggers so much,

Damn, these things are tight. What about Stinkmeaner?

Nowhere for 'em to call home. Take the murder of 19-year-old Jermaine "Lojack" Walker,

being on Cribs and all. He was in hell, and he was coming back to get us. HOMO D: Sure ain't. But in a lot of ways,

I love to see my niggas on TV shinin', you can stay out here and work with them for a few days.

She means stereotypes. in the a.m. every morning. That's right, y'all. Put your hands up, white folks! You and me baby, doing it big. It'll be great.

Stinkmeaner? Don't be crazy. Yep. Yes, sir. What's with all this hunger strike, boy? Stereotypes? In Soul Plane? That's nonsense.

That old man that Granddad killed for no reason? I ain't changing my shorts. TOM: Hey, guys. And if I hear that song again, I'm cuttin' both your balls off.

What did food ever do to you, hm? in the middle of a summer afternoon It's so good to finally meet you.

Say, how about we tell your daddy No reason? That man was a psycho. Yeah, well, you know, Mm-hm. It was us. Think about it.

Yes, yes, I see the ears.

we saw something else, hm? Man, I wanna go over there, Can I be excused, please? What you got there, Riley, huh? You got some moves?

All right! All right! You can stay! I am a very spiritual person. Nobody even called the cops. They all just went home. You guys are real fuckin' assholes, you know that?

He was blind. You killed a blind old man. What's wrong with your watch? You mean...lie?

Just like the picture, right? What? to the contrary, I start each day by thanking the white man for the sunrise.

Shit, nigga, the sun is reflecting all this ice. the slightest bit inappropriate? Yes. Jay-Z. Yes. Cousin of mine. Would that be dick riding? You think? To go over there?

That really doesn't seem to be a good idea. Come on, man, look on the bright side. I can't see a motherfucking thing.

Hush, boy. And I sent him to hell where he belongs. Wow, that is pretty good ball control. BET is out to destroy black people. You get to hang out in the field with the real niggas.

You know, You look just like your picture too. Heh-heh. First cousin. More Cristal?

it's okay to break the rules What it do, Woodcrest? Ha-ha! Hey, toss me the ball, Riley.

He asked me to send him the pictures. Come on, y'all, he said it's cool. Gangstalicious is my homey. Yeah, Granddad, real tough with the handicapped.

every once in a while. Here you go. Oh! Whoo! I can't believe this. There ain't nothing wrong with me, feel me?

WOMAN: Come on, y'all. I won't tell if you won't. Yeah. Oh, now you're homeys? Yesterday, he was a punk. You damn right, Mr. Policeman! I saw the whole thing!

He probably gonna beat up some retarded kids next. Shocking. I always knew you'd do something right. But Lord knows they ain't gonna apologize for themselves.

Okay. Hee-hee. Sometimes you gotta put aside your differences Put the motherfuckers on, nigga. Tell me what time it is.

which make sense, because she's 10. in our new crib in Woodcrest... Much better than the last place. Praise Jesus.

And you know what's crazy? and work through problems with your homey, HUEY: Sometimes I think Granddad may be a bad influence. TOM: Waiter, another Malibu

What's that supposed to mean? that's what he's gonna do. Damn, nigga. It's 2:30. I am not black. Nor do I consider myself to be black.

It means you're a bit old to be acting GRANDDAD: Oh, yes, you did. RILEY: I didn't even mean to. so y'all can keep to bein' homeys. and give him a pound and be like, "What up, Thugnificent?"

Hey, Riley. Don't forget the camcorder. Thank you. Ha, ha, ha. street ball and learn to play.

Hey. The doorbell girl was wondering You feel me, homey? like some screaming TRL groupie.

...every cookout... So then my dream got really weird, He's right though, Huey. Women don't like hating.

Oh, yeah, your dream. if you're expecting and more company That's very sensitive of you, Riley.

Now, the first Soul Plane was funny. THUGNIFICENT: I'm here for everybody. Riley, you could be a superstar one day. You better listen to your granddaddy. Heh. 'cause I was a mummy in a Japanese girl pop band.

Look, boy, Be happy. Your brother was called a nigger by a white man.

Pfft. About as funny as a lynching. Get back here, Riley. ...every wedding... Shoot, I'm a superstar now. You ain't said nothing. I'm gonna do that, believe it. with the heartbreak of revitiligo.

Oh, hush, boy. You ain't even see it. Well, Whitley, Mitley and Missy. Well, I mean, I know he ain't no real gangsta,

Ever played on a team? Stop the car! He can't hurt you or me or any of us, okay? As soon as Catcher Freeman rides through here with his brigade

I never seen a lynching, either, That's a skin condition No. Well, I'm coaching but that's cool 'cause, see, he's in entertainment.

Uh, come on. You want a drink? but I know they not funny. that's the opposite of what Michael Jackson's got.

Where I live, a Woodcrest Youth Basketball Association team, He ain't gotta be out in the streets like I do. I am so bored. I wanna go home.

Mm. Hope you got air conditioning. See? Shows what you know. I've seen funny lynchings. Now, let's get one more picture.

I don't want either of you going near that house. You hear me? the Mighty Deers. You know, Timid Deer Lane. He's telling our stories for us.

What the fuck? No, you haven't. I have so. Well, we wanna go have a nasty threesome with Mr. Bitches, You ain't never seen no nigga be gone like I'm gonna be gone.

made of bleach and sulfur. They even have a club for snitches. Man, Quinten just texted me. He say the hoes is en route.

So you're okay with him being gay? Roscoe Patterson's lynching was funny. That's right, I rep the Deer.

but if you guys wanna leave... It's called the neighborhood watch. You ain't seen no nigga ride out like me.

Yeah, so them niggas was like, of zombies or vampires, Anyway, season just got underway, I'm looking for brother Huey Freeman please. Huh? No! No, please wait. No. See you.

And I'm a-join the gang. I got a letter saying So I'm gonna just, uh, go back to the house.

"Roscoe, you better leaves town They ain't never in here. Shoot, I could have stayed in Louisiana for this.

Hold it right there, boy! GRANDDAD: Wait a minute! I can join Catcher Freeman's brigade Hey, brother Huey, LUNA: Oh, you're

"before Mr. Charlie and them crackers THUGNIFICENT: ...our new crib in Woodcrest, Y'all any good? Um, no. As you can see here, I enjoy building small shrines

Woodcrest neighborhood watch. Gangstalicious, gay. You-- You crazy.

gonna come for you." HUEY: Granddad, Riley's doing And it's my honor to speak with you. Oh. That Larry David is something else. Whoo!

MAN: Damn, you get mail, nigga? Now, where was you at 11:00 last night, huh? Huh?!

I'm like, "Man, fuck them crackers, man. and bagels and shit. He's traumatized on the inside. Wait, the Rollo Goodlove?

So... Nana. Nana.

Come on, now! Don't lie to me, nigga! This is Roscoe Patterson." Nigga, I don't give a fuck. you never told me what kind of dogs you have. You mean, the Rollo Goodlove

Nigga, I was in bed. We bring the 'hood with us, right here. us for a little bit? Why not just wait for Santa Claus

KID: I'm going to get you. I just don't give a fuck. who toured with Parliament Funkadelic in the '70s,

Hey, hey, hey, hey. You sure you gotta leave? That nigga's my age. until he was 3. That's different. The homey dance ain't gay. I do the homey. But Stinkmeaner knew that every black man's spirit

Know what I'm saying? White man can eat a dick. became a community activist in the '80s,

GIRL: Yeah. This is fantastic. So you guys don't think I'm overreacting? See, it's okay between us behind closed doors. That's not gay? You who thinks everything in the world is gay.

Eat my balls, nigga. Told you so! Ha-ha. Whoo. That's right, nigga.

I don't think so. We have flipped the word into a term of endearment.

MAN: There he is! Get that nigger. BOTH: Wolves? I don't believe in the Easter Bunny either. And this one here is for George Bush the first.

You're a bigtime lawyer, I'm about to do it big in Woodcrest, nigga.

TOM: So, what do you say? Uh-oh. The law say when the bicycle stop, You mean, like, wolf wolves? I'm telling you, man. Catcher Freeman is real.

Should I call my travel agent or what, huh? Oh, come on, you n-- Nincompoop. "What's Goin' On?" with Rollo Goodlove, Rollo Goodlove?

Come on, let's go! the wheels supposed to stop. Yeah. For some reason, wolves really like me. Okay, um, Frank. Now, this one here is dedicated

MAN: Oh, shoot, he's fast! Watch out! Uh... Yeah. Let me, uh, check my schedule.

I was raised around wolves. ROLLO: Mm-hm. The same. Hm. Glory. You can't do that! Hey, come on. Wait. Oh, what's that, the PSP right there? Man.

I'm all, like, it's -- whatever. freeing all the slaves and shit. It, uh, wasn't really funny after that.

They get a bad rap, but really, You can't hear the movie. He, like, 14 feet tall, Anyway, I had to call and share with you my support

Mm-mm. GIRL: Welcome to if you aren't afraid to establish dominance, Hey! After a lifetime of being treated like a nigger, HUEY: In the past, Granddad has had

Yep, yep. All of 'em. Let's go. This is gonna be so much fun. I'm calling the police. Stop!

Huh? That's right, y'all. Thugnificent bringing the 'hood Damn. I bet these vases got trapezius muscles and biceps. Shit crazy.

That's, uh... This is going to be... Yeah, I work about 32 jobs over the course of a week.

OLD MAN: Can we bring in the Army? TOM: All right, Deers. All the years I've been on this Earth,

Get out there and give him what you got. You the one who said he kissed a man. ...the worst day of your life. How long will we wait on the police to protect us?

Uh, fascinating. I had my blinker on and everything. know how many times I been called a nigger for free? I think it's interesting I got 32 jobs

Oh, I didn't say she was cheating. My ass! He like a black-ass Batman, if you will.

how long you been kickboxing? Fuck you, punk-ass, bougie-ass, hook-ass nigga! Back in the day, when a white man called you a nigger,

He can fly... underwater. I'm bringing nunchucks. Can we bring in the Army?! when most niggas say they can't find one. Hey! Who turned off the motherfucking water?!

I'll beat your motherfucking ass, nigga! I got to have it, you dig? RILEY: Heh-heh-heh.

This is a tragedy. Huh? Not exactly kickboxing, but it's kind of similar. How often you have dreams about men kissing?

Wait, how they know who Batman is? I'm a do-what-it-takes kind of nigga, man. The white man ain't never done nothin' to nobody,

I say toss her groupie ass out the window GRANDDAD: Stop interrupting!

Fuck with me, nigga, and I'll be popping a trunk I get it how I live, and live how I get it, you feel me? Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

kissing other men. and let that ho stargaze from outside.

and he don't deserve this. You got some words of welcome Man, stop! This whole conversation is And one of the great pleasures of my day

Get my motherfucking Uzi. White Lotus? Now, Riley, there's never a place Hello? Tom. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.

making me uncomfortable. That's the deadliest style there is. is taking all these pretty little white children to school

for violence in a relationship. Hey, guys. What I got to do Riley's teacher called him a nigger. I dreamt about Muhammad Ali just last night.

People, calm down. Now, listen, I'm holding a rally downtown tomorrow, brother.

in the morning. Thug out with the homey. We gonna sue the white man. Get over here quick. Granddad, I can't believe you let them niggas stay here. There sure seemed to be a place at the restaurant last night.

You never mentioned, uh,

Man, you wanna be down with us? We've let the predators think we're weak. Hey, there-- Move out of my way, fat boy. Mm-mm. Nappy-headed hos. I'm gonna escape with this, okay? With my mind.

Here, put these coats on. That's messed up, Riley. That's family. on DontSitEm.com.

who was called a nigger? Huh? She made you look like a bitch in front of Usher. You know what, motherfucker? I keep the bus nice and clean for 'em.

Huh? Last year, Terrence Kinsley, Family? I ain't never seen them niggas before in my life.

Boy, watch your mouth. he was a Shaolin monk. I learned it from him. Ooh, I ain't listening to you.

Probably started out charitable. Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you, old-ass nigga!

Except for Flonominal and Macktastic, Granddad was forced to hire Oh, hello there, Miss Matheson--

GRANDDAD: Here you go. It was them Freeman boys. Then I ended up having to use it on him, ROLLO: Brothers and sisters.

What is it? who I met through the label last year, one of those no-nonsense British super nannies. Whatever. How is my little sunshine?

It's pinto beans and neck bones. You just mad at all this Thugnificence.

but we're like brothers, though. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it right there. But, Granddad, she did make Mr. DuBois look like a bitch.

Now put this meat loaf and gravy under your shirt. I thought of a way to display moving pictures on a screen.

Yeah, I said it. Respect it, man! Hey, man, stop. Where's the gun, huh?

Just killing 'em in the streets: a nigger, Why don't we just get treats from the concession stand? -Now, Ruckus, that's crazy. -If they're so innocent,

HUEY: They have nothing to go home to. Where's the gun? Go on, get. breathe it in, nigga. Bask in it.

but find a different way to say it. Which actually worked out, Get. Get out of here. Man, I'm about rags to bitches, too.

Next thing you know, And now I'm telling you, the clothing line's jumping off. except Granddad set up a nanny cam.

we won't have nothing to go home to. but I'm gonna show Massa Colonel my screenplay, you rubbin' against that silky white skin. Oh.

It's about getting paper, my nigga. Now, where were we? You think I'm paying $20 for some popcorn?

RUCKUS: Yeah. Why wouldn't they? and when he reads it, he's gonna know I'll tell you with no shame: Everybody knows New Orleans niggas are grimy.

But I don't know the non-curse way GRANDDAD: This is when What do you say, Gelman? "Off the hook"?

Have you heard of the Kumite? this could be a huge production. This here bus is for kids with a future. You must be out of your damn mind.

to say he got bitched. Yep. Thanks, wardy. That's my hat.

Humiliated, castrated, emasc-- Oh-- Oh, my God. I bet you Tom would know. Where is he? MAN: Suck that dick! Did you say Kumite?

Are we allowed to bring in food? Now, Riley, I want you to know Suck! Nigga, you trying to get off the plantation

Well, I don't really know much about him, Don't take that long to get over here. Of course we're allowed to. that even though we doin' it real grand,

I love talking to the police. by selling a script? Ha! Sitting up here, watching television, That's right. That's right. but my two teenage kids are very excited.

It's my food, isn't it? I paid for it. We're gonna go check 'em out. Nigga, you ain't even supposed to know how to read. if this rap shit don't work, we running up in nigga's houses.

That's all you get for free. I need a lawyer, but I don't wanna pay, so you'll have to do. Get your lazy asses some exercise.

That means I can eat it when and where I want. Did-- Did anyone see who accosted this man? It's a mythical, invitation-only martial arts tournament Using up all of my electricity, eating a sandwich.

If you lost your ho to T.I., How you gonna sell a script, asshole?

You know what I mean? For real. Better believe that. What I don't understand is I'd be like, "Hey, that's T.I." And, uh, my pride is sucked away.

Boy, put this pot roast in your pants or you ain't eating. Plus, there's a writer's strike. I got a date? I can't believe it. Riley, I started this team because when I was younger,

that if it's so offensive to them, Get into a beef and then shoot each other.

We're gonna be hittin' the streets, son, What's wrong with you, woman? Oh, this is nothing. He's just getting started. and the dungarees with his name on the, um, pocket.

moving mad rock all day, is not a law-enforcement agency. then why do they say it over and over again? And we not doing it for the females,

You better check that ho, Mr. DuBois. the very small community with a very big heart. to be more creative.

You know what? You guys are right. But I didn't think the Kumite really existed. and there was that moment at the end,

you know what I'm saying? No interrogations! living across the street from me. Shoot. MAN: So Riley said the N-word

HUEY: Robert Jebediah Freeman Granddad, you don't skydive, MAN: Know what I mean? All day, son. Excuse me, uh, my name is Positive Brother Hakeem Desegregation ruined the American school system.

had sworn a lifetime intifada Paid too much money for my house. Funny-ass music.

It's really real. and they won. and ask them to join the neighborhood watch, Tell me what you think about your ass, nigga.

against the movie theater industry It was like a miracle moment. from Positive Big Black Brothers and Sisters of America. When did test scores across the country drop?

Now, brothers and sisters, and you never was a member of G-Unit. Why is the news here? Well, I called the news GRANDDAD: Thelma was for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,

want to go to a basketball game just to see the game, And ever since then, I wanted to live that moment.

and told them what you did for us. He calls himself "nigga" all the time. And let's all of us reach out to all our other neighbors we are here today because we're not gonna let BET

Get 'em outta here. which, interestingly enough, Now, the vest isn't actually bulletproof, correct?

Shakes, all that. Extra ketchup. "Nigga this, nigga that. Nigga, please. come back with one of them NBA niggas out of sympathy? What the hell you do that for? Don't be modest. It's okay.

did not stop him from going to see movies. on some faraway mysterious island.

"You need some napkins?" You feel me? Eww... But it's a hot style. MAN: Thugnificent and his cohorts,

Okay, gang. Keep your eyes open. MAN: So, Mrs. Wong, "Nigga, have you lost your mind? It's not okay. Now every damn Katrina victim for 100 miles There were never no white kids shooting up nothing

She wanted to be entertained. But Thelma didn't want his old Uncle Tom ass.

Open for what? formed the Lethal Interjection Crew And pink is definitely the in color for this season. Local calls only on my phone, thank you.

We're sneaking in. What the fuck is you talking-- ? What the fuck was that? "I will not be a prisoner to your foolishness. I am free.

They were terrible. Oh, the white woman's got a big heart. Besides, she was about to meet Catcher for the first time.

That's not true, little baby. Kind of like one of them Mr. Freeman, what makes a man

beating him senseless with a nine iron, "And I will not be captured by your ignorance.

I bought my tickets online. Scout's honor. "Booty-Butt Cheeks." I wasn't thinking about it when I did it. He says it so much, I don't even notice it anymore. Oh, that's long, baby. But that's the style, right?

stealing his wallet and driving his car Oh, no. These are not complete strangers. This is family.

Look. Granddad. They cover room and food. Everything. Last week in lunch, Riley says to a classmate: The white man is a peace-loving man.

"'Cause I'm free. We ended our season last year I got some money saved. The movie will be on me.

multimillion-dollar major-label deal, I knew you were gonna ask, and I like your attention to detail.

Correct. with the worst record in the league.

Now, you put that away, boy. Let's just go to the initiation. "in your negrofied matrix, either. Oh, but that poor, little, sweet girl didn't get far.

These movie devils ain't getting And my first thought wasn't, The first test is the agreeability test. and a new album, "Rags to Bitches."

any more of our money. You get to catch up with old friends, Because I am free."

She ain't going nowhere. Before you are a member of the team,

Mm-mm. see some really good matches, get a tan. We ain't gonna hurt you too much. Now, Mrs. Wong, let me ask you a question. But I say education is not the answer.

in the eyes of God? Well, not exactly. See-- Uno, dos, tres, cuatro. Uh...Mr. Freeman?

Ask the question, Miss von Hausen. We can win, Riley. Good times. I might hurt you.

The way I'm looking at it, I'm picking up where What do you hope to get out of helping these people?

Hey, look up in the tree. It's a bird. It says, "No outside food," little girl. Good times. The Kumite is supposed to be And what do niggas do in college anyway?

HUEY: Costa Rica for two weeks? What's good, nigga? Is your granddad home?

That's why we keep it inside our clothes. because we always tell the kids that that ain't the way.

VON HAUSEN: Mr. Freeman, a death match, right? You ever killed anybody? Not a damn thing. Oh, they go there. They party.

This is the movement that says, you know -- Are you sure this is legal?

Matter of fact, I had a song called, Hey. Everybody has to die sometime. Hm. Wow. So selfless. Bob. Granddad. Mr. DuBois' at the door.

Get him, get him. Watch it. Now, as you know, we've had some home invasions recently. "Don't grow up and act like a fucking fool all the time, and end up just as ignorant as when they came in.

Okay, everybody, look alive now. Here's our chance.

Call my agent, man. He said I said it first? You's a bitch. But if you got to pull a burner

and you can still make it up out the 'hood What it look like -Mm-hm. -We were concerned to hear

Man, I'm telling you, and enjoy everything that life has to offer."

I understand you need your job, out on a nigga, this T-shirt that you refused to talk to the police. I seen the hatred in his eyes Yo, it's blazing, son. That shit is incredible, kid.

It's too late now. I may never come back. but you're still a human being with dignity.

You ever seen these things? I would love to let you crash, the first time I walked in the class. Finish him.

MAN 1: Yeah, baby! KIDS: Throw it to me, throw that ball. Catcher Freeman was a master swordsman.

Yeah, I mean, look at this uniform, man. No snitchin'. All he saw when he looked at me was a black nigger.

I look like a fucking dork. Hey, we hear you was helping people from New Orleans. How this nigga learn all that ninja stuff?

Let me show you how to do it. Why would they make me dress like this? You've also refused our previous invitations I would just turn up the bass a little higher in the monitor --

We used to live right close to-- They didn't even have karate flicks back then.

What did I do to them, huh? Well, I had a girlfriend in Katrina. much of a case, Robert.

to join the neighborhood watch, You should take action. I didn't come to practice. You never called my agent. Hush, boy! It was love at first sight.

and we could use your support. Nobody give a fuck what your dumb ass think. so I'm gonna go and pretend I didn't go,

Ah. What can I do? I thought that was a joke. Oh, no, no. The guy just seems kind of...dumb.

He was tall, he was handsome, Give me this motherfucker. Our motto is: Neighbors watching neighbors.

I told you this was going to happen. Hell no. Thank you so much, Robert. his trapezius muscles rippled through his shirt.

Get your ass up out of here, you hook-ass nigga. So don't tell him. Say I went to the store.

See, boys? See why All right, Granddad, dang. You making me uncomfortable.

Robert Freeman. You know him, right? Have you ever thought about forming a union? I'm gonna call a press conference. Fuck your court! MAN #1: Tired of this. MAN #2:

Oh, I'm watchin', all right. I'm watchin' this neighborhood It's all about pearl necklaces.

About what? I don't know, What's a "union"? RUCKUS: It's like somebody threw a million dollars I ask you to bless him, Lord,

Get the fuck up out of here with that bullshit. Niggas jumping up and down with candy canes, Well, it's harder to talk if my mouth is full.

MAN: Hey, hey, hey! Hey! become a bunch of damn tattletales. I mean, they can only hang you once, right? and keep providing for him, Lord, Wow! Pearl necklaces.

MAN #1: Beat it. MAN #2: Nigga. I paid. I got my ticket. and doing all kinds of silly shit with their hands.

All right, fine. Good one, granddad. I got mine today and that joint is wack.

Yeah, yeah. I got a ticket for you. I left food money in the cabinet above the oven.

You killin' 'em. Anyway, Riley, what do you think?

A one-way ticket to "Get the hell Property was stolen, Mr. Freeman. My name's Catcher. Catcher Freeman. Well, we can't live next to their kind. Jesus, amen. As we walk in your glory.

out of here, negro" land. What's the number to a press conference? Gangstalicious gear?

Hey there, Robert, Go on! Move it! Come on, now, you're leaving me hanging.

Get off of me, woman. Where'd you get that? The sanctity of our community was violated.

I ain't gonna stand for it. I've been cleaning bathrooms for a long time.

ALL: We gotta go to the bathroom. What's he doing here? He's your sitter. MACKTASTIC: That outfit is fly

Tough titty. We were here first. Right. No, I don't think we should use the word,

I ain't got time for this bullshit. Oh... Granddad, me and Riley don't need no babysitter. And I can say...white-man shit

TOM: Well, I'd sell my house if I thought I'm not feeling the name. Nope. Who has not heard of Catcher Freeman? I'm free

Nigga, you gay. it was still worth anything. Because niggas have gotten used to it, that's why.

Where are you escaping from? How about that? as black African shit. I don't care how good you are, I'm not changing the name.

Why don't you just invite them over for dinner Yeah, not like we gonna try to kill each other. Me and Gangstalicious been homeys for a minute. See it's burnin' me to hold onto this.

Hell, they like it now. Another victory of the common man See, the white man just got a better liver.

and get to know one another? Suit yourself. It's like when you growing crops HUEY: Meanwhile, I couldn't

over corporate greed. White man eats his meat raw. Uh, real good? like I got everything I can get out of that organization.

You're not advancing any struggle RUCKUS: Sorry he touched you, Miss von Hausen. just shitted on our "Rags to Bitches" joint. They ain't never gonna get

See, that's healthier. He calls it tartare. that an evil force was gathering.

by being cheap, Granddad. She ain't say nothing about no damn and then you can't grow nothing. FLONOMINAL: Why didn't we think

MACKTASTIC: What's happening, nigga? that dream you promised them and for what? so hopefully that'll look good on my résumé.

I'll advance my belt on your behind Next is a test of courage. We sound like a bunch of bitch niggers

if you don't shut your ass. Where the chicken wings and the doughnuts at? One man's ego? Sad. Good luck. Look at me

Now, I know it's hard Oh, my God. You almost touched Miss von Hausen! that-- That need women in their lives or something, man. It smell like the circus in town up in there.

What the fuck you got to eat in this bitch, nigga?! May I say your dookie smells like sparkling ice water.

I didn't pay to get in the movie. MAN: Nah, you ain't crazy. ALL: Bye, Riley. But we calling 'em bitches and ho's and shit.

I love you My name is Uncle Ruckus, and I will be nigger-sitting and free all your friends and kinfolk.

Uh, yes, we did. I -- I ordered my tickets online. Huey, what are we gonna do?

A HAZMAT suit. Smiling It's just, I feel like this

Who got the neck bones? You gonna tell her to get out. But we'll need your help. you two until your grandfather returns.

No, you didn't. I'm not telling her to leave. Great, that's a relief, 'cause all my friends

is coming to an end. Especially when there are so many other fine substitutes: Yes, sir. White man has impeccable hygiene.

We snuck in. Your granddaddy picked me She hit me with one of them exploding nutsack techniques.

Ghostface Killah isn't even dead. because I am a licensed zoologist. Ah, still, man, the new single ain't moving.

We stole a movie. Tom agreed to allow Riley to design the uniforms Like, "Thelma done changed since she been free.

Now, who makes the rules? She's not a kung fu master. She's crazy. I have studied a variety of wild animals, To your savior

Man, stop complaining. that goofy-looking motherfucker is coming back. She forgot where she came from, she don't never come around."

Grownups, right? Shit. Then you go kick her ass out.

You waiting on your daddy? Your granddad's nigga moment ain't dead yet. and the African male is by far the most savagely cunning.

Yes. And I'm grown up, and I say it's okay. call that coon a jungle bunny instead.

But what am I supposed to do?

We're gonna get caught. 'cause I don't even drink grape. Guess she talking about her daddy, Tom. Hey. I'm willing to stay in the bathroom all night.

We're gonna get caught. If death can't stop Stinkmeaner, what can? That night, Thelma told the other slaves

He married to a white woman. I should call my daddy and turn myself in. This is an opportunity to observe you niggers

Yeah, yeah. Think about it. Peace. we don't wanna try this case in the press. No. How you just gonna walk in on homey talk, bitch?

When y'all going to the store too? There he is. Oh, yeah? You gonna tell him You two just...stay here.

Let me get this straight. -Shh-shh-Shh.

Man, y'all ho's is trouble. what you came to see, huh? And let's remember that the victim is a young child.

That's my boy! That's my boy-- Nigga, you've been begging me Okay. I gotta use the bathroom anyway. Sorry I'm late, pumpkin.

I bet he'd like to know that. So let's be respectful. Thank you.

cut that cracker's head clean off, What the hell going on out here? Go, Ball-a-Holics! Go!

Y'all ain't got shit. Maybe I should make a phone call. You know what? Y'all can get the fuck up outta here. RUCKUS: Oh...

Okay. That was very sucky, Tom.

No. Please, no. Uh-oh, everybody, keep an eye on your wallet. Lord have mercy. Tom, is you wearing a skirt?

Good. Now just calm down. You must be crazy. You gotta let your thing go. : Please do not look Muslim Uh, my name is Robert Freeman, and I have a lot of things

RUCKUS: Mm-hm. Ooh, have mercy.

Try some mashed potatoes. Who got the popcorn? What up, dawg? Now, I-- I know we've all had our problems with Massa,

ED: If you had a headset like mine, Look here, old dog. Brothers and sisters, y'all give it on up

I do, Granddad. You do not want that. GRANDDAD: I ain't letting my stuff What, what, what?

Hijacking is against the law. but, uh, this is murder.

Now, this here is the orange-flavored drink and some Johnny Mathis. Hey, yo, word to mother. He-- He-- He right, yo. heritage.

WOMAN: So where's he at now? Nah, baby, I'm still here.

Ow! Hey. Damn, I hate airports. Hey. Word, son. I'm saying, I-I mean, you know, this is

What the hell is wrong with you? Orange-Aid. With vitamin C. This is my press conference. That's blasphemy against Mel Gibson

The night before the revolt, Watch it, boy, don't step on my roses.

No. What am I gonna do with raw popcorn? It's okay. When we were trapped, Reverend Goodlove, it was amazing. Thelma snuck away to see Catcher one last time.

VON HAUSEN: What was that? Let me call you back. for the Woodcrest School District.

You're gonna ruin my dentures. wanna see right now, man. Mel Gibson isn't Scottish. Tip-off there, right, straight in the hands of Young Reezy.

Yo, that's real talk. Whew. Damn, can't watch a movie without popcorn. Hey. How's Robert? Is everything okay? Rollo Goodlove? What's that two-bit hustler doin'?

GRANDDAD: Show them what you got. The Scottish man deserves better

So I don't mind drinking the cheap stuff. Heh. Word down at the gym is that he done wore You'll know what to do with it when the time comes.

MAN #1: Yeah. Hey! Now I gotta spend all my damn money You have assaulted this fine family's dignity,

Oh, hurry up. I'm trying to do it big. MAN #2: Do that shit. Yeah! I still don't know what your problem is with BET. I gotta deal with

on a bucket of popcorn. But, Ruckus, I am part Scottish. Damn.

Now, it's date night and you know the rules. I see you, homey. Go ahead, nigga. I love Beyoncé. Shoot. Little sweet thing. you have assassinated their pride,

Hear that? Sounds like niggas.

You get in that room. Ride it out, nigga. Shake it girl Boarding pass and ID.

Told you. I don't care if you hear scream and you have hurt their feelings. I just found out. I took one of those tests

USHER: Do I still have to eat the cheap lunchmeat? Yeah Thank you. It was really hard.

where they trace your DNA RUCKUS: What you see, Miss von Hausen? Now, somebody gonna pay.

When your feeling Find a way to get some hoes over here. Ain't you hungry yet?

It's just...I had heard you must continue to be a soldier no colored liquid or people are allowed to board a plane.

Shit, he -- he just hatin' 'cause, see, MAN: Do it, man.

You gotta let it go You know, what hurt us was losing all that mattress money. until the war is won.

Still dribbling now, there's some impressive dribbling. You 30 percent Scottish? Black as you is?

Mm. Hm! There was four or five accounts in there.

WOMAN: Why don't you call her, then?

I know. Jumpin' like it used to Maybe you would like a demonstration? Keeping the other kids off guard, still, uh-- to Robert Freeman, to the ghost of Martin Luther King,

Oh, shit! Is this a white doctor or a darky

Honey, I'm home. Uh, wait. Yo, word to mother, to the BET headquarters-- and the money for the record label I started in the basement.

RUCKUS: Buck 'em down, Miss von Hausen! Mm, not that it matters,

friendly sparring match? GANGSTALICIOUS: Hello? Let it burn GRANDDAD: But, oh, Tobias was hating

You were in construction, right? We're takin' fire! Run! I know a lot of girls on Myspace. Uh, now, Huey, black people have style.

They're doing a lot of building in New Orleans right now. Well, hell, that's all you had to say.

Oh, yeah! Riley, what's up, little man? I mean, I don't really pay much attention to 'em, though, Pass.

-RUCKUS: Get them negroes! -ED: They shootin'! What's going on? What's good? I seen it on television. That's what I thought. A white doctor is 99.9 percent reliable.

It's best 'cause I be's all about my paper. RILEY: Oh, is it over?

Especially you young people. No, no, no, I'm still here. Yo, can I still come over? So Tobias betrayed them because he was jealous? It's when you let go of the ball and give it to someone else.

I heard Halliburton was hiring Tom, what's gotten into you? Just out here Rick Ross-in' it, not loving them ho's.

or grown-up girls and shit? But I just showed it to her. Ahem. Now, see, Of her being with someone--

Unless it's a witch doctor. Come on. You want some of this? Come on. Yes, but his betrayal could not stop Catcher.

Oh. Help me. Man, grown up. They got little pictures of each one, too, I need to see it as well, sir.

MAN: Car! be terminated immediately TOM: Riley, pass!

Well, well, well. Who knows? Oh, Tom! But I just showed it to her, then I walked straight to you. what happened next.

Get 'em, Miss von Hausen! And you can reach these hoes so he can no longer spread his hateful bigotry. Excuse me. It sells you young people

That's the way! Wait, Miss von Hausen. Sir, I don't have time for this. That was a good look. Appreciate it.

I'm gonna make it do what it do. and tell 'em to come over here and get bucked-naked? And finally, we demand that the Freeman family

and I live across the street. I'll give you anything. Ah! It's 'bout time for my break and you are stepping on my time. Listen, don't even sweat that. Anything for the little homey.

SARAH: Oh, Tom! Goddamn. Enough with the dribbling. be the only person to discover their roots, you know?

Come on, now! Buck 'em down! Mm, that's good-- But, uh-- But you can't afford it. be compensated for their extreme distress

You don't have time? Shit. Yeah, that's my granddad. Huh?

Yo quiero Taco Bell. RUMMY: Riley! Hey, Riley, look, man, And in order to save them kids, I gotta reach them kids. Mm.

I'm-- I'm sorry. Alex what? ANNOUNCER: Don't steal movies. Here come Catcher rolling up on Massa's crib. Next.

Come on, Riley, take it to the hoop. You know. Alex Haley. Roots.

I need somewhere to hide. Niggas are shootin', man. Let's... The only thing I did was put my boarding pass and ID away Riley, this is the cool part. Enjoy the story.

Niggas are shootin'? ED: Hey! Now, see, when I shine, get out while we can. Riley, attack the basket! Go!

This the car that got pimped out by Xzibit. What is that, some kind of gardening show? JERICHA: The Lord will provide which is why I don't wanna get it out again.

Wait. Let me guess. It's a trap. I just wanna say that I like your music. they walk toward me for the light of them diamonds. Heh.

You're joking, right? Say, motherfucker, you on the phone or you talking to me? Riley, shoot. Why won't he shoot the ball?

Doesn't that makes sense? And, uh, you know, this is my turf over here, at, like, a dozen dudes as they reload,

Hello? Their new single ain't really selling that much. I didn't become a different person in the last five feet!

I'm talkin' to Riley. Uh, let me see here. Uh, thumbera.

SARAH: It's Sarah. Oh, he's got the look on his face. Uh-- I-- I don't follow you.

GRANDDAD: Damn. Hey, y'all see the new rims I got on my bike? Towards the goal, got the dribble.

Roots. Roots. Roots. computer genius and shit -- Oh, wait. Maybe they can get on that "Homeys Over Ho's" remix.

come into my house and try to destroy my place. This is a quick estimate, um, Then he gonna do all that fake-ass ninja stuff again. Large freshly popped popcorn, please. And lots of butter. This thing has a push-button starter like a racecar.

I ain't on your nuts, though. Make them pay. Make them pay.

Want me to ask them to come over? The miniseries? Come here, honey. to her recital practice at 3, right? Stop it! Man, we already know

What, what? Beautiful arc on that ball.

Didn't have time to put the lamp in. Anything else? Hold-- Hold on, here.

Yes. the nigga gonna win at the end, just wrap it up.

I asked for butter on it. Oh, man. Respect, little partner. Looks like it may have just enough You know what, Riley? Anything for the little homey.

Butter's over there. GRANDDAD: All right, all right! Roots. I don't know nothing Well, I'm in the studio with Snoop Doggy Dogg

Hey, this little nigga's all right, y'all. MACK: Say, baby girl. Hey, boo, check it out.

ringside at the championship fight? Mm-mm. Are you doing the music video thing again? It's over, Catcher. Drop it, or she's dead!

'Cause I'm gonna make sure I pay you back every penny. I don't wanna put the butter on it. Why can't you do it? No-ho-ho-ho. Lionel Richie's ex-wife.

Whoa, whoa! What y'all doin'? off the table. Now, the first thing you should know about me

Gotta go, honey. Bye. You think I wanna be doing Skating with the Stars, With interest. Well, thank you, Jericho.

You're supposed to put the butter on it. You know your mama taught you better than that, WOMAN: Uh-uh. Hey, man, no problem, you know. is that I have a case of the revitiligo.

I don't wanna put the butter on it. ghetto-ass nigga. That's kind of embarrassing after that buildup. Kill him, Catcher. Do it!

Well, goddamn it! I'm already paying $20 for this bullshit popcorn. Well, fuck you then, bitch. Bucket-mouth ho.

I'm still burnin' and Brenda Richie had just caught Lionel in bed Boarding pass and ID.

But how about, uh, tomorrow, cutie pie? Waiter, this ain't no beluga caviar.

I will not demean myself Y'all can't take my granddad's car. Well? Not bad for short notice. You know, thank you. You know, for, you know,

...in the Jacuzzi? The first time you break the rules, by putting butter on popcorn. Now, see, for example, let's look at music.

you get the cattle prod. Stop, Ed.

So -- So am I in the crew? Why? It's really easy. Why? The second, you get the electric dog collar.

Don't want to STINKMEANER: Ha! Now, here's my rap demo. Goes straight up in his face and-- Ooh, a swish.

Because I don't work at the movie theater, that's why. Y'all got the 100-inch-screen TV too.

What the--? Come back tomorrow, partner. Yeah, yeah.

Personally, I like jazz and gospel. The third time, I'm calling up the lynching mob.

when niggas was chasing us? Oh, man. You're supposed to put the butter on it. Gotta hurt a kid's soul right there. Who's out there? Boys! Boys, help me.

LIONEL: Don't-- Hyah! It's an American original. But if I spit that hot fire, the bullet with his handcuffs.

If I go to Burger King and order a cheeseburger,

Bruise you Ow! No, no-- I-- I mean, you know-- I mean, you know-- I'm as white as they come.

Shh. You're messing up the ending. they don't make me put the cheese on it, do I'm gonna get a chain. Ooh, I bet this bitch got some knock, huh?

Let it burn This is the best part. You'll never see this coming.

Oh, of course. Now I get it. I see, I see. Just 'cause your skin is light, bright, I mean, you know, the other thing.

Let it burn Player, player. Get to the clubs. So then I say to R. Kelly, and Notting Hill.

Yeah, this bitch got some bass, boy. Gotta let it burn Or maybe I'm using my stupid sitcom

and two shades from being white, "Did you wash your hands?"

and shot at you? You don't understand how bad a nigga need a chain. Y'all got the new Xbox too. Oh, shit.

Hey, for real? On the real? you think you too good to butter your own popcorn. ass whipping.

No, I m-- Well, I mean, yeah, that too. Yo, this little nigga funny, man. Riley now on defense, coming up behind, and--

Oh Hey, what you doing? And it's hard. It's hard work, Huey. TOBIAS: Massa!

This little nigga like everything in my life would be perfect. Oh! Let me serve this, nigga, you hear me? Well, you wrong, Lando Calrissian.

Charlie Murphy or some shit, man. No. Or...yes. at an even younger age? Oh, sure.

Oh, sweet Jesus! Hey, man. This your brother? You don't even want-- Huey don't want none.

So, what I'm doing is marshaling Damn it, Ruckus. Y'all gonna put some butter on this popcorn.

It's burning. Upside his nose. Oh, Lordy Lord.

Yo, nigga. Your brother told us all the resources I have available to me TOM: That's your man. Ho-ho, look at that fadeaway.

to do just that. VON HAUSEN: He saw it! He saw everything.

how you be all into reading and shit. to ensure that justice is served. Splendid. Oh, I love cartoons.

Hey, Tom. Shut the fuck up.

Hyah! And, uh, thumbera, Tom, go away! I'm gonna call the police. Especially evil ones.

GRANDDAD: Boy, watch your mouth. how much justice do you think we can get?

Did you hear that? Nigga, you know that wasn't no chain. That was a necklace. Clean up out this bitch Yeah. Mistress Lee'vil. We have a kids show coming on ever after.

We put our lives on the line every day to make movies, GRANDDAD: Oh, it was terrible. Terrible. Homeys know how to keep a secret.

Riley up again-- Man, I can't hear nothing over Granddad's gay-ass music. called Super Cyborg Mandingo Man. Yeah.

Damn it. Hurry up, boy. Tell us who did it. about a half a million.

Now, you're gonna tell me who stole my car and then people come along and steal all that hard work. What happened to your insurance? Oh, I had insurance. Mistress Leevil, the new slogans are ready for your approval.

Shut up! Man. I can't wait for niggas to start hating. I can't wait. Look out, new message.

Uh-oh. or I'm gonna get my belt or a 2x4 and go upside your head! We go there. He's an African warrior.

What the--? I want my money back. Who would do something like that? Brenda Richie knew kung fu.

Word. You know what I mean? You know, that reading shit, Man, that ending was hella cliché, Granddad.

Hang this up, boo-boo. Yes, yes. Get to the evil part. I hate to laugh at an 8-year-old, folks. A terrible, awful human being that no one will ever love.

you generate from those around you? you know what I mean, it's hard, son. RUCKUS: Ow! Mm-hm. Mmm.

Could be worse. said I didn't have no wind insurance. Hey, if niggas ain't mad at you, then you doin' something wrong.

That's who. Word. You know what I mean? Word. He said for me, no problem. We have the pilot. What's that, the script?

So I couldn't get no money. You know what I mean? Especially when them books be I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman.

They don't have that kind of money. Can you believe that? Wind insurance? By that definition, then, you have a very bright future. something about Catcher Freeman? Actually, we spent all our money on the Vin Diesel show.

I pays for my car! you know what I mean, you know, Oh, nah. They got tons of money. Shoot. Hm.

Somebody help! Ah! really thick and heavy-like, you know what I mean?

Uh-huh. They keep it for themselves though. Thank you for that perspective, Huey. I ain't getting it for him neither. Nope. Thanks, man.

Word. You know what I mean? All the greatest basketball players have always been white. :

They buy themselves private jets Hey. Get to the flick. So I-- I said to the guy, "What kind of shit is this?"

No problem. Why would he send a message from--? Of course I know about Catcher Freeman. I say make a man wait until he's resentful. of impeccable character,

What happened to the movies? This doesn't seem to be a place for kids. Hm. Well, it certainly is incompetent. save me from these African hooligans!

Your kid's eating tater tots Y'all should be ashamed. In the street. What streets? ALL:

That always works. Hmm. I'll think about it. What the hell? Tom, what's going on?

Why is it when I order a soda pop, Oh, oh. We got PlayStation and Xbox, nigga. I do hereby announce that Riley Freeman

I get a empty cup? Oh, Lord. Mistress Leevil, Think it's gonna be weird now that I beat up his grandson? Do the homey

I didn't order a empty cup. You see, Tom? They're a bunch of crooks. Mm-mm. I can't do it, Granddad. I can't talk to the po-po.

And we got Incredible Hulks, nigga. So that makes it okay to extort them? but the Freeman boy is on CNN. What's CNN?

I ordered a soda pop. Talent? Yes, but no. is officially part of the Lethal Interjection crew.

And what asshole started putting commercials in movies? Tell Granddad. He's not the police. All the kids is welcome, motherfucker. "Extort"? Extort?

Oh, Lord! Why has thou forsaken me? But I submit to you today--

Self-respect? I can see commercials at home on TV. STINKMEANER: Oh, you running? Okay. Let's hear the story one more time. So I brought out my old violin that only plays sad songs.

What network do you work for? So this is the message you want to send

Okay, let me get this right, now. Bullshit. BET. And the bathroom stink. Clean the fucking bathroom! I suppose you think affirmative action is extortion too, huh?

You promise not to tell? My cousin, Elliot, in California I know just how to deal with the good reverend.

to the young youth out here like myself Black Entertainment-- Oh, my goodness, some black people are crazy. will now transfer to you.

I'm not gonna take it anymore! passed away very suddenly while working out. No!

Now, what in the Sam Hill are you--? Get your drunk ass outta here. I pay too much damn money for these movie tickets

and not love these ho's, huh? Now, just remember what you represent

Where are your pants? Why you wearing a skirt? W-w-w-what's all this? Oh! Ahhh! when you have it on, and be proud of it. It ain't the white man's fault you dumb niggas

to butter my own motherfucking popcorn!

Is this what's hot right now in the streets? don't know that there's wind in a hurricane. There isn't a single member of the Lethal Interjection crew

Goodness gracious to life. Tom, you're fired. Ah-- What?

Yeah, let's say that. We weren't very close. It's only popcorn. How am I gonna get my butter beans? These are Gangstalicious Shorts for Thugs. and a very slow news cycle,

I was doing you a favor. Tom, what's wrong with you? that isn't ready to die for his chain, nigga. They have to be evil as well.

You're just gonna go on and quit. All for some white girl who left you for an R&B dancing-ass, I'm sorry, Tom. He's not even a lawyer. See, they got an extra flap with a pocket,

You on that stuff? Snap out of it, Tom. Well, I was excited seeing you out there.

This place is nasty, clean it up. so you-- You know, sexy-flexy- ass nigga? Uh, yeah.

When did you get here? Cocaine's a hell of a drug. I told you you was lying. I can see 'em now:

Huh? Well... No thanks. That's not true! 911 emergency. I'll hold.

I'm sorry. Except for Leonard. "Guess what? I just saved a bunch of money Kind of hot, right?

But he's bitch-made. Well, I been at the ticket window all day long, that's why Daddy is Uh, okay. Stupid dummy heads. Fuck BET. I'm gonna read a book.

Your chain, my nigga. "on my insurance 'cause these dumb niggas didn't know

and I don't remember you buying no ticket, Don't snitch, Granddad. Why can't we take turns? 'Cause I'm the oldest.

Under no circumstances do you change that story. Oh, so that's what practice is for. Rollo's perm's not even righted.

Yeah? Well, you're also the gayest. Big Nigga, Crazy Bitch, Robert Freeman. They don't know nothin' unless you tell 'em.

Oh, what? What, you got some more sad songs, huh? teach this person the meaning of black and evil. Niggas couldn't appreciate shit, so they kept running away.

Uh, I-I-I got my tickets online. Yeah. HUEY: Word got around: BET was evil.

TOM: Now, remember, Riley, Aha! A damn lie. GRANDDAD: Damn it! Damn it. Come here. Man, clean it up now.

"Ahhh" ain't my name. Okay. So, what do we do first?

You clean it up, bitch. I ain't never met a nigga MAN: Sir, please release the child. people walking around Winning is about teamwork. What--? What's wrong?

No. Mistress Lee'vil, please.

smart enough to use a personal computer. Release the child. TOM: You're choking him out! where they don't want them to be, I remember my senior year at Princeton. Mr. Charlie decided who better to catch a nigga Okay, welcome back, little lambs.

Hell, y'all niggas wasn't making

Not even a Macintosh. eating outside Hey there, Huey, is your grandfather in? Uh, we are sitting here with former BET host, We beat Chris Webber and Michigan with teamwork.

HUEY: Stinkmeaner. Oh. Hell, no, this motherfucker gonna--

being the driving force Uh... sister Sherry Carter. when they think they should be inside at a table. Now each of y'all want 300,000, huh.

No! behind the "stop snitching" movement, Today is Fidel Castro's birthday.

They still show the highlights of that game sometimes. You'll never take me alive, you punk-asses. and turned him into the greatest slave hunter who ever lived.

You never could get that hair right, Oh. Are you sure? And I'm in charge of the birthday party.

RUCKUS: Stop him! Wait, you don't mean the-- plus a very generous donation

Come on, come on. So I gotta fly out there. Catcha Freeman retrieved over 700 pieces of human

But we was with you, baby, You filed a complaint against me, old man?! Oh, okay. RUCKUS: What in tarnation He went this-a way. In 2000, rapper Gangstalicious reportedly assaulted

I mean, you like it here, don't you, Daddy? RUCKUS: Somebody call the police.

property to their respective owners during slavery. You filed a complaint against Thugnificent?

This is a... And I'm taking y'all with me In the news today, violent crime is on the rise,

with a tennis racket Have mercy. Never could understand how a sister you gonna stop this right now.

Mm-hmm. in the first-class cabin on the ass-whupping express.

Well, heh-heh-heh, it's just that-- that light-skinned had bad hair, though. and a bottle of Hennessy on the set of a music video. for Fidel Castro's birthday party that I'm planning,

I don't know what we're gonna do, but we gotta do-- Rap beef, nigga. Punk-ass motherfucker. I'm trying to hear the story.

Whew. Did I miss anything? of Katrinian refugees to Woodcrest. I'm so sorry, Robert.

Mr. Freeman... Guinness refused to cooperate with authorities. like I said earlier. Eh-heh. Yeah. Police responded to an assault call on Timid Deer Lane.

RUCKUS: Ah, look at that nigga go. I don't wanna steal the movie. A nigga's nuts in your face? Or are you just a big old fan of Winnie the Pooh?

Guys. I just wanted to thank you

I wanna go home! Hold up. You see that nigga Wow. It won't start. He took a cab, Mr. DuBois.

Yeah. Shh! We are now sitting here with a former BET host, flip from tree to tree like on some old Tarzan shit?

for letting me stay here. I thought you were gonna tell me you thought I was crazy, if the violence was drug-related. This nigga must be crazy.

What's wrong with you? This Uncle Ruckus show, how's it going? and you didn't want to see me again, like the others.

Okay. I wanna go home. No, but it ain't look like you won.

Not at all, Tom. Uh...great. F-fantastic.

You wasn't saying that back at the house, was you? Drop the beat, drop the beat, ugh. I'll go down there and help blow up some more levees.

Well, that is not what winning is about. No. Wake up. Uh-- Uh, well, uh, okay, then.

Bring it on, Huey. Wake up and smell the gay coffee. Was you? Because you wanted to see Soul Plane 2.

I'm enjoying this time with you. Are you kidding? Figure out what you wanna eat. Ah, look at that nigga go again.

All the evidence you could possibly need mmm, delicious

Well, this is how we see Soul Plane 2. Thugnificent's rags-to-bitches story so I'm saying... is right in front of your face.

A-ha! The proof is in the pudding.

It'll only be a matter of time before no doubt we gonna win this In fact, I was just telling Huey I hope so, Weggie... Okay. Hallelujah. Mission accomplished. I repeat, the terrorist said his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,

Ooh. I got an idea. was so good at tracking runaway niggas.

for your sake. I smacked Johnny Guinness I would love to pursue a romantic relationship you.

Time for step two. Did they give you the money? bent over a table with his pants around his ankles,

What up? and he's demanding that we -- in the super-elite suburb of Woodcrest.

And I also have a talk show on PBS. Tom. Get down here. Definitely. I'll call you

Hell, no, I ain't fitting to ask him being entered repeatedly by another man.

Several of the neighborhood's black residents for his motherfucking autograph. STINKMEANER: Whoo, come on. What the--? Now, before you start hating, Give him a biscuit.

filed a complaint

HUEY: An hour into the movie, and we all know you guys have had it rough, Choo-choo!

And Fidel. I wasn't sure how much more I could take. One legend said Catcha could actually talk to the dogs.

You're doing real good, brother.

Huh. Excuse me, hold on. MAN: We out of food, but we got Oh, I-- I get it. Okay, well, I don't have no cash on me now,

Let me ask you something. Man, how we gonna eat? You're doing real good. MAN: Good Catcha!

How did it make you feel You know, I don't think I've ever been invited

Yo. Look out.

Pass this bag of potato chips around. knowing that this neighborhood's black residents but when I get my FEMA check, you know, The problem with restraining speech is, And by "happen," I mean you'll be killed,

Tom was facing an all-out revolt.

didn't want you here? who gets to set the rules? Please take one. Pass it... Well, then, we'll just have to get you on, now, won't we?

If it's only okay in a certain time or place, Hey, boy. Something's wrong with Riley. TOM: Please, people! Riley Freeman will talk.

He's in here. I know Robert. I mean, heh, I put you on my show.

To be stabbed in the back by your own people? who gets to say what time and what place? Bill Cosby? He's wearing women's clothes and carrying a purse.

He don't miss a coon flick. Man, this dude is off the chain. RILEY: I'm saying, you ain't have

And this, sir, is an intervention. ALL: Bye.

What do you think it is? What is it? What's happening? No, no, no, no, no. I know how it go down.

An intervention? Your friends have Helping you move a book or two. Superb, homey. Exemplary. Maybe about 30 years.

Oh, I knew it. A gay grandson. Shh. Don't make a sound. Butch Magnus Milosevic.

I feel sorry for 'em, though, about what is appropriate to say

Ooh, that nigga caught it. from chronic bitch dependency, Mr. DuBois. where I look out for you, At all. So I was just checking to see To no more weekend visits by crazy Internet women.

STINKMEANER: All right, here we go. Butch Magnus? Crazy Butch Magnus? And I mean anywhere.

May I call you Tom? where they came from. you keep looking out for me, we look out for each other. if I had done something wrong to you.

Is this some kind of joke? Look out, look out, look out. Can't you just be happy to see another nigger fitted up,

I promise you, Riley will talk soon. You don't know where I came from. No! Stop trying to bribe me. I'm not for sale.

Tom...bitch dependency Oh, ho, ho, he came up out that water like Jason.

and being a real team player. : Ooh. Damn. I'm from a small town called a youth walked up to me and said: Oh, no. N--

is no laughing matter. with the Fidel Castro story.

"What it do?" Let's go check Madea's Bat Mitzvah. Hey, everything's for sale. Stop! Th-- This-- This can't be.

Nope. Can't do that anymore. Addiction to a bitch can fuck with your friends, He sounded like he was auditioning Get your bars up, nigga.

MAN: Attention, please, passengers. Hey. Put that camera back over here. See, Granddad? That's called exposure. He's got that look in his eye, passes it off to his teammate. You supposed to be in charge. You supposed to be the leader.

your health, and scary enough, even your money. It says, I'm 102 percent African.

your granddaddy is a master of deception. I'm sorry the levees broke, See, to understand the story of Catcha Freeman, If you left the toilet seat up in the restroom...

...faggot boy. Lead us to some breakfast then, nigger. Nigger-- What?

It's a disease, Tom. but if they don't get their black asses out of my house, Mm-hm. It makes me sick to think of him. I'm gonna vomit now. : Fidel Castro's birthday?

MAN: Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about! Probably shouldn't be using the same bathroom.

Wait. What was your name again? That's it, Riley. Nothing fancy. What, you want some, nigger? Huh? And finally tonight, Reverend Rollo Goodlove,

RILEY: Otherwise known as "One-Punch" Butch.

Well, thank you for asking. GRANDDAD: Yeah! You think he was lying? Just got off the phone with FEMA I personally blame the mother-- Matter of fact, we might have to move Riley

Officer, I'm sorry. STINKMEANER: Whoa! Yeah, I got you now. All I know is you drove all them hours

I didn't mean to steal from the stuntman. No. I'm not gonna fight you. I'm grounding you. you should have seen them back in slavery days. I don't believe it. This kid has the heart of an 8-year-old.

Get off me, you bitch ass, you faggot ass! Granddad, please stop this now.

Wait. "A pimp"? and their sexually-explicit videos, and then ask for your shit all after the fact. MACKTASTIC: Eat a sack of baby dicks, Ground me? What is this, Family Ties?

Named Slickback. Oh, praise the Lord.

I got something What kind of sandwich is this? Hey. Think they can introduce me as "Young Reezy"? was withholding information.

Yes. Please say the whole thing if you would. Goodness gracious alive. provided darkies all over the South

GRANDDAD: Not the lamp. No. I just did. Don't leave the house.

What were you about to do? You gotta give him props on that one, folks. with good jobs, food, housing. a fraternity of bananas up a tree.

You were about to rat on us, weren't you? Alright, let's get into something brand new, What are you listening to? I'm gonna do all the talking.

Props all around. WEGGIE: Bananas. This is what the movie theater industry wants, Jazmine. in five, four, three...

Yes, Tom. Every time. the, uh, good Reverend Goodlove

STINKMEANER: I'm a-kill you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little chest-bump action-- Black fraternities should have an African name. that ever could happen to Negro-kind. Jesus. Jesus.

Us fighting against each other. that's my boy, my friend, Thugnificent.

You beat me in the parking lot. Like Boogie, Boogie. WEGGIE: Black fraternity. King Kong ain't got nothing on me.

You're right. Why? Now, you listen here, you little bitch. Oh-ho-ho-ho, no. There's no turning back now.

Boogie, Boogie, Boogie. I-I don't think I need any help And just so you know, My guests this evening are Reverend Rollo Goodlove: none of that is true,

I'm gonna ask you some real simple questions, Talking about I'm grounded. Hey, I got a black fraternity for you:

You're in it all the way. STINKMEANER: I want my parking space. from the Jesus, Mary and Joseph Academy for Boys and "Don't Trust Them New Niggas" is not a spiritual.

NIQUE: Boy, that Flavor Flav crazy. by prison culture. and I want some real simple answers.

Now you're gonna get your little narrow, high-yellow ass Coach Tom for believing in me-- RUCKUS: Hush your mouth It isn't until August 13th.

And by Give me this shit. And prison culture is really, really gay.

back into the theater and enjoy Soul Plane 2. Now, you pulled into the garage and went into the house at 9:15? Slaves sang that and many other joyful songs all day.

you mean a pimp?

And it's got my main man, Second, with rap albums declining greatly

Boy, play defense! Nate "Doggity" Dogg, on the hook. I...wanna...go...home!

They are the family at the center Uh, look, I'm not trying to insult you. Uh-oh.

He lied to me. in profitability, If I'm not mistaken, it was 9:15. motherfucker.

Shut up. All right, folks, we are back in the thick of it now. crocheted, had water balloon fights, I'm saying, man, it doesn't look good. Mm-hm. You see, girl?

You're ruining my innocence! why does that word still have so much power?

Riley, two defenders on him, Jesus walked amongst the people. Shut up. So you pulled into the garage

That's why I'm by myself. Mohammad walked amongst the people. passes to his teammate, up, and good. Well, Larry King-- That's a very good question.

MAN: I expected to fly first-class. Yes. Yes.

I am a people person, Huey. I'm telling you right now: they got to go. and went into the house at 9:15?

I wanna go home. You better not get rid of it. Uh, which reminds me of an upcoming episode

MAN 2: Well, you ain't in first class. Man, I don't know if I can take another three months.

This is a well-oiled machine, folks-- Yes, I know you went to Harvard. Yeah.

Why we gotta put the nigga in my bed? TOBIAS: Here he comes! You don't see me running around lookin' for a bitch. See, I told you, but, no, niggas think they know everything.

Ooh, another two points. Ecstasy is a love drug Okay. He said just keep filming.

then she must be nutty as squirrel shit. Look, guys, you asked me to take you in as slaves, I looked at my watch, and -- and, yes, mm-hm, mm, 9:15.

I know where all my bitches are, What are we gonna do, Riley? Kick them out? that seem to make gay things happen.

Look at this. He's possessed by the ghost of Stinkmeaner. Score, 16 to 4.

RILEY: What's wrong with the street? I brought a clip of it, if you'd like to see it. Bodies start moving and sweating, Well, I'm black now.

So you're telling me, definitely, Granddad. What's wrong with Jazmine? you don't need Rollo Goodlove And by everything else, I mean her looks. She was fine.

that you pulled into the garage Um, sure thing. If we have it ready, So the first thing I did was quit all my jobs.

Boy, don't nobody listen to you. Uh-oh. Looks like someone caught a beat-down. LEONA RAY: Hey. What happened? What the--? Robert. : I'm out here

let's, uh, go to the clip. She couldn't look that good. She was black. and went into the house at 8:15?

or a young sister in the strip club She's fine. Watch the movie.

That's what the hell I thought. Stop it. Stop having so much fun! I don't know how I'm supposed to pay the bills. But I guess if you put lipstick and a wig on a monkey,

Thank you, Grandma. Folks, things are looking bright and cheery What if he pees in the bed or vomit, or shoots a deuce?

Oh, that's crazy. Ha-ha-ha. Hey, Massa, won't you do me a favor Have mercy. Now, see. If I walk into the strip club

Now look at you: bitchless. it could look good too.

Not right now. He sucker-punched me. Hm? A bully, huh? we have to make some cutbacks. Oh, this nigga tripping.

and start talking to a sister Look at this. I...wanna...go...home. Oh, no, no. You got any Thunderbird?

Hey, Riley, look. Well, there's only one way to deal with bullies. Now, you see something. You know you done fucked up, right?

I'll take Thunderbird. Cutie-pie Cindy's over to visit. HUEY: Granddad had to be stopped.

I've had enough. I'm going back upstairs. Oh. Whoa, looks like he could have used bettering her life and voter registration, A monkey in lipstick and a wig.

Tom is possessed by an evil spirit Oh, Daddy. Hey there, Trudy.

Young Reezy! I'm gonna put an end to this... a little help on that one. GRANDDAD: No! I said, no. You know, I might not even have revitiligo. Hey! That's my suit you just-- Went in my personal space.

Tom, when we first let you stay here, What's the business, big baby?

LUNA: I found him. Granddad, this is childish. or die trying.

Psht. No. He's in a park with another man. Don't think 'cause I'm on Larry King Live I said I pulled into the garage at --

HUEY: And so did this movie. Steal your bike, your chain. and ask for a dance, We used to going without. Mm-hm.

WOMAN: Ooh, see. What did I tell you? I won't whup your little asses.

And one day, I had enough. now, she's gonna think I'm just another trick.

Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both. See? That's exactly why I don't have a man. GRANDDAD: Oops. There go the lights. "I've had it. Everyone's

You know you done fucked up, right? It's shine time, folks, but all that glitters is-- We have a wonderful cast, Okay, I'm black.

And I had a gun. But you know what? It's only been two days. Coming. in the battle

I didn't want to use my gun. Let's spend some man time together.

Nigga, hush. You're living under my roof now. TOM: You're not even looking of the selfish versus the lazy. Now, I have set the table for change.

Move, nigga. sound like that, don't they? Still?

He made that a whole lot harder than needed. Where you going? They're looking for us. and the writers give us fantastic material. But without Riley talking, the cops had nothing,

You know what? I know a great therapist. He sounded like that. Ha-ha-ha. So this is it, huh? Is this what you do all day?

And in his face. Huey, come back. So now, about this incident.

I'll make an appointment today. It's all that stuff they do to their hair. Now, what do you say, huh?

Sit there reading books Hey, Massa, Dienda send a message for you. Okay. I guess I'll just, um...

That... And -- And I had a friend named Smokey. NIQUE: Damn. that make you think better of yourself, huh?

Oh, this is crazy. Colored folks are something. RILEY: I know y'all seen niggas with spinning rims, right? And then I grabbed myself a brick -- Ooh! Let's go shopping.

Yeah. Well, hello, cutie pie. JERICHA: Son, I can't take

But check it, check it, check it. Granddad, you didn't live that. That's from that movie, Friday.

Don't worry, we still ahead. Dienda my dick, nigga. with his little pecan-sized mind. we've already paid Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback

I'm sayin', on a bike, though. JERICHA: I'm just too old for this. the best time ever.

Well, hello. You got to feel me on this, man.

GRANDDAD: Wait a minute. a retainer of $2500. I don't think his friend likes the sisters too much.

HUEY: My plan was to get to the projector room I can't even tell you what Yeah, but it still looks pretty bad.

if that makes any sense. Robert, you shouldn't have. Now, I have put up with this for long enough. WOMAN: Ha! Heh. Oh-- Oh!

this'll all straighten itself out. Oh, uh-huh. and destroy the print of Soul Plane. No, Riley, no!

With your credit card. Nothing. That's what I thought. I'm not gonna put up with it anymore. Get to work now!

I don't think I can go without food much longer. This kid sure can dribble, but he shoots like shit.

That's exactly why I don't have a man now. Oh, no. Mm-mm, mm-mm. Oh. HUEY: Riley made several more

BOY: Dude, that is really sweet. HUEY: This wasn't the first blow Man, niggas... Somebody get me out of here.

I was rushing, and-- I didn't get a chance to talk. A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK: Did you know That's like a sweet piece of --

to Reverend Goodlove's public image. Oh, I think men who are comfortable with their bodies

So, you see, my dearest Riley, Heh-heh. They just mad... Okay. All right, here we go. we ever gonna be.

Me too, baby. It's good. Do you own a car? First, I had to go to the bathroom.

it is this instinctive with a genetic predisposition are very sexy,

Now, this don't make no sense. Oh, well. At least I got that crazy bitch out of my house. and burning need to procreate

RILEY: I be like, ugh! Ugh! but you brought it on yourself. to absolute crap in no time at all.

to bitch dependency, Tom? HUEY: Last year,

One problem black people have with snitching What, you thought I wouldn't come see you? Next time, I talk first. Oh, nigga, shush.

And exactly when did you become a relationship counselor? What did he say? So this is what I have to look forward to

You thought you wouldn't go get the taste Jazmine, you're missing all the best parts. Now, stop that! Slave masters have feelings too.

Well, sharing this pimp knowledge that exploit the poor and desperate. He told his friend I'm crazy. columnist Ann Coulter.

the defense for the Ball-a-Holics I'm not watching a stolen movie. And I like to cook, mostly pork.

just isn't there. for an exorbitant fee is my way of giving Call the Loan Ranger.

So, Ann, what do you make of this Oh, well. If you don't wanna laugh. You better fall back, nigga.

Over to Riley, something back to the community, Tom. whole N-word controversy in Woodcrest? I feareth not your scandals. My name is Rollo Goodlove.

I like to clean too. Wow. You can't beat me. I'm Butch Magnus.

I want to help you, Tom. I do. Man, this is so wrong. Is that something at Denny's? I-- I don't know what that is.

You know what you should do? Oh, that's crazy. What's so funny? I think it's criminal they suspended this teacher.

But I need you to help me... You real good when you come out of nowhere Hey, let's roll by the house and see if they left yet. shit on my truck.

See? I told you I could do it. Homeys over ho's? Oh, nothing. Hilarity just ensued, that's all.

No. and sucker punch a nigga. Heh. Why? Ha-ha. I mean, be--

It did? Yeah, that's more the feds' thing. Maybe it wouldn't kill y'all to do a little bit of work.

Huh. but apparently for no good reason. Because he stood up to some foul-mouthed gang member?

Huh? "Help me help you." Yeah, okay. any second now They called Martin Luther King an adulterer.

You see anything weird, you just give us a call, I don't think homeys over ho's is a sentiment

Oh. Oh. Oh! Robert Freeman! We got this slavery shit hooked up just likes we like it.

all right, buddy? Heh. Okay. They called Muhammad Ali a communist. The scoreboard tells the tale.

That was funny. And you wants to fuck it up with work?

Darling, all the women of my cultu-- You name it: diabetes, gout,

MAN: Hey, Bernard! You snitch-ass motherfucker! And for 2000 years, they called Mary Magdalene a prostitute.

Hm? Ah. It's about time someone in the classroom had the guts STINKMEANER: Come here and fight like a man, high blood pressure, asthma, sickle cell--

Granddad, you home? we gotta get this nigga Catcha Freeman.

to not back down to thugs like that. Heh. Come to find out that's Jesus' baby mama.

Say it. "Bitch." Yeah. Bitch. Huey?

Uh, yes, we've gotta call her that, Tom. I don't hear anything. Hey. Where's Granddad? Y'all saw The Da Vinci Code. Even if we could escape, Catcha come get us.

Yeah? RUCKUS: It's about impossible And the lights?

I'm sorry. After what she's done, STINKMEANER: I know you hear me, Robert! just knew how to spin. I don't like losing. Brand-new gators over a ho, absolutely.

in this dark theater. But Catcha Freeman stronger and faster than us, Percy.

He's probably having the time of his life. not callin' her a bitch would be disrespectful to you. Man, tell me you didn't think that was hot.

Yo. I think we need to shake the spizzot. How's we gonna do that? Well, then, stop beating yourself.

I will not be ignored! Got a possessed nigga here, MAN: Oh, my God-- Oh, no. A turkey sandwich with just tomato, guaranteed.

he was charged with conspiracy We'll use Thelma, Huh? What?

Now please continue, Tom. You gonna hate on it And the best part is, this don't cost you a dime. But I do have a problem with BET

and sentenced to a month in jail. Yeah? Ain't nothing wrong with being black.

Well, my wife, Sarah-- You still a bitch. But homeys? Oh, no.

If you give it a chance, GRANDDAD: Can't believe these little, young kids I sure did. great-great-great- You need to stop with the hate crimes, granddad.

A Pimp Named Slickback don't do shit for the homeys. I mean-- She's the best woman in the world.

Forget Jazmine. Let's go. But we couldn't. When your cousin told everyone in the neighborhood

HUEY: Or maybe by now his followers Did you tell her that you got two sets of genitals? ANNOUNCER: And at shooting guard,

That was that nigga from Friday, how broke you were, She the weak link. She'll slow us down. Ruckus, what are we doing here? Let me reiterate. Don't do shit for the homeys.

We've had a great life together until now. I just want to have a friendly chat Robert, I don't care how big her Adam apple is,

Well, this is what niggas do, right? she's currently the league high-scorer. I mean, how could we? Look, she a little girl. A vagina and a coochie. Oh, that's a conjunction.

Well, of course it was a setup. gonna drink me a Red Bull, then I'm gonna wake up I want your family here in Woodcrest

before this gets outta hand. she's still all woman. The Blond Bomber, Cindy "Fearsome" McPhearson.

They're not gonna give her no real time. for as long as they want to stay. Unless the homey wanna walk that stroll You know what? Fuck them.

This is terrible. She do what? A couple months, tops. Ha-ha-ha. Yeah. was engineered by BET themselves,

They can make all the silly little videos they want. We're losing the P.R. war. and berate women in rap lyrics. I did everything I could, but if Riley doesn't talk,

But we both got priors. We gots to go. the homey ain't getting a goddamn thing.

Is this the kind of shit Oh-- Oh, that? That's just the television. Relax, brother. It's all part of the plan.

and-- And the FBI thing. they're both gonna be charged tomorrow. MAN: Get outta here. Go next door--

And the same goes for brothers, Come on, Granddad. We running out of time. they'll be out of the neighborhood.

Looking at the white girl is a foul. peeps, dudes, fellas, dunnies, comrades, the attack on BET

Sometimes, Speaking to the white girl is a technical foul. This is real talk, nigga.

Yes, she is I'm joined via satellite by best-selling author

in order to save the day, Hurricane. by producing a DVD called BET: The High Cost of Low Standards.

people have to sacrifice themselves, HUEY: He was always watching.

So we gotta evacuate. Get your hands off me! What the hell is wrong with you? This ain't a movie, Riley.

you know what I'm saying? It'll be here any second. Hurry. author of Fucking Camel Jockeys

Ow. Ah. These are the forgotten.

You and Granddad about to go to jail. I rarely slept. RUCKUS: LeBron James. Allen Iverson.

Oh, Air Marshal 50 Cent. GRANDDAD: Wait, no. That's just the TV.

Game on. The victims of black-on-black crime.

You're so brave It's not the fact that you obviously have a man MAN: Man, more women? Can I get a shoe named after a white man, please?

to sacrifice yourself to save us. star of the upcoming BET sitcom, My Dad Rollo,

I tried to stop 'em! Don't get picked by a girl, now.

I don't think you want that, that ain't pretty. possessed by an evil spirit strapped to a bed upstairs. to kill kind, old Massa. of Black Entertainment Television.

Not me, bitch. You. Excuse me. Ahem. Darky in the zebra shirt.

Oh! Wait! Oh. Oh. and said he put me on the list for the show tonight. Yeah!

Shh. It's not? No. Could I get a Bruce Jenner sneaker?

Fearsome takes the ball, were only offered two dollars for a pilot script.

Just go to sleep. Don't you think it's strange a superstar rapper It's the fact that you lied about it.

she goes past him and an easy lay-up. M-May I sit down over there next to Riley?

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK: It sounds to me, Tom, I wanna start with Ann-- GRANDDAD: Excuse me. When will this tragedy end?

Huh? I'm not leaving here till I get me a shoe

like some of the passion Ha! The situation's gotten so bad

Gangstalicious loves his fans.

has gone out of your marriage. STINKMEANER: You better leave. You might wanna cop that, bro. Especially the ones that know his dirty little secret. John Stockton. "Pistol" Pete Maravich. Anybody.

Hey. Hold this. We be right back. Is that all you've got?

And turns out they're not so bad. : You've reached JERICHO: Hey. Hey, Robert. took up a collection for BET employees. Wow.

THELMA: Catcha! Okay. Why did you lie to me, Robert?

Ooh, a fake pass behind his head, Come quick to the stables! It's a normal thing in long-term relationships.

of the Catholic Church. You gonna give me my chain back. MAN 1: I ain't saying I like

goes around to the right side, up and good. It's called, They Called Me Nigger: in there, Catcha. If you know, you can tell me. I won't tell anybody.

Uh, what lie? Exactly. See, what Marx is saying If you would like to report sexual abuse-- of us was the prisoner.

What special escape route? You know what lie. Shut up! He ain't gay. But they sure as hell don't know what the fuck they doin'.

is that the oppression of the proletariat But, Tom. I thought we were in this together.

Damn, there's got to be somebody we can call for an exorcism. And it's written by me, ROLLO: But, as a Wal-Mart employee,

is an essential facet of the exploitation Jazmine, are you wearing a wire?

STINKMEANER: You is a bitch! and about me, and it's very inspirational. Statistically speaking, gay men make more money. The Republicans? They done fucked the country to hell.

inherent in the system. Look, everybody lies.

So therefore, due to the class -- the pleasures of the flesh before, in quite a while. Step up, opens up and straight in. to work overtime hours off the books,

Me, too. and he was no match for the temptations of Thelma,

What the hell is this, a snitch-athon? They cook better, they're better groomed, BARBER: Nigga, just look at Iraq.

It means they care enough to spare my feelings. MAN: More bitches.

President over there killing black folk. Man, there's snitches everywhere. less likely to get in trouble with the law. I might charge 20, $25.

Well, you were looking for hate. Way to go. MAN 2: Mm-hm. They black.

Really? You get all that with gay? You little half-and-half. This is... really uncomfortable,

Huh. I wish they'd send me to Iraq. And you don't have to worry about Didn't know I'd be playing with a baby.

Is that what you think? I'd tell motherfucking Bush to kiss my black ass.

Instead of being Mr. Funny Nigga, and play it back when the book come out any accidental great-grandkids. Huh? so I'm just gonna mosey.

why don't you try being Did you know that at least 75 percent of bitches

Now, that's enough. Mr. Help-A-Nigga-Go- Get-His-Chain-Back? Catcha and Thelma rolled around ROLLO: Even this non-legal

Bottles. around here is some more kids. Hey there, boys.

Uh, thank you. suffer from some kind of hearing loss? Uh... See? I don't know.

Hello? Hey, boy. I came as fast as I could. donates money to BET employees every month. Wow.

I'm from the old school. I mean, It's okay. I don't really want to be here. This alarming statistic means that more likely than not,

Riley, let the chain go. Ooh, this is uncomfortable. HUEY: And so Ann Coulter and Rollo

So this is the plan... Uncle Ruckus. Goes around with two defenders on her-- I ain't homophobic, but gay men give me the heebie-jeebies. Did any of y'all niggas hear the president GRANDDAD: Lies! All lies!

HUEY: Oh, man. But Daddy says white people are building hotels there now.

Then he'll think I'm a punk and kick me out the crew. Are you kidding? I'm having a great time. RUCKUS: Let's get this party started. when he said Iraq was central to the global war on terror?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. What a surprise. but we give everything we have

to communicate with a bitch. Hello? It's just rocks and metal. Stop loving your grandson because he's gay? So we have to stay here. Why here? Why me?

STINKMEANER: Yeah. I got him. He's in there. Here we go again with affirmative action. to the poor BET workers.

was a bear. You got bad credit, Robert! Now, remember, none of this was your fault. Or did y'all miss it because he wasn't speaking in baboon?

Whoa. What? Riley, you've got to calm down. I'm talking to my grandson.

What--? What happened to my--? Is it worth getting hurt again? Yeah. As Catcha lay passed out, RUCKUS: Removing an evil-nigga spirit you're really, really, really, really rich.

Yeah, the problem is, we don't live in the future, Ed. This man took your weekend from you.

If she say, "No," hit the bitch. Simple. Going to jail? Yeah. Great. We're fine, no problems.

We live in the present. I'm gonna be cool, I'm gonna be cool. ...so this little hoodlum can say the N-word-- Instead of sitting around here chopping the Brillo You talking about the granddad from the Thugnificent song?

Getting killed? Yes, sir. But I-- I couldn't hit Sarah.

Now, wait a minute. You gotta kill him. Got him. Got him. Got him.

Oh-ho, shit. Damn. It's not a cybernetic ear. It's a fuckin' cellphone headset. I take offense at your description of Riley : And Black Entertainment

Has not hittin' a bitch been working? I can't afford to support everybody. reading excerpts from her amazing new best-selling book,

He's right there! is really feeling the heat now has given us to fight niggas. Which is great for me, 'cause I'm doing it big.

as a hoodlum, Ann. I don't appreciate it. and help fight for our freedom. As she goes around him once again, Riley, defending--

I mean, scientifically speaking, Thelma trick Catcha. A whip, a noose, a nightstick, a branding iron.

and that's what you're into -- has not hittin' the bitch achieved the desired results?

Man, how'd it go? How'd that go? Ooh, a little finger roll there. Hey! because he's white, by a 10-year-old boy on a hunger strike.

...the darkies attacked! 'cause your ass is old JERICHA: Praise Jesus. What if the check doesn't come?

No way. I just-- because of his skin, he's being persecuted

The NAACP announced this morning Have you seen that shit in the mirror? It's Tom. Keep your hand off that white girl. for breasts?

I-- I-I can't. I-- I couldn't. You need to think about getting a full-time job. but they were outnumbered and unprepared

You look like you're going to a fuckin' comic-book convention. I mean, I think that is racist. that it is asking its members to join the boycott No. The answer is no!

Tom. I won't. Right on time. for the savagery of the Negro assault.

Tom, Take a deep breath. Heh-heh, you know? that's some old bullshit. to make the network more socially responsible.

See, I'm gonna make my own rap Hell no, I don't agree with Huey. It's okay. People have phobias.

STINKMEANER: You ain't right, Robert. Don't let nobody take nothing from you, boy.

That's a technical foul. HUEY: Nothing much was resolved, Just what is going on? Why have you kidnapped me?

GUARD: Yeah. RUCKUS: The nigga will lie. Hey, yo. You never gonna guess who on the phone. but I couldn't because--"

Hold up, hold up. I'm getting a call. Waiting on FEMA is what got you into this mess

you can't go upside a bitch's head. Next, they'll be throwing white kids in jail We are honored by your presence.

in the first place. And did you know that fool parked cars on my yard? Yeah. What's good, baby? Oh, you ain't getting out of here.

Okay. We can beat this. Oh, so we just lazy refugees, huh? we will discuss your methods of DNA testing.

I'm gonna rap about that, too. I mean-- Uh-- Uh-- You need glasses out there?

I will butt-rape your grandfather Tom, this is my bottom bitch, I bash youse head in. MAN 2: We gonna get you. why do you always kneel when I walk in? That's just so weird. If he gets really desperate, he may start to rap or dance.

with this broomstick. Where does it stop? This is preposterous.

We can still win this. You better read The Secret. HUEY: And again. GRANDDAD: Boys, don't make any noise. Shh.

Sweetest Taboo. I was wondering if you would be interested Tomorrow, either you get a job or get out. ALL: Gay? No. Please. No!

Now, she's gonna help you learn how to in rapping with me on this song? Oh, okay. Here's a novel idea: STINKMEANER: You all, uh, testicles

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Him too. Oh, man.

You gonna have to get in her head the way she's in yours. reestablish dominance at home. That bitch lying. See? This is why I don't read.

I ain't seen no naked pictures, girl. The women and kids can stay, and Reverend Goodlove who'll soon be doing the dying.

Send them to my Sidekick. But no curse words. I gotta bag on her. always happen

Hello. Heh. Well, one day, he wins they shouldn't call themselves the N-word.

And none of them crazy metaphors -- That's a great idea. Taboo will be playing the role of your wife. Riley, he's gay. It's really not that big a deal.

But we're looking at getting some ninjas in There's powerful niggadry at work here. I'm Tom. May I speak to Robert or the boys, please?

Now, approach Taboo, The only grown-ass man in this house not working We can't do this, it ain't right.

None of that garbage. Just stick to the point. Can somebody please get the power back on insulting that child to throw her game off? If he gay, I'm his homey and a fan of his music,

grab her arm firmly is gonna be me.

RUCKUS: Ah... Who's there, huh? He went on the "do it big" trip without me. It ain't right.

Can I, um, use the bathroom? then that makes me gay too. to pay the bill, Weggie. ...wrong house.

Okay. I knew it. Thank you, Tobias.

Sarah, get your behind-- Wow. That is so gangster. How many of these damn TV shows I like Elton John. It doesn't make me gay.

There something wrong with your bathroom? Granddad is running errands, Mr. DuBois. WEGGIE: Will someone pay

are we supposed to do, Goodlove? I been waiting on this day Um, this might seem strange,

Oh, hush, boy. I can rap. I don't need your charity. Except I would never, ever lay Not everyone is in support of the boycott. Yeah, yeah, I'm still here. Motherfucker done shot me.

that, um, it smells like hot garbage? Man. since your little uppity ass came into town.

Do I have to call her a bitch, really? But you wanna know the brilliant with your black jungle-bunny mama. Big Tank, please make it hot, player. I'll pay you back when my FEMA check arrives.

part of this story? Not since you asked me about 20 minutes ago, Robert. Yes, Tom. You have to call her a bitch.

He didn't win no all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii.

GRANDDAD: I don't get it. she use a fitted sheet for a stocking cap. Every time a black baby is born, Yeah, this rap go out to Punknificent Well, don't you think we should have heard something?

Trust me on this one. Oh, jeez. You ready to come out?

It seems as though I've done the research. Now, try again. I'd give 'em a plasma TV and one channel: BET.

Why your dumbass robbing people? COULTER: I don't care. Well, ha, this is awkward, but, um, how do I do this? Okay.

MAN: Baby, baby, listen. 'Cause I'm an American. Shit. when she get out the car, the oil light come on.

That's what it is. They make up stories. WZIB News got an anonymous tip that Robert Freeman,

It's the American way, man. Shit. So you spent, what, a thousand dollars

Bitch, get your behind-- Having known no other woman,

Is that all you got, nigga? I don't think that's gonna work. Don't give me that "Baby, listen" shit, motherfucker. You won't kill me, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

Ass. and it reads: who had agreed to take the family in

See, as I broke it down to Ed, pops, and lived a miserable life as a free man in Boston.

"Dear Tom, my granddad kicked a woman named Luna--" That's just the tip of this iceberg. You think I'm stupid? I know you fucking that bitch.

You'll only die trying. if people don't have a need, then there won't be no demand,

That would be you, heh-heh. Your mama's so ashy-- No. But I'm not! And neither is Gangstalicious.

Read, nigga, read! Okay? I know you are. I mean...

No! Miss Elderberry was talking about Cindy's mom. Kiss my ass, you little-dick, faggot motherfucker.

Or, uh, I'm, uh-- Who are y'all? What are y'all doing here? is the real story of Catcha Freeman.

I'm original O.G. Full-throttle radio. Fatman Scoop, a.k.a. Big Colorado.

Or... Turns out Ed and Rummy were breaking into homes Ann don't play that shit. You do whatever it takes, boy. Whatever it takes.

Or I'm gonna die... Huh. Surprised you guys haven't given him a show.

"Best regards, Huey Freeman. Say hello to the bad guy. with Usher in the first place! We're back. And we have in the building with us right now,

trying. This motherfucker went YouTube? What I had heard was... You high-yellow niggas always forgetting your place.

What? What? poor black people?

You thought you was the only one Oh, come on, Ed, you gots to help me out. Get the fuck out of my house, you fat ass, motherfucker. which was owned by Ed's grandfather.

We may be locked in our rooms." ROLLO: You getting thick Gangstalicious himself. who mastered the ancient and deadly art of the nunchaku?

It's now tragically obvious Kidnapping? Uh -- I don't know, Riley. Damn you, Riley. You've ruined our family.

The irony is, Granddad had already signed up Oh, me and Robert patched things up. And how you doing, Abdul? COULTER: Damn, Abdul,

My grandpops would be tripping, man. I'd burn it down around your black ass. that reasoning with the bitch

for Wuncler Security. What's up with you? Why don't you, you know, try something different, I swear to you, Robert, I didn't call them.

is not gonna work, Tom. Hey, yo, word to mother-- can you let a bitch work?

You have to hit her. Repeat after me the holy phrase: It's just that he goes on to say: I would never do something like that. I think we can resolve this quickly. heard the boycott had ended.

Oh, boy, you look mad. I'm scared now. It ain't like yo' ass is going to get a job. Heh.

Oh, hey, hey, Mom. I am an assistant district attorney, for chrissake. But I am so touched you decided to let us stay. "Catcher Tobias Lynchwater, better known as Catcher Freeman,

Heh. Well, now, y'all get it right next time. I wanted to give you the chance to clear the air right now.

Tom... and if the nigga don't have the chain on him, You know I had to bail

you have to get past this. Nigga, get your black ass outta here. this motherfucker out of jail again, right? I'm trying to watch this piece-of-shit movie. get to regulatin' him, and make him tell you where it at.

So tell the world what your side of the story is.

It's okay, faggot...really. Your mama got caught giving up neck RUCKUS: Yeah, take that "was a house slave on Colonel Lynchwater's plantation.

I see. See, faggot? She just gave you permission. So I feared I had been had.

Anyway, the school board pay you yet? Well, first of all, that-- That-- That-- Hey, thanks for being so cool about this, pops. outta here. ED: Now, what I want you to do is think.

This little old dude, Ma. Just one. I ain't even gonna dignify the accusations

I'm gonna remember this. Ah. My chin-- You see that? "PPPS: Uh, be careful, she's very danger--" A show? You sold me out for a show?

You know, as a matter of fact, Just think of these two grapes... Anyway, Granddad got his car back, and that was that.

with a response, you know? Bitch is hittin' you. All right, lady. I might just build an addition to your house.

Whoa! 'Cause that's so ridiculous.

Okay-- Ow! Hey, guys. So nice to finally meet. 'Cause I do. Mom, I'm in a meeting.

You're definitely allowed by law to hit her now, Tom. I ain't got to answer to no bitch. ...as your two little itty-bitty kiddy testicles. ALL: Nigga, get your black ass

It's been great working wit' y'all. the first screenplay,

It's self-defense. I didn't do anything. I mean, maybe an indoor pool. MASTER: Flawless victory.

Uh. Hello? Ooh-wee, your mama does cocaine when she thinks nobody around.

Okay? Sweetest Taboo, a scandalous ho is good for. Hey, Ed, give your granddaddy my best. Bowling alley, with Jacuzzis and silk sheets.

Oh, okay, okay, cool. Ah. That bitch must have lost her mind. ALL: Nigga, get your black ass

Luna, this has gone far enough. They known for. They notorious for snitching, you know?

I will. I'm gonna call you back, Mommy. I will smack the black off her. Madeupmonkeyshit.com?

How about that, huh? This isn't an exorcism, it's a beating.

Uh-oh. Look out. I love you, too. I will snatch the weave off...

This is my state-of-the-art surveillance center. Don't swear to God. I talk to God all the time, How you like that, fool? Whether you snitch to the feds or you snitch to Random House,

They did it. HUEY: Granddad had lost this battle, Do you have any idea how hungry I am?

Why does a pimp need a surveillance center? She crazy as hell, ain't she? I was falling in love with you, Robert.

ALL: Nigga, get your black ass Your parents are getting divorced Hey, are we gonna fuck this old-ass nigga up? she was looking for freedom. You said just keep filming, so--

Here's 50. and waiting till after your birthday to tell. But she good people. She good people.

Now, you know, I don't hate old people. He's the star! Ah... you lying, stealing motherfucker.

No, I really don't. is state-of-the-art bitch surveillance. --big-screen TV sitting on top of a TV.

Your mothers ain't shit. Then, on one fateful day-- But you can catch more flies with honey What others? Who are these others?

Come, negro-san. Them ain't no negroes! It couldn't be them. Looks like Riley is all up in her head, But it's...reality. I mean--

Where you going? You smell like black jellybeans.

Just 'cause you lived a long life, your wife's conversations and e-mails. Ed, can I talk to you outside? I was gonna be able to pay my car note this month.

I'm confused. Me too. don't mean it can't come to a short end, nigga.

Daddy, I've got transcripts of all her conversations today. HUEY: Several hours later, If there's no Uncle Ruckus, there's no show. very, very sad story of Luna. I thought Ann Coulter hated...everybody.

WOMAN: No way. Sixty-one, 44.

No mention of Usher. Ah, this is bullshit.

I'm hacking into her e-mail now, What's up, world? This is Sway. I'm gonna crush your kiddy penis Who, Ann? No, man. Oh, Lord, child.

That was great, Granddad. She knew the time for freedom had come.

with this hammer when I get back if he attempts to commit suicide? Law-enforcement sources have confirmed She just do that to get that redneck money. but, tsk, this computer is running a bit slow.

if you don't tell me where that chain is at. Boy, I wish we could've seen the end of that movie. the weapons shed, Why does it always have to end up like this? Niggas is just gonna be niggas.

that two Cleveland teens have been arrested Let me tell you something about Ann.

I don't know. he's got nigga in him. What if FEMA calls about the check? You should just know it.

I feel bad for leaving Huey and what's-her-name. 'Cause you's a bitch. we can get our hands on. When I turned 17, I ran away to Hong Kong,

Bitch, don't start with that I mean, if everyone, you know, think he a homo,

They knew the risks. she helps me out, and I help her back.

Ow! and we get on a track with him, So they might do a little time. where I met Triad boss Kenny Woo, my first love. Uh, excuse me, I have to make a call.

That's the wrong kid, Ed. You say that shit every time a new iMac comes out. GHOSTFACE: What the fuck is wrong COULTER: Mm! She a down-ass bitch. Why starve? Why just starve?

We see 'em when they get out. You taking it too far now, Robert. Quit playing. I told you to grab Butch Magnus, 5'4", 130 pounds.

Uh...it doesn't seem right. One of the teens reportedly told police, I know most of you can't read,

You ain't slick. You better Then go get something to eat. Hey! Hey! Hey, brother man, get off my phone.

but I'd be happy to read it to you. I'm going back and turning myself in. and what you gonna say to the cops? Ah, what's the point? What's the point in living?

and stop playin' with me. Now, Billy is autistic but he sure loves basketball.

Catcher, in one week, Turn yourself--? Man--

Yes, Daddy. and that makes it cool." I gave you a picture, man. we gonna kill Massa.

Granddad, look, come on. It wasn't the last incident. I'm tearing these bad boys up. Mm.

Someone stole my bike. I mean, I love Huey. Almost like a brother. At least let me show it to him before you kill him.

Does she have a MySpace page? I told you not to wash Can you just tell me what to do, so I can go to bed? Son, just go in there and have fun.

my bloody ski mask with detergent But what's done is done. We got to let go of the past.

attributed to the beef have broke out, It's just been upgraded from a Category 3. Thanks, Granddad. Spinning, baby!

You don't like the way I do it, then do your own kidnapping. Man, this is gonna be weird. I don't think Sarah would have a--

Get off me. including two in Lithuania and one in Tokyo. Granddad, what do you do when you can't do nothing,

If he don't come back, can I have his side of the room? I want it. I want it. Hang out on the corner all day and night

Huh. Spiritual. Look at you. Thank you, Jesus.

Uh, since when did she have a MySpace page? So then why do it? but there's nothing you can do? The AARP announced a boycott of Thugnificent's record label.

Nobody wants you but me. shooting dice, cops chasing me all the time.

This shit is fly. Ah, come on, Granddad. 'Cause a bitch got books to sell. That's why. Peace? Peace? Peace.

You know what her password might be? you're paying top dollar. True, true. Yeah. You ain't lying.

You supposed to be setting a better example. That's not fair. You grabbed the wrong kid. My body ain't made to handle a stun gun. Why? What did I do? I'm fun!

You without me equals shit. for being able to read and write. Stinkmeaner, you hate black people, don't you?

You just wait till the manager gets here. WOMAN: We need Ann in makeup. could soon explode into more violence. Oh, I'm gonna take it easy on you, Rain Man. Ain't got but two or three shows on TV to identify with.

each other's middle names as passwords, You understand that, you ugly, fat bitch?

I sure do. All I know is they better not stop this war in Iraq,

He gonna throw the book at both of y'all. Man, Thugnificent ain't telling nobody She'd say, "Get them broke-ass niggas the fuck out."

That's L-A-N-- Got it. I mean, I hate everyone in general, Why am I always the one getting ditched? What the hell's wrong with those people over there?

This is the worst day... Now, let me borrow your car. What'd you call it? A script?

Password is "Usher." Here we go. I don't even really see how someone could even No hope on this, and the ball goes straight up-- And in! Damn, they'll give anybody a job at BET.

Nothin'. : And in Woodcrest tonight,

get something like that outta that song. Where's your bike? of my entire life. Rock 'n' roll gangsta...

I said you was free to go, right? the school board has finally decided They're getting together at 3:00 Um, Jericho Freeman? I don't want one. Shoot.

on the fate of an elementary school teacher I wouldn't exactly call them people, but yeah.

Told you. what he's going through, The crowd is loving this kid. and back in two days? Vibe? The Source? Jet?

That's in an hour. We have to go. accused of using the N-word.

Yeah, I have a deep distaste for Negroids. Three points plus 44 points equals 47 points,

Oh, so now you wanna make this I hope you got some insurance on those spinners.

Here's the guardian for the kids. Maybe you should go see a therapist. definitely 59 points minus 47 points Look at this. This is a pamphlet. You smell me? You know, Third-grade teacher Joe Petto was given 10 days unpaid leave

That's right, Ruckus. Right, right. And, Stinkmeaner, I bet you hate rap music. We'll do the "do it big" trip some other time.

We snuck into the movie, too. equals 14 points to go. Shh! Shh!

then going there won't help. My friend Nicole says it's men like you, Robert, Oh, okay. Ahem. Cool.

but it took shorter time. We? You said you was gonna turn yourself in. who lie and avoid commitment. Thank you for not snitching!

Soldier of Fortune. You know what I mean? What? Oh, man. That's some old bullshit.

No, no, man, I'm sick of this shit. Those are magazines. I paid you $2000, and $500 as well.

Ladies and gentlemen, JERICHA: Jesus, Lord and savior. Heh-heh. "Stanky-booty." Please. Let the kids go. I'll take responsibility.

That's it? W-what about my money? This is a brochure. what started as a simple disagreement between neighbors

NIQUE: Believe that. Who makes all checks possible. I must say that's a brilliant observation, 'Meaner.

Now, Tom, I hope you can appreciate Ebony. They should call this National Geographic,

Look like y'all all going down. That right, that right. We thank you, Jesus. So, what about Rollo Goodlove's demand

our no-refunds policy. a nigga moment Catcher promptly betrayed Thelma's rebellion.

Good times, baby. How about a complimentary date with Sweetest Taboo? for financial restitution to the Freeman family?

The manager's not coming. generational tribalism. RILEY: Oh, man, he sold the crew out Essence. Essence of what? Essence of ugliness.

Cinema's closed indefinitely. I knew you can do it. I knew you can, Billy. Yeah.

No, no, no. Fortunately, a robust exchange of ideas has taken place,

Damn it, Luna. Stop being a victim. Yo, that's a bitch-ass nigga. Looks like everyone walked out. Something about a union.

and we're going now. Yeah, come on over here.

Oh, my goodness. and we are hopeful to having a resolution shortly. Proof of Non-Residence Form 3595-768-5."

What? The manager ain't coming? Boys! And when were they planning such treachery?

Ohh... 'cause I was afraid you'd do something like this.

Thank you. Hey, Abdul. I see you over there talking to that white bitch.

Well, call the police. And look. I was right. The ball stolen by Billy Mathews. not be processed. A week from now. Mm-hm. Three o'clock.

Don't take your past out on other people. The FBI. Homeland Security. But I've learned how I can use my blackness

A member of the Lethal Interjection crew Heh-heh-heh, hey! Give me a hug.

Yeah, bitch. Let's go. "Fill out the enclosed form and your check Shh! Shut up.

You mean, we gonna let was apparently the victim of a violent robbery

What's a nigga want? Try to whup me. Billy Mathews, out of nowhere, this African hooliganism go unpunished? No, you lying black bitch! That wasn't a week.

"should be mailed out Look at BET.

Whup your ass, nigga. in the exclusive suburb of Woodcrest today. in the next six months." You think we put this shit on the air

You have problems, Mr. Freeman, and you need help. You know who you messin' with, nigga?

was autistic right now, doesn't it? And you can't kidnap people just because they don't like you. Forward! Come on!

Thanks for coming back... He's gay, isn't he? Boy, that kid is special.

Would somebody here please be an adult?

eventually. We don't need this shit. "Hey, let's be entertaining. MAN: Shoot 'em, shoot 'em! Why do you hate us, Father? What have we done to you, Jesus?

Yo, you need to stop snitching, Granddad. And I was his biggest fan. Game goes to the Tigers, 68-61.

Oh, you're right. How about a Baldwin Hills reality show?"

THUGNIFICENT: Hey, man, you know what?

Ah. Ow. Hey. How was Costa Rica? I didn't even wanna kidnap you. No, Massa, no! I have good taste. Gregory Hines is entertaining.

Why don't you call social services ALL: Come on, Billy. Yay! Go! and we'll have two dozen protesters

We're neighbors. and turn yourself in for child abuse? Why don't you go back to New Orleans?

We have to learn to live together. with picket signs in the street tomorrow.

I caught one of them Lethal Interjection cats Shoot, you betcha. Mr. Bitches is back in effect.

You think I can relate to anything Oh. I'm never gonna get married.

Really? Hey, now. out here slipping. You know, I ain't gotta say which one.

Exactly. That's what I'm talking about. these young niggas have to say?

Not without a fight. can motivate a whole lot of activism, brother. I might as well just blow myself up right now.

Remember to hit the bitch. But, uh, if he wanna buy his chain back, I know it's wrong, but I really want my own room.

Hey, man. : Hey, guys.

to look at it, Thugnificent. Oh. You think that'll make 'em pay us?

Thank you so much for doing that. I mean, you guys Not that I'm pole-jocking or nothing. A fake protest? Granddad, That's right. That's what we really want to do is go home.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. You guys unionized and staged a walkout that quickly?

just went above and beyond. It sure is good to be home, though. Hey, everybody good in here? Beverages?

Yes, of course. Yes, yes, yes. I mean, really-- you can't go around hustling controversy for profit. Pricks, shit. Shit, shit, shit.

That's amazing. You a beautiful, talented woman. ALL: Yeah. The Lord is going to provide. But they all require more work.

Oh, yeah. We unionized. Why not? You're messing with forces

I mean, bitch... Shit.

Then someone called the corporate headquarters, I'm sorry, guys. This is easy. What about you, big guy? You good? Let's clean this up. All right.

and they shut down the whole place. I'm telling you, Robert, And the only people who suffer-- Possessed or not, you gonna fix my damn house.

: We've been showing it all day, Fired everybody. The only people who suffer, Ruckus...

simply unbelievable. Are you sure I shouldn't just blow myself up?

Oh. You gonna have another demon, We just gotta apply a little more pressure.

WOMAN: Please enter your password. Well, um... Little Billy Mathews playing his first game

Hey. Granddad. Eh-- I couldn't handle my own business like a man.

power to the people? Let me get that for you, homey. in the Woodcrest Youth Basketball League, get this: Granddad, you're not getting paid. I think I might be--

Fuck you. Riley. That's the whole point

Any of y'all need a coaster? are evil. It was terrible.

Tom, please calm down Twelve for 12 from downtown. It's okay, son. I know. a real good question. Billy Blanks always says: "Take control of your life.

and let me go. Oh, all the things that they done--

Man, how would you like to be

Why are you in my bed? Take responsibility." Jericho, look, I'm sorry. Yep. I think I'm done.

All the beds in this house Now, now. You ain't got to start all that apologizing. I just don't think I can stand life as a darky.

Well, that's that. Yeah, man. We don't fight fair, nigga. Come on, boys. I was wrong It's okay. It's okay.

I think we all learned a valuable lesson today Courteous. What about the loud party? The movie rights to Billy Mathews sold today

about the mansion and the white women. We believe in overwhelming force.

about stealing movies. Nigga, you gave us permission to have that party. I'm still gonna break you a piece of that FEMA check

I'll miss those flat butts. Flo, go with the little nigga to get his chain back.

Buy the bootleg. and there is talk, get this, Well, fine. Fine, then. Mo' money for me. Aha! It's you! You did this to me.

Call me back. Or just download it from the Internet You are gay. Boy, how did that be?

WOMAN: Deleted. and beat the little shit into the dirt.

like everybody else. Uh, hello? Hello, Chauncy. You gave me that test. TOM: Robert, it's Big Tom.

But...the script.

Ah! The money gonna be here in no time. Fuck the bullshit. Come on, let's go. Yes, I know. And I came because

Hey, now, Chauncy, you got them extras The hell--? TOM: You can't have my wife! I mean, it be in my pocket sooner than you think. It's exactly what I said was gonna happen, remember?

NICOLE: You got him, girl? WOMAN: Deleted. there was a mistake at the lab.

Hey, uh, I think I'm gonna go Aw, that's okay. Whoa, now, Robert,

Tom! TOM: Hey, Robert-- WOMAN: Deleted. This is it. Nobody gonna work with me now. HUEY: That moment,

TOM: What the hell, Robert? Daddy. What did you do to Usher?

He told me I should take responsibility to just go with the winning team. He...messed up your test.

Hey. Can you guys wait here a sec? You went without me. I know you went. You did.

I make some mean guacamole -- MAN: This is a Channel 5 News Uh, die, cracker, die?

You did not go without me-- WOMAN: Deleted. There's something I need to take care of. Well, what about parking all those damn cars

Daddy. Leave Usher alone.

FLONOMINAL: Butch Magnus. God! Bless the lord. Move! TOM: That's real nice, Robert.

on my yard and ruining my lawn? Yeah. Take that, Massa. Huh?!

What are you doing? I understand completely.

WOMAN: Deleted. Hm. You know what? Why are you trying to kill Usher?

I wouldn't want to give you something you don't want.

Niggas was passed out by then. of the Woodcrest School District headquarters Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Yes, Super Fly. What did Usher ever do to you? you're fucking with every last one of us.

We was fixing to come over and apologize. during a protest being held by Rollo Goodlove.

Jazmine wanted to meet Usher. Well, take this to your ass, motherfucker!

But then you had to go off and start filing complaints If you don't want it, I won't force you.

Stacy Renee is on the scene. You're an animal.

and doing all that old gay shit. You just such a philanthropologist.

Is Usher okay?

THUGNIFICENT: And you know what hurts me Oh. That's how I do it, baby.

My motherfucking leg. Leg, uh -- So you're not--? No.

If a man said that to me, oh, my God, You like a saint. You like Saint Robert. Man. Just tell the truth. You gay?

I don't think I could handle it. GUARD: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Easy, boys. And so was born the legend of Catcher Freeman.

That's a really powerful sentiment My dad had it appraised. He said it was worthless.

Ow! Catcher and Thelma married and moved to Canada.

Yeah, nigga. right across the street. Ms. Luna decided an outwardly gay rapper?

TOM: Oh, okay. I see what this is. We reserved this spot three months ago,

SARAH: Stop! Don't hurt him. that difficult to hang around. Oh, Jesus. My motherfuck--

His script was never produced. Well, what about all that stuff in the video, huh?

I just tell you-- Now, you said you learned all that stuff in Harvard?

She still there? Why ain't she leaving? All right. Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

Oh, nigga, that was just entertainment. You broke bitch. Get a real chain. with whatever bullshit he's protesting over there.

You being real sensitive right now, man.

Peekaboo. Well, I hope her friend isn't giving her more bad--

Yeah, man. Anybody could see Ho-ho, but we have something for that ass.

He didn't mean it. GRANDDAD: Thank you.

Man, that's some old bullshit. He was trying to hit me.

Never heard such bullshit in all my life. Howard. Black college.

Tom! TOM: Granddad, if you apologize to Thugnificent Motherfucking stupid-ass bitch.

Where y'all going? KID: We're going to New Orleans.

Talk about gay.

Ms. Luna let her girlfriend Help! Move! Bitch, get out of my way. Dogging out your homey for what some ho say, I'm sorry, Usher!

then I'm sure, Thugnificent, Oh, it sure feel good to be white again.

That's the way. that's gay. RILEY: Know what? It's still better

That's it. We don't wanna have to shoot you. you will be willing to apologize for the video.

USHER: Shut the fuck up, for her own actions. Know what I'm sayin'?

This weekend sucked. Oh, man. That ended badly. ROLLO: And--

You saw him kiss me,

And it was all your fault, Granddad. to wash y'all niggas away, but go on back. I'll tell you what.

Wasn't my fault. while I was tied up.

It was that crazy-ass Luna's fault Living even for a few days as a black man

We crew, nigga, remember? they referred to us as the N-word. Hell, no, I ain't apologizing, punk-ass nigga.

now, are ya? Go on, save New Orleans. gave old Uncle Ruckus a whole new perspective on life.

Several times. God rest her poor soul.

Kiss my ass, old-ass nigga.

Ew. Nasty. What they got down there worth saving? What, jazz?

with 24's on it Wait, wait, wait, wait! Please. Stupid-ass--

What was that noise? with machine guns in the rims, nigga, what?

Jazz music? I hate jazz music. I'll tell you that.

Can we at least agree,

for the sake of old people everywhere, Oh, look what we have here.

if a man ever said that to me, I'll kill myself.

that there will be no more dis records?

I mean, you're a stronger woman than me. Hello? Damn it. That's the last time I'm gonna listen to you. Yo, for real. We not trying to play with you today, Ruckus.

You right, Gangstalicious.

I got a documentary called We're trying to cross the street. Fine, whatever. I spits hot fire.

Heh. My bad.

When the Levees Gonna Break Again? Well, go right ahead.

I'll eat your ass up on the M-I-C, You young brothers have a blessed day.

But no. I had to listen to you. You blockhead!

if you keep messing with me. I'm gonna get me a dog. Name him Levee.

I'm sorry.

I'm gonna kick him every time it rain.

That's what you need to do. Hey, man, it's-- Yo.

It's all good, little homey.

I'm never, ever gonna say any form of "nigger."

You wanna hang out for a little while?

You gonna pay for my lawn, boy.

Eat a dick, old nigga. Whoa--! Whoa--! Whoa!

No nigga, no nyukka,

But I brushed my teeth with bleach and ammonia

Yeah, you know, what Rags to Bitches means when I got home, so you know I'm straight.

I'm cool. is that there's more to life than what you're born into.

No more nigger. Nuh-- Uh-uh.

There's also bitches.

And that's why I'm pushing for a constitutional amendment

that will protect the white man's right

to say any incarnation of the word "nigga"

at any time, spelled any way,

whether it be N-I-G-G-U-H, G-G-A, G-G-A-H,

or a silent "P" at the beginning of it,

without fear of persecution or litigation.

I don't think black people should ever use racist words

when describing other black people.

And if you do, then you're a sambo and a coon.