All language subtitles for The.Boondocks.S02E14.1080p.WEBRip.DD.2.0.X265-Ralphy_track3_[eng]

ANNOUNCER: We now return to

"Thugnificent: Rags to Bitches."
HUEY: On August 29, 2005,
ANNOUNCER: In a world of unspeakable

y'all know what a nigga moment is.
WOMAN:
Welcome to BET headquarters.

A nigga moment is when the mind

The story of Thugnificent begins here...
struck the Gulf Coast of the United States.

of a perfectly logical black man

I'm Deborah Leevil.
It's 2 p.m.,
is overwhelmed by some stupid nigga shit.

here at All-Star Weekend.
Only 8 years old
I love you, Mommy.

that has divided people
for many years.
so it's time for
our morning staff meeting.

Like when a nigga steps up on your sneaker
Oh!

And that name was Freeman.

and fucks up your kicks, or hits your car or some shit.
And a J. Edgar Hoover
Elementary teacher

Here he is winning the three-point contest
Terra-Belle leads Georgia in homicides, infant mortality,

MAN: This is our target --
the nuclear power plant.
has now been suspended

Catcher Freeman.
like it's your fault, like you fucked up.
making it rain like Lil' Wayne out this motherfucker.

over calling a student
the N-word.
If we capture the plane
at precisely the right moment,

Ooh, Lord.
So his ignorance makes you act crazy.
This is the true story

Check the chain, nigga.
Stacy Renee investigates
what happened and why.

Yo.
What up?

they will not have time
to shoot down the aircraft.
And the next thing you know, niggas is beefing,
I know y'all love my music,
and love my videos and shit,
of the man who risked everything for justice...

RENEE:
And what to did he say
Yeah, I see you, too.
What you want, nigga?
The destruction of black people!

Damn!
shooting, fighting, and somebody ends up dead.

He said, "Sit down,
nigger."

Oh, man, same shit.
What's up with you?

MAN:
If they hit that power plant
'Cause y'all about to see
how good it is to be me
RENEE: Riley Freeman is
MAN: Yo, sister!
Is that so hard?

he busts Vince Carter's ass
The fuck you mean,
"What's up with me?"

and love.
in the slam-dunk contest.
Yes, sir. That's our name for it.

the casualties could be
in the hundreds of thousands.
"The Story of Gangstalicious," Part 1.

Your voice sounds
real sexy right now.
He's a basketball player, an avid reader,
We got plenty of hoes bending,
we got 24s spinning.

God help us all.
In the days and weeks that followed,

Say what?
and one day hopes to spread his philosophy
has been shot.

the nation watched and wondered:
Okay. Ready?

You wanna talk to me
later on?
HUEY: The sectarian conflict
Again?
Again?

No, I don't wanna talk
later on, motherfucker.
how could it have all gone so wrong?

...hero.
ANNOUNCER: ...except...
have skyrocketed
since our debut 25 years ago.

What the fuck
is wrong with you?!
Man, I seen it all.
And he was your great--

with his teacher, Joe Petto.

Ernie, nigga, back to you.
What the fuck's so sexy
about my voice?
Niggas...coming.

What? What is this CPT?
But Mr. Petto said it was Riley who used the N-word first.
that hell had ever seen.

Aw, man, my bad.
I was on the phone.
right when they
get to the door, nigga.
Agh!

None for me,
thanks.
Gangstalicious?!

Tom, I think you can have
but controversial player.
WOMAN:
That means the plane is gonna
I swear to God, man, they actually, like,
MAN:
What the devil?

a second glass
on your anniversary.
Last year, he became the first person

The destruction of black people
Colonel motherfucking
Stinkmeaner,
GRANDDAD:

I'm driving, sweetie-pooh.
This sucks.
RILEY:
Come on, Granddad.
to leave elementary school and go to the NBA
is not happening fast enough.

ANNOUNCER: They picked the wrong airline.
I may not know nothin'
about history,
holler at your boy,
I gets money.

MAN:
This is about things
Bitches like this shit, man.
when the Miami Heat signed him to a $3 gazillion contract,

And don't come up here
complaining and shit.
but I ain't stupid.
The other day I saw
three niggas reading books.
And I started thinking to myself: "Man...

They be thinkin' I'm one
of them Mens in Black
You know what's wrong with me.
Boy, see who that is.

You motherfuckers wanna
come on here
or somethin' like that,
you know?
a doorbell with real bitches
singing the notes.
One of them was smiling.

and act a goddamn fool?
It is true.
Catcher Freeman was a hero.

could kill me or you,
or somebody's baby.
Y'all gonna have
to kick me out of this bitch.
"Well, sit down, nigga."

I'm about to go on break.
And don't you ever forget it.
Ding...dong.

Excuse me.
Yes.
MAN: He gonna die.
You motherfucking terrorists
kill me.
They be wondering where
the black limo is at
I'm saying you probably never
looked like this damn picture.

No, I'll have to call them back.
I'd spend the next 20 years
in jail being--
this kid is a disgrace
to basketball.
RILEY: And that's when

when they see --
All they see is the headpiece,
Oh, lookie here,
this is Cousin Jericho.

BOTH:
Anally raped.
This ain't you!
He epitomizes everything wrong
with the game today.
because that's what
I've been trained to do.

Yeah, let's talk more
that's where the police station used to be.
You know, the dude
with the charts and shit.
Man, I haven't talked
to Cousin Jericho

the devil himself, a--
That is not what
he's been trained to do.

about your violated rectum.
Huh?
ANNOUNCER: Come see why black incompetence...

Oh, I find it
so romantic.
Yes!
School Superintendent Donald Richards

'cause, uh, they up and left.
TOM: Hey, I'm just saying--
Yeah, and a cleanup crew.
Oh, and another shoe.

Whoo, whoo!
Well, excuse me
for thinking you liked me
Some old craziness, man.

So where's the new police station?
Goddamn, that bitch
phat as a motherfucker.
to use appropriate hyphenated euphemisms

So...
for who I was on the inside.
Left. No, Prada.

Well, you're a liar
on the inside.
Aren't you gonna answer it?
Y'all don't know
Last week, right,
I was in the strip club, right.
...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.

Now let's go back
to my nigga on the floor.
instead of racial slurs.

No, thank you.
This whole relationship
is based on a lie.
All you do is fight, eat
and fuck up my house.

We have a very strict policy
ANNOUNCER: Man, check out how Young Reezy
I had titties in one hand,
titties in the other hand.

Ah! You baldheaded
devil monks
Now, this shit right here,
against teachers
using the "N-word,"

We can't let you through,
homey.
shitted on these niggas in today's game.
tell me about the evil shows
you have in development.

this is some old John Woo shit,
nigga.
Hey, this is Osama bin Laden
nephew, nigga.
or any other
racially insensitive words.
What's up?

This from the movie Killer.
I'm telling you,
I had two hands
full of titties.

Well, I-- I'm --
I'm once removed. I-I--
it was a crime how they
treated those folks down there.
The district's policy
is that teachers

Um--
MAN: Tell it, brother!
That's bigger
than two scoops of raisins.
And breaks his ankle.

So, what was it like
No --
I just fucking with you, dawg.
You mad?
You hating, my nigga?
Now, move the hell
out of my way.
Look. Okay, the moment you all been waiting for.

I'm still talkin' to my
accountant at the same time.
Look at that bitch-ass nigga limping off the floor.

Go ahead, nigga.
Still got soap in my ass.
Well, it's hard
not to, nigga. Ha-ha!

ANNOUNCER: Starring Gary Anthony Williams.
What's not to like
about that?
that our goal is to take
all the shitty reality shows
Ooh, no wonder they ride his nuts so hard.

Nigga, you ain't
no Denzel.
And that's not just around here, that's the whole world.

But you know what they say --
when it's your time to go,
I'm telling you, Tom,
they drive women away.

Seems like Yao Ming wants some too.

Hell, you ain't even
no Flavor Flav.
What is the S-word?
it's your time to go. John Witherspoon.
Anyone who wants to see a shitty
black version

or when you're talkin'
on the goddamn phone.
Time after time after time.
You see how short
people's memories are?
Well, I-- I don't wanna
say it, but--

What if it's the motherfucker
next to me time to go? Huh?
The song is called "Homeys Over Ho's."

Second, when people
wear those things,
Mm-hm.
they'll have to come to us.
What else?
Fellas, I'm here with
All-Star MVP Riley Freeman.
Oh, drink fine wines.
But not anymore.

for this next one, man.
I see ya.
I thought you hate
Gangstalicious.

Lock 'em up.
Charge them with fraud.
Mo'Nique.
It's very important
Boy, get the door.

But that's real shit, though, nigga.
like a serious disappointment,
man.
I mean, he a punk
and all that,
TOM:
Ah. Now, that's what
There's a name for people
who talk to theyselves, Ed.
I can't even go to dinner.
I can't even go to a damn movie.

this plane leave on time.
You got naked kids.
but he sent a nigga
some free CDs

I say give them the chair.
Electrocute their ugly asses.
Riley, is there anything
you can't do, nigga?

Damn. Now, are you yelling
at me or shitting at me?
You got parents gotta choose between food and clothes
RILEY: It's Jericho Freeman.
Tell him we're not here!
and apologized and all,
so I decided to squash it.

has earned you a trip back.

Snoop Dogg.
Hijacked?
I don't know, go broke?
for their kids, shorty.

He still a punk though.
If there were just
Them niggas ain't getting
my wizzie fo' shizzle, nigga.
You have my blessings
to exact vengeance

Good one, little brother.

I don't know what to do
with my hands now.
Shaq, 17 blocks for Riley,
you had one.
And how often do you have
a problem with faculty saying

And how would you know?
You know what I'm saying? And 50 Cent
the haters' camel's back,
nigga.
Be that as it may, no technology
is worth my dignity.

and to spread
ignorance and chaos
Granddad always making up
some shit about history.

"spear-chucker" to students?
Or for themselves.
That's got to make you
feel fucked up.
as Air Marshal 50 Cent.

We don't.
That's what I'm saying.
Right.
If talking on a wireless headset
mean I gotta look

It did at first,
...people are looking.

I'll stop
those terrorists...
Observe.

Tom, please.
They would say "S-word."
I don't get it.

or die trying.
Some place
far away and exotic.
Must be that Harvard humor.
Faggot-ass faggot.

Besides, there's a reason

so guess I have to work harder,
step up to his level.
Honey. Honey, maybe this isn't
the best place to be singing--
Tsk. Man, he made up
Catcher Freeman.

He said I used the word
before, but I didn't.

STINKMEANER:
Ah! Hell ain't shit.

do it big.
Well, let's see.
As you've requested,
It lets people around you know
you're talkin' on the phone.
Get ready. This time, it's going down.

I wouldn't use that word ever.
I'm gonna get you, Freeman!

So he's better than you?

So those people know not
to waste time talkin' to you
That word hurts people.

Yes.
And stacks more paper
gonna work all day
in a hot field for no paper?

Shit.
This one nigga
This is a hijacking.
Remain in your seats --
Oh, I remember
those proud days

Yay. All done.
See, that's your problem.

No, this nigga
didn't.
Left with a case
of hate poisoning, nigga.
marching with
Dr. Martin Luther King.

We have a bomb on the aircraft.
You be believin' anything
somebody tells you

You know what
I'm saying? Hey, flo.
It might be time to bring
Mr. Bitches back out

or put in a...book.
Tell 'em about that nigga
that got his spirits crushed

Everyone remain --
to show them young boys
how the real players play.

Good.
Mistress Leevil, we got one
thing to report, a'ight?

by the rubies and the diamonds
and shit.
I see you're fucking up
all your grandson's money.

Yeah.
Some little nigga
named Huey Freeman.

Oh, yeah, look out.
took his own life and shit,
you know what I mean?

SARAH:
Yay.
says the incident takes him back

Ah! Oh, my God.
He all critical
of the network and shit,
Mr. Bitches is back
on the scene. Ha, ha, ha.

when you bend over.
I like that a lot.
to the civil rights movement.

you wouldn't believe it.
No, I don't wanna hear no more
of your made-up stories.

What is it, honey?
and all of that.
High-five me. No? Okay.

Wait. Is that Usher?
except try to destroy
black people? What?
GRANDDAD:
Uh, ah, ooh, ooh.

I'm about to go
get dressed.
Yeah, you know what?
You should go to Latin America.

Yes! Oh, my God.
Can you believe that? A boat.
That's your great-
great-great-great-granddaddy.

Oh. Mm-hm.
You know,
someplace like Costa Rica.

What about when you told us
your cousin integrated baseball?
until BET is taken off the air, the office is shut down,
I hate these
fucking headsets.

He's coming over.
Me and my boy have suffered
tremendous unspecified mental

I paid for that bed
you sleeping on,
We gonna fly on the
Soul Plane!
This is crazy.

I can't believe this.
He did.
At school they said

and physical damage
from this.
with your little
inground pools,
Hey, Robert. Guess who?

TOM:
Oh, sweetie,
Mr. Petto claims the version of "nigger" ending in "ger"

diving boards
or whatever.
Hey, uh, Jericho, is it?

Hey, how you doin', babe?
Step your pool game up,
nigga.
Get a table in VIP, pop a little Cristal.

Hey. Oh, ee-- Ee--
Hi, uh, uh, Mr. Usher.

We slide down with ours.
You get here and give
Cousin Jericho a hug.
Jackie Robinson Freeman.
The Freeman is silent.

Uh-- Ah-- Ooh--
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!

-I can't believe it.
-It's not true.
I'll beat your little ass
in front of what's-his-name.
TOM: W-w-wait a minute, Robert.
Now hush and pay attention.

I-- I can't believe
it's you.

This is, like,
the greatest thing
Get your butt over here,
trying to embarrass me--
that means the same as "buddy" or "best pal."
No one can stand in my way
of destroying black people.

that ever happened
in our neighborhood.

I'm Sarah.
He was Malcolm X, Nat Turner
and Barack Obama

...where you can, like, track,
like, if someone, like,
Says who?
Says Jay-Z. It's a boycott.

You have a beautiful smile,
Sarah.
Especially not

Mm-hm.
the friendly version of the N-word
Well, shoot.
What the difference, huh?

Huey Freeman.
Mm! Wow, so she's
on my friends list?
Now, this right here is what
I like to call my bitch tank,

We family, right,
cousin? Ha, ha.

From the beginning?
What's going on?
What's going on?
I used the word. I admit it.

We family. We're cousins.
Yup, she your very first
cyber friend
GRANDDAD: Shut up.

A while for me?
If you say so, second cousin.
RILEY:
It's so cool.

and you're her 3 millionth.
"I don't want no big nigger lips
drinking my fine wine,"

SARAH:
I love this song.
She's fine,
ain't she?

GRANDDAD:
Yeah, boy! I love technology.

the community council
meetings, Robert.
we just passing through
ya'll neck of the woods--
Probably made him up too.

I ain't worried about
no damn council meeting.
I thought I understood
this whole thing,

Shut your ass! The slaves were out in the fields,
HUEY: My granddad recently
Y'all broke niggas keep buying
fish food if you want.

for the okey-doke
this time.
Oh, wonderful.
Well, I don't know
if that's what he said,

singing songs of freedom.

You should post more pics.
Now I got the video chat.
Do the homey

Thank you very much.
Oh. Oh, God.
but you're not
supposed to drink it.
Everybody get ready!
GIRL 2: Oh, my gosh.
Guys, what--?
What are you doing?

But I wanna drink Cris.
Uh--

to show the world
how the broke niggas live,
I'm starting to feel
like Shemar Moore up in here.

That was beautiful.
It's just what I do.
It's in all the music.
Look, look, look.

maybe MTV will come
to your house,
Oh, um, this is,
uh...Tom.

Hoo! Boy, let's get
some music on.
You don't say.
Well, great catching up.
Stop it, guys, I'm serious.
Massa's on his way.

Why would she like you?

Turn on the My-pod
and let's get on the I-space.
'Cause your granddaddy
gives sweet love.

Thanks for stopping by.
Cheers.
Yes, I'm Tom. Just Tom.
There's tons of 'em.
Look: "'Real Nigga Role Call.'
to tell these niggers
RILEY: Wait, wait, wait.
I know that song.

Look, Robert, don't let
the chrome rims fool you, okay?

GRANDDAD:
Riley, hurry up.

And what do you know
about this woman?
to stop singing that damn song?
USHER:
Hey, how
Mercedes, Versace, white women.
Niggers, niggers, niggers.

The police were talking
Well...her name is Luna.
Stop singing? Oh, no.

to everyone on our street for clues.
you want next, Granddad?

SARAH:
You are so interesting.
booty-butt cheeks
Hey, Robert, if you want beef
with the Roc, that's on you.

Her hobbies include pets,
traveling, kickbox--

The leather vest.
The one with the rhinestones.
We gonna fly on
the Soul Plane!

Well, almost everyone.
You know, we almost
didn't make it up here.
That's a lie.
Oh, no, Massa.

B-B-B-Booty-Butt cheeks

If you don't
mind me asking,
Watch when you go to sleep.
We field niggas
is too dumb to lie.

And make sure you pee
before we leave.
Granddad, I--
Shoot,
I drink what I wanna drink.

I ain't gonna miss my movie
I bet she have a gang of niggas
up in here to rob us.
But in the meantime, Mr. Petto has been put on unpaid leave.

going to the bathroom
with you.
GIRL: Thugnificent!
Thugnificent, wait!

Officer, I'm not finished.
That ain't a good look,
Granddad.
Yes, we-- We blessed
to escape the deadly waters
and he got
that sharp sense of humor.

I'm gonna let you go in there
by yourself

Not a good look?
Hello, sir,
I'm Officer Calloway.
Oh, no, no, Massa Colonel,
I wasn't--
and get molested
by a nasty white man.

I just couldn't believe it,
Is that some kind of
new slang?

Now, what's wrong with you?
Why the long face?
And, uh,
virtually nothing else.
because nobody ever
called me a nigger before.
It's not just the music.
I have seen all of your movies.

What's wrong with you?
Is that what's hot
in the street, huh?

I don't wanna go to the movie.
Why not?
Thugnificent and the Lethal
Interjections living here.
Massa Colonel, please.
Ahh! God, that stings!

Uh...cheers.
I don't ever wanna go
to the movies with you again.
GRANDMOTHER:
Praise Jesus.

I loved Light It Up.
Talk and shoot
at the same time, boy.
Like...I was less
than a person.

Not after
what happened last time.
Thug who?
Thugnificent.
TOM: Yeah! I bet our dollar
but don't take it out
on poor Tobias.

I named my dog Light It Up.
Girl, please.
"Beat It" or "Thriller"?

What happened last time?
I can't believe it.
GRANDDAD: Shoot, all you gotta do
If you beats him,
it's like you beating all of us,

Neither have you.
I don't know, Granddad.
We got arrested. And shot at.

is a common trait with black people.
Yeah, we lost everything.

So funny.
She's my manager.
Ballin'!
A whole weekend with
a complete stranger?
Ooh-hee, hey

Ah. Racism.
Take 'em back
and go get my purple Speedo.
TOBIAS:
Shut the fuck up!

And play it like you
got some sense.
Daddy said I can go
to the movies,

I'll call her.
Hee-hee-hee.
RILEY:
Purple Speedo?
So the only nigger
I gotta beat is Tobias?
No more of that damn
street ball hot-dogging

but he said I'm not allowed
to see Soul Plane.
TOM: Yeah, you know what?
TOBIAS:
Shut the fuck up, Percy!
are culturally inclined against snitching.

All right, boy,
so you had a bad dream.
hippity-hop, and one and seven,
whatever the hell it is.
HUEY: It was the third day of my

Good. You don't wanna go
to the movies with him.
That makes us work harder.

It was a really bad dream
about--
Okay, one more.
Matter of fact, you about
to get a lesson in fundamentals.

He's crazy.
Hush.
Mm-hm. Nothing like the
open road. Seeing the country.

Please, we gotta get one more.
Look at that one.
Did you check
the Speedo drawer?
Uh, damn, Tom,
are you sure you wanna come?
and save matches.

Can't see Soul Plane?
Why, little baby?
GRANDDAD:
Mm-mm. Man, fake meat is good.

I mean,
you married.
Man, fuck yo' mama!

Shoot. I ain't ballin'
like a rock star.
Are you even allowed
to do it big?
You could just be out the closet,
Because of the types
of stereos or something.

Oh, man.
and nobody would notice.

It'd be good
for my vocals.
It was about
Stinkmeaner.
it make us scared and make us
all just wanna stay here.

Types of stereos?
"Am I allowed"?
an unwritten rule about snitching
THUGNIFICENT:
To being on Cribs.

Oh. No, no, no,
little baby doll.
Sure, as long as I stay
within the agreed parameters.

USHER:
I'm gonna
The fulfillment
of a lifelong dream
has become a full-blown "stop snitching" movement,
There was someone around here
who used to love veggie burgers.

Wouldn't let that shit
happen to me though.
Yeah, well, you know,
kids are strong.

'cause it's a-- An example
of what not to do.
This is a good theater.
They have THX.

All right, let's go.
Game on.
USHER:
You rollin' with Ush.
Ha, ha.
Hey, I'm not dead, you know.
RILEY: It was a big day for my homey
for gay rappers back then.
these field niggers so much,

Damn, these things are tight.
What about Stinkmeaner?

Nowhere for 'em
to call home.
Take the murder of 19-year-old Jermaine "Lojack" Walker,

being on Cribs and all.
He was in hell, and he was
coming back to get us.
HOMO D: Sure ain't. But in a lot of ways,

I love to see my niggas on TV shinin',
you can stay out here and work
with them for a few days.

She means stereotypes.
That's right, y'all.
Put your hands up, white folks!
You and me baby, doing it big.
It'll be great.

Stinkmeaner? Don't be crazy.
Yep. Yes, sir.
What's with all
this hunger strike, boy?
Stereotypes? In Soul Plane?
That's nonsense.

That old man that Granddad
killed for no reason?
I ain't changing my shorts.
TOM: Hey, guys.
And if I hear that song again,
I'm cuttin' both your balls off.

What did food
ever do to you, hm?
in the middle of a summer afternoon
It's so good
to finally meet you.

Say, how about we tell
your daddy
No reason?
That man was a psycho.
Yeah, well, you know,
Mm-hm. It was us. Think about it.

Yes, yes,
I see the ears.

we saw something else, hm?
Man, I wanna go
over there,
Can I be excused, please?
What you got there, Riley, huh?
You got some moves?

All right! All right!
You can stay!
Nobody even called the cops. They all just went home.
You guys are real
fuckin' assholes, you know that?

He was blind.
You killed a blind old man.
What's wrong
with your watch?
You mean...lie?

Just like
the picture, right?
What?
to the contrary,

Shit, nigga, the sun
is reflecting all this ice.
the slightest bit
inappropriate?
Yes. Jay-Z.
Yes. Cousin of mine.
Would that be dick riding?
You think? To go over there?

That really doesn't seem to be
a good idea.
Come on, man,
look on the bright side.
I can't see
a motherfucking thing.

Hush, boy.
And I sent him to hell
where he belongs.
Wow, that is pretty good
ball control.
BET is out
to destroy black people.
You get to hang out in the field
with the real niggas.

You know,
You look just like
your picture too.
Heh-heh. First cousin.
More Cristal?

it's okay to break
the rules
What it do, Woodcrest?
Ha-ha!
Hey, toss me the ball, Riley.

He asked me
to send him the pictures.
Come on, y'all,
he said it's cool.
Gangstalicious is
my homey.
Yeah, Granddad,
real tough with the handicapped.

every once
in a while.
Here you go.
Oh!
Whoo!
I can't believe this.
There ain't nothing wrong
with me, feel me?

WOMAN:
Come on, y'all.
I won't tell
if you won't.
Yeah.
Oh, now you're homeys?
Yesterday, he was a punk.
You damn right, Mr. Policeman!
I saw the whole thing!

He probably gonna beat up
some retarded kids next.
Shocking.
I always knew you'd
do something right.

Okay. Hee-hee.
Sometimes you gotta put aside
your differences
Put the motherfuckers on, nigga.
Tell me what time it is.

which make sense,
because she's 10.
in our new crib
in Woodcrest...
Much better than the last place.
Praise Jesus.

And you know
what's crazy?
and work through problems
with your homey,
HUEY: Sometimes I think Granddad may be a bad influence.
TOM:
Waiter, another Malibu

What's that supposed to mean?
that's what he's gonna do.
Damn, nigga.
It's 2:30.

It means you're
a bit old to be acting
GRANDDAD: Oh, yes, you did.
RILEY: I didn't even mean to.
so y'all can keep
to bein' homeys.
and give him a pound and be
like, "What up, Thugnificent?"

Hey, Riley. Don't forget
the camcorder.
Thank you.
Ha, ha, ha.
street ball and learn to play.

Hey. The doorbell girl
was wondering
You feel me, homey?
like some screaming TRL groupie.

...every cookout...
So then my dream
got really weird,
He's right though, Huey.
Women don't like hating.

Oh, yeah, your dream.
if you're expecting
and more company
That's very sensitive
of you, Riley.

Now, the first Soul Plane
was funny.
THUGNIFICENT:
I'm here for everybody.
Riley, you could
be a superstar one day.
You better listen
to your granddaddy. Heh.
'cause I was a mummy
in a Japanese girl pop band.

Look, boy,
Be happy. Your brother was
called a nigger by a white man.

Pfft. About as funny
as a lynching.
Get back here, Riley.
...every wedding...
Shoot, I'm a superstar now.
You ain't said nothing.
I'm gonna do that, believe it.

Oh, hush, boy.
You ain't even see it.
Well, Whitley, Mitley and Missy.
Well, I mean, I know
he ain't no real gangsta,

Ever played on a team?
Stop the car!
He can't hurt you or me
or any of us, okay?
As soon as Catcher Freeman rides
through here with his brigade

I never seen
a lynching, either,
No.
Well, I'm coaching
but that's cool 'cause, see,
he's in entertainment.

Uh, come on.
You want a drink?
but I know
they not funny.

Where I live,
a Woodcrest Youth
Basketball Association team,
He ain't gotta be out
in the streets like I do.
I am so bored.
I wanna go home.

Mm. Hope you got
air conditioning.
See? Shows what you know.
I've seen funny lynchings.
Now, let's get one more picture.

I don't want either of you going
near that house. You hear me?
the Mighty Deers.
You know, Timid Deer Lane.
He's telling
our stories for us.

What the fuck?
No, you haven't.
I have so.
Well, we wanna go have a nasty
threesome with Mr. Bitches,
You ain't never seen no nigga
be gone like I'm gonna be gone.

They even have a club for snitches.
Man, Quinten just texted me.
He say the hoes is en route.

So you're okay with him
being gay?
Roscoe Patterson's lynching
was funny.
That's right, I rep the Deer.

but if you guys wanna
leave...
It's called the neighborhood watch.
You ain't seen no nigga
ride out like me.

Yeah, so them
niggas was like,
of zombies or vampires,
Anyway,
season just got underway,
I'm looking for brother Huey Freeman please.
Huh? No! No, please wait. No.
See you.

And I'm a-join the gang.
I got a letter saying
So I'm gonna just, uh,
go back to the house.

"Roscoe, you better
leaves town
They ain't never in here.
Shoot, I could have
stayed in Louisiana for this.

Hold it right there, boy!
GRANDDAD:
Wait a minute!
I can join
Catcher Freeman's brigade
Hey, brother Huey,
LUNA:
Oh, you're

"before Mr. Charlie
and them crackers
THUGNIFICENT:
...our new crib in Woodcrest,
Y'all any good?
Um, no.

Woodcrest
neighborhood watch.
Gangstalicious, gay.
You-- You crazy.

gonna come for you."
HUEY:
Granddad, Riley's doing
And it's my honor
to speak with you.
Oh. That Larry David
is something else. Whoo!

MAN:
Damn, you get mail, nigga?
Now, where was you at 11:00
last night, huh? Huh?!

I'm like, "Man,
fuck them crackers, man.
and bagels and shit.
He's traumatized on the inside.
Wait, the Rollo Goodlove?

So...
Nana. Nana.

Come on, now!
Don't lie to me, nigga!
This is Roscoe Patterson."
Nigga, I don't give a fuck.
you never told me
what kind of dogs you have.
You mean,
the Rollo Goodlove

Nigga, I was in bed.
We bring the 'hood with us,
right here.
us for a little bit?
Why not just wait
for Santa Claus

KID:
I'm going to get you.
I just don't
give a fuck.
who toured with Parliament Funkadelic in the '70s,

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You sure you gotta leave?
That nigga's my age.
until he was 3.
That's different.
The homey dance ain't gay.
I do the homey.
But Stinkmeaner knew that every black man's spirit

Know what I'm saying?
White man can eat a dick.
became a community activist in the '80s,

GIRL:
Yeah. This is fantastic.
So you guys don't think
I'm overreacting?
See, it's okay between us
behind closed doors.
That's not gay? You who thinks
everything in the world is gay.

Eat my balls,
nigga.
Told you so!
Ha-ha. Whoo.
That's right, nigga.

I don't think so.
We have flipped the word
into a term of endearment.

MAN: There he is!
Get that nigger.
BOTH:
Wolves?
I don't believe
in the Easter Bunny either.

You're a bigtime lawyer,
I'm about to do it big
in Woodcrest, nigga.

TOM:
So, what do you say?
Uh-oh.
The law say
when the bicycle stop,
You mean, like, wolf wolves?
I'm telling you, man.
Catcher Freeman is real.

Should I call my travel agent
or what, huh?
Oh, come on, you n--
Nincompoop.
"What's Goin' On?" with Rollo
Goodlove, Rollo Goodlove?

Come on,
let's go!
the wheels
supposed to stop.
Yeah. For some reason,
wolves really like me.
Okay, um, Frank.

MAN: Oh, shoot, he's fast!
Watch out!
Uh... Yeah.
Let me, uh, check my schedule.

I was raised
around wolves.
ROLLO:
Mm-hm. The same. Hm. Glory.
You can't do that!
Hey, come on.
Wait. Oh, what's that,
the PSP right there? Man.

I'm all, like, it's --
whatever.
freeing all the slaves
and shit.
It, uh, wasn't really
funny after that.

They get a bad rap,
but really,
You can't hear
the movie.
He, like, 14 feet tall,
Anyway, I had to call
and share with you my support

Mm-mm.
GIRL:
Welcome to
if you aren't afraid
to establish dominance,
Hey! After a lifetime of
being treated like a nigger,
HUEY: In the past, Granddad has had

Yep, yep. All of 'em.
Let's go.
This is gonna be so much fun.
I'm calling the police.
Stop!

Huh? That's right, y'all.
Thugnificent bringing the 'hood
Damn. I bet these vases
got trapezius muscles
and biceps. Shit crazy.

That's, uh...
This is going to be...

OLD MAN:
Can we bring in the Army?
TOM:
All right, Deers.
All the years
I've been on this Earth,

Get out there
and give him what you got.
You the one who said
he kissed a man.
...the worst day
of your life.
How long will we wait
on the police to protect us?

Uh, fascinating.
I had my blinker on
and everything.
know how many times
I been called a nigger for free?

Oh, I didn't say
she was cheating.
My ass!
He like a black-ass Batman,
if you will.

how long you been
kickboxing?
Fuck you, punk-ass,
bougie-ass, hook-ass nigga!
Back in the day, when a white
man called you a nigger,

He can fly...
underwater.
I'm bringing nunchucks.
Can we bring in
the Army?!
Hey! Who turned off
the motherfucking water?!

I'll beat
your motherfucking ass, nigga!
I got to have it, you dig?
RILEY: Heh-heh-heh.

This is a tragedy.
Huh?
Not exactly kickboxing,
but it's kind of similar.
How often you have dreams
about men kissing?

Wait, how they know who Batman is?
I'm a do-what-it-takes
kind of nigga, man.
The white man ain't never
done nothin' to nobody,

I say toss her groupie ass
out the window
GRANDDAD: Stop interrupting!

Fuck with me, nigga,
and I'll be popping a trunk
I get it how I live, and
live how I get it, you feel me?
Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

kissing other men.
and let that ho stargaze
from outside.

and he don't deserve this.
You got some words
of welcome
Man, stop!
This whole conversation is

Get my motherfucking Uzi.
White Lotus?
Now, Riley,
there's never a place
Hello? Tom. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.

making me uncomfortable.
That's the deadliest
style there is.

for violence
in a relationship.
Hey, guys.
What I got to do
Riley's teacher
called him a nigger.
I dreamt about Muhammad Ali
just last night.

People, calm down.
Now, listen, I'm holding a rally
downtown tomorrow, brother.

Thug out with the homey.
We gonna sue the white man.
Get over here quick.
Granddad, I can't believe
you let them niggas stay here.
There sure seemed to be a place
at the restaurant last night.

You never
mentioned, uh,

Man, you wanna
be down with us?
We've let the predators
think we're weak.
Mm-mm.
Nappy-headed hos.
I'm gonna escape with this,
okay? With my mind.

Here, put these coats on.
That's messed up, Riley.
That's family.
on DontSitEm.com.

who was called
a nigger? Huh?
She made you look like a bitch
in front of Usher.
You know what, motherfucker?

Huh?
Last year,
Terrence Kinsley,
Family? I ain't never seen
them niggas before in my life.

Boy, watch
your mouth.
he was a Shaolin monk.
I learned it from him.
Ooh, I ain't listening
to you.

Probably
started out charitable.
Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you,
old-ass nigga!

Except for Flonominal
and Macktastic,
Granddad was forced to hire

GRANDDAD:
Here you go.
It was them Freeman boys.
Then I ended up
having to use it on him,
ROLLO:
Brothers and sisters.

What is it?
who I met through the label
last year,
one of those no-nonsense British super nannies.

It's pinto beans
and neck bones.
You just mad at
all this Thugnificence.

but we're like brothers,
though.
But, Granddad, she did make
Mr. DuBois look like a bitch.

Now put this meat loaf
and gravy under your shirt.
I thought of a way to display
moving pictures on a screen.

Yeah, I said it.
Respect it, man!

Just killing 'em
in the streets:
a nigger,
Why don't we just get treats
from the concession stand?
-Now, Ruckus, that's crazy.
-If they're so innocent,

HUEY:
They have nothing to go home to.
breathe it in, nigga.
Bask in it.

but find a different way
to say it.
Which actually worked out,
Man, I'm about
rags to bitches, too.

Next thing you know,
And now I'm telling you,
the clothing line's jumping off.
except Granddad set up a nanny cam.

we won't have
nothing to go home to.
but I'm gonna show Massa Colonel
my screenplay,
you rubbin' against
that silky white skin. Oh.

It's about getting paper,
my nigga.
Now, where were we?
You think I'm paying $20
for some popcorn?

RUCKUS: Yeah.
Why wouldn't they?
and when he reads it,
he's gonna know
I'll tell you with no shame:
Everybody knows
New Orleans niggas are grimy.

But I don't know
the non-curse way
GRANDDAD: This is when
What do you say, Gelman?
"Off the hook"?

Have you heard of the Kumite?
this could be
a huge production.
You must be out
of your damn mind.

to say he got bitched.
Yep. Thanks, wardy.
That's my hat.

Humiliated,
castrated, emasc--
Oh-- Oh, my God.
I bet you Tom would know.
Where is he?
MAN:
Suck that dick!
Did you say Kumite?

Are we allowed
to bring in food?
Now, Riley,
I want you to know
Suck!
Nigga, you trying to get off
the plantation

Well, I don't really know much about him,
Don't take that long
to get over here.
Of course we're allowed to.
that even though
we doin' it real grand,

I love talking
to the police.
by selling a script? Ha!
Sitting up here,
watching television,
but my two teenage kids are very excited.

It's my food, isn't it?
I paid for it.
We're gonna go check 'em out.
Nigga, you ain't even supposed
to know how to read.
if this rap shit don't work,
we running up in nigga's houses.

That's all you get for free.
I need a lawyer, but I don't
wanna pay, so you'll have to do.

That means I can eat it
when and where I want.
Did-- Did anyone see
who accosted this man?
It's a mythical, invitation-only
martial arts tournament
Using up all of my electricity,
eating a sandwich.

If you lost
your ho to T.I.,
How you gonna sell
a script, asshole?

You know what I mean?
For real. Better believe that.
What I don't understand is
I'd be like,
"Hey, that's T.I."
And, uh,
my pride is sucked away.

Boy, put this pot roast in
your pants or you ain't eating.
Plus, there's
a writer's strike.
I got a date?
I can't believe it.
Riley, I started this team
because when I was younger,

that if it's
so offensive to them,

We're gonna be hittin'
the streets, son,
What's wrong with you,
woman?
Oh, this is nothing.
He's just getting started.
and the dungarees with his name on the, um, pocket.

moving mad rock all day,
is not
a law-enforcement agency.
then why do they say it
over and over again?
And we not doing it
for the females,

You better check that ho,
Mr. DuBois.
the very small community
with a very big heart.
to be more creative.

You know what?
You guys are right.
But I didn't think
the Kumite really existed.
and there was that moment at the end,

you know what I'm saying?
No interrogations!
living across the street from me. Shoot.
MAN:
So Riley said the N-word

HUEY: Robert Jebediah Freeman
Granddad, you don't skydive,
MAN: Know what I mean?
All day, son.
Excuse me, uh, my name
is Positive Brother Hakeem

had sworn a lifetime intifada
Paid too much money for my house. Funny-ass music.

It's really real.
and they won.
and ask them to join
the neighborhood watch,
Tell me what you think
about your ass, nigga.

against the movie theater industry
It was like a miracle moment.
from Positive Big Black Brothers
and Sisters of America.

Now, brothers and sisters,
and you never was
a member of G-Unit.
Why is the news here?
Well, I called the news
GRANDDAD: Thelma was
for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,

want to go to a basketball game
just to see the game,
And ever since then,
I wanted to live that moment.

and told them
what you did for us.
He calls himself "nigga"
all the time.
And let's all of us reach out
to all our other neighbors
we are here today
because we're not gonna let BET

Get 'em outta here.
which, interestingly enough,
Now, the vest isn't actually
bulletproof, correct?

Shakes, all that.
Extra ketchup.
"Nigga this, nigga that.
Nigga, please.
come back with one of them
NBA niggas out of sympathy?
What the hell you do that for?
Don't be modest. It's okay.

did not stop him from going to see movies.
on some faraway mysterious island.

"You need some napkins?"
You feel me?
Eww...
But it's a hot style.
MAN: Thugnificent and his cohorts,

Okay, gang.
Keep your eyes open.
MAN:
So, Mrs. Wong,
"Nigga, have you lost
your mind?
It's not okay. Now every damn
Katrina victim for 100 miles

She wanted to be
entertained.
But Thelma didn't want his old Uncle Tom ass.

Open for what?
formed the Lethal Interjection Crew
And pink is definitely
the in color for this season.
Local calls only on my phone,
thank you.

We're sneaking in.
What the fuck is you talking-- ?
What the fuck was that?
"I will not be a prisoner
to your foolishness. I am free.

They were terrible.
Oh, the white woman's
got a big heart.
Besides, she was about to meet Catcher for the first time.

That's not true,
little baby.
Kind of like one of them
Mr. Freeman,
what makes a man

beating him senseless with a nine iron,
"And I will not be
captured by your ignorance.

I bought my tickets online.
Scout's honor.
"Booty-Butt Cheeks."
I wasn't thinking
about it when I did it.
He says it so much,
I don't even notice it anymore.
Oh, that's long, baby.
But that's the style, right?

stealing his wallet and driving his car
Oh, no. These are not complete
strangers. This is family.

Look. Granddad.
They cover room and food. Everything.
Last week in lunch,
Riley says to a classmate:

"'Cause I'm free.
We ended our season last year
I got some money saved.
The movie will be on me.

multimillion-dollar major-label deal,
I knew you were gonna ask, and
I like your attention to detail.

Correct.
with the worst record in the league.

Now, you put that away,
boy.
Let's just go
to the initiation.
"in your negrofied matrix,
either.
Oh, but that poor, little, sweet girl didn't get far.

These movie devils
ain't getting
And my first thought wasn't,
The first test
is the agreeability test.
and a new album, "Rags to Bitches."

any more of our money.
You get to catch up with old friends,
Because I am free."

She ain't going nowhere.
Before you are a member
of the team,

Mm-mm.
see some really good matches, get a tan.
We ain't gonna hurt you
too much.
Now, Mrs. Wong,
let me ask you a question.

in the eyes of God?
Well, not exactly. See--
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro.
Uh...Mr. Freeman?

Ask the question,
Miss von Hausen.
We can win, Riley.
Good times.
I might hurt you.

The way I'm looking at it, I'm picking up where
What do you hope to get
out of helping these people?

Hey, look up in the tree. It's a bird.
It says, "No outside food,"
little girl.
Good times.
The Kumite is supposed to be

HUEY:
Costa Rica for two weeks?
What's good, nigga?
Is your granddad home?

That's why we keep it
inside our clothes.
because we always tell the kids
that that ain't the way.

VON HAUSEN:
Mr. Freeman,
a death match, right?
You ever killed anybody?
Not a damn thing.

This is the movement that says, you know --
Are you sure
this is legal?

Matter of fact,
I had a song called,
Hey. Everybody has to
die sometime. Hm.
Wow. So selfless. Bob.
Granddad.
Mr. DuBois' at the door.

Get him, get him. Watch it.
Now, as you know, we've had
some home invasions recently.
"Don't grow up and act like a fucking fool all the time,

Okay, everybody, look alive now.
Here's our chance.

Call my agent, man.
He said I said it first?
You's a bitch.
But if you got
to pull a burner

and you can still make it up out the 'hood
What it look like
-Mm-hm.
-We were concerned to hear

Man, I'm telling you,
and enjoy everything that life has to offer."

I understand
you need your job,
out on a nigga,
this T-shirt
that you refused
to talk to the police.
I seen the hatred
in his eyes
Yo, it's blazing, son.
That shit is incredible, kid.

It's too late now.
I may never come back.
but you're still
a human being with dignity.

I would love to
let you crash,
the first time
I walked in the class.
Finish him.

MAN 1:
Yeah, baby!
KIDS:
Throw it to me, throw that ball.
Catcher Freeman was a master swordsman.

Yeah, I mean,
look at this uniform, man.
No snitchin'.
All he saw when he looked at me
was a black nigger.

I look like
a fucking dork.
Hey, we hear you was
helping people from New Orleans.
How this nigga learn all that ninja stuff?

Let me show you
how to do it.
Why would they make me dress
like this?
You've also refused
our previous invitations
I would just turn up the bass a
little higher in the monitor --

We used to live right close to--
They didn't even have karate flicks back then.

What did I do
to them, huh?
Well, I had
a girlfriend in Katrina.
much of a case, Robert.

to join
the neighborhood watch,
You should take action.
I didn't come to practice.
You never called my agent.
Hush, boy! It was love at first sight.

and we could use
your support.
Nobody give a fuck
what your dumb ass think.
so I'm gonna go
and pretend I didn't go,

Ah. What can I do?
I thought that was a joke.
Oh, no, no.
The guy just seems
kind of...dumb.

He was tall, he was handsome,
Give me this motherfucker.
Our motto is:
Neighbors watching neighbors.

I told you this
was going to happen.
Thank you so much,
Robert.
his trapezius muscles rippled through his shirt.

Get your ass up out of here,
you hook-ass nigga.
So don't tell him.
Say I went to the store.

See, boys? See why
All right, Granddad, dang. You making me uncomfortable.

Robert Freeman.
You know him, right?
Have you ever thought about
forming a union?
I'm gonna call
a press conference.
Fuck your court!
MAN #1: Tired of this.
MAN #2:

Oh, I'm watchin', all right.
I'm watchin' this neighborhood
It's all about
pearl necklaces.

About what?
I don't know,
What's a "union"?
RUCKUS: It's like somebody threw
a million dollars
I ask you to bless him, Lord,

Get the fuck up out of here
with that bullshit.
Well, it's harder to talk
if my mouth is full.

MAN:
Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
become a bunch
of damn tattletales.
I mean, they can only
hang you once, right?
and keep providing for him,
Lord,
Wow!
Pearl necklaces.

MAN #1: Beat it.
MAN #2: Nigga.
I paid.
I got my ticket.

All right, fine.
Good one, granddad.
I got mine today
and that joint is wack.

Yeah, yeah. I got
a ticket for you.
I left food money
in the cabinet above the oven.

You killin' 'em.
Anyway, Riley,
what do you think?

A one-way ticket
to "Get the hell
Property was stolen,
Mr. Freeman.
My name's Catcher.
Catcher Freeman.
Well, we can't live
next to their kind.
Jesus, amen.
As we walk in your glory.

out of here, negro"
land.
What's the number
to a press conference?
Gangstalicious gear?

Hey there, Robert,
Go on! Move it!
Come on, now, you're
leaving me hanging.

Get off of me, woman.
Where'd you get that?
The sanctity of our
community was violated.

I ain't gonna
stand for it.

ALL:
We gotta go to the bathroom.
What's he doing here?
He's your sitter.
MACKTASTIC:
That outfit is fly

Tough titty.
We were here first.
Right.
No, I don't think we should use the word,

I ain't got time
for this bullshit.
Oh...
Granddad, me and Riley
don't need no babysitter.

TOM: Well, I'd sell my house
if I thought
I'm not feeling the name.
Nope.
Who has not heard
of Catcher Freeman?
I'm free

Nigga, you gay.
it was still
worth anything.
Because niggas have gotten used to it, that's why.

Where are you escaping from?
How about that?
I don't care how good you are,
I'm not changing the name.

Why don't you just
invite them over for dinner
Yeah, not like we gonna
try to kill each other.
Me and Gangstalicious
been homeys for a minute.
See it's burnin' me
to hold onto this.

Hell, they like it now.
Another victory
of the common man

and get to know
one another?
Suit yourself.
It's like when you growing crops
HUEY: Meanwhile, I couldn't

over corporate greed.
Uh, real good?
like I got everything I can get
out of that organization.

You're not advancing
any struggle
RUCKUS: Sorry he touched you,
Miss von Hausen.
just shitted on
our "Rags to Bitches" joint.
They ain't never gonna get

that an evil force was gathering.

by being cheap,
Granddad.
She ain't say nothing
about no damn
and then you can't grow nothing.
FLONOMINAL:
Why didn't we think

MACKTASTIC:
What's happening, nigga?
that dream you promised them
and for what?
so hopefully that'll
look good on my résumé.

I'll advance my belt
on your behind
Next is a test of courage.
We sound like a bunch
of bitch niggers

if you don't shut
your ass.
Where the chicken wings
and the doughnuts at?
One man's ego?
Sad. Good luck.
Look at me

Now, I know it's hard
Oh, my God.
You almost touched
Miss von Hausen!
that-- That need women in
their lives or something, man.
It smell like the circus
in town up in there.

What the fuck you got to eat
in this bitch, nigga?!

I didn't pay
to get in the movie.
MAN: Nah, you ain't crazy.
ALL:
Bye, Riley.
But we calling 'em bitches
and ho's and shit.

I love you
My name is Uncle Ruckus,
and I will be nigger-sitting
and free all your friends
and kinfolk.

Uh, yes, we did. I --
I ordered my tickets online.
Huey, what are we gonna do?

A HAZMAT suit.
Smiling
It's just, I feel like this

Who got the neck bones?
You gonna tell her
to get out.
But we'll need your help.
you two until your
grandfather returns.

No, you didn't.
I'm not telling her
to leave.
Great, that's a relief,
'cause all my friends

is coming to an end.
Especially when there are so many other fine substitutes:

We snuck in.
Your granddaddy picked me
She hit me with one of them
exploding nutsack techniques.

Ghostface Killah
isn't even dead.
because
I am a licensed zoologist.
Ah, still, man,
the new single ain't moving.

We stole a movie.
Tom agreed to allow Riley to design the uniforms
Like, "Thelma done changed
since she been free.

Now, who makes the rules?
She's not a kung fu
master. She's crazy.
I have studied
a variety of wild animals,
To your savior

Man, stop complaining.
that goofy-looking motherfucker is coming back.
She forgot where she came from,
she don't never come around."

Grownups, right?
Shit.
Then you go kick her ass out.

Your granddad's nigga moment ain't dead yet.
and the African male is by far
the most savagely cunning.

And I'm grown up,
and I say it's okay.
call that coon a jungle bunny instead.

But what am I
supposed to do?

We're gonna
get caught.
'cause I don't
even drink grape.
Hey. I'm willing to stay
in the bathroom all night.

We're gonna
get caught.
If death can't stop Stinkmeaner,
what can?
That night, Thelma told the other slaves

I should call my daddy
and turn myself in.
This is an opportunity
to observe you niggers

Yeah, yeah.
Think about it. Peace.
we don't wanna try
this case in the press. No.
How you just gonna walk in
on homey talk, bitch?

When y'all going
to the store too?
Oh, yeah?
You gonna tell him
You two just...stay here.

Let me get this straight.
-Shh-shh-Shh.

Man, y'all ho's is trouble.
what you came to see, huh?
And let's remember that
the victim is a young child.

That's my boy!
That's my boy--
Nigga, you've been
begging me
Okay. I gotta use
the bathroom anyway.

I bet he'd like
to know that.
So let's be respectful.
Thank you.

cut that cracker's head
clean off,
What the hell going on
out here?
Go, Ball-a-Holics! Go!

Y'all ain't got shit.
Maybe I should make
a phone call.
You know what? Y'all can get
the fuck up outta here.
RUCKUS: Oh...

Okay.
That was very sucky, Tom.

No. Please, no.
Uh-oh, everybody,
keep an eye on your wallet.

Good. Now just
calm down.
You must be crazy.
You gotta let your thing go.
: Please do not look Muslim
Uh, my name is Robert Freeman,
and I have a lot of things

RUCKUS: Mm-hm.
Ooh, have mercy.

Try some mashed potatoes.
Who got the popcorn?
What up, dawg?
Now, I-- I know we've all
had our problems with Massa,

ED: If you had
a headset like mine,
Look here, old dog.
Brothers and sisters,
y'all give it on up

I do, Granddad.
You do not want that.
GRANDDAD:
I ain't letting my stuff
What, what, what?

Hijacking is against the law.
but, uh, this is murder.

Now, this here
is the orange-flavored drink
and some Johnny Mathis.
Hey, yo, word to mother.
He-- He-- He right, yo.

WOMAN: So where's he at now?
Nah, baby, I'm still here.

Ow! Hey.
Damn,
I hate airports.
Hey.
Word, son. I'm saying,
I-I mean, you know, this is

What the hell is wrong
with you?
Orange-Aid. With vitamin C.
This is
my press conference.

The night before the revolt,
Watch it, boy,
don't step on my roses.

No.
What am I gonna do
with raw popcorn?
It's okay.
When we were trapped,
Reverend Goodlove,
it was amazing.
Thelma snuck away to see Catcher one last time.

VON HAUSEN:
What was that?
Let me call you back.
for the Woodcrest
School District.

You're gonna ruin my dentures.
wanna see right now, man.
Tip-off there, right, straight in the hands of Young Reezy.

Yo, that's real talk.
Whew. Damn, can't watch
a movie without popcorn.
Hey. How's Robert?
Is everything okay?
Rollo Goodlove? What's
that two-bit hustler doin'?

GRANDDAD:
Show them what you got.

So I don't mind drinking
the cheap stuff.
Heh. Word down at the gym
is that he done wore
You'll know what to do with it
when the time comes.

MAN #1: Yeah.
Hey!
Now I gotta spend
all my damn money
You have assaulted
this fine family's dignity,

Oh, hurry up.
I'm trying to do it big.
MAN #2: Do that shit.
Yeah!
I still don't know what
your problem is with BET.
I gotta deal with

on a bucket
of popcorn.
Damn.

Now, it's date night
and you know the rules.
I see you, homey.
Go ahead, nigga.
I love Beyoncé. Shoot.
Little sweet thing.
you have assassinated
their pride,

Hear that?
Sounds like niggas.

You get in that room.
Ride it out, nigga.
Shake it girl
Boarding pass and ID.

Told you.
I don't care
if you hear scream
and you have hurt
their feelings.

USHER:
Do I still have to eat
the cheap lunchmeat?
Yeah
Thank you. It was really hard.

RUCKUS: What you see,
Miss von Hausen?
Now, somebody gonna pay.

When your feeling
Find a way to get
some hoes over here.
Ain't you hungry yet?

It's just...I had heard
you must continue
to be a soldier
no colored liquid or people are allowed to board a plane.

Shit, he -- he just hatin'
'cause, see,
MAN: Do it, man.

You gotta let it go
You know, what hurt us was
losing all that mattress money.
until the war is won.

Still dribbling now, there's some impressive dribbling.

Mm. Hm!
There was four or five
accounts in there.

WOMAN:
Why don't you call her, then?

Jumpin' like it used to
Maybe you would like
a demonstration?
Keeping the other kids off guard, still, uh--
to Robert Freeman, to the ghost
of Martin Luther King,

Oh, shit!

Honey, I'm home.
Uh, wait.
Yo, word to mother,
to the BET headquarters--
and the money for the record
label I started in the basement.

RUCKUS: Buck 'em down,
Miss von Hausen!

friendly sparring match?
GANGSTALICIOUS: Hello?
Let it burn
GRANDDAD: But, oh, Tobias was hating

You were in construction, right?
We're takin' fire! Run!
I know a lot of girls
on Myspace.
Uh, now, Huey,
black people have style.

They're doing a lot of building
in New Orleans right now.

Oh, yeah!
Riley, what's up, little man?
I mean, I don't really pay
much attention to 'em, though,
Pass.

-RUCKUS: Get them negroes!
-ED: They shootin'!
What's going on?
What's good?
I seen it on television.
That's what I thought.

It's best
'cause I be's
all about my paper.
RILEY: Oh, is it over?

Especially
you young people.
No, no, no, I'm still here.
Yo, can I still come over?
So Tobias betrayed them
because he was jealous?
It's when you let go of the ball
and give it to someone else.

I heard Halliburton was hiring
Tom, what's gotten into you?
Just out here Rick Ross-in' it,
not loving them ho's.

or grown-up girls and shit?
But I just showed it to her.
Ahem. Now, see,
Of her being with someone--

Come on. You want
some of this? Come on.
Yes, but his betrayal
could not stop Catcher.

Oh. Help me.
Man, grown up. They got little
pictures of each one, too,
I need to see it
as well, sir.

MAN:
Car!
be terminated immediately
TOM:
Riley, pass!

Oh, Tom!
But I just showed it to her,
then I walked straight to you.
what happened next.

Get 'em,
Miss von Hausen!
And you can reach
these hoes
so he can no longer spread
his hateful bigotry.
Excuse me.
It sells you young people

That's the way!
Wait, Miss von Hausen.
Sir, I don't have time for this.
That was a good look. Appreciate it.

I'm gonna make it do
what it do.
and tell 'em to come over here
and get bucked-naked?
And finally, we demand
that the Freeman family

and I live
across the street.
I'll give you anything. Ah!
It's 'bout time for my break
and you are stepping on my time.
Listen, don't even sweat that.
Anything for the little homey.

SARAH:
Oh, Tom!
Goddamn.
Enough with the dribbling.

Come on, now!
Buck 'em down!
Mm, that's good-- But, uh--
But you can't afford it.
be compensated
for their extreme distress

You don't have time? Shit.
Yeah,
that's my granddad.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.
RUMMY: Riley!
Hey, Riley, look, man,
And in order to save them kids,
I gotta reach them kids. Mm.

ANNOUNCER: Don't steal movies.
Here come Catcher rolling up on Massa's crib.
Next.

Come on, Riley,
take it to the hoop.

I need somewhere to hide.
Niggas are shootin', man.
Let's...
The only thing I did was put
my boarding pass and ID away
Riley, this is the cool part. Enjoy the story.

Niggas are shootin'?
ED: Hey!
Now, see, when I shine,
get out while we can.
Riley, attack the basket! Go!

This the car that got
pimped out by Xzibit.
JERICHA:
The Lord will provide
which is why I don't
wanna get it out again.

Wait. Let me guess. It's a trap.
I just wanna say that
I like your music.
they walk toward me for
the light of them diamonds. Heh.

Say, motherfucker, you on the
phone or you talking to me?
Riley, shoot.
Why won't he shoot the ball?

Doesn't that makes sense?
And, uh, you know,
this is my turf over here,
at, like, a dozen dudes as they reload,

Hello?
Their new single ain't
really selling that much.
I didn't become a different
person in the last five feet!

I'm talkin' to Riley.
Uh, let me see here.
Uh, thumbera.

SARAH: It's Sarah.
Oh, he's got the look on his face.

GRANDDAD: Damn.
Hey, y'all see the new rims
I got on my bike?
Towards the goal, got the dribble.

computer genius and shit --
Oh, wait.
Maybe they can get on
that "Homeys Over Ho's" remix.

come into my house
and try to destroy my place.
This is a quick estimate, um,
Then he gonna do all that fake-ass ninja stuff again.
Large freshly popped popcorn,
please. And lots of butter.
This thing has a push-button
starter like a racecar.

I ain't on your nuts,
though.
Make them pay.
Make them pay.

Want me to ask them
to come over?
to her recital practice at 3, right?
Stop it! Man, we already know

What, what?
Beautiful arc on that ball.

Didn't have time
to put the lamp in.
Anything else?

Yes.
the nigga gonna win
at the end, just wrap it up.

I asked
for butter on it.
Oh, man.
Respect, little partner.
Looks like it may have just enough
You know what, Riley? Anything for the little homey.

Butter's over there.
GRANDDAD:
All right, all right!
Well, I'm in the studio
with Snoop Doggy Dogg

Hey, this little nigga's
all right, y'all.
MACK: Say, baby girl. Hey,
boo, check it out.

ringside at the championship
fight? Mm-mm.
Are you doing the music video thing again?
It's over, Catcher.
Drop it, or she's dead!

'Cause I'm gonna make sure
I pay you back every penny.
I don't wanna put the butter
on it. Why can't you do it?
No-ho-ho-ho.
Lionel Richie's ex-wife.

Whoa, whoa!
What y'all doin'?
off the table.

Gotta go, honey. Bye.
You think I wanna be doing Skating with the Stars,
With interest.
Well, thank you, Jericho.

You're supposed to
put the butter on it.
You know your mama
taught you better than that,
WOMAN: Uh-uh.
Hey, man, no problem, you know.

I don't wanna
put the butter on it.
ghetto-ass nigga.
That's kind of embarrassing after that buildup.
Kill him, Catcher.
Do it!

Well, goddamn it!
I'm already paying $20
for this bullshit popcorn.
Well, fuck you then, bitch.
Bucket-mouth ho.

I'm still burnin'
and Brenda Richie had just caught Lionel in bed
Boarding pass and ID.

But how about, uh,
tomorrow, cutie pie?
Waiter,
this ain't no beluga caviar.

I will not demean myself
Y'all can't take
my granddad's car.
Well?
Not bad for short notice.
You know, thank you. You know, for, you know,

...in the Jacuzzi?
The first time
you break the rules,
by putting butter
on popcorn.
Now, see, for example,
let's look at music.

you get the cattle prod.
Stop, Ed.

So -- So am I
in the crew?
Why? It's really easy.
Why?
The second, you get
the electric dog collar.

Don't want to
STINKMEANER: Ha!
Now, here's my rap demo.
Goes straight up in his face and-- Ooh, a swish.

Because I don't work at
the movie theater, that's why.
Y'all got
the 100-inch-screen TV too.

What the--?
Come back tomorrow, partner.
Yeah, yeah.

Personally,
I like jazz and gospel.
The third time,
I'm calling up the lynching mob.

when niggas was chasing us?
Oh, man.
You're supposed to put
the butter on it.
Gotta hurt a kid's soul right there.
Who's out there?
Boys! Boys, help me.

LIONEL: Don't--
Hyah!
It's an American original.
But if I spit that hot fire,
the bullet with his handcuffs.

If I go to Burger King
and order a cheeseburger,

Bruise you
Ow!
No, no-- I-- I mean, you know--
I mean, you know--

Shh. You're messing up the ending.
they don't make me put
the cheese on it, do
I'm gonna get a chain.
Ooh, I bet this bitch
got some knock, huh?

Let it burn
This is the best part. You'll never see this coming.

Oh, of course.
Now I get it.
I see, I see. Just 'cause
your skin is light, bright,
I mean, you know,
the other thing.

Let it burn
Player, player.
Get to the clubs.
So then I say
to R. Kelly,

Yeah, this bitch
got some bass, boy.
Gotta let it burn
Or maybe I'm using
my stupid sitcom

and two shades
from being white,
"Did you wash
your hands?"

and shot at you?
You don't understand how bad
a nigga need a chain.
Y'all got the new Xbox too.
Oh, shit.

Hey, for real?
On the real?
you think you too good
to butter your own popcorn.
ass whipping.

No, I m-- Well, I mean,
yeah, that too.
Yo, this little nigga funny,
man.
Riley now on defense, coming up behind, and--

Oh
Hey, what you doing?
And it's hard.
It's hard work, Huey.
TOBIAS:
Massa!

This little
nigga like
everything in my life
would be perfect.
Oh! Let me serve this,
nigga, you hear me?
Well, you wrong,
Lando Calrissian.

Charlie Murphy
or some shit, man.
No.
Or...yes.

Oh, sweet Jesus!
Hey, man.
This your brother?
You don't even want--
Huey don't want none.

So, what I'm doing
is marshaling
Damn it, Ruckus. Y'all gonna
put some butter on this popcorn.

It's burning.
Upside his nose.
Oh, Lordy Lord.

Yo, nigga.
Your brother told us
all the resources
I have available to me
TOM: That's your man. Ho-ho, look at that fadeaway.

VON HAUSEN: He saw it!
He saw everything.

how you be all
into reading and shit.
to ensure that justice
is served.

Hey, Tom.
Shut the fuck up.

Hyah!
And, uh, thumbera,
Tom, go away!
I'm gonna call the police.

GRANDDAD:
Boy, watch your mouth.
how much justice
do you think we can get?

Did you hear that?
Nigga, you know that wasn't
no chain. That was a necklace.
Clean up out this bitch
ever after.

We put our lives on the line
every day to make movies,
GRANDDAD: Oh, it was terrible. Terrible.
Homeys know how
to keep a secret.

Riley up again--
Man, I can't hear nothing
over Granddad's gay-ass music.

Damn it. Hurry up, boy.
Tell us who did it.
about a half a million.

Now, you're gonna tell me
who stole my car
and then people come along
and steal all that hard work.
What happened to your insurance?
Oh, I had insurance.
Mistress Leevil, the new slogans
are ready for your approval.

Shut up!
Man. I can't wait for niggas
to start hating. I can't wait.
Look out, new message.

Uh-oh.
or I'm gonna get my belt or a
2x4 and go upside your head!

What the--?
I want my money back.
Who would do something
like that?
Brenda Richie knew kung fu.

Word. You know what I mean?
You know, that reading shit,
Man, that ending
was hella cliché, Granddad.

Hang this up, boo-boo.
I hate to laugh at an 8-year-old, folks.
A terrible, awful human being
that no one will ever love.

you generate
from those around you?
you know what I mean,
it's hard, son.
RUCKUS: Ow!
Mm-hm. Mmm.

Could be worse.
said I didn't have
no wind insurance.
Hey, if niggas ain't mad at you,
then you doin' something wrong.

That's who.
Word. You know
what I mean? Word.
He said for me,
no problem.

So I couldn't get no money.
You know what I mean?
Especially when them books be
I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman.

They don't have that
kind of money.
Can you believe that?
Wind insurance?
By that definition, then,
you have a very bright future.
something about Catcher Freeman?

I pays for my car!
you know what I mean,
you know,
Oh, nah. They got tons
of money. Shoot. Hm.

Somebody help! Ah!
really thick and heavy-like,
you know what I mean?

Uh-huh.
They keep it
for themselves though.
Thank you for that
perspective, Huey.
I ain't getting it
for him neither. Nope.
Thanks, man.

Word. You know
what I mean?
All the greatest basketball
players have always been white.
:

They buy themselves
private jets
Hey. Get to the flick.
So I-- I said to the guy,
"What kind of shit is this?"

No problem.
Why would he send
a message from--?
Of course I know about
Catcher Freeman.
I say make a man wait until he's resentful.
of impeccable character,

What happened
to the movies?
This doesn't seem to be
a place for kids.
save me from these
African hooligans!

Your kid's eating
tater tots
Y'all should be
ashamed.
In the street.
What streets?
ALL:

That always works.
Hmm. I'll think about it.
What the hell?
Tom, what's going on?

Why is it
when I order a soda pop,
Oh, oh.
We got PlayStation
and Xbox, nigga.
I do hereby announce
that Riley Freeman

I get a empty cup?
Oh, Lord.
Mistress Leevil,
Think it's gonna be weird
now that I beat up his grandson?
Do the homey

I didn't order
a empty cup.
You see, Tom?
They're a bunch of crooks.
Mm-mm. I can't do it, Granddad.
I can't talk to the po-po.

And we got Incredible Hulks,
nigga.
So that makes it okay
to extort them?
but the Freeman boy is on CNN.
What's CNN?

I ordered a soda pop.
is officially part
of the Lethal Interjection crew.

And what asshole started putting
commercials in movies?
Tell Granddad.
He's not the police.
All the kids is
welcome, motherfucker.
"Extort"? Extort?

Oh, Lord!
Why has thou forsaken me?
But I submit to you today--

I can see commercials
at home on TV.
STINKMEANER:
Oh, you running?
Okay. Let's hear the story
one more time.
So I brought out my old violin
that only plays sad songs.

So this is the message
you want to send

Okay, let me
get this right, now.
Bullshit.
And the bathroom stink.
Clean the fucking bathroom!
I suppose you think affirmative
action is extortion too, huh?

You promise not to tell?
My cousin, Elliot,
in California
I know just how to deal
with the good reverend.

to the young youth
out here like myself
Oh, my goodness,
some black people are crazy.
will now transfer to you.

I'm not gonna
take it anymore!
passed away very suddenly
while working out.

Now, what in the Sam Hill
are you--?
Get your drunk ass
outta here.
I pay too much damn money
for these movie tickets

and not love
these ho's, huh?
Now, just remember
what you represent

Where are your pants?
Why you wearing a skirt?
W-w-w-what's all this?
Oh! Ahhh!
when you have it on,
and be proud of it.
It ain't the white man's fault
you dumb niggas

to butter my own
motherfucking popcorn!

Is this what's hot
right now in the streets?
don't know that there's
wind in a hurricane.
There isn't a single member
of the Lethal Interjection crew

Goodness gracious to life.
Tom, you're fired.
Ah-- What?

Yeah, let's say that.
We weren't very close.
It's only popcorn.
How am I gonna get
my butter beans?
These are Gangstalicious
Shorts for Thugs.
and a very slow news cycle,

I was doing you a favor.
Tom, what's wrong with you?
that isn't ready to die
for his chain, nigga.

You're just gonna
go on and quit.
All for some white girl who
left you for an R&B dancing-ass,
I'm sorry, Tom.
He's not even a lawyer.
See, they got an extra flap
with a pocket,

You on that stuff?
Snap out of it, Tom.
Well, I was excited
seeing you out there.

This place is nasty,
clean it up.
so you-- You know,
sexy-flexy-
ass nigga?
Uh, yeah.

When did you
get here?
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.
I told you you was lying.
I can see 'em now:

Huh?
Well...
No thanks.
That's not true!
911 emergency. I'll hold.

I'm sorry.
Except for Leonard.
"Guess what?
I just saved a bunch of money
Kind of hot, right?

But he's bitch-made.
Well, I been at
the ticket window all day long,
that's why Daddy is
Uh, okay.
Stupid dummy heads.
Fuck BET.
I'm gonna read a book.

Your chain, my nigga.
"on my insurance 'cause
these dumb niggas didn't know

and I don't remember you
buying no ticket,
Don't snitch, Granddad.
Why can't we take turns?
'Cause I'm the oldest.

Under no circumstances
do you change that story.
Oh, so that's what
practice is for.
Rollo's perm's
not even righted.

Yeah?
Well, you're also the gayest.
Robert Freeman.
They don't know nothin'
unless you tell 'em.

Oh, what? What, you got
some more sad songs, huh?
Niggas couldn't appreciate shit,
so they kept running away.

Uh, I-I-I got my tickets
online.
Yeah.
HUEY: Word got around: BET was evil.

TOM:
Now, remember, Riley,
Aha! A damn lie.
GRANDDAD: Damn it!
Damn it. Come here.
Man, clean it up now.

"Ahhh" ain't my name.
Okay. So, what do we do first?

You clean it up, bitch.
I ain't never
met a nigga
MAN: Sir, please
release the child.
people walking around
Winning is about teamwork.
What--? What's wrong?

smart enough to use
a personal computer.
Release the child.
TOM: You're choking him out!
where they don't
want them to be,
I remember my senior year
at Princeton.
Mr. Charlie decided
who better to catch a nigga
Okay, welcome back, little lambs.

Hell, y'all niggas wasn't making

Not even a Macintosh.
eating outside
Hey there, Huey,
is your grandfather in?
Uh, we are sitting here with former BET host,
We beat Chris Webber
and Michigan with teamwork.

HUEY:
Stinkmeaner.

being the driving force
Uh...
sister Sherry Carter.
when they think they
should be inside at a table.
Now each of y'all
want 300,000, huh.

No!
behind the "stop snitching" movement,
Today is Fidel Castro's
birthday.

They still show the highlights
of that game sometimes.
You'll never take me alive,
you punk-asses.
and turned him into the greatest
slave hunter who ever lived.

You never could get that hair right,
Oh. Are you sure?
And I'm in charge of
the birthday party.

RUCKUS:
Stop him!
Wait, you don't mean the--
plus a very generous donation

Come on, come on.
So I gotta fly out there.
Catcha Freeman retrieved over 700 pieces of human

But we was with you, baby,
You filed a complaint
against me, old man?!
Oh, okay.
RUCKUS:
What in tarnation
He went this-a way.
In 2000, rapper Gangstalicious reportedly assaulted

I mean, you like it here,
don't you, Daddy?
RUCKUS:
Somebody call the police.

property to their respective owners during slavery.
You filed a complaint
against Thugnificent?

This is a...
And I'm taking y'all
with me
In the news today,
violent crime is on the rise,

with a tennis racket
Have mercy.
Never could understand how a sister
you gonna stop this right now.

Mm-hmm.
in the first-class cabin
on the ass-whupping express.

Well, heh-heh-heh,
it's just that--
that light-skinned had bad hair, though.
and a bottle of Hennessy on the set of a music video.
for Fidel Castro's birthday
party that I'm planning,

I don't know what we're
gonna do, but we gotta do--
Rap beef, nigga.
Punk-ass motherfucker.
I'm trying to hear the story.

Whew.
Did I miss anything?
of Katrinian refugees
to Woodcrest.
I'm so sorry, Robert.

Mr. Freeman...
Guinness refused to cooperate with authorities.
like I said earlier.
Eh-heh. Yeah.
Police responded to an assault
call on Timid Deer Lane.

RUCKUS: Ah, look at that nigga go.
I don't wanna steal the movie.
A nigga's nuts in your face?
Or are you just a big old fan of Winnie the Pooh?

Guys. I just
wanted to thank you

I wanna go home!
Hold up. You see that nigga
Wow.
It won't start.
He took a cab, Mr. DuBois.

Yeah.
Shh!
We are now sitting here with a former BET host,
flip from tree to tree like on some old Tarzan shit?

for letting me stay here.
I thought you were gonna
tell me you thought I was crazy,
if the violence
was drug-related.
This nigga
must be crazy.

What's wrong with you?
and you didn't want to see me
again, like the others.

Okay.
I wanna go home.
No, but it ain't
look like you won.

Not at all, Tom.

You wasn't saying that
back at the house, was you?
Drop the beat,
drop the beat, ugh.
I'll go down there and help
blow up some more levees.

Well, that is not
what winning is about.
No. Wake up.
Uh-- Uh, well, uh, okay, then.

Bring it on, Huey.
Wake up and smell
the gay coffee.
Was you? Because you wanted
to see Soul Plane 2.

I'm enjoying this time with you.
Are you kidding?
Figure out
what you wanna eat.
Ah, look at that nigga go again.

All the evidence you could
possibly need
mmm, delicious

Well, this is how
we see Soul Plane 2.
Thugnificent's rags-to-bitches story
so I'm saying...
is right in front
of your face.

A-ha!
The proof is in the pudding.

It'll only be
a matter of time before
no doubt we gonna win this
In fact, I was just telling Huey
Okay. Hallelujah.
Mission accomplished.
I repeat, the terrorist said
his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,

Ooh. I got an idea.
was so good at tracking runaway niggas.

I smacked Johnny Guinness
I would love to pursue
a romantic relationship you.

Time for step two.
Did they give you the money?
bent over a table with
his pants around his ankles,

What up?
and he's demanding
that we --
in the super-elite suburb of Woodcrest.

And I also have a talk show on PBS.
Tom. Get
down here.
Definitely.
I'll call you

Hell, no, I ain't fitting to ask him
being entered repeatedly
by another man.

Several of the neighborhood's black residents
for his motherfucking autograph.
STINKMEANER:
Whoo, come on.
What the--?
Now, before you start hating,
Give him a biscuit.

filed a complaint

HUEY: An hour into the movie,
and we all know you guys
have had it rough,
Choo-choo!

And Fidel.
I wasn't sure how much more I could take.
One legend said Catcha could actually talk to the dogs.

You're doing real good, brother.

Huh. Excuse me, hold on.
MAN: We out of food, but we got
Oh, I-- I get it. Okay, well,
I don't have no cash on me now,

Let me ask you something.
Man, how we gonna eat?
You're doing real good.
MAN:
Good Catcha!

How did it make you feel
You know, I don't think I've ever been invited

Yo. Look out.

Pass this bag of potato chips around.
knowing that this neighborhood's black residents
but when I get my FEMA check,
you know,
The problem with restraining speech is,

Tom was facing an all-out revolt.

didn't want you here?
who gets to set the rules?
Please take one. Pass it...
Well, then, we'll just have to get you on, now, won't we?

If it's only okay in a certain time or place,
Hey, boy. Something's
wrong with Riley.
TOM: Please, people!
Riley Freeman will talk.

He's in here.
I know Robert.
I mean, heh, I put you on my show.

To be stabbed in the back by your own people?
who gets to say what time and what place? Bill Cosby?
He's wearing women's clothes
and carrying a purse.

He don't miss a coon flick.
Man, this dude is off the chain.
RILEY:
I'm saying, you ain't have

And this, sir,
is an intervention.
ALL:
Bye.

What do you think it is?
What is it?
What's happening?
No, no, no, no, no.
I know how it go down.

An intervention?
Your friends have
Helping you move a book or two.
Superb, homey. Exemplary.
Maybe about 30 years.

Oh, I knew it.
A gay grandson.
Shh. Don't make a sound.
Butch Magnus Milosevic.

I feel sorry for 'em, though,
about what is appropriate to say

Ooh, that nigga caught it.
from chronic bitch
dependency, Mr. DuBois.
where I look out for you,
At all. So I was just checking to see
To no more weekend visits
by crazy Internet women.

STINKMEANER:
All right, here we go.
Butch Magnus?
Crazy Butch Magnus?
And I mean anywhere.

May I call you Tom?
where they came from.
you keep looking out for me,
we look out for each other.
if I had done something wrong to you.

Is this some kind
of joke?
Look out, look out, look out.
Can't you just be happy to see
another nigger fitted up,

I promise you,
Riley will talk soon.
You don't know where I came from.
No! Stop trying to bribe me.
I'm not for sale.

Tom...bitch dependency
Oh, ho, ho, he came up out that water like Jason.

and being a real team player.
: Ooh.
Damn.
I'm from a small town called
a youth walked up to me and said:

is no laughing matter.
with the Fidel Castro
story.

"What it do?"
Let's go check Madea's Bat Mitzvah.
Hey, everything's for sale.
Stop!

Nope. Can't
do that anymore.
Addiction to a bitch
can fuck with your friends,
He sounded like he was auditioning
Get your bars up, nigga.

MAN: Attention, please, passengers.
Hey. Put that camera back over here.
See, Granddad?
That's called exposure.
He's got that look in his eye, passes it off to his teammate.
You supposed to be in charge.
You supposed to be the leader.

your health, and scary enough,
even your money.

your granddaddy is
a master of deception.
I'm sorry the levees broke,
See, to understand the story of Catcha Freeman,
If you left the toilet seat up in the restroom...

...faggot boy.
Lead us to some breakfast then,
nigger. Nigger-- What?

It's a disease,
Tom.
but if they don't get their
black asses out of my house,
Mm-hm.
It makes me sick to think
of him. I'm gonna vomit now.
: Fidel Castro's birthday?

MAN: Yeah, that's what
I'm talkin' about!
Probably shouldn't be using
the same bathroom.

Wait. What was your name again?
That's it, Riley. Nothing fancy.
What, you want some,
nigger? Huh?
And finally tonight, Reverend Rollo Goodlove,

RILEY: Otherwise known as "One-Punch" Butch.

Well, thank you for asking.
GRANDDAD:
Yeah!
You think he was lying?
Just got off the phone
with FEMA
I personally blame the mother--
Matter of fact,
we might have to move Riley

Officer,
I'm sorry.
STINKMEANER: Whoa!
Yeah, I got you now.
All I know is you drove all them hours

I didn't mean to steal
from the stuntman.
No. I'm not gonna fight you.
I'm grounding you.
you should have seen them back in slavery days.
I don't believe it. This kid has the heart of an 8-year-old.

Get off me, you bitch ass,
you faggot ass!
Granddad, please
stop this now.

Wait. "A pimp"?
and their sexually-explicit videos,
and then ask for your shit all after the fact.
MACKTASTIC: Eat a sack of baby dicks,
Ground me?
What is this, Family Ties?

Named Slickback.
Oh, praise the Lord.

What kind of sandwich
is this?
Hey. Think they can introduce me
as "Young Reezy"?
was withholding information.

Yes. Please say the whole
thing if you would.
Goodness gracious alive.
provided darkies all over the South

GRANDDAD:
Not the lamp. No.
I just did.
Don't leave the house.

What were you about to do?
You gotta give him props on that one, folks.
with good jobs, food, housing.

You were about to rat on us,
weren't you?
Alright, let's get into something brand new,
What are you listening to?
I'm gonna do
all the talking.

Props all around.
This is what the movie theater
industry wants, Jazmine.
in five, four, three...

Yes, Tom.
Every time.
the, uh, good Reverend Goodlove

STINKMEANER:
I'm a-kill you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little chest-bump action--
that ever could happen to Negro-kind.
Jesus. Jesus.

Us fighting against
each other.
that's my boy, my friend, Thugnificent.

You beat me
in the parking lot.
King Kong ain't
got nothing on me.

You're right.
Why?
Now, you listen here,
you little bitch.
Oh-ho-ho-ho, no.
There's no turning back now.

I-I don't think
I need any help
And just so you know,
My guests this evening are Reverend Rollo Goodlove:
none of that is true,

I'm gonna ask you
some real simple questions,
Talking about I'm grounded.

You're in it
all the way.
STINKMEANER:
I want my parking space.
from the Jesus, Mary and Joseph Academy for Boys
and "Don't Trust Them
New Niggas" is not a spiritual.

NIQUE:
Boy, that Flavor Flav crazy.
by prison culture.
and I want some
real simple answers.

Now you're gonna get your little
narrow, high-yellow ass
Coach Tom for believing in me--
RUCKUS:
Hush your mouth
It isn't until August 13th.

And by
Give me this shit.
And prison culture is really, really gay.

back into the theater
and enjoy Soul Plane 2.
Now, you pulled into the garage
and went into the house at 9:15?
Slaves sang that and many other
joyful songs all day.

you mean a pimp?

And it's got my main man,
Second, with rap albums declining greatly

Boy, play defense!
Nate "Doggity" Dogg, on the hook.
I...wanna...go...home!

They are the family at the center
Uh, look, I'm not
trying to insult you.
Uh-oh.

He lied to me.
in profitability,
If I'm not mistaken,
it was 9:15.
motherfucker.

Shut up.
All right, folks, we are back in the thick of it now.
crocheted, had water balloon fights,
I'm saying, man,
it doesn't look good.
Mm-hm. You see, girl?

You're ruining
my innocence!
why does that word still have so much power?

Riley, two defenders on him,
Jesus walked amongst the people.
Shut up.
So you pulled into the garage

That's why I'm by myself.
Mohammad walked
amongst the people.
passes to his teammate, up, and good.
Well, Larry King-- That's a very good question.

MAN: I expected to fly first-class.

I am a people person, Huey.
I'm telling you right now:
they got to go.
and went into the house
at 9:15?

I wanna go home.
You better not get rid of it.
Uh, which reminds me of an upcoming episode

MAN 2: Well, you ain't in first class.
Man, I don't know if I can
take another three months.

This is a well-oiled machine, folks--

Why we gotta put
the nigga in my bed?
TOBIAS:
Here he comes!
You don't see me running around
lookin' for a bitch.
See, I told you, but, no, niggas
think they know everything.

Ooh, another two points.
Ecstasy is a love drug

then she must be nutty
as squirrel shit.
Look, guys, you asked me
to take you in as slaves,
I looked at my watch, and --
and, yes, mm-hm, mm, 9:15.

I know where all
my bitches are,
What are we gonna do, Riley?
Kick them out?
that seem to make gay things happen.

Look at this.
He's possessed
by the ghost of Stinkmeaner.
Score, 16 to 4.

RILEY:
What's wrong with the street?
I brought a clip of it, if you'd like to see it.
Bodies start moving and sweating,

So you're telling me,
definitely,
Granddad. What's wrong
with Jazmine?
you don't need
Rollo Goodlove
And by everything else,
I mean her looks. She was fine.

that you pulled
into the garage
Um, sure thing. If we have it ready,

Boy, don't nobody
listen to you.
Uh-oh. Looks like someone
caught a beat-down.
LEONA RAY: Hey. What happened?
What the--? Robert.
: I'm out here

let's, uh, go to the clip.
She couldn't look that good.
She was black.
and went into the house
at 8:15?

or a young sister
in the strip club
She's fine.
Watch the movie.

That's what the hell
I thought.
Stop it.
Stop having so much fun!
But I guess if you put lipstick
and a wig on a monkey,

Thank you, Grandma.
Folks, things are looking bright and cheery
What if he pees in the bed
or vomit, or shoots a deuce?

Oh, that's crazy.
Ha-ha-ha. Hey, Massa,
won't you do me a favor
Have mercy. Now, see.
If I walk into the strip club

Now look at you: bitchless.
it could look good too.

Not right now.
He sucker-punched me.
Hm? A bully, huh?
we have to make some cutbacks.
Oh, this nigga tripping.

and start talking to a sister
Look at this.
I...wanna...go...home.
Oh, no, no.
You got any Thunderbird?

Hey, Riley, look.
Well, there's only one way
to deal with bullies.
Now, you see something. You know
you done fucked up, right?

I'll take Thunderbird.
Cutie-pie Cindy's
over to visit.
HUEY: Granddad had to be stopped.

I've had enough.
I'm going back upstairs.
Oh. Whoa, looks like he could have used
bettering her life
and voter registration,
A monkey in lipstick and a wig.

Tom is possessed
by an evil spirit
Oh, Daddy. Hey there, Trudy.

Young Reezy!
I'm gonna put an end
to this...
a little help on that one.
GRANDDAD:
No! I said, no.
Hey! That's my suit you just--
Went in my personal space.

Tom, when we first
let you stay here,
What's the business,
big baby?

LUNA:
I found him.
Granddad,
this is childish.
or die trying.

Psht. No.
He's in a park with another man.
Don't think 'cause
I'm on Larry King Live
I said I pulled
into the garage at --

HUEY: And so did this movie.
Steal your bike,
your chain.
and ask for a dance,
We used to going without.
Mm-hm.

WOMAN: Ooh, see. What did I tell you?
I won't whup
your little asses.

And one day,
I had enough.
now, she's gonna think I'm just another trick.

Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both.
See? That's exactly why I don't have a man.
GRANDDAD:
Oops. There go the lights.
"I've had it. Everyone's

You know you done
fucked up, right?
It's shine time, folks, but all that glitters is--
We have a wonderful cast,

And I had a gun. But you know what?
It's only been
two days.
Coming.
in the battle

I didn't want to use my gun.
Let's spend
some man time together.

Nigga, hush. You're living
under my roof now.
TOM:
You're not even looking
of the selfish versus the lazy.
Now, I have set the table for change.

Move, nigga.
sound like that, don't they?
Still?

He made that a whole lot harder than needed.
Where you going?
They're looking for us.
and the writers give us fantastic material.
But without Riley talking, the cops had nothing,

You know what?
I know a great therapist.
He sounded like that.
Ha-ha-ha.

And in his face.
Huey, come back.
So now, about this incident.

I'll make an appointment
today.
It's all that stuff
they do to their hair.
Now, what do you say, huh?

Hey, Massa, Dienda send
a message for you.
Okay.
I guess I'll just, um...

That...
And -- And I had a friend named Smokey.
NIQUE:
Damn.

Oh, this is crazy.
Colored folks are something.
RILEY: I know y'all seen niggas
with spinning rims, right?
And then I grabbed myself a brick --
Ooh! Let's go shopping.

Yeah.
Well, hello, cutie pie.
JERICHA:
Son, I can't take

But check it,
check it, check it.
Granddad, you didn't live that.
That's from that movie, Friday.

Don't worry, we still ahead.
Dienda my dick, nigga.
we've already paid
Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback

I'm sayin',
on a bike, though.
JERICHA:
I'm just too old for this.
the best time ever.

Well, hello.
You got to feel me on this, man.

GRANDDAD:
Wait a minute.
a retainer of $2500.
I don't think his friend
likes the sisters too much.

HUEY: My plan was to get to the projector room
I can't even tell you what
Yeah, but it still
looks pretty bad.

if that makes any sense.
Robert, you shouldn't have.
Now, I have put up with this
for long enough.
WOMAN: Ha! Heh. Oh-- Oh!

this'll all
straighten itself out.
and destroy the print of Soul Plane.
No, Riley, no!

With your credit card.
I'm not gonna put up with it
anymore. Get to work now!

I don't think I can go
without food much longer.
This kid sure can dribble, but he shoots like shit.

That's exactly why I don't have a man now.
Oh, no. Mm-mm, mm-mm.
Oh.
HUEY: Riley made several more

BOY:
Dude, that is really sweet.
HUEY: This wasn't the first blow
Man, niggas...
Somebody get me out of here.

I was rushing, and--
I didn't get a chance to talk.
A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
Did you know
That's like
a sweet piece of --

to Reverend Goodlove's public image.
Oh, I think men who are
comfortable with their bodies

So, you see,
my dearest Riley,
Heh-heh.
They just mad...
Okay.
All right, here we go.

Me too, baby.
It's good.
Do you own a car?
First, I had to go to the bathroom.

it is this instinctive
with a genetic
predisposition
are very sexy,

Now, this don't make no sense.
Oh, well. At least I got that
crazy bitch out of my house.
and burning need
to procreate

RILEY:
I be like, ugh! Ugh!
but you brought it
on yourself.
to absolute crap in no time at all.

to bitch
dependency, Tom?
HUEY: Last year,

One problem black people have with snitching
What, you thought
I wouldn't come see you?
Next time, I talk first.
Oh, nigga, shush.

And exactly when did you become
a relationship counselor?
What did he say?

You thought you wouldn't
go get the taste
Jazmine, you're missing
all the best parts.
Now, stop that!
Slave masters have feelings too.

Well, sharing
this pimp knowledge
that exploit the poor and desperate.
He told his friend I'm crazy.
columnist Ann Coulter.

the defense for the Ball-a-Holics
I'm not watching
a stolen movie.
And I like to cook,
mostly pork.

just isn't there.
for an exorbitant fee
is my way of giving
Call the Loan Ranger.

So, Ann, what do you make of this
Oh, well.
If you don't wanna laugh.
You better fall back,
nigga.

Over to Riley,
something back
to the community, Tom.
whole N-word controversy in Woodcrest?
I feareth not your scandals. My name is Rollo Goodlove.

I like to clean too.
Wow.
You can't beat me.
I'm Butch Magnus.

I want to help you,
Tom. I do.
Man, this is so wrong.
Is that something at Denny's?
I-- I don't know what that is.

You know what you should do?
Oh, that's crazy.
What's so funny?
I think it's criminal they suspended this teacher.

But I need you to
help me...
You real good when
you come out of nowhere
Hey, let's roll by the house
and see if they left yet.

See? I told you I could do it.
Homeys over ho's?
Oh, nothing. Hilarity
just ensued, that's all.

No.
and sucker punch a nigga.
Heh. Why? Ha-ha. I mean, be--

It did?
Yeah, that's more
the feds' thing.
Maybe it wouldn't kill y'all
to do a little bit of work.

Huh.
but apparently for no good reason.
Because he stood up to some foul-mouthed gang member?

Huh?
"Help me help you."
Yeah, okay.
They called Martin Luther King an adulterer.

You see anything weird,
you just give us a call,
I don't think homeys
over ho's is a sentiment

Oh. Oh. Oh!
Robert Freeman!
We got this slavery shit hooked
up just likes we like it.

all right, buddy?
Heh. Okay.
They called Muhammad Ali a communist.
The scoreboard tells the tale.

That was funny.
And you wants to fuck it up
with work?

Darling, all the women
of my cultu--

MAN: Hey, Bernard!
You snitch-ass motherfucker!
And for 2000 years, they called Mary Magdalene a prostitute.

Hm? Ah.
It's about time someone in the classroom had the guts
STINKMEANER:
Come here and fight like a man,

Granddad,
you home?
we gotta get
this nigga Catcha Freeman.

to not back down to thugs like that. Heh.
Come to find out that's Jesus' baby mama.

Say it. "Bitch." Yeah.
Bitch.
Huey?

Uh, yes, we've gotta
call her that, Tom.
I don't hear anything.
Hey. Where's Granddad?
Y'all saw The Da Vinci Code.
Even if we could escape,
Catcha come get us.

Yeah?
RUCKUS:
It's about impossible
And the lights?

I'm sorry.
After what she's done,
STINKMEANER:
I know you hear me, Robert!
just knew how to spin.
I don't like losing.
Brand-new gators over a ho,
absolutely.

in this dark theater.
But Catcha Freeman stronger
and faster than us, Percy.

He's probably having the time of his life.
not callin' her a bitch
would be disrespectful to you.
Man, tell me you didn't
think that was hot.

Yo. I think we need
to shake the spizzot.
How's we gonna do that?
Well, then,
stop beating yourself.

I will not be ignored!
Got a possessed nigga here,
MAN:
Oh, my God-- Oh, no.
A turkey sandwich
with just tomato, guaranteed.

he was charged with conspiracy
We'll use Thelma,
Huh? What?

Now please continue,
Tom.
You gonna hate on it
And the best part is,
this don't cost you a dime.
But I do have a problem with BET

and sentenced to a month in jail.
Yeah?

Well, my wife, Sarah--
You still a bitch.
But homeys? Oh, no.

GRANDDAD: Can't believe
these little, young kids
I sure did.
great-great-great-
You need to stop with
the hate crimes, granddad.

A Pimp Named Slickback
don't do shit for the homeys.
I mean-- She's the best
woman in the world.

Forget Jazmine. Let's go.
But we couldn't.
When your cousin told
everyone in the neighborhood

HUEY: Or maybe by now his followers
Did you tell her that you got
two sets of genitals?
ANNOUNCER: And at shooting guard,

That was that nigga
from Friday,
how broke you were,
She the weak link.
She'll slow us down.
Let me reiterate.
Don't do shit for the homeys.

We've had a great life
together until now.
I just want to have
a friendly chat
Robert,
I don't care how big her Adam apple is,

she's currently the league high-scorer.
I mean, how could we?
Look, she a little girl.
A vagina and a coochie.
Oh, that's a conjunction.

Well, of course it was a setup.
gonna drink me a Red Bull,
then I'm gonna wake up
I want your family
here in Woodcrest

before this gets outta hand.
she's still all woman.
The Blond Bomber,
Cindy "Fearsome" McPhearson.

They're not gonna give her
no real time.
for as long
as they want to stay.
Unless the homey wanna
walk that stroll
You know what? Fuck them.

This is terrible.
She do what?
A couple months, tops.
Ha-ha-ha.
Yeah.
was engineered by BET themselves,

They can make all the silly
little videos they want.
We're losing the P.R. war.
I did everything I could,
but if Riley doesn't talk,

But we both got priors.
We gots to go.
the homey ain't getting
a goddamn thing.

Oh-- Oh, that?
That's just the television.
Relax, brother.
It's all part of the plan.

and-- And the FBI thing.
they're both
gonna be charged tomorrow.
MAN:
Get outta here. Go next door--

And the same goes
for brothers,
Come on, Granddad.
We running out of time.
they'll be out of
the neighborhood.

Looking at the white girl
is a foul.
peeps, dudes, fellas,
dunnies, comrades,
the attack on BET

Sometimes,
Speaking to the white girl
is a technical foul.
This is real talk, nigga.

Yes, she is
I'm joined via satellite
by best-selling author

in order to save the day,
Hurricane.
by producing a DVD called BET:
The High Cost of Low Standards.

people have to sacrifice
themselves,
HUEY: He was always watching.

So we gotta evacuate.
Get your hands off me!
What the hell is wrong with you?
This ain't a movie, Riley.

you know what
I'm saying?
It'll be here any second. Hurry.
author of Fucking
Camel Jockeys

Ow. Ah.
These are the forgotten.

You and Granddad
about to go to jail.
I rarely slept.

Oh, Air Marshal 50 Cent.
GRANDDAD:
Wait, no. That's just the TV.

Game on.
The victims of black-on-black crime.

You're so brave
It's not the fact
that you obviously have a man
MAN:
Man, more women?

to sacrifice yourself
to save us.
star of the upcoming BET sitcom, My Dad Rollo,

I tried to stop 'em!
Don't get picked by a girl, now.

I don't think you want that,
that ain't pretty.
possessed by an evil spirit
strapped to a bed upstairs.
to kill kind, old Massa.
of Black Entertainment Television.

Not me, bitch. You.

Oh! Wait! Oh. Oh.
and said he put me on the list
for the show tonight. Yeah!

Shh.
It's not?
No.

Fearsome takes the ball,
were only offered two dollars for a pilot script.

Just go to sleep.
Don't you think it's strange
a superstar rapper
It's the fact
that you lied about it.

she goes past him and an easy lay-up.
M-May I sit down
over there next to Riley?

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
It sounds to me, Tom,
I wanna start with Ann--
GRANDDAD: Excuse me.
When will this tragedy end?

Huh?

like some of
the passion
Ha!
The situation's gotten so bad

Gangstalicious loves
his fans.

has gone out of
your marriage.
STINKMEANER:
You better leave.
You might wanna cop that, bro.
Especially the ones that
know his dirty little secret.

Hey. Hold this.
We be right back.
Is that all
you've got?

And turns out
they're not so bad.
: You've reached
JERICHO:
Hey. Hey, Robert.
took up a collection for BET employees. Wow.

THELMA:
Catcha!
Okay.
Why did you lie to me, Robert?

Ooh, a fake pass behind his head,
Come quick to the stables!
It's a normal thing
in long-term relationships.

of the Catholic Church.
You gonna give me
my chain back.

goes around to the right side, up and good.
It's called,
They Called Me Nigger:
in there, Catcha.
If you know, you can tell me.
I won't tell anybody.

Uh, what lie?
Exactly. See,
what Marx is saying
If you would like to report sexual abuse--
of us was the prisoner.

What special escape route?
You know what lie.
Shut up! He ain't gay.

is that the oppression
of the proletariat
But, Tom. I thought
we were in this together.

Damn, there's got to be somebody
we can call for an exorcism.
And it's written by me,
ROLLO: But, as a Wal-Mart employee,

is an essential facet
of the exploitation
Jazmine, are you
wearing a wire?

STINKMEANER:
You is a bitch!
and about me, and it's very inspirational.
Statistically speaking,
gay men make more money.

inherent in the system.
Look, everybody lies.

So therefore,
due to the class --
the pleasures of the flesh before,
in quite a while. Step up, opens up and straight in.
to work overtime hours off the books,

Me, too.
and he was no match for the temptations of Thelma,

What the hell is this,
a snitch-athon?
They cook better,
they're better groomed,

It means they care enough
to spare my feelings.
MAN:
More bitches.

Man, there's snitches
everywhere.
less likely to get in trouble
with the law.
I might charge 20, $25.

Well, you were looking for hate.
Way to go.

Really? You get all that
with gay?
You little
half-and-half.
This is...
really uncomfortable,

And you don't have
to worry about
Didn't know I'd be playing
with a baby.

Is that what you think?

Instead of being
Mr. Funny Nigga,
and play it back when the book come out
any accidental
great-grandkids. Huh?
so I'm just gonna
mosey.

why don't you try being
Did you know that at least
75 percent of bitches

Mr. Help-A-Nigga-Go-
Get-His-Chain-Back?
Catcha and Thelma rolled around
ROLLO: Even this non-legal

Bottles.
around here
is some more kids.
Hey there, boys.

Uh, thank you.
suffer from some kind
of hearing loss?
Uh...
See?
I don't know.

Hello?
Hey, boy.
I came as fast as I could.
donates money to BET employees every month. Wow.

I'm from the old school.
I mean,
It's okay. I don't really
want to be here.
This alarming statistic
means that more likely than not,

Riley,
let the chain go.
Ooh, this is
uncomfortable.
HUEY: And so Ann Coulter and Rollo

So this is the plan...
Uncle Ruckus.
Goes around with two defenders on her--
I ain't homophobic, but gay men
give me the heebie-jeebies.
GRANDDAD: Lies! All lies!

HUEY: Oh, man.
But Daddy says white people
are building hotels there now.

Then he'll think I'm a punk
and kick me out the crew.
Are you kidding?
I'm having a great time.
RUCKUS:
Let's get this party started.

Oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. What a surprise.
but we give everything we have

to communicate
with a bitch.
Hello?
It's just rocks and metal.
Stop loving your grandson
because he's gay?
So we have to stay here.
Why here? Why me?

STINKMEANER:
Yeah. I got him.
He's in there.
Here we go again with affirmative action.
to the poor BET workers.

was a bear.
You got bad credit, Robert!
Now, remember, none of this was your fault.

Whoa. What?
Riley,
you've got to calm down.
I'm talking to my grandson.

What--? What happened
to my--?
Is it worth getting hurt again?
Yeah.
As Catcha lay passed out,
RUCKUS:
Removing an evil-nigga spirit
you're really, really,
really, really rich.

Yeah, the problem is,
we don't live in the future, Ed.
This man took your weekend from you.

If she say, "No,"
hit the bitch. Simple.
Going to jail?
Yeah.
Great.
We're fine, no problems.

We live in the present.
I'm gonna be cool,
I'm gonna be cool.
...so this little hoodlum can say the N-word--
You talking about the granddad
from the Thugnificent song?

Getting killed?
Yes, sir.
But I-- I couldn't
hit Sarah.

Now, wait a minute.
You gotta kill him.
Got him. Got him. Got him.

Oh-ho, shit.
Damn.
It's not a cybernetic ear. It's
a fuckin' cellphone headset.
I take offense at your description of Riley
: And Black Entertainment

Has not hittin' a bitch
been working?
I can't afford
to support everybody.
reading excerpts from her
amazing new best-selling book,

He's right there!
is really feeling the heat now
has given us
to fight niggas.
Which is great for me,
'cause I'm doing it big.

as a hoodlum, Ann. I don't appreciate it.
As she goes around him once again, Riley, defending--

I mean,
scientifically speaking,
Thelma trick Catcha.
A whip, a noose,
a nightstick, a branding iron.

and that's what
you're into --
has not hittin' the bitch
achieved the desired results?

Man, how'd it go?
How'd that go?
Ooh, a little finger roll there.
Hey!
because he's white,
by a 10-year-old boy on a hunger strike.

...the darkies attacked!
'cause your ass is old
JERICHA: Praise Jesus.
What if the check doesn't come?

No way. I just--
because of his skin, he's being persecuted

The NAACP announced this morning
Have you seen that shit
in the mirror?
It's Tom.
Keep your hand
off that white girl.
for breasts?

I-- I-I can't. I-- I couldn't.
You need to think about
getting a full-time job.
but they were outnumbered and unprepared

You look like you're going to
a fuckin' comic-book convention.
I mean, I think that is racist.
that it is asking its members to join the boycott
No. The answer is no!

Tom.
I won't.
Right on time.
for the savagery of the Negro assault.

Tom, Take a deep breath.
Heh-heh, you know?
that's some old bullshit.
to make the network more socially responsible.

See, I'm gonna make
my own rap
Hell no, I don't
agree with Huey.
It's okay. People have phobias.

STINKMEANER:
You ain't right, Robert.
Don't let nobody
take nothing from you, boy.

That's a technical foul.
HUEY: Nothing much was resolved,

GUARD: Yeah.
RUCKUS:
The nigga will lie.
Hey, yo. You never gonna
guess who on the phone.
but I couldn't because--"

Hold up, hold up.
I'm getting a call.
Waiting on FEMA
is what got you into this mess

you can't go upside
a bitch's head.
Next, they'll be throwing white kids in jail
We are honored by your presence.

in the first place.
And did you know that fool
parked cars on my yard?
Yeah.
What's good, baby?
Oh, you ain't
getting out of here.

Okay. We can beat this.
Oh, so we just
lazy refugees, huh?

I'm gonna rap
about that, too.
I mean-- Uh-- Uh--
You need glasses out there?

I will butt-rape
your grandfather
Tom, this is
my bottom bitch,
I bash youse head in.
MAN 2: We gonna get you.
why do you always kneel when
I walk in? That's just so weird.
If he gets really desperate,
he may start to rap or dance.

with this broomstick.
Where does it stop? This is preposterous.

We can still win this.
You better read The Secret.
HUEY: And again.
GRANDDAD:
Boys, don't make any noise. Shh.

Sweetest Taboo.
I was wondering
if you would be interested
Tomorrow, either you
get a job or get out.
ALL:
Gay?

Now, she's gonna
help you learn how to
in rapping with me
on this song?
Oh, okay. Here's a novel idea:
STINKMEANER:
You all, uh, testicles

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
Him too.
Oh, man.

You gonna have to get in her
head the way she's in yours.
reestablish dominance
at home.
That bitch lying.
See? This is why I don't read.

I ain't seen
no naked pictures, girl.
The women and kids can stay,
and Reverend Goodlove
who'll soon be doing the dying.

Send them to my Sidekick.
But no curse words.
I gotta bag on her.

Hello. Heh.
Well, one day, he wins
they shouldn't call themselves the N-word.

And none of them crazy metaphors --
That's a great idea.
Taboo will be playing
the role of your wife.
Riley, he's gay. It's
really not that big a deal.

But we're looking
at getting some ninjas in
There's powerful niggadry
at work here.
I'm Tom. May I speak to
Robert or the boys, please?

Now, approach
Taboo,
The only grown-ass man
in this house not working
We can't do this,
it ain't right.

None of that garbage. Just stick to the point.
insulting that child
to throw her game off?
If he gay, I'm his homey
and a fan of his music,

grab her arm
firmly
is gonna be me.

RUCKUS: Ah...
Who's there, huh?
He went on the
"do it big" trip without me.
It ain't right.

Can I, um,
use the bathroom?
then that makes me gay too.
...wrong house.

Okay.
I knew it.
Thank you, Tobias.

Sarah,
get your behind--
Wow. That is so gangster.
How many of
these damn TV shows
I like Elton John.
It doesn't make me gay.

There something wrong
with your bathroom?
Granddad is running errands,
Mr. DuBois.

are we supposed to do,
Goodlove?
I been waiting
on this day
Um, this might seem strange,

Oh, hush, boy. I can rap.
I don't need your charity.
Except I would never, ever lay
Not everyone is in support of the boycott.
Yeah, yeah, I'm still here.
Motherfucker done shot me.

that, um, it smells
like hot garbage?
Man.
since your little uppity ass
came into town.

Do I have to call her
a bitch, really?
But you wanna know
the brilliant
with your black
jungle-bunny mama.
Big Tank, please
make it hot, player.
I'll pay you back when
my FEMA check arrives.

part of this story?
Not since you asked me
about 20 minutes ago, Robert.
Yes, Tom. You have to
call her a bitch.

He didn't win no
all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii.

GRANDDAD: I don't get it.
she use a fitted sheet
for a stocking cap.
Every time a black baby is born,
Yeah, this rap go out
to Punknificent
Well, don't you think
we should have heard something?

Trust me
on this one.
Oh, jeez.
You ready to come out?

It seems as though
I've done the research.
Now, try again.
I'd give 'em a plasma TV and one channel: BET.

Why your dumbass
robbing people?
COULTER:
I don't care.
Well, ha, this is awkward,
but, um, how do I do this? Okay.

MAN:
Baby, baby, listen.
'Cause I'm an American.
Shit.
when she get out the car,
the oil light come on.

That's what it is.
They make up stories.
WZIB News got an anonymous tip
that Robert Freeman,

It's the American way, man.
Shit.
So you spent, what,
a thousand dollars

Bitch, get
your behind--
Having known no other woman,

Is that all you got, nigga?
I don't think
that's gonna work.
Don't give me that "Baby,
listen" shit, motherfucker.
You won't kill me, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

Ass.
and it reads:
who had agreed
to take the family in

See, as I broke it down
to Ed, pops,
and lived a miserable life
as a free man in Boston.

"Dear Tom, my granddad kicked
a woman named Luna--"
That's just the tip
of this iceberg.
You think I'm stupid?
I know you fucking that bitch.

You'll only die trying.
if people don't have a need,
then there won't be no demand,

That would be you, heh-heh.
Your mama's so ashy-- No.
But I'm not! And neither
is Gangstalicious.

Read, nigga, read!
Okay? I know you are.
I mean...

No!
Miss Elderberry was talking
about Cindy's mom.
Kiss my ass, you little-dick,
faggot motherfucker.

Or, uh, I'm, uh--
Who are y'all?
What are y'all doing here?
is the real story
of Catcha Freeman.

I'm original O.G.
Full-throttle radio. Fatman
Scoop, a.k.a. Big Colorado.

Or...
Turns out Ed and Rummy were breaking into homes
Ann don't play that shit.
You do whatever it takes, boy.
Whatever it takes.

Or I'm gonna die...
Huh. Surprised you guys
haven't given him a show.

"Best regards, Huey Freeman.
Say hello to the bad guy.
with Usher
in the first place!
We're back. And we have in
the building with us right now,

trying.
This motherfucker
went YouTube?
What I had heard was...
You high-yellow niggas
always forgetting your place.

What? What?
poor black people?

You thought you was the only one
Oh, come on, Ed,
you gots to help me out.
Get the fuck out of my house,
you fat ass, motherfucker.
which was owned by Ed's grandfather.

We may be locked
in our rooms."
ROLLO:
You getting thick
Gangstalicious himself.
who mastered the ancient
and deadly art of the nunchaku?

It's now tragically
obvious
Kidnapping? Uh --
I don't know, Riley.
Damn you, Riley.
You've ruined our family.

The irony is, Granddad had already signed up
Oh, me and Robert
patched things up.
And how you doing, Abdul?
COULTER: Damn, Abdul,

My grandpops would
be tripping, man.
I'd burn it down around
your black ass.
that reasoning
with the bitch

for Wuncler Security.
What's up with you?
Why don't you, you know,
try something different,
I swear to you, Robert,
I didn't call them.

is not
gonna work, Tom.
Hey, yo,
word to mother--
can you let a bitch work?

You have to
hit her.
Repeat after me
the holy phrase:
It's just that
he goes on to say:
I would never
do something like that.
I think we can resolve
this quickly.
heard the boycott had ended.

Oh, boy, you look mad.
I'm scared now.
It ain't like yo' ass
is going to get a job. Heh.

Oh, hey, hey,
Mom.
I am an assistant district
attorney, for chrissake.
But I am so touched
you decided to let us stay.
"Catcher Tobias Lynchwater,
better known as Catcher Freeman,

Heh. Well, now, y'all
get it right next time.
I wanted to give you the chance
to clear the air right now.

Tom...
and if the nigga
don't have the chain on him,
You know I had to bail

you have to
get past this.
Nigga, get your black ass
outta here.
this motherfucker
out of jail again, right?
get to regulatin' him, and make
him tell you where it at.

So tell the world what
your side of the story is.

It's okay,
faggot...really.
Your mama got caught
giving up neck
RUCKUS:
Yeah, take that
"was a house slave on Colonel
Lynchwater's plantation.

I see.
See, faggot? She just
gave you permission.
So I feared I had been had.

Anyway, the school board
pay you yet?
Well, first of all, that--
That-- That--
Hey, thanks for being
so cool about this, pops.
outta here.
ED: Now, what I want you
to do is think.

This little old
dude, Ma. Just one.
I ain't even gonna dignify
the accusations

I'm gonna remember this.
Ah. My chin--
You see that?
"PPPS: Uh, be careful,
she's very danger--"
A show?
You sold me out for a show?

You know,
as a matter of fact,
Just think of these
two grapes...
Anyway, Granddad got his car back, and that was that.

with a response, you know?
Bitch is hittin' you.
All right, lady.
I might just build
an addition to your house.

Whoa!
'Cause that's so ridiculous.

Okay-- Ow!
Hey, guys.
So nice to finally meet.
'Cause I do. Mom,
I'm in a meeting.

You're definitely allowed
by law to hit her now, Tom.
I ain't got to answer
to no bitch.
...as your two little
itty-bitty kiddy testicles.
ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass

It's been great working
wit' y'all.
the first screenplay,

It's self-defense.
I didn't do anything.
I mean,
maybe an indoor pool.
MASTER: Flawless victory.

Uh. Hello?
Ooh-wee, your mama does cocaine
when she thinks nobody around.

Okay?
Sweetest Taboo,
a scandalous ho is good for.
Hey, Ed, give
your granddaddy my best.
Bowling alley,
with Jacuzzis and silk sheets.

Oh, okay,
okay, cool.
Ah. That bitch must have
lost her mind.
ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass

Luna, this has gone
far enough.
They known for. They notorious
for snitching, you know?

I will. I'm gonna
call you back, Mommy.
I will smack
the black off her.
Madeupmonkeyshit.com?

How about that, huh?
This isn't an exorcism,
it's a beating.

Uh-oh. Look out.
I love you, too.
I will snatch
the weave off...

This is my state-of-the-art
surveillance center.
Don't swear to God.
I talk to God all the time,
How you like that, fool?
Whether you snitch to the feds
or you snitch to Random House,

They did it.
HUEY: Granddad had lost this battle,
Do you have any idea
how hungry I am?

Why does a pimp need
a surveillance center?
She crazy as hell,
ain't she?
I was falling in love
with you, Robert.

ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass
Your parents
are getting divorced
Hey, are we gonna fuck
this old-ass nigga up?
she was looking for freedom.

Here's 50.
and waiting till after
your birthday to tell.
But she good people.
She good people.

Now, you know, I don't hate old people.
Ah...
you lying,
stealing motherfucker.

No, I really don't.
is state-of-the-art
bitch surveillance.
--big-screen TV
sitting on top of a TV.

Your mothers ain't shit.
Then, on one fateful day--
But you can catch
more flies with honey
What others?
Who are these others?

Come, negro-san.
Them ain't no negroes!
It couldn't be them.
Looks like Riley is all up in her head,

Where you going?
You smell like black jellybeans.

Just 'cause you lived a long life,
your wife's
conversations and e-mails.
Ed, can I
talk to you outside?
I was gonna be able to pay
my car note this month.

I'm confused.
Me too.
don't mean it can't come to a short end, nigga.

Daddy, I've got transcripts
of all her conversations today.
HUEY: Several hours later,
very, very sad story of Luna.
I thought Ann Coulter
hated...everybody.

WOMAN: No way.
Sixty-one, 44.

No mention of Usher.
Ah, this is bullshit.

I'm hacking
into her e-mail now,
What's up, world? This is Sway.
I'm gonna crush
your kiddy penis
Who, Ann? No, man.
Oh, Lord, child.

That was great, Granddad.
She knew the time for freedom had come.

with this hammer
when I get back
Law-enforcement sources have confirmed
She just do that to get
that redneck money.
but, tsk, this computer
is running a bit slow.

if you don't tell me
where that chain is at.
Boy, I wish we could've seen
the end of that movie.
the weapons shed,
Why does it always have
to end up like this?
Niggas is just gonna be niggas.

that two Cleveland teens have been arrested
Let me tell you
something about Ann.

I don't know.
he's got nigga in him.
What if FEMA
calls about the check?

I feel bad for leaving Huey
and what's-her-name.
'Cause you's a bitch.
we can get our hands on.
When I turned 17, I ran away to Hong Kong,

Bitch, don't start
with that
I mean, if everyone,
you know, think he a homo,

They knew the risks.
she helps me out,
and I help her back.

Ow!
and we get on
a track with him,
So they might do
a little time.
where I met Triad boss Kenny Woo, my first love.
Uh, excuse me,
I have to make a call.

That's the wrong kid, Ed.
You say that shit every time
a new iMac comes out.
GHOSTFACE: What the fuck is wrong
COULTER: Mm!
She a down-ass bitch.
Why starve?
Why just starve?

We see 'em when they get out.
You taking it too far now,
Robert. Quit playing.
I told you to grab Butch Magnus,
5'4", 130 pounds.

Uh...it doesn't seem right.
One of the teens reportedly told police,
I know most of you can't read,

You ain't slick.
You better
Then go get
something to eat.
Hey! Hey! Hey,
brother man, get off my phone.

but I'd be happy
to read it to you.
I'm going back
and turning myself in.
and what you gonna say to the cops?

and stop playin'
with me.
Now, Billy is autistic but he sure loves basketball.

Catcher, in one week,
Turn yourself--?
Man--

Yes, Daddy.
and that makes it cool."
I gave you
a picture, man.
we gonna kill Massa.

Granddad, look, come on.
It wasn't the last incident.
I'm tearing
these bad boys up. Mm.

Someone stole my bike.
I mean, I love Huey.
Almost like a brother.
At least let me show it to him
before you kill him.

Does she have
a MySpace page?
I told you not to wash
Can you just tell me what to do,
so I can go to bed?
Son, just go in there
and have fun.

my bloody ski mask
with detergent
But what's done is done.
We got to let go of the past.

attributed to the beef have broke out,
It's just been upgraded
from a Category 3.
Thanks, Granddad.
Spinning, baby!

You don't like the way I do it,
then do your own kidnapping.
Man, this is gonna be weird.
I don't think Sarah
would have a--

Get off me.
including two in Lithuania and one in Tokyo.
Granddad, what do you do
when you can't do nothing,

If he don't come back,
can I have his side of the room?
I want it.
I want it.

Huh.
Spiritual.
Look at you.
Thank you, Jesus.

Uh, since when did
she have a MySpace page?
So then why do it?
but there's nothing
you can do?
The AARP announced a boycott of Thugnificent's record label.

Nobody wants you
but me.

This shit is fly.
Ah, come on, Granddad.
'Cause a bitch got books
to sell. That's why.
Peace? Peace? Peace.

You know what her password
might be?
you're paying top dollar.
True, true.
Yeah. You ain't lying.

You supposed to be setting
a better example.
That's not fair.
You grabbed the wrong kid.
Why? What did I do? I'm fun!

You without me
equals shit.
for being able to read
and write.
Stinkmeaner, you hate
black people, don't you?

You just wait till
the manager gets here.
WOMAN:
We need Ann in makeup.
could soon explode into more violence.
Oh, I'm gonna take it easy
on you, Rain Man.

each other's middle names
as passwords,
You understand that,
you ugly, fat bitch?

I sure do.
All I know is they better not
stop this war in Iraq,

He gonna throw the book
at both of y'all.
Man, Thugnificent ain't telling nobody
She'd say, "Get them
broke-ass niggas the fuck out."

That's L-A-N--
Got it.
I mean, I hate
everyone in general,
Why am I always
the one getting ditched?
What the hell's wrong
with those people over there?

This is
the worst day...
Now, let me borrow
your car.
What'd you call it? A script?

Password is "Usher."
Here we go.
I don't even really see how someone could even
No hope on this, and the ball goes straight up-- And in!
Damn, they'll give anybody
a job at BET.

Nothin'.
: And in Woodcrest tonight,

get something like that outta that song.
Where's your bike?
of my entire life.
Rock 'n' roll gangsta...

I said you was free
to go, right?
the school board has finally decided
They're getting together
at 3:00
Um, Jericho Freeman?
I don't
want one. Shoot.

on the fate of an elementary school teacher
I wouldn't exactly call them
people, but yeah.

Told you.
what he's going through,
The crowd is loving this kid.
and back in two days?

That's in an hour.
We have to go.
accused of using the N-word.

Yeah, I have a deep distaste
for Negroids.
Three points plus 44 points
equals 47 points,

Oh, so now you wanna
make this
I hope you got some insurance
on those spinners.

Here's the guardian
for the kids.
Maybe you should go
see a therapist.
definitely 59 points minus
47 points
You smell me? You know,
Third-grade teacher Joe Petto was given 10 days unpaid leave

That's right,
Ruckus.
Right, right. And, Stinkmeaner,
I bet you hate rap music.
We'll do the "do it big" trip
some other time.

We snuck
into the movie, too.
equals 14 points to go.
Shh! Shh!

then going there won't help.
My friend Nicole says
it's men like you, Robert,
Oh, okay. Ahem. Cool.

but it took shorter time.
We? You said you was gonna
turn yourself in.
who lie and avoid commitment.
Thank you
for not snitching!

You know what I mean?
What? Oh, man.
That's some old bullshit.

No, no, man,
I'm sick of this shit.
I paid you $2000,
and $500 as well.

Ladies and gentlemen,
JERICHA:
Jesus, Lord and savior.
Heh-heh. "Stanky-booty."
Please. Let the kids go.
I'll take responsibility.

That's it?
W-what about my money?
what started as a simple
disagreement between neighbors

NIQUE: Believe that.
Who makes all checks possible.
I must say that's a brilliant
observation, 'Meaner.

Now, Tom, I hope
you can appreciate

Look like y'all
all going down.
That right, that right.
We thank you, Jesus.
So, what about Rollo Goodlove's demand

our no-refunds policy.
a nigga moment
Catcher promptly betrayed Thelma's rebellion.

Good times, baby.
How about a complimentary date
with Sweetest Taboo?
for financial restitution to the Freeman family?

The manager's
not coming.
generational tribalism.
RILEY: Oh, man, he sold the crew out

Cinema's closed
indefinitely.
I knew you can do it.
I knew you can, Billy. Yeah.

No, no, no.
Fortunately, a robust exchange
of ideas has taken place,

Damn it, Luna.
Stop being a victim.
Yo, that's a bitch-ass nigga.
Looks like everyone walked out.
Something about a union.

and we're
going now.
Yeah, come on
over here.

Oh, my goodness.
and we are hopeful to having
a resolution shortly.
Proof of Non-Residence
Form 3595-768-5."

What?
The manager ain't coming?
Boys!
And when were they planning
such treachery?

Ohh...
'cause I was afraid you'd
do something like this.

Thank you.
Hey, Abdul. I see you over there
talking to that white bitch.

Well, call the police.
And look.
I was right.
The ball stolen by Billy Mathews.
not be processed.
A week from now.
Mm-hm. Three o'clock.

Don't take your past out
on other people.
The FBI.
Homeland Security.

A member of the
Lethal Interjection crew
Heh-heh-heh, hey!
Give me a hug.

Yeah, bitch. Let's go.
"Fill out the enclosed form
and your check
Shh! Shut up.

You mean,
we gonna let
was apparently the victim
of a violent robbery

What's a nigga want?
Try to whup me.
Billy Mathews, out of nowhere,
this African hooliganism
go unpunished?
No, you lying black bitch!
That wasn't a week.

"should be mailed out

Whup your ass,
nigga.
in the exclusive suburb
of Woodcrest today.
in the next six months."

You have problems, Mr. Freeman,
and you need help.
You know who
you messin' with, nigga?

was autistic right now, doesn't it?
And you can't kidnap people just
because they don't like you.
Forward! Come on!

Thanks for coming back...
He's gay, isn't he?
Boy, that kid is special.

Would somebody here
please be an adult?

eventually.
We don't need
this shit.
MAN:
Shoot 'em, shoot 'em!
Why do you hate us, Father?
What have we done to you, Jesus?

Yo, you need to stop
snitching, Granddad.
And I was
his biggest fan.
Game goes to the Tigers, 68-61.

Oh, you're right.

THUGNIFICENT: Hey, man,
you know what?

Ah. Ow. Hey.
How was Costa Rica?
I didn't even wanna
kidnap you.
No, Massa, no!

Why don't you call
social services
ALL:
Come on, Billy. Yay! Go!
and we'll have
two dozen protesters

We're neighbors.
and turn yourself in
for child abuse?
Why don't you go
back to New Orleans?

We have to learn
to live together.
with picket signs
in the street tomorrow.

I caught one of them
Lethal Interjection cats
Shoot, you betcha.
Mr. Bitches is back in effect.

Oh. I'm never gonna
get married.

Really?
Hey, now.
out here slipping. You know,
I ain't gotta say which one.

Exactly. That's
what I'm talking about.

Not without a fight.
can motivate a whole lot
of activism, brother.
I might as well just
blow myself up right now.

Remember to hit the bitch.
But, uh, if he wanna buy his chain back,
I know it's wrong,
but I really want my own room.

Hey, man.
:
Hey, guys.

to look at it,
Thugnificent.
Oh. You think
that'll make 'em pay us?

Thank you so much for
doing that. I mean, you guys
Not that I'm pole-jocking
or nothing.
A fake protest?
Granddad,
That's right. That's what we
really want to do is go home.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
You guys unionized and staged
a walkout that quickly?

just went above and beyond.
It sure is good
to be home, though.
Hey, everybody good
in here? Beverages?

I mean, really--
you can't go around hustling
controversy for profit.
Pricks, shit.
Shit, shit, shit.

That's amazing.
You a beautiful,
talented woman.
ALL: Yeah.
The Lord is going to provide.

Oh, yeah.
We unionized.
Why not?
You're messing with forces

I mean, bitch...
Shit.

Then someone called
the corporate headquarters,
I'm sorry, guys.
What about you,
big guy? You good?
Let's clean this up.
All right.

and they shut down
the whole place.
I'm telling you, Robert,
Possessed or not,
you gonna fix my damn house.

: We've been showing it all day,
Fired everybody.

simply unbelievable.
Are you sure I shouldn't
just blow myself up?

Oh.
You gonna have
another demon,
We just gotta apply
a little more pressure.

WOMAN: Please enter your password.
Well, um...
Little Billy Mathews
playing his first game

Hey.
Granddad. Eh--
I couldn't handle
my own business like a man.

power to the people?
Let me get that
for you, homey.
in the Woodcrest Youth
Basketball League, get this:
Granddad,
you're not getting paid.
I think
I might be--

Fuck you.
Riley.
That's the whole point

Any of y'all
need a coaster?
are evil. It was terrible.

Tom, please calm down
Twelve for 12 from downtown.
It's okay, son. I know.
a real good question.
Billy Blanks always says:
"Take control of your life.

and let me go.
Oh, all the things that they done--

Man, how would you like to be

Why are you in my bed?
Take responsibility."
Jericho, look, I'm sorry.
Yep. I think I'm done.

All the beds in this house
Now, now. You ain't got
to start all that apologizing.

Well, that's that.
Yeah, man.
We don't fight fair, nigga.
Come on, boys.
I was wrong
It's okay. It's okay.

I think we all learned
a valuable lesson today
Courteous. What about
the loud party?
The movie rights to Billy Mathews sold today

about the mansion
and the white women.
We believe
in overwhelming force.

about stealing movies.
Nigga, you gave us permission
to have that party.
I'm still gonna break you
a piece of that FEMA check

I'll miss
those flat butts.
Flo, go with the little nigga
to get his chain back.

Buy the bootleg.
and there is talk, get this,
Well, fine. Fine, then.
Mo' money for me.

Call me back.
Or just download it
from the Internet
You are gay.
Boy, how did that be?

WOMAN: Deleted.
and beat the little shit
into the dirt.

like everybody else.
Uh, hello?
Hello, Chauncy.
TOM: Robert, it's Big Tom.

But...the script.

Ah!
The money gonna
be here in no time.
Fuck the bullshit.
Come on, let's go.

Hey, now, Chauncy,
you got them extras
The hell--?
TOM: You can't have my wife!
I mean, it be in my pocket
sooner than you think.
It's exactly what I said
was gonna happen, remember?

NICOLE: You got him, girl?
WOMAN: Deleted.

Hey, uh, I think
I'm gonna go
Aw, that's okay.
Whoa, now, Robert,

Tom!
TOM: Hey, Robert--
WOMAN: Deleted.
This is it. Nobody gonna
work with me now.
HUEY: That moment,

TOM: What the hell, Robert?
Daddy. What did you do
to Usher?

He told me I should take
responsibility
to just go with the winning team.

Hey. Can you guys wait
here a sec?
You went without me. I know you went. You did.

I make some mean
guacamole --
MAN: This is a Channel 5 News
Uh, die, cracker, die?

You did not go without me--
WOMAN: Deleted.
There's something
I need to take care of.
Well, what about parking
all those damn cars

Daddy. Leave Usher alone.

FLONOMINAL: Butch Magnus.
God! Bless the lord. Move!
TOM: That's real nice, Robert.

on my yard and
ruining my lawn?
Yeah. Take that, Massa. Huh?!

What are you doing?
I understand completely.

WOMAN: Deleted.
Hm. You know what?
Why are you trying
to kill Usher?

I wouldn't want to give you
something you don't want.

Niggas was
passed out by then.
of the Woodcrest School District headquarters

Yes, Super Fly.
What did Usher ever do to you?
you're fucking with
every last one of us.

We was fixing to
come over and apologize.
during a protest being held by Rollo Goodlove.

Jazmine wanted
to meet Usher.
Well, take this to your ass,
motherfucker!

But then you had to go off
and start filing complaints
If you don't want it,
I won't force you.

Stacy Renee is on the scene.
You're an animal.

and doing all that
old gay shit.
You just such
a philanthropologist.

Is Usher okay?

THUGNIFICENT:
And you know what hurts me
Oh.
That's how I do it, baby.

My motherfucking leg.
Leg, uh --
So you're not--?
No.

If a man said that to me, oh, my God,
You like a saint.
You like Saint Robert.
Man. Just tell the truth.
You gay?

I don't think I could handle it.
GUARD: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Easy, boys.
And so was born the legend of Catcher Freeman.

That's a really
powerful sentiment
My dad had it appraised.
He said it was worthless.

Ow!
Catcher and Thelma married and moved to Canada.

Yeah, nigga.
right across the street.
Ms. Luna decided
an outwardly gay rapper?

TOM:
Oh, okay. I see what this is.
We reserved this spot three months ago,

SARAH:
Stop! Don't hurt him.
Oh, Jesus.
My motherfuck--

His script was never produced.
Well, what about all that stuff
in the video, huh?

I just tell you--

She still there?
Why ain't she leaving?
All right.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

Oh, nigga, that was
just entertainment.
You broke bitch.
Get a real chain.
with whatever bullshit he's protesting over there.

You being real sensitive
right now, man.

Peekaboo.
Well, I hope her friend
isn't giving her more bad--

Yeah, man. Anybody could see
Ho-ho, but we have something for that ass.

He didn't
mean it.
GRANDDAD:
Thank you.

Man, that's
some old bullshit.
He was trying to hit me.

Never heard such bullshit
in all my life.

Tom!
TOM:
Granddad, if you apologize
to Thugnificent
Motherfucking
stupid-ass bitch.

Where y'all going?
KID:
We're going to New Orleans.

Talk about gay.

Ms. Luna let her girlfriend
Help! Move! Bitch, get out of my way.
Dogging out your homey
for what some ho say,
I'm sorry, Usher!

then I'm sure,
Thugnificent,

That's the way.
that's gay.
RILEY: Know what? It's still better

That's it. We don't wanna have to shoot you.
you will be willing to
apologize for the video.

USHER:
Shut the fuck up,
for her own actions.
Know what I'm sayin'?

This weekend sucked.
Oh, man. That ended badly.
ROLLO: And--

You saw him kiss me,

And it was all
your fault, Granddad.
to wash y'all niggas away,
but go on back.

Wasn't
my fault.
while I was tied up.

It was that crazy-ass
Luna's fault

We crew, nigga,
remember?
they referred to us as the N-word.
Hell, no, I ain't
apologizing, punk-ass nigga.

now, are ya?
Go on, save New Orleans.

Several times.
God rest
her poor soul.

Kiss my ass,
old-ass nigga.

Ew. Nasty.
What they got down there
worth saving? What, jazz?

with 24's on it
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Please.
Stupid-ass--

What was that noise?
with machine guns
in the rims, nigga, what?

Jazz music?
I hate jazz music.

Can we at least agree,

for the sake of
old people everywhere,

if a man ever said that to me, I'll kill myself.

that there will be
no more dis records?

I mean, you're a stronger woman than me. Hello?
Damn it. That's the last time
I'm gonna listen to you.

You right, Gangstalicious.

I got a documentary called
Fine, whatever.
I spits hot fire.

Heh. My bad.

When the Levees Gonna Break Again?

I'll eat your ass up
on the M-I-C,

But no. I had to listen to you.
You blockhead!

if you keep messing
with me.
I'm gonna get me a dog.
Name him Levee.

I'm sorry.

I'm gonna kick him
every time it rain.

That's what you need to do.
Hey, man, it's-- Yo.

It's all good,
little homey.

I'm never, ever gonna say any form of "nigger."

You wanna hang out
for a little while?

You gonna pay for
my lawn, boy.

Eat a dick, old nigga.

No nigga, no nyukka,

But I brushed my teeth
with bleach and ammonia

Yeah, you know, what Rags to Bitches means
when I got home,
so you know I'm straight.

I'm cool.
is that there's more to life than what you're born into.

No more nigger. Nuh-- Uh-uh.

There's also bitches.

And that's why I'm pushing for a constitutional amendment

that will protect the white man's right

to say any incarnation of the word "nigga"

at any time, spelled any way,

whether it be N-I-G-G-U-H, G-G-A, G-G-A-H,

or a silent "P" at the beginning of it,

without fear of persecution or litigation.

I don't think black people should ever use racist words

when describing other black people.

And if you do, then you're a sambo and a coon.