All language subtitles for The.Boondocks.S02E11.1080p.WEBRip.DD.2.0.X265-Ralphy_track3_[eng]

ANNOUNCER: We now return to

"Thugnificent: Rags to Bitches."
HUEY: On August 29, 2005,

y'all know what a nigga moment is.

A nigga moment is when the mind

The story of Thugnificent begins here...
struck the Gulf Coast of the United States.

of a perfectly logical black man

is overwhelmed by some stupid nigga shit.

here at All-Star Weekend.
Only 8 years old
I love you, Mommy.

that has divided people
for many years.

Like when a nigga steps up on your sneaker
Oh!

and fucks up your kicks, or hits your car or some shit.
And a J. Edgar Hoover
Elementary teacher

Here he is winning the three-point contest
Terra-Belle leads Georgia in homicides, infant mortality,

MAN: This is our target --
the nuclear power plant.
has now been suspended

like it's your fault, like you fucked up.
making it rain like Lil' Wayne out this motherfucker.

over calling a student
the N-word.
If we capture the plane
at precisely the right moment,

Ooh, Lord.
So his ignorance makes you act crazy.

Check the chain, nigga.
Stacy Renee investigates
what happened and why.

Yo.
What up?

they will not have time
to shoot down the aircraft.
And the next thing you know, niggas is beefing,
I know y'all love my music,
and love my videos and shit,

RENEE:
And what to did he say
Yeah, I see you, too.
What you want, nigga?

Damn!
shooting, fighting, and somebody ends up dead.

He said, "Sit down,
nigger."

Oh, man, same shit.
What's up with you?

MAN:
If they hit that power plant
'Cause y'all about to see
how good it is to be me
RENEE: Riley Freeman is

he busts Vince Carter's ass
The fuck you mean,
"What's up with me?"

in the slam-dunk contest.
Yes, sir. That's our name for it.

the casualties could be
in the hundreds of thousands.

Your voice sounds
real sexy right now.
He's a basketball player, an avid reader,
We got plenty of hoes bending,
we got 24s spinning.

God help us all.
In the days and weeks that followed,

Say what?
and one day hopes to spread his philosophy

the nation watched and wondered:
Okay. Ready?

You wanna talk to me
later on?
HUEY: The sectarian conflict

No, I don't wanna talk
later on, motherfucker.
how could it have all gone so wrong?

ANNOUNCER: ...except...

What the fuck
is wrong with you?!
Man, I seen it all.

with his teacher, Joe Petto.

Ernie, nigga, back to you.
What the fuck's so sexy
about my voice?

What? What is this CPT?
But Mr. Petto said it was Riley who used the N-word first.
that hell had ever seen.

Aw, man, my bad.
I was on the phone.
right when they
get to the door, nigga.

None for me,
thanks.

Tom, I think you can have
but controversial player.
WOMAN:
That means the plane is gonna
I swear to God, man, they actually, like,

a second glass
on your anniversary.
Last year, he became the first person

Colonel motherfucking
Stinkmeaner,
GRANDDAD:

I'm driving, sweetie-pooh.
This sucks.
to leave elementary school and go to the NBA

ANNOUNCER: They picked the wrong airline.
holler at your boy,
I gets money.

Bitches like this shit, man.
when the Miami Heat signed him to a $3 gazillion contract,

And don't come up here
complaining and shit.
And I started thinking to myself: "Man...

They be thinkin' I'm one
of them Mens in Black
You know what's wrong with me.
Boy, see who that is.

You motherfuckers wanna
come on here
or somethin' like that,
you know?
a doorbell with real bitches
singing the notes.

and act a goddamn fool?

could kill me or you,
or somebody's baby.
Y'all gonna have
to kick me out of this bitch.
"Well, sit down, nigga."

I'm about to go on break.
Ding...dong.

You motherfucking terrorists
kill me.
They be wondering where
the black limo is at
I'm saying you probably never
looked like this damn picture.

I'd spend the next 20 years
in jail being--
this kid is a disgrace
to basketball.

when they see --
All they see is the headpiece,
Oh, lookie here,
this is Cousin Jericho.

BOTH:
Anally raped.
This ain't you!
He epitomizes everything wrong
with the game today.
because that's what
I've been trained to do.

Yeah, let's talk more
that's where the police station used to be.
Man, I haven't talked
to Cousin Jericho

the devil himself, a--
That is not what
he's been trained to do.

about your violated rectum.
Huh?
ANNOUNCER: Come see why black incompetence...

Oh, I find it
so romantic.
Yes!
School Superintendent Donald Richards

'cause, uh, they up and left.
TOM: Hey, I'm just saying--

Whoo, whoo!
Well, excuse me
for thinking you liked me

So where's the new police station?
Goddamn, that bitch
phat as a motherfucker.
to use appropriate hyphenated euphemisms

So...
for who I was on the inside.

Well, you're a liar
on the inside.
Aren't you gonna answer it?
Y'all don't know
Last week, right,
I was in the strip club, right.
...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.

Now let's go back
to my nigga on the floor.
instead of racial slurs.

No, thank you.
This whole relationship
is based on a lie.
All you do is fight, eat
and fuck up my house.

We have a very strict policy
ANNOUNCER: Man, check out how Young Reezy
I had titties in one hand,
titties in the other hand.

Ah! You baldheaded
devil monks
Now, this shit right here,
against teachers
using the "N-word,"

We can't let you through,
homey.
shitted on these niggas in today's game.

this is some old John Woo shit,
nigga.
Hey, this is Osama bin Laden
nephew, nigga.
or any other
racially insensitive words.

This from the movie Killer.
I'm telling you,
I had two hands
full of titties.

Well, I-- I'm --
I'm once removed. I-I--
it was a crime how they
treated those folks down there.
The district's policy
is that teachers

That's bigger
than two scoops of raisins.
And breaks his ankle.

So, what was it like
No --
I just fucking with you, dawg.
You mad?
You hating, my nigga?
Now, move the hell
out of my way.

I'm still talkin' to my
accountant at the same time.
Look at that bitch-ass nigga limping off the floor.

Go ahead, nigga.
Still got soap in my ass.
Well, it's hard
not to, nigga. Ha-ha!

ANNOUNCER: Starring Gary Anthony Williams.
What's not to like
about that?
Ooh, no wonder they ride his nuts so hard.

Nigga, you ain't
no Denzel.

But you know what they say --
when it's your time to go,
I'm telling you, Tom,
they drive women away.

Seems like Yao Ming wants some too.

Hell, you ain't even
no Flavor Flav.
What is the S-word?
it's your time to go. John Witherspoon.

or when you're talkin'
on the goddamn phone.
Time after time after time.
You see how short
people's memories are?
Well, I-- I don't wanna
say it, but--

What if it's the motherfucker
next to me time to go? Huh?

Second, when people
wear those things,
Mm-hm.
Fellas, I'm here with
All-Star MVP Riley Freeman.
Oh, drink fine wines.
But not anymore.

for this next one, man.
I see ya.

Lock 'em up.
Charge them with fraud.
Mo'Nique.
It's very important
Boy, get the door.

But that's real shit, though, nigga.
like a serious disappointment,
man.
TOM:
Ah. Now, that's what
There's a name for people
who talk to theyselves, Ed.
I can't even go to dinner.
I can't even go to a damn movie.

this plane leave on time.
You got naked kids.

I say give them the chair.
Electrocute their ugly asses.
Riley, is there anything
you can't do, nigga?

Damn. Now, are you yelling
at me or shitting at me?
You got parents gotta choose between food and clothes
RILEY: It's Jericho Freeman.
Tell him we're not here!

has earned you a trip back.

Snoop Dogg.
Hijacked?
I don't know, go broke?
for their kids, shorty.

If there were just
Them niggas ain't getting
my wizzie fo' shizzle, nigga.
You have my blessings
to exact vengeance

Good one, little brother.

I don't know what to do
with my hands now.
Shaq, 17 blocks for Riley,
you had one.
And how often do you have
a problem with faculty saying

You know what I'm saying? And 50 Cent
the haters' camel's back,
nigga.
Be that as it may, no technology
is worth my dignity.

and to spread
ignorance and chaos

"spear-chucker" to students?
Or for themselves.
That's got to make you
feel fucked up.
as Air Marshal 50 Cent.

We don't.
That's what I'm saying.
If talking on a wireless headset
mean I gotta look

It did at first,
...people are looking.

I'll stop
those terrorists...
Observe.

Tom, please.
They would say "S-word."

or die trying.
Some place
far away and exotic.

Besides, there's a reason

so guess I have to work harder,
step up to his level.
Honey. Honey, maybe this isn't
the best place to be singing--

He said I used the word
before, but I didn't.

STINKMEANER:
Ah! Hell ain't shit.

do it big.
It lets people around you know
you're talkin' on the phone.
Get ready. This time, it's going down.

I wouldn't use that word ever.
I'm gonna get you, Freeman!

So he's better than you?

So those people know not
to waste time talkin' to you
That word hurts people.

Yes.
And stacks more paper

Shit.
This one nigga
This is a hijacking.
Remain in your seats --
Oh, I remember
those proud days

Yay. All done.

No, this nigga
didn't.
Left with a case
of hate poisoning, nigga.
marching with
Dr. Martin Luther King.

We have a bomb on the aircraft.

You know what
I'm saying? Hey, flo.
It might be time to bring
Mr. Bitches back out

Tell 'em about that nigga
that got his spirits crushed

Everyone remain --
to show them young boys
how the real players play.

Good.

by the rubies and the diamonds
and shit.
I see you're fucking up
all your grandson's money.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, look out.
took his own life and shit,
you know what I mean?

SARAH:
Yay.
says the incident takes him back

Ah! Oh, my God.
Mr. Bitches is back
on the scene. Ha, ha, ha.

when you bend over.
I like that a lot.
to the civil rights movement.

you wouldn't believe it.

What is it, honey?
and all of that.
High-five me. No? Okay.

Wait. Is that Usher?
GRANDDAD:
Uh, ah, ooh, ooh.

I'm about to go
get dressed.
Yeah, you know what?
You should go to Latin America.

Yes! Oh, my God.
Can you believe that? A boat.

Oh. Mm-hm.
You know,
someplace like Costa Rica.

I hate these
fucking headsets.

He's coming over.
Me and my boy have suffered
tremendous unspecified mental

I paid for that bed
you sleeping on,
We gonna fly on the
Soul Plane!

I can't believe this.

and physical damage
from this.
with your little
inground pools,
Hey, Robert. Guess who?

TOM:
Oh, sweetie,
Mr. Petto claims the version of "nigger" ending in "ger"

diving boards
or whatever.
Hey, uh, Jericho, is it?

Hey, how you doin', babe?
Step your pool game up,
nigga.
Get a table in VIP, pop a little Cristal.

Hey. Oh, ee-- Ee--
Hi, uh, uh, Mr. Usher.

We slide down with ours.
You get here and give
Cousin Jericho a hug.

Uh-- Ah-- Ooh--
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!

-I can't believe it.
-It's not true.
I'll beat your little ass
in front of what's-his-name.
TOM: W-w-wait a minute, Robert.

I-- I can't believe
it's you.

This is, like,
the greatest thing
Get your butt over here,
trying to embarrass me--
that means the same as "buddy" or "best pal."

that ever happened
in our neighborhood.

I'm Sarah.

...where you can, like, track,
like, if someone, like,
Says who?
Says Jay-Z. It's a boycott.

You have a beautiful smile,
Sarah.

Mm-hm.
the friendly version of the N-word
Well, shoot.
What the difference, huh?

Mm! Wow, so she's
on my friends list?
Now, this right here is what
I like to call my bitch tank,

We family, right,
cousin? Ha, ha.

What's going on?
What's going on?
I used the word. I admit it.

We family. We're cousins.
Yup, she your very first
cyber friend

A while for me?
If you say so, second cousin.

and you're her 3 millionth.
"I don't want no big nigger lips
drinking my fine wine,"

SARAH:
I love this song.
She's fine,
ain't she?

GRANDDAD:
Yeah, boy! I love technology.

the community council
meetings, Robert.
we just passing through
ya'll neck of the woods--

I ain't worried about
no damn council meeting.
I thought I understood
this whole thing,

HUEY: My granddad recently
Y'all broke niggas keep buying
fish food if you want.

for the okey-doke
this time.
Oh, wonderful.
Well, I don't know
if that's what he said,

You should post more pics.
Now I got the video chat.

Thank you very much.
Oh. Oh, God.
but you're not
supposed to drink it.
Everybody get ready!
GIRL 2: Oh, my gosh.

But I wanna drink Cris.
Uh--

to show the world
how the broke niggas live,
I'm starting to feel
like Shemar Moore up in here.

That was beautiful.
It's just what I do.
It's in all the music.
Look, look, look.

maybe MTV will come
to your house,
Oh, um, this is,
uh...Tom.

Hoo! Boy, let's get
some music on.
You don't say.
Well, great catching up.

Why would she like you?

Turn on the My-pod
and let's get on the I-space.
'Cause your granddaddy
gives sweet love.

Thanks for stopping by.
Cheers.
Yes, I'm Tom. Just Tom.
There's tons of 'em.
Look: "'Real Nigga Role Call.'
RILEY: Wait, wait, wait.
I know that song.

Look, Robert, don't let
the chrome rims fool you, okay?

GRANDDAD:
Riley, hurry up.

And what do you know
about this woman?
USHER:
Hey, how
Mercedes, Versace, white women.
Niggers, niggers, niggers.

The police were talking
Well...her name is Luna.

to everyone on our street for clues.
you want next, Granddad?

SARAH:
You are so interesting.
booty-butt cheeks
Hey, Robert, if you want beef
with the Roc, that's on you.

Her hobbies include pets,
traveling, kickbox--

The leather vest.
The one with the rhinestones.
We gonna fly on
the Soul Plane!

Well, almost everyone.
You know, we almost
didn't make it up here.

B-B-B-Booty-Butt cheeks

If you don't
mind me asking,
Watch when you go to sleep.

And make sure you pee
before we leave.
Granddad, I--
Shoot,
I drink what I wanna drink.

I ain't gonna miss my movie
I bet she have a gang of niggas
up in here to rob us.
But in the meantime, Mr. Petto has been put on unpaid leave.

going to the bathroom
with you.
GIRL: Thugnificent!
Thugnificent, wait!

Officer, I'm not finished.
That ain't a good look,
Granddad.
Yes, we-- We blessed
to escape the deadly waters

I'm gonna let you go in there
by yourself

Not a good look?
Hello, sir,
I'm Officer Calloway.
and get molested
by a nasty white man.

I just couldn't believe it,
Is that some kind of
new slang?

Now, what's wrong with you?
Why the long face?
And, uh,
virtually nothing else.
because nobody ever
called me a nigger before.
It's not just the music.
I have seen all of your movies.

What's wrong with you?
Is that what's hot
in the street, huh?

I don't wanna go to the movie.
Why not?
Thugnificent and the Lethal
Interjections living here.

Uh...cheers.
I don't ever wanna go
to the movies with you again.
GRANDMOTHER:
Praise Jesus.

I loved Light It Up.
Talk and shoot
at the same time, boy.
Like...I was less
than a person.

Not after
what happened last time.
Thug who?
Thugnificent.
TOM: Yeah! I bet our dollar

I named my dog Light It Up.
Girl, please.
"Beat It" or "Thriller"?

What happened last time?
I can't believe it.
GRANDDAD: Shoot, all you gotta do

Neither have you.
I don't know, Granddad.
We got arrested. And shot at.

is a common trait with black people.
Yeah, we lost everything.

So funny.
She's my manager.
Ballin'!
A whole weekend with
a complete stranger?

Ah. Racism.
Take 'em back
and go get my purple Speedo.

And play it like you
got some sense.
Daddy said I can go
to the movies,

I'll call her.
Hee-hee-hee.
RILEY:
Purple Speedo?
No more of that damn
street ball hot-dogging

but he said I'm not allowed
to see Soul Plane.
TOM: Yeah, you know what?
are culturally inclined against snitching.

All right, boy,
so you had a bad dream.
hippity-hop, and one and seven,
whatever the hell it is.

Good. You don't wanna go
to the movies with him.

It was a really bad dream
about--
Okay, one more.
Matter of fact, you about
to get a lesson in fundamentals.

He's crazy.
Hush.
Mm-hm. Nothing like the
open road. Seeing the country.

Please, we gotta get one more.
Look at that one.
Did you check
the Speedo drawer?
Uh, damn, Tom,
are you sure you wanna come?

Can't see Soul Plane?
Why, little baby?

I mean,
you married.
Man, fuck yo' mama!

Shoot. I ain't ballin'
like a rock star.
Are you even allowed
to do it big?
Because of the types
of stereos or something.

Oh, man.

It'd be good
for my vocals.
It was about
Stinkmeaner.

Types of stereos?
"Am I allowed"?
an unwritten rule about snitching
THUGNIFICENT:
To being on Cribs.

Oh. No, no, no,
little baby doll.
Sure, as long as I stay
within the agreed parameters.

USHER:
I'm gonna
The fulfillment
of a lifelong dream
has become a full-blown "stop snitching" movement,

Wouldn't let that shit
happen to me though.
Yeah, well, you know,
kids are strong.

This is a good theater.
They have THX.

All right, let's go.
Game on.
USHER:
You rollin' with Ush.
Ha, ha.
Hey, I'm not dead, you know.
RILEY: It was a big day for my homey

Damn, these things are tight.
What about Stinkmeaner?

Nowhere for 'em
to call home.
Take the murder of 19-year-old Jermaine "Lojack" Walker,

being on Cribs and all.
He was in hell, and he was
coming back to get us.

I love to see my niggas on TV shinin',

She means stereotypes.
That's right, y'all.
Put your hands up, white folks!
You and me baby, doing it big.
It'll be great.

Stinkmeaner? Don't be crazy.
Yep. Yes, sir.
Stereotypes? In Soul Plane?
That's nonsense.

That old man that Granddad
killed for no reason?
I ain't changing my shorts.
TOM: Hey, guys.

in the middle of a summer afternoon
It's so good
to finally meet you.

Say, how about we tell
your daddy
No reason?
That man was a psycho.
Yeah, well, you know,

Yes, yes,
I see the ears.

we saw something else, hm?
Man, I wanna go
over there,
What you got there, Riley, huh?
You got some moves?

All right! All right!
You can stay!
Nobody even called the cops. They all just went home.

He was blind.
You killed a blind old man.
What's wrong
with your watch?
You mean...lie?

Just like
the picture, right?
What?
to the contrary,

Shit, nigga, the sun
is reflecting all this ice.
the slightest bit
inappropriate?
Yes. Jay-Z.
Yes. Cousin of mine.
Would that be dick riding?
You think? To go over there?

That really doesn't seem to be
a good idea.
I can't see
a motherfucking thing.

Hush, boy.
And I sent him to hell
where he belongs.
Wow, that is pretty good
ball control.

You know,
You look just like
your picture too.
Heh-heh. First cousin.
More Cristal?

it's okay to break
the rules
What it do, Woodcrest?
Ha-ha!
Hey, toss me the ball, Riley.

He asked me
to send him the pictures.
Come on, y'all,
he said it's cool.
Yeah, Granddad,
real tough with the handicapped.

every once
in a while.
Here you go.
Oh!
Whoo!
I can't believe this.

WOMAN:
Come on, y'all.
I won't tell
if you won't.
Yeah.
You damn right, Mr. Policeman!
I saw the whole thing!

He probably gonna beat up
some retarded kids next.
Shocking.
I always knew you'd
do something right.

Okay. Hee-hee.
Put the motherfuckers on, nigga.
Tell me what time it is.

which make sense,
because she's 10.
in our new crib
in Woodcrest...
Much better than the last place.
Praise Jesus.

And you know
what's crazy?
HUEY: Sometimes I think Granddad may be a bad influence.
TOM:
Waiter, another Malibu

What's that supposed to mean?
that's what he's gonna do.
Damn, nigga.
It's 2:30.

It means you're
a bit old to be acting
GRANDDAD: Oh, yes, you did.
RILEY: I didn't even mean to.
and give him a pound and be
like, "What up, Thugnificent?"

Hey, Riley. Don't forget
the camcorder.
Thank you.
Ha, ha, ha.
street ball and learn to play.

Hey. The doorbell girl
was wondering
like some screaming TRL groupie.

...every cookout...
So then my dream
got really weird,

Oh, yeah, your dream.
if you're expecting
and more company

Now, the first Soul Plane
was funny.
THUGNIFICENT:
I'm here for everybody.
Riley, you could
be a superstar one day.
'cause I was a mummy
in a Japanese girl pop band.

Look, boy,
Be happy. Your brother was
called a nigger by a white man.

Pfft. About as funny
as a lynching.
Get back here, Riley.
...every wedding...
Shoot, I'm a superstar now.

Oh, hush, boy.
You ain't even see it.
Well, Whitley, Mitley and Missy.

Ever played on a team?
Stop the car!
He can't hurt you or me
or any of us, okay?

I never seen
a lynching, either,
No.
Well, I'm coaching

Uh, come on.
You want a drink?
but I know
they not funny.

Where I live,
a Woodcrest Youth
Basketball Association team,
I am so bored.
I wanna go home.

Mm. Hope you got
air conditioning.
See? Shows what you know.
I've seen funny lynchings.
Now, let's get one more picture.

I don't want either of you going
near that house. You hear me?
the Mighty Deers.
You know, Timid Deer Lane.

What the fuck?
No, you haven't.
I have so.
Well, we wanna go have a nasty
threesome with Mr. Bitches,

They even have a club for snitches.
Man, Quinten just texted me.
He say the hoes is en route.

Roscoe Patterson's lynching
was funny.
That's right, I rep the Deer.

but if you guys wanna
leave...
It's called the neighborhood watch.

Yeah, so them
niggas was like,
of zombies or vampires,
Anyway,
season just got underway,
Huh? No! No, please wait. No.
See you.

So I'm gonna just, uh,
go back to the house.

"Roscoe, you better
leaves town
They ain't never in here.
Shoot, I could have
stayed in Louisiana for this.

Hold it right there, boy!
GRANDDAD:
Wait a minute!
LUNA:
Oh, you're

"before Mr. Charlie
and them crackers
THUGNIFICENT:
...our new crib in Woodcrest,
Y'all any good?
Um, no.

Woodcrest
neighborhood watch.

gonna come for you."
HUEY:
Granddad, Riley's doing
Oh. That Larry David
is something else. Whoo!

Now, where was you at 11:00
last night, huh? Huh?!

I'm like, "Man,
fuck them crackers, man.
and bagels and shit.
He's traumatized on the inside.

So...
Nana. Nana.

Come on, now!
Don't lie to me, nigga!
This is Roscoe Patterson."
Nigga, I don't give a fuck.
you never told me
what kind of dogs you have.

Nigga, I was in bed.
We bring the 'hood with us,
right here.
us for a little bit?

KID:
I'm going to get you.
I just don't
give a fuck.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You sure you gotta leave?
That nigga's my age.
until he was 3.
That's different.
But Stinkmeaner knew that every black man's spirit

Know what I'm saying?
White man can eat a dick.

GIRL:
Yeah. This is fantastic.
So you guys don't think
I'm overreacting?
See, it's okay between us
behind closed doors.

Eat my balls,
nigga.
Told you so!
Ha-ha. Whoo.
That's right, nigga.

I don't think so.
We have flipped the word
into a term of endearment.

MAN: There he is!
Get that nigger.
BOTH:
Wolves?

You're a bigtime lawyer,
I'm about to do it big
in Woodcrest, nigga.

TOM:
So, what do you say?
Uh-oh.
The law say
when the bicycle stop,
You mean, like, wolf wolves?

Should I call my travel agent
or what, huh?
Oh, come on, you n--
Nincompoop.

Come on,
let's go!
the wheels
supposed to stop.
Yeah. For some reason,
wolves really like me.
Okay, um, Frank.

MAN: Oh, shoot, he's fast!
Watch out!
Uh... Yeah.
Let me, uh, check my schedule.

I was raised
around wolves.
You can't do that!
Hey, come on.
Wait. Oh, what's that,
the PSP right there? Man.

I'm all, like, it's --
whatever.
It, uh, wasn't really
funny after that.

They get a bad rap,
but really,
You can't hear
the movie.

Mm-mm.
GIRL:
Welcome to
if you aren't afraid
to establish dominance,
Hey! After a lifetime of
being treated like a nigger,
HUEY: In the past, Granddad has had

Yep, yep. All of 'em.
Let's go.
This is gonna be so much fun.
I'm calling the police.
Stop!

Huh? That's right, y'all.
Thugnificent bringing the 'hood
Damn. I bet these vases

That's, uh...
This is going to be...

OLD MAN:
Can we bring in the Army?
TOM:
All right, Deers.
All the years
I've been on this Earth,

Get out there
and give him what you got.
...the worst day
of your life.
How long will we wait
on the police to protect us?

Uh, fascinating.
I had my blinker on
and everything.
know how many times
I been called a nigger for free?

Oh, I didn't say
she was cheating.
My ass!

how long you been
kickboxing?
Fuck you, punk-ass,
bougie-ass, hook-ass nigga!
Back in the day, when a white
man called you a nigger,

I'm bringing nunchucks.
Can we bring in
the Army?!
Hey! Who turned off
the motherfucking water?!

I'll beat
your motherfucking ass, nigga!
I got to have it, you dig?

This is a tragedy.
Huh?
Not exactly kickboxing,
but it's kind of similar.

I'm a do-what-it-takes
kind of nigga, man.
The white man ain't never
done nothin' to nobody,

I say toss her groupie ass
out the window

Fuck with me, nigga,
and I'll be popping a trunk
I get it how I live, and
live how I get it, you feel me?
Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

and let that ho stargaze
from outside.

and he don't deserve this.
You got some words
of welcome

Get my motherfucking Uzi.
White Lotus?
Now, Riley,
there's never a place
Hello? Tom. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.

That's the deadliest
style there is.

for violence
in a relationship.
Hey, guys.
What I got to do
Riley's teacher
called him a nigger.

People, calm down.

Thug out with the homey.
We gonna sue the white man.
Get over here quick.
Granddad, I can't believe
you let them niggas stay here.
There sure seemed to be a place
at the restaurant last night.

You never
mentioned, uh,

Man, you wanna
be down with us?
We've let the predators
think we're weak.
Mm-mm.
Nappy-headed hos.

Here, put these coats on.
That's messed up, Riley.
That's family.
on DontSitEm.com.

who was called
a nigger? Huh?
She made you look like a bitch
in front of Usher.
You know what, motherfucker?

Huh?
Last year,
Terrence Kinsley,
Family? I ain't never seen
them niggas before in my life.

Boy, watch
your mouth.
he was a Shaolin monk.
I learned it from him.

Probably
started out charitable.
Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you,
old-ass nigga!

Except for Flonominal
and Macktastic,
Granddad was forced to hire

GRANDDAD:
Here you go.
It was them Freeman boys.
Then I ended up
having to use it on him,

What is it?
who I met through the label
last year,
one of those no-nonsense British super nannies.

It's pinto beans
and neck bones.
You just mad at
all this Thugnificence.

but we're like brothers,
though.
But, Granddad, she did make
Mr. DuBois look like a bitch.

Now put this meat loaf
and gravy under your shirt.

Yeah, I said it.
Respect it, man!

a nigger,
Why don't we just get treats
from the concession stand?
-Now, Ruckus, that's crazy.
-If they're so innocent,

HUEY:
They have nothing to go home to.
breathe it in, nigga.
Bask in it.

but find a different way
to say it.
Which actually worked out,
Man, I'm about
rags to bitches, too.

Next thing you know,
except Granddad set up a nanny cam.

we won't have
nothing to go home to.
you rubbin' against
that silky white skin. Oh.

It's about getting paper,
my nigga.
Now, where were we?
You think I'm paying $20
for some popcorn?

RUCKUS: Yeah.
Why wouldn't they?
Everybody knows
New Orleans niggas are grimy.

But I don't know
the non-curse way
GRANDDAD: This is when

Have you heard of the Kumite?
You must be out
of your damn mind.

to say he got bitched.
Yep. Thanks, wardy.
That's my hat.

Humiliated,
castrated, emasc--
Oh-- Oh, my God.
I bet you Tom would know.
Where is he?
Did you say Kumite?

Are we allowed
to bring in food?
Now, Riley,
I want you to know

Well, I don't really know much about him,
Don't take that long
to get over here.
Of course we're allowed to.
that even though
we doin' it real grand,

I love talking
to the police.
Sitting up here,
watching television,
but my two teenage kids are very excited.

It's my food, isn't it?
I paid for it.
We're gonna go check 'em out.
if this rap shit don't work,
we running up in nigga's houses.

That's all you get for free.
I need a lawyer, but I don't
wanna pay, so you'll have to do.

That means I can eat it
when and where I want.
Did-- Did anyone see
who accosted this man?
It's a mythical, invitation-only
martial arts tournament
Using up all of my electricity,
eating a sandwich.

If you lost
your ho to T.I.,

You know what I mean?
For real. Better believe that.
What I don't understand is
I'd be like,
"Hey, that's T.I."

Boy, put this pot roast in
your pants or you ain't eating.
I got a date?
I can't believe it.
Riley, I started this team
because when I was younger,

that if it's
so offensive to them,

We're gonna be hittin'
the streets, son,
What's wrong with you,
woman?
Oh, this is nothing.
He's just getting started.
and the dungarees with his name on the, um, pocket.

moving mad rock all day,
is not
a law-enforcement agency.
then why do they say it
over and over again?

You better check that ho,
Mr. DuBois.
the very small community
with a very big heart.
to be more creative.

You know what?
You guys are right.
But I didn't think
the Kumite really existed.
and there was that moment at the end,

No interrogations!
living across the street from me. Shoot.
MAN:
So Riley said the N-word

HUEY: Robert Jebediah Freeman
Granddad, you don't skydive,
MAN: Know what I mean?
All day, son.
Excuse me, uh, my name
is Positive Brother Hakeem

had sworn a lifetime intifada
Paid too much money for my house. Funny-ass music.

It's really real.
and they won.
and ask them to join
the neighborhood watch,

against the movie theater industry
It was like a miracle moment.
from Positive Big Black Brothers
and Sisters of America.

and you never was
a member of G-Unit.
Why is the news here?
Well, I called the news
for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,

want to go to a basketball game
just to see the game,
And ever since then,
I wanted to live that moment.

and told them
what you did for us.
He calls himself "nigga"
all the time.
And let's all of us reach out
to all our other neighbors

Get 'em outta here.
which, interestingly enough,

Shakes, all that.
Extra ketchup.
"Nigga this, nigga that.
Nigga, please.
come back with one of them
NBA niggas out of sympathy?
What the hell you do that for?
Don't be modest. It's okay.

did not stop him from going to see movies.
on some faraway mysterious island.

"You need some napkins?"
You feel me?
MAN: Thugnificent and his cohorts,

Okay, gang.
Keep your eyes open.
MAN:
So, Mrs. Wong,
"Nigga, have you lost
your mind?
It's not okay. Now every damn
Katrina victim for 100 miles

She wanted to be
entertained.

Open for what?
formed the Lethal Interjection Crew
Local calls only on my phone,
thank you.

We're sneaking in.
What the fuck is you talking-- ?
What the fuck was that?

They were terrible.
Oh, the white woman's
got a big heart.

That's not true,
little baby.
Kind of like one of them
Mr. Freeman,
what makes a man

beating him senseless with a nine iron,

I bought my tickets online.
Scout's honor.
"Booty-Butt Cheeks."
I wasn't thinking
about it when I did it.
He says it so much,
I don't even notice it anymore.

stealing his wallet and driving his car
Oh, no. These are not complete
strangers. This is family.

Look. Granddad.
They cover room and food. Everything.
Last week in lunch,
Riley says to a classmate:

We ended our season last year
I got some money saved.
The movie will be on me.

multimillion-dollar major-label deal,

Correct.
with the worst record in the league.

Now, you put that away,
boy.
Let's just go
to the initiation.

These movie devils
ain't getting
And my first thought wasn't,
The first test
is the agreeability test.
and a new album, "Rags to Bitches."

any more of our money.
You get to catch up with old friends,

Before you are a member
of the team,

Mm-mm.
see some really good matches, get a tan.
Now, Mrs. Wong,
let me ask you a question.

in the eyes of God?
Well, not exactly. See--
Uh...Mr. Freeman?

Ask the question,
Miss von Hausen.
We can win, Riley.
Good times.

The way I'm looking at it, I'm picking up where
What do you hope to get
out of helping these people?

It says, "No outside food,"
little girl.
Good times.
The Kumite is supposed to be

HUEY:
Costa Rica for two weeks?
What's good, nigga?
Is your granddad home?

That's why we keep it
inside our clothes.

VON HAUSEN:
Mr. Freeman,
a death match, right?
You ever killed anybody?
Not a damn thing.

This is the movement that says, you know --
Are you sure
this is legal?

Hey. Everybody has to
die sometime. Hm.
Wow. So selfless. Bob.
Granddad.
Mr. DuBois' at the door.

Now, as you know, we've had
some home invasions recently.
"Don't grow up and act like a fucking fool all the time,

Okay, everybody, look alive now.
Here's our chance.

Call my agent, man.
He said I said it first?
You's a bitch.

and you can still make it up out the 'hood
-Mm-hm.
-We were concerned to hear

Man, I'm telling you,
and enjoy everything that life has to offer."

I understand
you need your job,
that you refused
to talk to the police.
I seen the hatred
in his eyes
Yo, it's blazing, son.
That shit is incredible, kid.

It's too late now.
I may never come back.
but you're still
a human being with dignity.

I would love to
let you crash,
the first time
I walked in the class.
Finish him.

KIDS:
Throw it to me, throw that ball.

Yeah, I mean,
look at this uniform, man.
No snitchin'.
All he saw when he looked at me
was a black nigger.

I look like
a fucking dork.
Hey, we hear you was
helping people from New Orleans.

Why would they make me dress
like this?
You've also refused
our previous invitations
I would just turn up the bass a
little higher in the monitor --

We used to live right close to--

What did I do
to them, huh?
Well, I had
a girlfriend in Katrina.
much of a case, Robert.

to join
the neighborhood watch,
You should take action.
I didn't come to practice.
You never called my agent.

and we could use
your support.
Nobody give a fuck
what your dumb ass think.
so I'm gonna go
and pretend I didn't go,

Ah. What can I do?
I thought that was a joke.
Oh, no, no.
The guy just seems
kind of...dumb.

Give me this motherfucker.
Our motto is:
Neighbors watching neighbors.

I told you this
was going to happen.
Thank you so much,
Robert.

Get your ass up out of here,
you hook-ass nigga.
So don't tell him.
Say I went to the store.

See, boys? See why

Robert Freeman.
You know him, right?
Have you ever thought about
forming a union?
I'm gonna call
a press conference.
Fuck your court!
MAN #1: Tired of this.
MAN #2:

Oh, I'm watchin', all right.
I'm watchin' this neighborhood

About what?
I don't know,
What's a "union"?
RUCKUS: It's like somebody threw
a million dollars
I ask you to bless him, Lord,

Get the fuck up out of here
with that bullshit.
Well, it's harder to talk
if my mouth is full.

MAN:
Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
become a bunch
of damn tattletales.
I mean, they can only
hang you once, right?
and keep providing for him,
Lord,

MAN #1: Beat it.
MAN #2: Nigga.
I paid.
I got my ticket.

All right, fine.
Good one, granddad.
I got mine today
and that joint is wack.

Yeah, yeah. I got
a ticket for you.
I left food money
in the cabinet above the oven.

You killin' 'em.
Anyway, Riley,
what do you think?

A one-way ticket
to "Get the hell
Property was stolen,
Mr. Freeman.
Well, we can't live
next to their kind.
Jesus, amen.
As we walk in your glory.

out of here, negro"
land.
What's the number
to a press conference?

Hey there, Robert,
Go on! Move it!
Come on, now, you're
leaving me hanging.

Get off of me, woman.
The sanctity of our
community was violated.

I ain't gonna
stand for it.

ALL:
We gotta go to the bathroom.
What's he doing here?
He's your sitter.

Tough titty.
We were here first.
Right.
No, I don't think we should use the word,

I ain't got time
for this bullshit.
Oh...
Granddad, me and Riley
don't need no babysitter.

TOM: Well, I'd sell my house
if I thought
I'm not feeling the name.
Nope.

Nigga, you gay.
it was still
worth anything.
Because niggas have gotten used to it, that's why.

How about that?
I don't care how good you are,
I'm not changing the name.

Why don't you just
invite them over for dinner
Yeah, not like we gonna
try to kill each other.
See it's burnin' me
to hold onto this.

Hell, they like it now.
Another victory
of the common man

and get to know
one another?
Suit yourself.
It's like when you growing crops
HUEY: Meanwhile, I couldn't

over corporate greed.
Uh, real good?

You're not advancing
any struggle
RUCKUS: Sorry he touched you,
Miss von Hausen.
They ain't never gonna get

that an evil force was gathering.

by being cheap,
Granddad.
She ain't say nothing
about no damn
and then you can't grow nothing.

MACKTASTIC:
What's happening, nigga?
that dream you promised them
and for what?

I'll advance my belt
on your behind
Next is a test of courage.

if you don't shut
your ass.
Where the chicken wings
and the doughnuts at?
One man's ego?
Sad. Good luck.

Now, I know it's hard
Oh, my God.
You almost touched
Miss von Hausen!
It smell like the circus
in town up in there.

What the fuck you got to eat
in this bitch, nigga?!

I didn't pay
to get in the movie.
MAN: Nah, you ain't crazy.
ALL:
Bye, Riley.

I love you
My name is Uncle Ruckus,
and I will be nigger-sitting

Uh, yes, we did. I --
I ordered my tickets online.
Huey, what are we gonna do?

A HAZMAT suit.
It's just, I feel like this

Who got the neck bones?
You gonna tell her
to get out.
you two until your
grandfather returns.

No, you didn't.
I'm not telling her
to leave.

is coming to an end.
Especially when there are so many other fine substitutes:

We snuck in.
Your granddaddy picked me
She hit me with one of them
exploding nutsack techniques.

Ghostface Killah
isn't even dead.
because
I am a licensed zoologist.

We stole a movie.
Tom agreed to allow Riley to design the uniforms

Now, who makes the rules?
She's not a kung fu
master. She's crazy.
I have studied
a variety of wild animals,

Man, stop complaining.
that goofy-looking motherfucker is coming back.

Grownups, right?
Shit.
Then you go kick her ass out.

Your granddad's nigga moment ain't dead yet.
and the African male is by far
the most savagely cunning.

And I'm grown up,
and I say it's okay.
call that coon a jungle bunny instead.

But what am I
supposed to do?

We're gonna
get caught.
'cause I don't
even drink grape.
Hey. I'm willing to stay
in the bathroom all night.

We're gonna
get caught.
If death can't stop Stinkmeaner,
what can?

I should call my daddy
and turn myself in.
This is an opportunity
to observe you niggers

Yeah, yeah.
Think about it. Peace.
we don't wanna try
this case in the press. No.

When y'all going
to the store too?
Oh, yeah?
You gonna tell him
You two just...stay here.

-Shh-shh-Shh.

what you came to see, huh?
And let's remember that
the victim is a young child.

That's my boy!
That's my boy--
Okay. I gotta use
the bathroom anyway.

I bet he'd like
to know that.
So let's be respectful.
Thank you.

What the hell going on
out here?
Go, Ball-a-Holics! Go!

Y'all ain't got shit.
Maybe I should make
a phone call.
RUCKUS: Oh...

Okay.
That was very sucky, Tom.

No. Please, no.
Uh-oh, everybody,
keep an eye on your wallet.

Good. Now just
calm down.
You must be crazy.
You gotta let your thing go.
: Please do not look Muslim
Uh, my name is Robert Freeman,
and I have a lot of things

RUCKUS: Mm-hm.

Try some mashed potatoes.
Who got the popcorn?
What up, dawg?

ED: If you had
a headset like mine,
Look here, old dog.

I do, Granddad.
You do not want that.
GRANDDAD:
I ain't letting my stuff
What, what, what?

Hijacking is against the law.

Now, this here
is the orange-flavored drink
and some Johnny Mathis.

WOMAN: So where's he at now?
Nah, baby, I'm still here.

Ow! Hey.
Damn,
I hate airports.
Hey.

What the hell is wrong
with you?
Orange-Aid. With vitamin C.
This is
my press conference.

Watch it, boy,
don't step on my roses.

No.
What am I gonna do
with raw popcorn?
It's okay.
When we were trapped,

VON HAUSEN:
What was that?
Let me call you back.
for the Woodcrest
School District.

You're gonna ruin my dentures.
Tip-off there, right, straight in the hands of Young Reezy.

Whew. Damn, can't watch
a movie without popcorn.
Hey. How's Robert?
Is everything okay?
Rollo Goodlove? What's
that two-bit hustler doin'?

GRANDDAD:
Show them what you got.

So I don't mind drinking
the cheap stuff.
Heh. Word down at the gym
is that he done wore

MAN #1: Yeah.
Hey!
Now I gotta spend
all my damn money
You have assaulted
this fine family's dignity,

Oh, hurry up.
I'm trying to do it big.
MAN #2: Do that shit.
Yeah!
I gotta deal with

on a bucket
of popcorn.
Damn.

Now, it's date night
and you know the rules.
I see you, homey.
Go ahead, nigga.
you have assassinated
their pride,

Hear that?
Sounds like niggas.

You get in that room.
Ride it out, nigga.
Boarding pass and ID.

Told you.
I don't care
if you hear scream
and you have hurt
their feelings.

USHER:
Do I still have to eat
the cheap lunchmeat?
Thank you. It was really hard.

RUCKUS: What you see,
Miss von Hausen?
Now, somebody gonna pay.

When your feeling
Find a way to get
some hoes over here.

It's just...I had heard
no colored liquid or people are allowed to board a plane.

Shit, he -- he just hatin'
'cause, see,
MAN: Do it, man.

You gotta let it go
You know, what hurt us was
losing all that mattress money.

Still dribbling now, there's some impressive dribbling.

Mm. Hm!
There was four or five
accounts in there.

WOMAN:
Why don't you call her, then?

Jumpin' like it used to
Maybe you would like
a demonstration?
Keeping the other kids off guard, still, uh--
to Robert Freeman, to the ghost
of Martin Luther King,

Oh, shit!

Honey, I'm home.
Uh, wait.
Yo, word to mother,
and the money for the record
label I started in the basement.

RUCKUS: Buck 'em down,
Miss von Hausen!

friendly sparring match?
Let it burn

You were in construction, right?
We're takin' fire! Run!
I know a lot of girls
on Myspace.

They're doing a lot of building
in New Orleans right now.

Oh, yeah!
I mean, I don't really pay
much attention to 'em, though,
Pass.

-RUCKUS: Get them negroes!
-ED: They shootin'!
I seen it on television.
That's what I thought.

It's best
'cause I be's
all about my paper.

No, no, no, I'm still here.
Yo, can I still come over?
It's when you let go of the ball
and give it to someone else.

I heard Halliburton was hiring
Tom, what's gotten into you?

or grown-up girls and shit?
But I just showed it to her.
Of her being with someone--

Come on. You want
some of this? Come on.

Oh. Help me.
Man, grown up. They got little
pictures of each one, too,
I need to see it
as well, sir.

MAN:
Car!
be terminated immediately
TOM:
Riley, pass!

Oh, Tom!
But I just showed it to her,
then I walked straight to you.

Get 'em,
Miss von Hausen!
And you can reach
these hoes
so he can no longer spread
his hateful bigotry.

That's the way!
Wait, Miss von Hausen.
Sir, I don't have time for this.

I'm gonna make it do
what it do.
and tell 'em to come over here
and get bucked-naked?
And finally, we demand
that the Freeman family

and I live
across the street.
I'll give you anything. Ah!
It's 'bout time for my break
and you are stepping on my time.

SARAH:
Oh, Tom!
Goddamn.
Enough with the dribbling.

Come on, now!
Buck 'em down!
be compensated
for their extreme distress

You don't have time? Shit.
Yeah,
that's my granddad.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.
RUMMY: Riley!
Hey, Riley, look, man,

ANNOUNCER: Don't steal movies.
Next.

Come on, Riley,
take it to the hoop.

I need somewhere to hide.
Niggas are shootin', man.
Let's...
The only thing I did was put
my boarding pass and ID away

Niggas are shootin'?
ED: Hey!
get out while we can.
Riley, attack the basket! Go!

This the car that got
pimped out by Xzibit.
JERICHA:
The Lord will provide
which is why I don't
wanna get it out again.

I just wanna say that
I like your music.

Say, motherfucker, you on the
phone or you talking to me?
Riley, shoot.
Why won't he shoot the ball?

Doesn't that makes sense?
And, uh, you know,
this is my turf over here,

Hello?
I didn't become a different
person in the last five feet!

I'm talkin' to Riley.
Uh, let me see here.
Uh, thumbera.

SARAH: It's Sarah.
Oh, he's got the look on his face.

GRANDDAD: Damn.
Hey, y'all see the new rims
I got on my bike?
Towards the goal, got the dribble.

computer genius and shit --
Oh, wait.

come into my house
and try to destroy my place.
This is a quick estimate, um,
Large freshly popped popcorn,
please. And lots of butter.
This thing has a push-button
starter like a racecar.

I ain't on your nuts,
though.
Make them pay.
Make them pay.

Want me to ask them
to come over?
to her recital practice at 3, right?

What, what?
Beautiful arc on that ball.

Didn't have time
to put the lamp in.
Anything else?

Yes.

I asked
for butter on it.
Oh, man.
Respect, little partner.
Looks like it may have just enough

Butter's over there.
Well, I'm in the studio
with Snoop Doggy Dogg

Hey, this little nigga's
all right, y'all.
MACK: Say, baby girl. Hey,
boo, check it out.

Are you doing the music video thing again?

'Cause I'm gonna make sure
I pay you back every penny.
I don't wanna put the butter
on it. Why can't you do it?
No-ho-ho-ho.
Lionel Richie's ex-wife.

Whoa, whoa!
What y'all doin'?
off the table.

Gotta go, honey. Bye.
With interest.
Well, thank you, Jericho.

You're supposed to
put the butter on it.
You know your mama
taught you better than that,
WOMAN: Uh-uh.

I don't wanna
put the butter on it.
ghetto-ass nigga.
That's kind of embarrassing after that buildup.

I'm already paying $20
for this bullshit popcorn.
Well, fuck you then, bitch.
Bucket-mouth ho.

I'm still burnin'
and Brenda Richie had just caught Lionel in bed
Boarding pass and ID.

But how about, uh,
tomorrow, cutie pie?

I will not demean myself
Y'all can't take
my granddad's car.
Well?
Not bad for short notice.

...in the Jacuzzi?
The first time
you break the rules,
by putting butter
on popcorn.

you get the cattle prod.
Stop, Ed.

So -- So am I
in the crew?
Why? It's really easy.
Why?
The second, you get
the electric dog collar.

Don't want to
STINKMEANER: Ha!
Goes straight up in his face and-- Ooh, a swish.

Because I don't work at
the movie theater, that's why.
Y'all got
the 100-inch-screen TV too.

What the--?
Come back tomorrow, partner.
Yeah, yeah.

The third time,
I'm calling up the lynching mob.

You're supposed to put
the butter on it.
Gotta hurt a kid's soul right there.
Who's out there?
Boys! Boys, help me.

LIONEL: Don't--
Hyah!
It's an American original.

If I go to Burger King
and order a cheeseburger,

Bruise you
Ow!

they don't make me put
the cheese on it, do
I'm gonna get a chain.
Ooh, I bet this bitch
got some knock, huh?

Let it burn

Oh, of course.
Now I get it.
I see, I see. Just 'cause
your skin is light, bright,

Let it burn
Player, player.
Get to the clubs.
So then I say
to R. Kelly,

Yeah, this bitch
got some bass, boy.
Gotta let it burn
Or maybe I'm using
my stupid sitcom

and two shades
from being white,
"Did you wash
your hands?"

You don't understand how bad
a nigga need a chain.
Y'all got the new Xbox too.
Oh, shit.

Hey, for real?
On the real?
you think you too good
to butter your own popcorn.
ass whipping.

Yo, this little nigga funny,
man.
Riley now on defense, coming up behind, and--

Oh
Hey, what you doing?

This little
nigga like
everything in my life
would be perfect.
Oh! Let me serve this,
nigga, you hear me?
Well, you wrong,
Lando Calrissian.

Charlie Murphy
or some shit, man.
No.
Or...yes.

Oh, sweet Jesus!
Hey, man.
This your brother?
You don't even want--
Huey don't want none.

So, what I'm doing
is marshaling
Damn it, Ruckus. Y'all gonna
put some butter on this popcorn.

It's burning.
Upside his nose.
Oh, Lordy Lord.

Yo, nigga.
Your brother told us
all the resources
I have available to me
TOM: That's your man. Ho-ho, look at that fadeaway.

VON HAUSEN: He saw it!
He saw everything.

how you be all
into reading and shit.
to ensure that justice
is served.

Hey, Tom.
Shut the fuck up.

Hyah!
And, uh, thumbera,
Tom, go away!
I'm gonna call the police.

GRANDDAD:
Boy, watch your mouth.
how much justice
do you think we can get?

Did you hear that?
Nigga, you know that wasn't
no chain. That was a necklace.
Clean up out this bitch

We put our lives on the line
every day to make movies,
GRANDDAD: Oh, it was terrible. Terrible.

Riley up again--
Man, I can't hear nothing
over Granddad's gay-ass music.

Damn it. Hurry up, boy.
Tell us who did it.
about a half a million.

Now, you're gonna tell me
who stole my car
and then people come along
and steal all that hard work.
What happened to your insurance?
Oh, I had insurance.

Man. I can't wait for niggas
to start hating. I can't wait.
Look out, new message.

Uh-oh.
or I'm gonna get my belt or a
2x4 and go upside your head!

What the--?
Who would do something
like that?
Brenda Richie knew kung fu.

Word. You know what I mean?
You know, that reading shit,

I hate to laugh at an 8-year-old, folks.
A terrible, awful human being
that no one will ever love.

you generate
from those around you?
you know what I mean,
it's hard, son.
RUCKUS: Ow!

Could be worse.
said I didn't have
no wind insurance.
Hey, if niggas ain't mad at you,
then you doin' something wrong.

That's who.
Word. You know
what I mean? Word.

So I couldn't get no money.
You know what I mean?
Especially when them books be
I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman.

They don't have that
kind of money.
Can you believe that?
Wind insurance?
By that definition, then,
you have a very bright future.

I pays for my car!
you know what I mean,
you know,
Oh, nah. They got tons
of money. Shoot. Hm.

Somebody help! Ah!
really thick and heavy-like,
you know what I mean?

They keep it
for themselves though.
Thank you for that
perspective, Huey.
I ain't getting it
for him neither. Nope.
Thanks, man.

Word. You know
what I mean?
All the greatest basketball
players have always been white.

They buy themselves
private jets
Hey. Get to the flick.
So I-- I said to the guy,
"What kind of shit is this?"

No problem.
Why would he send
a message from--?
I say make a man wait until he's resentful.
of impeccable character,

What happened
to the movies?
This doesn't seem to be
a place for kids.
save me from these
African hooligans!

Your kid's eating
tater tots
Y'all should be
ashamed.
In the street.
What streets?

That always works.
What the hell?
Tom, what's going on?

Why is it
when I order a soda pop,
Oh, oh.
We got PlayStation
and Xbox, nigga.
I do hereby announce
that Riley Freeman

I get a empty cup?
Oh, Lord.
Think it's gonna be weird
now that I beat up his grandson?

I didn't order
a empty cup.
You see, Tom?
They're a bunch of crooks.
Mm-mm. I can't do it, Granddad.
I can't talk to the po-po.

And we got Incredible Hulks,
nigga.
So that makes it okay
to extort them?

I ordered a soda pop.
is officially part
of the Lethal Interjection crew.

And what asshole started putting
commercials in movies?
Tell Granddad.
He's not the police.
All the kids is
welcome, motherfucker.
"Extort"? Extort?

Oh, Lord!
Why has thou forsaken me?

I can see commercials
at home on TV.
STINKMEANER:
Oh, you running?
Okay. Let's hear the story
one more time.
So I brought out my old violin
that only plays sad songs.

So this is the message
you want to send

Okay, let me
get this right, now.
Bullshit.
And the bathroom stink.
Clean the fucking bathroom!
I suppose you think affirmative
action is extortion too, huh?

You promise not to tell?
My cousin, Elliot,
in California

to the young youth
out here like myself
Oh, my goodness,
some black people are crazy.
will now transfer to you.

I'm not gonna
take it anymore!
passed away very suddenly
while working out.

Now, what in the Sam Hill
are you--?
Get your drunk ass
outta here.
I pay too much damn money
for these movie tickets

and not love
these ho's, huh?
Now, just remember
what you represent

W-w-w-what's all this?
Oh! Ahhh!
when you have it on,
and be proud of it.
It ain't the white man's fault
you dumb niggas

to butter my own
motherfucking popcorn!

Is this what's hot
right now in the streets?
don't know that there's
wind in a hurricane.
There isn't a single member
of the Lethal Interjection crew

Goodness gracious to life.
Tom, you're fired.
Ah-- What?

Yeah, let's say that.
We weren't very close.
It's only popcorn.
How am I gonna get
my butter beans?

I was doing you a favor.
Tom, what's wrong with you?
that isn't ready to die
for his chain, nigga.

You're just gonna
go on and quit.
All for some white girl who
left you for an R&B dancing-ass,
I'm sorry, Tom.
He's not even a lawyer.

You on that stuff?
Snap out of it, Tom.
Well, I was excited
seeing you out there.

This place is nasty,
clean it up.
sexy-flexy-
ass nigga?
Uh, yeah.

When did you
get here?
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.
I can see 'em now:

Huh?
Well...
No thanks.
911 emergency. I'll hold.

I'm sorry.
Except for Leonard.
"Guess what?
I just saved a bunch of money

But he's bitch-made.
Well, I been at
the ticket window all day long,
that's why Daddy is
Uh, okay.
Stupid dummy heads.

Your chain, my nigga.
"on my insurance 'cause
these dumb niggas didn't know

and I don't remember you
buying no ticket,
Don't snitch, Granddad.
Why can't we take turns?
'Cause I'm the oldest.

Under no circumstances
do you change that story.
Oh, so that's what
practice is for.
Rollo's perm's
not even righted.

Yeah?
Well, you're also the gayest.
Robert Freeman.
They don't know nothin'
unless you tell 'em.

Oh, what? What, you got
some more sad songs, huh?

Uh, I-I-I got my tickets
online.
Yeah.

TOM:
Now, remember, Riley,
Aha! A damn lie.
GRANDDAD: Damn it!
Damn it. Come here.
Man, clean it up now.

"Ahhh" ain't my name.
Okay. So, what do we do first?

You clean it up, bitch.
I ain't never
met a nigga
MAN: Sir, please
release the child.
people walking around
Winning is about teamwork.

smart enough to use
a personal computer.
Release the child.
TOM: You're choking him out!
where they don't
want them to be,
I remember my senior year
at Princeton.

Hell, y'all niggas wasn't making

Not even a Macintosh.
eating outside
Hey there, Huey,
is your grandfather in?
We beat Chris Webber
and Michigan with teamwork.

HUEY:
Stinkmeaner.

being the driving force
Uh...
when they think they
should be inside at a table.
Now each of y'all
want 300,000, huh.

behind the "stop snitching" movement,
Today is Fidel Castro's
birthday.

They still show the highlights
of that game sometimes.
You'll never take me alive,
you punk-asses.

Oh. Are you sure?
And I'm in charge of
the birthday party.

RUCKUS:
Stop him!
Wait, you don't mean the--
plus a very generous donation

Come on, come on.
So I gotta fly out there.

You filed a complaint
against me, old man?!
Oh, okay.
He went this-a way.
In 2000, rapper Gangstalicious reportedly assaulted

I mean, you like it here,
don't you, Daddy?
RUCKUS:
Somebody call the police.

You filed a complaint
against Thugnificent?

This is a...
And I'm taking y'all
with me
In the news today,
violent crime is on the rise,

with a tennis racket
Have mercy.

Mm-hmm.
in the first-class cabin
on the ass-whupping express.

Well, heh-heh-heh,
it's just that--
and a bottle of Hennessy on the set of a music video.
for Fidel Castro's birthday
party that I'm planning,

I don't know what we're
gonna do, but we gotta do--
Rap beef, nigga.
Punk-ass motherfucker.

Whew.
Did I miss anything?
of Katrinian refugees
to Woodcrest.

Mr. Freeman...
Guinness refused to cooperate with authorities.
like I said earlier.
Eh-heh. Yeah.
Police responded to an assault
call on Timid Deer Lane.

I don't wanna steal the movie.
A nigga's nuts in your face?

Guys. I just
wanted to thank you

I wanna go home!
Wow.
It won't start.
He took a cab, Mr. DuBois.

Yeah.
Shh!

for letting me stay here.
I thought you were gonna
tell me you thought I was crazy,
if the violence
was drug-related.
This nigga
must be crazy.

What's wrong with you?
and you didn't want to see me
again, like the others.

Okay.
I wanna go home.
No, but it ain't
look like you won.

Not at all, Tom.

You wasn't saying that
back at the house, was you?
Drop the beat,
drop the beat, ugh.
I'll go down there and help
blow up some more levees.

Well, that is not
what winning is about.
Uh-- Uh, well, uh, okay, then.

Bring it on, Huey.
Was you? Because you wanted
to see Soul Plane 2.

I'm enjoying this time with you.
Are you kidding?
Figure out
what you wanna eat.

mmm, delicious

Well, this is how
we see Soul Plane 2.
Thugnificent's rags-to-bitches story
so I'm saying...

A-ha!
The proof is in the pudding.

no doubt we gonna win this
In fact, I was just telling Huey
Okay. Hallelujah.
Mission accomplished.
I repeat, the terrorist said
his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,

Ooh. I got an idea.

I smacked Johnny Guinness
I would love to pursue
a romantic relationship you.

Time for step two.
Did they give you the money?

What up?
and he's demanding
that we --
in the super-elite suburb of Woodcrest.

Tom. Get
down here.
Definitely.
I'll call you

Hell, no, I ain't fitting to ask him

Several of the neighborhood's black residents
for his motherfucking autograph.
STINKMEANER:
Whoo, come on.
What the--?
Now, before you start hating,

filed a complaint

HUEY: An hour into the movie,
and we all know you guys
have had it rough,

And Fidel.
I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

Huh. Excuse me, hold on.
MAN: We out of food, but we got
Oh, I-- I get it. Okay, well,
I don't have no cash on me now,

Let me ask you something.
Man, how we gonna eat?

How did it make you feel

Yo. Look out.

Pass this bag of potato chips around.
knowing that this neighborhood's black residents
but when I get my FEMA check,
you know,
The problem with restraining speech is,

Tom was facing an all-out revolt.

didn't want you here?
who gets to set the rules?
Please take one. Pass it...

If it's only okay in a certain time or place,
TOM: Please, people!
Riley Freeman will talk.

He's in here.
I know Robert.

To be stabbed in the back by your own people?
who gets to say what time and what place? Bill Cosby?

He don't miss a coon flick.
RILEY:
I'm saying, you ain't have

And this, sir,
is an intervention.
ALL:
Bye.

What is it?
What's happening?
No, no, no, no, no.
I know how it go down.

An intervention?
Your friends have
Superb, homey. Exemplary.
Maybe about 30 years.

Shh. Don't make a sound.
Butch Magnus Milosevic.

I feel sorry for 'em, though,
about what is appropriate to say

from chronic bitch
dependency, Mr. DuBois.
where I look out for you,
To no more weekend visits
by crazy Internet women.

STINKMEANER:
All right, here we go.
Butch Magnus?
Crazy Butch Magnus?

May I call you Tom?
where they came from.
you keep looking out for me,
we look out for each other.

Is this some kind
of joke?
Can't you just be happy to see
another nigger fitted up,

I promise you,
Riley will talk soon.
You don't know where I came from.
No! Stop trying to bribe me.
I'm not for sale.

Tom...bitch dependency

and being a real team player.
: Ooh.
Damn.
I'm from a small town called
a youth walked up to me and said:

is no laughing matter.
with the Fidel Castro
story.

"What it do?"
Let's go check Madea's Bat Mitzvah.
Hey, everything's for sale.
Stop!

Addiction to a bitch
can fuck with your friends,
He sounded like he was auditioning
Get your bars up, nigga.

MAN: Attention, please, passengers.
Hey. Put that camera back over here.
He's got that look in his eye, passes it off to his teammate.
You supposed to be in charge.
You supposed to be the leader.

your health, and scary enough,
even your money.

your granddaddy is
a master of deception.
I'm sorry the levees broke,
If you left the toilet seat up in the restroom...

...faggot boy.
Lead us to some breakfast then,
nigger. Nigger-- What?

It's a disease,
Tom.
but if they don't get their
black asses out of my house,
It makes me sick to think
of him. I'm gonna vomit now.
: Fidel Castro's birthday?

MAN: Yeah, that's what
I'm talkin' about!

Wait. What was your name again?
That's it, Riley. Nothing fancy.
What, you want some,
nigger? Huh?

RILEY: Otherwise known as "One-Punch" Butch.

Well, thank you for asking.
GRANDDAD:
Yeah!
You think he was lying?
Just got off the phone
with FEMA
I personally blame the mother--

Officer,
I'm sorry.
STINKMEANER: Whoa!
Yeah, I got you now.
All I know is you drove all them hours

I didn't mean to steal
from the stuntman.
No. I'm not gonna fight you.
I'm grounding you.
I don't believe it. This kid has the heart of an 8-year-old.

Get off me, you bitch ass,
you faggot ass!
Granddad, please
stop this now.

Wait. "A pimp"?
and then ask for your shit all after the fact.
MACKTASTIC: Eat a sack of baby dicks,
Ground me?
What is this, Family Ties?

Named Slickback.
Oh, praise the Lord.

What kind of sandwich
is this?
Hey. Think they can introduce me
as "Young Reezy"?
was withholding information.

Yes. Please say the whole
thing if you would.
Goodness gracious alive.

GRANDDAD:
Not the lamp. No.
I just did.
Don't leave the house.

What were you about to do?
You gotta give him props on that one, folks.

You were about to rat on us,
weren't you?
Alright, let's get into something brand new,
What are you listening to?
I'm gonna do
all the talking.

Props all around.
This is what the movie theater
industry wants, Jazmine.
in five, four, three...

Yes, Tom.
Every time.

STINKMEANER:
I'm a-kill you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little chest-bump action--
Jesus. Jesus.

Us fighting against
each other.
that's my boy, my friend, Thugnificent.

You beat me
in the parking lot.
King Kong ain't
got nothing on me.

You're right.
Now, you listen here,
you little bitch.
Oh-ho-ho-ho, no.
There's no turning back now.

I-I don't think
I need any help
And just so you know,
My guests this evening are Reverend Rollo Goodlove:

I'm gonna ask you
some real simple questions,
Talking about I'm grounded.

You're in it
all the way.
STINKMEANER:
I want my parking space.
from the Jesus, Mary and Joseph Academy for Boys

NIQUE:
Boy, that Flavor Flav crazy.
and I want some
real simple answers.

Now you're gonna get your little
narrow, high-yellow ass
Coach Tom for believing in me--
It isn't until August 13th.

And by
Give me this shit.

back into the theater
and enjoy Soul Plane 2.
Now, you pulled into the garage
and went into the house at 9:15?

you mean a pimp?

And it's got my main man,

Boy, play defense!
Nate "Doggity" Dogg, on the hook.
I...wanna...go...home!

They are the family at the center
Uh, look, I'm not
trying to insult you.
Uh-oh.

He lied to me.
If I'm not mistaken,
it was 9:15.
motherfucker.

Shut up.
All right, folks, we are back in the thick of it now.
Mm-hm. You see, girl?

You're ruining
my innocence!
why does that word still have so much power?

Riley, two defenders on him,
Shut up.
So you pulled into the garage

That's why I'm by myself.
passes to his teammate, up, and good.
Well, Larry King-- That's a very good question.

MAN: I expected to fly first-class.

I'm telling you right now:
they got to go.
and went into the house
at 9:15?

I wanna go home.
You better not get rid of it.
Uh, which reminds me of an upcoming episode

MAN 2: Well, you ain't in first class.
Man, I don't know if I can
take another three months.

This is a well-oiled machine, folks--

Why we gotta put
the nigga in my bed?
You don't see me running around
lookin' for a bitch.
See, I told you, but, no, niggas
think they know everything.

Ooh, another two points.

then she must be nutty
as squirrel shit.
I looked at my watch, and --
and, yes, mm-hm, mm, 9:15.

I know where all
my bitches are,
What are we gonna do, Riley?
Kick them out?

Look at this.
He's possessed
by the ghost of Stinkmeaner.
Score, 16 to 4.

RILEY:
What's wrong with the street?
I brought a clip of it, if you'd like to see it.

So you're telling me,
definitely,
Granddad. What's wrong
with Jazmine?
And by everything else,
I mean her looks. She was fine.

that you pulled
into the garage
Um, sure thing. If we have it ready,

Boy, don't nobody
listen to you.
Uh-oh. Looks like someone
caught a beat-down.
LEONA RAY: Hey. What happened?
What the--? Robert.
: I'm out here

let's, uh, go to the clip.
She couldn't look that good.
She was black.
and went into the house
at 8:15?

She's fine.
Watch the movie.

That's what the hell
I thought.
But I guess if you put lipstick
and a wig on a monkey,

Thank you, Grandma.
Folks, things are looking bright and cheery
What if he pees in the bed
or vomit, or shoots a deuce?

Oh, that's crazy.

Now look at you: bitchless.
it could look good too.

He sucker-punched me.
Hm? A bully, huh?
we have to make some cutbacks.
Oh, this nigga tripping.

Look at this.
I...wanna...go...home.
Oh, no, no.
You got any Thunderbird?

Well, there's only one way
to deal with bullies.
Now, you see something. You know
you done fucked up, right?

I'll take Thunderbird.
HUEY: Granddad had to be stopped.

I've had enough.
I'm going back upstairs.
Oh. Whoa, looks like he could have used
A monkey in lipstick and a wig.

Tom is possessed
by an evil spirit
Oh, Daddy. Hey there, Trudy.

I'm gonna put an end
to this...
a little help on that one.
GRANDDAD:
No! I said, no.
Hey! That's my suit you just--
Went in my personal space.

Tom, when we first
let you stay here,

LUNA:
I found him.
Granddad,
this is childish.
or die trying.

He's in a park with another man.
Don't think 'cause
I'm on Larry King Live
I said I pulled
into the garage at --

HUEY: And so did this movie.
Steal your bike,
your chain.
We used to going without.
Mm-hm.

WOMAN: Ooh, see. What did I tell you?
I won't whup
your little asses.

And one day,
I had enough.

Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both.
See? That's exactly why I don't have a man.
GRANDDAD:
Oops. There go the lights.

You know you done
fucked up, right?
It's shine time, folks, but all that glitters is--
We have a wonderful cast,

And I had a gun. But you know what?
It's only been
two days.
Coming.
in the battle

I didn't want to use my gun.

Nigga, hush. You're living
under my roof now.
TOM:
You're not even looking
of the selfish versus the lazy.

Move, nigga.
Still?

He made that a whole lot harder than needed.
Where you going?
They're looking for us.
and the writers give us fantastic material.
But without Riley talking, the cops had nothing,

You know what?
I know a great therapist.

And in his face.
Huey, come back.
So now, about this incident.

I'll make an appointment
today.
It's all that stuff
they do to their hair.

Okay.
I guess I'll just, um...

That...
And -- And I had a friend named Smokey.
NIQUE:
Damn.

Oh, this is crazy.
Colored folks are something.
RILEY: I know y'all seen niggas
with spinning rims, right?
And then I grabbed myself a brick --

Yeah.
Well, hello, cutie pie.
JERICHA:
Son, I can't take

But check it,
check it, check it.
Granddad, you didn't live that.
That's from that movie, Friday.

Don't worry, we still ahead.
we've already paid
Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback

I'm sayin',
on a bike, though.
JERICHA:
I'm just too old for this.
the best time ever.

Well, hello.
You got to feel me on this, man.

a retainer of $2500.
I don't think his friend
likes the sisters too much.

HUEY: My plan was to get to the projector room
I can't even tell you what

if that makes any sense.
Robert, you shouldn't have.
WOMAN: Ha! Heh. Oh-- Oh!

and destroy the print of Soul Plane.
No, Riley, no!

With your credit card.

This kid sure can dribble, but he shoots like shit.

That's exactly why I don't have a man now.
Oh.
HUEY: Riley made several more

BOY:
Dude, that is really sweet.
Man, niggas...
Somebody get me out of here.

I was rushing, and--
I didn't get a chance to talk.
A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
Did you know
That's like
a sweet piece of --

Oh, I think men who are
comfortable with their bodies

Heh-heh.
They just mad...
Okay.
All right, here we go.

Me too, baby.
It's good.
First, I had to go to the bathroom.

with a genetic
predisposition
are very sexy,

Now, this don't make no sense.
Oh, well. At least I got that
crazy bitch out of my house.

RILEY:
I be like, ugh! Ugh!
to absolute crap in no time at all.

to bitch
dependency, Tom?

One problem black people have with snitching
What, you thought
I wouldn't come see you?
Next time, I talk first.
Oh, nigga, shush.

And exactly when did you become
a relationship counselor?
What did he say?

You thought you wouldn't
go get the taste
Jazmine, you're missing
all the best parts.

Well, sharing
this pimp knowledge
He told his friend I'm crazy.
columnist Ann Coulter.

the defense for the Ball-a-Holics
I'm not watching
a stolen movie.
And I like to cook,
mostly pork.

just isn't there.
for an exorbitant fee
is my way of giving

So, Ann, what do you make of this
Oh, well.
If you don't wanna laugh.
You better fall back,
nigga.

Over to Riley,
something back
to the community, Tom.
whole N-word controversy in Woodcrest?

I like to clean too.
Wow.
You can't beat me.
I'm Butch Magnus.

I want to help you,
Tom. I do.
Man, this is so wrong.

You know what you should do?
Oh, that's crazy.
What's so funny?
I think it's criminal they suspended this teacher.

But I need you to
help me...
You real good when
you come out of nowhere
Hey, let's roll by the house
and see if they left yet.

See? I told you I could do it.
Oh, nothing. Hilarity
just ensued, that's all.

No.
and sucker punch a nigga.
Heh. Why? Ha-ha. I mean, be--

It did?
Yeah, that's more
the feds' thing.

Huh.
but apparently for no good reason.
Because he stood up to some foul-mouthed gang member?

Huh?
"Help me help you."
Yeah, okay.

You see anything weird,
you just give us a call,

Oh. Oh. Oh!
Robert Freeman!

all right, buddy?
Heh. Okay.
The scoreboard tells the tale.

That was funny.

Darling, all the women
of my cultu--

MAN: Hey, Bernard!
You snitch-ass motherfucker!

Hm? Ah.
It's about time someone in the classroom had the guts
STINKMEANER:
Come here and fight like a man,

Granddad,
you home?

to not back down to thugs like that. Heh.

Say it. "Bitch." Yeah.
Bitch.
Huey?

Uh, yes, we've gotta
call her that, Tom.
I don't hear anything.
Hey. Where's Granddad?

Yeah?
RUCKUS:
It's about impossible
And the lights?

I'm sorry.
After what she's done,
STINKMEANER:
I know you hear me, Robert!
I don't like losing.

in this dark theater.

He's probably having the time of his life.
not callin' her a bitch
would be disrespectful to you.
Man, tell me you didn't
think that was hot.

Yo. I think we need
to shake the spizzot.
Well, then,
stop beating yourself.

I will not be ignored!
Got a possessed nigga here,
MAN:
Oh, my God-- Oh, no.

he was charged with conspiracy
Huh? What?

Now please continue,
Tom.
You gonna hate on it
And the best part is,
this don't cost you a dime.

and sentenced to a month in jail.
Yeah?

Well, my wife, Sarah--
You still a bitch.

GRANDDAD: Can't believe
these little, young kids
I sure did.
You need to stop with
the hate crimes, granddad.

I mean-- She's the best
woman in the world.

Forget Jazmine. Let's go.
But we couldn't.
When your cousin told
everyone in the neighborhood

Did you tell her that you got
two sets of genitals?
ANNOUNCER: And at shooting guard,

That was that nigga
from Friday,
how broke you were,
She the weak link.
She'll slow us down.

We've had a great life
together until now.
I just want to have
a friendly chat
I don't care how big her Adam apple is,

she's currently the league high-scorer.
I mean, how could we?
Look, she a little girl.
A vagina and a coochie.
Oh, that's a conjunction.

gonna drink me a Red Bull,
then I'm gonna wake up
I want your family
here in Woodcrest

before this gets outta hand.
she's still all woman.
The Blond Bomber,
Cindy "Fearsome" McPhearson.

They're not gonna give her
no real time.
for as long
as they want to stay.
You know what? Fuck them.

This is terrible.
She do what?
A couple months, tops.
Ha-ha-ha.
Yeah.

They can make all the silly
little videos they want.
We're losing the P.R. war.
I did everything I could,
but if Riley doesn't talk,

But we both got priors.
We gots to go.

Oh-- Oh, that?
That's just the television.
Relax, brother.
It's all part of the plan.

they're both
gonna be charged tomorrow.
MAN:
Get outta here. Go next door--

Come on, Granddad.
We running out of time.
they'll be out of
the neighborhood.

Looking at the white girl
is a foul.

Sometimes,
Speaking to the white girl
is a technical foul.
This is real talk, nigga.

Yes, she is
I'm joined via satellite
by best-selling author

in order to save the day,
Hurricane.

people have to sacrifice
themselves,
HUEY: He was always watching.

So we gotta evacuate.
What the hell is wrong with you?
This ain't a movie, Riley.

you know what
I'm saying?
It'll be here any second. Hurry.
author of Fucking
Camel Jockeys

Ow. Ah.

You and Granddad
about to go to jail.
I rarely slept.

Oh, Air Marshal 50 Cent.
GRANDDAD:
Wait, no. That's just the TV.

Game on.

You're so brave
It's not the fact
that you obviously have a man
MAN:
Man, more women?

to sacrifice yourself
to save us.
star of the upcoming BET sitcom, My Dad Rollo,

I tried to stop 'em!
Don't get picked by a girl, now.

I don't think you want that,
that ain't pretty.
possessed by an evil spirit
strapped to a bed upstairs.

Not me, bitch. You.

Oh! Wait! Oh. Oh.

Shh.
It's not?
No.

Fearsome takes the ball,

Just go to sleep.
It's the fact
that you lied about it.

she goes past him and an easy lay-up.
M-May I sit down
over there next to Riley?

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
It sounds to me, Tom,
I wanna start with Ann--
GRANDDAD: Excuse me.

Huh?

like some of
the passion
Ha!

has gone out of
your marriage.
STINKMEANER:
You better leave.
You might wanna cop that, bro.

Hey. Hold this.
We be right back.
Is that all
you've got?

And turns out
they're not so bad.
: You've reached
JERICHO:
Hey. Hey, Robert.

Okay.
Why did you lie to me, Robert?

Ooh, a fake pass behind his head,
It's a normal thing
in long-term relationships.

of the Catholic Church.
You gonna give me
my chain back.

goes around to the right side, up and good.
It's called,
They Called Me Nigger:
If you know, you can tell me.
I won't tell anybody.

Uh, what lie?
Exactly. See,
what Marx is saying
If you would like to report sexual abuse--
of us was the prisoner.

What special escape route?
You know what lie.

is that the oppression
of the proletariat
But, Tom. I thought
we were in this together.

Damn, there's got to be somebody
we can call for an exorcism.
And it's written by me,

is an essential facet
of the exploitation
Jazmine, are you
wearing a wire?

STINKMEANER:
You is a bitch!
and about me, and it's very inspirational.

inherent in the system.
Look, everybody lies.

So therefore,
due to the class --
in quite a while. Step up, opens up and straight in.

Me, too.

What the hell is this,
a snitch-athon?

It means they care enough
to spare my feelings.
MAN:
More bitches.

Man, there's snitches
everywhere.
I might charge 20, $25.

Well, you were looking for hate.
Way to go.

You little
half-and-half.
This is...
really uncomfortable,

Didn't know I'd be playing
with a baby.

Is that what you think?

Instead of being
Mr. Funny Nigga,
and play it back when the book come out
so I'm just gonna
mosey.

why don't you try being
Did you know that at least
75 percent of bitches

Mr. Help-A-Nigga-Go-
Get-His-Chain-Back?

Bottles.
Hey there, boys.

Uh, thank you.
suffer from some kind
of hearing loss?
Uh...

Hello?
Hey, boy.
I came as fast as I could.

It's okay. I don't really
want to be here.
This alarming statistic
means that more likely than not,

Riley,
let the chain go.
Ooh, this is
uncomfortable.
HUEY: And so Ann Coulter and Rollo

So this is the plan...
Uncle Ruckus.
Goes around with two defenders on her--

HUEY: Oh, man.
But Daddy says white people
are building hotels there now.

Then he'll think I'm a punk
and kick me out the crew.
Are you kidding?
I'm having a great time.
RUCKUS:
Let's get this party started.

Oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. What a surprise.

to communicate
with a bitch.
Hello?
It's just rocks and metal.
So we have to stay here.
Why here? Why me?

STINKMEANER:
Yeah. I got him.
He's in there.
Here we go again with affirmative action.

was a bear.
You got bad credit, Robert!
Now, remember, none of this was your fault.

Whoa. What?
Riley,
you've got to calm down.
I'm talking to my grandson.

What--? What happened
to my--?
Is it worth getting hurt again?
Yeah.
RUCKUS:
Removing an evil-nigga spirit
you're really, really,
really, really rich.

Yeah, the problem is,
we don't live in the future, Ed.
This man took your weekend from you.

If she say, "No,"
hit the bitch. Simple.
Going to jail?
Yeah.
Great.
We're fine, no problems.

We live in the present.
I'm gonna be cool,
I'm gonna be cool.
...so this little hoodlum can say the N-word--
You talking about the granddad
from the Thugnificent song?

Getting killed?
Yes, sir.
But I-- I couldn't
hit Sarah.

Now, wait a minute.
You gotta kill him.
Got him. Got him. Got him.

Oh-ho, shit.
Damn.
It's not a cybernetic ear. It's
a fuckin' cellphone headset.
I take offense at your description of Riley

Has not hittin' a bitch
been working?
I can't afford
to support everybody.

He's right there!
has given us
to fight niggas.
Which is great for me,
'cause I'm doing it big.

as a hoodlum, Ann. I don't appreciate it.
As she goes around him once again, Riley, defending--

I mean,
scientifically speaking,
A whip, a noose,
a nightstick, a branding iron.

and that's what
you're into --
has not hittin' the bitch
achieved the desired results?

Man, how'd it go?
How'd that go?
Ooh, a little finger roll there.
Hey!
because he's white,

'cause your ass is old
JERICHA: Praise Jesus.
What if the check doesn't come?

No way. I just--
because of his skin, he's being persecuted

Have you seen that shit
in the mirror?
It's Tom.
Keep your hand
off that white girl.
for breasts?

I-- I-I can't. I-- I couldn't.
You need to think about
getting a full-time job.

You look like you're going to
a fuckin' comic-book convention.
I mean, I think that is racist.
No. The answer is no!

Tom.
I won't.
Right on time.

Tom, Take a deep breath.
Heh-heh, you know?
that's some old bullshit.

See, I'm gonna make
my own rap
Hell no, I don't
agree with Huey.
It's okay. People have phobias.

STINKMEANER:
You ain't right, Robert.
Don't let nobody
take nothing from you, boy.

That's a technical foul.
HUEY: Nothing much was resolved,

GUARD: Yeah.
RUCKUS:
The nigga will lie.
Hey, yo. You never gonna
guess who on the phone.

Hold up, hold up.
I'm getting a call.
Waiting on FEMA
is what got you into this mess

you can't go upside
a bitch's head.
Next, they'll be throwing white kids in jail

in the first place.
And did you know that fool
parked cars on my yard?
Yeah.
What's good, baby?

Okay. We can beat this.
Oh, so we just
lazy refugees, huh?

I'm gonna rap
about that, too.
I mean-- Uh-- Uh--
You need glasses out there?

I will butt-rape
your grandfather
Tom, this is
my bottom bitch,
If he gets really desperate,
he may start to rap or dance.

with this broomstick.
Where does it stop? This is preposterous.

We can still win this.
You better read The Secret.
HUEY: And again.
GRANDDAD:
Boys, don't make any noise. Shh.

Sweetest Taboo.
I was wondering
if you would be interested
Tomorrow, either you
get a job or get out.

Now, she's gonna
help you learn how to
in rapping with me
on this song?
Oh, okay. Here's a novel idea:
STINKMEANER:
You all, uh, testicles

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
Him too.
Oh, man.

You gonna have to get in her
head the way she's in yours.
reestablish dominance
at home.

I ain't seen
no naked pictures, girl.
The women and kids can stay,

Send them to my Sidekick.
But no curse words.
I gotta bag on her.

Hello. Heh.
Well, one day, he wins
they shouldn't call themselves the N-word.

And none of them crazy metaphors --
That's a great idea.
Taboo will be playing
the role of your wife.

There's powerful niggadry
at work here.
I'm Tom. May I speak to
Robert or the boys, please?

Now, approach
Taboo,
The only grown-ass man
in this house not working

None of that garbage. Just stick to the point.
insulting that child
to throw her game off?

grab her arm
firmly
is gonna be me.

RUCKUS: Ah...
Who's there, huh?
He went on the
"do it big" trip without me.

Can I, um,
use the bathroom?
...wrong house.

Okay.
I knew it.

Sarah,
get your behind--
Wow. That is so gangster.
How many of
these damn TV shows

There something wrong
with your bathroom?
Granddad is running errands,
Mr. DuBois.

are we supposed to do,
Goodlove?
I been waiting
on this day
Um, this might seem strange,

Oh, hush, boy. I can rap.
I don't need your charity.
Yeah, yeah, I'm still here.
Motherfucker done shot me.

that, um, it smells
like hot garbage?
Man.
since your little uppity ass
came into town.

Do I have to call her
a bitch, really?
But you wanna know
the brilliant
Big Tank, please
make it hot, player.
I'll pay you back when
my FEMA check arrives.

part of this story?
Not since you asked me
about 20 minutes ago, Robert.
Yes, Tom. You have to
call her a bitch.

He didn't win no
all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii.

GRANDDAD: I don't get it.
she use a fitted sheet
for a stocking cap.
Yeah, this rap go out
to Punknificent
Well, don't you think
we should have heard something?

Trust me
on this one.
Oh, jeez.
You ready to come out?

It seems as though
I've done the research.
Now, try again.

Why your dumbass
robbing people?
COULTER:
I don't care.
Well, ha, this is awkward,
but, um, how do I do this? Okay.

MAN:
Baby, baby, listen.
'Cause I'm an American.
Shit.
when she get out the car,
the oil light come on.

WZIB News got an anonymous tip
that Robert Freeman,

It's the American way, man.
Shit.
So you spent, what,
a thousand dollars

Bitch, get
your behind--

Is that all you got, nigga?
I don't think
that's gonna work.
Don't give me that "Baby,
listen" shit, motherfucker.
You won't kill me, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

Ass.
and it reads:
who had agreed
to take the family in

See, as I broke it down
to Ed, pops,

"Dear Tom, my granddad kicked
a woman named Luna--"
That's just the tip
of this iceberg.
You think I'm stupid?
I know you fucking that bitch.

You'll only die trying.
if people don't have a need,
then there won't be no demand,

That would be you, heh-heh.
Your mama's so ashy-- No.

Read, nigga, read!
Okay? I know you are.
I mean...

No!
Miss Elderberry was talking
about Cindy's mom.
Kiss my ass, you little-dick,
faggot motherfucker.

Or, uh, I'm, uh--
Who are y'all?
What are y'all doing here?

I'm original O.G.

Or...
Turns out Ed and Rummy were breaking into homes
Ann don't play that shit.
You do whatever it takes, boy.
Whatever it takes.

Or I'm gonna die...

"Best regards, Huey Freeman.
Say hello to the bad guy.
with Usher
in the first place!

trying.
This motherfucker
went YouTube?
What I had heard was...

What? What?
poor black people?

You thought you was the only one
Oh, come on, Ed,
you gots to help me out.
which was owned by Ed's grandfather.

We may be locked
in our rooms."
ROLLO:
You getting thick
who mastered the ancient
and deadly art of the nunchaku?

It's now tragically
obvious
Kidnapping? Uh --
I don't know, Riley.
Damn you, Riley.
You've ruined our family.

The irony is, Granddad had already signed up
Oh, me and Robert
patched things up.
And how you doing, Abdul?
COULTER: Damn, Abdul,

My grandpops would
be tripping, man.
that reasoning
with the bitch

for Wuncler Security.
Why don't you, you know,
try something different,
I swear to you, Robert,
I didn't call them.

is not
gonna work, Tom.
Hey, yo,
word to mother--
can you let a bitch work?

You have to
hit her.
Repeat after me
the holy phrase:
It's just that
he goes on to say:
I would never
do something like that.

Oh, boy, you look mad.
I'm scared now.
It ain't like yo' ass
is going to get a job. Heh.

Oh, hey, hey,
Mom.
I am an assistant district
attorney, for chrissake.
But I am so touched
you decided to let us stay.

Heh. Well, now, y'all
get it right next time.

Tom...
and if the nigga
don't have the chain on him,
You know I had to bail

you have to
get past this.
Nigga, get your black ass
outta here.
this motherfucker
out of jail again, right?
get to regulatin' him, and make
him tell you where it at.

It's okay,
faggot...really.
Your mama got caught
giving up neck
RUCKUS:
Yeah, take that

I see.
See, faggot? She just
gave you permission.

Anyway, the school board
pay you yet?
Hey, thanks for being
so cool about this, pops.
outta here.
ED: Now, what I want you
to do is think.

This little old
dude, Ma. Just one.

I'm gonna remember this.
Ah. My chin--
You see that?
"PPPS: Uh, be careful,
she's very danger--"

You know,
as a matter of fact,
Just think of these
two grapes...
Anyway, Granddad got his car back, and that was that.

Bitch is hittin' you.
All right, lady.
I might just build
an addition to your house.

Whoa!

Okay-- Ow!
Hey, guys.
So nice to finally meet.
'Cause I do. Mom,
I'm in a meeting.

You're definitely allowed
by law to hit her now, Tom.
...as your two little
itty-bitty kiddy testicles.
ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass

It's been great working
wit' y'all.

It's self-defense.
I didn't do anything.
I mean,
maybe an indoor pool.
MASTER: Flawless victory.

Uh. Hello?
Ooh-wee, your mama does cocaine
when she thinks nobody around.

Okay?
Sweetest Taboo,
Hey, Ed, give
your granddaddy my best.
Bowling alley,
with Jacuzzis and silk sheets.

Oh, okay,
okay, cool.
Ah. That bitch must have
lost her mind.
ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass

Luna, this has gone
far enough.

I will. I'm gonna
call you back, Mommy.
I will smack
the black off her.

How about that, huh?
This isn't an exorcism,
it's a beating.

Uh-oh. Look out.
I love you, too.
I will snatch
the weave off...

This is my state-of-the-art
surveillance center.
Don't swear to God.
I talk to God all the time,
How you like that, fool?

They did it.
HUEY: Granddad had lost this battle,

Why does a pimp need
a surveillance center?
She crazy as hell,
ain't she?
I was falling in love
with you, Robert.

ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass
Your parents
are getting divorced
Hey, are we gonna fuck
this old-ass nigga up?

Here's 50.
and waiting till after
your birthday to tell.
But she good people.
She good people.

Now, you know, I don't hate old people.
Ah...
you lying,
stealing motherfucker.

is state-of-the-art
bitch surveillance.
--big-screen TV
sitting on top of a TV.

Your mothers ain't shit.
What others?
Who are these others?

Come, negro-san.
Them ain't no negroes!
It couldn't be them.
Looks like Riley is all up in her head,

Just 'cause you lived a long life,
your wife's
conversations and e-mails.
Ed, can I
talk to you outside?

I'm confused.
Me too.
don't mean it can't come to a short end, nigga.

Daddy, I've got transcripts
of all her conversations today.
HUEY: Several hours later,
very, very sad story of Luna.
I thought Ann Coulter
hated...everybody.

WOMAN: No way.
Sixty-one, 44.

No mention of Usher.

I'm hacking
into her e-mail now,
What's up, world? This is Sway.
I'm gonna crush
your kiddy penis
Who, Ann? No, man.

That was great, Granddad.

with this hammer
when I get back
Law-enforcement sources have confirmed
She just do that to get
that redneck money.
but, tsk, this computer
is running a bit slow.

if you don't tell me
where that chain is at.
Boy, I wish we could've seen
the end of that movie.
Why does it always have
to end up like this?

that two Cleveland teens have been arrested
Let me tell you
something about Ann.

I don't know.
he's got nigga in him.
What if FEMA
calls about the check?

I feel bad for leaving Huey
and what's-her-name.
'Cause you's a bitch.
When I turned 17, I ran away to Hong Kong,

Bitch, don't start
with that

They knew the risks.
she helps me out,
and I help her back.

Ow!
So they might do
a little time.
where I met Triad boss Kenny Woo, my first love.
Uh, excuse me,
I have to make a call.

That's the wrong kid, Ed.
You say that shit every time
a new iMac comes out.
GHOSTFACE: What the fuck is wrong
COULTER: Mm!
She a down-ass bitch.

We see 'em when they get out.
You taking it too far now,
Robert. Quit playing.
I told you to grab Butch Magnus,
5'4", 130 pounds.

Uh...it doesn't seem right.
One of the teens reportedly told police,

You ain't slick.
You better
Hey! Hey! Hey,
brother man, get off my phone.

I'm going back
and turning myself in.
and what you gonna say to the cops?

and stop playin'
with me.
Now, Billy is autistic but he sure loves basketball.

Turn yourself--?
Man--

Yes, Daddy.
and that makes it cool."
I gave you
a picture, man.

Granddad, look, come on.
It wasn't the last incident.
I'm tearing
these bad boys up. Mm.

Someone stole my bike.
I mean, I love Huey.
Almost like a brother.

Does she have
a MySpace page?
I told you not to wash
Can you just tell me what to do,
so I can go to bed?
Son, just go in there
and have fun.

my bloody ski mask
with detergent
But what's done is done.
We got to let go of the past.

attributed to the beef have broke out,
It's just been upgraded
from a Category 3.
Spinning, baby!

You don't like the way I do it,
then do your own kidnapping.
I don't think Sarah
would have a--

Get off me.
including two in Lithuania and one in Tokyo.

If he don't come back,
can I have his side of the room?
I want it.
I want it.

Huh.
Spiritual.
Look at you.
Thank you, Jesus.

Uh, since when did
she have a MySpace page?
So then why do it?
The AARP announced a boycott of Thugnificent's record label.

Nobody wants you
but me.

Ah, come on, Granddad.
'Cause a bitch got books
to sell. That's why.
Peace? Peace? Peace.

You know what her password
might be?
you're paying top dollar.

You supposed to be setting
a better example.
That's not fair.
You grabbed the wrong kid.
Why? What did I do? I'm fun!

You without me
equals shit.
Stinkmeaner, you hate
black people, don't you?

You just wait till
the manager gets here.
WOMAN:
We need Ann in makeup.
could soon explode into more violence.
Oh, I'm gonna take it easy
on you, Rain Man.

each other's middle names
as passwords,
You understand that,
you ugly, fat bitch?

I sure do.
All I know is they better not
stop this war in Iraq,

He gonna throw the book
at both of y'all.
Man, Thugnificent ain't telling nobody
She'd say, "Get them
broke-ass niggas the fuck out."

That's L-A-N--
Got it.
I mean, I hate
everyone in general,
Why am I always
the one getting ditched?

This is
the worst day...
Now, let me borrow
your car.

Password is "Usher."
Here we go.
I don't even really see how someone could even
No hope on this, and the ball goes straight up-- And in!

Nothin'.
: And in Woodcrest tonight,

get something like that outta that song.
Where's your bike?
of my entire life.

I said you was free
to go, right?
the school board has finally decided
They're getting together
at 3:00
Um, Jericho Freeman?

on the fate of an elementary school teacher
I wouldn't exactly call them
people, but yeah.

Told you.
what he's going through,
The crowd is loving this kid.
and back in two days?

That's in an hour.
We have to go.
accused of using the N-word.

Yeah, I have a deep distaste
for Negroids.
Three points plus 44 points
equals 47 points,

Oh, so now you wanna
make this
I hope you got some insurance
on those spinners.

Here's the guardian
for the kids.
Maybe you should go
see a therapist.
definitely 59 points minus
47 points
You smell me? You know,
Third-grade teacher Joe Petto was given 10 days unpaid leave

That's right,
Ruckus.
Right, right. And, Stinkmeaner,
I bet you hate rap music.
We'll do the "do it big" trip
some other time.

We snuck
into the movie, too.
equals 14 points to go.

then going there won't help.
My friend Nicole says
it's men like you, Robert,
Oh, okay. Ahem. Cool.

but it took shorter time.
We? You said you was gonna
turn yourself in.
who lie and avoid commitment.
Thank you
for not snitching!

You know what I mean?
What? Oh, man.
That's some old bullshit.

No, no, man,
I'm sick of this shit.
I paid you $2000,
and $500 as well.

Ladies and gentlemen,
JERICHA:
Jesus, Lord and savior.
Heh-heh. "Stanky-booty."
Please. Let the kids go.
I'll take responsibility.

That's it?
W-what about my money?
what started as a simple
disagreement between neighbors

NIQUE: Believe that.
Who makes all checks possible.
I must say that's a brilliant
observation, 'Meaner.

Now, Tom, I hope
you can appreciate

Look like y'all
all going down.
That right, that right.
We thank you, Jesus.
So, what about Rollo Goodlove's demand

our no-refunds policy.
a nigga moment

Good times, baby.
How about a complimentary date
with Sweetest Taboo?
for financial restitution to the Freeman family?

The manager's
not coming.
generational tribalism.

Cinema's closed
indefinitely.
I knew you can do it.
I knew you can, Billy. Yeah.

No, no, no.
Fortunately, a robust exchange
of ideas has taken place,

Damn it, Luna.
Stop being a victim.
Looks like everyone walked out.
Something about a union.

and we're
going now.
Yeah, come on
over here.

and we are hopeful to having
a resolution shortly.
Proof of Non-Residence
Form 3595-768-5."

What?
The manager ain't coming?
Boys!

Ohh...
'cause I was afraid you'd
do something like this.

Thank you.
Hey, Abdul. I see you over there
talking to that white bitch.

Well, call the police.
And look.
I was right.
The ball stolen by Billy Mathews.
not be processed.

Don't take your past out
on other people.
The FBI.
Homeland Security.

A member of the
Lethal Interjection crew
Heh-heh-heh, hey!
Give me a hug.

Yeah, bitch. Let's go.
"Fill out the enclosed form
and your check

You mean,
we gonna let
was apparently the victim
of a violent robbery

What's a nigga want?
Try to whup me.
Billy Mathews, out of nowhere,
this African hooliganism
go unpunished?

"should be mailed out

Whup your ass,
nigga.
in the exclusive suburb
of Woodcrest today.
in the next six months."

You have problems, Mr. Freeman,
and you need help.
You know who
you messin' with, nigga?

was autistic right now, doesn't it?
And you can't kidnap people just
because they don't like you.

Thanks for coming back...
Boy, that kid is special.

Would somebody here
please be an adult?

eventually.
We don't need
this shit.
Why do you hate us, Father?
What have we done to you, Jesus?

Yo, you need to stop
snitching, Granddad.
Game goes to the Tigers, 68-61.

Oh, you're right.

THUGNIFICENT: Hey, man,
you know what?

Ah. Ow. Hey.
How was Costa Rica?
I didn't even wanna
kidnap you.

Why don't you call
social services
ALL:
Come on, Billy. Yay! Go!
and we'll have
two dozen protesters

We're neighbors.
and turn yourself in
for child abuse?
Why don't you go
back to New Orleans?

We have to learn
to live together.
with picket signs
in the street tomorrow.

I caught one of them
Lethal Interjection cats
Shoot, you betcha.
Mr. Bitches is back in effect.

Oh. I'm never gonna
get married.

Really?
Hey, now.
out here slipping. You know,
I ain't gotta say which one.

Exactly. That's
what I'm talking about.

Not without a fight.
can motivate a whole lot
of activism, brother.
I might as well just
blow myself up right now.

Remember to hit the bitch.
But, uh, if he wanna buy his chain back,

Hey, man.
:
Hey, guys.

to look at it,
Thugnificent.
Oh. You think
that'll make 'em pay us?

Thank you so much for
doing that. I mean, you guys
Not that I'm pole-jocking
or nothing.
A fake protest?
Granddad,
That's right. That's what we
really want to do is go home.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
You guys unionized and staged
a walkout that quickly?

just went above and beyond.
It sure is good
to be home, though.
Hey, everybody good
in here? Beverages?

I mean, really--
you can't go around hustling
controversy for profit.
Pricks, shit.
Shit, shit, shit.

That's amazing.
You a beautiful,
talented woman.
ALL: Yeah.
The Lord is going to provide.

Oh, yeah.
We unionized.
Why not?
You're messing with forces

I mean, bitch...
Shit.

Then someone called
the corporate headquarters,
I'm sorry, guys.
What about you,
big guy? You good?
Let's clean this up.
All right.

and they shut down
the whole place.
I'm telling you, Robert,
Possessed or not,
you gonna fix my damn house.

: We've been showing it all day,
Fired everybody.

simply unbelievable.
Are you sure I shouldn't
just blow myself up?

Oh.
You gonna have
another demon,
We just gotta apply
a little more pressure.

WOMAN: Please enter your password.
Well, um...
Little Billy Mathews
playing his first game

Hey.
I couldn't handle
my own business like a man.

power to the people?
Let me get that
for you, homey.
in the Woodcrest Youth
Basketball League, get this:
Granddad,
you're not getting paid.

Fuck you.
Riley.
That's the whole point

Any of y'all
need a coaster?
are evil. It was terrible.

Tom, please calm down
Twelve for 12 from downtown.
a real good question.
Billy Blanks always says:
"Take control of your life.

and let me go.
Oh, all the things that they done--

Man, how would you like to be

Why are you in my bed?
Take responsibility."
Jericho, look, I'm sorry.
Yep. I think I'm done.

All the beds in this house
Now, now. You ain't got
to start all that apologizing.

Well, that's that.
Yeah, man.
We don't fight fair, nigga.
Come on, boys.
I was wrong

I think we all learned
a valuable lesson today
Courteous. What about
the loud party?
The movie rights to Billy Mathews sold today

about the mansion
and the white women.
We believe
in overwhelming force.

about stealing movies.
Nigga, you gave us permission
to have that party.
I'm still gonna break you
a piece of that FEMA check

I'll miss
those flat butts.
Flo, go with the little nigga
to get his chain back.

Buy the bootleg.
and there is talk, get this,
Well, fine. Fine, then.
Mo' money for me.

Call me back.
Or just download it
from the Internet

WOMAN: Deleted.
and beat the little shit
into the dirt.

like everybody else.
Uh, hello?
Hello, Chauncy.
TOM: Robert, it's Big Tom.

Ah!
The money gonna
be here in no time.
Fuck the bullshit.
Come on, let's go.

Hey, now, Chauncy,
you got them extras
The hell--?
TOM: You can't have my wife!
I mean, it be in my pocket
sooner than you think.

NICOLE: You got him, girl?
WOMAN: Deleted.

Hey, uh, I think
I'm gonna go
Aw, that's okay.
Whoa, now, Robert,

Tom!
TOM: Hey, Robert--
WOMAN: Deleted.

TOM: What the hell, Robert?
Daddy. What did you do
to Usher?

He told me I should take
responsibility

Hey. Can you guys wait
here a sec?
You went without me. I know you went. You did.

I make some mean
guacamole --
MAN: This is a Channel 5 News

You did not go without me--
WOMAN: Deleted.
There's something
I need to take care of.
Well, what about parking
all those damn cars

Daddy. Leave Usher alone.

FLONOMINAL: Butch Magnus.
God! Bless the lord. Move!
TOM: That's real nice, Robert.

on my yard and
ruining my lawn?

What are you doing?
I understand completely.

WOMAN: Deleted.
Hm. You know what?
Why are you trying
to kill Usher?

I wouldn't want to give you
something you don't want.

Niggas was
passed out by then.
of the Woodcrest School District headquarters

Yes, Super Fly.
What did Usher ever do to you?
you're fucking with
every last one of us.

We was fixing to
come over and apologize.
during a protest being held by Rollo Goodlove.

Jazmine wanted
to meet Usher.

But then you had to go off
and start filing complaints
If you don't want it,
I won't force you.

Stacy Renee is on the scene.
You're an animal.

and doing all that
old gay shit.
You just such
a philanthropologist.

Is Usher okay?

THUGNIFICENT:
And you know what hurts me
Oh.

My motherfucking leg.
Leg, uh --
So you're not--?
No.

If a man said that to me, oh, my God,
You like a saint.
You like Saint Robert.

I don't think I could handle it.
GUARD: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Easy, boys.

That's a really
powerful sentiment
My dad had it appraised.
He said it was worthless.

Ow!

Yeah, nigga.
right across the street.
Ms. Luna decided

TOM:
Oh, okay. I see what this is.
We reserved this spot three months ago,

SARAH:
Stop! Don't hurt him.
Oh, Jesus.
My motherfuck--

Well, what about all that stuff
in the video, huh?

I just tell you--

She still there?
Why ain't she leaving?
All right.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

Oh, nigga, that was
just entertainment.
You broke bitch.
Get a real chain.
with whatever bullshit he's protesting over there.

You being real sensitive
right now, man.

Well, I hope her friend
isn't giving her more bad--

Yeah, man. Anybody could see
Ho-ho, but we have something for that ass.

He didn't
mean it.
GRANDDAD:
Thank you.

He was trying to hit me.

Tom!
TOM:
Granddad, if you apologize
to Thugnificent
Motherfucking
stupid-ass bitch.

KID:
We're going to New Orleans.

Ms. Luna let her girlfriend
Help! Move! Bitch, get out of my way.
I'm sorry, Usher!

then I'm sure,
Thugnificent,

That's the way.
RILEY: Know what? It's still better

That's it. We don't wanna have to shoot you.
you will be willing to
apologize for the video.

USHER:
Shut the fuck up,
for her own actions.

This weekend sucked.
Oh, man. That ended badly.
ROLLO: And--

And it was all
your fault, Granddad.
to wash y'all niggas away,
but go on back.

Wasn't
my fault.

It was that crazy-ass
Luna's fault

We crew, nigga,
remember?
they referred to us as the N-word.
Hell, no, I ain't
apologizing, punk-ass nigga.

now, are ya?
Go on, save New Orleans.

Several times.
God rest
her poor soul.

Kiss my ass,
old-ass nigga.

What they got down there
worth saving? What, jazz?

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Please.
Stupid-ass--

What was that noise?

Jazz music?
I hate jazz music.

Can we at least agree,

for the sake of
old people everywhere,

if a man ever said that to me, I'll kill myself.

that there will be
no more dis records?

I mean, you're a stronger woman than me. Hello?
Damn it. That's the last time
I'm gonna listen to you.

I got a documentary called
Fine, whatever.
I spits hot fire.

When the Levees Gonna Break Again?

I'll eat your ass up
on the M-I-C,

But no. I had to listen to you.
You blockhead!

if you keep messing
with me.
I'm gonna get me a dog.
Name him Levee.

I'm gonna kick him
every time it rain.

That's what you need to do.

I'm never, ever gonna say any form of "nigger."

You gonna pay for
my lawn, boy.

Eat a dick, old nigga.

No nigga, no nyukka,

Yeah, you know, what Rags to Bitches means

is that there's more to life than what you're born into.

No more nigger. Nuh-- Uh-uh.

There's also bitches.

And that's why I'm pushing for a constitutional amendment

that will protect the white man's right

to say any incarnation of the word "nigga"

at any time, spelled any way,

whether it be N-I-G-G-U-H, G-G-A, G-G-A-H,

or a silent "P" at the beginning of it,

without fear of persecution or litigation.

I don't think black people should ever use racist words

when describing other black people.

And if you do, then you're a sambo and a coon.