Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: We now return to

"Thugnificent: Rags to Bitches." HUEY: On August 29, 2005,

y'all know what a nigga moment is.

A nigga moment is when the mind

The story of Thugnificent begins here... struck the Gulf Coast of the United States.

of a perfectly logical black man

is overwhelmed by some stupid nigga shit.

here at All-Star Weekend. Only 8 years old I love you, Mommy.

Like when a nigga steps up on your sneaker Oh!

and fucks up your kicks, or hits your car or some shit.

Here he is winning the three-point contest Terra-Belle leads Georgia in homicides, infant mortality,

MAN: This is our target -- the nuclear power plant.

like it's your fault, like you fucked up. making it rain like Lil' Wayne out this motherfucker.

If we capture the plane at precisely the right moment,

Ooh, Lord. So his ignorance makes you act crazy.

Check the chain, nigga.

Yo. What up?

they will not have time to shoot down the aircraft. And the next thing you know, niggas is beefing, I know y'all love my music, and love my videos and shit,

Yeah, I see you, too. What you want, nigga?

Damn! shooting, fighting, and somebody ends up dead.

Oh, man, same shit. What's up with you?

MAN: If they hit that power plant 'Cause y'all about to see how good it is to be me

he busts Vince Carter's ass The fuck you mean, "What's up with me?"

in the slam-dunk contest. Yes, sir. That's our name for it.

the casualties could be in the hundreds of thousands.

Your voice sounds real sexy right now. We got plenty of hoes bending, we got 24s spinning.

God help us all. In the days and weeks that followed,

Say what?

the nation watched and wondered: Okay. Ready?

You wanna talk to me later on? HUEY: The sectarian conflict

No, I don't wanna talk later on, motherfucker. how could it have all gone so wrong?

ANNOUNCER: ...except...

What the fuck is wrong with you?! Man, I seen it all.

Ernie, nigga, back to you. What the fuck's so sexy about my voice?

What? What is this CPT? that hell had ever seen.

Aw, man, my bad. I was on the phone. right when they get to the door, nigga.

None for me, thanks.

Tom, I think you can have but controversial player. WOMAN: That means the plane is gonna I swear to God, man, they actually, like,

a second glass on your anniversary. Last year, he became the first person

Colonel motherfucking Stinkmeaner, GRANDDAD:

I'm driving, sweetie-pooh. This sucks. to leave elementary school and go to the NBA

ANNOUNCER: They picked the wrong airline. holler at your boy, I gets money.

Bitches like this shit, man. when the Miami Heat signed him to a $3 gazillion contract,

And don't come up here complaining and shit. And I started thinking to myself: "Man...

They be thinkin' I'm one of them Mens in Black You know what's wrong with me. Boy, see who that is.

You motherfuckers wanna come on here or somethin' like that, you know? a doorbell with real bitches singing the notes.

and act a goddamn fool?

could kill me or you, or somebody's baby. Y'all gonna have to kick me out of this bitch.

I'm about to go on break. Ding...dong.

You motherfucking terrorists kill me. They be wondering where the black limo is at I'm saying you probably never looked like this damn picture.

I'd spend the next 20 years in jail being-- this kid is a disgrace to basketball.

when they see -- All they see is the headpiece, Oh, lookie here, this is Cousin Jericho.

BOTH: Anally raped. This ain't you! He epitomizes everything wrong with the game today.

Yeah, let's talk more that's where the police station used to be. Man, I haven't talked to Cousin Jericho

the devil himself, a--

about your violated rectum. Huh? ANNOUNCER: Come see why black incompetence...

Oh, I find it so romantic. Yes!

'cause, uh, they up and left. TOM: Hey, I'm just saying--

Whoo, whoo! Well, excuse me for thinking you liked me

So where's the new police station? Goddamn, that bitch phat as a motherfucker.

So... for who I was on the inside.

Well, you're a liar on the inside. Aren't you gonna answer it? Y'all don't know Last week, right, I was in the strip club, right. ...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.

Now let's go back to my nigga on the floor.

No, thank you. This whole relationship is based on a lie. All you do is fight, eat and fuck up my house.

ANNOUNCER: Man, check out how Young Reezy I had titties in one hand, titties in the other hand.

Ah! You baldheaded devil monks Now, this shit right here,

We can't let you through, homey. shitted on these niggas in today's game.

this is some old John Woo shit, nigga. Hey, this is Osama bin Laden nephew, nigga.

This from the movie Killer. I'm telling you, I had two hands full of titties.

Well, I-- I'm -- I'm once removed. I-I-- it was a crime how they treated those folks down there.

That's bigger than two scoops of raisins. And breaks his ankle.

So, what was it like No -- I just fucking with you, dawg. You mad? You hating, my nigga? Now, move the hell out of my way.

I'm still talkin' to my accountant at the same time. Look at that bitch-ass nigga limping off the floor.

Go ahead, nigga. Still got soap in my ass. Well, it's hard not to, nigga. Ha-ha!

ANNOUNCER: Starring Gary Anthony Williams. What's not to like about that? Ooh, no wonder they ride his nuts so hard.

Nigga, you ain't no Denzel.

But you know what they say -- when it's your time to go, I'm telling you, Tom, they drive women away.

Seems like Yao Ming wants some too.

Hell, you ain't even no Flavor Flav. it's your time to go. John Witherspoon.

or when you're talkin' on the goddamn phone. Time after time after time. You see how short people's memories are?

What if it's the motherfucker next to me time to go? Huh?

Second, when people wear those things, Mm-hm. Fellas, I'm here with All-Star MVP Riley Freeman. Oh, drink fine wines. But not anymore.

for this next one, man. I see ya.

Lock 'em up. Charge them with fraud. Mo'Nique. It's very important Boy, get the door.

But that's real shit, though, nigga. like a serious disappointment, man. TOM: Ah. Now, that's what There's a name for people who talk to theyselves, Ed. I can't even go to dinner. I can't even go to a damn movie.

this plane leave on time. You got naked kids.

I say give them the chair. Electrocute their ugly asses. Riley, is there anything you can't do, nigga?

Damn. Now, are you yelling at me or shitting at me? You got parents gotta choose between food and clothes RILEY: It's Jericho Freeman. Tell him we're not here!

has earned you a trip back.

Snoop Dogg. Hijacked? I don't know, go broke? for their kids, shorty.

If there were just Them niggas ain't getting my wizzie fo' shizzle, nigga. You have my blessings to exact vengeance

Good one, little brother.

I don't know what to do with my hands now. Shaq, 17 blocks for Riley, you had one.

You know what I'm saying? And 50 Cent the haters' camel's back, nigga. Be that as it may, no technology is worth my dignity.

and to spread ignorance and chaos

Or for themselves. That's got to make you feel fucked up. as Air Marshal 50 Cent.

If talking on a wireless headset mean I gotta look

It did at first, ...people are looking.

I'll stop those terrorists... Observe.

Tom, please.

or die trying. Some place far away and exotic.

Besides, there's a reason

so guess I have to work harder, step up to his level. Honey. Honey, maybe this isn't the best place to be singing--

STINKMEANER: Ah! Hell ain't shit.

do it big. It lets people around you know you're talkin' on the phone. Get ready. This time, it's going down.

I'm gonna get you, Freeman!

So he's better than you?

So those people know not to waste time talkin' to you

Yes. And stacks more paper

Shit. This one nigga This is a hijacking. Remain in your seats --

Yay. All done.

No, this nigga didn't. Left with a case of hate poisoning, nigga.

We have a bomb on the aircraft.

You know what I'm saying? Hey, flo. It might be time to bring Mr. Bitches back out

Tell 'em about that nigga that got his spirits crushed

Everyone remain -- to show them young boys how the real players play.

Good.

by the rubies and the diamonds and shit. I see you're fucking up all your grandson's money.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, look out. took his own life and shit, you know what I mean?

SARAH: Yay.

Ah! Oh, my God. Mr. Bitches is back on the scene. Ha, ha, ha.

when you bend over. I like that a lot.

you wouldn't believe it.

What is it, honey? and all of that. High-five me. No? Okay.

Wait. Is that Usher? GRANDDAD: Uh, ah, ooh, ooh.

I'm about to go get dressed. Yeah, you know what? You should go to Latin America.

Yes! Oh, my God. Can you believe that? A boat.

Oh. Mm-hm. You know, someplace like Costa Rica.

I hate these fucking headsets.

He's coming over.

I paid for that bed you sleeping on, We gonna fly on the Soul Plane!

I can't believe this.

with your little inground pools, Hey, Robert. Guess who?

TOM: Oh, sweetie,

diving boards or whatever. Hey, uh, Jericho, is it?

Hey, how you doin', babe? Step your pool game up, nigga. Get a table in VIP, pop a little Cristal.

Hey. Oh, ee-- Ee-- Hi, uh, uh, Mr. Usher.

We slide down with ours. You get here and give Cousin Jericho a hug.

Uh-- Ah-- Ooh-- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!

-I can't believe it. -It's not true. I'll beat your little ass in front of what's-his-name. TOM: W-w-wait a minute, Robert.

I-- I can't believe it's you.

This is, like, the greatest thing Get your butt over here, trying to embarrass me--

that ever happened in our neighborhood.

I'm Sarah.

...where you can, like, track, like, if someone, like, Says who? Says Jay-Z. It's a boycott.

You have a beautiful smile, Sarah.

Mm-hm. Well, shoot. What the difference, huh?

Mm! Wow, so she's on my friends list? Now, this right here is what I like to call my bitch tank,

We family, right, cousin? Ha, ha.

What's going on? What's going on?

We family. We're cousins. Yup, she your very first cyber friend

A while for me? If you say so, second cousin.

and you're her 3 millionth. "I don't want no big nigger lips drinking my fine wine,"

SARAH: I love this song. She's fine, ain't she?

GRANDDAD: Yeah, boy! I love technology.

the community council meetings, Robert. we just passing through ya'll neck of the woods--

I ain't worried about no damn council meeting.

HUEY: My granddad recently Y'all broke niggas keep buying fish food if you want.

for the okey-doke this time. Oh, wonderful. Well, I don't know if that's what he said,

You should post more pics. Now I got the video chat.

Thank you very much. Oh. Oh, God. but you're not supposed to drink it. Everybody get ready! GIRL 2: Oh, my gosh.

But I wanna drink Cris. Uh--

to show the world how the broke niggas live, I'm starting to feel like Shemar Moore up in here.

That was beautiful. It's just what I do.

maybe MTV will come to your house, Oh, um, this is, uh...Tom.

Hoo! Boy, let's get some music on. You don't say. Well, great catching up.

Why would she like you?

Turn on the My-pod and let's get on the I-space. 'Cause your granddaddy gives sweet love.

Thanks for stopping by. Cheers. Yes, I'm Tom. Just Tom. RILEY: Wait, wait, wait. I know that song.

Look, Robert, don't let the chrome rims fool you, okay?

GRANDDAD: Riley, hurry up.

And what do you know about this woman? USHER: Hey, how Mercedes, Versace, white women. Niggers, niggers, niggers.

The police were talking Well...her name is Luna.

to everyone on our street for clues. you want next, Granddad?

SARAH: You are so interesting. booty-butt cheeks Hey, Robert, if you want beef with the Roc, that's on you.

Her hobbies include pets, traveling, kickbox--

The leather vest. The one with the rhinestones. We gonna fly on the Soul Plane!

Well, almost everyone. You know, we almost didn't make it up here.

B-B-B-Booty-Butt cheeks

If you don't mind me asking, Watch when you go to sleep.

And make sure you pee before we leave. Granddad, I-- Shoot, I drink what I wanna drink.

I ain't gonna miss my movie I bet she have a gang of niggas up in here to rob us.

going to the bathroom with you. GIRL: Thugnificent! Thugnificent, wait!

Officer, I'm not finished. That ain't a good look, Granddad. Yes, we-- We blessed to escape the deadly waters

I'm gonna let you go in there by yourself

Not a good look? Hello, sir, I'm Officer Calloway. and get molested by a nasty white man.

Is that some kind of new slang?

Now, what's wrong with you? Why the long face? And, uh, virtually nothing else. It's not just the music. I have seen all of your movies.

What's wrong with you? Is that what's hot in the street, huh?

I don't wanna go to the movie. Why not? Thugnificent and the Lethal Interjections living here.

Uh...cheers. I don't ever wanna go to the movies with you again. GRANDMOTHER: Praise Jesus.

I loved Light It Up. Talk and shoot at the same time, boy.

Not after what happened last time. Thug who? Thugnificent. TOM: Yeah! I bet our dollar

I named my dog Light It Up. Girl, please. "Beat It" or "Thriller"?

What happened last time? I can't believe it. GRANDDAD: Shoot, all you gotta do

Neither have you. I don't know, Granddad. We got arrested. And shot at.

is a common trait with black people. Yeah, we lost everything.

So funny. She's my manager. Ballin'! A whole weekend with a complete stranger?

Ah. Racism. Take 'em back and go get my purple Speedo.

And play it like you got some sense. Daddy said I can go to the movies,

I'll call her. Hee-hee-hee. RILEY: Purple Speedo? No more of that damn street ball hot-dogging

but he said I'm not allowed to see Soul Plane. TOM: Yeah, you know what? are culturally inclined against snitching.

All right, boy, so you had a bad dream. hippity-hop, and one and seven, whatever the hell it is.

Good. You don't wanna go to the movies with him.

It was a really bad dream about-- Okay, one more. Matter of fact, you about to get a lesson in fundamentals.

He's crazy. Hush. Mm-hm. Nothing like the open road. Seeing the country.

Please, we gotta get one more. Look at that one. Did you check the Speedo drawer? Uh, damn, Tom, are you sure you wanna come?

Can't see Soul Plane? Why, little baby?

I mean, you married. Man, fuck yo' mama!

Shoot. I ain't ballin' like a rock star. Are you even allowed to do it big? Because of the types of stereos or something.

Oh, man.

It'd be good for my vocals. It was about Stinkmeaner.

Types of stereos? "Am I allowed"? an unwritten rule about snitching THUGNIFICENT: To being on Cribs.

Oh. No, no, no, little baby doll. Sure, as long as I stay within the agreed parameters.

USHER: I'm gonna The fulfillment of a lifelong dream has become a full-blown "stop snitching" movement,

Wouldn't let that shit happen to me though. Yeah, well, you know, kids are strong.

This is a good theater. They have THX.

All right, let's go. Game on. USHER: You rollin' with Ush. Ha, ha. Hey, I'm not dead, you know. RILEY: It was a big day for my homey

Damn, these things are tight. What about Stinkmeaner?

Nowhere for 'em to call home. Take the murder of 19-year-old Jermaine "Lojack" Walker,

being on Cribs and all. He was in hell, and he was coming back to get us.

I love to see my niggas on TV shinin',

She means stereotypes. That's right, y'all. Put your hands up, white folks! You and me baby, doing it big. It'll be great.

Stinkmeaner? Don't be crazy. Yep. Yes, sir. Stereotypes? In Soul Plane? That's nonsense.

That old man that Granddad killed for no reason? I ain't changing my shorts. TOM: Hey, guys.

in the middle of a summer afternoon It's so good to finally meet you.

Say, how about we tell your daddy No reason? That man was a psycho. Yeah, well, you know,

Yes, yes, I see the ears.

we saw something else, hm? Man, I wanna go over there, What you got there, Riley, huh? You got some moves?

All right! All right! You can stay! Nobody even called the cops. They all just went home.

He was blind. You killed a blind old man. What's wrong with your watch? You mean...lie?

Just like the picture, right? What?

Shit, nigga, the sun is reflecting all this ice. the slightest bit inappropriate? Yes. Jay-Z. Yes. Cousin of mine. Would that be dick riding? You think? To go over there?

That really doesn't seem to be a good idea. I can't see a motherfucking thing.

Hush, boy. And I sent him to hell where he belongs. Wow, that is pretty good ball control.

You know, You look just like your picture too. Heh-heh. First cousin. More Cristal?

it's okay to break the rules What it do, Woodcrest? Ha-ha! Hey, toss me the ball, Riley.

He asked me to send him the pictures. Come on, y'all, he said it's cool. Yeah, Granddad, real tough with the handicapped.

every once in a while. Here you go. Oh!

WOMAN: Come on, y'all. I won't tell if you won't. Yeah. You damn right, Mr. Policeman! I saw the whole thing!

He probably gonna beat up some retarded kids next. Shocking.

Okay. Hee-hee. Put the motherfuckers on, nigga. Tell me what time it is.

which make sense, because she's 10. in our new crib in Woodcrest... Much better than the last place. Praise Jesus.

HUEY: Sometimes I think Granddad may be a bad influence. TOM: Waiter, another Malibu

What's that supposed to mean? that's what he's gonna do. Damn, nigga. It's 2:30.

It means you're a bit old to be acting and give him a pound and be like, "What up, Thugnificent?"

Hey, Riley. Don't forget the camcorder. Thank you. Ha, ha, ha. street ball and learn to play.

Hey. The doorbell girl was wondering like some screaming TRL groupie.

...every cookout... So then my dream got really weird,

Oh, yeah, your dream. if you're expecting and more company

Now, the first Soul Plane was funny. THUGNIFICENT: I'm here for everybody. Riley, you could be a superstar one day. 'cause I was a mummy in a Japanese girl pop band.

Look, boy,

Pfft. About as funny as a lynching. Get back here, Riley. ...every wedding... Shoot, I'm a superstar now.

Oh, hush, boy. You ain't even see it. Well, Whitley, Mitley and Missy.

Ever played on a team? Stop the car! He can't hurt you or me or any of us, okay?

I never seen a lynching, either, No. Well, I'm coaching

Uh, come on. You want a drink? but I know they not funny.

Where I live, a Woodcrest Youth Basketball Association team, I am so bored. I wanna go home.

Mm. Hope you got air conditioning. See? Shows what you know. I've seen funny lynchings. Now, let's get one more picture.

I don't want either of you going near that house. You hear me? the Mighty Deers. You know, Timid Deer Lane.

What the fuck? No, you haven't. I have so. Well, we wanna go have a nasty threesome with Mr. Bitches,

They even have a club for snitches. Man, Quinten just texted me. He say the hoes is en route.

Roscoe Patterson's lynching was funny. That's right, I rep the Deer.

but if you guys wanna leave... It's called the neighborhood watch.

Yeah, so them niggas was like, of zombies or vampires, Anyway, season just got underway, Huh? No! No, please wait. No. See you.

So I'm gonna just, uh, go back to the house.

"Roscoe, you better leaves town They ain't never in here. Shoot, I could have stayed in Louisiana for this.

Hold it right there, boy! GRANDDAD: Wait a minute! LUNA: Oh, you're

"before Mr. Charlie and them crackers THUGNIFICENT: ...our new crib in Woodcrest, Y'all any good? Um, no.

Woodcrest neighborhood watch.

gonna come for you." Oh. That Larry David is something else. Whoo!

Now, where was you at 11:00 last night, huh? Huh?!

I'm like, "Man, fuck them crackers, man. and bagels and shit.

So... Nana. Nana.

Come on, now! Don't lie to me, nigga! This is Roscoe Patterson." Nigga, I don't give a fuck. you never told me what kind of dogs you have.

Nigga, I was in bed. We bring the 'hood with us, right here. us for a little bit?

KID: I'm going to get you. I just don't give a fuck.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. You sure you gotta leave? That nigga's my age. But Stinkmeaner knew that every black man's spirit

Know what I'm saying? White man can eat a dick.

GIRL: Yeah. This is fantastic. So you guys don't think I'm overreacting?

Eat my balls, nigga. Told you so! Ha-ha. Whoo. That's right, nigga.

I don't think so.

MAN: There he is! Get that nigger. BOTH: Wolves?

You're a bigtime lawyer, I'm about to do it big in Woodcrest, nigga.

TOM: So, what do you say? Uh-oh. The law say when the bicycle stop, You mean, like, wolf wolves?

Should I call my travel agent or what, huh? Oh, come on, you n-- Nincompoop.

Come on, let's go! the wheels supposed to stop. Yeah. For some reason, wolves really like me. Okay, um, Frank.

MAN: Oh, shoot, he's fast! Watch out! Uh... Yeah. Let me, uh, check my schedule.

I was raised around wolves. You can't do that! Hey, come on. Wait. Oh, what's that, the PSP right there? Man.

I'm all, like, it's -- whatever. It, uh, wasn't really funny after that.

They get a bad rap, but really, You can't hear the movie.

Mm-mm. GIRL: Welcome to if you aren't afraid to establish dominance, HUEY: In the past, Granddad has had

Yep, yep. All of 'em. Let's go. This is gonna be so much fun. I'm calling the police. Stop!

Huh? That's right, y'all. Thugnificent bringing the 'hood Damn. I bet these vases

That's, uh... This is going to be...

OLD MAN: Can we bring in the Army? TOM: All right, Deers.

Get out there and give him what you got. ...the worst day of your life. How long will we wait on the police to protect us?

Uh, fascinating. I had my blinker on and everything.

Oh, I didn't say she was cheating. My ass!

how long you been kickboxing? Fuck you, punk-ass, bougie-ass, hook-ass nigga!

I'm bringing nunchucks. Can we bring in the Army?! Hey! Who turned off the motherfucking water?!

I'll beat your motherfucking ass, nigga! I got to have it, you dig?

This is a tragedy. Huh? Not exactly kickboxing, but it's kind of similar.

I'm a do-what-it-takes kind of nigga, man. The white man ain't never done nothin' to nobody,

I say toss her groupie ass out the window

Fuck with me, nigga, and I'll be popping a trunk I get it how I live, and live how I get it, you feel me?

and let that ho stargaze from outside.

and he don't deserve this. You got some words of welcome

Get my motherfucking Uzi. White Lotus? Now, Riley, there's never a place

That's the deadliest style there is.

for violence in a relationship. Hey, guys. What I got to do

People, calm down.

Thug out with the homey. Granddad, I can't believe you let them niggas stay here. There sure seemed to be a place at the restaurant last night.

You never mentioned, uh,

Man, you wanna be down with us? We've let the predators think we're weak. Mm-mm. Nappy-headed hos.

Here, put these coats on. That's messed up, Riley. That's family. on DontSitEm.com.

She made you look like a bitch in front of Usher. You know what, motherfucker?

Huh? Family? I ain't never seen them niggas before in my life.

Boy, watch your mouth. he was a Shaolin monk. I learned it from him.

Probably started out charitable. Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you, old-ass nigga!

Except for Flonominal and Macktastic, Granddad was forced to hire

GRANDDAD: Here you go. It was them Freeman boys. Then I ended up having to use it on him,

What is it? who I met through the label last year, one of those no-nonsense British super nannies.

It's pinto beans and neck bones. You just mad at all this Thugnificence.

but we're like brothers, though. But, Granddad, she did make Mr. DuBois look like a bitch.

Now put this meat loaf and gravy under your shirt.

Yeah, I said it. Respect it, man!

Why don't we just get treats from the concession stand? -Now, Ruckus, that's crazy. -If they're so innocent,

HUEY: They have nothing to go home to. breathe it in, nigga. Bask in it.

but find a different way to say it. Which actually worked out, Man, I'm about rags to bitches, too.

Next thing you know, except Granddad set up a nanny cam.

we won't have nothing to go home to. you rubbin' against that silky white skin. Oh.

It's about getting paper, my nigga. Now, where were we? You think I'm paying $20 for some popcorn?

RUCKUS: Yeah. Why wouldn't they? Everybody knows New Orleans niggas are grimy.

But I don't know the non-curse way GRANDDAD: This is when

Have you heard of the Kumite? You must be out of your damn mind.

to say he got bitched. Yep. Thanks, wardy. That's my hat.

Humiliated, castrated, emasc-- Oh-- Oh, my God. Did you say Kumite?

Are we allowed to bring in food? Now, Riley, I want you to know

Well, I don't really know much about him, Of course we're allowed to. that even though we doin' it real grand,

I love talking to the police. Sitting up here, watching television, but my two teenage kids are very excited.

It's my food, isn't it? I paid for it. We're gonna go check 'em out. if this rap shit don't work, we running up in nigga's houses.

That's all you get for free.

That means I can eat it when and where I want. Did-- Did anyone see who accosted this man? It's a mythical, invitation-only martial arts tournament Using up all of my electricity, eating a sandwich.

If you lost your ho to T.I.,

You know what I mean? For real. Better believe that. I'd be like, "Hey, that's T.I."

Boy, put this pot roast in your pants or you ain't eating. I got a date? I can't believe it. Riley, I started this team because when I was younger,

We're gonna be hittin' the streets, son, What's wrong with you, woman? Oh, this is nothing. He's just getting started. and the dungarees with his name on the, um, pocket.

moving mad rock all day, is not a law-enforcement agency.

You better check that ho, Mr. DuBois. the very small community with a very big heart. to be more creative.

You know what? You guys are right. But I didn't think the Kumite really existed. and there was that moment at the end,

No interrogations! living across the street from me. Shoot.

HUEY: Robert Jebediah Freeman Granddad, you don't skydive, MAN: Know what I mean? All day, son. Excuse me, uh, my name is Positive Brother Hakeem

had sworn a lifetime intifada Paid too much money for my house. Funny-ass music.

It's really real. and they won. and ask them to join the neighborhood watch,

against the movie theater industry It was like a miracle moment. from Positive Big Black Brothers and Sisters of America.

and you never was a member of G-Unit. Why is the news here? Well, I called the news for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,

want to go to a basketball game just to see the game, And ever since then, I wanted to live that moment.

and told them what you did for us. And let's all of us reach out to all our other neighbors

Get 'em outta here. which, interestingly enough,

Shakes, all that. Extra ketchup. come back with one of them NBA niggas out of sympathy? What the hell you do that for? Don't be modest. It's okay.

did not stop him from going to see movies. on some faraway mysterious island.

"You need some napkins?" You feel me? MAN: Thugnificent and his cohorts,

Okay, gang. Keep your eyes open. MAN: So, Mrs. Wong, It's not okay. Now every damn Katrina victim for 100 miles

She wanted to be entertained.

Open for what? formed the Lethal Interjection Crew Local calls only on my phone, thank you.

We're sneaking in. What the fuck is you talking-- ? What the fuck was that?

They were terrible. Oh, the white woman's got a big heart.

That's not true, little baby. Kind of like one of them Mr. Freeman, what makes a man

beating him senseless with a nine iron,

I bought my tickets online. Scout's honor. "Booty-Butt Cheeks." I wasn't thinking about it when I did it.

stealing his wallet and driving his car Oh, no. These are not complete strangers. This is family.

Look. Granddad. They cover room and food. Everything.

We ended our season last year I got some money saved. The movie will be on me.

multimillion-dollar major-label deal,

Correct. with the worst record in the league.

Now, you put that away, boy. Let's just go to the initiation.

These movie devils ain't getting The first test is the agreeability test. and a new album, "Rags to Bitches."

any more of our money. You get to catch up with old friends,

Before you are a member of the team,

Mm-mm. see some really good matches, get a tan. Now, Mrs. Wong, let me ask you a question.

in the eyes of God? Well, not exactly. See-- Uh...Mr. Freeman?

Ask the question, Miss von Hausen. We can win, Riley. Good times.

The way I'm looking at it, I'm picking up where What do you hope to get out of helping these people?

It says, "No outside food," little girl. Good times. The Kumite is supposed to be

HUEY: Costa Rica for two weeks? What's good, nigga? Is your granddad home?

That's why we keep it inside our clothes.

VON HAUSEN: Mr. Freeman, a death match, right? You ever killed anybody? Not a damn thing.

This is the movement that says, you know -- Are you sure this is legal?

Hey. Everybody has to die sometime. Hm. Wow. So selfless. Bob. Granddad. Mr. DuBois' at the door.

Now, as you know, we've had some home invasions recently. "Don't grow up and act like a fucking fool all the time,

Okay, everybody, look alive now. Here's our chance.

Call my agent, man. You's a bitch.

and you can still make it up out the 'hood -Mm-hm. -We were concerned to hear

and enjoy everything that life has to offer."

I understand you need your job, that you refused to talk to the police. Yo, it's blazing, son. That shit is incredible, kid.

It's too late now. I may never come back. but you're still a human being with dignity.

I would love to let you crash, Finish him.

KIDS: Throw it to me, throw that ball.

Yeah, I mean, look at this uniform, man. No snitchin'.

I look like a fucking dork. Hey, we hear you was helping people from New Orleans.

Why would they make me dress like this? You've also refused our previous invitations I would just turn up the bass a little higher in the monitor --

We used to live right close to--

What did I do to them, huh? Well, I had a girlfriend in Katrina.

to join the neighborhood watch, You should take action. I didn't come to practice. You never called my agent.

and we could use your support. Nobody give a fuck what your dumb ass think. so I'm gonna go and pretend I didn't go,

Ah. What can I do? I thought that was a joke. Oh, no, no.

Give me this motherfucker. Our motto is: Neighbors watching neighbors.

I told you this was going to happen. Thank you so much, Robert.

Get your ass up out of here, you hook-ass nigga. So don't tell him. Say I went to the store.

See, boys? See why

Robert Freeman. You know him, right? Have you ever thought about forming a union? Fuck your court! MAN #1: Tired of this. MAN #2:

Oh, I'm watchin', all right. I'm watchin' this neighborhood

What's a "union"? RUCKUS: It's like somebody threw a million dollars I ask you to bless him, Lord,

Get the fuck up out of here with that bullshit. Well, it's harder to talk if my mouth is full.

MAN: Hey, hey, hey! Hey! become a bunch of damn tattletales. I mean, they can only hang you once, right? and keep providing for him, Lord,

MAN #1: Beat it. MAN #2: Nigga. I paid. I got my ticket.

All right, fine. Good one, granddad. I got mine today and that joint is wack.

Yeah, yeah. I got a ticket for you. I left food money in the cabinet above the oven.

You killin' 'em. Anyway, Riley, what do you think?

A one-way ticket to "Get the hell Property was stolen, Mr. Freeman. Well, we can't live next to their kind. Jesus, amen. As we walk in your glory.

out of here, negro" land.

Hey there, Robert, Go on! Move it! Come on, now, you're leaving me hanging.

Get off of me, woman. The sanctity of our community was violated.

I ain't gonna stand for it.

ALL: We gotta go to the bathroom. What's he doing here? He's your sitter.

Tough titty. We were here first. Right.

I ain't got time for this bullshit. Oh... Granddad, me and Riley don't need no babysitter.

TOM: Well, I'd sell my house if I thought I'm not feeling the name. Nope.

Nigga, you gay. it was still worth anything.

How about that? I don't care how good you are, I'm not changing the name.

Why don't you just invite them over for dinner Yeah, not like we gonna try to kill each other. See it's burnin' me to hold onto this.

Another victory of the common man

and get to know one another? Suit yourself. HUEY: Meanwhile, I couldn't

over corporate greed. Uh, real good?

You're not advancing any struggle RUCKUS: Sorry he touched you, Miss von Hausen. They ain't never gonna get

that an evil force was gathering.

by being cheap, Granddad. She ain't say nothing about no damn

MACKTASTIC: What's happening, nigga? that dream you promised them and for what?

I'll advance my belt on your behind Next is a test of courage.

if you don't shut your ass. Where the chicken wings and the doughnuts at? One man's ego? Sad. Good luck.

Oh, my God. You almost touched Miss von Hausen! It smell like the circus in town up in there.

What the fuck you got to eat in this bitch, nigga?!

I didn't pay to get in the movie. MAN: Nah, you ain't crazy. ALL: Bye, Riley.

I love you My name is Uncle Ruckus, and I will be nigger-sitting

Uh, yes, we did. I -- I ordered my tickets online. Huey, what are we gonna do?

A HAZMAT suit. It's just, I feel like this

Who got the neck bones? You gonna tell her to get out. you two until your grandfather returns.

No, you didn't. I'm not telling her to leave.

is coming to an end.

We snuck in. Your granddaddy picked me She hit me with one of them exploding nutsack techniques.

Ghostface Killah isn't even dead. because I am a licensed zoologist.

We stole a movie. Tom agreed to allow Riley to design the uniforms

Now, who makes the rules? She's not a kung fu master. She's crazy. I have studied a variety of wild animals,

Man, stop complaining. that goofy-looking motherfucker is coming back.

Grownups, right? Shit. Then you go kick her ass out.

Your granddad's nigga moment ain't dead yet. and the African male is by far the most savagely cunning.

And I'm grown up, and I say it's okay.

But what am I supposed to do?

We're gonna get caught. 'cause I don't even drink grape. Hey. I'm willing to stay in the bathroom all night.

We're gonna get caught. If death can't stop Stinkmeaner, what can?

I should call my daddy and turn myself in. This is an opportunity to observe you niggers

Yeah, yeah. Think about it. Peace.

When y'all going to the store too? Oh, yeah? You gonna tell him You two just...stay here.

-Shh-shh-Shh.

what you came to see, huh?

That's my boy! That's my boy-- Okay. I gotta use the bathroom anyway.

I bet he'd like to know that.

What the hell going on out here? Go, Ball-a-Holics! Go!

Y'all ain't got shit. Maybe I should make a phone call. RUCKUS: Oh...

No. Please, no. Uh-oh, everybody, keep an eye on your wallet.

Good. Now just calm down. You must be crazy. You gotta let your thing go. : Please do not look Muslim

RUCKUS: Mm-hm.

Try some mashed potatoes. Who got the popcorn? What up, dawg?

ED: If you had a headset like mine, Look here, old dog.

I do, Granddad. You do not want that. GRANDDAD: I ain't letting my stuff What, what, what?

Hijacking is against the law.

Now, this here is the orange-flavored drink and some Johnny Mathis.

WOMAN: So where's he at now? Nah, baby, I'm still here.

Ow! Hey. Damn, I hate airports.

What the hell is wrong with you? Orange-Aid. With vitamin C.

Watch it, boy, don't step on my roses.

No. What am I gonna do with raw popcorn? It's okay. When we were trapped,

VON HAUSEN: What was that? Let me call you back.

You're gonna ruin my dentures. Tip-off there, right, straight in the hands of Young Reezy.

Whew. Damn, can't watch a movie without popcorn. Hey. How's Robert? Is everything okay?

GRANDDAD: Show them what you got.

So I don't mind drinking the cheap stuff. Heh. Word down at the gym is that he done wore

MAN #1: Yeah. Hey! Now I gotta spend all my damn money

Oh, hurry up. I'm trying to do it big. MAN #2: Do that shit. Yeah! I gotta deal with

on a bucket of popcorn. Damn.

Now, it's date night and you know the rules. I see you, homey. Go ahead, nigga.

Hear that? Sounds like niggas.

You get in that room. Ride it out, nigga. Boarding pass and ID.

Told you. I don't care if you hear scream

USHER: Do I still have to eat the cheap lunchmeat? Thank you. It was really hard.

RUCKUS: What you see, Miss von Hausen?

When your feeling Find a way to get some hoes over here.

It's just...I had heard no colored liquid or people are allowed to board a plane.

Shit, he -- he just hatin' 'cause, see, MAN: Do it, man.

You gotta let it go You know, what hurt us was losing all that mattress money.

Still dribbling now, there's some impressive dribbling.

Mm. Hm! There was four or five accounts in there.

WOMAN: Why don't you call her, then?

Jumpin' like it used to Maybe you would like a demonstration? Keeping the other kids off guard, still, uh--

Oh, shit!

Honey, I'm home. Uh, wait. Yo, word to mother, and the money for the record label I started in the basement.

RUCKUS: Buck 'em down, Miss von Hausen!

friendly sparring match? Let it burn

You were in construction, right? We're takin' fire! Run! I know a lot of girls on Myspace.

They're doing a lot of building in New Orleans right now.

Oh, yeah! I mean, I don't really pay much attention to 'em, though, Pass.

-RUCKUS: Get them negroes! -ED: They shootin'! I seen it on television. That's what I thought.

It's best 'cause I be's all about my paper.

No, no, no, I'm still here. Yo, can I still come over? It's when you let go of the ball and give it to someone else.

I heard Halliburton was hiring Tom, what's gotten into you?

or grown-up girls and shit? But I just showed it to her. Of her being with someone--

Come on. You want some of this? Come on.

Oh. Help me. Man, grown up. They got little pictures of each one, too, I need to see it as well, sir.

MAN: Car! TOM: Riley, pass!

Oh, Tom! But I just showed it to her, then I walked straight to you.

Get 'em, Miss von Hausen! And you can reach these hoes

That's the way! Wait, Miss von Hausen. Sir, I don't have time for this.

I'm gonna make it do what it do. and tell 'em to come over here and get bucked-naked?

and I live across the street. I'll give you anything. Ah! It's 'bout time for my break and you are stepping on my time.

SARAH: Oh, Tom! Goddamn. Enough with the dribbling.

Come on, now! Buck 'em down!

You don't have time? Shit. Yeah, that's my granddad.

Yo quiero Taco Bell. RUMMY: Riley! Hey, Riley, look, man,

ANNOUNCER: Don't steal movies. Next.

Come on, Riley, take it to the hoop.

I need somewhere to hide. Niggas are shootin', man. Let's... The only thing I did was put my boarding pass and ID away

Niggas are shootin'? ED: Hey! get out while we can. Riley, attack the basket! Go!

This the car that got pimped out by Xzibit. JERICHA: The Lord will provide which is why I don't wanna get it out again.

I just wanna say that I like your music.

Say, motherfucker, you on the phone or you talking to me? Riley, shoot. Why won't he shoot the ball?

Doesn't that makes sense? And, uh, you know, this is my turf over here,

Hello? I didn't become a different person in the last five feet!

I'm talkin' to Riley. Uh, let me see here. Uh, thumbera.

SARAH: It's Sarah. Oh, he's got the look on his face.

GRANDDAD: Damn. Hey, y'all see the new rims I got on my bike? Towards the goal, got the dribble.

computer genius and shit -- Oh, wait.

come into my house and try to destroy my place. This is a quick estimate, um, Large freshly popped popcorn, please. And lots of butter. This thing has a push-button starter like a racecar.

I ain't on your nuts, though.

Want me to ask them to come over? to her recital practice at 3, right?

Beautiful arc on that ball.

Didn't have time to put the lamp in. Anything else?

Yes.

I asked for butter on it. Oh, man. Respect, little partner. Looks like it may have just enough

Butter's over there. Well, I'm in the studio with Snoop Doggy Dogg

Hey, this little nigga's all right, y'all. MACK: Say, baby girl. Hey, boo, check it out.

Are you doing the music video thing again?

'Cause I'm gonna make sure I pay you back every penny. I don't wanna put the butter on it. Why can't you do it? No-ho-ho-ho. Lionel Richie's ex-wife.

Whoa, whoa! What y'all doin'? off the table.

Gotta go, honey. Bye. With interest. Well, thank you, Jericho.

You're supposed to put the butter on it. You know your mama taught you better than that, WOMAN: Uh-uh.

I don't wanna put the butter on it. ghetto-ass nigga. That's kind of embarrassing after that buildup.

I'm already paying $20 for this bullshit popcorn. Well, fuck you then, bitch. Bucket-mouth ho.

I'm still burnin' and Brenda Richie had just caught Lionel in bed Boarding pass and ID.

But how about, uh, tomorrow, cutie pie?

I will not demean myself Y'all can't take my granddad's car. Well? Not bad for short notice.

...in the Jacuzzi? The first time you break the rules, by putting butter on popcorn.

you get the cattle prod. Stop, Ed.

So -- So am I in the crew? Why? It's really easy. Why? The second, you get the electric dog collar.

Don't want to STINKMEANER: Ha! Goes straight up in his face and-- Ooh, a swish.

Because I don't work at the movie theater, that's why. Y'all got the 100-inch-screen TV too.

What the--? Come back tomorrow, partner. Yeah, yeah.

The third time, I'm calling up the lynching mob.

You're supposed to put the butter on it. Gotta hurt a kid's soul right there. Who's out there? Boys! Boys, help me.

LIONEL: Don't-- Hyah!

If I go to Burger King and order a cheeseburger,

Bruise you Ow!

they don't make me put the cheese on it, do I'm gonna get a chain. Ooh, I bet this bitch got some knock, huh?

Let it burn

Oh, of course. Now I get it. I see, I see. Just 'cause your skin is light, bright,

Let it burn Player, player. Get to the clubs. So then I say to R. Kelly,

Yeah, this bitch got some bass, boy. Gotta let it burn

and two shades from being white, "Did you wash your hands?"

You don't understand how bad a nigga need a chain. Y'all got the new Xbox too. Oh, shit.

Hey, for real? On the real? you think you too good to butter your own popcorn. ass whipping.

Yo, this little nigga funny, man. Riley now on defense, coming up behind, and--

Oh Hey, what you doing?

This little nigga like everything in my life would be perfect. Oh! Let me serve this, nigga, you hear me? Well, you wrong, Lando Calrissian.

Charlie Murphy or some shit, man.

Oh, sweet Jesus! Hey, man. This your brother? You don't even want-- Huey don't want none.

Damn it, Ruckus. Y'all gonna put some butter on this popcorn.

It's burning. Upside his nose. Oh, Lordy Lord.

Yo, nigga. Your brother told us TOM: That's your man. Ho-ho, look at that fadeaway.

VON HAUSEN: He saw it! He saw everything.

how you be all into reading and shit.

Hey, Tom. Shut the fuck up.

Hyah! Tom, go away! I'm gonna call the police.

GRANDDAD: Boy, watch your mouth.

Did you hear that? Nigga, you know that wasn't no chain. That was a necklace. Clean up out this bitch

We put our lives on the line every day to make movies, GRANDDAD: Oh, it was terrible. Terrible.

Riley up again-- Man, I can't hear nothing over Granddad's gay-ass music.

Damn it. Hurry up, boy. Tell us who did it.

Now, you're gonna tell me who stole my car and then people come along and steal all that hard work. What happened to your insurance? Oh, I had insurance.

Man. I can't wait for niggas to start hating. I can't wait. Look out, new message.

Uh-oh. or I'm gonna get my belt or a 2x4 and go upside your head!

What the--? Who would do something like that? Brenda Richie knew kung fu.

Word. You know what I mean? You know, that reading shit,

I hate to laugh at an 8-year-old, folks. A terrible, awful human being that no one will ever love.

you generate from those around you? you know what I mean, it's hard, son. RUCKUS: Ow!

Could be worse. said I didn't have no wind insurance. Hey, if niggas ain't mad at you, then you doin' something wrong.

That's who. Word. You know what I mean? Word.

So I couldn't get no money. You know what I mean? Especially when them books be I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman.

Can you believe that? Wind insurance? By that definition, then, you have a very bright future.

I pays for my car! you know what I mean, you know,

Somebody help! Ah! really thick and heavy-like, you know what I mean?

Thank you for that perspective, Huey. I ain't getting it for him neither. Nope. Thanks, man.

Word. You know what I mean? All the greatest basketball players have always been white.

Hey. Get to the flick. So I-- I said to the guy, "What kind of shit is this?"

No problem. Why would he send a message from--? I say make a man wait until he's resentful. of impeccable character,

What happened to the movies? This doesn't seem to be a place for kids. save me from these African hooligans!

Y'all should be ashamed. In the street. What streets?

That always works. What the hell? Tom, what's going on?

Why is it when I order a soda pop, Oh, oh. We got PlayStation and Xbox, nigga. I do hereby announce that Riley Freeman

I get a empty cup? Oh, Lord. Think it's gonna be weird now that I beat up his grandson?

I didn't order a empty cup. Mm-mm. I can't do it, Granddad. I can't talk to the po-po.

And we got Incredible Hulks, nigga.

I ordered a soda pop. is officially part of the Lethal Interjection crew.

And what asshole started putting commercials in movies? Tell Granddad. He's not the police. All the kids is welcome, motherfucker.

Oh, Lord! Why has thou forsaken me?

I can see commercials at home on TV. STINKMEANER: Oh, you running? Okay. Let's hear the story one more time. So I brought out my old violin that only plays sad songs.

So this is the message you want to send

Okay, let me get this right, now. Bullshit. And the bathroom stink. Clean the fucking bathroom!

You promise not to tell? My cousin, Elliot, in California

to the young youth out here like myself Oh, my goodness, some black people are crazy. will now transfer to you.

I'm not gonna take it anymore! passed away very suddenly while working out.

Get your drunk ass outta here. I pay too much damn money for these movie tickets

and not love these ho's, huh? Now, just remember what you represent

W-w-w-what's all this? Oh! Ahhh! when you have it on, and be proud of it. It ain't the white man's fault you dumb niggas

to butter my own motherfucking popcorn!

Is this what's hot right now in the streets? don't know that there's wind in a hurricane. There isn't a single member of the Lethal Interjection crew

Goodness gracious to life.

Yeah, let's say that. We weren't very close. It's only popcorn. How am I gonna get my butter beans?

Tom, what's wrong with you? that isn't ready to die for his chain, nigga.

You're just gonna go on and quit. All for some white girl who left you for an R&B dancing-ass,

You on that stuff? Snap out of it, Tom. Well, I was excited seeing you out there.

This place is nasty, clean it up. sexy-flexy- ass nigga? Uh, yeah.

When did you get here? Cocaine's a hell of a drug. I can see 'em now:

Huh? Well... No thanks. 911 emergency. I'll hold.

I'm sorry. Except for Leonard. "Guess what? I just saved a bunch of money

But he's bitch-made. Well, I been at the ticket window all day long, that's why Daddy is Uh, okay.

Your chain, my nigga. "on my insurance 'cause these dumb niggas didn't know

and I don't remember you buying no ticket, Don't snitch, Granddad. Why can't we take turns? 'Cause I'm the oldest.

Under no circumstances do you change that story. Oh, so that's what practice is for.

Yeah? Well, you're also the gayest. Robert Freeman. They don't know nothin' unless you tell 'em.

Oh, what? What, you got some more sad songs, huh?

Uh, I-I-I got my tickets online. Yeah.

TOM: Now, remember, Riley, Aha! A damn lie. GRANDDAD: Damn it! Damn it. Come here. Man, clean it up now.

"Ahhh" ain't my name.

You clean it up, bitch. I ain't never met a nigga MAN: Sir, please release the child. people walking around Winning is about teamwork.

smart enough to use a personal computer. Release the child. TOM: You're choking him out! where they don't want them to be, I remember my senior year at Princeton.

Hell, y'all niggas wasn't making

Not even a Macintosh. eating outside Hey there, Huey, is your grandfather in? We beat Chris Webber and Michigan with teamwork.

HUEY: Stinkmeaner.

being the driving force Uh... when they think they should be inside at a table. Now each of y'all want 300,000, huh.

behind the "stop snitching" movement, Today is Fidel Castro's birthday.

They still show the highlights of that game sometimes. You'll never take me alive, you punk-asses.

Oh. Are you sure? And I'm in charge of the birthday party.

RUCKUS: Stop him! Wait, you don't mean the--

Come on, come on. So I gotta fly out there.

You filed a complaint against me, old man?! Oh, okay. He went this-a way. In 2000, rapper Gangstalicious reportedly assaulted

I mean, you like it here, don't you, Daddy? RUCKUS: Somebody call the police.

You filed a complaint against Thugnificent?

This is a... And I'm taking y'all with me In the news today, violent crime is on the rise,

with a tennis racket

Mm-hmm. in the first-class cabin on the ass-whupping express.

Well, heh-heh-heh, it's just that-- and a bottle of Hennessy on the set of a music video. for Fidel Castro's birthday party that I'm planning,

I don't know what we're gonna do, but we gotta do-- Rap beef, nigga. Punk-ass motherfucker.

Whew. Did I miss anything? of Katrinian refugees to Woodcrest.

Mr. Freeman... Guinness refused to cooperate with authorities. like I said earlier. Eh-heh. Yeah. Police responded to an assault call on Timid Deer Lane.

I don't wanna steal the movie. A nigga's nuts in your face?

Guys. I just wanted to thank you

I wanna go home! Wow. It won't start. He took a cab, Mr. DuBois.

Yeah. Shh!

for letting me stay here. I thought you were gonna tell me you thought I was crazy, if the violence was drug-related.

What's wrong with you? and you didn't want to see me again, like the others.

Okay. I wanna go home. No, but it ain't look like you won.

Not at all, Tom.

You wasn't saying that back at the house, was you? Drop the beat, drop the beat, ugh. I'll go down there and help blow up some more levees.

Well, that is not what winning is about.

Bring it on, Huey. Was you? Because you wanted to see Soul Plane 2.

I'm enjoying this time with you. Are you kidding? Figure out what you wanna eat.

mmm, delicious

Well, this is how we see Soul Plane 2. Thugnificent's rags-to-bitches story so I'm saying...

A-ha! The proof is in the pudding.

no doubt we gonna win this In fact, I was just telling Huey I repeat, the terrorist said his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,

Ooh. I got an idea.

I smacked Johnny Guinness I would love to pursue a romantic relationship you.

What up? and he's demanding that we -- in the super-elite suburb of Woodcrest.

Tom. Get down here. Definitely. I'll call you

Hell, no, I ain't fitting to ask him

Several of the neighborhood's black residents for his motherfucking autograph. STINKMEANER: Whoo, come on. What the--? Now, before you start hating,

filed a complaint

HUEY: An hour into the movie, and we all know you guys have had it rough,

And Fidel. I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

MAN: We out of food, but we got Oh, I-- I get it. Okay, well, I don't have no cash on me now,

Let me ask you something. Man, how we gonna eat?

How did it make you feel

Yo. Look out.

Pass this bag of potato chips around. knowing that this neighborhood's black residents but when I get my FEMA check, you know,

Tom was facing an all-out revolt.

didn't want you here? Please take one. Pass it...

TOM: Please, people! Riley Freeman will talk.

He's in here. I know Robert.

To be stabbed in the back by your own people?

He don't miss a coon flick. RILEY: I'm saying, you ain't have

And this, sir, is an intervention. ALL: Bye.

What is it? What's happening? No, no, no, no, no. I know how it go down.

An intervention? Your friends have Superb, homey. Exemplary. Maybe about 30 years.

Shh. Don't make a sound. Butch Magnus Milosevic.

I feel sorry for 'em, though,

from chronic bitch dependency, Mr. DuBois. where I look out for you, To no more weekend visits by crazy Internet women.

STINKMEANER: All right, here we go. Butch Magnus? Crazy Butch Magnus?

May I call you Tom? where they came from. you keep looking out for me, we look out for each other.

Is this some kind of joke? Can't you just be happy to see another nigger fitted up,

I promise you, Riley will talk soon. You don't know where I came from. No! Stop trying to bribe me. I'm not for sale.

Tom...bitch dependency

and being a real team player. : Ooh. Damn. I'm from a small town called

is no laughing matter. with the Fidel Castro story.

Let's go check Madea's Bat Mitzvah. Hey, everything's for sale. Stop!

Addiction to a bitch can fuck with your friends, Get your bars up, nigga.

MAN: Attention, please, passengers. Hey. Put that camera back over here. He's got that look in his eye, passes it off to his teammate. You supposed to be in charge. You supposed to be the leader.

your health, and scary enough, even your money.

your granddaddy is a master of deception. I'm sorry the levees broke, If you left the toilet seat up in the restroom...

...faggot boy. Lead us to some breakfast then, nigger. Nigger-- What?

It's a disease, Tom. but if they don't get their black asses out of my house, It makes me sick to think of him. I'm gonna vomit now. : Fidel Castro's birthday?

MAN: Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!

Wait. What was your name again? That's it, Riley. Nothing fancy. What, you want some, nigger? Huh?

RILEY: Otherwise known as "One-Punch" Butch.

Well, thank you for asking. GRANDDAD: Yeah! You think he was lying? Just got off the phone with FEMA

Officer, I'm sorry. STINKMEANER: Whoa! Yeah, I got you now. All I know is you drove all them hours

I didn't mean to steal from the stuntman. No. I'm not gonna fight you. I'm grounding you. I don't believe it. This kid has the heart of an 8-year-old.

Get off me, you bitch ass, you faggot ass!

Wait. "A pimp"? and then ask for your shit all after the fact. MACKTASTIC: Eat a sack of baby dicks, Ground me? What is this, Family Ties?

Named Slickback. Oh, praise the Lord.

What kind of sandwich is this? was withholding information.

Yes. Please say the whole thing if you would. Goodness gracious alive.

GRANDDAD: Not the lamp. No. I just did. Don't leave the house.

What were you about to do? You gotta give him props on that one, folks.

You were about to rat on us, weren't you? Alright, let's get into something brand new, What are you listening to?

Props all around. This is what the movie theater industry wants, Jazmine.

Yes, Tom. Every time.

STINKMEANER: I'm a-kill you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little chest-bump action-- Jesus. Jesus.

Us fighting against each other. that's my boy, my friend, Thugnificent.

You beat me in the parking lot. King Kong ain't got nothing on me.

You're right. Now, you listen here, you little bitch. Oh-ho-ho-ho, no. There's no turning back now.

I-I don't think I need any help And just so you know,

I'm gonna ask you some real simple questions, Talking about I'm grounded.

You're in it all the way. STINKMEANER: I want my parking space. from the Jesus, Mary and Joseph Academy for Boys

NIQUE: Boy, that Flavor Flav crazy. and I want some real simple answers.

Now you're gonna get your little narrow, high-yellow ass Coach Tom for believing in me-- It isn't until August 13th.

And by Give me this shit.

back into the theater and enjoy Soul Plane 2. Now, you pulled into the garage and went into the house at 9:15?

you mean a pimp?

And it's got my main man,

Boy, play defense! Nate "Doggity" Dogg, on the hook. I...wanna...go...home!

Uh, look, I'm not trying to insult you. Uh-oh.

He lied to me. If I'm not mistaken, it was 9:15. motherfucker.

Shut up. All right, folks, we are back in the thick of it now. Mm-hm. You see, girl?

You're ruining my innocence!

Riley, two defenders on him, Shut up. So you pulled into the garage

That's why I'm by myself. passes to his teammate, up, and good.

MAN: I expected to fly first-class.

I'm telling you right now: they got to go. and went into the house at 9:15?

I wanna go home. You better not get rid of it.

MAN 2: Well, you ain't in first class. Man, I don't know if I can take another three months.

This is a well-oiled machine, folks--

Why we gotta put the nigga in my bed? You don't see me running around lookin' for a bitch. See, I told you, but, no, niggas think they know everything.

Ooh, another two points.

then she must be nutty as squirrel shit. I looked at my watch, and -- and, yes, mm-hm, mm, 9:15.

I know where all my bitches are, What are we gonna do, Riley? Kick them out?

Look at this. He's possessed by the ghost of Stinkmeaner. Score, 16 to 4.

RILEY: What's wrong with the street?

So you're telling me, definitely, Granddad. What's wrong with Jazmine? And by everything else, I mean her looks. She was fine.

that you pulled into the garage

Boy, don't nobody listen to you. Uh-oh. Looks like someone caught a beat-down. LEONA RAY: Hey. What happened? What the--? Robert. : I'm out here

She couldn't look that good. She was black. and went into the house at 8:15?

She's fine. Watch the movie.

That's what the hell I thought. But I guess if you put lipstick and a wig on a monkey,

Thank you, Grandma. Folks, things are looking bright and cheery What if he pees in the bed or vomit, or shoots a deuce?

Oh, that's crazy.

Now look at you: bitchless. it could look good too.

He sucker-punched me. Hm? A bully, huh? we have to make some cutbacks. Oh, this nigga tripping.

Look at this. I...wanna...go...home. Oh, no, no. You got any Thunderbird?

Well, there's only one way to deal with bullies. Now, you see something. You know you done fucked up, right?

I'll take Thunderbird. HUEY: Granddad had to be stopped.

I've had enough. I'm going back upstairs. Oh. Whoa, looks like he could have used A monkey in lipstick and a wig.

Tom is possessed by an evil spirit

I'm gonna put an end to this... a little help on that one. GRANDDAD: No! I said, no. Hey! That's my suit you just-- Went in my personal space.

Tom, when we first let you stay here,

LUNA: I found him. or die trying.

He's in a park with another man. I said I pulled into the garage at --

HUEY: And so did this movie. Steal your bike, your chain. We used to going without. Mm-hm.

WOMAN: Ooh, see. What did I tell you?

And one day, I had enough.

Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both. See? That's exactly why I don't have a man. GRANDDAD: Oops. There go the lights.

You know you done fucked up, right? It's shine time, folks, but all that glitters is--

And I had a gun. But you know what? It's only been two days. Coming. in the battle

I didn't want to use my gun.

Nigga, hush. You're living under my roof now. TOM: You're not even looking of the selfish versus the lazy.

Move, nigga. Still?

He made that a whole lot harder than needed. Where you going? They're looking for us. But without Riley talking, the cops had nothing,

You know what? I know a great therapist.

And in his face. Huey, come back.

I'll make an appointment today. It's all that stuff they do to their hair.

Okay. I guess I'll just, um...

That... And -- And I had a friend named Smokey. NIQUE: Damn.

Oh, this is crazy. Colored folks are something. RILEY: I know y'all seen niggas with spinning rims, right? And then I grabbed myself a brick --

Yeah. Well, hello, cutie pie. JERICHA: Son, I can't take

But check it, check it, check it. Granddad, you didn't live that. That's from that movie, Friday.

Don't worry, we still ahead. we've already paid Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback

I'm sayin', on a bike, though. JERICHA: I'm just too old for this. the best time ever.

Well, hello.

a retainer of $2500. I don't think his friend likes the sisters too much.

HUEY: My plan was to get to the projector room

if that makes any sense. Robert, you shouldn't have. WOMAN: Ha! Heh. Oh-- Oh!

and destroy the print of Soul Plane. No, Riley, no!

With your credit card.

This kid sure can dribble, but he shoots like shit.

That's exactly why I don't have a man now. Oh. HUEY: Riley made several more

BOY: Dude, that is really sweet. Man, niggas... Somebody get me out of here.

I was rushing, and-- A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK: Did you know That's like a sweet piece of --

Oh, I think men who are comfortable with their bodies

Heh-heh. They just mad... Okay. All right, here we go.

Me too, baby. It's good. First, I had to go to the bathroom.

with a genetic predisposition are very sexy,

Now, this don't make no sense. Oh, well. At least I got that crazy bitch out of my house.

RILEY: I be like, ugh! Ugh! to absolute crap in no time at all.

to bitch dependency, Tom?

One problem black people have with snitching What, you thought I wouldn't come see you?

And exactly when did you become a relationship counselor? What did he say?

You thought you wouldn't go get the taste Jazmine, you're missing all the best parts.

Ah. Well, sharing this pimp knowledge He told his friend I'm crazy.

the defense for the Ball-a-Holics I'm not watching a stolen movie. And I like to cook, mostly pork.

just isn't there. for an exorbitant fee is my way of giving

Oh, well. If you don't wanna laugh. You better fall back, nigga.

Over to Riley, something back to the community, Tom.

I like to clean too. Wow. You can't beat me. I'm Butch Magnus.

I want to help you, Tom. I do. Man, this is so wrong.

You know what you should do? Oh, that's crazy. What's so funny?

But I need you to help me... You real good when you come out of nowhere Hey, let's roll by the house and see if they left yet.

See? I told you I could do it. Oh, nothing. Hilarity just ensued, that's all.

No. and sucker punch a nigga.

It did? Yeah, that's more the feds' thing.

Huh. but apparently for no good reason.

Huh? "Help me help you." Yeah, okay.

You see anything weird, you just give us a call,

Oh. Oh. Oh! Robert Freeman!

all right, buddy? Heh. Okay. The scoreboard tells the tale.

That was funny.

Darling, all the women of my cultu--

MAN: Hey, Bernard! You snitch-ass motherfucker!

Hm? Ah. STINKMEANER: Come here and fight like a man,

Granddad, you home?

Say it. "Bitch." Yeah. Bitch. Huey?

Uh, yes, we've gotta call her that, Tom. I don't hear anything. Hey. Where's Granddad?

Yeah? RUCKUS: It's about impossible And the lights?

I'm sorry. After what she's done, STINKMEANER: I know you hear me, Robert! I don't like losing.

in this dark theater.

He's probably having the time of his life. not callin' her a bitch would be disrespectful to you. Man, tell me you didn't think that was hot.

Yo. I think we need to shake the spizzot. Well, then, stop beating yourself.

I will not be ignored! Got a possessed nigga here, MAN: Oh, my God-- Oh, no.

he was charged with conspiracy Huh? What?

Now please continue, Tom. You gonna hate on it And the best part is, this don't cost you a dime.

and sentenced to a month in jail. Yeah?

Well, my wife, Sarah-- You still a bitch.

GRANDDAD: Can't believe these little, young kids I sure did. You need to stop with the hate crimes, granddad.

I mean-- She's the best woman in the world.

Forget Jazmine. Let's go. But we couldn't. When your cousin told everyone in the neighborhood

Did you tell her that you got two sets of genitals? ANNOUNCER: And at shooting guard,

That was that nigga from Friday, how broke you were, She the weak link. She'll slow us down.

We've had a great life together until now. I just want to have a friendly chat

she's currently the league high-scorer. I mean, how could we? Look, she a little girl. A vagina and a coochie. Oh, that's a conjunction.

gonna drink me a Red Bull, then I'm gonna wake up I want your family here in Woodcrest

before this gets outta hand. The Blond Bomber, Cindy "Fearsome" McPhearson.

They're not gonna give her no real time. for as long as they want to stay. You know what? Fuck them.

She do what? A couple months, tops. Ha-ha-ha. Yeah.

They can make all the silly little videos they want. I did everything I could, but if Riley doesn't talk,

But we both got priors. We gots to go.

Oh-- Oh, that? That's just the television.

they're both gonna be charged tomorrow. MAN: Get outta here. Go next door--

Come on, Granddad. We running out of time. they'll be out of the neighborhood.

Looking at the white girl is a foul.

Sometimes, Speaking to the white girl is a technical foul. This is real talk, nigga.

Yes, she is

in order to save the day, Hurricane.

people have to sacrifice themselves, HUEY: He was always watching.

So we gotta evacuate. What the hell is wrong with you? This ain't a movie, Riley.

you know what I'm saying? It'll be here any second. Hurry.

Ow. Ah.

You and Granddad about to go to jail. I rarely slept.

Oh, Air Marshal 50 Cent. GRANDDAD: Wait, no. That's just the TV.

Game on.

You're so brave It's not the fact that you obviously have a man MAN: Man, more women?

Uh-oh. to sacrifice yourself to save us.

I tried to stop 'em! Don't get picked by a girl, now.

I don't think you want that, that ain't pretty. possessed by an evil spirit strapped to a bed upstairs.

Not me, bitch. You.

Oh! Wait! Oh. Oh.

Shh. It's not? No.

Fearsome takes the ball,

Just go to sleep. It's the fact that you lied about it.

she goes past him and an easy lay-up. M-May I sit down over there next to Riley?

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK: It sounds to me, Tom,

Huh?

like some of the passion Ha!

has gone out of your marriage. STINKMEANER: You better leave. You might wanna cop that, bro.

Hey. Hold this. We be right back. Is that all you've got?

And turns out they're not so bad. : You've reached JERICHO: Hey. Hey, Robert.

Okay. Why did you lie to me, Robert?

Ooh, a fake pass behind his head, It's a normal thing in long-term relationships.

of the Catholic Church. You gonna give me my chain back.

goes around to the right side, up and good. If you know, you can tell me. I won't tell anybody.

Uh, what lie? Exactly. See, what Marx is saying If you would like to report sexual abuse-- of us was the prisoner.

What special escape route? You know what lie.

is that the oppression of the proletariat But, Tom. I thought we were in this together.

Damn, there's got to be somebody we can call for an exorcism.

is an essential facet of the exploitation Jazmine, are you wearing a wire?

STINKMEANER: You is a bitch!

inherent in the system. Look, everybody lies.

So therefore, due to the class -- in quite a while. Step up, opens up and straight in.

Me, too.

What the hell is this, a snitch-athon?

It means they care enough to spare my feelings. MAN: More bitches.

Man, there's snitches everywhere.

Well, you were looking for hate. Way to go.

You little half-and-half. This is... really uncomfortable,

Didn't know I'd be playing with a baby.

Is that what you think?

Instead of being Mr. Funny Nigga, so I'm just gonna mosey.

why don't you try being Did you know that at least 75 percent of bitches

Mr. Help-A-Nigga-Go- Get-His-Chain-Back?

Bottles. Hey there, boys.

suffer from some kind of hearing loss? Uh...

Hello? Hey, boy. I came as fast as I could.

It's okay. I don't really want to be here. This alarming statistic means that more likely than not,

Riley, let the chain go. Ooh, this is uncomfortable.

So this is the plan... Uncle Ruckus. Goes around with two defenders on her--

HUEY: Oh, man. But Daddy says white people are building hotels there now.

Then he'll think I'm a punk and kick me out the crew. Are you kidding? I'm having a great time. RUCKUS: Let's get this party started.

to communicate with a bitch. Hello? It's just rocks and metal. So we have to stay here. Why here? Why me?

STINKMEANER: Yeah. I got him. He's in there.

was a bear. You got bad credit, Robert! Now, remember, none of this was your fault.

Whoa. What? Riley, you've got to calm down. I'm talking to my grandson.

What--? What happened to my--? Is it worth getting hurt again? Yeah. RUCKUS: Removing an evil-nigga spirit you're really, really, really, really rich.

Yeah, the problem is, we don't live in the future, Ed. This man took your weekend from you.

If she say, "No," hit the bitch. Simple. Going to jail? Yeah. Great. We're fine, no problems.

We live in the present. I'm gonna be cool, I'm gonna be cool. You talking about the granddad from the Thugnificent song?

Getting killed? Yes, sir. But I-- I couldn't hit Sarah.

You gotta kill him. Got him. Got him. Got him.

Oh-ho, shit. Damn. It's not a cybernetic ear. It's a fuckin' cellphone headset.

Has not hittin' a bitch been working? I can't afford to support everybody.

He's right there! has given us to fight niggas. Which is great for me, 'cause I'm doing it big.

As she goes around him once again, Riley, defending--

I mean, scientifically speaking, A whip, a noose, a nightstick, a branding iron.

and that's what you're into -- has not hittin' the bitch achieved the desired results?

Man, how'd it go? How'd that go? Ooh, a little finger roll there. Hey!

'cause your ass is old JERICHA: Praise Jesus. What if the check doesn't come?

No way. I just--

Have you seen that shit in the mirror? It's Tom. Keep your hand off that white girl. for breasts?

I-- I-I can't. I-- I couldn't. You need to think about getting a full-time job.

You look like you're going to a fuckin' comic-book convention. No. The answer is no!

Tom. I won't. Right on time.

Tom, Take a deep breath. that's some old bullshit.

See, I'm gonna make my own rap Hell no, I don't agree with Huey. It's okay. People have phobias.

STINKMEANER: You ain't right, Robert. Don't let nobody take nothing from you, boy.

That's a technical foul.

GUARD: Yeah. RUCKUS: The nigga will lie. Hey, yo. You never gonna guess who on the phone.

Hold up, hold up. I'm getting a call. Waiting on FEMA is what got you into this mess

you can't go upside a bitch's head.

in the first place. And did you know that fool parked cars on my yard? Yeah. What's good, baby?

Okay. We can beat this. Oh, so we just lazy refugees, huh?

I'm gonna rap about that, too. You need glasses out there?

I will butt-rape your grandfather Tom, this is my bottom bitch, If he gets really desperate, he may start to rap or dance.

with this broomstick.

We can still win this. GRANDDAD: Boys, don't make any noise. Shh.

Sweetest Taboo. I was wondering if you would be interested Tomorrow, either you get a job or get out.

Now, she's gonna help you learn how to in rapping with me on this song? STINKMEANER: You all, uh, testicles

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Him too. Oh, man.

You gonna have to get in her head the way she's in yours. reestablish dominance at home.

I ain't seen no naked pictures, girl. The women and kids can stay,

Send them to my Sidekick. But no curse words. I gotta bag on her.

Hello. Heh. Well, one day, he wins

And none of them crazy metaphors -- That's a great idea. Taboo will be playing the role of your wife.

There's powerful niggadry at work here. I'm Tom. May I speak to Robert or the boys, please?

Now, approach Taboo, The only grown-ass man in this house not working

None of that garbage. Just stick to the point. insulting that child to throw her game off?

grab her arm firmly is gonna be me.

RUCKUS: Ah... Who's there, huh? He went on the "do it big" trip without me.

Can I, um, use the bathroom? ...wrong house.

Okay. I knew it.

Sarah, get your behind-- Wow. That is so gangster.

There something wrong with your bathroom? Granddad is running errands, Mr. DuBois.

I been waiting on this day Um, this might seem strange,

Oh, hush, boy. I can rap. I don't need your charity. Yeah, yeah, I'm still here. Motherfucker done shot me.

that, um, it smells like hot garbage? since your little uppity ass came into town.

Do I have to call her a bitch, really? But you wanna know the brilliant Big Tank, please make it hot, player. I'll pay you back when my FEMA check arrives.

part of this story? Yes, Tom. You have to call her a bitch.

He didn't win no all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii.

GRANDDAD: I don't get it. she use a fitted sheet for a stocking cap. Yeah, this rap go out to Punknificent

Trust me on this one. Oh, jeez. You ready to come out?

It seems as though I've done the research. Now, try again.

Why your dumbass robbing people? Well, ha, this is awkward, but, um, how do I do this? Okay.

'Cause I'm an American. Shit. when she get out the car, the oil light come on.

WZIB News got an anonymous tip that Robert Freeman,

It's the American way, man. Shit. So you spent, what, a thousand dollars

Bitch, get your behind--

Is that all you got, nigga? I don't think that's gonna work. You won't kill me, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

Ass. and it reads: who had agreed to take the family in

See, as I broke it down to Ed, pops,

"Dear Tom, my granddad kicked a woman named Luna--" That's just the tip of this iceberg.

You'll only die trying. if people don't have a need, then there won't be no demand,

That would be you, heh-heh. Your mama's so ashy-- No.

Read, nigga, read!

No! Miss Elderberry was talking about Cindy's mom. Kiss my ass, you little-dick, faggot motherfucker.

Or, uh, I'm, uh-- Who are y'all? What are y'all doing here?

I'm original O.G.

Or... Turns out Ed and Rummy were breaking into homes You do whatever it takes, boy. Whatever it takes.

Or I'm gonna die...

"Best regards, Huey Freeman. Say hello to the bad guy. with Usher in the first place!

trying. This motherfucker went YouTube? What I had heard was...

What? What? poor black people?

You thought you was the only one Oh, come on, Ed, you gots to help me out. which was owned by Ed's grandfather.

We may be locked in our rooms." who mastered the ancient and deadly art of the nunchaku?

It's now tragically obvious Kidnapping? Uh -- I don't know, Riley. Damn you, Riley. You've ruined our family.

The irony is, Granddad had already signed up Oh, me and Robert patched things up.

My grandpops would be tripping, man. that reasoning with the bitch

for Wuncler Security. Why don't you, you know, try something different, I swear to you, Robert, I didn't call them.

is not gonna work, Tom. Hey, yo, word to mother--

You have to hit her. Repeat after me the holy phrase: It's just that he goes on to say: I would never do something like that.

Oh, boy, you look mad. I'm scared now.

Oh, hey, hey, Mom. I am an assistant district attorney, for chrissake. But I am so touched you decided to let us stay.

Heh. Well, now, y'all get it right next time.

Tom... and if the nigga don't have the chain on him,

you have to get past this. Nigga, get your black ass outta here. get to regulatin' him, and make him tell you where it at.

It's okay, faggot...really. Your mama got caught giving up neck RUCKUS: Yeah, take that

I see. See, faggot? She just gave you permission.

Hey, thanks for being so cool about this, pops. outta here. ED: Now, what I want you to do is think.

This little old dude, Ma. Just one.

I'm gonna remember this. Ah. My chin-- You see that? "PPPS: Uh, be careful, she's very danger--"

You know, as a matter of fact, Just think of these two grapes... Anyway, Granddad got his car back, and that was that.

Bitch is hittin' you. All right, lady. I might just build an addition to your house.

Whoa!

Okay-- Ow! 'Cause I do. Mom, I'm in a meeting.

You're definitely allowed by law to hit her now, Tom. ...as your two little itty-bitty kiddy testicles. ALL: Nigga, get your black ass

It's self-defense. I didn't do anything. I mean, maybe an indoor pool. MASTER: Flawless victory.

Ooh-wee, your mama does cocaine when she thinks nobody around.

Okay? Sweetest Taboo, Hey, Ed, give your granddaddy my best. Bowling alley, with Jacuzzis and silk sheets.

Oh, okay, okay, cool. ALL: Nigga, get your black ass

Luna, this has gone far enough.

I will. I'm gonna call you back, Mommy.

How about that, huh? This isn't an exorcism, it's a beating.

Uh-oh. Look out. I love you, too.

This is my state-of-the-art surveillance center. Don't swear to God. I talk to God all the time, How you like that, fool?

They did it. HUEY: Granddad had lost this battle,

Why does a pimp need a surveillance center? I was falling in love with you, Robert.

ALL: Nigga, get your black ass Your parents are getting divorced Hey, are we gonna fuck this old-ass nigga up?

Here's 50. and waiting till after your birthday to tell.

Now, you know, I don't hate old people. Ah... you lying, stealing motherfucker.

is state-of-the-art bitch surveillance. --big-screen TV sitting on top of a TV.

Your mothers ain't shit. What others? Who are these others?

Come, negro-san. Them ain't no negroes! It couldn't be them. Looks like Riley is all up in her head,

Just 'cause you lived a long life, your wife's conversations and e-mails. Ed, can I talk to you outside?

don't mean it can't come to a short end, nigga.

Daddy, I've got transcripts of all her conversations today. HUEY: Several hours later, very, very sad story of Luna.

WOMAN: No way. Sixty-one, 44.

No mention of Usher.

I'm hacking into her e-mail now, What's up, world? This is Sway. I'm gonna crush your kiddy penis

That was great, Granddad.

with this hammer when I get back Law-enforcement sources have confirmed but, tsk, this computer is running a bit slow.

if you don't tell me where that chain is at. Boy, I wish we could've seen the end of that movie. Why does it always have to end up like this?

that two Cleveland teens have been arrested

I don't know. he's got nigga in him. What if FEMA calls about the check?

I feel bad for leaving Huey and what's-her-name. 'Cause you's a bitch. When I turned 17, I ran away to Hong Kong,

Bitch, don't start with that

They knew the risks.

Ow! So they might do a little time. where I met Triad boss Kenny Woo, my first love. Uh, excuse me, I have to make a call.

That's the wrong kid, Ed. You say that shit every time a new iMac comes out. GHOSTFACE: What the fuck is wrong

We see 'em when they get out. You taking it too far now, Robert. Quit playing. I told you to grab Butch Magnus, 5'4", 130 pounds.

Uh...it doesn't seem right. One of the teens reportedly told police,

You ain't slick. You better Hey! Hey! Hey, brother man, get off my phone.

I'm going back and turning myself in. and what you gonna say to the cops?

and stop playin' with me. Now, Billy is autistic but he sure loves basketball.

Turn yourself--? Man--

Yes, Daddy. and that makes it cool." I gave you a picture, man.

Granddad, look, come on. It wasn't the last incident.

Someone stole my bike. I mean, I love Huey. Almost like a brother.

Does she have a MySpace page? I told you not to wash Can you just tell me what to do, so I can go to bed? Son, just go in there and have fun.

my bloody ski mask with detergent But what's done is done. We got to let go of the past.

attributed to the beef have broke out, It's just been upgraded from a Category 3. Spinning, baby!

You don't like the way I do it, then do your own kidnapping. I don't think Sarah would have a--

Get off me. including two in Lithuania and one in Tokyo.

If he don't come back, can I have his side of the room? I want it. I want it.

Huh. Spiritual. Look at you. Thank you, Jesus.

Uh, since when did she have a MySpace page? The AARP announced a boycott of Thugnificent's record label.

Nobody wants you but me.

Ah, come on, Granddad. Peace? Peace? Peace.

You know what her password might be? you're paying top dollar.

You supposed to be setting a better example. That's not fair. You grabbed the wrong kid. Why? What did I do? I'm fun!

You without me equals shit. Stinkmeaner, you hate black people, don't you?

You just wait till the manager gets here. could soon explode into more violence. Oh, I'm gonna take it easy on you, Rain Man.

each other's middle names as passwords, You understand that, you ugly, fat bitch?

I sure do.

He gonna throw the book at both of y'all. Man, Thugnificent ain't telling nobody She'd say, "Get them broke-ass niggas the fuck out."

That's L-A-N-- Got it. I mean, I hate everyone in general, Why am I always the one getting ditched?

This is the worst day... Now, let me borrow your car.

Password is "Usher." Here we go. I don't even really see how someone could even No hope on this, and the ball goes straight up-- And in!

Nothin'.

get something like that outta that song. Where's your bike? of my entire life.

I said you was free to go, right? They're getting together at 3:00 Um, Jericho Freeman?

I wouldn't exactly call them people, but yeah.

Told you. what he's going through, The crowd is loving this kid. and back in two days?

That's in an hour. We have to go.

Yeah, I have a deep distaste for Negroids. Three points plus 44 points equals 47 points,

Oh, so now you wanna make this I hope you got some insurance on those spinners.

Here's the guardian for the kids. Maybe you should go see a therapist. definitely 59 points minus 47 points You smell me? You know,

That's right, Ruckus. Right, right. And, Stinkmeaner, I bet you hate rap music. We'll do the "do it big" trip some other time.

We snuck into the movie, too. equals 14 points to go.

then going there won't help. My friend Nicole says it's men like you, Robert, Oh, okay. Ahem. Cool.

but it took shorter time. We? You said you was gonna turn yourself in. who lie and avoid commitment. Thank you for not snitching!

You know what I mean?

No, no, man, I'm sick of this shit. I paid you $2000, and $500 as well.

Ladies and gentlemen, JERICHA: Jesus, Lord and savior. Heh-heh. "Stanky-booty." Please. Let the kids go. I'll take responsibility.

what started as a simple disagreement between neighbors

NIQUE: Believe that. Who makes all checks possible. I must say that's a brilliant observation, 'Meaner.

Now, Tom, I hope you can appreciate

Look like y'all all going down. That right, that right. We thank you, Jesus.

our no-refunds policy. a nigga moment

Good times, baby. How about a complimentary date with Sweetest Taboo?

The manager's not coming. generational tribalism.

Cinema's closed indefinitely. I knew you can do it. I knew you can, Billy. Yeah.

No, no, no. Fortunately, a robust exchange of ideas has taken place,

Damn it, Luna. Stop being a victim. Looks like everyone walked out. Something about a union.

and we're going now. Yeah, come on over here.

and we are hopeful to having a resolution shortly. Proof of Non-Residence Form 3595-768-5."

What? The manager ain't coming? Boys!

Ohh... 'cause I was afraid you'd do something like this.

Thank you.

Well, call the police. And look. I was right. The ball stolen by Billy Mathews. not be processed.

Don't take your past out on other people. The FBI. Homeland Security.

A member of the Lethal Interjection crew Heh-heh-heh, hey! Give me a hug.

Yeah, bitch. Let's go. "Fill out the enclosed form and your check

You mean, we gonna let was apparently the victim of a violent robbery

What's a nigga want? Try to whup me. Billy Mathews, out of nowhere, this African hooliganism go unpunished?

"should be mailed out

Whup your ass, nigga. in the exclusive suburb of Woodcrest today. in the next six months."

You have problems, Mr. Freeman, and you need help. You know who you messin' with, nigga?

was autistic right now, doesn't it? And you can't kidnap people just because they don't like you.

Thanks for coming back... Boy, that kid is special.

Would somebody here please be an adult?

eventually. Why do you hate us, Father? What have we done to you, Jesus?

Yo, you need to stop snitching, Granddad. Game goes to the Tigers, 68-61.

Oh, you're right.

THUGNIFICENT: Hey, man, you know what?

Ah. Ow. Hey. How was Costa Rica? I didn't even wanna kidnap you.

Why don't you call social services ALL: Come on, Billy. Yay! Go!

We're neighbors. and turn yourself in for child abuse? Why don't you go back to New Orleans?

We have to learn to live together.

I caught one of them Lethal Interjection cats Shoot, you betcha. Mr. Bitches is back in effect.

Oh. I'm never gonna get married.

out here slipping. You know, I ain't gotta say which one.

Exactly. That's what I'm talking about.

Not without a fight. I might as well just blow myself up right now.

Remember to hit the bitch. But, uh, if he wanna buy his chain back,

Hey, man. : Hey, guys.

to look at it, Thugnificent.

Thank you so much for doing that. I mean, you guys Not that I'm pole-jocking or nothing. That's right. That's what we really want to do is go home.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. You guys unionized and staged a walkout that quickly?

just went above and beyond. It sure is good to be home, though. Hey, everybody good in here? Beverages?

I mean, really-- Pricks, shit. Shit, shit, shit.

That's amazing. You a beautiful, talented woman. ALL: Yeah. The Lord is going to provide.

Oh, yeah. We unionized.

I mean, bitch... Shit.

Then someone called the corporate headquarters, I'm sorry, guys. What about you, big guy? You good? Let's clean this up. All right.

and they shut down the whole place. Possessed or not, you gonna fix my damn house.

: We've been showing it all day, Fired everybody.

simply unbelievable. Are you sure I shouldn't just blow myself up?

Oh. You gonna have another demon,

WOMAN: Please enter your password. Well, um... Little Billy Mathews playing his first game

Hey. I couldn't handle my own business like a man.

power to the people? Let me get that for you, homey. in the Woodcrest Youth Basketball League, get this:

Fuck you. Riley. That's the whole point

Any of y'all need a coaster? are evil. It was terrible.

Tom, please calm down Twelve for 12 from downtown. a real good question. Billy Blanks always says: "Take control of your life.

and let me go. Oh, all the things that they done--

Man, how would you like to be

Why are you in my bed? Take responsibility." Jericho, look, I'm sorry.

All the beds in this house Now, now. You ain't got to start all that apologizing.

Well, that's that. Yeah, man. We don't fight fair, nigga.

I think we all learned a valuable lesson today Courteous. What about the loud party? The movie rights to Billy Mathews sold today

We believe in overwhelming force.

about stealing movies. Nigga, you gave us permission to have that party. I'm still gonna break you a piece of that FEMA check

Flo, go with the little nigga to get his chain back.

Buy the bootleg. and there is talk, get this,

Call me back. Or just download it from the Internet

WOMAN: Deleted. and beat the little shit into the dirt.

like everybody else. TOM: Robert, it's Big Tom.

Ah! The money gonna be here in no time. Fuck the bullshit. Come on, let's go.

The hell--? TOM: You can't have my wife! I mean, it be in my pocket sooner than you think.

NICOLE: You got him, girl? WOMAN: Deleted.

Hey, uh, I think I'm gonna go Aw, that's okay. Whoa, now, Robert,

Tom! TOM: Hey, Robert-- WOMAN: Deleted.

TOM: What the hell, Robert? Daddy. What did you do to Usher?

He told me I should take responsibility

Hey. Can you guys wait here a sec? You went without me. I know you went. You did.

I make some mean guacamole --

You did not go without me-- WOMAN: Deleted. There's something I need to take care of. Well, what about parking all those damn cars

Daddy. Leave Usher alone.

FLONOMINAL: Butch Magnus. TOM: That's real nice, Robert.

on my yard and ruining my lawn?

What are you doing? I understand completely.

WOMAN: Deleted. Hm. You know what? Why are you trying to kill Usher?

I wouldn't want to give you something you don't want.

Niggas was passed out by then.

Yes, Super Fly. What did Usher ever do to you? you're fucking with every last one of us.

We was fixing to come over and apologize.

Jazmine wanted to meet Usher.

But then you had to go off and start filing complaints If you don't want it, I won't force you.

You're an animal.

and doing all that old gay shit. You just such a philanthropologist.

Is Usher okay?

THUGNIFICENT: And you know what hurts me Oh.

My motherfucking leg. Leg, uh -- So you're not--? No.

If a man said that to me, oh, my God, You like a saint. You like Saint Robert.

I don't think I could handle it. GUARD: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Easy, boys.

That's a really powerful sentiment My dad had it appraised. He said it was worthless.

Ow!

Yeah, nigga. Ms. Luna decided

TOM: Oh, okay. I see what this is.

SARAH: Stop! Don't hurt him. Oh, Jesus. My motherfuck--

Well, what about all that stuff in the video, huh?

I just tell you--

She still there? Why ain't she leaving? All right. Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

Oh, nigga, that was just entertainment. You broke bitch. Get a real chain.

You being real sensitive right now, man.

Well, I hope her friend isn't giving her more bad--

Yeah, man. Anybody could see

He didn't mean it. GRANDDAD: Thank you.

He was trying to hit me.

Tom! TOM: Granddad, if you apologize to Thugnificent Motherfucking stupid-ass bitch.

KID: We're going to New Orleans.

Ms. Luna let her girlfriend I'm sorry, Usher!

then I'm sure, Thugnificent,

RILEY: Know what? It's still better

you will be willing to apologize for the video.

USHER: Shut the fuck up, for her own actions.

This weekend sucked.

And it was all your fault, Granddad. to wash y'all niggas away, but go on back.

Wasn't my fault.

It was that crazy-ass Luna's fault

We crew, nigga, remember? Hell, no, I ain't apologizing, punk-ass nigga.

now, are ya? Go on, save New Orleans.

God rest her poor soul.

Kiss my ass, old-ass nigga.

What they got down there worth saving? What, jazz?

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Please. Stupid-ass--

What was that noise?

Jazz music? I hate jazz music.

Can we at least agree,

for the sake of old people everywhere,

if a man ever said that to me, I'll kill myself.

that there will be no more dis records?

I mean, you're a stronger woman than me. Hello?

I got a documentary called Fine, whatever. I spits hot fire.

When the Levees Gonna Break Again?

I'll eat your ass up on the M-I-C,

if you keep messing with me. I'm gonna get me a dog. Name him Levee.

I'm gonna kick him every time it rain.

That's what you need to do.

You gonna pay for my lawn, boy.

Eat a dick, old nigga.

Yeah, you know, what Rags to Bitches means

is that there's more to life than what you're born into.

There's also bitches.