All language subtitles for The.Boondocks.S02E09.1080p.WEBRip.DD.2.0.X265-Ralphy_track3_[eng]

ANNOUNCER: We now return to

"Thugnificent: Rags to Bitches."
HUEY: On August 29, 2005,

y'all know what a nigga moment is.

A nigga moment is when the mind

The story of Thugnificent begins here...
struck the Gulf Coast of the United States.

of a perfectly logical black man

is overwhelmed by some stupid nigga shit.

here at All-Star Weekend.
Only 8 years old
I love you, Mommy.

Like when a nigga steps up on your sneaker
Oh!

and fucks up your kicks, or hits your car or some shit.

Here he is winning the three-point contest
Terra-Belle leads Georgia in homicides, infant mortality,

MAN: This is our target --
the nuclear power plant.

like it's your fault, like you fucked up.
making it rain like Lil' Wayne out this motherfucker.

If we capture the plane
at precisely the right moment,

Ooh, Lord.
So his ignorance makes you act crazy.

Check the chain, nigga.

Yo.
What up?

they will not have time
to shoot down the aircraft.
And the next thing you know, niggas is beefing,
I know y'all love my music,
and love my videos and shit,

Yeah, I see you, too.
What you want, nigga?

Damn!
shooting, fighting, and somebody ends up dead.

Oh, man, same shit.
What's up with you?

MAN:
If they hit that power plant
'Cause y'all about to see
how good it is to be me

he busts Vince Carter's ass
The fuck you mean,
"What's up with me?"

in the slam-dunk contest.
Yes, sir. That's our name for it.

the casualties could be
in the hundreds of thousands.

Your voice sounds
real sexy right now.
We got plenty of hoes bending,
we got 24s spinning.

God help us all.
In the days and weeks that followed,

Say what?

the nation watched and wondered:
Okay. Ready?

You wanna talk to me
later on?

No, I don't wanna talk
later on, motherfucker.
how could it have all gone so wrong?

ANNOUNCER: ...except...

What the fuck
is wrong with you?!
Man, I seen it all.

Ernie, nigga, back to you.
What the fuck's so sexy
about my voice?

What? What is this CPT?
that hell had ever seen.

Aw, man, my bad.
I was on the phone.
right when they
get to the door, nigga.

None for me,
thanks.

Tom, I think you can have
but controversial player.
WOMAN:
That means the plane is gonna
I swear to God, man, they actually, like,

a second glass
on your anniversary.
Last year, he became the first person

Colonel motherfucking
Stinkmeaner,
GRANDDAD:

I'm driving, sweetie-pooh.
This sucks.
to leave elementary school and go to the NBA

ANNOUNCER: They picked the wrong airline.
holler at your boy,
I gets money.

Bitches like this shit, man.
when the Miami Heat signed him to a $3 gazillion contract,

And don't come up here
complaining and shit.
And I started thinking to myself: "Man...

They be thinkin' I'm one
of them Mens in Black
You know what's wrong with me.
Boy, see who that is.

You motherfuckers wanna
come on here
or somethin' like that,
you know?
a doorbell with real bitches
singing the notes.

and act a goddamn fool?

could kill me or you,
or somebody's baby.
Y'all gonna have
to kick me out of this bitch.

I'm about to go on break.
Ding...dong.

You motherfucking terrorists
kill me.
They be wondering where
the black limo is at
I'm saying you probably never
looked like this damn picture.

I'd spend the next 20 years
in jail being--
this kid is a disgrace
to basketball.

when they see --
All they see is the headpiece,
Oh, lookie here,
this is Cousin Jericho.

BOTH:
Anally raped.
This ain't you!
He epitomizes everything wrong
with the game today.

Yeah, let's talk more
that's where the police station used to be.
Man, I haven't talked
to Cousin Jericho

the devil himself, a--

about your violated rectum.
ANNOUNCER: Come see why black incompetence...

Oh, I find it
so romantic.
Yes!

'cause, uh, they up and left.
TOM: Hey, I'm just saying--

Whoo, whoo!
Well, excuse me
for thinking you liked me

So where's the new police station?
Goddamn, that bitch
phat as a motherfucker.

So...
for who I was on the inside.

Well, you're a liar
on the inside.
Aren't you gonna answer it?
Y'all don't know
Last week, right,
I was in the strip club, right.
...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.

Now let's go back
to my nigga on the floor.

No, thank you.
This whole relationship
is based on a lie.

ANNOUNCER: Man, check out how Young Reezy
I had titties in one hand,
titties in the other hand.

Ah! You baldheaded
devil monks
Now, this shit right here,

We can't let you through,
homey.
shitted on these niggas in today's game.

this is some old John Woo shit,
nigga.
Hey, this is Osama bin Laden
nephew, nigga.

This from the movie Killer.
I'm telling you,
I had two hands
full of titties.

Well, I-- I'm --
I'm once removed. I-I--
it was a crime how they
treated those folks down there.

That's bigger
than two scoops of raisins.
And breaks his ankle.

So, what was it like
No --
I just fucking with you, dawg.
You mad?
You hating, my nigga?

I'm still talkin' to my
accountant at the same time.
Look at that bitch-ass nigga limping off the floor.

Go ahead, nigga.
Well, it's hard
not to, nigga. Ha-ha!

ANNOUNCER: Starring Gary Anthony Williams.
What's not to like
about that?
Ooh, no wonder they ride his nuts so hard.

Nigga, you ain't
no Denzel.

But you know what they say --
when it's your time to go,

Seems like Yao Ming wants some too.

Hell, you ain't even
no Flavor Flav.
it's your time to go. John Witherspoon.

or when you're talkin'
on the goddamn phone.
Time after time after time.
You see how short
people's memories are?

What if it's the motherfucker
next to me time to go? Huh?

Second, when people
wear those things,
Mm-hm.
Fellas, I'm here with
All-Star MVP Riley Freeman.

for this next one, man.
I see ya.

Lock 'em up.
Charge them with fraud.
Mo'Nique.
It's very important
Boy, get the door.

But that's real shit, though, nigga.
like a serious disappointment,
man.
TOM:
Ah. Now, that's what
There's a name for people
who talk to theyselves, Ed.

this plane leave on time.
You got naked kids.

I say give them the chair.
Electrocute their ugly asses.
Riley, is there anything
you can't do, nigga?

Damn. Now, are you yelling
at me or shitting at me?
You got parents gotta choose between food and clothes
RILEY: It's Jericho Freeman.
Tell him we're not here!

has earned you a trip back.

Snoop Dogg.
Hijacked?
I don't know, go broke?
for their kids, shorty.

If there were just
Them niggas ain't getting
my wizzie fo' shizzle, nigga.
You have my blessings
to exact vengeance

Good one, little brother.

I don't know what to do
with my hands now.
Shaq, 17 blocks for Riley,
you had one.

You know what I'm saying? And 50 Cent
the haters' camel's back,
nigga.
Be that as it may, no technology
is worth my dignity.

and to spread
ignorance and chaos

Or for themselves.
That's got to make you
feel fucked up.
as Air Marshal 50 Cent.

If talking on a wireless headset
mean I gotta look

It did at first,
...people are looking.

I'll stop
those terrorists...
Observe.

Tom, please.

or die trying.

Besides, there's a reason

so guess I have to work harder,
step up to his level.
Honey. Honey, maybe this isn't
the best place to be singing--

STINKMEANER:
Ah! Hell ain't shit.

It lets people around you know
you're talkin' on the phone.
Get ready. This time, it's going down.

I'm gonna get you, Freeman!

So he's better than you?

So those people know not
to waste time talkin' to you

Yes.
And stacks more paper

Shit.
This one nigga
This is a hijacking.
Remain in your seats --

Yay. All done.

No, this nigga
didn't.
Left with a case
of hate poisoning, nigga.

We have a bomb on the aircraft.

You know what
I'm saying? Hey, flo.

Tell 'em about that nigga
that got his spirits crushed

Everyone remain --

Good.

by the rubies and the diamonds
and shit.
I see you're fucking up
all your grandson's money.

took his own life and shit,
you know what I mean?

SARAH:
Yay.

Ah! Oh, my God.

when you bend over.
I like that a lot.

you wouldn't believe it.

What is it, honey?
and all of that.

Wait. Is that Usher?
GRANDDAD:
Uh, ah, ooh, ooh.

I'm about to go
get dressed.

Yes! Oh, my God.
Can you believe that? A boat.

Oh. Mm-hm.

I hate these
fucking headsets.

He's coming over.

I paid for that bed
you sleeping on,
We gonna fly on the
Soul Plane!

I can't believe this.

with your little
inground pools,
Hey, Robert. Guess who?

TOM:
Oh, sweetie,

diving boards
or whatever.
Hey, uh, Jericho, is it?

Hey, how you doin', babe?
Step your pool game up,
nigga.

Hey. Oh, ee-- Ee--
Hi, uh, uh, Mr. Usher.

We slide down with ours.
You get here and give
Cousin Jericho a hug.

Uh-- Ah-- Ooh--
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!

-I can't believe it.
-It's not true.
I'll beat your little ass
in front of what's-his-name.

I-- I can't believe
it's you.

This is, like,
the greatest thing
Get your butt over here,
trying to embarrass me--

that ever happened
in our neighborhood.

I'm Sarah.

...where you can, like, track,
like, if someone, like,

You have a beautiful smile,
Sarah.

Mm-hm.
Well, shoot.
What the difference, huh?

Mm! Wow, so she's
on my friends list?
Now, this right here is what
I like to call my bitch tank,

We family, right,
cousin? Ha, ha.

What's going on?
What's going on?

We family. We're cousins.
Yup, she your very first
cyber friend

A while for me?
If you say so, second cousin.

and you're her 3 millionth.

SARAH:
I love this song.
She's fine,
ain't she?

GRANDDAD:
Yeah, boy! I love technology.

the community council
meetings, Robert.
we just passing through
ya'll neck of the woods--

I ain't worried about
no damn council meeting.

HUEY: My granddad recently
Y'all broke niggas keep buying
fish food if you want.

for the okey-doke
this time.
Oh, wonderful.

You should post more pics.
Now I got the video chat.

Thank you very much.
Oh. Oh, God.
Everybody get ready!
GIRL 2: Oh, my gosh.

Uh--

to show the world
how the broke niggas live,
I'm starting to feel
like Shemar Moore up in here.

That was beautiful.
It's just what I do.

maybe MTV will come
to your house,
Oh, um, this is,
uh...Tom.

Hoo! Boy, let's get
some music on.
You don't say.
Well, great catching up.

Why would she like you?

Turn on the My-pod
and let's get on the I-space.
'Cause your granddaddy
gives sweet love.

Thanks for stopping by.
Cheers.
Yes, I'm Tom. Just Tom.
RILEY: Wait, wait, wait.
I know that song.

Look, Robert, don't let
the chrome rims fool you, okay?

GRANDDAD:
Riley, hurry up.

And what do you know
about this woman?
USHER:
Hey, how

The police were talking
Well...her name is Luna.

to everyone on our street for clues.
you want next, Granddad?

SARAH:
You are so interesting.
booty-butt cheeks

Her hobbies include pets,
traveling, kickbox--

The leather vest.
The one with the rhinestones.
We gonna fly on
the Soul Plane!

Well, almost everyone.
You know, we almost
didn't make it up here.

B-B-B-Booty-Butt cheeks

If you don't
mind me asking,
Watch when you go to sleep.

And make sure you pee
before we leave.
Granddad, I--

I ain't gonna miss my movie
I bet she have a gang of niggas
up in here to rob us.

going to the bathroom
with you.
GIRL: Thugnificent!
Thugnificent, wait!

Officer, I'm not finished.
That ain't a good look,
Granddad.
Yes, we-- We blessed
to escape the deadly waters

I'm gonna let you go in there
by yourself

Not a good look?
Hello, sir,
I'm Officer Calloway.
and get molested
by a nasty white man.

Is that some kind of
new slang?

Now, what's wrong with you?
Why the long face?
And, uh,
virtually nothing else.
It's not just the music.
I have seen all of your movies.

What's wrong with you?
Is that what's hot
in the street, huh?

I don't wanna go to the movie.
Why not?
Thugnificent and the Lethal
Interjections living here.

Uh...cheers.
I don't ever wanna go
to the movies with you again.
GRANDMOTHER:
Praise Jesus.

I loved Light It Up.
Talk and shoot
at the same time, boy.

Not after
what happened last time.
Thug who?
Thugnificent.

I named my dog Light It Up.
Girl, please.
"Beat It" or "Thriller"?

What happened last time?
I can't believe it.

Neither have you.
I don't know, Granddad.
We got arrested. And shot at.

is a common trait with black people.
Yeah, we lost everything.

So funny.
She's my manager.
A whole weekend with
a complete stranger?

Ah. Racism.
Take 'em back
and go get my purple Speedo.

And play it like you
got some sense.
Daddy said I can go
to the movies,

I'll call her.
Hee-hee-hee.
RILEY:
Purple Speedo?
No more of that damn
street ball hot-dogging

but he said I'm not allowed
to see Soul Plane.
are culturally inclined against snitching.

All right, boy,
so you had a bad dream.
hippity-hop, and one and seven,
whatever the hell it is.

Good. You don't wanna go
to the movies with him.

It was a really bad dream
about--
Okay, one more.
Matter of fact, you about
to get a lesson in fundamentals.

He's crazy.
Hush.
Mm-hm. Nothing like the
open road. Seeing the country.

Please, we gotta get one more.
Look at that one.
Did you check
the Speedo drawer?

Can't see Soul Plane?
Why, little baby?

Man, fuck yo' mama!

Shoot. I ain't ballin'
like a rock star.
Because of the types
of stereos or something.

Oh, man.

It'd be good
for my vocals.
It was about
Stinkmeaner.

Types of stereos?
an unwritten rule about snitching
THUGNIFICENT:
To being on Cribs.

Oh. No, no, no,
little baby doll.

USHER:
I'm gonna
The fulfillment
of a lifelong dream
has become a full-blown "stop snitching" movement,

Wouldn't let that shit
happen to me though.
Yeah, well, you know,
kids are strong.

This is a good theater.
They have THX.

All right, let's go.
Game on.
USHER:
You rollin' with Ush.
RILEY: It was a big day for my homey

Damn, these things are tight.
What about Stinkmeaner?

Nowhere for 'em
to call home.
Take the murder of 19-year-old Jermaine "Lojack" Walker,

being on Cribs and all.
He was in hell, and he was
coming back to get us.

I love to see my niggas on TV shinin',

She means stereotypes.
That's right, y'all.
Put your hands up, white folks!

Stinkmeaner? Don't be crazy.
Yep. Yes, sir.
Stereotypes? In Soul Plane?
That's nonsense.

That old man that Granddad
killed for no reason?
I ain't changing my shorts.
TOM: Hey, guys.

in the middle of a summer afternoon
It's so good
to finally meet you.

Say, how about we tell
your daddy
No reason?
That man was a psycho.
Yeah, well, you know,

Yes, yes,
I see the ears.

we saw something else, hm?
Man, I wanna go
over there,
What you got there, Riley, huh?
You got some moves?

All right! All right!
You can stay!
Nobody even called the cops. They all just went home.

He was blind.
You killed a blind old man.
What's wrong
with your watch?
You mean...lie?

Just like
the picture, right?
What?

Shit, nigga, the sun
is reflecting all this ice.
the slightest bit
inappropriate?
Would that be dick riding?
You think? To go over there?

That really doesn't seem to be
a good idea.
I can't see
a motherfucking thing.

Hush, boy.
And I sent him to hell
where he belongs.
Wow, that is pretty good
ball control.

You know,
You look just like
your picture too.

it's okay to break
the rules
What it do, Woodcrest?
Ha-ha!
Hey, toss me the ball, Riley.

He asked me
to send him the pictures.
Come on, y'all,
he said it's cool.
Yeah, Granddad,
real tough with the handicapped.

every once
in a while.
Here you go.
Oh!

WOMAN:
Come on, y'all.
I won't tell
if you won't.
Yeah.
You damn right, Mr. Policeman!
I saw the whole thing!

He probably gonna beat up
some retarded kids next.
Shocking.

Okay. Hee-hee.
Put the motherfuckers on, nigga.
Tell me what time it is.

which make sense,
because she's 10.
in our new crib
in Woodcrest...
Much better than the last place.
Praise Jesus.

HUEY: Sometimes I think Granddad may be a bad influence.

What's that supposed to mean?
that's what he's gonna do.
Damn, nigga.
It's 2:30.

It means you're
a bit old to be acting
and give him a pound and be
like, "What up, Thugnificent?"

Hey, Riley. Don't forget
the camcorder.
street ball and learn to play.

Hey. The doorbell girl
was wondering
like some screaming TRL groupie.

...every cookout...

Oh, yeah, your dream.
if you're expecting
and more company

Now, the first Soul Plane
was funny.
THUGNIFICENT:
I'm here for everybody.
Riley, you could
be a superstar one day.

Look, boy,

Pfft. About as funny
as a lynching.
Get back here, Riley.
...every wedding...
Shoot, I'm a superstar now.

Oh, hush, boy.
You ain't even see it.
Well, Whitley, Mitley and Missy.

Ever played on a team?
Stop the car!
He can't hurt you or me
or any of us, okay?

I never seen
a lynching, either,
No.
Well, I'm coaching

Uh, come on.
You want a drink?
but I know
they not funny.

Where I live,
a Woodcrest Youth
Basketball Association team,

Mm. Hope you got
air conditioning.
See? Shows what you know.
I've seen funny lynchings.
Now, let's get one more picture.

I don't want either of you going
near that house. You hear me?
the Mighty Deers.
You know, Timid Deer Lane.

What the fuck?
No, you haven't.
I have so.

They even have a club for snitches.
Man, Quinten just texted me.
He say the hoes is en route.

Roscoe Patterson's lynching
was funny.
That's right, I rep the Deer.

It's called the neighborhood watch.

Yeah, so them
niggas was like,
of zombies or vampires,
Anyway,
season just got underway,

So I'm gonna just, uh,
go back to the house.

"Roscoe, you better
leaves town
They ain't never in here.
Shoot, I could have
stayed in Louisiana for this.

Hold it right there, boy!
LUNA:
Oh, you're

"before Mr. Charlie
and them crackers
THUGNIFICENT:
...our new crib in Woodcrest,
Y'all any good?
Um, no.

Woodcrest
neighborhood watch.

gonna come for you."
Oh. That Larry David
is something else. Whoo!

Now, where was you at 11:00
last night, huh? Huh?!

I'm like, "Man,
fuck them crackers, man.
and bagels and shit.

So...
Nana. Nana.

Come on, now!
Don't lie to me, nigga!
This is Roscoe Patterson."
Nigga, I don't give a fuck.
you never told me
what kind of dogs you have.

Nigga, I was in bed.
We bring the 'hood with us,
right here.
us for a little bit?

KID:
I'm going to get you.
I just don't
give a fuck.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You sure you gotta leave?
That nigga's my age.
But Stinkmeaner knew that every black man's spirit

Know what I'm saying?
White man can eat a dick.

GIRL:
Yeah. This is fantastic.
So you guys don't think
I'm overreacting?

Eat my balls,
nigga.
Ha-ha. Whoo.
That's right, nigga.

I don't think so.

MAN: There he is!
Get that nigger.
BOTH:
Wolves?

You're a bigtime lawyer,
I'm about to do it big
in Woodcrest, nigga.

Uh-oh.
The law say
when the bicycle stop,
You mean, like, wolf wolves?

Oh, come on, you n--
Nincompoop.

Come on,
let's go!
the wheels
supposed to stop.
Yeah. For some reason,
wolves really like me.
Okay, um, Frank.

MAN: Oh, shoot, he's fast!
Watch out!

I was raised
around wolves.
You can't do that!
Hey, come on.
Wait. Oh, what's that,
the PSP right there? Man.

I'm all, like, it's --
whatever.
It, uh, wasn't really
funny after that.

They get a bad rap,
but really,
You can't hear
the movie.

Mm-mm.
GIRL:
Welcome to
if you aren't afraid
to establish dominance,

Yep, yep. All of 'em.
Let's go.
This is gonna be so much fun.
I'm calling the police.
Stop!

Huh? That's right, y'all.
Thugnificent bringing the 'hood
Damn. I bet these vases

That's, uh...
This is going to be...

OLD MAN:
Can we bring in the Army?
TOM:
All right, Deers.

Get out there
and give him what you got.
...the worst day
of your life.
How long will we wait
on the police to protect us?

Uh, fascinating.
I had my blinker on
and everything.

Oh, I didn't say
she was cheating.
My ass!

how long you been
kickboxing?
Fuck you, punk-ass,
bougie-ass, hook-ass nigga!

I'm bringing nunchucks.
Can we bring in
the Army?!
Hey! Who turned off
the motherfucking water?!

I'll beat
your motherfucking ass, nigga!
I got to have it, you dig?

This is a tragedy.
Huh?
Not exactly kickboxing,
but it's kind of similar.

I'm a do-what-it-takes
kind of nigga, man.
The white man ain't never
done nothin' to nobody,

I say toss her groupie ass
out the window

Fuck with me, nigga,
and I'll be popping a trunk
I get it how I live, and
live how I get it, you feel me?

and let that ho stargaze
from outside.

and he don't deserve this.
You got some words
of welcome

Get my motherfucking Uzi.
White Lotus?
Now, Riley,
there's never a place

That's the deadliest
style there is.

for violence
in a relationship.
Hey, guys.
What I got to do

People, calm down.

Thug out with the homey.
Granddad, I can't believe
you let them niggas stay here.
There sure seemed to be a place
at the restaurant last night.

You never
mentioned, uh,

Man, you wanna
be down with us?
We've let the predators
think we're weak.
Mm-mm.
Nappy-headed hos.

Here, put these coats on.
That's messed up, Riley.
That's family.

She made you look like a bitch
in front of Usher.
You know what, motherfucker?

Huh?
Family? I ain't never seen
them niggas before in my life.

Boy, watch
your mouth.
he was a Shaolin monk.
I learned it from him.

Probably
started out charitable.
Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you,
old-ass nigga!

Except for Flonominal
and Macktastic,

GRANDDAD:
Here you go.
It was them Freeman boys.
Then I ended up
having to use it on him,

What is it?
who I met through the label
last year,

It's pinto beans
and neck bones.
You just mad at
all this Thugnificence.

but we're like brothers,
though.
But, Granddad, she did make
Mr. DuBois look like a bitch.

Now put this meat loaf
and gravy under your shirt.

Yeah, I said it.
Respect it, man!

Why don't we just get treats
from the concession stand?
-Now, Ruckus, that's crazy.
-If they're so innocent,

HUEY:
They have nothing to go home to.
breathe it in, nigga.
Bask in it.

but find a different way
to say it.
Man, I'm about
rags to bitches, too.

Next thing you know,

we won't have
nothing to go home to.
you rubbin' against
that silky white skin. Oh.

It's about getting paper,
my nigga.
Now, where were we?
You think I'm paying $20
for some popcorn?

RUCKUS: Yeah.
Why wouldn't they?
Everybody knows
New Orleans niggas are grimy.

But I don't know
the non-curse way

Have you heard of the Kumite?
You must be out
of your damn mind.

to say he got bitched.
Yep. Thanks, wardy.
That's my hat.

Humiliated,
castrated, emasc--
Oh-- Oh, my God.
Did you say Kumite?

Are we allowed
to bring in food?
Now, Riley,
I want you to know

Well, I don't really know much about him,
Of course we're allowed to.
that even though
we doin' it real grand,

I love talking
to the police.
but my two teenage kids are very excited.

It's my food, isn't it?
I paid for it.
We're gonna go check 'em out.
if this rap shit don't work,
we running up in nigga's houses.

That's all you get for free.

That means I can eat it
when and where I want.
Did-- Did anyone see
who accosted this man?
It's a mythical, invitation-only
martial arts tournament

If you lost
your ho to T.I.,

You know what I mean?
For real. Better believe that.
I'd be like,
"Hey, that's T.I."

Boy, put this pot roast in
your pants or you ain't eating.
I got a date?
I can't believe it.
Riley, I started this team
because when I was younger,

We're gonna be hittin'
the streets, son,
Oh, this is nothing.
He's just getting started.
and the dungarees with his name on the, um, pocket.

moving mad rock all day,
is not
a law-enforcement agency.

You better check that ho,
Mr. DuBois.
the very small community
with a very big heart.

You know what?
You guys are right.
But I didn't think
the Kumite really existed.
and there was that moment at the end,

No interrogations!
living across the street from me. Shoot.

HUEY: Robert Jebediah Freeman
Granddad, you don't skydive,
MAN: Know what I mean?
All day, son.

had sworn a lifetime intifada
Paid too much money for my house. Funny-ass music.

It's really real.
and they won.
and ask them to join
the neighborhood watch,

against the movie theater industry
It was like a miracle moment.

and you never was
a member of G-Unit.
Why is the news here?
Well, I called the news
for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,

want to go to a basketball game
just to see the game,
And ever since then,
I wanted to live that moment.

and told them
what you did for us.
And let's all of us reach out
to all our other neighbors

Get 'em outta here.
which, interestingly enough,

Shakes, all that.
Extra ketchup.
come back with one of them
NBA niggas out of sympathy?
What the hell you do that for?
Don't be modest. It's okay.

did not stop him from going to see movies.
on some faraway mysterious island.

"You need some napkins?"
You feel me?
MAN: Thugnificent and his cohorts,

Okay, gang.
Keep your eyes open.
MAN:
So, Mrs. Wong,
It's not okay. Now every damn
Katrina victim for 100 miles

She wanted to be
entertained.

Open for what?
formed the Lethal Interjection Crew

We're sneaking in.
What the fuck is you talking-- ?
What the fuck was that?

They were terrible.
Oh, the white woman's
got a big heart.

That's not true,
little baby.
Kind of like one of them
Mr. Freeman,
what makes a man

beating him senseless with a nine iron,

I bought my tickets online.
Scout's honor.
"Booty-Butt Cheeks."
I wasn't thinking
about it when I did it.

stealing his wallet and driving his car
Oh, no. These are not complete
strangers. This is family.

Look. Granddad.
They cover room and food. Everything.

We ended our season last year
I got some money saved.
The movie will be on me.

multimillion-dollar major-label deal,

Correct.
with the worst record in the league.

Now, you put that away,
boy.
Let's just go
to the initiation.

These movie devils
ain't getting
The first test
is the agreeability test.
and a new album, "Rags to Bitches."

any more of our money.
You get to catch up with old friends,

Before you are a member
of the team,

Mm-mm.
see some really good matches, get a tan.
Now, Mrs. Wong,
let me ask you a question.

in the eyes of God?
Well, not exactly. See--
Uh...Mr. Freeman?

Ask the question,
Miss von Hausen.
We can win, Riley.
Good times.

The way I'm looking at it, I'm picking up where
What do you hope to get
out of helping these people?

It says, "No outside food,"
little girl.
Good times.
The Kumite is supposed to be

What's good, nigga?
Is your granddad home?

That's why we keep it
inside our clothes.

VON HAUSEN:
Mr. Freeman,
a death match, right?
You ever killed anybody?
Not a damn thing.

This is the movement that says, you know --
Are you sure
this is legal?

Hey. Everybody has to
die sometime. Hm.
Wow. So selfless. Bob.
Granddad.
Mr. DuBois' at the door.

Now, as you know, we've had
some home invasions recently.
"Don't grow up and act like a fucking fool all the time,

Okay, everybody, look alive now.
Here's our chance.

Call my agent, man.
You's a bitch.

and you can still make it up out the 'hood
-Mm-hm.
-We were concerned to hear

and enjoy everything that life has to offer."

I understand
you need your job,
that you refused
to talk to the police.
Yo, it's blazing, son.
That shit is incredible, kid.

but you're still
a human being with dignity.

I would love to
let you crash,
Finish him.

KIDS:
Throw it to me, throw that ball.

Yeah, I mean,
look at this uniform, man.
No snitchin'.

I look like
a fucking dork.
Hey, we hear you was
helping people from New Orleans.

Why would they make me dress
like this?
You've also refused
our previous invitations
I would just turn up the bass a
little higher in the monitor --

We used to live right close to--

What did I do
to them, huh?
Well, I had
a girlfriend in Katrina.

to join
the neighborhood watch,
You should take action.
I didn't come to practice.
You never called my agent.

and we could use
your support.
Nobody give a fuck
what your dumb ass think.

Ah. What can I do?
I thought that was a joke.
Oh, no, no.

Give me this motherfucker.
Our motto is:
Neighbors watching neighbors.

I told you this
was going to happen.
Thank you so much,
Robert.

Get your ass up out of here,
you hook-ass nigga.

See, boys? See why

Robert Freeman.
You know him, right?
Have you ever thought about
forming a union?
Fuck your court!
MAN #1: Tired of this.
MAN #2:

Oh, I'm watchin', all right.
I'm watchin' this neighborhood

What's a "union"?
RUCKUS: It's like somebody threw
a million dollars
I ask you to bless him, Lord,

Get the fuck up out of here
with that bullshit.

MAN:
Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
become a bunch
of damn tattletales.
I mean, they can only
hang you once, right?
and keep providing for him,
Lord,

MAN #1: Beat it.
MAN #2: Nigga.
I paid.
I got my ticket.

Good one, granddad.
I got mine today
and that joint is wack.

Yeah, yeah. I got
a ticket for you.

You killin' 'em.
Anyway, Riley,
what do you think?

A one-way ticket
to "Get the hell
Property was stolen,
Mr. Freeman.
Well, we can't live
next to their kind.
Jesus, amen.
As we walk in your glory.

out of here, negro"
land.

Go on! Move it!
Come on, now, you're
leaving me hanging.

Get off of me, woman.
The sanctity of our
community was violated.

I ain't gonna
stand for it.

ALL:
We gotta go to the bathroom.

Tough titty.
We were here first.
Right.

I ain't got time
for this bullshit.
Oh...

TOM: Well, I'd sell my house
if I thought
I'm not feeling the name.
Nope.

Nigga, you gay.
it was still
worth anything.

How about that?
I don't care how good you are,
I'm not changing the name.

Why don't you just
invite them over for dinner
See it's burnin' me
to hold onto this.

Another victory
of the common man

and get to know
one another?
Suit yourself.
HUEY: Meanwhile, I couldn't

over corporate greed.
Uh, real good?

You're not advancing
any struggle
RUCKUS: Sorry he touched you,
Miss von Hausen.
They ain't never gonna get

that an evil force was gathering.

by being cheap,
Granddad.
She ain't say nothing
about no damn

MACKTASTIC:
What's happening, nigga?
that dream you promised them
and for what?

I'll advance my belt
on your behind
Next is a test of courage.

if you don't shut
your ass.
Where the chicken wings
and the doughnuts at?
One man's ego?
Sad. Good luck.

Oh, my God.
You almost touched
Miss von Hausen!
It smell like the circus
in town up in there.

What the fuck you got to eat
in this bitch, nigga?!

I didn't pay
to get in the movie.
MAN: Nah, you ain't crazy.
ALL:
Bye, Riley.

I love you

Uh, yes, we did. I --
I ordered my tickets online.
Huey, what are we gonna do?

A HAZMAT suit.
It's just, I feel like this

Who got the neck bones?
You gonna tell her
to get out.

No, you didn't.
I'm not telling her
to leave.

is coming to an end.

We snuck in.
She hit me with one of them
exploding nutsack techniques.

Ghostface Killah
isn't even dead.

We stole a movie.
Tom agreed to allow Riley to design the uniforms

Now, who makes the rules?
She's not a kung fu
master. She's crazy.

Man, stop complaining.
that goofy-looking motherfucker is coming back.

Grownups, right?
Shit.
Then you go kick her ass out.

Your granddad's nigga moment ain't dead yet.

And I'm grown up,
and I say it's okay.

But what am I
supposed to do?

We're gonna
get caught.
'cause I don't
even drink grape.
Hey. I'm willing to stay
in the bathroom all night.

We're gonna
get caught.
If death can't stop Stinkmeaner,
what can?

I should call my daddy
and turn myself in.

Yeah, yeah.
Think about it. Peace.

When y'all going
to the store too?
Oh, yeah?
You gonna tell him
You two just...stay here.

-Shh-shh-Shh.

what you came to see, huh?

That's my boy!
That's my boy--
Okay. I gotta use
the bathroom anyway.

I bet he'd like
to know that.

What the hell going on
out here?
Go, Ball-a-Holics! Go!

Y'all ain't got shit.
Maybe I should make
a phone call.
RUCKUS: Oh...

No. Please, no.
Uh-oh, everybody,
keep an eye on your wallet.

Good. Now just
calm down.
You must be crazy.
You gotta let your thing go.

RUCKUS: Mm-hm.

Try some mashed potatoes.
Who got the popcorn?
What up, dawg?

ED: If you had
a headset like mine,
Look here, old dog.

I do, Granddad.
You do not want that.
GRANDDAD:
I ain't letting my stuff
What, what, what?

Now, this here
is the orange-flavored drink
and some Johnny Mathis.

WOMAN: So where's he at now?
Nah, baby, I'm still here.

Ow! Hey.

What the hell is wrong
with you?
Orange-Aid. With vitamin C.

Watch it, boy,
don't step on my roses.

No.
What am I gonna do
with raw popcorn?
It's okay.
When we were trapped,

VON HAUSEN:
What was that?
Let me call you back.

You're gonna ruin my dentures.
Tip-off there, right, straight in the hands of Young Reezy.

Whew. Damn, can't watch
a movie without popcorn.
Hey. How's Robert?
Is everything okay?

GRANDDAD:
Show them what you got.

So I don't mind drinking
the cheap stuff.
Heh. Word down at the gym
is that he done wore

MAN #1: Yeah.
Hey!
Now I gotta spend
all my damn money

MAN #2: Do that shit.
Yeah!
I gotta deal with

on a bucket
of popcorn.

Now, it's date night
and you know the rules.
I see you, homey.
Go ahead, nigga.

Hear that?
Sounds like niggas.

You get in that room.
Ride it out, nigga.

Told you.
I don't care
if you hear scream

USHER:
Do I still have to eat
the cheap lunchmeat?
Thank you. It was really hard.

RUCKUS: What you see,
Miss von Hausen?

When your feeling
Find a way to get
some hoes over here.

It's just...I had heard

Shit, he -- he just hatin'
'cause, see,
MAN: Do it, man.

You gotta let it go
You know, what hurt us was
losing all that mattress money.

Still dribbling now, there's some impressive dribbling.

Mm. Hm!
There was four or five
accounts in there.

WOMAN:
Why don't you call her, then?

Jumpin' like it used to
Maybe you would like
a demonstration?
Keeping the other kids off guard, still, uh--

Oh, shit!

Honey, I'm home.
Uh, wait.
Yo, word to mother,
and the money for the record
label I started in the basement.

RUCKUS: Buck 'em down,
Miss von Hausen!

friendly sparring match?
Let it burn

You were in construction, right?
We're takin' fire! Run!
I know a lot of girls
on Myspace.

They're doing a lot of building
in New Orleans right now.

Oh, yeah!
I mean, I don't really pay
much attention to 'em, though,
Pass.

-RUCKUS: Get them negroes!
-ED: They shootin'!
I seen it on television.
That's what I thought.

It's best
'cause I be's
all about my paper.

No, no, no, I'm still here.
Yo, can I still come over?
It's when you let go of the ball
and give it to someone else.

I heard Halliburton was hiring
Tom, what's gotten into you?

or grown-up girls and shit?
Of her being with someone--

Come on. You want
some of this? Come on.

Oh. Help me.
Man, grown up. They got little
pictures of each one, too,

MAN:
Car!
TOM:
Riley, pass!

Oh, Tom!

Get 'em,
Miss von Hausen!
And you can reach
these hoes

That's the way!
Wait, Miss von Hausen.

I'm gonna make it do
what it do.
and tell 'em to come over here
and get bucked-naked?

and I live
across the street.
I'll give you anything. Ah!

SARAH:
Oh, Tom!
Goddamn.
Enough with the dribbling.

Come on, now!
Buck 'em down!

Yeah,
that's my granddad.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.
RUMMY: Riley!
Hey, Riley, look, man,

ANNOUNCER: Don't steal movies.
Next.

Come on, Riley,
take it to the hoop.

I need somewhere to hide.
Niggas are shootin', man.
Let's...

Niggas are shootin'?
ED: Hey!
get out while we can.
Riley, attack the basket! Go!

This the car that got
pimped out by Xzibit.
JERICHA:
The Lord will provide

I just wanna say that
I like your music.

Say, motherfucker, you on the
phone or you talking to me?
Riley, shoot.
Why won't he shoot the ball?

And, uh, you know,
this is my turf over here,

Hello?

I'm talkin' to Riley.
Uh, let me see here.
Uh, thumbera.

SARAH: It's Sarah.
Oh, he's got the look on his face.

GRANDDAD: Damn.
Hey, y'all see the new rims
I got on my bike?
Towards the goal, got the dribble.

computer genius and shit --
Oh, wait.

come into my house
and try to destroy my place.
This is a quick estimate, um,
Large freshly popped popcorn,
please. And lots of butter.
This thing has a push-button
starter like a racecar.

I ain't on your nuts,
though.

Want me to ask them
to come over?
to her recital practice at 3, right?

Beautiful arc on that ball.

Didn't have time
to put the lamp in.
Anything else?

Yes.

I asked
for butter on it.
Oh, man.
Respect, little partner.
Looks like it may have just enough

Butter's over there.
Well, I'm in the studio
with Snoop Doggy Dogg

Hey, this little nigga's
all right, y'all.
MACK: Say, baby girl. Hey,
boo, check it out.

Are you doing the music video thing again?

'Cause I'm gonna make sure
I pay you back every penny.
I don't wanna put the butter
on it. Why can't you do it?
No-ho-ho-ho.
Lionel Richie's ex-wife.

Whoa, whoa!
What y'all doin'?
off the table.

Gotta go, honey. Bye.
With interest.
Well, thank you, Jericho.

You're supposed to
put the butter on it.
You know your mama
taught you better than that,
WOMAN: Uh-uh.

I don't wanna
put the butter on it.
ghetto-ass nigga.
That's kind of embarrassing after that buildup.

I'm already paying $20
for this bullshit popcorn.
Well, fuck you then, bitch.
Bucket-mouth ho.

I'm still burnin'
and Brenda Richie had just caught Lionel in bed

But how about, uh,
tomorrow, cutie pie?

I will not demean myself
Y'all can't take
my granddad's car.
Well?
Not bad for short notice.

...in the Jacuzzi?
by putting butter
on popcorn.

Stop, Ed.

So -- So am I
in the crew?
Why? It's really easy.
Why?

Don't want to
STINKMEANER: Ha!
Goes straight up in his face and-- Ooh, a swish.

Because I don't work at
the movie theater, that's why.
Y'all got
the 100-inch-screen TV too.

What the--?
Come back tomorrow, partner.
Yeah, yeah.

You're supposed to put
the butter on it.
Gotta hurt a kid's soul right there.
Who's out there?
Boys! Boys, help me.

LIONEL: Don't--
Hyah!

If I go to Burger King
and order a cheeseburger,

Bruise you
Ow!

they don't make me put
the cheese on it, do
I'm gonna get a chain.
Ooh, I bet this bitch
got some knock, huh?

Let it burn

Oh, of course.
Now I get it.
I see, I see. Just 'cause
your skin is light, bright,

Let it burn
So then I say
to R. Kelly,

Yeah, this bitch
got some bass, boy.
Gotta let it burn

and two shades
from being white,
"Did you wash
your hands?"

You don't understand how bad
a nigga need a chain.
Y'all got the new Xbox too.
Oh, shit.

Hey, for real?
On the real?
you think you too good
to butter your own popcorn.
ass whipping.

Yo, this little nigga funny,
man.
Riley now on defense, coming up behind, and--

Oh
Hey, what you doing?

This little
nigga like
everything in my life
would be perfect.
Oh! Let me serve this,
nigga, you hear me?
Well, you wrong,
Lando Calrissian.

Charlie Murphy
or some shit, man.

Oh, sweet Jesus!
Hey, man.
This your brother?
You don't even want--
Huey don't want none.

Damn it, Ruckus. Y'all gonna
put some butter on this popcorn.

It's burning.
Upside his nose.
Oh, Lordy Lord.

Yo, nigga.
Your brother told us
TOM: That's your man. Ho-ho, look at that fadeaway.

VON HAUSEN: He saw it!
He saw everything.

how you be all
into reading and shit.

Hey, Tom.
Shut the fuck up.

Hyah!
Tom, go away!
I'm gonna call the police.

GRANDDAD:
Boy, watch your mouth.

Did you hear that?
Nigga, you know that wasn't
no chain. That was a necklace.
Clean up out this bitch

We put our lives on the line
every day to make movies,
GRANDDAD: Oh, it was terrible. Terrible.

Riley up again--
Man, I can't hear nothing
over Granddad's gay-ass music.

Damn it. Hurry up, boy.
Tell us who did it.

Now, you're gonna tell me
who stole my car
and then people come along
and steal all that hard work.
What happened to your insurance?
Oh, I had insurance.

Man. I can't wait for niggas
to start hating. I can't wait.
Look out, new message.

Uh-oh.
or I'm gonna get my belt or a
2x4 and go upside your head!

Who would do something
like that?
Brenda Richie knew kung fu.

Word. You know what I mean?
You know, that reading shit,

I hate to laugh at an 8-year-old, folks.
A terrible, awful human being
that no one will ever love.

you generate
from those around you?
you know what I mean,
it's hard, son.

Could be worse.
said I didn't have
no wind insurance.
Hey, if niggas ain't mad at you,
then you doin' something wrong.

That's who.
Word. You know
what I mean? Word.

So I couldn't get no money.
You know what I mean?
Especially when them books be
I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman.

Can you believe that?
Wind insurance?
By that definition, then,
you have a very bright future.

I pays for my car!
you know what I mean,
you know,

really thick and heavy-like,
you know what I mean?

Thank you for that
perspective, Huey.
I ain't getting it
for him neither. Nope.
Thanks, man.

Word. You know
what I mean?
All the greatest basketball
players have always been white.

Hey. Get to the flick.
So I-- I said to the guy,
"What kind of shit is this?"

No problem.
Why would he send
a message from--?
I say make a man wait until he's resentful.
of impeccable character,

What happened
to the movies?
This doesn't seem to be
a place for kids.

Y'all should be
ashamed.
In the street.
What streets?

That always works.
What the hell?
Tom, what's going on?

Why is it
when I order a soda pop,
We got PlayStation
and Xbox, nigga.
I do hereby announce
that Riley Freeman

I get a empty cup?
Think it's gonna be weird
now that I beat up his grandson?

I didn't order
a empty cup.
Mm-mm. I can't do it, Granddad.
I can't talk to the po-po.

And we got Incredible Hulks,
nigga.

I ordered a soda pop.
is officially part
of the Lethal Interjection crew.

And what asshole started putting
commercials in movies?
Tell Granddad.
He's not the police.
All the kids is
welcome, motherfucker.

I can see commercials
at home on TV.
STINKMEANER:
Oh, you running?
Okay. Let's hear the story
one more time.
So I brought out my old violin
that only plays sad songs.

So this is the message
you want to send

Okay, let me
get this right, now.
Bullshit.
And the bathroom stink.
Clean the fucking bathroom!

You promise not to tell?
My cousin, Elliot,
in California

to the young youth
out here like myself
Oh, my goodness,
some black people are crazy.
will now transfer to you.

I'm not gonna
take it anymore!
passed away very suddenly
while working out.

Get your drunk ass
outta here.
I pay too much damn money
for these movie tickets

and not love
these ho's, huh?
Now, just remember
what you represent

W-w-w-what's all this?
Oh! Ahhh!
when you have it on,
and be proud of it.
It ain't the white man's fault
you dumb niggas

to butter my own
motherfucking popcorn!

Is this what's hot
right now in the streets?
don't know that there's
wind in a hurricane.
There isn't a single member
of the Lethal Interjection crew

Goodness gracious to life.

Yeah, let's say that.
We weren't very close.
It's only popcorn.
How am I gonna get
my butter beans?

Tom, what's wrong with you?
that isn't ready to die
for his chain, nigga.

You're just gonna
go on and quit.
All for some white girl who
left you for an R&B dancing-ass,

You on that stuff?
Snap out of it, Tom.
Well, I was excited
seeing you out there.

sexy-flexy-
ass nigga?
Uh, yeah.

When did you
get here?
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.
I can see 'em now:

Huh?
Well...
No thanks.
911 emergency. I'll hold.

I'm sorry.
Except for Leonard.
"Guess what?
I just saved a bunch of money

But he's bitch-made.
Well, I been at
the ticket window all day long,
that's why Daddy is
Uh, okay.

Your chain, my nigga.
"on my insurance 'cause
these dumb niggas didn't know

and I don't remember you
buying no ticket,
Don't snitch, Granddad.

Under no circumstances
do you change that story.
Oh, so that's what
practice is for.

Robert Freeman.
They don't know nothin'
unless you tell 'em.

Oh, what? What, you got
some more sad songs, huh?

Uh, I-I-I got my tickets
online.
Yeah.

TOM:
Now, remember, Riley,
Aha! A damn lie.
GRANDDAD: Damn it!
Damn it. Come here.

"Ahhh" ain't my name.

I ain't never
met a nigga
MAN: Sir, please
release the child.
people walking around
Winning is about teamwork.

smart enough to use
a personal computer.
Release the child.
TOM: You're choking him out!
where they don't
want them to be,
I remember my senior year
at Princeton.

Hell, y'all niggas wasn't making

Not even a Macintosh.
eating outside
We beat Chris Webber
and Michigan with teamwork.

HUEY:
Stinkmeaner.

being the driving force
Uh...
when they think they
should be inside at a table.
Now each of y'all
want 300,000, huh.

behind the "stop snitching" movement,
Today is Fidel Castro's
birthday.

They still show the highlights
of that game sometimes.
You'll never take me alive,
you punk-asses.

Oh. Are you sure?
And I'm in charge of
the birthday party.

RUCKUS:
Stop him!
Wait, you don't mean the--

Come on, come on.
So I gotta fly out there.

You filed a complaint
against me, old man?!
He went this-a way.
In 2000, rapper Gangstalicious reportedly assaulted

I mean, you like it here,
don't you, Daddy?
RUCKUS:
Somebody call the police.

You filed a complaint
against Thugnificent?

This is a...
And I'm taking y'all
with me
In the news today,
violent crime is on the rise,

with a tennis racket

Mm-hmm.
in the first-class cabin
on the ass-whupping express.

and a bottle of Hennessy on the set of a music video.
for Fidel Castro's birthday
party that I'm planning,

I don't know what we're
gonna do, but we gotta do--
Rap beef, nigga.
Punk-ass motherfucker.

Whew.
Did I miss anything?
of Katrinian refugees
to Woodcrest.

Mr. Freeman...
Guinness refused to cooperate with authorities.
like I said earlier.
Eh-heh. Yeah.
Police responded to an assault
call on Timid Deer Lane.

I don't wanna steal the movie.
A nigga's nuts in your face?

Guys. I just
wanted to thank you

I wanna go home!
Wow.

Yeah.
Shh!

for letting me stay here.
I thought you were gonna
tell me you thought I was crazy,
if the violence
was drug-related.

What's wrong with you?
and you didn't want to see me
again, like the others.

I wanna go home.
No, but it ain't
look like you won.

Not at all, Tom.

You wasn't saying that
back at the house, was you?
Drop the beat,
drop the beat, ugh.
I'll go down there and help
blow up some more levees.

Well, that is not
what winning is about.

Bring it on, Huey.
Was you? Because you wanted
to see Soul Plane 2.

I'm enjoying this time with you.
Are you kidding?

mmm, delicious

Well, this is how
we see Soul Plane 2.
Thugnificent's rags-to-bitches story
so I'm saying...

A-ha!
The proof is in the pudding.

no doubt we gonna win this
In fact, I was just telling Huey
I repeat, the terrorist said
his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,

Ooh. I got an idea.

I smacked Johnny Guinness
I would love to pursue
a romantic relationship you.

and he's demanding
that we --
in the super-elite suburb of Woodcrest.

Tom. Get
down here.
Definitely.
I'll call you

Hell, no, I ain't fitting to ask him

Several of the neighborhood's black residents
for his motherfucking autograph.
STINKMEANER:
Whoo, come on.

filed a complaint

HUEY: An hour into the movie,
and we all know you guys
have had it rough,

And Fidel.
I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

MAN: We out of food, but we got
Oh, I-- I get it. Okay, well,
I don't have no cash on me now,

Let me ask you something.

How did it make you feel

Yo. Look out.

Pass this bag of potato chips around.
knowing that this neighborhood's black residents
but when I get my FEMA check,
you know,

Tom was facing an all-out revolt.

didn't want you here?
Please take one. Pass it...

TOM: Please, people!
Riley Freeman will talk.

He's in here.
I know Robert.

To be stabbed in the back by your own people?

He don't miss a coon flick.

And this, sir,
is an intervention.
ALL:
Bye.

What is it?
What's happening?
No, no, no, no, no.
I know how it go down.

An intervention?
Your friends have
Superb, homey. Exemplary.
Maybe about 30 years.

Shh. Don't make a sound.
Butch Magnus Milosevic.

I feel sorry for 'em, though,

from chronic bitch
dependency, Mr. DuBois.
where I look out for you,
To no more weekend visits
by crazy Internet women.

STINKMEANER:
All right, here we go.
Butch Magnus?
Crazy Butch Magnus?

May I call you Tom?
where they came from.
you keep looking out for me,
we look out for each other.

Is this some kind
of joke?

I promise you,
Riley will talk soon.
You don't know where I came from.
No! Stop trying to bribe me.
I'm not for sale.

Tom...bitch dependency

and being a real team player.
: Ooh.
Damn.
I'm from a small town called

is no laughing matter.
with the Fidel Castro
story.

Let's go check Madea's Bat Mitzvah.
Hey, everything's for sale.
Stop!

Addiction to a bitch
can fuck with your friends,
Get your bars up, nigga.

MAN: Attention, please, passengers.
Hey. Put that camera back over here.
He's got that look in his eye, passes it off to his teammate.

your health, and scary enough,
even your money.

your granddaddy is
a master of deception.
I'm sorry the levees broke,
If you left the toilet seat up in the restroom...

...faggot boy.

It's a disease,
Tom.
but if they don't get their
black asses out of my house,
It makes me sick to think
of him. I'm gonna vomit now.
: Fidel Castro's birthday?

MAN: Yeah, that's what
I'm talkin' about!

Wait. What was your name again?
That's it, Riley. Nothing fancy.

RILEY: Otherwise known as "One-Punch" Butch.

Well, thank you for asking.
GRANDDAD:
Yeah!
You think he was lying?
Just got off the phone
with FEMA

Officer,
I'm sorry.
STINKMEANER: Whoa!
Yeah, I got you now.
All I know is you drove all them hours

I didn't mean to steal
from the stuntman.
I don't believe it. This kid has the heart of an 8-year-old.

Get off me, you bitch ass,
you faggot ass!

Wait. "A pimp"?
and then ask for your shit all after the fact.
MACKTASTIC: Eat a sack of baby dicks,

Named Slickback.
Oh, praise the Lord.

What kind of sandwich
is this?
was withholding information.

Yes. Please say the whole
thing if you would.
Goodness gracious alive.

GRANDDAD:
Not the lamp. No.

What were you about to do?
You gotta give him props on that one, folks.

You were about to rat on us,
weren't you?
Alright, let's get into something brand new,
What are you listening to?

Props all around.
This is what the movie theater
industry wants, Jazmine.

Yes, Tom.
Every time.

STINKMEANER:
I'm a-kill you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little chest-bump action--
Jesus. Jesus.

Us fighting against
each other.
that's my boy, my friend, Thugnificent.

You beat me
in the parking lot.
King Kong ain't
got nothing on me.

You're right.
Now, you listen here,
you little bitch.
Oh-ho-ho-ho, no.
There's no turning back now.

I-I don't think
I need any help
And just so you know,

I'm gonna ask you
some real simple questions,

You're in it
all the way.
STINKMEANER:
I want my parking space.
from the Jesus, Mary and Joseph Academy for Boys

NIQUE:
Boy, that Flavor Flav crazy.
and I want some
real simple answers.

Now you're gonna get your little
narrow, high-yellow ass
Coach Tom for believing in me--
It isn't until August 13th.

And by
Give me this shit.

back into the theater
and enjoy Soul Plane 2.
Now, you pulled into the garage
and went into the house at 9:15?

you mean a pimp?

And it's got my main man,

Boy, play defense!
Nate "Doggity" Dogg, on the hook.
I...wanna...go...home!

Uh, look, I'm not
trying to insult you.
Uh-oh.

He lied to me.
If I'm not mistaken,
it was 9:15.
motherfucker.

Shut up.
All right, folks, we are back in the thick of it now.
Mm-hm. You see, girl?

You're ruining
my innocence!

Riley, two defenders on him,
Shut up.
So you pulled into the garage

That's why I'm by myself.
passes to his teammate, up, and good.

MAN: I expected to fly first-class.

I'm telling you right now:
they got to go.
and went into the house
at 9:15?

I wanna go home.
You better not get rid of it.

MAN 2: Well, you ain't in first class.
Man, I don't know if I can
take another three months.

This is a well-oiled machine, folks--

Why we gotta put
the nigga in my bed?
You don't see me running around
lookin' for a bitch.
See, I told you, but, no, niggas
think they know everything.

Ooh, another two points.

then she must be nutty
as squirrel shit.
I looked at my watch, and --
and, yes, mm-hm, mm, 9:15.

I know where all
my bitches are,
What are we gonna do, Riley?
Kick them out?

Look at this.
He's possessed
by the ghost of Stinkmeaner.
Score, 16 to 4.

RILEY:
What's wrong with the street?

So you're telling me,
definitely,
Granddad. What's wrong
with Jazmine?
And by everything else,
I mean her looks. She was fine.

that you pulled
into the garage

Boy, don't nobody
listen to you.
Uh-oh. Looks like someone
caught a beat-down.
LEONA RAY: Hey. What happened?
What the--? Robert.
: I'm out here

She couldn't look that good.
She was black.
and went into the house
at 8:15?

She's fine.
Watch the movie.

That's what the hell
I thought.
But I guess if you put lipstick
and a wig on a monkey,

Thank you, Grandma.
Folks, things are looking bright and cheery
What if he pees in the bed
or vomit, or shoots a deuce?

Oh, that's crazy.

Now look at you: bitchless.
it could look good too.

He sucker-punched me.
Hm? A bully, huh?
we have to make some cutbacks.
Oh, this nigga tripping.

Look at this.
I...wanna...go...home.

Well, there's only one way
to deal with bullies.
Now, you see something. You know
you done fucked up, right?

HUEY: Granddad had to be stopped.

I've had enough.
I'm going back upstairs.
Oh. Whoa, looks like he could have used
A monkey in lipstick and a wig.

Tom is possessed
by an evil spirit

I'm gonna put an end
to this...
a little help on that one.
GRANDDAD:
No! I said, no.

Tom, when we first
let you stay here,

LUNA:
I found him.
or die trying.

He's in a park with another man.
I said I pulled
into the garage at --

HUEY: And so did this movie.
Steal your bike,
your chain.
We used to going without.
Mm-hm.

WOMAN: Ooh, see. What did I tell you?

And one day,
I had enough.

Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both.
See? That's exactly why I don't have a man.
GRANDDAD:
Oops. There go the lights.

You know you done
fucked up, right?
It's shine time, folks, but all that glitters is--

And I had a gun. But you know what?
It's only been
two days.
Coming.
in the battle

I didn't want to use my gun.

Nigga, hush. You're living
under my roof now.
TOM:
You're not even looking
of the selfish versus the lazy.

Move, nigga.

He made that a whole lot harder than needed.
Where you going?
They're looking for us.
But without Riley talking, the cops had nothing,

You know what?
I know a great therapist.

And in his face.
Huey, come back.

I'll make an appointment
today.
It's all that stuff
they do to their hair.

That...
And -- And I had a friend named Smokey.
NIQUE:
Damn.

Oh, this is crazy.
Colored folks are something.
RILEY: I know y'all seen niggas
with spinning rims, right?
And then I grabbed myself a brick --

Well, hello, cutie pie.
JERICHA:
Son, I can't take

But check it,
check it, check it.
Granddad, you didn't live that.
That's from that movie, Friday.

Don't worry, we still ahead.
we've already paid
Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback

I'm sayin',
on a bike, though.
JERICHA:
I'm just too old for this.

Well, hello.

a retainer of $2500.
I don't think his friend
likes the sisters too much.

HUEY: My plan was to get to the projector room

if that makes any sense.
Robert, you shouldn't have.
WOMAN: Ha! Heh. Oh-- Oh!

and destroy the print of Soul Plane.
No, Riley, no!

With your credit card.

This kid sure can dribble, but he shoots like shit.

That's exactly why I don't have a man now.
Oh.

BOY:
Dude, that is really sweet.
Man, niggas...
Somebody get me out of here.

I was rushing, and--
A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
Did you know
That's like
a sweet piece of --

Oh, I think men who are
comfortable with their bodies

Heh-heh.
They just mad...

Me too, baby.
It's good.
First, I had to go to the bathroom.

with a genetic
predisposition
are very sexy,

Now, this don't make no sense.
Oh, well. At least I got that
crazy bitch out of my house.

RILEY:
I be like, ugh! Ugh!
to absolute crap in no time at all.

to bitch
dependency, Tom?

One problem black people have with snitching
What, you thought
I wouldn't come see you?

And exactly when did you become
a relationship counselor?
What did he say?

You thought you wouldn't
go get the taste
Jazmine, you're missing
all the best parts.

Ah.
Well, sharing
this pimp knowledge
He told his friend I'm crazy.

the defense for the Ball-a-Holics
I'm not watching
a stolen movie.
And I like to cook,
mostly pork.

just isn't there.
for an exorbitant fee
is my way of giving

Oh, well.
If you don't wanna laugh.
You better fall back,
nigga.

Over to Riley,
something back
to the community, Tom.

I like to clean too.
Wow.
You can't beat me.
I'm Butch Magnus.

I want to help you,
Tom. I do.
Man, this is so wrong.

You know what you should do?
Oh, that's crazy.
What's so funny?

But I need you to
help me...
You real good when
you come out of nowhere
Hey, let's roll by the house
and see if they left yet.

See? I told you I could do it.
Oh, nothing. Hilarity
just ensued, that's all.

No.
and sucker punch a nigga.

It did?
Yeah, that's more
the feds' thing.

Huh.
but apparently for no good reason.

Huh?
"Help me help you."
Yeah, okay.

You see anything weird,
you just give us a call,

Oh. Oh. Oh!
Robert Freeman!

all right, buddy?
Heh. Okay.
The scoreboard tells the tale.

That was funny.

Darling, all the women
of my cultu--

MAN: Hey, Bernard!
You snitch-ass motherfucker!

Hm? Ah.
STINKMEANER:
Come here and fight like a man,

Granddad,
you home?

Say it. "Bitch." Yeah.
Bitch.
Huey?

Uh, yes, we've gotta
call her that, Tom.
I don't hear anything.
Hey. Where's Granddad?

Yeah?
RUCKUS:
It's about impossible
And the lights?

I'm sorry.
After what she's done,
STINKMEANER:
I know you hear me, Robert!
I don't like losing.

in this dark theater.

not callin' her a bitch
would be disrespectful to you.
Man, tell me you didn't
think that was hot.

Yo. I think we need
to shake the spizzot.
Well, then,
stop beating yourself.

I will not be ignored!
Got a possessed nigga here,

he was charged with conspiracy
Huh? What?

Now please continue,
Tom.
You gonna hate on it
And the best part is,
this don't cost you a dime.

and sentenced to a month in jail.
Yeah?

Well, my wife, Sarah--
You still a bitch.

GRANDDAD: Can't believe
these little, young kids
I sure did.
You need to stop with
the hate crimes, granddad.

I mean-- She's the best
woman in the world.

Forget Jazmine. Let's go.
But we couldn't.
When your cousin told
everyone in the neighborhood

Did you tell her that you got
two sets of genitals?
ANNOUNCER: And at shooting guard,

That was that nigga
from Friday,
how broke you were,
She the weak link.
She'll slow us down.

We've had a great life
together until now.
I just want to have
a friendly chat

she's currently the league high-scorer.
I mean, how could we?
Look, she a little girl.
A vagina and a coochie.
Oh, that's a conjunction.

gonna drink me a Red Bull,
then I'm gonna wake up
I want your family
here in Woodcrest

before this gets outta hand.
The Blond Bomber,
Cindy "Fearsome" McPhearson.

They're not gonna give her
no real time.
for as long
as they want to stay.
You know what? Fuck them.

She do what?
A couple months, tops.
Ha-ha-ha.
Yeah.

They can make all the silly
little videos they want.
I did everything I could,
but if Riley doesn't talk,

But we both got priors.
We gots to go.

Oh-- Oh, that?
That's just the television.

they're both
gonna be charged tomorrow.

Come on, Granddad.
We running out of time.
they'll be out of
the neighborhood.

Looking at the white girl
is a foul.

Sometimes,
Speaking to the white girl
is a technical foul.
This is real talk, nigga.

Yes, she is

in order to save the day,
Hurricane.

people have to sacrifice
themselves,

So we gotta evacuate.
What the hell is wrong with you?
This ain't a movie, Riley.

you know what
I'm saying?
It'll be here any second. Hurry.

Ow. Ah.

You and Granddad
about to go to jail.

Oh, Air Marshal 50 Cent.
GRANDDAD:
Wait, no. That's just the TV.

Game on.

You're so brave
It's not the fact
that you obviously have a man

Uh-oh.
to sacrifice yourself
to save us.

I tried to stop 'em!
Don't get picked by a girl, now.

I don't think you want that,
that ain't pretty.
possessed by an evil spirit
strapped to a bed upstairs.

Not me, bitch. You.

Oh! Wait! Oh. Oh.

Shh.
It's not?
No.

Fearsome takes the ball,

Just go to sleep.
It's the fact
that you lied about it.

she goes past him and an easy lay-up.
M-May I sit down
over there next to Riley?

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
It sounds to me, Tom,

Huh?

like some of
the passion
Ha!

has gone out of
your marriage.
STINKMEANER:
You better leave.
You might wanna cop that, bro.

Hey. Hold this.
We be right back.
Is that all
you've got?

And turns out
they're not so bad.
: You've reached
JERICHO:
Hey. Hey, Robert.

Okay.
Why did you lie to me, Robert?

Ooh, a fake pass behind his head,
It's a normal thing
in long-term relationships.

of the Catholic Church.
You gonna give me
my chain back.

goes around to the right side, up and good.
If you know, you can tell me.
I won't tell anybody.

Uh, what lie?
Exactly. See,
what Marx is saying
If you would like to report sexual abuse--

What special escape route?
You know what lie.

is that the oppression
of the proletariat
But, Tom. I thought
we were in this together.

Damn, there's got to be somebody
we can call for an exorcism.

is an essential facet
of the exploitation
Jazmine, are you
wearing a wire?

STINKMEANER:
You is a bitch!

inherent in the system.
Look, everybody lies.

So therefore,
due to the class --
in quite a while. Step up, opens up and straight in.

Me, too.

What the hell is this,
a snitch-athon?

It means they care enough
to spare my feelings.

Man, there's snitches
everywhere.

Well, you were looking for hate.
Way to go.

You little
half-and-half.
This is...
really uncomfortable,

Didn't know I'd be playing
with a baby.

Is that what you think?

Instead of being
Mr. Funny Nigga,
so I'm just gonna
mosey.

why don't you try being
Did you know that at least
75 percent of bitches

Mr. Help-A-Nigga-Go-
Get-His-Chain-Back?

Bottles.
Hey there, boys.

suffer from some kind
of hearing loss?
Uh...

I came as fast as I could.

It's okay. I don't really
want to be here.
This alarming statistic
means that more likely than not,

Riley,
let the chain go.
Ooh, this is
uncomfortable.

So this is the plan...
Uncle Ruckus.
Goes around with two defenders on her--

HUEY: Oh, man.
But Daddy says white people
are building hotels there now.

Then he'll think I'm a punk
and kick me out the crew.
RUCKUS:
Let's get this party started.

to communicate
with a bitch.
Hello?
It's just rocks and metal.
So we have to stay here.
Why here? Why me?

STINKMEANER:
Yeah. I got him.
He's in there.

was a bear.
You got bad credit, Robert!
Now, remember, none of this was your fault.

Whoa. What?
Riley,
you've got to calm down.

What--? What happened
to my--?
Is it worth getting hurt again?
Yeah.
RUCKUS:
Removing an evil-nigga spirit
you're really, really,
really, really rich.

Yeah, the problem is,
we don't live in the future, Ed.
This man took your weekend from you.

If she say, "No,"
hit the bitch. Simple.
Going to jail?
Yeah.

We live in the present.
I'm gonna be cool,
I'm gonna be cool.
You talking about the granddad
from the Thugnificent song?

Getting killed?
Yes, sir.
But I-- I couldn't
hit Sarah.

You gotta kill him.
Got him. Got him. Got him.

Oh-ho, shit.
Damn.
It's not a cybernetic ear. It's
a fuckin' cellphone headset.

Has not hittin' a bitch
been working?
I can't afford
to support everybody.

He's right there!
has given us
to fight niggas.

As she goes around him once again, Riley, defending--

I mean,
scientifically speaking,
A whip, a noose,
a nightstick, a branding iron.

and that's what
you're into --
has not hittin' the bitch
achieved the desired results?

Man, how'd it go?
How'd that go?
Ooh, a little finger roll there.
Hey!

'cause your ass is old
JERICHA: Praise Jesus.
What if the check doesn't come?

No way. I just--

Have you seen that shit
in the mirror?
It's Tom.
Keep your hand
off that white girl.

I-- I-I can't. I-- I couldn't.
You need to think about
getting a full-time job.

You look like you're going to
a fuckin' comic-book convention.
No. The answer is no!

Tom.
I won't.
Right on time.

Tom, Take a deep breath.
that's some old bullshit.

See, I'm gonna make
my own rap
Hell no, I don't
agree with Huey.
It's okay. People have phobias.

STINKMEANER:
You ain't right, Robert.
Don't let nobody
take nothing from you, boy.

That's a technical foul.

GUARD: Yeah.
RUCKUS:
The nigga will lie.
Hey, yo. You never gonna
guess who on the phone.

Hold up, hold up.
I'm getting a call.
Waiting on FEMA
is what got you into this mess

you can't go upside
a bitch's head.

in the first place.
And did you know that fool
parked cars on my yard?
Yeah.
What's good, baby?

Okay. We can beat this.
Oh, so we just
lazy refugees, huh?

I'm gonna rap
about that, too.
You need glasses out there?

I will butt-rape
your grandfather
Tom, this is
my bottom bitch,
If he gets really desperate,
he may start to rap or dance.

with this broomstick.

We can still win this.
GRANDDAD:
Boys, don't make any noise. Shh.

Sweetest Taboo.
I was wondering
if you would be interested
Tomorrow, either you
get a job or get out.

Now, she's gonna
help you learn how to
in rapping with me
on this song?
STINKMEANER:
You all, uh, testicles

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
Him too.
Oh, man.

You gonna have to get in her
head the way she's in yours.
reestablish dominance
at home.

I ain't seen
no naked pictures, girl.
The women and kids can stay,

Send them to my Sidekick.
But no curse words.
I gotta bag on her.

Hello. Heh.
Well, one day, he wins

And none of them crazy metaphors --
That's a great idea.
Taboo will be playing
the role of your wife.

There's powerful niggadry
at work here.
I'm Tom. May I speak to
Robert or the boys, please?

Now, approach
Taboo,
The only grown-ass man
in this house not working

None of that garbage. Just stick to the point.
insulting that child
to throw her game off?

grab her arm
firmly
is gonna be me.

RUCKUS: Ah...
Who's there, huh?

Can I, um,
use the bathroom?
...wrong house.

Okay.
I knew it.

Sarah,
get your behind--
Wow. That is so gangster.

There something wrong
with your bathroom?

I been waiting
on this day
Um, this might seem strange,

Oh, hush, boy. I can rap.
I don't need your charity.
Yeah, yeah, I'm still here.
Motherfucker done shot me.

that, um, it smells
like hot garbage?
since your little uppity ass
came into town.

Do I have to call her
a bitch, really?
But you wanna know
the brilliant
Big Tank, please
make it hot, player.
I'll pay you back when
my FEMA check arrives.

part of this story?
Yes, Tom. You have to
call her a bitch.

He didn't win no
all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii.

GRANDDAD: I don't get it.
she use a fitted sheet
for a stocking cap.
Yeah, this rap go out
to Punknificent

Trust me
on this one.
Oh, jeez.

It seems as though
I've done the research.
Now, try again.

Why your dumbass
robbing people?
Well, ha, this is awkward,
but, um, how do I do this? Okay.

'Cause I'm an American.
Shit.
when she get out the car,
the oil light come on.

WZIB News got an anonymous tip
that Robert Freeman,

It's the American way, man.
Shit.
So you spent, what,
a thousand dollars

Bitch, get
your behind--

Is that all you got, nigga?
I don't think
that's gonna work.
You won't kill me, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

Ass.
and it reads:
who had agreed
to take the family in

See, as I broke it down
to Ed, pops,

"Dear Tom, my granddad kicked
a woman named Luna--"
That's just the tip
of this iceberg.

You'll only die trying.
if people don't have a need,
then there won't be no demand,

That would be you, heh-heh.
Your mama's so ashy-- No.

Read, nigga, read!

No!
Miss Elderberry was talking
about Cindy's mom.
Kiss my ass, you little-dick,
faggot motherfucker.

Or, uh, I'm, uh--
Who are y'all?
What are y'all doing here?

I'm original O.G.

Or...
Turns out Ed and Rummy were breaking into homes
You do whatever it takes, boy.
Whatever it takes.

Or I'm gonna die...

"Best regards, Huey Freeman.
with Usher
in the first place!

trying.
This motherfucker
went YouTube?
What I had heard was...

What? What?
poor black people?

You thought you was the only one
Oh, come on, Ed,
you gots to help me out.
which was owned by Ed's grandfather.

We may be locked
in our rooms."
who mastered the ancient
and deadly art of the nunchaku?

It's now tragically
obvious
Kidnapping? Uh --
I don't know, Riley.

The irony is, Granddad had already signed up
Oh, me and Robert
patched things up.

My grandpops would
be tripping, man.
that reasoning
with the bitch

for Wuncler Security.
Why don't you, you know,
try something different,
I swear to you, Robert,
I didn't call them.

is not
gonna work, Tom.
Hey, yo,
word to mother--

You have to
hit her.
Repeat after me
the holy phrase:
It's just that
he goes on to say:
I would never
do something like that.

Oh, boy, you look mad.
I'm scared now.

Oh, hey, hey,
Mom.
I am an assistant district
attorney, for chrissake.
But I am so touched
you decided to let us stay.

Heh. Well, now, y'all
get it right next time.

Tom...
and if the nigga
don't have the chain on him,

you have to
get past this.
Nigga, get your black ass
outta here.
get to regulatin' him, and make
him tell you where it at.

It's okay,
faggot...really.
Your mama got caught
giving up neck
RUCKUS:
Yeah, take that

I see.
See, faggot? She just
gave you permission.

Hey, thanks for being
so cool about this, pops.
outta here.
ED: Now, what I want you
to do is think.

This little old
dude, Ma. Just one.

I'm gonna remember this.
Ah. My chin--
You see that?
"PPPS: Uh, be careful,
she's very danger--"

You know,
as a matter of fact,
Just think of these
two grapes...
Anyway, Granddad got his car back, and that was that.

Bitch is hittin' you.
All right, lady.
I might just build
an addition to your house.

Whoa!

Okay-- Ow!
'Cause I do. Mom,
I'm in a meeting.

You're definitely allowed
by law to hit her now, Tom.
...as your two little
itty-bitty kiddy testicles.
ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass

It's self-defense.
I didn't do anything.
I mean,
maybe an indoor pool.
MASTER: Flawless victory.

Ooh-wee, your mama does cocaine
when she thinks nobody around.

Okay?
Sweetest Taboo,
Hey, Ed, give
your granddaddy my best.
Bowling alley,
with Jacuzzis and silk sheets.

Oh, okay,
okay, cool.
ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass

Luna, this has gone
far enough.

I will. I'm gonna
call you back, Mommy.

How about that, huh?
This isn't an exorcism,
it's a beating.

Uh-oh. Look out.
I love you, too.

This is my state-of-the-art
surveillance center.
Don't swear to God.
I talk to God all the time,

They did it.
HUEY: Granddad had lost this battle,

Why does a pimp need
a surveillance center?
I was falling in love
with you, Robert.

ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass
Your parents
are getting divorced
Hey, are we gonna fuck
this old-ass nigga up?

Here's 50.
and waiting till after
your birthday to tell.

Now, you know, I don't hate old people.
Ah...
you lying,
stealing motherfucker.

is state-of-the-art
bitch surveillance.
--big-screen TV
sitting on top of a TV.

Your mothers ain't shit.
What others?
Who are these others?

Come, negro-san.
Them ain't no negroes!
It couldn't be them.
Looks like Riley is all up in her head,

Just 'cause you lived a long life,
your wife's
conversations and e-mails.
Ed, can I
talk to you outside?

don't mean it can't come to a short end, nigga.

Daddy, I've got transcripts
of all her conversations today.
HUEY: Several hours later,
very, very sad story of Luna.

WOMAN: No way.
Sixty-one, 44.

No mention of Usher.

I'm hacking
into her e-mail now,
What's up, world? This is Sway.
I'm gonna crush
your kiddy penis

That was great, Granddad.

with this hammer
when I get back
Law-enforcement sources have confirmed
but, tsk, this computer
is running a bit slow.

if you don't tell me
where that chain is at.
Boy, I wish we could've seen
the end of that movie.

that two Cleveland teens have been arrested

I don't know.
he's got nigga in him.
What if FEMA
calls about the check?

I feel bad for leaving Huey
and what's-her-name.
When I turned 17, I ran away to Hong Kong,

Bitch, don't start
with that

They knew the risks.

Ow!
So they might do
a little time.
where I met Triad boss Kenny Woo, my first love.
Uh, excuse me,
I have to make a call.

That's the wrong kid, Ed.
You say that shit every time
a new iMac comes out.
GHOSTFACE: What the fuck is wrong

We see 'em when they get out.
You taking it too far now,
Robert. Quit playing.
I told you to grab Butch Magnus,
5'4", 130 pounds.

Uh...it doesn't seem right.
One of the teens reportedly told police,

You ain't slick.
You better
Hey! Hey! Hey,
brother man, get off my phone.

I'm going back
and turning myself in.
and what you gonna say to the cops?

and stop playin'
with me.
Now, Billy is autistic but he sure loves basketball.

Turn yourself--?
Man--

Yes, Daddy.
and that makes it cool."
I gave you
a picture, man.

Granddad, look, come on.
It wasn't the last incident.

Someone stole my bike.
I mean, I love Huey.
Almost like a brother.

Does she have
a MySpace page?
I told you not to wash
Can you just tell me what to do,
so I can go to bed?
Son, just go in there
and have fun.

my bloody ski mask
with detergent
But what's done is done.
We got to let go of the past.

attributed to the beef have broke out,
It's just been upgraded
from a Category 3.
Spinning, baby!

You don't like the way I do it,
then do your own kidnapping.
I don't think Sarah
would have a--

Get off me.
including two in Lithuania and one in Tokyo.

If he don't come back,
can I have his side of the room?
I want it.
I want it.

Huh.
Spiritual.
Look at you.

Uh, since when did
she have a MySpace page?
The AARP announced a boycott of Thugnificent's record label.

Nobody wants you
but me.

Ah, come on, Granddad.
Peace? Peace? Peace.

You know what her password
might be?
you're paying top dollar.

You supposed to be setting
a better example.
That's not fair.
You grabbed the wrong kid.

You without me
equals shit.
Stinkmeaner, you hate
black people, don't you?

You just wait till
the manager gets here.
could soon explode into more violence.
Oh, I'm gonna take it easy
on you, Rain Man.

each other's middle names
as passwords,
You understand that,
you ugly, fat bitch?

I sure do.

He gonna throw the book
at both of y'all.
Man, Thugnificent ain't telling nobody
She'd say, "Get them
broke-ass niggas the fuck out."

That's L-A-N--
Got it.
I mean, I hate
everyone in general,

This is
the worst day...
Now, let me borrow
your car.

Password is "Usher."
Here we go.
I don't even really see how someone could even
No hope on this, and the ball goes straight up-- And in!

Nothin'.

get something like that outta that song.
Where's your bike?
of my entire life.

I said you was free
to go, right?
They're getting together
at 3:00
Um, Jericho Freeman?

I wouldn't exactly call them
people, but yeah.

Told you.
what he's going through,
The crowd is loving this kid.

That's in an hour.
We have to go.

Yeah, I have a deep distaste
for Negroids.
Three points plus 44 points
equals 47 points,

Oh, so now you wanna
make this
I hope you got some insurance
on those spinners.

Here's the guardian
for the kids.
Maybe you should go
see a therapist.
definitely 59 points minus
47 points
You smell me? You know,

That's right,
Ruckus.
Right, right. And, Stinkmeaner,
I bet you hate rap music.

We snuck
into the movie, too.
equals 14 points to go.

then going there won't help.
My friend Nicole says
it's men like you, Robert,

but it took shorter time.
We? You said you was gonna
turn yourself in.
who lie and avoid commitment.
Thank you
for not snitching!

You know what I mean?

No, no, man,
I'm sick of this shit.
I paid you $2000,
and $500 as well.

Ladies and gentlemen,
JERICHA:
Jesus, Lord and savior.
Heh-heh. "Stanky-booty."
Please. Let the kids go.
I'll take responsibility.

what started as a simple
disagreement between neighbors

NIQUE: Believe that.
Who makes all checks possible.
I must say that's a brilliant
observation, 'Meaner.

Now, Tom, I hope
you can appreciate

Look like y'all
all going down.
That right, that right.
We thank you, Jesus.

our no-refunds policy.
a nigga moment

Good times, baby.
How about a complimentary date
with Sweetest Taboo?

The manager's
not coming.
generational tribalism.

Cinema's closed
indefinitely.
I knew you can do it.
I knew you can, Billy. Yeah.

No, no, no.
Fortunately, a robust exchange
of ideas has taken place,

Damn it, Luna.
Stop being a victim.
Looks like everyone walked out.
Something about a union.

and we're
going now.
Yeah, come on
over here.

and we are hopeful to having
a resolution shortly.
Proof of Non-Residence
Form 3595-768-5."

What?
The manager ain't coming?

Ohh...
'cause I was afraid you'd
do something like this.

Thank you.

Well, call the police.
And look.
I was right.
The ball stolen by Billy Mathews.
not be processed.

Don't take your past out
on other people.
The FBI.
Homeland Security.

A member of the
Lethal Interjection crew

Yeah, bitch. Let's go.
"Fill out the enclosed form
and your check

You mean,
we gonna let
was apparently the victim
of a violent robbery

What's a nigga want?
Try to whup me.
Billy Mathews, out of nowhere,
this African hooliganism
go unpunished?

"should be mailed out

Whup your ass,
nigga.
in the exclusive suburb
of Woodcrest today.
in the next six months."

You have problems, Mr. Freeman,
and you need help.
You know who
you messin' with, nigga?

was autistic right now, doesn't it?
And you can't kidnap people just
because they don't like you.

Thanks for coming back...
Boy, that kid is special.

Would somebody here
please be an adult?

eventually.
Why do you hate us, Father?
What have we done to you, Jesus?

Yo, you need to stop
snitching, Granddad.
Game goes to the Tigers, 68-61.

Oh, you're right.

THUGNIFICENT: Hey, man,
you know what?

Ah. Ow. Hey.
I didn't even wanna
kidnap you.

Why don't you call
social services
ALL:
Come on, Billy. Yay! Go!

We're neighbors.
and turn yourself in
for child abuse?
Why don't you go
back to New Orleans?

We have to learn
to live together.

I caught one of them
Lethal Interjection cats

Oh. I'm never gonna
get married.

out here slipping. You know,
I ain't gotta say which one.

Exactly. That's
what I'm talking about.

Not without a fight.
I might as well just
blow myself up right now.

Remember to hit the bitch.
But, uh, if he wanna buy his chain back,

Hey, man.
:
Hey, guys.

to look at it,
Thugnificent.

Thank you so much for
doing that. I mean, you guys
Not that I'm pole-jocking
or nothing.
That's right. That's what we
really want to do is go home.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
You guys unionized and staged
a walkout that quickly?

just went above and beyond.
Hey, everybody good
in here? Beverages?

I mean, really--
Pricks, shit.
Shit, shit, shit.

That's amazing.
You a beautiful,
talented woman.
ALL: Yeah.
The Lord is going to provide.

Oh, yeah.
We unionized.

I mean, bitch...
Shit.

Then someone called
the corporate headquarters,
I'm sorry, guys.
What about you,
big guy? You good?

and they shut down
the whole place.
Possessed or not,
you gonna fix my damn house.

: We've been showing it all day,
Fired everybody.

simply unbelievable.
Are you sure I shouldn't
just blow myself up?

Oh.
You gonna have
another demon,

Well, um...
Little Billy Mathews
playing his first game

Hey.
I couldn't handle
my own business like a man.

power to the people?
Let me get that
for you, homey.
in the Woodcrest Youth
Basketball League, get this:

Fuck you.
Riley.
That's the whole point

Any of y'all
need a coaster?

Tom, please calm down
Twelve for 12 from downtown.
a real good question.
Billy Blanks always says:
"Take control of your life.

and let me go.

Man, how would you like to be

Why are you in my bed?
Take responsibility."
Jericho, look, I'm sorry.

All the beds in this house
Now, now. You ain't got
to start all that apologizing.

Well, that's that.
Yeah, man.
We don't fight fair, nigga.

I think we all learned
a valuable lesson today
Courteous. What about
the loud party?
The movie rights to Billy Mathews sold today

We believe
in overwhelming force.

about stealing movies.
Nigga, you gave us permission
to have that party.
I'm still gonna break you
a piece of that FEMA check

Flo, go with the little nigga
to get his chain back.

Buy the bootleg.
and there is talk, get this,

Or just download it
from the Internet

and beat the little shit
into the dirt.

like everybody else.

Ah!
The money gonna
be here in no time.
Fuck the bullshit.
Come on, let's go.

The hell--?
TOM: You can't have my wife!
I mean, it be in my pocket
sooner than you think.

NICOLE: You got him, girl?

Hey, uh, I think
I'm gonna go
Aw, that's okay.
Whoa, now, Robert,

Tom!

Daddy. What did you do
to Usher?

He told me I should take
responsibility

Hey. Can you guys wait
here a sec?

I make some mean
guacamole --

There's something
I need to take care of.
Well, what about parking
all those damn cars

Daddy. Leave Usher alone.

FLONOMINAL: Butch Magnus.

on my yard and
ruining my lawn?

What are you doing?
I understand completely.

Hm. You know what?
Why are you trying
to kill Usher?

I wouldn't want to give you
something you don't want.

Niggas was
passed out by then.

Yes, Super Fly.
What did Usher ever do to you?
you're fucking with
every last one of us.

We was fixing to
come over and apologize.

Jazmine wanted
to meet Usher.

But then you had to go off
and start filing complaints
If you don't want it,
I won't force you.

You're an animal.

and doing all that
old gay shit.
You just such
a philanthropologist.

Is Usher okay?

THUGNIFICENT:
And you know what hurts me
Oh.

My motherfucking leg.
Leg, uh --
So you're not--?
No.

If a man said that to me, oh, my God,
You like a saint.
You like Saint Robert.

I don't think I could handle it.
GUARD: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Easy, boys.

That's a really
powerful sentiment
My dad had it appraised.
He said it was worthless.

Ow!

Yeah, nigga.
Ms. Luna decided

TOM:
Oh, okay. I see what this is.

SARAH:
Stop! Don't hurt him.
Oh, Jesus.
My motherfuck--

Well, what about all that stuff
in the video, huh?

I just tell you--

She still there?
Why ain't she leaving?
All right.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

Oh, nigga, that was
just entertainment.
You broke bitch.
Get a real chain.

You being real sensitive
right now, man.

Well, I hope her friend
isn't giving her more bad--

Yeah, man. Anybody could see

He didn't
mean it.
GRANDDAD:
Thank you.

He was trying to hit me.

Tom!
TOM:
Granddad, if you apologize
to Thugnificent
Motherfucking
stupid-ass bitch.

KID:
We're going to New Orleans.

Ms. Luna let her girlfriend
I'm sorry, Usher!

then I'm sure,
Thugnificent,

RILEY: Know what? It's still better

you will be willing to
apologize for the video.

USHER:
Shut the fuck up,
for her own actions.

This weekend sucked.

And it was all
your fault, Granddad.
to wash y'all niggas away,
but go on back.

Wasn't
my fault.

It was that crazy-ass
Luna's fault

We crew, nigga,
remember?
Hell, no, I ain't
apologizing, punk-ass nigga.

now, are ya?
Go on, save New Orleans.

God rest
her poor soul.

Kiss my ass,
old-ass nigga.

What they got down there
worth saving? What, jazz?

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Please.
Stupid-ass--

What was that noise?

Jazz music?
I hate jazz music.

Can we at least agree,

for the sake of
old people everywhere,

if a man ever said that to me, I'll kill myself.

that there will be
no more dis records?

I mean, you're a stronger woman than me. Hello?

I got a documentary called
Fine, whatever.
I spits hot fire.

When the Levees Gonna Break Again?

I'll eat your ass up
on the M-I-C,

if you keep messing
with me.
I'm gonna get me a dog.
Name him Levee.

I'm gonna kick him
every time it rain.

That's what you need to do.

You gonna pay for
my lawn, boy.

Eat a dick, old nigga.

Yeah, you know, what Rags to Bitches means

is that there's more to life than what you're born into.

There's also bitches.