Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: We now return to

"Thugnificent: Rags to Bitches."

y'all know what a nigga moment is.

A nigga moment is when the mind

The story of Thugnificent begins here...

of a perfectly logical black man

is overwhelmed by some stupid nigga shit.

here at All-Star Weekend. Only 8 years old I love you, Mommy.

Like when a nigga steps up on your sneaker Oh!

and fucks up your kicks, or hits your car or some shit.

Here he is winning the three-point contest Terra-Belle leads Georgia in homicides, infant mortality,

MAN: This is our target -- the nuclear power plant.

like it's your fault, like you fucked up. making it rain like Lil' Wayne out this motherfucker.

If we capture the plane at precisely the right moment,

Ooh, Lord. So his ignorance makes you act crazy.

Check the chain, nigga.

Yo. What up?

they will not have time to shoot down the aircraft. And the next thing you know, niggas is beefing, I know y'all love my music, and love my videos and shit,

Yeah, I see you, too. What you want, nigga?

Damn! shooting, fighting, and somebody ends up dead.

Oh, man, same shit. What's up with you?

MAN: If they hit that power plant 'Cause y'all about to see how good it is to be me

he busts Vince Carter's ass The fuck you mean, "What's up with me?"

in the slam-dunk contest. Yes, sir. That's our name for it.

the casualties could be in the hundreds of thousands.

Your voice sounds real sexy right now. We got plenty of hoes bending, we got 24s spinning.

God help us all.

Say what?

Okay. Ready?

You wanna talk to me later on?

No, I don't wanna talk later on, motherfucker.

ANNOUNCER: ...except...

What the fuck is wrong with you?! Man, I seen it all.

Ernie, nigga, back to you. What the fuck's so sexy about my voice?

What? What is this CPT? that hell had ever seen.

Aw, man, my bad. I was on the phone. right when they get to the door, nigga.

None for me, thanks.

Tom, I think you can have but controversial player. WOMAN: That means the plane is gonna I swear to God, man, they actually, like,

a second glass on your anniversary. Last year, he became the first person

Colonel motherfucking Stinkmeaner,

I'm driving, sweetie-pooh. This sucks. to leave elementary school and go to the NBA

ANNOUNCER: They picked the wrong airline. holler at your boy, I gets money.

Bitches like this shit, man. when the Miami Heat signed him to a $3 gazillion contract,

And don't come up here complaining and shit. And I started thinking to myself: "Man...

They be thinkin' I'm one of them Mens in Black You know what's wrong with me.

You motherfuckers wanna come on here or somethin' like that, you know? a doorbell with real bitches singing the notes.

and act a goddamn fool?

could kill me or you, or somebody's baby. Y'all gonna have to kick me out of this bitch.

I'm about to go on break. Ding...dong.

You motherfucking terrorists kill me. They be wondering where the black limo is at I'm saying you probably never looked like this damn picture.

I'd spend the next 20 years in jail being-- this kid is a disgrace to basketball.

when they see -- All they see is the headpiece,

BOTH: Anally raped. This ain't you! He epitomizes everything wrong with the game today.

Yeah, let's talk more that's where the police station used to be.

the devil himself, a--

about your violated rectum. ANNOUNCER: Come see why black incompetence...

Oh, I find it so romantic. Yes!

'cause, uh, they up and left. TOM: Hey, I'm just saying--

Whoo, whoo! Well, excuse me for thinking you liked me

So where's the new police station? Goddamn, that bitch phat as a motherfucker.

So... for who I was on the inside.

Well, you're a liar on the inside. Last week, right, I was in the strip club, right. ...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.

Now let's go back to my nigga on the floor.

No, thank you. This whole relationship is based on a lie.

ANNOUNCER: Man, check out how Young Reezy I had titties in one hand, titties in the other hand.

Ah! You baldheaded devil monks Now, this shit right here,

We can't let you through, homey. shitted on these niggas in today's game.

this is some old John Woo shit, nigga. Hey, this is Osama bin Laden nephew, nigga.

This from the movie Killer. I had two hands full of titties.

Well, I-- I'm -- I'm once removed. I-I--

That's bigger than two scoops of raisins. And breaks his ankle.

So, what was it like No -- I just fucking with you, dawg. You mad? You hating, my nigga?

I'm still talkin' to my accountant at the same time. Look at that bitch-ass nigga limping off the floor.

Go ahead, nigga. Well, it's hard not to, nigga. Ha-ha!

ANNOUNCER: Starring Gary Anthony Williams. What's not to like about that? Ooh, no wonder they ride his nuts so hard.

Nigga, you ain't no Denzel.

But you know what they say -- when it's your time to go,

Seems like Yao Ming wants some too.

Hell, you ain't even no Flavor Flav. it's your time to go. John Witherspoon.

or when you're talkin' on the goddamn phone. Time after time after time.

What if it's the motherfucker next to me time to go? Huh?

Second, when people wear those things, Mm-hm. Fellas, I'm here with All-Star MVP Riley Freeman.

for this next one, man. I see ya.

Lock 'em up. Charge them with fraud. Mo'Nique. It's very important

But that's real shit, though, nigga. like a serious disappointment, man. TOM: Ah. Now, that's what There's a name for people who talk to theyselves, Ed.

this plane leave on time. You got naked kids.

I say give them the chair. Electrocute their ugly asses. Riley, is there anything you can't do, nigga?

Damn. Now, are you yelling at me or shitting at me? You got parents gotta choose between food and clothes

has earned you a trip back.

Snoop Dogg. Hijacked? I don't know, go broke? for their kids, shorty.

Them niggas ain't getting my wizzie fo' shizzle, nigga. You have my blessings to exact vengeance

Good one, little brother.

I don't know what to do with my hands now. Shaq, 17 blocks for Riley, you had one.

You know what I'm saying? And 50 Cent the haters' camel's back, nigga. Be that as it may, no technology is worth my dignity.

and to spread ignorance and chaos

Or for themselves. That's got to make you feel fucked up. as Air Marshal 50 Cent.

If talking on a wireless headset mean I gotta look

It did at first, ...people are looking.

I'll stop those terrorists... Observe.

Tom, please.

or die trying.

Besides, there's a reason

so guess I have to work harder, step up to his level. Honey. Honey, maybe this isn't the best place to be singing--

STINKMEANER: Ah! Hell ain't shit.

It lets people around you know you're talkin' on the phone. Get ready. This time, it's going down.

I'm gonna get you, Freeman!

So he's better than you?

So those people know not to waste time talkin' to you

Yes. And stacks more paper

Shit. This one nigga This is a hijacking. Remain in your seats --

Yay. All done.

No, this nigga didn't. Left with a case of hate poisoning, nigga.

We have a bomb on the aircraft.

You know what I'm saying? Hey, flo.

Tell 'em about that nigga that got his spirits crushed

Everyone remain --

Good.

by the rubies and the diamonds and shit. I see you're fucking up all your grandson's money.

took his own life and shit, you know what I mean?

SARAH: Yay.

Ah! Oh, my God.

when you bend over. I like that a lot.

you wouldn't believe it.

What is it, honey? and all of that.

Wait. Is that Usher? GRANDDAD: Uh, ah, ooh, ooh.

I'm about to go get dressed.

Yes! Oh, my God. Can you believe that? A boat.

Oh. Mm-hm.

I hate these fucking headsets.

He's coming over.

I paid for that bed you sleeping on, We gonna fly on the Soul Plane!

I can't believe this.

with your little inground pools,

TOM: Oh, sweetie,

diving boards or whatever.

Hey, how you doin', babe? Step your pool game up, nigga.

Hey. Oh, ee-- Ee-- Hi, uh, uh, Mr. Usher.

We slide down with ours.

Uh-- Ah-- Ooh-- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!

-I can't believe it. -It's not true. I'll beat your little ass in front of what's-his-name.

I-- I can't believe it's you.

This is, like, the greatest thing Get your butt over here, trying to embarrass me--

that ever happened in our neighborhood.

I'm Sarah.

...where you can, like, track, like, if someone, like,

You have a beautiful smile, Sarah.

Mm-hm.

Mm! Wow, so she's on my friends list? Now, this right here is what I like to call my bitch tank,

What's going on? What's going on?

Yup, she your very first cyber friend

A while for me?

and you're her 3 millionth.

SARAH: I love this song. She's fine, ain't she?

GRANDDAD: Yeah, boy! I love technology.

the community council meetings, Robert.

I ain't worried about no damn council meeting.

HUEY: My granddad recently Y'all broke niggas keep buying fish food if you want.

for the okey-doke this time. Oh, wonderful.

You should post more pics. Now I got the video chat.

Thank you very much. Oh. Oh, God. Everybody get ready! GIRL 2: Oh, my gosh.

Uh--

to show the world how the broke niggas live, I'm starting to feel like Shemar Moore up in here.

That was beautiful. It's just what I do.

maybe MTV will come to your house, Oh, um, this is, uh...Tom.

Hoo! Boy, let's get some music on.

Why would she like you?

Turn on the My-pod and let's get on the I-space. 'Cause your granddaddy gives sweet love.

Yes, I'm Tom. Just Tom. RILEY: Wait, wait, wait. I know that song.

GRANDDAD: Riley, hurry up.

And what do you know about this woman? USHER: Hey, how

The police were talking Well...her name is Luna.

to everyone on our street for clues. you want next, Granddad?

SARAH: You are so interesting. booty-butt cheeks

Her hobbies include pets, traveling, kickbox--

The leather vest. The one with the rhinestones. We gonna fly on the Soul Plane!

Well, almost everyone.

B-B-B-Booty-Butt cheeks

If you don't mind me asking, Watch when you go to sleep.

And make sure you pee before we leave. Granddad, I--

I ain't gonna miss my movie I bet she have a gang of niggas up in here to rob us.

going to the bathroom with you. GIRL: Thugnificent! Thugnificent, wait!

Officer, I'm not finished. That ain't a good look, Granddad.

I'm gonna let you go in there by yourself

Not a good look? Hello, sir, I'm Officer Calloway. and get molested by a nasty white man.

Is that some kind of new slang?

Now, what's wrong with you? Why the long face? It's not just the music. I have seen all of your movies.

What's wrong with you? Is that what's hot in the street, huh?

I don't wanna go to the movie. Why not? Thugnificent and the Lethal Interjections living here.

Uh...cheers. I don't ever wanna go to the movies with you again.

I loved Light It Up. Talk and shoot at the same time, boy.

Not after what happened last time. Thug who? Thugnificent.

I named my dog Light It Up. Girl, please. "Beat It" or "Thriller"?

What happened last time? I can't believe it.

Neither have you. I don't know, Granddad. We got arrested. And shot at.

is a common trait with black people.

So funny. She's my manager. A whole weekend with a complete stranger?

Ah. Racism. Take 'em back and go get my purple Speedo.

And play it like you got some sense. Daddy said I can go to the movies,

I'll call her. Hee-hee-hee. RILEY: Purple Speedo? No more of that damn street ball hot-dogging

but he said I'm not allowed to see Soul Plane. are culturally inclined against snitching.

All right, boy, so you had a bad dream. hippity-hop, and one and seven, whatever the hell it is.

Good. You don't wanna go to the movies with him.

It was a really bad dream about-- Okay, one more. Matter of fact, you about to get a lesson in fundamentals.

He's crazy. Hush.

Please, we gotta get one more. Look at that one. Did you check the Speedo drawer?

Can't see Soul Plane? Why, little baby?

Man, fuck yo' mama!

Shoot. I ain't ballin' like a rock star. Because of the types of stereos or something.

Oh, man.

It'd be good for my vocals. It was about Stinkmeaner.

Types of stereos? an unwritten rule about snitching THUGNIFICENT: To being on Cribs.

Oh. No, no, no, little baby doll.

USHER: I'm gonna The fulfillment of a lifelong dream has become a full-blown "stop snitching" movement,

Wouldn't let that shit happen to me though.

This is a good theater. They have THX.

All right, let's go. Game on. USHER: You rollin' with Ush. RILEY: It was a big day for my homey

Damn, these things are tight. What about Stinkmeaner?

Take the murder of 19-year-old Jermaine "Lojack" Walker,

being on Cribs and all. He was in hell, and he was coming back to get us.

I love to see my niggas on TV shinin',

She means stereotypes. That's right, y'all. Put your hands up, white folks!

Stinkmeaner? Don't be crazy. Stereotypes? In Soul Plane? That's nonsense.

That old man that Granddad killed for no reason? I ain't changing my shorts. TOM: Hey, guys.

in the middle of a summer afternoon It's so good to finally meet you.

Say, how about we tell your daddy No reason? That man was a psycho.

Yes, yes, I see the ears.

we saw something else, hm? Man, I wanna go over there, What you got there, Riley, huh? You got some moves?

Nobody even called the cops. They all just went home.

He was blind. You killed a blind old man. What's wrong with your watch? You mean...lie?

Just like the picture, right?

Shit, nigga, the sun is reflecting all this ice. the slightest bit inappropriate? Would that be dick riding? You think? To go over there?

That really doesn't seem to be a good idea. I can't see a motherfucking thing.

Hush, boy. And I sent him to hell where he belongs. Wow, that is pretty good ball control.

You know, You look just like your picture too.

it's okay to break the rules What it do, Woodcrest? Ha-ha! Hey, toss me the ball, Riley.

He asked me to send him the pictures. Yeah, Granddad, real tough with the handicapped.

every once in a while. Here you go. Oh!

I won't tell if you won't. Yeah. You damn right, Mr. Policeman! I saw the whole thing!

He probably gonna beat up some retarded kids next. Shocking.

Okay. Hee-hee. Put the motherfuckers on, nigga. Tell me what time it is.

which make sense, because she's 10. in our new crib in Woodcrest...

HUEY: Sometimes I think Granddad may be a bad influence.

What's that supposed to mean? that's what he's gonna do. Damn, nigga. It's 2:30.

It means you're a bit old to be acting and give him a pound and be like, "What up, Thugnificent?"

Hey, Riley. Don't forget the camcorder. street ball and learn to play.

Hey. The doorbell girl was wondering like some screaming TRL groupie.

...every cookout...

Oh, yeah, your dream. if you're expecting and more company

Now, the first Soul Plane was funny. THUGNIFICENT: I'm here for everybody. Riley, you could be a superstar one day.

Look, boy,

Pfft. About as funny as a lynching. Get back here, Riley. ...every wedding... Shoot, I'm a superstar now.

Oh, hush, boy. You ain't even see it.

Ever played on a team? Stop the car! He can't hurt you or me or any of us, okay?

I never seen a lynching, either, No. Well, I'm coaching

Uh, come on. You want a drink? but I know they not funny.

Where I live, a Woodcrest Youth Basketball Association team,

See? Shows what you know. I've seen funny lynchings. Now, let's get one more picture.

I don't want either of you going near that house. You hear me? the Mighty Deers. You know, Timid Deer Lane.

What the fuck? No, you haven't. I have so.

They even have a club for snitches. Man, Quinten just texted me. He say the hoes is en route.

Roscoe Patterson's lynching was funny. That's right, I rep the Deer.

It's called the neighborhood watch.

Yeah, so them niggas was like, of zombies or vampires, Anyway, season just got underway,

So I'm gonna just, uh, go back to the house.

"Roscoe, you better leaves town They ain't never in here.

Hold it right there, boy! LUNA: Oh, you're

"before Mr. Charlie and them crackers THUGNIFICENT: ...our new crib in Woodcrest, Y'all any good? Um, no.

Woodcrest neighborhood watch.

gonna come for you." Oh. That Larry David is something else. Whoo!

Now, where was you at 11:00 last night, huh? Huh?!

I'm like, "Man, fuck them crackers, man. and bagels and shit.

So...

Come on, now! Don't lie to me, nigga! This is Roscoe Patterson." Nigga, I don't give a fuck. you never told me what kind of dogs you have.

Nigga, I was in bed. We bring the 'hood with us, right here. us for a little bit?

I just don't give a fuck.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. You sure you gotta leave? That nigga's my age. But Stinkmeaner knew that every black man's spirit

Know what I'm saying? White man can eat a dick.

GIRL: Yeah. This is fantastic. So you guys don't think I'm overreacting?

Eat my balls, nigga. Ha-ha. Whoo. That's right, nigga.

I don't think so.

MAN: There he is! Get that nigger. BOTH: Wolves?

You're a bigtime lawyer, I'm about to do it big in Woodcrest, nigga.

Uh-oh. The law say when the bicycle stop, You mean, like, wolf wolves?

Oh, come on, you n-- Nincompoop.

Come on, let's go! the wheels supposed to stop. Yeah. For some reason, wolves really like me. Okay, um, Frank.

MAN: Oh, shoot, he's fast! Watch out!

I was raised around wolves. You can't do that! Hey, come on.

I'm all, like, it's -- whatever. It, uh, wasn't really funny after that.

They get a bad rap, but really, You can't hear the movie.

Mm-mm. GIRL: Welcome to if you aren't afraid to establish dominance,

Yep, yep. All of 'em. Let's go. This is gonna be so much fun. I'm calling the police. Stop!

Huh? That's right, y'all. Thugnificent bringing the 'hood

That's, uh... This is going to be...

OLD MAN: Can we bring in the Army? TOM: All right, Deers.

Get out there and give him what you got. ...the worst day of your life. How long will we wait on the police to protect us?

Uh, fascinating. I had my blinker on and everything.

Oh, I didn't say she was cheating. My ass!

how long you been kickboxing? Fuck you, punk-ass, bougie-ass, hook-ass nigga!

I'm bringing nunchucks. Can we bring in the Army?! Hey! Who turned off the motherfucking water?!

I'll beat your motherfucking ass, nigga!

This is a tragedy. Huh? Not exactly kickboxing, but it's kind of similar.

The white man ain't never done nothin' to nobody,

I say toss her groupie ass out the window

Fuck with me, nigga, and I'll be popping a trunk

and let that ho stargaze from outside.

and he don't deserve this. You got some words of welcome

Get my motherfucking Uzi. White Lotus? Now, Riley, there's never a place

That's the deadliest style there is.

for violence in a relationship. Hey, guys. What I got to do

People, calm down.

Thug out with the homey. There sure seemed to be a place at the restaurant last night.

You never mentioned, uh,

Man, you wanna be down with us? We've let the predators think we're weak. Mm-mm. Nappy-headed hos.

Here, put these coats on.

She made you look like a bitch in front of Usher. You know what, motherfucker?

Huh?

Boy, watch your mouth. he was a Shaolin monk. I learned it from him.

Probably started out charitable. Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you, old-ass nigga!

Except for Flonominal and Macktastic,

GRANDDAD: Here you go. It was them Freeman boys. Then I ended up having to use it on him,

What is it? who I met through the label last year,

It's pinto beans and neck bones. You just mad at all this Thugnificence.

but we're like brothers, though. But, Granddad, she did make Mr. DuBois look like a bitch.

Now put this meat loaf and gravy under your shirt.

Yeah, I said it. Respect it, man!

Why don't we just get treats from the concession stand? -Now, Ruckus, that's crazy. -If they're so innocent,

breathe it in, nigga. Bask in it.

but find a different way to say it. Man, I'm about rags to bitches, too.

Next thing you know,

you rubbin' against that silky white skin. Oh.

It's about getting paper, my nigga. Now, where were we? You think I'm paying $20 for some popcorn?

RUCKUS: Yeah. Why wouldn't they?

But I don't know the non-curse way

Have you heard of the Kumite? You must be out of your damn mind.

to say he got bitched.

Humiliated, castrated, emasc-- Oh-- Oh, my God. Did you say Kumite?

Are we allowed to bring in food? Now, Riley, I want you to know

Well, I don't really know much about him, Of course we're allowed to. that even though we doin' it real grand,

I love talking to the police. but my two teenage kids are very excited.

It's my food, isn't it? I paid for it. We're gonna go check 'em out. if this rap shit don't work, we running up in nigga's houses.

That's all you get for free.

That means I can eat it when and where I want. Did-- Did anyone see who accosted this man? It's a mythical, invitation-only martial arts tournament

If you lost your ho to T.I.,

You know what I mean? For real. Better believe that. I'd be like, "Hey, that's T.I."

Boy, put this pot roast in your pants or you ain't eating. I got a date? I can't believe it. Riley, I started this team because when I was younger,

We're gonna be hittin' the streets, son, Oh, this is nothing. He's just getting started. and the dungarees with his name on the, um, pocket.

moving mad rock all day, is not a law-enforcement agency.

You better check that ho, Mr. DuBois.

You know what? You guys are right. But I didn't think the Kumite really existed. and there was that moment at the end,

No interrogations! living across the street from me. Shoot.

HUEY: Robert Jebediah Freeman Granddad, you don't skydive, MAN: Know what I mean? All day, son.

had sworn a lifetime intifada Paid too much money for my house. Funny-ass music.

It's really real. and they won. and ask them to join the neighborhood watch,

against the movie theater industry It was like a miracle moment.

and you never was a member of G-Unit. for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,

want to go to a basketball game just to see the game, And ever since then, I wanted to live that moment.

And let's all of us reach out to all our other neighbors

Get 'em outta here. which, interestingly enough,

Shakes, all that. Extra ketchup. come back with one of them NBA niggas out of sympathy?

did not stop him from going to see movies. on some faraway mysterious island.

"You need some napkins?" You feel me? MAN: Thugnificent and his cohorts,

Okay, gang. Keep your eyes open. MAN: So, Mrs. Wong,

She wanted to be entertained.

Open for what? formed the Lethal Interjection Crew

We're sneaking in. What the fuck is you talking-- ? What the fuck was that?

They were terrible. Oh, the white woman's got a big heart.

That's not true, little baby. Kind of like one of them

beating him senseless with a nine iron,

I bought my tickets online. Scout's honor. "Booty-Butt Cheeks." I wasn't thinking about it when I did it.

stealing his wallet and driving his car

Look. Granddad. They cover room and food. Everything.

We ended our season last year I got some money saved. The movie will be on me.

multimillion-dollar major-label deal,

Correct. with the worst record in the league.

Now, you put that away, boy. Let's just go to the initiation.

These movie devils ain't getting The first test is the agreeability test. and a new album, "Rags to Bitches."

any more of our money. You get to catch up with old friends,

Before you are a member of the team,

Mm-mm. see some really good matches, get a tan. Now, Mrs. Wong, let me ask you a question.

Uh...Mr. Freeman?

Ask the question, Miss von Hausen. We can win, Riley. Good times.

The way I'm looking at it, I'm picking up where

It says, "No outside food," little girl. Good times. The Kumite is supposed to be

What's good, nigga? Is your granddad home?

That's why we keep it inside our clothes.

VON HAUSEN: Mr. Freeman, a death match, right? You ever killed anybody?

This is the movement that says, you know -- Are you sure this is legal?

Hey. Everybody has to die sometime. Hm. Granddad. Mr. DuBois' at the door.

Now, as you know, we've had some home invasions recently. "Don't grow up and act like a fucking fool all the time,

Okay, everybody, look alive now. Here's our chance.

Call my agent, man. You's a bitch.

and you can still make it up out the 'hood -Mm-hm. -We were concerned to hear

and enjoy everything that life has to offer."

I understand you need your job, that you refused to talk to the police. Yo, it's blazing, son. That shit is incredible, kid.

but you're still a human being with dignity.

I would love to let you crash, Finish him.

KIDS: Throw it to me, throw that ball.

Yeah, I mean, look at this uniform, man. No snitchin'.

I look like a fucking dork.

Why would they make me dress like this? You've also refused our previous invitations I would just turn up the bass a little higher in the monitor --

What did I do to them, huh?

to join the neighborhood watch, You should take action. I didn't come to practice. You never called my agent.

and we could use your support. Nobody give a fuck what your dumb ass think.

Ah. What can I do? I thought that was a joke. Oh, no, no.

Give me this motherfucker. Our motto is: Neighbors watching neighbors.

Thank you so much, Robert.

Get your ass up out of here, you hook-ass nigga.

See, boys? See why

Robert Freeman. You know him, right? Have you ever thought about forming a union? Fuck your court! MAN #1: Tired of this. MAN #2:

Oh, I'm watchin', all right. I'm watchin' this neighborhood

What's a "union"? RUCKUS: It's like somebody threw a million dollars

Get the fuck up out of here with that bullshit.

MAN: Hey, hey, hey! Hey! become a bunch of damn tattletales. I mean, they can only hang you once, right?

MAN #1: Beat it. MAN #2: Nigga. I paid. I got my ticket.

Good one, granddad. I got mine today and that joint is wack.

Yeah, yeah. I got a ticket for you.

You killin' 'em. Anyway, Riley, what do you think?

A one-way ticket to "Get the hell Property was stolen, Mr. Freeman. Well, we can't live next to their kind.

out of here, negro" land.

Go on! Move it! Come on, now, you're leaving me hanging.

The sanctity of our community was violated.

I ain't gonna stand for it.

ALL: We gotta go to the bathroom.

Tough titty. We were here first. Right.

I ain't got time for this bullshit. Oh...

TOM: Well, I'd sell my house if I thought I'm not feeling the name. Nope.

Nigga, you gay. it was still worth anything.

How about that? I don't care how good you are, I'm not changing the name.

Why don't you just invite them over for dinner See it's burnin' me to hold onto this.

Another victory of the common man

and get to know one another? Suit yourself. HUEY: Meanwhile, I couldn't

over corporate greed. Uh, real good?

You're not advancing any struggle RUCKUS: Sorry he touched you, Miss von Hausen. They ain't never gonna get

that an evil force was gathering.

by being cheap, Granddad. She ain't say nothing about no damn

MACKTASTIC: What's happening, nigga? that dream you promised them and for what?

I'll advance my belt on your behind Next is a test of courage.

if you don't shut your ass. Where the chicken wings and the doughnuts at? One man's ego? Sad. Good luck.

Oh, my God. You almost touched Miss von Hausen!

What the fuck you got to eat in this bitch, nigga?!

I didn't pay to get in the movie. MAN: Nah, you ain't crazy. ALL: Bye, Riley.

I love you

Uh, yes, we did. I -- I ordered my tickets online. Huey, what are we gonna do?

It's just, I feel like this

Who got the neck bones? You gonna tell her to get out.

No, you didn't. I'm not telling her to leave.

is coming to an end.

We snuck in. She hit me with one of them exploding nutsack techniques.

Ghostface Killah isn't even dead.

We stole a movie. Tom agreed to allow Riley to design the uniforms

Now, who makes the rules? She's not a kung fu master. She's crazy.

that goofy-looking motherfucker is coming back.

Grownups, right? Shit. Then you go kick her ass out.

Your granddad's nigga moment ain't dead yet.

And I'm grown up, and I say it's okay.

But what am I supposed to do?

We're gonna get caught. Hey. I'm willing to stay in the bathroom all night.

We're gonna get caught. If death can't stop Stinkmeaner, what can?

I should call my daddy and turn myself in.

Yeah, yeah. Think about it. Peace.

Oh, yeah? You gonna tell him You two just...stay here.

-Shh-shh-Shh.

what you came to see, huh?

That's my boy! That's my boy-- Okay. I gotta use the bathroom anyway.

I bet he'd like to know that.

What the hell going on out here? Go, Ball-a-Holics! Go!

Maybe I should make a phone call. RUCKUS: Oh...

No. Please, no. Uh-oh, everybody, keep an eye on your wallet.

Good. Now just calm down. You must be crazy. You gotta let your thing go.

RUCKUS: Mm-hm.

Try some mashed potatoes. Who got the popcorn? What up, dawg?

ED: If you had a headset like mine, Look here, old dog.

I do, Granddad. GRANDDAD: I ain't letting my stuff What, what, what?

and some Johnny Mathis.

WOMAN: So where's he at now? Nah, baby, I'm still here.

Ow! Hey.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Watch it, boy, don't step on my roses.

No. What am I gonna do with raw popcorn?

VON HAUSEN: What was that? Let me call you back.

You're gonna ruin my dentures. Tip-off there, right, straight in the hands of Young Reezy.

Whew. Damn, can't watch a movie without popcorn. Hey. How's Robert? Is everything okay?

GRANDDAD: Show them what you got.

Heh. Word down at the gym is that he done wore

MAN #1: Yeah. Hey! Now I gotta spend all my damn money

MAN #2: Do that shit. Yeah! I gotta deal with

on a bucket of popcorn.

Now, it's date night and you know the rules. I see you, homey. Go ahead, nigga.

Hear that? Sounds like niggas.

You get in that room. Ride it out, nigga.

Told you. I don't care if you hear scream

USHER: Thank you. It was really hard.

RUCKUS: What you see, Miss von Hausen?

When your feeling Find a way to get some hoes over here.

It's just...I had heard

Shit, he -- he just hatin' 'cause, see, MAN: Do it, man.

You gotta let it go

Still dribbling now, there's some impressive dribbling.

Mm. Hm!

WOMAN: Why don't you call her, then?

Jumpin' like it used to Maybe you would like a demonstration? Keeping the other kids off guard, still, uh--

Oh, shit!

Honey, I'm home. Uh, wait. Yo, word to mother,

RUCKUS: Buck 'em down, Miss von Hausen!

friendly sparring match? Let it burn

We're takin' fire! Run! I know a lot of girls on Myspace.

Oh, yeah! I mean, I don't really pay much attention to 'em, though, Pass.

-RUCKUS: Get them negroes! -ED: They shootin'!

It's best 'cause I be's all about my paper.

No, no, no, I'm still here. Yo, can I still come over? It's when you let go of the ball and give it to someone else.

Tom, what's gotten into you?

or grown-up girls and shit? Of her being with someone--

Come on. You want some of this? Come on.

Oh. Help me. Man, grown up. They got little pictures of each one, too,

MAN: Car! TOM: Riley, pass!

Oh, Tom!

Get 'em, Miss von Hausen! And you can reach these hoes

That's the way! Wait, Miss von Hausen.

I'm gonna make it do what it do. and tell 'em to come over here and get bucked-naked?

and I live across the street. I'll give you anything. Ah!

SARAH: Oh, Tom! Goddamn. Enough with the dribbling.

Come on, now! Buck 'em down!

Yeah, that's my granddad.

RUMMY: Riley! Hey, Riley, look, man,

ANNOUNCER: Don't steal movies.

Come on, Riley, take it to the hoop.

I need somewhere to hide. Niggas are shootin', man. Let's...

Niggas are shootin'? ED: Hey! get out while we can. Riley, attack the basket! Go!

This the car that got pimped out by Xzibit.

I just wanna say that I like your music.

Say, motherfucker, you on the phone or you talking to me? Riley, shoot. Why won't he shoot the ball?

And, uh, you know, this is my turf over here,

Hello?

I'm talkin' to Riley.

SARAH: It's Sarah. Oh, he's got the look on his face.

GRANDDAD: Damn. Hey, y'all see the new rims I got on my bike? Towards the goal, got the dribble.

computer genius and shit -- Oh, wait.

come into my house and try to destroy my place. Large freshly popped popcorn, please. And lots of butter. This thing has a push-button starter like a racecar.

I ain't on your nuts, though.

Want me to ask them to come over? to her recital practice at 3, right?

Beautiful arc on that ball.

Anything else?

Yes.

I asked for butter on it. Oh, man. Respect, little partner. Looks like it may have just enough

Butter's over there. Well, I'm in the studio with Snoop Doggy Dogg

Hey, this little nigga's all right, y'all. MACK: Say, baby girl. Hey, boo, check it out.

Are you doing the music video thing again?

I don't wanna put the butter on it. Why can't you do it? No-ho-ho-ho. Lionel Richie's ex-wife.

Whoa, whoa! What y'all doin'? off the table.

Gotta go, honey. Bye.

You're supposed to put the butter on it. You know your mama taught you better than that, WOMAN: Uh-uh.

I don't wanna put the butter on it. ghetto-ass nigga. That's kind of embarrassing after that buildup.

I'm already paying $20 for this bullshit popcorn. Well, fuck you then, bitch. Bucket-mouth ho.

I'm still burnin' and Brenda Richie had just caught Lionel in bed

But how about, uh, tomorrow, cutie pie?

I will not demean myself Y'all can't take my granddad's car. Well? Not bad for short notice.

...in the Jacuzzi? by putting butter on popcorn.

Stop, Ed.

So -- So am I in the crew? Why? It's really easy. Why?

Don't want to STINKMEANER: Ha! Goes straight up in his face and-- Ooh, a swish.

Because I don't work at the movie theater, that's why.

What the--? Come back tomorrow, partner. Yeah, yeah.

You're supposed to put the butter on it. Gotta hurt a kid's soul right there. Who's out there? Boys! Boys, help me.

LIONEL: Don't-- Hyah!

If I go to Burger King and order a cheeseburger,

Bruise you Ow!

they don't make me put the cheese on it, do I'm gonna get a chain.

Let it burn

Oh, of course. Now I get it. I see, I see. Just 'cause your skin is light, bright,

Let it burn So then I say to R. Kelly,

Gotta let it burn

and two shades from being white, "Did you wash your hands?"

You don't understand how bad a nigga need a chain.

Hey, for real? On the real? you think you too good to butter your own popcorn. ass whipping.

Yo, this little nigga funny, man. Riley now on defense, coming up behind, and--

Oh

This little nigga like everything in my life would be perfect. Well, you wrong, Lando Calrissian.

Charlie Murphy or some shit, man.

Oh, sweet Jesus! Hey, man. This your brother?

Damn it, Ruckus. Y'all gonna put some butter on this popcorn.

It's burning. Upside his nose. Oh, Lordy Lord.

Yo, nigga. Your brother told us TOM: That's your man. Ho-ho, look at that fadeaway.

VON HAUSEN: He saw it! He saw everything.

how you be all into reading and shit.

Hey, Tom. Shut the fuck up.

Hyah! Tom, go away! I'm gonna call the police.

GRANDDAD: Boy, watch your mouth.

Did you hear that? Nigga, you know that wasn't no chain. That was a necklace.

We put our lives on the line every day to make movies, GRANDDAD: Oh, it was terrible. Terrible.

Riley up again-- Man, I can't hear nothing over Granddad's gay-ass music.

Damn it. Hurry up, boy. Tell us who did it.

Now, you're gonna tell me who stole my car and then people come along and steal all that hard work.

Man. I can't wait for niggas to start hating. I can't wait. Look out, new message.

Uh-oh. or I'm gonna get my belt or a 2x4 and go upside your head!

Who would do something like that? Brenda Richie knew kung fu.

Word. You know what I mean? You know, that reading shit,

I hate to laugh at an 8-year-old, folks. A terrible, awful human being that no one will ever love.

you generate from those around you? you know what I mean, it's hard, son.

Could be worse. Hey, if niggas ain't mad at you, then you doin' something wrong.

That's who. Word. You know what I mean? Word.

You know what I mean? Especially when them books be I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman.

By that definition, then, you have a very bright future.

I pays for my car! you know what I mean, you know,

really thick and heavy-like, you know what I mean?

Thank you for that perspective, Huey. I ain't getting it for him neither. Nope. Thanks, man.

Word. You know what I mean? All the greatest basketball players have always been white.

Hey. Get to the flick.

No problem. Why would he send a message from--? I say make a man wait until he's resentful. of impeccable character,

What happened to the movies? This doesn't seem to be a place for kids.

Y'all should be ashamed. In the street. What streets?

That always works. What the hell? Tom, what's going on?

Why is it when I order a soda pop, We got PlayStation and Xbox, nigga. I do hereby announce that Riley Freeman

I get a empty cup? Think it's gonna be weird now that I beat up his grandson?

I didn't order a empty cup. Mm-mm. I can't do it, Granddad. I can't talk to the po-po.

And we got Incredible Hulks, nigga.

I ordered a soda pop. is officially part of the Lethal Interjection crew.

And what asshole started putting commercials in movies? Tell Granddad. He's not the police. All the kids is welcome, motherfucker.

I can see commercials at home on TV. STINKMEANER: Oh, you running? Okay. Let's hear the story one more time.

So this is the message you want to send

Okay, let me get this right, now. Bullshit. And the bathroom stink. Clean the fucking bathroom!

You promise not to tell? My cousin, Elliot, in California

to the young youth out here like myself Oh, my goodness, some black people are crazy. will now transfer to you.

I'm not gonna take it anymore! passed away very suddenly while working out.

Get your drunk ass outta here. I pay too much damn money for these movie tickets

and not love these ho's, huh? Now, just remember what you represent

W-w-w-what's all this? Oh! Ahhh! when you have it on, and be proud of it.

to butter my own motherfucking popcorn!

Is this what's hot right now in the streets? There isn't a single member of the Lethal Interjection crew

Goodness gracious to life.

Yeah, let's say that. We weren't very close. It's only popcorn. How am I gonna get my butter beans?

Tom, what's wrong with you? that isn't ready to die for his chain, nigga.

You're just gonna go on and quit. All for some white girl who left you for an R&B dancing-ass,

You on that stuff? Snap out of it, Tom. Well, I was excited seeing you out there.

sexy-flexy- ass nigga? Uh, yeah.

When did you get here? Cocaine's a hell of a drug.

Huh? Well... No thanks. 911 emergency. I'll hold.

I'm sorry. Except for Leonard.

But he's bitch-made. Well, I been at the ticket window all day long, that's why Daddy is Uh, okay.

Your chain, my nigga.

and I don't remember you buying no ticket, Don't snitch, Granddad.

Under no circumstances do you change that story. Oh, so that's what practice is for.

Robert Freeman. They don't know nothin' unless you tell 'em.

Uh, I-I-I got my tickets online. Yeah.

TOM: Now, remember, Riley, Aha! A damn lie. GRANDDAD: Damn it! Damn it. Come here.

"Ahhh" ain't my name.

I ain't never met a nigga MAN: Sir, please release the child. people walking around Winning is about teamwork.

smart enough to use a personal computer. Release the child. TOM: You're choking him out! where they don't want them to be, I remember my senior year at Princeton.

Not even a Macintosh. eating outside We beat Chris Webber and Michigan with teamwork.

HUEY: Stinkmeaner.

being the driving force Uh... when they think they should be inside at a table.

behind the "stop snitching" movement, Today is Fidel Castro's birthday.

They still show the highlights of that game sometimes. You'll never take me alive, you punk-asses.

Oh. Are you sure? And I'm in charge of the birthday party.

RUCKUS: Stop him! Wait, you don't mean the--

Come on, come on. So I gotta fly out there.

You filed a complaint against me, old man?! He went this-a way. In 2000, rapper Gangstalicious reportedly assaulted

I mean, you like it here, don't you, Daddy?

You filed a complaint against Thugnificent?

This is a... And I'm taking y'all with me

with a tennis racket

Mm-hmm. in the first-class cabin on the ass-whupping express.

and a bottle of Hennessy on the set of a music video. for Fidel Castro's birthday party that I'm planning,

I don't know what we're gonna do, but we gotta do-- Rap beef, nigga. Punk-ass motherfucker.

Whew. Did I miss anything?

Mr. Freeman... Guinness refused to cooperate with authorities. like I said earlier. Eh-heh. Yeah.

I don't wanna steal the movie. A nigga's nuts in your face?

Guys. I just wanted to thank you

I wanna go home! Wow.

Yeah. Shh!

for letting me stay here. I thought you were gonna tell me you thought I was crazy,

What's wrong with you? and you didn't want to see me again, like the others.

I wanna go home. No, but it ain't look like you won.

Not at all, Tom.

You wasn't saying that back at the house, was you? Drop the beat, drop the beat, ugh.

Well, that is not what winning is about.

Bring it on, Huey. Was you? Because you wanted to see Soul Plane 2.

I'm enjoying this time with you. Are you kidding?

mmm, delicious

Well, this is how we see Soul Plane 2. Thugnificent's rags-to-bitches story so I'm saying...

no doubt we gonna win this In fact, I was just telling Huey I repeat, the terrorist said his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,

Ooh. I got an idea.

I smacked Johnny Guinness I would love to pursue a romantic relationship you.

and he's demanding that we -- in the super-elite suburb of Woodcrest.

Tom. Get down here. Definitely. I'll call you

Hell, no, I ain't fitting to ask him

Several of the neighborhood's black residents for his motherfucking autograph. STINKMEANER: Whoo, come on.

filed a complaint

HUEY: An hour into the movie,

And Fidel. I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

MAN: We out of food, but we got

Let me ask you something.

How did it make you feel

Yo. Look out.

Pass this bag of potato chips around. knowing that this neighborhood's black residents

Tom was facing an all-out revolt.

didn't want you here? Please take one. Pass it...

TOM: Please, people! Riley Freeman will talk.

He's in here. I know Robert.

To be stabbed in the back by your own people?

He don't miss a coon flick.

And this, sir, is an intervention. ALL: Bye.

What is it? What's happening?

An intervention? Your friends have Superb, homey. Exemplary. Maybe about 30 years.

Shh. Don't make a sound. Butch Magnus Milosevic.

I feel sorry for 'em, though,

from chronic bitch dependency, Mr. DuBois. To no more weekend visits by crazy Internet women.

STINKMEANER: All right, here we go. Butch Magnus? Crazy Butch Magnus?

May I call you Tom? where they came from.

Is this some kind of joke?

I promise you, Riley will talk soon. You don't know where I came from.

Tom...bitch dependency

and being a real team player. : Ooh. Damn. I'm from a small town called

is no laughing matter. with the Fidel Castro story.

Let's go check Madea's Bat Mitzvah.

Addiction to a bitch can fuck with your friends, Get your bars up, nigga.

MAN: Attention, please, passengers. Hey. Put that camera back over here. He's got that look in his eye, passes it off to his teammate.

your health, and scary enough, even your money.

your granddaddy is a master of deception. If you left the toilet seat up in the restroom...

...faggot boy.

It's a disease, Tom. It makes me sick to think of him. I'm gonna vomit now. : Fidel Castro's birthday?

MAN: Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!

Wait. What was your name again? That's it, Riley. Nothing fancy.

RILEY: Otherwise known as "One-Punch" Butch.

Well, thank you for asking. GRANDDAD: Yeah! You think he was lying?

Officer, I'm sorry. STINKMEANER: Whoa! Yeah, I got you now. All I know is you drove all them hours

I didn't mean to steal from the stuntman. I don't believe it. This kid has the heart of an 8-year-old.

Get off me, you bitch ass, you faggot ass!

Wait. "A pimp"? and then ask for your shit all after the fact. MACKTASTIC: Eat a sack of baby dicks,

Named Slickback.

What kind of sandwich is this? was withholding information.

Yes. Please say the whole thing if you would. Goodness gracious alive.

GRANDDAD: Not the lamp. No.

What were you about to do? You gotta give him props on that one, folks.

You were about to rat on us, weren't you? Alright, let's get into something brand new, What are you listening to?

Props all around. This is what the movie theater industry wants, Jazmine.

Yes, Tom. Every time.

STINKMEANER: I'm a-kill you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little chest-bump action--

Us fighting against each other. that's my boy, my friend, Thugnificent.

You beat me in the parking lot. King Kong ain't got nothing on me.

You're right. Now, you listen here, you little bitch. Oh-ho-ho-ho, no. There's no turning back now.

I-I don't think I need any help And just so you know,

I'm gonna ask you some real simple questions,

You're in it all the way. STINKMEANER: I want my parking space. from the Jesus, Mary and Joseph Academy for Boys

and I want some real simple answers.

Now you're gonna get your little narrow, high-yellow ass Coach Tom for believing in me-- It isn't until August 13th.

And by Give me this shit.

back into the theater and enjoy Soul Plane 2. Now, you pulled into the garage and went into the house at 9:15?

you mean a pimp?

And it's got my main man,

Boy, play defense! Nate "Doggity" Dogg, on the hook. I...wanna...go...home!

Uh, look, I'm not trying to insult you. Uh-oh.

He lied to me. If I'm not mistaken, it was 9:15. motherfucker.

Shut up. All right, folks, we are back in the thick of it now. Mm-hm. You see, girl?

You're ruining my innocence!

Riley, two defenders on him, Shut up. So you pulled into the garage

That's why I'm by myself. passes to his teammate, up, and good.

MAN: I expected to fly first-class.

and went into the house at 9:15?

I wanna go home. You better not get rid of it.

MAN 2: Well, you ain't in first class.

This is a well-oiled machine, folks--

Why we gotta put the nigga in my bed? You don't see me running around lookin' for a bitch.

Ooh, another two points.

then she must be nutty as squirrel shit. I looked at my watch, and -- and, yes, mm-hm, mm, 9:15.

I know where all my bitches are,

Look at this. He's possessed by the ghost of Stinkmeaner. Score, 16 to 4.

So you're telling me, definitely, Granddad. What's wrong with Jazmine? And by everything else, I mean her looks. She was fine.

that you pulled into the garage

Boy, don't nobody listen to you. Uh-oh. Looks like someone caught a beat-down. : I'm out here

She couldn't look that good. She was black. and went into the house at 8:15?

She's fine. Watch the movie.

That's what the hell I thought. But I guess if you put lipstick and a wig on a monkey,

Thank you, Grandma. Folks, things are looking bright and cheery What if he pees in the bed or vomit, or shoots a deuce?

Oh, that's crazy.

Now look at you: bitchless. it could look good too.

He sucker-punched me. Hm? A bully, huh?

Look at this. I...wanna...go...home.

Well, there's only one way to deal with bullies. Now, you see something. You know you done fucked up, right?

HUEY: Granddad had to be stopped.

I've had enough. I'm going back upstairs. Oh. Whoa, looks like he could have used A monkey in lipstick and a wig.

Tom is possessed by an evil spirit

I'm gonna put an end to this... a little help on that one. GRANDDAD: No! I said, no.

Tom, when we first let you stay here,

LUNA: I found him. or die trying.

He's in a park with another man. I said I pulled into the garage at --

HUEY: And so did this movie. Steal your bike, your chain.

WOMAN: Ooh, see. What did I tell you?

And one day, I had enough.

Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both. See? That's exactly why I don't have a man.

You know you done fucked up, right? It's shine time, folks, but all that glitters is--

And I had a gun. But you know what? It's only been two days. Coming.

I didn't want to use my gun.

Nigga, hush. You're living under my roof now. TOM: You're not even looking

Move, nigga.

He made that a whole lot harder than needed. Where you going? They're looking for us. But without Riley talking, the cops had nothing,

You know what? I know a great therapist.

And in his face. Huey, come back.

I'll make an appointment today. It's all that stuff they do to their hair.

That... And -- And I had a friend named Smokey.

Oh, this is crazy. Colored folks are something. RILEY: I know y'all seen niggas with spinning rims, right? And then I grabbed myself a brick --

Well, hello, cutie pie.

But check it, check it, check it. Granddad, you didn't live that. That's from that movie, Friday.

Don't worry, we still ahead. we've already paid Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback

I'm sayin', on a bike, though.

Well, hello.

a retainer of $2500. I don't think his friend likes the sisters too much.

HUEY: My plan was to get to the projector room

if that makes any sense. Robert, you shouldn't have. WOMAN: Ha! Heh. Oh-- Oh!

and destroy the print of Soul Plane. No, Riley, no!

With your credit card.

This kid sure can dribble, but he shoots like shit.

That's exactly why I don't have a man now. Oh.

BOY: Dude, that is really sweet. Man, niggas... Somebody get me out of here.

I was rushing, and-- A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK: Did you know That's like a sweet piece of --

Oh, I think men who are comfortable with their bodies

Heh-heh. They just mad...

Me too, baby. First, I had to go to the bathroom.

with a genetic predisposition are very sexy,

Oh, well. At least I got that crazy bitch out of my house.

RILEY: I be like, ugh! Ugh! to absolute crap in no time at all.

to bitch dependency, Tom?

One problem black people have with snitching What, you thought I wouldn't come see you?

And exactly when did you become a relationship counselor? What did he say?

You thought you wouldn't go get the taste Jazmine, you're missing all the best parts.

Well, sharing this pimp knowledge He told his friend I'm crazy.

the defense for the Ball-a-Holics I'm not watching a stolen movie. And I like to cook, mostly pork.

just isn't there. for an exorbitant fee is my way of giving

Oh, well. If you don't wanna laugh. You better fall back, nigga.

Over to Riley, something back to the community, Tom.

I like to clean too. Wow. You can't beat me. I'm Butch Magnus.

I want to help you, Tom. I do.

You know what you should do? Oh, that's crazy. What's so funny?

But I need you to help me... You real good when you come out of nowhere

See? I told you I could do it. Oh, nothing. Hilarity just ensued, that's all.

No. and sucker punch a nigga.

It did? Yeah, that's more the feds' thing.

Huh. but apparently for no good reason.

"Help me help you." Yeah, okay.

You see anything weird, you just give us a call,

Oh. Oh. Oh! Robert Freeman!

all right, buddy? Heh. Okay. The scoreboard tells the tale.

That was funny.

Darling, all the women of my cultu--

MAN: Hey, Bernard! You snitch-ass motherfucker!

Hm? Ah. STINKMEANER: Come here and fight like a man,

Granddad, you home?

Say it. "Bitch." Yeah. Bitch. Huey?

Uh, yes, we've gotta call her that, Tom. I don't hear anything. Hey. Where's Granddad?

Yeah? RUCKUS: It's about impossible

I'm sorry. After what she's done, STINKMEANER: I know you hear me, Robert! I don't like losing.

in this dark theater.

not callin' her a bitch would be disrespectful to you. Man, tell me you didn't think that was hot.

Yo. I think we need to shake the spizzot. Well, then, stop beating yourself.

I will not be ignored! Got a possessed nigga here,

he was charged with conspiracy Huh? What?

Now please continue, Tom. You gonna hate on it

and sentenced to a month in jail. Yeah?

Well, my wife, Sarah-- You still a bitch.

GRANDDAD: Can't believe these little, young kids You need to stop with the hate crimes, granddad.

I mean-- She's the best woman in the world.

Forget Jazmine. Let's go. But we couldn't.

Did you tell her that you got two sets of genitals? ANNOUNCER: And at shooting guard,

That was that nigga from Friday, She the weak link. She'll slow us down.

We've had a great life together until now. I just want to have a friendly chat

she's currently the league high-scorer. I mean, how could we? Look, she a little girl. A vagina and a coochie. Oh, that's a conjunction.

gonna drink me a Red Bull, then I'm gonna wake up

before this gets outta hand. The Blond Bomber, Cindy "Fearsome" McPhearson.

They're not gonna give her no real time. You know what? Fuck them.

She do what? A couple months, tops.

They can make all the silly little videos they want. I did everything I could, but if Riley doesn't talk,

But we both got priors. We gots to go.

Oh-- Oh, that? That's just the television.

they're both gonna be charged tomorrow.

Come on, Granddad. We running out of time. they'll be out of the neighborhood.

Looking at the white girl is a foul.

Sometimes, Speaking to the white girl is a technical foul. This is real talk, nigga.

Yes, she is

in order to save the day,

people have to sacrifice themselves,

What the hell is wrong with you? This ain't a movie, Riley.

you know what I'm saying?

Ow. Ah.

You and Granddad about to go to jail.

Oh, Air Marshal 50 Cent. GRANDDAD: Wait, no. That's just the TV.

Game on.

You're so brave It's not the fact that you obviously have a man

Uh-oh. to sacrifice yourself to save us.

I tried to stop 'em! Don't get picked by a girl, now.

I don't think you want that, that ain't pretty. possessed by an evil spirit strapped to a bed upstairs.

Not me, bitch. You.

Oh! Wait! Oh. Oh.

Shh. It's not? No.

Fearsome takes the ball,

Just go to sleep. It's the fact that you lied about it.

she goes past him and an easy lay-up. M-May I sit down over there next to Riley?

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK: It sounds to me, Tom,

Huh?

like some of the passion Ha!

has gone out of your marriage. STINKMEANER: You better leave. You might wanna cop that, bro.

Hey. Hold this. We be right back. Is that all you've got?

And turns out they're not so bad. : You've reached

Okay. Why did you lie to me, Robert?

Ooh, a fake pass behind his head, It's a normal thing in long-term relationships.

of the Catholic Church. You gonna give me my chain back.

goes around to the right side, up and good. If you know, you can tell me. I won't tell anybody.

Uh, what lie? Exactly. See, what Marx is saying If you would like to report sexual abuse--

You know what lie.

is that the oppression of the proletariat But, Tom. I thought we were in this together.

Damn, there's got to be somebody we can call for an exorcism.

is an essential facet of the exploitation Jazmine, are you wearing a wire?

STINKMEANER: You is a bitch!

inherent in the system. Look, everybody lies.

So therefore, due to the class -- in quite a while. Step up, opens up and straight in.

Me, too.

What the hell is this, a snitch-athon?

It means they care enough to spare my feelings.

Man, there's snitches everywhere.

Well, you were looking for hate. Way to go.

You little half-and-half. This is... really uncomfortable,

Didn't know I'd be playing with a baby.

Is that what you think?

Instead of being Mr. Funny Nigga, so I'm just gonna mosey.

why don't you try being Did you know that at least 75 percent of bitches

Mr. Help-A-Nigga-Go- Get-His-Chain-Back?

Bottles. Hey there, boys.

suffer from some kind of hearing loss? Uh...

I came as fast as I could.

This alarming statistic means that more likely than not,

Riley, let the chain go. Ooh, this is uncomfortable.

So this is the plan... Uncle Ruckus. Goes around with two defenders on her--

HUEY: Oh, man.

Then he'll think I'm a punk and kick me out the crew. RUCKUS: Let's get this party started.

to communicate with a bitch. Hello? It's just rocks and metal.

STINKMEANER: Yeah. I got him. He's in there.

was a bear. You got bad credit, Robert! Now, remember, none of this was your fault.

Whoa. What? Riley, you've got to calm down.

What--? What happened to my--? Is it worth getting hurt again? Yeah. RUCKUS: Removing an evil-nigga spirit

Yeah, the problem is, we don't live in the future, Ed. This man took your weekend from you.

If she say, "No," hit the bitch. Simple. Going to jail? Yeah.

We live in the present. I'm gonna be cool, I'm gonna be cool. You talking about the granddad from the Thugnificent song?

Getting killed? Yes, sir. But I-- I couldn't hit Sarah.

You gotta kill him. Got him. Got him. Got him.

Oh-ho, shit. Damn. It's not a cybernetic ear. It's a fuckin' cellphone headset.

Has not hittin' a bitch been working?

He's right there! has given us to fight niggas.

As she goes around him once again, Riley, defending--

I mean, scientifically speaking, A whip, a noose, a nightstick, a branding iron.

and that's what you're into -- has not hittin' the bitch achieved the desired results?

Man, how'd it go? How'd that go? Ooh, a little finger roll there. Hey!

'cause your ass is old

No way. I just--

Have you seen that shit in the mirror? It's Tom. Keep your hand off that white girl.

I-- I-I can't. I-- I couldn't.

You look like you're going to a fuckin' comic-book convention. No. The answer is no!

Tom. I won't. Right on time.

Tom, Take a deep breath. that's some old bullshit.

See, I'm gonna make my own rap Hell no, I don't agree with Huey. It's okay. People have phobias.

STINKMEANER: You ain't right, Robert. Don't let nobody take nothing from you, boy.

That's a technical foul.

GUARD: Yeah. RUCKUS: The nigga will lie. Hey, yo. You never gonna guess who on the phone.

Hold up, hold up. I'm getting a call.

you can't go upside a bitch's head.

And did you know that fool parked cars on my yard? Yeah. What's good, baby?

Okay. We can beat this.

I'm gonna rap about that, too. You need glasses out there?

I will butt-rape your grandfather Tom, this is my bottom bitch, If he gets really desperate, he may start to rap or dance.

with this broomstick.

We can still win this. GRANDDAD: Boys, don't make any noise. Shh.

Sweetest Taboo. I was wondering if you would be interested

Now, she's gonna help you learn how to in rapping with me on this song? STINKMEANER: You all, uh, testicles

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You gonna have to get in her head the way she's in yours. reestablish dominance at home.

I ain't seen no naked pictures, girl.

Send them to my Sidekick. But no curse words. I gotta bag on her.

Hello. Heh. Well, one day, he wins

And none of them crazy metaphors -- That's a great idea. Taboo will be playing the role of your wife.

There's powerful niggadry at work here. I'm Tom. May I speak to Robert or the boys, please?

Now, approach Taboo,

None of that garbage. Just stick to the point. insulting that child to throw her game off?

grab her arm firmly

RUCKUS: Ah... Who's there, huh?

Can I, um, use the bathroom? ...wrong house.

Okay. I knew it.

Sarah, get your behind-- Wow. That is so gangster.

There something wrong with your bathroom?

I been waiting on this day Um, this might seem strange,

Oh, hush, boy. I can rap. Yeah, yeah, I'm still here. Motherfucker done shot me.

that, um, it smells like hot garbage? since your little uppity ass came into town.

Do I have to call her a bitch, really? But you wanna know the brilliant Big Tank, please make it hot, player.

part of this story? Yes, Tom. You have to call her a bitch.

He didn't win no all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii.

GRANDDAD: I don't get it. she use a fitted sheet for a stocking cap. Yeah, this rap go out to Punknificent

Trust me on this one. Oh, jeez.

I've done the research. Now, try again.

Why your dumbass robbing people? Well, ha, this is awkward, but, um, how do I do this? Okay.

'Cause I'm an American. Shit. when she get out the car, the oil light come on.

It's the American way, man. Shit. So you spent, what, a thousand dollars

Bitch, get your behind--

Is that all you got, nigga? I don't think that's gonna work. You won't kill me, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

Ass. and it reads:

See, as I broke it down to Ed, pops,

"Dear Tom, my granddad kicked a woman named Luna--" That's just the tip of this iceberg.

You'll only die trying. if people don't have a need, then there won't be no demand,

That would be you, heh-heh. Your mama's so ashy-- No.

Read, nigga, read!

No! Miss Elderberry was talking about Cindy's mom. Kiss my ass, you little-dick, faggot motherfucker.

Or, uh, I'm, uh--

I'm original O.G.

Or... Turns out Ed and Rummy were breaking into homes You do whatever it takes, boy. Whatever it takes.

Or I'm gonna die...

"Best regards, Huey Freeman. with Usher in the first place!

trying. This motherfucker went YouTube? What I had heard was...

What? What?

You thought you was the only one Oh, come on, Ed, you gots to help me out. which was owned by Ed's grandfather.

We may be locked in our rooms." who mastered the ancient and deadly art of the nunchaku?

It's now tragically obvious Kidnapping? Uh -- I don't know, Riley.

The irony is, Granddad had already signed up Oh, me and Robert patched things up.

My grandpops would be tripping, man. that reasoning with the bitch

for Wuncler Security. Why don't you, you know, try something different,

is not gonna work, Tom. Hey, yo, word to mother--

You have to hit her. Repeat after me the holy phrase: It's just that he goes on to say:

Oh, boy, you look mad. I'm scared now.

Oh, hey, hey, Mom. I am an assistant district attorney, for chrissake.

Heh. Well, now, y'all get it right next time.

Tom... and if the nigga don't have the chain on him,

you have to get past this. Nigga, get your black ass outta here. get to regulatin' him, and make him tell you where it at.

It's okay, faggot...really. Your mama got caught giving up neck RUCKUS: Yeah, take that

I see. See, faggot? She just gave you permission.

Hey, thanks for being so cool about this, pops. outta here. ED: Now, what I want you to do is think.

This little old dude, Ma. Just one.

Ah. My chin-- You see that? "PPPS: Uh, be careful, she's very danger--"

Just think of these two grapes... Anyway, Granddad got his car back, and that was that.

Bitch is hittin' you. All right, lady.

Whoa!

Okay-- Ow! 'Cause I do. Mom, I'm in a meeting.

You're definitely allowed by law to hit her now, Tom. ...as your two little itty-bitty kiddy testicles. ALL: Nigga, get your black ass

It's self-defense. I didn't do anything. MASTER: Flawless victory.

Ooh-wee, your mama does cocaine when she thinks nobody around.

Okay? Sweetest Taboo, Hey, Ed, give your granddaddy my best.

Oh, okay, okay, cool. ALL: Nigga, get your black ass

Luna, this has gone far enough.

I will. I'm gonna call you back, Mommy.

This isn't an exorcism, it's a beating.

Uh-oh. Look out. I love you, too.

This is my state-of-the-art surveillance center. Don't swear to God. I talk to God all the time,

They did it.

Why does a pimp need a surveillance center? I was falling in love with you, Robert.

ALL: Nigga, get your black ass Your parents are getting divorced Hey, are we gonna fuck this old-ass nigga up?

Here's 50. and waiting till after your birthday to tell.

Now, you know, I don't hate old people. Ah... you lying, stealing motherfucker.

is state-of-the-art bitch surveillance.

Your mothers ain't shit. What others? Who are these others?

Come, negro-san. Them ain't no negroes! It couldn't be them. Looks like Riley is all up in her head,

Just 'cause you lived a long life, your wife's conversations and e-mails. Ed, can I talk to you outside?

don't mean it can't come to a short end, nigga.

Daddy, I've got transcripts of all her conversations today. HUEY: Several hours later, very, very sad story of Luna.

WOMAN: No way. Sixty-one, 44.

No mention of Usher.

I'm hacking into her e-mail now, What's up, world? This is Sway. I'm gonna crush your kiddy penis

That was great, Granddad.

with this hammer when I get back Law-enforcement sources have confirmed but, tsk, this computer is running a bit slow.

if you don't tell me where that chain is at. Boy, I wish we could've seen the end of that movie.

that two Cleveland teens have been arrested

I don't know. he's got nigga in him.

I feel bad for leaving Huey and what's-her-name. When I turned 17, I ran away to Hong Kong,

Bitch, don't start with that

They knew the risks.

Ow! So they might do a little time. where I met Triad boss Kenny Woo, my first love.

That's the wrong kid, Ed. You say that shit every time a new iMac comes out. GHOSTFACE: What the fuck is wrong

We see 'em when they get out. I told you to grab Butch Magnus, 5'4", 130 pounds.

Uh...it doesn't seem right. One of the teens reportedly told police,

You ain't slick. You better

I'm going back and turning myself in. and what you gonna say to the cops?

and stop playin' with me. Now, Billy is autistic but he sure loves basketball.

Turn yourself--? Man--

Yes, Daddy. and that makes it cool." I gave you a picture, man.

Granddad, look, come on. It wasn't the last incident.

Someone stole my bike. I mean, I love Huey. Almost like a brother.

Does she have a MySpace page? I told you not to wash Can you just tell me what to do, so I can go to bed? Son, just go in there and have fun.

my bloody ski mask with detergent But what's done is done. We got to let go of the past.

attributed to the beef have broke out, Spinning, baby!

You don't like the way I do it, then do your own kidnapping. I don't think Sarah would have a--

including two in Lithuania and one in Tokyo.

If he don't come back, can I have his side of the room?

Huh. Spiritual. Look at you.

Uh, since when did she have a MySpace page? The AARP announced a boycott of Thugnificent's record label.

Nobody wants you but me.

Ah, come on, Granddad. Peace? Peace? Peace.

You know what her password might be? you're paying top dollar.

You supposed to be setting a better example. That's not fair. You grabbed the wrong kid.

You without me equals shit. Stinkmeaner, you hate black people, don't you?

You just wait till the manager gets here. could soon explode into more violence. Oh, I'm gonna take it easy on you, Rain Man.

each other's middle names as passwords, You understand that, you ugly, fat bitch?

I sure do.

He gonna throw the book at both of y'all. Man, Thugnificent ain't telling nobody

That's L-A-N-- Got it. I mean, I hate everyone in general,

This is the worst day... Now, let me borrow your car.

Password is "Usher." Here we go. I don't even really see how someone could even No hope on this, and the ball goes straight up-- And in!

Nothin'.

get something like that outta that song. Where's your bike? of my entire life.

I said you was free to go, right? They're getting together at 3:00

I wouldn't exactly call them people, but yeah.

Told you. what he's going through, The crowd is loving this kid.

That's in an hour. We have to go.

Yeah, I have a deep distaste for Negroids. Three points plus 44 points equals 47 points,

Oh, so now you wanna make this I hope you got some insurance on those spinners.

Here's the guardian for the kids. Maybe you should go see a therapist. definitely 59 points minus 47 points You smell me? You know,

That's right, Ruckus. Right, right. And, Stinkmeaner, I bet you hate rap music.

We snuck into the movie, too. equals 14 points to go.

then going there won't help. My friend Nicole says it's men like you, Robert,

We? You said you was gonna turn yourself in. who lie and avoid commitment. Thank you for not snitching!

You know what I mean?

No, no, man, I'm sick of this shit. I paid you $2000, and $500 as well.

Ladies and gentlemen, Heh-heh. "Stanky-booty." Please. Let the kids go. I'll take responsibility.

what started as a simple disagreement between neighbors

I must say that's a brilliant observation, 'Meaner.

Now, Tom, I hope you can appreciate

Look like y'all all going down.

our no-refunds policy. a nigga moment

How about a complimentary date with Sweetest Taboo?

The manager's not coming. generational tribalism.

Cinema's closed indefinitely. I knew you can do it. I knew you can, Billy. Yeah.

No, no, no. Fortunately, a robust exchange of ideas has taken place,

Damn it, Luna. Stop being a victim. Looks like everyone walked out. Something about a union.

and we're going now. Yeah, come on over here.

and we are hopeful to having a resolution shortly.

What? The manager ain't coming?

Ohh... 'cause I was afraid you'd do something like this.

Thank you.

Well, call the police. And look. I was right. The ball stolen by Billy Mathews.

Don't take your past out on other people. The FBI. Homeland Security.

A member of the Lethal Interjection crew

Yeah, bitch. Let's go.

You mean, we gonna let was apparently the victim of a violent robbery

What's a nigga want? Try to whup me. Billy Mathews, out of nowhere, this African hooliganism go unpunished?

Whup your ass, nigga. in the exclusive suburb of Woodcrest today.

You have problems, Mr. Freeman, and you need help. You know who you messin' with, nigga?

was autistic right now, doesn't it? And you can't kidnap people just because they don't like you.

Thanks for coming back... Boy, that kid is special.

Would somebody here please be an adult?

eventually.

Yo, you need to stop snitching, Granddad. Game goes to the Tigers, 68-61.

Oh, you're right.

THUGNIFICENT: Hey, man, you know what?

Ah. Ow. Hey. I didn't even wanna kidnap you.

Why don't you call social services ALL: Come on, Billy. Yay! Go!

We're neighbors. and turn yourself in for child abuse?

We have to learn to live together.

I caught one of them Lethal Interjection cats

Oh. I'm never gonna get married.

out here slipping. You know, I ain't gotta say which one.

Exactly. That's what I'm talking about.

I might as well just blow myself up right now.

Remember to hit the bitch. But, uh, if he wanna buy his chain back,

Hey, man. : Hey, guys.

to look at it, Thugnificent.

Thank you so much for doing that. I mean, you guys Not that I'm pole-jocking or nothing.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. You guys unionized and staged a walkout that quickly?

just went above and beyond. Hey, everybody good in here? Beverages?

I mean, really-- Pricks, shit. Shit, shit, shit.

That's amazing. You a beautiful, talented woman.

Oh, yeah. We unionized.

I mean, bitch... Shit.

Then someone called the corporate headquarters, I'm sorry, guys. What about you, big guy? You good?

and they shut down the whole place. Possessed or not, you gonna fix my damn house.

: We've been showing it all day, Fired everybody.

simply unbelievable. Are you sure I shouldn't just blow myself up?

Oh. You gonna have another demon,

Well, um... Little Billy Mathews playing his first game

Hey. I couldn't handle my own business like a man.

power to the people? Let me get that for you, homey. in the Woodcrest Youth Basketball League, get this:

Fuck you. Riley. That's the whole point

Any of y'all need a coaster?

Tom, please calm down Twelve for 12 from downtown. a real good question. Billy Blanks always says: "Take control of your life.

and let me go.

Man, how would you like to be

Why are you in my bed? Take responsibility."

All the beds in this house

Well, that's that. Yeah, man. We don't fight fair, nigga.

I think we all learned a valuable lesson today Courteous. What about the loud party? The movie rights to Billy Mathews sold today

We believe in overwhelming force.

about stealing movies. Nigga, you gave us permission to have that party.

Flo, go with the little nigga to get his chain back.

Buy the bootleg. and there is talk, get this,

Or just download it from the Internet

and beat the little shit into the dirt.

like everybody else.

Ah! Fuck the bullshit. Come on, let's go.

The hell--? TOM: You can't have my wife!

NICOLE: You got him, girl?

Hey, uh, I think I'm gonna go

Tom!

Daddy. What did you do to Usher?

He told me I should take responsibility

Hey. Can you guys wait here a sec?

I make some mean guacamole --

There's something I need to take care of. Well, what about parking all those damn cars

Daddy. Leave Usher alone.

FLONOMINAL: Butch Magnus.

on my yard and ruining my lawn?

What are you doing?

Hm. You know what? Why are you trying to kill Usher?

Niggas was passed out by then.

Yes, Super Fly. What did Usher ever do to you? you're fucking with every last one of us.

We was fixing to come over and apologize.

Jazmine wanted to meet Usher.

But then you had to go off and start filing complaints

You're an animal.

and doing all that old gay shit.

Is Usher okay?

THUGNIFICENT: And you know what hurts me Oh.

My motherfucking leg. Leg, uh -- So you're not--? No.

If a man said that to me, oh, my God,

I don't think I could handle it. GUARD: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Easy, boys.

That's a really powerful sentiment My dad had it appraised. He said it was worthless.

Ow!

Yeah, nigga. Ms. Luna decided

TOM: Oh, okay. I see what this is.

SARAH: Stop! Don't hurt him. Oh, Jesus. My motherfuck--

Well, what about all that stuff in the video, huh?

She still there? Why ain't she leaving?

Oh, nigga, that was just entertainment. You broke bitch. Get a real chain.

You being real sensitive right now, man.

Well, I hope her friend isn't giving her more bad--

Yeah, man. Anybody could see

He didn't mean it.

He was trying to hit me.

Tom! TOM: Granddad, if you apologize to Thugnificent Motherfucking stupid-ass bitch.

Ms. Luna let her girlfriend I'm sorry, Usher!

then I'm sure, Thugnificent,

RILEY: Know what? It's still better

you will be willing to apologize for the video.

USHER: Shut the fuck up, for her own actions.

This weekend sucked.

And it was all your fault, Granddad.

Wasn't my fault.

It was that crazy-ass Luna's fault

We crew, nigga, remember? Hell, no, I ain't apologizing, punk-ass nigga.

God rest her poor soul.

Kiss my ass, old-ass nigga.

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Please. Stupid-ass--

What was that noise?

Can we at least agree,

for the sake of old people everywhere,

if a man ever said that to me, I'll kill myself.

that there will be no more dis records?

I mean, you're a stronger woman than me. Hello?

Fine, whatever. I spits hot fire.

I'll eat your ass up on the M-I-C,

if you keep messing with me.

That's what you need to do.

You gonna pay for my lawn, boy.

Eat a dick, old nigga.

Yeah, you know, what Rags to Bitches means

is that there's more to life than what you're born into.

There's also bitches.