All language subtitles for The.Boondocks.S02E07.1080p.WEBRip.DD.2.0.X265-Ralphy_track3_[eng]

ANNOUNCER: We now return to

"Thugnificent: Rags to Bitches."

y'all know what a nigga moment is.

A nigga moment is when the mind

The story of Thugnificent begins here...

of a perfectly logical black man

is overwhelmed by some stupid nigga shit.

I love you, Mommy.

Like when a nigga steps up on your sneaker
Oh!

and fucks up your kicks, or hits your car or some shit.

Terra-Belle leads Georgia in homicides, infant mortality,

MAN: This is our target --
the nuclear power plant.

like it's your fault, like you fucked up.

If we capture the plane
at precisely the right moment,

Ooh, Lord.
So his ignorance makes you act crazy.

Check the chain, nigga.

Yo.
What up?

they will not have time
to shoot down the aircraft.
And the next thing you know, niggas is beefing,
I know y'all love my music,
and love my videos and shit,

Yeah, I see you, too.
What you want, nigga?

Damn!
shooting, fighting, and somebody ends up dead.

Oh, man, same shit.
What's up with you?

MAN:
If they hit that power plant
'Cause y'all about to see
how good it is to be me

The fuck you mean,
"What's up with me?"

Yes, sir. That's our name for it.

the casualties could be
in the hundreds of thousands.

Your voice sounds
real sexy right now.
We got plenty of hoes bending,
we got 24s spinning.

God help us all.

Say what?

Okay. Ready?

You wanna talk to me
later on?

No, I don't wanna talk
later on, motherfucker.

ANNOUNCER: ...except...

What the fuck
is wrong with you?!

What the fuck's so sexy
about my voice?

What? What is this CPT?
that hell had ever seen.

Aw, man, my bad.
I was on the phone.
right when they
get to the door, nigga.

None for me,
thanks.

Tom, I think you can have
WOMAN:
That means the plane is gonna
I swear to God, man, they actually, like,

a second glass
on your anniversary.

Colonel motherfucking
Stinkmeaner,

I'm driving, sweetie-pooh.
This sucks.

ANNOUNCER: They picked the wrong airline.
holler at your boy,
I gets money.

Bitches like this shit, man.

And don't come up here
complaining and shit.
And I started thinking to myself: "Man...

They be thinkin' I'm one
of them Mens in Black
You know what's wrong with me.

You motherfuckers wanna
come on here
or somethin' like that,
you know?
a doorbell with real bitches
singing the notes.

and act a goddamn fool?

could kill me or you,
or somebody's baby.
Y'all gonna have
to kick me out of this bitch.

I'm about to go on break.
Ding...dong.

You motherfucking terrorists
kill me.
They be wondering where
the black limo is at
I'm saying you probably never
looked like this damn picture.

I'd spend the next 20 years
in jail being--

when they see --
All they see is the headpiece,

BOTH:
Anally raped.
This ain't you!

Yeah, let's talk more
that's where the police station used to be.

the devil himself, a--

about your violated rectum.
ANNOUNCER: Come see why black incompetence...

Oh, I find it
so romantic.
Yes!

'cause, uh, they up and left.
TOM: Hey, I'm just saying--

Whoo, whoo!
Well, excuse me
for thinking you liked me

So where's the new police station?
Goddamn, that bitch
phat as a motherfucker.

So...
for who I was on the inside.

Well, you're a liar
on the inside.
Last week, right,
I was in the strip club, right.
...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.

No, thank you.
This whole relationship
is based on a lie.

I had titties in one hand,
titties in the other hand.

Ah! You baldheaded
devil monks
Now, this shit right here,

We can't let you through,
homey.

this is some old John Woo shit,
nigga.
Hey, this is Osama bin Laden
nephew, nigga.

This from the movie Killer.
I had two hands
full of titties.

Well, I-- I'm --
I'm once removed. I-I--

That's bigger
than two scoops of raisins.

So, what was it like
No --
I just fucking with you, dawg.
You mad?
You hating, my nigga?

I'm still talkin' to my
accountant at the same time.

Go ahead, nigga.
Well, it's hard
not to, nigga. Ha-ha!

ANNOUNCER: Starring Gary Anthony Williams.
What's not to like
about that?

Nigga, you ain't
no Denzel.

But you know what they say --
when it's your time to go,

Hell, you ain't even
no Flavor Flav.
it's your time to go. John Witherspoon.

or when you're talkin'
on the goddamn phone.
Time after time after time.

What if it's the motherfucker
next to me time to go? Huh?

Second, when people
wear those things,
Mm-hm.

for this next one, man.
I see ya.

Lock 'em up.
Charge them with fraud.
Mo'Nique.
It's very important

But that's real shit, though, nigga.
like a serious disappointment,
man.
TOM:
Ah. Now, that's what
There's a name for people
who talk to theyselves, Ed.

this plane leave on time.
You got naked kids.

I say give them the chair.
Electrocute their ugly asses.

Damn. Now, are you yelling
at me or shitting at me?
You got parents gotta choose between food and clothes

has earned you a trip back.

Snoop Dogg.
Hijacked?
for their kids, shorty.

Them niggas ain't getting
my wizzie fo' shizzle, nigga.
You have my blessings
to exact vengeance

I don't know what to do
with my hands now.

You know what I'm saying? And 50 Cent
the haters' camel's back,
nigga.
Be that as it may, no technology
is worth my dignity.

and to spread
ignorance and chaos

Or for themselves.
as Air Marshal 50 Cent.

If talking on a wireless headset
mean I gotta look

...people are looking.

I'll stop
those terrorists...
Observe.

Tom, please.

or die trying.

Besides, there's a reason

Honey. Honey, maybe this isn't
the best place to be singing--

STINKMEANER:
Ah! Hell ain't shit.

It lets people around you know
you're talkin' on the phone.
Get ready. This time, it's going down.

I'm gonna get you, Freeman!

So those people know not
to waste time talkin' to you

Shit.
This one nigga
This is a hijacking.
Remain in your seats --

Yay. All done.

No, this nigga
didn't.
Left with a case
of hate poisoning, nigga.

We have a bomb on the aircraft.

You know what
I'm saying? Hey, flo.

Tell 'em about that nigga
that got his spirits crushed

Everyone remain --

Good.

by the rubies and the diamonds
and shit.

took his own life and shit,
you know what I mean?

SARAH:
Yay.

Ah! Oh, my God.

when you bend over.
I like that a lot.

What is it, honey?
and all of that.

Wait. Is that Usher?
GRANDDAD:
Uh, ah, ooh, ooh.

I'm about to go
get dressed.

Yes! Oh, my God.

Oh. Mm-hm.

I hate these
fucking headsets.

He's coming over.

We gonna fly on the
Soul Plane!

I can't believe this.

with your little
inground pools,

TOM:
Oh, sweetie,

diving boards
or whatever.

Hey, how you doin', babe?
Step your pool game up,
nigga.

Hey. Oh, ee-- Ee--
Hi, uh, uh, Mr. Usher.

We slide down with ours.

Uh-- Ah-- Ooh--
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!

-I can't believe it.
-It's not true.

I-- I can't believe
it's you.

This is, like,
the greatest thing

that ever happened
in our neighborhood.

I'm Sarah.

...where you can, like, track,
like, if someone, like,

You have a beautiful smile,
Sarah.

Mm-hm.

Mm! Wow, so she's
on my friends list?
Now, this right here is what
I like to call my bitch tank,

What's going on?
What's going on?

Yup, she your very first
cyber friend

A while for me?

and you're her 3 millionth.

SARAH:
I love this song.
She's fine,
ain't she?

GRANDDAD:
Yeah, boy! I love technology.

the community council
meetings, Robert.

I ain't worried about
no damn council meeting.

HUEY: My granddad recently
Y'all broke niggas keep buying
fish food if you want.

for the okey-doke
this time.
Oh, wonderful.

You should post more pics.
Now I got the video chat.

Thank you very much.
Oh. Oh, God.
Everybody get ready!
GIRL 2: Oh, my gosh.

Uh--

to show the world
how the broke niggas live,
I'm starting to feel
like Shemar Moore up in here.

That was beautiful.
It's just what I do.

maybe MTV will come
to your house,
Oh, um, this is,
uh...Tom.

Hoo! Boy, let's get
some music on.

Why would she like you?

Turn on the My-pod
and let's get on the I-space.
'Cause your granddaddy
gives sweet love.

Yes, I'm Tom. Just Tom.
RILEY: Wait, wait, wait.
I know that song.

GRANDDAD:
Riley, hurry up.

And what do you know
about this woman?
USHER:
Hey, how

The police were talking
Well...her name is Luna.

to everyone on our street for clues.
you want next, Granddad?

SARAH:
You are so interesting.
booty-butt cheeks

Her hobbies include pets,
traveling, kickbox--

The leather vest.
The one with the rhinestones.
We gonna fly on
the Soul Plane!

Well, almost everyone.

B-B-B-Booty-Butt cheeks

If you don't
mind me asking,
Watch when you go to sleep.

And make sure you pee
before we leave.
Granddad, I--

I ain't gonna miss my movie
I bet she have a gang of niggas
up in here to rob us.

going to the bathroom
with you.
GIRL: Thugnificent!
Thugnificent, wait!

Officer, I'm not finished.
That ain't a good look,
Granddad.

I'm gonna let you go in there
by yourself

Not a good look?
Hello, sir,
I'm Officer Calloway.
and get molested
by a nasty white man.

Is that some kind of
new slang?

Now, what's wrong with you?
Why the long face?
It's not just the music.
I have seen all of your movies.

What's wrong with you?
Is that what's hot
in the street, huh?

I don't wanna go to the movie.
Why not?
Thugnificent and the Lethal
Interjections living here.

Uh...cheers.
I don't ever wanna go
to the movies with you again.

I loved Light It Up.
Talk and shoot
at the same time, boy.

Not after
what happened last time.
Thug who?
Thugnificent.

I named my dog Light It Up.
Girl, please.
"Beat It" or "Thriller"?

What happened last time?
I can't believe it.

Neither have you.
I don't know, Granddad.
We got arrested. And shot at.

is a common trait with black people.

So funny.
She's my manager.
A whole weekend with
a complete stranger?

Ah. Racism.
Take 'em back
and go get my purple Speedo.

Daddy said I can go
to the movies,

I'll call her.
Hee-hee-hee.
RILEY:
Purple Speedo?

but he said I'm not allowed
to see Soul Plane.
are culturally inclined against snitching.

All right, boy,
so you had a bad dream.

Good. You don't wanna go
to the movies with him.

It was a really bad dream
about--
Okay, one more.

He's crazy.
Hush.

Please, we gotta get one more.
Look at that one.
Did you check
the Speedo drawer?

Can't see Soul Plane?
Why, little baby?

Man, fuck yo' mama!

Shoot. I ain't ballin'
like a rock star.
Because of the types
of stereos or something.

It'd be good
for my vocals.
It was about
Stinkmeaner.

Types of stereos?
an unwritten rule about snitching
THUGNIFICENT:
To being on Cribs.

Oh. No, no, no,
little baby doll.

USHER:
I'm gonna
The fulfillment
of a lifelong dream
has become a full-blown "stop snitching" movement,

Wouldn't let that shit
happen to me though.

This is a good theater.
They have THX.

USHER:
You rollin' with Ush.
RILEY: It was a big day for my homey

Damn, these things are tight.
What about Stinkmeaner?

Take the murder of 19-year-old Jermaine "Lojack" Walker,

being on Cribs and all.
He was in hell, and he was
coming back to get us.

I love to see my niggas on TV shinin',

She means stereotypes.
That's right, y'all.
Put your hands up, white folks!

Stinkmeaner? Don't be crazy.
Stereotypes? In Soul Plane?
That's nonsense.

That old man that Granddad
killed for no reason?

in the middle of a summer afternoon
It's so good
to finally meet you.

Say, how about we tell
your daddy
No reason?
That man was a psycho.

Yes, yes,
I see the ears.

we saw something else, hm?
Man, I wanna go
over there,

Nobody even called the cops. They all just went home.

He was blind.
You killed a blind old man.
What's wrong
with your watch?
You mean...lie?

Just like
the picture, right?

Shit, nigga, the sun
is reflecting all this ice.
the slightest bit
inappropriate?
Would that be dick riding?
You think? To go over there?

That really doesn't seem to be
a good idea.
I can't see
a motherfucking thing.

Hush, boy.
And I sent him to hell
where he belongs.

You know,
You look just like
your picture too.

it's okay to break
the rules
What it do, Woodcrest?
Ha-ha!

He asked me
to send him the pictures.
Yeah, Granddad,
real tough with the handicapped.

every once
in a while.

I won't tell
if you won't.
Yeah.
You damn right, Mr. Policeman!
I saw the whole thing!

He probably gonna beat up
some retarded kids next.

Okay. Hee-hee.
Put the motherfuckers on, nigga.
Tell me what time it is.

which make sense,
because she's 10.
in our new crib
in Woodcrest...

HUEY: Sometimes I think Granddad may be a bad influence.

What's that supposed to mean?
that's what he's gonna do.
Damn, nigga.
It's 2:30.

It means you're
a bit old to be acting
and give him a pound and be
like, "What up, Thugnificent?"

Hey, Riley. Don't forget
the camcorder.

Hey. The doorbell girl
was wondering
like some screaming TRL groupie.

...every cookout...

Oh, yeah, your dream.
if you're expecting
and more company

Now, the first Soul Plane
was funny.
THUGNIFICENT:
I'm here for everybody.

Look, boy,

Pfft. About as funny
as a lynching.
Get back here, Riley.
...every wedding...

Oh, hush, boy.
You ain't even see it.

Stop the car!
He can't hurt you or me
or any of us, okay?

I never seen
a lynching, either,

Uh, come on.
You want a drink?
but I know
they not funny.

Where I live,

See? Shows what you know.
I've seen funny lynchings.
Now, let's get one more picture.

I don't want either of you going
near that house. You hear me?

What the fuck?
No, you haven't.
I have so.

They even have a club for snitches.
Man, Quinten just texted me.
He say the hoes is en route.

Roscoe Patterson's lynching
was funny.

It's called the neighborhood watch.

Yeah, so them
niggas was like,
of zombies or vampires,

So I'm gonna just, uh,
go back to the house.

"Roscoe, you better
leaves town
They ain't never in here.

Hold it right there, boy!
LUNA:
Oh, you're

"before Mr. Charlie
and them crackers
THUGNIFICENT:
...our new crib in Woodcrest,

Woodcrest
neighborhood watch.

gonna come for you."
Oh. That Larry David
is something else. Whoo!

Now, where was you at 11:00
last night, huh? Huh?!

I'm like, "Man,
fuck them crackers, man.
and bagels and shit.

So...

Come on, now!
Don't lie to me, nigga!
This is Roscoe Patterson."
Nigga, I don't give a fuck.
you never told me
what kind of dogs you have.

Nigga, I was in bed.
We bring the 'hood with us,
right here.
us for a little bit?

I just don't
give a fuck.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You sure you gotta leave?
That nigga's my age.
But Stinkmeaner knew that every black man's spirit

Know what I'm saying?
White man can eat a dick.

GIRL:
Yeah. This is fantastic.
So you guys don't think
I'm overreacting?

Eat my balls,
nigga.
Ha-ha. Whoo.
That's right, nigga.

I don't think so.

MAN: There he is!
Get that nigger.
BOTH:
Wolves?

You're a bigtime lawyer,
I'm about to do it big
in Woodcrest, nigga.

Uh-oh.
The law say
when the bicycle stop,
You mean, like, wolf wolves?

Oh, come on, you n--
Nincompoop.

Come on,
let's go!
the wheels
supposed to stop.
Yeah. For some reason,
wolves really like me.

MAN: Oh, shoot, he's fast!
Watch out!

I was raised
around wolves.
You can't do that!
Hey, come on.

I'm all, like, it's --
whatever.
It, uh, wasn't really
funny after that.

They get a bad rap,
but really,
You can't hear
the movie.

Mm-mm.
GIRL:
Welcome to
if you aren't afraid
to establish dominance,

This is gonna be so much fun.
I'm calling the police.
Stop!

Huh? That's right, y'all.
Thugnificent bringing the 'hood

That's, uh...
This is going to be...

OLD MAN:
Can we bring in the Army?

...the worst day
of your life.
How long will we wait
on the police to protect us?

Uh, fascinating.
I had my blinker on
and everything.

Oh, I didn't say
she was cheating.
My ass!

how long you been
kickboxing?
Fuck you, punk-ass,
bougie-ass, hook-ass nigga!

I'm bringing nunchucks.
Can we bring in
the Army?!
Hey! Who turned off
the motherfucking water?!

I'll beat
your motherfucking ass, nigga!

This is a tragedy.
Huh?
Not exactly kickboxing,
but it's kind of similar.

The white man ain't never
done nothin' to nobody,

I say toss her groupie ass
out the window

Fuck with me, nigga,
and I'll be popping a trunk

and let that ho stargaze
from outside.

and he don't deserve this.
You got some words
of welcome

Get my motherfucking Uzi.
White Lotus?
Now, Riley,
there's never a place

That's the deadliest
style there is.

for violence
in a relationship.
Hey, guys.
What I got to do

People, calm down.

Thug out with the homey.
There sure seemed to be a place
at the restaurant last night.

You never
mentioned, uh,

Man, you wanna
be down with us?
We've let the predators
think we're weak.
Mm-mm.
Nappy-headed hos.

Here, put these coats on.

She made you look like a bitch
in front of Usher.
You know what, motherfucker?

Huh?

Boy, watch
your mouth.
he was a Shaolin monk.
I learned it from him.

Probably
started out charitable.
Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you,
old-ass nigga!

Except for Flonominal
and Macktastic,

GRANDDAD:
Here you go.
It was them Freeman boys.
Then I ended up
having to use it on him,

What is it?
who I met through the label
last year,

It's pinto beans
and neck bones.
You just mad at
all this Thugnificence.

but we're like brothers,
though.
But, Granddad, she did make
Mr. DuBois look like a bitch.

Now put this meat loaf
and gravy under your shirt.

Yeah, I said it.
Respect it, man!

Why don't we just get treats
from the concession stand?
-Now, Ruckus, that's crazy.
-If they're so innocent,

breathe it in, nigga.
Bask in it.

but find a different way
to say it.
Man, I'm about
rags to bitches, too.

Next thing you know,

you rubbin' against
that silky white skin. Oh.

It's about getting paper,
my nigga.
Now, where were we?
You think I'm paying $20
for some popcorn?

RUCKUS: Yeah.
Why wouldn't they?

But I don't know
the non-curse way

Have you heard of the Kumite?
You must be out
of your damn mind.

to say he got bitched.

Humiliated,
castrated, emasc--
Oh-- Oh, my God.
Did you say Kumite?

Are we allowed
to bring in food?
Now, Riley,
I want you to know

Well, I don't really know much about him,
Of course we're allowed to.
that even though
we doin' it real grand,

I love talking
to the police.
but my two teenage kids are very excited.

It's my food, isn't it?
I paid for it.
We're gonna go check 'em out.
if this rap shit don't work,
we running up in nigga's houses.

That means I can eat it
when and where I want.
Did-- Did anyone see
who accosted this man?
It's a mythical, invitation-only
martial arts tournament

If you lost
your ho to T.I.,

You know what I mean?
For real. Better believe that.
I'd be like,
"Hey, that's T.I."

Boy, put this pot roast in
your pants or you ain't eating.
I got a date?
I can't believe it.

We're gonna be hittin'
the streets, son,
Oh, this is nothing.
He's just getting started.
and the dungarees with his name on the, um, pocket.

moving mad rock all day,
is not
a law-enforcement agency.

You better check that ho,
Mr. DuBois.

You know what?
You guys are right.
But I didn't think
the Kumite really existed.

No interrogations!
living across the street from me. Shoot.

HUEY: Robert Jebediah Freeman
Granddad, you don't skydive,
MAN: Know what I mean?
All day, son.

had sworn a lifetime intifada
Paid too much money for my house. Funny-ass music.

It's really real.
and ask them to join
the neighborhood watch,

against the movie theater industry

and you never was
a member of G-Unit.
for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,

want to go to a basketball game
just to see the game,

And let's all of us reach out
to all our other neighbors

Get 'em outta here.
which, interestingly enough,

Shakes, all that.
Extra ketchup.
come back with one of them
NBA niggas out of sympathy?

did not stop him from going to see movies.
on some faraway mysterious island.

"You need some napkins?"
You feel me?
MAN: Thugnificent and his cohorts,

Okay, gang.
Keep your eyes open.
MAN:
So, Mrs. Wong,

She wanted to be
entertained.

Open for what?
formed the Lethal Interjection Crew

We're sneaking in.
What the fuck is you talking-- ?
What the fuck was that?

Oh, the white woman's
got a big heart.

That's not true,
little baby.
Kind of like one of them

beating him senseless with a nine iron,

I bought my tickets online.
Scout's honor.
"Booty-Butt Cheeks."
I wasn't thinking
about it when I did it.

stealing his wallet and driving his car

Look. Granddad.
They cover room and food. Everything.

I got some money saved.
The movie will be on me.

multimillion-dollar major-label deal,

Correct.

Now, you put that away,
boy.
Let's just go
to the initiation.

These movie devils
ain't getting
The first test
is the agreeability test.
and a new album, "Rags to Bitches."

any more of our money.
You get to catch up with old friends,

Before you are a member
of the team,

Mm-mm.
see some really good matches, get a tan.
Now, Mrs. Wong,
let me ask you a question.

Uh...Mr. Freeman?

Ask the question,
Miss von Hausen.
Good times.

The way I'm looking at it, I'm picking up where

It says, "No outside food,"
little girl.
Good times.
The Kumite is supposed to be

What's good, nigga?
Is your granddad home?

That's why we keep it
inside our clothes.

VON HAUSEN:
Mr. Freeman,
a death match, right?
You ever killed anybody?

This is the movement that says, you know --
Are you sure
this is legal?

Hey. Everybody has to
die sometime. Hm.
Granddad.
Mr. DuBois' at the door.

Now, as you know, we've had
some home invasions recently.
"Don't grow up and act like a fucking fool all the time,

Okay, everybody, look alive now.
Here's our chance.

You's a bitch.

and you can still make it up out the 'hood
-Mm-hm.
-We were concerned to hear

and enjoy everything that life has to offer."

I understand
you need your job,
that you refused
to talk to the police.
Yo, it's blazing, son.
That shit is incredible, kid.

but you're still
a human being with dignity.

I would love to
let you crash,
Finish him.

Yeah, I mean,
look at this uniform, man.
No snitchin'.

I look like
a fucking dork.

Why would they make me dress
like this?
You've also refused
our previous invitations
I would just turn up the bass a
little higher in the monitor --

What did I do
to them, huh?

to join
the neighborhood watch,
You should take action.

and we could use
your support.
Nobody give a fuck
what your dumb ass think.

Ah. What can I do?

Give me this motherfucker.
Our motto is:
Neighbors watching neighbors.

Thank you so much,
Robert.

Get your ass up out of here,
you hook-ass nigga.

See, boys? See why

Have you ever thought about
forming a union?
Fuck your court!
MAN #1: Tired of this.
MAN #2:

Oh, I'm watchin', all right.
I'm watchin' this neighborhood

What's a "union"?
RUCKUS: It's like somebody threw
a million dollars

Get the fuck up out of here
with that bullshit.

MAN:
Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
become a bunch
of damn tattletales.
I mean, they can only
hang you once, right?

MAN #1: Beat it.
MAN #2: Nigga.
I paid.
I got my ticket.

Good one, granddad.

Yeah, yeah. I got
a ticket for you.

You killin' 'em.
Anyway, Riley,
what do you think?

A one-way ticket
to "Get the hell
Property was stolen,
Mr. Freeman.
Well, we can't live
next to their kind.

out of here, negro"
land.

Go on! Move it!
Come on, now, you're
leaving me hanging.

The sanctity of our
community was violated.

I ain't gonna
stand for it.

ALL:
We gotta go to the bathroom.

Tough titty.
We were here first.
Right.

I ain't got time
for this bullshit.
Oh...

TOM: Well, I'd sell my house
if I thought

Nigga, you gay.
it was still
worth anything.

How about that?

Why don't you just
invite them over for dinner
See it's burnin' me
to hold onto this.

Another victory
of the common man

and get to know
one another?
HUEY: Meanwhile, I couldn't

over corporate greed.
Uh, real good?

You're not advancing
any struggle
RUCKUS: Sorry he touched you,
Miss von Hausen.

that an evil force was gathering.

by being cheap,
Granddad.
She ain't say nothing
about no damn

MACKTASTIC:
What's happening, nigga?

I'll advance my belt
on your behind
Next is a test of courage.

if you don't shut
your ass.
Where the chicken wings
and the doughnuts at?

Oh, my God.
You almost touched
Miss von Hausen!

What the fuck you got to eat
in this bitch, nigga?!

I didn't pay
to get in the movie.
MAN: Nah, you ain't crazy.

I love you

Uh, yes, we did. I --
I ordered my tickets online.
Huey, what are we gonna do?

It's just, I feel like this

Who got the neck bones?
You gonna tell her
to get out.

No, you didn't.
I'm not telling her
to leave.

is coming to an end.

We snuck in.
She hit me with one of them
exploding nutsack techniques.

Ghostface Killah
isn't even dead.

We stole a movie.

Now, who makes the rules?
She's not a kung fu
master. She's crazy.

that goofy-looking motherfucker is coming back.

Grownups, right?
Shit.
Then you go kick her ass out.

Your granddad's nigga moment ain't dead yet.

And I'm grown up,
and I say it's okay.

But what am I
supposed to do?

We're gonna
get caught.
Hey. I'm willing to stay
in the bathroom all night.

We're gonna
get caught.
If death can't stop Stinkmeaner,
what can?

I should call my daddy
and turn myself in.

Yeah, yeah.
Think about it. Peace.

Oh, yeah?
You gonna tell him
You two just...stay here.

-Shh-shh-Shh.

what you came to see, huh?

Okay. I gotta use
the bathroom anyway.

I bet he'd like
to know that.

What the hell going on
out here?

Maybe I should make
a phone call.
RUCKUS: Oh...

No. Please, no.

Good. Now just
calm down.
You must be crazy.
You gotta let your thing go.

RUCKUS: Mm-hm.

Try some mashed potatoes.
Who got the popcorn?
What up, dawg?

ED: If you had
a headset like mine,

I do, Granddad.
GRANDDAD:
I ain't letting my stuff
What, what, what?

and some Johnny Mathis.

WOMAN: So where's he at now?
Nah, baby, I'm still here.

Ow! Hey.

What the hell is wrong
with you?

Watch it, boy,
don't step on my roses.

No.
What am I gonna do
with raw popcorn?

VON HAUSEN:
What was that?
Let me call you back.

You're gonna ruin my dentures.

Whew. Damn, can't watch
a movie without popcorn.
Hey. How's Robert?
Is everything okay?

Heh. Word down at the gym
is that he done wore

MAN #1: Yeah.
Hey!
Now I gotta spend
all my damn money

MAN #2: Do that shit.
Yeah!
I gotta deal with

on a bucket
of popcorn.

Now, it's date night
and you know the rules.
I see you, homey.
Go ahead, nigga.

Hear that?
Sounds like niggas.

You get in that room.
Ride it out, nigga.

Told you.
I don't care
if you hear scream

USHER:
Thank you. It was really hard.

RUCKUS: What you see,
Miss von Hausen?

When your feeling
Find a way to get
some hoes over here.

It's just...I had heard

Shit, he -- he just hatin'
'cause, see,
MAN: Do it, man.

You gotta let it go

Mm. Hm!

WOMAN:
Why don't you call her, then?

Jumpin' like it used to
Maybe you would like
a demonstration?

Oh, shit!

Honey, I'm home.
Uh, wait.
Yo, word to mother,

RUCKUS: Buck 'em down,
Miss von Hausen!

friendly sparring match?
Let it burn

We're takin' fire! Run!
I know a lot of girls
on Myspace.

Oh, yeah!
I mean, I don't really pay
much attention to 'em, though,

-RUCKUS: Get them negroes!
-ED: They shootin'!

It's best
'cause I be's
all about my paper.

No, no, no, I'm still here.
Yo, can I still come over?

Tom, what's gotten into you?

or grown-up girls and shit?
Of her being with someone--

Come on. You want
some of this? Come on.

Oh. Help me.
Man, grown up. They got little
pictures of each one, too,

MAN:
Car!

Oh, Tom!

Get 'em,
Miss von Hausen!
And you can reach
these hoes

That's the way!
Wait, Miss von Hausen.

I'm gonna make it do
what it do.
and tell 'em to come over here
and get bucked-naked?

and I live
across the street.
I'll give you anything. Ah!

SARAH:
Oh, Tom!

Come on, now!
Buck 'em down!

Yeah,
that's my granddad.

RUMMY: Riley!
Hey, Riley, look, man,

ANNOUNCER: Don't steal movies.

I need somewhere to hide.
Niggas are shootin', man.
Let's...

Niggas are shootin'?
ED: Hey!
get out while we can.

This the car that got
pimped out by Xzibit.

I just wanna say that
I like your music.

Say, motherfucker, you on the
phone or you talking to me?

And, uh, you know,
this is my turf over here,

Hello?

I'm talkin' to Riley.

SARAH: It's Sarah.

GRANDDAD: Damn.
Hey, y'all see the new rims
I got on my bike?

computer genius and shit --
Oh, wait.

come into my house
and try to destroy my place.
Large freshly popped popcorn,
please. And lots of butter.
This thing has a push-button
starter like a racecar.

I ain't on your nuts,
though.

Want me to ask them
to come over?
to her recital practice at 3, right?

Anything else?

Yes.

I asked
for butter on it.
Oh, man.
Respect, little partner.

Butter's over there.
Well, I'm in the studio
with Snoop Doggy Dogg

Hey, this little nigga's
all right, y'all.
MACK: Say, baby girl. Hey,
boo, check it out.

Are you doing the music video thing again?

I don't wanna put the butter
on it. Why can't you do it?
No-ho-ho-ho.
Lionel Richie's ex-wife.

Whoa, whoa!
What y'all doin'?
off the table.

Gotta go, honey. Bye.

You're supposed to
put the butter on it.
You know your mama
taught you better than that,
WOMAN: Uh-uh.

I don't wanna
put the butter on it.
ghetto-ass nigga.

I'm already paying $20
for this bullshit popcorn.
Well, fuck you then, bitch.
Bucket-mouth ho.

I'm still burnin'
and Brenda Richie had just caught Lionel in bed

But how about, uh,
tomorrow, cutie pie?

I will not demean myself
Y'all can't take
my granddad's car.
Well?
Not bad for short notice.

...in the Jacuzzi?
by putting butter
on popcorn.

Stop, Ed.

So -- So am I
in the crew?
Why? It's really easy.
Why?

Don't want to
STINKMEANER: Ha!

Because I don't work at
the movie theater, that's why.

What the--?
Come back tomorrow, partner.
Yeah, yeah.

You're supposed to put
the butter on it.
Who's out there?
Boys! Boys, help me.

LIONEL: Don't--
Hyah!

If I go to Burger King
and order a cheeseburger,

Bruise you
Ow!

they don't make me put
the cheese on it, do
I'm gonna get a chain.

Let it burn

Oh, of course.
Now I get it.
I see, I see. Just 'cause
your skin is light, bright,

Let it burn
So then I say
to R. Kelly,

Gotta let it burn

and two shades
from being white,
"Did you wash
your hands?"

You don't understand how bad
a nigga need a chain.

Hey, for real?
On the real?
you think you too good
to butter your own popcorn.
ass whipping.

Yo, this little nigga funny,
man.

Oh

This little
nigga like
everything in my life
would be perfect.
Well, you wrong,
Lando Calrissian.

Charlie Murphy
or some shit, man.

Oh, sweet Jesus!
Hey, man.
This your brother?

Damn it, Ruckus. Y'all gonna
put some butter on this popcorn.

It's burning.
Upside his nose.
Oh, Lordy Lord.

Yo, nigga.
Your brother told us

VON HAUSEN: He saw it!
He saw everything.

how you be all
into reading and shit.

Hey, Tom.
Shut the fuck up.

Hyah!
Tom, go away!
I'm gonna call the police.

GRANDDAD:
Boy, watch your mouth.

Did you hear that?
Nigga, you know that wasn't
no chain. That was a necklace.

We put our lives on the line
every day to make movies,
GRANDDAD: Oh, it was terrible. Terrible.

Man, I can't hear nothing
over Granddad's gay-ass music.

Damn it. Hurry up, boy.
Tell us who did it.

Now, you're gonna tell me
who stole my car
and then people come along
and steal all that hard work.

Man. I can't wait for niggas
to start hating. I can't wait.
Look out, new message.

or I'm gonna get my belt or a
2x4 and go upside your head!

Who would do something
like that?
Brenda Richie knew kung fu.

Word. You know what I mean?
You know, that reading shit,

A terrible, awful human being
that no one will ever love.

you generate
from those around you?
you know what I mean,
it's hard, son.

Could be worse.
Hey, if niggas ain't mad at you,
then you doin' something wrong.

That's who.
Word. You know
what I mean? Word.

You know what I mean?
Especially when them books be
I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman.

By that definition, then,
you have a very bright future.

I pays for my car!
you know what I mean,
you know,

really thick and heavy-like,
you know what I mean?

Thank you for that
perspective, Huey.
I ain't getting it
for him neither. Nope.
Thanks, man.

Word. You know
what I mean?

Hey. Get to the flick.

No problem.
Why would he send
a message from--?
I say make a man wait until he's resentful.
of impeccable character,

What happened
to the movies?
This doesn't seem to be
a place for kids.

Y'all should be
ashamed.
In the street.
What streets?

That always works.
What the hell?
Tom, what's going on?

Why is it
when I order a soda pop,
We got PlayStation
and Xbox, nigga.
I do hereby announce
that Riley Freeman

I get a empty cup?
Think it's gonna be weird
now that I beat up his grandson?

I didn't order
a empty cup.
Mm-mm. I can't do it, Granddad.
I can't talk to the po-po.

And we got Incredible Hulks,
nigga.

I ordered a soda pop.
is officially part
of the Lethal Interjection crew.

And what asshole started putting
commercials in movies?
Tell Granddad.
He's not the police.
All the kids is
welcome, motherfucker.

I can see commercials
at home on TV.
STINKMEANER:
Oh, you running?
Okay. Let's hear the story
one more time.

So this is the message
you want to send

Okay, let me
get this right, now.
And the bathroom stink.
Clean the fucking bathroom!

You promise not to tell?
My cousin, Elliot,
in California

to the young youth
out here like myself
Oh, my goodness,
some black people are crazy.
will now transfer to you.

I'm not gonna
take it anymore!
passed away very suddenly
while working out.

Get your drunk ass
outta here.
I pay too much damn money
for these movie tickets

and not love
these ho's, huh?
Now, just remember
what you represent

W-w-w-what's all this?
Oh! Ahhh!
when you have it on,
and be proud of it.

to butter my own
motherfucking popcorn!

Is this what's hot
right now in the streets?
There isn't a single member
of the Lethal Interjection crew

Goodness gracious to life.

Yeah, let's say that.
We weren't very close.
It's only popcorn.
How am I gonna get
my butter beans?

Tom, what's wrong with you?
that isn't ready to die
for his chain, nigga.

All for some white girl who
left you for an R&B dancing-ass,

You on that stuff?
Snap out of it, Tom.

sexy-flexy-
ass nigga?
Uh, yeah.

When did you
get here?
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.

Huh?
Well...
No thanks.
911 emergency. I'll hold.

I'm sorry.
Except for Leonard.

But he's bitch-made.
Well, I been at
the ticket window all day long,
that's why Daddy is
Uh, okay.

Your chain, my nigga.

and I don't remember you
buying no ticket,
Don't snitch, Granddad.

Under no circumstances
do you change that story.

Robert Freeman.
They don't know nothin'
unless you tell 'em.

Uh, I-I-I got my tickets
online.
Yeah.

Aha! A damn lie.
GRANDDAD: Damn it!
Damn it. Come here.

"Ahhh" ain't my name.

I ain't never
met a nigga
MAN: Sir, please
release the child.
people walking around

smart enough to use
a personal computer.
Release the child.
TOM: You're choking him out!
where they don't
want them to be,

Not even a Macintosh.
eating outside

HUEY:
Stinkmeaner.

being the driving force
Uh...
when they think they
should be inside at a table.

behind the "stop snitching" movement,
Today is Fidel Castro's
birthday.

You'll never take me alive,
you punk-asses.

Oh. Are you sure?
And I'm in charge of
the birthday party.

RUCKUS:
Stop him!

Come on, come on.
So I gotta fly out there.

You filed a complaint
against me, old man?!
He went this-a way.
In 2000, rapper Gangstalicious reportedly assaulted

I mean, you like it here,
don't you, Daddy?

You filed a complaint
against Thugnificent?

This is a...
And I'm taking y'all
with me

with a tennis racket

Mm-hmm.
in the first-class cabin
on the ass-whupping express.

and a bottle of Hennessy on the set of a music video.
for Fidel Castro's birthday
party that I'm planning,

I don't know what we're
gonna do, but we gotta do--
Rap beef, nigga.
Punk-ass motherfucker.

Whew.
Did I miss anything?

Mr. Freeman...
Guinness refused to cooperate with authorities.
like I said earlier.
Eh-heh. Yeah.

I don't wanna steal the movie.

Guys. I just
wanted to thank you

I wanna go home!
Wow.

Yeah.
Shh!

for letting me stay here.
I thought you were gonna
tell me you thought I was crazy,

What's wrong with you?
and you didn't want to see me
again, like the others.

I wanna go home.

Not at all, Tom.

You wasn't saying that
back at the house, was you?
Drop the beat,
drop the beat, ugh.

Bring it on, Huey.
Was you? Because you wanted
to see Soul Plane 2.

I'm enjoying this time with you.
Are you kidding?

mmm, delicious

Well, this is how
we see Soul Plane 2.
Thugnificent's rags-to-bitches story

no doubt we gonna win this
In fact, I was just telling Huey
I repeat, the terrorist said
his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,

Ooh. I got an idea.

I smacked Johnny Guinness
I would love to pursue
a romantic relationship you.

and he's demanding
that we --
in the super-elite suburb of Woodcrest.

Tom. Get
down here.
Definitely.
I'll call you

Hell, no, I ain't fitting to ask him

Several of the neighborhood's black residents
for his motherfucking autograph.
STINKMEANER:
Whoo, come on.

filed a complaint

HUEY: An hour into the movie,

And Fidel.
I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

MAN: We out of food, but we got

Let me ask you something.

How did it make you feel

Yo. Look out.

Pass this bag of potato chips around.
knowing that this neighborhood's black residents

Tom was facing an all-out revolt.

didn't want you here?
Please take one. Pass it...

TOM: Please, people!
Riley Freeman will talk.

He's in here.
I know Robert.

To be stabbed in the back by your own people?

He don't miss a coon flick.

And this, sir,
is an intervention.
ALL:
Bye.

What is it?
What's happening?

An intervention?
Your friends have
Superb, homey. Exemplary.
Maybe about 30 years.

Shh. Don't make a sound.
Butch Magnus Milosevic.

I feel sorry for 'em, though,

from chronic bitch
dependency, Mr. DuBois.
To no more weekend visits
by crazy Internet women.

STINKMEANER:
All right, here we go.
Butch Magnus?
Crazy Butch Magnus?

May I call you Tom?
where they came from.

Is this some kind
of joke?

I promise you,
Riley will talk soon.
You don't know where I came from.

Tom...bitch dependency

: Ooh.
Damn.
I'm from a small town called

is no laughing matter.
with the Fidel Castro
story.

Let's go check Madea's Bat Mitzvah.

Addiction to a bitch
can fuck with your friends,
Get your bars up, nigga.

MAN: Attention, please, passengers.
Hey. Put that camera back over here.

your health, and scary enough,
even your money.

your granddaddy is
a master of deception.
If you left the toilet seat up in the restroom...

...faggot boy.

It's a disease,
Tom.
It makes me sick to think
of him. I'm gonna vomit now.
: Fidel Castro's birthday?

MAN: Yeah, that's what
I'm talkin' about!

Wait. What was your name again?

RILEY: Otherwise known as "One-Punch" Butch.

Well, thank you for asking.
GRANDDAD:
Yeah!
You think he was lying?

Officer,
I'm sorry.
STINKMEANER: Whoa!
Yeah, I got you now.
All I know is you drove all them hours

I didn't mean to steal
from the stuntman.

Get off me, you bitch ass,
you faggot ass!

Wait. "A pimp"?
and then ask for your shit all after the fact.
MACKTASTIC: Eat a sack of baby dicks,

Named Slickback.

What kind of sandwich
is this?
was withholding information.

Yes. Please say the whole
thing if you would.

GRANDDAD:
Not the lamp. No.

What were you about to do?

You were about to rat on us,
weren't you?
Alright, let's get into something brand new,
What are you listening to?

This is what the movie theater
industry wants, Jazmine.

Yes, Tom.
Every time.

STINKMEANER:
I'm a-kill you.

Us fighting against
each other.
that's my boy, my friend, Thugnificent.

You beat me
in the parking lot.

You're right.
Now, you listen here,
you little bitch.
Oh-ho-ho-ho, no.
There's no turning back now.

I-I don't think
I need any help
And just so you know,

I'm gonna ask you
some real simple questions,

You're in it
all the way.
STINKMEANER:
I want my parking space.
from the Jesus, Mary and Joseph Academy for Boys

and I want some
real simple answers.

Now you're gonna get your little
narrow, high-yellow ass
It isn't until August 13th.

And by
Give me this shit.

back into the theater
and enjoy Soul Plane 2.
Now, you pulled into the garage
and went into the house at 9:15?

you mean a pimp?

And it's got my main man,

Nate "Doggity" Dogg, on the hook.
I...wanna...go...home!

Uh, look, I'm not
trying to insult you.

He lied to me.
If I'm not mistaken,
it was 9:15.
motherfucker.

Shut up.
Mm-hm. You see, girl?

You're ruining
my innocence!

Shut up.
So you pulled into the garage

That's why I'm by myself.

MAN: I expected to fly first-class.

and went into the house
at 9:15?

I wanna go home.
You better not get rid of it.

MAN 2: Well, you ain't in first class.

Why we gotta put
the nigga in my bed?
You don't see me running around
lookin' for a bitch.

then she must be nutty
as squirrel shit.
I looked at my watch, and --
and, yes, mm-hm, mm, 9:15.

I know where all
my bitches are,

Look at this.
He's possessed
by the ghost of Stinkmeaner.

So you're telling me,
definitely,
Granddad. What's wrong
with Jazmine?
And by everything else,
I mean her looks. She was fine.

that you pulled
into the garage

Boy, don't nobody
listen to you.
Uh-oh. Looks like someone
caught a beat-down.
: I'm out here

She couldn't look that good.
She was black.
and went into the house
at 8:15?

She's fine.
Watch the movie.

That's what the hell
I thought.
But I guess if you put lipstick
and a wig on a monkey,

Thank you, Grandma.
What if he pees in the bed
or vomit, or shoots a deuce?

Oh, that's crazy.

Now look at you: bitchless.
it could look good too.

He sucker-punched me.
Hm? A bully, huh?

Look at this.
I...wanna...go...home.

Well, there's only one way
to deal with bullies.
Now, you see something. You know
you done fucked up, right?

HUEY: Granddad had to be stopped.

I've had enough.
I'm going back upstairs.
A monkey in lipstick and a wig.

Tom is possessed
by an evil spirit

I'm gonna put an end
to this...
GRANDDAD:
No! I said, no.

Tom, when we first
let you stay here,

LUNA:
I found him.
or die trying.

He's in a park with another man.
I said I pulled
into the garage at --

HUEY: And so did this movie.
Steal your bike,
your chain.

WOMAN: Ooh, see. What did I tell you?

And one day,
I had enough.

Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both.
See? That's exactly why I don't have a man.

You know you done
fucked up, right?

And I had a gun. But you know what?
It's only been
two days.
Coming.

I didn't want to use my gun.

Nigga, hush. You're living
under my roof now.

Move, nigga.

Where you going?
They're looking for us.
But without Riley talking, the cops had nothing,

You know what?
I know a great therapist.

Huey, come back.

I'll make an appointment
today.
It's all that stuff
they do to their hair.

That...
And -- And I had a friend named Smokey.

Oh, this is crazy.
Colored folks are something.
RILEY: I know y'all seen niggas
with spinning rims, right?
And then I grabbed myself a brick --

Well, hello, cutie pie.

But check it,
check it, check it.
Granddad, you didn't live that.
That's from that movie, Friday.

we've already paid
Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback

I'm sayin',
on a bike, though.

Well, hello.

a retainer of $2500.
I don't think his friend
likes the sisters too much.

HUEY: My plan was to get to the projector room

Robert, you shouldn't have.
WOMAN: Ha! Heh. Oh-- Oh!

and destroy the print of Soul Plane.

With your credit card.

That's exactly why I don't have a man now.
Oh.

BOY:
Dude, that is really sweet.
Man, niggas...
Somebody get me out of here.

I was rushing, and--
A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
Did you know
That's like
a sweet piece of --

Oh, I think men who are
comfortable with their bodies

Heh-heh.
They just mad...

Me too, baby.
First, I had to go to the bathroom.

with a genetic
predisposition
are very sexy,

Oh, well. At least I got that
crazy bitch out of my house.

RILEY:
I be like, ugh! Ugh!

to bitch
dependency, Tom?

One problem black people have with snitching
What, you thought
I wouldn't come see you?

And exactly when did you become
a relationship counselor?
What did he say?

You thought you wouldn't
go get the taste
Jazmine, you're missing
all the best parts.

Well, sharing
this pimp knowledge
He told his friend I'm crazy.

I'm not watching
a stolen movie.
And I like to cook,
mostly pork.

for an exorbitant fee
is my way of giving

Oh, well.
If you don't wanna laugh.
You better fall back,
nigga.

something back
to the community, Tom.

I like to clean too.
Wow.
You can't beat me.
I'm Butch Magnus.

I want to help you,
Tom. I do.

You know what you should do?
Oh, that's crazy.
What's so funny?

But I need you to
help me...
You real good when
you come out of nowhere

Oh, nothing. Hilarity
just ensued, that's all.

No.
and sucker punch a nigga.

It did?
Yeah, that's more
the feds' thing.

Huh.

"Help me help you."
Yeah, okay.

You see anything weird,
you just give us a call,

Oh. Oh. Oh!
Robert Freeman!

all right, buddy?
Heh. Okay.

That was funny.

Darling, all the women
of my cultu--

MAN: Hey, Bernard!
You snitch-ass motherfucker!

Hm? Ah.
STINKMEANER:
Come here and fight like a man,

Granddad,
you home?

Say it. "Bitch." Yeah.
Bitch.

Uh, yes, we've gotta
call her that, Tom.
I don't hear anything.
Hey. Where's Granddad?

RUCKUS:
It's about impossible

I'm sorry.
After what she's done,
STINKMEANER:
I know you hear me, Robert!

in this dark theater.

not callin' her a bitch
would be disrespectful to you.
Man, tell me you didn't
think that was hot.

Yo. I think we need
to shake the spizzot.

I will not be ignored!
Got a possessed nigga here,

he was charged with conspiracy
Huh? What?

Now please continue,
Tom.
You gonna hate on it

and sentenced to a month in jail.

Well, my wife, Sarah--

GRANDDAD: Can't believe
these little, young kids
You need to stop with
the hate crimes, granddad.

I mean-- She's the best
woman in the world.

Forget Jazmine. Let's go.
But we couldn't.

Did you tell her that you got
two sets of genitals?

That was that nigga
from Friday,
She the weak link.
She'll slow us down.

We've had a great life
together until now.
I just want to have
a friendly chat

I mean, how could we?
Look, she a little girl.
A vagina and a coochie.
Oh, that's a conjunction.

gonna drink me a Red Bull,
then I'm gonna wake up

before this gets outta hand.

They're not gonna give her
no real time.
You know what? Fuck them.

She do what?
A couple months, tops.

They can make all the silly
little videos they want.
I did everything I could,
but if Riley doesn't talk,

But we both got priors.
We gots to go.

Oh-- Oh, that?
That's just the television.

they're both
gonna be charged tomorrow.

Come on, Granddad.
We running out of time.
they'll be out of
the neighborhood.

Sometimes,
This is real talk, nigga.

Yes, she is

in order to save the day,

people have to sacrifice
themselves,

What the hell is wrong with you?
This ain't a movie, Riley.

you know what
I'm saying?

Ow. Ah.

You and Granddad
about to go to jail.

Oh, Air Marshal 50 Cent.
GRANDDAD:
Wait, no. That's just the TV.

You're so brave
It's not the fact
that you obviously have a man

to sacrifice yourself
to save us.

I tried to stop 'em!

possessed by an evil spirit
strapped to a bed upstairs.

Not me, bitch. You.

Oh! Wait! Oh. Oh.

Shh.
It's not?
No.

Just go to sleep.
It's the fact
that you lied about it.

M-May I sit down
over there next to Riley?

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
It sounds to me, Tom,

Huh?

like some of
the passion
Ha!

has gone out of
your marriage.
STINKMEANER:
You better leave.

Hey. Hold this.
We be right back.
Is that all
you've got?

And turns out
they're not so bad.
: You've reached

Okay.
Why did you lie to me, Robert?

It's a normal thing
in long-term relationships.

of the Catholic Church.
You gonna give me
my chain back.

If you know, you can tell me.
I won't tell anybody.

Uh, what lie?
Exactly. See,
what Marx is saying
If you would like to report sexual abuse--

You know what lie.

is that the oppression
of the proletariat
But, Tom. I thought
we were in this together.

Damn, there's got to be somebody
we can call for an exorcism.

is an essential facet
of the exploitation
Jazmine, are you
wearing a wire?

STINKMEANER:
You is a bitch!

inherent in the system.
Look, everybody lies.

So therefore,
due to the class --

Me, too.

What the hell is this,
a snitch-athon?

It means they care enough
to spare my feelings.

Man, there's snitches
everywhere.

Well, you were looking for hate.
Way to go.

You little
half-and-half.
This is...
really uncomfortable,

Is that what you think?

Instead of being
Mr. Funny Nigga,
so I'm just gonna
mosey.

why don't you try being
Did you know that at least
75 percent of bitches

Mr. Help-A-Nigga-Go-
Get-His-Chain-Back?

Hey there, boys.

suffer from some kind
of hearing loss?
Uh...

I came as fast as I could.

This alarming statistic
means that more likely than not,

Riley,
let the chain go.
Ooh, this is
uncomfortable.

So this is the plan...
Uncle Ruckus.

HUEY: Oh, man.

Then he'll think I'm a punk
and kick me out the crew.
RUCKUS:
Let's get this party started.

to communicate
with a bitch.
Hello?
It's just rocks and metal.

STINKMEANER:
Yeah. I got him.
He's in there.

You got bad credit, Robert!
Now, remember, none of this was your fault.

Whoa. What?

What--? What happened
to my--?
Is it worth getting hurt again?
Yeah.
RUCKUS:
Removing an evil-nigga spirit

Yeah, the problem is,
we don't live in the future, Ed.
This man took your weekend from you.

If she say, "No,"
hit the bitch. Simple.
Going to jail?
Yeah.

We live in the present.
You talking about the granddad
from the Thugnificent song?

Getting killed?
Yes, sir.
But I-- I couldn't
hit Sarah.

You gotta kill him.

Oh-ho, shit.
Damn.
It's not a cybernetic ear. It's
a fuckin' cellphone headset.

Has not hittin' a bitch
been working?

He's right there!
has given us
to fight niggas.

I mean,
scientifically speaking,
A whip, a noose,
a nightstick, a branding iron.

and that's what
you're into --
has not hittin' the bitch
achieved the desired results?

Man, how'd it go?
How'd that go?
Hey!

'cause your ass is old

No way. I just--

Have you seen that shit
in the mirror?
It's Tom.

I-- I-I can't. I-- I couldn't.

You look like you're going to
a fuckin' comic-book convention.
No. The answer is no!

Tom.
I won't.
Right on time.

Tom, Take a deep breath.

See, I'm gonna make
my own rap
Hell no, I don't
agree with Huey.
It's okay. People have phobias.

STINKMEANER:
You ain't right, Robert.
Don't let nobody
take nothing from you, boy.

GUARD: Yeah.
RUCKUS:
The nigga will lie.
Hey, yo. You never gonna
guess who on the phone.

Hold up, hold up.
I'm getting a call.

you can't go upside
a bitch's head.

And did you know that fool
parked cars on my yard?
Yeah.
What's good, baby?

Okay. We can beat this.

I'm gonna rap
about that, too.

I will butt-rape
your grandfather
Tom, this is
my bottom bitch,
If he gets really desperate,
he may start to rap or dance.

with this broomstick.

GRANDDAD:
Boys, don't make any noise. Shh.

Sweetest Taboo.
I was wondering
if you would be interested

Now, she's gonna
help you learn how to
in rapping with me
on this song?
STINKMEANER:
You all, uh, testicles

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

reestablish dominance
at home.

I ain't seen
no naked pictures, girl.

Send them to my Sidekick.
But no curse words.

Hello. Heh.
Well, one day, he wins

And none of them crazy metaphors --
Taboo will be playing
the role of your wife.

There's powerful niggadry
at work here.
I'm Tom. May I speak to
Robert or the boys, please?

Now, approach
Taboo,

None of that garbage. Just stick to the point.

grab her arm
firmly

RUCKUS: Ah...
Who's there, huh?

Can I, um,
use the bathroom?
...wrong house.

Okay.
I knew it.

Sarah,
get your behind--
Wow. That is so gangster.

There something wrong
with your bathroom?

I been waiting
on this day
Um, this might seem strange,

Oh, hush, boy. I can rap.
Yeah, yeah, I'm still here.
Motherfucker done shot me.

since your little uppity ass
came into town.

Do I have to call her
a bitch, really?
But you wanna know
the brilliant
Big Tank, please
make it hot, player.

part of this story?
Yes, Tom. You have to
call her a bitch.

He didn't win no
all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii.

GRANDDAD: I don't get it.
Yeah, this rap go out
to Punknificent

Trust me
on this one.
Oh, jeez.

I've done the research.
Now, try again.

Why your dumbass
robbing people?
Well, ha, this is awkward,
but, um, how do I do this? Okay.

'Cause I'm an American.
Shit.

It's the American way, man.
Shit.
So you spent, what,
a thousand dollars

Bitch, get
your behind--

Is that all you got, nigga?
You won't kill me, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

Ass.
and it reads:

See, as I broke it down
to Ed, pops,

"Dear Tom, my granddad kicked
a woman named Luna--"
That's just the tip
of this iceberg.

You'll only die trying.
if people don't have a need,
then there won't be no demand,

That would be you, heh-heh.

Read, nigga, read!

No!
Kiss my ass, you little-dick,
faggot motherfucker.

Or, uh, I'm, uh--

I'm original O.G.

Or...
Turns out Ed and Rummy were breaking into homes
You do whatever it takes, boy.
Whatever it takes.

Or I'm gonna die...

"Best regards, Huey Freeman.
with Usher
in the first place!

trying.
This motherfucker
went YouTube?

What? What?

You thought you was the only one
Oh, come on, Ed,
you gots to help me out.
which was owned by Ed's grandfather.

We may be locked
in our rooms."
who mastered the ancient
and deadly art of the nunchaku?

It's now tragically
obvious
Kidnapping? Uh --
I don't know, Riley.

The irony is, Granddad had already signed up
Oh, me and Robert
patched things up.

My grandpops would
be tripping, man.
that reasoning
with the bitch

for Wuncler Security.
Why don't you, you know,
try something different,

is not
gonna work, Tom.
Hey, yo,
word to mother--

You have to
hit her.
Repeat after me
the holy phrase:
It's just that
he goes on to say:

Oh, hey, hey,
Mom.
I am an assistant district
attorney, for chrissake.

Heh. Well, now, y'all
get it right next time.

Tom...
and if the nigga
don't have the chain on him,

you have to
get past this.
Nigga, get your black ass
outta here.
get to regulatin' him, and make
him tell you where it at.

It's okay,
faggot...really.
RUCKUS:
Yeah, take that

I see.
See, faggot? She just
gave you permission.

Hey, thanks for being
so cool about this, pops.
outta here.
ED: Now, what I want you
to do is think.

This little old
dude, Ma. Just one.

Ah. My chin--
You see that?
"PPPS: Uh, be careful,
she's very danger--"

Just think of these
two grapes...
Anyway, Granddad got his car back, and that was that.

Bitch is hittin' you.
All right, lady.

Whoa!

Okay-- Ow!
'Cause I do. Mom,
I'm in a meeting.

You're definitely allowed
by law to hit her now, Tom.
...as your two little
itty-bitty kiddy testicles.
ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass

It's self-defense.
I didn't do anything.
MASTER: Flawless victory.

Okay?
Sweetest Taboo,
Hey, Ed, give
your granddaddy my best.

Oh, okay,
okay, cool.
ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass

Luna, this has gone
far enough.

I will. I'm gonna
call you back, Mommy.

This isn't an exorcism,
it's a beating.

I love you, too.

This is my state-of-the-art
surveillance center.
Don't swear to God.
I talk to God all the time,

They did it.

Why does a pimp need
a surveillance center?
I was falling in love
with you, Robert.

ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass
Hey, are we gonna fuck
this old-ass nigga up?

Here's 50.

Now, you know, I don't hate old people.
Ah...
you lying,
stealing motherfucker.

is state-of-the-art
bitch surveillance.

Your mothers ain't shit.
What others?
Who are these others?

Come, negro-san.
Them ain't no negroes!
It couldn't be them.

Just 'cause you lived a long life,
your wife's
conversations and e-mails.
Ed, can I
talk to you outside?

don't mean it can't come to a short end, nigga.

Daddy, I've got transcripts
of all her conversations today.
HUEY: Several hours later,
very, very sad story of Luna.

WOMAN: No way.

No mention of Usher.

I'm hacking
into her e-mail now,
What's up, world? This is Sway.
I'm gonna crush
your kiddy penis

That was great, Granddad.

with this hammer
when I get back
Law-enforcement sources have confirmed
but, tsk, this computer
is running a bit slow.

if you don't tell me
where that chain is at.
Boy, I wish we could've seen
the end of that movie.

that two Cleveland teens have been arrested

I don't know.
he's got nigga in him.

I feel bad for leaving Huey
and what's-her-name.
When I turned 17, I ran away to Hong Kong,

Bitch, don't start
with that

They knew the risks.

Ow!
So they might do
a little time.
where I met Triad boss Kenny Woo, my first love.

That's the wrong kid, Ed.
You say that shit every time
a new iMac comes out.
GHOSTFACE: What the fuck is wrong

We see 'em when they get out.
I told you to grab Butch Magnus,
5'4", 130 pounds.

Uh...it doesn't seem right.
One of the teens reportedly told police,

You ain't slick.
You better

I'm going back
and turning myself in.
and what you gonna say to the cops?

and stop playin'
with me.

Turn yourself--?
Man--

Yes, Daddy.
and that makes it cool."
I gave you
a picture, man.

Granddad, look, come on.
It wasn't the last incident.

Someone stole my bike.
I mean, I love Huey.
Almost like a brother.

Does she have
a MySpace page?
I told you not to wash
Can you just tell me what to do,
so I can go to bed?

my bloody ski mask
with detergent
But what's done is done.
We got to let go of the past.

attributed to the beef have broke out,
Spinning, baby!

You don't like the way I do it,
then do your own kidnapping.
I don't think Sarah
would have a--

including two in Lithuania and one in Tokyo.

If he don't come back,
can I have his side of the room?

Huh.
Spiritual.
Look at you.

Uh, since when did
she have a MySpace page?
The AARP announced a boycott of Thugnificent's record label.

Nobody wants you
but me.

Ah, come on, Granddad.
Peace? Peace? Peace.

You know what her password
might be?
you're paying top dollar.

You supposed to be setting
a better example.
That's not fair.
You grabbed the wrong kid.

You without me
equals shit.
Stinkmeaner, you hate
black people, don't you?

You just wait till
the manager gets here.
could soon explode into more violence.

each other's middle names
as passwords,
You understand that,
you ugly, fat bitch?

I sure do.

He gonna throw the book
at both of y'all.
Man, Thugnificent ain't telling nobody

That's L-A-N--
Got it.
I mean, I hate
everyone in general,

This is
the worst day...
Now, let me borrow
your car.

Password is "Usher."
Here we go.
I don't even really see how someone could even

Nothin'.

get something like that outta that song.
Where's your bike?
of my entire life.

I said you was free
to go, right?
They're getting together
at 3:00

I wouldn't exactly call them
people, but yeah.

Told you.
what he's going through,

That's in an hour.
We have to go.

Yeah, I have a deep distaste
for Negroids.

Oh, so now you wanna
make this
I hope you got some insurance
on those spinners.

Here's the guardian
for the kids.
Maybe you should go
see a therapist.
You smell me? You know,

That's right,
Ruckus.
Right, right. And, Stinkmeaner,
I bet you hate rap music.

We snuck
into the movie, too.

then going there won't help.
My friend Nicole says
it's men like you, Robert,

We? You said you was gonna
turn yourself in.
who lie and avoid commitment.
Thank you
for not snitching!

You know what I mean?

No, no, man,
I'm sick of this shit.
I paid you $2000,
and $500 as well.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Heh-heh. "Stanky-booty."
Please. Let the kids go.
I'll take responsibility.

what started as a simple
disagreement between neighbors

I must say that's a brilliant
observation, 'Meaner.

Now, Tom, I hope
you can appreciate

Look like y'all
all going down.

our no-refunds policy.
a nigga moment

How about a complimentary date
with Sweetest Taboo?

The manager's
not coming.
generational tribalism.

Cinema's closed
indefinitely.

No, no, no.
Fortunately, a robust exchange
of ideas has taken place,

Damn it, Luna.
Stop being a victim.
Looks like everyone walked out.
Something about a union.

and we're
going now.
Yeah, come on
over here.

and we are hopeful to having
a resolution shortly.

What?
The manager ain't coming?

Ohh...
'cause I was afraid you'd
do something like this.

Thank you.

Well, call the police.
And look.
I was right.

Don't take your past out
on other people.
The FBI.
Homeland Security.

A member of the
Lethal Interjection crew

Yeah, bitch. Let's go.

You mean,
we gonna let
was apparently the victim
of a violent robbery

What's a nigga want?
Try to whup me.
this African hooliganism
go unpunished?

Whup your ass,
nigga.
in the exclusive suburb
of Woodcrest today.

You have problems, Mr. Freeman,
and you need help.
You know who
you messin' with, nigga?

And you can't kidnap people just
because they don't like you.

Thanks for coming back...

Would somebody here
please be an adult?

eventually.

Yo, you need to stop
snitching, Granddad.

Oh, you're right.

THUGNIFICENT: Hey, man,
you know what?

Ah. Ow. Hey.
I didn't even wanna
kidnap you.

Why don't you call
social services

We're neighbors.
and turn yourself in
for child abuse?

We have to learn
to live together.

I caught one of them
Lethal Interjection cats

Oh. I'm never gonna
get married.

out here slipping. You know,
I ain't gotta say which one.

Exactly. That's
what I'm talking about.

I might as well just
blow myself up right now.

Remember to hit the bitch.
But, uh, if he wanna buy his chain back,

Hey, man.
:
Hey, guys.

to look at it,
Thugnificent.

Thank you so much for
doing that. I mean, you guys
Not that I'm pole-jocking
or nothing.

You guys unionized and staged
a walkout that quickly?

just went above and beyond.
Hey, everybody good
in here? Beverages?

I mean, really--

That's amazing.
You a beautiful,
talented woman.

Oh, yeah.
We unionized.

I mean, bitch...

Then someone called
the corporate headquarters,
I'm sorry, guys.
What about you,
big guy? You good?

and they shut down
the whole place.
Possessed or not,
you gonna fix my damn house.

Fired everybody.

Are you sure I shouldn't
just blow myself up?

Oh.
You gonna have
another demon,

Well, um...

Hey.
I couldn't handle
my own business like a man.

power to the people?
Let me get that
for you, homey.

Fuck you.
Riley.
That's the whole point

Any of y'all
need a coaster?

Tom, please calm down
a real good question.
Billy Blanks always says:
"Take control of your life.

and let me go.

Why are you in my bed?
Take responsibility."

All the beds in this house

Well, that's that.
Yeah, man.
We don't fight fair, nigga.

I think we all learned
a valuable lesson today
Courteous. What about
the loud party?

We believe
in overwhelming force.

about stealing movies.
Nigga, you gave us permission
to have that party.

Flo, go with the little nigga
to get his chain back.

Buy the bootleg.

Or just download it
from the Internet

and beat the little shit
into the dirt.

like everybody else.

Ah!
Fuck the bullshit.
Come on, let's go.

The hell--?
TOM: You can't have my wife!

NICOLE: You got him, girl?

Hey, uh, I think
I'm gonna go

Tom!

Daddy. What did you do
to Usher?

He told me I should take
responsibility

Hey. Can you guys wait
here a sec?

I make some mean
guacamole --

There's something
I need to take care of.
Well, what about parking
all those damn cars

Daddy. Leave Usher alone.

FLONOMINAL: Butch Magnus.

on my yard and
ruining my lawn?

What are you doing?

Hm. You know what?
Why are you trying
to kill Usher?

Niggas was
passed out by then.

Yes, Super Fly.
What did Usher ever do to you?
you're fucking with
every last one of us.

We was fixing to
come over and apologize.

Jazmine wanted
to meet Usher.

But then you had to go off
and start filing complaints

You're an animal.

and doing all that
old gay shit.

Is Usher okay?

THUGNIFICENT:
And you know what hurts me
Oh.

My motherfucking leg.
Leg, uh --
So you're not--?
No.

If a man said that to me, oh, my God,

I don't think I could handle it.
GUARD: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Easy, boys.

That's a really
powerful sentiment
My dad had it appraised.
He said it was worthless.

Ow!

Yeah, nigga.
Ms. Luna decided

TOM:
Oh, okay. I see what this is.

SARAH:
Stop! Don't hurt him.
Oh, Jesus.
My motherfuck--

Well, what about all that stuff
in the video, huh?

She still there?
Why ain't she leaving?

Oh, nigga, that was
just entertainment.
You broke bitch.
Get a real chain.

You being real sensitive
right now, man.

Well, I hope her friend
isn't giving her more bad--

Yeah, man. Anybody could see

He didn't
mean it.

He was trying to hit me.

Tom!
TOM:
Granddad, if you apologize
to Thugnificent
Motherfucking
stupid-ass bitch.

Ms. Luna let her girlfriend
I'm sorry, Usher!

then I'm sure,
Thugnificent,

RILEY: Know what? It's still better

you will be willing to
apologize for the video.

USHER:
Shut the fuck up,
for her own actions.

This weekend sucked.

And it was all
your fault, Granddad.

Wasn't
my fault.

It was that crazy-ass
Luna's fault

We crew, nigga,
remember?
Hell, no, I ain't
apologizing, punk-ass nigga.

God rest
her poor soul.

Kiss my ass,
old-ass nigga.

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Please.
Stupid-ass--

What was that noise?

Can we at least agree,

for the sake of
old people everywhere,

if a man ever said that to me, I'll kill myself.

that there will be
no more dis records?

I mean, you're a stronger woman than me. Hello?

Fine, whatever.
I spits hot fire.

I'll eat your ass up
on the M-I-C,

if you keep messing
with me.

That's what you need to do.

You gonna pay for
my lawn, boy.

Eat a dick, old nigga.

Yeah, you know, what Rags to Bitches means

is that there's more to life than what you're born into.

There's also bitches.