All language subtitles for The.Boondocks.S02E04.1080p.WEBRip.DD.2.0.X265-Ralphy_track3_[eng]

y'all know what a nigga moment is.

A nigga moment is when the mind

of a perfectly logical black man

is overwhelmed by some stupid nigga shit.

I love you, Mommy.

Like when a nigga steps up on your sneaker

and fucks up your kicks, or hits your car or some shit.

MAN: This is our target --
the nuclear power plant.

like it's your fault, like you fucked up.

If we capture the plane
at precisely the right moment,

So his ignorance makes you act crazy.

Yo.
What up?

they will not have time
to shoot down the aircraft.
And the next thing you know, niggas is beefing,

Yeah, I see you, too.
What you want, nigga?

shooting, fighting, and somebody ends up dead.

Oh, man, same shit.
What's up with you?

MAN:
If they hit that power plant

The fuck you mean,
"What's up with me?"

the casualties could be
in the hundreds of thousands.

Your voice sounds
real sexy right now.

God help us all.

Say what?

Okay. Ready?

You wanna talk to me
later on?

No, I don't wanna talk
later on, motherfucker.

ANNOUNCER: ...except...

What the fuck
is wrong with you?!

What the fuck's so sexy
about my voice?

What? What is this CPT?
that hell had ever seen.

Aw, man, my bad.
I was on the phone.

None for me,
thanks.

Tom, I think you can have
WOMAN:
That means the plane is gonna

a second glass
on your anniversary.

Colonel motherfucking
Stinkmeaner,

I'm driving, sweetie-pooh.

ANNOUNCER: They picked the wrong airline.
holler at your boy,
I gets money.

Bitches like this shit, man.

And don't come up here
complaining and shit.

They be thinkin' I'm one
of them Mens in Black

You motherfuckers wanna
come on here
or somethin' like that,
you know?

and act a goddamn fool?

could kill me or you,
or somebody's baby.
Y'all gonna have
to kick me out of this bitch.

I'm about to go on break.

You motherfucking terrorists
kill me.
They be wondering where
the black limo is at

I'd spend the next 20 years
in jail being--

when they see --
All they see is the headpiece,

BOTH:
Anally raped.

Yeah, let's talk more

the devil himself, a--

about your violated rectum.
ANNOUNCER: Come see why black incompetence...

Oh, I find it
so romantic.

TOM: Hey, I'm just saying--

Whoo, whoo!

Goddamn, that bitch
phat as a motherfucker.

So...

Last week, right,
I was in the strip club, right.
...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.

No, thank you.

I had titties in one hand,
titties in the other hand.

Ah! You baldheaded
devil monks

We can't let you through,
homey.

Hey, this is Osama bin Laden
nephew, nigga.

I had two hands
full of titties.

Well, I-- I'm --
I'm once removed. I-I--

That's bigger
than two scoops of raisins.

No --
I just fucking with you, dawg.

I'm still talkin' to my
accountant at the same time.

Go ahead, nigga.

ANNOUNCER: Starring Gary Anthony Williams.
What's not to like
about that?

But you know what they say --
when it's your time to go,

it's your time to go. John Witherspoon.

or when you're talkin'
on the goddamn phone.

What if it's the motherfucker
next to me time to go? Huh?

Second, when people
wear those things,

I see ya.

Mo'Nique.
It's very important

TOM:
Ah. Now, that's what
There's a name for people
who talk to theyselves, Ed.

this plane leave on time.

Damn. Now, are you yelling
at me or shitting at me?

has earned you a trip back.

Snoop Dogg.
Hijacked?

Them niggas ain't getting
my wizzie fo' shizzle, nigga.
You have my blessings
to exact vengeance

I don't know what to do
with my hands now.

You know what I'm saying? And 50 Cent
Be that as it may, no technology
is worth my dignity.

and to spread
ignorance and chaos

as Air Marshal 50 Cent.

If talking on a wireless headset
mean I gotta look

...people are looking.

I'll stop
those terrorists...

Tom, please.

or die trying.

Besides, there's a reason

Honey. Honey, maybe this isn't
the best place to be singing--

STINKMEANER:
Ah! Hell ain't shit.

It lets people around you know
you're talkin' on the phone.
Get ready. This time, it's going down.

I'm gonna get you, Freeman!

So those people know not
to waste time talkin' to you

This is a hijacking.
Remain in your seats --

Yay. All done.

No, this nigga
didn't.

We have a bomb on the aircraft.

Everyone remain --

Good.

SARAH:
Yay.

Ah! Oh, my God.

when you bend over.
I like that a lot.

What is it, honey?

Wait. Is that Usher?

I'm about to go
get dressed.

Yes! Oh, my God.

I hate these
fucking headsets.

He's coming over.

We gonna fly on the
Soul Plane!

I can't believe this.

TOM:
Oh, sweetie,

Hey, how you doin', babe?

Hi, uh, uh, Mr. Usher.

I-- I can't believe
it's you.

I'm Sarah.

You have a beautiful smile,
Sarah.

Mm-hm.

Mm! Wow, so she's
on my friends list?

Yup, she your very first
cyber friend

A while for me?

and you're her 3 millionth.

SARAH:
I love this song.

GRANDDAD:
Yeah, boy! I love technology.

HUEY: My granddad recently

Oh, wonderful.

You should post more pics.

Thank you very much.
Oh. Oh, God.

Uh--

I'm starting to feel
like Shemar Moore up in here.

That was beautiful.
It's just what I do.

Oh, um, this is,
uh...Tom.

Hoo! Boy, let's get
some music on.

Turn on the My-pod
and let's get on the I-space.

Yes, I'm Tom. Just Tom.

GRANDDAD:
Riley, hurry up.

USHER:
Hey, how

The police were talking

to everyone on our street for clues.
you want next, Granddad?

SARAH:
You are so interesting.

The leather vest.
The one with the rhinestones.
We gonna fly on
the Soul Plane!

Well, almost everyone.

If you don't
mind me asking,

And make sure you pee
before we leave.
Granddad, I--

I ain't gonna miss my movie

going to the bathroom
with you.

Officer, I'm not finished.

I'm gonna let you go in there
by yourself

Hello, sir,
I'm Officer Calloway.
and get molested
by a nasty white man.

Now, what's wrong with you?
Why the long face?
It's not just the music.
I have seen all of your movies.

What's wrong with you?

I don't wanna go to the movie.
Why not?

Uh...cheers.
I don't ever wanna go
to the movies with you again.

I loved Light It Up.
Talk and shoot
at the same time, boy.

Not after
what happened last time.

I named my dog Light It Up.
Girl, please.
"Beat It" or "Thriller"?

What happened last time?

We got arrested. And shot at.

is a common trait with black people.

So funny.
She's my manager.

Ah. Racism.
Take 'em back
and go get my purple Speedo.

Daddy said I can go
to the movies,

I'll call her.
Hee-hee-hee.
RILEY:
Purple Speedo?

but he said I'm not allowed
to see Soul Plane.
are culturally inclined against snitching.

All right, boy,
so you had a bad dream.

Good. You don't wanna go
to the movies with him.

It was a really bad dream
about--
Okay, one more.

He's crazy.
Hush.

Please, we gotta get one more.
Look at that one.
Did you check
the Speedo drawer?

Can't see Soul Plane?
Why, little baby?

Man, fuck yo' mama!

Because of the types
of stereos or something.

It'd be good
for my vocals.
It was about
Stinkmeaner.

Types of stereos?
an unwritten rule about snitching

Oh. No, no, no,
little baby doll.

USHER:
I'm gonna
has become a full-blown "stop snitching" movement,

Wouldn't let that shit
happen to me though.

This is a good theater.
They have THX.

USHER:
You rollin' with Ush.

Damn, these things are tight.
What about Stinkmeaner?

Take the murder of 19-year-old Jermaine "Lojack" Walker,

He was in hell, and he was
coming back to get us.

She means stereotypes.

Stinkmeaner? Don't be crazy.
Stereotypes? In Soul Plane?
That's nonsense.

That old man that Granddad
killed for no reason?

in the middle of a summer afternoon

Say, how about we tell
your daddy
No reason?
That man was a psycho.

Yes, yes,
I see the ears.

we saw something else, hm?

Nobody even called the cops. They all just went home.

He was blind.
You killed a blind old man.
You mean...lie?

the slightest bit
inappropriate?

That really doesn't seem to be
a good idea.

Hush, boy.
And I sent him to hell
where he belongs.

You know,

it's okay to break
the rules

He asked me
to send him the pictures.
Yeah, Granddad,
real tough with the handicapped.

every once
in a while.

I won't tell
if you won't.
You damn right, Mr. Policeman!
I saw the whole thing!

He probably gonna beat up
some retarded kids next.

Okay. Hee-hee.

which make sense,
because she's 10.

HUEY: Sometimes I think Granddad may be a bad influence.

What's that supposed to mean?
that's what he's gonna do.

It means you're
a bit old to be acting

Hey, Riley. Don't forget
the camcorder.

like some screaming TRL groupie.

...every cookout...

Oh, yeah, your dream.

Now, the first Soul Plane
was funny.

Look, boy,

Pfft. About as funny
as a lynching.
...every wedding...

Oh, hush, boy.
You ain't even see it.

Stop the car!
He can't hurt you or me
or any of us, okay?

I never seen
a lynching, either,

but I know
they not funny.

Where I live,

See? Shows what you know.
I've seen funny lynchings.
Now, let's get one more picture.

No, you haven't.
I have so.

They even have a club for snitches.

Roscoe Patterson's lynching
was funny.

It's called the neighborhood watch.

Yeah, so them
niggas was like,
of zombies or vampires,

"Roscoe, you better
leaves town

Hold it right there, boy!

"before Mr. Charlie
and them crackers

Woodcrest
neighborhood watch.

gonna come for you."

Now, where was you at 11:00
last night, huh? Huh?!

I'm like, "Man,
fuck them crackers, man.

Come on, now!
Don't lie to me, nigga!
This is Roscoe Patterson."
Nigga, I don't give a fuck.

Nigga, I was in bed.

I just don't
give a fuck.

That nigga's my age.
But Stinkmeaner knew that every black man's spirit

Know what I'm saying?
White man can eat a dick.

So you guys don't think
I'm overreacting?

Eat my balls,
nigga.

I don't think so.

MAN: There he is!
Get that nigger.

You're a bigtime lawyer,

Uh-oh.
The law say
when the bicycle stop,

Oh, come on, you n--
Nincompoop.

Come on,
let's go!
the wheels
supposed to stop.

MAN: Oh, shoot, he's fast!
Watch out!

You can't do that!
Hey, come on.

It, uh, wasn't really
funny after that.

You can't hear
the movie.

Mm-mm.

This is gonna be so much fun.
I'm calling the police.
Stop!

This is going to be...

OLD MAN:
Can we bring in the Army?

...the worst day
of your life.
How long will we wait
on the police to protect us?

I had my blinker on
and everything.

Oh, I didn't say
she was cheating.

Fuck you, punk-ass,
bougie-ass, hook-ass nigga!

I'm bringing nunchucks.
Can we bring in
the Army?!

I'll beat
your motherfucking ass, nigga!

This is a tragedy.
Huh?

The white man ain't never
done nothin' to nobody,

I say toss her groupie ass
out the window

Fuck with me, nigga,
and I'll be popping a trunk

and let that ho stargaze
from outside.

and he don't deserve this.

Get my motherfucking Uzi.
Now, Riley,
there's never a place

for violence
in a relationship.

People, calm down.

There sure seemed to be a place
at the restaurant last night.

We've let the predators
think we're weak.

Here, put these coats on.

She made you look like a bitch
in front of Usher.
You know what, motherfucker?

Huh?

Boy, watch
your mouth.

Probably
started out charitable.

GRANDDAD:
Here you go.
It was them Freeman boys.

What is it?

It's pinto beans
and neck bones.

But, Granddad, she did make
Mr. DuBois look like a bitch.

Now put this meat loaf
and gravy under your shirt.

Yeah, I said it.

Why don't we just get treats
from the concession stand?
-Now, Ruckus, that's crazy.
-If they're so innocent,

but find a different way
to say it.

Next thing you know,

you rubbin' against
that silky white skin. Oh.

You think I'm paying $20
for some popcorn?

RUCKUS: Yeah.
Why wouldn't they?

But I don't know
the non-curse way

You must be out
of your damn mind.

to say he got bitched.

Humiliated,
castrated, emasc--
Oh-- Oh, my God.

Are we allowed
to bring in food?

Of course we're allowed to.

I love talking
to the police.

It's my food, isn't it?
I paid for it.
We're gonna go check 'em out.

That means I can eat it
when and where I want.
Did-- Did anyone see
who accosted this man?

If you lost
your ho to T.I.,

I'd be like,
"Hey, that's T.I."

Boy, put this pot roast in
your pants or you ain't eating.
I got a date?
I can't believe it.

Oh, this is nothing.
He's just getting started.

is not
a law-enforcement agency.

You better check that ho,
Mr. DuBois.

You know what?
You guys are right.

No interrogations!

HUEY: Robert Jebediah Freeman
Granddad, you don't skydive,

had sworn a lifetime intifada

and ask them to join
the neighborhood watch,

against the movie theater industry

and you never was
a member of G-Unit.
for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,

want to go to a basketball game
just to see the game,

And let's all of us reach out
to all our other neighbors

which, interestingly enough,

come back with one of them
NBA niggas out of sympathy?

did not stop him from going to see movies.

Okay, gang.
Keep your eyes open.
MAN:
So, Mrs. Wong,

She wanted to be
entertained.

Open for what?

We're sneaking in.

Oh, the white woman's
got a big heart.

That's not true,
little baby.

beating him senseless with a nine iron,

I bought my tickets online.
Scout's honor.

stealing his wallet and driving his car

Look. Granddad.

I got some money saved.
The movie will be on me.

Correct.

Now, you put that away,
boy.

These movie devils
ain't getting

any more of our money.

Mm-mm.
Now, Mrs. Wong,
let me ask you a question.

Uh...Mr. Freeman?

Ask the question,
Miss von Hausen.

It says, "No outside food,"
little girl.

What's good, nigga?
Is your granddad home?

That's why we keep it
inside our clothes.

VON HAUSEN:
Mr. Freeman,

Are you sure
this is legal?

Granddad.
Mr. DuBois' at the door.

Now, as you know, we've had
some home invasions recently.

Okay, everybody, look alive now.
Here's our chance.

You's a bitch.

-Mm-hm.
-We were concerned to hear

I understand
you need your job,
that you refused
to talk to the police.

but you're still
a human being with dignity.

I would love to
let you crash,

Yeah, I mean,
look at this uniform, man.
No snitchin'.

I look like
a fucking dork.

Why would they make me dress
like this?
You've also refused
our previous invitations

What did I do
to them, huh?

to join
the neighborhood watch,
You should take action.

and we could use
your support.

Ah. What can I do?

Our motto is:
Neighbors watching neighbors.

Thank you so much,
Robert.

See, boys? See why

Have you ever thought about
forming a union?
Fuck your court!

Oh, I'm watchin', all right.
I'm watchin' this neighborhood

What's a "union"?

MAN:
Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
become a bunch
of damn tattletales.

I paid.
I got my ticket.

Good one, granddad.

Yeah, yeah. I got
a ticket for you.

You killin' 'em.

A one-way ticket
to "Get the hell
Property was stolen,
Mr. Freeman.

out of here, negro"
land.

Go on! Move it!

The sanctity of our
community was violated.

Tough titty.

I ain't got time
for this bullshit.

Nigga, you gay.

How about that?

See it's burnin' me
to hold onto this.

Another victory
of the common man

HUEY: Meanwhile, I couldn't

over corporate greed.

You're not advancing
any struggle
RUCKUS: Sorry he touched you,
Miss von Hausen.

that an evil force was gathering.

by being cheap,
Granddad.

I'll advance my belt
on your behind

if you don't shut
your ass.

Oh, my God.
You almost touched
Miss von Hausen!

I didn't pay
to get in the movie.
MAN: Nah, you ain't crazy.

I love you

Uh, yes, we did. I --
I ordered my tickets online.

It's just, I feel like this

Who got the neck bones?

No, you didn't.

is coming to an end.

We snuck in.

Ghostface Killah
isn't even dead.

We stole a movie.

Now, who makes the rules?

that goofy-looking motherfucker is coming back.

Grownups, right?

Your granddad's nigga moment ain't dead yet.

And I'm grown up,
and I say it's okay.

But what am I
supposed to do?

We're gonna
get caught.

We're gonna
get caught.
If death can't stop Stinkmeaner,
what can?

I should call my daddy
and turn myself in.

Think about it. Peace.

Oh, yeah?
You gonna tell him

-Shh-shh-Shh.

what you came to see, huh?

I bet he'd like
to know that.

Maybe I should make
a phone call.
RUCKUS: Oh...

No. Please, no.

Good. Now just
calm down.

RUCKUS: Mm-hm.

Try some mashed potatoes.
Who got the popcorn?

ED: If you had
a headset like mine,

I do, Granddad.

Nah, baby, I'm still here.

Ow! Hey.

What the hell is wrong
with you?

Watch it, boy,
don't step on my roses.

What am I gonna do
with raw popcorn?

VON HAUSEN:
What was that?

You're gonna ruin my dentures.

Whew. Damn, can't watch
a movie without popcorn.

Heh. Word down at the gym
is that he done wore

Now I gotta spend
all my damn money

I gotta deal with

on a bucket
of popcorn.

Now, it's date night
and you know the rules.

Hear that?
Sounds like niggas.

You get in that room.

Told you.
I don't care
if you hear scream

USHER:

RUCKUS: What you see,
Miss von Hausen?

When your feeling

Shit, he -- he just hatin'
'cause, see,

You gotta let it go

Jumpin' like it used to

Oh, shit!

Honey, I'm home.

RUCKUS: Buck 'em down,
Miss von Hausen!

Let it burn

We're takin' fire! Run!

Oh, yeah!

-RUCKUS: Get them negroes!
-ED: They shootin'!

It's best

No, no, no, I'm still here.
Yo, can I still come over?

Tom, what's gotten into you?

Of her being with someone--

Come on. You want
some of this? Come on.

Oh. Help me.

MAN:
Car!

Oh, Tom!

Get 'em,
Miss von Hausen!

That's the way!
Wait, Miss von Hausen.

I'm gonna make it do
what it do.

I'll give you anything. Ah!

SARAH:
Oh, Tom!

Come on, now!
Buck 'em down!

RUMMY: Riley!
Hey, Riley, look, man,

ANNOUNCER: Don't steal movies.

I need somewhere to hide.
Niggas are shootin', man.

Niggas are shootin'?
ED: Hey!

This the car that got
pimped out by Xzibit.

Say, motherfucker, you on the
phone or you talking to me?

Hello?

I'm talkin' to Riley.

SARAH: It's Sarah.

GRANDDAD: Damn.
Hey, y'all see the new rims
I got on my bike?

Large freshly popped popcorn,
please. And lots of butter.
This thing has a push-button
starter like a racecar.

to her recital practice at 3, right?

Anything else?

Yes.

I asked
for butter on it.

Butter's over there.
Well, I'm in the studio
with Snoop Doggy Dogg

Are you doing the music video thing again?

I don't wanna put the butter
on it. Why can't you do it?

Whoa, whoa!
What y'all doin'?

Gotta go, honey. Bye.

You're supposed to
put the butter on it.

I don't wanna
put the butter on it.

I'm already paying $20
for this bullshit popcorn.

I'm still burnin'

But how about, uh,
tomorrow, cutie pie?

I will not demean myself
Y'all can't take
my granddad's car.

by putting butter
on popcorn.

Stop, Ed.

Why? It's really easy.
Why?

Don't want to
STINKMEANER: Ha!

Because I don't work at
the movie theater, that's why.

What the--?

You're supposed to put
the butter on it.
Who's out there?
Boys! Boys, help me.

If I go to Burger King
and order a cheeseburger,

Bruise you

they don't make me put
the cheese on it, do

Let it burn

I see, I see. Just 'cause
your skin is light, bright,

Let it burn

Gotta let it burn

and two shades
from being white,

you think you too good
to butter your own popcorn.

Oh

Well, you wrong,
Lando Calrissian.

Oh, sweet Jesus!

Damn it, Ruckus. Y'all gonna
put some butter on this popcorn.

It's burning.
Oh, Lordy Lord.

VON HAUSEN: He saw it!
He saw everything.

Hey, Tom.
Shut the fuck up.

Tom, go away!
I'm gonna call the police.

GRANDDAD:
Boy, watch your mouth.

Did you hear that?

We put our lives on the line
every day to make movies,

Man, I can't hear nothing
over Granddad's gay-ass music.

Damn it. Hurry up, boy.
Tell us who did it.

Now, you're gonna tell me
who stole my car
and then people come along
and steal all that hard work.

Look out, new message.

or I'm gonna get my belt or a
2x4 and go upside your head!

Who would do something
like that?

A terrible, awful human being
that no one will ever love.

Could be worse.

That's who.

I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman.

I pays for my car!

Thank you for that
perspective, Huey.
I ain't getting it
for him neither. Nope.

Hey. Get to the flick.

No problem.
Why would he send
a message from--?

What happened
to the movies?

Y'all should be
ashamed.
In the street.
What streets?

What the hell?
Tom, what's going on?

Why is it
when I order a soda pop,

I get a empty cup?

I didn't order
a empty cup.
Mm-mm. I can't do it, Granddad.
I can't talk to the po-po.

I ordered a soda pop.

And what asshole started putting
commercials in movies?
Tell Granddad.
He's not the police.

I can see commercials
at home on TV.
STINKMEANER:
Oh, you running?

So this is the message
you want to send

And the bathroom stink.
Clean the fucking bathroom!

You promise not to tell?

to the young youth
out here like myself
Oh, my goodness,
some black people are crazy.

I'm not gonna
take it anymore!

I pay too much damn money
for these movie tickets

and not love
these ho's, huh?

W-w-w-what's all this?
Oh! Ahhh!

to butter my own
motherfucking popcorn!

Is this what's hot
right now in the streets?

Goodness gracious to life.

It's only popcorn.
How am I gonna get
my butter beans?

Tom, what's wrong with you?

All for some white girl who
left you for an R&B dancing-ass,

You on that stuff?
Snap out of it, Tom.

sexy-flexy-
ass nigga?

When did you
get here?
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.

Huh?

I'm sorry.

Well, I been at
the ticket window all day long,
that's why Daddy is

and I don't remember you
buying no ticket,
Don't snitch, Granddad.

Robert Freeman.
They don't know nothin'
unless you tell 'em.

Uh, I-I-I got my tickets
online.

Aha! A damn lie.
GRANDDAD: Damn it!
Damn it. Come here.

"Ahhh" ain't my name.

I ain't never
met a nigga
MAN: Sir, please
release the child.

smart enough to use
a personal computer.
Release the child.
TOM: You're choking him out!

Not even a Macintosh.

HUEY:
Stinkmeaner.

being the driving force
Uh...

behind the "stop snitching" movement,

You'll never take me alive,
you punk-asses.

Oh. Are you sure?

RUCKUS:
Stop him!

Come on, come on.

He went this-a way.
In 2000, rapper Gangstalicious reportedly assaulted

I mean, you like it here,
don't you, Daddy?

This is a...
And I'm taking y'all
with me

with a tennis racket

Mm-hmm.
in the first-class cabin
on the ass-whupping express.

and a bottle of Hennessy on the set of a music video.

I don't know what we're
gonna do, but we gotta do--

Whew.
Did I miss anything?

Mr. Freeman...
Guinness refused to cooperate with authorities.

I don't wanna steal the movie.

Guys. I just
wanted to thank you

I wanna go home!

Yeah.
Shh!

for letting me stay here.

What's wrong with you?

I wanna go home.

Not at all, Tom.

You wasn't saying that
back at the house, was you?
Drop the beat,
drop the beat, ugh.

Bring it on, Huey.
Was you? Because you wanted
to see Soul Plane 2.

mmm, delicious

Well, this is how
we see Soul Plane 2.

no doubt we gonna win this
I repeat, the terrorist said
his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,

Ooh. I got an idea.

I smacked Johnny Guinness

and he's demanding
that we --

Tom. Get
down here.

Hell, no, I ain't fitting to ask him

for his motherfucking autograph.
STINKMEANER:
Whoo, come on.

HUEY: An hour into the movie,

I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

MAN: We out of food, but we got

Yo. Look out.

Pass this bag of potato chips around.

Tom was facing an all-out revolt.

Please take one. Pass it...

TOM: Please, people!
Riley Freeman will talk.

He's in here.
I know Robert.

He don't miss a coon flick.

And this, sir,
is an intervention.

What is it?
What's happening?

An intervention?
Your friends have

Shh. Don't make a sound.

from chronic bitch
dependency, Mr. DuBois.

STINKMEANER:
All right, here we go.

May I call you Tom?

Is this some kind
of joke?

I promise you,
Riley will talk soon.

Tom...bitch dependency

: Ooh.
Damn.

is no laughing matter.

Let's go check Madea's Bat Mitzvah.

Addiction to a bitch
can fuck with your friends,
Get your bars up, nigga.

MAN: Attention, please, passengers.

your health, and scary enough,
even your money.

If you left the toilet seat up in the restroom...

...faggot boy.

It's a disease,
Tom.

MAN: Yeah, that's what
I'm talkin' about!

Wait. What was your name again?

Well, thank you for asking.
GRANDDAD:
Yeah!

Officer,
I'm sorry.
STINKMEANER: Whoa!
Yeah, I got you now.

I didn't mean to steal
from the stuntman.

Get off me, you bitch ass,
you faggot ass!

Wait. "A pimp"?

Named Slickback.

was withholding information.

Yes. Please say the whole
thing if you would.

GRANDDAD:
Not the lamp. No.

What were you about to do?

You were about to rat on us,
weren't you?

This is what the movie theater
industry wants, Jazmine.

Yes, Tom.
Every time.

STINKMEANER:
I'm a-kill you.

Us fighting against
each other.

You beat me
in the parking lot.

Now, you listen here,
you little bitch.
Oh-ho-ho-ho, no.
There's no turning back now.

I-I don't think
I need any help

I'm gonna ask you
some real simple questions,

You're in it
all the way.
STINKMEANER:
I want my parking space.

and I want some
real simple answers.

Now you're gonna get your little
narrow, high-yellow ass

And by

back into the theater
and enjoy Soul Plane 2.
Now, you pulled into the garage
and went into the house at 9:15?

you mean a pimp?

I...wanna...go...home!

Uh, look, I'm not
trying to insult you.

If I'm not mistaken,
it was 9:15.
motherfucker.

Shut up.

You're ruining
my innocence!

Shut up.
So you pulled into the garage

MAN: I expected to fly first-class.

and went into the house
at 9:15?

I wanna go home.

MAN 2: Well, you ain't in first class.

Why we gotta put
the nigga in my bed?
You don't see me running around
lookin' for a bitch.

I looked at my watch, and --
and, yes, mm-hm, mm, 9:15.

I know where all
my bitches are,

Look at this.
He's possessed
by the ghost of Stinkmeaner.

So you're telling me,
definitely,
Granddad. What's wrong
with Jazmine?

that you pulled
into the garage

Boy, don't nobody
listen to you.
: I'm out here

and went into the house
at 8:15?

She's fine.
Watch the movie.

That's what the hell
I thought.

Thank you, Grandma.
What if he pees in the bed
or vomit, or shoots a deuce?

Oh, that's crazy.

Now look at you: bitchless.

Look at this.
I...wanna...go...home.

Now, you see something. You know
you done fucked up, right?

HUEY: Granddad had to be stopped.

I've had enough.
I'm going back upstairs.

Tom is possessed
by an evil spirit

I'm gonna put an end
to this...
GRANDDAD:
No! I said, no.

Tom, when we first
let you stay here,

or die trying.

I said I pulled
into the garage at --

HUEY: And so did this movie.

Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both.

You know you done
fucked up, right?

It's only been
two days.
Coming.

Nigga, hush. You're living
under my roof now.

Move, nigga.

Where you going?
They're looking for us.
But without Riley talking, the cops had nothing,

You know what?
I know a great therapist.

Huey, come back.

I'll make an appointment
today.

That...

Oh, this is crazy.
Colored folks are something.
RILEY: I know y'all seen niggas
with spinning rims, right?

Well, hello, cutie pie.

But check it,
check it, check it.

we've already paid
Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback

I'm sayin',
on a bike, though.

Well, hello.

a retainer of $2500.

HUEY: My plan was to get to the projector room

Robert, you shouldn't have.

and destroy the print of Soul Plane.

With your credit card.

Oh.

Man, niggas...
Somebody get me out of here.

I was rushing, and--
A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
Did you know

Oh, I think men who are
comfortable with their bodies

Heh-heh.
They just mad...

First, I had to go to the bathroom.

with a genetic
predisposition
are very sexy,

RILEY:
I be like, ugh! Ugh!

to bitch
dependency, Tom?

One problem black people have with snitching

And exactly when did you become
a relationship counselor?

Jazmine, you're missing
all the best parts.

Well, sharing
this pimp knowledge

I'm not watching
a stolen movie.
And I like to cook,
mostly pork.

for an exorbitant fee
is my way of giving

Oh, well.
If you don't wanna laugh.

something back
to the community, Tom.

I like to clean too.
Wow.

I want to help you,
Tom. I do.

Oh, that's crazy.
What's so funny?

But I need you to
help me...

Oh, nothing. Hilarity
just ensued, that's all.

No.

It did?
Yeah, that's more
the feds' thing.

Huh.

"Help me help you."
Yeah, okay.

You see anything weird,
you just give us a call,

Oh. Oh. Oh!
Robert Freeman!

all right, buddy?
Heh. Okay.

That was funny.

Darling, all the women
of my cultu--

MAN: Hey, Bernard!
You snitch-ass motherfucker!

Hm? Ah.
STINKMEANER:
Come here and fight like a man,

Say it. "Bitch." Yeah.
Bitch.

Uh, yes, we've gotta
call her that, Tom.
I don't hear anything.

RUCKUS:
It's about impossible

I'm sorry.
After what she's done,
STINKMEANER:
I know you hear me, Robert!

in this dark theater.

not callin' her a bitch
would be disrespectful to you.

Yo. I think we need
to shake the spizzot.

I will not be ignored!
Got a possessed nigga here,

he was charged with conspiracy
Huh? What?

Now please continue,
Tom.

and sentenced to a month in jail.

Well, my wife, Sarah--

GRANDDAD: Can't believe
these little, young kids

I mean-- She's the best
woman in the world.

Forget Jazmine. Let's go.
But we couldn't.

Did you tell her that you got
two sets of genitals?

She the weak link.
She'll slow us down.

We've had a great life
together until now.

I mean, how could we?
Look, she a little girl.
A vagina and a coochie.
Oh, that's a conjunction.

gonna drink me a Red Bull,
then I'm gonna wake up

They're not gonna give her
no real time.

She do what?
A couple months, tops.

I did everything I could,
but if Riley doesn't talk,

But we both got priors.
We gots to go.

Oh-- Oh, that?
That's just the television.

they're both
gonna be charged tomorrow.

Come on, Granddad.
We running out of time.

Sometimes,
This is real talk, nigga.

in order to save the day,

people have to sacrifice
themselves,

What the hell is wrong with you?
This ain't a movie, Riley.

you know what
I'm saying?

You and Granddad
about to go to jail.

Oh, Air Marshal 50 Cent.
GRANDDAD:
Wait, no. That's just the TV.

You're so brave
It's not the fact
that you obviously have a man

to sacrifice yourself
to save us.

I tried to stop 'em!

possessed by an evil spirit
strapped to a bed upstairs.

Not me, bitch. You.

Oh! Wait! Oh. Oh.

It's not?
No.

It's the fact
that you lied about it.

M-May I sit down
over there next to Riley?

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
It sounds to me, Tom,

Huh?

like some of
the passion

has gone out of
your marriage.
STINKMEANER:
You better leave.

Hey. Hold this.
We be right back.

: You've reached

Okay.

It's a normal thing
in long-term relationships.

of the Catholic Church.

If you know, you can tell me.
I won't tell anybody.

Exactly. See,
what Marx is saying
If you would like to report sexual abuse--

is that the oppression
of the proletariat

Damn, there's got to be somebody
we can call for an exorcism.

is an essential facet
of the exploitation
Jazmine, are you
wearing a wire?

STINKMEANER:
You is a bitch!

inherent in the system.

So therefore,
due to the class --

What the hell is this,
a snitch-athon?

Man, there's snitches
everywhere.

You little
half-and-half.

Did you know that at least
75 percent of bitches

Hey there, boys.

suffer from some kind
of hearing loss?

I came as fast as I could.

This alarming statistic
means that more likely than not,

Ooh, this is
uncomfortable.

So this is the plan...
Uncle Ruckus.

HUEY: Oh, man.

RUCKUS:
Let's get this party started.

to communicate
with a bitch.

STINKMEANER:
He's in there.

You got bad credit, Robert!

Whoa. What?

What--? What happened
to my--?
RUCKUS:
Removing an evil-nigga spirit

Yeah, the problem is,
we don't live in the future, Ed.

If she say, "No,"
hit the bitch. Simple.

We live in the present.

But I-- I couldn't
hit Sarah.

Damn.
It's not a cybernetic ear. It's
a fuckin' cellphone headset.

Has not hittin' a bitch
been working?

He's right there!
has given us
to fight niggas.

I mean,
scientifically speaking,
A whip, a noose,
a nightstick, a branding iron.

has not hittin' the bitch
achieved the desired results?

Hey!

No way. I just--

Have you seen that shit
in the mirror?

I-- I-I can't. I-- I couldn't.

You look like you're going to
a fuckin' comic-book convention.

Tom.
I won't.

Tom, Take a deep breath.

It's okay. People have phobias.

STINKMEANER:
You ain't right, Robert.

GUARD: Yeah.
RUCKUS:
The nigga will lie.

Hold up, hold up.
I'm getting a call.

you can't go upside
a bitch's head.

Yeah.
What's good, baby?

Okay. We can beat this.

Tom, this is
my bottom bitch,
If he gets really desperate,
he may start to rap or dance.

Sweetest Taboo.

Now, she's gonna
help you learn how to
STINKMEANER:
You all, uh, testicles

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

reestablish dominance
at home.

I ain't seen
no naked pictures, girl.

Send them to my Sidekick.

Hello. Heh.

Taboo will be playing
the role of your wife.

There's powerful niggadry
at work here.

Now, approach
Taboo,

grab her arm
firmly

RUCKUS: Ah...
Who's there, huh?

...wrong house.

Okay.

Sarah,
get your behind--

I been waiting
on this day

Yeah, yeah, I'm still here.
Motherfucker done shot me.

since your little uppity ass
came into town.

Do I have to call her
a bitch, really?

Yes, Tom. You have to
call her a bitch.

GRANDDAD: I don't get it.

Trust me
on this one.

I've done the research.
Now, try again.

Why your dumbass
robbing people?

'Cause I'm an American.
Shit.

It's the American way, man.
Shit.

Bitch, get
your behind--

Is that all you got, nigga?
You won't kill me, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

Ass.

See, as I broke it down
to Ed, pops,

That's just the tip
of this iceberg.

You'll only die trying.
if people don't have a need,
then there won't be no demand,

Read, nigga, read!

No!
Kiss my ass, you little-dick,
faggot motherfucker.

Or, uh, I'm, uh--

Or...
Turns out Ed and Rummy were breaking into homes

Or I'm gonna die...

with Usher
in the first place!

trying.

What? What?

You thought you was the only one
which was owned by Ed's grandfather.

who mastered the ancient
and deadly art of the nunchaku?

It's now tragically
obvious

The irony is, Granddad had already signed up

that reasoning
with the bitch

for Wuncler Security.

is not
gonna work, Tom.

You have to
hit her.
Repeat after me
the holy phrase:

I am an assistant district
attorney, for chrissake.

Heh. Well, now, y'all
get it right next time.

Tom...

you have to
get past this.
Nigga, get your black ass
outta here.

It's okay,
faggot...really.
RUCKUS:
Yeah, take that

See, faggot? She just
gave you permission.

Hey, thanks for being
so cool about this, pops.
outta here.

Ah. My chin--
You see that?

Anyway, Granddad got his car back, and that was that.

Bitch is hittin' you.
All right, lady.

Okay-- Ow!

You're definitely allowed
by law to hit her now, Tom.
ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass

It's self-defense.
I didn't do anything.

Okay?
Sweetest Taboo,
Hey, Ed, give
your granddaddy my best.

ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass

This isn't an exorcism,
it's a beating.

This is my state-of-the-art
surveillance center.

They did it.

Why does a pimp need
a surveillance center?

ALL:
Nigga, get your black ass

Here's 50.

Ah...

is state-of-the-art
bitch surveillance.

Your mothers ain't shit.

Come, negro-san.
Them ain't no negroes!
It couldn't be them.

your wife's
conversations and e-mails.

Daddy, I've got transcripts
of all her conversations today.
HUEY: Several hours later,

WOMAN: No way.

No mention of Usher.

I'm hacking
into her e-mail now,

That was great, Granddad.

but, tsk, this computer
is running a bit slow.

Boy, I wish we could've seen
the end of that movie.

I don't know.
he's got nigga in him.

I feel bad for leaving Huey
and what's-her-name.

Bitch, don't start
with that

They knew the risks.

Ow!
So they might do
a little time.

You say that shit every time
a new iMac comes out.
GHOSTFACE: What the fuck is wrong

We see 'em when they get out.

Uh...it doesn't seem right.

You ain't slick.
You better

I'm going back
and turning myself in.
and what you gonna say to the cops?

and stop playin'
with me.

Turn yourself--?
Man--

Yes, Daddy.

Granddad, look, come on.

Someone stole my bike.
I mean, I love Huey.
Almost like a brother.

Does she have
a MySpace page?
Can you just tell me what to do,
so I can go to bed?

But what's done is done.
We got to let go of the past.

Spinning, baby!

I don't think Sarah
would have a--

If he don't come back,
can I have his side of the room?

Huh.

Uh, since when did
she have a MySpace page?

Ah, come on, Granddad.
Peace? Peace? Peace.

You know what her password
might be?

You supposed to be setting
a better example.

Stinkmeaner, you hate
black people, don't you?

You just wait till
the manager gets here.

each other's middle names
as passwords,

I sure do.

He gonna throw the book
at both of y'all.

That's L-A-N--
Got it.
I mean, I hate
everyone in general,

This is
the worst day...

Password is "Usher."
Here we go.

Nothin'.

Where's your bike?
of my entire life.

They're getting together
at 3:00

I wouldn't exactly call them
people, but yeah.

Told you.

That's in an hour.
We have to go.

Yeah, I have a deep distaste
for Negroids.

I hope you got some insurance
on those spinners.

Here's the guardian
for the kids.

That's right,
Ruckus.
Right, right. And, Stinkmeaner,
I bet you hate rap music.

We snuck
into the movie, too.

then going there won't help.

We? You said you was gonna
turn yourself in.
Thank you
for not snitching!

I paid you $2000,
and $500 as well.

Heh-heh. "Stanky-booty."
Please. Let the kids go.
I'll take responsibility.

I must say that's a brilliant
observation, 'Meaner.

Now, Tom, I hope
you can appreciate

Look like y'all
all going down.

our no-refunds policy.
a nigga moment

How about a complimentary date
with Sweetest Taboo?

The manager's
not coming.

Cinema's closed
indefinitely.

No, no, no.

Looks like everyone walked out.
Something about a union.

and we're
going now.

What?
The manager ain't coming?

Ohh...

Well, call the police.

The FBI.
Homeland Security.

Yeah, bitch. Let's go.

You mean,
we gonna let

this African hooliganism
go unpunished?

You have problems, Mr. Freeman,
and you need help.

Thanks for coming back...

eventually.

Yo, you need to stop
snitching, Granddad.

Ah. Ow. Hey.

Why don't you call
social services

and turn yourself in
for child abuse?

Remember to hit the bitch.

Hey, man.
:
Hey, guys.

Thank you so much for
doing that. I mean, you guys

You guys unionized and staged
a walkout that quickly?

just went above and beyond.

I mean, really--

That's amazing.

Oh, yeah.
We unionized.

I mean, bitch...

Then someone called
the corporate headquarters,

and they shut down
the whole place.
Possessed or not,
you gonna fix my damn house.

Fired everybody.

Oh.
You gonna have
another demon,

Well, um...

power to the people?

Fuck you.

Tom, please calm down
a real good question.

and let me go.

Why are you in my bed?

All the beds in this house

Well, that's that.

I think we all learned
a valuable lesson today

about stealing movies.

Buy the bootleg.

Or just download it
from the Internet

like everybody else.

Ah!

The hell--?
TOM: You can't have my wife!

Tom!

Daddy. What did you do
to Usher?

Hey. Can you guys wait
here a sec?

There's something
I need to take care of.

Daddy. Leave Usher alone.

What are you doing?

Why are you trying
to kill Usher?

Yes, Super Fly.
What did Usher ever do to you?

Jazmine wanted
to meet Usher.

You're an animal.

Is Usher okay?

So you're not--?
No.

GUARD: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Easy, boys.

Ow!

Yeah, nigga.

TOM:
Oh, okay. I see what this is.

SARAH:
Stop! Don't hurt him.

He didn't
mean it.

He was trying to hit me.

Tom!
TOM:

I'm sorry, Usher!

USHER:
Shut the fuck up,