Original subtitles

y'all know what a nigga moment is.

A nigga moment is when the mind

of a perfectly logical black man

is overwhelmed by some stupid nigga shit.

I love you, Mommy.

Like when a nigga steps up on your sneaker

and fucks up your kicks, or hits your car or some shit.

MAN: This is our target -- the nuclear power plant.

like it's your fault, like you fucked up.

If we capture the plane at precisely the right moment,

So his ignorance makes you act crazy.

Yo. What up?

they will not have time to shoot down the aircraft. And the next thing you know, niggas is beefing,

Yeah, I see you, too. What you want, nigga?

shooting, fighting, and somebody ends up dead.

Oh, man, same shit. What's up with you?

MAN: If they hit that power plant

The fuck you mean, "What's up with me?"

the casualties could be in the hundreds of thousands.

Your voice sounds real sexy right now.

God help us all.

Say what?

Okay. Ready?

You wanna talk to me later on?

No, I don't wanna talk later on, motherfucker.

ANNOUNCER: ...except...

What the fuck is wrong with you?!

What the fuck's so sexy about my voice?

What? What is this CPT? that hell had ever seen.

Aw, man, my bad. I was on the phone.

None for me, thanks.

Tom, I think you can have WOMAN: That means the plane is gonna

a second glass on your anniversary.

Colonel motherfucking Stinkmeaner,

I'm driving, sweetie-pooh.

ANNOUNCER: They picked the wrong airline. holler at your boy, I gets money.

Bitches like this shit, man.

And don't come up here complaining and shit.

They be thinkin' I'm one of them Mens in Black

You motherfuckers wanna come on here or somethin' like that, you know?

and act a goddamn fool?

could kill me or you, or somebody's baby. Y'all gonna have to kick me out of this bitch.

I'm about to go on break.

You motherfucking terrorists kill me. They be wondering where the black limo is at

I'd spend the next 20 years in jail being--

when they see -- All they see is the headpiece,

BOTH: Anally raped.

Yeah, let's talk more

the devil himself, a--

about your violated rectum. ANNOUNCER: Come see why black incompetence...

Oh, I find it so romantic.

TOM: Hey, I'm just saying--

Whoo, whoo!

Goddamn, that bitch phat as a motherfucker.

So...

Last week, right, I was in the strip club, right. ...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.

No, thank you.

I had titties in one hand, titties in the other hand.

Ah! You baldheaded devil monks

We can't let you through, homey.

Hey, this is Osama bin Laden nephew, nigga.

I had two hands full of titties.

Well, I-- I'm -- I'm once removed. I-I--

That's bigger than two scoops of raisins.

No -- I just fucking with you, dawg.

I'm still talkin' to my accountant at the same time.

Go ahead, nigga.

ANNOUNCER: Starring Gary Anthony Williams. What's not to like about that?

But you know what they say -- when it's your time to go,

it's your time to go. John Witherspoon.

or when you're talkin' on the goddamn phone.

What if it's the motherfucker next to me time to go? Huh?

Second, when people wear those things,

I see ya.

Mo'Nique. It's very important

TOM: Ah. Now, that's what There's a name for people who talk to theyselves, Ed.

this plane leave on time.

Damn. Now, are you yelling at me or shitting at me?

has earned you a trip back.

Snoop Dogg. Hijacked?

Them niggas ain't getting my wizzie fo' shizzle, nigga. You have my blessings to exact vengeance

I don't know what to do with my hands now.

You know what I'm saying? And 50 Cent Be that as it may, no technology is worth my dignity.

and to spread ignorance and chaos

as Air Marshal 50 Cent.

If talking on a wireless headset mean I gotta look

...people are looking.

I'll stop those terrorists...

Tom, please.

or die trying.

Besides, there's a reason

Honey. Honey, maybe this isn't the best place to be singing--

STINKMEANER: Ah! Hell ain't shit.

It lets people around you know you're talkin' on the phone. Get ready. This time, it's going down.

I'm gonna get you, Freeman!

So those people know not to waste time talkin' to you

This is a hijacking. Remain in your seats --

Yay. All done.

No, this nigga didn't.

We have a bomb on the aircraft.

Everyone remain --

Good.

SARAH: Yay.

Ah! Oh, my God.

when you bend over. I like that a lot.

What is it, honey?

Wait. Is that Usher?

I'm about to go get dressed.

Yes! Oh, my God.

I hate these fucking headsets.

He's coming over.

We gonna fly on the Soul Plane!

I can't believe this.

TOM: Oh, sweetie,

Hey, how you doin', babe?

Hi, uh, uh, Mr. Usher.

I-- I can't believe it's you.

I'm Sarah.

You have a beautiful smile, Sarah.

Mm-hm.

Mm! Wow, so she's on my friends list?

Yup, she your very first cyber friend

A while for me?

and you're her 3 millionth.

SARAH: I love this song.

GRANDDAD: Yeah, boy! I love technology.

HUEY: My granddad recently

Oh, wonderful.

You should post more pics.

Thank you very much. Oh. Oh, God.

Uh--

I'm starting to feel like Shemar Moore up in here.

That was beautiful. It's just what I do.

Oh, um, this is, uh...Tom.

Hoo! Boy, let's get some music on.

Turn on the My-pod and let's get on the I-space.

Yes, I'm Tom. Just Tom.

GRANDDAD: Riley, hurry up.

USHER: Hey, how

The police were talking

to everyone on our street for clues. you want next, Granddad?

SARAH: You are so interesting.

The leather vest. The one with the rhinestones. We gonna fly on the Soul Plane!

Well, almost everyone.

If you don't mind me asking,

And make sure you pee before we leave. Granddad, I--

I ain't gonna miss my movie

going to the bathroom with you.

Officer, I'm not finished.

I'm gonna let you go in there by yourself

Hello, sir, I'm Officer Calloway. and get molested by a nasty white man.

Now, what's wrong with you? Why the long face? It's not just the music. I have seen all of your movies.

What's wrong with you?

I don't wanna go to the movie. Why not?

Uh...cheers. I don't ever wanna go to the movies with you again.

I loved Light It Up. Talk and shoot at the same time, boy.

Not after what happened last time.

I named my dog Light It Up. Girl, please. "Beat It" or "Thriller"?

What happened last time?

We got arrested. And shot at.

is a common trait with black people.

So funny. She's my manager.

Ah. Racism. Take 'em back and go get my purple Speedo.

Daddy said I can go to the movies,

I'll call her. Hee-hee-hee. RILEY: Purple Speedo?

but he said I'm not allowed to see Soul Plane. are culturally inclined against snitching.

All right, boy, so you had a bad dream.

Good. You don't wanna go to the movies with him.

It was a really bad dream about-- Okay, one more.

He's crazy. Hush.

Please, we gotta get one more. Look at that one. Did you check the Speedo drawer?

Can't see Soul Plane? Why, little baby?

Man, fuck yo' mama!

Because of the types of stereos or something.

It'd be good for my vocals. It was about Stinkmeaner.

Types of stereos? an unwritten rule about snitching

Oh. No, no, no, little baby doll.

USHER: I'm gonna has become a full-blown "stop snitching" movement,

Wouldn't let that shit happen to me though.

This is a good theater. They have THX.

USHER: You rollin' with Ush.

Damn, these things are tight. What about Stinkmeaner?

Take the murder of 19-year-old Jermaine "Lojack" Walker,

He was in hell, and he was coming back to get us.

She means stereotypes.

Stinkmeaner? Don't be crazy. Stereotypes? In Soul Plane? That's nonsense.

That old man that Granddad killed for no reason?

in the middle of a summer afternoon

Say, how about we tell your daddy No reason? That man was a psycho.

Yes, yes, I see the ears.

we saw something else, hm?

Nobody even called the cops. They all just went home.

He was blind. You killed a blind old man. You mean...lie?

the slightest bit inappropriate?

That really doesn't seem to be a good idea.

Hush, boy. And I sent him to hell where he belongs.

You know,

it's okay to break the rules

He asked me to send him the pictures. Yeah, Granddad, real tough with the handicapped.

every once in a while.

I won't tell if you won't. You damn right, Mr. Policeman! I saw the whole thing!

He probably gonna beat up some retarded kids next.

Okay. Hee-hee.

which make sense, because she's 10.

HUEY: Sometimes I think Granddad may be a bad influence.

What's that supposed to mean? that's what he's gonna do.

It means you're a bit old to be acting

Hey, Riley. Don't forget the camcorder.

like some screaming TRL groupie.

...every cookout...

Oh, yeah, your dream.

Now, the first Soul Plane was funny.

Look, boy,

Pfft. About as funny as a lynching. ...every wedding...

Oh, hush, boy. You ain't even see it.

Stop the car! He can't hurt you or me or any of us, okay?

I never seen a lynching, either,

but I know they not funny.

Where I live,

See? Shows what you know. I've seen funny lynchings. Now, let's get one more picture.

No, you haven't. I have so.

They even have a club for snitches.

Roscoe Patterson's lynching was funny.

It's called the neighborhood watch.

Yeah, so them niggas was like, of zombies or vampires,

"Roscoe, you better leaves town

Hold it right there, boy!

"before Mr. Charlie and them crackers

Woodcrest neighborhood watch.

gonna come for you."

Now, where was you at 11:00 last night, huh? Huh?!

I'm like, "Man, fuck them crackers, man.

Come on, now! Don't lie to me, nigga! This is Roscoe Patterson." Nigga, I don't give a fuck.

Nigga, I was in bed.

I just don't give a fuck.

That nigga's my age. But Stinkmeaner knew that every black man's spirit

Know what I'm saying? White man can eat a dick.

So you guys don't think I'm overreacting?

Eat my balls, nigga.

I don't think so.

MAN: There he is! Get that nigger.

You're a bigtime lawyer,

Uh-oh. The law say when the bicycle stop,

Oh, come on, you n-- Nincompoop.

Come on, let's go! the wheels supposed to stop.

MAN: Oh, shoot, he's fast! Watch out!

You can't do that! Hey, come on.

It, uh, wasn't really funny after that.

You can't hear the movie.

Mm-mm.

This is gonna be so much fun. I'm calling the police. Stop!

This is going to be...

OLD MAN: Can we bring in the Army?

...the worst day of your life. How long will we wait on the police to protect us?

I had my blinker on and everything.

Oh, I didn't say she was cheating.

Fuck you, punk-ass, bougie-ass, hook-ass nigga!

I'm bringing nunchucks. Can we bring in the Army?!

I'll beat your motherfucking ass, nigga!

This is a tragedy. Huh?

The white man ain't never done nothin' to nobody,

I say toss her groupie ass out the window

Fuck with me, nigga, and I'll be popping a trunk

and let that ho stargaze from outside.

and he don't deserve this.

Get my motherfucking Uzi. Now, Riley, there's never a place

for violence in a relationship.

People, calm down.

There sure seemed to be a place at the restaurant last night.

We've let the predators think we're weak.

Here, put these coats on.

She made you look like a bitch in front of Usher. You know what, motherfucker?

Huh?

Boy, watch your mouth.

Probably started out charitable.

GRANDDAD: Here you go. It was them Freeman boys.

What is it?

It's pinto beans and neck bones.

But, Granddad, she did make Mr. DuBois look like a bitch.

Now put this meat loaf and gravy under your shirt.

Yeah, I said it.

Why don't we just get treats from the concession stand? -Now, Ruckus, that's crazy. -If they're so innocent,

but find a different way to say it.

Next thing you know,

you rubbin' against that silky white skin. Oh.

You think I'm paying $20 for some popcorn?

RUCKUS: Yeah. Why wouldn't they?

But I don't know the non-curse way

You must be out of your damn mind.

to say he got bitched.

Humiliated, castrated, emasc-- Oh-- Oh, my God.

Are we allowed to bring in food?

Of course we're allowed to.

I love talking to the police.

It's my food, isn't it? I paid for it. We're gonna go check 'em out.

That means I can eat it when and where I want. Did-- Did anyone see who accosted this man?

If you lost your ho to T.I.,

I'd be like, "Hey, that's T.I."

Boy, put this pot roast in your pants or you ain't eating. I got a date? I can't believe it.

Oh, this is nothing. He's just getting started.

is not a law-enforcement agency.

You better check that ho, Mr. DuBois.

You know what? You guys are right.

No interrogations!

HUEY: Robert Jebediah Freeman Granddad, you don't skydive,

had sworn a lifetime intifada

and ask them to join the neighborhood watch,

against the movie theater industry

and you never was a member of G-Unit. for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,

want to go to a basketball game just to see the game,

And let's all of us reach out to all our other neighbors

which, interestingly enough,

come back with one of them NBA niggas out of sympathy?

did not stop him from going to see movies.

Okay, gang. Keep your eyes open. MAN: So, Mrs. Wong,

She wanted to be entertained.

Open for what?

We're sneaking in.

Oh, the white woman's got a big heart.

That's not true, little baby.

beating him senseless with a nine iron,

I bought my tickets online. Scout's honor.

stealing his wallet and driving his car

Look. Granddad.

I got some money saved. The movie will be on me.

Correct.

Now, you put that away, boy.

These movie devils ain't getting

any more of our money.

Mm-mm. Now, Mrs. Wong, let me ask you a question.

Uh...Mr. Freeman?

Ask the question, Miss von Hausen.

It says, "No outside food," little girl.

What's good, nigga? Is your granddad home?

That's why we keep it inside our clothes.

VON HAUSEN: Mr. Freeman,

Are you sure this is legal?

Granddad. Mr. DuBois' at the door.

Now, as you know, we've had some home invasions recently.

Okay, everybody, look alive now. Here's our chance.

You's a bitch.

-Mm-hm. -We were concerned to hear

I understand you need your job, that you refused to talk to the police.

but you're still a human being with dignity.

I would love to let you crash,

Yeah, I mean, look at this uniform, man. No snitchin'.

I look like a fucking dork.

Why would they make me dress like this? You've also refused our previous invitations

What did I do to them, huh?

to join the neighborhood watch, You should take action.

and we could use your support.

Ah. What can I do?

Our motto is: Neighbors watching neighbors.

Thank you so much, Robert.

See, boys? See why

Have you ever thought about forming a union? Fuck your court!

Oh, I'm watchin', all right. I'm watchin' this neighborhood

What's a "union"?

MAN: Hey, hey, hey! Hey! become a bunch of damn tattletales.

I paid. I got my ticket.

Good one, granddad.

Yeah, yeah. I got a ticket for you.

You killin' 'em.

A one-way ticket to "Get the hell Property was stolen, Mr. Freeman.

out of here, negro" land.

Go on! Move it!

The sanctity of our community was violated.

Tough titty.

I ain't got time for this bullshit.

Nigga, you gay.

How about that?

See it's burnin' me to hold onto this.

Another victory of the common man

HUEY: Meanwhile, I couldn't

over corporate greed.

You're not advancing any struggle RUCKUS: Sorry he touched you, Miss von Hausen.

that an evil force was gathering.

by being cheap, Granddad.

I'll advance my belt on your behind

if you don't shut your ass.

Oh, my God. You almost touched Miss von Hausen!

I didn't pay to get in the movie. MAN: Nah, you ain't crazy.

I love you

Uh, yes, we did. I -- I ordered my tickets online.

It's just, I feel like this

Who got the neck bones?

No, you didn't.

is coming to an end.

We snuck in.

Ghostface Killah isn't even dead.

We stole a movie.

Now, who makes the rules?

that goofy-looking motherfucker is coming back.

Grownups, right?

Your granddad's nigga moment ain't dead yet.

And I'm grown up, and I say it's okay.

But what am I supposed to do?

We're gonna get caught.

We're gonna get caught. If death can't stop Stinkmeaner, what can?

I should call my daddy and turn myself in.

Think about it. Peace.

Oh, yeah? You gonna tell him

-Shh-shh-Shh.

what you came to see, huh?

I bet he'd like to know that.

Maybe I should make a phone call. RUCKUS: Oh...

No. Please, no.

Good. Now just calm down.

RUCKUS: Mm-hm.

Try some mashed potatoes. Who got the popcorn?

ED: If you had a headset like mine,

I do, Granddad.

Nah, baby, I'm still here.

Ow! Hey.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Watch it, boy, don't step on my roses.

What am I gonna do with raw popcorn?

VON HAUSEN: What was that?

You're gonna ruin my dentures.

Whew. Damn, can't watch a movie without popcorn.

Heh. Word down at the gym is that he done wore

Now I gotta spend all my damn money

I gotta deal with

on a bucket of popcorn.

Now, it's date night and you know the rules.

Hear that? Sounds like niggas.

You get in that room.

Told you. I don't care if you hear scream

USHER:

RUCKUS: What you see, Miss von Hausen?

When your feeling

Shit, he -- he just hatin' 'cause, see,

You gotta let it go

Jumpin' like it used to

Oh, shit!

Honey, I'm home.

RUCKUS: Buck 'em down, Miss von Hausen!

Let it burn

We're takin' fire! Run!

Oh, yeah!

-RUCKUS: Get them negroes! -ED: They shootin'!

It's best

No, no, no, I'm still here. Yo, can I still come over?

Tom, what's gotten into you?

Of her being with someone--

Come on. You want some of this? Come on.

Oh. Help me.

MAN: Car!

Oh, Tom!

Get 'em, Miss von Hausen!

That's the way! Wait, Miss von Hausen.

I'm gonna make it do what it do.

I'll give you anything. Ah!

SARAH: Oh, Tom!

Come on, now! Buck 'em down!

RUMMY: Riley! Hey, Riley, look, man,

ANNOUNCER: Don't steal movies.

I need somewhere to hide. Niggas are shootin', man.

Niggas are shootin'? ED: Hey!

This the car that got pimped out by Xzibit.

Say, motherfucker, you on the phone or you talking to me?

Hello?

I'm talkin' to Riley.

SARAH: It's Sarah.

GRANDDAD: Damn. Hey, y'all see the new rims I got on my bike?

Large freshly popped popcorn, please. And lots of butter. This thing has a push-button starter like a racecar.

to her recital practice at 3, right?

Anything else?

Yes.

I asked for butter on it.

Butter's over there. Well, I'm in the studio with Snoop Doggy Dogg

Are you doing the music video thing again?

I don't wanna put the butter on it. Why can't you do it?

Whoa, whoa! What y'all doin'?

Gotta go, honey. Bye.

You're supposed to put the butter on it.

I don't wanna put the butter on it.

I'm already paying $20 for this bullshit popcorn.

I'm still burnin'

But how about, uh, tomorrow, cutie pie?

I will not demean myself Y'all can't take my granddad's car.

by putting butter on popcorn.

Stop, Ed.

Why? It's really easy. Why?

Don't want to STINKMEANER: Ha!

Because I don't work at the movie theater, that's why.

What the--?

You're supposed to put the butter on it. Who's out there? Boys! Boys, help me.

If I go to Burger King and order a cheeseburger,

Bruise you

they don't make me put the cheese on it, do

Let it burn

I see, I see. Just 'cause your skin is light, bright,

Let it burn

Gotta let it burn

and two shades from being white,

you think you too good to butter your own popcorn.

Oh

Well, you wrong, Lando Calrissian.

Oh, sweet Jesus!

Damn it, Ruckus. Y'all gonna put some butter on this popcorn.

It's burning. Oh, Lordy Lord.

VON HAUSEN: He saw it! He saw everything.

Hey, Tom. Shut the fuck up.

Tom, go away! I'm gonna call the police.

GRANDDAD: Boy, watch your mouth.

Did you hear that?

We put our lives on the line every day to make movies,

Man, I can't hear nothing over Granddad's gay-ass music.

Damn it. Hurry up, boy. Tell us who did it.

Now, you're gonna tell me who stole my car and then people come along and steal all that hard work.

Look out, new message.

or I'm gonna get my belt or a 2x4 and go upside your head!

Who would do something like that?

A terrible, awful human being that no one will ever love.

Could be worse.

That's who.

I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman.

I pays for my car!

Thank you for that perspective, Huey. I ain't getting it for him neither. Nope.

Hey. Get to the flick.

No problem. Why would he send a message from--?

What happened to the movies?

Y'all should be ashamed. In the street. What streets?

What the hell? Tom, what's going on?

Why is it when I order a soda pop,

I get a empty cup?

I didn't order a empty cup. Mm-mm. I can't do it, Granddad. I can't talk to the po-po.

I ordered a soda pop.

And what asshole started putting commercials in movies? Tell Granddad. He's not the police.

I can see commercials at home on TV. STINKMEANER: Oh, you running?

So this is the message you want to send

And the bathroom stink. Clean the fucking bathroom!

You promise not to tell?

to the young youth out here like myself Oh, my goodness, some black people are crazy.

I'm not gonna take it anymore!

I pay too much damn money for these movie tickets

and not love these ho's, huh?

W-w-w-what's all this? Oh! Ahhh!

to butter my own motherfucking popcorn!

Is this what's hot right now in the streets?

Goodness gracious to life.

It's only popcorn. How am I gonna get my butter beans?

Tom, what's wrong with you?

All for some white girl who left you for an R&B dancing-ass,

You on that stuff? Snap out of it, Tom.

sexy-flexy- ass nigga?

When did you get here? Cocaine's a hell of a drug.

Huh?

I'm sorry.

Well, I been at the ticket window all day long, that's why Daddy is

and I don't remember you buying no ticket, Don't snitch, Granddad.

Robert Freeman. They don't know nothin' unless you tell 'em.

Uh, I-I-I got my tickets online.

Aha! A damn lie. GRANDDAD: Damn it! Damn it. Come here.

"Ahhh" ain't my name.

I ain't never met a nigga MAN: Sir, please release the child.

smart enough to use a personal computer. Release the child. TOM: You're choking him out!

Not even a Macintosh.

HUEY: Stinkmeaner.

being the driving force Uh...

behind the "stop snitching" movement,

You'll never take me alive, you punk-asses.

Oh. Are you sure?

RUCKUS: Stop him!

Come on, come on.

He went this-a way. In 2000, rapper Gangstalicious reportedly assaulted

I mean, you like it here, don't you, Daddy?

This is a... And I'm taking y'all with me

with a tennis racket

Mm-hmm. in the first-class cabin on the ass-whupping express.

and a bottle of Hennessy on the set of a music video.

I don't know what we're gonna do, but we gotta do--

Whew. Did I miss anything?

Mr. Freeman... Guinness refused to cooperate with authorities.

I don't wanna steal the movie.

Guys. I just wanted to thank you

I wanna go home!

Yeah. Shh!

for letting me stay here.

What's wrong with you?

I wanna go home.

Not at all, Tom.

You wasn't saying that back at the house, was you? Drop the beat, drop the beat, ugh.

Bring it on, Huey. Was you? Because you wanted to see Soul Plane 2.

mmm, delicious

Well, this is how we see Soul Plane 2.

no doubt we gonna win this I repeat, the terrorist said his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,

Ooh. I got an idea.

I smacked Johnny Guinness

and he's demanding that we --

Tom. Get down here.

Hell, no, I ain't fitting to ask him

for his motherfucking autograph. STINKMEANER: Whoo, come on.

HUEY: An hour into the movie,

I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

MAN: We out of food, but we got

Yo. Look out.

Pass this bag of potato chips around.

Tom was facing an all-out revolt.

Please take one. Pass it...

TOM: Please, people! Riley Freeman will talk.

He's in here. I know Robert.

He don't miss a coon flick.

And this, sir, is an intervention.

What is it? What's happening?

An intervention? Your friends have

Shh. Don't make a sound.

from chronic bitch dependency, Mr. DuBois.

STINKMEANER: All right, here we go.

May I call you Tom?

Is this some kind of joke?

I promise you, Riley will talk soon.

Tom...bitch dependency

: Ooh. Damn.

is no laughing matter.

Let's go check Madea's Bat Mitzvah.

Addiction to a bitch can fuck with your friends, Get your bars up, nigga.

MAN: Attention, please, passengers.

your health, and scary enough, even your money.

If you left the toilet seat up in the restroom...

...faggot boy.

It's a disease, Tom.

MAN: Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!

Wait. What was your name again?

Well, thank you for asking. GRANDDAD: Yeah!

Officer, I'm sorry. STINKMEANER: Whoa! Yeah, I got you now.

I didn't mean to steal from the stuntman.

Get off me, you bitch ass, you faggot ass!

Wait. "A pimp"?

Named Slickback.

was withholding information.

Yes. Please say the whole thing if you would.

GRANDDAD: Not the lamp. No.

What were you about to do?

You were about to rat on us, weren't you?

This is what the movie theater industry wants, Jazmine.

Yes, Tom. Every time.

STINKMEANER: I'm a-kill you.

Us fighting against each other.

You beat me in the parking lot.

Now, you listen here, you little bitch. Oh-ho-ho-ho, no. There's no turning back now.

I-I don't think I need any help

I'm gonna ask you some real simple questions,

You're in it all the way. STINKMEANER: I want my parking space.

and I want some real simple answers.

Now you're gonna get your little narrow, high-yellow ass

And by

back into the theater and enjoy Soul Plane 2. Now, you pulled into the garage and went into the house at 9:15?

you mean a pimp?

I...wanna...go...home!

Uh, look, I'm not trying to insult you.

If I'm not mistaken, it was 9:15. motherfucker.

Shut up.

You're ruining my innocence!

Shut up. So you pulled into the garage

MAN: I expected to fly first-class.

and went into the house at 9:15?

I wanna go home.

MAN 2: Well, you ain't in first class.

Why we gotta put the nigga in my bed? You don't see me running around lookin' for a bitch.

I looked at my watch, and -- and, yes, mm-hm, mm, 9:15.

I know where all my bitches are,

Look at this. He's possessed by the ghost of Stinkmeaner.

So you're telling me, definitely, Granddad. What's wrong with Jazmine?

that you pulled into the garage

Boy, don't nobody listen to you. : I'm out here

and went into the house at 8:15?

She's fine. Watch the movie.

That's what the hell I thought.

Thank you, Grandma. What if he pees in the bed or vomit, or shoots a deuce?

Oh, that's crazy.

Now look at you: bitchless.

Look at this. I...wanna...go...home.

Now, you see something. You know you done fucked up, right?

HUEY: Granddad had to be stopped.

I've had enough. I'm going back upstairs.

Tom is possessed by an evil spirit

I'm gonna put an end to this... GRANDDAD: No! I said, no.

Tom, when we first let you stay here,

or die trying.

I said I pulled into the garage at --

HUEY: And so did this movie.

Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both.

You know you done fucked up, right?

It's only been two days. Coming.

Nigga, hush. You're living under my roof now.

Move, nigga.

Where you going? They're looking for us. But without Riley talking, the cops had nothing,

You know what? I know a great therapist.

Huey, come back.

I'll make an appointment today.

That...

Oh, this is crazy. Colored folks are something. RILEY: I know y'all seen niggas with spinning rims, right?

Well, hello, cutie pie.

But check it, check it, check it.

we've already paid Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback

I'm sayin', on a bike, though.

Well, hello.

a retainer of $2500.

HUEY: My plan was to get to the projector room

Robert, you shouldn't have.

and destroy the print of Soul Plane.

With your credit card.

Oh.

Man, niggas... Somebody get me out of here.

I was rushing, and-- A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK: Did you know

Oh, I think men who are comfortable with their bodies

Heh-heh. They just mad...

First, I had to go to the bathroom.

with a genetic predisposition are very sexy,

RILEY: I be like, ugh! Ugh!

to bitch dependency, Tom?

One problem black people have with snitching

And exactly when did you become a relationship counselor?

Jazmine, you're missing all the best parts.

Well, sharing this pimp knowledge

I'm not watching a stolen movie. And I like to cook, mostly pork.

for an exorbitant fee is my way of giving

Oh, well. If you don't wanna laugh.

something back to the community, Tom.

I like to clean too. Wow.

I want to help you, Tom. I do.

Oh, that's crazy. What's so funny?

But I need you to help me...

Oh, nothing. Hilarity just ensued, that's all.

No.

It did? Yeah, that's more the feds' thing.

Huh.

"Help me help you." Yeah, okay.

You see anything weird, you just give us a call,

Oh. Oh. Oh! Robert Freeman!

all right, buddy? Heh. Okay.

That was funny.

Darling, all the women of my cultu--

MAN: Hey, Bernard! You snitch-ass motherfucker!

Hm? Ah. STINKMEANER: Come here and fight like a man,

Say it. "Bitch." Yeah. Bitch.

Uh, yes, we've gotta call her that, Tom. I don't hear anything.

RUCKUS: It's about impossible

I'm sorry. After what she's done, STINKMEANER: I know you hear me, Robert!

in this dark theater.

not callin' her a bitch would be disrespectful to you.

Yo. I think we need to shake the spizzot.

I will not be ignored! Got a possessed nigga here,

he was charged with conspiracy Huh? What?

Now please continue, Tom.

and sentenced to a month in jail.

Well, my wife, Sarah--

GRANDDAD: Can't believe these little, young kids

I mean-- She's the best woman in the world.

Forget Jazmine. Let's go. But we couldn't.

Did you tell her that you got two sets of genitals?

She the weak link. She'll slow us down.

We've had a great life together until now.

I mean, how could we? Look, she a little girl. A vagina and a coochie. Oh, that's a conjunction.

gonna drink me a Red Bull, then I'm gonna wake up

They're not gonna give her no real time.

She do what? A couple months, tops.

I did everything I could, but if Riley doesn't talk,

But we both got priors. We gots to go.

Oh-- Oh, that? That's just the television.

they're both gonna be charged tomorrow.

Come on, Granddad. We running out of time.

Sometimes, This is real talk, nigga.

in order to save the day,

people have to sacrifice themselves,

What the hell is wrong with you? This ain't a movie, Riley.

you know what I'm saying?

You and Granddad about to go to jail.

Oh, Air Marshal 50 Cent. GRANDDAD: Wait, no. That's just the TV.

You're so brave It's not the fact that you obviously have a man

to sacrifice yourself to save us.

I tried to stop 'em!

possessed by an evil spirit strapped to a bed upstairs.

Not me, bitch. You.

Oh! Wait! Oh. Oh.

It's not? No.

It's the fact that you lied about it.

M-May I sit down over there next to Riley?

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK: It sounds to me, Tom,

Huh?

like some of the passion

has gone out of your marriage. STINKMEANER: You better leave.

Hey. Hold this. We be right back.

: You've reached

Okay.

It's a normal thing in long-term relationships.

of the Catholic Church.

If you know, you can tell me. I won't tell anybody.

Exactly. See, what Marx is saying If you would like to report sexual abuse--

is that the oppression of the proletariat

Damn, there's got to be somebody we can call for an exorcism.

is an essential facet of the exploitation Jazmine, are you wearing a wire?

STINKMEANER: You is a bitch!

inherent in the system.

So therefore, due to the class --

What the hell is this, a snitch-athon?

Man, there's snitches everywhere.

You little half-and-half.

Did you know that at least 75 percent of bitches

Hey there, boys.

suffer from some kind of hearing loss?

I came as fast as I could.

This alarming statistic means that more likely than not,

Ooh, this is uncomfortable.

So this is the plan... Uncle Ruckus.

HUEY: Oh, man.

RUCKUS: Let's get this party started.

to communicate with a bitch.

STINKMEANER: He's in there.

You got bad credit, Robert!

Whoa. What?

What--? What happened to my--? RUCKUS: Removing an evil-nigga spirit

Yeah, the problem is, we don't live in the future, Ed.

If she say, "No," hit the bitch. Simple.

We live in the present.

But I-- I couldn't hit Sarah.

Damn. It's not a cybernetic ear. It's a fuckin' cellphone headset.

Has not hittin' a bitch been working?

He's right there! has given us to fight niggas.

I mean, scientifically speaking, A whip, a noose, a nightstick, a branding iron.

has not hittin' the bitch achieved the desired results?

Hey!

No way. I just--

Have you seen that shit in the mirror?

I-- I-I can't. I-- I couldn't.

You look like you're going to a fuckin' comic-book convention.

Tom. I won't.

Tom, Take a deep breath.

It's okay. People have phobias.

STINKMEANER: You ain't right, Robert.

GUARD: Yeah. RUCKUS: The nigga will lie.

Hold up, hold up. I'm getting a call.

you can't go upside a bitch's head.

Yeah. What's good, baby?

Okay. We can beat this.

Tom, this is my bottom bitch, If he gets really desperate, he may start to rap or dance.

Sweetest Taboo.

Now, she's gonna help you learn how to STINKMEANER: You all, uh, testicles

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

reestablish dominance at home.

I ain't seen no naked pictures, girl.

Send them to my Sidekick.

Hello. Heh.

Taboo will be playing the role of your wife.

There's powerful niggadry at work here.

Now, approach Taboo,

grab her arm firmly

RUCKUS: Ah... Who's there, huh?

...wrong house.

Okay.

Sarah, get your behind--

I been waiting on this day

Yeah, yeah, I'm still here. Motherfucker done shot me.

since your little uppity ass came into town.

Do I have to call her a bitch, really?

Yes, Tom. You have to call her a bitch.

GRANDDAD: I don't get it.

Trust me on this one.

I've done the research. Now, try again.

Why your dumbass robbing people?

'Cause I'm an American. Shit.

It's the American way, man. Shit.

Bitch, get your behind--

Is that all you got, nigga? You won't kill me, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

Ass.

See, as I broke it down to Ed, pops,

That's just the tip of this iceberg.

You'll only die trying. if people don't have a need, then there won't be no demand,

Read, nigga, read!

No! Kiss my ass, you little-dick, faggot motherfucker.

Or, uh, I'm, uh--

Or... Turns out Ed and Rummy were breaking into homes

Or I'm gonna die...

with Usher in the first place!

trying.

What? What?

You thought you was the only one which was owned by Ed's grandfather.

who mastered the ancient and deadly art of the nunchaku?

It's now tragically obvious

The irony is, Granddad had already signed up

that reasoning with the bitch

for Wuncler Security.

is not gonna work, Tom.

You have to hit her. Repeat after me the holy phrase:

I am an assistant district attorney, for chrissake.

Heh. Well, now, y'all get it right next time.

Tom...

you have to get past this. Nigga, get your black ass outta here.

It's okay, faggot...really. RUCKUS: Yeah, take that

See, faggot? She just gave you permission.

Hey, thanks for being so cool about this, pops. outta here.

Ah. My chin-- You see that?

Anyway, Granddad got his car back, and that was that.

Bitch is hittin' you. All right, lady.

Okay-- Ow!

You're definitely allowed by law to hit her now, Tom. ALL: Nigga, get your black ass

It's self-defense. I didn't do anything.

Okay? Sweetest Taboo, Hey, Ed, give your granddaddy my best.

ALL: Nigga, get your black ass

This isn't an exorcism, it's a beating.

This is my state-of-the-art surveillance center.

They did it.

Why does a pimp need a surveillance center?

ALL: Nigga, get your black ass

Here's 50.

Ah...

is state-of-the-art bitch surveillance.

Your mothers ain't shit.

Come, negro-san. Them ain't no negroes! It couldn't be them.

your wife's conversations and e-mails.

Daddy, I've got transcripts of all her conversations today. HUEY: Several hours later,

WOMAN: No way.

No mention of Usher.

I'm hacking into her e-mail now,

That was great, Granddad.

but, tsk, this computer is running a bit slow.

Boy, I wish we could've seen the end of that movie.

I don't know. he's got nigga in him.

I feel bad for leaving Huey and what's-her-name.

Bitch, don't start with that

They knew the risks.

Ow! So they might do a little time.

You say that shit every time a new iMac comes out. GHOSTFACE: What the fuck is wrong

We see 'em when they get out.

Uh...it doesn't seem right.

You ain't slick. You better

I'm going back and turning myself in. and what you gonna say to the cops?

and stop playin' with me.

Turn yourself--? Man--

Yes, Daddy.

Granddad, look, come on.

Someone stole my bike. I mean, I love Huey. Almost like a brother.

Does she have a MySpace page? Can you just tell me what to do, so I can go to bed?

But what's done is done. We got to let go of the past.

Spinning, baby!

I don't think Sarah would have a--

If he don't come back, can I have his side of the room?

Huh.

Uh, since when did she have a MySpace page?

Ah, come on, Granddad. Peace? Peace? Peace.

You know what her password might be?

You supposed to be setting a better example.

Stinkmeaner, you hate black people, don't you?

You just wait till the manager gets here.

each other's middle names as passwords,

I sure do.

He gonna throw the book at both of y'all.

That's L-A-N-- Got it. I mean, I hate everyone in general,

This is the worst day...

Password is "Usher." Here we go.

Nothin'.

Where's your bike? of my entire life.

They're getting together at 3:00

I wouldn't exactly call them people, but yeah.

Told you.

That's in an hour. We have to go.

Yeah, I have a deep distaste for Negroids.

I hope you got some insurance on those spinners.

Here's the guardian for the kids.

That's right, Ruckus. Right, right. And, Stinkmeaner, I bet you hate rap music.

We snuck into the movie, too.

then going there won't help.

We? You said you was gonna turn yourself in. Thank you for not snitching!

I paid you $2000, and $500 as well.

Heh-heh. "Stanky-booty." Please. Let the kids go. I'll take responsibility.

I must say that's a brilliant observation, 'Meaner.

Now, Tom, I hope you can appreciate

Look like y'all all going down.

our no-refunds policy. a nigga moment

How about a complimentary date with Sweetest Taboo?

The manager's not coming.

Cinema's closed indefinitely.

No, no, no.

Looks like everyone walked out. Something about a union.

and we're going now.

What? The manager ain't coming?

Ohh...

Well, call the police.

The FBI. Homeland Security.

Yeah, bitch. Let's go.

You mean, we gonna let

this African hooliganism go unpunished?

You have problems, Mr. Freeman, and you need help.

Thanks for coming back...

eventually.

Yo, you need to stop snitching, Granddad.

Ah. Ow. Hey.

Why don't you call social services

and turn yourself in for child abuse?

Remember to hit the bitch.

Hey, man. : Hey, guys.

Thank you so much for doing that. I mean, you guys

You guys unionized and staged a walkout that quickly?

just went above and beyond.

I mean, really--

That's amazing.

Oh, yeah. We unionized.

I mean, bitch...

Then someone called the corporate headquarters,

and they shut down the whole place. Possessed or not, you gonna fix my damn house.

Fired everybody.

Oh. You gonna have another demon,

Well, um...

power to the people?

Fuck you.

Tom, please calm down a real good question.

and let me go.

Why are you in my bed?

All the beds in this house

Well, that's that.

I think we all learned a valuable lesson today

about stealing movies.

Buy the bootleg.

Or just download it from the Internet

like everybody else.

Ah!

The hell--? TOM: You can't have my wife!

Tom!

Daddy. What did you do to Usher?

Hey. Can you guys wait here a sec?

There's something I need to take care of.

Daddy. Leave Usher alone.

What are you doing?

Why are you trying to kill Usher?

Yes, Super Fly. What did Usher ever do to you?

Jazmine wanted to meet Usher.

You're an animal.

Is Usher okay?

So you're not--? No.

GUARD: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Easy, boys.

Ow!

Yeah, nigga.

TOM: Oh, okay. I see what this is.

SARAH: Stop! Don't hurt him.

He didn't mean it.

He was trying to hit me.

Tom! TOM:

I'm sorry, Usher!

USHER: Shut the fuck up,