All language subtitles for The.Boondocks.S02E03.1080p.WEBRip.DD.2.0.X265-Ralphy_track3_[eng]

I love you, Mommy.

MAN: This is our target --
the nuclear power plant.

If we capture the plane
at precisely the right moment,

Yo.
What up?

they will not have time
to shoot down the aircraft.

Yeah, I see you, too.
What you want, nigga?

Oh, man, same shit.
What's up with you?

MAN:
If they hit that power plant

The fuck you mean,
"What's up with me?"

the casualties could be
in the hundreds of thousands.

Your voice sounds
real sexy right now.

God help us all.

Say what?

Okay. Ready?

You wanna talk to me
later on?

No, I don't wanna talk
later on, motherfucker.

ANNOUNCER: ...except...

What the fuck
is wrong with you?!

What the fuck's so sexy
about my voice?

What? What is this CPT?

Aw, man, my bad.
I was on the phone.

None for me,
thanks.

Tom, I think you can have
WOMAN:
That means the plane is gonna

a second glass
on your anniversary.

I'm driving, sweetie-pooh.

ANNOUNCER: They picked the wrong airline.

Bitches like this shit, man.

And don't come up here
complaining and shit.

They be thinkin' I'm one
of them Mens in Black

You motherfuckers wanna
come on here
or somethin' like that,
you know?

and act a goddamn fool?

could kill me or you,
or somebody's baby.

I'm about to go on break.

You motherfucking terrorists
kill me.
They be wondering where
the black limo is at

I'd spend the next 20 years
in jail being--

when they see --
All they see is the headpiece,

BOTH:
Anally raped.

Yeah, let's talk more

about your violated rectum.
ANNOUNCER: Come see why black incompetence...

Oh, I find it
so romantic.

TOM: Hey, I'm just saying--

Whoo, whoo!

Goddamn, that bitch
phat as a motherfucker.

So...

Last week, right,
I was in the strip club, right.
...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.

No, thank you.

I had titties in one hand,
titties in the other hand.

We can't let you through,
homey.

Hey, this is Osama bin Laden
nephew, nigga.

I had two hands
full of titties.

Well, I-- I'm --
I'm once removed. I-I--

That's bigger
than two scoops of raisins.

No --
I just fucking with you, dawg.

I'm still talkin' to my
accountant at the same time.

Go ahead, nigga.

ANNOUNCER: Starring Gary Anthony Williams.
What's not to like
about that?

But you know what they say --
when it's your time to go,

it's your time to go. John Witherspoon.

or when you're talkin'
on the goddamn phone.

What if it's the motherfucker
next to me time to go? Huh?

Second, when people
wear those things,

Mo'Nique.
It's very important

TOM:
Ah. Now, that's what
There's a name for people
who talk to theyselves, Ed.

this plane leave on time.

Damn. Now, are you yelling
at me or shitting at me?

Snoop Dogg.
Hijacked?

Them niggas ain't getting
my wizzie fo' shizzle, nigga.

I don't know what to do
with my hands now.

You know what I'm saying? And 50 Cent
Be that as it may, no technology
is worth my dignity.

as Air Marshal 50 Cent.

If talking on a wireless headset
mean I gotta look

...people are looking.

I'll stop
those terrorists...

Tom, please.

or die trying.

Besides, there's a reason

Honey. Honey, maybe this isn't
the best place to be singing--

It lets people around you know
you're talkin' on the phone.
Get ready. This time, it's going down.

So those people know not
to waste time talkin' to you

This is a hijacking.
Remain in your seats --

Yay. All done.

No, this nigga
didn't.

We have a bomb on the aircraft.

Everyone remain --

Good.

SARAH:
Yay.

Ah! Oh, my God.

when you bend over.
I like that a lot.

What is it, honey?

Wait. Is that Usher?

I'm about to go
get dressed.

Yes! Oh, my God.

I hate these
fucking headsets.

He's coming over.

We gonna fly on the
Soul Plane!

I can't believe this.

TOM:
Oh, sweetie,

Hey, how you doin', babe?

Hi, uh, uh, Mr. Usher.

I-- I can't believe
it's you.

I'm Sarah.

You have a beautiful smile,
Sarah.

A while for me?

SARAH:
I love this song.

Oh, wonderful.

Thank you very much.
Oh. Oh, God.

Uh--

That was beautiful.
It's just what I do.

Oh, um, this is,
uh...Tom.

Yes, I'm Tom. Just Tom.

GRANDDAD:
Riley, hurry up.

USHER:
Hey, how

The police were talking

to everyone on our street for clues.

SARAH:
You are so interesting.

We gonna fly on
the Soul Plane!

Well, almost everyone.

If you don't
mind me asking,

And make sure you pee
before we leave.

I ain't gonna miss my movie

going to the bathroom
with you.

Officer, I'm not finished.

I'm gonna let you go in there
by yourself

Hello, sir,
I'm Officer Calloway.
and get molested
by a nasty white man.

It's not just the music.
I have seen all of your movies.

What's wrong with you?

I don't wanna go to the movie.
Why not?

Uh...cheers.
I don't ever wanna go
to the movies with you again.

I loved Light It Up.

Not after
what happened last time.

I named my dog Light It Up.
Girl, please.

What happened last time?

We got arrested. And shot at.

is a common trait with black people.

So funny.
She's my manager.

Ah. Racism.

Daddy said I can go
to the movies,

I'll call her.
Hee-hee-hee.

but he said I'm not allowed
to see Soul Plane.
are culturally inclined against snitching.

Good. You don't wanna go
to the movies with him.

Okay, one more.

He's crazy.
Hush.

Please, we gotta get one more.
Look at that one.

Can't see Soul Plane?
Why, little baby?

Man, fuck yo' mama!

Because of the types
of stereos or something.

It'd be good
for my vocals.

Types of stereos?
an unwritten rule about snitching

Oh. No, no, no,
little baby doll.

USHER:
I'm gonna
has become a full-blown "stop snitching" movement,

Wouldn't let that shit
happen to me though.

This is a good theater.
They have THX.

USHER:
You rollin' with Ush.

Take the murder of 19-year-old Jermaine "Lojack" Walker,

She means stereotypes.

Stereotypes? In Soul Plane?
That's nonsense.

in the middle of a summer afternoon

Say, how about we tell
your daddy

Yes, yes,
I see the ears.

we saw something else, hm?

Nobody even called the cops. They all just went home.

You mean...lie?

the slightest bit
inappropriate?

That really doesn't seem to be
a good idea.

Hush, boy.

You know,

it's okay to break
the rules

He asked me
to send him the pictures.

every once
in a while.

I won't tell
if you won't.
You damn right, Mr. Policeman!
I saw the whole thing!

Okay. Hee-hee.

which make sense,
because she's 10.

HUEY: Sometimes I think Granddad may be a bad influence.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means you're
a bit old to be acting

Hey, Riley. Don't forget
the camcorder.

like some screaming TRL groupie.

...every cookout...

Now, the first Soul Plane
was funny.

Pfft. About as funny
as a lynching.
...every wedding...

Oh, hush, boy.
You ain't even see it.

Stop the car!

I never seen
a lynching, either,

but I know
they not funny.

Where I live,

See? Shows what you know.
I've seen funny lynchings.

No, you haven't.
I have so.

They even have a club for snitches.

Roscoe Patterson's lynching
was funny.

It's called the neighborhood watch.

Yeah, so them
niggas was like,

"Roscoe, you better
leaves town

Hold it right there, boy!

"before Mr. Charlie
and them crackers

Woodcrest
neighborhood watch.

gonna come for you."

Now, where was you at 11:00
last night, huh? Huh?!

I'm like, "Man,
fuck them crackers, man.

Come on, now!
Don't lie to me, nigga!
This is Roscoe Patterson."
Nigga, I don't give a fuck.

Nigga, I was in bed.

I just don't
give a fuck.

That nigga's my age.

Know what I'm saying?
White man can eat a dick.

So you guys don't think
I'm overreacting?

Eat my balls,
nigga.

I don't think so.

MAN: There he is!
Get that nigger.

You're a bigtime lawyer,

Uh-oh.
The law say
when the bicycle stop,

Come on,
let's go!
the wheels
supposed to stop.

MAN: Oh, shoot, he's fast!
Watch out!

It, uh, wasn't really
funny after that.

You can't hear
the movie.

Mm-mm.

This is gonna be so much fun.
I'm calling the police.
Stop!

This is going to be...

OLD MAN:
Can we bring in the Army?

...the worst day
of your life.
How long will we wait
on the police to protect us?

Oh, I didn't say
she was cheating.

I'm bringing nunchucks.
Can we bring in
the Army?!

This is a tragedy.
Huh?

The white man ain't never
done nothin' to nobody,

I say toss her groupie ass
out the window

and let that ho stargaze
from outside.

and he don't deserve this.

Now, Riley,
there's never a place

for violence
in a relationship.

People, calm down.

There sure seemed to be a place
at the restaurant last night.

We've let the predators
think we're weak.

Here, put these coats on.

She made you look like a bitch
in front of Usher.

Huh?

Boy, watch
your mouth.

Probably
started out charitable.

GRANDDAD:
Here you go.
It was them Freeman boys.

What is it?

It's pinto beans
and neck bones.

But, Granddad, she did make
Mr. DuBois look like a bitch.

Now put this meat loaf
and gravy under your shirt.

Yeah, I said it.

Why don't we just get treats
from the concession stand?
-Now, Ruckus, that's crazy.
-If they're so innocent,

but find a different way
to say it.

Next thing you know,

you rubbin' against
that silky white skin. Oh.

You think I'm paying $20
for some popcorn?

RUCKUS: Yeah.
Why wouldn't they?

But I don't know
the non-curse way

You must be out
of your damn mind.

to say he got bitched.

Humiliated,
castrated, emasc--

Are we allowed
to bring in food?

Of course we're allowed to.

I love talking
to the police.

It's my food, isn't it?
I paid for it.
We're gonna go check 'em out.

That means I can eat it
when and where I want.

If you lost
your ho to T.I.,

I'd be like,
"Hey, that's T.I."

Boy, put this pot roast in
your pants or you ain't eating.

Oh, this is nothing.
He's just getting started.

is not
a law-enforcement agency.

You better check that ho,
Mr. DuBois.

You know what?
You guys are right.

No interrogations!

HUEY: Robert Jebediah Freeman

had sworn a lifetime intifada

and ask them to join
the neighborhood watch,

against the movie theater industry

for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,

want to go to a basketball game
just to see the game,

And let's all of us reach out
to all our other neighbors

which, interestingly enough,

come back with one of them
NBA niggas out of sympathy?

did not stop him from going to see movies.

Okay, gang.
Keep your eyes open.

She wanted to be
entertained.

Open for what?

We're sneaking in.

Oh, the white woman's
got a big heart.

That's not true,
little baby.

I bought my tickets online.
Scout's honor.

Look. Granddad.

I got some money saved.
The movie will be on me.

Now, you put that away,
boy.

These movie devils
ain't getting

any more of our money.

Mm-mm.

Uh...Mr. Freeman?

Ask the question,
Miss von Hausen.

It says, "No outside food,"
little girl.

Is your granddad home?

That's why we keep it
inside our clothes.

VON HAUSEN:
Mr. Freeman,

Are you sure
this is legal?

Granddad.
Mr. DuBois' at the door.

Now, as you know, we've had
some home invasions recently.

Okay, everybody, look alive now.
Here's our chance.

You's a bitch.

-Mm-hm.
-We were concerned to hear

I understand
you need your job,
that you refused
to talk to the police.

but you're still
a human being with dignity.

I would love to
let you crash,

Yeah, I mean,
look at this uniform, man.
No snitchin'.

I look like
a fucking dork.

Why would they make me dress
like this?
You've also refused
our previous invitations

What did I do
to them, huh?

to join
the neighborhood watch,
You should take action.

and we could use
your support.

Ah. What can I do?

Our motto is:
Neighbors watching neighbors.

Thank you so much,
Robert.

See, boys? See why

Have you ever thought about
forming a union?

Oh, I'm watchin', all right.
I'm watchin' this neighborhood

What's a "union"?

MAN:
Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
become a bunch
of damn tattletales.

I paid.
I got my ticket.

Good one, granddad.

Yeah, yeah. I got
a ticket for you.

You killin' 'em.

A one-way ticket
to "Get the hell
Property was stolen,
Mr. Freeman.

out of here, negro"
land.

Go on! Move it!

The sanctity of our
community was violated.

Tough titty.

I ain't got time
for this bullshit.

Nigga, you gay.

How about that?

See it's burnin' me
to hold onto this.

Another victory
of the common man

over corporate greed.

You're not advancing
any struggle
RUCKUS: Sorry he touched you,
Miss von Hausen.

by being cheap,
Granddad.

I'll advance my belt
on your behind

if you don't shut
your ass.

Oh, my God.
You almost touched
Miss von Hausen!

I didn't pay
to get in the movie.

I love you

Uh, yes, we did. I --
I ordered my tickets online.

It's just, I feel like this

Who got the neck bones?

No, you didn't.

is coming to an end.

We snuck in.

We stole a movie.

Now, who makes the rules?

Grownups, right?

And I'm grown up,
and I say it's okay.

We're gonna
get caught.

We're gonna
get caught.

I should call my daddy
and turn myself in.

Oh, yeah?
You gonna tell him

-Shh-shh-Shh.

what you came to see, huh?

I bet he'd like
to know that.

Maybe I should make
a phone call.
RUCKUS: Oh...

No. Please, no.

Good. Now just
calm down.

RUCKUS: Mm-hm.

Try some mashed potatoes.
Who got the popcorn?

ED: If you had
a headset like mine,

I do, Granddad.

Nah, baby, I'm still here.

Ow! Hey.

What the hell is wrong
with you?

What am I gonna do
with raw popcorn?

VON HAUSEN:
What was that?

You're gonna ruin my dentures.

Whew. Damn, can't watch
a movie without popcorn.

Heh. Word down at the gym
is that he done wore

Now I gotta spend
all my damn money

I gotta deal with

on a bucket
of popcorn.

Hear that?
Sounds like niggas.

Told you.

USHER:

RUCKUS: What you see,
Miss von Hausen?

When your feeling

Shit, he -- he just hatin'
'cause, see,

You gotta let it go

Jumpin' like it used to

Oh, shit!

RUCKUS: Buck 'em down,
Miss von Hausen!

Let it burn

We're takin' fire! Run!

-RUCKUS: Get them negroes!
-ED: They shootin'!

It's best

No, no, no, I'm still here.
Yo, can I still come over?

Of her being with someone--

Come on. You want
some of this? Come on.

Oh. Help me.

MAN:
Car!

Get 'em,
Miss von Hausen!

That's the way!
Wait, Miss von Hausen.

I'll give you anything. Ah!

Come on, now!
Buck 'em down!

RUMMY: Riley!
Hey, Riley, look, man,

ANNOUNCER: Don't steal movies.

I need somewhere to hide.
Niggas are shootin', man.

Niggas are shootin'?
ED: Hey!

This the car that got
pimped out by Xzibit.

Say, motherfucker, you on the
phone or you talking to me?

Hello?

I'm talkin' to Riley.

SARAH: It's Sarah.

GRANDDAD: Damn.
Hey, y'all see the new rims
I got on my bike?

Large freshly popped popcorn,
please. And lots of butter.
This thing has a push-button
starter like a racecar.

to her recital practice at 3, right?

Anything else?

Yes.

I asked
for butter on it.

Butter's over there.

Are you doing the music video thing again?

I don't wanna put the butter
on it. Why can't you do it?

Whoa, whoa!
What y'all doin'?

Gotta go, honey. Bye.

You're supposed to
put the butter on it.

I don't wanna
put the butter on it.

I'm already paying $20
for this bullshit popcorn.

I'm still burnin'

I will not demean myself
Y'all can't take
my granddad's car.

by putting butter
on popcorn.

Stop, Ed.

Why? It's really easy.
Why?

Don't want to

Because I don't work at
the movie theater, that's why.

You're supposed to put
the butter on it.

If I go to Burger King
and order a cheeseburger,

Bruise you

they don't make me put
the cheese on it, do

Let it burn

I see, I see. Just 'cause
your skin is light, bright,

Let it burn

Gotta let it burn

and two shades
from being white,

you think you too good
to butter your own popcorn.

Oh

Well, you wrong,
Lando Calrissian.

Oh, sweet Jesus!

Damn it, Ruckus. Y'all gonna
put some butter on this popcorn.

It's burning.

VON HAUSEN: He saw it!
He saw everything.

Hey, Tom.
Shut the fuck up.

GRANDDAD:
Boy, watch your mouth.

We put our lives on the line
every day to make movies,

Damn it. Hurry up, boy.
Tell us who did it.

Now, you're gonna tell me
who stole my car
and then people come along
and steal all that hard work.

or I'm gonna get my belt or a
2x4 and go upside your head!

Who would do something
like that?

A terrible, awful human being
that no one will ever love.

Could be worse.

That's who.

I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman.

I pays for my car!

Thank you for that
perspective, Huey.

Hey. Get to the flick.

No problem.

What happened
to the movies?

Y'all should be
ashamed.
In the street.
What streets?

Why is it
when I order a soda pop,

I get a empty cup?

I didn't order
a empty cup.
Mm-mm. I can't do it, Granddad.
I can't talk to the po-po.

I ordered a soda pop.

And what asshole started putting
commercials in movies?
Tell Granddad.
He's not the police.

I can see commercials
at home on TV.

So this is the message
you want to send

And the bathroom stink.
Clean the fucking bathroom!

You promise not to tell?

to the young youth
out here like myself

I'm not gonna
take it anymore!

I pay too much damn money
for these movie tickets

and not love
these ho's, huh?

W-w-w-what's all this?

to butter my own
motherfucking popcorn!

Is this what's hot
right now in the streets?

It's only popcorn.
How am I gonna get
my butter beans?

All for some white girl who
left you for an R&B dancing-ass,

sexy-flexy-
ass nigga?

When did you
get here?

Huh?

I'm sorry.

Well, I been at
the ticket window all day long,
that's why Daddy is

and I don't remember you
buying no ticket,
Don't snitch, Granddad.

Robert Freeman.
They don't know nothin'
unless you tell 'em.

Uh, I-I-I got my tickets
online.

Aha! A damn lie.
GRANDDAD: Damn it!
Damn it. Come here.

I ain't never
met a nigga
MAN: Sir, please
release the child.

smart enough to use
a personal computer.
Release the child.
TOM: You're choking him out!

Not even a Macintosh.

being the driving force
Uh...

behind the "stop snitching" movement,

You'll never take me alive,
you punk-asses.

Oh. Are you sure?

RUCKUS:
Stop him!

Come on, come on.

He went this-a way.
In 2000, rapper Gangstalicious reportedly assaulted

I mean, you like it here,
don't you, Daddy?

This is a...

with a tennis racket

Mm-hmm.

and a bottle of Hennessy on the set of a music video.

I don't know what we're
gonna do, but we gotta do--

Whew.
Did I miss anything?

Mr. Freeman...
Guinness refused to cooperate with authorities.

I don't wanna steal the movie.

Guys. I just
wanted to thank you

I wanna go home!

Shh!

for letting me stay here.

What's wrong with you?

I wanna go home.

Not at all, Tom.

You wasn't saying that
back at the house, was you?
Drop the beat,
drop the beat, ugh.

Was you? Because you wanted
to see Soul Plane 2.

mmm, delicious

Well, this is how
we see Soul Plane 2.

no doubt we gonna win this
I repeat, the terrorist said
his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,

Ooh. I got an idea.

I smacked Johnny Guinness

and he's demanding
that we --

Tom. Get
down here.

Hell, no, I ain't fitting to ask him

for his motherfucking autograph.

HUEY: An hour into the movie,

I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

MAN: We out of food, but we got

Yo. Look out.

Pass this bag of potato chips around.

Tom was facing an all-out revolt.

Please take one. Pass it...

TOM: Please, people!
Riley Freeman will talk.

He's in here.
I know Robert.

He don't miss a coon flick.

And this, sir,
is an intervention.

What is it?
What's happening?

An intervention?
Your friends have

Shh. Don't make a sound.

from chronic bitch
dependency, Mr. DuBois.

May I call you Tom?

Is this some kind
of joke?

I promise you,
Riley will talk soon.

Tom...bitch dependency

: Ooh.
Damn.

is no laughing matter.

Let's go check Madea's Bat Mitzvah.

Addiction to a bitch
can fuck with your friends,

MAN: Attention, please, passengers.

your health, and scary enough,
even your money.

If you left the toilet seat up in the restroom...

...faggot boy.

It's a disease,
Tom.

MAN: Yeah, that's what
I'm talkin' about!

Wait. What was your name again?

Well, thank you for asking.

Officer,
I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to steal
from the stuntman.

Wait. "A pimp"?

Named Slickback.

was withholding information.

Yes. Please say the whole
thing if you would.

What were you about to do?

You were about to rat on us,
weren't you?

This is what the movie theater
industry wants, Jazmine.

Yes, Tom.
Every time.

Us fighting against
each other.

Now, you listen here,
you little bitch.
Oh-ho-ho-ho, no.
There's no turning back now.

I-I don't think
I need any help

I'm gonna ask you
some real simple questions,

You're in it
all the way.

and I want some
real simple answers.

Now you're gonna get your little
narrow, high-yellow ass

And by

back into the theater
and enjoy Soul Plane 2.
Now, you pulled into the garage
and went into the house at 9:15?

you mean a pimp?

I...wanna...go...home!

Uh, look, I'm not
trying to insult you.

If I'm not mistaken,
it was 9:15.

Shut up.

You're ruining
my innocence!

Shut up.
So you pulled into the garage

MAN: I expected to fly first-class.

and went into the house
at 9:15?

I wanna go home.

MAN 2: Well, you ain't in first class.

You don't see me running around
lookin' for a bitch.

I looked at my watch, and --
and, yes, mm-hm, mm, 9:15.

I know where all
my bitches are,

Look at this.

So you're telling me,
definitely,
Granddad. What's wrong
with Jazmine?

that you pulled
into the garage

: I'm out here

and went into the house
at 8:15?

She's fine.
Watch the movie.

That's what the hell
I thought.

Thank you, Grandma.

Oh, that's crazy.

Now look at you: bitchless.

Look at this.
I...wanna...go...home.

Now, you see something. You know
you done fucked up, right?

HUEY: Granddad had to be stopped.

I've had enough.
I'm going back upstairs.

I'm gonna put an end
to this...
GRANDDAD:
No! I said, no.

Tom, when we first
let you stay here,

or die trying.

I said I pulled
into the garage at --

HUEY: And so did this movie.

Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both.

You know you done
fucked up, right?

It's only been
two days.

Nigga, hush. You're living
under my roof now.

Move, nigga.

Where you going?
They're looking for us.
But without Riley talking, the cops had nothing,

You know what?
I know a great therapist.

Huey, come back.

I'll make an appointment
today.

That...

Oh, this is crazy.
Colored folks are something.
RILEY: I know y'all seen niggas
with spinning rims, right?

But check it,
check it, check it.

we've already paid
Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback

I'm sayin',
on a bike, though.

a retainer of $2500.

HUEY: My plan was to get to the projector room

Robert, you shouldn't have.

and destroy the print of Soul Plane.

With your credit card.

Oh.

Man, niggas...
Somebody get me out of here.

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
Did you know

Heh-heh.
They just mad...

First, I had to go to the bathroom.

with a genetic
predisposition

RILEY:
I be like, ugh! Ugh!

to bitch
dependency, Tom?

One problem black people have with snitching

And exactly when did you become
a relationship counselor?

Jazmine, you're missing
all the best parts.

Well, sharing
this pimp knowledge

I'm not watching
a stolen movie.

for an exorbitant fee
is my way of giving

Oh, well.
If you don't wanna laugh.

something back
to the community, Tom.

I want to help you,
Tom. I do.

Oh, that's crazy.
What's so funny?

But I need you to
help me...

Oh, nothing. Hilarity
just ensued, that's all.

It did?
Yeah, that's more
the feds' thing.

Huh.

"Help me help you."
Yeah, okay.

You see anything weird,
you just give us a call,

Oh. Oh. Oh!

all right, buddy?
Heh. Okay.

That was funny.

MAN: Hey, Bernard!
You snitch-ass motherfucker!

Hm? Ah.

Say it. "Bitch." Yeah.
Bitch.

Uh, yes, we've gotta
call her that, Tom.

RUCKUS:
It's about impossible

I'm sorry.
After what she's done,

in this dark theater.

not callin' her a bitch
would be disrespectful to you.

Yo. I think we need
to shake the spizzot.

he was charged with conspiracy
Huh? What?

Now please continue,
Tom.

and sentenced to a month in jail.

Well, my wife, Sarah--

GRANDDAD: Can't believe
these little, young kids

I mean-- She's the best
woman in the world.

Forget Jazmine. Let's go.
But we couldn't.

She the weak link.
She'll slow us down.

We've had a great life
together until now.

I mean, how could we?
Look, she a little girl.

gonna drink me a Red Bull,
then I'm gonna wake up

They're not gonna give her
no real time.

She do what?
A couple months, tops.

I did everything I could,
but if Riley doesn't talk,

But we both got priors.
We gots to go.

they're both
gonna be charged tomorrow.

Come on, Granddad.
We running out of time.

Sometimes,

in order to save the day,

people have to sacrifice
themselves,

What the hell is wrong with you?
This ain't a movie, Riley.

you know what
I'm saying?

You and Granddad
about to go to jail.

Oh, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

You're so brave

to sacrifice yourself
to save us.

I tried to stop 'em!

Not me, bitch. You.

Oh! Wait! Oh. Oh.

M-May I sit down
over there next to Riley?

A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK:
It sounds to me, Tom,

like some of
the passion

has gone out of
your marriage.

Hey. Hold this.
We be right back.

Okay.

It's a normal thing
in long-term relationships.

If you know, you can tell me.
I won't tell anybody.

Exactly. See,
what Marx is saying

is that the oppression
of the proletariat

is an essential facet
of the exploitation
Jazmine, are you
wearing a wire?

inherent in the system.

So therefore,
due to the class --

What the hell is this,
a snitch-athon?

Man, there's snitches
everywhere.

You little
half-and-half.

Did you know that at least
75 percent of bitches

Hey there, boys.

suffer from some kind
of hearing loss?

This alarming statistic
means that more likely than not,

Ooh, this is
uncomfortable.

HUEY: Oh, man.

to communicate
with a bitch.

He's in there.

Whoa. What?

What--? What happened
to my--?

Yeah, the problem is,
we don't live in the future, Ed.

If she say, "No,"
hit the bitch. Simple.

We live in the present.

But I-- I couldn't
hit Sarah.

Damn.
It's not a cybernetic ear. It's
a fuckin' cellphone headset.

Has not hittin' a bitch
been working?

He's right there!

I mean,
scientifically speaking,

has not hittin' the bitch
achieved the desired results?

Hey!

No way. I just--

Have you seen that shit
in the mirror?

I-- I-I can't. I-- I couldn't.

You look like you're going to
a fuckin' comic-book convention.

Tom.
I won't.

Tom, Take a deep breath.

It's okay. People have phobias.

GUARD: Yeah.

Hold up, hold up.
I'm getting a call.

you can't go upside
a bitch's head.

Yeah.
What's good, baby?

Okay. We can beat this.

Tom, this is
my bottom bitch,

Sweetest Taboo.

Now, she's gonna
help you learn how to

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

reestablish dominance
at home.

I ain't seen
no naked pictures, girl.

Send them to my Sidekick.

Hello. Heh.

Taboo will be playing
the role of your wife.

Now, approach
Taboo,

grab her arm
firmly

RUCKUS: Ah...
Who's there, huh?

...wrong house.

Okay.

Sarah,
get your behind--

I been waiting
on this day

Yeah, yeah, I'm still here.
Motherfucker done shot me.

since your little uppity ass
came into town.

Do I have to call her
a bitch, really?

Yes, Tom. You have to
call her a bitch.

GRANDDAD: I don't get it.

Trust me
on this one.

I've done the research.
Now, try again.

Why your dumbass
robbing people?

'Cause I'm an American.
Shit.

It's the American way, man.
Shit.

Bitch, get
your behind--

You won't kill me, Air Marshal 50 Cent.

Ass.

See, as I broke it down
to Ed, pops,

You'll only die trying.
if people don't have a need,
then there won't be no demand,

Kiss my ass, you little-dick,
faggot motherfucker.

Or, uh, I'm, uh--

Or...
Turns out Ed and Rummy were breaking into homes

Or I'm gonna die...

with Usher
in the first place!

trying.

What? What?

You thought you was the only one
which was owned by Ed's grandfather.

who mastered the ancient
and deadly art of the nunchaku?

It's now tragically
obvious

The irony is, Granddad had already signed up

that reasoning
with the bitch

for Wuncler Security.

is not
gonna work, Tom.

You have to
hit her.

I am an assistant district
attorney, for chrissake.

Heh. Well, now, y'all
get it right next time.

Tom...

you have to
get past this.

It's okay,
faggot...really.

See, faggot? She just
gave you permission.

Hey, thanks for being
so cool about this, pops.

Ah. My chin--
You see that?

Anyway, Granddad got his car back, and that was that.

Bitch is hittin' you.
All right, lady.

Okay-- Ow!

You're definitely allowed
by law to hit her now, Tom.

It's self-defense.
I didn't do anything.

Okay?
Sweetest Taboo,
Hey, Ed, give
your granddaddy my best.

This is my state-of-the-art
surveillance center.

They did it.

Why does a pimp need
a surveillance center?

Here's 50.

Ah...

is state-of-the-art
bitch surveillance.

Come, negro-san.
Them ain't no negroes!
It couldn't be them.

your wife's
conversations and e-mails.

Daddy, I've got transcripts
of all her conversations today.

WOMAN: No way.

No mention of Usher.

I'm hacking
into her e-mail now,

That was great, Granddad.

but, tsk, this computer
is running a bit slow.

Boy, I wish we could've seen
the end of that movie.

I don't know.

I feel bad for leaving Huey
and what's-her-name.

Bitch, don't start
with that

They knew the risks.

So they might do
a little time.

You say that shit every time
a new iMac comes out.

We see 'em when they get out.

Uh...it doesn't seem right.

You ain't slick.
You better

I'm going back
and turning myself in.

and stop playin'
with me.

Turn yourself--?
Man--

Yes, Daddy.

Granddad, look, come on.

Someone stole my bike.
I mean, I love Huey.
Almost like a brother.

Does she have
a MySpace page?

But what's done is done.
We got to let go of the past.

Spinning, baby!

I don't think Sarah
would have a--

If he don't come back,
can I have his side of the room?

Huh.

Uh, since when did
she have a MySpace page?

Ah, come on, Granddad.

You know what her password
might be?

You supposed to be setting
a better example.

You just wait till
the manager gets here.

each other's middle names
as passwords,

He gonna throw the book
at both of y'all.

That's L-A-N--
Got it.

This is
the worst day...

Password is "Usher."
Here we go.

Nothin'.

Where's your bike?
of my entire life.

They're getting together
at 3:00

Told you.

That's in an hour.
We have to go.

I hope you got some insurance
on those spinners.

Here's the guardian
for the kids.

That's right,
Ruckus.

We snuck
into the movie, too.

then going there won't help.

We? You said you was gonna
turn yourself in.
Thank you
for not snitching!

I paid you $2000,
and $500 as well.

Please. Let the kids go.
I'll take responsibility.

Now, Tom, I hope
you can appreciate

Look like y'all
all going down.

our no-refunds policy.

How about a complimentary date
with Sweetest Taboo?

The manager's
not coming.

Cinema's closed
indefinitely.

No, no, no.

Looks like everyone walked out.
Something about a union.

and we're
going now.

What?
The manager ain't coming?

Ohh...

Well, call the police.

The FBI.
Homeland Security.

Yeah, bitch. Let's go.

You mean,
we gonna let

this African hooliganism
go unpunished?

You have problems, Mr. Freeman,
and you need help.

Thanks for coming back...

eventually.

Yo, you need to stop
snitching, Granddad.

Ah. Ow. Hey.

Why don't you call
social services

and turn yourself in
for child abuse?

Remember to hit the bitch.

Hey, man.

Thank you so much for
doing that. I mean, you guys

You guys unionized and staged
a walkout that quickly?

just went above and beyond.

I mean, really--

That's amazing.

Oh, yeah.
We unionized.

I mean, bitch...

Then someone called
the corporate headquarters,

and they shut down
the whole place.

Fired everybody.

Oh.

Well, um...

power to the people?

Fuck you.

Tom, please calm down

and let me go.

Well, that's that.

I think we all learned
a valuable lesson today

about stealing movies.

Buy the bootleg.

Or just download it
from the Internet

like everybody else.

Ah!

The hell--?
TOM: You can't have my wife!

Tom!

Daddy. What did you do
to Usher?

Hey. Can you guys wait
here a sec?

There's something
I need to take care of.

Daddy. Leave Usher alone.

What are you doing?

Why are you trying
to kill Usher?

Yes, Super Fly.
What did Usher ever do to you?

Jazmine wanted
to meet Usher.

You're an animal.

Is Usher okay?

So you're not--?
No.

GUARD: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Easy, boys.

Ow!

Yeah, nigga.

TOM:
Oh, okay. I see what this is.

SARAH:
Stop! Don't hurt him.

He didn't
mean it.

He was trying to hit me.

Tom!
TOM:

I'm sorry, Usher!

USHER:
Shut the fuck up,