Original subtitles

Are ya ready, kids?

Aye-aye, Captain!

I can't hear you!

Aye-aye, Captain!

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪ - Ready?

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

Ha ha ha ha!

Argh!

Wake up, Gary!

It's time for

Bikini Bottom News with Perch Perkins.

Oh, good thinking, Gary.

The news can be pretty topsy-turvy.

Meow.

Good evening, Bikini Bottom.

In tonight's top story,

a local squirrel got stuck in a well.

Help! Get me outta here, y'all!

Must be embarrassing for whoever that is.

But first, radical changes in machine intelligence

were made today when a local squirrel got stuck in a well!

Ow!

Yee-haw!

Looks like we won't be needing those lazy firemen anymore!

Huh?

This just in!

Local TV news reporter Perch Perkins

has been fired!

- Fired? - Meow?

Fired?

The long-time local news veteran

is being replaced by the latest in reporting technology,

Newsbot 2000,

effective immediately.

Yes. Thank you, Perch.

You can't do this to me.

We here at Bikini Bottom News

salute you for your years of service.

Sorry, sir.

We can't let you leave with any company property.

Can't I at least keep the box?

Of course.

But the hair belongs to the studio.

That wasn't a toupee.

This is terrible!

A robot could never replace someone like Perch

in our hearts!

I won't stand for this!

I'm gonna give that news studio

a piece of my mind!

We want Perch!

We want Perch!

Bring back Perch!

Pardon me, sir.

Would you care to tell the folks back home more

about your protest?

Oh, of course!

You see, Perch Perkins is my favorite newsman

in the whole ocean

and--uh. Wait a second.

Perch?

Is that you?

No loitering!

As a fan of Perch Perkins,

what do you think about a robot taking his job?

You can't just replace someone with a machine!

Pat-tron, take over this protest for me.

Perch! Come back!

We need you!

Oh, no.

Old Reporters Row!

Where TV reporters finish out their off-air years.

Low of 55. High of 72.

Out top stories-- Back to you, Bob.

Perch!

You don't belong here!

Do you trust your breakfast cereal?

Is King Neptune's crown too small?

for or against?

Here's a burning story.

This reporter's stash of old magazines is running low.

Perch? Thank goodness!

We have to get you outta here!

Why bother?

The only thing I know how to do is hold a microphone.

And Newsbot has that all sewn up.

Who else would hire me?

There's lots of places that can use a fish of your talents.

Come on. I'll show ya.

Barg'n-Mart?

Hmm.

I suppose we could use someone

to make in-store announcements.

Welcome aboard!

Huh?

Uh... Attention, Barg'n-Mart shoppers.

Cheese is on sale in the dairy aisle.

Wow!

And fresh flowers are marked down in the floral department!

Perch Perkins. Aisle Seven News.

Can you tell us what happened here?

Well, Perch.

I was procuring my pickles

when I noticed my palms had grown quite dewy.

- Whoa! - Whoa!

Alas, my realization came too late!

My hands, slickened from exertion,

could not hold on to their briny bounty!

A heart-wrenching tale.

Perkins!

You're supposed to call for a clean up!

Not interview the mess maker!

Look at all these injured customers!

My pickled leg!

You're fired!

Perch!

That's okay.

I lined up another job for ya.

Oh.

Luckily, I know a guy here.

Perch. Hey!

Welcome to the Krusty Krab!

Always good to have a former celebrity on the team.

Thank you?

SpongeBob said you're good on the microphone.

So, I'm putting you on drive-through duty!

Hehe. Haven't used it in a couple of years.

Okay. Start making me some money.

Larry wants to order

a Krabby Patty.

Would you like fries with that?

- Sure! Why not? - Oh.

Would you like to upgrade to a Krabby Combo

and get a small soda?

Uh, okay?

Would you like to explain why your gym

has been hit with 15 health code violations

- this month? - Uh.

Uh, Larry's a busy lobster, you know.

Several hard-hitting hours later...

Larry just wanted to work out.

He didn't mean for all those people to get athlete's shell!

Perkins!

Let me guess.

You're firing me?

Here's the scoop: Yes!

Perch, where are you going?

Back to Old Reporter Row where I belong.

Oh, no. We're not giving up yet!

If you're no good at anything else,

then you'll just have to report the news again.

But how?

Don't you worry.

I've got a plan.

Please take Perch back!

You have to!

Wah!

Hmm, as the manager of this news network,

give me one good reason why I should.

Because Perch Perkins can out-report

your dumb old Newsbot

anytime, anywhere!

Ha. I'd like to see him try.

Good. Then you will.

SpongeBob, I can't out-report him.

The guy's a machine. Literally.

I believe in you, Perch Perkins.

Okay.

It is on.

It's a news-off!

You know the rules.

Whoever reports the most news in the time allowed,

wins.

On your mark.

Get set.

News!

Oh, the huge manatee!

A simple news-off turned ugly today when--

Breaking news! A pile-up has left

multiple boats mangled beyond recognition!

This just in!

A towering inferno in downtown Bikini Bottom!

News flash!

A tidal wave is headed straight for the city!

And this reporter has an exclusive interview!

Mr. Wave, why are you doing this?

Grr!

Time to turn the news up a notch!

Bikini Bottom streets pocked with potholes!

Scoop!

Who keeps tipping over our old ladies?

News flash!

The bridge to Shell City has collapsed!

My leg!

Exclusive!

There's no way anyone could report that much news.

Unless...

Come on, SpongeBob!

Mysterious rash covers beach goers!

Bikini Bottom bank robbed!

Vandals strike local fast food restaurant!

Argh!

We interrupt this onslaught of news

to bring you a special report.

Local news robot, Newsbot,

has been causing the very stories he reports on!

He destroys the bridges!

He robs the banks!

He tips over the old ladies!

And right now, he is cutting the brakes

on this bus full of adorable baby snails!

Excuse me, Newsbot.

Care to comment on your crimes?

Uh-uh--This isn't what it looks like!

It looks like you ran out of news

so you made your own.

I--uh--

So, which came first?

The news story or the reporter?

N-news! R-reporter! Old ladies!

Exploding boats-- My face!

For more, let's go to our man on the street.

Newsbot.

Report! Report! Report! Report!

Explode!

Congratulations, Perch.

Looks like you are un-fired!

Hooray! You did it!

Here's your news hair back!

This just in.