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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:05,120 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,240 (door opens) 3 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:37,280 (clears throat) 4 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,600 They're ready for you now. 5 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,200 Gwendolyn Harris. We've met. 6 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:45,240 Bournemouth. 7 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:46,320 But you don't know the others. 8 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,880 No, but I'm familiar with you. 9 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,480 Why do you want to be an MP? 10 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,520 Because I'm not satisfied with the way things are. 11 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,680 And rather than sit back and moan, 12 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:58,280 I'd prefer to do something about it. 13 00:00:58,400 --> 00:00:59,840 (man) Go again from the start. 14 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,920 Ok. I don't know why anyone's surprised the world's 15 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,640 number one teen idol's become a Scientologist. 16 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,000 Speed up the autocue please. 17 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,760 Popstars do believe in weird things. 18 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:11,840 Abba believed in angels. R Kelly believed he could fly. 19 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:13,720 They said show you this. 20 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:14,920 - This happen just now? - Mm-hm. 21 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:16,440 Gladwell? 22 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,360 "Shamed Tory Jason Gladwell resigns capitals - 23 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,440 over Twitter porn pic scandal." 24 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:22,960 Oh, so he wasn't hacked after all. 25 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,200 "Originally claimed his account had been hacked. 26 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,960 Resignation statement admits 'inappropriate correspondence' 27 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,680 with a 15-year-old girl. 28 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,120 What's he tweeting dick photos as "correspondence" now is it? 29 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,800 "Departure triggers a by-election in his Stentonford 30 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,160 and Hersham constituency." 31 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,040 Well you get to use the Gladwell stuff. 32 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,360 Mm-hm. 33 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:40,800 Bump it all to the top of the monologue. 34 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,120 Anyone seen Jamie? 35 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:46,520 (phone ringing) 36 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,840 (Jamie) Rach- 37 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,640 (Rachel) Oh. You shouldn't be calling me any more. 38 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,960 You need to sort yourself out. 39 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,480 I am. 40 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,720 Focus on Waldo. That's going well for you. 41 00:01:58,840 --> 00:01:59,560 But it's not... 42 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,120 He's a hit, Jamie. 43 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,160 "He", not me, "he". 44 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:05,840 Oh, just do your show. 45 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,480 I will... 46 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:08,840 - (knocking on door) - I mean, hon, if you'd just... 47 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,080 (woman) Jamie. 48 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,360 Jamie, hurry up. 49 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,160 (woman) What do you know about Stentonford and Hersham? 50 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:17,840 Safe Tory seat, 51 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:21,440 so realistically I know there's not much of a chance but... 52 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:24,120 So it's a stepping stone for you? 53 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:27,640 Yes. 54 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,160 Obviously I wouldn't say that outside of this room but... 55 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:34,080 You want me to be honest, there's no point in pretending. 56 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,280 Is there anything in your past that 57 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,480 might conceivably cause problems? 58 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,560 No. 59 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,960 Except... 60 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,120 I did commit a series of murders in Huddersfield 61 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:51,880 between '99 and 2003 but that, apart from that... 62 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,600 Well. Thank you, Gwendolyn. 63 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:58,120 If you could leave via that door. 64 00:02:58,240 --> 00:02:59,560 Oh. That door? 65 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,680 We like to keep the candidates separate. 66 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,240 Right. Yes. 67 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:20,760 Idiot, idiot. 68 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,400 (man) Shamed supergroomer and all round pillock of the 69 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:27,520 community Jason Gladwell has resigned as an MP, saying 70 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:31,360 he could "no longer maintain his position": that position 71 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,960 presumably being "hunched over, wanking madly at schoolkids". 72 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,720 (laughter) 73 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:39,160 - You ready? - Uh-huh. 74 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,000 ...how old the girl wasn't. 75 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,960 That's the sort of feeble excuse 76 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,960 only a naive schoolkid could swallow. 77 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:47,720 Which presumably was the idea. 78 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,400 Anyway the bad news is he's resigned in disgrace. 79 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,200 The good news is he's now free to pursue a full-time 80 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,640 career in the disgraced paedophile industry. 81 00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,520 (laughter) 82 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,960 Personally I don't understand why anyone's surprised the... 83 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:03,800 Um, small change to the intro. 84 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,320 - What? - Nothing huge. 85 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:06,840 Conor wanted the Jacko gag for the monologue... 86 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,360 That was my bit. 87 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:09,880 There's the Chancellor stuff, you could use that. 88 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,520 - Bit "politics". - You can do politics. 89 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:12,640 I do piss taking. 90 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,160 Go be Waldo. 91 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,440 Yes, commander. 92 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,880 (Conor) R Kelly believed he could fly. 93 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,560 And Michael Jackson believed that his doctor was qualified. 94 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,440 Big. Bold. Blue. Bear. Bollocks. 95 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:25,120 And now it's time for our final visit to the world of 96 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,200 educational children's programming courtesy of 97 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,320 everyone's favourite and only occasionally inappropriate 98 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,000 cool kids TV character, Waldo. 99 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:34,920 (applause) 100 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,800 Whose mum's in tonight, apparently. 101 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,360 Waldo, who have you had in your cave this week? 102 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,720 Well, Conor. In my big pink cave this week 103 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:47,760 I had former minister for culture Liam Monroe. 104 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,560 He's quite handsome isn't he? 105 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,880 I was hoping he'd nosh me off. 106 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,680 Wanna see how it panned out? 107 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,440 I think we should. 108 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,720 Run VT! 109 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:14,720 Hey, everybody. It's Waldo time. Yaaayy! 110 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:20,400 Cool! Cool! Waldoriffic! 111 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:24,000 Hey, kids. My guest this week is Mister Monroe. 112 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:25,840 Hello, Mister Monroe. 113 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,440 Hello, Waldo. 114 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,440 Mister Monroe is a "politician." 115 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:34,320 Po-li-ti-shann. 116 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,160 So what is a politician, Mr Monroe? 117 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,680 Well a politician is someone who tries to make 118 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,400 the world a fairer place. 119 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:42,760 Like Batman? 120 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,280 Not exactly like Batman. 121 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,640 Do you beat people up? 122 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,160 No, I don't beat people up. 123 00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:51,800 Are you a pussy then? 124 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:53,800 Well, I'm not sure I know exactly what you... 125 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,720 You don't know what pussy is? 126 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:58,960 (laughter) 127 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,280 Okay, clearly this is some kind of joke. 128 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:05,760 No joke, sorry, let's move on. Friends again? 129 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:07,400 (kissing sounds) 130 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,800 Hello, mate. Great show. 131 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,560 Good. Yeah. 132 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,160 (Jack) Well done, really good. So uhm, we'll bring him over. 133 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,880 You go and get him, I'll explain about... 134 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:24,520 Jamie. 135 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,440 What you want, Miss Tamsin? 136 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,000 Behind me, man in glasses, talking to Jack Napier. 137 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,160 Jack freaks me out. 138 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,000 Yeah, ditto, but he owns the company, 139 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:33,280 and the man he's with is important 140 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,960 and wants to talk to you. 141 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:37,000 He's from the channel. 142 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,520 Go on. 143 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:39,840 (Jack) Honestly what, all I'm saying is - 144 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,360 (Jim) Is he shy? 145 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:42,560 (Jack) No all's I'm saying is he's a terrific guy - 146 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,760 Jim, Jamie. Jamie, Jim. 147 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:45,640 How do you do? 148 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:46,760 Jim, Jack James - 149 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:48,320 Jamie. 150 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,120 Jim was just talking about Waldo. 151 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,400 Yeah. Liam Monroe has lodged a complaint. 152 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,520 Toys out of the pram. 153 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:56,760 And that's... 154 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,360 Good press. 155 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,000 So tough to get a breakthrough these days, 156 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,160 but when it does, well, it's just fantastic. 157 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:05,880 It's fantastic the way Waldo puts the piss up Monroe, 158 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:09,400 you know all those twats, its punk, it's- it's-- 159 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:10,800 (Conor) Jack. 160 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,520 Excuse me. 161 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,440 Well, Twitter can't get enough of Waldo. 162 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,440 Loves him. 163 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,760 Look, I know this show is coming back again next year 164 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:23,600 but we want to see more of Waldo. 165 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,040 They want to do a pilot. 166 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:28,160 A Waldo pilot? 167 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,720 Yeah. I mean how does that sound? 168 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,200 Yeah, that sounds good. 169 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:35,640 Sounds Storming Norman, Fucking Storming. 170 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,480 Gonna give it to 'em! 171 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,360 (cell beep) 172 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,320 (man) Yeah but look, we can't do sketches without Waldo, 173 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,480 it's a Waldo pilot, it's a Waldo show, 174 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,440 it's gotta be Waldo, Waldo, Waldo. 175 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,520 Realistically there isn't the budget for other animations. 176 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,760 I mean live action, other characters I can do. 177 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,000 What about The Brown Knight? 178 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,800 What, the "Crap Crusader"? 179 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,520 (woman) We can look into the Brown Knight. 180 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,360 But right now, let's, let's find more Waldo ideas. 181 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:18,200 (cell phone rings) 182 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,880 (Jamie) The problem is any guests we book will be in on it. 183 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,240 They know that Waldo's a joke, the surprise has gone. 184 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:24,600 Yeah, So we think round that. 185 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,200 Hey, boys and girls, it's Waldo Time! 186 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,240 Yeahhhhh! 187 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,960 He's awesome, isn't he? 188 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,480 I mean, look. 189 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,120 Sod "name in lights", you're an app now my brother. 190 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:41,840 Alright, Sara. How's the think tanking going? Good shit? 191 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,040 Yeah, yeah. We're making headway. 192 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,840 Good. I see our friend Monroe is in the news again. 193 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,560 Running in the Stentonford by-election. 194 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,800 We should get Waldo down there. 195 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,840 Hey. That's not a bad idea, actually. 196 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,480 We get a van... 197 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:59,280 right, with a screen with the image of Waldo on the side. 198 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:00,720 Like it. 199 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,400 And then when Monroe's doing a meet-and-greet, 200 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,080 we just turn up and just get under his skin. 201 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,920 I love that. I love it. 202 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:07,920 - I've done Monroe. - But, It was a great bit. 203 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,920 I'm dumb or clever enough to be political. I just... 204 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:13,400 Why don't we get Waldo to stand for the by-election? 205 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,600 Get people to vote for him? 206 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,240 He's not real. 207 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,160 But people have stood as fictional characters before? 208 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,560 Do you think Screaming Lord Sutch was his real name? 209 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:22,840 We just put "commonly known as" on the ballot. 210 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,800 No one's actually going to vote for him, that's not the point. 211 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,440 The point is we get to hang around. 212 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:28,040 We're there for the count. 213 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,640 Well, go on then, Sara. Whack it up there. 214 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:40,320 ♪ ♪ 215 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,800 (woman) He's with a mum and baby group. 216 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:54,400 Okay. Going live in five, four, three, two. 217 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,160 (Liam) Thank you so much for joining me this morning. 218 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,440 It's been incredibly informative and I think we should 219 00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,720 have a little round of applause for the children. 220 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:04,280 Who were fantastic. Thank you, Naomi. 221 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,360 Thank you for your time. 222 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:13,720 Hey! Hey, it's me Waldo. 223 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,480 Oh, I like your trainers, man. 224 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,080 I'd wear trainers myself 225 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,000 but I can't 'cause I haven't got feet. I've got stumps. 226 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,560 (laughter) 227 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:22,960 He's out. 228 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,040 Hey, Mister Monroe! Mister Monroe. Hey! 229 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,200 Did you get off with any of the mums? 230 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,680 Where'd you look while they were breastfeeding? 231 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,560 They got big milky tits, Mr Monroe. 232 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:35,400 He said it! Mister Monroe, don't walk away from me. 233 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,000 I'm sorry about this, Liam. 234 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:38,880 Hey, I'm being snubbed. Hey, don't ignore me. 235 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,440 Don't just get in your car. 236 00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,560 It's a death trap anyway, look at it. 237 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,680 Let's find out what we can about the idiot inside that thing. 238 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,840 (man) Sure. 239 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,080 (Waldo) Mr Monroe. Oi! 240 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,880 (woman) Stentonford labour party. 241 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,320 Right, you've got a choice of styles, 242 00:10:55,440 --> 00:11:00,080 so just choose one from there, then you put your name in there. 243 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,200 This is like bloody Moonpig. 244 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,920 (man) Don't knock the free mail-out. 245 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,800 Bet Liam Monroe doesn't use some Fisher Price leaflet app. 246 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,680 He doesn't have to. 247 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,560 Day one of the campaign in Stentonford and Hersham. 248 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,680 And Tory hopeful Liam Monroe hits the ground running. 249 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,720 The licence fee is something that's very close to my 250 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:27,320 heart and I suspect... 251 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,640 (Waldo) Mister Monroe! Look at me Mister Monroe! 252 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,880 Hey, over here! Hey, over here. Look over here, Mister Monroe. 253 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,640 (Liam) The conservative party have been er-- have 254 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,320 been arguing for a reduction of the licence fee for... 255 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,680 Good morning, everybody. Why you ignoring me, Mister Monroe? 256 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,760 Why you ignoring me? Mister Monroe? 257 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,680 Mister Monroe? Why you ignoring me? 258 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,760 Mum with a pushchair, drag her into it. 259 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:53,560 Hey, you. Mum with the pushchair. Yeah, you. 260 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,560 Ask Mr Monroe why he's ignoring me. 261 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,480 Why are you ignoring Waldo? 262 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:02,320 Mr. Monroe, what's Waldo done to you? 263 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,920 We should probably just shift before this turns stupid. 264 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:09,120 I'm not walking away from a cartoon. 265 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,200 I'm not ignoring you. 266 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:16,720 Yeah, you were, you upset me. You made Waldo sad. 267 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,320 Wah. 268 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:25,680 Well, obviously I'm absolutely devastated that you're upset! 269 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,920 Wah! 270 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:31,720 Let him get a word in. 271 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:37,000 I'm not ignoring "you" because there is no "you." 272 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:40,160 You are an image voiced by a comedian, 273 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,240 an alleged comedian more accurately. 274 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,640 If I'm not real, why you talking to him? 275 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,360 And by him I mean me. Nobber. 276 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,160 Right. 277 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,840 There's no point in attempting to converse with a cartoon. 278 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,960 Oooh, "converse", your lordship; thy flowery language 279 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,600 doth give me a right throbbing bone-on. 280 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:01,000 Uhhh. Uhhh. Uhhh. 281 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,400 Finished. 282 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,960 Drink? 283 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:20,720 I've got emails. 284 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,880 You know that's Gwendolyn Harris? 285 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,880 The Labour candidate. 286 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,760 Did you read my background doc? 287 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,520 Yes. 288 00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:40,480 Why don't you read it tonight? Alone. 289 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,920 I'll swing by about nine, so have your breakfast first. 290 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,040 Are you my dad? 291 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,080 Apparently not. 292 00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,720 See you tomorrow. 293 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,640 (TV reporter) Today in the Stentonford by-election. 294 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,640 Waldo the bear left Monroe in stunned silence. 295 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,240 The colourful Waldo launched his own campaign in 296 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:08,720 typically loud and crowd-pleasing style. 297 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,840 Someone's bold? Do I know you? 298 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,240 Nice way to greet a voter. 299 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,160 Sorry, I thought... 300 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,800 Actually, I'm more of a rival. 301 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:23,280 "Hey Mister Monroe, Mister Monroe. 302 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,800 Why are you ignoring me, Mister Monroe". 303 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:25,800 You're good at that. 304 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:26,880 Because I am "that". 305 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,080 What? You're that thing? 306 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,360 Waldo's not a "thing". He's a bear. 307 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,040 Liam Monroe calls him worse. 308 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,760 Nice work there, by the way. 309 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:39,280 Yeah, well. It's dick jokes at his expense basically. 310 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,240 Another one? 311 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,560 Okay. One. 312 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,320 The way you describe it, 313 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,240 it's like you're doing this for a showreel. 314 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:51,240 No, but... 315 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:52,960 Like this place is the equivalent of a walk-on in a sketch show. 316 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:54,800 Shhh! 317 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,000 But your party leader has to show up because it's a mid-thing- 318 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:57,880 Midterm by-election. 319 00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,160 Terminology tits. 320 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,720 You are twelve. 321 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,640 So because leaderballs is there, suddenly it's walk-on 322 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,200 in a Ricky Gervais sketch show so it's good exposure. 323 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,000 You're not gonna win, you know you're not gonna win. 324 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:09,160 Come on, shhh. 325 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,000 You're not gonna win though. 326 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:12,560 Of course not. 327 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,040 So why not be honest? Say "You arseholes aren't going 328 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,760 to vote for me, so here's what I think anyway." 329 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,320 It doesn't work like that. 330 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:20,080 Nothing does, that's why everything's bollocksed. 331 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,080 You're angry for someone who's doing well. 332 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:27,240 I'm the voice of a blue bear. 333 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,160 If that's doing well, then we are doomed. 334 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,560 I can't see. 335 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,680 (Jamie) Hang on, there's a thing. 336 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,920 Have you had a fox in here or do you live like a 14-year-old? 337 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,280 Don't get too excited, I'm not sleeping in it. 338 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:51,920 Shit, really? 339 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,920 (loud moaning) 340 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,040 You're amazing. 341 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,200 Sorry? 342 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:12,560 You're amazing? 343 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,200 Ha! Thank you. 344 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,360 (sighs) 345 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,280 What's up? 346 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:40,840 Nothing. 347 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,880 Are you sure? 348 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,320 It's just... 349 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:57,920 I haven't been happy in a while 350 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,520 and this is good, you know. 351 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,320 Mm. 352 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,600 Can I have your number? 353 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,160 Yes. 354 00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:24,120 ♪ ♪ 355 00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:38,840 Where's our mark this morning? 356 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:39,920 We're out on the road. 357 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,360 Ooh. Bien sur. 358 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,400 Hello. I'm Mister Monroe. 359 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,960 Vote for me and keep things shitty. 360 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:55,800 (laughs) 361 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,600 (cell beep) 362 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,360 Vote Waldo. Vote Waldo. 363 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:24,320 Vote Waldo. Vote Waldo. 364 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,880 (Gwendolyn) You're right. Strong Tory. 365 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,640 I warned you. 366 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,160 You know you're on Monroe turf when they live so far apart. 367 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,280 (horn honks) 368 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,840 (man) I'm voting Waldo! 369 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,840 I met Waldo last night. 370 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,600 Jamie, the guy who plays him. He's fun. 371 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:46,840 Fun? 372 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,080 Mmm-hmm. 373 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,880 Did you tell him anything about our campaign? 374 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,040 Not really. 375 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,720 Not really or no? 376 00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,840 Not really. 377 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:01,160 Look, he's okay. 378 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:02,600 He's a comedian. 379 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,520 He's mocking Monroe now, it'll be you next. 380 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,280 His act is all f-this and penis jokes. 381 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,120 - But... - Don't see him again. 382 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:23,960 Okay. Job done till the husting tomorrow. 383 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,720 Some media students doing a Question Time type thing; 384 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,760 they've asked Waldo to join the panel. 385 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,880 Oh, come on. It's my nightmare, going on Question Time. 386 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,120 It's students, you'll walk it. 387 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,640 I can't answer serious questions! 388 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,000 No one wants you to! 389 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:39,240 You're the comic relief, lighten up. 390 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,480 Just have a look. I'm sure you'll find lots in there. 391 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,440 (cell rings) 392 00:19:56,560 --> 00:20:00,120 (Roy) Are there any issues you're concerned about at all? 393 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,080 (ringing stops) 394 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,280 (disconnect tone) 395 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,000 Hey. 396 00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:19,080 Oh, hi. 397 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,240 I thought we were going to... 398 00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:21,360 Sorry I've had a tough day. 399 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:22,760 Right. Not even one? 400 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,280 Sorry. 401 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,920 Well, what about tomorrow? 402 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,960 Look, I can't. When this is happening, I can't see you. 403 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,920 - What do you mean? - I'm sorry. 404 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,360 Do they think that looks like Question Time? 405 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,640 Yeah. It looks politicsy. 406 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,120 Check the host. Jailbait Dembleby. 407 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,640 When it comes to addiction and addicts 408 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:05,560 we should sympathise, but we shouldn't patronise. 409 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,800 You know serious drug use is a criminal offence, 410 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:13,920 that is committed voluntarily and for pleasure. 411 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,680 Look, I'm sorry, these are the facts. 412 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,240 Waldo, what do you think? 413 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,280 Mister Monroe, are you addicted? 414 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:20,480 No. 415 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,200 Sorry I mean "Are you a dickhead?" 416 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,160 (laughter) 417 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:26,560 I think we have to ask ourselves... 418 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,360 I think we have to ask ourselves 419 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,360 "What is this for"? And "Why do we waste our time 420 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:36,520 with animated trivialities like him? I mean why? 421 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:38,360 Why? 422 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,000 I mean why? I mean why? I mean why? I mean why? I mean why? 423 00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:43,680 This is just the kind of thing, rather than see you laugh... 424 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,680 They laugh at you, Limbo. 425 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,840 You laugh, you're laughing at someone who won't engage. 426 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,440 Who is scared to engage, 427 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,160 who hides behind a children's cartoon. 428 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,840 Who you calling a kiddy toon, fool? 429 00:21:55,960 --> 00:22:00,760 I'm, I'm, I'm speaking about James Salter. 430 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,520 - That's your name, isn't it? - Don't worry about it. 431 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:10,560 James Salter, this is the man who's behind all this. 432 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:15,880 He's 33 years old, a man whose career can be summed up 433 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,640 surprisingly quickly: you were in a sketch troupe that enjoyed 434 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,520 minor success about six years ago and the, the others moved 435 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,200 on to better things, but your main achievement seems to have 436 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,440 been playing the, the part of a corn-on-the-cob in a high 437 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,920 interest personal loan commercial. 438 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,160 I notice you're, you keep that pretty quiet. 439 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,400 And now of course operating this, 440 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,360 this sort of teddy bear thing. 441 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,280 Which by the way is easier than it looks. 442 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,440 Anyone could do it. See this is, this is the thing. 443 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:46,280 It's easy, what he does. 444 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:47,960 He mocks. 445 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,800 And when he can't think of an authentic joke, which is 446 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,760 actually quite often, he just swears. 447 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:58,120 I think that this puppet's inclusion on this panel debases 448 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,360 the process of debate, and smothers any meaningful 449 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:02,760 discussion of the issues. 450 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,160 So I return to my original question, 451 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,320 is that really what this is for? 452 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,840 He has nothing to offer and he has nothing to say. 453 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:15,400 Prove me wrong. Huh? Speak, Waldo. 454 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,200 Please. 455 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,600 Come on. Speak up. 456 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,960 There you see, nothing. 457 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,400 Aw, go fuck yourself. 458 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:28,160 (laughter) 459 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:29,920 There. More swearing. 460 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,640 You're a joke. You look less human than I do 461 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,680 and I'm a made-up bear with a turquoise cock. 462 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,680 (laughter) 463 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:41,560 What are you? You're just an old attitude with new hair. 464 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,640 Assuming you're my superior because I'm not taking you seriously? 465 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,040 No one takes you seriously, that's why no one votes. 466 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,840 - The vast majority do vote. - Bullshit. 467 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:50,880 Surely this is enough? 468 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,120 You think you deserve respect? 469 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:53,600 Well, just common courtesy. 470 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,480 Because you went to public school and 471 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:56,720 grew up believing you're entitled to everything? 472 00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,080 Ad hominem nonsense. 473 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,760 Gwendolyn Harris we... 474 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,160 Something's got to change. 475 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,080 No one trusts you lot 'cause they know 476 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,040 you don't give a shit about anything outside your bubble. 477 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,200 What about your mate Gladwell, the kiddy-flasher, you knew 478 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,800 him for 20 years, did you not know what he was like? 479 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,320 No, of course not. 480 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,320 Yeah, 'cause you're all just front, like him, 481 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,960 sly and pretending, and in that way you're all the same. 482 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:23,440 Gwendolyn Harris, is all of politics a waste of time? 483 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,360 Well, of course I think no. 484 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,520 Oh, shut up. You're worse. 485 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,760 Seriously, she's faker than him. 486 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,440 For once I find myself agreeing with Liam Monroe in 487 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,320 that this really doesn't get us anywhere, and there's 488 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:37,880 not much point in us continuing to... 489 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,960 Why are you here? Tell them why you're here. 490 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,920 Tell them why you're here. Tell them why you're here. 491 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,280 She's here to build a showreel. I'm not kidding, 492 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,120 that's literally it. Knows she's not going to win, 493 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,680 this is all experience, to get herself on telly. 494 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,240 She actually gives less of a shit about anyone round here 495 00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:58,880 than he does because he'll actually have to represent you. 496 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:00,480 Am I wrong? 497 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,040 A career politician, someone else less real than me, 498 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,800 and I can do this. 499 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,560 (laughter) 500 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,480 Can I just make a couple of points... 501 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,440 Oh, shut up, you pebble. 502 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:16,120 What is this for? Is that what you wanted to know? 503 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:19,080 And the truth is, none of us know any more thanks to you. 504 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,920 What are you for? What are you for? 505 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,600 Thank you and goodnight. 506 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,200 (loud panting) 507 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:43,280 ♪ ♪ 508 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,320 (knocks on door) 509 00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,200 (Tamsin) Jamie. 510 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,960 Jamie? 511 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,720 Jack says he wants to see us. 512 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,320 You can't avoid it. 513 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,320 Get dressed. He'll meet us outside. 514 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,600 (Reporter) And yet accusations of vapidity aside, it's clearly 515 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:57,120 tapped a nerve: in just three days, Waldo has gone viral. 516 00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:00,240 The video of his clash has already been viewed over a 517 00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:02,280 million times on YouTube. 518 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,280 There are Facebook groups calling on 519 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,200 Waldo to form a national party. 520 00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:09,640 (Waldo) You're a joke. You look less human than I do 521 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:11,600 and I'm a made-up bear with a turquoise-- 522 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:16,040 What are you? You're just an old attitude with new hair. 523 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,880 Assuming you're my superior because I'm 524 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,720 not taking you seriously? No one takes you seriously. 525 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:33,280 Oh, look here he is, the man of the moment! 526 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,040 How does it feel to be a phenomenon? 527 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:36,720 (Jamie) Shitifying. 528 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:38,520 You are everywhere, my son. 529 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,960 Twitter, the news, have you seen the poll? 530 00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:44,960 You're in third place, mate. You overtook that Lib Dem prick. 531 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,560 Yeah, well, he's a glass of water. 532 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:47,760 This is an opportunity, Jamie. 533 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:49,240 He knows my name now. 534 00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:51,240 (Jack) We could really do something here. 535 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:52,880 You know everyone's pissed with the 536 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,440 status quo, and Waldo gives that a voice. 537 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,560 Waldo's a bear, a blue bear. 538 00:27:58,680 --> 00:27:59,800 Tell him, Tams. 539 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:02,520 We've been asked on Consensus. 540 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,600 It's a ten minute one-to-one interview 541 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:06,640 - with Phillip Crane. - "Pitbull Crane"? 542 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:07,840 Big guns for big guns. 543 00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:09,880 Hello? I'm not a politician, okay? 544 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,240 I don't want to be a politician. 545 00:28:11,360 --> 00:28:13,200 (Jack) We know that you hate politics. 546 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:14,800 I don't hate them, I'm just not interested in them. 547 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:16,440 You don't need to be interested in them. 548 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:19,160 You just need to be Waldo. 549 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,000 And when Crane asks something tricky and 550 00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:22,760 I look stupid because I don't know how to answer? 551 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,600 You'll know the answer. Because you have a producer. 552 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,960 Look, I can tell you what to say. 553 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:31,840 I can live-google any facts, 554 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,040 give you stats, quotes, whatever else you need. 555 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,600 So you've got a safety net for the concrete stuff 556 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:38,720 and the rest is Waldo and you can do that in your sleep. 557 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,640 You'll piss all over Crane. 558 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:42,720 He'll know there's a team around me, he'll see it. 559 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,160 Yeah, good. I hope he does. I hope he points a camera at it. 560 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,360 All the other MPs have got teams, we're just 561 00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:51,560 more honest about it. Now come on. What d'you say? Ey? 562 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:56,000 Jamie. Jamie! 563 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:57,960 Why would I want to do this? 564 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,400 Look the world is knackered and you can do something about it. 565 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,000 I don't know what you're on about. 566 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:04,040 Waldo has got the attention of the young, and the young 567 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,520 don't give a shit about anything except trainers and pirating films. 568 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,360 Do you have any other astounding theories about young people? 569 00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:14,040 Yeah, yeah, I do actually. Look, they care about Waldo, 570 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,640 they'll vote for Waldo. The video was a hit for a reason... 571 00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:19,800 The video's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed by it. 572 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:21,440 I was lashing out. I wasn't even articulate - 573 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:22,680 It doesn't matter- 574 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:23,800 Or funny which is almost worse. 575 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:24,800 We can build on that. 576 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:26,520 Waldo's not real. 577 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,560 Exactly! That's what you said that really hit home, 578 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,120 he's not real, but he's realer than all the others. 579 00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:32,880 He doesn't stand for anything. 580 00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:36,240 Yeah well at least he doesn't pretend to. Look we, we don't 581 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:40,120 need politicians, we've all got iPhones and computers right? 582 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,400 So any decision that has to be made, any policy we just 583 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:45,920 put it online. Let the people vote thumbs up, 584 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,800 thumbs down, the majority wins. That's a democracy. 585 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:50,680 That's a, that's an actual democracy. 586 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,640 So's YouTube and I don't know if you've seen it but the most 587 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:58,200 popular video is a dog farting the theme tune to Happy Days. 588 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,960 Well, today it's Waldo. 589 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:04,680 No. It's still the dog. 590 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:07,160 Listen, can you imagine all the things we can change 591 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,080 if we fucked the politicians out the equation. 592 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:12,200 I've said what I've said and now I'm shutting this door. 593 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:20,880 Do you know who owns Waldo? I do, I own the rights. 594 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:24,320 He's my character. 595 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:27,160 Yeah, written for my show. 596 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,080 You're too frightened to take to the next level. 597 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:33,320 Fine. I understand. But also: fuck off. 598 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:36,680 And watch me fly. 599 00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:40,360 You own Waldo, you can't be Waldo. 600 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:44,280 (Waldo voice) Eh Jamie, Jamie. What's happening? 601 00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,040 Pretty close I'd say. 602 00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:58,600 What's happening? Ahh, Waldorific yeahh, yeahhh. 603 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:00,480 Why's it going of left a bit? 604 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:01,440 Because the... 605 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:02,800 I know I've got my... 606 00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:04,000 Put your thumb in the white thing - 607 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:05,320 I got that in there. Okay. 608 00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,240 That's not how that works. 609 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,840 First tonight, a figure, or more accurately 610 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,440 a character who's been causing an upset in the 611 00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:24,400 Stentonford by-election. Unlike the other candidates 612 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:28,600 he has no party affiliation. He doesn't even have a surname. 613 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:32,520 He is Waldo, a few weeks ago just a cult character in a 614 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:37,080 comedy show, today, an official mascot for protest voters . 615 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,960 Vote Waldo. 616 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,320 Cartoons don't play by the rules and Waldo's open disdain 617 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:44,920 for his opponents has clearly struck a chord. 618 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,320 Waldo, as a mascot for the disenfranchised aren't you 619 00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:53,000 ultimately neutralizing seriously effective dissent? 620 00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,840 Can I have subtitles for Mr Crane, please? 621 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:58,880 By encouraging people not to care, you're actively dangerous. 622 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,840 Dangerous, you think the public can't be trusted? 623 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:03,320 No. 624 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:04,640 Isn't that basically you calling them twats? 625 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:05,600 No, I... 626 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,160 Bellends, then? 627 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,000 Did you actually come here for a discussion or... 628 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:10,920 You're snooty for a glorified Punch and Judy man, Phil. 629 00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:12,760 You know you're gonna get your best ratings in months 630 00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:14,080 'cause I'm here. 631 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:15,720 To even get close to the figures, 632 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:17,720 I'm gonna pull in for you tonight, 633 00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:19,240 you'd have to fuck a prawn sandwich live on air. 634 00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:20,920 Make a nice prawn cocktail. 635 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:22,600 Yeah could we make a serious political point that is. 636 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:24,440 I've got one big blue point to make, fool. 637 00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:26,600 Would you like to have a look at it? 638 00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:29,080 Great work tonight. Look at, Look at this, look at this. 639 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,880 It's The Waldo polling app. Now this can pinpoint you 640 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,200 with GPS so that when you're at a polling station 641 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,040 it unlocks loads of free shit, look. 642 00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:37,560 (Waldo) Thanks for voting, dickhead! 643 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,400 Thanks for voting, dickhead! 644 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,400 (laughs) It's good isn't it? 645 00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:42,920 Who's this guy we're meeting? 646 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:44,760 I dunno. But he's from Washington 647 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:47,240 and he's got my restricted number. 648 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:51,800 Jeff Carter, from the agency. 649 00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:52,960 (Jack) Hey. 650 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:54,680 Hey. And I'll leap right in. 651 00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,200 I think what you're doing with Waldo is fascinating. 652 00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:59,080 From "the agency"? 653 00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:02,240 Yeah, listen, Waldo may be the perfect political figurehead. 654 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:03,880 Waldo the bear. 655 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,800 The bear people like. The fact he's a bear's an assist. 656 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:08,680 - "An assist"? - It helps. 657 00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:10,560 (Jeff) Right. You look at human politicians; 658 00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:12,960 you're instinctively like brrrr - uncanny, right? 659 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,600 Like the girls in porn you just know something's wrong, 660 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:17,200 'cause why else are they doing it? 661 00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:18,520 It's usually Daddy issues, ey. 662 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:20,680 Just like politics. Waldo bypasses that. 663 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:23,560 You already know he's not real. So no personal flaws. 664 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:24,840 I'm a person. 665 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:26,880 With respect, Waldo's more than you. 666 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:30,680 He's a team, and you're open about that, which is fantastic. 667 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:32,360 The honesty thing works. 668 00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:36,960 Waldo is a construct people not just accept but embrace. 669 00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:38,840 At the moment he's anti-politics, 670 00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,440 which is a political stance in itself, right? 671 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,680 But he could deliver any brand of political 672 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,960 content, minus the potential downsides of a human messenger. 673 00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:50,560 In a debate, your team could google every word the other guy 674 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,680 says, then let Waldo hit him with debunk stats and spit a 675 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:56,600 Twitter-ready zinger into the next sentence. 676 00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:58,920 He's the perfect assassin. 677 00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,160 We won't win though. 678 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:06,520 You guys are so British. 679 00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,960 No, of course he won't win, you started out too coarse off the 680 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:12,880 bat, there's no substantial basis to what you offer, and the 681 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:17,720 whole nihilist "democracy sucks" thing yeah is kind of wack-a-doo 682 00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:21,800 but with a targeted, hopeful message which we of course can 683 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,720 provide. Energising the disenfranchised without spooking 684 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,800 the middle via your new platform: you got a global 685 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:33,160 political-entertainment product people actually want. 686 00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,600 You could roll this out worldwide. 687 00:34:36,720 --> 00:34:40,080 - Like Pringles. - Absolutely. 688 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:47,480 It's... It's interesting stuff though. 689 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,000 When you're done with Stentonford, 690 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,040 there may be an opportunity in South America. 691 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:53,760 Se puede hablar español? 692 00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:56,760 Vivi en Madrid tres años. 693 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:58,920 Excelente. 694 00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:19,000 What? 695 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:21,360 He's not coming. 696 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,240 But he's the party leader. 697 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,200 It's too toxic. 698 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:31,280 (woman) Meanwhile as support for Gwendolyn Harris appears to 699 00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,800 be dwindling, Labour denies the party is losing faith 700 00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:37,480 in their young candidate but Miss Harris spent most of the 701 00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,880 day locked in crisis talks at party head... 702 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:42,480 (turns TV off) 703 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:45,680 (radio) In the Stentonford by-election, 704 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:49,760 Waldo the cartoon bear continues to... 705 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:51,800 Did you see Gwendolyn Harris yesterday? 706 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,080 She looks like she's been poisoned. 707 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,760 Because he's gonna overtake her. 708 00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:59,400 If that thing is the main opposition, then the 709 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,040 whole system looks absurd. 710 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:06,080 Which it may well be. 711 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,800 But it built these roads. 712 00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:15,920 (knocks on door) 713 00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:17,840 Just come in, Roy. 714 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,880 I'm sorry, okay? 715 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,840 It was wrong to speak to you like that... 716 00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:33,000 After the campaign, I would've called you. 717 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:35,400 After the campaign. 718 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:38,440 All you've done is strengthen Monroe. 719 00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:40,200 You won't win either, but I was at least attempting 720 00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,360 to represent... 721 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,240 Well, I don't know, not just bollocks to everything. 722 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,840 If you were preaching revolution, that'd be something. 723 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:52,200 But you're not because that'd require courage and a mindset. 724 00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:54,120 And what have you got? 725 00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:57,200 Who are you? 726 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,240 What are you for? 727 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,240 Morning. 728 00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:19,320 So final push. 729 00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:21,320 You remind everyone that's got the app, that if they 730 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:25,240 recommend it to friends it unlocks a little fez for Waldo. 731 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:27,160 (Tamsin) We're here. 732 00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:30,880 Attention shoppers. 733 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,680 I'm here to ask you an important favour. Gather round. 734 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,200 Come over here and listen. 735 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:43,360 Don't vote for me, I'm an insult. Seriously. 736 00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,560 Vote for Monroe or Harris or I dunno, 737 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:48,840 UKIP or even that Lib Dem guy. 738 00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,680 (woman) He's a prick! 739 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,920 Seriously, only an arsehole would actually vote for me. 740 00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:55,080 What Is this, irony? 741 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,240 I'm worse than a wasted vote. 742 00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:58,640 He's from the Harris campaign. 743 00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:00,760 I mean it, you idiots! Don't vote for me! 744 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,080 Don't vote for me! Don't vote for me! 745 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:05,000 Don't vote for... 746 00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:09,360 Booo! 747 00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:10,760 Shut up. 748 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:12,480 No. Don't boo him, he's right! He's right. 749 00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:14,120 - What are you doing? - Resigning. 750 00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:15,440 Jamie. 751 00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:18,680 Look! It's me, I'm Waldo. 752 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:21,440 This guy, whoever this guy is, he's a hero. 753 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:24,120 You should throw stuff at Waldo, he's bad bloody news. 754 00:38:24,240 --> 00:38:25,560 - (woman) He's funny. - He's not. 755 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:27,960 Don't listen to that man, he's a lesbian. Ah! 756 00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:29,680 - (laughing) - So remember, 757 00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:31,880 the polls are open, and if you've got my app, 758 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,040 you can unlock new stuff like catchphrases and a little 759 00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:37,760 hat n' that. Only an idiot wouldn't vote for me. 760 00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:39,640 So question the status quo! 761 00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:40,880 (Jamie) Kill it! 762 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:42,320 Kick them where it hurts! 763 00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,680 The first man to hit him gets five hundred quid! 764 00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:48,160 Yeah, that's right. Knock him down. Knock him down. 765 00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:53,680 Smash it. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. 766 00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:55,440 Yeah. 767 00:38:58,720 --> 00:39:01,600 ♪ ♪ 768 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:08,080 (TV) I the undersigned, being the returning officer for the 769 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,360 Stentonford and Hersham constituency, hereby give 770 00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:13,640 notice that the total number of votes recorded for each 771 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:16,120 candidate at the election is as follows. 772 00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:20,680 Finch, Simon Arthur. Liberal Democrats. 773 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:23,800 Two thousand four hundred and forty-nine. 774 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,960 (applause) 775 00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:29,680 Harris, Gwendolyn Jodie. Labour. 776 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:33,160 Eleven thousand, two hundred and thirty-seven. 777 00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:39,960 Monroe, Liam George Tennyson. Conservative. 778 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:43,640 Nineteen thousand, one hundred and sixty one. 779 00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:50,760 Waldo, Independent. 780 00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:54,480 (yelling) 781 00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:59,520 Sixteen thousand seven hundred and eighty four. 782 00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:01,760 (cheering) 783 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,640 Ladies, Ladies and gentlemen, please, I declare that Liam Monroe 784 00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:08,640 is duly elected member of Parliament for the constituency. 785 00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:10,600 (applause, booing) 786 00:40:10,720 --> 00:40:12,280 (Waldo) Hey, hey everyone. 787 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:15,800 Five hundred quid to anyone who can lob a shoe! 788 00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:47,920 (officer) Up you get, come on. 789 00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:49,400 Come on! 790 00:40:57,720 --> 00:41:00,320 Come on, out you go. 791 00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:14,680 Come on. 792 00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,600 (Chinese voice) 793 00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:57,440 (officer) Oi! 794 00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:00,280 (electricity crackles) 795 00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:04,320 ♪ ♪ 796 00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:33,240 ♪ ♪ 61084

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