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So, who broke it?
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I'm not mad,
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I just want to know.
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I did. I broke it, Ron.
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No. No, you didn't.
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Tom?
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Don't look at me.
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Look at Ben.
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What? I didn't break it.
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Huh. That's weird.
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How'd you even know
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it was broken?
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Because it's sitting
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right in front of us
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and it's broken.
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Suspicious.
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No, it's not.
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If it matters...
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Probably not.
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...but April was
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the last one to use it.
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Liar! I don't even
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drink that crap.
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Oh, really?
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Then what were you doing
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by the coffee cart earlier?
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I use the wooden
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stirrers to push back
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my cuticles.
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Everyone knows that, Jerry.
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Okay, let's not fight.
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I broke it.
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Let me pay for it, Ron.
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No. Who broke it?
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Ron, Donna's been
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awfully quiet.
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Really?
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Yeah, really.
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Oh, my God!
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I broke it.
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It burned my hand,
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so I punched it.
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I predict ten
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minutes from now,
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they'll be at
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each other's throats
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with war paint on their faces
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and a pig head on a stick.
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Good. It was getting
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a little chummy
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around here.
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I need you guys to come to
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the Snakehole Lounge tonight
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to help me with something.
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Yeah, no,
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tonight's not good.
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No can do.
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I'm on a cleanse.
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Please. This is important.
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I'm launching my new high-end,
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Kahlua-style liqueur,
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Snake Juice.
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Sounds like you
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took a snake and
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twisted it like a rag
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until its blood
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and guts came out.
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What does
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Kahlua-style mean?
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I mix a bunch of
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alcohol together,
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I add some sugar and coffee
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and some other junk,
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and it kind of
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tastes like Kahlua.
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I can only
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drink warm tap water
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with cayenne pepper.
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Fine. Then don't drink it.
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Just get other people
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to drink it, okay?
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Meeting in one hour.
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If you don't make it,
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you're on my Done-zo list.
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Oh, what's
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a "Done-zo list"?
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It means you and I
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are done-zo.
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Hanging out, getting
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food together, done-zo.
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You want to come
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over to my house and play
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video games? Done-zo.
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Hey, Tom, you want to come
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play Putt-Putt with me?
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No, we're done-zo.
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Babe, we got to
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make that meeting.
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I'm so glad we
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found the time to talk.
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It feels like
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it's been forever.
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I know. I've been so
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busy at the hospital.
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Long hours,
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overnight shifts...
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I'm getting sick of it.
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All right, let's start
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with the personal stuff.
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How's Jessie?
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Who?
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The photographer guy.
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Oh, yeah. We broke up.
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I didn't tell you that?
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Mmm-mmm.
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Why? I liked him.
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Yeah, I did, too.
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I just... I couldn't
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deal with his face.
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Huh.
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Do you think I
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could get that book back
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that I loaned him?
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Well, I'm technically
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out of the country.
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So I would have to call him
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from a weird number.
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Sorry.
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Never mind.
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But I'm seeing
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this new guy, Mattias.
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You would love him.
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He's a triple Pisces.
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Oh-oh. Looks like
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someone's gonna be late
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for her meeting.
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Race you.
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Really? Isn't that
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a little childish?
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Bye, Ann.
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Sorry, got to go.
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Hey, move! Oh!
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Councilman Howser, sorry.
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Nice to see you as always.
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Bye.
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Welcome to
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Guerilla Marketing 101.
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What is Guerilla Marketing?
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A few ordinary schmoes,
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no offense,
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have a casual conversation
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next to some guy
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about how great
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Snake Juice is.
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Next thing you know
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that guy orders a whole
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bottle of Snake Juice,
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and he has no idea why.
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April, you'll be playing
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a boring beer drinker
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named Jennifer.
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Andy, you are also
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a boring beer drinker
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named Michael.
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Jerry, you'll be playing
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a boring beer drinker.
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Your name will be Jerry.
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Ron is going
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to play our exciting
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Snake Juice drinker,
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A.K.A. Brian Thunder.
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Do you want us to memorize
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this whole script?
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Ideally, but if
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you want to wing it,
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your talking points
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are high-end, VIP,
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lifestyle.
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All right, let's
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run through it once.
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And action!
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"The weather has
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been so weird lately.
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"Hey, let me
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buy you all a drink."
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"I'll take something
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basic like a beer."
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"Yeah, I'm pretty
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"boring.
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"So I'll take a beer, too."
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"Not me. I want this
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night to get K-razzy."
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"Ca-razy." Like "crazy."
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"I want this
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night to get crazy.
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"Get me a shot of Snake Juice.
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I hear it has
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a dope aftertaste."
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All right, that's
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gonna be a cut. Um...
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Ron, you got to say it
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like you mean it.
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I won't publicly
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endorse a product
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unless I use it exclusively
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and I really believe in it.
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My only official
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recommendations
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are U.S. Army-issued
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mustache trimmers,
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Morton Salt, and
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the C.R. Laurence Fein
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two-inch, axe-style scraper
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oscillating knife blade.
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We need to find
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a new PR Director
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for the Health Department.
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Dennis Cooper was
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fired today.
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Why?
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Short answer,
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he went bananas.
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Long answer,
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his wife, Jan, had an affair,
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gave him a venereal disease,
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and so he put signs about her
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all through City Hall.
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I'm sure you've seen them.
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Oh, yeah.
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"Jan Cooper will
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give you Chlamydia.
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"Brought to you
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by the Pawnee
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Health Department."
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"Chlamydia affects
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nearly 100% of Jan Coopers."
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"The Department of Health
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congratulates Jan Cooper.
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"Miss Chlamydia."
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"Jan, I love you.
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Please come back.
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"I realize that I'm
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not blameless here.
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"Please.
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"Brought to you by
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the Health Department."
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"Re-elect Jan Cooper.
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Mayor of Whoreville."
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Leslie, I want you to help us
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choose a replacement.
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Parks and Health work closely
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together on outdoor programs
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and exercise initiatives.
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Ann should do it.
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Ann Perkins?
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Pawnee is looking
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for a new PR Director
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for the Health Department,
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and I submitted your name.
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You have an interview
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tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.
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9:00 a.m. Wow.
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Yes, I know.
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I couldn't get it earlier.
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I'm...
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Grateful. I know.
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You can thank me later.
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But first, you need to
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go over your homework.
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These are all
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the health initiatives
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the city has ever
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undertaken since the 1960s.
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So you need to
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partially memorize that.
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And it's gonna
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be a long night,
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so I got you
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some energy drinks
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and some chocolate-covered
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espresso beans
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and the book Freedom
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by Jonathan Franzen.
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Why am I reading this?
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Because I'm almost
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done with it, Ann.
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And I want to talk
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to you about Patty.
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Okay, deep breath.
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Okay. I've been a nurse
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for over 10 years.
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It's not something
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you just quit.
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I understand.
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I just think
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with this new job,
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you could make a difference.
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Make real change happen.
299
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,310
Plus, we'd be working
300
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,310
in the same building.
301
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:31,180
No more lightning-round
302
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:31,180
catch-up sessions.
303
00:06:31,250 --> 00:06:32,410
It would be nice
304
00:06:31,250 --> 00:06:32,410
to have an office.
305
00:06:32,620 --> 00:06:34,210
This is your destiny, Ann.
306
00:06:34,290 --> 00:06:35,520
You don't want
307
00:06:34,290 --> 00:06:35,520
to waste away
308
00:06:35,590 --> 00:06:37,080
at Pawnee St. Joseph
309
00:06:35,590 --> 00:06:37,080
Medical Center
310
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,460
and turn into her.
311
00:06:39,230 --> 00:06:40,390
Ow!
312
00:06:40,460 --> 00:06:41,690
Shut up.
313
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:43,460
And let's be honest,
314
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:43,460
it would be nice to not have
315
00:06:43,530 --> 00:06:46,260
to pull strange things out
316
00:06:43,530 --> 00:06:46,260
of people's butts every night.
317
00:06:46,330 --> 00:06:48,240
You've mentioned that before.
318
00:06:46,330 --> 00:06:48,240
That doesn't happen
319
00:06:46,330 --> 00:06:48,240
that often.
320
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:49,930
It happened once.
321
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:49,930
Just once.
322
00:06:50,270 --> 00:06:51,830
That already is
323
00:06:50,270 --> 00:06:51,830
too many times.
324
00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:56,040
I hate talking to
325
00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:56,040
people about things.
326
00:06:56,110 --> 00:06:57,170
This is a nightmare.
327
00:06:57,780 --> 00:06:59,340
I'm grouchy.
328
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,380
We have to support Tom.
329
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,380
I don't want to end up
330
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,380
on that Done-zo list.
331
00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:05,420
Think about it
332
00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:05,420
as role-playing.
333
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,510
That makes it sexy.
334
00:07:08,590 --> 00:07:10,860
That could be fun.
335
00:07:08,590 --> 00:07:10,860
Really?
336
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,950
Can I use a weird voice
337
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,950
and try to freak people out?
338
00:07:13,030 --> 00:07:14,520
Yes.
339
00:07:13,030 --> 00:07:14,520
Okay.
340
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,090
Then next time you see me,
341
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,560
I'll be a stranger.
342
00:07:25,970 --> 00:07:29,170
Hey, Tommy. I'm really hoping
343
00:07:25,970 --> 00:07:29,170
this booze of yours
344
00:07:25,970 --> 00:07:29,170
is gonna sell,
345
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,710
because I am not going
346
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,710
to take a loss on this.
347
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,710
Nothing this
348
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,710
delicious will fail.
349
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:36,510
We'll see.
350
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:36,510
Check back with me
351
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:36,510
in a couple of hours,
352
00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:37,810
I'll let you know
353
00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:37,810
how it's going.
354
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:40,550
Snake Juice! What? Here?
355
00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:43,390
High-end, VIP, exclusive.
356
00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:44,880
Hey, how's it going?
357
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:45,950
I think it's going okay.
358
00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:48,620
People better buy this stuff,
359
00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:48,620
or else I'm gonna be screwed.
360
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:50,190
It's gonna be fine.
361
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:50,190
People will definitely
362
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:50,190
buy it.
363
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,290
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
364
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,300
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
365
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,300
"K" to the "N" to the "O-P-E,"
366
00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:57,000
she's the dopest little shorty
367
00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:57,000
in all Pawnee, Indiana
368
00:07:57,070 --> 00:07:58,470
Why didn't you
369
00:07:57,070 --> 00:07:58,470
just stop at "Pawnee"?
370
00:07:58,540 --> 00:08:01,700
Leslie Knope, seriously,
371
00:07:58,540 --> 00:08:01,700
you get sexier every day.
372
00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:03,180
And that is not a line.
373
00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:03,180
That is for real.
374
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:04,870
Oh, Jean-Ralphio.
375
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,100
So you're here helping Tom?
376
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,910
Absolutely. And it's
377
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,910
time to get that paper.
378
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:11,820
Get, get, get, get,
379
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:11,820
get that paper.
380
00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:14,190
Snake Juice sales are
381
00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:14,190
gonna be off the "churt."
382
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:17,890
Why? Because that "snizz"
383
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:17,890
is straight up
384
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:17,890
"dee-loy-cious."
385
00:08:18,190 --> 00:08:19,180
Well said.
386
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:20,520
Well, I know
387
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:20,520
tonight's gonna be
388
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,030
a big success,
389
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,030
and I wish I could stay.
390
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:23,860
I really do,
391
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:23,860
but I have to go help Ann.
392
00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:26,270
She's gonna be
393
00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:26,270
up all night cramming for
394
00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:26,270
a big job interview.
395
00:08:26,330 --> 00:08:27,530
She might be
396
00:08:26,330 --> 00:08:27,530
up all night,
397
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,300
but I think someone else
398
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,300
is gonna be doing
399
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,300
the cramming.
400
00:08:29,370 --> 00:08:30,770
Uh-oh.
401
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:39,670
Hey.
402
00:08:39,750 --> 00:08:40,840
I'm so happy to see you.
403
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,350
And I'm seeing you here.
404
00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:44,110
Yes.
405
00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:44,110
Yes, I'm surprised.
406
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,450
I thought maybe
407
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,450
you'd be home preparing
408
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,450
for tomorrow.
409
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,720
Oh, well, there was
410
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,720
way too much stuff
411
00:08:48,790 --> 00:08:50,490
for me to read tonight,
412
00:08:48,790 --> 00:08:50,490
anyway.
413
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,690
I mean, it was
414
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,690
a ridiculous amount of stuff
415
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,690
that you gave me.
416
00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:55,090
Oh.
417
00:08:55,630 --> 00:08:57,260
But you are going in
418
00:08:55,630 --> 00:08:57,260
for the interview tomorrow?
419
00:08:57,330 --> 00:08:58,430
I think so.
420
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:01,890
Uh-oh.
421
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:05,510
Is there enough room
422
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:05,510
for some "man-aise"
423
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:05,510
in this lady sandwich?
424
00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:06,630
Oh.
425
00:09:06,710 --> 00:09:08,770
Leslie, this is my
426
00:09:06,710 --> 00:09:08,770
friend Howard Tuttleman.
427
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,970
Oh, please.
428
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,970
Call me "The Douche."
429
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:14,110
You probably know me
430
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:14,110
from my morning
431
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:14,110
radio show on 93.7,
432
00:09:14,180 --> 00:09:16,340
"Crazy Ira and The Douche."
433
00:09:16,420 --> 00:09:18,320
Yeah, I had
434
00:09:16,420 --> 00:09:18,320
met you before.
435
00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:19,450
I actually was on
436
00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:19,450
your show once...
437
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,390
Wait! Were you on the show
438
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,390
where we had that
439
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,390
stripper do math?
440
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:23,890
Classic, right?
441
00:09:28,430 --> 00:09:31,830
Hello, strange person
442
00:09:28,430 --> 00:09:31,830
who I have never met before.
443
00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:33,200
Who are you?
444
00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:34,630
I'm Janet Snakehole.
445
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,670
I'm a very rich widow
446
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,670
with a terrible secret.
447
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,670
Who are you?
448
00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:39,830
Bert Macklin, FBI.
449
00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:41,100
I was the best
450
00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:41,100
damn agent they had
451
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:42,440
until I was framed for
452
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:42,440
a crime I didn't commit.
453
00:09:43,810 --> 00:09:46,280
Stealing
454
00:09:43,810 --> 00:09:46,280
the President's rubies.
455
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,470
Now I work alone.
456
00:09:48,550 --> 00:09:50,250
Lovely to meet you.
457
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,650
I got to admit,
458
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,650
I thought your costume
459
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:53,980
would maybe be
460
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:53,980
a little bit sluttier.
461
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,390
How dare you?
462
00:09:58,160 --> 00:09:59,220
Nice.
463
00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:00,690
Gentlemen.
464
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,820
Swan song. How you living?
465
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:04,350
Yes.
466
00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:06,060
Why aren't you
467
00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:06,060
holding a Snake Juice?
468
00:10:06,130 --> 00:10:07,470
I'm more of a whiskey man.
469
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,940
Ron-Ron, come here.
470
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,800
Come here for a bit.
471
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,800
You're good right there.
472
00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:13,570
Listen, you got to jump
473
00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:13,570
on the Tommy Town Express.
474
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,270
This guy has some
475
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,270
of the best investment ideas
476
00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:16,740
I've ever heard in my life.
477
00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:19,110
Make a baby
478
00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:19,110
tuxedo clothing line.
479
00:10:19,180 --> 00:10:21,740
A department store
480
00:10:19,180 --> 00:10:21,740
with a guest list.
481
00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:23,750
White fur ear muffs
482
00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:23,750
for men.
483
00:10:23,850 --> 00:10:27,050
A new brand of
484
00:10:23,850 --> 00:10:27,050
bottled water called H2-Ho.
485
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,850
Contact lenses that
486
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,850
display text messages.
487
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,290
Invent a phone
488
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,290
that smells good.
489
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,630
Own a night club
490
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,630
called Eclipse
491
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:38,430
that's only open
492
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:38,430
for one hour
493
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:38,430
two times a year.
494
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:41,160
Cover charge, $5,000.
495
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:43,670
I can keep going.
496
00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:45,040
How about this, Ron?
497
00:10:45,110 --> 00:10:46,200
Try Snake Juice.
498
00:10:46,670 --> 00:10:48,910
If you like it, you got
499
00:10:46,670 --> 00:10:48,910
to talk it up all night.
500
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:52,310
If you don't, I'll
501
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:52,310
shave Jean-Ralphio's head.
502
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,940
Yeah, I'd like to see that.
503
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,940
Hit me.
504
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,680
A lot riding on this.
505
00:11:02,820 --> 00:11:04,320
Damn, if that
506
00:11:02,820 --> 00:11:04,320
isn't delicious.
507
00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:07,800
"R" to the "O" to the "N"...
508
00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:11,390
I say Swanson's got swagger
509
00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:11,390
the size of a Big Ben clock
510
00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:12,890
Dude, you got to
511
00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:12,890
end it on the rhyme.
512
00:11:12,970 --> 00:11:14,230
I know what I have to do.
513
00:11:12,970 --> 00:11:14,230
You had it at "Ben."
514
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:15,290
I know. I got it.
515
00:11:17,270 --> 00:11:18,670
You think I haven't
516
00:11:17,270 --> 00:11:18,670
been around the world?
517
00:11:18,740 --> 00:11:21,970
I've been everywhere, darling.
518
00:11:18,740 --> 00:11:21,970
I'm a very wealthy woman.
519
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,980
My husband's kept me
520
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,980
in the finest clothes
521
00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:26,050
from Bergdorf Goodman,
522
00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:26,050
you see.
523
00:11:26,110 --> 00:11:27,810
Freeze! FBI!
524
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,610
No! Leave me alone!
525
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:30,850
Hands in the air!
526
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:32,180
I didn't kill anybody!
527
00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:34,380
And I didn't burn
528
00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:34,380
down the mill either.
529
00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:34,380
My sister did.
530
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:35,920
But now she's
531
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:35,920
been eaten by wolves!
532
00:11:38,290 --> 00:11:39,490
Nothing to see here.
533
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,130
So how did
534
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,130
you two meet?
535
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,320
We met at
536
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,320
the supermarket.
537
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,200
I used my classic
538
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,200
pickup line.
539
00:11:45,270 --> 00:11:47,570
"If you're
540
00:11:45,270 --> 00:11:47,570
looking for douches,
541
00:11:45,270 --> 00:11:47,570
they're in Aisle Me."
542
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,170
Awesome.
543
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,170
Yeah.
544
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,230
Oh, hey, by the way,
545
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,230
I don't think I can
546
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,230
get that book back
547
00:11:52,310 --> 00:11:53,710
from what's-his-name.
548
00:11:53,940 --> 00:11:55,000
Oh, that's okay.
549
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,740
I mean, I should've
550
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,740
known better
551
00:11:56,810 --> 00:11:58,580
than to loan something
552
00:11:56,810 --> 00:11:58,580
to one of your boyfriends.
553
00:11:58,650 --> 00:12:00,080
They come
554
00:11:58,650 --> 00:12:00,080
and go so fast.
555
00:12:00,150 --> 00:12:02,120
What are you
556
00:12:00,150 --> 00:12:02,120
saying exactly?
557
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,740
Well, I mean, let's be honest.
558
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,740
How long is it gonna
559
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,740
last with this guy?
560
00:12:04,820 --> 00:12:05,810
Sitting right here.
561
00:12:05,890 --> 00:12:08,290
I don't know.
562
00:12:05,890 --> 00:12:08,290
He's dumb, but he's fun.
563
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,480
Thank you.
564
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:11,220
I mean, that's
565
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:11,220
the whole point
566
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:11,220
of dating around
567
00:12:11,290 --> 00:12:12,780
is you get to try on
568
00:12:11,290 --> 00:12:12,780
a bunch of different hats.
569
00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:14,690
Well, this hat is
570
00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:14,690
an idiot.
571
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,290
Classic.
572
00:12:16,430 --> 00:12:18,870
Leslie,
573
00:12:16,430 --> 00:12:18,870
are you mad
574
00:12:16,430 --> 00:12:18,870
that I came here?
575
00:12:18,930 --> 00:12:20,490
What? No.
576
00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:22,830
I'm not... Are you...
577
00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:22,830
You seem mad at me.
578
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,030
No, I'm not...
579
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,030
I'm not mad at you.
580
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,700
I'm not mad at you.
581
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,700
I'm not mad at all.
582
00:12:25,770 --> 00:12:26,830
Neither am I.
583
00:12:25,770 --> 00:12:26,830
No.
584
00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:30,840
Looks like you two
585
00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:30,840
need to kiss and make up.
586
00:12:30,910 --> 00:12:32,540
All right.
587
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:35,550
Hello. My name is
588
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:35,550
Ron Swanson.
589
00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:38,740
In general, I try
590
00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:38,740
never to speak with people,
591
00:12:38,820 --> 00:12:41,050
but I have been drinking
592
00:12:38,820 --> 00:12:41,050
this Snake Juice thing,
593
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:42,350
and it's damn good.
594
00:12:42,420 --> 00:12:43,760
You should buy it.
595
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:45,450
Yeah, okay. Thanks, man.
596
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,250
Son, you should know
597
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,250
that my recommendation
598
00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:50,200
is essentially a guarantee.
599
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,060
Drink this, now.
600
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:57,260
Traegermeister!
601
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:57,260
You made it.
602
00:12:57,740 --> 00:13:00,570
Yeah, I got your email.
603
00:12:57,740 --> 00:13:00,570
We need to talk.
604
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:03,940
First off, though,
605
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:03,940
try a little Snake Juice.
606
00:13:04,010 --> 00:13:07,380
It's 140 proof,
607
00:13:04,010 --> 00:13:07,380
which means
608
00:13:04,010 --> 00:13:07,380
it's 70% alcohol.
609
00:13:07,450 --> 00:13:09,920
But don't worry.
610
00:13:07,450 --> 00:13:09,920
There's plenty of caffeine
611
00:13:07,450 --> 00:13:09,920
in it to keep you awake.
612
00:13:09,980 --> 00:13:12,820
I believe an ounce of that
613
00:13:09,980 --> 00:13:12,820
would literally kill me.
614
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,620
You emailed
615
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,620
everyone at City Hall
616
00:13:16,690 --> 00:13:18,590
and told them
617
00:13:16,690 --> 00:13:18,590
to come to a club
618
00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:21,930
that you own to buy alcohol
619
00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:21,930
that you invented.
620
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,860
Government employees
621
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,860
can't use their power
622
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:26,460
to enhance their
623
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:26,460
personal wealth.
624
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,290
I totally get
625
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,290
your point, Chris.
626
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,290
It won't happen again.
627
00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:31,270
I just don't see
628
00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:31,270
any way around it.
629
00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:33,370
You're gonna have to
630
00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:33,370
sell your shares
631
00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:33,370
in the Snakehole.
632
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:34,600
No!
633
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,540
T-Pain,
634
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,540
this guy bothering you?
635
00:13:36,610 --> 00:13:38,380
This is my boss.
636
00:13:36,610 --> 00:13:38,380
Okay, yeah.
637
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:39,640
You want me to write
638
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:39,640
a rap about your name?
639
00:13:39,710 --> 00:13:40,740
Yes.
640
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,880
"B" to the "O"
641
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,880
to the double "S,"
642
00:13:42,950 --> 00:13:45,750
do what he say,
643
00:13:42,950 --> 00:13:45,750
and you'll be successful
644
00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:49,420
No offense, but maybe
645
00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:49,420
you think I'm going too fast
646
00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:50,860
'cause you're going
647
00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:50,860
too slow with Ben.
648
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,490
No offense, but I'm
649
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,490
going slow because
650
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,490
I might lose my job.
651
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:56,030
Okay, no offense,
652
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:56,030
but maybe that's
653
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:56,030
a little bit of an excuse
654
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:57,220
for not acting
655
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:57,220
on your feelings.
656
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:58,700
No offense,
657
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:58,700
but I don't remember
658
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:58,700
you having
659
00:13:58,770 --> 00:14:00,170
a nursing degree
660
00:13:58,770 --> 00:14:00,170
in feelings.
661
00:14:00,470 --> 00:14:01,940
Offense! That's rude.
662
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,130
I'm gonna go dance.
663
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,500
Douche, you're up.
664
00:14:06,970 --> 00:14:09,170
Hey, are you okay?
665
00:14:06,970 --> 00:14:09,170
I heard yelling.
666
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,010
Yeah, I'm very angry,
667
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,010
and I'm really drunk.
668
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,280
Do you want to dance
669
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,280
with me? Go get me
670
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,280
another "Snork Juice."
671
00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:16,110
That's maybe not
672
00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:16,110
the best idea for you.
673
00:14:16,180 --> 00:14:17,740
Forget it. Jean-Ralphio!
674
00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:18,980
Yes, I'm here.
675
00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:18,980
Dance up on me.
676
00:14:19,050 --> 00:14:20,680
Yes, yes, yes.
677
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,150
How's it going with her?
678
00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:35,500
Um, well, nothing's
679
00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:35,500
going at all, really,
680
00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:35,500
because...
681
00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:39,700
I don't know.
682
00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:39,700
I feel like I just did
683
00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:39,700
something wrong.
684
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:41,640
She doesn't seem to
685
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:41,640
want to talk to me.
686
00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:43,740
You should try role-play.
687
00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:43,740
That's what me and April do.
688
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:45,640
That explains the outfit.
689
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,650
Yeah, you gotta dream up
690
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,650
some weird scenario
691
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,020
like you're her boss
692
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,020
and sex is forbidden
693
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,020
because she works for you.
694
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,080
That is our
695
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,080
actual situation.
696
00:14:55,190 --> 00:14:57,820
And she's addicted
697
00:14:55,190 --> 00:14:57,820
to spanking.
698
00:14:57,890 --> 00:15:01,090
Okay. Thanks,
699
00:14:57,890 --> 00:15:01,090
we got it. We're good.
700
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:05,090
If you're worried
701
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:05,090
about working with Chris,
702
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:05,090
it doesn't matter.
703
00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:07,800
He's fine with it.
704
00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:07,800
He said it wouldn't
705
00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:07,800
be weird.
706
00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:10,430
You talked to Chris
707
00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:10,430
before you talked to me?
708
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:11,970
Excuse me!
709
00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:14,710
This is
710
00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:14,710
my first fight with Ann,
711
00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:14,710
and it's a doozy.
712
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:18,040
But I believe that honest
713
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:18,040
discussions between friends
714
00:15:18,110 --> 00:15:19,380
can lead to deeper intimacy.
715
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,580
This is a watershed moment
716
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,580
in our relationship,
717
00:15:21,650 --> 00:15:23,240
and it's important
718
00:15:21,650 --> 00:15:23,240
that we fight clean.
719
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:27,180
All I need to do is
720
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:27,180
focus and stay calm.
721
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,320
You're stupid,
722
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,320
and you're drunk
723
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,320
and you're stupid.
724
00:15:31,790 --> 00:15:33,660
I don't understand
725
00:15:31,790 --> 00:15:33,660
how this is my fault.
726
00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:36,130
It's not...
727
00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:36,130
Everything isn't
728
00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:36,130
your fault all the time.
729
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,790
Don't always make
730
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,790
everything your fault.
731
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:41,170
Good! It's not all my fault.
732
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:41,170
I'm not the stupid jerk.
733
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:42,830
I'm not the one who's being
734
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:42,830
a stupid jerk right now.
735
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,070
I didn't mean it like that.
736
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,070
You know I didn't
737
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,070
mean it like that.
738
00:15:45,140 --> 00:15:46,230
I just meant you
739
00:15:45,140 --> 00:15:46,230
were being stupid,
740
00:15:46,370 --> 00:15:47,500
and you were
741
00:15:46,370 --> 00:15:47,500
acting like a jerk.
742
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,550
Look, I'm sorry
743
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,550
that I thought about you
744
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,550
for the job, okay?
745
00:15:50,610 --> 00:15:52,910
But sometimes if
746
00:15:50,610 --> 00:15:52,910
I don't push you
747
00:15:50,610 --> 00:15:52,910
in the right direction,
748
00:15:52,980 --> 00:15:54,740
you end up
749
00:15:52,980 --> 00:15:54,740
standing still.
750
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,220
I was just trying
751
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,220
to do you a favor.
752
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,250
Enough with
753
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,250
your favors, okay?
754
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:00,520
Stop.
755
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,560
Maybe we shouldn't
756
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,560
work together, then.
757
00:16:07,630 --> 00:16:09,390
Maybe we shouldn't.
758
00:16:12,630 --> 00:16:14,260
Every time I cleanse,
759
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:17,400
I can literally feel
760
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:17,400
the toxins leaving my body.
761
00:16:17,470 --> 00:16:19,810
I know!
762
00:16:17,470 --> 00:16:19,810
I feel so much healthier.
763
00:16:19,870 --> 00:16:22,540
I've still got
764
00:16:19,870 --> 00:16:22,540
a full week to go
765
00:16:19,870 --> 00:16:22,540
before the broth stage.
766
00:16:22,610 --> 00:16:23,600
Mmm.
767
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:27,380
Pre-broth is an amazing stage.
768
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:27,380
It's when you're most alert.
769
00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:29,940
Good. Someone needs
770
00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:29,940
to be alert tonight.
771
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:33,240
This Snake Juice is
772
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:33,240
basically rat poison.
773
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:34,450
Everybody's wasted.
774
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,010
You don't even know one thing.
775
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,010
I didn't even say one thing.
776
00:16:37,090 --> 00:16:39,750
And then she asked
777
00:16:37,090 --> 00:16:39,750
me the whole thing,
778
00:16:37,090 --> 00:16:39,750
and I didn't even do it once.
779
00:16:39,830 --> 00:16:41,850
I'm like an elephant, okay?
780
00:16:41,930 --> 00:16:45,090
If I walk into a room,
781
00:16:41,930 --> 00:16:45,090
it's like, okay,
782
00:16:41,930 --> 00:16:45,090
he's in there.
783
00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:49,870
I'm gonna tell you,
784
00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:49,870
that bitch over there...
785
00:16:50,370 --> 00:16:53,210
I'm gonna tell...
786
00:16:50,370 --> 00:16:53,210
I don't have to...
787
00:16:54,810 --> 00:16:56,070
Bababooey.
788
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:00,350
Turn this music down.
789
00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:03,650
Farts and poop
790
00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:03,650
and love and stuff
791
00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:08,750
Macaroni salad
792
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:27,670
Is this everybody?
793
00:17:27,810 --> 00:17:28,870
Ann took a cab.
794
00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:31,280
Tom's in the trunk.
795
00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:31,280
Jerry's on the roof.
796
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:33,440
All right,
797
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:33,440
where to first?
798
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,240
Your mother's butt.
799
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,080
I'm so alone.
800
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,190
If even one of you
801
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,190
thinks about dry-heaving
802
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,190
in my car,
803
00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:43,380
you're all walking home.
804
00:17:47,660 --> 00:17:48,790
Leslie.
805
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,590
I'm here.
806
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:55,290
We have to go hire
807
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:55,290
a new PR Director
808
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:55,290
for the Health Department.
809
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,470
Oh, my God.
810
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,470
I'm so hung over.
811
00:17:57,540 --> 00:17:58,800
I've never been
812
00:17:57,540 --> 00:17:58,800
this hung over.
813
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:00,630
Are we dead?
814
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,070
I feel great.
815
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,070
I ran five k this morning.
816
00:18:03,140 --> 00:18:04,130
Really?
817
00:18:04,210 --> 00:18:06,200
No, I threw up
818
00:18:04,210 --> 00:18:06,200
in the shower.
819
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,550
Top of the morning,
820
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,550
everyone.
821
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:10,480
I brought some
822
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:10,480
burgers and fries.
823
00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:13,110
Eat up.
824
00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:15,490
The protein
825
00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:15,490
soaks up the sugar.
826
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,990
First, you take the cow
827
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,990
to the killing floor...
828
00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:22,790
Well, I am
829
00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:22,790
out of questions.
830
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:25,200
Thank you.
831
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:25,200
We will let you know.
832
00:18:27,170 --> 00:18:29,540
Then our heads will explode,
833
00:18:27,170 --> 00:18:29,540
and we will die.
834
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:30,970
Oh, God.
835
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,470
I cannot believe that
836
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,470
fight I had with Ann.
837
00:18:33,540 --> 00:18:35,770
Look, I'm sure you
838
00:18:33,540 --> 00:18:35,770
guys can work it out.
839
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,540
I owe her, like,
840
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,540
a million apologies.
841
00:18:39,180 --> 00:18:41,080
I think I owe
842
00:18:39,180 --> 00:18:41,080
you one, too.
843
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,180
I'm sorry.
844
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,180
For what?
845
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:45,740
I don't know.
846
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,010
Are you okay?
847
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,960
No, I'm sad.
848
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:00,800
Say, thanks, chum.
849
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:00,800
Ugh.
850
00:19:00,870 --> 00:19:02,430
I'll get those papers
851
00:19:00,870 --> 00:19:02,430
delivered for you.
852
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:03,870
Whatever.
853
00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:05,570
Post-haste.
854
00:19:06,910 --> 00:19:10,040
The doctor says it's
855
00:19:06,910 --> 00:19:10,040
probably not serious,
856
00:19:06,910 --> 00:19:10,040
but it might be.
857
00:19:10,110 --> 00:19:12,440
Oh, Kyle,
858
00:19:10,110 --> 00:19:12,440
please stop talking.
859
00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:16,170
Ring-a-ding-ding.
860
00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:16,170
Who's calling?
861
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,480
Oh, is it Janet Snakehole?
862
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,480
Why, yes it is.
863
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,480
And who's she calling for?
864
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:21,920
Mr. Bert Macklin,
865
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:21,920
and I'll tell you
866
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:21,920
another thing...
867
00:19:22,820 --> 00:19:25,120
Going down thing...
868
00:19:22,820 --> 00:19:25,120
Going down the thing.
869
00:19:25,190 --> 00:19:28,790
And there you go,
870
00:19:25,190 --> 00:19:28,790
you're going real fast now.
871
00:19:25,190 --> 00:19:28,790
And who's this sorry charlie?
872
00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:30,200
This sack of potatoes?
873
00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:32,820
Honey, please.
874
00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:32,820
I love you. No offense,
875
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,700
but Bert Macklin
876
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,700
died last night
877
00:19:35,770 --> 00:19:37,710
after the tenth
878
00:19:35,770 --> 00:19:37,710
shot of Snake Juice.
879
00:19:39,740 --> 00:19:41,900
Okay, sorry.
880
00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:46,080
Miss Snakehole.
881
00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:50,240
You think I'd let you
882
00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:50,240
get away that easily?
883
00:19:51,420 --> 00:19:54,390
Bert Macklin may be dead,
884
00:19:51,420 --> 00:19:54,390
but I'm his brother
885
00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:57,390
Kip Hackman.
886
00:19:58,090 --> 00:19:59,920
Why wouldn't you
887
00:19:58,090 --> 00:19:59,920
have his same last name?
888
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:01,520
Shut up, Kyle.
889
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,360
I know you boosted
890
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,360
those paintings.
891
00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:07,700
Maybe it was me,
892
00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:07,700
but I'll never tell
893
00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:07,700
you where they are.
894
00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:09,860
And you'll never
895
00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:09,860
have my body either.
896
00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:16,510
T, you don't even
897
00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:16,510
have to worry about
898
00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:16,510
a thing. Why?
899
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,710
Because I'm gonna
900
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,710
keep those shares
901
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,710
real tight for you.
902
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:20,580
Real nice and cozy-like.
903
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,110
Sorry to hear the news, Tom.
904
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,110
We're gonna miss
905
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,110
you around the club.
906
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:26,710
Hey, you own shares, too.
907
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:26,710
Why didn't Chris
908
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:26,710
make you sell?
909
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:28,810
'Cause Chris doesn't know.
910
00:20:28,890 --> 00:20:30,260
You know what?
911
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,760
Snitches get stitches.
912
00:20:32,830 --> 00:20:34,800
Donna, come on.
913
00:20:32,830 --> 00:20:34,800
Don't.
914
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:38,030
I'm a natural moneymaker.
915
00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:40,230
I got into government
916
00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:40,230
for the connections.
917
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,700
This was supposed to be
918
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,700
a thing that led to
919
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,700
the other thing.
920
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:44,200
It's like when
921
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:44,200
Vin did Boiler Room.
922
00:20:44,270 --> 00:20:45,930
That's what led to him
923
00:20:44,270 --> 00:20:45,930
being xXx and doing Furious.
924
00:20:46,010 --> 00:20:47,130
And Furious. Yeah, I know.
925
00:20:47,210 --> 00:20:48,940
Listen, I don't like
926
00:20:47,210 --> 00:20:48,940
all this negativity, man.
927
00:20:49,010 --> 00:20:52,310
Why don't you turn
928
00:20:49,010 --> 00:20:52,310
that "frizz-own"
929
00:20:49,010 --> 00:20:52,310
"upside-dizzity." Huh?
930
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,050
This sucks, man.
931
00:20:58,850 --> 00:21:00,880
You're wearing
932
00:20:58,850 --> 00:21:00,880
snow pants.
933
00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:04,150
I got home last night,
934
00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:04,150
and I thought I might
935
00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:04,150
go sledding.
936
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:07,580
Can I come in?
937
00:21:07,660 --> 00:21:09,630
Yeah, if you're quiet.
938
00:21:07,660 --> 00:21:09,630
Okay.
939
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,800
Leslie doesn't know
940
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,800
I'm here.
941
00:21:13,870 --> 00:21:17,100
Oh, God. So high school.
942
00:21:17,170 --> 00:21:19,800
I can't believe that Leslie
943
00:21:17,170 --> 00:21:19,800
and I got drunk in a bar
944
00:21:19,870 --> 00:21:21,240
and fought about boys.
945
00:21:21,310 --> 00:21:22,870
We're so much
946
00:21:21,310 --> 00:21:22,870
better than that.
947
00:21:23,140 --> 00:21:25,840
I just keep having
948
00:21:23,140 --> 00:21:25,840
flashes of things
949
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:28,110
that we said to each other.
950
00:21:28,180 --> 00:21:30,210
And she's so
951
00:21:28,180 --> 00:21:30,210
important to me.
952
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,150
I acted like such a dick.
953
00:21:32,220 --> 00:21:33,690
I don't know
954
00:21:32,220 --> 00:21:33,690
you that well,
955
00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:36,090
but you're clearly very
956
00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:36,090
important to Leslie
957
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,560
and that must mean
958
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,560
you're a pretty great person.
959
00:21:39,060 --> 00:21:40,620
I know she feels awful.
960
00:21:40,690 --> 00:21:43,250
I mean,
961
00:21:40,690 --> 00:21:43,250
technically, we all do.
962
00:21:43,330 --> 00:21:47,320
Yeah. What the hell
963
00:21:43,330 --> 00:21:47,320
is in Snake Juice,
964
00:21:43,330 --> 00:21:47,320
Demerol?
965
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,300
All I know is
966
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,300
Leslie's always talking
967
00:21:49,370 --> 00:21:52,270
about how lucky she is
968
00:21:49,370 --> 00:21:52,270
to have you as a friend.
969
00:21:52,340 --> 00:21:56,170
And I just wanted
970
00:21:52,340 --> 00:21:56,170
you to know that.
971
00:21:57,510 --> 00:21:59,410
You're nice.
972
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,040
I can see why
973
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,040
she likes you.
974
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,840
When did she say...
975
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,840
Likes me?
976
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,720
Oh, God.
977
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,720
This is so high school.
978
00:22:05,790 --> 00:22:09,050
Just rent a limo,
979
00:22:05,790 --> 00:22:09,050
ask her to the prom.
980
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:10,720
I'm sure she'll say yes.
981
00:22:10,790 --> 00:22:12,380
All right. Thanks.
982
00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:14,160
So let me
983
00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:14,160
get this straight.
984
00:22:14,230 --> 00:22:18,220
Tom tries to get off
985
00:22:14,230 --> 00:22:18,220
the government teat,
986
00:22:14,230 --> 00:22:18,220
and we punish him.
987
00:22:18,530 --> 00:22:20,020
That doesn't make
988
00:22:18,530 --> 00:22:20,020
any sense to me.
989
00:22:20,430 --> 00:22:22,490
I'm sorry.
990
00:22:20,430 --> 00:22:22,490
Rules are rules.
991
00:22:22,570 --> 00:22:24,470
I wish there was
992
00:22:22,570 --> 00:22:24,470
something we could do.
993
00:22:24,540 --> 00:22:26,510
Ben, is there
994
00:22:24,540 --> 00:22:26,510
something we can do?
995
00:22:26,570 --> 00:22:27,970
Damn it. Ben's not here.
996
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,740
Tom's not
997
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,740
scamming anyone.
998
00:22:29,810 --> 00:22:32,640
He's not savvy enough
999
00:22:29,810 --> 00:22:32,640
to manipulate
1000
00:22:29,810 --> 00:22:32,640
the system like that.
1001
00:22:32,710 --> 00:22:35,310
He's just a kid
1002
00:22:32,710 --> 00:22:35,310
chasing a goofy dream.
1003
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,450
I'm sorry.
1004
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,450
My hands are tied.
1005
00:22:39,550 --> 00:22:41,920
Jan Cooper was
1006
00:22:39,550 --> 00:22:41,920
a terrible wife.
1007
00:22:41,990 --> 00:22:44,150
I just want
1008
00:22:41,990 --> 00:22:44,150
everybody to know that.
1009
00:22:44,230 --> 00:22:45,780
Thank you, Dennis.
1010
00:22:45,860 --> 00:22:48,160
But we can't give
1011
00:22:45,860 --> 00:22:48,160
you your job back.
1012
00:22:48,230 --> 00:22:50,220
You sound just like her.
1013
00:22:51,130 --> 00:22:52,690
That was unpleasant.
1014
00:22:51,130 --> 00:22:52,690
Yeah.
1015
00:22:52,770 --> 00:22:54,630
All right, who's next?
1016
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,060
You came.
1017
00:22:56,900 --> 00:22:58,570
Yeah,
1018
00:22:56,900 --> 00:22:58,570
I had some encouragement.
1019
00:22:59,970 --> 00:23:01,770
Your sweater's
1020
00:22:59,970 --> 00:23:01,770
on inside out.
1021
00:23:02,780 --> 00:23:04,340
And backwards.
1022
00:23:04,410 --> 00:23:05,670
It's been a tough morning.
1023
00:23:06,710 --> 00:23:08,510
Lots of regret and shame.
1024
00:23:08,580 --> 00:23:11,710
That should be
1025
00:23:08,580 --> 00:23:11,710
the official slogan
1026
00:23:08,580 --> 00:23:11,710
for Snake Juice.
1027
00:23:11,790 --> 00:23:14,780
Well, this
1028
00:23:11,790 --> 00:23:14,780
committee would like to ask
1029
00:23:14,860 --> 00:23:17,880
if you are
1030
00:23:14,860 --> 00:23:17,880
the kind of candidate
1031
00:23:14,860 --> 00:23:17,880
who could forgive someone
1032
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:19,950
after they've behaved
1033
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:19,950
like a complete jackass?
1034
00:23:20,460 --> 00:23:22,520
This candidate could,
1035
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,570
especially
1036
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,570
because this candidate
1037
00:23:24,630 --> 00:23:27,470
also behaved like
1038
00:23:24,630 --> 00:23:27,470
a total jackass.
1039
00:23:27,530 --> 00:23:29,700
Please, don't worry about it.
1040
00:23:27,530 --> 00:23:29,700
The committee
1041
00:23:27,530 --> 00:23:29,700
totally understands.
1042
00:23:31,070 --> 00:23:35,440
Also, I can talk
1043
00:23:31,070 --> 00:23:35,440
about my qualifications
1044
00:23:31,070 --> 00:23:35,440
for this position.
1045
00:23:35,510 --> 00:23:38,950
But first, I am gonna go
1046
00:23:35,510 --> 00:23:38,950
throw up in a wastebasket.
1047
00:23:39,950 --> 00:23:42,440
Would you mind
1048
00:23:39,950 --> 00:23:42,440
if I joined you?
1049
00:23:39,950 --> 00:23:42,440
Not at all.
1050
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:43,510
Shall we?
1051
00:23:46,150 --> 00:23:49,090
Ann came in
1052
00:23:46,150 --> 00:23:49,090
the next day and had a second
1053
00:23:46,150 --> 00:23:49,090
interview with Chris.
1054
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,180
Great.
1055
00:23:50,260 --> 00:23:51,280
She nailed it, of course.
1056
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:53,220
But she doesn't want to
1057
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:53,220
totally leave her job.
1058
00:23:53,290 --> 00:23:54,850
So they struck up a deal.
1059
00:23:54,930 --> 00:23:57,090
She works at
1060
00:23:54,930 --> 00:23:57,090
City Hall part-time,
1061
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,130
and two days a week,
1062
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,130
she still gets to be
1063
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,390
the greatest
1064
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,390
nurse in the world.
1065
00:24:00,870 --> 00:24:01,930
Win-win.
1066
00:24:02,470 --> 00:24:04,230
We need to remember
1067
00:24:02,470 --> 00:24:04,230
what's important in life.
1068
00:24:05,410 --> 00:24:07,710
Friends, waffles, and work.
1069
00:24:08,510 --> 00:24:10,940
Or waffles, friends, work.
1070
00:24:08,510 --> 00:24:10,940
It doesn't matter.
1071
00:24:11,010 --> 00:24:12,240
But work is third.
1072
00:24:13,310 --> 00:24:15,080
So listen, Crazy Ira,
1073
00:24:13,310 --> 00:24:15,080
check this out, okay?
1074
00:24:15,150 --> 00:24:18,550
I'm at this club last
1075
00:24:15,150 --> 00:24:18,550
night just killing it,
1076
00:24:15,150 --> 00:24:18,550
the Snakehole Lounge.
1077
00:24:18,620 --> 00:24:21,420
Oh, yeah,
1078
00:24:18,620 --> 00:24:21,420
is that a gay club?
1079
00:24:21,490 --> 00:24:23,150
Hello?
1080
00:24:23,220 --> 00:24:25,020
Shut up, ass.
1081
00:24:23,220 --> 00:24:25,020
Come on, man.
1082
00:24:25,090 --> 00:24:30,460
So I'm dancing on the floor
1083
00:24:25,090 --> 00:24:30,460
with this super-hot chick.
1084
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,120
Me so horny.
1085
00:24:32,270 --> 00:24:33,700
More like a dude, I bet.
1086
00:24:33,770 --> 00:24:34,790
Hello?
1087
00:24:35,970 --> 00:24:37,770
Did you wet your whistle?
1088
00:24:38,210 --> 00:24:39,940
I wish.
1089
00:24:38,210 --> 00:24:39,940
Me likey.
1090
00:24:40,010 --> 00:24:42,880
No, no, no, no.
1091
00:24:40,010 --> 00:24:42,880
She spent the whole night
1092
00:24:40,010 --> 00:24:42,880
talking to her friend,
1093
00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:44,470
arguing about
1094
00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:44,470
their feelings.
1095
00:24:44,550 --> 00:24:45,540
That's me!
1096
00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:47,580
Who knows?
1097
00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:47,580
She's probably a lesbian.
1098
00:24:47,650 --> 00:24:50,640
They were in
1099
00:24:47,650 --> 00:24:50,640
the bathroom a long time.
59419
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